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Me and you? same stuff - Episode 1
31 Plays1 year ago
Today I talked about why I decided to start a podcast and what it's all about
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Transcript
Starting with Self-Doubt and Ambition
00:00:03
Speaker
Hello. It is Wes McMillan. It is 2.25 p.m. I am hungover at one of my best friends Matthew Boyle's house. I am in the basement. I started this voice memo because I want to start a podcast.
00:00:35
Speaker
and I feel weird saying that and there's a part of me there's a part of me that doubts there's a part of me that doubts that anyone wants to listen to what I have to say there's another part of me
00:01:04
Speaker
And that part of me knows that I am funny, knows that I am smart, and I know that I can help people, and I want to help people. There's also been people that told me,
00:01:30
Speaker
that I should just drink and someone should give me a microphone and I should just talk. And that sounds like a podcast to me. I'm not gonna drink every time. I'm probably not gonna drink most of the time. Because that's just not sustainable. But maybe I'll drink sometimes.
Overcoming Mental Struggles and Finding Pride
00:01:58
Speaker
And I think
00:02:03
Speaker
Yeah, I want to help people because I was in a bad place for many years. Kansas. I was in a bad place mentally for many years and I fought my way out.
00:02:29
Speaker
I don't know if I'm in a great place, but I'm in a much better place and I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself because I was very unhappy for a long time and I did something about it. And I'm extremely proud of that.
00:02:57
Speaker
To this day sometimes, and it used to be every day, every time I woke up I was like, fuck. I gotta do this again. And that is not a fun place to be. When every day was a struggle. And you can call it a struggle or you can call it a fight. And I like to call it a fight because
00:03:25
Speaker
It acknowledges my effort.
Reflecting on Life and Acceptance
00:03:30
Speaker
And it took a lot of effort just to live, just to get by. I'm also, for better or for worse, I'm a very deep individual. I don't fully understand why, but I'm confident that is just how I'm wired.
00:03:53
Speaker
Maybe. And I don't know if it's wiring or nature-ish nurture, but I am constantly questioning what life is about, its existence. I'm constantly pondering, reflecting, questioning, analyzing, because my brain is always going. And I used to hate this, but I do not anymore.
00:04:25
Speaker
I truly am starting to believe that things are not good or bad. They just are. Everything has pros and cons and things can be good if you think they're good and they can also be bad if you think they're bad. It sounds corny, but it's fucking true. I haven't decided if I'm going to swear in this podcast. I don't really, I'm trying to swear less in general.
00:04:56
Speaker
So maybe that'll be the only one. I'm sorry, Mom. But... I kind of forget what I was talking about. Oh, yeah. I truly, like, everything has pros and cons, and that's a fact. There's... a lot of things that feel very bad.
00:05:22
Speaker
like being unhappy for years. Most people, I think, when they hear that, they're like, that is not a good thing. But there are pros. And the pros are that I learned a lot. Another pro is when you've been that low. Just like a normal level feels fantastic.
00:05:48
Speaker
I never, my expectation is not to wake up in the morning with this like smile on my face and eagerness to start the day. I just want to be like, all right. I just want to be normal. I just want to like not be depressed when I wake up. That's all I want.
Fear of Judgment and Authenticity
00:06:09
Speaker
And I feel like that's not a lot to ask.
00:06:18
Speaker
And I'd like to say that I'm scared. And I want to say that it's not easy for me to say that I'm scared. Certainly not hard, but is uncomfortable for me.
00:06:50
Speaker
I'm scared of a lot of things. I am scared of what people think. I'm confident that there will be people out there.
00:07:14
Speaker
who will talk shit about me and say, did you hear Wes starting a podcast? What an idiot. Like why does he think he deserves a podcast? I know that will happen. And that makes me sad. But one thing I'm not going to do is let that prevent me from doing something that I want to do.
00:07:43
Speaker
because that's no way to live my biggest fear in life is people not liking me I think I constantly am worried about that all I want is for people to like me
00:08:11
Speaker
And it sucks worrying about that all the time. Like I have a hard time being myself because I'm so concerned with what, that people won't like me. And so I try to be a lot, I spend a lot of the time
00:08:43
Speaker
I spent a lot of time trying to be what other people want me to be and it is exhausting. There's a video of Jim Carrey who's talking about his doctor friend I think and he says deep like think of depressed as deep rest your body needs deep rest because it's exhausted and I think
00:09:12
Speaker
why I'm depressed or have been depressed in the past is that I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from trying to be what everybody in the world wants me to be. And the shittiest part, sorry mom, won't happen again. The shittiest part is that it's impossible.
00:09:43
Speaker
No matter if I'm myself or who, like I'm trying to be what everyone wants me to be. I can't please everybody. And I know that, but it's still, I still, I catch myself doing that.
