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Little Trouble In Big Absalom Part 2: Shooting Sunset
25 Plays1 year ago
The funky little lizard dudes continue their journey through the "vault" kicking names and taking ass along the way.
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Dog bark 1 by jorickhoofd -- https://freesound.org/s/160092/
single dog bark 1 by crazymonke9 -- https://freesound.org/s/418107/
Additional Music From https://foundryvtt.com/packages/tabletop-rpg-music
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Transcript
Mission for the Hook Claw Clan
00:00:00
Speaker
so we're all a bunch of little cobolds and we've been contracted by the hook claw clan to go through this vault that they found and get all all that good good loot and we went into the vault and we fought a bunch of bugs And so far, we also fought a little mushroom guy.
00:00:32
Speaker
And so far we've gotten not a whole ton of loot, but we found like some fishing tackle and whatnot. And then we went into another room because we keep hearing like footsteps and laughing. So we went into another room and now there's a bunch of tax, poorly taxidermied dogs staring at us.
00:00:59
Speaker
Here's a question. Are the dogs being poorly taxidermied part of the module, or was this a Colby Caldwell choice? Oh, that's a Colby
Encounter with Taxidermied Dogs
00:01:09
Speaker
Caldwell choice. um Excellent. I had to do some rebalancing ah because of, you know, where this is meant for five players. We're down one. So I shuffled some things around if that's any indication. Anyways, last we ended off, we were actually in combat. So let's get started. All right. ah
00:01:34
Speaker
Now, I just got to take a quick sip of my cider as we enter in here.
00:01:42
Speaker
That's some good cider. All right. So the game is unpaused. And can our can our friend, the spectator, say everything all right? Yes. Beautiful. The spectator? We have a spectator? We do. it's It's a robot. We're recording. It's how the recording works. Don't worry about it. Oh, OK. We don't actually have a real spectator. Okay, I was gonna say, is this like a is this like a ah Patreon thing or something? I just wasn't informed of. ah Yeah, we've actually got a ah Rando, just like ah in the call currently. Say hi, Rando.
00:02:23
Speaker
Hi, everybody! So nice to meet you all! I was about to do that. God damn it. fuck a All right. Let's do this. OK. So first up is this little taxidermy dog right here. ah So he's going to go ahead and take his first action to stride. He's going to run right up over here. He's actually going to ah do a second stride to get a nice and close to you.
00:02:56
Speaker
Then he's going to make a melee strike against you with his big, meaty jaws. So, does a 23 hit. Yes. All right. You're going to take four points of piercing damage. Argh, no, all of my stamina.
00:03:20
Speaker
All right, next up is Kelby. Help me see the text of every dog attack Croc the Loggle. And he's gonna burst rage. Oh, all right. He's raging. ah And he's gonna use a stride action to stride over here. And is that flanking technically? Not technically, that is flanking. That is flanking, yes. Let me just real quick apply rage to you.
00:03:52
Speaker
Okay. The music wasn't sent to repeat. Oh, no. The music wasn't sent through. I applied. I applied it. I got it. I got it. Thank you. Oh, man. This is so embarrassing. All right. Let's go. And now that I'm flanking this guy, he's off guard to me. I will. I will bear handed strike of my fucking fists.
00:04:16
Speaker
All right. Let's see.
00:04:22
Speaker
That's 21 to hit. That does indeed hit. Roll damage. All right. I got one detail of my fist cause I am an AP out right now. Oh geez. 15 points of damage. Oh my God. God damn. Yeah. So you, you just, you, you rush this thing down and you, uh, you, you punch into it's like soft poorly taxidermy flesh and, uh, you You take a good chunk out of it. It's it's not looking too hot. Yeah. All right. That's all three actions. That's my turn. All right. So next step is going to be this taxidermy dog, which is going to take a stride action. ah It's going to rush over here. So now you, Kelby, are flanked. So it's now actually going to ah make a
00:05:20
Speaker
Grapple against you. Mmm. Yeah, it's a versus your reflex decent. Okay, perfect, which is Which is 15 and plus five. All right, that does not succeed. Okay. So then with its final action, it is going to make a melee attack, which is a nineteen. Nineteen hits. Yeah. All right. That's three points of piercing damage to Kelby. ow okay um three points you said yep okay all right and that is uh this doggy's turn next up is crockwockle okay so first thing that crockwockle is going to do is um he's gonna take gonna take the scrolls um
00:06:14
Speaker
and he's going to he's going to he's going to squeeze the frog and oh you watch as out of the frog comes a banana huh a fully peeled ripe banana wow and crock-a-lock-a-l is gonna take that and just shove the whole thing in his mouth and that's gonna function as a numbing tonic. So what I get two temporary HP when I drink it and again at the start of each of my turns for one minute.
00:06:46
Speaker
Okay. um Now is that an effect I can apply to you? I applied it to myself. Beautiful. There you go.
Exploration and Experiments
00:06:53
Speaker
You're on top of it. Yeah. That was one ah or two actions. Sorry. or i was two actions And then my final action. I would like to ah attempt to recall knowledge on these things. Okay. Let's see. They definitely. three What would be what would be good here? um i've been going well i have shit recall knowledge uh i'm can i can i use crafting recall knowledge what's your question i'm trying to
00:07:29
Speaker
I'm trying to see how susceptible they might be to certain damage types. Okay. Uh, yeah, I think crafting would be suitable for that. Cause they, they pretty clearly look like constructs to me. can you have you's a rap That's a nine. oh That's a nine. Uh, they're dogs. They're dogs. All right. That's my turn then. All right.
00:07:56
Speaker
That's going to go then to this next tax-driven dog, which is going to take a stride action right over here. And then these guys have a fun little ability.
00:08:10
Speaker
So it is going to... It's a passive ability, by the way. I should not be explaining these things. It's going to make a melee strike against ah Kelby. Oh, no. Oh, that's a nine. Nine was not hit. All right. And then it is going to make another one of those. And that's a six. All right. This thing just slams. It's ah it's droopy snout against you and it does not seem to be able to latch on. All right. I know. I know. I know. Next up is Sparky.
00:08:55
Speaker
Sparky. Sparky. Yes. So, Sparky is going to. Yes. Sorry. And he is within range. Correct. Okay. So, Sparky is going to take his. What is the range on your gun? It's really short. thank ke rider I think it's twenty-five. yeah the Wow. Yeah. i think it's we love We love having all of that range. I know. Super healthy. Quite a bit. Oh no. It's a range of 20 feet. So he is just barely within range. Yeah. So anyways, I'm going to take my big boom gun. And he's going to point it at the so-called need of the taxidermic dogs.
00:09:49
Speaker
And he's going to yell with all his Scottish accent theory.
00:09:59
Speaker
Jesus Christ, it's so hard for me to get into character. Go back to fucking hell where you came from, you fat bastard. And that's right. Well, that's right. It's going to hear that, and it's going to Well, the hot master part was a little more endearing. He sang all this before pulling the trigger. Well, the hot master part is just a bit more endearing. It's just something me people say. Anyways, that's a 22 to hit. Jeez. All right. um you ah You aim this thing. You aim at this thing. ah And it's like.
00:10:40
Speaker
for a moment, like the wind itself doesn't move. It's just you and the dog. You pull the trigger and you watch as its head fucking explodes. I didn't even know that was to hit. That wasn't damage. I mean, I'm going to let you know right now. any Why don't you roll damage just for the hell of it? Sure. Four. Yeah, its head fucking explodes. Oh, yeah. It was not looking. Was it but it on like one? Was it on like one HP? What was it on? It was on two.
00:11:20
Speaker
yeah i so if it was one If I got one damage, you just its it's head would have ah magically reconstructed. Don't lose a flank anymore. Oh, shoot yeah. No more flank.
00:11:38
Speaker
Sparky has two actions, right? Yes, I do. That's right. um So I'm going to reload. I just murder kill. All right. You have one more action. Yeah, I'm going to reload and then I'm going to stride.
