Transcript
Pamela Rivet: Hello, hello, hello. Good morning. is February. It is mid-February. I'm sitting here going, how did January feel like three months long and February is almost over?
Pamela Rivet: Like, how does that even happen? January was the longest month ever and we're already almost done with the second month of the year. That's just insane to me. I so glad you are here today.
Pamela Rivet: I have something that I would like to chat about that's been on my heart and I'll further explain, but I want to start with if you are new to the podcast, welcome.
Pamela Rivet: Welcome to Finding My Best Self podcast. This podcast is a branch of MBS, The Woman Beyond the Cape, which is the athleisure brand that I am co-owner of with Mandy St. Germain.
Pamela Rivet: And so this podcast is all about helping women to find that woman and nurture and love that woman beyond the cape. The woman that you are beyond all of your other roles and responsibilities and truly finding who you are as your best self each and every day. And we know that every single day we can be better and learn more and grow as a person each and every day. So that's what we do here on this podcast is we just talk about everyday life things that are going on. And sometimes we'll have joint episodes with Mandy and I, sometimes we invite in guests, women who have overcome triumph and have celebrated and celebrate their victories and things like that.
Pamela Rivet: We're always just looking for and talking about real life situations, whether it's things that Mandy and I are personally dealing with in our own lives or just things that we're hearing a lot from other people.
Pamela Rivet: So today wanted to chat about relationships and connections. So if you listened to the very first episode that Mandy and I did this year, we talked about what our personal words for the year are and what it is that we're focusing on this year.
Pamela Rivet: And I said that one of the words that I was focusing on, one of the themes from my life this year that I wanted to have was connections. And for me, that meant building connections in my personal life with my family and also in my business life and also with my friends.
Pamela Rivet: One of the things that I noticed last year just in starting MBS and that I'm also still a full-time mortgage advisor as well was that I really dove into my business and trying to get it off the ground. And what ended up happening was that I saw my relationships kind of started to get put on the back burner, not kind of, sorta, they did lot. And I noticed it more and more towards the end of the year.
Pamela Rivet: And I just really had that aha moment or that moment of, you know, where I really held up the mirror and was like, okay, Pam, like you can still be a business owner and still be a mortgage advisor and still, you know, have a life and, you know, and still work on your relationships and still make those connections. So I wanted to really, really, really focus on that this year.
Pamela Rivet: And, you know, I am big believer in God and I have a lot of faith in God and that is how I even started MBS. But it never fails to leave me in awe when think about these things or start praying on these things or I start actively trying to work on them.
Pamela Rivet: And then things happen like I go to church and that's exactly what they talk about. So That's what happened yesterday. And I just want to share, know, what the pastor talked about at church yesterday. And I know y'all are probably like, Pam, every time we come on this podcast, you're always talking about what the pastor said at church, because he just speaks to me.
Pamela Rivet: And think it's really important to, to share the word that I hear that to help others who are probably struggling with the same thing. And so the more sat with it after church and the more really thought about not just myself, but how I've also just heard from a lot of other people about things with their relationships and really what's happened not just in, I'm going to say in the past. So people, there are a lot of people who have, maybe from childhood issues, you know, where they're breaking generational curses and, you know, just trying to overcome those things that are still sitting with them, but really even more so since COVID and man, I hate talking about COVID. I really do. Cause I'm like, when can we ever stop talking about COVID right ever?
Pamela Rivet: But it was such a profound, life-changing time for everyone. Like this is something that affected our entire nation.
Pamela Rivet: think one of the biggest things that it affected for so many people was our relationships and our connections, because we were completely closed off from the world. mean, it was even to the point where some people at some points weren't even able to have family get togethers because whether it was because someone had COVID or just out of fear of the unknown, because in the very beginning, we didn't know what this was, right? So everyone was even scared to be, or no one even wanted to leave their house other than being around the people who they were already in the same household with, you know, no one wanted to go anywhere. So that was really, really scary.
Pamela Rivet: And then it drug for a couple years. So it, it kind of pulled everyone into this isolation period where we were completely taken away from that.
Pamela Rivet: And then the other thing that I know is that over the last few years, we have talked lot about setting boundaries. Like this has become this nationwide movement and thing, right?