Fear as a Growth Indicator
00:10:05
Speaker
I'm trying to be more honest, trying to be more real, trying to be more comfortable with who I am as a person.
00:10:15
Speaker
because I'm tired of pretending and I'm scared I'm scared that people won't like the real me because I have some traits that in my mind I don't feel like they're great traits
00:10:45
Speaker
But I think there are positives. Like I'm an aggressive, I can be an aggressive person. And that sometimes rubs people the wrong way. But it's also the reason that like, I get the things that I want. I go after the things that I want. And it also allows me to overcome fear.
00:11:14
Speaker
And the best things in life are on the opposite side of fear. Because if some, it's like fear literally is there, I'm pretty sure. I am sure. I don't know who I'm talking to. I'm sure that fear is your body telling you that something's like important. Like think about when you're scared.
00:11:44
Speaker
That is like, I get scared when something really matters to me. Like going on a date because I really want the girl to like me. Or I remember on my driving test, I was having a panic attack because I wanted my license so bad. Because driving meant freedom.
00:12:11
Speaker
Driving meant I could go to my friend Zach's house. Driving meant, yeah, freedom. I didn't have, like, I couldn't, there would be no more, like, not being able to go places, because I don't have a ride. And my parents wouldn't need to pick me up. Like, you really get... The freedom is the exact way to describe.
00:12:40
Speaker
And I wanted that so bad. And that's when I get scared. But yeah, fear, fear lets you know that something matters and fear. I, I might be the most fearful person. Ever. I don't know if that's true, but that's how I feel.
00:13:10
Speaker
I am scared of everything. I thought of fear in a negative way for a very long time. And that's just because that's how it's portrayed. See, that's why I got a podcast. I use words like portrait. But fear is portrayed in a very negative way.
00:13:40
Speaker
and it's because it's uncomfortable. I hate being scared probably more than anything. Other people watch horror movies and I'm like, what is wrong with you? I'm scared all the time and I hate being scared. I get the adrenaline, but I like watching comedies. I like laughing. You can't frown when you're laughing. I hope this isn't a problem. I keep forgetting what I'm talking about.
00:14:11
Speaker
Um, Oh yeah. It's portrayed in a negative way, but it's a good, it helps. It helps you. It helps me. It helps us. It helps you know that something's important. Like if you weren't scared, like imagine you were about to get hit by a car and you weren't scared. You wouldn't do anything about it. And you get scared because you don't want to die. Probably.
00:14:41
Speaker
I hope you don't want to die. I'm glad you're here. I love you. I love everybody. There's not a person I hate. I genuinely, when I was a kid, I hated everyone. Because I was so angry at the world because I didn't understand it. But I'm kind of finding my way. I'm finding my balance. I'm finding my peace. And it feels good. And do you know how I got there? With fear.
00:15:12
Speaker
I was scared of, oh my gosh, I'm scared talking to people. I'm scared of looking people in the eye. But fear, every time I became scared, I was like, all right, this is something I have to do. And I've challenged pretty much every fear I've had for years now. I definitely, I'm not 100%, but I'm shooting upwards
00:15:42
Speaker
Well, well, well above 50, I'd say more around 80% of the time. Literally, if I'm scared to do something, then I do that thing and that is how you grow. And I'm proud of myself for that because no one like getting over fear is not easy.
00:16:08
Speaker
I think that's a pretty understandable thing and I don't even know if I need to explain it, but like, it's uncomfortable. Being scared is an uncomfortable feeling. And whether it's, I guess I had to like work up the courage to like speak in class because I was worried. But I don't, it all comes back to,
00:16:36
Speaker
people not liking me like I'm scared I'm gonna say something stupid and then everyone will hate me and I know it's illogical irrational but that's just the way the thoughts come in my head and the only way that I could change that is by doing the things that I was scared of
00:16:58
Speaker
And like, yeah, like speaking in class, talking to people, like those weren't things I could accept because life sucks
High Standards and Self-Improvement
00:17:08
Speaker
when you can't talk to anyone. Yeah. And I feel like that's pretty. I don't think I need to explain that one either. But I grew, I've grown in
00:17:29
Speaker
I don't know the word to use, insane, wild amount. Feels like a weird use of the word wild. I've grown a wild amount. But I have, and I'm extremely proud of myself. And this all started... It started because of a girl.
00:18:01
Speaker
And I'm no longer with that person, but I will always have love for them because they changed my life. They saved my life. I always had a high bar for girls. I don't know why really. I think it's because I,
00:18:31
Speaker
I don't wanna come off as cocky, but I think I'm a dope dude. I think I'm a dope dude. And I think I deserve someone great. And that's a good thing. I'm scared of people. No one likes a bragger, no one likes someone who's cocky, but I think I'm a dope dude. And I always liked girls.
