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Alicia Williams: Finding Treasures in Life, Love, and Loss
23 Plays4 years ago
Welcome to a fascinating episode with today’s guest, TikTok sensation Alicia Williams aka Lady Taphos! Her passion for caring and giving honor to the dead is truly remarkable. She went viral on TikTok cleaning gravestones during COVID lockdown in 2020.
In this interview with host Jennifer, Alicia shares how she started cleaning gravestones as therapy for herself and how it truly resonated with people from all over the world. Doing what she does cleans up a long-forgotten family's headstone and even benefits the community and town. This has motivated other people as well.
Stay tuned as Alicia shares her journey!
LITTLE NUGGETS OF GOLD:
- A wonderful introduction about Alicia
- Everything about gravestone cleaning
- How everything started for Alicia
- The importance of being remembered and honored
- How Alicia’s viral video has helped raise awareness
Connect with Alicia Williams:
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@ladytaphos
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ladytaphos/
Email - ladytaphos@gmail.com
Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper:
Facebook Page - Muldowney Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/MuldowneyMemorials/
Facebook Page - Rainbow Bridge Memorials: https://www.facebook.com/rainbowbridgememorialsdotcom
Instagram - @muldowneymemorials & @jennifermuldowney
Twitter - @TheGlamReaper
Email us here: glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Introduction to the Glam Reaper Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Hi, my name is Jennifer Muldowney, aka The Glam Reaper, and I'm super excited to finally bring The Glam Reaper podcast to your ears and your eyes on YouTube.
00:00:14
Speaker
This show will focus on stories about love, life and loss, and we'll have a massive input from the funeral world since that is the world that I live in.
Guest Introduction: Alicia, the Headstone Cleaner
00:00:22
Speaker
Without further ado, please let me welcome this episode's guest, the fabulous Alicia, who is a guru at cleaning headstones.
00:00:33
Speaker
Let's get into it.
Alicia's Viral TikTok Journey
00:00:38
Speaker
You are famous on TikTok and Instagram.
00:00:41
Speaker
I mean, you're going from strength to strength.
00:00:44
Speaker
Alicia, tell me what is it you do for a living?
00:00:47
Speaker
Tell our listeners what you do for a living and why I'm so fascinated with you.
00:00:51
Speaker
Well, I'm in between jobs right now.
00:00:54
Speaker
I was working in healthcare administration.
00:00:55
Speaker
COVID and other things have not been copacetic with that and helping my kids with distance learning.
00:01:03
Speaker
I just decided one day on a whim to upload a video to TikTok of myself cleaning a gravestone.
00:01:10
Speaker
I really didn't expect anything of it.
00:01:13
Speaker
I've shared this stuff on Facebook for years now and nobody pays much attention.
00:01:18
Speaker
So to put it on TikTok and literally have it go to like millions of views within just a few hours blew my mind.
00:01:26
Speaker
So the incredible thing about what we do is, A, gravestones are historically forgotten about.
00:01:33
Speaker
They go into ruins.
00:01:34
Speaker
A lot of people are choosing cremation
Gravestone Neglect and Cremation Trends
00:01:36
Speaker
now.
00:01:36
Speaker
People go less and less to graveyards.
00:01:38
Speaker
I know I'm Irish.
00:01:40
Speaker
I'm living in America, so I can't go to my grandparents' graves back home.
00:01:44
Speaker
Things happen.
00:01:45
Speaker
People move away and things change.
00:01:47
Speaker
But that's one part of it that's fascinating.
00:01:51
Speaker
And then the second part of it is it's so cathartic to watch your videos.
00:01:55
Speaker
It really is.
00:01:57
Speaker
It really is.
00:01:58
Speaker
There's just something, it's like, and I don't, this sounds awful to compare to this, but it is like if you enjoy watching pimples being squeezed along those lines.
00:02:09
Speaker
I think there's actually an official word for that, but it's, TikTok kind of has a genre of people watching cathartic things.