Pamela Rivet: That we talk a lot about setting boundaries and, you know, possibly either distancing yourself from or removing yourself from people who no longer align with your beliefs or things, you know, maybe where you see yourself going in life and just really setting those hard boundaries. And maybe even sometimes, I don't want to say pushing people away or maybe being too strict on those boundaries. But maybe there are some relationships that maybe you were a little too hard on.
Pamela Rivet: Maybe there are some relationships that you're like, maybe those relationships could be mended. Another thing that I also know that we've faced as a nation over the last couple of years with interest rates rising and the cost of food drastically rising, the cost of gas rose, home prices have risen, but income has not.
Pamela Rivet: The raises have not Inflated with everything else. So I know that there's also been a lot of financial strain. And when that happens, that's when there tends to be possibly marital issues or relationship in the, you know, in the household issues or,
Pamela Rivet: reasons why you now can't maybe go and all of the things that you used to do and building those relationships and those connections with people because funds are tight. So there's been so many things over the last several years, like I said, just since COVID started that have caused people pull away from or not have the ability to be able to work on building connections and relationships.
Pamela Rivet: However, what I also know that I am personally dealing with, and I have also heard from a lot of people, is that right now people want and are desiring those connections.
Pamela Rivet: They are wanting to, whether, like I said, it is mending relationships and connections or just seeking those really good, deep, personal connections.
Pamela Rivet: Not wanting to have such a large friend group or a large group of people, but just really desiring those deeper connections with people.
Pamela Rivet: the people who respect your boundaries, the ones that you can go to and talk to and hang out with, the ones that have similar things that they're going for in life, people that you can have those good conversations with and have good times with.
Pamela Rivet: That's what people are seeking and they're searching for right now. So when we were in church yesterday and the pastor said, talked about this. They started a new series in church. And so, and I have not been able to sit in church in several weeks.
Pamela Rivet: This is something little bit personal I'll share with you. So I am currently doing some classes through church that once I complete these classes, it's going to allow me to be able to serve at church to be, whether it's on the leadership team or just to serve at some way at church.
Pamela Rivet: And those classes are at the same time that I typically go to service. So I've been watching online as opposed to actually going sit in church. And so Yesterday was the first time that I was able to actually go sit in church.
Pamela Rivet: And of course, the service was about relationships and connections. And I was like, I hear you, God, because again, that is exactly what I was praying for this year was for God to help me to build those connections. So I figured I'd share with you what he said, because as he talked, I was like, yes, yes, yes, that all makes perfect sense. That's exactly what I'm doing. That's exactly how I feel.
Pamela Rivet: So first and foremost, I think the biggest thing for us to recognize and to understand is that when we talk in terms of the Bible, in Genesis 2.18, God declared, it is not good for man to be alone.
Pamela Rivet: And he created Eve. God created us to be with people, to be around people, to be with people who we can love and lift up and inspire and empower and to share our life with.
Pamela Rivet: That is what we were created to do. We were not created to live in isolation and to live cooped up and away from people and to not have communication and contact and physical touch and all of those things that we get from other people.
Pamela Rivet: And so that is, I guess, the one thing that already know, right? I know these things, but when he said that, it just really struck me of like, you know, you're right. Like we're supposed to be with people. We're supposed to make those connections. That is what we're here to do.
Pamela Rivet: You know, One of the things that I think a lot of struggle with when it comes to relationships and connections is when it comes to the issues that arise.
Pamela Rivet: is that there's always someone who wants to be right in a situation, right? It's, well, this is how I feel. This is my truth. And the other person's like, well, this is my truth.
Pamela Rivet: But at the end of the day, there is no your truth or my truth. There's only one truth. And that's the truth of Jesus Christ. And so we have to remember that whenever it comes to trying to either amen relationships or even in building new relationships.
Pamela Rivet: In John 13 verses 34 to 35, it says, so now I am giving you a new commandment. Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.
Pamela Rivet: Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples. And so that's what we should be doing is loving one another and being part of discipleship, right?
Pamela Rivet: It's bringing in other people into our life, or even just speaking of discipleship and speaking of God and bringing other people closer to God.
Pamela Rivet: And part of that comes from making those connections and just talking with people, getting out of the house, getting out of your comfort zone, you know, and even so far, as far saying just talking to people in general and not being so closed off. When you see someone in the store, know, being friendly, I guess is the word that I'm looking for, just being friendly in general with people and just having those conversations and just talking with people. Every little connection that you make could lead to something later down the road.
