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Little Trouble in Big Absalom Part 4: A Conclusion of Sorts
22 Plays1 year ago
The funky little lizard dudes find their treasure and make some hot crab chowdah along the way.
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Transcript
Episode Introduction and Recap
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everybody, this is Colby and you're listening to our fourth and final episode of Little Trouble in Big Absalom. Thank you for watching and ah listening. So, last time on Big Trouble in Little Absalom. Wait, no, Little Trouble in Big Absalom. I got that confused a lot. ah Would anybody care to explain what happened ah last month? um Okay, so what happened last time was ah Um, Marvin got killed in a drunk driving accident by Sparky. Um, and then we, we, we were joined by Benny Jetson. Um, and then the, uh, Croc Lachl, Kelby and Benny all went up to the surface.
Hedge Trimmer Retrieval Mission
00:00:56
Speaker
We met an old lady and she asked us to like get her hedge trimmers. Was it hedge trimmers? Yeah, hedge trimmers. She asked us to get her hedge trimmers back from her neighbor. So we went down the street and we hopped the, hopped just finished killing a big old badger. Cause it wouldn't stop trying to eat us.
00:01:23
Speaker
Technically, it was trying to be our friends, but it kept biting us in friendship and we just couldn't survive. Yeah. Yeah. Goggles currently eating its guts. Ah, so he is. Yes.
00:01:37
Speaker
And that is just about everything, so you've just finished killing ah this big badger. And as you as you munch on Madame Trunchnuffles' guts, all of you hear something off in the distance, ah slapping against the cobblestones.
00:01:59
Speaker
Uh, you hear, you hear the footsteps of, uh, uh, cobalt feet against the cobblestones as, uh, Sparky having awoken from your, uh, drunk driving accident, which, uh, very thankful that you're, that, uh, you're okay. Uh, McNich gave you the rundown everybodyography of everything that's going on. Uh, and you, uh, you followed the paper trail, uh, all the way back to this garden. You had a very lovely encounter with a strange old lady along the way. Uh,
00:02:28
Speaker
Oh, you don't say. You're here now. and She had the most beautiful place. But you're here now ah in front of this hedge. And, well, supposedly this is where the rest of your party is. But you can't see them. There appears to be no way inside of the hedge, ah save for a piece of rope ah strung over it ah dangling from this building right here. What?
00:02:56
Speaker
Lads, are you in there? Oh dear lord, the hedge ate me friends. Did we hear him? Uh, let's see. How far away is that? It's about 100 feet. I'd say, uh, you, you hear it echoing over the hedge. Don't worry lads, I'll get you out of there. I don't know if I just start fucking like tearing the, the, the hedge apart. Okay. As I start digging through. Everyone, blue cry help. Another little girl roll.
00:03:26
Speaker
OK, now what are you attacking the hedge? i'm I'm more trying to like tear through it, I guess would be the right word. OK, so yes.
00:03:44
Speaker
Why don't you make me an athletics check? Athletics check. Athletics check, he says. athletics check, he says, as he makes me do the only fucking thing on my entire character sheet that doesn't have a booster.
00:04:06
Speaker
Sit. Oh, my God, if I can do words, thirteen thirteen, ah you you try to tear your way through it. um But just as you think you get a stranglehold on it, you know, begin ripping some stuff away, you feel out right in your palm, a big old thorn.
00:04:26
Speaker
And as you ah you pull your hand away from the shock, the vines close back in. Lads, let me know if you're in there. The fucker's fighting back.
00:04:43
Speaker
Do any of you respond?
Hangovers and Hedge Climbing
00:04:45
Speaker
Arclif, I don't get him. And Krog Lachl's going to start moving over towards the, towards where we came in.
00:04:58
Speaker
Kelby's almost fucking dead. Oh, oh. Oh, bloody hell, that's hard with the accent.
00:05:09
Speaker
fuck are i'll sparkle how are there ah the hangover I got a fucking banger of a hangover.
00:05:20
Speaker
ah Yeah, if I fucking found a fine bottle of scotch in my bag and... Good Lord, it was too fine a bottle of scotch, if you know what I mean. Do you still have one of the scotch on your butt shots? No, I drink it all. It was too fine a bottle of scotch. Couldn't waste a drop of it. Do you happen to have pure grain alcohol, by chance?
00:05:50
Speaker
Colby, do I have pure green alcohol? You tell me. It doesn't look like I do, actually. No, I do. Fuck. That's a bit of a bummer. Uh, looks like I drank it a lot. Sorry. Slut. Are you telling me? Uh, I don't know. I just, you can try to climb the building and lose the rope that we threw over. Okay. To get across.
00:06:18
Speaker
Or you can just try to set the wall on fire. I don't know. We'll try that a little bit, but depends on what kind of fire they got. I'll I'll try the first one first. All right, so I guess I don't know where this rope thing is. So it's right on the building ah right next to you. So you'd have to get up on the roof. OK, so is that another athletics check?
00:06:41
Speaker
Uh, athletics or acrobatics. I'll do acrobattic so you know i acrobatics. check. That is a 21. Perfect. You effortlessly ah scale the side of the building and climb up on top. You still can't quite see over the hedge, um but it's a good. It's about a five foot gap in between you and the hedge. He has I do that so easily.
00:07:12
Speaker
Oh, right. So let me see what it will be. So I start looking around for the rope. Do I do I find a rope? Yeah, it's right there. in check ah It's tied up against ah I believe we tied it to a shingle last time. It's like a very sturdy shingle. That sounds about right. All right. So then I guess I start making my way over.
00:07:34
Speaker
Uh, yeah. Now I forget, did you, uh, did you guys attach it to anything on the other side? Like, um, would the rope be tight? and I think we just draped it over. Okay. Um, I was looking over. Yeah. I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I gotta hold on. I'm going to hold the rope towel. All right. Well, that sounds like a one was hold on a second. Crocodil needs to make a wheel safe. Uh,
00:08:05
Speaker
Crock-a-lockle is not going to hold on to the rope. God damn it. I'm sorry. Crock-a-lockle is not going to hold on to the rope. And you're you're still telling him that you are? Yes. God damn it, I hate you. Crock-a-lockle is going to walk away back into the maze.
00:08:27
Speaker
He has been distracted by a butterfly. Of course he has. Oh, God. That's all right. So then I so then I guess I attempt to make my way over. I jump and I scream. We OK. I just face plant and then the concrete, I guess. Well, hang on. ah So are you jumping or are you ah going over the rope? Well, I mean, I.
00:08:56
Speaker
This is the thing, my character hasn't spent enough time ah with Croc-A-Lockle to know to not trust him. So I think I'm going to go with the rope option. Okay. um
00:09:08
Speaker
Roll me acrobatics again. Okay. That's a 10. You step onto the rope and for a second, ah it feels tight for that first step.
00:09:26
Speaker
And then you realize that the rope must have gotten stuck on a thorn. um Because it then comes loose and you fall right back to the ground.
00:09:38
Speaker
Krakowako, you fucking bastard! Alright, you know what? You know what? You know what? No fucking mushroom for you, lad. No mushroom for you. You lost your mushroom privileges.
00:09:50
Speaker
I think, can I safely say that as this is heard on the wind, everyone else sees Croc Lachlachl just sort of wander aimlessly around the corner? Yes, yeah, that happens. What's up? You get him over the hedge?
00:10:07
Speaker
help i What's his name? The guy that I don't know. that the the The sparkly guy. Croc Lachl clocks his head. I don't know who they're talking about though.
00:10:24
Speaker
in the distance you just hear me yell, you're not getting any fucking mushroom out of me! The fuck is that noise? Who's talking right now? Do you hear that? Sounds kind of like Sparky. Didn't you go to get Sparky? Her?
00:10:45
Speaker
Oh my god. Oh, Sparky! Yeah, that guy! I don't know. I haven't seen him in a while.
00:10:58
Speaker
i See, now now I'm glad I missed as many sessions as I have, because I feel like working with this would give me an aneurysm. You've only missed one of these sessions. Have I only missed one? I thought it was more. No, you've only missed one of these, because we skip. Oh, we did, huh? But nonetheless, I make my way back up, I guess. Another another acrobatics check, I assume.
00:11:20
Speaker
ah Yep, and I will say, um as you fell though, noting ah both the pain of the thorn um and ah how you know the the shingle and the rope got caught on the thorn. You notice that these thorns themselves appear to be scalable. It won't be easy, but if you put some put some real effort into it, you might be able to do it.
Overcoming Hedge Obstacles
00:11:48
Speaker
You know what, i'll try I'll try clearing the gap first and then I'll try stealing the thorns. You're gonna try jumping over first. You said it was only like five feet, right? Yeah. Alright.
