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Facing the Varcolac
17 Plays1 year ago
A group of strange mercenaries must find and destroy a vengeful spirit before it can consume the moon.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Facing the Varkalok'
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey everyone, this is Cam, the GM for Life and Dice Jail, and you're currently listening to our 2024 Halloween special, Facing the Varkalok. Thank you so much for tuning in, and we hope you enjoy. So recordings have begun. Here we are.
00:00:23
Speaker
For our little Dice Jail Halloween special, but nice yeah over here who ah We're here the three of us who it was always planned to be just the three of us Just the three of us Okay, so It's for with GM I Suppose I do I count as a person. I don't think I can as a person Cameron Smith is not a patient. I I lost my rights ages ago. Anyways. So the three of you are currently rowing through deep waters by the dimming light of the moon. You have been contracted.
00:01:23
Speaker
by the Vargamour, queen of the werewolf kingdom of Potentia Lupus.
The Vargamour's Mission
00:01:32
Speaker
They have been weakened recently. Their lycanthropic powers drained as the lights of the moon and the power of the moon have been waning. The Vargamour believes the creature responsible for this is something called a Varkalok. A phantom, an evil spirit of a vengeful werewolf with the ability to absorb the moon's power.
Meet the Characters
00:02:11
Speaker
As none of you are lycanthropes yourselves, you made the perfect candidates.
00:02:20
Speaker
So, you've been sent here to a small island to the northeast of the kingdom's shores, in the center of a deep lake. And as you row with hooded lanterns at the front of each of your boats.
00:02:49
Speaker
Boingo the Boingo, why don't you describe what everyone sees when they look at you. You see before you a seven to eight foot tall circus clown with a, you know, perfectly pale white skin, a big round red nose, and of course the classic red clown wig.
00:03:14
Speaker
and uh you're not quite sure uh where you know where the wig ends where where where the where the bright red nose ends you know you can't really tell if it's actually part of his body or uh if it's just cosmetic stuff same with with with the paint on his skin and the uh and those bright piercing yellow eyes i should also know that he has Despite all of the rowing and you know with no real ah reason to be, he just has a giant grin on his face at all times, unmoving. ah You also notice that his hands ah are very green and they appear to be moist.
Exploring the Island
00:04:03
Speaker
did like this Thank you like neon green neon green like does not look like it connects to the rest of them We'd love that um So as you all as you all observe them he's just gonna give a quick Love that okay, um Pasto what does everyone see?
00:04:32
Speaker
Oh my fucking god. I had like five of Colby's clown thing that I had. yes sorry i'm trying to get it to I'm trying to get it to show up in in the recording, but it's not doing it. So here we are. It's okay. understand I If any of you have been on the internet, you see famed giant baby king penguin, pesto, durable fluffy brown.
00:05:01
Speaker
That's it. All right. That's it. but What? yeah Sure. I guess it is. um And subject am three one seven one in quote do man out quote. What does everyone see? Oh my God. What you see is a humanoid figure ah wearing essentially a heavy armor but on top of that heavy armor is just ah basically taped together pieces of like bright neon green ah cardboard pieces of what you assume are like the boxes from soda cans and so he's just wearing ah essentially soda can armor and
00:05:53
Speaker
If you try to get a look at his face, you can't see it. there's He's like wearing a mask underneath his helmet. Very mysterious. Very mysterious. All right. So also he's wearing basically bright green. So yeah. As one does. as with That's why his armor has a minus two stealth penalty. It's not the noise. A lot of visual noise. So.
00:06:21
Speaker
You paddle your boats over to the shore. And that's where you find yourselves now, if it's willing to load. Oh, okay, there we are. There it is. Oh, what the heck is that? Whoa. Okay, hold on. every All of you can see it, but the stream view is not behaving. It would be nice if the viewers could also see what's happening. Yeah. There we go. Taking the two spotlights are intentional. That's how it's meant to be. Those are lanterns on the front of your boats, because only one of you can see in the dark. Oh. Yes. And speaking of the one of you who can see in the dark. Yes.