Pamela Rivet: Every little connection that you make could possibly turn someone's day around. It could possibly change someone's So there were three things that the pastor said in church yesterday that we should do.
Pamela Rivet: And so I'll kind of break them down the way that he did and just kind of chat about them in my own perspective and how I took it. He said, the first thing that we have to do is to choose to speak life.
Pamela Rivet: And that is something that I know that I've said so many times that even going all the way back to my Beachbody days, that the one thing that I realized after doing Beachbody was that it wasn't coaching people and working out that I love so much. It was speaking life into women and explaining to them, you know, and helping them realize who they are and what they're capable of and how incredible they are as women and all of the things that they can do in their life.
Pamela Rivet: That was where my heart was. And that's what I love to do. So we have to choose to speak life and speak positively to people and be intentional in those words.
Pamela Rivet: Be intentional and think about exactly what you're going to say. Choose your words wisely when you're speaking to people. He said, celebration builds devotion.
Pamela Rivet: he said, think he even said, I'm to say that again, celebration builds devotion. I was like, that's so true. Because you know, the more that you praise someone, compliment someone, just speak positive things,
Pamela Rivet: the better reactions you're going to get from someone. So whether is someone in your life that you're trying to mend a relationship with or to make the relationship better, or even in building a new relationship, it's reminding yourself to say the good things, to say the positive things to that person about that person.
Pamela Rivet: If you don't tell them, they don't know, right? Let's talk in terms of a spouse is that you may think when they get dressed, he looks really nice.
Pamela Rivet: But do you say that? Like, do you say, hey, that looks great on you? Or I really like that. Or, you know, when your spouse does little things that you like that they do, you know, like they may pick up the dishes, you know, and help out with the dishes whatever.
Pamela Rivet: you know, the little things, right? The little things that they do. But do you always say those things? Like, do you always give those compliments? Because at the end of the day, they're not a mind reader and they don't know that you're thinking those things unless you say them.
Pamela Rivet: Even just on any given day. You're out in the store. For me, for example, yesterday in church, I was walking my little girl to her class and there was this lady that was standing there and she was talking with someone else. And I just looked, she had on this dress that was super cute.
Pamela Rivet: And so on my way back to go head into service, I saw her again. She was still standing there stopped and I was like, your dress is super cute. And she was like, well, thanks. The little things, like I know that made her smile. So it's just,
Pamela Rivet: Giving those little compliments, being intentional, choosing your words wisely, and just choosing to speak life. Be a light for other people. Because when you do that, that's what draws people to you. If you want to build connections, you want people to be drawn to you. And so in having a positive attitude, putting a smile on your face and speaking life and positivity and love into everyone that you come in contact with.
Pamela Rivet: The next thing that he talked about was that you have to choose to close the gap. You have to choose to build, create, or mend those relationships.
Pamela Rivet: You can't always just sit around and wait for someone else to do it. Now, you may choose that you want to, and so you try to work on it, and maybe it doesn't work out because that other person may not be in that place.
Pamela Rivet: But that doesn't mean that you can't still choose to continue to try to work on it and speaking light and love and not allowing anger, past resentments get in the way.
Pamela Rivet: You know, the one thing that God teaches us most in the Bible is to forgive. That is what he does for all of us each and every day. God loved everyone.
Pamela Rivet: Everyone is born sinner. And even though you may be saved, you continue to sin throughout your life. And every time that you do, if you repent, he forgives.
Pamela Rivet: And so even in those times of relationships with people where You don't feel that, you know, maybe they hurt you and you don't feel that you ever got the apology that you wanted or they didn't quote unquote repent to you and ask for forgiveness.
Pamela Rivet: Choose just to forgive. Choose to forgive and choose to work on that relationship. Choose to close the gap. Because at the end of the day, we only have one life.
Pamela Rivet: And what you have to think about is that, you know, when you get to the end of your life, you don't want to be in a position at that point to look back and say, man, really wish that relationship with that person would have been different or that I would have done something differently to make that relationship better.
Pamela Rivet: So choose to close the gap. And in closing the gap, the third thing is that you have to choose to take the first step. And having those conversations, we have to choose to be slow to speak and quick to listen.
Pamela Rivet: I know this is something that I hear lot of people talk about. It's a conversation that comes up quite a bit, and it's something that I struggled with for a really long time.
Pamela Rivet: Many years ago, it's something that I've worked on, I think at this point in my life, I've gotten really, really good at being that slow to speak and quick to listen.
