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How to Make Friends as an Adult: Practical Strategies That Actually Work
10 Plays25 days ago
This is the friendship roadmap you've been desperately searching for. The moment when you stop scrolling through social media feeling lonely and start building the community you deserve. In this soul-shifting episode, I break down the harsh truth about adult friendship and give you the exact blueprint to create meaningful connections that actually last.
Let's break down:
- Why American individualism has made us lonelier than ever (and it's not your fault)
- The simple group activity strategy that transforms strangers into genuine friends
- How to master the follow-up without overthinking every text message
- Why consistency trumps chemistry when it comes to building lasting bonds
- The power of third spaces and why your gym might not be the answer
- And the mindset shifts that turn awkward small talk into authentic connection
This isn't just another "put yourself out there" pep talk. This is a practical system for creating the friendships that will support you through life's highs and lows. Every strategy I share comes from real experience – both my own journey and what I've seen work for my clients.
Stop accepting loneliness as inevitable. Your people are out there waiting to meet you.
Subscribe. Share. Show up. Your future friendships depend on it.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
** Recording note: You'll hear my dog Mochi making guest appearances throughout this episode - apparently they had some strong opinions about today's topic!
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Send in questions: contact+podcast@marisolmoran.com
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Transcript
Introduction and Purpose
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome back to another the inst installment of the Growing With Soul podcast. I Marisol Moran. mariso morran i amm a certified life coach specializing in self-esteem and confidence. and this podcast is for anyone who is looking to heal, to grow, and to essentially work on themselves in the small steps that we can take every single day to improve.
00:00:24
Speaker
Additionally, i do want to let you know that I am accepting clients at the moment. So if you are looking for help on this healing journey, some guidance, some assistance, some accountability, definitely click the link in my show notes to schedule your very own discovery call.
The Importance of Friendships
00:00:39
Speaker
To continue on with last month's theme of community, I really wanted to dig in a little bit more deeply into the nitty gritty. And essentially at this point in all of our lives, it feels like that is definitely going to be when it comes to friendship.
00:00:57
Speaker
Because outside of our families, friends are our main community, our main, um, I've found family, definitely for a lot of us.
00:01:09
Speaker
um And definitely when it comes to friendship, they're our backbone. They're going to be the people that we turn to in difficult times. They're often the people that we turn to when we are going to celebrate a win.
00:01:21
Speaker
So it only makes sense that i take time to deep dive friendship and what can be done in order to strengthen that part of our communities.
Challenges in Forming Friendships
00:01:33
Speaker
Now, one of the things that comes up a lot for, I would say, lot of us nowadays when and we're talking about friendship is that we don't really have friendship anymore. For a lot of us, especially if you are in touch and tune with what's going on in terms of the discourse of friendship online, there seems to be this odd dynamic nowadays where It's almost like the individualistic nature of American culture is on steroids because it's reached a point where even with interpersonal relationships, we all kind of feel like we're on our own.
00:02:13
Speaker
We all kind of feel like there's no one in our corner. There's no one we can turn to. I've seen even discourse online talking about where people don't even have someone to pick them up from like a medical appointment in case they need it And there are plenty, like like for an example, a simple one thing a lot of us do, like getting our eyes dilated when we go to the optometrist because check for the, I think it's a glaucoma thing.
00:02:36
Speaker
Like you need someone to drive you home. Like if people don't even have someone to drive them home. Often that person is going to be your friend who picks you up or what have you.
00:02:47
Speaker
or your family, but we don't have that anymore as a society. a lot of us are are struggling with loneliness at on that level, let alone all the others as well.
00:02:59
Speaker
So I definitely want to dig into friendship and our social connections in regard as well for that reason, because outside of our families, our main people, our main connections are our friends.
Friendship Dynamics from School to Adulthood
00:03:14
Speaker
I definitely think that when it comes to friendship, one of the struggles is that we find ourselves constantly in environments, at least here in the United States, where these environments are essentially not conducive in order to creating friendship.
00:03:31
Speaker
Well, we take a look at our lives in our main friend-making years when we are in school, We're in the same location for a long period of time around the same people throughout that entire period of time.
