Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Problem Solving + Positive Relationships
1.2k Plays2 years ago
Try new peach Liquid IV 20% off with code MISSBETH
Miss Beth has a playdate with the bilingual playdate queen of NY, Diandra PART 2. Diandra is a social worker and works in schools and with kids as well as an amazing resource for all things bilingual parenting as she is raising bilingual preschoolers. We talk about her questions about what her kids should know and what things she has seen on the internet that are helpful and what are BS. We go off on a few tangents about parenting and playdates and social justice issues we all need to stand for. This conversation is good for anyone even if you don't have kids or work with kids. I use the things we have talked about in my own business relationships and personal relationships!
This is a 2 part episode. Follow Diandra in IG @Bilingualplaydate. She is SO knowledgable in so many areas.
free downloads: bigcityreaders.com/podcast
Disclaimer: The information on this podcast is for informational purposes only and does not replace working with a clinical diagnostician. None of the information in this podcast is intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, education or treatment
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello, you guys. Welcome back to the Play on Words Podcast. So this is an episode that is part two of my conversation with my friend and bilingual social worker, Deandra. If you didn't listen to part one, go back and start there.
Building Healthy Relationships: Self, Family, Community
00:00:20
Speaker
But this conversation is about how to have
00:00:25
Speaker
healthy relationships with yourself, your child, your child's teacher, and your own partner. We talk a lot about reverse mom shaming and a little bit about school assessments or kindergarten screening and what you need to know and what maybe doesn't matter as much. The importance of making mistakes as always.
00:00:49
Speaker
And we just have a lot of fun. Speaking of fun, I smile so big every single time you DM me or leave me a message saying that you are like nodding along as if you are having a conversation with me on this podcast because that's my entire goal with making this podcast.
00:01:08
Speaker
So I love to hear that. Please keep sending me your messages and telling me what you think of each episode so I can find even better topics to cover or guests to come on. I want to say before we jump in, I want to read one of my favorite messages this week.
Audience Engagement and Feedback
00:01:26
Speaker
This comes from Effie and she said, Hi Beth, I just want to say thank you. You're such an inspiration to me. I randomly found your account a year ago and I'm so glad I did.
00:01:37
Speaker
Since then I've learned about the science of reading and I've become a passionate advocate. Your hot takes make it so easy to share and I'm loving your podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you do.
00:01:50
Speaker
thank you for sending this and thank you guys seriously. We are going to make some serious change together, all of us banding together. So thanks for sending your messages. It really gives me a lot of excitement to keep going on this. So I really appreciate it. All right.
Deandra's Heritage and Social Justice Focus
00:02:12
Speaker
Without further ado, here is part two of my interview with Deandra. Hope you enjoy.
00:02:20
Speaker
I say like all social workers, but I am a person of color. I am Hispanic. I grew up in the Dominican Republic. Like there's so many things about my identity that I would never sacrifice for a play date. And so I love sharing anything like social justice oriented on my social media so that people that follow me, a lot of times my kids, parents, classmate parents so that they can see like, oh, this is where this family is at.
00:02:50
Speaker
We're either on board with that or maybe this is not a family that we're going to be friends with, which I'm fine with. Yes, you have to be fine with. I mean, yeah, you are amazing. I don't know anyone that wouldn't want to be your best friend.
00:03:04
Speaker
But really, I feel like if I was at your school, I would be like, that is the only mom that I'm going to be friends with. I would be stalking you ahead of time. That's the one. There she is. I saw her in her story. She's wearing a pink shirt today. But that's so good that you just know your values.
Understanding and Upholding Personal Values
00:03:23
Speaker
I always talk about this. Because people will be like, oh, how do I pick this school? Or how do I talk about this? If you know your values,
00:03:28
Speaker
and remind yourself of them every day. It's not like, oh, I don't want to offend anyone by saying this. It's like, these are my values. And there is no, you may not cross them. And yeah, like for preschool, like literally when I went for open house, my first question, I was like, hi, how are you? And I was just like, my name is Sandra. And then I was just like, we're a bilingual family.
00:03:50
Speaker
How do you guys feel about bilingualism and like that? And then I had like a blank face, like I was waiting for their response because I wanted to know, like, I don't want to see the tour. I don't want to see how nice your school is. I want to know what you feel about bilingual children. We are not going to stop speaking Spanish at home. This is where we're at. Our kid speaks predominantly Spanish, know some English, but we'll need that to be nurtured and fostered by you. How do you feel?