00:07:20
Speaker
You can actually see a little further up from where you've landed your boats, a cabin, through the fog, through the trees of this island in the middle of a massive lake. It took you about 20 minutes to get here from the edge of the lake, by the way.
Mysteries in the Cabin
00:07:42
Speaker
So you are isolated right now.
00:07:49
Speaker
ah Which one of us is that that can see it? That would be. Do conductor. Gotcha. Or do man, whatever the fuck. Do that. Let me just let me just replace your character so that there we go. Oh, no, never mind the token. The token is wrong. OK, it's fine. Whatever. All right. So what do you all do? Are we doing this?
00:08:19
Speaker
I'm gonna go out of the boat. and that good Well, let's get a move on. And I'm going to jump over. Gave my little penguin fin. Wolf wins.
00:08:33
Speaker
And what kind of animal might you be? My mommy says I'm a penguin. A penguin? Well, you don't look like a Luther to me.
00:08:47
Speaker
Thank you, chooscoos, Adventure Time. Thank you so much. I've been so excited to do this voice. It's amazing. You wanna a twink? I bet I hold up my flask of fellowship. This penguin holds out a flask to you, Oingo the Boingo.
00:09:10
Speaker
ah Well, don't mind if I do. ah And as as he says do, he's gonna turn his head towards ah the do-man and wink. I can't bring myself to do this. And yeah, he's gonna he's gonna grab the flask with his big ah hands. um They sort of, they touch your hands, pesto, as he grabs it. And you realize that ah they're not just moist, they're very sticky. Oh, so he's gonna shake his flipper.
00:09:44
Speaker
And you get this sticky. And, yeah, I'm going to take a swig. Lovely. What does it taste like? This is a question for Olingo the Blanco, because that's how the flask of fellowship works. It tastes like what you would want it to. Why it tastes like cotton candy. We love that. That's disgusting.
00:10:10
Speaker
said do You want a drink? oh by This is good. Take a drink out of it. What is it? What does it taste like? Oh, it's Dew Mountain. You have a fighter. Not even Mountain. Dew Mountain Platinum. Whoa. I don't know what that means. That's supposed to.
00:10:39
Speaker
Um, all right. Use your imagination. Damn it. So now imagine your mountain, but you've been a fly. I think I vacationed there once i the flats go to whoa that sting game is just getting get hands on doing me and he's getting chocolate milk. We love the chalky milk. get too damn find It's a secret recipe.
00:11:05
Speaker
I should also note that currently it is just past midnight on October the 31st. Of course it is. And I should also ask, yeah do any of you want one of the lanterns? I should probably take one. Okay. A hooded lantern has been added to your inventory.
00:11:31
Speaker
Yippee! Hopefully. Yes, it has been.
Magic Mirror and the Candle
00:11:36
Speaker
Because it's scary that it's currently only the one bulb. All right, here we go. I'm holding it. Whoa! He's holding the lantern!
00:11:51
Speaker
It's like Scoob. Well, follow me, children.
00:12:01
Speaker
I only have 20 feet of movement, so Dewman's gonna struggle. Clug, clug, clug. I would like to your we mention that um with every footstep, ah Oingo's feet do in fact squeak. As they should. And with every footstep, Dewman, who is the only part of his armor that's metal, are his boots.
00:12:20
Speaker
ah Wait, wait, we have a visitor. We do in fact have mr. Perez here Thank you cameras for making my character for me because you're welcome Well, you say that but you don't know what your character is yet. And that is true <unk> garre very oh He doesn't know he has no fucking clue because for the audience Jacob fucking Perez never gave me even the barest concept of a character for this game so it's true why So, and are you in, sir? Why didn't you just make me? As all of you step out of the boats, coming from the darkness of this island, you see... what why don't you Why don't you describe Jacob Perez? Why don't you describe Jacob Perez to everyone? You see fucking me. You see Jacob Perez. You see literally Jacob Perez. He is wearing... He looks like me.