00:12:05
Speaker
I guess we're jumping over a thorny hedge. This is going to end fantastic. OK, I'm just going to say ah for the sake of time um and also because I don't want to bully you too much. We're just going to put you right back up there. You know, you you you recognize the footholds where you were able to get up the first time. So you effortlessly climb your way back up to the roof. Cool. OK, so now I'm going to I'm going to make that jump. Yep, you can just go ahead and Make a jump if you feel up for it. Yeah, I'll make the jump. Okay. You actually, um I'm not going to make you roll acrobatics for that. um Just sort of, you know, your eyes just connect with the hedge and what's over it. And your feet appear to move before you do, before your mind does.
00:13:02
Speaker
And with a sudden, decisive leap, you're just over the hedge. Where's, where's Crocolockle? Is this Crocolockle? Is this Crocolockle? Who's this?
00:13:15
Speaker
That's Betty Johnson. That's Benny Jetson. What the fuck? What's a Betty Jetson? Well, you murdered Marvin. So I murdered Marvin. Actually, it would probably be more manslaughter, I think, for drunk driving. ah Yeah, vehicular manslaughter. Oh, right. OK, right. Negligent homicide.
00:13:38
Speaker
Yeah, I think negligent homicide. ah Well, I mean, I mean, that just isn't that just isn't that just fucking manslaughter with extra steps? Pretty much. It's it's manslaughter by means of being a fucking idiot. ah So it depends. Let's let's let's just first degree manslaughter. but So anyways, Pathfinder. Yeah, Pathfinder now, you're getting the stress. Yeah. Yeah. So.
00:14:05
Speaker
That is, in fact, Benny Jetson right in front of you. ah By the way, while this is all going on, I'd say that this is about 10 minutes. So if you guys would like to use your resolve points to restore stamina, you may. Yes. Oh, yeah. Would love to do that. Thank you. Go right ahead. Yeah. So I I ah land over on the other side of this edge. I hedge. I brush myself off. I go. All right. What is everybody? And I just look straight ahead. I see Benny Jetson and I just and I just stare.
00:14:33
Speaker
just completely fucking stunned, and I'm just like, what the fuck is that thing? How do you react to that, Benny? Hello. I'm a person, just as a starting point. Are you the ah the stranded gentleman who was yelling something about a mushroom?
00:14:55
Speaker
I... Cool, just thought I'd make sure that you got over the hedge, okay? Oh, how?! Yes, it is.
00:15:29
Speaker
Oh, we have to go around this. Never mind. Oh, this hedge maze is a bit of a maze. I hate you. I know you do. So the gang is now all back together. And Croc Lachl, how's that corpse looking? Um, it's looking pretty firmly like empty. Awesome. Like I've eaten at this point, Croc Lachl has eaten everything other than the skin and the bones.
00:15:56
Speaker
but he's getting, he's starting to look at the ribs and he's like, hmm, those look pretty tasty. You scare me so much. Jesus Christ. So yeah, there' ah Sparky, I guess you come around the corner and see a gigantic hollowed out badger.
00:16:17
Speaker
And I guess Betty, when you left like five minutes ago, the badger was not hollowed out like this.
00:16:25
Speaker
I'm very pointedly not looking at the Badger corpse.
00:16:43
Speaker
he was over the... I don't care. It doesn't matter. i'm just I'm just shooting daggers at him. I'm just shooting daggers at him. Wow, shooting daggers at him. What the fuck?
00:16:55
Speaker
You bloody know why. You'd know damn well why. I do? Yes, you know. Yes, you do. The croc-locko looks at the Squeeze. Do you know what he's talking about?
00:17:08
Speaker
Ribbit! The other Squeeze doesn't know what you're talking about, either of the Squeeze knows everything, so...
Gazebo Discoveries and Loot Debate
00:17:15
Speaker
I think you're making shit up, man. I hear bloody block. What the fuck is that on the ground there?
00:17:24
Speaker
Ah, I point to the corpse.
00:17:33
Speaker
little creature not like us anymore, the one that was flying around that I don't remember the to build the shit out of it. OK. Oh, okie dokie, then. i I guess that's the thing.
00:17:57
Speaker
All right. Well, having had that discussion, what do you folks do now?
00:18:05
Speaker
I guess we continue. All right. OK, nobody else is moving, so I'm going to take the loop. Onwards and upwards you go. What the fuck is this? What is that? Before I step into its path.
00:18:24
Speaker
You find this strange, mysterious object on the ground. it's um It's odd. It's got this long wooden shaft attached to a crude metal head. It's a shovel. Oh. Croc Lachl's gonna pick up the shovel. Yeah, okay. You pick up the shovel. You should have known.
00:18:53
Speaker
How does any time I mention anything he touches? Yeah, how does what croc local turns around? And shows them the shovel
00:19:14
Speaker
Who that is? rough That is a shovel. Croc-A-Luckle gently puts the shovel down where he found it. Oh, you don't. OK. And just steps away. All right. This is a this is a really good question. Does anyone have like any
00:19:39
Speaker
Oh, let's see if I got anything in here. Oh, well, never mind. I'll do it in the sourdough. I've somehow glows over that I have this, and Croc Luckle's gonna hold up the squeeze. Oh, fuck. Open wide!
00:19:57
Speaker
Please do not put the squeeze in this thing's mouth. Open wide. He called him a thing? I said open wide.
00:20:14
Speaker
Croc Luckle's going to stick the squeeze and his skeletal hand, goop dripping into your mouth, oh and then he's going to squeeze the frog, and you don't know what color liquid comes out, but it is very thick, it is very chunky, and it tastes sour.
00:20:36
Speaker
What? is Do I gay healed i so that's cal um you get that's a minor elixir of life. So you get 1d6 at points. It's an elixir of life that makes you want to die. Mentally, you're a little traumatized. I rolled a 1d6.
00:20:56
Speaker
You also get that plus one item know bonus to saving throws against diseases Oh, yeah, which you'll need it because there's several diseases on that arm For shits and gigs because you brought it up. Why don't you make a will save for me? Oh will save okay?
00:21:22
Speaker
Dirty 20 Um, yeah, you you sort of You put everything that just happened in the last 30 seconds into like a little mind vault And um, you block it out. That's that's going in the ball. Mm-hmm. Okay So, uh, yeah take your healing
00:21:48
Speaker
Anyways, you see what you assume to be a gazebo. It's ah it's a strange building that lacks any walls, only ah a round sloped roof held up by a ring of pillars. And in the center of this structure is a glass-enclosed interior with a a few couches and ah and a locked closet nearby.
00:22:14
Speaker
And is a that's a large circular ah sort of stone dais, however that's pronounced, um with a with a stone pillar in the center ah from which water appears to be erupting. Oh shit. So yes. Croc Lachl's gonna run over to it. Oh no. Ho!
00:22:43
Speaker
Hello, how's sparkle? Yeah, what have you got? Come over here. A lot of this fucking hell. This is actually going to be really interesting. I really fucked.
00:22:57
Speaker
What was what's going on over here? What about Australian? And he points at the he points of the water. Oh, it's going around now. Goodbye. Well, what what are we looking at?
00:23:15
Speaker
ah look i turn over That's not a question, that's not a question for Croc Luckle anymore. I turn over to Kelby, what what the fuck was he on about?
00:23:35
Speaker
ben He's to shrug. Kelby just doesn't know what to do with the annoying mushroom man.
00:23:44
Speaker
You don't even know his name. I mean, yeah, I think it's established. She just tried to forgot Fair enough. I just I just stand there. I just stand there Stunned and I briefly look at I briefly look at my big boom gun and I'm just like, huh?
00:24:08
Speaker
Croc Lachlo is going to try to sneak up behind Sparky
00:24:13
Speaker
I should note that ah his token is looking directly at you. Yes. Well, yeah, but like is that the right? Yes. Yeah, for some reason it's reversed.
00:24:27
Speaker
But he did just say that he was talking to Kelby. So that's true. That's true. That's true. All right. Fuck it. Why not? Roll me stealth. OK. That is a 10.
00:24:42
Speaker
All right, you ah you think you're being stealthy you think you are and you sort of do do do creep ah Tiptoe creep up ah seemingly stepping on every single branch in your way As as as as Sparky you immediately notice that ah ah Croc Lachl is ah attempting to creep up to you He'll never see me coming. He'll never see me coming. He'll never see me coming.
00:25:16
Speaker
Crackle-lockle, what do you fucking want? do you want?
00:25:30
Speaker
Croc Locker is going to try to grab the mushroom and rip it off your face. I would like to make a reflex save. All right. So I would say Croc Locker. Why don't you make a athletics check or an unarmed strike? OK.
00:25:47
Speaker
An unarmed strike? He just arms sacrifice he just fucking decks the mushroom off my head? ah That is a 24 to hit with an unarmed strike. ah All right, what's your reflex, TC? 17. Oh, no. So with apparently blinding speed, Croc Lockerl just reaches up and rips off a chunk of the mushroom.
00:26:17
Speaker
Yeah. And then I, I make like a delayed, like slap away as if I'm trying to like slap his hand away, but I just miss. I go, fuck. like straight back to the fountain You slap the mushroom and another chunk of it falls off. Oh Crock-a-lockle sprints back, grabs the other chunk on the ground and then sprints back towards the fountain. Fucking hell.