00:19:00
Speaker
that were, by pretty much anyone's standards, out of my league. And the girls that liked me, I was like, mm-mm. Keep walking, buddy. But I had a high bar, and I would always like girls, and the girls did not like me back, because a lot of the times, I think, at least what I attribute it towards in my head, is that I was a late bloomer.
00:19:31
Speaker
I was a late bloomer. I hit puberty a lot later than every guy. So to this day, like I look a lot younger than I am. And I'm very insecure about that. That's why I have a beard. Because I'm like that too. It can't be like people like I tell people I'm going to University of Denver. They're like, Oh, you freshmen? I'm like, damn, that hurts.
00:20:01
Speaker
And every, like I've had a walk into a barber shop. I still remember seven years ago in this, I was like a junior in college, I think around then. And she was like, thought I was in high school and that sucks. But for that reason, not a lot of girls, like some girls like me, but I wasn't like the ones that were like of me and I'll leave it at that.
00:20:31
Speaker
But I had a high bar and that led to not a lot of girls liking me or the girls I liked didn't like me back a lot. And I got rejected a lot. But I found my, I kept my bar high because I think I'm a dope guy. And I knew that I deserve someone amazing.
00:20:58
Speaker
And then the summer after my freshman year of college, I met someone amazing. And I had tried to work out before, never stuck, never had any progress. But as soon as I got her,
00:21:27
Speaker
I wanted to be better. I wanted to be better for her. Because I didn't want to lose her. Because I had someone amazing. And I wanted to be amazing. I needed to become amazing before she realized that I wasn't. And I mean that in like an on-paper way. I wasn't in shape.
00:21:57
Speaker
I wasn't like, I certainly wasn't a social butterfly. I was, I didn't care about pretty much anything. I didn't care about school. I didn't care, I was passionless. I was just trying to get through life. And I had some friends, I've always been funny, but like, people saw us together and people were like,
00:22:24
Speaker
She's wildly out of your league. And I would say, I know. I'm working on it. And that is when I started working out. And that was my, it really clicked like the sophomore year of college. And it wasn't until that point in my life, it took me over 20 years, I think, how old was I, sophomore.
00:22:52
Speaker
about let's say 20 years, let's say two decades, let's say four, let's say four or five year periods. It took me a fifth of a century. Let's just, all right, 20 years. It took me 20 years to realize the value of hard work. Because things, when I was really young, came easy to me.
00:23:20
Speaker
Sports Social interactions like everything I'm to this day like I'm good at most things and that I Hope that doesn't sound braggy, but it's true like I'm good. I'm God did his thing on me. I'm funny. I'm smart. I Have a big heart
00:23:45
Speaker
and things like, school came easy to me, sports came easy to me, social, and life came easy to me when I was younger. For, because, I don't know. It just did. And then, when I had puberty, I got swarmed with social anxiety that would change my life forever.
Living with Anxiety and Helping Others
00:24:16
Speaker
And I'm still not the same. I'm still working to get back to that kid that I am deep down. The confident smile on his face. I love that kid. I miss that kid. And that kid is who I am deep down.
00:24:45
Speaker
Overnight in middle school, I like was a different person. I got a roommate and it was fear. And I've been living with fear for, how old am I now, 22? I don't know how old I was in middle school. This is kind of weird. In fourth, I think it was fourth grade, a kid in my class, they said, I'm gonna try to be non-descriptive.
00:25:15
Speaker
They said that like he made it off. All right. Cat's out of the bag. He was a boy, but he said like he was amped for cause on his 10th birthday, he was like double digits. And I still think about, and so that's how I remember 10 years old was fourth grade.
00:25:38
Speaker
So fifth grade would be 11, sixth grade would be 12, seventh grade would be like 13. So around when I was 13, I started, I was terrified of what everybody thought of me. I was terrified that people wouldn't like me. And so every time I interacted with anyone, which is pretty frequent, I was terrified and it sucked. And I've,
00:26:08
Speaker
Learn over the last 10 years Yeah, so about 10 years Like half my life now, but I've been learning to live with it. I'm learning. Yeah But it was I did not want that roommate I loved who I was and then overnight. I just I hated myself. I was insecure And I had to
00:26:37
Speaker
I went from things being easy to me to everything I do being a struggle. Everything I do being a fight. And I'm proud of how much I fought because I love where I'm at and I love where I'm going. But it was not easy and I am incredibly proud of myself.