00:04:14
Speaker
And there was the, everybody gave me good responses, but there was one teacher that just like, she took me out. She like was the best response. Like she gave me the- Oh, good. I was worried. In a good way. Like she, like I was, my job was like, okay. And then I was like, okay, I'm going to sign him up. Can you, like, can I guarantee that you will be his teacher? And like, I literally wrote her name and highlighted it and did circles. And I was like, she, my kid, I will learn the best with her. And they did it. They like put her,
00:04:44
Speaker
put him in her classroom,
Supporting Bilingual and Bicultural Families
00:04:46
Speaker
and I made a mistake. So we have that experience because it just takes the adult. It's like the adult and the kid connecting. And I just knew I saw her the way that she was responding to me, the way that she was so open, the way that she was like, nope, if I'll brush up on my Spanish, I'll do all this. And she did. She did all the things that you would want someone to do for your child.
00:05:11
Speaker
And it blew me away. My kid blossom like I was in shock when I was then seeing what what it meant like what it looked like in. I remember I went to Austin for a conference and then my mother in law came and stayed with us will with my husband while I was gone and
00:05:29
Speaker
Brandon, my husband was like, oh my God, you don't even know how much English he knows. And I was just like, oh, I know how much he knows because I had gone to like volunteer in the classroom and I was seeing his interactions, but it blew my mind that based on the teacher, had he had a different teacher and a different experience and the school not been a healthy school culturally, like embracing his culture and his language, it wouldn't have been the same. It just wouldn't have.
00:05:59
Speaker
It wouldn't. Oh, that's amazing. I'm so happy that you had that year. And also there were three things I thought of when you were just talking. One, what you did shows us like clear is kind. Like so many people are afraid of asking questions or seeming demanding. Oh, actually my sister just told me this in a different way. She said she like heard this on a podcast, but be rude, stay alive. But especially, so it was like something about women especially don't want to seem rude and
00:06:29
Speaker
they'll even like go the elevator doors will open and they will feel like a little bit weird about a guy in there and they'll stay in there because they don't want to be rude and so it's I don't like so that's an extreme like but in schools like people are like oh I don't want to offend the teacher or the school by asking this it's like
00:06:51
Speaker
Clear is kind. It is not rude to stand up for your values. And you can do it in a certain way. You don't have to be like, well, I bet you don't know anything about bilingual kids. So like, no, you were like, this is what we are. Tell me what that means to you. That's it. That is not rude. You're just opening the door.
00:07:11
Speaker
And then that's another reminder is if a school is offended at you asking questions that you don't want to be there. No, if you can't ask questions because someone's going to treat your kid badly afterwards or they're going to think that you are a whatever parent, then that's not a good fit for you because if you want to be in a place where like you can be curious, you can ask questions and if I cannot be curious,
00:07:34
Speaker
then how am I learning from you and how are you learning from me? How are you learning from my kid? Is my kid allowed to ask questions? Is my kid going to be learning? Yeah. If we're not allowed to ask questions as adults, then you have to think about, well, what does that look like then for the kid? Are kids allowed to ask questions if adults can't? That's weird to me. If you can ask questions, that's a red flag.
00:07:58
Speaker
It's a huge red flag. If you can't ask questions, then people get offended or defensive if you ask questions. Now, I do think that humans are inclined to be defensive. So the way that we ask questions is important.
Parent-Teacher Collaboration and Respect
00:08:10
Speaker
So for example, I know that we've talked about how to ask your school if they're using the right reading curriculum instead of coming at it like, I listen to this podcast and I know that this isn't what's happening. That immediately puts the principal admin teacher on the defense. But I think that this was a conversation you and I had where you
00:08:27
Speaker
Did you say that you like send articles sometimes to your kids, teachers, and say, I like this. I would love to know your opinions on it. Yeah, I was like, oh, I saw this. Just like, I saw this online. Like, same thing with, like, I do to you too. I'm like, oh, I saw this. What do you think about it? You know, I really liked it. What did you think about it? Is this, yeah, what's your opinion? I value your opinion. I would love to know what you think about it. Is this something that I should be doing at home? Like, I think it's OK to ask those questions. You're not saying, teacher, stop what you're doing right now. Do this immediately.
00:08:56
Speaker
we're saying like, I found this because I think a lot of parents in the pandemic and in general, I think our generation, like my mom was saying, like, oh my God, we just send the kids to school. You guys like think about all the things a lot. And I'm like, we do think about the things a lot. There's a lot more information available all the time. So we're consuming it. And I like it because I get to question and I get to have really nice conversations about whether this is something that I should follow or not follow.
