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The Power of Healthy Delusion: How to Stretch, Grow & Own Your Reality With Lauren Ray
34 Plays3 months ago
In today’s episode, Lauren Ray from Never Just Fine dives into how a healthy kind of delusion can help you move through fear, rethink anxiety, and step into possibilities you’ve been too hesitant to claim. We explore why imposter syndrome might actually be a sign of growth, how to feel safer in the unknown, and how small shifts in what you imagine — and what you consume — can reshape your entire reality.
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to Connected with Eva, the space where we dive deep into what it really means to grow, heal, and live intentionally. Today we have someone truly special joining us, Lauren Ray, the brilliant mind and heart behind Never Just Fine.
00:00:16
Speaker
Lauren's work is all about reminding us we were never meant to simply settle for a fine. She helps people reconnect with their purpose, embrace their worth, and design lives that feel as good as they look.
00:00:29
Speaker
Lauren's perspective will open your mind to the kind of faith, imagination, and self-belief that turns ordinary moments into extraordinary transformations.
Understanding Healthy Delusion
00:00:39
Speaker
So, take a breath, tune in, and let's get connected.
00:00:44
Speaker
Being delusional has been popping up recently because it makes the whole idea in our law of attraction... visualizing manifestation, it makes it really accessible. Why should we allow a little bit of healthy delusion in our lives? Well, i love this question. I'm really glad that you phrased it the way that you did, that you phrase it healthy delusion, because there is an unhealthy delusion. And I think, you know, a lot of people may then suddenly listen to this and well, how will I know if it's healthy? Like, you know, you're self-aware enough, you you can have
00:01:17
Speaker
an awareness. I always say have one foot grounded in reality and in gratitude of what you already have and one foot of what could be. And for me, that's the healthy delusion. It's like, yes, like really know exactly where you are, what your reality actually is with one foot in the possibilities. And for me, delusional thing is more about programming your brain to be comfortable and expect safety in things that are currently yet not known because our brains are wired for safety and to keep us in our what we call comfort zones, but I think it's more the familiar zone because just because it's our familiar zone does not mean it's comfortable by any means, but it it's wired to keep us in what it already knows. And so that whole delusional aspect of it is allowing yourself to believe that beyond what your current existence is possible,
00:02:04
Speaker
and And I think what I love about this is that a healthy delusional mindset it's much more possible now because we have access to people that are outside of our
Navigating Anxiety and Progress
00:02:14
Speaker
bubbles. You know, even 15 years ago, you only really were exposed to the people that you were exposed to, that like your family exposed you to. And so the idea that you could have a different type of lifestyle, that you could live in a different particular way, that you could earn more money than your parents earned. You could make very different choices like to have kids, not have kids. Every possible choice is now available. And I think that the illusional aspect is for me is that allowing yourself to believe that what life could be is could be more than what you already ever experienced.
00:02:43
Speaker
And that's kind of what it is without it being the unhealthy form where you just have no touch on reality whatsoever. And you know you're expecting yourself to become a millionaire in 24 hours for like no reason there's like no action's been taken but if I think I believe that I'm deluded I was like no no one foot in reality one foot in healthy delusions so there's so many things to unpack there first of all the safety aspect If you want something and if you dream of something and if you envision something for yourself, the moment you're either really close to getting it or actually getting it, how do you feel?
00:03:18
Speaker
do you feel safe or do you feel unsafe? And that realization really shocked me because I had a few experiences where I felt extremely anxious and I was focusing on all the tiny little maybe negative details that I dig to find.
00:03:35
Speaker
It was something I really wanted, but it was so unfamiliar to me thus far. So my whole nervous system was like, We don't feel safe. So let's talk about how do you get safe with what you want, with achievement, with progress?
00:03:50
Speaker
That feeling of scare, like anxiety, stress. If you really think about what it feels like to be scared and stressed and anxious, sometimes it kind of is the same as when you're excited. I've done a lot of things where I am both equally excited and nervous. and I can't differentiate between the two in the moment. And it depends on what I'm focusing on is what I then label that feeling as.
