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Elf on the Shelf Haters Club (Holiday Meeting Now in Session)
372 Plays5 days ago
EP 78: Beth and Susan host the first-ever meeting of the Elf on the Shelf Haters Club, a hilarious and heartfelt look at why this tradition stresses so many parents out. Using real listener DMs, we break down the surveillance storyline, comparison culture, mom mental load, and kid confusion — while offering alternatives, middle-ground solutions, and scripts you can actually use.
Inside this 35-minute episode, we talk about:
- Why the elf’s surveillance storyline doesn’t align with many families’ values
- The comparison chaos (especially in 2nd–4th grade)
- The emotional load on kids AND parents
- Moms drowning in the nightly setup expectations
- Kids feeling sad or left out
- Why some parents absolutely love the elf and why others are DONE
You’ll also get middle-ground ideas, alternatives, and scripts for navigating questions like:
“Why doesn’t our elf bring gifts?”
“Why don’t we have an elf at all?”
“Why do my friends have elves that do more?”
Whether you love the elf, hate the elf, or forgot to move the elf… this episode is for you.
In this episode: The 25 Books of Christmas
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Play On Words Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Did you wear this the last time we recorded? Maybe. Okay, welcome to the Elf on the Shelf Haters Club holiday meeting now in session.
00:00:11
Speaker
Just kidding. It's the Plan Words podcast from Big City Readers.
Beth's Dislike for Elf on the Shelf
00:00:15
Speaker
It's Beth and Susan, and we are going to dive in on the Elf on the Shelf, the good, the bad, the ugly, the history, why we do or don't like it.
00:00:26
Speaker
Spoiler alert, I don't like it, and I'm goingnna give you 10 reasons why I'm not an Elf on the Shelf user. So welcome. Hi, Susan. hi
Origin and Growth of Elf on the Shelf
00:00:35
Speaker
I'm happy to be here. You know I'm i'm chomping at the bit to discuss Elf on the Shelf. Susan was texting me like, I'm ready. I'm ready. ah Will you, okay, will you start um with a little history of the Elf on the Shelf? you are You are the fact checker. Yeah, and I feel like for me, this like is part, there's many reasons to dislike Elf on the Shelf.
00:00:57
Speaker
One of my core things is that that I want to dispel today and right now is that Elf on the Shelf is not a tradition that has existed for millennia as part of Christmas. This is a new thing that has happened. Like, in my generation of elder millennials' parents are the ones who are, like, making this into a thing. So we have time to we have time to pull back on this. Yeah, you're so—actually, that's so right. Like, i you know, I always want to be like, okay, in case you don't know, here's what The Elf on the Shelf is, so I want you to go into the history. But it is only, like, 20 years or less old, right? and This year, 2025, the 20th anniversary of when Elf on the Shelf, which was published in 2005. So it's a book.
00:01:39
Speaker
it's It started book. Well, I'll read you they're from their website, their brief histories. Right, let's have it. i'm right I'm ready to be unimpressed. Okay. So the story of the, it is the Lumen Stella Company has the trademark for Elf on the Shell. So this is a trademark product that it they say it began in 1974.
Impact on Parents and Children
00:02:01
Speaker
I don't, well, you know, publicity is good publicity.
00:02:05
Speaker
Yeah, that's true. In 1974, small elf named Frisbee arrived from the North Pole to visit the household of Bob and Carol Abbersold. Frisbee watched over their children, um finding new hiding places in the family's home after reporting back to Santa each night.
00:02:22
Speaker
Many years later, Carol and Chandra ah co-wrote Chandra's Her Daughter in 2005 and published self-published the book in 2005, The Elf on the Shelf, A Christmas Tradition.
00:02:35
Speaker
The best-selling activity book that features ah Santa's scout elf pals who visit families during the holiday season and help Santa manage his nice list. Now the company continues to reveal exciting legendary world of Santaverse, also trademarked, the enchanted world of Santa Claus with other characters, etc. So it basically, a short answer is that it was a book that they published in 2005 that included a little elf doll.
00:03:03
Speaker
That was a replica of the one from the 70s. Good for them because, like, so I receive so many books from, like, people, like, trying to start out as, like, oh, I just wrote my first book. Can I send it to you? And they they have, like, a little character. They do not take off. Like, good for them. let's let's Amazing. them And more power to them.