00:26:42
Speaker
Fackler. Fuck you. can't i can't say that i'm an ass and good enough okay croco local is scheming now if somebody else talk please yeah what's the name of game master Well, uh, like I said, you see the, uh, the glass box in the center along with some benches and they, uh, a locked closet. So I guess, do you, do you go on in? I don't know. That was so fucking passive aggressive. Hey, I just like considering the game master said exactly what was in there.
00:27:24
Speaker
I just like letting scenes play out. Yeah. I trust my players. I don't know if I should, but I do. Thank you, Colby. That is a mistake we will never let you recover from. I mean, he's letting me play Croc-A-Lok also. Yeah, that was my first. Yeah. Yeah. we We abandoned all hope the second he entered the scene. But so.
00:27:51
Speaker
Do you approach or do you enter the gazebo and approach the glass box? Yeah. All right. So you you go on in and now you open up the glass box ah and within is As I said, a locked closet um with a yeah with a bit of a rusted padlock on it. You think with some know with some elbow grease you might be able to open it?
00:28:27
Speaker
Rusted closet? There's a rusted padlock
00:28:40
Speaker
Alright. Roll me thievery. Not like that, he says, as he prepares to absolutely annihilate the Fae with his fist. Okay.
00:28:56
Speaker
Graciously picking this lock. Unarmed? Make me an unarmed strike or an athletics check. Unarmed strike or an athletics check, he said.
00:29:18
Speaker
So, ah with a single well-placed blow, ah you annihilate the padlock. Being that it was already rusted, it shatters into pieces. And... You paycheck succeeded.
00:29:35
Speaker
And the door recoils a bit from the shock. And in turn, the door creaks open a little bit. You're now free to investigate.
00:29:53
Speaker
Door. Yeah, all right. How do we get in the door?
00:30:00
Speaker
Bring us inside the location. Oh, no, it's not a location. It's just it's just right there. What's in the door? What's. Are you asking what's in the closet? Yeah. Well, inside you find quite a few different items you find.
00:30:25
Speaker
What appears to be a well-sharpened hatchet, as well as a ah very well-sharpened dagger, you find a couple pieces of a garden equipment, you know, a shovel and a rake, as well as a trowel and, um i you know, like some some garden shears.
00:30:45
Speaker
ah You find in there some snares, an alarm snare, an oil of potency, a spike snare, ah and interestingly, ah three bottles of antidote. ah But perhaps most interestingly, what you find in there are ah two bottles of moderate alchemist's fire, and you see a large piece of lumber with two buzz saws attached to the end of it, and some writing and celestial going down the edge. This is Granny's hedge trimmer. Oh, that is the hedge trimmer. That is the hedge trimmer, yes. I don't know how we're gonna, how do we, what do we, that sounds large. I mean, it's about the size of a spear.
00:31:39
Speaker
Okay. Okay. Yeah. And so just to repeat ah without any of the flavor, ah you find Granny's hedge trimmer, a plus one hatchet, a plus one dagger, two moderate alchemist fire, ah two long tools, two short tools, an oil of potency, an alarm snare, a spike snare, and three lesser antidotes.
00:32:05
Speaker
Should I take an antidote and alchemist fire? I'll take an antidote and the hatchet. Oh, right. Take an antidote and an alchemist fire. anybody else like anything from this stash?
00:32:32
Speaker
What is the potency oil? Croclockle is currently busy scheming. He doesn't even want the bottle of explosives. Oh, Croclockle would love that, but he doesn't know it exists right now because he's on the other side of the map. I see, I see. Currently climbing on the fountain. I will take the other bottle of explosives and the snares if no one wants them.
00:32:57
Speaker
Yeah, ah so just to reiterate what these things do. ah So the Oil of Potency um allows you to, for one minute, essentially add a plus one rune to any weapon or armor.
00:33:09
Speaker
um An alarm snare ah is essentially a tripwire that just makes a noise when it gets tripped. And then a spike snare will impale anything that trips over it, assuming that they fail a basic reflex save. Specifically, it will deal 2d8 piercing damage against a DC-17 basic reflex.
00:33:36
Speaker
Alright, so, Benny, you take the snares? Sure. Alright, musician with snares, there's a joke in there. Oylopotency, who would like that? What does that do? It essentially just turns any weapon or armor into a plus one weapon for a minute.
00:34:00
Speaker
Does it Kelby in his ah very, very limited conceptualization of magical tools, does his fist count as weapons? No, they do not, unfortunately. Oh. Even though he knows legally, they do classify him as a leaf weapon. Legally, they are weapons, um but I think that if you applied oil to your fists, it would it would just make them more slippery. I think that would actually hurt you.
00:34:27
Speaker
Oh, all right. Perhaps the one of the three of you who actually does use a weapon. I was going to say perhaps perhaps ah the one with a with a very good weapon that could very much benefit from a plus one strike.
00:34:46
Speaker
Perhaps the guy with a fucking gun. Wow. Sure, I'll take it. Okay, there we go. And we have one more antidote, if either of you would like it. I took one, right? Yes, yes. Kelby and Benny both have antidotes already. And Crocolakul's not there and doesn't know what exists. No. Okay, so Sparky, you're getting the last antidote.
00:35:17
Speaker
Now we have ah four tools, too long, too short. ah It's basically just treasure. I don't care who, who has it. Just someone take it. Okay. Okay. Uh, so I'm going to say Kelby, you get the long tools cause they're bigger and Benny, you get the short tools. And then finally we have the plus one dagger and granny's hedge trimmer, which I should know. Granny's hedge trimmer, um, can serve as a pole arm and deal 1d4 slashing damage with the buzz saws.
00:36:00
Speaker
I probably should have picked a character that uses weapons. Whoops. It's also just what we were sent here for in the first place, right? Yeah. Yeah. Somebody please, dear God, fucking take it. Kelby, because he's the tallest, the strongest at all, will take the head. Nobody would like to use the hedge term as a weapon. I'd imagine not, but I don't think any of us are melee weapon users.
00:36:27
Speaker
Oh, shit, you're right. OK, yeah, kelby you got it. And then the plus one dagger. Anybody want a backup weapon? I should mention it's also worth 35 gold pieces. Oh, my God. Clock will jumps off the fountain, sprints over, grabs the dagger and then sprints back over. There we go. You have the dagger. Awesome. And with that. You have officially.
00:36:59
Speaker
give yourselves a pat on the back
00:37:03
Speaker
something ridiculous is about to happen how do we how do we get out of here uh i guess you just gotta go back out the way you came do we do we trim the hedge can we just trim the hedge to go yeah kelvin tries to trim the hedge right here right there unfortunately um
00:37:24
Speaker
The blades seem to get stuck right there. Ah, the hedge is a little more thick than you thought it was. Are there any unfick hedges around here? Yeah, the ones near you all seem to be of the the extra thick variety. Really, the the area where you entered seems to be, if you recall, was ah the weakest. And I don't doubt that
00:37:52
Speaker
Uh, Sparky's attempt at breaking through those hedges, uh, possibly made them even weaker. Ooh. I don't know where that is, but... What do you mean it's over? We're back from whence you came. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know, but I wasn't there specifically to witness that happen. Croc Lachl is still on the fountain trying to find all of the holes and stuff pieces of mushroom in them.
00:38:18
Speaker
Comedically Kelby like just grabs Croc-a-lockle scruff at the next dragon. How? How? How? How? Okay. Okay. Hold on. Stop. Stop. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I need something. I need something. As you do that, as Sparky, you finally cross that threshold. You all hear a rumbling.
00:38:49
Speaker
beneath you.
Battle with Gigantic Crustaceans
00:38:52
Speaker
And then suddenly,
00:38:55
Speaker
all around you, you hear and you see animals approaching. The first one you see. Oh my fucking god!
00:39:23
Speaker
I'm going to leave. I am going to leave.
00:39:31
Speaker
I've never felt such mixed feelings before. I feel alive! Well, that's just one of them that you see. the Oh my god! You look like this.
00:39:48
Speaker
I should note, none of these are crawfish. You see a few ah gigantic... Uh, let me turn that down a little bit. That's very loud. You see a couple of gigantic blue lobsters, uh, emerged from the ground, uh, along with, uh, some crab looking creatures.
00:40:12
Speaker
And, uh, what are they holding? Well, they appear to be holding ah some variety of garden equipment, possibly knives.
00:40:23
Speaker
They're fucking crabs holding knives! And blow fucking lobsters! So. I am, I am, I never felt such mixed emotions before. So, Kelvie was still dragging me. Should I be with Kelvie right now? Yeah. Uh, yes. I'm all the way over here. Do I see or hear anything? Oh, yes you do. Oh no.
00:40:50
Speaker
here she hears hear's me going ah fucking bloody hell is that I'm suddenly realizing that we did hear about the lawn crawfish before, but that was so many weeks ago. I had a waste of my memory. You were born. Iralini also mentioned them.