00:04:11
Speaker
So that's one thing. It's also recognizing, are we labeling the feeling correctly always? Ultimately, you know, our bodies and our minds are hardwired for what is familiar. Let's say you want to move abroad and you've never lived abroad before. As you say, you can imagine it and you get nervous. What if I don't know anybody there? What if it's really difficult? what You know, all of the what ifs come in, the digging and the fear can come up because it's so out of your territory. One way you can start to support yourself through that is I always like to combine it with what I think is conscious coaching and somatic sort of nervous system support where consciously, carefully and kind of kindly challenge those other thoughts that come up. You know, well, I have a contingency plan. Like, you know, really was provide it with some logic, some grounding, some whatever you need to kind of create safety around the actual reality of what you're creating. you know Some people have a lot of fear about taxes. They're like, well, go and speak to an accountant. like There are some things that you can do to create evidence and support in that sense.
00:05:04
Speaker
But from a nervous system
Embracing Discomfort for Growth
00:05:05
Speaker
perspective, the more you visualize and practice imagining yourself in that situation, feeling safe and feeling calm, even if the anxious comes up and say, I'm still safe. It really is sometimes as simple as the visualization of what you're trying to step into And in that visualization, telling yourself that you're safe, breathing into it, allowing your nervous system to be okay with experiencing this feeling.
00:05:31
Speaker
I don't have to tell you, but like most people numb their emotions so much. I mean, it's like binging, eating and, you know, drinking or like just scrolling because we can't sit with the emotions. And for me, the biggest superpower that anybody can have is to learn to get comfortable in discomfort, you know, and just learning to feel that you're still safe, even if you feel uncomfortable.
00:05:51
Speaker
I love that so much. And it's something i actually talk about quite a lot. Because again, my own personal experience in my early 20s, I would not be able to sit by myself, with myself. My thoughts or even my reality that was brought upon by my thoughts was something I didn't like.
00:06:13
Speaker
So any alone time when my thoughts would come to the surface was so overwhelming, I would just feel sorry for myself all lonely. All of these, you know, all of these things are recently. I started really enjoying being By myself. Because that's the thing, when you feel safe within yourself, you're comfortable going out and risking things, going out and experiencing new things, going out and being a little bit uncomfortable, like you said.
00:06:44
Speaker
Even in the process of like learning this skill of being comfortable in discomfort, like I don't feel like anybody should expect themselves to even feel comfortable within themselves immediately. But it's like, you're okay. You know, I sometimes say to people that this is such new territory, like do this kind of practice in a really literal or safe way. Like obviously don't do anything crazy that puts you in physical danger and do things on your own. But like go to the cinema on your own. Go and have lunch.
00:07:06
Speaker
on your own without or being on your phone the whole time and just sit in whatever thoughts, discomfort comes up, you know whatever your version of that, everyone's going to have their own version because some people are like, I go to cinema on my own all the time. Okay, fine. Find something that's a bit more, a different stretch for you, but find safe ways that stretch you a little bit, that put you in that feeling of discomfort, like go to an improv class, go to a dance class. like Someone invited me recently to go to an improv class and I could feel my whole body feeling so uncomfortable at the thought. And I thought, well, now I have to do it because there's something in that that is so uncomfortable, the thought of doing that, that I really want to allow myself. That's a stretch zone for me because I do a lot of things on my own and I have no no problem being on my own and doing things on my own because I'm i'm so used to it now.
00:07:51
Speaker
So when I find myself going, oh, no, no, no. I go, oh, that's a stretch for me. Okay, well, let me stretch my capacity. And it's safe to do it. And it's it's not that I have to expect myself to feel comfortable doing an improv class. But what I can expect myself is to remind myself I'm safe because I will literally
Rethinking Confidence and Imposter Syndrome
00:08:09
Speaker
be safe.
00:08:09
Speaker
And that's where you start to stretch that capacity. I was just thinking, what am I still too uncomfortable doing by myself? And the thought that popped up was going to bars by myself.
00:08:20
Speaker
I only to go out to to bars or places like that with friends. I never even would consider the possibility of going by myself. Well, now, you know, you have to go to like a nice wine bar this weekend. It's friday theres a weekend coming up. You got to go for a nice wine bar and just sit and have a glass of wine on your own. You think sometimes you're safe doing things because also there's progress. You can actually see progress, but you don't think of the things that you still haven't experienced.
