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24. The Neurology Of The Brain And Grief - With Stephanie Matos
82 Plays5 years ago
Stephanie is a world-class spiritual mindset and success coach for women specializing in behavior change, releasing negative patterns, increasing self-esteem, and boosting self-confidence in order to help her clients live up to their full potential in business and life.
After working as a researcher for over 10 years, Stephanie has spent the last 5 years solely focused on coaching her clients to create massive and rapid transformation by upgrading their neurology, inspiring change, and increasing growth by utilizing a specific mixture of mindset, NLP, and spiritual techniques.
She has a deep calling to assist her clients to overcome their limiting beliefs by helping them get “unstuck” allowing them to step into their next level of success. In order to achieve this level of change and growth, Stephanie guides her clients to release the negative beliefs, habits, and actions that are holding them back from greatness.
As a result, her clients have created businesses, increased their sales, doubled their price points, and self-confidence while also decreasing the negative thought patterns that have been holding them back for so many years. This allows them to finally live a life that they truly love while also receiving greatly for their talents and skills.
Listen to how her Grief Journey played a part in her own personal growth!
Contact Steph : http://www.raiseyourvibetoday.com/
Application to Work with Steph: http://www.raiseyourvibetoday.com/contact/
Free Confidence, Clarity, and Abundance Affirmations MP3 Audio: https://www.raiseyourvibetoday.com/free-confidence-affirmations-mp3
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephaniematos1111/ or @stephaniematos1111
Music: www.oneplanetmusic.com
Production: Carlos Andres Londono
Contact Kendra for a complimentary Grief Coaching session or to be a guest:
www.griefgratitudandthegrayinbetween.com
Recommended
Transcript
Celebrating Life Beyond Grief
00:00:01
Speaker
people that have passed before us, they're still here. The people who have passed before us want nothing more than for us to be happy. And when we are sad, it's almost like we're not celebrating their life. So I think that it's not, I don't think people are choosing to be stuck in severe depression or sadness, but I think that sometimes people don't realize that there is another option or there is a way out.
Podcast Introduction: Grief & Growth
00:00:31
Speaker
Hello and welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. This podcast is about exploring the grief that occurs at different times in our lives in which we have had major changes and transitions that literally shake us to the core and make us experience grief.
00:00:54
Speaker
I created this podcast for people to feel a little less hopeless and alone in their own grief process as they hear the stories of others who have had similar journeys. I'm Kendra Rinaldi, your host.
Meet Stephanie Matos: Mindset Coach
00:01:09
Speaker
Now, let's dive right in to today's episode.
00:01:16
Speaker
Welcome to today's episode. I am extremely excited for you guys to get to know the guest I have on today because this woman was very influential in the process. She was a main piece of the puzzle that I was missing in order to get my little booty off the
00:01:37
Speaker
ground and going with the goals that I had in mind and creating even this podcast was part of that one of my goals and so Stephanie Matos is our guest today. She is a world-class mindset and success coach for women and I have had the honor of working with her and it's really interesting because now I'm the one asking the questions and usually in coaching it's the other way around so
00:02:06
Speaker
Steph, I'm so excited to have you on. Hello, Kendra. I am so excited to be here and so happy that I have been a part of your journey and I'm excited, excited to be on your podcast, girl. So excited.
00:02:21
Speaker
I know it's like how long it took, all the mindset training that I had to get to be able to get beyond this side of the microphone. It is just incredible, right? What happens with ourselves, like when we really get in that right mindset to do the things that we are really meant to be doing. And thank you for being part of that journey.
00:02:42
Speaker
So, today you are here for a few reasons. We will get into all the mindset and all that kind of stuff, coaching, but being that the topic of the podcast is about grief and gratitude, I know that we share that aspect of grief and common, and I wanted you to share a little bit of that journey.
From Dependency to Independence
00:03:03
Speaker
But first off, let's just hear a little about yourself. I know you're a mommy of two for babies that I adore seeing on Instagram. So share a little bit with our listeners about you.
00:03:15
Speaker
Yeah, so as Kendra said, I'm a mindset coach specifically for women. I love to work with entrepreneurial women. I love to help people step into their greatness and their power. I also, just like Kendra said, I am a dog mom of two little girls, two little fur babies, and I am a world traveler. So I take my laptop with me all over the world.
00:03:36
Speaker
and really work with people from all over the world as well. And I'm just excited to kind of dive into this topic. This is something that Kendra and I have spoken about at length, way before this podcast came to fruition. And it's kind of like a full circle moment for me with Kendra in particular that you
00:03:56
Speaker
went out there and did this thing. And now you're helping so many people on
Grief as a Coaching Focus
00:04:00
Speaker
this journey. And it's just really, really awesome to be here today and on this podcast with you. Thank you. Thank you so much for being here. And then what you said is so true because in our coaching sessions is what we discovered that grief was kind of my little niche, right? And so discovering what you're... Am I saying it right? Niche, niche, I never niche, niche, right? I think you can say either one.
00:04:24
Speaker
I'm like, what's the right pronunciation? And that that was really what I had to offer. Not that I don't have any other things to offer, but in that area is something that I felt really comfortable with. And so in the coaching process, that's kind of where I went. And then now with the podcast. So thank you for being able to help uncover that in the sessions that we had. So thank you.
00:04:52
Speaker
Okay, so Steph you live in Florida you've been were you born and raised here? Tell me a little bit about your family and We'll kind of start that journey there. Yeah, so I was actually born in Panama in the country Panama and My mom was born in Puerto Rico and then we my dad went into the army He ended up moving to Puerto Rico. That's how he met my mom. He got drafted into the army That's a whole nother story
00:05:20
Speaker
and for that reason we traveled around a lot and lived in a lot of places but one of the places that we moved because of his job was Tampa. Tampa has a huge army base here and particularly it's the home of the Special Operations Command. My dad was a very high level
00:05:40
Speaker
Green Beret Ranger, he taught Halo School, which is a parachuting school. And so we moved here in particular for him to take a job here at the Special Operations Command. And that is how we ended up here. And I've been here basically ever since. I've kind of moved around a little bit, lived in Orlando for a little bit, lived in New York for a little bit. But for the most part of since I was about nine years old, I've been based in Tampa.
