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Healing After Heartbreak: Boundaries, Safety & Self-Support with Lydia Mae
54 Plays3 months ago
In today's episode, I sit down with Lydia Mae, intuitive coach and Reiki healer, to explore what it truly means to heal after heartbreak. We talk about feeling safe in your body, setting boundaries, releasing emotional blockages, and learning to be your own support.
Lydia shares wisdom on nervous system regulation, intention, and why affirmations often fail — plus how to make them actually work. This conversation is your reminder that you are your own healer, and safety begins within.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Connected with Eva'
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to Connected with Eva.
Meet Lydia May: Breakup Coach and Healer
00:00:03
Speaker
Today I'm speaking with Lydia May, breakup coach and creator whose work reminds us that even after heartbreak, there's space for growth, clarity, and new beginnings.
00:00:13
Speaker
Lydia, welcome to the podcast.
Lydia's Journey: From Breakup to Reiki Exploration
00:00:15
Speaker
Why a breakup coach specifically? Was there a personal journey that led you there? Absolutely. So i went through a breakup of my own and it's coming up to three years ago now.
00:00:28
Speaker
Throughout that journey, i initially obviously was in like quite a bad place as most people are when they go through the experience of heartbreak. And I got to the point where I was like wanting to try a lot of new things to help me because I was at this crossroads where I was feeling really, really low.
Discovering Reiki: Emotional Releases and Becoming a Master
00:00:42
Speaker
And I was like, I need to kind of do something. I need to change things up. I need to shake things up and and really support myself through this challenging period. So I decided to start to go down different avenues and started to do a bit more like meditation and breath work and things like that.
00:00:54
Speaker
And then one of my friends who'd actually traveled around Goa in India, and she had had an experience of Reiki healing. She basically said to me, like, Liz, I think that this would be a really good thing for you to do. Like, it's a form of energy healing and it can really help you restore, like, balance and harmony in your body when you're going through a challenging period. And at this point, I was thinking, well, I wasn't very spiritual. I wasn't really that open-minded to that sort of stuff.
00:01:17
Speaker
But I thought sometimes when you're in a really challenging situation you're going through a difficult period, it's often then when you start to become a bit more open-minded and thinking, actually, why not try things that are new and sort outside what I'd normally do, because they might actually really help me. There might be something in this. So I had my first Reiki session and it was really powerful. I got so much from it. I had a lot of like releases as well. And I just felt something really shifted in me. And actually my my mother also noticed a big shift in me after that first session. So I thought,
00:01:47
Speaker
ah something to this. So anyway, to answer your question, I ended up going down this route of doing Reiki quite frequently, so much so that I decided I wanted to train.
Combining Reiki with Coaching to Heal Heartbreak
00:01:56
Speaker
And through that, I became a Reiki master over the course of a year. I did did my three levels of training. And then i started to think, I really want to support people who went through the experience that I went through, who are going through the experience of heartbreak. I know that Reiki really helped me. So I want to share that with people.
00:02:13
Speaker
But then I also really loved the idea of talking to people and being that safe space for people as well when they're going through heartbreak. So I blended the two and I thought, why not blend coaching and Reiki together? Because I was also having kind of therapy and things like that amidst the Reiki. And those are the two things that really helped move the needle on my healing journey. So I thought, why not push those things together that really helped me and form myself as a breakup coach?
00:02:35
Speaker
Reiki is such a special thing. When you speak to people about it specifically, there is so much confusion mixed with awe. It feels something so distant and mystical with these things where you can't really understand the science of it. There's always just, you know, how does that work? I really need to know.
Understanding Reiki: Mystical Healing and Intention
00:02:55
Speaker
And sometimes there has to be trust, right? Openness. Absolutely. I went in open. I think it's important to go in open, right? To a degree anyway. And I was like, whatever happens will happen. What's the worst that can happen? and You know, what I don't really like It was not really bought into it. And then I don't have to do it again. and So by getting myself into that position where where I tried it and I was really open to it,
00:03:14
Speaker
That's when I had such a profound shift and I realized there's something in this. And initially, I didn't really understand much of what was happening. I didn't really understand the ins outs. Obviously, ah as I've trained, I've gotten to understand it a bit more, and like ah obviously, on a deeper level.
00:03:26
Speaker
But yeah, that's why I think it's really good when people become a bit more open-minded when they're going through challenging periods often. You almost want to cling on to a bit of hope and think, okay, let's do things outside of what I'd normally do and see how it might actually really support me throughout this period.