00:09:22
Speaker
I'm not an expert, I don't know. I don't know all these things. And so I like that. And so that's what I tell teachers. So I can talk about therapy. I can talk about social development, social emotional development, feelings like mental health. I can talk about that to deaf, but I don't know academics. And I think it's okay to say that to your child's teacher and say, I'm learning with my child's experience. I really enjoy this podcast. I really enjoy this article.
00:09:48
Speaker
But I want to know what you think because I value you as my son's teacher. I think that that's OK to say. And I don't know why a teacher would get offended if you said that. It doesn't mean that they have to read the article. Maybe they won't read the article, but at least you show them that you thought about them. Oh, I was reading this and it reminded me of your classroom. You know, it's OK to say things, you know.
00:10:09
Speaker
Yes and you know what something that I use every single day that you also taught me is us against the problem and that we talked about like this is how we do it with kids but also like remembering like you and your child's teacher are a team so building that up early on like being like what are your thoughts on this just like you would with your partner
00:10:27
Speaker
it's not going to go well with your partner if you're trying to like teach them if you're like hey read this article did you read the article did you read the article your partner is going to just have resentment and like feel like you're going to get into a parent child role with each other and like that they're that you have to teach them everything it's not going to be great so same thing with the teacher like show the respect be curious like and it like this is how i go into conversations like with a partner or with
00:10:56
Speaker
instead of being like you sent the email wrong or like you said you would be here 30 minutes ago it's like is everything okay what like you were you were not the time that you were here and like there might be something or chances are if they were just late you being curious is going to give you the apology you're actually looking for yes assume positive intent is what we call that
00:11:17
Speaker
I love that. See, you teach me everything, but with the teacher, you're just like, I, if you are showing consistently all the time, we are on the same team. I respect you. I value you. I liked learning this. I would love if you ever have time to read this or listen to it to share with me. And then if you say us against the problem or like, you know, assume us against the problem, you and the teacher are on the same side. The problem is that the school is using the wrong curriculum.
00:11:42
Speaker
you know so it's not the teacher's teaching the wrong way and my kid isn't learning it's me and the teacher on the same team because we want to make sure every kid learns no matter their socio-economic status or their skin color or the curriculum the school is using now you've got two adults that are on the same team ready to fight the problem together the problem is not either of them against each other.
00:12:02
Speaker
right it's just we the problem is a problem and we are the team like we the team is going to find a solution towards the problem but we can't make the teacher the problem or the parent the problem which also happens and so i think that like those are the things that um when they think about preschool i'm just like okay guys but like the problem is not preschool
00:12:22
Speaker
The problem is not school like it's not the grade the problem, maybe the system might be you know what we've known there's also sometimes like we have a habit of just like getting comfortable with how we've done things in anything you know.
00:12:38
Speaker
and it's hard sometimes to learn a new way because where it's easy once we know how to do something a certain way it becomes easy to us and who wants to make more work but it's also possible to find a different way if it doesn't work for one child and I think one I mean one child is enough for me to change anything.
00:12:57
Speaker
for me. Yes, yes. It's one child because that's one child that wouldn't get their needs met if I don't make this change. And so the problem would be this child isn't learning this way. And so I'm going to change it for that child. It's not that the child doesn't become the problem, the problem becomes the problem, the child remains the child. And I think that we need to get better at doing that.
00:13:22
Speaker
But yeah, that's what I think on social media. It's just hard. I think sometimes too, these are all the real reels are like three seconds, four seconds, five seconds. Like these are snippets. And so like I was saying with the sewing machine, like that mom teacher did not give this child the sewing machine and then like go to town. There was a process and a lot of times we don't get to see the process. So it's very easy as a parent to get overwhelmed, to feel overwhelmed with all that information that's coming.
00:13:52
Speaker
that's coming at you and you don't know how to discern it because maybe it's not as easy to be curious on the internet without feeling like someone might attack you, you know, or that you don't know how the other person is going to respond. I've had experiences where I reach out to people that I'm close to or friends with and I say, hey, I know you were
00:14:13
Speaker
thinking of doing of saying this but instead this is how it came off and then people shut down and then they don't want to have a conversation and so it's hard you know to know but that's why it's also important to go back to kind of like what you were saying in the beginning to pick your three.