00:41:10
Speaker
So we begin with the ah lawn crawfish down here. It's gonna use its first action to go ahead and stride on up to Sparky here. And ah before you is this big hulking crawfish, this beast of an animal. And it's gonna make a ah and melee strike against you, Sparky. So when a 21 hit,
00:41:41
Speaker
Uh, yes, a 21 does hit, sorry. Okie doke.
00:41:48
Speaker
So... That... is going to be, uh, 7 points of slashing. Coming out of your stamina first, and then your health. Right, right. Uh, and I also need you to make a fortitude save. I can do that. That would be a 17.
00:42:10
Speaker
Okay, I'm making low rolls today with the fuck unfortunately Kelby you are now Poisoned and in feeble for around Kelby Sorry Sparky. I keep getting your names confused And then it's going to use its final action to grab you Sparky Boy grapple you right I don't like that
00:42:48
Speaker
that's the end of that's turn. And that brings us to Kelby. Alright, my turn. Kelby is first and foremost going to rage. Wonderful. Fro himself. He's going to absolutely fucking an ape out.
00:43:05
Speaker
um
00:43:08
Speaker
He gets free temp HP from this. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's going to then get stride over to this location here. So he gets flanking on this long crawfish with the knife. Beautiful. And then he is going to strike with his fist.
00:43:29
Speaker
um Yeah. I'm going to strike with his fist. Let me go ahead and make an attack for me. That's gonna be 27 to hit. Oh my that certainly hits, but it does not crit Yes,
00:43:49
Speaker
yes you do go ahead and roll damage for me for 11 points of damage. Oh, all right. You punch this, quote unquote, crawfish right square in the face. And it's not looking too hot. All right. I know that's not a cream. He's like, oh, worthless. All right. That's my turn. OK, next up is Croc Luckle. Oh, first and foremost, Croc Luckle is going to
00:44:22
Speaker
a cast Glass Shield by spreading the ah the the arm goop onto himself. So I now have a ah plus one bonus to my AC until the start of my next turn, um and I can shield block with
00:44:48
Speaker
uh let's see what is this is this crawfish looking like bloodied or mortal or what's it looking like not great very very not good um one might even say very bloody maybe not quite mortal yet but very very bloody uh then in that case croc local is going to
00:45:21
Speaker
dagger that he just got. Oh, and it's going to take action number three to. Quick bomber. A bottle lightning at this crab. OK, go ahead and roll.
00:45:42
Speaker
That is going to be a 17 to hit. 17 to hit, unfortunately that does not hit. Okay, it'll still take splash damage then. Yep. So I think that's just one point, yeah. And I did the um bomber adjustment so that Kelby doesn't take splash damage. Thank you. Okay, great.
00:46:08
Speaker
And that's my turn.
00:46:14
Speaker
Okay, nope. Next up is this crawfish down here, which unfortunately,
00:46:33
Speaker
Sparky, it is also going to make an attack against you.
00:46:43
Speaker
And that is a natural one. oh oh So so let's ah let's go ahead and roll that Critical Fumble card. And I believe that is slashing damage.
00:47:00
Speaker
So now, until healed, this bad boy is clumsy too.
00:47:06
Speaker
Oh, hell yeah. um But that does not destroy it. It's going to attempt to make another attack against you. And that is a 13.
00:47:23
Speaker
That is a 13. Oh, is this me again? Yes. Sorry. ah That does not hit. It does not hit. All right. And with its final action,
00:47:55
Speaker
And that's a nine. Which I'm assuming does in fact does fail. All right. Which brings us to the end of its turn and up next is Benny.
00:48:09
Speaker
Okay, um I'm gonna start by casting
00:48:30
Speaker
Okay, we'll get there. OK. And I'm going to try and whack the little bastard with the axe that I just got or the well the hatchet, really. OK. Here's a question. Did you have that equipped before we entered combat or was it stowed? I imagine that he was very interested in his new hatchet and just kind of had it. OK, I'll accept it. Go ahead and make an attack.
00:49:04
Speaker
That unfortunately does not succeed. I'm shocked, shocked and appalled. That concludes my turn. Thank you. All right. Next up, it's Sparky.
00:49:21
Speaker
a
00:49:29
Speaker
I'm I'm going to shoot the crab with the knife.
00:49:37
Speaker
You're gonna shoot ah the crab with the Go ahead and roll your attack. Rolled a 14 plus seven, which is a 21 to hit.
00:50:00
Speaker
All right. That in fact hits. Go ahead and roll. Yeah. All right. Let's see what kind of damage I do here. It's a 1d6. That's what I figured there. All right. Let's take this 1d6 here. I'm going to roll that. All right. That's four points of damage right there for that. There are four points of damage. All right. I'm going to boil these crabs up and make some make some boiled seafood gumbo as you should. All right.
00:50:36
Speaker
Uh, I have two more. I have two more. Of those, I'm going to reload. And then I'm going to unarmed strike the the blue, the blue lobster. Yep. You're going to. Technically a lobster, but I'm calling it a lobster is going to unarmed strike it. OK.
00:51:00
Speaker
That is 18 points of damage or 18, 18. 18 to hit to hit to hit I am hi unfortunately that does not hit fuck your ah your arms bounces off it's ah it's hard carapace hard blue carapace yep and I believe you have one action remaining it's two blue no that's three actions It was the it was a strike with the gun and then I had to reload which is another a oh you reload it Yeah, I miss that. All right, you're good Okay, so that brings us to this crawfish right here
00:51:46
Speaker
Which ah seeing you in a rage Kelby it's going to turn around and make a melee strike against you. Oh And that is a 27 to hit 47 hits barely not a crit. Okay, and before we get into that, I just realized ah Sparky I forgot to apply your poison By what now your poison because you got boys. Oh, right ah Good news is you're no longer in people Bad news is Uh, you take 1d6 poison damage. That is one point of damage that you take. No! No!
00:52:28
Speaker
Wait, is it like, does it actually take it out of my HP or does it still affect my stamina first? It would be stamina, it would be stamina. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So I am out of stamina but I still have all my HP. Yep.
00:52:39
Speaker
You're feeling pretty pretty out of breath, but you're still fighting. Okay, on to you, Kelby. Yes, that is. That does in fact hit, but does not crit. Does not crit. Wonderful. That is six points of slashing. Oh, that hurts a lot. And I need you to make a fortitude save.
00:53:00
Speaker
attitude come right up uh 11 okay you are also this bad boy is then going to attempt to grab you so it's going to attempt a grapple
00:53:23
Speaker
And that is a natural 20. Natural 20 grapples me. So you are successfully grabbed.
00:53:36
Speaker
And then with its final action, it is going to constrict you. Oh, that's going to hurt. I need you to make a fortitude save. Fortitude coming right up.
00:53:52
Speaker
26 26 all right ah You're just fine You know it ah it it attempts to to hurt you, but you're you're a big man. You're a big strong man you down It's about a I'm pretty sure my neck is like at least twice its grip well my muscles Yeah, so that's it's turned what brings us to this crawfish down here I
00:54:25
Speaker
So it is also going to attempt to make a strike against you, Benny. As it should. And that's an 18 to hit. That won't hit. Okay. So that's going to be seven points of slashing damage.
00:54:55
Speaker
That's a 14. 14. Unfortunately, that does not succeed. So you are also now poisoned. Question. I believe everybody but Croc Lachl is currently poisoned. Actually... ah I think I have resistance to poison. Is that so? I think so.
00:55:20
Speaker
Yes, you do. You're still poison, but you'll resist the poison damage that applies. Okay. And you're also enfeebled. I'm enfeebled? Yes, yeah. Yay! That was ah its first attack. So I'm also going to ah have it attempt to grab you. So it's going to make a ah grapple attack.
00:56:05
Speaker
And then with its final action, it's going to attempt another strike against you.
00:56:20
Speaker
Now brings us to the end of this long crawfish's turn, ah which brings us to big blue right over here. Lobter! Lobter! All right. And good ol' lobster here is going to attempt to strike Sparky.
00:56:37
Speaker
You can try. ah That's a 22. It fucking succeeded. All right. Well, ah that's going to be, Jesus, nine points of slashing damage. Fuck me! Ow. I'm mortal. Sorry. I'm mortal and bloodied. And it's going to show next both kind apply attempt to grab you. That's 25 to grab.
00:57:07
Speaker
ah Against your 42 DC. So that yeah that'll that'll do it. So you are now grabbed. Yay. Yay.
00:57:25
Speaker
I, uh, I warned you guys after, uh, after the last few boss fights, I was, uh, I was going to get back at you. Yeah. We have to love. Fuck you. You hate you guys paid by a bunch of lobsters.
00:57:44
Speaker
You guys cleared the last two battles way too easily. um Yeah, you fucking... I was so ready for this. Up to difficulty ah by a couple notches, huh? Yeah. And now it's going to constrict you. So I need you to make A42 save for me. Jesus. Okay. That's gonna be it.