00:27:03
Speaker
because I fought, I fought every day. I still fight every day. And the thing about like at least anxiety for me, it's like you're never gonna be, there's no destination, there's no finish line. It's just like getting better at living with it and like learning to live with it. Learning like how to use it almost. Like I meditate every day for over a year because like that's how I can control it. And anxiety is,
00:27:33
Speaker
most people think of it as a bad thing but it's also like my mind's always moving and like I talked about before that it's frustrating it's tiring but at this point I don't really it's only frustrating and tiring when like you don't want it to be moving once you accept and it's moving like the reason my mind's always moving is also like why I'm quick why I'm witty
00:28:04
Speaker
And I'm like always thinking. I can't, I've spent my whole life just thinking. I'm always thinking. And that there's pros to that and there's cons to that. But I think I'm learning to live with that anxiety and I getting pretty good at it. Like I,
00:28:33
Speaker
I like my life, I like where I'm at, and I'm extremely proud of how far I've come. I went from I get out of shape, unhappy guy to, I'm still like I'm, to an in shape, a happy guy. In my mind, I'm kinda like, but I'm really not. I'm like, I'm in good shape, I think, by most people's standards. I can't say I'm in shape,
00:29:00
Speaker
But I'm certainly no hunk. But in my mind, I'm a hunk. That's a good thing. There's probably pros and cons, like everything. But it's certainly not a bad thing. Well, it depends on how you look at it. But yeah, and I think
00:29:24
Speaker
I got a lot to talk about because I've been thinking constantly for many years. And I got a lot to say. And I want to share it with the world. I want to help people. I started reading a book. I used to read books. Now I read the first chapter, maybe. But I talk about stuff.
00:29:50
Speaker
But in that first chapter of the book, it was called The Way of Adventure. My friend recommended it to me. It's not too popular a book. I don't know the artist. I mean the author. I mean the musician. No, author. I don't know the author. And I could look it up, but I don't really want to.
00:30:12
Speaker
So that's on you if you want to read the book. It's on Amazon though. Just Google or search up the way of adventure and it should come up. I think it's like a blue cover. But it said, if you look for happiness, you will not find happiness. But if you focus on helping other people, happiness is a byproduct of that. And so like helping other people,
00:30:41
Speaker
helps other people and it makes you happy so we should all be doing that and yeah that's my message elect me for president or politics um if everyone just likes helped everyone everyone would be happy and everyone would have help like it's
00:31:10
Speaker
How did we get so messed up? And I've thought about it. Here's the answer. Here's the conclusion I came to. I don't know if it's the answer necessarily. But it's... We got so messed up because we think that no one understands what we're going through.
00:31:37
Speaker
me i felt like that for a long time i was like something extremely bad has happened to me and no one will ever understand no one gets what i'm going through and the irony is everyone feels like no one understands them but they're going everyone's going through the exact same thing most of us at least i think like i
00:32:06
Speaker
Anxiety is probably the biggest thing I struggle with, but everyone has some anxiety. An old therapist used to tell me, which I hated, she was a good therapist, she was a nice lady, good therapist, but she used to tell me we have anxiety because it keeps us alive. Back in the day, they would see tigers, and if you weren't scared, that tiger was gonna eat you and you were gonna die.
00:32:36
Speaker
unless you're like nobody's beating up a tiger like you would end so that's why we have anxiety people would if there were any people who didn't have anxiety they got eaten by tigers and
00:32:53
Speaker
That's why the anxious ones, that's why we're the anxious ones. Survival at a fittest, and like it's a good thing. Well, it's just a thing, and there's pros and cons. Forget what I was talking about. A podcaster who forgets what he's talking about constantly is more of a comedy bit than a good idea, but what was I talking about? Oh, how we got so messed up.
00:33:24
Speaker
Oh yeah, and we think that no one knows what we're going through, but I promise you, I promise you, everyone is going through the same exact thing. It's genuinely funny. It's so messed up, but it's funny. Especially, I'm thinking about middle school, everyone's hitting puberty, a lot of shit starts flowing around the body, and everyone's like, ah, something is awful has happened to me, and no one will ever understand.
00:33:51
Speaker
And it's happened, like that's happened in everyone. It happened, puberty happened at different times, but like, ever, like, just, I know I've said it already, but like the irony of like, we don't think people know what we're going through and we're all going through the exact same thing. And that's why we're so messed up and we think
00:34:19
Speaker
We're so different and separate from each other, but we're not. We're all just humans. And I think hate, hate comes from fear. Fear of the unknown. We hate other people. We hate things we don't understand. And where we get into trouble is thinking we're different. We're unique, but we're all humans. We have different genders.
00:34:49
Speaker
Sexualities races and those are things we made up socially constructed Which means they are not like they're They didn't in another like timeline. They don't exist and We put things in boxes to try to understand them Like yeah Did I say like John I think about it like genres and music like that's something we made up
00:35:20
Speaker
Like we don't need genres, we can just have music. And there would be no problems. It would be a little harder to talk about and compare, but we like, music is meant to be listened to. It's something you experience and it can't be like explained fully with words anyway. But we put it in boxes called genres to try to understand it. And it's fun to talk about and it's fun to compare until it's not.