00:03:48
Speaker
You're almost like it's unavoidable. You're bound to make at least one friend during that span. So if you go to the same elementary school, you go to the same school.
00:04:01
Speaker
high school the entire time, you're bound to make at least one or two friends. You're going to have some sort of friend group because you are around the same amount of people all the time. You're in the same age group as these people.
00:04:14
Speaker
You're bound to find people that you have things in common with and that you vibe with. Compare that to an adult post-college.
00:04:26
Speaker
Who are you around? and Who are you spending the bulk of your time with as an adult who is working full time? You're around your coworkers. And this is a topic that I'm very passionate about, work culture in the United States. ah about Don't let me get sidetracked. I'm not going to get sidetracked. But to touch on it lightly, for many of us, we are in work environments that are not conducive to building community.
Work Environment and Friendships
00:04:54
Speaker
A lot of us might find ourselves in work environments that are toxic. For many of us, the concept of making friends at work is just a no-go.
00:05:06
Speaker
It's not something that is advised often. And even if you have someone at work that you're cool with, in my experience, even if you're cool or friends with somebody at work, it doesn't necessarily translate to being friends outside of work.
00:05:26
Speaker
And when there is that type of barrier, you're not really creating the deep, meaningful connection even of friendship that one truly needs.
00:05:37
Speaker
So now as an adult, you find yourself in an environment that is not conducive to building friendships. Maybe even especially after college, the friends that you had in high school, if you even were able to maintain that friendship in college, and then plus all the friends that you made in college, you're all dispersed.
00:05:56
Speaker
You know, that you're not you're not going to be in the same cities, let alone maybe the same states, maybe even the same country. And you're you're not going to have that connection, that network anymore. Then you're going to be able to see on consistent basis or even be in touch with it on a good consistent basis.
00:06:12
Speaker
So then you're now alone. You're maybe in the new city. You're maybe in the same city, but everybody has left. And now you're surrounded by people that maybe you don't get along with, people that are not in a position to necessarily be your deep connection friends.
00:06:31
Speaker
And now perhaps you also have no one to go out with anymore. So not only do you not have somebody there for you, for your wins, for your hard times, but you also don't have... the opportunity or ability to go out and socialize in that capacity as well.
00:06:50
Speaker
So often when we find ourselves as adults in this situation, it really can negatively impact our wellbeing, our lives and what have you.
Overcoming Loneliness and Isolation
00:07:03
Speaker
So with that being said, i'm I'm essentially trying to tell you and let you know that i understand, i totally recognize how difficult it is as an adult to make friends and to sustain friendships and why, given at least our culture in the United States, it's completely understandable that we find ourselves at a time where so many of us are feeling lonely and so many of us are feeling as if we don't have friends.
00:07:33
Speaker
it It makes sense given the societal circumstances. Even though, or with that being said, That's not to say that you're doomed to be friendless for the rest of your life. There are things that we can do in order to build community, things that we can do in order to create friendship, and things that we can do in order to a truly create the lives that we want.
00:07:59
Speaker
So let's get into it. If you've been around for a while, then you definitely know that I am about making things like stupid simple. Because the second we start making complicated plans or like multiple tiered strategies or...
00:08:15
Speaker
You know, like once we start doing all that, the low-hanging fruit doesn't exist and that we're going to be too tired to do anything and then nothing's going to get done. or it's going become overwhelming and then we're not going to do anything. So we're gonna talk about very simple things that you can start implementing right away in order to create the opportunity to make meaningful connections with other people and to allow for friendship to blossom.
00:08:41
Speaker
Because here's the thing. If you don't vibe with someone, if someone doesn't vibe with you, like, you're not going to become friends. Like, it doesn't matter how much you try to talk to someone. It doesn't matter, like, anything that you try to do, how many things you might have in common.
00:08:57
Speaker
Like, if you don't vibe, like, it's not going to happen. And you also can't force it. You know? Like, you can't force someone, essentially, to be your friend. Okay? so We're going to just create the opportunity to find people that we vibe with that can become our friends. You don't have to, you can put effort into it, but like if it's not, if it's not clicking, it's not clicking.