00:14:28
Speaker
You pick your three that you're going to listen to, that you're going to trust, that they're going to be curious with you, responsive with you, kind with you, and it's not going to be a one-sided kind of thing. And if it's one-sided, then that's a red flag. Then you need to leave that relationship. Leave that preschool. Go and find a different relationship. Go and find a different preschool because that's not a good fit for your family and your values.
Aligning Environments with Personal Values
00:14:55
Speaker
Yeah. And you know what? I just thought of that. That's such a good reminder because I know we've briefly talked, actually we talked about everything. I'm like, briefly, no, every topic that exists we've talked about. But if you think about it in that way, like if someone's saying something that you are friends with that doesn't
00:15:13
Speaker
you know that that is an issue like say like for you know there's been a big shift in not shift but awareness to DEI diversity equity inclusion and and you know there was a lot of like people being like
00:15:30
Speaker
That person said this and now they're canceled or like, you know, like that person said this So what does this mean or you know all these things but when you just said and this is why like you're so Amazing to have as a friend is if you do think about it like that us against the problem if you say to your friend like hey this I know you were trying to say this and
00:15:51
Speaker
This is how it came off. Let me help you reframe this so it comes off better because the problem is racism or the problem is whatever. It's not, you are not the problem. Well, that you're not going to get the hard, but, but if we do think about.
00:16:07
Speaker
Well, the problem is sometimes our prep like we don't learn enough about our diverse like who we are as people like we don't learn about our intersection ality and like how that plays into the world we don't learn about our privileges. And so then sometimes when people talk to us.
00:16:22
Speaker
Our privilege gets activated in that we are defensive because we're trying to protect a part of who we are, which makes sense because it's part of who we are. But that's not what's happening. The problem is racism. The problem is bias. The problem is microaggressions. The problem is systemic. And it's not a personal problem. It becomes personal when we get defensive.
00:16:46
Speaker
But when we are able to kind of be like, okay, my friend is pointing something out or my teacher that I'm pointing out something to the teacher or, you know, this parent is pointing something out to me, then we take a step back and we're like, okay, the problem is that I didn't unpack my bias or my racism or my privilege. And that's what's showing up that happens to everybody. So like, how can we, how can I learn? How can I grow from this?
00:17:10
Speaker
versus shutting down and doubling down, which is what I think a lot of times parents fear will happen if they bring something up to a teacher. So, but for me, I'm just like, if the teacher, if I ask a question about bilingualism and the teacher says, no, we're only about English here and monolingualism, then that is not, okay, that's fine. That's not a good fit for me. I'm going to leave. And I think that we need to get more comfortable being able to say,
00:17:38
Speaker
I can enjoy a place, but when it becomes unsafe for me and my values, then I need to remove myself from that place. The elevator, exit the elevator. It's time to exit the elevator. When we get that icky feeling, we need to remove ourselves because our body is saying something's not right here. And I think sometimes we get too, we're trained to ignore those red flags to make the peace, like to keep things at peace.
00:18:06
Speaker
Yeah. And I think that's so important to remember to keep your peace because I think people get lost along the way. Like for me, I used to like have a lot of back and forth with people that were, you know, not maybe saying racist things or not inclusive things. And then I had to be like, this is taking me away from my mission of supporting these families. So I just have to block that person. You know, like they're not, it's not my job to make them understand. I have to protect my peace so that I can
00:18:32
Speaker
go into the world and bring love and connection and education or whatever I want to bring that are my values to people and if I'm focusing on the person like what's not working like that one person like they're they're just looking to fight like I just have to like wish them well and block and move on to my mission so I think that's hard for people to remember and it's
00:18:56
Speaker
It's totally hard. I think what you said also is like such a reminder of ego.
Ego, Core Values, and Relationship Dynamics
00:19:01
Speaker
You said something a couple minutes ago that made me think of this, but that it's like us against the problem. So when people are getting defensive, that's their ego. And so like, if you can like actually like get rounded and are like, Oh, my ego is upset. What is my core?
00:19:16
Speaker
and what is my value? Yes, yes, what is my value? My ego is upset and that is totally fine and I think that it happens to us as parent like even like when we're seeing something on social media your ego, your ego is what's getting activated. It's having a response to what you're saying because you're thinking
00:19:37
Speaker
oh, that person's judging me or that person's been doing, like, you know, you're putting context into it where context isn't given. And then we need to all go back to our core values. Like, do I really think that my kid doesn't need to hold a pen or a pencil? Do I really think that my kid doesn't need to know what a crayon is? Do I really think that if my kid knows this is the letter B and this is what it looks like or this is what it sounds like, it's going to be harmful for them? Like, do I really think that? And if I don't think that, why am I consuming this?
