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The Real Reason You’re Not ‘Over It Yet’ — And What Resilience Really Means
45 Plays4 months ago
Resilience is how quickly you get back to feeling safe after life shakes you — whether it’s a breakup, setback, or a difficult moment. In this solo episode, I explore what that really means and share simple ways to find your centre again.
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Transcript
Introduction and Call to Action
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to Connected with Eva. I hope you've had a lovely week. If you enjoy what please follow, subscribe, rate and review. I'm so glad you're here, wherever you are, maybe on a walk, at home or just taking a quiet moment for yourself.
Understanding Resilience
00:00:15
Speaker
Today I want to talk about something that I heard this week that really stuck with me. It said, resilience is how quickly you return to pace.
00:00:26
Speaker
Resilience isn't about how strong you are at all, about pretending everything is okay and holding a front never being shaken even. It's about how fast you can find your way back to feeling grounded, safe and like yourself again.
00:00:42
Speaker
So in this episode, we'll unpack what that means, what's actually happening in your brain when you're thrown off balance, and how you can train yourself to return to base ground faster. So what does resilience actually mean?
00:00:54
Speaker
Real resilience, I've learned, is about flexibility. It's like being bamboo in the storm. It bends, but it doesn't break. Because in your core, you know who you are a person.
00:01:06
Speaker
Bamboo moves with the wind, but it always returns upright again. So that's what resilience is. It's the time it takes for you to come back to your center after life knocks you off balance, after you hear something, after a situation happens in your life.
00:01:21
Speaker
How quickly do you get back to that center of safety? Think about it. You get criticized, right? How long does it take before you stop replaying that comment in your head? This week something happened.
00:01:32
Speaker
It was a huge, huge problem and it kept going on for a few days without any resolution. And the first time it happened on Monday, was like, you know what, it's fine. And then it kept continuing. So the problem was not resolved for about four days.
00:01:49
Speaker
And the more it was going on, the more I was getting fixated with an outcome that would be favorable favorable to me. And this whole process really made it difficult for me to get back to center because the more involved I was in it, the more difficult it was.
00:02:07
Speaker
you You know, you hear something and then, okay, so that doesn't affect me anymore because your interaction almost with that problem is so minuscule. But if something's happening for a long time, that's where resilience really shines.
00:02:21
Speaker
How quickly is it for you when something is persistently inconvenient, let's use that word, for you to go back to a place where you feel in control again?
00:02:33
Speaker
You have an argument with someone. How long before your chest unclenches and you feel connected again? That lack time, that's your resilience in action. The shorter that gap becomes, the more emotionally agile you are.
00:02:47
Speaker
Resilience doesn't mean you don't get shaken. You should get shaken. We're humans. It just means you don't get shaken for as long.
Brain's Reaction to Stress
00:02:56
Speaker
So let's talk about what's happening in your brain when you're thrown off.
00:03:01
Speaker
Because once you understand it, you stop blaming yourself for feeling this way. So when something stressful happens, your amygdala, the brain's alarm center, lights up.
00:03:13
Speaker
It's the part that says, danger, something's wrong. It floods your body with stress hormones, adrenaline, cortisol, preparing you to fight, flee or freeze.
00:03:25
Speaker
Now, ideally, your prefrontal cortex, the rational part of your brain, steps in to calm things down. It says, hey, we're safe, there's no tiger, there's no lion, you know, let's think this through.
00:03:39
Speaker
That's what helps you recover from emotional or physical stress. But when we're exhausted, overwhelmed, or emotionally raw, that connection between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex weakens.
00:03:51
Speaker
You stay stuck in alarm mode longer. obviously, the longer you're stuck in something, the more it stays, the more it soaks into your whole being and it becomes a part of you. And then it's more even more difficult to come out of it.
00:04:05
Speaker
Resilience is how fast that connection restores itself, how quickly your prefrontal cortex re-engages. So you move from reacting to responding.
00:04:17
Speaker
Every time you practice calming yourself after something stressful, you're literally strengthening that connection. You're training your brain to recover faster the next time.
Building Resilience Through Neuroplasticity
00:04:27
Speaker
That's neuroplasticity, your brain's ability to rewire itself.
00:04:31
Speaker
It learns that you're safe and that not every trigger means danger. And here's another key player, the vagus nerve. When you take deep breaths, hum, or even gently lengthen your exhale,
00:04:44
Speaker
you activate this nerve. It signals your body to shift from fight or flight into rest and recover. So yes, every time you take a deep breath after being triggered, you're literally telling your body, we're safe now.
