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What We Get Wrong About Dating: Why The 'Ick' Isn’t the Problem — With Kaily Nathan
55 Plays4 months ago
Dating today feels more complicated than ever — but maybe the problem isn’t dating itself. In today's episode, I’m joined by Kaily Nathan to explore what we get wrong about dating and why the 'ick' isn’t really the problem.
We talk about why dating feels harder than it used to, how to manage overwhelm and self-doubt, and the truth about the 'ick' and what it actually says about you. Kaily shares how perfectionism can block real connection and offers simple ways to use dating apps more efficiently and mindfully.
Together, we explore how unrealistic standards and pressure have shaped the way we connect, and why getting to know yourself first changes everything. If you’ve ever felt frustrated, confused, or burnt out by modern dating, this conversation will help you see love — and yourself — in a new light.
Tune in for an honest conversation about dating, self-awareness, and building real connection in a modern world.
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Transcript
Introduction and Life Coaching in Dating
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to Connected with Eva. Today I'm joined by Kayleigh Nathan, a life coach who helps successful career-driven singles create balance, confidence, and deeper connection in their lives.
00:00:13
Speaker
Let's dive straight in. I am a life coach, but I predominantly focus on dating and getting people into healthy relationships because right now a lot of single people are really struggling to find relationships that are right for them and people are getting fed up with dating apps and the fiasco it is to date right now.
Dating Culture Evolution and Challenges
00:00:38
Speaker
I'm single myself and last time I was dating, which was eight, nine years ago, i feel like it was a different mindset, specifically on the apps, talking about that because that's always different.
00:00:52
Speaker
The culture there was different nine years ago to what it is now. And also because of the way the algorithm works. So you're having completely different dating and behaviors, the scene is different, which also makes people quite deflated, like you say.
00:01:10
Speaker
Definitely. And this is something I hear from my clients, my friends. And also something I've experienced as well. And I was saying to a friend the other day that dating in our 20s on the apps is so different to then dating in your 30s or your 40s. And things change so much.
00:01:28
Speaker
If you've then been in a relationship and you're single again and you go back on the apps, it can make you feel really disheartened and feel like, is something wrong with me? Has something changed about me? Because it can be that you're getting less likes, you're not seeing as many people that you feel drawn to or interested in And then it makes you feel worse about your situation if you are looking for someone to find a healthy relationship with.
High Expectations and Media Influence
00:01:53
Speaker
What do you think is something that people get wrong about dating today in their behavior maybe? Firstly, things have become so complicated.
00:02:04
Speaker
Back in the day, it used to be like, okay, I'm attracted to them or ah like them. And then things have kind of figure out. But now I think we're looking for so much more. We have such high expectations on like one person.
00:02:19
Speaker
And I think we get put off by people so quickly. So for example, say if someone doesn't like, I'm trying to think of something quite insignificant here.
00:02:30
Speaker
don't know, someone doesn't like tea and tea is like a really big thing for us. Then we can be like, oh, they're not my person because we can't share tea together. Whereas it could be that like, okay, there might be a hundred other things that you could do together, but that one thing will be honed in on and then that person is just written off because of this one seemingly insignificant thing.
00:02:51
Speaker
The ick, right? You know, shows like Love Island made that really popular. So somebody will say, he has these trainers and I don't like trainers. Or he walks this way and I don't like how he walks.
00:03:05
Speaker
It's not a value. kind of puts paint over the whole picture that a person is. So it just kind of covers everything and becomes everything ah person sees.
00:03:19
Speaker
Just that. Just that. The trainers. Just that one tiny thing. And I remember... A client telling me ah couple of years ago, she went on a first date and I asked her how it went.
00:03:31
Speaker
And then she told me ah got the ick because when he pulled out his wallet, it had a Velcro on it. And I was like, oh my goodness. Like, understand About Crow Wallet is not cool, but it's something that can be changed. It doesn't define him.
00:03:50
Speaker
Like we say, we hone into the insignificant things and then make it mean so much. Where do you think the it comes from?
Recognizing Healthy Relationships
00:03:57
Speaker
Because it's not about the other person. I think it's about people having this image in their heads about what they think they should be with or who they think they should be with.
00:04:08
Speaker
And if someone doesn't match up to that image, then they find reasons why it won't work with them by finding ics. Obviously, like people think they want, a lot of people think they want to have a relationship to begin with, but also a lot of people, maybe even in the society today, a lot of people actually choose not to be in relationships.