00:03:39
Speaker
Talking about this combination, how do you create that practice now? So Reiki is all about intention. So you can set the intention to channel the Reiki energy to go to a certain person, wherever they are. It doesn't matter if they're in Australia and it's 11pm or they're somewhere else and it's 3am. You can set the intention and channel the Reiki energy to go to them at that point. And not all clients want Reiki. Some clients just want coaching and
Reiki Practice: Body Awareness and Energy Blockages
00:04:03
Speaker
that's absolutely fine. I do a lot of other practices with them. Clients that want to incorporate Reiki as well, what we'll do is we'll have usually about 60 minutes of coaching where we'll work out and get them to tune into their body and the areas that they're feeling tension and things like that because our body...
00:04:16
Speaker
keeps the score. And our body tells us a lot about where there might be blockages and things like that. So I'll always get clients to tune into their body and do like a bit of a meditation and say, okay, where are you feeling your heartbreak right now? And they'll go, oh it's in my chest or, oh, it's in my lower back, or I'm feeling it in my stomach. And with Reiki, you have seven core chakras and each chakra governs different things. So their body, and that they from what they're telling me, will know kind of where those blockages might be. But then obviously with the Reiki, we'll set a powerful intention to go to where it needs to go and we'll set in intention okay like set the intention for the Reiki to help clear blockages in the heart space let's say so kind of bringing it in that way but obviously it's done for the most part at a distance which I know is quite a strange concept in many ways but it's just ah Reiki is all about intention i mean it is strange concept for some but actually i know somebody who had a similar experience and she said her energy just shifted so much afterwards it was that kind of intention so you know
00:05:10
Speaker
You call and the intention is sent your way. And then there is this big unblocking happening.
Empowering Self-Healing Beyond Reiki Sessions
00:05:18
Speaker
There's so many things that we are not even aware of in ourselves that are so deep.
00:05:23
Speaker
And even with a lot of awareness and a lot of like years of self-work, you would never even have a clue how to reach it, how to unlock it.
00:05:34
Speaker
So that's why this is so important. Yeah, and I think it's really important. That's why I work really closely with my clients to get them to tune into their body. Obviously, as a Reiki reki therapist, when you're channeling Reiki and you you kind of do a scan of someone's body, you can identify and tune into where those blockages button might be. But I think half of it is allowing the client owner to be able to know that they have that ability within themselves to to meditate, get themselves into a calm, and relaxed state and really tune in. Where am I feeling that tension? What is my body trying to tell me? And allow people to realize that whilst, yes, a Reiki therapist or a Reiki master can channel the energy, but like people have that power within themselves as well and and allowing people to feel empowered and feel excited by the fact that they actually can really help heal themselves and and they know themselves the best and they can tune into themselves and really understand
00:06:21
Speaker
what's the areas that I need to work on? And often say, let's say a client will go, I'm really feeling it in my stomach area. That's aligned with the solar plexus. Now the solar plexus chakra is all about our our confidence and it's linked to our willpower and our personal power and things like that. So often when someone's going through a heartbreak,
00:06:37
Speaker
they might experience blockages in the solar plexus because they might have had a confidence knock or not feeling very motivated, feeling bit flat or empty. So we'll then start to do and set the intention. And I'll say to the client, like, let's set a clear intention. What do you want to achieve from this Reiki? And they'll they'll give that to me and they'll think that in their head when channeling Reiki.
00:06:54
Speaker
But also... um With the solar plexus as well, I can give them exercises to help move that area of that body, do stretches, yoga poses to help release stagnant energy that's stored in that area. And as you were mentioning, like it can be really layered and it can be quite deep and you can have people have lots of Reiki sessions and then suddenly they can have a really big release or of of laughter or tears or whatever it might be. It's like that's stored in your body, sometimes decades, right? And then release, it's such a beautiful thing to witness.
00:07:20
Speaker
Now, so I feel like I need to add this here because when I did my Reiki session, I didn't know any better. So afterwards, I went, it was my birthday and I had booked it for my birthday.
00:07:32
Speaker
I went to Oxford Street, which is, for people who don't know, the busiest street in London. Because after Reiki, you're a sponge. You need to kind of be away by yourself for a few days, right?
00:07:44
Speaker
And I did the opposite, which didn't have a good impact. like the Reiki energy can work its way through your body for up to 72 hours after a session as well. So often not I say to clients, like, just take it easy, you know, no trying to run a marathon or marathon train or like anything, but sometimes people, interesting enough, get like a
Breakups as Opportunities for Growth
00:08:02
Speaker
burst of energy. So I've had a lot of clients that have said, after the Reiki session, I felt like I wanted to clean my entire house, things like that. And I'm like, go for it, but just like take it easy. Also about drinking a lot of water because you're releasing toxins as well with the Reiki.