Building Friendships through Group Activities
00:09:22
Speaker
So one of the things that you can start doing right away is joining a regular group activity. And this can be maybe like a weekly thing that you do. um It doesn't have to be multiple times a week, but whatever is something that is consistent is a group activity and fits your schedule.
00:09:39
Speaker
So this can be maybe like a weekly class. Maybe it's like dancing classes, salsa class. um Maybe it's joining like a sports team. I think I've talked about that before as well in terms building community, like community sports leagues, city leagues, or even like recreational leagues. It's a great way to meet people.
00:09:58
Speaker
And again, it's somewhere or something that is going to be a consistent thing where you are showing up and allows you to socialize in some way and also something that you very much enjoy doing.
00:10:12
Speaker
So even if you end up not making a friend at this thing, it's still something you really enjoy doing and it's still adding value and joy and fun into your life anyway.
00:10:26
Speaker
So for me, as I've talked about before, one of the things I really love doing, I've been doing for many years at this point, is jujitsu. That is essentially a group sport ah um because you go and you train with many people who are also at the gym and you get to know people in that way.
00:10:42
Speaker
then depending on how much you are into it, maybe you're competing and meeting people at competition or maybe you just go and you like spectate competitions, whatever it might be. Check out new gems. You can do multiple things. Also, jujitsu in itself is fun and also great for self-defense.
00:10:59
Speaker
So multiple things here, many benefits. If most your arts aren't your thing, maybe it's an art class. Maybe it's a myriad of other things that I'm not even thinking of because I'm not into it, but you are.
00:11:11
Speaker
So go check it out. Figure out what what that thing is for you that you can show up to consistently. So the benefits of this, not just the consistency, but the group activity part, again, you're going to be finding the people who have a shared interest because they're also at this thing.
00:11:27
Speaker
So it'll allow you to more naturally have conversation with other people. If you are an introvert like myself, starting conversations is one of the most uncomfortable, awkward things ever.
00:11:47
Speaker
And I feel like it doesn't matter how old I get. but i feel like it doesn't matter how much practice I've had conversing with individuals. It's always that part where like conversations are supposed to start that always feels so awkward. Like when during the flow of a conversation, cool, great, wonderful. i can i know how to human being, okay.
00:12:08
Speaker
But like starting a conversation is always just the most uncomfortable part of any social interaction. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the weird one.
00:12:19
Speaker
But I feel like I'm not the only person out there who feels this way. But if you're doing a ah like a group activity, you already kind of have something to start talking about. And then from there, a conversation might naturally move on.
00:12:33
Speaker
on top of that, when it comes to, like, these group activities, sometimes, like, that group activity can lead to something else as well. Like, maybe you're all... doing like a sports league, like a recreational league. And then afterwards you go and you like celebrate your win. If you say maybe you win a game or something, then you're all at the game and then you move on to go get lunch together something afterwards as a group as well.
00:12:54
Speaker
So it's building more connections and more of a social life around that too.
Deepening Connections
00:12:59
Speaker
Another thing that you will need to do in this aspect as well, and something that is definitely going to take practice, is also having like a proactive follow-up that you do.
00:13:13
Speaker
So how often have you met someone and then never really talked to that person again? Like you meet someone, you have a great conversation, and then maybe you still see them at the same thing all the time, but it just stays there. Like it just stays at like your recreational soccer league or something. You only see them at practice.
00:13:35
Speaker
But if you vibe with this person, why not hang out otherwise outside of that, you know? and maybe that can be, hey, like let's, you know, after practice next week, let's grab lunch or something.
00:13:46
Speaker
Simple, simple as that. And honestly, it's something that I've been a recipient of and have also done. Like I've gone and I've trained with people and they're like, hey, like you should come back and like come to Open Mat like next week and then we can like grab sushi afterwards.
