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Stop Proving Yourself Wrong: Breaking the Cycle of Self-Doubt
15 Plays17 days ago
This is the vulnerable exploration of why others can see your gifts before you can. The moment when you realize you've been your own worst enemy, ignoring clear signs of your capabilities while others saw them all along.
Here's what we're unpacking about believing in your potential:
- Why others recognize your potential while you're stuck in self-doubt (and how imposter syndrome hits first-gen individuals hardest)
- Root causes of not seeing your potential: lack of skill, experience, knowledge, or confidence
- How lacking confidence becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps you proving yourself wrong
- Getting to the root of your specific problem instead of generic "build confidence" advice
- Finding community over hunting for the perfect mentor + delineating your next two concrete steps
From the poetry professor who said "don't stop writing" to 15 years of ignoring that wisdom, this episode explores why we prove ourselves wrong when we could be proving ourselves right.
Because here's the painful truth: when you don't believe in your potential, you don't take the actions needed to reach it, creating the exact outcome you feared. But when you identify the real barriers - whether it's knowledge, experience, or confidence - you can actually address them.
Your imposter syndrome is lying to you. You are incredibly intelligent, skilled, and competent. The only way to get experience is to start doing the thing, even when you don't feel ready.
Subscribe. Share. Remember that someone else already sees what you're capable of - now it's time for you to see it too.
Small steps, big healing. Keep growing! ✨
Join the conversation! Have you ever had someone see potential in you that you couldn't see? DM me your stories on Instagram @YourCoachMari
💬 LET'S CONNECT:
Send in questions: contact+podcast@marisolmoran.com
We might just have the same taste in books. Check out my Book List.
(Bookshop affiliate)
🌱 LET’S GROW TOGETHER
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Transcript
Introduction to Growing with Sol Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello beautiful souls and welcome back to another installment of the Growing with Sol podcast where we explore the moments and stories that shape who we're becoming. I'm Marisol and this is where I love to have real conversations about growth, self-discovery and learning to put yourself first.
00:00:16
Speaker
Whether we're diving into books that change our perspective or unpacking personal experiences that teach us something new, this podcast is for women who are done playing small and ready to embrace their own journey. If you've struggled with putting everyone else first or battled self-doubt, you're in the right place.
The Messy Process of Self-Growth
00:00:34
Speaker
This isn't about perfection. It's about the messy, beautiful process of growing into yourself. Come grow with me.
00:00:44
Speaker
Lately, i have been having... a lot of realizations about myself, my potential, how I view myself and how I view my potential and how I have been viewing myself and my potential throughout my entire adult life.
00:01:00
Speaker
Or even like as kid a candid little bit as well. Mainly I've been thinking about like college, grad school, post all of that and all like my career and stuff.
Realizing Personal Potential
00:01:10
Speaker
And it's been It's been incredibly enlightening and incredibly frustrating at the same time because there are so many things that can get in the way.
00:01:22
Speaker
There are so many things that we can allow to get in the way of reaching our own potential, of really moving forward towards our goals and believing that like the dream job is even possible.
00:01:36
Speaker
And the thing is, There are definitely times when I can think back, like times I can think back to. and like, I realize now with like hindsight and with like life experience that this person saw something in me.
00:01:52
Speaker
Like this person, like they saw that I was capable. They saw that I had it in me to get to where I wanted to be. But I didn't see it at the time. and it's like now it's been like 15 years and it's like, and I still didn't do shit.
00:02:07
Speaker
But 15 years ago, they saw it in me and now I'm like 15 years later and I finally fucking see
Imposter Syndrome and First-Gen Challenges
00:02:12
Speaker
it. h It's frustrating. It's very frustrating. But also in a weird way, encouraging.
00:02:22
Speaker
I do think this can be highly tied to that whole like imposter syndrome of like phenomenon. I think that's so many of us deal with. You know, it's definitely, i've i've just, I've known so many people, not even talking about myself, like I've known so many people throughout my life, even currently, who have dealt with or deal with imposter syndrome.
00:02:42
Speaker
And it's always these amazing, talented, and just incredibly competent people who are dealing with imposter syndrome.
00:02:53
Speaker
And I think part of it is because we have such big dreams and goals. And I do think that part of it is because maybe we're the first ones in our families doing this.