00:08:14
Speaker
So it's, ah it's important that you're rehydrating and kind of almost feel it's like your body's like recalibrating in many ways, because you're releasing stagnant energy and releasing blockages and things like that. And people sweat quite a lot in Reiki as well. So it's about like really helping your body recharge and restore and rehydrate after it. What's things have been, guess, if you can view it like being flushed out in a way, and then you have to recharge. Yeah.
00:08:36
Speaker
to the point that, you know, people would love to talk about ah breakups. Sometimes, you know, talking about trauma, for example, you can have a wonderful childhood, no real trauma that's really shaped you as a person and really had an effect on you. But then You go through a breakup when you're a teenager and an adult, and it can actually break you as a person.
00:09:00
Speaker
And that can carry over throughout your entire life if you don't work on that or you don't shift it. Because when you we talk about trauma, a lot of the trauma we talk about is childhood trauma, right?
00:09:13
Speaker
And i feel like maybe because of that, people are like, oh, no, it's fine. I just had a breakup. I'll bury it somewhere. A few years will pass and I'll forget about it because people don't realize that that still needs to be worked on.
00:09:25
Speaker
I always sort of say to to my clients, it's like, it's really important to have a lot of compassion with yourself about the process and understand. And I talk a lot about terms of like the neuro processes as well, and like the way that our brain works so people can understand that there is actually a lot of that goes on in the process of breakups.
00:09:40
Speaker
our brain is wired to crave what's familiar. So there is this like absolutely this detachment process that happens, you know, on that a kind of physiological level as well as like, you know, in terms of like how we're we're thinking in our mind and our emotions towards it. So there's a lot that that comes to play. I always like want like clients to remember but to be really compassionate throughout the process and understand that, you know, there can be a lot of layers to what's happened. But often when people go through the experience of breakups, it can dig up a lot of old wounds.
00:10:06
Speaker
And I'm a firm believer that these wounds come to the surface so that we can really take a look at them. Often people go through breakups, it's like their whole world's come crumbling down. And I always say it's like this breakdown before this massive breakthrough and shift in people's lives. like It's often heartbreak that could become the catalyst for people to get them to where they want to go. But sometimes things really have to break down and to be really stripped back to allow people to have the space, the opportunity to look at how they've been acting and how what what's been affecting them and and these these wounds that have been suppressed or ignored or
00:10:39
Speaker
areas of their life they might have been neglecting themselves and how they can start from scratch again and be like, right, now I'm going to put myself first. Now I'm going to start to give myself the love that I give so freely to others. So it's about really shifting perspective of breakups. Whilst they can be a very painful thing to go through, also looking at it as a fantastic opportunity to grow and rebuild and catapult yourself into the life that you that you really
Processing Emotional Detachment and Self-Compassion
00:11:01
Speaker
desire.
00:11:01
Speaker
so it's not all bad, but I actually think breakups can be a really powerful thing if they kind of alchemized and and shifted in the right way. So a few years ago, i had a breakup. And it's one of these breakups where the relationship just kind of ends. And it's not one person's fault or the other.
00:11:19
Speaker
and when it's finished, I was like, breakups, the ones that affect people are the bad breaks, breakups, right? So at the beginning, that was my thinking. And then I realized These kinds of breakups where it's almost like a quiet breakup, they also affect you and also you need to kind of process that and grieve that relationship and learn from it as well.
00:11:42
Speaker
And actually, you might not be fine and not even realize it as easily as you might realize it if it was a big dramatic breakup. And what's really interesting that you say about that is sometimes it's not these big dramatic breakups where there's been maybe infidelity or something really like dramatics happen like that. So can sometimes be that like the term like slow death breakups where Things have kind of phased out over time, which are actually in in many ways, not people's confidence. But when it's nothing specific has happened, it can often be in those sort of breakups where people ruminate a lot. Because as I mentioned before, like our brains are wired to crave what's familiar. And so when we're feeling yeah know pain in our hearts and i and that that physical pain as well,
00:12:24
Speaker
our brain is trying to make sense of it. So what it will do is ruminate. It'll go, okay, I'm feeling pain. I know you're feeling pain. Let's make sense of it so that we can fix it. So often when there isn't this specific reason or thing that's happened that has caused the breakdown of the relationship, that's when rumination can really play. It's like, could I have done things differently? And all the the what ifs, how could this have ended and like in another way? and and And maybe we are right for each other. Have we made the right decision? Because neither of us have done anything wrong in particular.