00:06:06
Speaker
in Tampa, but recently you've also kind of been living off and on also in Panama, although now the conditions are a little bit different.
Facing Loss and Depression
00:06:15
Speaker
Because like you said, you're a world traveler, you do spend quite a bit of time outside too, right? Normally, yes. Under average circumstances, yes, I spend a lot of time in other countries.
00:06:29
Speaker
spend a lot of time in England, spend a lot of time in Panama, like Kendra said, I was there for almost almost a full year last year, you know, traveling all over the place, hopefully have some travel in my future in the near, you know, maybe next month or so, which is cool. And yeah, so that's that's about it as far as locations and where I'm based. And then you're one of how many siblings to I have a brother and a sister. Oh, so it's three. Okay. And what what number are you?
00:06:59
Speaker
I am the baby. So I'm the youngest. Okay. But you know, it's interesting because you're so independent. I would have not, I don't know. Are you much younger than them?
00:07:10
Speaker
I actually am. Yeah. So I am significantly younger than the two of them, which is interesting that you kind of gathered that without having any clue that that was the case. Well, there's the intuitive part, right? That we tap into. Yeah, I don't know. Because yeah, you're so independent. I just, I would have either thought
00:07:34
Speaker
I know you, I knew you were not an only child, but something made me think you were the oldest because of that quality of you. But okay, so it's a big age difference that makes you be so independent. I would also say I also cultivated that in myself because I think
00:07:54
Speaker
And when we kind of get into these stories of grief and things like that, we can kind of chat about this, but I think for most of my life, I was extremely dependent, dependent on other people's opinions of me, dependent on other people, relying on them for my success, for my wellbeing, for all kinds of things. I had to cultivate this independent spirit in myself, and I was able to do that through mindset techniques.
00:08:22
Speaker
Were you dependent, or was it more like the fact also that you wanted their approval? Was it that kind of feeling of wanting approval from your siblings, from your parents, from the people around you, or dependent on them to help you get to where you wanted? It was all of that.
00:08:41
Speaker
So I think for a very long, not I think, I know, for the vast majority of my life, I didn't think I could be successful. I didn't think that I could make a lot of money. I didn't think that I could own a business. I didn't think that I was worthy. I didn't think I was good enough. I didn't think I was smart enough, all of that stuff. And this was something that over time, I was able to recalibrate and reset my mindset with many of the tips, tricks, strategies that I use with my own coaching clients now.
00:09:11
Speaker
And like I said, it's definitely something that I had to grow out of and I had to cultivate in myself. And so when you said, who did I need approval
Mindset Training and Recovery
00:09:22
Speaker
from? It was all of the above. It was strangers on the street. It was people in my family. It was friends. It was whoever. I thought that I wasn't worthy or good enough unless somebody told me I was, right?
00:09:35
Speaker
So, then take us on that journey of then what kind of started happening. So, let's dive into your father's passing because he's the first one that passed away. Correct. Of the two main people. I mean, there's been other people in your life per se. We're going to particularly talk about your dad and your mom today.
00:09:54
Speaker
Yeah, so there's really this whole podcast is around grief and the beauty that can really come from it. And I have two significant people in my life that I've lost.
00:10:10
Speaker
And very similarly to Kendra, it's just that we have one person that's the same and then one person that's different. So I lost my father when I was 13 years old, and then I also lost my mother. But the interesting thing is that my experience between both of these sources of grief were very, very extremely different. So when I was 13 years old,
00:10:34
Speaker
I mean I think most people listening this can understand I had very very few tools to deal with a tragedy like that and especially one that was so significant in my life where he passed away in a military training accident so I had mentioned previously on here that he was a very high level parachute
00:10:55
Speaker
specialist. So he taught halo school. He taught people how to jump with weapons. He was just very, very, very, very well versed in that. And I was gonna say his bond or mission impossible.
00:11:10
Speaker
Yeah, he was actually in the original Delta. Totally. Yeah, exactly. He was in the original Delta Force, so Delta Force is
Fears and Strength During Mother's Illness
00:11:19
Speaker
something that a lot of people have heard of before. It used to be a secret thing that was a secret mission thing. He was on the original team of people who did that. He was there when the hostages in Iran. This was in the 80s, I believe. Americans were hostage in Iran.
00:11:34
Speaker
A Black Hawk went down and all kinds of stuff. He was there for all of these things. And so I think because he was such a heroic figure in my life and such a like, like you said, like a James Bond type person.
00:11:46
Speaker
when he left one day and never came home, it really, really, really, really affected me tremendously. And I went into a big, deep, dark hole is what happened when I was young. And that hole just kind of, it was almost like I went into victimhood. I went into the victimhood of the loss and the tragedy. And
00:12:11
Speaker
that really came with me all the way up until my thirties when I, because, you know, when, when you have a massive tragedy, tragedy like that, and you don't have the right coping mechanisms, you develop some very unhealthy coping strategies, you know, whether that's drugs or alcohol or gambling or whatever it is, it's different for every person. Yeah. Oh, totally. Yeah. And actually that was one of mine. I had gained about 60 pounds at one point in my life and
00:12:40
Speaker
So it's funny that you say that I totally, I forget about that because it's so far from where I am now that I forget that that happened, but that also did happen. But once you start to develop these coping mechanisms, if you don't do something to throw a wrench in them, then they just get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, and then neurology in the brain gets deeper
Transformation Through Loss
00:13:03
Speaker
and deeper.
00:13:03
Speaker
And that's essentially what happened to me. So I was very, very lucky. And when I was in my 30s, so I went to college, got my master's, I got my master's in exercise physiology.