00:03:22
Speaker
Incredible. Make your, you know, you had this family tradition. I'm sure maybe other people had done it here and there, but they were like, this is very cute. Let's make it a book. Great. One of her daughters was ah worked at QVC and then left QVC to launch this company with them. So they had some like ah marketing.
00:03:41
Speaker
So when did, okay, so that's the history. But currently, if you're like a new parent, like this is what I want to say to like the baby parents, because I actually just had my baby class and then we all went out to lunch afterwards. And so like everybody was like, you got to make sure nobody here does Elf on the Shelf um before you start trash talking it. And I was like, no, no one I mean, not no one. Of course, there are some people that are big city readers, families that do Elf on the Shelf, and I would imagine that they do it differently than most people. But the the trend that has happened over the years is that this elf comes to your house in December to watch you um and reports back every night to Santa. He is in a different place every morning. So first of all, mental and physical load on the parents to have to remember to move this elf every night if you touch there's a lot of rules if you touch the elf he loses its magic aka you don't get Christmas presents like we lost your connection to Santa um if I've heard that it kills though I've some people some people say it'll kill him or make him sick if you touch him
00:04:47
Speaker
Why are we doing this? This is so messed up on so many levels of kids that are like trying to literally learn just how to exist in life. And like we're like teaching them we're like, well, some things if you touch them, you'll kill them. Like you have that much power.
00:05:01
Speaker
But also, OK, so where did it come from where the elf starts making a mess in your house? Because also like I like people are like, oh, I I put apple juice um like all over the kitchen and said it was the elf peed everywhere because he didn't want to go in the potty. Like what kind of messaging is this? And and did did you find any history on like where the naughtiness comes from?
00:05:22
Speaker
I didn't find any, there's no um directive around the Naudenus according to the official company around it. I blame, or i I suspect that that aspect of it, I think it started with the surveillance part.
00:05:39
Speaker
And then the parents that felt, like, uncomfortable about their surveillance were like, well, how can we make this into a thing? Because it's still – they wanted to do it because it's still cute and fun. Because everyone's doing it. Yeah.
Criticism of Behavior Rewards
00:05:49
Speaker
And I think it's – the reason why this has happened in the last 15 years really ramped up is because of social media and I think the ability to, like – So it's like it almost becomes my do Elf on the Shelf if you want to do it and it's fun for you. But I think a lot of it ends up becoming performative on the parents part and be more about like how can they amp it up for themselves and then share it and look at how amazing I am. If you have fun.
00:06:16
Speaker
I have a friend who's like I have fun doing it. And I'm like that's great. If you and your husband like her and her husband have so much fun doing it. But. It's also, like, everybody's, like, buying these, like, kits. Like, here's 30 days of Elf on the Shelf activities. And...
00:06:32
Speaker
um If the Elf on the Shelf has no haters, I have died. Like, that's that's that's just the bottom line because i think that people that are, like, true, like, have been here for a while know, like, I hate public shaming of kids. I hate behavior management in that way. It's not helpful. It doesn't teach kids to be intrinsically motivated. It doesn't it doesn't teach them... um like it teaches them that there's an outside source that like monitors good and bad decisions and also i would be totally fine with a family being like we have this elf and he's going to monitor the behavior but let's have a family meeting and talk about like what our family expectations are of how we treat each other and what is something that's good that we want to see and something that bad is bad but like i get it like people are tired and so it's just like
00:07:25
Speaker
If you don't finish your vegetables, the elf I'm going to tell the elf to like, and it's just like, we're just having all these threats, these empty threats. And people, somebody said, bless their heart. They're like, it really gets my kids out of bed in the morning. And I was like, well, what do you do the rest of the year?
00:07:40
Speaker
I'm like, so actually curious. is The thing i find most interesting about this Elf on the Shelf that I even like wonder for myself is like, I personally get like so, it's i have like a very strong opinion about it more than like any other. Not me, very casual about it ah Sure.
00:07:57
Speaker
Well, not as a parent, especially too. And I'm not that I'm like, I'm happy to like, it's fun to see what other friends are doing. yeah For me, it's like one feeling like I'm being gaslit by culture that like, oh, it's Elf on the Shelf. Of course, we've always done Elf on the Shelf, which is like, factually not true. And secondly, like it,
00:08:15
Speaker
But like, why is it? And I think it's because it's new that it feels so activating because it feels like it's it's an active choice that's happening now. Whereas like if you if you had gone on and made a post and you said, i don't think kids, you know, I don't think we should give children any gifts at Christmas.