00:20:07
Speaker
And I think that that's what I have been really working on. It's like, OK, I only care about what Ms. Beth is saying about this. So I am going to listen to what Ms. Beth is saying about this right in this moment. I'm going to send her this and I'm going to ask. I'm not going to.
00:20:26
Speaker
read into it or like, you know, spend too much time if it doesn't make sense, but I am going to use it as a learning opportunity or teaching opportunity for myself. When someone else brings it up, I can say, Oh, here's what I learned from da da da da da da da da. And then it can be a whole conversation about that without me feeling like I'm not doing something or I'm doing too much or less, you know? Oh, absolutely. And, and hold on, dropped an air pod. Oh, there it is. Oh, wow.
00:20:56
Speaker
OK, you're welcome for going on that journey, America. But what you said is so true. So if you think it's ego to say, I want my kid to be better than that
Social Media's Influence on Self and Parenting
00:21:10
Speaker
kid. And I know no one's probably actually saying that. But if you can take a minute, take a breath, take a step back, ask yourself what you're actually thinking when you feel worried that someone else is sharing something. Are you actually worried about your child?
00:21:25
Speaker
Or is it your ego that like, you're like, I want to have, I want to be the best mom. I want to be the best account. I want to have the most followers. I want to have the most views. I want people to be sending my videos. Like that's all ego. And so if your value, you know, like one of my values, and this is something I had to learn too, because I had so much ego and I still have to keep it in check so much, but I had so much ego about
00:21:49
Speaker
people copying me, like, you know, we've, I think we've talked about this. I had like an account that was like literally copying my cadence, my, my phrasing, my activities. You know, I was like, here's how I use pizza to teach babies how to talk. And they're like, here's how I use french fries to teach kids how to read. And I was like, literally like the way the second and the thing they were looking up. Anyway, here, that's my ego talking. This was so infuriating for me.
00:22:16
Speaker
And then, you know, people that are Instagram people will know this, but new accounts blow up faster because they're new. I've been on this account for 10 years. So I'm like, but then I have to remember what is my goal and what are my values? My values, what is important to me is that I want to make sure there is access to education, easy to understand education. I want people to feel like they're not alone. I want people to feel like there's someone on their team, even when they don't even know
00:22:42
Speaker
how to go on a daycare tour or go on a school tour or how to go to a parent-teacher conference. I want someone who has a third grader who got a diagnosis with dyslexia to know I'm going to go message Ms. Death right now. I want a mom who I just got a message like this this morning and I wept, but who says our baby was just diagnosed with down, or was not diagnosed, our baby was just born and surprised they have Down syndrome.
00:23:06
Speaker
And like, what resources or what books do you have for the rest of my kids to learn about this? And like, that is so meaningful. That is why I am here. I can't worry, you know, like I can't worry that people are copying me. And if one of my goals is to get access to education for everybody, then I have to say, great, I'm so glad other people are doing this.
00:23:30
Speaker
like but you know then I and then I also get a little bit worried sometimes that you know like people are not doing it right but I just have to let that go like what is for me is for me the people that need me will will find me at the time that they need me yes do you feel that yes I do feel that I think that it's so hard when you're like you know you have so many different roles you're like a mom a social worker an instant you know I have an Instagram account in the business and like you have to like
00:23:56
Speaker
Think about your ego in each one of those and how does that benefit or not benefit your kid at the end of the day is about the kids. It's about the families. It's about your family you as a person and whatever. I feel like I always say this. I'm like,
00:24:12
Speaker
let's Marie conduit. Like if it doesn't like bring joy, let's get rid of it. Like it's not for you. And so I think that that's like the biggest takeaway for me. Like when I was watching that video, I like saw and I was just like, yeah, I'm having a reaction to it. This is where I'm at. I chatted with my friend. I chatted with you, you know, I chatted with my friend. I was like, okay, this is an interesting conversation. I bet you other parents are kind of having the same kind of thoughts, but we don't have to then change our entire life.
00:24:40
Speaker
Because one person said that my kids should be sewing and not holding a pencil you know, like I think that we can find the and we can find the balance, we can find and take what works for us and what doesn't work for us we just leave it behind, you know.