00:11:57
Speaker
I thought you were going to say strike like as you were like aiming for Kelby. I'm like, oh, no, that no. Kelby murder time.
Battle with Sentient Toys
00:12:07
Speaker
Oh, it was coming right at me. <unk>p PVP, PVP. There you go. All right. So there, I strike to there. All right. And that's my turn. That's your turn. ah Next up is Marvin. OK, I am going to roll to devise a stratagem on that, Jant. All right. Well, that was a two.
00:12:31
Speaker
So I think it's safe to say that I won't actively be attacking that or any other creature this round. Um, okay. Uh, I'd say so. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay. Then I'm going to move here. All right. You have one action remaining. Um, I would like to try and figure out some information about the creatures. Okay. and I rule a, I'm going to do a crafting check. OK.
00:13:08
Speaker
It's a 13. 13. All right. And what was it that you wanted to know? I wanted to know if their construction had any weaknesses. ah Well, looking at it. um
00:13:24
Speaker
a Oddly enough, like for being poorly taxidermied, they're very well put together. You're not able to discern any specific weakness. I'm scared because that implies they were poorly taxidermied on purpose. It's an art form. It's an art form. Well, that's all I've got, so... All right. Next up is Kelby. ah As I see the the leader of the taxidermy packs face literally explode. He turns around to the one just trying to bite him. This one right here. And he's going to strike out of his fists and blind fury. First attack is going to be 26 to hit. So that is a critical hit. OK, I'll roll damage for it.
00:14:19
Speaker
but yeah Do I get add something fun for animal instinct with this? I'm not seeing anything about it. um But let's say ah your your animal adjacent soul ah connects a little bit with its animal adjacent soul. And you'll gaze longingly into each other's eyes. And you wonder if in another life um You know, you both truly could have been animals and this conflict could have been avoided.
00:14:55
Speaker
ah That's 24 points of damage. The rest of you, you're you're watching as ah Kelby begins to engage with this dog and you Like you watch them gaze into each other's eyes and and ah in a solid just blink of an eye, the dog is gone.
00:15:23
Speaker
like it know what like yeah There's no like remnants, there's no body. um it's it's It's completely obliterated. it just like it just like like Like pops, pops out of existence. Like, you think maybe there's some fuzz left? But the sheer force of the punch delivered at this thing um burned away. any any remnants oh dear god oh i still got two you have two actions remaining i know as as i just like dissolve this one i'm gonna slow motion turn to the other one and i'm gonna hit it again in a faulty attack penalty
00:16:11
Speaker
Go right ahead 14 the head that succeeds go ahead and roll damage roll damage whats he touchface damage ah fourteen five of it heard when na why they were here With another decisive strike He could just do this himself. and I imagine girl the fluff splatters all over. As you, ah you destroy this dog.
00:16:50
Speaker
um my god And Dr. Manhattan.
00:16:58
Speaker
I feel like you don't understand that Kelby like from the moment he was born like the entire like tribe section just decided to feed him protein and like just like they just for some reason just like fed him just like all like the discarded dumpster like whey protein pure pre-workout yeah this man was this man uh he like he didn't drink formula he drank uh creatine milk
00:17:28
Speaker
Anyways, the wizard was like dispose super like steroids too, but that um That's the end of that encounter. I'm sorry. I'm sorry GM I but ah Don't you worry. Don't you worry. there Don't say that. they's still little I do like how Nama is still there. this And he's going to start scooping dog remnants into his pouches. OK, you pick up ah like a few like pipe cleaners, ah like a little a marble, and like some fabric. Can croc lockles start sucking on the marble? Yes, you can start sucking on the goddamn marble.
00:18:26
Speaker
So you don't want to season it first? No, I just like the sun's solution when like my entire false is numb. That's just kind of miles. It's like me at the bar. You sick Frank. What? What? I should know that Croc Lachl is saying all of this out loud. So the rest of the rest of you, it looks like he's talking to the frog. Actually, I am the frog. I'm i'm the frog is the GM. so he can squeeze you and get a banana yeah if i squeeze you a banana will come out
00:19:03
Speaker
a don't um no i'm im just realizing my my leadings i could so no yeah my My lawyer my lawyer is shaking his head ah so i'm not pay now anyway anyway which experience is marble ah You get an it does not matter amount of experience All right, so You are in this ah enormous just ah room filled with crates. um There's that alligator in the back. It doesn't appear to be alive, but who knows. um A big ugly duck toy that Marvin is right next to. Just sort of taking a look. I'd like to poke it with my sword cane.
00:19:59
Speaker
uh you poke it um and it gives little okay that actually was really important yeah i i spent too long perfecting that's ever been done yeah my favorite thing to do uh is like whenever i'm bored i just like squeeze my nose and i go nick so like how how how how how how many questions do your parents asked themselves like what do we do wrong I think they've given up. Okay. Okay. Speaking of taxidermy and alligators, does the head come off of this alligator? ah Well, it appears to be one solid piece. Oh, does it come off if I roll an F legs check?
00:20:48
Speaker
Give it a try. All right. Oh, that's a 12.
00:20:57
Speaker
um Yeah, you how how are you trying to do this? It's just like I know it's on the ground Kelby's gonna be like I wonder if it's head comes off it just grabs basically just like Where the deck droid is it's head. It's just starts like trying to pull it like you're trying to tear open like packaging on your new on a new fig or something right All right knife Yeah, you ah you you put your big meaty claws around it. and with ah it ah It comes off. there's ah There's nothing in there.
Discovery and Reflection
00:21:32
Speaker
Anyways, is there anything else you would like to do here? I'll add severed taxidermate elevator and alligator head to it. Go right ahead. you Why? You do that.
00:21:46
Speaker
Can I look in one of the crates or all of the crates? Or I want to search the crates. Can I search the barrels while he's searching the crates? ah Yes, both of you can do that.
00:22:00
Speaker
So, Croc Lock, we're going to start with you because you were you were looking first. You you you look through some of these some of these crates and Well, you find nothing really too interesting. I mean, you you find some like old board games. um
00:22:26
Speaker
Another crate filled with rubber ducks, um which is very, very strange. They're normal sized rubber ducks? Yeah, just normal sized rubber ducks just in a crate. You know, so I want to I want to look at the big duck.
00:22:45
Speaker
You're gonna big duck appear to have a mouth that opens Uh, it's one of those rubber ducks where like Uh, they can like fill with water and then like you like when you squeeze them like it squirts out the mouth It's it's one of those rubber ducks just like really big crock-lockle wants to take one of the small rubber ducks and shove it in the big rubber ducks mouth and see what happens Uh, okay, uh, you do that Does anything happen? No, nothing at all. ah for For a moment, ah you know and there's there's a little bit of satisfaction that you feel, um but then ah it gives way to disappointment.
00:23:28
Speaker
That's really disappointing. I was really expecting something there. I don't know what to do anymore.
00:23:39
Speaker
That just sucks. I'm sorry. This is all in character. Kroc Lachlachl has gotten very serious all of a sudden. She's going to dejectedly walk away while looking at the rest of the crates. All right. ah You're going to take one D6 points of mental damage. ah No, no, you're not. You're not. i' think okay oh Oh, that actually did do something. Oh, okay. No. um But yeah, you you just find more bullshit in the crates. like yeah you ah You do find something that sort of catches your eye. ah It's like an old dish set, but it's like it's so just like grimy, rusted, and grody that like even cleaning would not but make this thing any less dirty. Yeah, like like glasses, plates, a bowl. know just like i I would like to take the glasses.
00:24:36
Speaker
Okay, yeah, you you get some ah some like old little ah decanters. Some old little decanters. I'm gonna put those in my inventory real quick. I have some ideas for them. Interesting. How many do I get? You know, were looking at like what's salvageable, you know, at a good number of them are broken, to be honest. I'm okay with broken.