00:04:29
Speaker
And I feel like that's kind of shifting the whole social behavior towards dating, towards marriage, towards relationships, towards what a relationship means.
00:04:40
Speaker
you think that has anything to do with it as well? Yeah, I think a lot of people are choosing to, I guess, live outside of the norms or what's expected of them.
00:04:51
Speaker
I think that's good and bad because I think not everyone should want to get married and have kids and follow this linear path. Like for some people, that is exactly what they want to do. But for others, that might not feel right. And I think it's good that the pressure of that is easing in some places, but not everywhere. And I think people should choose what's right for them and follow that.
00:05:15
Speaker
What's something that you see a lot in your clients as a pattern of behavior, apart from the ick? Yeah, the ick is number one. A lot of my clients really want a healthy relationship, but they have never experienced that.
00:05:29
Speaker
So they don't know what it looks like or what it feels like. So that could be as far back as their parental relationships and not understanding what healthy love feels like.
00:05:41
Speaker
But it could also then just be the people that they've chosen to date or be in relationships with. They have not been people that have brought out a healthy side of love. So they then associate love to mean something completely different to what it could be.
00:05:59
Speaker
So then they will keep repeating that pattern of going for more toxic people or people that don't bring out that healthy side of love. I have a few questions about that. Talking about people who have an experience that healthy relationship and don't know what it is, you're someone who's a little bit flawed and then the person in front of you is a little bit flawed and it's very common to say no no when you meet your person it should just feel easy and people say that a lot do you think it's possible that you start that experience because you don't have you don't know any better and for things to be kind of shaky maybe not toxic but kind of shaky for them to grow into a healthy relationship
00:06:44
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. I don't think there's one way that a relationship starts and then works out and that should be the one that we all try and strive for. So I absolutely think that relationships can start shaky because as you said, like none of us are perfect humans. We all have different baggage that we come with, different flaws that we come with, different hurts and pain and trauma. So we come with so much and then we meet this other person that also has just as much going on for them.
00:07:14
Speaker
And then to expect it to just be seamless and smooth from the start is really, i think, unrealistic. I think how it feels inside you should feel easy in terms of If you've come from toxic relationships, you're normally used to like forcing and pushing a relationship and trying to make it into something that it's never going to be.
00:07:38
Speaker
And when you find someone that's emotionally regulated and intelligent and calm, it can then feel uncomfortable in that person that hasn't experienced it. So then that can bring up a lot of emotions for them.
00:07:53
Speaker
But that person then makes you feel calmer over time because you then get used to being like, oh, this is what love should feel like. This is what love looks like. But I do think if you haven't experienced that, it is probably going to be shaky because it's so foreign and unfamiliar that all of your systems inside you just kind of go on alert because you're like, what is this?
Communication and Connection in Relationships
00:08:15
Speaker
What we have, if we haven't experienced that, is romance novels and movies that always just show the meet-cute part of a relationship and they just end there.
00:08:28
Speaker
You'd never have a realistic representation of what a healthy relationship looks like because the movies end where the actual relationship begins. I remember when I was 13, and that's where I actually grew up with such an unhealthy notion of what a romantic relationship was, because I was reading these novels.
00:08:48
Speaker
Two people meet. They like each other for no particular reason. She's pretty. He's handsome. Then they get together happily ever after. and that's what a lot of people know, right?
00:09:00
Speaker
If you're dating and expecting that because you don't know anything else, you'll have such a skewed idea of healthy romance. Yeah, definitely.
00:09:11
Speaker
And that's the whole, what you described is that whole Disney fairytale kind of romance, which all of us grew up on. And when we get into the dating world ourselves, we realize it couldn't be further from that.
00:09:23
Speaker
Like guys don't arrive on their horses to collect us. But that's where our expectation is. But reality isn't there. And I think that's where we set ourselves up to fail because we're expecting something that's unrealistic. Obviously, we're not all expecting people to turn up on horses. But I mean, what you described is that fairy tale.
00:09:44
Speaker
A lot of us do go into dating thinking we're going to come across that guy that it just all works out with. And it's just so easy. But that often isn't the case. I'm actually thinking the biggest problem with these and representations of romance is the expectation from there that the person in front of us will read our mind and know our needs and wants without the need to say anything.
00:10:09
Speaker
Because that's in all the movies and all the books. you know He shows up with, I don't know, like a box of chocolate because he knows she loves chocolates. beginning yeah Of course, he'll know everything. Communication is something that people...
