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Episode 691 - Chris Sims Birthday Celebration Raw
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It's Chris' birthday in a week, and we're getting Raw to celebrate! That's right, it's time to rank more of the rawest moments in comics history, including one from way back featuring the original Human Torch!
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
Clitus, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?
00:00:10
Speaker
He's about to walk into Ajax to bring back his body. Turn it exit!
00:00:25
Speaker
Hello everybody, and welcome to War Rocket Ajax. This is the Internet's Most Explosive comic book and pop culture podcast. We are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims. With me, as always, is Matt Wilson. Matt, the minor character that I can't stop thinking about is the guy that runs the Inn of the Prancing Pony in Bree in The Lord of the Rings, the Fellowship of the Ring, who, when they come in, is like, I've got some nice, orbit-sized rooms for ya.
00:00:54
Speaker
A man that I think about literally every single day of my life, because I'm trying to find out if he's like, actually, like, you know, welcoming to hobbits, or if he's like, just buttering him up and he's like, before I cut these rooms in half, I can make double the profits. Like, or is he a cool guy? Is he a capitalist? Like, what is his deal? Or even worse, he's like being like, mean and patronizing, and he yeah doesn't have hobbit-sized rooms. Well, actually, I don't know if he's got hobbit-sized rooms, because when I guess we never see them, because we just see ah the room that Strider, one of them rangers, called him Stroider. He just drags him into a ah pretty normal-sized room, and then Sam busts in. He's like, oh, have you long janks?
00:01:52
Speaker
Cause Sam is, Sam's your fucking boy. He is. He's, when Sam's got your back, you're you're doing okay. So that is the, ah that's the character that I think a truly inordinate amount, about. I'll go with another bartender. Okay. The dude at the very beginning of Berserk, in the bar, who's just trying to run his bar. And depending on whether you're watching the anime or reading the manga, either some lady or Puck the Elf are being terrorized inside this bar. And Guts comes in and just fucks all of those guys up. And saves. Like he first thing like cuts a dude's hand off, right? The first thing he does is shoot a guy with a bunch of ah crossbow bolts.
00:02:53
Speaker
And then he cuts a guy's hand off and then he just like slice slices a bunch of people into pieces. Yeah. Yeah. And what he does is just throw a few coins on the bar and be like, sorry about that.
00:03:12
Speaker
That's that's guts, man. That's that's guts for you. Hey, it's pretty weird that those dudes could see puck, right?
00:03:20
Speaker
Other people can see Puck. Yeah, but most people can. Is that true? it I just read the i just reread the Lost Children arc, which is rough. and yeah yeah man Most people can't see Puck. But people in that village can. And they they are mad because, oh, that they that's a that's an elf. and They've been stealing our kids.
00:03:53
Speaker
So... That's not what was happening. No, that's not what was happening, but ah that's what they believe. Nonetheless... Well, Matt, I picked a moment that I am mildly perplexed by because I can't ah figure that dude's motivation. But you picked a moment that was appropriately pretty raw. Pretty raw because it's time to get raw once again. here on War Rocket Ajax, we're going to be ranking the rawest moments in comics history on our Thursday Night Raw list. And you know what that means, folks? That means I open my most visited Wikipedia page and I find a entry in the list of w WWE Raw special episodes to name this episode after. And when it was my birthday,
00:04:51
Speaker
We, we named it episode or raw episode after a birthday episode of raw. Chris, your birthday is coming up quite soon. it It is coming. This will not, this is not the my birthday episode. That would I think be, uh, next week's. Yeah. But yes, it's coming up. It's coming up. point oh we're We're in the, uh, the, the birthday eclipse. That's right. And so, I think cake night. Yeah. So my, my birthday episode was named after the episode, the rocks birthday bash. I think your birthday episode, Chris, this is a, we're taking it back situation. oh Oh boy. We're going to call it Chris, Chris Sims birthday celebration show named for the August 11th, 2014 raw episode Hulk Hogan birthday celebration show. But we're removing Hulk Hogan.
00:05:47
Speaker
And we're making Christmas. No, that is Hulk Hogan's birthday, August 11th? I don't think it's that exact date. Let's see. Oh, no. Let's see when Terry Belayo's birthday is. it is It is August 11th, the day, August 11th. Oh, no. That's the day before yours, though. it's Yeah, that's too close for comfort, bud. At least just not the same day. You do not share a birthday with Terry Belaya. That's true. Speaking of which, Chris, your birthday present for me is arriving Sunday. Oh, here? Yes, at your home. Nice. I will not open it. Are you going to save it for the show? We're going to do it on the show? You're going to open it on the show? Yeah. Great. Well, this is Chris Simms birthday celebration show. Raw.
00:06:46
Speaker
ah So, stick around for that. But before we get raw, Curtis, before it's time to rank raw moments, ah we do have some business to take care of, starting with thanking our newest supporters on Patreon. That's right, Matt. These are the people who I hope will be very generous ah with next week they go down to 91 Gimmick Street. Well, next week, they'll be going to nice T2. Next week, they'll be go going to 692 Gimmick Street. This week, they're going to 691 Gimmick Street. That's right, yes. But it's always a good time to be very generous oh when you do that. um Of course, you know what's there at 691. Please do tell what's at 691 Gimmick Street. It's the trampoline laser tag. Oh, yeah. The trampoline
00:07:39
Speaker
place slash laser tag park. Yeah. It's there used to be two, uh, that actually used to be 691 gimmicks street and 692 gimmicks street it was a trampoline park in a laser tag arena. Um, but obviously there's something different at, at 692 gimmicks street now. So at 691 gimmicks street, they just put in all the trampolines, but they left in all the laser tag obstacles. And so it's like, uh, it's, it's like blitz ball.
00:08:12
Speaker
Or that, do you remember that weird sport they played in ah Batman Beyond? i Yes, I don't remember what was called, but I do remember. I don't remember what it was called either, which is weird because that is exactly the kind of thing I should remember. But it's in that episode where you find out Bayon is just ah just a sad old man. Because he did drugs. Yes. What is it called? It's very similar to Hi-Li. It's like anti-gravity. It's Hi-Re-Li. It's higher lie, yes. It's like anti-gravity highlight. Next week's little introductory thing might be, what's your favorite fictional sport? That's a good one. That's a good question.
00:08:54
Speaker
ah So yeah, when you are when you are coming down to my birthday party, which is a trampoline laser tag party, to celebrate my 42nd birthday, to celebrate my 42nd birthday by almost certainly destroying my knees, then make sure that you take a little extra time to go to patreon dot.com slash war rocket Ajax and kick in as little as a dollar a month to help this show keep going and ah help us pay those gimmicks they keep sending in the mail called bills. This is my job right now. Got to do it. Got to do it.
00:09:31
Speaker
Uh, here are our newest supporters, Chris. They are Manuel Martinez. Thank you, Manuel. And Charlie Etheridge Nunn. Thank you, Charlie. A returning subscriber, I believe. Yes. If you would like to be like Charlie and Manuel, um, and it is wake up, wake up, wake up the first of the month. Um, so great. It's a great time to jump on board. ah You can head over to patreon dot.com slash war rocket Ajax and as Chris said kicking as little as a dollar a month To make sure that we continue to do this show Weekly that we do every story ever specials monthly that we do movie fighters this next situation We're gonna be watching a movie in August. I think it's gonna be blue streak That's gonna be good. That's gonna be a good time
00:10:21
Speaker
You also support Comics Ketchup, which we gotta decide what we're doing for Comics Ketchup for August, but we've talked about a couple of options ah that we might go with. All of those shows are made possible by your support over on Patreon, and as a patron, you get every single one of those shows that I just told you about totally ad-free. um you get your own Patreon special feed with no ads. And ah you can also get other cool stuff. You can get bonus content, ah stuff that I cut out of the show, outtakes that I cut out and put up on the Patreon, stuff that we record, especially for Patreon, ah which we haven't done any special recorded BOCO in a little while, but maybe we will pretty soon.