00:13:17
Speaker
And when I got out of college, I was able to start a job as a researcher. And so I researched for many different people in the health and wellness field. I was also a ghostwriter and it's just funny because you know, when you were saying like, you're so independent and all this stuff, when I was doing the researching and writing, one of the reasons why that job works so well for me was because I could hide behind my laptop and you can't really get more hidden than a ghostwriter. You know what I mean?
00:13:43
Speaker
I'm curious to know when you ghost, are you the ghost writer for mainly articles and stuff that you would write? Yeah. Is it mainly articles or articles? Okay. Totally. Yeah. So I would write tons and tons and tons of articles for many different people. Obviously, I can't really say who they are, but many different high levels. Yeah, exactly.
00:14:03
Speaker
So many different people, high level people, specifically in the health and wellness space and that kind of stuff. So what happened as a result of that is that I did some research for a woman who was an expert on the brain and specifically around stress and the brain. And when I started to do the research for her, for her New York Times bestselling book,
00:14:28
Speaker
That is when I realized, oh my goodness, I'm really, really unhappy. And there's actually a lot of things that I can do about this. There's a lot of control that I have over my brain. There's a lot that I can do when it comes to the science-based aspect of these things. And so once I learned these strategies from the literature, from the research, from the black and white thinker that I was at the time, I was able to get myself to a certain place.
00:14:56
Speaker
with regards to, let me put it this way. So when I was in the depths of my anxiety and depression and all of that kind of stuff, I at one point couldn't even leave my house. That's how bad the anxiety was. I couldn't leave my house. I was clinically depressed. I was on many different medications, because doctors will 100% throw medication at people
00:15:23
Speaker
when they have deep seated issues and it seems like therapy just isn't working. I was on probably five different medications at one point. It took a lot of dedication and work on my point to wean myself off of all of those medications to get myself to the place where I am today. And that all came from mindset training and from the science of the brain.
00:15:46
Speaker
Now, which is something you're super passionate about now, right? Yes. That science behind the mindset. So yeah, go ahead. I don't want to make you lose your train of thought, but I know that all of the neuro pathways, all that kind of stuff is something you're totally
00:16:01
Speaker
very passionate about. So go ahead, continue. You're correct. You're totally right. And I want to welcome you to please interject any time. Yes, but I don't want you to lose your train of thought either. So I'm like, I just know that if you want to touch on that afterwards, too, that would be awesome because that is...
00:16:20
Speaker
I mean, well, or people could just go and follow you and get a coaching session with you. So either one, but I do, but that part of the neurology I think is just so interesting. And I know it plays a big part of your recovery of being able to break away from that. So within that, the, that training that you did researching for this woman, you find found out about these tools, you started implementing them, started weeding yourself out of these different medications you had been on. And then.
00:16:49
Speaker
could tell us then when. Yeah. And so I got, I got myself to a certain place, right? And when you're in a deep, dark depression and you've been this way for many, many years, when you are, you have such horrible anxiety that you, you can't even leave your house once you get past that. And once you're able to leave your house and all of this stuff, it feels like you've made it like, it feels like, woo hoo. Yeah. Like I've really done great things, but really there's many, many, many, many rungs to the ladder.
00:17:18
Speaker
There's many, many, many different levels to success and healing, right?
Neurology and Resilience
00:17:23
Speaker
And so after I got to a certain place, unfortunately, my mom got diagnosed with cancer. And my mom was a very, very, very important person in my life. She has since passed. I think she passed away about five years ago now, but she had been diagnosed about five years prior to that with ovarian cancer.
00:17:43
Speaker
And once this happened, that's when all of my fears, all of the fears of, oh no, when my dad died, I basically lost myself for about 20 years, right? And I had assumed if I lost my mom, because up until this point, my mom was the most healthy person I knew. Her father lived to be 101.
00:18:09
Speaker
her mom lived to be 98. So my grandmother and grandfather are very like that, that side of my family has a very long, long lived life. And so we just assumed that she was going to be alive forever, right? That was just what we had in our minds. And she also was completely, completely, completely healthy besides this cancer. So when she got diagnosed, I really thought, Oh no,
00:18:35
Speaker
if something happens to her, I'm not going to be able to handle it. I'm not going to be able to handle this again. I'm not going to be able to pull myself out of this again. I don't know what I'm going to do." For many years while she was going through chemotherapy and the treatment first, she had stage 3c ovarian cancer when she was diagnosed. It ended up metastasizing.
00:18:56
Speaker
causing a lot of issues for her, a lot of pain, a lot of, it's a really horrible chemo treatment for ovarian cancer. It's very rigorous and tough and a lot of side effects, all of that kind of stuff. And I moved myself back to Tampa from Orlando to be here with her. That's what I was going to ask. That's what I was going to ask if you were in the same city or not in that moment. So you weren't, when she got diagnosed, you moved over there to be close to her and you were there with her through her entire
Spiritual Journey and Independence
00:19:27
Speaker
journey? Correct. So when she first got diagnosed, I was traveling back and forth because I had a job at that time at a hospital and it was a quote unquote good job and all of that stuff. But about a year into it, I realized that I just needed to pack up my stuff and come back here because I needed to be closer to her and all of that stuff. So
00:19:49
Speaker
That is what I did, exactly that. I packed up everything, but what I did was I lost myself in her illness. I basically completely let go of my own health and healing, my own mindset transformation, all of this kind of stuff. Luckily, I have a really amazing partner named Andy Murphy, who he himself is a master NLP expert, so that's neuro-linguistic programming.
00:20:16
Speaker
He himself is a master mindset coach and success coach for himself and his clients. I really had a lot of support from him, but obviously he could only do so much. What ended up happening is that my mom lost her life to this cancer.
00:20:34
Speaker
And this is where things change. So this is how things were very, very different from the first experience of that deep tragic grief that I experienced with my dad's death and with my mom's death is that it completely, it's almost like it broke me wide open, but in the best way. So rather than taking me down this deep, dark hole, and don't get me wrong. I mean, there was about a three month period where I couldn't really function very well, you know, right after she passed away.