00:58:09
Speaker
19 That actually succeeds. I think fuck you do not take any damage um But as we come to the end of lobsters turn um I need you to make a fortitude safe 24 24 okay, you're no longer poisoned yay And that's the end of Lobtor's turn which brings us to Kelby. be You are currently grabbed. I apologize because I'm deciding whether or not to be a character player or just a...
00:58:55
Speaker
Or like play optimally. And I don't know which I should do. You might want to play optimally here. ah ah i book Do character. It's funny. Yeah, it's funny. And also be really hilarious if we're back at abomination vault to hear about a bunch of cool vaults like dying in a garden. yeah That actually would be pretty fucking funny. It would be hilarious. Imagine your souls get to the tower.
00:59:20
Speaker
oh don't Don't you worry, I have plans. No, no, no, no. Yes. I'm going to... Kelby is just going to strike this crab. ah Yeah, he's going to do it.
00:59:36
Speaker
All right, go ahead. Attack 22 to hit. That succeeds. Go ahead and roll damage. All right, that's going to be ah seven points of damage. All right. And really loud which part of this animal do it do you attack exactly?
00:59:54
Speaker
It's whatever the center mass is. Sorry, the crusher claw. The crusher claw? All right. You punch the claw and it comes clean off. And the crab, the crab, it lets out this sort of squeak. You didn't even know crabs can make noises like that. Yeah as ah its fluids erupt ah from the end of it of of its now severed claw and You've killed it it's bad boys. Okay. All right
01:00:26
Speaker
Snack! Oh no. Am I still immobilized? Nope. You are no longer grabbed. I'm no longer grabbed. Uh, I look and I see, I see mushroom man. He's in trouble. He's going to use his next action to, to stride over here. If he could do that and flake the, the lung crawfish here. I'm going to say you can.
01:00:52
Speaker
Yeah. Um, I just say you're like shimmied. Yeah, you're you're up against the bushes shimmied image like in that little space right there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. I become one of the Bush to Kelby. Exactly. like but Like Homer Simpson. Yeah, exactly. Fuck. I was just about to look that up and put it in the chat. but ah um He will then attempt to attack the now off guard on profit with multi attack penalty. yep I do get this right. Wait, wait I got a fee for this. Yes, I do. OK, here we go. Seven.
01:01:36
Speaker
Unfortunately, ah that very much does not succeed. Yeah, you almost hurt your hand a little bit as you punch into this things thick, thick.
01:01:47
Speaker
Hard hide not even hide carapace whoa log crawfish bed and it does not Doesn't do anything all right. That's my turn all right next up is crock-buckle If I glance over at Benny, how does Benny look right now? Benny seems a little pale ah but otherwise Not horrible Okay, also my glass shield has expired. So I have applied shield immunity to myself. Okay.
01:02:22
Speaker
um
01:02:25
Speaker
Okay, in that case, Croc Lachl is going to take one action to stride around the corner here.
01:02:41
Speaker
And it's going to take action to... How does the lobtor look? The blue one? Yeah. Completely fine. Not a dent on it. Okay.
01:03:02
Speaker
Okay.
01:03:09
Speaker
And Sparky looks fucked up. Sparky is not looking good. Okay. Then I am going to... I am going to do a bitty boo of a thing here. Oh, a bitty boo of a thing you said. A bitty boo of a thing.
01:03:37
Speaker
I am going to...
01:03:41
Speaker
quick alchemy, a bottled lightning, okay i'm using my smoke bomb additive. Okay. So that's one action. ah I have created a bottled lightning. And I am then going to take a second action to throw this bomb at the blue lobster. And I'm using the thing that makes it so that Kelby and Sparky will not take splash damage. So bottled lightning, that is a 19 to hit. A 19 to hit. Yes.
01:04:41
Speaker
Unfortunately, that does not hit. You've got to be fucking with me. All right. ah So it still takes one point of electric splash damage. Yep. um And then it additionally, ah the bomb as it explodes, ah it explodes into a cloud of thick smoke. OK. So it's a me put a template down. It's a 10 foot.
01:05:10
Speaker
burst of smoke oh and all creatures, ah all creatures within the area are concealed. oh okay And all other creatures are concealed from them. So that means that in order to, for anyone in that smoke to attack anyone else in that smoke, ah they need to make a DC five flat check first.
01:05:36
Speaker
and that smoke lasts for one minute or until dissipated by strong wind. All right. And that is the end of Croc Lachl's turn. you Are you in the rain to that smoke? No, I'm just outside of it. Wonderful. Okay, that's the end of Croc Lachl's turn, which brings us to Long Crawfish right here. So,
01:06:10
Speaker
It's going to attempt to make a strike against you, Sparky. So it's going to make that DC 5 flat check.
01:06:25
Speaker
And it fucking A, it rolls a 5. Fuck! Alright, so it gets to make it strike. That was so close to being useful.
01:06:43
Speaker
So now would be a good moment to remind you that you all still have hero a points available. Yes, I hear points available. I will be likely to be using it because it just rolled a 26. OK, I'm using my hero point. OK. This is this is on me, right? Yeah, that's on you. That's OK. Yeah, enough i I have five HP left. I am using my hero point. OK, and that's a 19.
01:07:09
Speaker
Still fucking hits me. God damn it. So I should have made it roll. It's it's flat check. This bad boy ah goes ahead and deals four points of slashing view. What the fuck? What the fuck?
01:07:31
Speaker
What the fuck? I have one HP. Fucking one.
01:07:41
Speaker
And then I hate to do this to you as well. Oh, no. Oh, my God. No, you're not. and You're not sorry. I need you to make a fortitude saving throw. You got this.
01:07:56
Speaker
OK, I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. Twenty twenty two. Beautiful. You don't take any additional damage. Nor are you enfeebled. Oh, thank God. With that said.
01:08:09
Speaker
ah a Can a creature be grabbed by multiple creatures at once? Yeah. The effects don't stack or anything, but it would mean that if one create if one loses its grab, then the other still has a grab. Wonderful. But it's also worth noting that grapple has to be maintained with an action each turn. Gotcha.
01:08:34
Speaker
Uh, and that does not succeed right off the bat. Uh, so it's going to attempt another grapple.
01:08:52
Speaker
And that also does not succeed. Okay. You're in the clear for now, which brings us to Benny Jetson. Okay.
01:09:06
Speaker
How do I not die? That's that's the question. With gusto. Mm hmm. Put your back and do it. I'm fucking trying. You know what, let's let's cast grim tenders on on the gentleman in front of me. Very fun. What does that do?
01:09:32
Speaker
Uh, that is a fortitude save from the crab. All right. Against your DC 17. Yes.
01:09:57
Speaker
You take two points of damage. Oh, ow.
01:10:03
Speaker
You needn't mock. Well, I mean, hey, every point counts as these tendrils ah rip into this ah this little crawfish. And now I would like to try and hammer the damn thing with my hatchet. OK.
01:10:20
Speaker
That is a twenty two to hit that in fact hits roll damage. That is three points of damage. All right. He takes an additional three points of damage. Why won't you die?
01:10:41
Speaker
That concludes my turn. OK, that's the end of your turn, which brings us to Sparky. OK, so I am going to use explode. Oh, do you want to explode?
01:10:59
Speaker
That is exactly what I say to the to the two ah to the two crabs on either side of me as I fucking just... I don't even know what I do with the gun, but I do something that causes it to explode.
01:11:15
Speaker
So yeah, I just fucking... Do you want to explode? Yes. And then fucking boom. And I'm going to be rolling to hit. I assume I don't really know how to see. It's a reflex save. Oh, it's a real creatures in a five foot emanation. Cool. So everything is just adjacent to you, basically. Yeah. So a DC 18 reflex basic reflex save, apparently. And funnily enough, ah the crawfish to your right does succeed. but The crawfish to your left fails. Fantastic. So.
01:11:55
Speaker
that is 2d6 fire damage all right go ahead and roll damage say three and a six so nine points of damage nine points of damage okay ah So Bluey over here goes ahead and takes nine points of damage. And then other guy over here, that would be four, I believe. Correct. So you finally put a dent in this guy and he's he's looking pretty smoky. Still angry, but smoke. Hell yeah. And then ah I think that uses ammo. No.
01:12:45
Speaker
OK, it does not use ammo, so that I'm going to use my last ah last action to run the fuck away. OK. Unfortunately, you cannot do that because you're grabbed. Oh, fuck. That's right. Can I attempt to escape the grab? You can attempt to escape the grab. OK, so acrobatics check. Yep. Go right ahead. Cool.
01:13:14
Speaker
That is 25. Oh, that, uh, you said that's against, it's a grapple DC. Yes. That's what Cameron said, I think. Grapple DC slash athletics. If if the grapple lists a DC, then use that. But if it doesn't, then I'm pretty sure Escape uses athletics.
01:13:42
Speaker
Okay, awesome. Well, that in fact succeeds. So you're no longer grappled. And that's my, that was my last action. Nice, right? ah Yeah. All right. That next brings us to Denny's buddy.