00:03:05
Speaker
There are so many people that I know who are like first gen, for example, and they went to college, but like everything was new. They didn't have anybody in their family telling them, this is how you write your application. application essays. This is what you're supposed to do once you get there. These are the resources that most colleges are going to have.
00:03:22
Speaker
Like as a first-gen individual, you're figuring all of that out. You're on your own. Thankfully, there are a lot of resources on universities for that kind of stuff, but it it can feel so harrowing in the beginning.
00:03:36
Speaker
For full transparency, I'm i'm technically first-gen, I'm My mom got here when she was seven. So she essentially grew up in the U.S. She did go to college. She did get a master's. So I did have guidance in that regard from her when it came to the whole college thing, um even though technically she was born in Mexico.
00:03:56
Speaker
So there's that.
Struggling to See Personal Potential
00:03:58
Speaker
But I feel like that's just really salient example, especially right now in Latina Heritage Month. A lot of us in this community experience that. So I think it's important to recognize that that might be part of the imposter syndrome and part of the self-doubt that a lot of us may be experiencing.
00:04:19
Speaker
So ultimately, what is the issue when we're talking about not being able to see our own potential? What is happening? um Essentially, it is the inability to really believe in yourself. Now, this could happen for a myriad of reasons, but essentially when you are experiencing this, like you know where it is that you want to go, you know what you want to do, and you know what you want to achieve, but you are feeling inadequate. You feel like maybe it's a long shot.
00:04:43
Speaker
Maybe it's impossible. The road to get there just maybe is uncertain and You're experiencing significant self-doubt. And like, honestly, this could be anything in life. um For the purpose of this episode, we're going to be focusing on experiencing those emotions when it comes to say like career, but you could apply this to any aspect of life really. yeah,
00:05:10
Speaker
Again, like I mentioned before, what can be exceptionally frustrating is when somebody else recognizes your potential and they see it so clearly, so beautifully. And then they tell you, like, like they express it to you and they, and they want to like, they probably see the self doubt that you have and they want to reassure you. And like, you know, like, yeah, it's going to be a lot of work, but like you you fucking got this and you just don't see it.
The Impact of Encouragement on Potential
00:05:35
Speaker
And it feels like, almost more confusing because how can this person see something within me that i who like I live with myself and I can't see.
00:05:51
Speaker
like and Especially when you're really deep in the self-doubt, like you you just it's almost like you know what you need get to where you want to go just isn't within you.
00:06:01
Speaker
So how could this other person possibly see it? And i think back to a time when i was still very, very creative So it's not, I feel like the implications of the story of like, I ah relate to what um what I'm explaining. So I was essentially a creative writing major in college. I, like my thesis was essentially, i wrote a chapbook, like poetry. Okay. Poetry was my jam, is my jam now that I'm getting back into it.
00:06:34
Speaker
But this was, college graduation and the ceremony was over. Everybody was like, you know, it congratulating, taking pictures, that whole thing afterwards.
00:06:48
Speaker
And of my poetry professors that I had just had in my last semester comes up to me, gives me a huge hug and whatever conversation happened, but I'll never forget.
00:06:59
Speaker
that he tells me, don't stop writing. Like, and with like seriousness of like but like, there was just like so much like seriousness in his voice, in his demeanor, like in the way that he was like looking at me, like don't stop writing.
00:07:14
Speaker
Girl, what's the first thing I did? The first thing I did in life was stop writing. There are many reasons as to why that happened. Life, obviously you need to make money. So you're working, you're tired.
00:07:27
Speaker
I ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship, killed my creativity, and now I'm 35.
00:07:33
Speaker
and I'm writing again. So it's been about 14, 15 years. i'm finally writing again. So, you know, here I am. But the thing that really stuck with me about that story is that, like like, why would he tell me to not stop writing? Like, this, like, poetry, like, published poet, poetry professor telling me, little Marisol, who writes, like, emo poetry, to not stop writing.
00:08:00
Speaker
Like, clearly, he saw that I had a skill. I had a knack for it, baby. He saw that I was incredibly talented. Maybe at the time when my writing skill was much more honed, my poetry was probably really good.