00:14:00
Speaker
Boom, done, simple. It can be as simple as that. And that is what is going to lead to friendship. Also, if you are somewhat like me as well and you kind of get in your head about things,
00:14:13
Speaker
Don't be so caught up in your head. It might be something where like you need to include like maybe some like affirmations or something around it. built Build yourself up because again, I understand how how awkward it could be when you're first getting to know somebody and you're like, does this person even want to hang out with me?
00:14:31
Speaker
Like what? Like do they even really want to be my friend? Just text them. Just text them. It's okay if you have their phone number already, text them. or IGDMs if you've been DMing stuff.
00:14:43
Speaker
Like if they're interacting with you, don't overthink it. Like just be chill, hit them up, okay? Don't overthink it too much, okay? And I say too much because I know you can overthink it anyway. Just like me, I get you.
Consistency and Routine in Socializing
00:14:57
Speaker
The third thing that you can also start doing as well if you're looking to create friends is make it a routine. Again, like if you are the type of person where like,
00:15:10
Speaker
doing things spontaneously or kind of like going with the flow or the vibe and just like seeing what happens isn't your vibe, you can have sort of a friend-making routine.
00:15:22
Speaker
If you're looking at our childhoods, what are the things that are there that really led to us to making friendships? Consistently in the same location, consistently around the same people, and because of that, and you were bound to have similarities with them, things in common that led to natural conversation.
00:15:38
Speaker
So if you take those principles and apply them to present-day adult you, what are some things you can do to create a routine where you are consistently in the same place that you enjoy being, that there will be pretty much consistently other people there as well that can lead to natural conversation?
00:15:56
Speaker
What can that be? Sometimes if you're not like an athletic person or if you go to the gym and everything is like, I need the headphones, I don't want to talk to anybody, the gym is my therapy, which I get you.
00:16:08
Speaker
Same here. Maybe the gym is not the place for you to socialize. Maybe it's going to be another third space. What is that third space? And one when can you go there consistently? And again, it doesn't have to be every day. It can literally be Saturdays. It could be a thing that you do on Sunday.
00:16:24
Speaker
It can be the thing that you do every Friday or something. Like an interest-based group. Maybe it's a community event or like a local meetup that you go to consistently.
00:16:34
Speaker
You can also find different groups online who do events. Like, I have seen so many – like, I liked one group on Instagram, and now I'm getting so many things now. Like, other groups who do the same thing.
00:16:46
Speaker
So – I think I liked like a, I think it was like Dog Moms of like Orange County or something. i haven't been to an event, but it was something like that that I liked some of their posts and they do events and like meetups and stuff.
00:17:00
Speaker
So I liked one and then a bunch of similar accounts started popping up and I've been busy and haven't able to go to any event, but like things like that. Try out those events. Go to those things a little bit more consistently. You'll start seeing some of the same people there.
00:17:16
Speaker
And if it's a group like dog moms, like, hello, you have something in common. Maybe you even could take your dog with you. Easy conversation. In my experience, people love Mochi. So he's a great conversation starter. Another thing you can do is also volunteer consistently as well.
00:17:33
Speaker
Maybe that'll give you a little bit more structure. around like the activity And also, like if you want to build community, volunteering is an active way to participate in your community as well.
00:17:47
Speaker
So you can be doing um two birds, one stone kind of a thing. But again, consistency, something that is going to add a value to your life, bring joy into your life, and allow for easy conversation starting.
00:18:01
Speaker
The other thing to do as well, once you have those conversations in those locations and you're vibing with people, don't forget to follow up. and make plans to hang out even outside of those activities as well.
Closing Remarks and Call to Action
00:18:15
Speaker
Thank you for staying this long into the episode. Thank you for tuning in to the podcast. If you found it of value, if you enjoyed it, definitely leave a review and don't forget to subscribe. If you want more insights from me, go ahead and follow me on my socials.
00:18:30
Speaker
I am at yourcoachmuddy on Instagram, TikTok, and Threads. And of course, if you would like some support maybe on your friend-making journey, you can go ahead and schedule a very your very own free discovery call with me through the link in my show notes.
00:18:44
Speaker
Until next time, keep growing.