00:00:00
00:00:01
S1 Ep. 24: Breakdowns to breakthroughs
43 Plays3 months ago
In this episode, I reflect on how life often throws unexpected challenges our way. While we can plan and prepare, we can't always control what happens. It can be so freeing if we let go of the need to control everything (which, I'll be real, is a tough one for me) and focus on what we can influence—our attitude and reactions.
I remind us how concentrating on things beyond our control won't ever help a situation. Instead, trusting that things will work out and focusing on the present moment can make a huge difference. Allowing yourself to put your worry and "what if" mindset to rest brings so much more peace.
I continue to hone in on how trusting the process, letting go of excessive worry, and filling our lives with joy and purpose is the way to better days. Sometimes, a single conversation can reignite your inner fire and set you back on the right path. "You'll never reach your destination if you never try."
Alexa, play "The River" by Garth Brooks.
"Choose to chance the rapids, dare to dance the tide."
Transcript
00:00:01
heatherdyann
Trying to learn from what's behind you and never knowing what's in store makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy that you're here. I started it off by one of my favorite songs lyrically is just such ah a great song The River by Garth Brooks. And I have been a huge fan of the idea of choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tides for some time now, because it's
00:00:57
heatherdyann
I mean, that's really what life's about is taking chances, I think. I think if we just stay where we always are, and that's why I'm even in this wild mess is because I kind of took a chance to explore a life that I felt like was necessary for me. But just like anything in life, you can make a choice, but you don't necessarily know how it will all play out. Right? So lately, I've been doing a lot of thoughts about where I'm going in this journey ahead. And I realized that no amount of planning or over analyzing or worrying is really going to give me control over what I can't control.
00:01:44
heatherdyann
And I think that's like a piece when you start to accept that you're going to have choices in life and you can go in certain directions, but you can't control everything on your path.
00:02:00
heatherdyann
You can make plans, but that doesn't mean that they'll all fall into place when there's things that are out of your control that can happen at any time. And I think really letting go of trying to control things is probably one of the most freeing ways that we can be. I think the people and I was reading a lot about this recently just and and I know this to be true and I think we all do but we let ourselves get ah sometimes down a path but it's um control your thoughts or they'll control you. And so when we use our thoughts to like worry about our future, worry about what people are thinking or worry about all these things, it's just hard to make decisive choices.
00:02:47
heatherdyann
because we're trying to compute so much information that really isn't like necessary in the decision making process. It's what do you want to do? And what do you want to spend your time worrying about? I was thinking back to a couple of stories, but I know in episode nine, I talked about, I think, when I had backed my car into the ditch in front of my house. when I was on my way to that date. And my mindset was actually really good at that point in time in a lot of ways. I mean, it had some challenges in others, but I remember that I backed out and you know I ended up letting him pick me up and just go on the date. But what I didn't really focus on that i I'm thinking about now, and I'm reminded of what I try to tell myself, like
00:03:41
heatherdyann
When it happened, I was like, I don't even know how we're getting this car out of the ditch without it being hurt. Or hurt meaning like something wrong with the car. Because it was definitely not in an ideal position. And I don't think anyone of my neighbors that saw it and driving by thought, Oh, nothing will be wrong with that car once they get it out. I don't even think they knew how they would get it out. So there was all these variables that I could have concerned myself with. Like how is even anyone going to pull it out? It's going to jack up the car. They couldn't just easily tow it. Like how is it all going to work out? Like what am I going to do if I don't have a car like this and that? Like there was so many times and I remember in that moment, I was like, it
00:04:24
heatherdyann
It is what it is Heather. It's already in the ditch. No amount of worrying about how it's going to play out is going to change what happened. So let's just trust that it's going to work out and we're just going to let it be. And I was so good with that. I remember it was there all weekend long until they finally got it out. And when they did, I remember my neighbor had came over and he was helping assist with the tow truck driver because they sent one. And then he was like, I don't even think I can do it. I got to send some a different truck. Like I don't even know. So they send someone else. Well, long story short,
00:05:01
heatherdyann
They finally got it out. The neighbor was contributing his health, which was great. And the next thing I know, they get my car out and it's fine. Nothing is wrong with my car. And I didn't even know, looking back, how that's even possible. Because I don't even think it now looking back, like I don't think anyone thought, oh, it's going they're going to get it right out and they'll be fine. But I thought it was going to be fine and I gave it no mind or no worry and it worked out perfectly. And I still enjoyed my weekend not stressing about how much is it going to cost for me to fix the car when I didn't even know if it was going to be broken.