00:11:10
Speaker
ah writing that Chris and I have done including a lot of video game reviews that Chris has done over there on the patreon that are exclusive to the patreon and access to ah The spreadsheet that Chris has been making for a little while now with every survivors like game He has played it's called spreadsheet survivors and you can you can get that only on patreon ah which you should do and
00:11:38
Speaker
You can also get physical rewards. The t-shirts for 2024 have been shipped to me. They are on the way, so I will be sending those out to people at that level ah this month. So if you're at that level, your t-shirt is coming soon, I promise. ah So stay tuned for that and and back us on Patreon if you can. If you can't, And look, we understand that you're not always able to do that kind of thing. You can help us out in other ways. You can leave us a five-star review on the podcasting app that you use, or you can just spread the word about the show, tell your friends about a podcast you love called War Rocket Ajax. ah That would help us out a whole bunch as well. Chris, with that, it's time for some checks and recs. What do you say? Let's do it.
00:12:40
Speaker
Chris, what do you have to check in with this week? Remember how I said that ever since I had COVID, things have just been kind of cascading one thing after another? I do remember that, yes. Well, this week, my air conditioning went out. Unbelievable. In in the dead dog days of summer. the The hottest days of the year. Yes. And if people don't know this, here's an interesting fact about beautiful Minneapolis, Minnesota, where I live, that I was not aware of until I moved here. It gets to um like negative 40 in the winter, but it also gets up to 100 in the summer. So there's a great little 140 degree temperature swing living here. Yeah. And ah but there's a lot of lakes. So there's a little bit of humidity to it too. Here's what gets me.
00:13:39
Speaker
i I'm sure I talked about this on the show, ah but after we bought the house in 2021, the first cold weekend of the year, ah the CO2 alarm went off or the carbon monoxide alarm went off and we ended up having to get a new furnace and new HVAC air conditioner and everything. And at that time I got like ah like a service plan on it so that if anything went wrong, they would come out and fix it and everything would be great. Only to find out that they,
00:14:10
Speaker
They put the furnace on this plan, but did not, as I thought they did, put the air conditioning on this plan. So that came right out of your boy's pocket. I think that is 100% bullshit. I agree. I agree. And honestly, so did the person I talked to, but he could not get anyone to approve it.
00:14:34
Speaker
That was bad. Uh, my poor dog was panting all the time. We had fans in every room at one point. Uh, I had two fans pointed at me at the same time, uh, from various directions, just trying to work on my last little bit of my job. Matt, I've tried, Matt, I really try not to, not to be a sad sack, not to be a downer, but buddy, buddy, it's, it's been,
00:15:07
Speaker
it's it's It's been, we gotta turn it around. We gotta turn it around. Patreon dot.com slash War Rocket Ajax. Patreon.com slash War Rocket Ajax. be like Be like the people who lent Goku their energy. Except the energy is money.
00:15:27
Speaker
As we have said on the show before. The energy is money. I am Goku. The energy is money. Yes. Yes. Matt, I think you have a much happier and more entertaining check this week, if i unless I miss my guess. Well, my check is that the night before recording this episode, ah so Wednesday, July 31st, I made my way down to Greenville, South Carolina. to attend AEW Dynamite ah for that night. Which will let's go and ignite it. That's right, yes. it was It was a fun show. I enjoyed the show thoroughly. It is definitely the talkiest episode of Dynamite I have gone to see live. It was a lot of promo segments. It was a lot of talking.
00:16:23
Speaker
Setting up matches and storylines for all in ah Later this month, but that's understandable and the promo segments were good. There was a promo segment, especially with Brian Danielson and swerve Strickland that the crowd got really into and was really good. it was It was really a good segment, ah setting up their match that's coming up at all in and also set the stipulation for that match being career career versus title. And boy, I don't know what they're gonna do. I sure don't know what they're gonna do about that. But anyway, if you've seen the ah if you've seen the show, you've seen the show, you know what happened on the show.
00:17:09
Speaker
One really funny thing that happened before the show started is that there was an MJF promo on the big screen just for us in the arena. And I think it was intended to get us to boo MJF when he came out, even though that didn't happen. People in the audience definitely cheered for MJF Enchanted USA. because we were in Greenville. And it was very so funny to see Will Ospreich kind of not know what to do with that when the crowd started chanting. Very funny for people to cheer MJF and all.
00:17:53
Speaker
uh, chant USA while he's doing this, uh, I'm the American champion, like disingenuously patriotic gimmick yeah and saying, yeah yeah, but not you guys, you guys suck. Yeah. Yeah. This isn't really America. I'm from Long Island, the real America. Uh, and, and Will Ospreay is coming out and saying like, you don't represent American values. You don't represent American values, bruv. Yeah. Uh, but nonetheless, To get us to boo MJF before that, which didn't work, but it was still, it was fun. MJF like popped up on the screen and he said, Hey, I just want you all to know I'm in Greenville and I hate it. I can't believe that I'm here. Why is, why is this even a place? Why is this even a city? Your food here is terrible.
00:18:44
Speaker
your city just walking along the sidewalks terrible. And one thing I didn't expect to be terrible was your toilet paper. I wiped and wiped and wiped and couldn't get couldn't get rid of anything. And he held up a Gamecocks Jersey. oh No, that would ah that's Greenville is the wrong town to do that in though. well at When he did that, I was like, amateur mistake. It shouldmateture mistake should have been a Clemson Jersey. Should have been a Clemson Jersey. That's going to get you over in Greenville. Well, some people did cheer when he held up the South Carolina Gamecocks jersey. But then he was like, so I wiped and wiped and wiped with this and nothing worked and it it kept not working. So I had to try something else. So I got i reached for another role and then he picked up and then he held up this Clemson jersey. Oh, getting both of them. All right. All right.
00:19:35
Speaker
He got both of them. But it was it was fun to get a little promo from MJF that was just for the live crowd. And there was... I mean, you don't like it when there's a your local sports team promo. Yeah. I love that shit. Well, it being for just the live crowd, I think, made it more fun than if it had been on like the actual show. Cause I mean, MJF came out and shit-talked Greenville during the actual show too. But, uh, also ah Brian Danielson said he got his engagement photos in Greenville and a big chunk of our drive home was me and Marlene debating whether that was true.
00:20:16
Speaker
Brian Danielson's pro, like the things he said about Greenville were like so weird and awkward that they have to be true. Yeah. I mean, Greenville does have a nice downtown. Yeah. and But him being like, yeah, Bria and I got our engagement pictures here. We were like, did you? It is wild to say about, look, Greenville does have a nice downtown. You're from Shelby. I'm from Sumter, South Carolina. We can say Greenville's got a nice downtown. I cannot imagine
00:20:52
Speaker
Someone from a city saying that? i can um I can imagine someone from a larger city, from like a Seattle or a Chicago or a Dallas. An Aberdeen, Washington? Yeah. Enjoying the kind of mid-city, mid-size city charm of a place like Greenville, which has a lot of like green space and and pretty parks and all of that kind of stuff. So I kind of get it, but it's still weird. It's still weird, you know, still weird. Yeah. Um, so like, again, has to be true. yeah It kind of seems like maybe it does. Brian Daniels and has to shoot like downtown Greenville. Yeah. Um, one other thing that happened, I'll i'll give a quick rundown of of what happened in the crowd.
00:21:44
Speaker
I think I witnessed maybe, you said i but I have a happier check. I do think I witnessed maybe the saddest thing I've ever seen in a wrestling show. Oh no. Which was in the section over next to us, there was this kid who was just like shouting his little heart out throughout the show. And he was especially like shouting for people he really liked. And when it got to the main event, he was just like, cheering cheering, cheering, cheering for Darby Allen. I don't know for sure, but I think the kid had some sort of disability. And so he's just yelling, cheering, you know, being as loud as he can. And this fucking asshole, listeners never do this. I know none of you will.
00:22:39
Speaker
This guy turns around to this kid and I'm only kind of seeing this out of the corner of my eye. And he's like telling that he basically tells the kid like, Hey, you're yelling in my ear and it's hurting my ears. Stop. And I'm looking at the kid and his parents and they're like gobsmacked. They do not know what to say or do this grown man who looks like he's in his fifties is telling a child not to be loud at a wrestling show.
00:23:09
Speaker
and That's unbelievable. i was i was heartro It was heartbreaking. And I saw this woman sitting next to this man who's like complaining to this kid. She's scandalized. I'm like reading her lips and she's saying, do not say that to him. Leave him alone. he's But the guy's not angry. like He's not yelling. He's just like actually just kind of asking, like can you please be quiet, and or like calm down. and the kid like For a second, I was like, this kid's going to start crying. like This is going to be awful.