00:25:02
Speaker
I'm very concerned with what you're planning. But I'm going to go along with it. um Why don't you grab two of those? Two of those, OK. I have two little glass decanters now. And they're on my belt. I'm putting them on my belt. OK, good to know. And then ah Marvin, as you're looking around,
00:25:26
Speaker
ah you you pop the top off of one of those barrels. and it's filled with fish uh but not real fish taxidermied fish are they in like water or are they just like dry taxidermied fish i mean just dry taxidermied fish Why would you bother with the barrel? And then you you you look at another one, you pop the head off another barrel. um it's It's more fish. And a couple ducks thrown in there.
00:26:10
Speaker
And, uh. Fluke or flesh to the duck? Well, if you insist, ah I pick up a taxidermied fish, and I go and stick it in the mouth of the duck. Uh, you stick it in the mouth of the duck, uh, and you watch as, um, uh, miraculously, um, the, uh, the fish slides into the duck's mouth. Um, and then absolutely nothing happens. Holy shit. Holy shit. It ate the fish.
00:26:46
Speaker
hu shit No, I'm not talking about that. Did you really not see what just happened? No, I did not Do you care to wait it out
00:27:04
Speaker
I just had the blue there. Okay. I heard one of those fucking front stops. Mate, will you come in on a back? I should be. Lachla is going to take his frying pan out and he's going to just bolt over to the other side of the room. Oh my God. I thought we had learned our lesson about this. All right. I don't care if I want to fucking kill the pitter-patter. Oh. All right, all right, all right. Hang on, hang on, hang on. All right, the party the party is coming in and hot behind you. And Croc Lockook, you just rush over ah past you know these other tables um and crates and barrels that might have contained other interesting things. Well, you're back for them. You see a bookshelf up ahead. um And you know potentially there could be books in there, but um I'm assuming you don't know how to read.
00:28:02
Speaker
I mean, I do, I just really don't like to. yeah I'm actually very smart for a curveball. Oh, I'm very proud of you. You see a sort of junk, you know, all over the place. What the fucking hell is that? Sparky. As you move up, you see, right there ahead of you, an interesting little sight. i feel like i would like i would like turn the corner and like turn see this thing and just like freeze you see standing in the middle of this room a rocking horse oh oh no yeah nope not your dad sorry what
00:28:56
Speaker
um but uh i would like if this were real life i would actually like like my soul would leave my body after after my body shit itself all right well you uh you see this thing in the middle of the room and it just just sits there you know Sparkle, we're looking at those sort of ghosts. What? I think I did. I mean, that seems like an animatronic animal monster.
00:29:42
Speaker
This is a dumb question, but why is everything gray? Darkvision. Yeah, there's there's no light in any of these rooms. The only light is coming from Croc Luckle's stomach. Fuckin' hate, we have that continuity. What is this debris on the ground here? um it's just a bunch of children's toys um the room is filled with uh you know very ornate and luxurious furniture the rocking horse uh old and decrepit as it is uh is upon a very nice and you know for the most part well kept together rug um
00:30:24
Speaker
You see, you know, very just luxurious everything, really. And in the corner here, you see a small bed, you roughly the size of a child, um with you know crates, boxes, and toys ah piled onto it.
00:30:44
Speaker
Aha.
00:30:49
Speaker
When I was selling those this bug pile of shit and the flora sort of stopped me in my tracks and rather than reconsider my actions a little bit, I'm gonna look at the bookshelf. Alright, yeah, go ahead, look at the bookshelf. Do you want to sell it off, I am trusting. Uh, well... It's interesting that you ask that. Um, because you find... um you know you you pull some books out you know they they don't really seem to say anything you know very interesting um and one particular book um seems to be of particular importance you know it calls out to you um my god the book is talking the book is surprisingly well
00:31:41
Speaker
put together, you know well-kept. All the other books on this shelf are you know gusted, decrepit. um But this one, ah it has this sort of gilded edge to it. ah it's It looks perfectly fine. It has that thing where like the papers have like the little gold sheen on it.
00:32:06
Speaker
um Croc Lachl is exclusively handling it with his gross slimy skeleton arm, by the way. Oh, I see. I see. And you're getting all that slime all over it. Oh, yeah um yeah. The slime has changed color from translucent or from like transparent to like translucent purple now, by the way. I see i had forgotten about the arm. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you are looking on the cover of the book. ah You notice that there isn't actually a title. um but instead what title would have been there uh has been worn off this is one of those books where uh the sleeve has the actual title um but like the book's binding itself doesn't so you you you don't know what this is if i if i crack it open what is in the first few pages um
00:33:05
Speaker
Or overall, what what do i what do I find in it if i if I give it a crack? You open up the book and you feel this just overwhelming energy flow through you, this this this elation as you realize that you are holding in your hands a cookbook. Oh, shit.
00:33:35
Speaker
a It appears to be for some for pastries of some kind And you you you flip to the pages engrossed and as you do so you you'll quickly realize um that Every single page of this book is the same
00:34:00
Speaker
It's all, it's all the same. It's all the same recipe. Um, and, and the ingredient is like the only ingredient is concrete.
00:34:13
Speaker
now i was excited and now i'm a little morex excitedal it's It's a concrete cookbook. Wait. So like. the only so the only ingredients used for any of these is just concrete ah yeah yeah yeah it's just like uh how to shape concrete into like different uh into the form of like different baked goods I thought you were saying like, oh, yeah, combine one cup concrete and three quarters of a cup concrete. An additional pinch of concrete. No, that that is what it concrete. That is what it is. Well, it's to do that in like the specific shape of like different pastries. ah So you can make a fine concrete muffin. You know, some some concrete macarons.
00:35:04
Speaker
cross-legged very calm on the floor calmest you've ever seen him uh in like the last hour that you've known each other he's gonna he's gonna flip through uh to to a random seemingly random page and he's gonna stare intently at it what What page is he looking at right now? Oh you see this is a fine concrete Danish ah with a ah you know buttery concretey flaky ah you know outer shell of concrete but then the soft you know concrete filling within How long does it look like it's gonna take to make like from the recipe I'm gonna say
00:35:54
Speaker
What did you expect when this got introduced I Should have known better. Uh, yeah, this is gonna be like um this is very important yeah Gosh it would be so much easier if you had concrete on you, but yeah don't you know He holds up the frog ah No 30 minutes 30 minutes
00:36:23
Speaker
this This might talk to me a little bit. Or do other things. I've got work to do. And he starts squeezing concrete out of the frog. I heard that! Shut the fuck up! I'm missing you so much! Who? Okay. Throw that frog at the wall. I'm gonna come and look at these tables and things. Hold on. Does Sparky say that out loud? Does Sparky say that out loud? Damn. Unfortunately. Do you want me to say it out loud? No, for so for some reason, i I thought this is another situation of like Cam like wondering if he's saying something out loud like earlier with the frog. I was talking about Sparky. No, I apologize.
00:37:10
Speaker
Jacob said that he was going to throw the frog in the wall. And I was curious if Sparky said that. But um yeah. Sparky, I want to see what happens. Yes, Sparky said it out loud. Croc Lachlachl is going to stop squeezing the frog for a moment. And you hear the that like the concrete just stops flowing. Because it's been a seemingly infinite stream of concrete. This concrete just stops flowing. The frog just goes, argh. As Croc Lachl slowly turns around to face you, Sparky. He's going to stand up slowly. He's going to.
00:37:48
Speaker
pitter-patter over to you. Get right up in your face. What the frick, that you're just solving. You might want to reconsider that insurance policy, friend. Shh, shh, shh. No, no, no, no, no. I don't deserve this. And he's like, breathing directly into your nostrils. Shut up, this is an important conversation! Stop digging one! What does you sell?
00:38:16
Speaker
I said I like the froggy. I would like him to roll a deception check, please. Oh, Christ. I'm going to go along with that, because this is fun. And I didn't expect you guys to kill the dogs so soon. 23. 23? okay What's your... That would be... I think that would probably be against my perception, DC. I think so, which in this case would be 13. So that critically succeeds. So you absolutely believe him. You like... mark You have no reason to think otherwise. Yeah, you know, you you you completely believe him. All right, Crocolac, those demeanors completely goes back to normal. Erica, I thought you said that we were gonna throw my frog against the wall and I was gonna just, you know, pour concrete down your throat.