01:14:07
Speaker
ah So it's going to make a strike against you. So, Benny, does a dirty 20 hit you? Yes. All right. That's four points of slashing, do you? And I need you to make a fortitude save because right after that, he's going to attempt to grab grab you.
01:14:31
Speaker
That's a nine.
01:14:36
Speaker
Oh, sorry. Sorry. Wow. I messed that up. That was that was my role to make. Not yours. I got my wires crossed. I don't know how that happened.
01:14:47
Speaker
And it it fails anyways, so it doesn't even matter. OK, awesome. Well, it's going to attempt ah one more grapple against you. And that also fails.
01:15:05
Speaker
Which brings us to the end of its turn. ah Where I need you to make a... A fourth you'd say for me. A 13. 13. Good news. You are no longer poisoned. That's nice.
01:15:28
Speaker
So, now that brings us to... Big Blue over here.
01:15:36
Speaker
and uh Kelby it's gotten a little annoyed I just realized that the the the crowd that poisoned you is dead now isn't it yeah yes So Cameron, how does that if the chill has to make the save? OK, it's just not so poison on his turn instead of the crabs. No, it's at the end of when the crabs turn would be. I see. So he would do it. He would have done it. OK. A couple of turns back. Gotcha. I see. I see. So why don't you preemptively make a fortitude save for me? All right. I think we're making preemptively make your fortitude save.
01:16:31
Speaker
14.
01:16:37
Speaker
Sorry, Cam, what were you going to say? No, no, no, no, go first. 14. OK. That is a failure. Oh, which does bring you to in people to. Oh, and you take an additional 1d6 poison damage. So two points of poison, two points out.
01:17:05
Speaker
All right.
01:17:08
Speaker
and cam what were you going to say um I apologize for being a rules lawyer, Jacob. But ah blowing up your gun is an unstable action, meaning that you need to make a flat check. ah And if you fail, if you fail a DC 15 flat check, then your invention malfunctions. Oh my goodness. Thank you so much, Mr. Lawyer. Your input is very appreciated, Mr. Fucking Lawyer. Look at you with your fucking lawyer law degree over here, Mr. Fucking Lawyer.
01:17:38
Speaker
This this particular combat is just so much technical stuff. That's much. Glad you did it. has ah I'm learning by fire. Trial by fire. Yeah. All right. Trust me, the learning never fucking stops. Oh, I really wish it would. I can only imagine. ah So it is now our crawfish buddies turn and Kelby.
01:18:10
Speaker
He's quite, he's quite upset with you. Yeah, I imagine. Cause you tried to hit him. Yeah. He's going to make a strike against you. Okay. Conceal, conceal, conceal, conceal. I need a flat check first. That's right. That's right. That's right. I need this to be useful, please. Um,
01:18:35
Speaker
That is a 20. Oh. F and F. And its attack is a 17. 17 actually does not hit. Wonderful. Beautiful. That's great. It's going to attack again. Okay.
01:18:53
Speaker
And that's a 19. 19. Conceal. Conceal. Conceal. Oh my god. Three. Okay. That doesn't hit. And it will make one final attack against you. That's a two. Give me a flat check. It doesn't. you it okay It is grappling blindly bo in the dark. ah Smoke. pump Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Wow. I can't believe that was helpful. Wow. My god. Two in a row.
01:19:22
Speaker
that's that's this guy's turn its crusher claw attempts to crush me I grab it and I will I will first stare it down and I will attempt to Demoralize and I will use my backgrounds Intimidating glare I can demoralize from a mere glare So it does not have the auditory trait but gains the visual trait and I don't take a penalty the creature doesn't understand my language I see. So Kelby is gonna stare at this thing. It's beady dead eyes and as it looks in the Kelby's eyes There is nothing except protein
01:20:07
Speaker
And you know what? This crabs and this freaking crawfish is made of protein. um Intimidation. Let me see. Yeah. Intimidation. 22 intimidation. 22. Okay. That's against its will DC. Which means. yeah
01:20:33
Speaker
That's just a regular success. Okay, so it's right i to do the math real quick. But yeah, yeah, it is. It is currently frightened one. Okay, you on you look at this thing with with a hunger in your eye and it shudders knowing the implication and he's going to start punching it first try.
01:20:55
Speaker
25 the head that succeeds go right ahead, buddy ah damage is gonna be ah eight points of damage o You punch this thing right? in It's dumb blue face and oh it's it's shell begins to crack. You see this big long fissure Pop up in its head Jesus Christ angry Second attack, which is a minus seven to hit. I'm sorry. It's a plus one to hit, but it's minus seven, multi attack, multi plus people. I got a plus one. It will be a natural fucking 20 to hit. What the fuck?
01:21:40
Speaker
Where's that? Do you get a cricket card or or are I just you you do in fact get a cricket card? All right. That's bludgeoning damage. Yeah, bludgeoning damage. Okay. So before you even roll damage. Yeah. ah Just as as the fist connects, this thing is sickened and it's stupefied. like it is rush It is frightened. It's confused. And this poor animal, it wretches up. It's dead. Oh, no. Go ahead and roll damage for me. All right. Crit damage, right? Oh, yeah.
01:22:19
Speaker
um That's gonna be 20 fucking eight points of damage. I would like you to know. That's enough to bring it down from max health to zero. Oh my gosh.
01:22:34
Speaker
you your punch connects seemingly in the perfect like weak point with that can i say so why don't you describe it why don't you just yeah i'm just gonna like grab its claw punch it once it's so sickened and i just and kelby is literally gonna like clench his fist give out a primal roar and punch it so hard he fucking um was like he fucking peels the crab Oh, he just like reveals this.
01:23:06
Speaker
All right. you Yeah, completely. It's almost like you punch it out of its carapace. Like the meat and the shell are are completely separated now. yeah As this takes fucking 28 points of damage. Jesus. Oh, my gosh. Got to love that bar of damage. I know. God, my God.
01:23:32
Speaker
That's my turn, that's all for reactions. And doubt that was on a multiple attack penalty. Yeah, I only had plus one to that attack. Great. Good damn. Croc Laco, you're next. RK will sound like you're handling yourselves in there. Oh, I need to turn noise
01:23:58
Speaker
All right, we'll say, look, they've got those covered. I'm gonna go help the other one. And Croc Lachl's gonna start moving on over. What's my movement speed? It's 25, okay. Croc Lachl's gonna start moving on over. Use two movements to get over to Benny. How's Benny looking right now? Not great, not great at all. Like bloodied.
01:24:26
Speaker
Um, I would say, I would say, uh, very much bloodied. Okay. Fuck, I've only got one action left. All right. Well, in that case, I'm going to use my final action to, uh, quick bomber my last dread ampule at the crab. Um, okay. So that's going to be a 19 to hit. A 19 you say, that does not hit.
01:24:54
Speaker
I'm gonna fucking toss myself off a bridge. All right, ah roll like about okay um that's a seventeen acrobatics. acrobatics. You fucking die. Hell yeah, finally. um Okay, so ah it takes one point of mental splash damage in that case, and that's all. And I did the thing so Benny doesn't take yeah splash damage. Okay.
01:25:23
Speaker
And that's Croc Lachl's turn. Okay. Just survive for like a little bit longer and I might be able to help you out. I'm fucking trying. I'm not talking to you. Shut the fuck up. He's going to give a thumbs up. Next up is a fishy boy down here. So ah Sparky, it's going to make a strike against you. Conceal, conceal, conceal.
01:25:54
Speaker
That's a 17 for the flat check for the flat check. And then for its attack, that is a 25.
01:26:05
Speaker
and
01:26:11
Speaker
Oh, Jacob, you're fucking dead, dude, Jacob. You said you said it was a 19. That was a 25 to hit you.
01:26:23
Speaker
Oh, oh, well, it was so violent, it just killed him in Florida. Yeah. So you take seven points of slashing damage. Well, you don't need seven. You just need one. And I am on the ground. Oh, I put my I put my hit points at zero. and My character is still alive, apparently, so.
01:26:50
Speaker
Maybe the mushrooms keep me alive. You've got to set that up in automation. Oh, yeah. There you go. that Sorry, that's not that's a Colby thing, not a you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you're now unconscious.
01:27:04
Speaker
OK. Now, I mean, there's nothing to grab. It's sort of just a ah body lying on the ground now. So with its next action, it's going to stride.
01:27:19
Speaker
ah Over here, and seeing what you've done to its friend, Kelby, it's going to make a strike against you. Okay. Flat check. That's a 19 for the flat check, and then eight to hit. And eight does not hit. It sees you in the dark, and it still misses. Oh.
01:27:41
Speaker
but if The smoke is useful if for no other reason than it makes Colby roll twice. It does. Yeah. Yeah.
01:27:49
Speaker
Extra confusion, you know? Yeah. Waste the good rolls. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Benny, it's your turn. Okay. Um, I'm going to start by trying to, you know, hammer in the damn thing's tiny skull with the hatchet. As you do. As you do.