00:08:12
Speaker
and I did not see that for myself. Because I was in shock, in shock when he was like, don't stop writing with that like seriousness. I was like, me?
00:08:23
Speaker
Me keep writing? It's worth it for me to keep writing? So, you know, it's one of those moments where I think back and I'm just like, could you imagine if I would listened and if I would have been writing for the last 15 years,
00:08:37
Speaker
So frustrating. And of course,
Overcoming Self-Doubt and Building Confidence
00:08:40
Speaker
we you know all these what ifs and stuff, that they're not really going to get us anywhere because at the end of the day, it is the present moment. So we might as well just keep moving forward.
00:08:48
Speaker
But when you think about it, there's a lot of significance there.
00:08:54
Speaker
So what is going on underneath the surface? what are some of the like symptoms, so to speak, of all of this? Again, that self-doubt, the inadequacy that we feel. And when we begin to assess like why it is that we're feeling this way, like what What is going on? Because we don't just have feelings for the sake of having feelings. We have feelings because something is happening.
00:09:17
Speaker
We are analyzing something. We are collecting evidence for something. We are observing something. And therefore, we now have these feelings about whatever that thing is. So in this particular situation, what can we be observing about ourselves to make us feel this way?
00:09:33
Speaker
We might be observing perhaps a lack of skill, maybe a lack of experience, or maybe even a lack of knowledge or understanding about something. And like I mentioned before, maybe the road to get to where you want to be is a little bit hazy. You can't really see a clear path to where you want to be.
00:09:49
Speaker
um If you're earlier in your career, obviously there's a lack of experience. And ah with that as well, a lack of skill. There is something to be said for higher education. You know what? There is a lot to be said about higher education. I think it's so necessary.
00:10:04
Speaker
But when it comes to like skills for like a job or something like that. That might be something that you like you need to get over time.
00:10:14
Speaker
And unfortunately, I do think a lot of employers don't like to train their people when they're new. So there's a lot of on-the-job training like that. You just kind of like learn through hellfire.
00:10:25
Speaker
But that's conversation for another time. It's definitely a conversation for another time. um As for now... this is again where like that imposter syndrome comes into play because maybe you have the knowledge and you just don't feel like you do, or you're are you're comparing yourself to people who are much more advanced in their careers, or maybe you're comparing yourself to somebody who had significantly more resources than you did, even though maybe you were in the same location.
00:10:51
Speaker
Like there are people that I think back to in college and like, I remember having a conversation with somebody and he was just like, yeah, I major you a sociology, but like I'm going to be working at like my dad's firm or whatever when I go back to New York. Like what?
00:11:10
Speaker
and You just, you're just going okay. You just study sociology for shits and gigs. I mean, I guess that's cool. And also other people are just like, yeah, don't know what I'm doing, but I'm just going be like living in Echo Park for a while.
00:11:27
Speaker
Huh? You're just going to, what? How? How are you just going to live in Echo Park? And then that's also when I knew that Echo Park was gentrified AF. but That's also a conversation for another time.
00:11:40
Speaker
But like, you know, other people might have different resources, different experiences than you did, even though maybe you have the same career goals. And that's just something to accept, right?
00:11:54
Speaker
And keep moving forward because at the end of the day, you are so incredibly intelligent, incredibly skilled, and incredibly competent. And the only way to get experience is to start doing.
00:12:09
Speaker
Another thing that is happening is just overall a lack of confidence. Like maybe you have the skills, you have enough experience to get you somewhere, you have knowledge, but you're just lacking confidence.
00:12:20
Speaker
The thing about lacking confidence is that it's it can be insidious. When you lack confidence, it can hinder you from taking opportunities, taking risks maybe. It can hinder you in terms of the quality of work that you're producing because you're just not believing in yourself.
00:12:35
Speaker
It can keep you stuck and frozen in this place and essentially just be this like self-fulfilling prophecy. of you being like, I don't believe in myself. I don't believe it's possible for me to achieve this. It feels like a long shot. Like I don't have what it takes.
00:12:47
Speaker
So then you don't actually do what you need to do to get there. And you just keep proving to yourself that you can't get there.
00:12:54
Speaker
Crazy, but we do it. I've done it to myself as well. So I i completely understand. But what do we do then in order to move forward finally and maybe heal a little bit of this?