00:23:48
Speaker
But in a great moment, what happened instead is the parents just moved the kid down a couple of seats and let him go right back to it. That's good. It said that was nice. But like, please do not ever tell a child to be less excited at a wrestling show the one place where they can be as loud as they want. I have told like grown people, grown people totally different. Yeah. Yeah, but mainly I've told grown people, hey, could you stop making shitty comments about the wrestlers? Yeah. well During the match that I'm trying to watch yeah very loud voices, not like booing or like, no, like saying like, being assholes, sexist shit most of the time. Yeah. Yeah. Did not run into any of that. ah Luckily. I in fact, I don't, I've never had that happen at an AEW show.
00:24:48
Speaker
Not to say that it doesn't happen, I am more than sure that it does. um But I have never had the the bad fortune to have that happen at an AEW show, thankfully. ah Anyway, I went to Dynamite and it was fun. Time for some recommendations, Chris. What do you have to recommend? ah Matt, I suspected that we might have the same recommendation this week. I it didn't make this my recommendation under that suspicion as well after you You mentioned it to me that we might. Now dig this. Y'all know I love a video essay. We both do. And I especially love a video essay from someone with ah good opinions on a pop culture subject that I already find interesting. Especially if it takes up most of a work day and I don't need to go find something else ah while i'm I'm getting my work done.
00:25:46
Speaker
ah Which is why I would love to recommend the new FD signifier video that is a three and a half hour video essay on Drake and Kendrick It it is mostly about Drake and Kendrick even though The first like half hour is a history of rap beefs, which is which is good context very much so yes and and good like Because it's very important for the way that story plays out to know how this usually goes. Or how this used to go, yeah. Or how it used to go, or how, like, you know...
00:26:29
Speaker
people have responded to this sort of thing. I didn't realize that, i ah I have been, you know, hearing the songs, of course, I didn't realize that Kendrick dropped ah Meet the Grams with no warning on a night that Drake dropped what was supposed to be his big drag. The way Kendrick planned this, and and seemed to know everything that was gonna happen, is unbelievable. It was, it's fucking Batman R.I.P. shit, dude. It really is. It's fucking Ozymandias shit. And then, well, here's the thing, he said everything he was going to do in Euphoria.
00:27:17
Speaker
yeah Which ah one of the things FD signifier says in that video is that euphoria is the best song of the whole battle and hearing that was like Redemption for me because like not like us is the big hit and it's the club banger and it's the one they made a video for and Obviously it is because it's a great song. It's a great song to just listen to it is It's weird to say this but it's a fun song but for me It's a fun song for, uh, I would say seven billion people and not a fun song for one person. Yeah. Well, if probably a few people, uh, but probably few but one guy in particular. Yeah. But euphoria is such a like layered, smart song. And FD signifier points out that Kendrick does that thing where he like takes on personas.
00:28:14
Speaker
which is my favorite thing Kendrick has done. From the start, like like Backseat Freestyle is one of my favorite Kendrick songs, and it's like very much Kendrick adopting personas in a song. I mean, he does that all over Good Kid Mad City. Yeah, he does. Yeah. And he does he brings that back in Euphoria. He does that he does that part where he raps in Drake's Weird Accent, where he goes, uh, don't know nothing about that. And, uh, God, I love it. God, I love it. Uh, so like talking about euphoria being like the best song of all of it. I really appreciate that. And also like in euphoria, he talks about how he's going to go back to back on Drake, like Drake did to McMill and then he did. Yeah, man.
00:29:15
Speaker
it's there's Look, there's nothing better than when you tell someone exactly what you're gonna do. That's like action movie shit, man. um But yeah, like i I think it is a ah ah really good video. Also kind of like just a fascinating like look at Kendrick Lamar. and and a fascinating look at Drake too. um And like some, some non Not Like Us problems yeah with with his music. ah There's also a really good ah Todd in the Shadows video about Not Like Us that ah is a nice little ah half hour kind of a aperitif to that. oh And I love that ah both of those videos involve the the person making them be like,
00:30:11
Speaker
Drake, there's stuff you could have done that that you just didn't do. Like, it wouldn't have changed the outcome, but it maybe it would have changed how it all went down. um and there's And there's stuff you did that you probably shouldn't have. Yeah. ah The Taught in the Shadows video talking about how ah Drake did Not Like Us, then a month later made a video for Not Like Us. Kendrick Kendrick made a video for Not Like Us. you and He's gonna adapt it into a graphic novel and then adapt that graphic novel into a stage play that's gonna get made into a movie. He's gonna get an egot for calling Drake a pedophile. That shit's pretty funny. oh Yeah, man.
00:31:04
Speaker
oh really, really good, smart, uh, current pop culture criticism. Yeah. Well, there's, there's so much to talk about right now in a way that I feel like there hasn't been in a long time. Yeah. know Yeah. it Man, it it's, it sucks that the the whole thing turned into like having to call a guy a pedophile in a song. But in the catchiest song in the catchiest song where the okay No one has talked about this and I'm obsessed with it in the in the song not like us When Kendrick does the a minor line It's just him right he he stretches it out, but it's just him saying it in the video they have added a chorus
00:32:02
Speaker
of hundreds of people singing along with him. Yeah, because that's what happened. Because that's what happened. Yeah. Again, I have only been like kind of peripheral, like, I had honestly not heard any of the Drake stuff. Because I don't, you know, I don't listen to a lot of Drake. Generally speaking, I like Kendrick a lot. So I've i've listened to the Kendrick stuff. But like, I've been walking around my house like probably a minor for a month, yeah you know? Yeah. Catchy. i know I love really smart pop culture criticism about stuff that I already like and ah the FD signifier video, the top in the shadows video, both very, very good, very worth watching. oh They're on YouTube or if you if you're a Nebula subscriber like we are, ah not a sponsor, but could be. But could be. ah
00:32:55
Speaker
then they're they're also on there. So check them out. Matt, if that is not your recommendation, then I'm very curious to find out what is. Well, Chris, my recommendation, I knew that you were probably going to talk about that. So I was like, I'm going to watch the first episode of that new Batman show on Amazon. As soon as it drops, which was today as of recording this, um Batman, Kate, Crusader. Now, I know, Chris, you you said you might not watch it because of Onomatopoeia being in the show. Yeah, but then I found out Derek Charm as is a character designer. Yeah. And also, Ed Brubaker is an executive producer. Yeah. And you know what? If I can like Batman, despite ah one of his creators being my mortal enemy, then I can probably get past it for Onomatopoeia. It's good. It's good. I know it doesn't actually have any connection to
00:33:56
Speaker
Batman the Animated Series. But it feels like a prequel to Batman the Animated Series. Well, I mean, it it it has like, ah it doesn't have like a continuity connection, but it does have like creator connections. It definitely has creator connections, Bruce Timm, namely, I don't think Paul Dini is involved in it. ah But it it has the look and feel it has the, you know, noir-ish art deco 1930s, 1940s setting. It's got all of that stuff. The voice acting while different is really good in the first episode. And it's right back into the, you know, crime syndicates, organized crime, Batman versus mobsters, Rupert Thorne is all over the first episode.
00:34:50
Speaker
As is, uh, the new Penguin, the new version of Penguin who, uh, I'll say this, uh, they could have come up with a better name than Oswalda. Yeah, that's pretty rough. We're going to lose all that Patreon support from Oswaldo. Cause we said that. yeah Different name from Oswalda. Uh, Just, you know, just could've thought about the name a little bit more. Couldn't handle Gwen. Gwen Cobblepot? Yeah. or or Or Penny. Yeah, yeah. Canella B. Gwendolyn Cobblepot. What was Doc Ock's name in Spider-Verse? Liv. Olivia. Olivia, yeah. Yeah. yeah See?
00:35:45
Speaker
Just a few more letters just switched around. It's fine. Yeah. Anyway, Batman Cave Crusader is good. Hey, guess what? A new Batman cartoon that Bruce Timm's involved in? It's good. Man, surprising that I'm the one recommending this in-depth look at Hip Hop and you're recommending a new Batman show. Flipping the script. Sometimes, roles reverse. With that, Chris, it's time to talk about- 700 episodes in, keeping you guessing. That's right. It's time to talk about some comics. What do you say? Let's do it. All right, Chris, your self-proclaimed textures choice winner is the- I mean, it is the only comic we texted each other about. i what did you do I don't even remember what you texted me about it. I texted you and Benito that
00:36:40
Speaker
ah I basically quoted Brooklyn Nine-Nine and said that I have only known about Bite Wing for eight pages. But if anything happened to her, I would um i would to kill everyone in here and then myself. Right. Okay. I i see that now. i I've missed those messages. Would they happen? Okay. The Texas Choice winner, even though I didn't read this comic yet, is the Super Pal Special. but identity crisis number one. Alright. First of all, I'll say this. That's a bad title. Yeah. Don't make don't make me think about identity crisis ever. I think about it enough. It's been 20 years and I can't stop thinking about it.