00:05:50
heatherdyann
And I say all that to say is that so many, so many times I think we make situations harder than they need to be because we're worrying about stuff we can't control.
00:06:06
heatherdyann
And that has been probably one of the biggest things for me to try to regulate my thoughts and emotions during this time of having a lot more self reflection and a lot less distractions. because I realized in my previous life, I'll call it, you know, between how much I worked, then meeting my friends for dinner after work, and then I had, you know, the my gym, and then I had, you know, late, later meetings, and then I had cooking for my ex-husband, and then him and I had dates, and then we had all these, all of these things with our friends, literally.
00:06:51
heatherdyann
our life was planned out pretty well all vacations, trips, ah things that we would do. We were very traditional like where we would go to the pumpkin patch every year. Like there was so many like we would die Easter eggs like we don't even have kids. We're doing this stuff. We were very like feeling our our time with things to do together. And when I think about that, I'm like, I was just so engulfed in my life that I didn't have a lot of ale idle time to really think about a lot of things.
00:07:29
heatherdyann
And as I've had more of the idle time, I don't know how healthy it is to have too much of it. I think it's good to have some. But I think that I've definitely understood more than ever why people distract with so many things. And we probably need to but get a better balance. But I also think feeling your life with things that you enjoy to do is helpful. Like if they're healthy things, I mean, I know there's sometimes we may, you know, do some things that are probably not ideally healthy, like an extra tequila soda water. But I think overall, if we're feeling ourself with joyous things, and we're just doing them, we don't have the chance to worry about all the things that we could possibly worry about.
00:08:17
heatherdyann
Because every time we do anything, there's a potential that everything can go perfectly or something can go wrong or somewhere in the middle. And that's just the reality of life. But when we get caught up just overthinking like, well, I want to do that, but what if this and what if that? It really just kind of makes things harder than they need to be. And I think one thing that does that a lot is change because when change happens to us, we always have the perspective to think and whether the changes we make the change or it's out of our control.
00:09:07
heatherdyann
change all often will trigger us to go, well, if I would have done this differently, would that not have happened? Oh, if I didn't choose this change, could I have been here by now? If I didn't do, and then we get in this whole rabbit hole of what ifs that stopped serving any kind of purpose other than to just make us feel kind of miserable.
00:09:40
heatherdyann
And I'll tell you that when you just know or believe that the changes or the things that come into your life, whether you decide to change them, if you made that decision, that was the right one most of the time. And if something changed in your life out of your control, then it was necessary.
00:10:07
heatherdyann
Even if we don't understand it,
00:10:14
heatherdyann
because what's going to happen next is all based on what changes happen today. So the higher level thought is that if you reject change, you're always going to struggle because you're going to be resistance resistant to it. But if you accept it, It will likely inspire you to be more present and to just live without holding back. It's kind of just like, okay, this is what we're doing here and we're going to roll with it. And I think about a story of when I was younger, I went to this church camp, this Mormon church camp. It's called Oak Crest.
00:11:01
heatherdyann
And it's like this. And I went to a lot lot of church camps growing up. But this one's like kind of a bigger one, kind of like a real like summer camp kind of vibe where you're like in these bunks. Usually we were just intense if we did it with our wards. But these are like these bunks and it really felt like a camp and you made candles and you had a mess hall and it was a whole thing. And I remember I was so excited to go. And it was like a week long and I couldn't wait. And I'm trying to recall how old I was at the time, but I feel like it was like 12, 13, somewhere in that.