00:10:23
Speaker
might not have learned because they wouldn't know they need to communicate their needs and wants. But also with that comes understanding. And I think like you say, we expect people to read our minds. People also not understanding where someone comes from. So me and you will have different views on different things. And instead of me just being guarded because you have a different view to me, I should take time to understand why you feel like that or why you view something like that because that will give me a deeper understanding into you and that will build our connection instead of just being like oh no that's an ick you don't like tea I think that's what we're really lacking is as seeing people as humans that are multifaceted have lots of layers have whole heap of different experiences behind them and
00:11:13
Speaker
We need to understand why people are the way they are and not just write them off from these little things. How to go about dating intentionally, knowing what
Intentional Dating and App Use
00:11:24
Speaker
you want? Because obviously people want different things and obviously there's the thing, be upfront about what you want and your expectations are and what your needs and wants are, but how to go intentionally?
00:11:34
Speaker
Do you think there's things that are better, are apps for everyone and all that? Apps are not for everyone in short. I understand people's frustration with apps, but I think the way I view ah dating app is like getting the underground. I don't enjoy being on the London Underground.
00:11:53
Speaker
In fact, I pretty much hate it and I will avoid going on the underground. If I possibly can, i will find any other means to get around London. But often it's the quickest way to get to somewhere in London is to take the tube. So I have to then put myself in that.
00:12:11
Speaker
experience of going on the tube to get to my destination quicker. And with an app, that's how I see it. It is purely a platform that gets you to a destination a little bit quicker. You come across so many people that you wouldn't if you were just sitting at home every day, not actively looking or searching because people are not going to just fall down from the sky in front of you ready for you to date.
00:12:35
Speaker
You have to actively do something. And that's how I view a dating app. It's not something that you have to enjoy being on. You don't have to love dating apps because they're not there for you to get enjoyment out of. They're there to like serve a purpose and that is to help you meet people.
00:12:52
Speaker
often people and not clear on exactly what they need. So a lot of my clients will be able to tell me exactly what they're looking for aesthetically in a person.
00:13:03
Speaker
And that's normally something along the lines of like, tall, has a good job, those kind of criteria. But in terms of like, that person's personality qualities, people don't really think about them as much.
00:13:20
Speaker
And in a long-term relationship, the things that you are first aesthetically drawn to are going to fade away and you'll then be faced with that person's personality more than you are their looks.
00:13:34
Speaker
So people should put more time and energy into thinking about how does someone present themselves in terms of their personality? What are their fundamental values? What do they really care about?
00:13:48
Speaker
And this is not me saying that attraction is not important because it absolutely is, but there's so much more that will provide us with a healthier long-term relationship than just someone's physical attributes.
00:14:01
Speaker
And I think things like someone being like a caring person, a kind person, someone that is someone that you can get through hard times with because they're someone that will just step up when they need to.
00:14:14
Speaker
Those things are so, so important. So I think getting really clear on those personality traits and knowing how that feels and looks like in someone as well, because if you're not used to that,
00:14:28
Speaker
It's really hard when you're faced with someone that has all these traits you know you should like, but you don't know what that feels like, so you'll just reject them. This is such a good point because there are two friends of mine I can specifically think about when it comes to me dating.
00:14:43
Speaker
They always ask me the question after a date or after a few dates. Do you have the same values and do you feel safe? I love that they ask you those questions. That's so important.
00:14:56
Speaker
That internal safety with that person, again, is like our intuition telling us like, yeah, this person is safe to be around. Or if we're not feeling that, that's often someone that's maybe there's something that we're not sure about or we're not fully sold on and we shouldn't ignore those internal feelings.
00:15:15
Speaker
People asking you, oh, were you attracted to them or how tall were they or stuff like that really doesn't matter in the in the grand scheme of our lives. There's the thing about chemistry and attraction that's just so fragile and also it's just so temporary and it's not really something that you should be choosing a relationship from.
00:15:37
Speaker
And something I only started doing recently myself is noticing how I feel in my body after i spend time with someone. It helps when I'm calm and more grounded in myself because then I'll have a more stable basis.
00:15:54
Speaker
And then when I go out and spend some time with someone and I'm anxious, I know instantly that's not the person for me. And what you're describing, a lot of people would mistake those feelings of anxiety and your mood or energy being elevated as having butterflies for that person and that being like a chemistry and an initial spark with them.