00:12:51
Speaker
Things like that, that's when it can really be quite challenging. And you also go still go through the process of detachment because they were a part of your life and then you're learning to do life without them. So that detachment in itself, no matter the circumstances, that process of them being in your life and no longer in your life, it needs the love and the care and the attention that it it deserves and that compassion because it's still a big thing to go through irrespective of how it might have played out that way and how the circumstances that all led you there.
00:13:14
Speaker
and Talking about detachment specifically, is it just me who finds it so, I don't know if that's the right word, fascinating how someone who once was your you know like your closest person becomes a stranger and then the association with them is, oh no, but this person is a stranger to me now.
00:13:36
Speaker
And this process something that I'm like, it's so fascinating in a way, right? Yeah. Definitely. And actually, I have a course that you can get via TikTok that is the 14 day like detachment process to help people through the steps of detachment, because it's a really
Reiki and Somatic Work for Emotional Challenges
00:13:53
Speaker
big thing.
00:13:53
Speaker
I think the first point about it is that awareness. How is this process affecting me? How am I feeling about the fact that they're no longer in my life? And then it's kind of really acknowledging the processes behind why we form those attachments and really understanding what's going on in our bodies so that we're not thinking that there's something wrong with us or that we're broken or that we're not moving in the right direction. It's about really having that air of compassion by like, oh, no, this is something that happens to everyone. Like it's natural. Our brains are wired this way to form those attachments and those connections. And now I'm learning to detach.
00:14:24
Speaker
But then the lot of the work that I do and and with clients is really blending mind, body and energy work. So as I mentioned, the energy work with Reiki, because that can help you cut those kind of ties and in terms of like from your heart chakra and things like that. But then also it's like I do a lot of somatic work with my clients and breath work to help them really ride the wave of emotion and not allow it to consume them, but allow it to move through them.
00:14:47
Speaker
A lot of somatic work, like somatic shakes as well, because a lot of it's stored in our body. The reason why nervous system regulation is such a powerful thing when people are going through breakups is because you're teaching your body to feel safe again without them around. Your body views them as you're safe and familiar, irrespective of whether the relationship was healthy or not.
00:15:05
Speaker
They are still at this point in time, you're familiar, you're normal, which is why your brain's kind of freaking out when they're not around. So it's about and giving yourself that calm and through nervous system regulation, through self-soothing,
00:15:16
Speaker
to show yourself, okay, I'm alone, but I can soothe myself I can still feel that calm. um And what that does is it shifts your body from this fight or flight orflight response to rest and digest. That's why nervousness regulation is so key when in the process of detachment.
Rewiring the Brain for Self-Support and Safety
00:15:29
Speaker
It really touched upon something that I experienced myself, talking about safety and self-soothing. When you hear these things, it's always like, sure, right? Sure. That's normally like people's response. And then when you actually start doing it yourself, blows your mind.
00:15:43
Speaker
Talking about that, the importance of feeling safe. Do you need someone else to provide safety for you or do you feel safe by yourself on your own?
00:15:55
Speaker
And how do you react in tricky situations? Obviously, you will react because that's normal response, but how long is your reaction? Analyzing that will kind of also help you know whether you are your so safety or are you always looking for other people to provide that for you? And my own personal journey was that in the past, I was always looking for other people to provide that for me because, again, some trauma happened.
00:16:22
Speaker
I was like, and I'm insufficient as safety for me. So then I started self-soothing and I started working on my, well, reconnecting with my inner child. And that shifted so many things because I realized I started reacting differently in situations.
00:16:39
Speaker
So something happens, you react differently. In the past, I would be absolutely shaken, let's say, if something happened. I'd start feeling sorry for myself and that was my pattern. And now if something happens, I'm a little bit shaken and I'm like, well, it happened.
00:16:55
Speaker
It's, you know, it's not great, but it happened. And then i am safe. So, you know, that happened, but I am still safe because I am my safety net.