00:13:19
Speaker
His hair doesn't look anything like me for some reason. It was the closest I could do. Don't fuck you for that. He is wearing the exact clothes that I wear, except white.
00:13:33
Speaker
My shirt usually isn't tucked in, but whatever. And I don't wear button downs, and I also don't carry round hammer and sickles with me. Yes, you do. You absolutely do, you cuddly fuck. I'm sure you definitely do. And I should also note, what is the device that you have with you? God. Jesus Christ. What the fuck is that? It's the device. Is that a plane catapult? Yes. Did you make my weapon a 9-11 joke? Yes.
00:14:04
Speaker
It's Jacob Perez and his 9-11 machine. Jesus. Oh my fucking god. the planes The planes explode and deal acid damage. Literally just me. Oh, gotta be unemployed.
00:14:19
Speaker
um So um that that's what just sort of comes out of the out of the woods. Yeah. Uh, and Mr. Parrots, I'd like you to also note, uh, your languages, uh, and your inventory. Amen. Oh, God. Aaron, what the fuck is Tommy Tongue? Tommy Tongue. Why is Russian and Soviet the same? His languages are... Why are U.S.S.R.Es a different language than Soviet? I'm home right now.
00:14:56
Speaker
And who can forget? He also speaks Hebrew. Why do I speak Hebrew? I how don't Aren't you half-cubic? I want you to note that um Russian is a base language of Pathfinder because Earth is canon to path to the Pathfinder universe.
00:15:21
Speaker
ah Anyways, hebrew way is also a basic language or no ah Hebrew is not but I should also I'll also ask you to look at your inventory mr. Perez One life hammer one sickle equipment Microsoft light simulator. Oh my fucking god uncon conceivable the communist va In parentheses autograph
00:15:50
Speaker
and treasures thaty but but
00:15:59
Speaker
I hate you. well which yeah clear lukewarm You had submitted literally anything resembling a character. This would not have happened. bro I should also I'm going to be that each of these are like functional items that I would recommend you read the descriptions of, Mr. Perez. I'm going to be so honest, I really thought that Jacob's character was going to be Cameron Smith. ah No, I'm going to make fun of him, not myself. I thought that he was going to make that.
00:16:38
Speaker
ah so that word of god put in microsoft flight simity you can use this item to immediately skip
Navigating the Hallway
00:16:44
Speaker
the ahead in time ah a number of hours by your choosing you take a minus twenty circumstance penalty to all rolls involving charisma course charisma
00:17:00
Speaker
that And print for credit card, using you can use this item to redeem ct gold cost of any purchase item to zero. Fantastic. Just like real life. Yep. All right. my god So let's play the game. I am. I pray to God that none of my family members who now know that this campaign exists do not. Oh dear Lord. this episode I hope they do. All right. So there's a cabin in the woods.
00:17:32
Speaker
Alright, on go. The man standing in the the corner. I've seen things like that before. Hello new friend!
00:17:45
Speaker
Is that a fucking penguin? That's past me! It's past all the penguin!
00:17:57
Speaker
Tiny little baby penguin is- well, not tiny. This relatively large baby penguin is holding out a flask to you, Jacob. I should know that pesto is a medium-sized creature. lord um Oh Oh, Jesus! It's Jacob Perez! Are you fucking serious? I know about him from live from dice jail. So that how you fit that he's meta? You'll see.
00:18:27
Speaker
I do. It's Jacob from Life of Nice Jail. Jacob Perez, would you like to consume from the penguins flask? I would love to consume from the penguins flask. All right. You consume from the penguins flask. What does it taste like to you? You decide what it tastes like. I decide what it tastes like. It tastes like chocolate milk. ah hu Man after pesto zone heart. What?
00:18:57
Speaker
slippers around getting a hug from pesto yeah I didn't realize so house
00:19:20
Speaker
um along my duckling. I should also know move forward. Duman, something else you notice is another boat that appears to be shored up, a little outside of everyone's lantern light. Hey, there's a boat in that direction. It's shored up. Good or bad? I don't know. Yay.
