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00:00:01
S1 Ep. 26: You Got This; It's Time to Grow
43 Plays2 months ago
In this episode, I share more of my story from my first trip to Nashville, where I had a life-changing encounter with a man from Pennsylvania—meeting him at a hotel bar, bonding over our recent divorces and how his perspective and a book he gifted me profoundly impacted my healing journey.
I dive into how the experience taught me how our thoughts shape our lives and the importance of being open to unexpected support. As I prepare for another trip back to Utah, I reflect on how life provides the people and experiences we need, even if only for a short time. Remember: The view gets better the higher we climb.
Alexa play "A lot more free" by Max McNown
Transcript
00:00:01
heatherdyann
You got this. It's time to grow. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here.
00:00:21
heatherdyann
So I'm currently anticipating a trip back to Utah soon.
00:00:28
heatherdyann
And it's got me thinking about a lot of things. And one of the, one of those things is you got this. It's time to grow. I'm reflecting back on my very first trip to Tennessee and an encounter that ended up being a really key pivotal person in my journey. And it's kind of crazy to even think back on how life brings you all of the things that you need and the people that you need in your life.
00:01:11
heatherdyann
So I'm going to start by kind of going back to my first time landing in Nashville and a character that came into my story pretty much the first day I had ever been in Nashville. So I talked about before when I decided that I was going to go to Tennessee and I thought that's where I needed to live. I booked a flight, landed, and as soon as I got to BNA, I knew that if I was supposed to be in Tennessee, I would know. As soon as I touched down and walked off the plane, I knew I was moving.
00:01:54
heatherdyann
And that piece was just, you know, there was a lot of the house and what's and, you know, but I didn't really allow those thoughts to overcome me. I just was like, I'm moving here. And I had, I had booked a hotel. with like this credit that I had from 2020 where I never got to use when I was supposed to come out to Nashville. And so it was just this nothing special hotel not too far from the airport. And as soon as I checked in, they had like just a little hotel bar lobby and music was playing.
00:02:38
heatherdyann
And I obviously like, Utah doesn't have live music everywhere all the time. And so I just was, you know, overwhelmed was just loving that there was, you know, someone playing acoustic guitar in the hotel bar. I loved it. And I, you know, I had no plans. I was just ready to rest. I knew I had a lot of thinking to do. Like this was all new for me. Really my, I think it was my first, yeah, first trip post the separation. So I'm sitting at this table in the hotel lobby bar with a drink and I'm just listening to this great musician.
00:03:26
heatherdyann
And this man walks over to me and kind of looks and goes and sees them by myself and he says, you know, can I buy you a drink? And I said, Oh, I'm good. I already have one. And you got to think at this point in my life, I had been married or with someone for like this person for so long that I was not like that wasn't really like getting approached. Like I didn't really I wasn't out there. So this was like a weird thing for me.
00:04:02
heatherdyann
So I didn't know how to be, I mean, I was just like, but no, I already have a drink. You know, it was just very like, I'm probably, I was kind of probably awkward in a sense, just because I was, it was a new world. So then he proceeds to go, okay, well, would you mind if I sit here with you? And I'm not the best about stranger danger. I'm pretty good about picking up vibes. So I i didn't feel any weirdness. So I was like, sure. didn't sit down. So he sits down, and just kind of starts making conversation. And I come to find that he had also recently been divorced. And it wasn't a divorce that he wanted. She ended up
00:04:56
heatherdyann
being unfaithful in the marriage and they had a couple kids and he was very strong in his faith. So there was a million reasons why he just did not want the marriage to end, but it was what it was. And I'm, I'm one of those people that it just seems like when it, if you know me, like usually I ended up getting people's deep life stories one way or another, whether I want to or not, whether they just start telling me or they finally have someone that will listen. And so the fact that I knew this, but then probably 20 minutes with this man was kind of not unusual.
00:05:36
heatherdyann
by any means, but it was I was also intrigued just because you know, at this time, this is August, so I'd only been separated for a few months. And I didn't know a ton of people that have been divorced. And I definitely didn't know any men that had been divorced that really that I had spoken with. And so we're kind of talking and I'm, you know, telling him, you know, I actually am separated and this and that. And so we go on to talk and we're having a great time. And he was in the music industry, but he lived in Pennsylvania. So he was just there for work.