00:11:44
heatherdyann
And I'm, I'm so excited to go I can't wait I'm telling my mom like we're ah me and my friends are all excited but I didn't, I didn't have a ton of my friends were in other wards in Utah when I was growing up there's so many people that were there was literally we had eight wards meaning like eight different like congregations of people going to church, like in one higher, okay, it's kind of hard to explain, but the point is just a lot of people. So my friend that lived down the street from me, my very best friend was in a different ward than me, even though I literally walked to her house in less than five minutes, because that's how many Mormons were in my neighborhood growing up. Like literally probably every, almost every house on the um my street as a kid.
00:12:27
heatherdyann
So anyways, the point of this is that I'm so excited about this Ocrest church camp and we get to church camp and I learned that you can only like bunk with people in your ward, you know? And so I didn't really have my best friend in my bunk and I wasn't really close friends with any of the girls in my ward. And so I was like, that alone was like the first thing I remember of like I defined like well now I don't even want to be here like I don't even like this now like I don't even have my friend and so after that I just kind of like had this
00:13:10
heatherdyann
lame, like attitude about the trip, like the the camp, like I just kind of was like, couldn't like, I was just so frustrated because I had envisioned that me and my best friend would be like doing this camp thing together and it would be so fun. And she had a friend that was in her ward. So this other friend, so they were together and then I like kind of had no one. And I'm, I'm great at making friends probably, you know, then it was a little different, but I still was I definitely could have just befriended someone else. But I just got fixated on this idea that like, I thought I was going to be hanging out with my best friend. And so I just didn't even want to consider that.
00:13:57
heatherdyann
And then my attitude continued that way when like we had to get up. They like had this siren. We're up at 6 AM and it's the summer. So like we finally get to sleep in. you know We're not in school. And now I have to wake up all early. And I like didn't want to, which was weird. But I think it was like I just had this bad taste in my mouth that one thing that something I thought about this trip, I was going to hang out with my best friend the whole time, which you know when you're 12, your best friend, you're like, it's a big deal. And then I didn't. So everything else just, I ruined the rest of the time.
00:14:35
heatherdyann
And we were doing all these fun things, but all I could do was focus on the fact that I didn't get to, like my best friend was off, you know, with the other Jennifer in the, in her ward. And I was just like alone in my own. And I remember like on the third or fourth day, like we, I i think you got to call, or I don't know, I asked to call my mom and I was like, mom, can you just come get me? Like, I don't even really like it. And I wasn't even giving it a chance. I loved camping. I'd been camping my whole life. I love the water. They were playing sports. We were doing zip lines. like It's not like this was lame. I mean, even the candle building like with the wax was it cool, you know? um It wasn't bad. But I just had decided that because it wasn't what I thought it was going to be, that I just wasn't going to enjoy it. And I had a whole week there.
00:15:36
heatherdyann
And like looking back on that, and I don't know why that, you know, and that was the one and only time I went to Oak Crest. I went to other like camp trips with my, um, but, but I, that was just, I look back on it a lot and I don't know why it crosses my mind because I realized that my negative attitude about it not being what I expected it to be ruined the experience for me.
00:16:10
heatherdyann
And I don't know what I thought. I'll tell you all this. I don't know what I thought my experience was gonna be when I got divorced. Like I didn't really think that through. I wasn't like, you know, again, I've said this, it would probably have been easier if I just had someone lined up and then I would like just expect it to hopefully just kind of, you know, um I wouldn't have to feel it all. But I knew I was going out of this marriage and going to be alone, but I don't really know what I expected. I mean, I think the idea of, you know, being able to figure life out for myself and go after a purpose I want and all of these things sound so great in, when you say them out loud, but in practice,
00:17:04
heatherdyann
I don't think, and I thought about this the other day, I don't know. if I would have chose what I did, had I known how hard it would be. And I'm not saying I want my marriage back or anything like that. I'm just saying that I had never anticipated the difficulty of it. And so I think sometimes we just have to make decisions that are right for us without
00:17:38
heatherdyann
a lot of expectations on what will be when we make those decisions because we're not really going to know.