00:16:18
Speaker
And that's where people then can make some mistakes because then they're like, this is really exciting. And this is like my body being really excited about this person. But actually it's not. It's your your nervous system being like, no, no, no, this is this is not good.
00:16:32
Speaker
And then another thing with dating is this whole thing about having a spark. There is so much focus on this initial spark, this initial like almost electricity when you meet this person.
00:16:46
Speaker
If people don't have that on a first day or a first couple of dates, they then think that, yeah, this can't be my person because there isn't that initial electricity, which I again think has been misrepresented and it's not actually as good for us as we think it is.
Reprogramming Mindset About Love
00:17:04
Speaker
I think that's also because a lot of people, well, they believe in this soulful connection with someone. And they're like, I instantly knew. ah just knew. You start expecting the same for yourself.
00:17:16
Speaker
You start treating everything like, no, no, well, I saw him. I didn't feel instantly like, oh, my soul recognizes he saw that. No, it's not. It's not happening.
00:17:27
Speaker
Yeah, and sometimes that soul connection takes a little while, especially if you're someone that's been through a lot of trauma, you've been through a lot of toxic relationships. It's going to take time for you to heal that.
00:17:39
Speaker
And with the right person, you can heal that a little bit quicker as well. But it takes time and what you're used to isn't necessarily what's right for you. So what is actually better for you feels really foreign and is kind of feeling comfortable in that.
00:17:55
Speaker
Maybe for some people, it's not possible to recognize that because first they need to kind of allow that in. But maybe it is with this person, but they need to allow it in first to recognize it Yeah, definitely.
00:18:10
Speaker
Like I have a client who she has had a few different toxic relationships and she's like, if I'm dating someone and they're not fully obsessed with me, fully like overprotective of me, almost jealous of me and what I'm doing.
00:18:27
Speaker
then I don't think they're that interested in me. And that's what she has learned over time means that someone loves her as if they are overprotective, jealous, controlling, and that's how she defines and feels love.
00:18:41
Speaker
So for her to overcome that, she has to first know what it feels like for it to not be like that. And also to reprogram her brain into knowing that love isn't that and it's actually lot calmer, a lot softer and not so intense.
00:19:00
Speaker
But that will take time and a lot of self-awareness and a lot of reprogramming. What are some practical steps to go about reprogramming your brain with that and then with different trauma responses you might have?
00:19:15
Speaker
Well, the first thing is self-awareness. So being able to see that in yourself and see the patterns that you have been continuing to keep. And then once you have that awareness, then they want to change it because we can have that awareness, but a lot of people don't want to actually change. Like they're like, well, this is my type. This is what I like.
00:19:38
Speaker
And if that's the case, then they will continue to repeat the same patterns. But if they do actually want to change, then i really then recommend finding the right therapist or the right life coach to then help move you forward and retrain your brain. And is there certain steps you can do yourself? Because something I love to talk about is journaling.
00:20:03
Speaker
Actually, just recorded, well, this might be before after, i don't know, an episode on journaling. It obviously takes a lot of awareness to get to that point, but it really brings your attention to what you start to to what you're writing.
00:20:16
Speaker
I also really love journaling, and I get a lot from it, but not everyone likes to write out how they're feeling. It can be uncomfortable. If you're someone that's used to toxic relationships and being with people that make you feel up and down, then I think a small step to heal yourself is carving out moments so of quiet and calm for yourself so that you're not craving that up and down feeling all the time. So if you're training yourself to feel comfortable in peace and calm,
00:20:53
Speaker
then that will extend and then you will become more comfortable in those
Personal Development and Relationship Readiness
00:20:57
Speaker
times. Whether that's going for a walk on your own in silence, just looking at nature, whether that's reading a book, whether that's meditating, whether that's just simply drinking a cup of tea or coffee with your thoughts, like having those times that are like down times, are quiet.
00:21:18
Speaker
And that also helps you to develop your skills of listening to your body and mind as well, because you're sitting with yourself. So those are my small steps that you can do.
00:21:30
Speaker
It's something that I started doing myself and also really enjoy my time by myself. Started taking solo trips, go to restaurants by myself. Like you say, it's not just about doing it, but also being comfortable in that because a lot of people can be quite uncomfortable being by themselves because they're alone with their thoughts in their own company.
00:21:53
Speaker
So if you have maybe certain insecurities, that can be extremely overwhelming. Like I remember this summer, I took two solo trips.