00:06:20
heatherdyann
So he wanted, he was going to go out and he wanted me to come, but I was definitely like tired. So I was like, no. And by the time we got done talking, it was already really late. And I think whatever he wanted to do was ending anyways. So he didn't end up doing that. So we both decided to like, I'm ready to crash. So I'm like, I'm going up to bed. And so he was like, yeah, I'll go up to my room too. So we're getting, I'm getting off my floor and he's kind of like, Well, can I come with you? But I'm like, absolutely not. Like, there's not even a part of my mind that was even like, entertaining that idea. But I was like, No. And he was like, Can I at least get your phone number? And
00:07:06
heatherdyann
I wasn't necessarily at all interested in this man or any man at this time because my life was just in an all disarray. But for some reason, I was like, don't give him my number. So I did. Mr. Pennsylvania. And then I went to my room. And I think he ended up texting me like it was so great to meet you something like that. And like, you know, I know you wish I would have came up like trying to be funny. And it was fine. Um, but anyways, so this man, Mr. Pennsylvania, ended up being someone that I would talk to for pretty much my up until I don't know. Let's see. I'll go on a really long time. I don't speak with him now, but
00:08:03
heatherdyann
I was introduced to this person for a reason. And it was crazy because through this meeting this Mr. Pennsylvania, I would have these really low points. And I only had so many people that I could really talk to about divorce that either one understood it or two could take that heavy weight of listening. I think it's just sometimes it's just such a look like I was just in such a funk that it was like really hard. So me and Mr. Pennsylvania, we weren't really like talking on the phone randomly, we were Snapchatting, which again, is not what people think it is, at least at this level, it was kind of more like, um I remember Marco Polo, people were using for like a minute, I feel like it was kind of like that, where it was almost like you're kind of like Marco poling, or like face timing, where we were just talking, and just sending messages back and forth.
00:08:59
heatherdyann
But it was perfect because it was like, just whenever you got to it. So we'd have these like long Snapchat conversations just about things. And he was like super helpful in the mindset of me really understanding the males perspective, and like, understanding where to when and how and to give my ex husband grace. not that I was ever like angry, but he was just giving me like I was hearing his side of the hurt. And it was super helpful for me to have someone with that perspective. And like we got
00:09:41
heatherdyann
so great in our friendship where like I would, when I finally did you know the whole story about the high school guy at Morgan Wallen concert, like I told him about it. And he was like, I don't think you need to be like dating anybody. like I feel like you're like still going through it. And so like he kind of his divorce was before mine. So he had been through all the stages, I think, that I was like going through. And I remember it was Thanksgiving, the first Thanksgiving that after the separation and I really didn't, I had always cooked Thanksgiving. I didn't want to do Thanksgiving. And I remember just, I had done like yoga in the morning and I was just crying. And I remember just like,
00:10:32
heatherdyann
sending him this long, like, why am I, why is this like this? I don't even know why I thought he had the answer, but I was like asking, why is this like this? And he was like, Heather, it just, it's, it's gonna be a ride. It's not always, you're not always gonna get it. So he ends up, he asked me like, okay, well, what's your address? I want to send you something. And again, maybe that would be weird. But like the guy lives in Pennsylvania, like at this point, we've been talking for months and months. I'm like, it's not that weird. I'm not even going to be living here forever. So I sent him my address. And this man, I literally met him at that hotel lobby for
00:11:19
heatherdyann
probably maybe we spoke for 30, 45 minutes once. And then we were just Snapchatting each other talking. He sends me this book,
00:11:37
heatherdyann
winning the war in your mind. And the note says, you got this, it's time to grow. And when I got it, I thought, how is this man that I met for 45 minutes sending me a book via Amazon to help me?
00:12:08
heatherdyann
kind as can be. And I flip it open just I mean, I didn't immediately read it. I wasn't in a place to do a lot of self reflection at that time. But when I finally decided to open it, I I'm in the introduction. It's like page two. And it says, time to change your mind, question mark. In 10 years, we will each look in the mirror, and someone will stare back. That person will be shaped by the thoughts of today. The life we have is a reflection of what we think. That's a crazy thought, right? What we think will determine who we become tomorrow. And even crazier, we probably don't even realize that it's happening. We don't think about the power of our thoughts, which only make them that much more powerful.