00:08:31
Speaker
I think we get less of a reaction than a post saying, I think we should toss Elf in the trash. Like, I think people would be like, well, they wouldn't take it as personally. Whereas, like, I think because Elf on the Shelf is new, we kind of elder millennial parents consciously or unconsciously know we're, like, choosing to do this new thing. And so then if someone is like, ooh, is there a problem with that new thing? It feels like a personal attack.
00:08:55
Speaker
More than like, you know, if you put up a Christmas tree or not, or if you celebrate Christmas at all or not. It's like life like longer standing tradition. So it's like, well, we've always, and that is like the thing, like well we've always done this. That's why it works. But it's like, so you're right. We are like taking it personally if it's.
00:09:11
Speaker
Yeah. At least that's my, as I've been thinking about I'm like, why am I like reacting to this so hard when it really doesn't, doesn't matter. I'm, I'm welcome to not do it with my child. That's fine. and My friends can do it. That's great. Like I, um but you appreciate that you have done so much a deep personal and investigating of why this triggers you so much, because I personally haven't done that much. i I mean, I think I probably have like along the lines of like behavior
Social Media and Comparison Culture
00:09:37
Speaker
charts. Yes. Like I know why it, I know the behavioral stuff, but I tried to come up with 10 reasons that I personally hate Elf on a Shelf.
00:09:46
Speaker
And you're welcome to weigh in on any of them. and And you can leave your reasons too. Number one, the nightly remembering. Don't parents have enough mental load to not have to think of a third, fourth, fifth child to, like, go check on and move?
00:10:03
Speaker
And two, like, make it do a different creative naughty thing? Okay, which brings me to two, the moral confusion. um Santa's watching, now the elf's watching. Now, listen, I love Santa. I do Santa. You know I do with Santa's story time.
00:10:17
Speaker
But Santa, like, can be, like, the character. And Santa is, like, the tradition. Like, Saint Nick. Like, you get to choose. I'm not, like, big into Santa's watching you. But I still am, like, let's go see Santa. And Santa's bringing presents. Like, I love the magic of Christmas. I am not saying I don't love the magic of Christmas. But, like, now the elves watching, too, next year is, like, my Roomba going to report me. Somebody messaged me and said, spies aren't allowed in our house. I just tell... My kids, we don't we don't allow strangers into our house to spy on us, so why would I allow that elfin to spy on me? Oh, okay. So back to my my list of of reasons why I hate it. um
00:10:54
Speaker
Number three, it rewards adults who have strong executive functioning. And not the ones who are, like, struggling to remember where they put their car keys. Okay.
00:11:06
Speaker
um it creates December anxiety, i think, in a lot of people and comparison rather than like just joy. Now, again, people that are like coming at me being like that we don't do it that way. We have joy. This is this is the bean soup theory, right? Like that's fine. You know that you're doing it differently than everyone else. Like somebody came to me they're like, with all due respect, you're overreacting. Nobody is having their elf be naughty and like um nobody is stressed by it. i was like, With all due respect, I have 150,000 people ah in my ah polling data that say
Gender Roles and Parental Stress
00:11:43
Speaker
otherwise. Totally.
00:11:45
Speaker
your what's your What's your group text like? Do people do it? Are people stressed by it? of course yeah I mean, I blew up like all my group texts this morning for data because I'm like, I know. and there And there's a varying degree of stress. I think the majority, I'm definitely in the minority of just choosing to not do it at all. um the I think some feel a little stressed. Most do it and they think it's fun.
00:12:12
Speaker
But I think I do, even those that think it's fun, i will still hear throughout the month, you know, oh, like low-level stress. Nothing like they're not feeling horrible about themselves about it. But, like, yeah, it's like it's it is an additional thing.
00:12:27
Speaker
i think people, like, like to complain, though. Like, even if they're enjoying something, they do like to complain. um Like, so much, so many people complain about their husbands. It's like, obviously, you like your husband. But, like, it's just like a bit. I mean, like i I personally like to indulge in that bit as well. I think it's kind of fun to just be like, oh.
00:12:44
Speaker
Yeah. Well, I think there's a lot of, I was joking, but serious, when at some point I i was like, this, it's, Elf on the Shelf is a tool of the patriarchy.