00:39:10
Speaker
death And then Croc-A-Luckle just goes back to work. All right, yeah, you, uh, you, uh, you know, go back to work on, uh, that concrete.
00:39:25
Speaker
Would the rest of you like to do anything? Do I find anything at these tables or crates that I'm looking at? and Just more old toys, like dusty old toys, ruined, uh, plates and glasses. Um, And there was nothing on this table, right? Right. As far as you can tell, it's just junk in here. Can can we consider this? Sorry to interrupt. Can we consider this a breather for purposes of me recovering my stamina? I will say yes. um As you just squeeze concrete as a frog. Yeah, why don't you all restore your stamina?
00:40:05
Speaker
oh because uh i don't believe so i stamina rules there i'm still getting your stamina we use all we restore all of our stamina yeah i see okay for not our hit points our stamina um what what is this alcove i'm standing in Uh, well, ah it appears that that wall right there is one of those like dressing walls that I don't know what they're called. It's like I haven't seen anybody that actually has one of those. It's just one of those things where like, you know, you go behind it to change. Oh, yes. Like shoved in the corner. OK. Cardium. Is that what it's called? No, it's I just made that up. Oh, yes. Yes, it is a cardium.
00:41:01
Speaker
Do we? He's he's spinning around my computer. I will. I will spin my token. by my eby probably pipe and birddy But, you know, as as you get closer to this horse.
00:41:17
Speaker
I'm going to I'm going to roll something real quick. Stop rolling dice. That's never a good sign. Roll dice. It's funny. Everything seems OK.
00:41:32
Speaker
I pick up one of the toys off of the ground. I'm going to throw the toy I've picked up at the horse. Well, that's disrespectful. All right, you throw it at the horse. I have a bad feeling about this. Don't you make a dexterity check for me? Well, that's why I'm not walking up to it. okay that's a four it uh the toy just just hits the horse falls off nothing special about it i don't have a bad feeling about this anymore
00:42:20
Speaker
I don't like that. I don't like that at all. No, I wouldn't want to deal with their wills insurance policies before we get killed by the giggling thing. shalo But just just chill. I'm just saying we're in a dangerous, you know, just chill, man. i'm Just kind of vowel before you arrive. Relax. umner i mean I thought that numbing elixir wore off. how like be No, this isn't the numbing elixir. Crocolakles just like this right now. It's concrete, man. He's really mellowed out while he's doing this concrete. He's doing arts and crafts.
00:43:11
Speaker
So I think you were selling me something or giving me money. Well, it's it's policy that your loved ones get money if something happens to you. Oh, so I don't get any money. Unless you take out an insurance policy on someone else who names you as a beneficiary.
00:43:35
Speaker
I think Kelby literally looks around to see if there's anybody who's a beneficiary and just decides that's probably not a good idea. and He's like, So for instance, I can list the beneficiary by itself down. Well, you'd have to die. But, Kelvin, or not Kelvin, Marvin is going to open his suit jacket, pull out a full contract, and say, this is an insurance policy on my life. I'm willing to list you as the full beneficiary. If, and only if,
00:44:11
Speaker
Should I not actually die, but just seem dead to the purposes of the law, you're willing to give me half of that money.
00:44:25
Speaker
That sounds like, I But yeah, if I- You leave that to me. Yeah. So I'm gonna have Marvin.
00:44:41
Speaker
I'm not quite sure exactly what you're going with here, so I'm going to say, why don't you make a deception or a diplomacy check of your choice? Oh, it's diplomacy. I'm paying 100% genuine. Oh, okay. Can I put a DC, on a manual DC on this? That's a 19. Oh, easy. Yeah, um, I mean, this is a pretty hard sell, like... Fuck, Kelby doesn't see anything wrong with this. He has no conceptualization of his shirts fried. He's just like, oh shit, that's like a great idea. I mean, yeah, sure. but I was totally prepared to let that fail.
00:45:20
Speaker
Let's do it. That sounds like a way too easy, buddy. Yeah, can I kind of do the same? Sure thing, pal. Marvin pulls out another contract, fills out Kelby's information. I just need you to sign both of these documents. I don't think Kelby could read, so he's just gonna sign. You just have to make an X. He just like scribbles on the line. I didn't know there were a doctor.
00:45:54
Speaker
Yeah. Pleasure doing business with you. Yeah, everyone in the guilds has a really smart. Marvin is going to fold the contracts and tuck them into the other side of his jacket. All right. Well, you now have an insurance policy. Boom. Feels like nothing could go wrong now.
00:46:21
Speaker
how's how's progress coming on my concrete um would you have been pouring this into one of the decanters um no i've been like molding it like the goop on my skeleton hand makes it so the concrete is like Staying in shape. I see I see it's it's almost like a fast-setting resin at this point. Gotcha Yeah, I'm looking at it. You're you're pretty proud of your handiwork Why don't you roll me a crafting check? That would be 23 It looks fucking incredible Like your mouth is watering just looking at it
00:47:11
Speaker
I'm gonna take my hand to work and it's all like fully set and hardened. All right, I'm gonna put that in my, in my, not in my bag. I'm gonna put it, yeah, I'm gonna put it in my backpack. Okay. You now have a concrete Danish in your backpack. Okay, I'm gonna throw that in. All right.
00:47:42
Speaker
I'm going to consider that a consumable. Go right ahead. I don't know what you're going to do with it, but okay. I have ideas. ah Marvin, as you oh sorry as you step onto the toys, you feel them crunch under your feet.
00:47:59
Speaker
That's not at all ominous.
00:48:03
Speaker
I feel fucking like the noise, that child, that child laughing noise. That's a no-go. Well, then let's go find it. That's a no-no. That's our calspeckler having our doula now. That's a fucking no-no. Get over there! Fucking hell. You walk up to the horse and, you know, all seems to be okay. If the life insurance agent dies first, I'll be okay. What is it? What is the horse made out of as I walk up to it? Uh, roll me a crafting check. Uh, crafting check, okay.
00:48:43
Speaker
God, this is gonna be bad. Eleven. Untrained, zero intelligence. Ah, alright. Well, um... It's hard to say for sure. It seems to be just like, you can't tell if it's like polished wood or like ah ceramic of some kind. It's it's hard for sure. And as you take the time to investigate this,
00:49:17
Speaker
I would like to point out ah there was another bookshelf you know right down here. I put a wall on it so you guys actually can't see that it's there. ah But there is a bookshelf ah right down below you. Oh. Can I look on the bookshelf? Yeah, go right ahead.
00:49:38
Speaker
OK, I'm looking on the bookshelf. All right. um
00:49:44
Speaker
You find just old decrepit children's books.
00:49:58
Speaker
No, no. Did we all hear that? You all heard that. And the shiver goes down all of your spines at once. Well, that was different.
00:50:15
Speaker
Oh, fuck you. No, thank you. Fuck you. And you watch as Marvin, right next to you, a tiny ceramic doll. I pulled away just scampering out of that. It wasn't supposed to be that. It was supposed to fall down. And this tiny, ceramic doll falls next to you.
00:50:46
Speaker
Uh... Can I pick up the ceramic doll? Don't fucking pick up the ceramic doll! No. Uh, in fact, you're rolling initiative. Dad's fucking no ER! God damn it! Well, he hadn't said anything yet, so I thought maybe there was still a chance. Fucking hell.
00:51:08
Speaker
shit
00:51:13
Speaker
You see this animated doll float down from the bookshelf. It screeches at you. This has been the source of the scampering of the laughs. It is strange and disturbing, and it looks like this. Oh. Oh, boy. Hello, Annabelle. I fucking hate everything. ah this This is your father? send your mouthful
00:51:46
Speaker
Very well could be but um as you guys observe that um Kelby oh, yes. Yes game master the horse rocks back oh and it rocks forth
00:52:14
Speaker
And does a 27 hit? Yes, it does, but does not crit. Does not crit. Oh, that's good. Because I'm not raging. That is literally the only reason why I did not crit. As this rocking horse cracks its skull against yours. Oh. And you take seven points of bludgeoning damage. Oh, I'm on HP, boys.
