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00:00:01
The Illusion of Doing More: The Truth Behind What We See Online
70 Plays2 months ago
In this solo episode, I break down the illusion that people online are always doing more than us — and why what we see on social media rarely reflects reality. Inspired by a message I received, I dive into how curated posts shape our perception, why we assume others are constantly achieving, and what’s actually happening behind the scenes.
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Transcript
Introduction and Inspiration
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to Connected with Eva. I wanted to start this episode with a quick story. So two years ago, i worked with a lovely girl at a fashion show. which was unpaid, by the way, as many of them are, and we kept in touch afterwards. Recently, she reached out, and if you're listening, honestly, your message is what sparked today's episode because I was feeling a little uninspired.
Comparison Culture on Social Media
00:00:23
Speaker
So I definitely needed that message to prompt the idea for today's episode.
00:00:28
Speaker
Your message reminded me of something so many of us struggle with, this feeling that everyone else is doing more, achieving more, living more. And in the age of social media, it's like comparison has become a full-time hobby, except no one chose it, no one wants it, no one likes the feeling it creates.
00:00:48
Speaker
Today I want to talk about social media, impact, comparison, self-perception, and the way our and insecurities quietly shape how we interpret what we see out there.
00:01:00
Speaker
I want this to be a reminder that we are all human. and numbers are floating above the messiness of life, no matter what that grid looks like. The message I mentioned, and similar ones I get pretty regularly from other people online, often sound something like, how are you working so much? How do you get so many opportunities?
00:01:22
Speaker
You're always doing something. And I have to laugh because often the day I receive those messages, I am in bed, here in mess, zero motivation, absolutely not working so much.
00:01:35
Speaker
Sometimes I'm not working at all. And what's funny or kind of sad really is that even while someone is telling me they think I'm doing everything, I'm looking at someone else thinking they are doing everything.
00:01:49
Speaker
It kind of becomes like a chain of comparison.
Curated Reality vs. Actual Lifestyles
00:01:52
Speaker
I'm comparing myself to others. Someone else is comparing themselves to me and someone out there is probably comparing themselves to them. It's endless and it's just how social media is structured.
00:02:05
Speaker
It's the way it makes your act. And this is the part we forget. Social media is a tiny window into a very curated reality. It's not like it's fake, right? But it's filtered, selective, controlled.
00:02:19
Speaker
And when you only see the highlights, you fill in the blanks with assumptions. You see someone's peak moment and assume that every moment before or after looks exactly the same.
00:02:29
Speaker
The truth is we don't react to what we see. We react to the story we tell ourselves about what we see. We create a narrative from a picture. Our brain creates that narrative. It fills in all the gaps.
00:02:41
Speaker
So you see someone posting daily workout clips and suddenly you think, wow, they're so disciplined. I'm falling behind. Actually, I've been going to the gym for like three weeks, almost every day.
00:02:52
Speaker
yeah It's just how it works with comparison. But maybe that person, you know, who's posting these workout clips, they recorded all of them in one day. Maybe because they, you know, they were feeling good and now they're exhausted and haven't worked out in a week. Maybe, maybe not, but you don't know. We never know.
00:03:10
Speaker
It's just what we assume. You know, you might see someone traveling constantly, but maybe those pictures are from one holiday they took three months ago. You know, you see someone announcing something in you and you think, I should be doing more. I'm not doing enough. Why? Like there's more things that I could be doing.
00:03:25
Speaker
But maybe what that person announced is something they've been sitting on for a year, questioning, doubting, procrastinating, and you're only seeing
The Impact of 'Should' Language
00:03:33
Speaker
the final 1%. one percent When you as a viewer see that, you're like, oh, there's something brewing here. I'm not doing anything, but we might be doing so much.
00:03:41
Speaker
On social media, we mistake visibility for consistency, and we mistake consistency for success. In all that observation of what's happening out there, we forget to celebrate our own consistencies. We forget to see them. We forget to notice them. We forget to see our bigger picture.
00:04:00
Speaker
Another part of this is projection. We project our insecurities onto other people's content, even when they didn't intend to give off anything. Social media becomes this mirror, but a distorted one, where what you see is more about your own fears than the person you're looking at.
00:04:19
Speaker
If you're feeling insecure about your career, about where you are right now, everyone online certainly looks like they're thriving professionally. If you're feeling stagnant, even the smallest achievements from others feel like giant reminders of where you should be, and that where it should is toxic.
00:04:37
Speaker
Should is the language of insecurity. Should is the word that removes us from the present moment and what we're actually doing right now and all the accomplishments we have at this very moment.
00:04:49
Speaker
You could say, I should be doing more. I should be achieving faster. i should be further along. And that's all just imaginary. When you start saying these things, it's never enough.
00:04:59
Speaker
There's always more. Who said the timeline? Often it's just the pressure we absorb from seeing others post their best moments. I mean, actually, what were our lives before social media?
00:05:10
Speaker
One thing comparison steals quietly without asking, and that's very important, is gratitude. Because when you're constantly looking at what others have, you lose sight of what you have.