01:28:15
Speaker
That's a 19. A 19 that does not hit, unfortunately. That's so tragic. OK. What we're going to do now is we're going to cast telekinetic pre projectile on the fucking knife it's holding. And try and spear it through the head with its own knife.
01:28:44
Speaker
I don't think you can do that. No. Unfortunately, it has to be a loose unattended object. Unfortunate. In that case, I will use one of my guitar picks. Wonderful. So go ahead and roll the hit. That is a natural 20. That's a natural 20. OK.
01:29:10
Speaker
And is that piercing damage? Yes. OK, well. Oh my God. OK, this guy needs to make a fortitude save.
01:29:25
Speaker
What for? It doesn't it doesn't say the DC. must. Oh, yeah, it uses class DC, class DC. OK, OK.
01:29:45
Speaker
And if it's for a monster, then I think it's DC for its level. Awesome.
01:29:52
Speaker
And what's your class DC? The 17? Yes. Unfortunately, it succeeds. I just need to roll the damage. Yeah, you just need to roll the damage. It does not get second with ah the specific. What is it? Contract Filth Fever. It does not contract Filth Fever.
01:30:12
Speaker
It takes eight points of piercing damage. Wow. The eight points of Gemini goes right in. And yeah, this thing's show is starting to split. He's not looking good. Excellent.
01:30:33
Speaker
And is that your turn? That concludes my turn. Wonderful. So next up is, uh... Well, next up, Kelby, I need you to make a fortitude save for me. Kelby's fortitude save? It's a 12. And unfortunately, ah that fails once more.
01:30:55
Speaker
ah Is it my turn now? Or no, it's the log run stage two. You take one point of poison damage. oh what How much? One.
01:31:08
Speaker
What? OK, that's that's workable. Yeah. And I believe you have one term remaining with this poison. If you yeah can't. This is my turn now, right? Is that crabs done? Yeah. ah No, no, it's crab. It is crab. Yeah. OK. OK. Yeah. I was going to say time for crab. Crab. Time for crab. Time. Time for crawfish. I want to crawl dads. OK. All right. All right. All right. Does the 19 hit, Benny? Yes.
01:31:37
Speaker
Wonderful. That's six points of slashing. to stay alive. I was trying. No, you're unconscious now. Shut the fuck up. You're the consistent. Unconscious and dying.
01:32:06
Speaker
Okay, ah so with its next action, it's going to stride up to you, Croc Lachl. Hold battle. And it's going to make it an additional strike against you. And that is a 21 to hit. I'm going to kill myself. That's a help. All right. Three points of slashing, and I need you to make a fortitude save for me. Okay, one second.
01:32:33
Speaker
Also, Croclockles said all that in character, by the way. Wonderful. Fortitude save, that is going to be a 24. 24, that succeeds, you are not poisoned. Fractal! I've already poisoned myself two minute times to get poisoned again. I think that's how that works. Yeah, you're like, you're like inoculated.
01:32:52
Speaker
Alright, and that's the end of this guy's turn.
01:33:03
Speaker
Which brings us now to Kelby. Nice.
01:33:11
Speaker
Gonna hit him. Awesome. Go punch him. Yeah. Punch. That's going to be I because of desperate situation moment. I'm going to hero point that role right ahead. Go right ahead. That's the worst way of spending it. But I will attempt to. I won't have to do that. Okay.
01:33:33
Speaker
And roll again. I see one for a split second. I thought it was another 11. That would have been hilarious. But no, is it? Yeah, that's that one. That succeeds. All right. Perfect. Succeeds. Fucking eleven points of damage. Oh, you fucking destroyed this thing. It's carapace explodes in front of you. OK, that's one action. ah Second action stride. um All right.
01:34:03
Speaker
Yeah, let's stride this. Gonna run the 15 feet. It's like a 10 feet left. Where the fuck's Croc-a-lock-al? Oh shit. 15 feet. Oh, I can't fucking use that ability because I re... No! Wait, that's... Yeah, okay.
01:34:27
Speaker
Yeah, okay. I can't... ah Can I retcon something? What would you like to retcon? I want to use sudden charge instead of just... it' Instead of just striding, because I realize I have sudden a charge.
01:34:41
Speaker
How much of a difference will that make? I get to stride twice, and then if I end my move, then melee reach at least one enemy, I can make a strike against that enemy. So it's kind of fucking busted.
01:34:54
Speaker
wow I will allow it. Okay. Cause I hear crock-a-lock-al. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. My best friend. Yup, you use your retcon token on this. There you go. You use your last play coin. Not the play coins. Oh, Gordon. Hello, Gordon. Look, Gordon. Ropes. We can use these to help me, Gordon. All right. That's okay. Get 10 more feet after that. That's a 15 plus plus Ted.
01:35:30
Speaker
I run to here to 10 feet. And I see the crab. How how much distance can I get out of this? Let me see. I can't. So I'll just i' end up behind Grog Nolokle. I should have retconned that. Okay. Whatever. There we go. Okay.
01:35:49
Speaker
our color are ra You watch as this bloody screaming man runs up to you. rights like just now from his style Do I know where the truth is? No. But it's an average run.
01:36:02
Speaker
That's my turn. OK. Next up is Croc Lachl. All right. So Croc Lachl is going to take actions number one and two to produce an elixir of life. a Concrete Danish from his belt. Yep. ah And then going to give it a nice ketchup squeeze as garnish before shoving it in Benny's jaws.
01:36:29
Speaker
So 1d6 hit points to Benny and that plus one item bonus to saving throws against diseases and poisons for 10 minutes. All right. Roll healing, Benny.
01:36:47
Speaker
Also, I can't apply the elixir of life effect. Colby, you need to do that. ah Benny. Emma, you're muted.
01:37:05
Speaker
Oh, no. Gotta love dorm room living. Oh, Benny's dead. The head is dead. Fucking brain cell.
01:37:19
Speaker
um All right. Well, that's the last. So that's my last elixir of life anyways. And I have one action remaining. So I guess literally all I have left to do is try to... happy me You Before you do that, I'm going to have you roll Healing Croc Luckle, since okay ah Benny is unresponsive. My God, I get to actually roll a die that's not a d20. All right, that's five. Five. All right.
01:37:48
Speaker
um And I'm not going to attack with my final action. I'm instead going Kelby will be able to flank next turn. And now that is the end of Croc Lachlan's turn. And then that means that Benny is no longer unconscious, right?
01:38:19
Speaker
correct Benny is conscious gotcha at five hit points and wounded one all right but prone but prone or back prone unfortunate stomach prone honestly yeah who knows we said that's the end of your turn yeah that's the end of my turn all right Sparky make a that's ah just a d20 flat check right not a flat check or well yes it is a flat check uh against 10 plus his dying value grants 10 plus your dying value which is currently one one so go right ahead make a flat check get an 11 ripoff uh i believe so yeah yes yes
01:39:04
Speaker
Oh, my God, it's a Nat 20. There you go. You are. God fucking damn it. Does that mean he doesn't wake up, does he? No, I just I'm just I'm just not not dying anymore. Yeah. OK, the alcohol has taken up your bloodstream, so you're not bleeding to death anymore. You're just boozing. stuff No, you're marinating for him. I'm marinating.
01:39:33
Speaker
He'll probably eat you, so. oh jesus all right sure this will make the mushroom taste fantastic which brings us to uh mr jetson well here here's another question is is sparky still poisoned uh nope okay sparky uh succeeded his fortitude save i couldn't remember i did i did succeed my fortitude save i don't get
01:40:04
Speaker
I'm going to grab my healing potion out of my belt and I'm going to drink that. So that's going to be two action actions, actions. Yep. Go ahead and drink. Excellent. Wonderful. Beautiful. Take that healing. i'm Good.
01:40:31
Speaker
It's a good movie. You will never stop me from being myself. I am proud of me. OK, I'll stop him from being himself when I murder him. Now I'm going to I don't know why you should.
01:40:53
Speaker
I don't know why you said smash the crab in my head immediately went to you trying to murder Steve. And I was and I was actually about to try to fucking kill you. I forgot about Steve. How would you forget about Steve? I'm going to go ahead and hero point that nonsense. Awesome. We love Steve is the croc a lot. OK, that's a 25. Wonderful. That hits. That hits. Roll damage.
01:41:23
Speaker
That is five points of damage. Now, Benny, I have one question for you. ah hu How would you like to do this? I would just like to mash it into a fine paste, please. All right. ah You raise your hatchet and you you just you hack its legs off. You hack its arm off. You turn this crab in the chowder. And ah it is completely unequivocally dead.
01:41:54
Speaker
And the visual is just extra funny to me because Benny's prone the whole time. Yes. You're just like you're you're on the ground. I'm assuming you're on your stomach. Just like a thwacking at it. Yep. And. Lucky for you all that.
01:42:19
Speaker
Is the end of. Oh, OK, OK. Okay, we're all alive now, right? Was everybody there counted for? I think so. There's a flying crab corpse. I did not mean to do that. ah Well, everybody's- Well, the crab corpse just starts flying. Except for Sparky, who is still currently unconscious. Okay, so everyone, there's people in my field of zur, which means that everyone's accounted for. I wrote! Gragalacle picks up the crab and starts to eat it. Okay.