00:13:10
heatherdyann
I realized that I was trying to understand so much that my thoughts were just ruining my day because I couldn't understand why it was like this. It just was. But if I decided that it doesn't matter that much, it's going to work out. It will.
00:13:38
heatherdyann
because whatever you think is inevitably the truth. And it sounds so simple, but I think as people that meet me or if you know me and I'm very like in that head space that everything always works out for me, I got that because I realized all of the power that my thoughts have.
00:14:06
heatherdyann
And the book has the question, do I like the direction my thoughts are taking me? If the answer is no, then maybe it's time to change your thinking.
00:14:24
heatherdyann
Decide to change your mind so you can change your life.
00:14:32
heatherdyann
so crazy to me because I'm not sure I would have ever picked up this book if a stranger I met for 45 minutes didn't decide to send it to me. And it's crazy because it's like, how is that even the first person I meet in Tennessee is some guy from Pennsylvania. And I remember like, we it's crazy the timing of everything because we continued talking even up until I moved to Tennessee and he definitely I don't want to speak for him but like I mean he would make comments like I definitely think he was hopeful that maybe we could progress into like a relationship but I very much just kind of kept it like he lives in Pennsylvania like what are we doing here I'm not ready for all that and he would have admit that I wasn't but
00:15:27
heatherdyann
Um, then he kind of like started dating. So I would have here a little bit. And then when we stopped talking, which was probably, it's been almost a year, it's been over a year now. So when I moved here, I think it was right after I had bought my house in May, he had like started dating this girl and he had told me a little bit about her and like, she was going to meet the kids. And so finally when it was like, there. I was like, I think we both just had this random mutual thought process and agreement that like, this was not for me, it was not appropriate to continue to like, lean on him or reach out to him when he had a partner. So I just stopped and so did he.
00:16:24
heatherdyann
And it's crazy because like I said, I haven't talked to him in over a year, but he was presented in my life to be someone that could be there for a lot of the things that I don't know I could have went through without someone that could kind of talk me. I don't want to say like off the ledge, but in a sense, It was like someone that was like already ran the race right before me. Like, okay, this is the muddy part. This is when this happens. This is when you have to, you know, kind of like helping me navigate the wandering of the wild mess because he had already like done it like, you know, a year before me. So he kind of knew how the ebbs and flows of the journey were going to go. It was almost like I got my,
00:17:15
heatherdyann
Like, like the universe or life just handed me this person to support me through that point in time. And then as soon as I was on my feet and had my home in Tennessee, he was gone.
00:17:43
heatherdyann
And I'm telling you this because I hope we can all think and realize and appreciate the reason season lifetime of people in your life. That was definitely a reason and a season for this human that I met for 45 minutes and then never ever met again.
00:18:13
heatherdyann
in real life, at least. And it's just interesting to think of how it would have been had I not had that person to kind of help me through. Had I not read this book that helped me in so many ways change my mind and my thoughts, as I just wanted to sit in the sadness and discomfort, not because I wanted to be sad, but just because I didn't know what else, how else to think.
00:18:49
heatherdyann
It's really easy to, when you change up your life and it's uncomfortable to just think about all the things you could have done better and you should have done and this and that, but it doesn't really matter anymore. It matters what you do moving forward.
00:19:14
heatherdyann
Again, in 10 years, we'll look in the mirror, and someone will stare back at us. It's what we do right now that kind of molds if we're happy um with ourselves in the 10 years. I think sometimes life doesn't always give us clear reasons for hard times. But the hard times help you leave your past behind. because it's not meant for you anymore. It's in the past. And when your past is in the rear view, your whole life can be more clear.
00:20:01
heatherdyann
And that's what I started to see. It doesn't matter what I could have changed. It only matters what I'm going to do moving forward.
00:20:16
heatherdyann
I got this. It's time to grow. And the other note said, I hope this book helps you as much as it helped me.
00:20:32
heatherdyann
Life always presents us with what we need. We just have to be open to receiving it and being all right with the fact that
00:20:50
heatherdyann
ah We might not make sense of all of our struggles in the moment, but later and at some point, all of it comes together. I mean, it's so cliche, but it's literally like that puzzle, like a puzzle, like you're doing it and you're like, it's supposed to, I i thought it was supposed to look like this. This is how it goes. And once the pieces start coming together, you're like, oh my, that's right. Like that's what it looks like. And it just all fits and it all makes sense. But you can't rush it.
