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How To Navigate Through Mom Guilt
3 Plays10 months ago
Mom guilt. It’s a real thing and you are not alone! It’s not talked about enough so we’re going to unravel it today! In this episode, we’re going to take a deep dive into our personal experiences and how we navigate through it. Every mom deserves her own personal time without having to feel guilty for it. It’s a balancing act and day to day struggle. Let’s talk about how we can work through it together.
And as always, remember:
YOU ARE STRONG.
YOU ARE CAPABLE.
YOU ARE WORTHY.
I love you and I’m ENDLESSLY rooting for you!
Show Notes:
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Transcript
Opening Reflections on Mom Guilt
00:00:00
Speaker
that's really when the mom guilt sets in. It's, it's always again, you know, we go to bed at night, just like we do it in the morning when we wake up. It's like, you can't shut it off. Like our brain, it doesn't turn off in this. That's when all those thoughts come up, you know, like, Oh, I could have did this, or I should have said this, or I could have handled that differently, or I shouldn't have snapped at them, or
00:00:19
Speaker
you know, all those thoughts, all of everything, all of that that just hits when so it's just finding the balance. So that way I can lay my head on the pillow every night and feel like I did my best.
Introducing Finding My Best Self Podcast
00:00:32
Speaker
Welcome to Finding My Best Self, the podcast that celebrates the extraordinary in every woman. Each week, your host Pam Rivett will share practical how-to advice, empowering you with strategies and insights to navigate life's complexities. We'll welcome inspiring guests, women who have defied the odds, transformed obstacles into opportunities,
00:00:51
Speaker
and are redefining what success truly means. From navigating personal and professional challenges to celebrating triumphs in fitness, self-care, and beyond, we explore it all. Whether you're seeking motivation or a spark of inspiration, this is your sanctuary for empowerment.
00:01:06
Speaker
Take conversations and a whole lot of real talk. So lace up your sneakers, grab that cup of coffee, and let's embark on this journey together, exploring the lives of women who are making it happen, sharing both the struggles and the victories. Welcome to Finding My Best Self, where every episode is a step towards becoming the hero of your own story.
00:01:27
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to another episode of finding my best self.
Exploring the Prevalence of Mom Guilt
00:01:32
Speaker
Today we decided we're talking about mom guilt because Mandy and I are experiencing this a lot right now. So we're like, we know we're not alone in this. So why not talk about it? Because it's a real thing and it sucks. It's a crappy feeling to have, you know, your kids,
00:01:57
Speaker
begging and pleading like, mom, play with us or hang out with us. And you know, we have other things to take care of. And so I think we're both kind of experiencing that a lot right now. Yeah, for sure. I mean, especially with everything we have going on.
00:02:13
Speaker
With MBS Fitco, but just in general, like I feel like we've gone through this as a, you know, just as a mom, as my kids have been in different seasons of life. I feel like each season, regardless of what I'm doing, I constantly get that, that mom guilt or that.
00:02:32
Speaker
It's not like a shame they're not shaming me but i feel like it sometimes i feel like they are because you know they're they're pointing out all the things we're doing so get off your phone or you know come play with me or let's you know watch a movie without you.
00:02:47
Speaker
you know, nodding off because half the time I'm falling asleep the second we lay down and watch a movie. But, you know, it's just, but I also don't think that they really understand what all we do. So it's just, it's, it's constantly trying to remind them that like, yes, you know, I do all these things and, you know, to sit down and to really like be present with them is tough.
Daily Tasks and Their Contribution to Mom Guilt
00:03:10
Speaker
Yeah, it's because we do so much. It's from the second that we open our eyes, and I know everybody can relate to this. The second we open our eyes, we go into that mode of the to-do list for the day. I have to do this, and this, and this, and this. So then that starts. And then it's everything after that. It's getting everybody ready to get out the door on time. It's packing lunches.