00:02:20
Speaker
Right.
00:02:21
Speaker
how they feel about it.
00:02:22
Speaker
And it's the sight, the sounds, like one of the guys I follow on TikTok, men with pots or men in the forest with pots.
00:02:30
Speaker
Yes, I follow him too.
00:02:32
Speaker
I love them.
00:02:33
Speaker
They're Irish.
00:02:34
Speaker
They're only living in Ireland.
00:02:37
Speaker
The chopping and the sounds and you're just like, oh, it looks so good.
00:02:42
Speaker
Yes.
00:02:43
Speaker
So take
Healing and Purpose Through Gravestone Cleaning
00:02:44
Speaker
me back.
00:02:44
Speaker
You've been doing this for a few years.
00:02:46
Speaker
What started this?
00:02:47
Speaker
Why?
00:02:49
Speaker
Well, I've been a genealogist since I was a teenager.
00:02:52
Speaker
So I've always been into history and obituaries and learning, you know, about people from the past.
00:02:59
Speaker
I was in the middle of a really horrible divorce.
00:03:02
Speaker
It was a very bad time.
00:03:03
Speaker
And doing my research one day, I came across somebody cleaning gravestones and I'm like, I don't have anything to do with my time.
00:03:10
Speaker
My kids are in another state part of the year.
00:03:15
Speaker
It was a huge adjustment for me.
00:03:18
Speaker
I had gone from being a stay-at-home mom and then all of a sudden I didn't have my kids with me anymore.
00:03:23
Speaker
I needed something that got me out of bed every day.
00:03:27
Speaker
I started with the first marker I cleaned was my aunt.
00:03:31
Speaker
It was an aunt that my grandfather had been looking for where she was buried for so many years.
00:03:36
Speaker
Couldn't figure out where she was.
00:03:38
Speaker
I found her and I'm like, well, let me start with her and kind of spiraled out of control.
00:03:44
Speaker
I guess it became almost obsessive because it did.
00:03:48
Speaker
It gave me a reason to get up
Alicia's Local Cemetery Focus
00:03:50
Speaker
every day.
00:03:50
Speaker
Um, it was,
00:03:52
Speaker
Okay, well, my kids don't need me to get up and take care of them, but I can go to the cemetery and see how clean that marker got from last week.
00:03:59
Speaker
Or I can start a new one.
00:04:01
Speaker
It was like a part of me healed every time I cleaned a marker.
00:04:06
Speaker
How do you decide who you're going to clean?
00:04:09
Speaker
I just kind of wander aimlessly.
00:04:11
Speaker
Right.
00:04:12
Speaker
Where are you based, actually?
00:04:15
Speaker
I am in Bedford County, Virginia.
00:04:17
Speaker
So you're based there.
00:04:18
Speaker
Do you choose graveyards and cemeteries locally or...?
00:04:22
Speaker
I stay local for now and just cause travel is not, um, really very easy with kids.
00:04:28
Speaker
And, you know, of course now we've got COVID, but, um, I stay local.
00:04:32
Speaker
There's a few cemeteries that I work in, but mostly like everything that I've shared on Tik TOK and Instagram, they're all within, um, it's actually a group of three cemeteries in our town.
00:04:42
Speaker
And it's kind of like, there's the very historic one where all the oldest graves are.
00:04:46
Speaker
And then it just kind of gradually goes to the newer sections.
00:04:51
Speaker
I tend to stay in what's Longwood Cemetery and Oakwood Cemetery over there and work with those markers.
00:04:57
Speaker
The newer ones, they're not as dirty.
00:05:00
Speaker
They don't call to me as much.
00:05:01
Speaker
So if I'm cleaning a newer marker, it's usually because somebody has called me up and was like, hey, can you clean my mom or my grandparents marker?
00:05:09
Speaker
Because, you know, they just don't look like they need the work as much.