00:17:06
Speaker
Absolutely. That's so beautiful that you had that experience through doing that self-soothe and doing nervous system regulation. You've literally seen the shift in what it does. And it's about like helping people to see that that power is all within themselves. And actually, it's not about if they can be their own safety. It's when they start to see and believe that they can be their own safety because everyone can be that support to yourself, right? We have it all have the capabilities within us if we do the the work and and ah really to help to rewire our brains to start to see ourselves as that safety first and foremost and that we can give ourselves what we so often seek in others. We can give ourselves all those things. We can give ourselves
00:17:45
Speaker
love. We can give ourselves that kind of belonging. We can give ourselves that feeling of worthiness and things like that. So it's like really, and give ourselves validation as well in many ways. So it's about really understanding that we are the source of that power. We have the ability to do that. And through people doing self-soothe, it's like showing yourself, okay, I'm feeling, I'm feeling scared right now, but I can give myself a hug or I can cradle my face and I can say beautiful things about myself and things I love about myself. And Yes, it it can take time because essentially you are rewiring. You know, there's a narrative that you've been playing in your head and you're you're essentially telling your brain now, actually, I know we've been running off that narrative for a long time, but that's not serving me anymore and I'm going to change it. So it absolutely takes practice. It takes consistency.
00:18:25
Speaker
And you'll start to see, as you as you did yourself, this beautiful shift where you're like, that situation happened. I used to want to react like that. used to want to run to someone for validation or I used to want this. It takes the edge off. Yes, you could, as you mentioned, feel the emotions about it.
00:18:38
Speaker
But you know that they're not going to consume you anymore because you know at the end of the day that you have your own back and you have what it takes to give yourself everything that you might have thought that you needed other people for. And what a beautiful realization to have in life and walk through life knowing that no matter what, you are your own support.
00:18:53
Speaker
You can be your own support. It changes what you look for in others. But talking about these self-soothing practices, what's a simple one that you recommend for people? I always like doing like ah the hugs.
00:19:05
Speaker
So it's when you literally like give yourself that hug and like rub your arms as well and like really like soothing your body and also like massaging your body is like a really good way of like building that connection with yourself. Another thing is the butterfly taps where you tap on alternate shoulders as well.
00:19:19
Speaker
My personal favorite is face cradle where you you cut your jaw essentially with your eye and you you put the palms of your hands and your cheeks and you kind of rub with your thumbs, you rub your face and it's like a beautiful...
Aligning Mind, Body, and Energy for Healing
00:19:28
Speaker
thing to do makes you feel so held and loved by yourself. But also I always tell clients to pair it with like affirmations and say like, I am loved. I am seen, you know, I've got my own back and things like that. And I think it's really powerful when you do those things because you're helping your brain remember it and store it and believe it because you are having a regulated nervous system, regulating your nervous system as you are saying those positive affirmations. That's why they go so well together because your brain's going, oh yeah, I'm telling myself this new narrative and I'm also feeling really calm. So that's,
00:19:58
Speaker
It's right. It takes it in. It's more of a sponge. Well, yeah, because sometimes if you just say things and you're tense, there's a mismatch because, no, I'm tense, so what are you telling me? Obviously, that's not the case because, like, you know, I'm shaking or I'm i'm comfortable. This is such a good way to look at it.
00:20:17
Speaker
Yeah. And what's interesting is a lot of clients have said to me before, like, you know, I've been doing loads of positive affirmations. I'm like, amazing. Like the intention for positive affirmations is there. That's incredible. It's beautiful to do positive of affirmations, but they're they're not really hitting. And I'm like, because you're not believing what you're saying. So you need to kind of start in a way that It's like, oh I'm on my own journey. You know, I'm trying my best and I'm doing like, you know kind of like meeting yourself where you're And then absolutely you can evolve them into like really powerful ones. But i think the key thing here, and this is why I really do blend in my work with clients is mind, body and energy work is that mindset works incredible, right? Giving yourself that positive narrative, et cetera. But if your body physically is not aligned with what you're telling it, it's harder to move the needle in your healing journey because your body needs to feel safe.
00:21:00
Speaker
Your mind, you can tell your mind loads of things. And yes, our thoughts create our reality and our mind is a very powerful thing as we know. But also in order to really take some big leaps, it's about letting your body catch up. So you can say things to your mind, let's talk things a narrative in your mind. But if your body's still feeling really tense, it's not really going to land in the same way. So it's about allowing your body to relax, your nervous system to be regulated, and you to do all this beautiful mindset work. And that's when I see clients making some really big waves in their healing journey and really able to fall in love with themselves again and start to really be comfortable holding boundaries, et cetera. And then just, yeah, it's like a phoenix
The Importance of Setting Boundaries
00:21:34
Speaker
rising from the ashes. It's beautiful to see.