00:19:49
Speaker
And Mr. Perez, don't forget, you get to move yourself and your device.
00:19:56
Speaker
Did you say he he's finishing coding? Oh, voting. Voting, I see. Oh. Why is your voting happening on October 17? Because I'm voting by mail. So you're checking out the votes. It's still legal for the time being.
00:20:20
Speaker
So were were you checking out the boat or were you going to the door of the cabin? Let's check out the boat and I'm going to squeak on over. Okay. You squeak on over, taking the light with you, leaving Jacob Perez and the device
00:20:41
Speaker
You have to know worry yeah justice with you and also Jacob Perez.
00:20:52
Speaker
of a concept it was the only thing that like this character is based on pepsi man or something yes i i was thinking pepsi man do mad for the dew train don't have the best soda this side of the world pepsi man meets the bud night yep
00:21:17
Speaker
So right oh leaving just do it as the lantern light illuminates ah the cabin and the boat,
00:21:31
Speaker
First of all, with the cabin, now that Jacob Perez and Doo Man are close to it, you can see the the door is right here. And you can also see through the few windows that are currently in your view, they appear completely clogged up with cobwebs. As for the boat, it looks like it's been here for a very long time and has been weathered severely by
The Varkalok's Awakening
00:21:53
Speaker
the elements. This boat is not functional.
00:21:57
Speaker
Oh, no, Fwen's here. No new friends, but that might be loot. I'm gonna hop into the boat. You see nothing in here. It doesn't look stable. Except for water and mold. Well, I found some black mold, but I'm afraid that it been indeed that the novelty has grown old. And then I leap back out of the boat. Oh my God. I love the rhyming. All right. yeah yeah
00:22:29
Speaker
So, the only other thing you can see right now is the cabin. Are there any windows in the cabin? Yes, as I said before, you see a few windows and they are completely clogged up with spider webs.
00:22:44
Speaker
You approach the door. I knock three times on the door and I say, ah yeah you do that and you get no response.
00:23:00
Speaker
Okay, I kicked down the door. You kicked down the door. Okay. Uh, make an athletics check to force the door.
00:23:12
Speaker
Oh, that's a 30. A 30. Boingo. Boingo. Just you who bashes the door in with his foot.
00:23:24
Speaker
And you see on the other side, this cabin is full entirely of cobwebs. And it's gross in here. Dooman, as you have a dark vision, you're also able to see what looks to be a, the only thing not covered in cobwebs, a gilded mirror on the other side of the room.
00:23:51
Speaker
There's a gilded mirror on the opposite side of the room. I'm going to investigate it. You go right ahead. I'm going to get in contact with Airbnb. Oh, my God. So you step in and you push yourselves through the cobwebs.
00:24:13
Speaker
Yeah, spiders in the area. No massive ones, just regular sized spiders. Now something I will also note, actually, is that at first you think it must be a wall or something that's blocking out the light, but it appears that over here, there's some sort of black fog, almost as if it's anti-light. Oh. That's even worse than waggle a duck.
00:24:45
Speaker
That's a fast darkness.
00:24:50
Speaker
Well, off we go. Scared. There also appears to be some ah some food on the table. Some potatoes, an entire roast chicken, some bread. A do-man. A candle. A do-man. Oh. Do-man turns to pesto. Don't worry, little brown thing. When in doubt, just do it out.
00:25:18
Speaker
I don't know what that means. Don't worry. This will help. I had a can of a do trade over. Oh my God. you are handed so You are handed a neon green and red can.
00:25:34
Speaker
So will attempt to sip. you You crack it open and you attempt to sip and man is it sweet as fuck. You get immediately conditioned with diabetes. You immediately become fatigued. Actually your doomed condition increases by one. You become doomed once.
00:25:56
Speaker
ah oh no it It's good for you. I would like to mention, I would
The Battle Begins
00:26:04
Speaker
like to mention that I have not entered the room yet and you turn back and you just see me just like standing there frozen. What are you doing? After all, lore accurate Jacob Perez and I have stared shitless of everything. Yeah, Jacob Perez, I should know you don't know how the fuck you got here.