Responsibility and Personal Reflections on Tombstone Maintenance
00:05:14
Speaker
Do you have to ask permission from the cemeteries or the families that can use one when it just calls to you?
00:05:20
Speaker
Do you go and do it?
00:05:22
Speaker
Is there a rhythm?
00:05:24
Speaker
The preferred pattern is to find a descendant, then a caretaker or the property owner.
00:05:31
Speaker
The cemetery that I work in most of the time is a public cemetery and it might upset some people in town, but I kind of have blanket permission to clean in there now at this point because I haven't
00:05:42
Speaker
but damaged anything.
00:05:43
Speaker
It's only served to benefit the town.
00:05:47
Speaker
It has also motivated the crew to do more to improve the ground.
00:05:53
Speaker
So when I came back, when I started up again this season, they had cut back a lot of shrubs and trees and lifted a lot of markers.
00:06:02
Speaker
up off the ground that had fallen over.
00:06:06
Speaker
A lot of people don't know that tombstone maintenance is not the responsibility of grounds crews because nobody has to have a tombstone.
00:06:15
Speaker
So it's not usually part of the care agreement.
00:06:17
Speaker
So I do ask permission.
00:06:20
Speaker
I've only had one person that has been like, no, don't clean any of my family stuff.
00:06:24
Speaker
So everybody else has been very nice.
00:06:26
Speaker
Are there particular chemicals you can use?
00:06:29
Speaker
I mean, it really is.
00:06:30
Speaker
I'm revisiting the videos and like just the scraping down of all of it's incredible.
00:06:38
Speaker
You've pointed out so many things that like people get buried and they
00:06:44
Speaker
You know, some people will look after the tent to the grave, you know, for a couple of years and then they might pass away.
00:06:50
Speaker
And sometimes it can be just a spouse or maybe the kids and then the kids move away.
00:06:55
Speaker
And really and truly, I actually can remember very solidly because I'm clearly because of what I chose to be my servant.
00:07:03
Speaker
Is I remember going to my grandparents grave in Athboy in County Meath in Ireland.
00:07:08
Speaker
And I remember they had the most beautiful, pristine grave, shiny penny, brand new.
00:07:15
Speaker
And right beside, about 10 feet away, was this old, cracked, decrepit, like almost sunken in grave.
00:07:24
Speaker
And even as a child, I remember I used to always stand beside
Connection to Forgotten Stories and Genealogy
00:07:29
Speaker
them.
00:07:29
Speaker
And I remember I used to kind of,
00:07:31
Speaker
almost talk to them and sort of say, I'm sorry that you got left behind or that this has happened to you because it is very sad to see.
00:07:42
Speaker
And I mean, one of my favorite things is wandering through cemeteries and the stories that I feel headstones provide.
00:07:48
Speaker
And I mean, it was one thing, actually, I was talking to a funeral director only recently that I feel like there could be a movie or a TV show in it where
00:07:56
Speaker
the person nearly jumps into the grave and suddenly relives that person's life.
00:08:01
Speaker
Because there is, there's a famous poem of The Dash, you know, mine is 1982 to hopefully a long time yet, but it's about how you use your dash, how you use the time to correlate.
00:08:13
Speaker
And I just think cemeteries are just so fascinating because people die young, they hardly get a chance at life.
00:08:20
Speaker
Right.
00:08:21
Speaker
hundred years and it's incredible and i'd say when you're doing that unveiling process do you feel anything like i don't even necessarily mean spiritual but there has to be something i guess it's been an ongoing thing for me since i started i've always kind of had a weird draw to aspect of
00:08:43
Speaker
being and the spiritual world and stuff like that.
00:08:46
Speaker
But there is, I went by the cemetery this morning.
00:08:49
Speaker
It's very cold here, so I can't clean, but I drive by and I walk and it's like, I almost feel like they're waiting for me.
00:08:56
Speaker
One of the hardest things for me, like I really like antiquing.