00:08:46
Speaker
Because growth is not, it doesn't stop. So you have to keep pushing your boundaries of comfort in that kind of way that is going to help you grow. Exactly. and i And I think it's also recognizing that you'll be comfortable and stretched in one area.
00:09:02
Speaker
And then as like, there's examples we've just given, but then we'll come up against a different part of ourselves, a different aspect, a different experience that stretches us. And so many people come up to me or not come up to me, but like reach out to me about my coaching to ask about like,
00:09:15
Speaker
you know I want to be more confident in and this particular area, but they kind of phrase it like they're not confident at all in life. They're like, I'm not a confident person. And I'm like, well, that's not true because there will be things that you are confident in. Even if it's just confident that you can get dressed in the morning. like If you want to go that basic, we can, but there will be things that you have confidence in. It's just that what you're telling me is that you don't have confidence in this particular thing that you want to do, whether it's confidence speaking on stage, confidence starting a business.
00:09:40
Speaker
This is just a new avenue, but we can apply the learnings of where you have been confident somewhere else or where you've become comfortable there. Like everything was once new and scary. And there are so many things now that we take for granted. Like even just you and I having a conversation. We just met 13 minutes ago and we're already chatting. This for me would have been terrifying not that long ago.
00:09:59
Speaker
And so now it's a comfortable thing. And so, yeah, now I have to go to improv class. two things here. First of all, imposter syndrome. Second of all, the opinion we have of how others see us.
00:10:11
Speaker
Because I feel like there's a little bit of a mix between them as well. Imposter syndrome is kind of related also how we assume others see us. We might actually say, I'm not a confident person, but that At work, you're the one who is managing a team or people are always reaching out to you because they know you're of ah confident in that area.
00:10:34
Speaker
I feel like imposter syndrome is one of the reasons that many people don't start something they want to do because they're like, I'm not good enough or I'm not accomplished enough. I don't have experience in this field.
00:10:47
Speaker
So I'm not going to start because there are people who would do better. They do it better now. There's so much better. There's that imposter syndrome in relation to comparison. And I feel like it's really and detrimental to our to growth because we just don't grow if we don't do things.
00:11:04
Speaker
Exactly. And I have so many mixed feelings about imposter syndrome. like I kind of contradict myself sometimes even when I talk about it, but I don't think imposter syndrome is always necessarily a bad thing.
00:11:14
Speaker
Sometimes I have clients who come to me and say they have imposter syndrome. and know it's It's that feeling of what going to fined out because you've never done this before. And actually there is that signal to you that in some cases it's like correct that you feel that because actually it's something so new that actually they're going to feel that feeling of like, oh my God, I shouldn't belong here because you've never been in this room before.
00:11:32
Speaker
And it's going to take you a while to feel comfortable, but we've misinterpreted it as a problem. If you feel imposter syndrome, kind of take that as a green flag that you are growing and stretching because nobody feels imposter syndrome just sitting at home on the couch doing nothing. Sometimes, I'm not saying you should seek it out, but like sometimes it's just a signal that you are stretching, that you are putting yourselves in bigger rooms. You are stepping up in whatever particular arena that is. The other thing I find really interesting is that over the last five years I've been doing this work, I've noticed that what happens often with imposter syndrome, it's not only about how we see ourselves, but it's the misinterpretation or the misunderstanding of what a particular age or particular job or a particular thing should feel like.
00:12:14
Speaker
The number of clients that have come to me and said, you know I just don't feel like a grown-up, like ah what a 40-year-old CEO should feel like, or I don't feel like I'm a successful but you know I don't feel like a successful business owner. I'm like, what does a 40-year-old CEO feel like?
00:12:28
Speaker
It's the projection and the and the misunderstanding of what we are thinking we should feel. But that's totally wrong. you know it's It's normally wildly incorrect. And we've projected this magical, mystical version of what it should feel like when you hit 40, what it should feel like when you finally get a management job. But it's total nonsense. And so it's also a combination of our perception and our opinions about ourselves and And also a total misunderstanding about what life should feel like sometimes. I'm like, yeah, nobody feels like that. That's crazy. I still feel like I'm like in my 20s and I am in my late 30s.