00:05:00
Speaker
And have you noticed when you're in a situation of stress, sometimes you forget to breathe properly? So that's not just mindfulness, that's neuroscience. So let's talk about practical ways to return to base.
00:05:14
Speaker
Pause and name it. When you're upset, say to yourself, I'm feeling anxious right now. I'm feeling hurt. It sounds simple, but naming emotions activates the logical side of your brain and quiets the emotional search.
00:05:29
Speaker
It's like you're holding your own hand through it. Ground in the present. Bring your awareness to where you are. Feel your feet. Take a slow breath.
00:05:40
Speaker
Notice something around you. When your body remembers that you're in this moment, your mind follows. Try this. Inhale slowly for four counts.
00:05:51
Speaker
Hold for two. Exhale for six. That longer exhale activates your vagus nerve and gently brings you home to calm. Reframe the question instead of why is this happening to me?
00:06:05
Speaker
Ask what is this teaching me? That one shift moves you from helplessness to agency. You're no longer trapped in the story. You're learning from it.
Daily Habits for Resilience
00:06:16
Speaker
Sometimes resilience is as physical as it is emotional. Sleep, hydration, movement, they all reset your nervous system. Resilience lives in the small, consistent things you do every day, not just in how you handle a crisis.
00:06:34
Speaker
If you think about athletes, they don't train only when the big game arrives. They train every day so that when the pressure hits, their body already knows what to do. It's all about teaching our body that the situation isn't dangerous to us.
00:06:47
Speaker
Also, something that I think I've mentioned before that I love doing is inner child work because a lot of the times when we act out of alignment and we're in fight or flight, it's because we don't feel safe and we don't feel safe because we were never taught to feel safe. When we were children, we weren't safe. And we were growing up, we never established that safety within ourselves.
00:07:07
Speaker
So something I studied doing recently that love is working your inner child. And maybe this is something for a whole other episode, but it's teaching your younger self that they're safe, that they're not alone, that they're all loved, that visualizing them in front of you, being there for
Inner Child Work and Safety
00:07:27
Speaker
them. And that over a period of time really changes how you feel within yourself.
00:07:33
Speaker
See how that goes. Maybe journal, again, my favorite thing in the world. Write down your observations. See what changes happen over a period of time when you work but within the child.
00:07:47
Speaker
So take a moment with me right now. Think about the last time you felt really thrown off. As I said, for me, it was only this week. Maybe it was something small, like an argument or a mistake.
00:08:01
Speaker
Maybe something big that shook your sense of safety. What helped you return to base? Was it a conversation, a walk, a breath, a journal page?
00:08:12
Speaker
Every one of those tools, that's resilience. You don't need to be unshakable. You just need to remember how to come back to yourself. Here's the truth. Even the most resilient people fall apart sometimes.
00:08:26
Speaker
They cry, they pause, they get lost. The difference is they don't stay lost as long. They've built a map back home to their center of safety.
00:08:37
Speaker
Resilience isn't built during the storm. It's revealed in how we find calm afterward. And every time you come back a little faster, a little softer, you're expanding your strength.
Self-Reflection and Improvement Challenge
00:08:50
Speaker
I've noticed such a significant change a few years ago, a few months ago even. If something happened, one of the biggest reasons for me to not be able to get back to that safety center is because I never felt safe to begin with.
00:09:05
Speaker
If something happened, I would feel alone. would feel quite lost, certainly shaken. I wouldn't know what to do. i would feel really sorry for myself.
00:09:16
Speaker
And that was all because I just felt unsafe to begin with. And recently, since I started doing all the work, I started feeling safe. And when you do feel safe to begin with,
00:09:29
Speaker
It's easier to go back because you recognize this place. You already know. it already feels familiar to you. Because if something isn't familiar, something is a foreign ground, how are you supposed to be able to find it so naturally? you need to get acquainted with safety first.
00:09:47
Speaker
So, here's my challenge for you this week. Notice your return time. When something shakes you, pay attention to how long it takes to feel okay again. And celebrate every time that recovery happens a little quicker.
Conclusion on Resilience
00:10:01
Speaker
Because resilience isn't about never falling. It's about how gracefully you rise. Thank you for spending this time with me today on Connected with Eva. If this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need a reminder that strength isn't about holding on tight.
00:10:17
Speaker
It's about finding your way home. and Until next time, stay connected.