00:21:36
Speaker
Talking about boundaries. Love that topic. so Something I keep saying, I think, when I speak to people is that in my 20s, I was basically one of these people who just can't say no and will just go along with everything because I was a people pleaser and I was always like afraid or wary of how people Reacted to me and then I kind of became like the opposite now because ah build these really, really, really strong boundaries.
00:22:04
Speaker
And they i mean, they're always shifting because you never stop building yourself as a person. But that's so interesting to me, boundaries, because as somebody who was the opposite and who had none, I know how difficult it is specifically when you start.
00:22:20
Speaker
Because when you start, you have no experience of setting boundaries. Your body doesn't have any experience of setting boundaries. Your mind doesn't have any experience of setting boundaries. So it's like a terrifying thing.
00:22:34
Speaker
When somebody asks you something and you say no, you're almost like shaken to the call with your own response. That's when you start at the beginning. Absolutely. So with boundaries, I think it's the ultimate form of self-care is putting boundaries. And what you're doing, the reason why people often start to build confidence and feel really empowered when they start becoming more comfortable with setting boundaries, you are saying a very clear statement to yourself and to others and to the universe that your needs matter as well. And yes, the needs of others matter. like we all We all matter. But it's about saying, actually, I matter too. And I think, especially when you people have the tendency to people please,
00:23:11
Speaker
When you first first start setting boundaries, because I, again, it was a big people pleaser as well. I remember when I first started setting boundaries, I'd feel really aggressive and I would just be saying no about something like, I'm really sorry. I'm not, I'm not around for that or I'm not available for that because I'd be really tired. And I feel like, oh gosh, I sound really rude and aggressive and angry and all these things. And like all these kinds of connotations I had with saying the word no. And one exercise I actually do with, with clients, I think really powerful is to say no in different tones and So it's like a worksheet that i give people where they practice in the mirror saying no. And you can say no, like quite lightly. or You can say no, like firmly, but politely, like no. And like, sounds funny, but like it helps people become more comfortable saying the word no or setting boundaries, whatever that might look like. And I think particularly when people are very, very empathetic, again, with empaths, it's a beautiful thing to be empathetic person. Of course it is, but it comes with its challenges because when you're an empath,
00:24:03
Speaker
you start to want to make sure that like obviously everyone else around you is good like and everyone else is around you is okay, but it can often be at your own detriment. You get comfortable. With empaths, I can often have the tendency to measure their worth based on what they can give to others and how they can support others. So That can be when, particularly with empathic, it can be a bit more challenging to set those boundaries. But once you do and you start getting more comfortable with it, you realize that you're supporting yourself, but you're also doing yourself a service to everyone else around you because you're making sure that your cup's full. And when your cup's full, that's when you can give more freely to others. You know, you're not pouring out of an empty cup. So it actually serves everyone.
00:24:38
Speaker
for you to hold boundaries and and do things that light you up and do things that restore your energy and protect your energy because then that means that you are better for yourself but you're also, you know, more able to support other people around you when the time's right, you know?
00:24:50
Speaker
This is so important what you're saying because there are certain people who and almost like their life purpose as well is giving, right? But then it can get so tricky like you say because when you give how do you differentiate between when to not when to stop giving because that's kind of your your thing and your passion giving giving yourself away almost i think it's about tuning in and like understanding like intuitively does it feel right to be giving this much it's like when i ah bring the word ego and i think ego's got a lot of like negative connotations like ego seems to be this like bad horrible thing and it's It's not. and We all have an ego. We all have our ego and intuition. And I always say to people, like, the way to kind of tune in is ego often, if you act on the ego a lot, it often brings you, like, short-term pleasure, like, happiness, whatever it might be. But then long-term, it can be, like, disrupt your peace or cause a bit of pain, maybe.
00:25:40
Speaker
And the vice versa with intuition. So I just say to people, tune into your body and be like, what's my energy like at the moment? Am I feeling quite depleted? If I'm feeling depleted, what do I need to give myself? You know, do I need to give myself more time? Do I need to give myself some rest? View it in a way that no, you're not being unkind by saying no to people.
00:25:56
Speaker
What's the most important thing is that you're filling up your own cups that you can give more, you can give yourself ah more to people if you are full yourself, right? So it's like trying to get rid of that guilt that people people feel, but also through doing work, which allows you to affirm your own worthiness. You start to realize that you're all inherently worthy just because you exist, that's when people can start to be like, actually, no, I don't need to constantly prove my value by overgiving.
00:26:20
Speaker
Again, i feel like it goes circles back to the safety thing because this is all about you being sufficient in all aspects. So that's, again, getting back to yourself and working on your connection with yourself, creating this beautiful relationship with yourself.