00:52:37
Speaker
ah then um
00:52:43
Speaker
It is going to stride down to Marvin. ah You watch as this rocking horse frocks its way downwards. um Now, Marvin, I do believe that means you are off guard now. As this lovely fellow makes another headbutt against you. That's a 12 day. That does not hit me. All right, very nice. ah So you are doing just fine. You ah you know turn out of the way just in time. um And as you do, you watch as the soulbound doll rises upwards.
00:53:27
Speaker
ah okay oh Just in time for her.
00:53:37
Speaker
raise her tiny little ceramic hand. oh no She's gonna punch you square in the jaw. That's a 14. That also does not hit. all right very well uh with her final action or her final two actions i should say uh she is going to cast light she's gonna go ahead and cast that on you marvin oh wow i'm so proud and that's her turn
00:54:15
Speaker
That is Croclockel. Okay, Croclockel is going to, at the start of his turn, going to take an action to sling his bag off, take a section action to pull the um concrete Danish out of his bag. Oh my god. And is then going to take It's final action to... Let's see, can I make it over?
00:54:44
Speaker
Can I take my final action to move on over next to her? Okay. And go. Here, I'm too suffering! I made it just for you! Make a diplomacy check.
00:55:09
Speaker
That is a 21. She does not care.
00:55:17
Speaker
ah
00:55:20
Speaker
we Actually, she she looks at it. She looks at you and her eyes don't move. But. You think you see some wheels turning.
00:55:35
Speaker
like i actually see wheels turning No, met metaphorically, you see you see wheels turning in her head. Alright, um right lost it of my turn he says out loud
00:55:53
Speaker
right that's the end of his turn. As Marvin, you are up. okay um
00:56:01
Speaker
Our lad Marvin is going to start by devising his stratagem. Alright.
00:56:16
Speaker
Well the d20, that's a 2. I think I have exclusively rolled 2s today. I think you have, unfortunately. Which is like, not as bad as it could be, but it's like not good. It could definitely be better. It could be a lot worse. Could have been one. True. Actually, could it have been one? Yes, because it's a flat D20. I see.
00:56:45
Speaker
um Right. Gonna move, I get. Is a trip an attack? Like the trip would take this. I believe it. I believe that counts as an attack roll. Like for the purpose of multiple attack penalty, but I i think it is just an athletics check or an unarmed attack. What's he trying to do? Trip. Oh yeah, that counts as an attack, but it's an athletics check. All right, I'm gonna try and do a recall knowledge on this creepy little doll thing.
00:57:27
Speaker
okay with a crafting check all right that's 20 so not a natural 20 but a 20 actually marvin looking at this uh you recognize this as um something uh you know you you might have seen pass through your office you know maybe maybe one of your clients uh maybe one of the children of one of the clients you've seen uh held a doll similar to this um this is seemingly just a ceramic doll uh that you could find at any toy shop um and
00:58:14
Speaker
Knowing that it is ceramic, um you would think that you know this thing could shatter easily. But actually, ah you've seen kids be pretty pretty aggressive with some of these dolls. They even toss them around, dragging them by their feet. um This thing, any sort of, you know, physical damage you deal with, looks like it's, you know, might take a specially tough blow, but looks like it can shrug off most anything. Okay. Plan B, um the doll can't take physical damage.
00:59:02
Speaker
And then I'm going to here. yeah that That is not what I said I would like to say. ah It's resistant to physical damage.
00:59:18
Speaker
Yeah, I'm going to step back and that's the end of my turn. Okay. Brings us to Kelby. Kelby is no longer flying today. Correct. Kelby shakes away the stars on his vision after that massive headbutt directly through his thick skull. And he's just pissed off that the horse is gonna rage. Oh, all right.
00:59:48
Speaker
All right, I'm raged. You feel it in your bones. I feel it in my bones and I'm going to strike this damn horse as hard as I fucking can. All right, give her a whack.
01:00:02
Speaker
Oh, that's a 13 to hit. Yeah, no, no. Your blow just bounces right off its heart. Damn. He's going to hit it again. It's going to hit it again. Yeah. All right. Oh, I saw 11. I rolled even worse. It's an 11. Again, you know, your your knuckles actually kind of hurt a little bit as you ah you punch this horse and just it looks back into you. It's cold, dead, ceramic eyes.
01:00:35
Speaker
a That's my turn. All right. I love this thing specifically because Jacob hates this thing. Which is all for Cam.
01:00:51
Speaker
so sparky is going to take his uh big boom gun you take your big boom gun and he's just gonna he just like gonna point it right between this fucking course his eyes and he's just gonna like and he's just gonna mutter like He just points it right between this thing's eyes and just Mars. All righty then likey cold trigger All right That is going to be a 25 to Oh the glue factory Sparky that does indeed hit why don't you go ahead and roll damage?
01:01:35
Speaker
Oh Wait, wait Jacob that gun has fatal doesn't it?
01:01:44
Speaker
Holy shit, this is gonna be fun. That applies on crits, correct? Yeah, so that means that he that the die size increases to D12, and he gains an additional D12 of damage. I see, I see. um What did you roll again? 25. Okay, okay. Yeah, roll regular damage.
01:02:08
Speaker
For now. I got a 6. six points Alright, as you fire at this thing, um you notice something. The bullet, sort of just ricochets off. um
01:02:30
Speaker
It looks like, you know, maybe there's a scorch mark on it. but a Really? Doesn't look like you did all right. right And then he's going to and he's going to he's going to he's going to point this thing right back at this fucking horse. Yep. And a sort of in a in a panicked Hail Mary ish type state.
01:03:05
Speaker
And he's going to shoot his gun. Holy fucking shit, that's a nat 20. Oh my God. God damn. Wow. Thank Christ. All right. Oh my God. Okay. Yeah. What kind of attack is that or what kind of damage is that?
01:03:28
Speaker
Oh, piercing. Piercing? All right. ah Critical hit number 42, piercing. ah That attack ignores all resistances. So, um why don't you go ahead and roll damage for me. This is with the critical damage? Yep, critical damage. Yippee! Yippee! It's like D12, which I never get to use.
01:03:56
Speaker
Okay, so our first come, oh my god. A full 12. Oh Jesus. Oh my god. There's a fucking horse. Plus. Plus. Eight. So 32 points of damage. Oh my gosh. Holy shit, there's four horses. In one go. The glove factory. Fuck the horse! What? Uh. Holy yeah shit. Clip that clip that line. You want us to give it a big old smooch? No, I am going to put a bullet hole in this horse's forehead. How much damage was that? 32. 32? Yeah, so you aim and you fire. And immediately, fucking immediately, you watch as this horse shatters.
01:04:53
Speaker
ah As you not only bypassed its Five-point hardness, but you also completely depleted its health pool my yeah And this thing has instantly died on the second turn of the boss fight amazing yeah And then the doll It's going to look over at that She sees her beloved pet, her beloved friend, lying in pieces on the ground. She is going to. um I don't like that. That's not good. As it becomes her turn. I don't like that. Is she? Oh no. And you've greatly upset this little doll. Oh, I... Greatly upset her.
01:05:50
Speaker
ye So you watch as this swirling purple energy coalesces around her. as she She rises into the air. And she casts Harm at three actions. Oh, wait, what? That's not good. So I need you all to make fortitude saves for me. That's like really not good. Twenty four from Croc Law. Nineteen. one from k Twenty three from me. That's a twelve from Marvin. OK, the two who didn't put the numbers in check, could you put your numbers in check? Yes.
01:06:43
Speaker
I love that Sparky is still player character. Wow. Player character on a twenty three. Whoa.