00:26:23
Speaker
ah just with ah You were just sitting in your room playing Microsoft Flight Simulator for the 800th hour straight. You think you might have starved to death? but i This the afterlife for you. This is hell. afterline oh i go all they feet depressed this is but was dead This is Jacob's hell, my heaven. But slide ah yeah, I bound over to Jacob and I grabbed his shoulder.
00:26:55
Speaker
And, um you know, I should mention Jacob that this entire time I've had like a stereotypical like like clown, like open mouth grin on my face and it does not change at all. ah As I ah pull you inside.
00:27:12
Speaker
ah
00:27:15
Speaker
ah fuck no
00:27:20
Speaker
It's just one of the attractions. I'll hold your hand if you like. No!
00:27:31
Speaker
Okay, so Jacob Perez and the device are dragged inside. disproportionately sized clown And the door, which was kicked open, shuts behind you. Fuck! Oh, that's ominous. Anyway, who's hungry? They're fish on the table.
00:27:51
Speaker
Uh, there are not fish. It's just potatoes and entire roast chicken and bread rolls and a candle. Uh, I grabbed, I grabbed the candle, you grabbed the candle and I twirl it around in some of the spider webs. All right. You twirl the candle around in some of the spider webs. You now have a cotton candle. Oh, lovely. I take a bite. It's fucking delicious. just What the doctor ordered.
00:28:24
Speaker
And I should note that all of you at this point have seen the weird anti-light in the corner here. and You can i see through the dark and see the dawns too. I'll tell you what I can't see. Beyond the void.
00:28:47
Speaker
It doesn't make any sense, but okay.
00:28:53
Speaker
What's in the mirror? ah Well, you can't really see too closely from over here. Because the mirror is all the way over here.
00:29:06
Speaker
All right. Let's go to the mirror. I would like to jump over the table. All right. You jump over the table. And ah as he does so, you guys all hear like a springy noise. No, I got boy.
00:29:22
Speaker
So like god you leap over the table and as you approach the mirror, you don't see yourselves. You can see a reflection, an accurate reflection of the room, but you can't see yourselves. I must be where the zoo visitors go.
00:29:45
Speaker
Wonder why no one's there. I am just completely. pass game master yes what would would do man know if if it can uh if it can if it doesn't know that uh that like camp ropes like get the result of the mirror like anything about like camp ropes and mirrors in your relationship no like and throats can see themselves in the mirrors that's vampires who can't oh yeah canonical do van moment
00:30:16
Speaker
Oh, good heavens. My pale skin. I will note, you see your reflections in places like the water, but you just can't see it in this. I fear I may be a vampire. All right, so you move over to the mirror and you touch it. The glass is smooth and cold. I'm going to stick my little penguin face against it. You stick your little penguin face against it and the glass is smooth and cold.
00:30:49
Speaker
Still no reflection. happy but um Here, hold on. Jacob, pick a d20. One through 14.
00:31:16
Speaker
All right, Mr. Perez, something you notice as everyone else is up close to the mirror is that um in the reflection, you actually can just barely make out that you can see that there is, while the rest of the reflection of the room is accurate, what you don't see is this weird darkness in the corner. Instead, you see a candle with a glowing blue flame
00:31:45
Speaker
You only see that in the reflection though. in In like, you know, real life, you can just see the darkness.
00:31:58
Speaker
But like in the reflection of the mirror, I can see a candle, but like in real life, like, yes. Hey, what the hell are you talking to?
00:32:10
Speaker
That is true. Every single thing that Jacob Prez says in real life, he's actually saying in game. ha So I'm just like talking up into the sky right now. Yes, you've been talking about voting. I voted for Varmen Supreme. I voted for justice. Not old enough to vote. Oh, count your blessings, kid.
00:32:38
Speaker
ah So anyways, Jacob Perez, what do you do with this information? Guys, the Invisible Man in the Sky is telling me that we have a weird candle of reflection. Jesus. I'm scared. I'm scared.