01:42:53
Speaker
Now, all of you, you make your way right back to the hedge where you came in. Leaving Sparky behind, right? Yeah, we leave him behind. Of course. Wait, who? ah Sparky, you wouldd but you would be awake at this point, ah just in a field of smoke.
01:43:12
Speaker
I imagine I start dragging Sparky. Like, I literally, like, by his skull, just, like, drag him. Like, not even the fireman carry, just, like... By the mushroom? Yeah, by the mushroom.
01:43:26
Speaker
Yep, so he's with us. so
Return to Granny's and Future Adventures
01:43:28
Speaker
All right. All right. Croc-a-lock-a-l is going to... Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
01:43:46
Speaker
fluid out of the frog all over all over
01:43:52
Speaker
Sparky's feet and Kelby's hands. My feet? Yes. Oh, sorry. Skull, skull. That's where you're grabbed from. All over all over Sparky's skull and onto Kelby's hand that is holding the skull. It very rapidly hardens. It was glue. Oh, God.
01:44:18
Speaker
Okay You're like you're slowly regaining consciousness Uh Kelby, would you like to use Granny's hedge trimmers to trim your way out of this hedge? Yes. Yes, we will. All right. Yeah, pull the rip core on it And it uh
01:44:44
Speaker
like It sounds like metal as it magically ah cuts a hole ah right through the hedge. Wow. Nice. And as you do that, you head on down the street.
01:45:03
Speaker
ah Kelby, you you ponder the insurance note that... um you You found, do you think, you know, after after all this adventure, is that something you would like to pursue or should that be saved for another day? Save that All right. You pocket the insurance card. Maybe there'll be riches at the end of that, at the end of that that rainbow. Who knows? But you uh y'all go down the street you pass by passers-by they still think you're all fucking weirdos now covered in blood to their credit we are and and you are okay that's right do the crawfish have blood
01:45:51
Speaker
profitface Debatably move by it's a delicacy. It's our blood, dude yeah yeah oh that's And you you finally make your way back to granny's you open up the door and the the warm smell of Cinnamon and nutmeg and vanilla fills your nose as you see granny pulling a tray of cookies out of the oven Oh Oh, hello, dearest. Oh, have you come back to Granny's already? What? Oh, well, wouldn't you know it? While you were out, my grandson came by to see me and he had a present for me. Would you believe it? And she pulls out a shiny new hedge trimmer. Um, even better than the one you retrieved.
01:46:48
Speaker
As it turns out, oh, I didn't need you to rescue it at all. Ah, but that old model's rubbish. You can have it if you want. There is. Maybe one of your parents might like it.
01:47:01
Speaker
But- Oh, my parents. Oh, so did I. Now, I'm a woman through my word. Here you are. There is some shiny nickels for you. Go buy some candy bars and she gives you all ah five pieces of gold. Whoa. So go ahead and add that to your inventories now.
01:47:25
Speaker
five gold total I love how the map is literally just a black screen saying theater of the mind. I know oh ah Everybody gets five pieces each Wow Yes,
01:47:41
Speaker
oh yes I made a fortune by gambling
01:47:49
Speaker
I loved that one! Oh, so do I. Oh, we should go to Bingo sometime. It gets awfully bloody this time of year. Yes! I love Bingo!
01:48:04
Speaker
And with that, you guys all make your way back underground, back to the hook claws. And when you return, you're all embraced in a big group hug. They're all so, so happy to see you. And, you know, notably, um,
01:48:26
Speaker
Crockwocko, you would have noticed this. Uh, as I said before, the hedge trimmer does have celestial writing on it. Um, would you be, would you guys be looking for anybody who can possibly decipher that? I don't know. This writing looks like the writing on my mug. I think, uh, mickknack is a little, little black. I'm gonna go show this to mickknack. Or, Kelby, you should go show this to mickknack. I, I, yeah. Bring him over.
01:48:56
Speaker
All right, you bring it over to McNick. He's setting up at his desk, ah smoking two cigars at once as usual. ah you know taking ah Taking a bite out of a hot dog, ah using his tail as an additional ham. He looks over, he's like, say what you got there? That looks like some fancy doohickey. It's a hedge trimmer.
01:49:22
Speaker
Headstrom, are you saying? Well, I suppose I do need to shave. No, it's ours. Also, you're a reptile. You don't have hair. Oh, that's what you think. Oh, oh, oh, no. No, I can't help but notice there's some, uh, why there's some sort of, uh, riding right there on it.
01:50:01
Speaker
He says, oh, oh, why, uh, you see, as I studied celestial in college. I went to college, you see. This is, uh.
01:50:18
Speaker
Huh for skin remover. That's what that is. What?
01:50:24
Speaker
My granny had one of those Excuse me. Yep. Yeah See, I like I said, I studied a special college. So if y'all got anything you uh, any other translations want me to do I can
01:50:44
Speaker
Wow, that's how I keep it so shiny and glistening. Ah, lovely. And it was, you know what this mug says, right? I don't know what the mug says. What's the mug? Ah, the mug. The mug. Oh, you know. Oh, it's a pretty sweet mug you let me drink out of. Oh, yeah. Plus. Says, uh, don't talk to me until I have smashed my penis flat with this mug.
01:51:19
Speaker
So that that would ear that would explain a lot of things that have happened in the last
01:51:33
Speaker
Croc-a-lockle gingerly takes his card. I know some folks who would be mighty interested in a mug like that.
01:51:44
Speaker
All right. For, for plumber-smashing? Yeah, more or less. For just errr. Now, y'all have done such a great job with all this. It makes me want to, uh, hire y'all full-time as treasure hunters for the hook clouds. How would y'all feel about that?
01:52:12
Speaker
Fine, question mark?
01:52:16
Speaker
I mean, it's how much, like, you're paying us. Well... Rock Locker produces a bottle of white liquid from from his belt.
01:52:29
Speaker
yeah What what is what is is that? What is that now? Don't worry about it, I'll just keep talking. Okay, well, I've got some ah some other treasures, some other dungeon possibilities for y'all.
01:52:42
Speaker
There's this little coastal town that has taken quite an interest of mine. This little town called Otari seems to have oh quite a few treasures lying in it. is If y'all would be so inclined to check it out for us.
01:53:02
Speaker
If we have to try and rescue NPC versions of our dumbass. Cold bar, I swear to god. Croc Lachl pops the cork on the bottle, pours the liquid into the frog's mouth, which immediately begins foaming, and then Croc Lachl drinks the foaming liquid out of the frog's mouth. Well, I can't guarantee anything, you know. I'm just a suggestor. I'm just the one giving y'all this mission. Where this takes place in the timeline.
01:53:31
Speaker
God only knows, the gods only know. If any of this is canon, Lord only knows. Croc Lachl falls face first into the floor. Lovely, lovely.
01:53:48
Speaker
And what else now, almonds? I'm going to poke him with my toe. Hello? He's going to, he's going to ash his cigar over it.
01:54:00
Speaker
Well, I'm keeping the mug. Nope, that's mine. Oh, he's still alive. Okay. Well, offers on the table. If any of y'all would be so interested in seeing what that town has to offer. I got some connections around there that I know a thing or two.
01:54:25
Speaker
With that, I'm gonna take one final drag of my cigar this mission a success y'all are free to go and do whatever it is y'all do till next time slow fade away
01:54:52
Speaker
so you You said slow fade away. I'm imagining Kelby actually like physically fades away yeah How do you do that? No, but we fade to black and that is the end of little trouble in big Absalom. So, he bad hell yeah as we bring this to an end, I have to ask you all as characters first.
01:55:27
Speaker
Benny, how are you feeling? Probably confused, but you know, not bad. As to be expected. Kelby, how are you feeling? You know what? Just an average work day. Nothing's changed. Croc Luckle. How are you feeling? I feel like I know the work. I'm a cyanide rustle. This one wasn't strong enough. I hear apple seeds are good for that. And acorn. And acorn.
01:55:59
Speaker
yeah I'll try shoving them all together. Maybe I'll make a little lab in that. Yeah. Yeah. Could be useful. Are we just going to delve too deep and find a meth lab from life? You find the the exploded corpse of Croc Luckle. Just five gallons of cyanide on his back in a tank. Sparky. How are you feeling?
01:56:27
Speaker
Bloody hell, I'm still hungover as hell and almost dying made it 20 times worse. I can only imagine. I'm gonna sleep for a week. I can only imagine what that headache must be like. Fucking hell. The Burnt Corpse of Marvin, how are you feeling? The Burnt Corpse of Marvin is, uh, watching from the shadows.
01:56:54
Speaker
We want to give a special shout out to our first member on Buy Me a Coffee, Jane Meyer. Thank you so much for your support, Jane. And to anyone else who would like to support us in exchange for some pretty cool rewards, you can check us out on buymeacoffee.com slash live from DiceGL.