01:06:51
Speaker
our good old our good ol' compatriot player character. Okay, ah so, wow. Marvin, you're gonna take 13 points of ah void damage. Oh shit, I'm out, out. oh
01:07:12
Speaker
And then ah is having rounded up or down? Always round down. Round down? Always round down and pathline. Okay, okay. In that case, the other two of you, or the other three of you, you only take six points of void damage. Hey, not too bad, I say. Oh, God. How do we clear? As I'm almost dead. Where is dying? I need to be dying. Croc Lachl is... partly mortal, I would say. To be fair, we are at level one, so...
01:07:51
Speaker
sort of do okay Sort of. All right. And then ah that is the doll's turn. Next up is Croc Lachl. OK, well, this is fucking gross. Croc Lachl is going to feed Marvin the Conquering Danish, which is going to function as his elixir of life that's in this. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Oh, Jesus.
01:08:24
Speaker
I'll allow it. cause That's fucking hilarious. What the fuck is this frog? ah That means I have to eat the concrete damage. I'm force feeding it to you even. So I put it in your mouth and then I'm like opening and closing your jaw so that you start chewing it and your teeth are starting to chip and shatter. Colby, do you want me to roll the healing or do you want her to roll it? um Yeah, Marvin, why don't you roll it? So is that ah is that a lesser? It's a minor, yeah. So 1d6 and then the Elixir of Life minor condition. We'll want to drag that on. So she gets that plus one to save it for us against this. For whatever use that would be. All right.
01:09:24
Speaker
Goodness, what the hell? I need to know how much how much healing the concrete's giving you, Emma. Roll faster. Sorry, it's what, 1d4? 1d6. 1d6. Oh! That's five! Hell yeah! So, Marvin, as as the concrete gets shoved down your gullet, you... hey Breathe back to life as you inhale all that concrete dust. You're on the ground, but you are still prone. Croc Lachl looks at the doll as Marvin wakes up. So I will stand and try to do something nice for you, you creepy little fuck. And Croc Lachl is then going to, at this point,
01:10:17
Speaker
Krakalakkal is going to take... He's going to do a quick bomber to toss his last dread ampoule. Alright. And I'm going to choose to not have this deal any splash damage to anyone other than target, because that is a thing I can do as a bomber. That is a 21 day hit. ah That does hit, roll damage. Okay, so that's going to be six points of plus one. Okay, so that is the six plus one, so seven points of mental. Mental damage, you said? Yes, mental damage. Okay, that was seven.
01:11:10
Speaker
Yes. And that is including the splashing. Okay. And on a hit the target becomes Frightened.
01:11:20
Speaker
So it's also Frightened one. Okay. You see the doll begins to shiver. Is that your turn? I have one action remaining unless... Unless you want to say that it took two actions to take out the Elixir of Life, because technically it showed up. No, you took that you took it out last turn. Oh, true. Okay. um Then as his final action, Croc Lachl is going to try to whack at it with a fry. Okay. Roll the hit. That's a nat one.
01:12:01
Speaker
Oh, that, in fact, completely misses. Do you want to get a Fumble card? You hit Marvin instead of just killing it all over. Do players get Fumble cards? Yes. Oh. Actually, never mind. I'm going to hero point it, so I don't. There you go. Because that's why you don't know the that you get the players get Fumble cards. Because you always hero point. You're fucking fumbles away. That is instead going to be a nine. Nine? Yeah, that still fails. so See, see, can't just help satisfying appeals to like say, F you to a GM. Yeah. No, not really. No more than usual. Okay.
01:12:44
Speaker
No consequences. That is the end of my terms. Okay. It's funnier when you're, when we pretend you're a predictive, don't come back when we're playing with us. Next up is Mark. Okay. Um, That's fun. All right. I am going to... I'm gonna devise a stratagem. Okay. Okay, that's a six. um I'm gonna stand. So I'm no longer prone on the ground. And then I'm gonna move over here.
01:13:35
Speaker
All right, that's my turn. All right. Which brings us to Kelby. All right, let's do this. I think what Kelby's seen here is the fact that if this little thing rages, it probably is violating his intellectual property of raging amongst this group of people. So he's going to try and stride over his first action to the doll. He doesn't understand insurance, but he does understand the intellectual property. Exactly. Interesting. What a fascinating man this is.
01:14:06
Speaker
He's got his priority straight. fascinating Wait, what what color are his scales? Uh, he is. I believe, uh, I believe he's a gold. He's golden. Oh, oh this beautiful man. Very interesting shape of default hero for its gold colored. but the fuck guy covered i just call you out sorry he he's He's covered in dirt and mud all right, that's what we're saying the sheet of his scales are not visible Because he's just a dirty dirty unkempt global Anyways moving on to Kelby's turn can I attack over strike action go right ahead? Oh?
01:14:49
Speaker
Uh, hero a point. I've never rolled natural one. It's actually all right. pointed All right. I did the hero point and it was back to 13 instead. You completely miss. Okay. He's so pissed off at this blatant violation of his intellectual property of raging. In fact, he will attempt to, uh, what is this? He will attempt to use intimidating, intimidating glare. Oh, moralize from mere glare. Alright How could you have violated by an electrical property of raging like this dealing damage during your rage that was Extremely inappropriate violation. I'm assuming that's a will safe I know I make it to me. I mean I mean against my will DC. Yes so right I think so. That sounds right. Yeah 17
01:15:47
Speaker
Uh, all right. And that's a demoralized, right? Yeah, demoralized, correct. All right. um She's a looking even more frightened.
01:16:06
Speaker
Just one thing you can't get away is, you know, looking for property lawyers. I guess not. That's my turn. All right. That's your turn. Next up.
01:16:18
Speaker
Player character. Woohoo! Player character! That's fucking cool!
01:16:35
Speaker
Casually approach child. Oh my god. damn it's so What's my speed? It should be on your sheet. I'm assuming it's 25. Yes, 25. All right, I'm going to reload because I'm going to point my gun directly at at this ceramic child's head. And I am going to pull that motherfucking
01:17:18
Speaker
Go right ahead. That is a twenty four to hit. What the hell? That succeeds. I love this dice.
01:17:35
Speaker
life place that Cameron Smith bought me. They are. They are weighted. That's Cameron's fault. Four damage. We said four damage. Yes. And that's piercing. Yes. ah Let me just check how something works real quick.
01:18:02
Speaker
ah Your bullet bounces right off of it. That's on brand. Oh, that's my turn. Yep. Which brings us back around. may to the doll which looking at Kelby uh and understanding the grave danger that she's in um that's a 10 hit that does not hit all right uh now she's going to attack croc buckle what the fuck does a nine hit no she strides and that's her turn
01:18:48
Speaker
Wait, she strides through them? Oh, shit, that's right. Oh, we got it. That tumbles through. Oh, that's what the levitate's for. That it is. That it is. Do you have to tumble through if you go diagonally? Yes. You have to tumble through any time you're going through a creature's face. Granted, it might be different for tiny creatures. I'm going to assume it's not. um But, okay. So she's gonna go ahead and tumble through. Which person? Uh, Kelby. You don't want to tumble through this guy. And what's your reflex DC? Uh, reflex 15. Uh, yeah. Um, yeah you try to stop her if she goes by, but she just goes right through. Then she's going to move another 10 feet this way. And that's her turn.
01:19:51
Speaker
Okay, that brings us to me, right? Okay. Kroc Lachl is going to first take a stride over here, and is then going to quick alchemy as an action to create a bauble lightning.
01:20:25
Speaker
my
01:20:31
Speaker
my crafting men you can
01:20:36
Speaker
yes i can okay cool um And it's going to then as final action. You you all watch as Croc Lachl takes the frog as he tends to do and is going to fill his mug with the, he like squeezes the frog in this Like, literally lightning comes out of the frog's mouth, and you hear it filling the mug. It sounds like it's filling with water. And Crocolakle is then going to try to splash the contents of the mug onto the doll. All right. That is a 23 to hit. Thank you. That succeeds. All right. So...