00:21:28
heatherdyann
There's a million pieces that have to be put together for it to all be some clear picture where you get it. But having faith that like, okay, I get it. When it happens, it'll happen. How it should is like such a powerful mindset to be in because you know, no matter what, it's going to make sense one day. It's all going to work out one day.
00:21:54
heatherdyann
I think about when I touched down in BNA and I was like, I'm I've got to live here.
00:22:06
heatherdyann
It just ended up working. I didn't even know how. I just knew. And I think that's the the best place to be in this like blind faith and trust. is like, I don't know how, but that's what I'm deciding. And once you decide, it's just a matter of just keep doing the things you need to do to be there and don't even think about everything else.
00:22:39
heatherdyann
I wish I could go back sometimes to that girl that landed and it was like, I'm gonna move here because she literally didn't overthink that she just decided. And I think more times in our life, we just need to decide and don't overthink it. You got this. It's time to grow. So as I think about revisiting Salt Lake in a short period of time, I'm reminded that
00:23:20
heatherdyann
The heaviness that I felt in being where I didn't feel like I belonged was easily lifted when I just chose where I wanted to be, but it didn't fix everything, which is, I i know people say like, if you, just because you move, it doesn't fix all the problems, right? And that's 100% true. It's a lot of the inner work. But what is so crazy about it is that sometimes just being in a new space can open up those self discoveries. So this recent trip with me to Florida that I talked about a little on the last episode, that
00:24:10
heatherdyann
broaden my mind to a new world. And I think that's the key piece about sometimes getting out of your comfort zone with anything you're doing is that you just can see things from a different perspective. And when you're looking at things from a different lens, your thoughts change. And when your thoughts change, your life changes.
00:24:42
heatherdyann
When your thoughts change, your life changes.
00:24:48
heatherdyann
So in saying that, really what I'm telling you is what we already know, hopefully, if you listen to any kind of, if you think you can or you can't, you're right. So can I go back to Utah and not get in my feelings?
00:25:12
heatherdyann
I want to say yes, but I feel like no. But I feel like maybe I want to be in my feelings just a minute because I do miss my friends so dearly. And I do miss the mountains. And there's nothing about Utah that I don't love. But I'm just not sure it's where I'm supposed to be.
00:25:40
heatherdyann
But I'm surely happy to go back.
00:25:46
heatherdyann
And when I do, I will have a super special episode. I'm really excited. But I'm going to end this with just saying that every time you're not sure how something's going to fall into place,
00:26:11
heatherdyann
Stop thinking about whether or not it will or it won't. Just trust that whatever's supposed to happen will be the right thing.
00:26:25
heatherdyann
I was supposed to stay in that not so, not so nice hotel by the airport and get a drink so that I can meet Mr. Pennsylvania so that I had someone outside of a therapist and the few friends I had that I could even talk to my divorce about my divorce to. I needed that person in my life for that point in time. I needed to read this book.
00:26:57
heatherdyann
And because I needed those things, they came to me. But not because I was asking for them, because I just was open to receiving what I need.
00:27:10
heatherdyann
I still am wandering a wild mess. I am still messy and I don't know what the heck I'm doing, but the more that I'm on this little journey and thinking back to all of the things that happened after my separation, I realize it is such a wild ride and so many things worked out in my favor that I could not be more grateful. And I guess because of that, I just want to share that joy and share that and hope that you can look back at things in your life that you thought were so hard or didn't work out how you wanted and go, you know what, but then it got me here. Or this opportunity never would have presented himself itself if not. And I can see this going really well.
00:28:02
heatherdyann
for me, or this is what I truly wanted. But I just missed. I just wanted to be in the comfort of what I always known. Because most of the time we end up being happier than we were before. But we're nostalgic about what we were used to.
00:28:27
heatherdyann
And I have definitely been on that train.
00:28:32
heatherdyann
But I realize everything can seem better when it's in the past. We remember the good times, but it doesn't need to change our minds about the future.
00:28:55
heatherdyann
Every moment we're just climbing up the mountain, allowing ourselves to just taken the view and hopefully we realized that the view only gets better the higher we climb.
00:29:18
heatherdyann
This was wandering the wild mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.