00:08:59
Speaker
You walk through an antique store and you see a stack of photographs of someone's baby or a wedding picture and they're completely forgotten.
00:09:09
Speaker
And that is a really hard thing for me because I grew up with a grandfather who he didn't know one set of his grandparents.
00:09:17
Speaker
And it was almost like a crazy obsession for him to pass down this knowledge and to make sure that people and the people in photographs weren't forgotten.
00:09:26
Speaker
And that, you know, and I inherited, I guess, or ended up possessing the same obsession.
00:09:33
Speaker
And it kind of trickles into getting,
00:09:35
Speaker
the same experience.
00:09:36
Speaker
I feel like with these people, I don't necessarily know who they are, but I feel like I'm giving them a new life.
00:09:44
Speaker
in a sense, and giving them another chance to be remembered and honored.
00:09:49
Speaker
I don't necessarily agree with burials in the modern sense, but the ones that exist now, like you said, walking through a cemetery, it's like walking through a museum.
00:09:59
Speaker
They're works of art, and the amount of money that someone had to spend to buy some of these tombstones.
00:10:06
Speaker
They're so opulent and so elegantly carved.
00:10:09
Speaker
And
00:10:10
Speaker
You know, I do often imagine, especially with the children, like what was it like for their mother to stand in the spot and say goodbye.
00:10:18
Speaker
And a lot of times it's not just one child, it's several children in a row.
00:10:23
Speaker
And that's just the reality of the time.
00:10:25
Speaker
So I just find the whole process very humbling.
00:10:28
Speaker
So I don't know if it's more of like I sense spirits there or feel connected to them or is it's just that it's just humbles me to be aware of how easily things are lost.
Impact of Fame and Personal Motivation
00:10:40
Speaker
you're speaking to the converted here because I organize memorials for a living and so while I'm not necessarily part of a funeral and I'm not a funeral director I get to be a part of the family in celebrating the life and doing it in a unique way that maybe isn't in a church or a chapel and things like that and
00:11:01
Speaker
I mean, what you've just described there reminds me of a quote that I'm pretty sure is Banksy, the artist.
00:11:07
Speaker
And he said that in reality, we died twice.
00:11:11
Speaker
The first time when we physically leave and the second time when somebody says our name for the last time.
00:11:16
Speaker
That's right.
00:11:17
Speaker
And that, to me, epitomizes what you just said there.
00:11:21
Speaker
And it is so true.
00:11:22
Speaker
I mean, for somebody who I don't have any children, I've often thought, you know, what legacy?
00:11:27
Speaker
Because so many people are not having children these days.
00:11:30
Speaker
And we don't have that to pass down.
00:11:33
Speaker
I mean, yes, I can pass it to my nieces and nephews who may remember me, but probably modern day baby boomers, millennials,
00:11:41
Speaker
the generations that are coming to the fore now are so concerned with legacy and leaving a mark on the world whether it's TikTok viral video.
00:11:50
Speaker
That's right that five minutes of fame is very important to the younger generation.
00:11:55
Speaker
It's also much more easily attainable than it ever used to be so it's like when is your opportunity not
00:12:03
Speaker
are you going to get it?
00:12:05
Speaker
So it's just a question of when it happens.
00:12:07
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:12:08
Speaker
And when you posted that video and it went viral, how has your life changed?
00:12:15
Speaker
I mean, has it changed drastically?
00:12:18
Speaker
It hasn't changed too drastically.
00:12:20
Speaker
I think the biggest change I've noticed is that the town and where I live, people are just more aware.
00:12:28
Speaker
more people stop in the cemetery.
00:12:30
Speaker
I went two years and nobody barely paid any attention.
00:12:33
Speaker
Now all of a sudden they'll stop if they see me and, oh, I just love what you're doing.
00:12:39
Speaker
And that feedback is nice.
00:12:41
Speaker
And when I went viral, I was like, I posted on my Facebook page.