00:35:52
Speaker
I like, my friends and I, we used to like draft all sorts of things. It's a lot of fun sometimes, like albums, musicians. I don't care a lot about music. So we'd done those things, but we've also done like fast food restaurants. It's like first pick, I'm taking Donald's. And then second pick, my boy was like Chick-fil-A. I was like, nah, you crazy for that. And it's a lot of fun.
00:36:20
Speaker
Cuz I don't know drafting is fun. I haven't figured that one out why yet, but it's cool to like think about things and Make decisions. I don't know shut up but um Like we try that's so we try to put things in boxes to understand them, but the boxes are limiting I'm lucky like cooking right now like the boxes are limiting and
00:36:49
Speaker
and they separate us. Like when you put stuff in a box, like think about real life boxes. And I'm not, get your mind out of the gutter if that's what you're thinking about when I'm saying box, because I'm not. I'm talking about like cardboard. Not no. You're disgusting. But there's boxes. We put it in boxes to try to understand them. And we end up just doing the opposite.
00:37:20
Speaker
we end up like separate and like trying to protect like our group and in order to do that like we put the other people down like wait I don't know this is getting a little intellectual but like white supremacy is like out of fear it's because like
00:37:47
Speaker
We're a little afraid we don't understand because we think other people are different and we end up just causing a lot of hate. And I don't think a lot of things are good or, I don't know if things are like good or bad. I don't think things are good or bad, but hate, hate's not great. And we've done some, all the evil that has happened in this world
00:38:17
Speaker
is because it's out of fear. It's like we think we have to put other people down so we survive. And maybe there's some truth to that, but like I said, if everyone was just focused on helping other people, everyone would be happy and everyone would have help.
00:38:40
Speaker
I think scarcity is a myth like scarcity exists but it's because of greed like Bezos and Musk them boys got so much money and other people got no money and they worked hard for that money don't get me wrong but and they deserve it but I just think everyone deserves money
00:39:09
Speaker
Not mean type shit But I think if everyone like and I don't know enough socialism hasn't worked in the past and I'm not advocating for socialism right now, I'm all I'm saying is if we everyone was focused on helping other people You would feel good happiness is a byproduct of helping other people. So everyone would be happy and Everyone would have help
00:39:37
Speaker
I think, I believe in abundance. I believe that if we all were operating like that, their resources would not be scarce. And I dream of that world. And I'm fighting to get closer to that world. Because we're pretty divided right now. And I don't like it. It bothers me. I just want everyone to get along.
00:40:06
Speaker
One of my friends, there was, I guess, I think it was like the Super Bowl or something. And he posted on a Snapchat story, a picture of it. He's like, I just hope, I just hope both teams have fun. And I think about that a lot. It was one of the funniest jokes I've ever heard in my life. And he's a cool guy and I'm glad I met him. But yeah, we, we all think we're different when we're all, like we're all made of the same exact thing. We're made of matter.
00:40:38
Speaker
And that's what matters. No, but like for real, we're just made of like atoms and electrolytes, atoms and molecules and stuff like that. I don't know. I'm not a scientist, but like we're literally just made of and like the same thing I'm made of. And what it's crazy to think of is wild to think about. Sorry, I didn't mean to say.
00:41:07
Speaker
crazy that's not whatever um but we're like we're made of atoms and the only thing that like makes the different elements on the periodic table i'm pretty i never like chemistry but this is wild like we're the things that make like the different elements different which is what everything is made of is just like how many protons or nucleons
00:41:36
Speaker
Nucleus? How many protons, electrons, and neutrons? I'm pretty sure. It's something like that. So, if you were like, we're all just made of protons and electrons.
00:41:49
Speaker
I'm laying on a couch. This couch is made of protons and electrons and electrolytes. I don't know how that keeps coming in my head. But no, this couch is made of the same exact stuff as me. And the only reason we're different is because we have like different numbers of protons and electrons like that since that's wild. That's wild. And like
00:42:16
Speaker
me and you are made of the same thing if anyone's listening to this podcast that I'm recording hungover in my friend's basement on my iphone and my voicemail is at loki. I want to stop saying loki because it's feminine. I'm calm. I'm calm cooking right now. I'm cooking right now. And I wish it was on the microphone I had at my house but
00:42:44
Speaker
What are you going to do? Life's not perfect. But hopefully people still listen. But I and you, if anyone's listening, like we're made of the same stuff. You and your family, same stuff. You and the people you hate, same stuff. You and a bird, same stuff. You and a piece of American cheese, same stuff. You and cheddar cheese and a light bulb, same stuff. We're all the same.
00:43:16
Speaker
And the reason we run into problems is we think we're different. And we think we're going through something and no one else understands. We think no one else understands our problems, but everybody has problems. We're made of the same stuff. You and a hamburger, same stuff. You and a television, same stuff. You and the worst person who has ever lived. The H-man himself.