00:26:38
Speaker
it's all part of that process. And that's why doing things like nervous system regulation is amazing. And also with setting boundaries as well, because your body's moving into this more more so this rest and digest state. So you feel like less tense and you feel more relaxed and peace and it calm. And when you're feeling that way, you're more you're more inclined to feel more comfortable and safer setting those boundaries. Another thing is when you start setting boundaries, like often you might start losing certain people in your life that might not be ready for your next chapter. I think a lot of people get scared to set boundaries because they might displease other people and those people might go away. If you setting a boundary to protect yourself and your energy and for your own good is going to make someone walk away from your life, then it might be time that that happens. And I know that's so like saying that really like kind of generally, and I know that obviously carries a lot of weight when yeah when you're you're close to someone, have an attachment to someone and then it it kind of leaves. But actually it's allowing situations and people necessarily that aren't
00:27:31
Speaker
really supporting you that way to kind of float away. I do see clients that when they start setting boundaries, like a lot of their kind of world shifts, but it's only going to be for the the better because if there's situations of people that can't stand you setting boundaries for yourself, then they're not really meant to stay. You know, it might be just be for a reason or a season they come into your life, but maybe not a lifetime, you know?
00:27:52
Speaker
whilst that could be hard, it's about trying to like get yourself to point you're at peace with that. Yeah, lots can shift when you start setting boundaries, but it's only for the greater good. It's only for your good, your highest good. I spoke to someone specifically about that on the podcast before, and she was like, yeah, so when I started, you know saying no to people, all these people just disappeared because they were not happy.
00:28:13
Speaker
And that's the thing, you become a different person. So the person before that had The trauma responses was what attracted these people in the first place.
00:28:25
Speaker
So your new energy will attract new people who are aligned with that new energy. So that's like clearing the closet. You're emptying the space for things that are aligned with that new energy.
00:28:39
Speaker
When you start setting those boundaries, you start to become more empowered. You start to become more grounded and and confident in setting boundaries for yourself. And also with that brings authenticity. You know, you're really acting out of ah place and you're you're vibrating at a really authentic frequency, which is going to naturally...
00:28:57
Speaker
bring those aligned people, opportunities, friendships, love, whatever it might be, will start to come into your space because you are operating and you're presenting yourself to your sp like to yourself, but to the world, to the universe in a way that is truly aligned with you and and and a way that's truly authentic. So that's why when I say like only good is going to come from
Creating Space for Personal Growth
00:29:16
Speaker
it, like what's that? People have to fall away. They fall away. And whilst that can be tough, it means that It's clearing space for the the right people and opportunities to enter your life that are for your highest good and that your future self is excited to bring in, you know. So it's going to be a challenging process to go through. It's also so beautiful when you're on the other side. You're feeling really comfortable setting boundaries.
00:29:36
Speaker
I love that. I'm talking about emptying closets. I feel like actually doing it cleans so much energy because you associate things from the past with experiences with how you felt at the time.
00:29:51
Speaker
So something I did last week was create more space around me and get rid of things that I was associating with times long ago where I was certainly so far from where I'm right now. And I'm like, there's no reason to keep this because energetically, this is pulling me back because every time I wear it it carries the energy of who I was at that time.
00:30:19
Speaker
Absolutely. And this is actually a really interesting point because I do speak my clients a lot about the fact that, you know our space stores energy, also like objects store energy as well. And like whilst they store actual like like the energy, they also store and in from our minds, as you mentioned, like that association.
00:30:38
Speaker
And so I often ask clients to do a bit of a clear out and often like things like changing your bedsheets. like rearranging furniture, because obviously if you, if you lived with a partner, it might be that your room looks exactly how it did when you were together in that shared space. So often it's like people aren't, if people are staying in the same environment that they were in when they were in the relationship, it's always good to just rearrange it. Like move a cupboard, move the bed slightly, get new bed sheets, doing things like that and throwing things out or like or donating to charity or or returning them if they need to be returned. But like not holding and storing that energy from that relationship in in the flat. and I think it's a really powerful thing to do. and And when you're picking things up that you might want to get rid of or keep and making that decision, it's thinking, do I see this object in my future? Is this aligned with my future self or who I'm trying to become? And if it's not, then...
00:31:26
Speaker
it can go. if if it is, then absolutely keep it,
Visualizing Future Self for Transformation
00:31:29
Speaker
you know? So if it's a beautiful candle, you might be like, yes, my future self's going to love baths with candles and meditation. So that's going to stay. Whereas something else that might bring you back to a certain place that you don't want to be, then maybe it's time to let it go, but let it go with love and peace as well.