00:37:34
Speaker
I have said before, no matter how long it takes, I will die mad about it. kit Give this man a break. don't like Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Whoever's decision that was, that's a bad decision. yeah i don't I don't know who was the ah the editor on this guy, but that, bad choice. yeah So I honestly went into this chip on my shoulder. And I was like, look, I'll look at this, but with a title like that, ain't nothing they can do to get me interested in in this. I open it up. First thing I see is, oh, there's a Kyle Stark story called Who Wolfs the Wolfman? That is Kyle doing a full Watchmen parody with dogs. in In the form, I'm looking at it now, in the form of comic strips. In the form of like newspaper strips. Yeah.
00:38:33
Speaker
But I did ah text Kyle and I said, hey, do you is it okay if I tell you something I think you quote should have ah done in a Wolfman? And he was like, yeah, go for it. oh And I was like, Azimandias should have said that he did it 245 minutes ago, because that's 35 minutes in dog minutes. Times seven. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shockingly though, or perhaps, I mean, not shockingly once you know what it is. What got me about this issue was ah the story of Bite Wing, who I, this is my first exposure to Bite Wing. So somebody's got to tell me where I can find out more about Dick Grayson's little three legged pit bull. Dick Grayson's adorable little dog. This little tripod who looks like Biscuit, but she's gray.
00:39:27
Speaker
and is real dumb, and I love her. ah this is a ah This is a Tony Fleece, Mike Norton ah story with colors by Brad Simpson and letters by Steve Wands that I sent a page to AC and she was like, who lettered that? Because the font for when ah Bite Wing talks and is real dumb compared to Ace the Bat Hound, that's a good choice. Uh, cause like crypto and ace and streaky all have like normal word balloons, even though they're, you know, talking in animal languages. Uh, but yeah, this is mad. There's a little three legged night wing dog named bite wing in this little tripod that tries real hard and loves ace the bad hound and loves people comic of the year contender.
00:40:23
Speaker
Comic of the Year contender. Pup-pup and away from a bite-density crisis, one shot. That alone is worth it. The other seven here is is also pretty good. I mean, you know, the Kyle story's good, obviously. It's very, very funny. There's a story about Deckstar that, I'll be honest with you, fucking hate Deckstar. But ah Dan Waters writes it, and Christopher Minton does some really, really beautiful art ah for it. I just don't. That is, I got nothing for for Deckstar, the cat that vomits blood. Sure. There's also a ah story with Bat-Cow and the other pets of Damien by Michael W. com Conrad and Sammy Bossery. And then there's a Jorrow there's a jarro story
00:41:16
Speaker
uh by alexis quasarano with art by pj holden yeah that one's weird because jarro's not really a pet jarro's like a guy like i mean yeah i mean i guess yeah jarro's a starfish but like jarro's a guy he's nobody's pet really Yeah, like I mean like, he he is a, I mean I guess Ace and Crypto are also like sapient creatures ah in the in the rules of comics and all. But like, I don't know man, Jar was a guy. Jar was not a pet. Jar was a guy. The next comic we're gonna talk about is Amazing Spider-Man number 54, which wraps up the Spider Goblin story.
00:42:08
Speaker
the story where Peter has been infected by Norman Osborn's sins. um This is an issue where Peter Parker, Spider-Man, and Norman Osborn, the Green Goblin, Ed McGinnis draws them having a sin fight. Yeah, i'm Matt, I'm glad you brought this up because this is one of two things I really wanted to talk about.
00:42:35
Speaker
The Marvel Universe is a weird place, yeah and we know it is established that there is a spear that you can get stabbed with that will absorb all your sins, and then if someone else gets stabbed with it, it'll put those sins in them. Correct. A little bit of the way through this issue, the spear stops being a problem, and it's just ah the Green Goblin and the Norman Osborn and Spider-Man shooting their stand at each other.
00:43:09
Speaker
Aura, aura. Yeah, it's it's wild. they're just like They're just like shooting a ghost at each other, which is the si there is the green goblin, which is sins. Matt, what are the best kind of comics? Yeah, yeah. If you know the best kind of comics, then you know the second best kind of comics, and this is both.
00:43:33
Speaker
There's also a bit in here. with the living brain who has been trying, who's been asking the question, who is Spider-Man for literally 60 years, reveals the answer of who is Spider-Man, which is a guy who fucks up, but never stops trying. And buddy, you're going to get me with that every fucking time. Every time. Every time. And I love that like like i have we have had this conversation before where it's like the key to Spider-Man is that he's a guy whose first instinct is always wrong. Yeah. Because he fucks up, but then he's got to fix it. like his His natural instinct is to do the wrong thing, which I think is great. That's so great about him. Yeah. and and But he'll do everything in his power to fix it when he breaks it, you know?
00:44:29
Speaker
and And... God. God, I love him. Everyone who says the Zeb Wells run on Spider-Man is bad is wrong. Get over Mary Jane having a boyfriend. Look, none of us like Paul. None of us like Paul, but yeah it's not a reason that right off the whole run. Uh, cause this is great. This is great. Agreed. Um, the other thing that I did want to talk about with this issue was that, uh, whenever, whenever I open a browser on my phone, but Google, which is constantly listening to me, uh, has some suggestions of things that thinks I might want to read. Um, it's very rarely correct. Although it's got the right idea cause most of it is about
00:45:15
Speaker
Persona, Dragon Quest, and Batman. ah But in this one, I got an article from maybe comicbook dot.com, maybe CBR, ah that was like, Marvel permanently kills the Green Goblin ah in the in the climax of this story. Oh, because Spider-Man beats up Norman Osborn's sins with his virtues.
00:45:43
Speaker
I'm sorry, that might not have been clear from the way we talked about it. Very Pilgrim's Progress, ah but with web shooters. So this order was like like Marvel permanently kills the Green Goblin. He'll never be back. and it's but Whenever I see a headline like that and an article like that, Like, I understand you want the clicks. You want the clicks. That's fine. I'm not judging you for wanting the clicks, but whenever I see something phrased like that, I hear your voice, Matt Wilson, going, are you new?
00:46:18
Speaker
The ultimate insult. Are you new? ah like all right I mean, yeah, I guess they have for now. Yeah, the Green Goblin's gonna come back, guys. Don't worry about it. Both these dudes have been dead before. Yeah. One of them was dead for like 30 years. One of them was dead for a long time, yeah. Yeah. Or 20 some years. It's the use of the word permanent that really gets me. It's, yeah.
00:46:54
Speaker
You know, look, you know that's not true. You put that in your headline knowing it was a lie. Hey, you know what? You know what I'm going to tell you guys? Get a grip.
00:47:07
Speaker
Damn cutting. ru Last up, we're going to talk about blood hunt number five. The, the stunning conclusion of the big event Now, Chris, you said you had not read this issue yet, but you did read Fantastic Four, which gives away the ending. Which does give away the ending, which, to be fair, is an appropriate thing to find out in Fantastic Four. I'm not mad about it. i sure I read the comics in the wrong order. so if only they had If only they had a gym shooter around to be like, wait,
00:47:48
Speaker
Read Blood Hunt number five before you dive into this issue. There is a checklist. Let me see if Fantastic Four is after Blood Hunt number five on the checklist. ah Yes, it is. Immediately after. ah So, Blade wasn't Blade the whole time. Chris, you were right all along. Called it from day one. It's Varnay. Varnay, the vampire, the first vampire from Atlantis. Who has taken over Blade's body. Um, so, so it has been Blade's body the whole time, but, uh, possessed by Varnay. Uh, so of course it's up to Bloodline to, uh, to fix that situation to get Varnay out of Blade's body.