00:05:23
Speaker
And gratitude needs presence. It needs stillness. It needs a moment to breathe. But if you're always scrolling, always comparing, always measuring yourself against others, there's no room left to appreciate your own life.
00:05:37
Speaker
It's like living in a house full of beautiful things, but only staring out the window at someone
Using Social Media as a Tool
00:05:43
Speaker
else's. So the beautiful things in your own house start rotting. No achievement feels big enough.
00:05:49
Speaker
No moment feels satisfying enough. Because you're already thinking about the next thing you need to do to catch up to someone else. But catch up to what? To whom? To a curated highlight reel you didn't even have the full context for?
00:06:03
Speaker
Because we never do. and when we don't have the context, we create it in our brains. Now, I'm obviously not anti-social media. I think it's an amazing tool. It creates opportunities, connections, visibility, and some of us even work. I get a lot of work through Instagram and it would be ridiculous for me to not use it.
00:06:21
Speaker
i've also met a lot of friends through instagram i actually really like that side of it but that's the key word tool it should be something we use not something that uses us and it helps to remember that social media is not real life it's a representation a slice you wouldn't judge your entire life by one photograph so why judge someone else's life We want photographs.
Setting Boundaries with Social Media
00:06:46
Speaker
We need boundaries, not necessarily strict digital detoxes or deleting everything. Again, that might not be possible. But emotional boundaries, mental boundaries, I feel so much better when I don't start my day vlogging on Instagram and doing scrolling.
00:07:02
Speaker
And again, back to the mental boundaries. It's reminding yourself, I'm scrolling through curated moments, not full stories. Or noticing when scrolling shifts your mood and stopping. Again, that takes some work because it is actually a dopamine hit and you know your brain starts requiring it more and more and more.
00:07:21
Speaker
It's also asking, is this inspiring me or draining me? and Like I said, not scrolling first thing in the morning or also last thing at night. No one teaches us how to use social media in a healthy way.
00:07:32
Speaker
So we have to teach ourselves. I want to offer a little mindset shift, something you can ask yourself when comparison kicks in. Instead of, I should be doing more, ask, do I actually want to be doing what they're doing?
00:07:44
Speaker
Often the answer is no. You don't want someone else's lifestyle. You just want the feeling you imagine they have. It's all about feelings for us human beings, you know, but that feeling, confidence, excitement, purpose, belonging, you can create those in your own life, in your own way, without copying anyone. But to be able to create that in our own lives, we need to be present in our own lives.
Desiring Lifestyles vs. Personal Narratives
00:08:07
Speaker
So it's about breaking that vicious circle, not the question. If no one could see what I'm doing, would I still be doing it? Would I still want to do it? If the answer is yes, that's alignment.
00:08:19
Speaker
If the answer is no, maybe it's just comparison dressing itself up as ambition. Let's remember something important. Everyone posts through their insecurities.
00:08:29
Speaker
Even the most successful, polished, accomplished people online are human. Everyone has doubts. Everyone has bad days. Everyone can feel overwhelmed. Everyone can question their past, can compare themselves to everyone else.
00:08:44
Speaker
And everyone also has imposter syndrome sometimes. All of these things are true. you know, I don't care how perfect someone's page looks. No one is immune to the human experience.
00:08:54
Speaker
And often people post the most when they feel the least secure. Because posting becomes a way to feel enough or visible or validated. You know, because like me, you'll get a message saying, your life is amazing, how do you do it?
00:09:09
Speaker
Remind yourself that you're only seeing a frame, not the film. You don't know what someone else's life is like, what their reality is like. We are too addicted to creating stories.
00:09:20
Speaker
We are storytellers. So we need to create the right stories, not about someone else's reality. When the girl from the fashion show reached out, her message reminded me that the way people see you is rarely the way you see yourself. She saw someone working constantly, achieving constantly, always doing something.
00:09:37
Speaker
Meanwhile, I know the full story, I know the days i do nothing, the moments I feel stuck, which could be quite often, the things that terrify me, the times I doubt everything, but people only to see the highlights.
00:09:49
Speaker
And you know what? That made me realize something important. You never know who's watching you and feeling inspired, even when you feel like you're not doing enough.
Conclusion: Embracing Unique Journeys
00:09:58
Speaker
I talked tell a little bit about this in a previous episode, and it's about the ripple effect your energy has without you realizing.
00:10:06
Speaker
You might actually be inspiring someone during what you consider your quiet or unproductive times. So I want to leave you with a few gentle reminders. You are not behind.
00:10:17
Speaker
You're not less than. You're doing your life at your own pace, and that is enough. What you see online is not the whole story, not even close. Comparison is normal, but it doesn't have to control you.
00:10:31
Speaker
Social media is a tool. It should be used as such. It's not a measuring stick. And gratitude grows when you stop looking sideways and start looking inward.
00:10:42
Speaker
It's okay to want things. It's okay to have goals. But don't let someone else's highlight reel dictate how you feel about your journey. Or miss it altogether. Because when we focus on something else but ourselves, in our own lives, we could miss our own highlight reel.
00:10:59
Speaker
You're allowed to be proud of where you are now, even if you're still growing, even if you're still figuring things out. Because we all are.