00:13:03
Speaker
I'm not going to then say I have imposter syndrome about being 30 in my late 30s. I'm going to say I have a wildly misrepresented understanding of what 38 should feel like. We want to be somewhere in comparison to someone who's way ahead in that journey.
Harnessing Positive Delusion
00:13:17
Speaker
They started, we didn't see their start. Nobody saw their start because when they were starting, they weren't visible.
00:13:24
Speaker
When someone starts a project, a career podcast or you know coaching, whatever it is, they might compare themselves to someone who's years into that journey.
00:13:36
Speaker
i was like, no, no, but I'm not there. So obviously, you know I'm not doing it properly. I'm not doing it like this. I'm not doing it like that. So there are all these expectations based off comparison.
00:13:48
Speaker
Which is mostly comparing ourselves to total nonsense or misleading information or, as you say, comparing your day one day someone to day 1,000. It's just like most of the time we are binding ourselves and tying ourselves down with ropes that has no, I mean, this is terminology, but like it has no basis on anything. It's just made up stuff, you know, sort of this illusion that we've tied ourselves in and got ourselves all tangled for nothing a lot of the time. And that's what I find so fascinating about the human psyche. You know going back to delusional, I mean, you know, it's kind of wild how delusional we can be about what life should look and feel like.
00:14:22
Speaker
We tend to get delusional about the negative things. So then why can't we get delusional about the positive things? I mean, exactly. People spend, what's that quote? It's like 99% of the things you worry that will ever happen will never happen. It's like, or something, you know, there are plenty things I've worried about, none of which have ever happened. But it's like, we are so, so skilled and highly skilled at being insanely delusional about all the worst case possibilities and all the most horrific things could happen to us. And we we pretend we know what people are thinking. We're that delusional that we believe that we can project
00:14:56
Speaker
oh, Susan just looked at me. She's thinking this. You don't know what Susan's thinking. Your belief that you can read minds is delusional. So we do have the capacity to make things up. And yet we don't channel that energy and that skill that we have as human beings into positive things. Like I actually really almost have fun with this sometimes. I'm a musician as well as a coach. And there are times where I'm on stage and luckily a lot of the time you can't see people's faces. But occasionally the lighting on the stage and the audience is just so that you can see like maybe the first couple of rows.
00:15:26
Speaker
And so much about being a performer is just not pretending that you know what anybody's thinking. And because your mind does go, oh, that person yawned or that person looks very deadpan. And it's much easier for our brains to go, that person's bored, that person hates me. So I have fun with it. And I'm like, that person is an the person yawning. That person's an avid music goer. They've gone to three shows in a row.
00:15:48
Speaker
And it's there's nothing to do with me. Like, I'm like, they just love music so much. and they're so excited. The person who's deadpan, they're just so connected with the music. Their face hasn't even... pack I just make up totally more positive things as a way to play with that strength that we have. Because otherwise...
00:16:04
Speaker
I'm you know not using my powers for good. When you go out socially or when you're around people, whether it's work, you're interacting with people. For example, even this week, I had a job where someone's sense of humor was quite, I guess, a little bit sarcastic in a way.
00:16:17
Speaker
Does he not like me? And actually, this could literally just be this person's personality. We, as human beings, love to be the center of the universe.
00:16:28
Speaker
We always think whether there somebody's mad at us, somebody, you know, like is misinterpreting what we're saying and, you know, never wants to see again. We get quite dramatic about these things. Someone could actually be having a bad day and not react to us positively. And that, again, has nothing to do with this.
00:16:45
Speaker
We do have a tendency to tendency to think that we're far more impactful than we normally are. like It's kind of egotistical to think that we have that much power that... Our very presence could be that impactful on someone. But I also think sometimes that person doesn't like me.
00:17:01
Speaker
And that is also fine. This is the piece I've got to in my life where I'm like, most of the time I will never know. i will just never know. And therefore, it's much better for my mental well-being if I assume a positive.