00:03:37
Speaker
taking everybody to school or, you know, going to work and after work, it's running the kids all over the place. And then we have to come home and it's the cooking and the cleaning, you know, not to mention whenever we have to order groceries or pick up groceries or go grocery shopping. And then we come home and trying to also make time for our spouse whenever they get home or significant other and, and then all the while trying to still squeeze in that time for ourselves. Right? So it's just like,
00:04:04
Speaker
all the things. It's just, it's the never ending cycle and battle. And, you know, when you have the kids that, you know, in those moments when they're like, Hey mom, um, you know, put your phone down, like you said, and then it's, it's that guilt that sets in of, you know, or for me, mostly it's when, you know, I don't get my workout in earlier in the day before the kids come home. And then I'm like, okay, I'm going to go work out and
00:04:33
Speaker
Jillian especially my youngest she's like, oh you always have to work out Yeah, but at the same time it's you know you and I were talking off-camera before we started it's it's that you know We want to see that see we want them to see and know that like yes This is what I'm doing because we're also setting that example, too You know, it's it's whenever they're like, oh you're working again or oh you're working out again.
Balancing Self-Care and Role Modeling
00:05:00
Speaker
So it's that balance of A, I need to take care of myself, but B, I'm also trying to be a good role model for you. But then at the same time, it's that after it's all said, I'm like, I feel like a crappy mom because my kid's begging for attention. Yeah. Well, I think it's that too. And like you said with the kids watching us, because we know
00:05:01
Speaker
It's
00:05:24
Speaker
They're watching every little thing that we do. I have three girls at home and I want to show them what's possible or that you can go after your dreams or you can do hard things.
00:05:38
Speaker
you know, and take care of your body, you know, or eat healthy and all these different things. So whenever they give me that guilt behind it, I try and explain that like this is why, like it's not just me being on my phone or it's not just me taking time out of our time to go work out, like come work out with me. Like we're trying to do things healthier. We're trying to take care of our body because we want to be able to do all these amazing things in life.
00:06:03
Speaker
And so I was just talking to Kenny, my husband, last night about it. And I'm like, I feel guilty, but then I don't because it's, I'm showing them that you can balance things. You know, it is possible. Yeah. Is it a struggle every single day? Absolutely. Cause half the time it's like when we're doing things, I'm thinking about other things that I need to do. But it's almost like we talked about in previous episodes, like stopping yourself and really just trying to be present and in the moment because
00:06:32
Speaker
your kids need that obviously we need that family time we need to be able to shut it off because you know we do i feel like as women we are constantly think about everything else that needs to be done but to really be present in those moments are going to be where those memories are made or what your kids remember and all of that and so just trying to have that conversation i feel like even with my kids being young like they are they're all under twelve that
00:06:58
Speaker
Having that conversation, they may not even understand what I'm saying. My six-year-old, whenever I'm talking to her about starting a business and having the social media things that I need to run, it probably goes out one ear and out the other. But I think just letting her know that this is a reason and a purpose and it's creating something for our family. And so whether she gets it now, I feel like she will get it later. And then still trying to carve out those times to just be 100% present.
00:07:27
Speaker
and, you know, making myself more aware of that throughout the process too, so. Yeah. I know I just told you too, like I just had that experience the week before last when we were getting everything ready to officially pre-launch and the kids were out of school and that was hard. Like that was really, really hard because I had so much to do and the kids were home
00:07:54
Speaker
And it's trying to get them to understand like, even though you're out of school and we're home, like I still have things to do. And so there was one night where Jillian was like, mom, come lay down with me. You know, it was bedtime. And she's like, mom, come lay down with me. And I was like, I really can't like I have stuff to do or whatever. And she ended up falling asleep. And I felt so bad, especially I already felt bad. And then the next morning, she hit me with the you didn't even come lay with me last night. And I was like,
00:08:23
Speaker
Oh, straight to the heart. Man.