00:21:05
Speaker
We were only following each other on social media then, and I remember when she passed away, I didn't see any posts from you on social media for a good chunk of time. I believe it was three months, at least that you're mentioning. Yes, 100%. It was three months or maybe even more that I completely took myself away.
00:21:28
Speaker
But instead of, when my dad passed away, what I did was I took myself away from the world, but I went into a dark hole. And when I did this with my mom, I took myself out of the world, but it was to rediscover who I was and what I was meant to do on this earth. So it was a very, very therapeutic, very cathartic, amazing thing. I was able to utilize her death as the catalyst for me to
00:21:55
Speaker
become who I am today to be able to help the women that I helped to be able to become successful and have success in my business in my life, be a happy person. And so rather than letting her death again, kind of suck me down this tragic victim hood,
00:22:12
Speaker
You know place I chose to become a victor so I wanted to be the victor of my life rather than the victim and so that's you know, and I really wanted to share this story with the listeners because When we lose someone who is very very important to us in our lives
00:22:28
Speaker
We have a choice whether it breaks us or whether it catapults us into another level of success for ourselves, into another level of happiness, into tapping into what they would want for us and the happiness that they would want to see us having. And I really believe she's right here with me right now. She's probably like, ooh, say this, say that. Ooh, remember to say this. And she's like, you go, girl. She wouldn't want me to be crying and sad and living a sad life.
00:22:58
Speaker
And so this is the cool thing is that we really do have the have have the option and the choice to let these things fuel us in a positive way than in a not so positive unhealthy way.
00:23:13
Speaker
Wow, it's like what a difference of that experience from when you were 13 with experiencing your dad's death and then of course some years later as an adult and all the learning. Now you could have probably reacted the same way had you not been through all the growth that you had gone through.
00:23:34
Speaker
from 13 to then in your 30s when your mom passed away. Because there's a lot of us that kind of just could stay. Not that everybody just stays. I mean, you're a coach. Do you think that people sometimes just choose to stay the same and not use those opportunities to grow in life? Yeah. And you know what I would say is that I think a lot of people
00:23:59
Speaker
realize that there is another way, right? Because the initial reaction and the initial feeling is tremendous grief.
00:24:09
Speaker
And what can happen is that it can become a vicious cycle where it starts to almost, I call it sucking you down a hole, where it's very dark, you can't see the way out, you don't understand there's a way out, and sometimes you don't realize there's a way out until you ask for help, right? So I really didn't have the help that
Replacing Negative Thoughts
00:24:31
Speaker
I needed. I went to many therapists, I went to many different things. One of the things about me that's very different than other coaches is that I have a very,
00:24:39
Speaker
spiritual component. And so, you know, divide, universe manifesting, vibrational energy, you know, all of that stuff is very, very important to me. Crystals, all kinds of woo-woo stuff on top of the science, right? So I have a very science-minded brain and I love stats and I love data and I love the proof, but I also know that there is something much bigger than us that is unseen and undescribable, undefinable.
00:25:09
Speaker
And really what I needed at the time was a combination of those two things and it just simply doesn't exist in the typical therapy route.
00:25:19
Speaker
And I think that therapy is awesome. Therapy really got me very far, but it only got me to a certain point. So when I was in Orlando, I found an amazing therapist and she was able to get me to a certain point. But just as I was saying, there are many, many rungs to this ladder. So she was able to get me out of my house. She was able to get me back to functioning as a more productive human being on earth, right?
00:25:47
Speaker
but there was more meant for me. And that's where I had to tap into this other aspect of myself, which is this more spiritual side of things. And I think that that's really what expanded me further was understanding that there are, you know, these people that have passed before us, they're still
Grief as a Catalyst for Growth
00:26:04
Speaker
here. The people who have passed before us want nothing more than for us to be happy. And when we are sad, it's almost like we're not celebrating their life. So I think that it's not, I don't think people
00:26:18
Speaker
are choosing to be stuck in severe depression or sadness, but I think that sometimes people don't realize that there is another option or there is a way out. Do you think also the fact that sometimes I was just thinking this while I was washing the dishes before this call, I was thinking sometimes it just gets comfortable like an old t-shirt.
00:26:42
Speaker
It's that kind of feeling of like it's, I'm just, even though it's already has some holes and it may not be like something you want to necessarily wear out, like it still is that comfort in that discomfort, per se, because it's something known and it's like, I'm just gonna
00:27:03
Speaker
stay wearing this old t-shirt because this is what I've known for. This is the t-shirt I graduated with from high school and I'm going to wear it every single day and I'm going to wear it every night for bed because this is comfortable. You know what I mean? That type of thing. That's precisely what happened to me. Exactly that.
00:27:22
Speaker
Because my dad's death was the catalyst for me to develop some really unhealthy habits that became like that comfortable shirt. It's almost like I had my identity wrapped up in sadness, in victimhood, in what was me and why me. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. It just is what it is. But the thing is is that we have
00:27:49
Speaker
We have to understand that we have a choice to get out of it. It's not always easy, but it is possible. And it honestly is the best way for us to honor our loved ones who have passed is to live a full and amazing life and to become a great success and to have great happiness and to smile.
00:28:09
Speaker
and to celebrate their lives and who they were. But yes, I 100% agree with you that it's, and I think that happens over time where it's, so the initial, I think the initial shock of losing someone, if
00:28:25
Speaker
You aren't equipped with the strategies, which most people aren't, equipped with the strategies of rerouting your neurological pathway, so to speak. Our neurology is very much on autopilot and it runs like
Affirmations and Subconscious Transformation
00:28:40
Speaker
It runs like almost like a high speed bullet train and our thoughts are on a loop So are we have anywhere between there's many different stats behind this but we have anywhere between 40,000 to 80,000 thoughts everything every single day. That's like a huge big fat book like a novel a huge novel and
00:29:01
Speaker
that we are thinking in our mind every single day. And most of those, and again, the stats kind of run, there's a bit of a gap here, but anywhere between 70% to 90% of those thoughts are negative.