00:17:12
Speaker
I assume they're having a bad day. I assume it has nothing something to do with me. I assume whatever. I'm just misinterpreting it. And on the very rare occasion, i don't know, red maybe it's more often than I think, but on the occasion that someone genuinely doesn't like me, okay, I don't like everybody that I meet.
00:17:28
Speaker
Like, why would I expect everyone in the world to for me to be their cup of tea? And so I've also found peace the fact that although I will probably never know, I also have to be okay with the fact that sometimes that belief, that interpretation is correct. And can I be okay with that? Probably.
00:17:43
Speaker
There are plenty of people that I meet that I'm not like super keen on, but that doesn't mean they're a terrible or bad person most of the time. It just means that me and them aren't a good fit. So I kind of move on. But yeah, it's sort of managing your thoughts and recognizing where you're just making stuff up.
00:17:59
Speaker
and if you're going to make stuff up, at least make it positive because it's so much easier and so much nicer to go through life. It's again, this delusional thing. It's just pretending everything's fine until told otherwise. They can tell me they don't like me. It's fine. And actually, i will i won't I won't tell you who because ah they're somewhat famous, but somebody I met a while ago, i just knew they didn't like me. And a few people said, I think you're being a bit overly sensitive.
00:18:19
Speaker
but I really don't think I am. and I'm not normally someone who's a really adamant. was like, this person does not like me. And I would kind of made my peace with it because i' was like, well, there's nothing I can do. Whatever. Like, I have no idea why. i mean, I could see the projections onto me, was like, well, this person doesn't like me. My life is not going to be ruined as ah as a result.
00:18:35
Speaker
And then about five years later, I mentioned this to somebody who knew this person. And they said, oh, yeah, no, no, she didn't like you at all. I was like, wonderful. i was right. But also, I was fine. And I'm okay. I survived. I'm safe.
00:18:49
Speaker
So i can now be comfortable knowing that that may happen again. I'll be okay. I survived. I'm safe. So then I expand my capacity for life, ultimately. It's like such a small thing when you think about it, because we have so many interactions with people on a daily basis. And if we actually spend our own lives worrying about every single interaction, that's such
Managing Mental Space and Information Overload
00:19:12
Speaker
a waste of energy, of precious energy that can go towards being delusional and creating a life we want.
00:19:18
Speaker
We can't do that. we can but Even today, how many people do they cross paths with? There's Jim, there's a friend. Even while while you're walking, you're you know crossing paths with people, so you might be like, oh, they looked at me funny.
00:19:32
Speaker
This morning, I decided to go for little bit a walk around the park near where I live. And I started just randomly doing like long lunges. I don't know why was like, I just feel like i need to like move my body a different way. And this man started like yelling at me, kind of motivational, but like making fun of the fact that I was working out. And it was also a bit like inappropriate. You know, obviously like, I'm like, oh, this is a weird interaction, but also i have my headphones in so I get to pretend I don't hear him. And that's the magic of headphones. It's like, I can just move on with my life. And literally it's, and the headphones is a very literal example of that. We can just not have it go into our brains. We can choose for it to not impact us. We can choose to not
00:20:04
Speaker
make it mean anything about us. like That was fully about that person's mental state. But we can do the same thing you know with our imaginary headphones. We can block it out. We can decide what we consume. and We can decide what we are taking in And we can decide what we can just blinkers. It's really important that you're saying it because we have so much intake of information on a daily basis, so much.
00:20:25
Speaker
And if we don't decide, our brain decides for us. And our brain decides based off what we've known thus far, who we are as a person based on everything that's happened before. So if we don't change something, if we don't pick the information that's decided for us, and it's not always the information that will be useful to us.
00:20:47
Speaker
Exactly. I remember when I started my coaching business, someone knew somebody who'd been a coach for years and they said, oh, I should connect with this person. They've been a coach for like 20, 30 years. I'll give you some advice. And her advice to me was don't expect it to be a full-time income because most coaches only make like 20 grand. And she's been doing it for 20, 30 years, but always as a part-time thing. And I remember literally moving the phone away from my head.