Creating Dedicated Time for Children and Self
00:08:26
Speaker
Yeah. And so the next day, I made it a point. I was like, when she was ready for bed, I stopped. Because at the end of the day, all they need is a few minutes, right? I knew
00:08:39
Speaker
that the second I went lay down with her within 15 minutes, she was to be passed out and I could get up and come finish. So it's just, you know, making sure, like you said, to carve out that time or making sure to have those conversations, even if they may not fully understand, I think that's where it's at, right? It's just,
00:08:56
Speaker
Yeah, the conversations and we as the parents saying, you know, because we can get caught up in the, you know, Oh, I need to do this or, you know, I need to do the dishes or whatever. But guess what? Like the dishes can wait.
00:09:10
Speaker
they're going to get done. Even if it means to go spend some time with them and then come back to it later. Even if it means you're going to have to stay up a little bit later in order to do whatever you want to do before bed. Even if it means that you have to get up earlier in the morning. That's why we preach so much about getting up early in the morning. Because if in order to make sure that everyone gets the time and attention that they need, desire, want,
00:09:34
Speaker
whatever, like it's, that's why that morning time is so important. Um, it's just to have, like I said, even if it's 30 minutes to yourself to, you know, do the reading personal development, whatever the case may be, or if it is just, I'm going to get up in the morning to pick up in the house or get things ready for the day, make the lunches and stuff. So that way, when it is time to get ready that everybody, you know, things go and move a lot smoother and the kids feel like you're actually
00:10:03
Speaker
Present in there. Mm-hmm. And I think I do. I like that's my day It's like chunked out like wake up early. I think I've got my body on a time clock now that's like four o'clock and I know that sounds super early and crazy, but
00:10:18
Speaker
I have to be at work for seven. So, and I have to get the kids ready and do all those things. So four o'clock from like four to five, that's my time to either work out, read, journal, do any of the things for me. And then I start getting ready, get the kids ready to go to school. And then after it's kind of like our homework family time.
00:10:39
Speaker
and then it's like me and Kenny's time just to sit and talk without the kids and then after that I have caught myself just you know with all of this new stuff starting is going back to work after that like even if it's late or waking up early on some days and you know doing stuff in the morning that way it's not impeding on our family time but at the same time you you still want to allow yourself to not feel guilty for having something for yourself and I feel like
00:11:08
Speaker
that's where we were talking about. This is something that we're starting for us and for other people. We know how important it is, but at the same time, we want our kids to own that also and to really understand what we're doing. But I think it's just going to be having that time for them individually and for them knowing that, okay, mom's here, her phone's over there or whatever and just having that one-on-one time, I guess.
00:11:39
Speaker
Yeah. I
Managing Guilt Through Communication
00:11:40
Speaker
think that in order to help with that guilty feeling, because it's so hard, that's the part that it's hard to, you know, it's feeling, having that sense of feeling the balance so that way you don't feel guilty. And it's like, you know, so I think that
00:11:57
Speaker
You know, if anything, if I can give any advice, I'm giving the advice to myself as I'm giving it to you, right? We're speaking it to each other. I'm speaking it because it's something that we're both dealing with. So it's so real and so present right now because it's always a thing, right? But it's we're feeling it even more so right now. That's where we're like, we got to share this because I know that everybody deals with this, that mom guilt feeling whenever you're trying to do something for yourself is that if you do put in the time and effort to make it a point
00:12:27
Speaker
to have dedicated time for the kids, your spouse, whoever it is, then that's when we can kind of put that guilt aside. So whenever they do make those comments, I can say wholeheartedly, I know that I have made conscious effort to give you that one-on-one time, or I know
00:12:49
Speaker
that I have later on today, like, you know, let mom finish doing this. And we are going to have, you know, our time in a little while when, you know, we're going to go do whatever, you know, and just having that conversation with them. Again, it's just the conversations. And if I know that I've put in that, that effort and that I have that time carved out to give to them, then maybe I won't feel so guilty.
00:13:14
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I 100% and I feel like moms especially feel that way whenever they start something new. So whether it's a new routine or a new hobby or something like that, because your kids are not used to you having a life outside of your family.