00:22:03
Speaker
One was just a last minute trip. And I'm just noticing the difference because back in the day, if I would do that, I would hate the experience because I wasn't happy by myself. I wasn't happy with myself.
00:22:16
Speaker
I really noticed the difference this summer, I guess. And it's taken like quite a long time to get there, actually. And how much more... peaceful and safe inside your own body do you now feel after those experiences?
00:22:30
Speaker
It's almost like a trick because you're tricking yourself. You're coming out of a loop with a different action. So something I started doing, for example, that really helped me getting comfortable in the present, whatever I am being by myself, was doing things that I don't expect to do of myself.
00:22:49
Speaker
And I don't mean something, i don't mean an accomplishment. You know, I like routine, I like knowing things. So booking a last minute trip would be out of the question for me. It could be just going to the seaside, you don't need to leave the country.
00:23:03
Speaker
That thing started shifting my mindset, showed me new possibilities, and it kind of created a little gap ah So but and the loop can break and you start thinking differently.
00:23:16
Speaker
And that's what those moments of calm create. And then you extend that period of time as you get more and more comfortable. And I've even done this myself. So six years ago, i moved in on my own.
00:23:30
Speaker
And I prior to that was someone that was always surrounded by people. i didn't really have much alone time or time by myself. I was always around people, always seeing friends or around family.
00:23:42
Speaker
And when I told people I was going to then live on my own, a lot of people were like, are you sure? like Are you going to be okay? And at the time, I didn't know if I was going to be okay or if I would survive it.
00:23:55
Speaker
But it was actually the best thing for me because I had so much time then by myself. I got more and more comfortable with my own company, with calm, with peace.
00:24:07
Speaker
And I really now love like that time by myself. And I used to be such a massive extrovert and now I would say I'm more of an introverted extrovert and it just shifted so much for me same basically say the introvert extrovert thing is exactly spot on talk about self and relationships there's no good relationship without working on yourself first And it's not about being perfect because nobody's perfect. you're always growing and improving.
00:24:40
Speaker
And when you meet someone in a relationship, there are things you can only, you know, work on in a healthy relationship. So that never stops. But personal development is something that you cannot skip.
00:24:54
Speaker
The healthier relationships are when two people have done work on themselves. There's never a point in our life where we'll have done all the work and we'd have reached this pinnacle.
00:25:05
Speaker
But people that are self-aware have done work on themselves and then they enter a relationship. It is in a healthier place than if neither have done anything or one has and one hasn't.
00:25:18
Speaker
I was speaking to a friend on the podcast, actually. We were talking about this specifically, how there is this, you know, part of you that can only be almost unleashed to heal. Yeah.
00:25:29
Speaker
unleashed to heal in a healthy relationship. There's also this negative side effect of talking about self-development where people think that they should be complete and so healed to enter a relationship, but there's no such thing.
Effective Use of Dating Apps
00:25:44
Speaker
And because of social media, sometimes people present that image which is not an accurate depiction. It's an edited version of your life. And it's not how real relationships are. There's discomfort.
00:25:59
Speaker
Then communication is important. So i feel like we need to become comfortable with discomfort because, again, in society, in present-day society, it's very kind of popular for people to want things to be really comfortable for them, which includes a relationship as well.
00:26:19
Speaker
Going back to dating apps, how to use them effectively? There are so many dating apps out there. So I think firstly, picking one.
00:26:31
Speaker
I don't advise people to be on multiple dating apps because I think that adds to overwhelm and dating fatigue. I'd also say curate a really strong profile because if you put time and effort, I'm not saying spend days on your profile, but put time and effort into your profile because this is what people are going to see of you and it's a tiny little snapshot of you.
00:26:54
Speaker
So put effort into that. Be open to who you match with, you like. In this initial stages on the dating app, or you shouldn't be too picky. Like you're net should be cast wide.
00:27:08
Speaker
Because at this point, you are not committing to anyone, you're not saying yes to going on dates, you are just being open to get to know lots of different people. And I think that's the best mindset to go into a dating app with being open to who you may come across.
00:27:25
Speaker
And not being so precious about having this set type of person that you need to find or create a relationship with. Because when you have this really reduced version of someone, you are then stopping yourself from meeting lots of wonderful people because you have got this fixated view of what your person should look like.