00:12:44
Speaker
I'm like, I share this here and you guys like give me just like, okay, whatever, she's doing this stuff again, this weird stuff she's done.
00:12:52
Speaker
And then I put it on like, y'all don't give me this love here.
00:12:55
Speaker
So,
00:12:56
Speaker
That's really the only thing that's changed is like, I think more people have an awareness of the fact that I've done this completely.
00:13:04
Speaker
Like it's all volunteer.
00:13:05
Speaker
Nobody's paid me for this.
00:13:07
Speaker
I didn't do it for recognition or anything.
00:13:09
Speaker
I just didn't have something to do.
00:13:12
Speaker
It is a serious labor of love for the most part, but I have gotten paid for cleaning some markers.
00:13:18
Speaker
I have, um, and some people, um,
00:13:20
Speaker
won't let me refuse to be paid.
00:13:22
Speaker
So that is a very hard thing for me.
00:13:25
Speaker
I'm not good at accepting anything from people.
00:13:28
Speaker
So if I have to go back to what the biggest change for me has been, that has probably been the biggest change is being willing to
00:13:36
Speaker
do a podcast or go on the news twice.
00:13:40
Speaker
I was just really out of my comfort zone because I'm trying to, you know, I'm in a public speaking class.
00:13:45
Speaker
I'm like, do I have to record my face?
00:13:47
Speaker
Like, can I just do audio?
00:13:49
Speaker
I completely agree with you.
00:13:51
Speaker
And you're probably last because I mean, I'm doing a podcast, but this podcast has been well over a year, if not two years in the making.
00:13:59
Speaker
because I knew I had the idea for it.
00:14:02
Speaker
I knew the amazing people like yourself I wanted to interview, but I was just terrified of my own voice, my own face.
00:14:11
Speaker
I don't want it.
00:14:12
Speaker
I don't want it.
00:14:13
Speaker
That light.
00:14:14
Speaker
It's got to be done.
00:14:15
Speaker
And I think those people are the worst at that.
00:14:18
Speaker
But is this something that you think you would like to turn into a business?
00:14:21
Speaker
I'm trying to let it play out organically.
00:14:23
Speaker
But yeah, there was a few months ago before I posted the TikTok that it came up and I was like, I was really afraid that it would take away some of the meaning for me.
00:14:33
Speaker
it's such a silent, solitary activity.
00:14:36
Speaker
And it really, it really is like personal therapy.
00:14:39
Speaker
I've always, people, why do you do this?
00:14:40
Speaker
I'm like, because it's like therapy for me.
00:14:42
Speaker
It's in a different way.
00:14:44
Speaker
Yes.
00:14:45
Speaker
It's therapy for me.
00:14:46
Speaker
And I don't want to lose that aspect of it, but I'm trying to look at it more as though I'm not losing that aspect.
00:14:54
Speaker
It's just expanding to where I can give that same feeling to other people.
00:14:59
Speaker
That makes me want to see what I can do with it.
00:15:01
Speaker
So yeah,
Gravestone Cleaning Standards and Community Tools
00:15:02
Speaker
it's,
00:15:03
Speaker
I really, I mean, I'm going to leave all the links attached to this for people to check you out if they haven't found you organically already.
00:15:10
Speaker
Because I just was so fascinated with it.
00:15:15
Speaker
Do you know much about that community?
00:15:18
Speaker
Is it something that, like, are the chemicals you use special?
00:15:22
Speaker
Did you kind of formulate this yourself?
00:15:25
Speaker
It's a product called D2, D2 Biological Solution.
00:15:29
Speaker
It's the number one
00:15:33
Speaker
really the only product approved by the Cemetery Conservator community.
00:15:38
Speaker
Most of the diehards will be very upset and do not entertain the discussion of anything else.
00:15:44
Speaker
We don't use anything else.
00:15:45
Speaker
We don't recommend anything
Cemeteries: Solitude and Reflection During COVID-19
00:15:46
Speaker
else.