00:13:31
Speaker
Like I feel like the first time I tried to do something different, they were like, wait a minute. Like you're not putting all your time and energy into just us. It's like you're, you're actually using some of your time for yourself. Like what is this? Heaven forbid. I know we have a life. It's funny because even as a teacher, like the kids think we sleep at school. Like they have no idea that we have a life like outside of the school. So it's very much the same with your family and your kids.
00:13:58
Speaker
And so I feel like that's where that mom guilt comes because they start like questioning you like, well, why are you doing this? Or, you know, all these different things. And it's like, they also need to understand that we're, we're people. We have wants, needs, and desires just as much as they do.
00:14:13
Speaker
And so, I mean, sometimes, like, even including them, like I said, we'll go work out together, like, as a family outside. Now, I mean, Kenny's workout won't be as great as it could have been if we were kid-free, but, you know, some of those things, it just brings them into your bubble and lets them know that, like, this is why. Like, it makes me feel good. You know, these are things that I enjoy or this is going to help us later on.
00:14:39
Speaker
I'm very big on that. And I don't know if it's just because like, and not, not to say anything to my parents because they were great parents, but like growing up, we just didn't have those conversations like, or my mom did pour everything into us. So like, I never seen her have.
00:14:55
Speaker
anything outside of our family. And we were talking about that last night too, that I just think that that's what I want my girls to see. You know, I want them to be able to look at their mom and be proud of the things that I have accomplished or the things that we're accomplishing as a family. So that conversation, I think it helps a little bit with the guilt. Of course, they're always going to, you know, their kids, they're going to say whenever they come to their mind, but Oh yeah.
00:15:23
Speaker
I think just being honest with them and kind of letting them in on the way that you're thinking or feeling too always helps.
00:15:31
Speaker
This episode is brought to you by MBS Fitco. Excitement is in the air at MBS Fitco as we prepare for our upcoming launch. We're introducing a line of premium active wear designed to seamlessly fit into both your workout routines and daily life. Our versatile collection is perfect for your workouts and equally suited for your day-to-day tasks, ensuring you look and feel your best, no matter the occasion.
00:15:54
Speaker
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00:16:13
Speaker
MBS Fitco is more than just activewear. It's a lifestyle. Join our community and be part of our exciting journey from day one to celebrate fitness, self-care, and your hero within. Don't just wear it, live
Acknowledging Overwhelming Responsibilities
00:16:26
Speaker
it. Alright, now let's dive back into this episode. Yeah. And even too, just on the days when like, you know, when sometimes the overwhelm sets in and there's those days when I'm just like,
00:16:41
Speaker
Like I just need a break. Do you know what I mean? Like it's just like, I just need a break because I know y'all can relate. Like I can't even go pee without a kid. I'm like, I swear Jillian can like sense my movement or like she can sense when I change rooms because I was just telling my husband Corey this the other day, I was like, Jillian will literally be sitting in her room
00:17:08
Speaker
while I'm working or doing whatever, whatever it is that I'm doing, I could be cleaning. Who knows what I'm doing, right? And she's being quiet and she's playing by herself and it could be like a good solid 30 minutes. And I'm like, I swear to you the second I get up and I'm so quiet, right? Y'all know, I know y'all feel me. Like we're so quiet. We're like tip to toe.
00:17:28
Speaker
And the second I sit in the bathroom, she's like, mom. And I'm like, what you doing? Where you're at? I'm like, how did you know that I even left or that I moved? I think they have this sixth sense that we left. I'm like, how do you know? Or whatever. So I can't take a shower in peace. I can't go to the bathroom in peace.
00:17:56
Speaker
I can't change like nothing. I have an audience 24 seven. And I'm just like, sometimes you're just like, just, you know, let me breathe for two seconds. So there's that too. I know that's a whole nother kind of topic. That's why I go hide in a closet. Like I had a whole thing on my TikTok closet Chronicles, because that's the only place I can go where I can talk to people or myself.