00:43:46
Speaker
I'm not gonna say his name because he doesn't deserve it because he's the worst guy ever and maybe I don't want to hate whatever you and the worst person ever whoever that is to you same stuff you and the best person ever for me it's Steve Harvey I love Steve Harvey me him same stuff me and his mustache the same stuff
00:44:13
Speaker
Me and a cardboard box, same stuff. But, and we think we're different and we're not. We're just pieces of the universe. And I want us all to get along because getting along is fun. Like there's a lot of beautiful, awesome things in life to be experienced.
00:44:39
Speaker
And I just don't like the way that this world is being run right now. I think that's a pretty common belief. Like America, we're more divided than we have ever been. Maybe. I don't know. But we're pretty darn divided. And I wish that we were like, it's fun to get along.
00:45:04
Speaker
When you go on vacation with your family, it's awesome when everybody's getting along. You're having fun, you're laughing, eating some good food, doing some cool stuff. And then sometimes you go on vacation with your family and you're fighting and it's like, we're fighting right now. We're fighting. And I just want us all to get along. And I think we can, genuinely.
00:45:35
Speaker
I think, I think we got a lot of problems, but I think we can solve them. And as we solve the problems, guess what's going to happen? More problems are going to arise. And that is the most annoying part about life is that it's, you gotta, it's a fight.
00:45:58
Speaker
you gotta fight it requires effort it'd be nice if everything worked out perfectly with no effort but that's not the way that this universe works and um you can either accept that or you cannot accept that and but that doesn't change the fact that that's the way the universe works and once you accept it
00:46:29
Speaker
Once you accept it and you can start to work with it and you can start to change things.
Hard Work and Life Transformation
00:46:40
Speaker
Like I said before, I think the thing I'm most proud about of myself and my entire life is that I've done some, there are things, there have been things in my life that I don't like and I've done something about it. And things have changed.
00:47:02
Speaker
And I'm a lot happier than I was because of that fight. And I have hope. I have hope for the future. I don't like where we're at in society right now.
00:47:31
Speaker
I'm definitely not satisfied with, there were some good things. We got good food. We still got some nature left. And it's gonna take a lot of effort. It's gonna take a wild amount of effort. It's gonna take the maximum amount of effort to get to a world
00:48:03
Speaker
that I'm dreaming of. And I'm dreaming of a world where everyone's focused on helping each other, and everyone has help, and everyone is happy. And I don't like where we're at right now, but I didn't like where I was at. South Four Year College. And it's been four years, and now I like where I'm at. And it took a lot of fight.
00:48:34
Speaker
It took the maximum amount of fight. It took getting up every day and I wasn't excited about life. I was the opposite of excited about life. I was depressed. But I fought. I'm still fighting and I'm never gonna stop fighting because I have hope that things can change. Because I've seen that through hard work
00:49:04
Speaker
Things can change. And hard work is hard work. That's why they call it hard work. It's not fun. It can be fun, but at the end of the day, it's work. It requires effort. But that's not a reason not to do something. I think if I've learned and I'm confident about anything in this world, it's that hard work
00:49:34
Speaker
It pays off. Gray Song by Genius World and Future. I'm probably gonna listen to it after I stop filming this or whatever recording. And hard, like, it took me 20 years to realize it, but hard work pays off. It pays off in the gym, it pays off in the classroom, it pays off doing things you're scared of because you grow and you get friends. Life can be great.
00:50:04
Speaker
I hated life for years of my life and now I know it can be great. And I know that because I fought and I changed. And I think we all can do the same thing. I kind of, I'm kind of a thug it out kind of guy. And it's not. It has its pros and cons. Pros, I'm a thug. Cons, thugging it out is not fun.
00:50:35
Speaker
I went on a hike the other day and it was like snowy out and I was in shorts and I was like I'm just gonna thug it out and it's made me tough but it is not fun thugging it out it's like thugging it out a synonym thugging it out like it gives it makes it sound like it's a good thing what if thugging it out is the same thing as like sucking it up and sucking it up
00:50:59
Speaker
Like every like sucking it up is not fun. It's like implied with the words I think but you like Yeah, and I saw I was sucking it up for years and you think because no one for some reason We think we have to do things alone and it's not true I think this is a Brene Brown quote where it's like things like shame and
00:51:25
Speaker
Shame cannot survive if like you let people in, if you tell people about, if you're ashamed about something and you tell someone about it, the shame goes away. It's an incredible thing. It's not fun. And that's why everyone should go to therapy and talk about the things you're most ashamed of because when you keep them in, things get like funky. Think about like mold.