00:21:09
Speaker
Like it was such a physical response because I was like, I just finished my training in neurolinguistic programming and hypnosis. I'd done all my training about the subconscious mind. I physically moved the phone away from my head and i was like, that's not for me.
00:21:22
Speaker
And even just the act of saying that is me defiantly kind of protecting myself. Like the guy in Lord the Rings, he's like, none shall pass. Like it's that energy. It's like, this is not for me. This will not come into my subconscious mind. But it was very physical, just moving my phone away from my head for that second to make that statement. And we can do that all the time with different things if we are paying attention and we are aware of how much everything is impacting us without our realization.
00:21:49
Speaker
Talking about that, what would be some beginner steps to get to that level of awareness and that level of power in action? Good question. I always feel like because there's so many areas of our life that we could do this with, like I think it's much easier for someone to just to pick an area of their life and start to pay attention in that area. Because otherwise it could be like, I'm trying to do all of this. and ever I mean, you can do it. I just think that if you're completely new to this, I would just say pick one area of your life. Maybe it's work.
00:22:17
Speaker
Just start paying attention. to the thoughts that you're having, the things you're saying about yourself, about, you know, if you're going around saying, oh, no one's buying anymore, like the economy is messed up, like no one's on social, if you're saying all these things, like it's creating a reality and a perspective that is not helpful.
00:22:35
Speaker
You know, if you're saying, oh, I you know i can never do, it's just like really be paying attention to your thoughts, your reactions, your feelings. And just in that particular area of your life, just become like mildly obsessed with yourself to really understand How am I engaging and how am I co-creating the world that I'm in, in this particular area of my life? And then once you've kind of got to grips with that, start writing them down and just sort of really looking at them. And then there are so many things you can do to kind of you can rewrite them. You can challenge them with love. You can be you can explore where they're from.
00:23:02
Speaker
to be honest, a lot of them end up coming back to this feeling of, I'm not enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. Whatever. That often is such a deeply rooted belief that it does take a little bit more of subconscious, deeper work to shift because, as you were saying, we're exposed to so much. But without getting too political about this, the entire you know economy relies on people not feeling good enough. And so we are, in a way, fighting against an entire ecosystem that is trying to convince you good enough.
00:23:29
Speaker
And so the idea that you could just write a positive affirmation, I am enough, and that would be sufficient, is kind of unfair because it's you against an entire world ecosystem, the entire economy, every single billboard, every single subliminal message that we've received since we were kids.
00:23:44
Speaker
Because if we do feel good enough, we stop buying as much things. We do a little bit less cosmetic surgery. We aren't. numbing ourselves with consumer products. So it's not in the best interest of most companies that we do feel good enough. So I always say to people, there are some things that are really easy just to shift. You just go, oh, that's insane. Why do I think that? And it's really easy. But some of the deeper stuff, it does take a little bit more time or combining it with deeper subconscious work like hypnosis, EFT, all those kind of things, because you are going up against an entire society telling you otherwise.
Reevaluating Education and Self-Worth
00:24:14
Speaker
I remember at school, for example, because i grew up in Bulgaria and our school was very traditional in that sense where only academic knowledge is intelligence. If you're not excelling in that academic field, you're stupid, basically.
00:24:31
Speaker
You stuck all the information in at that age. So if it's that kind of information, this is this is going to be your thought process, your belief system. I mean, it is. Well, I mean, I went through the same sort of schooling system, exactly the same, like word for word, note for note. The boxing thing is interesting because if you are creative, you're kind of normally then boxed in as you are creative, but you're not creative.
00:24:52
Speaker
logical or you're not technical. you're not smart There's kind of those kind of boxes. And I was always sort of put in the box of you're creative, but I'm not good at math. I'm not good at science. I'm not good at tech. But actually, i got the same grade at every single, pretty much this to every single lesson. So for me, at the data was telling me that I was capable of multiple different things. The messaging I was receiving is you are creative and you're not these other things. And And I look back on my life and I think that really shaped how I didn't go for certain things. Like I didn't start certain things or I didn't put myself forward for certain things because I had the belief that I'm not technical. I'm not logical. I'm not scientific. I really wanted to do a degree in psychology, but because i was told it was very science-y and math-y and like statistics and
00:25:34
Speaker
I assumed I couldn't do it. And I did a degree in anthropology instead, which was amazing. And I loved it. But I did want to do a degree in psychology. And I didn't choose to do it when I was 18 because of that box and that messaging that I had been put in. And it really does limit you. But it's nonsense. It's just social conditioning at the end. I mean, for some people, it might be true. But for me, it wasn't. But also for somebody else, it might be an entirely different thing might be true. They might be been told they're very technical, very logical.