Pamela Rivet: Obviously we all have our faults and we all have our days where, you know, whether we're just in a, in a mood or we're irritated and we're just snappy, but it's all about when someone comes to you with a problem, or if you're going to choose to take that first step and to mend a relationship, you to know that conversations have to be had, right?
Pamela Rivet: Is you have to have those hard conversations of, Hey, I would like to chat with you, right? And when you have that conversation and going into that conversation, knowing that you're going to have to listen.
Pamela Rivet: And not only do you have to listen, but you also have to own your part, right? Because in every argument, there are two sides, right?
Pamela Rivet: And in every argument, someone's And most of the time, both people have their own feelings and both people feel that they were hurt in some aspect.
Pamela Rivet: So you have to choose to own your part that you had that situation. so being slow to speak, quick to listen.
Pamela Rivet: And so listening, listening with intent and listening with love and listening with compassion and forgiveness in your heart. to truly take the time put yourself in that person's shoes of exactly how they're feeling and telling them that you understand and that you forgive and that you'd like to move on.
Pamela Rivet: A big part of good communication I have learned is that using I instead of you and the pastor talked about this and I was like, yes, like preach. That's exactly it is using I instead of you.
Pamela Rivet: So instead of saying you make me feel this way and you did this and you did that is saying that I feel or I know that when this happened using that I and putting it back on you as opposed to saying you did this because then it's just you pointing the finger.
Pamela Rivet: It's saying that these things make me feel this way. It just kind of flips the script a little bit and makes that person feel less like they're being backed into a corner.
Pamela Rivet: And so that's been really big thing that I've worked on my own personal communication skills and communicating in relationships and just building those connections. And so the last thing, and this is just going to be my own little tidbit that I want to add If you were like me and just really seeking to build new relationships and wanting to, you know, have those new, that new friend group or finding new people to invite into your life.
Pamela Rivet: One thing is just to know that they're not going to just appear. I mean, they could, right? I know I talked about that last year, that one of the things that my number one prayer for last year was for God to align me with the right people in the right places at the right time. And he did, like there were just people that just showed up in these places.
Pamela Rivet: But that also was because was putting myself in new rooms as well. was putting myself in places and spaces for the opportunity for God to put those people in front of me and around me, right?
Pamela Rivet: And so that's really what I'm working on this year that every single week, I've made it a point to put something on my calendar that is going to put me in front of someone or me with someone that I already have a relationship with that I want to deepen that relationship.
Pamela Rivet: Because like I said last year, I didn't spend as much time with my family. I didn't spend as much time with my husband. I didn't spend as much time with my friends. And I surely didn't spend enough time making new friends.
Pamela Rivet: So that's been really important to me this year. And it's been something that I've been working really, really hard on is just every single week, you know, or the week before when I'm planning my week is what am I going to do next week to either work on my current relationships or B, put myself in a place that I can make new relationships and new connections.
Pamela Rivet: So if that's something and an idea for you, if you are also like me and just seeking good relationships and building better relationships and working on relationships and even thinking about those people that you may want to mend relationships with.
Pamela Rivet: You have to choose. You have the choice. You have to choose that you want You have to choose to work on work towards it. And when you are in front of those people, you have to choose yourself.
Pamela Rivet: to be the light, choose to speak life, choose to close the gap, choose to take the first step, choose to take the first step building, creating, mending all of your relationships and connections.
Pamela Rivet: Because I know that we are all in a place where we have been isolated and removed from pulled back from, whether it was because world issues, COVID, financial strain, or just because we were personally trying to create those boundaries and just make sure that everyone who we were allowing into and around our life was in alignment with us.
Pamela Rivet: And so sometimes it's just a matter of taking the time to have better communication. Better communication will build stronger and longer lasting relationships and connections.
Pamela Rivet: That is my TED talk for today finding my best self podcast. I hope that this resonated with you in some way, shape or form in building connections.
Pamela Rivet: This is what I will be working on all year long. So I'm sure we'll talk about it again at some point. and building those relationships and connections. I hope that you enjoyed today's episode. If you did, please do me a favor and leave a review on the podcast. That is what is going to help our podcast to grow and get out to and expand more and more areas across the nation.
Pamela Rivet: Other than that, I hope you have an absolutely blessed week. And as always, remember, you are strong, you are capable, you are worthy. love you and I'm endlessly rooting for you.