00:31:44
Speaker
And also with clothes. Look at your future self and the person that you're wanting to become. You know, how do they dress? How do they walk?
00:31:55
Speaker
You know, how do they behave in all sorts of different circumstances? to what they do. It takes this moment of like visualizing them in front of you and like observing them and be like, okay, so this thing that I have, I need to get rid of that because it has no place in my future self's life, in my future self's wardrobe or something like that.
00:32:19
Speaker
I love that. like how we kind of segued into like the beginning talking about the heartbreak and then like towards the end, it's like that beautiful like manifestation of of like the future. So a lot of the work that I do the clients sort of towards the end of our journey together is like really focusing on helping them get closer to that future version or that vision that they've held of their future self, how they want to be. And obviously we get really clear on that at the beginning and say, okay, where do you want to go? What's your North star? Like, what does the future you who's healed from this situation, what do they look like? As as you mentioned, how do they dress? How do they talk? What does it feel like to be in their energy? You know, things like that. And then
00:32:53
Speaker
we start to really close the gap. There's a version of them that seems really out of reach, starts to become closer and closer. And before you know it, they're really starting to embody that version of them. They are that version of them. And actually what so I think is a really powerful exercise is to do future self visualizations. And I will do this a lot with clients in sessions where I'll ask them lots of questions. And what's incredible is that they might be feeling a certain way or really at the beginning stages of their breakup and feeling really heartbroken and low and low self-esteem and things like that.
00:33:21
Speaker
But what happens is when we do this visualization and I get them to really visualize that future version themselves, glowing, magnetic, you know confident, radiant, healed on our coaching call, ask have a conversation with this version of them.
00:33:33
Speaker
And the stuff that comes out, it's them in real time, obviously talking, it theyre they're visualizing it, right? What is this future self? like what's What are they telling you that they've done to get here? And they'll go, and it'll come out.
00:33:44
Speaker
like And they'll have all the answers. I'm thinking, you've got the answers within yourself. I'm really glad that you're seeing that If you tune into that future version of you or you tune into that side of you, you have all of that. You have all the answers. You can tune into your body and know where the tension is being stored.
00:34:00
Speaker
You can tune in to your future version of you and use that as your North Star. Whenever you're feeling like you're really in the pits of of your emotions of feeling really, really bad, so you can always, always tap into that version of you that's made it through.
00:34:14
Speaker
And the more you do that, the the faster you'll close that gap. So it's a really powerful thing to do is that feature self-visualization. So I'm really glad that you touched on that as well, because it's really thinking, well, how do they dress? What do they wear? do they look like? You know what's it like to talk to them? what Like, who are they? You know, what what what are they doing day to day? What is the way that they walk? Do they glide? do they Do they hold themselves firmly? Yeah, they glide because they're just so light and free. Do you see what I mean? It's like really getting excited about that version of you, you know?
00:34:43
Speaker
I mean, you can think of something as simple as the texture of their hair. Smell the perfume they're wearing. It gets really juicy, that I feel. Yeah, and the more that you bring in the senses, the more it it feels like such an immersive experience. And that's like the best way to manifest, right, is to really feel and embody it.
00:35:02
Speaker
And at the end of the visualizations, I'll often ask the client to visualize that version of them walking, like literally walking into them, like morphing. And they're like, oh, and then like almost people are like, oh, I feel a bit more like, pumped and it's like you've done that you have done that yourself you know you created that that situation you know you've created that feeling within yourself even when you came onto this call feeling really bad you have now pumped yourself up through that visualization like what a gift that you've just given yourself you see this is so powerful because for people who say you know oh no that's just like visual visualization
00:35:36
Speaker
And then when you actually experience it, and like you say, when you also bring in the senses, becomes so powerful that you cannot yourself deny it. Exactly.
00:35:46
Speaker
Yeah. It's a very powerful, very powerful thing. That's one thing that i really just find I love about what I do is i like like seeing people, witnessing firsthand people, seeing how much power they hold within themselves. It's all something that can do. So when we come off our calls, they're like,
00:36:01
Speaker
actually I can I can I don't need Lydia to do this visualization I can do it myself and I don't need to know you obviously I want to be I like it's obviously I want to help them as much as possible but it's like no you can do all of this like it's just me helping you become aware of that fact yeah there's there's so much that can be done but it's it's beautiful to see people in real time start to embody that future version of them very special