00:48:39
Speaker
I wish her name was bloodlines and that she had all the powers of all the characters from DC's bloodlines. Uh, so, um, she does do that, but then she gets the help of Miles Morales to like really, really make it happen. Cause Miles Morales is like, you made me into a vampire. Uh, so I'm technically in the bloodline too. Uh, and, uh, it's a very cool moment, uh, that gets Varnay out of blade. Also, Curiously, at the end of this story, Miles is still a vampire. Oh, that was another one that I saw that did the same thing where it was like, Miles Morales Spider-Man is now permanently a vampire forever! And I was like... Just like just like Jubilee was permanently a vampire. Just like Jubilee, yeah. Guys!
00:49:32
Speaker
Come on. The big development in this story is, okay, Doctor Strange is still in astral spiritual form and is technically undead. So Doom is like, hey, the Avengers and all those Konshu acolytes and all of that stuff to battle of vampires. It's not enough. It's not going to be enough. I can bring the sun back, but you gotta to make me the Sorcerer of's Supreme.
00:50:05
Speaker
But I'll only be Sorcerer Supreme long enough to save the world. And Doctor Strange is like, okay, all right, here's part of my soul that will make you Sorcerer Supreme. Doctor Strange didn't go, look, I know that's not true. Doctor Strange didn't also go, look, he's not permanently a vampire forever, and also I know that you're not gonna. Hold on, though. it's He uses legal mumbo-jumbo. Okay. So so Dr. Strange gives him the piece of his soul that makes Doom into the Sorcerer's Supreme. Doom uses Latvarian archaeological technology to burst through the darkness and bring the sun back.
00:50:53
Speaker
um Once Varnay is knocked out of Blade, ah he he uses all his Sorcerer Supreme powers to then ah bring back the sun. And, you know, the bad vampires all go away. So then Dr. Strange is like, all right, great. You saved the world. You did it. ah Keep your promise, Victor. give me Make me Sorcerer Supreme again. And Victor Von Doom goes, oh. Oh no, I've only just started saving the world.
00:51:28
Speaker
I told you I would make you Sorcerer Supreme again when I save the world. And that's just starting. And he says Doom does nothing halfway. That's great. and uh and now that's really good i love that now doom is the sorcerer supreme and uh that's cool jed mckay peppy loraz uh i've loved blood hunt from page one and it it's been good one of my favorite marvel events in a minute all right chris now it's time to get wrong let's do it there is no training no training or me and my bra look like a man but i'm animal
00:52:07
Speaker
up Before we get started with this, I just got to say um whenever Kendrick says fuck the big three, I always think he's talking about Naruto bleach in one piece.
00:52:17
Speaker
Just for for like a microsecond in my head. I always think Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America. a So remember Batman and Wonder Woman? Longer Guarded is the big three in the Avengers, yeah. um Speaking of which, I'd never circle back on this. ah I looked up what that sport was called in Batman Beyond. From what I could tell, it did not have a name. I i looked up the same, and I couldn't find it. Apparently, someone said it was referred to as hockey in an episode. Wild.
00:52:52
Speaker
But not even in the future, that's not what hockey is. I even looked up the wi that or the the wiki page of the coach from that episode to see if it would give the name of the sport, and it did not. So that was a nameless sport. um If you know the name of Anti-Gravity High Lie, I think Higher Lie. Higher Lie is a great name. He's yeah pretty good, honestly. But if you if you if you know the name, get in touch. Can you take me high or lie? Can you take me high-lie would be a great ad campaign? It would. To get people into high-lie? Our first Raw submission, Chris, is from Greg Packnett. And it is a moment from Uncanny X-Men number 170. All right, all right, all right. 170, okay. So this is posts post Phoenix.
00:53:49
Speaker
if If you're not, if you don't know just by the issue number, it is the issue where Callisto and Storm have a knife fight. Oh yeah, that's a good one. But that's a good one. Yeah. Let me tell you, I've read, I think I've read four stories that I can think of off the top of my head where Storm has a knife fight with somebody. All four are good. So what Greg submitted was Kalista. It says Kalista and Uncanny X-Men number 170. And then it's that screenshot from the news report where it says quote from Man Stabbed. And then there's the quote, what are you going to do? Stab me?
00:54:39
Speaker
That's exactly what happens. Does accurately describe what happens in that issue. Yeah.
00:54:48
Speaker
Cause like they start the knife fight, Kalisto slashes Storm on the face. Um, she should have known she was fucked and there, there is a great panel, like a closeup of Kalisto's face when she throws the switchblade at Storm and Storm just like one hand catches it. Yeah. Like real smooth and then goes whenever you're ready. Like that's the moment Kalisto should have been like, you know what? Uh, I guess I don't think we need to go through with this, but Claremont undercuts it by having Nightcrawler say, Oh, that was just, you know, bravado. That was just like, you know, a little show of a flare. Uh, storm has never has vowed to never take a human life. She's finished.
00:55:47
Speaker
And so then they start to fight. Kalisto gets Storm on the face and laughs at her because she thinks it's it's over. And she says, I almost pity you, Silvertop. You're making this too easy. Then Storm takes like, it's okay her cape. Yeah, she takes her cape and like, restrains Kalisto's arm, holds her arm up in the air, and then just jams her with that knife. and And there's this panel of Kalista's face while she's being stabbed where she's just like, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. She, she has a fucked up. Yes. Kalista fucked around and i found out. and doubt Yes. No, this is a classic. It's raw shit. It's so good. Yeah. Cause I mean, you, said you say that, that,
00:56:49
Speaker
Nightcrawler, like, undercuts it by saying, oh oh no, it's a bluff. But then, like, I think that just makes it even harder. oh no i I'm not saying he undercuts the moment to come. I'm saying he undercuts the coolness of the catch. You know what I mean? Because then he says, hey, Aroro, you stabbed her in the heart. And Storm's like, yeah, it was a fight to the death, Kurt. And Nicole was like, I never expected that of you. And Storm goes, neither did Callisto. Yeah, it's so good. Cold, cold as ice. And that's after Storm asks like, hey, is she alive? Because like, in some other comics, the hero might be like, oh, I aimed just to the left of her heart to make sure that I didn't kill her, you know?
00:57:46
Speaker
Storm's like, hey, did I kill her or not? Is she dead? but she does Did she tap? Did she tap? All right. Was she alive enough to tap? All right. like
00:58:02
Speaker
When people try to describe the comic book character Storm, they'll say a lot of things about like controlling weather or like her royal connections and all of these kinds of things. But to me, what defines who Storm is, is this. I feel about Storm as a like, like as a creator, the way some people feel about Batman. Where it's like, like,
00:58:43
Speaker
Doing X-Men 92 was like fun because we got to do the, I shall meet you at the monorail version of Storm, you know? right But if I was gonna write Storm in like proper modern Marvel continuity, what do I do with her? She's too, like she's too much of a badass. Like, like no one's gonna beat her.
00:59:10
Speaker
but that's That's part of the appeal, man. No, Storm rules. i like I love reading Storm. i just felt like as a as a As a writer, I don't know what I would do. I love reading Storm. The trick that always gets pulled with Storm, and it's amazing that they can keep pulling it off, is there's this sense of like, oh, she's going to hold back. right Oh, she's she's not gonna like go so hard. And then she does, and every time you're like, fuck. X-Men Red is full of those. She's such a great character because she's like... It's it's not like...
01:00:00
Speaker
It's not like Jean, right? Where, like, Jean has this incredible, you know, galaxy-destroying ah psychic power ah that she can tap into. But, like, that's kinda it, you know? Like, yeah not to say Jean's a bad character or Jean's, like, not a well-rounded character. I i like Jean a lot, too. But, like, you kinda know what the situation you're gonna get with Jean is. With Storm, you have this character who is supremely powerful and controls fundamental forces. And also she's from the streets and will knife fight you.