00:18:19
Speaker
In peace and quiet because but now they have figured that out because Milana saw my tick-tock and now I'm like great now You know what I'm doing in there. So that that lasted, you know, just a little while, but it's so true You can't even get like a second to yourself sometimes and so even try and explain that to them you know, they just don't understand because you know their kids but at the same time it's a
00:18:43
Speaker
That's whenever the other side of us or our personality comes out because then we start getting like agitated or aggravated. And it's like, we're not trying to take it out on you, but like, I just need a minute. So I almost as like, mom needs a timeout. Like just give me a little bit and then, you know, I'll come back to you when I'm ready and we can, you know, deal with whatever we need to deal with. Yeah. Or like on a totally different topic, like right now,
00:19:11
Speaker
You know, cause again, like TMI, right? But I mean, we're all women, like we all have cycles and hormones and stuff like that. And would fluctuate throughout the month. And I'm just like in that time when I've just like my energy levels are so low. And so I can't like, oh gosh, the struggle is real to like be.
00:19:30
Speaker
as present to as I normally could, because I just don't even have it in me because my body is just physically shut down, or just the brain fog, right? Or just like, I've, I told, again, me and Mandy were talking before this. And I told her I was like, I feel right now, like, like my head's in the clouds, like I'm on autopilot, like I'm just going through the motions. And I'm like, it's such a crappy feeling.
00:19:52
Speaker
Like it doesn't, that doesn't feel good. And so I'm even like that with my kids. Like sometimes I have to, like I'm listening, but I'm not listening. And it's not intentional. Cause there are the days where I'm not, I'm listening, but I'm not listening, but it's very intentional. You know what I mean? Like, like, yeah, like the volume, like I can just turn them off. Cause Corey tells me that he's like, Jillian is talking to you. I'm like, huh, what, what? I know we're so used to that.
00:20:18
Speaker
Yeah. And even as a teacher, like you get used to like tuning kids out and you're like, Oh yeah. Hey, sorry. I'm here. What did you say? Right. You were talking to me. My bad. But yeah. So just those, those are other times during the month. I guess that's what I was trying to say when it's just difficult when, you know, it's just your energy levels just aren't there.
00:20:38
Speaker
I just have it. I don't know. It's just there's so many times where we just experienced the mom guilt. And so I guess that's really what we were just here to say is just that we get it and we're with you. And it's just one of those things that we may not talk about so much. Again, out of shame or whatever the case may be, but
00:20:58
Speaker
It's a real thing. Like, it's a real thing to experience that mom guilt or have your kids make those comments. And it's just trying to do our best to just balance it. So that way, you know, for me, it's when I lay my head on my pillow at night, knowing in my heart that at least I tried.
00:21:16
Speaker
you know, and because if, if not, that's really when the mom guilt sets in. It's, it's always, again, you know, we go to bed at night, just like we do it in the morning. When we wake up, it's like, you can't shut it off. Like our brain, it doesn't turn off in this. That's when all those thoughts come up, you know, like, Oh, I could have did this, or I should have said this, or I could have handled that differently, or I shouldn't have snapped at them, or
00:21:38
Speaker
you know, all those thoughts, all of everything, all of that, that just hits when, so it's just finding the balance so that way I can lay my head on the pillow every night and feel like I did my best. And if not, you know, I feel like the kids
00:21:55
Speaker
The kids even realized that at some point because like, for instance, last night, me and Chloe were texting back and forth while she was at dancing. And I guess one of their songs was about moms or whatever. And we had gotten into like a little, a little tiff before dancing where she's, you know, you know, Oh, you just never let me do this. Or, you know, just going on and on about how horrible I am. And
00:22:17
Speaker
Is she text me and she's like i know i say something sometimes i don't mean but like you're the best mom ever you know just like this great message and i'm like okay like same with us like cuz we you know you're talking about like snap and are being a little feisty and we all get like that and if you.
00:22:35
Speaker
Don't think you do. You do. You have to own that and be self-aware in yourself to know that we're not perfect. We all do that same thing where you try and go to bed and you're like, man, I should have handled that differently. The kids also, I think, feel like that. It really comes down to a self-awareness for both situations to like, okay, my kid might be having a bad day or just like I do.