00:29:16
Speaker
And then on top of that, those thoughts are on loop. So it's not that you just think a negative thought once, you're thinking it over and over and over and over and over again. And so this is why it's critically important that we get really clear on whatever it is that is running through our mind. So for me, one of the things that was happening with me
00:29:37
Speaker
with my mom is that I would think, oh my gosh, I didn't spend enough time with her. I didn't do this. I wasn't there when she did this. I wasn't there for that. I'd better it up. But it's like, wait a second, but there was a million times that I was there.
00:29:52
Speaker
There's a million things that I did have gratitude for. There was a million things that I did do this. And then on top of that, the better even better thought is that she does not care now what happened when she was on Earth. This is something that I have really just kind of been intuitively guided to understand through her passing.
00:30:14
Speaker
is that everything, everything, everything gets wiped clean. It's like you have a clean slate with this person because they're no longer in the physical form. They're on a different dimension at a different plane where anything that happened on earth and anything that maybe was a negative thing gets completely wiped clean.
Advice to the Younger Self
00:30:31
Speaker
And all they are is a pure love, light being. And all they want is for you to be happy. They could care less everything that you didn't do. They could care less everything that went wrong.
00:30:41
Speaker
They could care less when you yelled at them or treated them badly. All of that gets wiped clean. But when you are in a negative place or when somebody first passes away, it's very, very easy to accidentally get stuck in that.
00:30:57
Speaker
Yeah, it's easy to get stuff there. Yeah, that makes so much ... What you were saying there too about the clean slate and the ... There's no attachment to what happened in this world because the ego is removed in that aspect, right? There's no ego component and all those things that we are talking about that we still
00:31:15
Speaker
have this ego component because we're spiritual beings living a physical life, therefore we still have the ego that is kind of the one thinking all these things. But then once the soul is not in relationship with a body anymore, therefore the ego is no longer there. So all those things that we're spending our time looping in our head over and over again.
00:31:39
Speaker
As you said, that is so true. I kept on thinking as you're talking about those pathways and about changing the course, I feel like it's like that being in a jungle and that you
00:31:55
Speaker
you go in a jungle and you normally just follow whatever little pathway somebody else has already kind of built and you just follow that trail, right? But in this case, you got to kind of get out your machete, your machete.
00:32:10
Speaker
and start kind of tracking, you know, chipping away, creating a new path. Yeah, 100%.
Gratitude for Hardships
00:32:18
Speaker
Well, and you know, it's so funny that you're saying that is that I run a group coaching call in a
00:32:27
Speaker
a large group coaching program. And I just explained neurological pathways the exact same way. You have two paths. Yes, you have two paths. One is like a high speed bullet train, right? Let's pretend like it's going left, right?
00:32:44
Speaker
So this one is the neurological pathway that has been formed over time. And so let's even say when you first lose someone, it gets connected to the emotion. So our emotional state is very high. Our stress hormone levels go very high. And being in certain places also anchor in certain neurologies. OK, so I won't go too deep into this to get too sciency. But anyways.
00:33:13
Speaker
The more intense the feeling or the emotion and the more intense the experience the the bigger and deeper and stronger the neurology Gets the track gets placed, right? So even though a lot of neurology gets gets done over time So for example, if I've been thinking I'm not good enough since I was 10 years old and now I'm 41 well guess what that's gonna be a pretty thick neurology and
00:33:38
Speaker
But the other thing that gets really thick is anytime the emotional state or the emotional impact and in addition to the hormone levels, it's kind of like a chemical cocktail that lays down a very strong track. So as soon as somebody passes away, you have a high speed bullet train almost immediately that gets kind of anchored towards
00:33:59
Speaker
Doom gloom death and destruction. That's what I call it kind of like the dark negative path and What we have to understand is that the positive the light the love lives to the right So let's say the doom loom death and destruction path is going left. We have this other path. That's right. But just like I
00:34:18
Speaker
Kendra just said, it is a big jungle. It's got weeds. It's got vines. There's no path at all. So what we have to do is take our machete and hack away and hack away and hack away and hack away. And how we do that is by throwing a wrench in the loop that's running on the subconscious level. So that thought process that's like, oh my gosh, they're gone. Oh my gosh, they're gone. Oh my gosh, they're gone. How am I ever going to survive? How am I ever going to survive? How am I ever going to survive? It's stop. Stop, stop, stop.
00:34:48
Speaker
You are strong. I am worthy. I am wonderful. I am worthy of happiness. My loved one would want me to be happy. My loved one would want me to be healthy. So it's repeating phrases that are the opposite of what is running on autopilot. And every time you repeat those phrases or derail that neurology and do the opposite, right? So you have to disobey the negative inner bully. So I call that the negative inner bully.
00:35:16
Speaker
And what you want to do is deny and disobey the negative inner bully. So for me, when I was stuck on my couch and I could not leave my house, the way that I defied that negative inner bully was by leaving the house, was by forcing myself to just step my feet in the grass. My dogs helped me a lot with that because they have to go out, right? So it was like, okay, I'm going to walk them a little bit further today and a little bit further.
00:35:39
Speaker
Yeah, but every single time you do that, that's you taking that machete and chopping down the jungle that's living there, and then soon you'll have a little path.
00:35:50
Speaker
then it becomes a dirt lane, then it becomes a little one lane highway, then it becomes a two lane highway, then it's a three lane highway, and then soon you have a high speed bullet train that's moving towards your success and happiness and greatness. And simultaneously, while this one's getting built with all of the, you know, every single time you stop that neurology and stop that neurology,
00:36:11
Speaker
The other one is starting to crumble. So little grassy things are popping through. They're growing. Yeah, and then it crumbles. And the brain's not passing through there anymore. Yeah. Correct, correct, correct, correct. So then that becomes the jungle and the other one becomes the path.