01:00:44
Speaker
and Impeccable. Undefeated. When she fights Tarn, he's like, I have fucked up your whole body. What are you going to do? And she gets him anyway. That's Storm. That's who Storm is. And I feel like It's like, it just works every time there's a storm thing where it's like, oh, you forgot who I am. Yeah. Yeah. and And it's not like either of those sides ever goes away. And it's not like, it's not like when, it's when storm has done well, which, I mean, obviously I think, you know, Claremont did a lot of good stuff with storm. I think we can agree in those 17 years writing X-Men did a lot of good storm stuff. Um,
01:01:30
Speaker
But, you know, Ewing, other people, like, it went when Storm doesn't have her powers and she's fighting Cyclops for leadership of the X-Men, or when she's in a fucking knife fight with Callisto, she's still like, I am Storm, a literal goddess. yeah Like, it's not like the personality changes. It's not like the attitude changes. It's not like the confidence changes in the way that, like, a character can like shift into a different mode. You know, like it's it's not, this isn't the storm of Zurnar. It's just, that's just how storm works. That's just who she is. Yeah. And I think these are the moments where like, it's almost, and I mean this in both a kind of jokey way, but also like, this is not a bad thing about the character storm, but like the thing about how a Mary Sue, uh,
01:02:29
Speaker
has to be clumsy. Because like, like, that's that's the one flaw you can have is like storm being claustrophobic. Right? Yeah. It's like she had to like, she's got to have something that sometimes comes up. And she has a panic attack. Because otherwise, what do you do as a writer? ah No, like, I can't remember this has to be This isn't the first time Storm does something cool. Cause this is post first cockrum run, post first burn run. So Storm does cool shit. Like she's, you know, she got turned into a statue and caused a fucking hurricane. But this is, this has got to be the first time Storm like fully threw down on somebody. Yeah. In a way that you didn't expect. Yeah. All right. Give me, give me a spot.
01:03:27
Speaker
I don't know, man. storm Storm? Pretty fucking good. ah I think it's as good of a moment as Wonder Woman blinding herself with Medusa Venom. Yeah, that's pretty good. I was looking I was looking at ah I don't think it's as
01:03:51
Speaker
It might in its way be as pure as Wolverine saying, you had your chance, now it's my turn. Certainly like the payoff. There's an argument to be made. Is better. Yeah. The payoff of Storm like, like Wolverine cuts those guys up at the Hellfire Club and they become the the marauders or whatever. But like, that's the issue after that isn't as good as what you want. Boy. Storm stabs Kalisto in the heart, like from- she gets up under the ribcage. Whoo! Whoo! Yeah. Uh, it's- it is... God, it's good. It's good, man. Is it- is it better than Wolverine saying you had your chance now it's my turn?
01:04:47
Speaker
I feel like that's the panel that changes comics forever. Yeah. i There's an argument to be made for it, but I think it's maybe a little bit below that. Uh, better than it was a nice piece of work. Kingpin, you shouldn't have signed up. I'm, I, I don't think it's better than Red Skull, Red Skull going in a hole. Then I think it's right below red school. goal But I think it's above Wonder Woman and the Medusa venom. Yeah. I think it's so cool as hell, man. Number nine, she is God.
01:05:26
Speaker
Storm made reading X-Men red. So enjoyable. Uh, I mean, there's a lot about that book that that's enjoyable, but the storm of it all was really, really good. And that is a ah Paul Smith drawn issue. ah I will say she's running around in sewers with no shoes on, breaking her mother's heart. All right, our next submission is from Peter Swanson, who has submitted a moment from Final Crisis number seven by Grant Morrison and Doug Monke. I'm aware.
01:06:10
Speaker
This is not the moment I would have picked. I'll say. But this is the moment when Nyx Wotan appears at the final battle with Mandrak and proceeds to summon the exiled animals of Earth-26, the vengeful angels of the Pax Day, the supermen of the multiverse and the Green Lantern Corps, to defeat Mandrak and declares, no one fucks with the judge of all evil.
01:06:39
Speaker
I mean, look, that's also not the moment I would have picked from Final Crisis, number seven. Yeah. But. It's good. It's pretty good. Yeah. Final Crisis is good, man. Final Crisis, pretty good. I wish, I will say this, I wish Final Crisis was a little better. I wish Final Crisis had
01:07:05
Speaker
I wish Final Crisis was as good as Secret Wars 2015.
01:07:13
Speaker
Yeah, Final Crisis has a handful of things that make it imperfect. Yeah. Including clearly rushed art in the later issues, which is a DC Comics event problem. of that era. Like where all the pages are just red because the colorists didn't have time to color them. That's that's in that's an infinite crisis. It's in this book too.
01:07:50
Speaker
that's a
01:07:53
Speaker
ah It's not as note not quite as noticeable, but there's definitely some like, we just got to get this book out, make it like... so monochrome that shit. ah
01:08:11
Speaker
But Final Crisis, like the story of Final Crisis is is great. I feel like a thing that I like about Morrison that we have we have talked about, because we talk about Grant Morrison more than we talk about anything, I think. More than any other single human being. Probably, yeah. oh But I like that Grant, I have said this before, Grant's stories move at a weird pace because anything that's boring is not in the story. like it's like It's like they wrote a story and then went in and cut out everything that was boring. Everything that they thought was boring. yeah And that can make them feel a little bit disjointed at times.
01:09:04
Speaker
oh Yes, because sometimes boring things are necessary to make it make sense to a lot of the audience. Yeah. And I feel like this could have been... I am a ah i am a compressionist in comics. i like it I like it when they cram as much shit as they can into one of these issues. Sure. But I do feel like so much happens in the last two issues of Final Crisis that it could have used some breathing room. Because Superman Beyond is perfect. And like the ending of Superman Beyond is perfect. And that kind of should have been the end of Final Crisis.
01:09:47
Speaker
You know? Yeah. yeah ah Final Crisis could have benefited from being... not 12 issues, but more than 7. Maybe 10. Yeah. Maybe so, but I mean, it's pretty good. Like, Mandrake the Dark Monitor, pretty great. Yeah, he gets staked with a Green Lantern steak.
01:10:20
Speaker
ah ah and And also, ah Ultraman gets all burned up by all the heat vision from all the various Superman And so when Nick Zwotan says, no one fucks with the judge of all evil, he's holding up like, you know, the burnt body of Ultraman. Who sent this in again? This was sent by Peter Swanson. Did Peter, I know all the angels, the Pax Day, the Superman, um did ah Peter also mention
01:11:02
Speaker
using the word Taru to summon the forever people of the fifth world. Did not mention the word Taru, but that is in here as well, yes. Yeah, man, that's how you get the infinity, man. That's right. To use the word Taru.
01:11:19
Speaker
I love when comics have a magic word. I'll tell you what could ah i tell you what could have rocketed this one to the top of the list is if this double page spread of all the supermen showing up. um that has Mr. Majestic and Shazam and Apollo and a bunch of you know other alternate- President Superman. President Superman is on there. Yeah. Red Sun Superman is on there. I know the guy with the the laurels is somebody. I just can't think of who he is. Yeah. Goku should have been there.
01:11:56
Speaker
Almost certainly a legal issue, but yeah. Hey, just draw him in the background.
01:12:04
Speaker
Just throw him in there. Throw Goku in there. Because there is a guy in here who kind of looks like Hyperion. That's true. That's true. There is. Throw Goku in there. And Vegeta. And Piccolo. You know what? If this was actually Dragon Ball, I think it would be better.
01:12:29
Speaker
I think this moment is good. I would even call it raw, but it's, it's not even for me. It might be the third rawest moment in this issue.
01:12:48
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, like. ah If I'm gonna guess, I'd say we probably have the same one, which is ah ah Superman singing Darkseid into Oblivion. That's by number one rawest moment of the issue, yes. Yeah. And then in ah Final Crisis entirely, also, Superman rocking up with Batman's burned up corpse and just saying, Darkseid? Yeah. Like, boy, that's good stuff.
01:13:19
Speaker
all Yeah, batend Batman shooting Darkseid with a time bullet, that's the best thing in Final Crisis. Yeah, that's in live six I believe that has been submitted. ah Yeah, so that shit is good. Also, that that that last page where Bruce Wayne is back in caveman times. Back in caveman times? Yeah. Good stuff, man. Fire burns forever. This is raw, but I'm i'm i'm i'm looking looking low on the list here. It's it's no putting Magneto in a hole. It's no putting Magneto in a hole. And that's just the way it is. Some things will never change. ah I think it probably goes above Earth to invaders drop dead. I think it goes above Batman giving Joe Chill his gun back.
01:14:15
Speaker
I don't know that it goes above the Avengers wanting to have words with Ultron, though. I think that's fair. So, how do you think it fares against Aztec sacrificing himself to blow up Magedin? I mean... Objectively? This is probably better. Okay. So, this is the new number 64? Subjectively, I love Aztec the Ultimate Man. Sure. Sure. and I love him again in the anti son.