00:51:54
Speaker
When you keep everything contained, and if it gets a little moist, shit gets funky. But it doesn't have to be funky, you just gotta open. You gotta let people in, you gotta let people help you, and you gotta fight. I think this is going pretty well.
00:52:21
Speaker
I didn't really even know what I was going to talk about. It was the first episode of the podcast and I was terrified to hit that red button because I was scared of what people would think. But I hit it anyway. I fought. I fought that fear and I hit the red button. I said, listen, red button, you a bitch and I hate you and I'm going to press the shit out of you.
00:52:47
Speaker
And then I just started talking. I was scared, but I did it anyway. And that was 52 minutes later. That is wild. And that's what I'm saying here, folks. You will be surprised about how you, I've exceeded my expectations for what I thought was possible out of life. I got problems.
00:53:17
Speaker
I got a lot of problems, everybody got problems. It doesn't mean that you don't have a good life. See there's, I know I was trying to say nothing good or bad but one way to think about it is like there's good problems to have and there's bad problems to have. Like there's problems that come from having like a lot of money. You gotta pay a lot of taxes. But that is a good problem.
00:53:42
Speaker
There are certain problems where you hear them and you should be like grateful that that is the problem that you have to deal with because some people have no money and that's a lot harder. One thing I think about a lot, I wish I remembered it every day, but it's like life is hard. Life is hard regardless of what you do.
00:54:07
Speaker
And you can choose your heart. This is, I by no means made this up, but if you want to tell people I did, that would be cool. Cause it's a dope thing. And yeah, but working like being out of shape makes life hard. Working out is hard. So you can choose, choose your heart. Do you want to be out of shape or do you want to go to the gym? And it's like very,
00:54:41
Speaker
It really helps you, I don't know, it helps me just like, it motivates me to like, do the hard things in life. And to like, it motivates me to fight.
00:55:03
Speaker
Cause I got consistent in the gym and then I saw, once I started like seeing some gains, I was like, whoa. That moment changed my life forever. I started going to the gym cause I met a girl and the gym showed me the value of hard work. I started lifting weights and then I come back the next time and I could lift more weight and I looked better. I was like, so what I'm doing is making me stronger.
00:55:34
Speaker
Before that I didn't really care about school at all and then I started working hard on school and I went from like I Never had bad grades because I'm so darn smart but I was coasting and I took it to I took that idea that hard work pays off to the classroom and I worked harder and You'll never believe what happened. It paid off. I started getting better grades and so I was looking better and
00:56:03
Speaker
I was stronger. I was doing better in school and that started to build some confidence. And once I got that a little bit of momentum, it changed my whole life.
Balancing Life and Embracing Love
00:56:16
Speaker
And so now I'm a fighter. I choose my heart. I do the hard things so I can have the life that I want. And so I can have problems where it's like, I hear that problem and I'm like, I'm grateful that that's my problem.
00:56:33
Speaker
Cause you wanna have problems, I definitely don't have too many friends, I don't know if such thing exists, but like, the good problems I have are like, an abundance of friends, money, like, almost like too much, like problems arise from having like too many friends, cause like, you gotta pick
00:56:51
Speaker
and she was like, who do you spend your time with? And I'm not there. I'm certainly not there. Because I'm still learning to let people in and be more social and like, life is some mammals are pack animals and humans are mammals. Like we're not meant to go through this alone. And that's like, no one likes being lonely. I don't think, I don't know. I don't like being lonely is what I'll say.
00:57:20
Speaker
And it's like life is better when you have friends, family, and people that you love in your life. That's what it's all about, love. But yeah, I started feeling better about myself. I was more confident, and now I take that hard work pays off idea to every, I try to take that to every aspect of my life.
00:57:46
Speaker
It keeps paying off. I keep working hard and it keeps paying off. I meditate every day. I work out consistently. I read a lot of books trying and like all mostly to like help manage my anxiety. And now I have a life that I'm proud of and that I love. I have people in my life that I love. I have things in my life that I'm, I love. I have things in my life I'm passionate about. I still got a lot of problems. We all have problems, but
00:58:18
Speaker
Now my problems are like better. Now my problem is that I think I'm a hunk. When I used to be, I used to think that I was a bad guy and I didn't like myself. So thinking that I'm a hunk is a good problem. I'm grateful to have that problem. It all comes back to love, being grateful for the things in your life.