00:24:58
Speaker
Yes, I love this. This is so good. I want to wrap up with, I want to make sure we address that letter question that you said. And then also I want to say, oh, before I forget, one thing is that I want to start adding a segment that is, what did you catch a parent doing? Because I feel like there's so much like parent shaming that I
00:25:18
Speaker
So I actually someone in my in my building I saw the other day and I like I I just like see her in the building and she was a client but I couldn't remember like I couldn't place her for a while and she was like how's business and I was like oh my gosh that's how I know you and I was like you know what it's so funny is I saw you at the pool the other day and like I was so impressed
00:25:42
Speaker
because your child had a meltdown and you just thought up from your seat went over lifted them out of the pool and you sat them down on the chair right next to me and I couldn't even hear what you were saying you spoke so softly to them and calmed them down and did everything she was like you just made my entire month and I was like
00:26:03
Speaker
Yeah, I was like, I want to start doing like have people out and be like, what did you see a parent or teacher doing that was like so amazing that you want to like secret shout them out? But okay, so the letters, secret shout them out and any parting words or things that we needed to discuss before I want to let you have your morning, but I could talk to you literally. I think I could move in with you. Yes, I think that we would. Oh my God. So I cannot wait till we go to Chicago and visit you. Me too. And I'm going to come visit you too.
00:26:32
Speaker
Um, okay. So what was the letter thing? I forgot. Oh, the, the letter thing. So that you're like, do I not say these in the grocery store? So did we discuss that enough that like, yes. Yes. I think I feel like we did. And, um, Oh, I guess I want to know what, what are your thoughts about the kindergarten, like screening here in New York, including that, including that. Yeah.
00:26:56
Speaker
Okay, that was what I was like, I knew my brand knew there was a tab open that we didn't come back to. If I had a podcast editor, I would say, find this and put it back at the front, but that's not happening.
Education Insights: Screening and Literacy
00:27:08
Speaker
But okay, so I think that, you know, every school, every state can do different screenings. Kids, so there's
00:27:15
Speaker
six stages and you know what I should put this in the show notes but I have a thing with six stages of the ABCs like that you need to know you have to be able to recognize them uppercase and lowercase you have to be able to say not sing the alphabet which is a big one to practice if you want to do that like and again this can be
00:27:34
Speaker
five minutes while they're eating their breakfast you can like just like have them like put if you have Post-its and have like the alphabet on it just like have them touch it and say sing it as they're touching it or like say like let's say it like a robot today a b c and like or like have like big pieces of paper and let them jump on it a b c so like yeah
00:27:56
Speaker
Yeah, so get their whole body moving. So I would do that. So yes, kids do need to be able to name the letters, of course. But it is developmentally appropriate to begin kindergarten not knowing all of your letters. They should know a good amount. But they do not have to have mastery of all uppercase and lowercase and all sounds. They should know I would say at least half.
00:28:18
Speaker
Um, but it's developmentally appropriate to start that way. I would assume that the screening is kind of just like for information purposes, because they're not turning, like, it's not like they're gonna be like, you're not ready. Right. No, they're not turning you down. It's just like to have a balanced classroom, which I think it's good. It's good to know. And it's like, um, that that's your measurement. Like then they see, then they do the same one, I think at the end of kindergarten. And then they, they know, like they came in not knowing this and now they know all this.
00:28:47
Speaker
So it's like for data. Yeah, so anyone that's worried about that, I would say like,
00:28:53
Speaker
this is on the school then like if you know they're trying to see how much that kid's going to learn in a classroom and so don't push it at home if they're not into it they need to see that more than likely the curriculum isn't working because we know that there is a reading crisis in America and we need to change the curriculum so don't push it at home like obviously like sprinkle it throughout your day to support your child and
00:29:18
Speaker
One more thing I'll say about that, um, the fine motor skills versus like the, you know, if they're sewing and not using a pencil is that most parents don't even realize that they actually are building so many literacy skills throughout the day. Like if you're just like, here's a specific example of what you could do. Like we're going to the grocery store, store, store, we ran out of bananas and we need
00:29:44
Speaker
More, more, more, and like kind of give that pause. So in that little jingle, you are leaving them space. So they're learning about wait time. You are teaching them about concept of word, because if they can say back to you more and more and more after you said store, store, store, they're counting words and counting words is demonstrating concept of word and concept of word is a literacy skill that needs to happen with preschoolers. And it needs to happen before we put a book in front of them and ask them to touch each word while they read.