00:12:56
Speaker
One more around Christmas, because i don't, obviously there's going to be people who are like, oh, my husband does help, or we do it as a team. Great. But you're definitely the minority. That's not the The bulk of it is that all my group texts or people are doing it. It's all the moms. The dads are not, you know, maybe one or two dads are helping. Or at least they're the ones who have the mental load of like remembering to do it. yeah So it's just like one more thing on top of many things as the mom in the month of December um were generally expected to do.
00:13:25
Speaker
so And this this, I will say, like, to anyone listening, like, you and i are not, like, speaking to this on behalf of us because, like like, we have partners that are very, like, if we were doing this, we would have partners that were doing it. You know, like I like i said to you the other day, like, oh, I'm making dinner tonight. Do you have recipes? And you're like, i I don't make dinner. And I was like, i know that's why I need a recipe. This is my first time. Yeah.
00:13:49
Speaker
Yeah. So, like yeah. It's not like we're, like, just, like, jaded being, like, and we have to do everything. Like, we we are the, like, probably minority that would be, like, oh if we were doing this, our partners would be. or And also, I'm not, like, a I mean, no one's going to be shocked to hear i me say that we never pretended Santa was real. We still talk about Santa, but we also didn't. We should do that. So, I'm, like,
00:14:11
Speaker
is She would never have yeah yeah but you see Proof. It's like she could still, our thought was like, you can still have the joy and and like kids are excellent at imagining and playing, like imagining that things are real. And so she's always been able to still really enjoy Santa and Christmas and like all of that without us having to also answer the question of wait, is Santa real? And have to be like, Actually, surprise, no.
00:14:39
Speaker
and But I'm also a huge Christmas person. like I i do do a lot of the Christmas stuff in our house more than my husband does, but I won't complain about a single thing about it because it's all like it's for me and it's my enjoyment of it. Yes, yeah.
00:14:57
Speaker
So, yeah, it's like I'm just choosing the things that i want to do, which is what i
Managing Children's Curiosity
00:15:02
Speaker
I think everyone's doing. And I'm sure people would say i want to do Elf on the Shelf because it's fun for me. To those people, I'm go for it.
00:15:08
Speaker
Yeah, I i think i I don't I'm just like having this memory because it's like ah number number five or six or whatever I was on was like that it becomes a full time creative job and like who has the time. But then I'm remembering a time and I don't know if I don't think I did Elf on the Shelf, but I have siblings that are like 20, no, like 15, 16, 17 years younger than me. So I'm remembering a time when I was in high school or college, which would have been more than 20 years ago if I was in high school. So wait, no. No, it could have been 20 years ago. i could have been the Elf on the Shelf. Yeah, it could have been 20 years ago because I do remember getting Cheerios and making them into donuts, like frosting them and putting like um tiny sprinkles on them for the Elf. So like that I enjoyed when I was...
00:15:55
Speaker
16 17 for my two and three year old and four year old sisters but like the elf was not naughty this is the confusing part like why is he why does he have to be so naughty i get if it's funny and creative but like who is also cleaning up these messes Right. Same thing. i like You mentioned the other day, which I hadn't considered too, around like the messiness or the naughtiness, like the confusion around that that kids would have. That, you know, well, ah you're, you know, we're all laughing and it's this fun thing when this elf is really wild and crazy.
00:16:28
Speaker
But then if I get wild and crazy and like, you know, pee on the toilet or something, that then obviously... It's a different reaction. and yeah why is it cute and celebrated and you get extra attention when the elf is being so bad?
00:16:43
Speaker
Like, will you react in that same way if your child has the same behavior, the same behavior as the elf? You're literally modeling the bad behavior as, and you're literally putting it on a pedestal for your child to see, will you react with the same way? Like, ha ha ha, let me clean that up, you silly little one. Why don't you go snuggle up with Santa?
00:17:03
Speaker
in her It doesn't make any sense. I think that it accidentally encourages sneaky behavior because it's like, can I get away with this? Cause no one's watching right now. And that's not really what I think we want. Like we want kids that like share things out in the open. We don't like hiding, sneaking is like not a great behavioral trait to build. Like we don't want them to like hide big things or little things from us. They want, we want them to feel safe. Like we want home to be a safe space. Yeah.
00:17:32
Speaker
Not like this, like, oh gosh, I'm on edge now. You basically brought a behavior chart into your house. Congratulations. Totally.
00:17:41
Speaker
um I going to... Well, and that's where, like, yeah, your seems your core um message, I feel like, has always been about that part, that piece of it, particularly, like the... Yeah.