00:58:51
Speaker
I see where the time at. 58 minutes, maybe this will be the last thing I talk about. But, my keys, what I've learned, if you were to ask me, which no one asked me these questions, I ask myself these questions because I'm always thinking. But if someone were to ask me, hey Wes, what's it all about? This life thing, man. And I say, listen man,
00:59:20
Speaker
Me and you same stuff. I would say it's all about love. Love is like everything. Like doing things you love with people you love. I love doing shit like that. Like eating good food with your friends. That's what it's all about. Having a couple drinks with your friends. It's all about moderation. Because you got things like drinking and any like thing that
00:59:50
Speaker
anything should be used in moderation because you got to be like intentional and because things can get out of control things like substances are slippery slopes and you got to use them with intention like you i use drinking as like a social lubricant and i do it in moderation
01:00:14
Speaker
And maybe you're thinking, yeah Wes, I'd do that too, because I'm not an idiot. But I, for whatever reason, I seem to have to learn things the hard way. But the things I've learned, I think, are useful reminders to people who have common sense, which I don't really. I have pretty bad common sense. I got a bad memory, and I don't have a lot of common sense.
01:00:41
Speaker
because I'm always thinking about big shit. And so I neglect the small things like the day to day. If I bring a coat somewhere, I'm leaving it there. That happens often. I went to the barber. This is not a crazy story. I went to the barber, I left my coat there. If I go to a restaurant, leaving the coat every time and the people I'm with, it's their responsibility, but hey, dummy.
01:01:10
Speaker
Get your fucking coat. That was you spent a hundred, I spent, I bought the same exact coat. I lost the coat and I bought the same exact one, Carhartt Brown one. I like that coat. I don't love it. I mean, I might love it. I don't know. Get off me about whether I like my coat or not. It's none of your business. I'm trying to answer your question because you asked me, hey Wes, this life thing,
01:01:40
Speaker
What's it all about? And the answer is it's all about love, connection, being thankful for the things you have in life, fighting to protect them, fighting to get more things that you want. And it's about acceptance. It's about a lot of things. It's kind of a hard question. But, um,
01:02:07
Speaker
Yeah, some of the big ones are love, balance, moderation. I would say maybe I don't like your question, but I'm gonna continue to answer it because I asked myself this question. It's about accepting. I spent many years angry at God for the way this universe is set up.
01:02:36
Speaker
because of all the problems I had. But once I accepted my problems, I wasn't saying I accepted that I had problems, and I accepted them. Not in the way that I was like, I'm not gonna do anything about it, but like I, I wasn't like lying. Like once I stopped lying to myself, I'm like, I got some problems that, and I should do something about it.
01:03:03
Speaker
And that's the pat value of like acceptance. Acceptance, balance, moderation, love. Doing things you love with people you love. Um, me and you same stuff. Me and this couch I'm lying on, say stuff. Me and this blanket, I'm lying under same stuff. Um,
01:03:34
Speaker
And it's about the little things. I think you get in trouble when you chase after the flashy things in life like fame, like bliss, like drinking, like you can get caught up drinking too much, doing too much drugs, like eating too much moderation. And you gotta like, and you do those things because you want more and more and more and more. That's kind of how humans are wired.
01:04:04
Speaker
A lot of the time it feels like it's never enough But once you like accept That like sadness that comes like this is great Like whenever something great happens, my mind's like I want more which is natural it makes sense because The thing is good. But once you can shift to like this is good. I'm grateful for this Everything changes It's about yeah
01:04:34
Speaker
It's about, yeah, it's about a lot of things, you know what I mean? You know?
Determination to Continue Podcasting
01:04:42
Speaker
But, I'm happy with how this turned out and I think I'm gonna continue to do the podcast. I think it'll probably get harder as I go. It'll probably get easier and harder. Easier in some ways. It'll probably get harder cause like, I'll already have talked about stuff and I'll always have to find new stuff to talk about.
01:05:03
Speaker
But I think I can do it, because I believe in myself. And maybe no one is listening. Maybe no one will ever hear this. And I'll leave you with this, because I was thinking about this earlier today. Asap Rocky, rapper, dating Rihanna, famous millionaire rapper, Lord Pretty Flacco Jodi.
01:05:33
Speaker
As a video, there's a video of him, and he says, when did it become cool not to try? When did trying become not cool? And I'll tell ya, it happened in middle school gym class. That went from like, ow. Sorry, my body is deteriorating because I am getting older.
01:05:57
Speaker
middle school gym class. That's when it happened. I was a sweat. I was a try hard. I was trying hard and people started calling me words like try hard. So I stopped trying. I stopped caring. Let me tell you, it's a recipe for disaster. You can't not care about anything. You got to care. You got to try.
01:06:18
Speaker
Yeah, you gotta try. And I don't know if anyone will listen to this, but I believe in myself, and I hope, even if one person listens, even if it's you, you, I'm talking to you. Even if you listen, which you are, because you're listening. Maybe you're not, but if you are, you, I'm talking to you. Me and you, same stuff, listen up. I, even if I help one person, even if I help you,
01:06:49
Speaker
And this whole thing will be worth it. That'll make me happy and you'll have help. And I want to help you because I love you and I care about you. And I want to thank you for listening.
01:07:19
Speaker
Thanks. I love you. Bye.