00:30:13
Speaker
Um, you're, they're demonstrating that they understand rhyming. Rhyming is a huge predictor of reading success. So, and then you're having fun. Like that took what? Eight seconds. Yeah. So I love this.
00:30:25
Speaker
Yeah. So those little things like, and you're probably doing that. So so many parents like that feel like, Oh no, I need to have a workbook or Oh no, I need to have this. And you know, this is of course, like why I have all of my classes. Like you'll learn like thousands of games in all of my virtual classes of how to do this. And it'll like, I always say, you know, parents are like, Oh my, if my kid isn't watching, like, is that bad? And like,
00:30:47
Speaker
What the goal is in these classes is that you are listening to it and that you automatically start doing it. It doesn't matter if your kid watches it or not. Like you need to understand what to do and like, Oh, like you're going to be like, Oh, Oh.
00:31:02
Speaker
Oh, we are practicing so many skills. It's not about like this or that. So, so it's, it's, yeah. So there, you're probably doing the literacy skills that you need. That's why it's a little annoying that that mom was like, I'm a kindergarten teacher and blah, blah, blah, this, like they don't have to do it because I'm certain that she is doing all of those things.
00:31:21
Speaker
I agree, I agree. So I think that that's where the clickbait and like knowing how to evaluate your social media and what you're seeing. And obviously it didn't follow the account because I was like, well, this isn't aligned with me. Like, I don't need, I don't need more information on this.
00:31:37
Speaker
And do you know what? I have a couple of friends who are like big influencers and they block people, even if they don't follow them. So I have a friend and she's like really doesn't like this big influencer. She goes, I just blocked her because I don't want her videos to ever show up on me. It's triggering to me. And I don't want to see them on my feed because I was like, in my opinion, I was like, well, isn't she going to see that you blocked her? She's like, she doesn't know I exist, but I didn't want her stuff to ever show up on my feed. So I just blocked the account.
00:32:05
Speaker
And I was like, I know, but she's a, she actually is a friend that like teaches me so much about protecting your piece, especially on the internet. Cause she, I think she has like a couple million followers. So she's like, absolutely not. This is not happening. If there's something that triggers me, it's gone from my feet. Like good for her. Good boundaries. I know. I'll send you her account. Actually she's a fun mom. She's like not a mom account. She's like silly and fun. Um, okay. And then what was the last thing?
00:32:33
Speaker
oh do you want to shout out well first before you shout out someone that you saw doing something good and they can see yourself too um but um is there anything else we didn't cover no i think we cover so much i know i was like should i make this into two episodes you kind of you want to um yeah we cover so much i feel like it'll be such a good conversation and people um hopefully we'll relate i feel like
00:32:57
Speaker
We don't know what we don't know. And we're all learning. And I think that we need to just normalize that. Like, we're all learning. No one knows more.
Embracing Mistakes and Humility in Growth
00:33:04
Speaker
Even if their kid is doing, I don't know, X, Y, and Z. Like, they're doing so much. And your kid is doing different stuff. Like, no one knows more. We're just all learning. We're all humans. We're all making mistakes. It's OK to make mistakes.
00:33:18
Speaker
It's okay to make mistakes. That's my, like, it's okay to make a mistake. It's okay to learn. It's okay to say that you don't know. It's okay to be humble. I think that that humility is like so important in any relationship that we have with our children, with our partners, with our teachers, with anything. You have to be able to take a step back and see like, okay, ego, me, core values, what do I really wanna get out of this situation? Do I wanna end?
00:33:42
Speaker
this, do I want to continue, how do I, like we need to be asking more of those questions. But what I want to say is, okay, so yesterday we were at lessons. This is, I'm going to shout out our swim instructor.
00:33:56
Speaker
um she's a mom too um but i'm gonna shout her out because when the same thing i do for a school where i ask i'm like okay we're bilingual we're gonna be speaking spanish like what's that gonna be like for you um and i this is like my little speech for anyone that i meet because i'm like i'm not going to stop for you and if this makes you uncomfortable then like i can't do this um but she's always been so great um of
00:34:21
Speaker
honoring and embracing our bilingualism and so I catch her like she'll so it's my two-year and my four-year-old and she'll go with my four-year-old to do like different skills swimming stuff and then I'll be with my two-year-old like playing in the water and getting him just used to like liking water in general and being in the pool and I hear her constantly asking my oldest
00:34:41
Speaker
How do you say this in Spanish? What is this in Spanish? And I cannot stress enough how impactful that is for a bilingual family, but for a child, for you to continue to bring up the language that isn't spoken by the majority of the people in a room is so impactful. And so I caught a good moment, like I caught a catching a parent moment.