00:36:28
Speaker
Correct. Oh, so awesome. Oh, that image is so perfect. It is so perfect. Thank you. All that explanation is just so clear. Now, I'm curious, you mentioned about just all your spirituality component too, and just how that
00:36:43
Speaker
played such a big part as an adult. I'm curious about your upbringing and in terms of spirituality and beliefs about death and then just how you even just kind of shifted and kept on investigating yourself for what was true to you. Would you dive into that a little bit, please? Yeah, sure. Both my parents are Latin.
00:37:06
Speaker
That basically means almost always you're Catholic, Roman Catholic. So that's how I was raised. But I did not resonate with all of the teachings of that faith and religion. I did not resonate with certain values, certain beliefs. So my introduction into faith and religion was not the best because
00:37:31
Speaker
I knew there was more. I knew there was a higher power and I always believed that there was more, but what I didn't like was the way that it was being taught to me and presented, correct. And so when you only really see one way of things, you kind of just have a bad taste in your mouth for all forms of religion. So for a while I thought,
00:37:54
Speaker
I just don't like religion. I don't like it. I don't like it. I'm not into that. I don't pray. I don't do this. I don't do that, you know, and that kind of thing. And even though I always knew, like I said, there, there was more to it. And at that time I didn't even know that I could define what that meant for me. But I remember even at a young age, I thought, I feel like I could have church like in nature if I wanted, you know, I feel like I could have church anywhere if I wanted. I don't think I have to go to church to ha you know, to have my version of church, right?
00:38:24
Speaker
But again, I never really put a lot of time or effort or energy or thought into it much at all. It really wasn't until, oh my gosh, I would say maybe like I would say six or seven years ago that
00:38:39
Speaker
I didn't really have a spiritual awakening, but I started to, and it's kind of funny, you know how they have that saying, when the student is ready, the teacher appears? Yeah. So I kind of had this... Go ahead. Sorry, this is during your mom's chemo then, around the time that she was in her treatment? Yeah. Okay. It was. Yep. She was in chemo at the time. This was when I was in Tampa. I had already moved back.
00:39:03
Speaker
And I started to watch YouTube videos. So like Gabrielle Bernstein, a lady named Teal Swan. I even started watching Marie Forleo at that time. And so YouTube was really a way for me to start opening my eyes to the possibilities. I also really started to go deep into books and audio books and all of this kind of stuff.
00:39:27
Speaker
And what I realized is that even from a very, very, very young child, I was very sensitive to energy. I was sensitive to the energy that was happening around me. I was sensitive to other people's energy. I was sensitive. Somebody was upset. I would get upset if somebody was sad. I would get sad. And I realized that a lot of the reason why I was feeling in such trauma and victimhood was because I couldn't separate my own feelings from others.
00:39:53
Speaker
I didn't realize it was happening. I didn't realize that that was something that I had access to or that I could possibly do. And so once I did that, it was almost like my intuitive gifts sort of got blown wide open. And I have intuitive gifts around connecting to source, helping my clients through things. All of my coaching sessions are completely intuitively guided.
00:40:17
Speaker
I don't have a particular curriculum that I follow because each and every person really needs something very individualized, but that all comes to me intuitively. And then what I do is I pull from the science and pull from the things that people can benefit from, but based around what their souls are ready for and what they need.
00:40:37
Speaker
So I would say my journey into spirituality kind of came all at once. It was like a flood, like the floodgates opened of, wow, this is possible. Wow, that's possible. But really when I think about it my whole entire life, I was very, very, very sensitive to the energies of the universe and all of that kind of stuff. And I also sort of also knew that I could create my own reality.
00:41:04
Speaker
for a few things, but it's funny because I could create them in certain ways, but I didn't realize I could create them in all ways, so I didn't realize I could be happy. I didn't realize that I could have a healthy mindset. I didn't realize all of these things, although that's part of manifesting too.
00:41:19
Speaker
Yes, no, that is so good. Because yeah, you definitely are an intuitive coach. I mean, in our sessions, there would be things that you'd say and I'm like, Oh, yeah, like, yeah, that in my family. And you're like, well, I'm getting this kind of feeling of like, you know, and then you just express it or, or anytime that you if you follow Steph, and please do if you're listening to this, you're going to follow her for sure. I know already, but
00:41:47
Speaker
One is when you do your card readings and then you say, you know, this may resonate with you and you do it in your Instagram stories. And there's so many times that whatever you've kind of pulled out, the cards that you read, your angel cards or any of those that resonate with what I'm going through in that moment. The other thing too is your affirmations. You mentioned a little bit then about throwing that wrench, right? And you were kind of saying some of those affirmations.
00:42:15
Speaker
You have an amazing affirmation track. Can we add that to the link below for people to be able to download and hear your affirmations? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. I have one on my website right now. It's 100% for free. It is very powerful affirmations track and essentially affirmation tracks, audio tracks.
00:42:39
Speaker
like the one that's on my website that you can download for free and Kendra can put the link in the description box. Basically, what they do is they help to override what's happening on the subconscious level. A lot of times, like we just mentioned before, I told you all those stats about the thoughts and how they're mostly negative and how they're on loop.
00:42:58
Speaker
Not only are there on the loop, you guys, they happen day after day, after day, after day, after day. And here's the truth, is that a belief is just a thought you continue to think. So, if you- Repeat that again. A belief, a belief, very, very important, important thing to understand.
00:43:16
Speaker
A belief is simply a thought you continue to think. So if you can replace the thought with something more powerful, you can have more powerful beliefs about yourself, more empowering beliefs about yourself, more positive beliefs about yourself rather than what most people have and a lot of people have. And part of this is because our human brain has been set and geared to focus on the negative.
00:43:41
Speaker
And this is partly because we come from cavemen and our archaic ancestors, basically. It was very, very, very important for them to be keen to and aware of all of the negative lions and tigers and bears and feast and famine that could kill them, right?