00:25:59
Speaker
And they might have this entire creative side of them that they haven't explored because they were told they're not that. And that's sad to me, you know? i know because it's very black or white, the whole education system. I mean, I don't know if it's changed now, but it was just so black and white. You had to belong to a side and it couldn't be anything else.
00:26:19
Speaker
It's going to be interesting to see how the schooling system does adapt because, you know, I have lots of nieces and nephews and I think about the fact that everything that they're currently being trained for, that world is not going to exist by the time a lot of them graduate. You know, the world, the kind of jobs that going to be available, the type of work and the type of way that work even functions is going to be so wildly different that I'm actually curious to see how the schooling system does adapt. And teaches people to be more resilient and adaptive and not put themselves in boxes because the boxes are crumbling. You know, that's what we're witnessing. Because a lot of people worry. They listen or read the news or whatever's happening on social media and there's this overwhelm of information.
00:26:58
Speaker
What would you tell people who get overwhelmed or frozen by that kind of negativity that's around them? I think it depends on the subject, but I would say it kind of comes back to a similar version to what I said earlier on about having one foot ground in reality. We don't want to be so delusional that we actually completely blinker ourselves from what's going on. So for example, some people I know really are not engaging with AI in any capacity and they're not thinking about it and not worrying about it at all because they're not really engaging with it. And it's a little bit delusional to think that they're they're not ever going to have to.
00:27:31
Speaker
So that's when we've kind of gone too far down that avenue. And so I would say, it's again, it's one foot in both camps. It's one foot in having some awareness of what's going on and really giving that the capacity and time that it needs, but not so much that you fall only on that camp and you're completely lost in that.
00:27:47
Speaker
But then having one foot in in trust and belief, you know everything will be okay because it will. we We're very adaptable human beings and I think it's just having one foot in, I can figure this out, I'll be okay.
00:27:58
Speaker
Life always does seem to just work out and just having a ah bit of faith and trust and making sure that you're supporting yourself with not getting too bogged down. in what the negative messaging is. I'm very much like I kind of dip into the news. I dip in enough that I know what's going on but I really don't consume it too much because it is so unnatural for human beings to be exposed to this much negativity.
00:28:22
Speaker
It's insane that we should have the capacity to you know turn on the news and be exposed to 75 different natural disasters and wars and stuff like that. I it's awful, but it's not right that a one human being's nervous system capacity is not designed to take on that much.
00:28:38
Speaker
We were only ever designed to really experience and feel into what was going on in our immediate circles. And so I also think it's recognizing that the world right now is way out of whack to what we have actual capacity for. And so it's about also supporting yourself and know stretching your capacity, like exposing yourself to enough, but also not crashing and burning around with it ultimately. So
Cultivating Positive Relationships
00:28:59
Speaker
again, it's that one foot in one foot out energy. that That works for me. So I know that other people feel very differently about that, but I personally feel one foot in, one foot out.
00:29:08
Speaker
It helps me stay safe. I like that because also one foot in is kind of like unavoidable anyway, because it's kind of impossible to not get access to any information, whether it's social media or somebody telling you, you always find that.
00:29:24
Speaker
Might as well accept it. Talking about two people I wanted to mention the importance of the people we surround ourselves with. As you started at the beginning of the episode with safety, belief, visualizing positive things, that's easier if you surround yourself with people who already practice that way of living.
00:29:45
Speaker
It is really difficult. it's It's possible, but it's really difficult to grow in certain ways when everybody else is like refusing to do so or not refusing to do so. That's probably ill worded, but I just not on the same path.