00:23:04
Speaker
not letting yourself feel so guilty for certain situations because you know, everybody has their days where they're going to be better than other and you and your kid might just be on a total opposite wavelength for the day and then the next day is fine. So I think we beat ourselves up more than, than they even realize half the time, you know? Yeah.
00:23:25
Speaker
Well, and I mean, I can tell you this too, like I know that I apologize to my kids when I feel I need to, like, you know, in those days when I do, when I do snap, like I'm very big on, you know, when I take that moment that I'm like, like that, you know, and I'll tell them like, and I'll, and again, that just goes back to the conversation, just explain, like I'll say, you know, I'm sorry. Like I shouldn't have snapped. Like I'm just.
00:23:46
Speaker
super tired or whatever. I hate to make excuses, but it's the apology and just, again, explaining what's going on so that way they understand. And same thing, like you said, too. Jillian knows when she's done wrong, because that's whenever I get the sweet notes from her. That's when I get this. Yeah. I'm so sorry. I promise I'll be better. Can I please still have those shoes that we talked about? That's what I've been getting lately. She's on her shoe kick right now that she wants all these shoes. Go shopping.
00:24:16
Speaker
You're not alone. You're not alone. That's, that's what we're here to say today.
Seeking Support to Alleviate Guilt
00:24:21
Speaker
And you know, we're all going through it together and it's okay to speak out about it too and to talk about it because carrying that and not having someone to go to, you know, a friend or whoever
00:24:35
Speaker
That's hard. So it's nice to just, I know Mandy and I went off, we called, got on our call to start working. And then we just went off on this whole tangent of talking about all kinds of other stuff. An hour later, we're like, okay, we're supposed to be doing all this work, but it's just, yeah. And then so, but then Mandy was like, you know, she was like, that was just needed. Like sometimes we just, we just need to get it something off our chest and just to have that person to talk to and relate to. Right. Cause we're not, you're not in it alone. So. Yeah.
00:25:05
Speaker
Absolutely. All right, y'all. Well, that's all we got. I hope that this episode resonated with you in some way, shape or form today. And if not yourself, if you have a mom friend who's been going through it, share this episode with her.
00:25:25
Speaker
leave us a review. I know we're trying to build our podcast episodes, our podcast in general, and just trying to get our names out there so we can help more and more people. We have a lot of really great interviews that are coming up. We've already done two. We have two more for sure scheduled. We have two or three others that we've reached out to, and we're hoping that
00:25:45
Speaker
They'll be scheduling with us soon. So y'all stick around and we actually have some really good other topics that we talked about that we're going to talk about in our duo. So we have a lot more coming. So stick around and we'll catch y'all soon. And as always,
00:26:03
Speaker
You are strong, you are capable, and you are worthy. We love you and we're endlessly rooting for you. We'll catch y'all soon.
Episode Wrap-Up and Community Invitation
00:26:11
Speaker
As we wrap up another episode of Finding My Best Self, I want to extend a heartfelt thank you for joining us today. You being here makes the journey much more meaningful. Remember every step you take, no matter how small, is a leap towards discovering and nurturing your best self.
00:26:25
Speaker
If you found value in today's episode, please feel free to subscribe to the podcast. Your subscription helps us reach and inspire more amazing women like you. And if you could take a moment to leave us a review, it would mean the world to us. Your feedback not only supports our growth, but also helps other women find this empowering space.
00:26:42
Speaker
Don't forget to share this episode with a friend, family member, or fellow hero in your life. Every share spreads a little more empowerment and inspiration. And for an extra dose of motivation and community support, don't forget to sign up for the VIP list for MBS Bitco. By joining, you get exclusive access to our premium versatile activewear and fitness essentials, carefully designed to inspire and accompany you on your self-care and fitness journey. Follow us on our social channels too for daily inspiration and a peek into our latest collections.
00:27:09
Speaker
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