00:13:06
Speaker
The thing is the solution is not as simple as like, just build your confidence. It can be. Maybe, maybe for some of us, if we're just lacking that confidence, let's build that up, definitely. um But definitely can be much more than that. The first step, of course, is to get to the root of the problem.
00:13:22
Speaker
Is it the confidence piece? Cool, build your confidence. Is it a lack of knowledge? Do you need to learn something in order to move forward? Is it a lack of experience? Again, do you need more experience in this field, and more experience doing
Community Support vs. Mentorship
00:13:35
Speaker
X, Y, and Z within this field in order to...
00:13:40
Speaker
If anything, prove to yourself that you are capable and that you have what it takes. Like what is, what are you observing about yourself that is making you feel this way essentially? What's the root of that?
00:13:51
Speaker
The second thing is to delineate at least two steps to move forward. Okay, two steps of the process. Because let's be real, when you have big goals, you have like amazing career goals, things that you want to do, things you want to see, where you want to be, like you know where you ultimately want to be.
00:14:07
Speaker
It's going to be a long road, but at least delineate two steps, step one, step two of what you want to do. Okay. One, I think that's incredibly helpful because let's say you go to someone and you're seeking help, you're seeking guidance.
00:14:20
Speaker
If you tell them, clearly where it is you want to be, where it is you want to go, and maybe like in the short term, what step one or two is, they're going to be able to better help you.
00:14:32
Speaker
Because if you just say something vague about ultimately what you want to do pe people are going to try to help, try to guide you.
00:14:43
Speaker
But if you know exactly with precision what steps one and two are, or what that ultimate goal is, people will be able to give you more concrete advice.
00:14:54
Speaker
So in terms of that, the second thing to reiterate is to delineate the next two steps of your process. The third thing, again, relating to what I just mentioned, is find community.
00:15:07
Speaker
And this isn't just like that advice like, get a mentor. That's one of the things that people told me um lot when I was, especially like in college or like after college, it's like, get a mentor. It's like, oh, okay, let me just walk up to someone random and be like, hi, can you be my mentor? Like, that's the most, like, it was the most stupid advice people ever told me.
00:15:28
Speaker
like No, you don't just magically get a mentor, but you can find a community. and
00:15:38
Speaker
How we do that is, i think, easier now more than ever because so men there are so many communities online. And it's a matter of finding one that fits what you're looking to do.
00:15:52
Speaker
So, for example, i found a community of Latinas um through Cafecito con Jefas. And it started off as just... us doing a zoom meeting and doing like a co-working space online via zoom we're just all like doing this thing typing away at our own work and then for like the last 30 minutes we would all like introduce ourselves talk about our wins and blah blah and create community that way and actually through that some people were able to collaborate help each other provide guidance um and you get to meet a lot of amazing people
00:16:26
Speaker
And since then, it has grown to like this other amazing, wonderful thing. But I've met a lot of fantastic people through that and have learned so much about through that community.
00:16:39
Speaker
So when you are, so instead of like finding one mentor, if you can find community and somewhere where you're going to feel supported, where you can ask questions, where you can maybe just do like a coworking session, because if you're like me, having that like body double essentially goes a long way for me to actually get work done and concentrate.
00:16:59
Speaker
um So you don't necessarily have to find a mentor, but finding community where they are essentially dedicated to having very similar goals as yourself and figuring things out.
00:17:13
Speaker
There are going to be people who are farther along the road than you, there are going to be people who are maybe just starting
Closing and Listener Engagement
00:17:18
Speaker
out. So you'll be able to get guidance and you'll also be able to help others out as well. And I think that is sort of the sweet spot of that like a mentorship type of advice.
00:17:31
Speaker
If you made it this far, I definitely appreciate you Thank you for tuning in to the Porn With Soul podcast. If this episode resonated with you definitely leave a positive review, give it a like, and definitely do not forget to subscribe. If you are looking for support when it comes to imposter syndrome, building confidence, all these types of things, That's what I'm good at That is what I help people work on and heal. So definitely reach out to me if you want some assistance and you can even schedule your very own discovery call through the link in the show notes.
00:18:05
Speaker
Until next time, keep growing.