00:17:52
Speaker
Okay, so let's talk about the comparison trap, because i I think we should normalize, like, saying, like, we're not playing the holiday Olympics. Like, if someone says, you have an elf on the shelf? But what are people supposed to do? Because you you opt out. So, like, have you had any conflict with your child? Because...
00:18:11
Speaker
i I have a mom who is a friend who is texting in a group text and like half the moms didn't know what an elf on the shelf was like good for them. Really? Yeah. I was and their kids are old. I was like, OK, well, I guess it's like maybe depends. I think it's been brought into the classrooms a lot. And so like kids ask for it, which I think is a whole nother mess. Like that should not be brought into the classroom. What about separation of church and state?
00:18:35
Speaker
i'm just kidding but like but like it is like kids that like don't celebrate christmas it is really pushing it down not that it's like the elf is religious but it's like it is a it is a holiday that not everyone um celebrates um should they bring in the bench on the bench the that blew my mind then i'm like this elf on the shelf has gone too far because Then I looked at, yes, so there is, i yeah discovered in my research today, there is mench on the bench, which was a joke introduced in 2011. And the guy went on Shark Tank. So it was like, it was a tongue in cheek thing, but then it's still a product now. So then it it, you know, snowballed from the Elf on the Shelf.
00:19:18
Speaker
Wow. Okay, so to my friend said her son came home from fourth grade and said that his friend's elf is bringing a present every night.
00:19:31
Speaker
No. Yeah. Well, I mean, I do an advent calendar. That's the thing. I feel like the elf on the shelf is like, ah just do an advent calendar. but You don't have to do anything. Yeah, because why does it need to be the elf? People really want to have something to worship. it Yeah.
Secular Traditions and Marketing Influence
00:19:47
Speaker
Well, actually, ok a friend, I'm going to quote a friend who had a really good, interesting point about this. hope they listen to this podcast. yeah Yeah. Well, they i think they're quoting their therapist who had a good point, ah which was, ok we create marketing for something when it's too massive for our brains to understand, like, say, anxiety about a holiday, about holiday traditions in an increasingly secular society.
00:20:10
Speaker
It's always weird. It's always going to be weird. So i was like, oh, is that what it is? It's like we're like we like Christmas really you could argue about whether or not Christmas itself is a religious holiday anymore. i feel like there's there's a religious Christmas and like a secular Christmas. sure um And people do crave these like traditions and things that like would maybe be part of a more if you if you're in a more religious household that you do like with your church or whatever. And this seems to be like kind of maybe filling that void for people, yeah which I think was like an interesting way to think about it.
00:20:43
Speaker
Yeah, you're right. And why there's, like, such an appetite for it. Like, we want, like, in this, like, daily ritual, this, like, thing. um People love a ritual. Yeah, and they love, like, not being in charge. Like, I don't know. I'm not watching. Like, it's like you get to take take a minute off of being the bad guy, maybe. Like, parents like it you because, like, well, the elf's watching. I don't care. I didn't see it. Yeah.
00:21:01
Speaker
Like, I do have that thought sometimes. Like, sometimes I'm like, oh, do I just pretend I don't see this because I just, like, don't want to be the bad guy right now. Yeah, totally. But yeah, it does talk about comparison.
00:21:11
Speaker
or like we then as a family that A, didn't talk about Santa is real and then also didn't doesn't do off on the shelf. I did kind of have to manage my own child, which I didn't love doing either. Like having to tell her like, ooh, like let's not...
00:21:24
Speaker
talk about Santa or Elf on the Shelf, you know, she would see other friends be like, wait, what, what is that? Like, cause we, we have the elves. We just don't, we, we have inherited them from like my mother-in-law from like the seventies, like when she just had them as decor.
00:21:41
Speaker
um But yeah, so I have to then have my child not, you know, not spoil the fun for another family, which is tricky. So does she get mad? Does she ever like, how come I don't get this? Or like, how did you? god eat What's interesting is she she's always known that the Elf on the Shelf is kind of more new, like the last couple years, because she's seven. So it really ramped up for friends of mine in the last three years, maybe. yeah.
Approaches to Santa and Trust
00:22:09
Speaker
yeah But like around Santa, she never, she told she understood that other people thought pretended Santa was real.
00:22:15
Speaker
And it wasn't really a problem that we didn't talk about it that way. But this year was the first year that she came to me and said, like, she felt a little sadness about that her friends. She's like, oh, I never got to think about Santa as basically that. She's like, I never really believed in Santa.