01:14:50
Speaker
Well, that's grant versus grant. So, uh, I'll, I'll leave that to you. That's, that's grant versus grant and Mark. So I think we can put this above it at a number 64. All right. The new number 64 is, uh, Nick's to Nick's new Oh tan with, I guess we'll just say no one fucks with the judge of all evil. Uh,
01:15:15
Speaker
But he he shows up with the crew, with the whole big crew. I haven't thought about Nick's Wilton in a half minute. Neither has DC Comics.
01:15:27
Speaker
This is from Lou Shoemaker. Okay. Okay. This is a reach back. This is a reach back into history, into comics history. This is a moment from the comic, Young Men, Number 24. Okay. It is the moment the golden age comics moment where the human torch kills Hitler. Boy, that's pretty good. it's just It's a big swing, right? It's a big swing. They should bring they should bring comic titles like that back.
01:16:14
Speaker
ah Like like the end the titles the intended audience. Yeah. Yeah. Oh Man, um ah Married 40s Disposable income comics Alright, so this is 1953 young men number 24 and Yeah, so so it was not a comic about Hitler being killed before Hitler's actual death.
01:16:51
Speaker
ah this was This was retroactively saying, hey, you know who killed Hitler? Yeah, hey, here's what's wild. Does Captain America and Namor are both in this comic book? They sure are. But the boys down at Atlas, ah stay ah staying in them, We're like, no, it was probably Jim Hammond, the Human Torch. What did it? Now, here's the worst thing about this. It is one panel in the Human Torch describing his entire life and the panel of him killing Hitler. So like he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, uh,
01:17:43
Speaker
So i was I was created in a test tube during World War II. And then I killed Hitler.
01:17:55
Speaker
And yeah Hitler is saying, as the human torch is like burning him alive, ow, the human torch has set me a fire. But don't let the world know how I died. Tell them I committed suicide. Argh. That owns, actually. and The human torch goes, lying with his dying breath. I love that he's like in the narration that he's describing. He goes, the biggest evil of that time was Hitler, so I fought him. Yeah. It's it's what he was created to do. but Yeah, man.
01:18:32
Speaker
Like, but hey, what are what are you going to do? Well, you know, I heard about this guy Hitler. Seems like a real shit heel. So I fought him. yeah And by fought, I mean, I set him on fire until he died. But, but okay. So there's one panel panel dedicated to, I killed Hitler. And then the next two panels are like, then I came home and I fought organized crime. but It's wild that, like, if you think about Johnny Storm, the human torch. Yeah. The, the modern human torch. Yeah. You don't think about him burning people to death. Yeah. That is all Jim Hammond did. He did it all the time. Yes. Like just fully horrifically murder it. Like he is a robot, an android that just horrifically murdered people constantly. All the time.
01:19:30
Speaker
But I mean, that look, they were the right people to murder.
01:19:35
Speaker
At least one of them. At least one of them. Yeah. These these organized crime guys, maybe. be I don't know. movie Maybe. why Hey, why didn't ah why didn't the Golden Age Human Torch start some social programs? That's my question.
01:19:56
Speaker
ah But yeah, he was he was a true human torch in that... He torched humans? He set people aflame, yes. Yeah. This, like... I gotta to say though, man, if you are gonna do a story where you're like, hey, the human torch killed Hitler, this is absolutely how you should do it. One panel kind of an aside, human torch is just like, yeah, you know, I got made in a lab, I killed Hitler, I fought a bunch of dudes, had a sidekick named Toro. Like, just absolutely casual about it. What's great is this one panel in this one comic from 1950, what year is it? 1954? 53. 53.
01:20:52
Speaker
that established that jib ham and the human torch killed hitler in the marvel universe forever more forever yeah yeah now interestingly there are some other people who killed hitler but they were clones right the the genuine hitler hitler prime got his ass set on fire by the human torch and went, ow! He went, ow? And he said, don't tell anybody I got burned alive. Don't tell anybody that the human torch burned me until I died.
01:21:36
Speaker
And Human Torch was just like, fuck that guy. Yeah. Fucking liar. Lie into his dying breath.
01:21:45
Speaker
ah It's good. so i feel it's good it On the one hand, I'm like, it should be more of the story. on the other hand, I'm like, what more do you need? Yeah, why could you possibly add to this? Like, maybe like, maybe you would have like a reaction panel of fucking I don't know who this is supposed to be with him. This dude who is who has the expression that one would expect as you are watching ah but Hitler get
01:22:18
Speaker
Well, not that we would have, but like he's a naughty, uh, like Baron Strucker, whoever, uh, like the only thing you could have would be like one more panel where there was just like a charred corpse and fucking garing is like, Oh, and also he pissed himself. In the 2019 history of the Marvel universe by Mark Wade and Javier Rodriguez, there is a different version of human torch killing Hitler. Look, you know I love Mark Wade. You know I do. There is no way he improves on this. It is three panels. Unless there is a panel of Baron Stoker going like like... There's no dialogue at all. There's just narration saying, and though the Human Torch was able to bring it into the tyranny of Adolf Hitler, ah there is a ah panel of Hitler looking terrified.
01:23:21
Speaker
Human Torch wagging a finger at him, and then outside the door to the room, Toro standing in the hallway, getting engulfed in the flame as Human Torch burns Hitler alive. Fantastic. That's pretty good too, but I actually think the the yeah the Young Men version is better. Yeah, no, that's not as good because you you would need to be like, again, you'd have to be like, oh, also his pants fell down. Yeah. And everybody saw his his butt. And also this happened right after i he got
01:24:01
Speaker
his food and ah the chef said, Enjoy your meal. And he said, Yeah, you too. And also, ah he called gerbils and ah said, like, when they got off the phone, he said, I love you, mom. Right. And also, he farted real big. And that's like, that's why he went up so fast. Cause his, his nasty fart caught on fire. And, and also the human torch called him a baby and he said, I'm not a baby, but everybody laughed. Yeah. It's pretty good. This one. gets pretty good Yeah. I don't know. This might honestly, in terms of single panels, this might be the greatest panel in comics history. You have no idea who made this comic. Uh,
01:24:53
Speaker
Do we not? Surely, we have some record. This is definitely pre-credits. Oh, it's pre-credits, but... I can look it up on the Marvel Database and see if... Yeah. ah I'm gonna say Joe Simon and Wally Wood. It does kind of have a Wally Wood look to it, doesn't it? Yeah. 53, I don't know if Wally Wood would have been... No, maybe... It could be, it could be. Oh. Okay. Hank Chapman. is given as the writer of this on the Marvel database. And the pencil two pencilers are credited, Russ Heath and Carl Burgos. Carl Burgos and Russ Heath, both good. Look, if you have never seen this panel, Hitler's face is hilarious. He's like tugging on his collar it looks as he's being set on fire.
01:25:51
Speaker
Russ Heath and Ricardo Burgos were like, we got to make him look like the biggest doofus, like the the biggest joke as he's burning to death. Why did Hitler think it would be better if people thought he committed suicide than that a man made of fire, a fucking robot made of fire, melted his way into his bunker and burned him to death. Too embarrassing. Too embarrassing. I mean, but is it though, Matt? Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
01:26:34
Speaker
oh
01:26:40
Speaker
So funny. This shit, this might be number one, man. I don't know. It's pretty fucking great. oh ah i i It is killing me that he just goes, ow.
01:26:57
Speaker
Again, this is the best comics, but I knew that Jim Hammond killed Hitler, the human torch. yeah I don't think I've ever seen this panel before today. It's so good. It's so good. Oh, oh damn. It's so good. It's so weird that it's just an aside. That's great though. That makes it so good. I guess this was the return of Jim Hammond after not being in comics for a little while. Yeah. And so he, they had to like give some backstory for him. And, uh, there was just, that Hank Chapman was just like, Hey, what if he killed Hitler? That'd be funny.
01:27:46
Speaker
What if he killed Hitler and Hitler and was like a real baby about it? Yeah. Ow!
01:27:59
Speaker
Okay. Fuck that guy. I don't think it's in the top 10, but it's- I think it might be number one. It's not number one. It's not number one. But it's good. It is good. How is this not better? This is even better than Magneto putting the red skull in a hole. This is Hitler getting burned to death and going, ow!