00:35:10
Speaker
our mother moment it was that I'm just like oh my god I love this that I hear when I hear her say like oh how do you say that in Spanish and then she'll like try and say it and it's like okay well tell me one more time and then I'll say it and then it's so it's like made my four-year-old such such a better swimmer and he's just like he looks forward to like talk to Lee and he's just like oh my god I love Lee and I I like that she like asked me this questions and I'm like I love that she asked you this questions too
00:35:38
Speaker
Yeah. How empowering for a kid instead of like in a world where like it's, you know, you know, people will say, you know, like speak in English or in America or like whatever to see, wow, how special can you teach me about your special language that I don't know anything about? I feel special that you are teaching me about it. That is like, that's amazing. I just got chills.
00:36:02
Speaker
Oh my god. I love when people do that so if anyone's listening and you have access to a bilingual child ask them about their language that's not English. Ask them about the other language because English always gets brought up by the fact that we go to school in English like everything's about English and that language loses value because we don't make it the center of anything but when people do that when they're like okay well wait I um she was saying like
00:36:28
Speaker
um what color of noodle did he want to like swim yesterday and then he said right because that's his favorite color and then she's like okay how do you say that in spanish and then he was like rojo and she said crojo and then and then they went on to like other things and i was just like oh that's such a like special thing i'm just always going to remember that and be so thankful yeah and i this is see this is why i like to do this because i'm a big fan about um
00:36:52
Speaker
pay attention to what's working. You know, if our brain is likely to be looking for the things that aren't going well, it's just going to keep looking for things that aren't going well. So if we start teaching it, we're like, look for the tiny moments of what's working. It's so empowering. And I think that's really special too. I feel like so early on,
00:37:10
Speaker
that so if he's you know for and someone's asking him that's also going to build him to be less like defensive need to be defensive of himself and to get to be like oh do you want me to teach you which is like
00:37:25
Speaker
So amazing and of course he can be defensive if like if he needs to be but just like I feel like it's just such a great like foundation that it's like you get to teach people not like people are gonna do this to you but you actually are lucky and you are smart and you are so intelligent that even grown-ups want to learn from you.
00:37:45
Speaker
And I think kids want to feel that way all the time. They want to know that we don't know it all and that they have something to teach us. And so like with language, you always have that opportunity to be like, I actually don't know. Can you teach me? Yes. Oh my gosh. I also like, I'm like literally cutting myself off because I'm like wanting to go on to 15 more tangents with you, but we'll have to do it again. We'll have to do another, another one of the, you say again, anytime you want.
00:38:11
Speaker
I was going to say, like, I already want to be like, when can you come on again? Because also I feel like we just like, yeah, it's so easy to talk to you.
00:38:20
Speaker
Everybody needs to follow you, bilingual play date on the internet, but also like know your place, know that like you are not gonna replace me on internet friend level, okay, right? You won't let people replace you. Number one, I know we've connected so much on so many things and I just love that like we have this like relationship that we have, this friendship that we have been able to foster. So like social media can be a good thing. It's just find your people, find your three people.
00:38:46
Speaker
Five to three people, remember how many people would you let into your house daily? Like maybe you have a party. Best advice, best advice, I love that. And also like, yeah, like who would you let sit there? Who would you let talk to you? Okay, if you're an introvert too, like, okay, two people maybe, you know, just, and also you don't have to find them right away. Like think about if you're like trying to find friends and you're just gonna be like, oh, okay, I found a friend. Like let them come to you, explore the relationship.
00:39:14
Speaker
Find your, who do you want to have coffee with and want to just like sit down and talk? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And it's okay if your friends like love an account and maybe like it has like millions of followers and it's not for you. You know, there are actually a lot of accounts like that, but I'm like, cool. That's not for me. And, and I'm glad that people like it. And you know what I say, if people are talking about it, I go, Oh, you know, I actually don't know much about them.
00:39:37
Speaker
You know, people are like, what are your thoughts on this? I don't know much about them. I don't need to say they're not for me. I don't know much about them. And the people can figure out what like, Oh, I don't need to say, I don't like them. And then the person go, Oh, should I not follow them? Like, I just don't really know much about them. I love that. Well, thank you so much for having me on. And it was such a pleasure. Thank you so much. And I can't wait to have you back. Yeah, we will talk soon for sure. Okay, thanks.