00:22:32
Speaker
And she was feeling a little disappointed that she didn't. Because this is the year that a lot of kids are starting to realize Santa's not real. It's about this age, seven. That's so deep. So she's, yeah, so she's hearing other kids say, like, oh, is Santa real? Like, hearing them question it. And she's sort of missing.
00:22:47
Speaker
But, like, this is the only the year she mentioned it. And I don't know, for me personally, that tradeoff is worth it. I'd rather have her be like, oh, have a little bit of that um longing for that experience than,
00:23:00
Speaker
have had five, for me, it would have felt uncomfortable having to be like oh, yeah, Santa's real. Oh, he's gonna, he'll come through our door because we don't have a chimney or like, it would have for me personally, it wouldn't have felt fun. It would have felt like I was lying to her all the time. And for me, the long game is trust.
00:23:17
Speaker
And i want her to like, know that I'm not gonna that if a thing is like ah a white lie, like, there'll be an obvious wink and a nod and like, she'll know. Yeah. So there's never a question of, but oh, is this a thing that they're keeping from me or not?
00:23:31
Speaker
So that's my tradeoff is her little bit of sadness this year, but I don't think she cares that much, to be honest. I do remember being like seven years old, six or seven, and saying to my mom, like, I need to know if Santa is real, because what if I become a mom and I think that Santa's real and he's not, and then my kids get no presents?
00:23:52
Speaker
Isn't that so, like, deep? Yes. Like, I wasn't like, tell me for me. i was like, tell me for my future. Wow. That makes a lot of sense, though, for you. Yes. Me, my deeply, deeply feeling child. Yeah. And caring for other people. You know, it wasn't about you losing something. It was about you not being able to offer that to someone else. Yeah. like Yeah. Yeah. And so my mom said, i remember saying, well, some are from Santa and some are from me and dad.
00:24:24
Speaker
and And then it was just like never talked about again. it wasn't like this, like, what? You tricked me. It wasn't like the finding out about Santa moment. And I have two siblings that do it really differently. One is
Family-Specific Traditions
00:24:35
Speaker
like, santa santa Santa, Santa, Santa, Santa. Like, sets up the recording, dresses up her husband, so they, like, see him walk by. Oh, God.
00:24:45
Speaker
Yeah. And one is Santa's not real. And it's very funny because, like, it's like these these cousins grow up very close. And so once, though, the, like, one that said Santa's not real...
00:24:57
Speaker
like told everyone that then my sister was like oh my god now and then she made her husband the santa's not real husband dress up as santa to go throughout the whole neighborhood like and visit all the poor people pleasers behind now it's yeah yeah so yeah santa's enough santa's and complicated enough we don't need to add the elf on the shelf to the whole equation of why Yeah. Why do we need to add?
00:25:27
Speaker
We're honest people. Like, including when we mess up or we make a mess, we clean up after ourselves. We are honest people. We don't allow spies in our town or in our house. People are like, it's not that deep. Like, it is, though. They're learning. Kids don't learn from huge moments. They learn from tiny moments.
00:25:45
Speaker
Trust is built in tiny moments, inconsistent moments. And I'm not saying that you don't need to like, that you shouldn't do Santa. But, like, there are ways that you can talk about it. I think so. Somebody asks, like, well, what do I do if like everyone's talking about it? You're like the one kid who doesn't have it, which you gave us a lot of insight. I would just say like every family has different holiday traditions. Some families have elves. Some don't. Some do totally different things.
00:26:11
Speaker
In our family, we do and list the things that you do. Instead, we do special holiday books. plug for the 12 books of Christmas. We'll link it in the show notes. We do hot cocoa nights. We do, we rent a limo and we go look at Christmas lights and listen to Christmas music. We go to the zoo lights. We do a holiday give back day. We um write random acts of kindness on a paper chain and we pull one off every day leading up to Christmas. We do a cookie exchange change Like this keeps the the tone non-defensive. And I know like probably the parents that are asking this question are worried that they're going to feel like a bad parent if they don't if they don't let their kid have an elf. But like it's just warm and matter of fact like and comparison proof. Like these are the things that we do.
00:27:01
Speaker
Every family does different things.