00:44:00
Speaker
It takes many, many thousands of years to evolve and our human minds and our human brains have simply not had enough time to evolve past this archaic way of thinking. So since we no longer, depending on where you live in the world, but especially in these more Western civilizations, we really don't have to worry about these things. I mean, we literally can sit on our butts all day and get everything delivered to us by Amazon.
00:44:26
Speaker
So we're not really worried about feast and famine. We can get our groceries delivered to us anytime. We have readily available food and water. We do not have to worry about wild animals coming and eating us most of the time, but our brain is still looking for them. It's still looking for these things.
00:44:44
Speaker
And so what happens is it creates things in the mind to worry about, and it creates things in the mind to focus on. And then we also get filled with negative input through the shows that we watch, through the media, through social media, through our parents, through our teachers.
00:45:03
Speaker
We're feeding it. We're feeding it. Yes. And you have to feed it the right things. And so this positive affirmation track is a great way to override some of the negativity that is entering into the mind. It's impossible to completely eliminate negativity from your life.
00:45:23
Speaker
but you can certainly do a lot to eliminate it. I would be very careful with the shows that you watch. I would eliminate the news. I would be very careful on social media. It's just so easy to accidentally get sucked down the wrong tunnel when it comes to these things. And this positive affirmation track, this one in particular also has an alpha wave in it, and an alpha wave is
00:45:47
Speaker
It's a brainwave frequency that helps you to tap into your subconscious mind. And the subconscious mind is actually part of a bit of the brain that you have. So we have two parts of the brain, conscious and unconscious. And the unconscious is where habits live, is where 95% of what you do every single day live, is where your beliefs live, is where your repetitive thoughts live.
00:46:08
Speaker
And so that alpha wave beat actually helps you to get into the right brainwave frequency so that these positive thoughts and positive statements can actually get and sink and settle into the subconscious mind.
00:46:25
Speaker
that is just gold people you just got a free session now you better go and tap on the links that are gonna be below because this is just the beginning just the understanding is the beginning then is the work which is the
00:46:46
Speaker
the the bigger you know the bigger machete we need for that and Having those tools and it's just so amazing because even though you you had Did you just you on Evie? I have Evie right here next to me. She's just yawned right here So I'm like, oh yours are quiet yours are just are they on your lap? They're they are passed out
00:47:08
Speaker
One's in front of me, one's next to me, and they are both just asleep. Well, she was asleep and then just came over here and I'm petting her as I'm talking to you. But what I was going to say is that you were able to discover all these tools, implement them on yourself, then now you help others be able to discover that in themselves. And it's just such a beautiful gift that had you not gone through some of the things in your life,
00:47:36
Speaker
Let me just rephrase that. Do you think you would be where you are right now had you not gone through hard things in your life? The short answer is no. This is something that I had to come to grips with. It's funny when Kendra and I were discussing, because I saw in her a really big gift to help people through grief.
00:47:58
Speaker
And she has a really great gift to help people through the stages of grief. And she also feels very comfortable discussing these challenging topics with people. And we were talking about these different labels for things.
00:48:15
Speaker
from, from grace, from grief to gratitude, from grief to grace, you know, from all of this stuff. And yeah, so one of the things that I was able to move from through this was from grief to deep, deep gratitude, deep, deep gratitude for the losses that I faced, you know, and it's,
00:48:34
Speaker
It sounds very strange to people to think like, I'm so grateful that I experienced the death of my father. I'm so grateful that I experienced the death of my mom. I'm so grateful that I couldn't leave my house. I'm so grateful that it took me 10 years to turn my life around. It sounds very weird, but the truth is that I would not have the tools that I have today to help others if I wouldn't have been through these things.
00:49:00
Speaker
And I wouldn't be the person that I am today if I didn't have these life challenges that I went through. And so I also really am grateful for my mom's passing because that was the fuel under my butt to really understand that I only have one life to live. And none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow and it's time to take action now. I was one of those people that was like,
00:49:27
Speaker
maybe one day, someday, I'll do this. Because I had inspirations to stand on stages and help women and all of this stuff, but I was way too scared to take action. I had a very big lack of self-confidence with that. And once she passed away, it was like, boom, you best move, girl. Time to take action.
00:49:52
Speaker
Especially because these are two very, like what you said, your dad was a superhero, basically. Let's just like to say it in the, you know, whatever, in those kind of terms, that then you're 13, the person that you think is invincible passes away. And then your mom, who came from a genetic
00:50:10
Speaker
You know family with genetics of living long time gets you sick and passes away. So That right there was that aha like whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I really do not have tomorrow guaranteed like there is a why why and why am I waiting like and yep What am I and what am I waiting for and why you know? Oh, yeah, it's all of those things I mean and and you know, we talked about how I disappeared like I disappeared off social media. I disappeared from
00:50:40
Speaker
Basically, I really went internal, so I went inside. That is a lot of things that I was journaling. It was like, what is holding you back from this? What is it that you really want? What is it that if you had no fear, you would do today? These were the things that I was doing. Once I got clear on that, my mom gave me the strength, my mom's legacy in life gave me the strength to go,
00:51:07
Speaker
You want to speak on stages, you want to help women, you want to do these things. You're petrified and think you are horrible on camera and horrible live and horrible on podcasts and all of this stuff. So what's one thing you can do? Yes, exactly. All things that were never real or true.
00:51:27
Speaker
a slight willingness to understand that because of belief is just a thought I continue to think, right? I understood that to be true. So what I understood too was that I could make a new reality for myself, but I had to take action while I was still scared. And when I wasn't ready and do it messy. And so what I did was I started to hop on Facebook Live. And that is how I started my business was I would just force myself
00:51:56
Speaker
petrified, scared. I would be petrified for about five days prior to the Facebook live, right? And I would like take notes and you know, nobody would see that now. Nobody would believe it if they see you how comfortable you are.