01:28:25
Speaker
But is that funny or raw? Or is can they be the same thing? It's both. Okay. All right. Let's, all right. We can put it above, if you want to put it above red skull, going in a hole, great. What is more raw than doing something that is objectively like horrifically brutal? Okay. Talking about it like you went to the grocery store. And also it's Hitler. It's it's unbelievably funny that it's one panel of killing Hitler and then two panels of like and then I fought some organized crime. ah All right. I don't think it beats any of the top. Certainly not the top three. I don't think it beats the top three. I
01:29:20
Speaker
I think it, I think I might put it at number four. Okay, fine, fine. I can, I can, it you've convinced me. It's, again, it is the most brutal death you can imagine.
01:29:41
Speaker
And i did it's even foot like, hey, it's funny if this is like an accurate representation of what happened. It's also funny if this is just, if we look at this as Jim Hammond, the human towards showing the story. Yes. Like, yeah, I went to fucking like he did his Germany and got in the bunker and he was like, oh, don't tell him. Yeah. Like he did it. it's it He tells the story like he did his laundry. So good. The story of him meeting Toro is three times as long.
01:30:16
Speaker
Oh, okay. It's the new number four. It's, it's, uh, man, it's funny. It's official entry in, uh, the Thursday night. Raw list is the golden issue in torch murders Hitler and Hitler's a real fucking cry baby about it. I mean, it's true. It's true. It was this Harry Chapman. It is by ah Hank Chapman, Russ Heath, and Carl Burgos. Russ Heath drew this. Roy Lichtenstein never came close. No, Roy Lichtenstein isn't fit to carry Russ Heath's pencils. That's true. Lichtenstein sucks and could never. Could never.
01:31:06
Speaker
All right oh o so no a gagaga All right, this is gonna be color like Robbie Dangerfield Jesus Christ, it's hot I'm tugging on my collar ah Nick Whalen this is a ah our last submission of this episode from Nick Whalen. Hey, Nick, better be a good one. It's pretty good. It's that moment from American Barbarian when he carves revenge on his fingertips. Oh, no, that's fucking raw. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Because here's the thing. Here's the thing. I don't even have a look at this because I've been obsessed with this since it came out.
01:32:03
Speaker
this is This might be when I stopped thinking Tom Cioli's really good and started thinking Tom Cioli's a genius. huh American Barbarian takes a knife and carves revenge into his fingers. Now you might be saying, hey, R-E-V-E-N-G-E, that's seven letters. ah if he does it ah Does he just do it on his fingertips and then leave one blank? No, he does it on all 10 fingers, starting with his left thumb. And so it's revenge three exclamation points. And this is very important. The panel of hi the his hands having carved revenge into all of his fingers is a fumetti. It's a photo ah hu of hands that say revenge three exclamation points on them. American Barbarians, great.
01:33:03
Speaker
American Barbary is great. Some people don't know about the tangle of swords, Matt, and I feel bad for those people. That's true.
01:33:12
Speaker
ah but Yeah, no. Ambar rules. Yeah, his his his but his family and is killed by the two tank omen. Two tank omen, who is a ah pharaoh who rides two tanks. and brings bad things. So it is a pun name that works on multiple levels. Two tank omen. Two tank omen. Get it? Yeah. ah My favorite thing about American barbarian carving ah R-E-V-E-N-G-E exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, or bang, bang, bang, if you want to keep it brief, ah is that later in the book,
01:33:55
Speaker
When he says out loud the phrase, I need to get my revenge, what he says is I need to get my R-E-V-E-N-G-E, bang, bang, bang. Yeah. He spells it out yeah like it like it is on his fingers. It's it's the mantra.
01:34:19
Speaker
that's That's rad. Yeah. American Barbarian good as hell. It's like, I forgot how much photo art there is in this book. Like the like the Honda Civic. The Honda Civic's so fucking funny.
01:34:43
Speaker
It's so weird to like read Shioli books because like, i'll like look obviously there's a Kirby influence, right? but there's like, you're reading this and it's an incredible story, but you're also basically reading a guy experiment to figure out how the stuff he loved happens. Yeah. So you could like, it's, it's a photo of hands because you know, Kirby would do the weird shit with photo collages and like fantastic 450 and books. Yeah. Yeah.
01:35:20
Speaker
So it's like, man, what if I just did a photo here? Like, what if I took a reference photo, but then I just put R-E-V-E-N-G-E bang, bang, bang on it? And that's what it is. That's great. Yeah. Because it's so weird and surreal in a way that heightens the rest of the book. I love American Barbarian. If you look at other stuff, Yeah. One of the best cutaways of all time.
01:35:54
Speaker
um American Barbarian is absolutely one of the most surreal reading experiences you can have. ah Agreed. Like, but in the best possible way. Yes. His sword that leaves the trail of red, white, and blue behind it.
01:36:17
Speaker
like Like God, i could I could go on and on and on about how like kind of beautifully weird that comic is. Yeah. Two Tank Omen, man. Two Tank Omen. His feet are tanks?
01:36:34
Speaker
Yes. Matt, do you know how Two Tank Omen dies? Do you remember? bit Well, I guess, I guess how you think he dies. And then you get the big splash, right? It's just two dankoman lips.
01:36:49
Speaker
ah i I forget. He gets eaten by a dinosaur. That makes sense. Yeah. ah go Read American Barbarian. It's great. Curving REV and GE into all 10 fingertips, including the thumbs. fucking funny, dude. when Whatever you think American Barbarian is at whatever point you're reading it, it's not that. Yeah, it's gonna be something else in a minute. Alright, let's find the spot for this.
01:37:28
Speaker
Not as good as killing Hitler. Not as good as killing Hitler.
01:37:34
Speaker
Ow! Ow! No, don't kill him! He's burning me alive! Ow!
01:37:43
Speaker
ah
01:37:47
Speaker
So, okay. There are 73 entries. I'm just gonna go like to basically the halfway point, which would be around 36. Okay. Which would be Batman versus Pro-Ethius round two.
01:38:04
Speaker
I have a lot of love in my heart for that moment, Matt. Yeah, it's pretty great. I have a lot of love in my heart for it. Okay, here's what I think this is better than. then
01:38:16
Speaker
I think it's better than Ghost Rider beating the Deacon to death with the Bible. ah Agreed. I think it's better than the Batman 666 moment. We have it 41. Okay, I would agree. I don't think it's better than the moment from Pluto that we have at number 40. I am fine with that. Okay, so this will be the new number 41. I'll tell you what, I know people ah ah like to use the Every Story Ever list as a reading list. Maybe use this list as a reading list.
01:38:52
Speaker
If you've never read comics before, start with Thor 362 and follow that bad boy up with Young Men number 24.
01:39:03
Speaker
but just that one panel.
01:39:08
Speaker
Oh man. We, we found a gym with the, I've, I know I've seen that. I'd seen that, uh, human torture killing Hitler panel, before but listeners. Thank you. Yes. Thank you for this gift. Thank you for, I don't know of a time we've laughed more on the show than you can. You can go ahead and put that on the Wiki. under the best comics panel of all time. I will declare that now.
01:39:42
Speaker
Speaking of our wiki, um that is warrocketwiki dot.com. It's the fan run repository of all the information you could ever want or need about the show War Rocket Ajax. So go check that out if you want to see some info about the show or if you want to add some info, become an editor. ah You can find all the info about how to do that there. You can email us at our email address, which is warrocketpodcast.gmail dot.com. That is where you can send every story on our list or Thursday Night Raw entries, or let us know if you want to sponsor the show or about any old other thing you want to get in touch with us about. We're on Tumblr at warrocketpodcast dot.tumblr dot.com. We're on Blue Sky at warrocketajax.bsky.social. We also have a Discord.
01:40:31
Speaker
You have to be invited to be a member of it, but you can do that. ah Please ask us for an invitation to our Discord. Be nice about it, and we will provide you with a link to join our Discord. Our website is warrockadejax.com. It has every episode of the show we've ever done. Go check that out. If you want to find me and my stuff, go to mattdwilson.net to find links to my comics, my books, my other podcasts, and my social medias. Chris, where can people find you? Everybody can find me by going to the-isp.com. That is my website, which I will probably be updating soon. I'm also going to be getting back on the various writing projects at the War Academy's Patreon, but you can always find me right here on the show and get in touch with me through that.
01:41:23
Speaker
Absolutely. You should do that, folks. ah Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week with another episode. We will also decide what to catch up on shortly, so stay tuned for that. Yeah, until then, everybody, do not forget Black Lives Matter. Trans rights are human rights. As are abortion rights. Drag is not a crime. And cops aren't your friends. But we love you. We love you. owwwwwwwwwwwwww