Listener Opinions and Cultural Divide
00:27:02
Speaker
You have a bunk bed and our neighbor doesn't have a bunk bed. Like that's different. Our family is different in that way. Like our families look different. Our families have different traditions. Our neighbor across the street doesn't even celebrate Christmas at all. They celebrate Hanukkah. you have any questions about Hanukkah? Let's think of some questions to ask our neighbor. Like get back into the face of helping your kids be curious and not just like greedy like we need the elf you're not doing anything wrong by being like drawing the line we're not having the elf you're helping your child see the world differently and understand that they don't always get what they want and you can help them see like they have what they need mm-hmm
00:27:39
Speaker
That's great, I think. And i've I've definitely seen that type of strategy work in my own house, for sure. That kind of explaining, like highlighting what you do and that what other people do differently and that it's all fun. Yeah. but yeah And if if the child feels sad about it, just like how you would do anything, like say, it's okay to feel disappointed. a lot of kids have elves. We can still have special holiday fun with our family and like say, like what do you think would be fun?
00:28:05
Speaker
They might, depending on how wound up they are, say having an elf. um Or you could say, can you want to help me choose our tradition that's that we're going to do this year? Let's start a new tradition. Should we sleep downstairs on Christmas Eve by the fireplace? All of us together put our mattresses down there. Should we have an all-night Christmas movie night? Should we go on the Polar Express? like like There's so many things you can do and just like redirect the conversations. It's not that easy. People are being soup. you know Yeah, but my kid won't take it that easily. It's like, listen... It's your energy. You got to probably you got to do your own work first and why you're triggered about it.
00:28:42
Speaker
And I think this, to be honest, this episode is for parents who have are on the fence about whether or not to do Elf on the Shelf or the parents of babies. Like when you went baby class, I'm like, tell them not to do it. You still have a chance. But like, know or not. Yes. Like, so if you're on the fence or if you're yet not yet in the position to have to choose to do it, like it's just something to think big about and that you don't.
00:29:04
Speaker
Don't get wrapped up in thinking that it is something you have to do for Christmas. Yeah. Agree. So let's give some options of if you want to stay magical but have no elf.
00:29:17
Speaker
We gave a lot, but you know how some families have elves? In our family, we have kindness calendar. A holiday fairy. Maybe it's somebody that sprinkles gold sparkles outside your window and they leave ah a basket of of kindness things. Or they leave treats. Like, it could be you.
00:29:34
Speaker
um Advent calendar. Exactly what you said. ah Decor that we move around the house together. You could even make it into, like, a bit. Like, if you're, like... we have this one icicle that we all made and we like move it every day around the house and like we see who can find it first when we wake up in the morning. Like it does not like people being like, this gets my kids out of bed in the morning. You know that there are so many things you just honestly like have to like market and getting out of bed a little differently. The off on the shelf marketed getting out of bed for kids. Yeah. And you could do that, too. You could say, we have this Barbie shoe in our family and like we all hide it somewhere in the kitchen. And like whoever finds it first in the morning gets to pick whatever they want for breakfast.
00:30:19
Speaker
And then everybody has to like you. You just got to think somebody did it for you. And that's why it feels easier. But it's actually harder in the long run. I'm sorry to say. Yeah.
00:30:30
Speaker
um A December book basket. Okay, I should say what the 12 books of quirk Christmas is, if you want to do that. um It is, we have our book list, we'll share it. And it is, um ah sometimes it's 25 books of Christmas, but it is December...
00:30:46
Speaker
It's already December, so it's too late for 25 books of Christmas. Get your Christmas books. You don't to buy all of them. You can get them from the library. um Or you can buy them because you're going to be using them every year. And you're going to wrap them all up and put them under the Christmas tree in a little basket. And every night or every morning, if you need something to get your kids out of bed, you're going to go pick one of the books in the basket.
00:31:07
Speaker
unwrap it you remember oh my gosh I love this one from last year and you read it together as a family we've done this for so many years and even in now my nieces and nephews they're in eighth grade seventh grade they still sit and read those books that they read when they were little so great tradition low effort low cost definitely recommend doing that and we'll link the books that we love in the show notes and that could get your kids out of bed in the morning go open up the new book under the tree Go open up the new book under the tree. Okay, I wanted to read really quick before you skedaddle. Oh my gosh, we had to go in three minutes. um Some of the DMs that I got that I thought were so funny. Okay, I despise the elf and I will stand on my morals with this one. My kids behave because of my husband and i not some creepy spy. And I won't threaten my kids to behave. And even if you don't tell your kids that part and just do the fun stuff, I refuse to support the business that capitalizes on scaring and scarring kids into good behavior.