00:15:46
Speaker
So, but aside from the D2, everything else is purchased.
00:15:51
Speaker
You can get it at your local hardware store, your dollar store.
00:15:54
Speaker
It's just soft brushes and lots of water.
00:15:58
Speaker
No, you know, that's, but other than that, it's a pretty easy hobby.
00:16:03
Speaker
and i'm not that was very socially because schools here closed in march march 13th then a few weeks later they closed parks because it was like okay we can't go to the school so we'll take our lunch to the park now you can't go to the park either
00:16:22
Speaker
but nobody sought to shut down a cemetery.
00:16:24
Speaker
And so I'd take my kids, they'd run, they'd play Pokemon Go, whatever weird game they're playing.
00:16:32
Speaker
And it was, nobody bothers us.
00:16:34
Speaker
You know, it's just amazing.
00:16:37
Speaker
My friend roared laughing because during that lockdown, that initial craziness, I know I work in the funeral community, but like, memorials are, you know, gathering of people.
00:16:49
Speaker
So I was done.
00:16:51
Speaker
All I did was go for walks and my runs in the cemetery.
00:16:54
Speaker
Right.
00:16:55
Speaker
Up and down, in and out the grave.
00:16:57
Speaker
And that was something I actually did pre-COVID, but a bit like you, I realized, incredible, I can still do this.
00:17:05
Speaker
So I kept doing it.
00:17:06
Speaker
But to the point of towards the end, I remember meeting a friend of mine in Brooklyn.
00:17:11
Speaker
he was like well where can we go for our lunch and i said well yes well that's what people used to do they used to picnic so why not yeah absolutely honest people think it's morbid i mean i've always known even if i didn't know that i was born to do this because even when i was learning handwriting and calligraphy when i was younger my what i used to write was an epitaph
00:17:37
Speaker
from gravestone and i remember it to this day robert herring i mean it was so i always knew i'm a bit like yourself i always have this affinity and this draw to the history and it really is incredible and yeah i mean thank you so much for just coming on and sharing this love and it was just beautiful that it's so organic i mean how many videos have you got on tiktok now at the moment i don't know how many i have on there now um because videos is video oh gosh i think it's over 600 000 now
00:18:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:10
Speaker
I don't know how that happened.
00:18:11
Speaker
So, uh, yeah, it's very, it's very kind of weird, but at the same time, because I haven't put much of myself, like my face out there, I still kind of feel a little private.
00:18:23
Speaker
Like I haven't had to throw myself out there too much, but I think I'm going to have to stick myself out there a little bit more.
00:18:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:31
Speaker
absolutely i mean this is the first time we're meeting and so lovely to see your lovely face but you know you are you're it's like the avenger in the cemetery you're just it's like you're in a costume and we don't i would definitely advise everybody to check out alicia's tiktok and again i'll leave all the links and stuff because i just think it's
00:18:51
Speaker
It's a beautiful thing you're doing for the dead.
00:18:53
Speaker
It's a beautiful thing you're doing for the living and for history.
00:18:57
Speaker
I mean, we're going to
Conclusion and Invitation to Explore Themes of Life and Loss
00:18:58
Speaker
need another one of you in another hundred years to do all this all over again.
00:19:01
Speaker
Thank you so much for taking the time, Alicia.
00:19:08
Speaker
Thank you so much for listening to the Glam Reaper podcast.
00:19:11
Speaker
It has been something I've been working on and muddling with for over two years now.
00:19:14
Speaker
So I appreciate your time to listen in.
00:19:17
Speaker
Every episode will have a new guest we hope you will find interesting as they tell their own story.
00:19:23
Speaker
So stay tuned for the next episode or have a look through the Glam Reaper episode collection.
00:19:29
Speaker
Find your nugget of gold as we talk all things life, love and loss with a dash from the funeral world.
00:19:36
Speaker
Until next time.