00:17:49
heatherdyann
Like I made the decision to go to Ocrest, but I had this idea that me and my best friend were going to have the best time together and we were going to doing all these things and this and that and this. And then when it wasn't that, I was like, Oh, nevermind. I don't even like this. Like I wasn't even willing to like give it a chance. I mean, I was participating, but at this, like really with this really lame attitude that looking back, I'm a little disappointed in my younger self, but she didn't really know. She had expected it to be one way and it wasn't. And so she just kind of like let the whole thing suck.
00:18:28
heatherdyann
And I think it's just comes to say that it's life is like riding a wave.
00:18:38
heatherdyann
You you're up and it's so enjoyable and you're loving it, but you know, you're not going to ride that highway forever that you're going to crash at some point, but then you're going to get back up. And people still want to ride waves because when you're on them, it's amazing and you're in the moment and you're literally surfing on an ocean wave. And that feels good enough to do, even though you don't know when and how hard you'll crash, but you're trusting that it'll be okay when you do and that you'll get back up and ride another one.
00:19:34
heatherdyann
I guess what I'm saying is that life is full of breakdowns and breakthroughs.
00:19:44
heatherdyann
And sometimes we break down and then it opens our eyes to see all of the great things ahead and coming for us because really our pain shapes us. It makes us wiser and it helps us find direction after a period of not being able to see. When you fall on that, off that wave, if you're in the ocean, you can't see you're like, what's going on? But you know, you're going to get back up and ride another one. And that could be the best wave of your life.
00:20:24
heatherdyann
And I think having the thought of like, what if it all works out?
00:20:31
heatherdyann
instead of worrying so much about why it didn't work out how we thought. Like me at church camp. Because when I backed out my car and I didn't worry at one moment of how it was going to get out, if it was going to be okay, it all worked out. And to think if I would have wasted my whole weekend stressing, worrying, getting upset, freaking out about my car, I would have lost a whole weekend of enjoyment. But instead, somehow I was able to regulate my emotions enough to say, nah, it'll be fine. Everything works out for me. I've learned to become that girl in a lot of ways, but I continuously have to remind myself that I need to think like that because regardless when things outside of my control happen,
00:21:32
heatherdyann
Worrying isn't going to make them better.
00:21:39
heatherdyann
Being upset and saying, of course this happened to me, of course this. Oh my gosh, the neighbors probably think this. Oh, that like none of that serves me.
00:21:52
heatherdyann
Just like complaining that my best friend wasn't there with me didn't help me enjoy church camp anymore. If anything, it made me want to run away because it wasn't what I thought. And then you come to the mindset of like breakdowns and breakthroughs are life. No one promised us. that everything's going to be this walk in the park. But yet we, and I feel like we all know this, but we get so frustrated when it doesn't come to us as we expected to, or when it doesn't fall into place as we imagined. And I think when we just realized that that's really not ever how it's going to be,
00:22:42
heatherdyann
And we accept that we can just enjoy what is. I think about it like when you were like a kid, like ah a little kid before you like over, you didn't even really overthink all these things. It's like nothing really, not much disappointed you because you just enjoyed everything that came. Like when you were really little, it wasn't like,
00:23:16
heatherdyann
What's going on? You were just like, this is what's going on. You weren't trying to anticipate what was going to happen next. It didn't matter. All that mattered is what was happening right now. Just like when you're riding a wave. You're not thinking about, okay, when am I going to fall? You're enjoying being up.
00:23:44
heatherdyann
And I'm sure that we all know that we only get better from each time we fall down. We only get stronger. And that's just like a little kid trying to learn how to walk. Are we giving up the first time we fall down? Absolutely not. I think it's just filled with those moments of understanding that we're going to have breakdowns, but we get to choose to come up from those and break through.
00:24:15
heatherdyann
and do things that excite us. And for me, that really is like feeling fill up my time with things that make me feel happiest, make me feel alive, make me feel good, make me want to trust that everything will work out. I didn't know it would be like this, but here we are. And I'm perfectly happy with that.
00:24:49
heatherdyann
And I want you to be able to be too.
00:24:55
heatherdyann
I'll end this by saying, sometimes it takes one conversation with someone who's radically authentic to reignite your inner fire and help you get right get back on the right path. That was young Pueblo. And he is a wise beyond his years. I hope that this kind of gives you that and allows you to feel something. Thanks for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.