00:32:09
Speaker
Well. how Home needs to be a safe space. Kids need to let their guards down, freely express themselves and make mistakes without judgment. And with the support of the people that love them unconditionally, it feels uncomfortable to bring something in and say you're not safe here. Someone is watching your every move.
00:32:29
Speaker
Yeah. If kids have to feel like they're always on at home, that's exhausting both mentally and physically and not good for emotional development. Yes, Jill. Okay. these are These are true big city readers' families. oh my gosh. my Somebody said, my aunt and uncle gave them the elves.
00:32:47
Speaker
They have two. Last year, and the daughter remembered. I told her at the end of the season that she should have the elves move to a new house with a new family. Okay. That's good. Okay. um Wow. These are so... That actually would be a good tip if you were a family that wanted, you're already doing Elf on the Shelf, but you're feeling like you don't want to anymore. That's a good out for your elf. Like, we're going to send the elves to a new family. It's like when you're done with the Patsy. Like, okay. Yeah, exactly. um The Elfberry came. Like, you guys are too good.
00:33:21
Speaker
um yeah Oh my gosh. Did send you that one? Somebody was like, I tell our kids that that they're good kids. That's why we don't have an elf. oh That's, I feel like that would work really well for most.
00:33:32
Speaker
My child would respond to that. She'd be like, oh, okay, yeah. but I'm the best. So, of course. You're right, mom. You're so right. Yeah. Yeah. ah When I post on Instagram stories, if the Elf on the Shelf has no haters, it's because I'm dead. ah Somebody said, guess I'm dead too. um I told my kids that we're honest people, including when we make mistakes. We share when we make mistakes. We don't hide them. And spies are not allowed in our home. I hate the damn Elf. It's not only everything that you're saying, but it adds to parents' plates. It does not help with holiday spirit. Let's just get rid of it. One note, in our house, we don't use it for being good. Oh, so this person has it.
00:34:09
Speaker
But when my child does something really kind and thoughtful, I do say, I bet he's going to tell Santa about that. It was so kind. And not like in front of the elf, but just in general. What are your thoughts on that? I thought it was okay, but now as I'm listening to you, I'm rethinking it. Um...
00:34:28
Speaker
Okay, yeah. but I'm glad that that she's rethinking it because it's like, I think like ah you could like tattle on your kid to your partner if you have one or like to your family member and be like, Max was so sweet today. Like, let them hear you talking about them. I don't think it needs to be like to tell Santa. Like, I think it's like fun to be like, oh.
00:34:49
Speaker
Santa, that that big fat man. Like, I don't know. i like i do Like, I do like Santa, but it's like, let's just like de-center him a little bit.
00:35:00
Speaker
He's a white man, after all. He's had his time. Don't get me started on that. According to Coca-Cola, he's a white man. ah The whole Coca-Cola invented, yeah. Maybe if you do Elf on the Shelf, I'm sure that people that are like diehard fans of Elf on the Shelf are not listening to this podcast. So I don't have to like worry about that.
00:35:19
Speaker
But Elf on the Shelf, the tradition that divides our nation. The only one. Don't. That's it. If we could solve this, if we could solve the Elf on the Shelf problem, what a world we would live in.
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:35:32
Speaker
would be an amazing place. Wow. So I am so glad to know. i know you've been you've been here on this big city readers team for a long time, but I guess I should know moving forward that I should confirm before I hire people that they are also elf on the shelf haters.
00:35:50
Speaker
Yeah, it's a key qualification at this point. so And also I want to say you're not a bad parent if you do Elf on the Shelf. You're human and it's December. This is just our hot take.
00:36:01
Speaker
And I don't think it's actually going to harm your child long term. It's just it's a lens to look at it with that. Yeah, just consider it. You know, no more than like living in the United States will. ah Totally. There's a lot. of There's bigger fish to fry for sure. some ah Let's just break up with Elf on the Shelf.
00:36:20
Speaker
I mean, and if you haven't started, if you haven't started, this is your sign. Don't do it. Hard agree. Yes. Hard agree. Okay. Well, thanks for being here. Let us know your thoughts in the comments. And please only rate and review the show if you love it because I, as you heard, am a very sensitive inner child. So I can't handle negative criticism. So only rate and review if you love it. um This is the Play On Words podcast. I miss that. but Thanks for being here.
00:36:52
Speaker
Bye. Bye.