00:52:13
Speaker
Exactly. And so that just goes to show you too how your brain can be a liar. So for about, I would say a good 10 years of my life, I had a story that was, I'm not good on camera. I am not good with people. I need to be behind the scenes. I cannot be in front of the scenes. I'm not good with people. I'm not good on camera. I mean, it was in every iteration of that is what I told myself.
00:52:38
Speaker
And then one day I realized, wait a second, if you really do, because when you're journaling in a journal, it's a very safe place to be honest with what you really want. And when I saw on paper what I really wanted, which was really at the end of the day to help women live a life they truly love in business and in life and all aspects.
00:53:00
Speaker
Well, guess what? You can't do that hiding. You can't do that unless you're willing to tell people this is what I do and this is what I want to do and this is how I help people. And I understood that. And what I also understood was that that was me, the real version of me, not the fear-based version of me, not the version of me that didn't think they could do it. This was the version that was pure, the ego-less self, right? We were just talking about the ego. And so what I decided right then and there was
00:53:26
Speaker
However possible that I could take a step towards this new version of me, I needed to do it. And the way that I thought that was possible and the easiest way was through these Facebook Lives, right? And these Facebook Lives, man, it's kind of crazy how they became a catalyst
00:53:43
Speaker
for so many opportunities in my life, so many big opportunities in my life, and they all started from starting messy, not being prepared, not feeling ready, not feeling good enough, but doing it anyway, and letting my mom really be the fuel under my butt, so to speak, to move towards a better life for myself and a better mindset for myself.
00:54:10
Speaker
Oh, so many, so many things that you've shared that I'm like, I just want to keep on asking more questions because it's just so amazing. I'll ask you, uh, one, one other thing and then we'll, we'll wrap it up. If you had to, um, give anybody any particular like, or actually let me, let's just take that back. What would you say now as the Stephanie now to that 13 year old girl that experienced the death of dad?
00:54:40
Speaker
I think I would just give her a big, huge hug and let her know that everything was going to be okay. I would also teach her the power of the subconscious mind and the power of thoughts because at that time, and I think maybe even a lot of people listening to this, it's almost like unheard of that your beliefs are something that you can change or that lack of self-confidence is
00:55:09
Speaker
Not something that, sorry, confidence is not something that everybody is born with. You can cultivate it. Even let's say sales, right? So sales is something that comes along with being an entrepreneur and a successful person. Not everybody is born a salesperson, but you can learn these skills. Not everybody is born this optimistic, happy person, but you can cultivate these things.
00:55:30
Speaker
and so i think those are the things that i would teach her is just you know give her a big hug let her know everything is going to be okay but also teach her and also the other thing that i would teach her is understanding vibrational energy understanding that you can be really affected by other people's negative energy and positive energy and teaching her how to
00:55:51
Speaker
bubble herself up and block out other people's energies and all of that kind of stuff. So let's just say it would be a long conversation. It would be a very long conversation and there would be a lot, a lot, a lot of learning and probably a whiteboard and notepads and all kinds of stuff.
00:56:07
Speaker
I do know that is just so important because especially like I have you know pre-teen well one teenager and one pre-teen and even just today you know just I even as a mom had to it's as if you know when when I'm asking you that like what would you say to your 13 year old self is also like uh like myself as a parent and maybe other listeners as parents even just how we have to think of how we speak to our kids
00:56:30
Speaker
how we're also helping them reprogram their way of thinking, too, so that they don't end up carrying these beliefs through their life and have, you know, all the negative thoughts running through their head 24-7, too. Totally. So anyway, could relate. Oh, there she goes again. Can you hear her? Can you hear Evie?
00:56:52
Speaker
No. Oh, okay. Okay. So anyway, thank you again so much, Steph. Is there anything else that you wanted to say before we close off? Yeah, I would just like to tell anybody listening to this that no matter where you are in life,
00:57:10
Speaker
No matter how deep down a hole you think you are in life, no matter how big a tragedy that you suffered, you can live a happy life. And as a matter of fact, this is about grief. So if you have lost a loved one, I would just really encourage you to
00:57:26
Speaker
Flip your mindset around it and think how would they want me to live? What would they want me to do? What can I do with the life that I have remaining on this earth? You know with the human hands that I still have available to me to make their life on on earth, you know to honor their life and
00:57:45
Speaker
and make their life on earth worthwhile and allow yourself to step into the greatness and the power and the beauty that you have access to all of the time. Sometimes it feels far away, but I promise you it's closer than you think it is.
00:57:59
Speaker
Oh, thank you so much, Steph. Thank you. That was just so beautiful. I was like getting chills there in that moment. Thank you so much. And then we will put everything below. But if you want to just say a little quick tagline of how they can find you, but I will put the links below. But what's the quickest? What's the easiest way for somebody to reach you? Yeah, of course. So like Kendra said, all of my links will be in the description box.
00:58:22
Speaker
However, you can follow me on Instagram. I'm very, very active on stories. It's at Stephanie Matos, 1111. That's at Stephanie Matos. That's hacked in the numbers. 1111, yes. And then you can also go to my website, which is raiseyourvibetoday.com.
00:58:42
Speaker
And on my website, I have a blog. Also, you can contact me on my website if you'd like to have a one-on-one session and just kind of find out what coaching with me is like. Find out if coaching is a good fit for you. It's 100% for free, so I do complimentary introductory sessions just to check things out and meet each other. And I love to meet new people.
00:59:02
Speaker
So anyways, those are the best ways. And then also on my website, which will be a separate link, you can download that free audio track. It's all about confidence, clarity, and abundance, this affirmations track. Perfect. Thank you once again, big, big virtual hug on this end. And I am just so grateful for you. And again, thank you for being part of my life journey and the journey of this podcast as well.
00:59:29
Speaker
You are so welcome. It is an absolute pleasure and thank you for inviting me. Thank you, love. Bye.
00:59:42
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief. If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
01:00:11
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me. And thanks once again for tuning into Grief Gratitude and the Gray in Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.