01:21:28
Speaker
and We double check exactly what this does. But, okay, so 1d6 plus 1 splash. Electricity, so 4 plus 1, so 5 points of electricity splash, and target becomes off guard until the start of my next turn. Wow.
01:21:53
Speaker
And that is the end of Croc Block's turn. All right, next up is Marvin. OK. So the devious little creature is over here, right? I'm going to move there.
01:22:18
Speaker
And I'm going to go ahead and try and bash it with my fist. See how that goes. bash it with your fist yeah okay go ahead i'm sure it will be it's a 21 that succeeds well we said it would be painful for a forged party who we did not specify that's three points of damage hopefully
01:22:52
Speaker
Um, you reach down and punch the doll in the face and she is completely unharmed. It's on the floor. Yep. I would like to take my final action to try and step on it.
01:23:10
Speaker
With that, that's a natural 20. Holy shit. Uh, yeah, go ahead and roll damage. card correctck card crick card Oh, yeah, oh yeah let See this is the part where I feel good about all right all right all right ah The effect is the target is stupefied to until healed That is eight points of damage all right um I
01:23:46
Speaker
She takes a wee bit of damage. um Not as much as you would like, though. Yes, but I feel quite satisfied at having stomped on her. I would imagine you do. Wait, it was Stupefied 2? Yes, Stupefied 2. I believe. Hilarious. Yes, Stupefied 2.
01:24:13
Speaker
So she is terrified. Doesn't know where she is. oh was not accepting conditions on this criter Was not expecting her companion to immediately die.
01:24:33
Speaker
um Yeah. That's your turn.
01:24:43
Speaker
Kelby. Yeah. She's attempting to get away from from this. So he's going to he's going to strike first. First, he's going to strike over. All right. He's straight down here, down below here. Is that a space he cannot fit? um I don't believe that's a space you can fit out okay because of that wall there. He will just instead stride over when he started here. right Where did he start again? Sorry. It was right here. right here okay I'm sorry, apologies. been
01:25:17
Speaker
ah hey i Make that all right 45 feet of movement is full movement just to get down to here as they blocks up any path this game Yes, some intelligence and he's gonna strike this Yeah, strike down hard stupid doll. All right All right, that's natural one all right, let's uh, you know, i't anyone fit shit though okay, right
01:25:48
Speaker
Oh, oh. I forgot about one thing. Yes. Go ahead and make me an acrobatics check. Acrobatics? You imagine yeah had to tumble through there. I went through... I went through Mel Marvin instead of the doll. Oh, I see. Clever. Okay. And I'm rolling the Fumble card. ah That was bludgeoning or unarmed damage. ah was unarmed yeah Alright, you take a minus two circumstance attack penalty to attack rolls until the end of your next turn. ah ouch
01:26:26
Speaker
but end of my next So you you fail so horribly at hitting her that um you're questioning your own skill. No, I feel like what's happening right now is why is he's taken so much of his brain to the intellectual property law right now. He's like, look, he's like cruising through a conceptualization of intellectual a property law violation. He doesn't have enough free power to really, uh, I'm, I'm just imagining, I'm imagining this guy's brain sounds like x Xavier Renegade control.
01:27:00
Speaker
What da heart? what thought But what is intellectual property law? It is something quite dumb, you see.
01:27:11
Speaker
That's my next character. Dear God. He's gonna be smoking cigarettes eating bacon to have trouble back in time. Fuck. Alright, you have one ah you have and one action remaining. Fist again. Alright. Plus zero. Alright. Fifteen.
01:27:33
Speaker
That just barely hits. Okay, I'll take it. I'll take it. You regain your confidence for just a second. ah And you see exactly where you need to hit and you hit it. Roll damage. 15 points of damage. God damn.
01:27:57
Speaker
How would you like to do this? ah Just as he completely misses the first one the fist kind of just completely whips it Those neurons in Kelby's brain connect And he suddenly realizes, wait, you don't have much of an intellectual property law violation on your hands, since it's really hard to copyright the the concept of being angry and breaking faces. Oh my god. And with that clarity, suddenly enough of his brain power is freed for him to make a file strike directly onto the doll and hopefully break it into a million pieces. Your fist connects with the doll.
01:28:40
Speaker
And for a moment, all seems to be still. And then... The doll shatters, and her head goes rolling onto the ground, separated from her body. mean i mean let me me Let me add... There we go, dead. how long but the head survive can we fix that The head rolls away, and you see... A vague little bit of magic remaining in her. Her eyes just barely glow.
01:29:19
Speaker
Do you pick it up? Croc Luckle can fucking have it. Croc Luckle picks it up with his skeletal goopy. All right. As you do so, you you hear a voice in your mind.
01:29:31
Speaker
It has the same intonation of that scream that you heard before. And it says to you.
01:29:44
Speaker
Please. Let Ella be happy. Huh? My child, Ella. I've waited so long for her. Rare also? Hello? This is a pretty bunch of looking vault if I had your Celsar myself.
01:30:25
Speaker
sir sir sir can i can i ask a question of your little doll hub she doesn't reply um okay so i'm gonna ask under the rose um why was there such a complete and utter hostile asshole
01:30:51
Speaker
these toys don't answer I'm feeding you to the frog these toys this horse we were Ella's and I won't let you hurt her things hill world but much less inclined to hurt her things if they weren't trying to actively kill us sir I don't think when you shot the horse like you could have said that earlier We're talking to your cat a little this because it's all in my head yeah oh it's all It's just monologuing as he's like I'm not I'm not really thinking anything's wrong. He's holding the head like a last for Yorick Here's what we're gonna say croc local is actually acting out both sides of the conversation
01:31:53
Speaker
Okay, so... Actually, it's just purely insane. Yeah, yeah. um But as Sparky gets closer, Croc Lachl is going to quickly grab a piece of the mushroom and put it in his mouth. As you do so, the last vestige of light fades from the doll's eyes. Ah, what a shot. He feeds the head to the frog.
01:32:24
Speaker
Oh my god. This is a chaotic evil character. There is just no annotation. No fucking annotations. The frog burps far louder than a frog should be able to. Dude, the kitten frog's even burped. It's a solid 80 decibel burp. Oh my god. Wow. I think that's high. That sounds high. It's high enough decibel level to like Yes, it actually it the burp sounds suspiciously like a really loud lead pipe falling on the floor. Oh my god. what What the hell is this frog? The screws! Yeah, any decibels is like an alarm clock.
01:33:11
Speaker
I also, I need you to know, like Colby, I don't know if you noticed this, but for the rest of the party, I purchased this frog as an item with my starting gold. Oh my God, did you actually? I didn't know that. I did. I purchased this frog as an item. With my starting glove. Sorry. What is the name of that item? Frog. Oh. Are you kidding me? I literally just bought a mundane frog. Wait. Sorry. Are the things you're doing to it flavor or the? Those are flavor. That's all flavor. Okay. So you're just tormenting this. I'm pretending it's my alchemist tools. Okay. That's so fucked up. I see. I see.
01:33:52
Speaker
which is why I didn't cons consult Colby about any of this. You didn't tell him the frog was coming. I told him there was a frog that I'd make all my potions out of. I didn't know what the frog was. ah You weren't expecting the squeeze.
01:34:15
Speaker
I'm looking at him right now. I can't believe the squeeze is only worth two silver pieces.
01:34:25
Speaker
I'm noticing you put a description in it Hold on and go move on with your what you were saying am I need to read this? Okay, um, Marvin's gonna spend a resolve point and Regain his stamina. Same here. Why don't you all do that? Colby is this the plot to Mars needs mom? Yes, it is What the fuck?
01:34:51
Speaker
Wait, what? Where did you put the plot to Mars Needs Moms? In the item description for the squeeze. Why did you do this? Why did you fuck all the movies that exist on this planet? I also love the gold value of the mug. Oh, oh yeah. is one so so jack Um, no. Yeah. The, where did I put, where, where is the mug? Is it in your backpack? It's in my backpack. Yeah. Uh, yeah, that's a one to the 88 or sorry, 10 to the 88, uh, gold pieces.