00:27:50
Speaker
When I used to be on dating apps, I would only go on them for a set period of time. So I wouldn't be on them for prolonged periods of time because again, that adds to dating fatigue. So I would be on them for two, three months or certain parts of the year so that it's still then exciting and fun and not this like laborious thing that I'm just on for the whole year, just getting nowhere.
00:28:15
Speaker
So I'd say set yourself a time period, then be open to who you're going to meet and talk to lots of different people because there's no harm in talking to people.
Dating Intentions and Compatibility
00:28:25
Speaker
The only thing I would say is when you come across someone someone's profile, there should be like one thing you're attracted to about them and one thing you're interested in.
00:28:36
Speaker
and if you can say yes to both of those, then like or match them and see what happens. Like that is how tiny the criteria is of who you should talk to. If you look at someone's profile and there is nothing you find attractive, nothing you're curious about, then that is going to be a waste of your time.
00:28:53
Speaker
If you look at someone's profile you're like, oh, I like their smile or I like the joke they put on their profile and I want to see if they are a funny person. Then match with them or like them and see what happens. Like be open to being like, okay, let's see where this goes.
00:29:09
Speaker
ah like that. What would you say about dating intentions? You know, how they have, they have like long-term. You know, Bumble, I think, actually added marriage recently.
00:29:21
Speaker
There's so many different dating intentions on apps. And I think it is important. I love that marriage has been added. There are a lot of people that would like to get married and there's equally a lot of people that don't see the value in marriage and don't want to get married. And I think that is something that's quite crucial and something that could potentially be like, okay, well, this is too big of a difference for us to make it work.
00:29:43
Speaker
So I think that's important. And someone's dating intentions are really important because Someone could just be coming onto a dating app very, very newly single, just wanting to kind of like distract themselves and not really interested in something long-term.
00:29:57
Speaker
But there's someone else that could be like, okay, no, I'm i'm really ready for something long-term and I want that healthy, the stable relationship. So both of those people are in two very different places.
00:30:07
Speaker
And I think it's important to know where the other person's at. But what I often find on dating apps is that people will have written one thing but their actual actual intentions are what they actually want.
00:30:22
Speaker
Could it be further from what they've written? Sometimes I do take people's dating profiles with a pinch of salt and that's where you then from conversations and talking to them find out where they're at and you'll very quickly find out what someone's looking for, I think.
00:30:37
Speaker
If you're serious yourself, it's fine to be quite forward with people. I knew someone who is now married and and has a baby. But she was telling me the story of how she met her husband.
00:30:51
Speaker
They were working together and then he asked her out and she wasn't sure if it was a date or not. She knew she wanted to have, you know, she wanted to get married and all that. And she told him, she said, the next person i date is the person I'll marry.
00:31:05
Speaker
He stayed and they're married and it was really lovely. I think it's really good to be upfront about what you're looking for and what you want. But I think there's sometimes people don't do it in a way that's kind of too intense for the other person. So it's different to say, I would like to get married and I would like to have kids to being like, I would like to get married in the next year and have like the way you present something can be so different.
00:31:35
Speaker
And if you're then presenting it as like something that you're almost trying to force the other person into like agreeing to, then they can feel quite backed into a corner. And then that kind of repels them against you. Whereas if you're just open in a way that's like not putting it on that person as a pressure for them, but just being simply saying, this is what I would like with the right person.
00:31:58
Speaker
then you're putting your standard out there but not making it come across that you're forcing whoever you're talking to into that. Actually, I saw this on Instagram the other day. i would imagine it's a spoof.
00:32:09
Speaker
I would imagine it's not real. Someone was asking, I wonder why I'm not getting any matches on the dating app. And they did this crawl thing where they showed the pictures and... It was like six pictures of the girl in the wedding dress.
00:32:24
Speaker
And I think it was a spoof. It was getting more and more dramatic with each picture. And it was like, the way to ask me out is by asking me to get married. Give me travel tips for our honeymoon. i hope that was a parody, but that is brilliant.
Balancing Expectations and Openness
00:32:37
Speaker
going back to this whole self and present and being grounded, being comfortable with who you are, i think automatically will mean that you're intentional and specific.
00:32:50
Speaker
That's about the important things. That's not about you know the height or what color eyes they have. That's about the values. I agree with that. i think that's really important. But it's about creating a list where These are the things that I don't want to negotiate on or compromise on. And these are the things I could compromise on for the right person as well.
00:33:11
Speaker
You want to be as open to people as possible and not closed off because of the list you've created. Maybe we can compromise on the Velcro wallet after all.