00:29:58
Speaker
Everybody I know growing up has you know a job in a company and they all have done the similar thing. They've all got a job. They've worked themselves up. They've got married. They've had kids. And so my lifestyle looks so insanely different to everybody else's. And the only way that I was able to really do that and grow in the in the way that I have is by finding people who are doing the things that I wanted to do. Again, the delusional thing is also, it's not about making stuff up, but you have to kind of know it's a little bit possible. So finding evidence of, okay, maybe I could start a business during the pandemic and
00:30:31
Speaker
become a coach full-time. I only know that's possible, even though that was a delusional thing at the time because i had no you know before I had any training, before I had had any experience running a business. I've been running a music business for years, but it's a bit bit different. But that was insanely delusional for me to even think that. But I could only think that because I was exposed to it. And I then started spending more time with people in that space. And I thought, oh, it's possible.
00:30:52
Speaker
you know Oh, it's there's evidence. I'm gathering evidence all this time. And you know being around people who are really growth minded and want to talk about past and development spirituality stuff like that, the more I surround myself with those people, it's like I get exposed to, oh, I didn't, I had never heard of this book. i never heard this book. And so really being mindful about who you're spending your time with. And it's not that I don't spend time with the other people in my life, you know, the people who do have the nine to five jobs, the families, the kids, but it's not who I only spend time with. And I think that's really important. and And with the negativity thing in particular, over the years, I have slowly removed myself or distanced myself is probably a better accurate way of saying it from certain friends that I grew up with because they're more prone to negative thinking and speaking about themselves, about life, about other people. And I found it very draining to be around. And so I've intentionally distanced myself from certain people.
00:31:46
Speaker
because it really wasn't a healthy environment. And so I think you can just be just be mindful of who you're spending too much time with, because it does impact your own thinking and your own feeling. And unfortunately, a lot of friendships are built on what you hate. Like, oh i I hate that too. And like I hate her. And if you think about growing up, like I mean, i i don't know about what it was like for you. I'm assuming it was similar. But you know a lot of the time you're growing up as a woman, you would bond over things you hated about yourselves. oh my God, I hate my thighs. I hate my thighs. That even in itself is is interesting because you're then programmed and conditioned to be uncomfortable with saying the things that you hate about yourself. And it's like, that's not great. How do you see fear relationships that are so beneficial in that kind of way anymore? Because that's really difficult, especially if you've been friends with someone for a really long time. I think it was easier for me. I mean, I think it'd be different at a different age. It was easier for me because it was a natural, we were spending less time together anyway, because they had got married and had kids quite a lot earlier than most people I knew anyway, but they then naturally just stopped being available. The distance would have happened naturally anyway, just because of all the different life choices. And the more I put myself into the things I wanted to do. So I actually spent a number of years before the pandemic touring
00:32:59
Speaker
So i was hardly ever around. So i was touring a lot as a musician. I was traveling a lot. I was kind of just really throwing myself into my world. And what that meant is I just naturally would see them less anyway. So I think that in my particular situation, it was a little easier to do because it was kind of happening anyway, just because of our life choices.
00:33:18
Speaker
But if you're like 24 and your entire circle and your entire world are like, let's say three or four friends, that's a little bit more difficult. But then you have to start thinking about, okay, well, what do I want my life to look like?
00:33:31
Speaker
And you don't have to cut them out, but you can start to add on. So you don't have to always take away, but you can add to kind of counteract that. So if you're currently spending a lot of time with, let's say, three or four friends and like two of them are like really negative and quite draining and quite judgmental or whatever that energy is and you'd find it difficult to cut that or limit that because you may not want to because they're obviously they're not just single-minded they're multifaceted humans add to your circle go and find some other friends who are interested in the things that you are who maybe are into the past and you are into that and you know add it's like um nutritionists who always say you don't have to cut everything out just start adding more vegetables in it's like that it's exactly like that you don't have to go cold turkey and cut out sugar immediately unless you have to eat whatever reason and but just add more vegetables in
00:34:13
Speaker
And that counteracts it a little bit. This is what I do. i have like six biscuits or 10 or 20. But I'm going to have a smoothie as well. It's balanced. It's all balanced. It's like you dip fruit into chocolate. It's fine. It's balanced.