01:35:36
Speaker
Anyways, you're now free to explore this room, as you see fit. Take the last little bits of loot. What do we get? What's in these boxes? All right, Marvin. You you ah hobble on over, take a look-see. And actually, immediately, something catches your eye. Ooh, there's some special stuff here. You go over to the bed and underneath it you find an ornate mirror shimmering, you know, completely untouched by the dust or the rust or the grime. It is worth 20 gold pieces.
01:36:31
Speaker
So go ahead and drag that on in your inventory. I'm going to hold it up. Sparky, you might want to take a look in here. I want to go there.
01:36:48
Speaker
What's up? It's a it's a mirror. Look at it.
01:36:55
Speaker
What we're looking at? What the fuck is that on my head?
01:37:05
Speaker
Wait, what the fuck is that? Is that a fucking... Is that a fucking... Is that a fucking fucking head over there? Is that a croc? A croc? I can't fucking pronounce his name. He's Yeah. He's eating your nose mushroom. Is that a mushroom? Where did I get a mushroom? How did I get a mushroom? Mate, you've had it ever since we met you. I don't know what a problem it has to be. What's it mean if you tell me I had a mushroom? I do think they tried. No, you didn't! It was just grabbing at it and cheering on it!
01:37:41
Speaker
Her little self has turned British. Wow, wait. I feel like, wait, stop. Wait, wait, wait. I imagine as you're eating more of the mushroom, it's like removing more parts of like, it's like a lobotomy. It's like a real time lobotomy. He's actually British, but the mushroom is Scottish. Yes, because everybody knows that British people are just lobotomized Scottish people. The intelligence points are just going down, down.
01:38:13
Speaker
Wow. What the hell? When did I get a fucking mushroom on my head? I don't know. And then I'm gonna slip it in my bag. Not the mushroom, the mirror. Ah, so Galakkala's going to squeeze some more red goop onto the mushroom and keep taking little chomps. Get off of it! Get the fuck away from me, mushroom! Where's your trial? It's really tasteless. I don't want to eat any of the mushrooms. Put it on my face. Trial up. I don't want to. Maybe I am. No, no, no. You need to know how good this is. Oh, bloody hell.
Mushroom Antics
01:38:54
Speaker
I'm not letting you get away. Friends don't let friends nod at the mushrooms growing out of their shells. What?
01:39:02
Speaker
That's a cow that I live by their cull. I'm gonna go over here and start looking around. All right, Marvin. All right, fine. Give me a piece. He takes off a piece. Krakowakl takes off a piece, like, covered in red goop and feeds it to you. As you open up the wardrobe... What what am i what am I tasting here? It is... the The mushroom tastes like mushroom. The red goop is very sweet, a little bit salty, very sweet, kind of... Kind of tomato-y. I was gonna say like teriyaki sauce and until you said tomato-y part. ah Yeah, it's this this red goop that's dripping down your snout is very tomato-y. Oh, so it's ketchup?
01:39:56
Speaker
So enough saying that the next hooking with Jake video needs to be Sparky's nose mushroom. But like I think it might need to be. Karen, if I was there in person, the second that I said ketchup and you said yes, I would have punched you.
01:40:29
Speaker
I'm gonna have to cook mushroom with ketchup now The concrete pig first
01:40:44
Speaker
Well, you don't actually have to cook concrete. You can just like make a fruitcake or something. oh Okay, wait, I would totally make the Danish video. A concrete Danish? I'm i down. Before we get to cooking. Let's have this conversation later so we can actually keep running the game. What is in the weird room? Before you get too in depth, ah you find five sets of ah ornate fine clothing.
01:41:15
Speaker
I'm gonna toss it at Krakalakkle. Just one of the sets, not all five. Krakalakkle takes the set in his goop hand. Looks at his clothes, looks at Marvin. I feel like you're trying to make a stuntman right now, but I'm just not getting it right now. And he's gonna just put the clothes in his bag. All right. Would anybody else like to take some clothes? I'll take a set. All right, you currently have all four in your inventory. Okay. What kind of clothes were they? ah Fine, i already get I already put it in your inventory. Oh, you did? Okay, cool. All right, have we explored all of the crevices? Do we need to open the door now?
01:41:59
Speaker
It appears so. why don't you Why don't you give that door a try?
Meeting with Hook Claws
01:42:03
Speaker
I'll walk over. Is the door locked by the way? Oh, you you pull the handle and it it does in fact appear to be locked. And you know as you're as you're you know tugging at the door, you know trying to twist the knob, you hear some cuttingdding ah behind me thudding What do you mean thudding?
01:42:28
Speaker
And you hear, um... Well, you smell smoke. And you hear the hissing of a snake. And you turn around.
01:42:45
Speaker
And you see this thing. Oh! Well, I heard it was quite a ruckus down here. Looks like you folks so went ahead and cleared out this main fault, so ah the rest of us hook claws are gonna come on in and take a little look, see around, see if we can't scrounge and anything else up. In the meantime... Why don't you folks, uh, get a little rest. Uh, be sure to ah donate those items to the, uh, hook, claws, coffer. Why don't you? And, uh, he's going to, uh, Kelby toss you another hot dog from his tail. Oh, it looks like you could use some food. Go on, eat up. Now then.
01:43:34
Speaker
While you folks are resting, we're gonna work on getting this here door open. we We got some mighty intelligent mocksmiths working on this as we speak. And you watch as a some other very, very buff kobolds come over and start punching the door. hok Now, I reckon it'll take a day or so, so ah why don't y'all rest up for the night and we'll reconvene tomorrow morning. Or maybe two weeks from now, I don't know. Whenever feels right. Erkyl Dirk. And with that, ah he yeah he takes out the cigar that's in his mouth, ah puts a different cigar in.
01:44:22
Speaker
Um, while the other one, they're, they're both currently lit, mind you. And, um, he, uh, he stops on out, you know, with that, um, you guys have completed your, uh, your task at least for now. It seems like, uh, there may be some more through that door, but at least for the basement, you can rest. and' goingnna tell me who that was So, for next session, I want you all to take long rests, and I want you all to level up.
01:45:05
Speaker
Wait, is anyone there to tell me who that was? That was a fucking big mistake.
01:45:17
Speaker
Well, I mean, the the the sense of an Overlord controlling you from another dimension has not metler, but you, Sparkle, have.
01:45:30
Speaker
It's a very long story, don't worry about it. He's just staring blankly at you. Well, that's on brand.
01:45:39
Speaker
I feel like he did remember, but you ate the part of him that did, you know? Oh, that might be true. No, the mushroom isn't part of his brain. That's not canon. I think this is canon now. I think it's become canon. No, it's not. Oh my god. We're not giving you my character. We're not giving my character Alzheimer's, whatever you eat a part of his mushroom. Okay, we're not giving him Alzheimer's.
Conclusion and Reflections
01:46:05
Speaker
People with Alzheimer's don't have people eating sections of their brain. Anyways, yeah, that is uh, that's the end of chapter one so for one Players are you all feeling that? good I Love how like no strings attached one shots. Yeah, they're really funny hide me
01:46:32
Speaker
Keep going. Yeah, no, it feel it feels it feels like we're able to play characters that would not work in a long term campaign. I just like playing a character, period. Yes. Yeah. It lets me get a little bit more creative when I'm not focusing on 20 at once. Part of me was like, kill me, kill me, kill me. But it's fine. Oh, speaking of which, have any of you figured out the reference yet? Oh, yeah. What reference? I don't know, Jim Carrey from a series of unfortunate events. I'm appalled you didn't say the mask. Yeah, as am I. Um, okay.
01:47:15
Speaker
What is he? An insurance fraud salesman. Okay. And, and what is it called? A lizard. A dragon. Okay. Is this like No. I'm shocked you guys haven't gotten this yet. Come on, let's think this together. Insurance lizard. Insurance lizard.
01:47:59
Speaker
Oh yeah, you should be naked. I decided against that.
01:48:15
Speaker
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