00:33:00
Speaker
Uh, I move. Uh, can I take the mirror off the wall? Do man steps over pesto pesto. You are currently between the do man's legs. I'm sorry. Do man, you attempt to take the mirror off the wall. um Make an athletics check. Uh, I'm going to start like contorting it, distorting my limbs like ah like it's like it impossible legs right now to try and carry it off. Uh,
00:33:29
Speaker
As you hear some boats breaking. Athletics? Athletics, you say? Yes. Yes, please.
00:33:38
Speaker
A little bit not great. 22. 22. You pull the mirror.
Tactics and Challenges
00:33:44
Speaker
And it's... it It comes off the wall. ah It was just hung up like a regular mirror. It's very large though. So it requires both hands to hold on to. Yeah. I'm like, my, my arms, like if I was a real humanoid would totally be broken out of the way I'm holding this thing. Just an FYI. As I, as I walk backwards with it towards what where the candle is. Yes. You can now also see the candle in the mirror. All right. I will walk back carefully towards carefully towards it.
00:34:19
Speaker
You can still see it through the darkness. It's in the center of the darkness. All right. He's going to walk back and use it as a guide to go to the candle. You use it as a guide. As you do, everything around you other than the mirror is enveloped by the darkness. And you actually can see in the mirror, you can see the reflection of the candle, but you You don't see the room anymore. Now through the mirror, you can see a hallway illuminated in blue by torches. ah Blue torches.
00:35:07
Speaker
There's a hallway down here.
00:35:13
Speaker
A big hallway. I step out. You step out and that's that's gone. It's back to a regular reflection. and So it's it's pure darkness in there. I got at least the hallway through the reflection. Correct. Did you try and blow out the candle? ah I should. That's a good idea. Step back inside. Step back in. The reflection of the hallway is back now.
00:35:40
Speaker
I can't, I don't have any lugs. Do I just, they're just kind of just like, you can snuff out the candle and stuff it out. Yeah. Technical stuff it out. Yeah. You snuff out the candle. The hallway is gone ah as is the darkness orb. You can all now see the dark candle.
00:36:00
Speaker
but pe um There's a hallway there. I think the only way to activate it is to turn on the candle.
00:36:11
Speaker
That seems scary. Well, only one thing to do. And um I would like to un-blow out the candle. Yeah, that that's exactly what Oingo the Boingo does. You all watch as he just he takes his fingers and puts them over the wick as if to snuff the candle out. But as he removes his fingers, it's lit up again.
00:36:39
Speaker
So now, Oingo the Boingo and Doo Man, you can now see the hallway through the reflection. As you're enveloped in the darkness. I just have the most... All right, Pasto Gropes, Doo Man. oh I said now a very slimy, sticky, tentacle from my armor, so you can hold on to it. You do just that.
00:37:09
Speaker
Has tentacle? It smells like lemon lime soda.
00:37:17
Speaker
um Family's my mommy. So now all of you can see this ah as you have entered the dark. You can now all see this hallway. We're going down the very dark hallway.
00:37:33
Speaker
like Let's go down the very dark hallway. i'd rather be I'd rather go anywhere else but the very dark hallway. So, Du-Man, what you're telling me is that you... well How do you attract attempt to enter the hallway? Can I try and walk into it? Sure. Du-Man, as you touch the mirror, there is no glass. You just go through. ah sure You find yourself in the hallway.
00:38:04
Speaker
You said that timema he went through the mirror? Yes, he went through the mirror. Oh, I'm going to I'm going to Bugs Bunny style dive in. He's going to follow. All right. That's so follows. Ongo Bugs Bunny dives in. Jacob Perez, do you follow through the mirror as well?
00:38:25
Speaker
I just like kind of look around me and I realize, OK, well, it's either I go into the very dark place with them or I stay in the very dark place alone. So I go into the very dark place with them. All right. And you bring the device with you, of course. I bring the device with me, of course, that I still have no idea why I have it. So here you are.
00:38:52
Speaker
in this hallway illuminated entirely by blue light. Looking back at the mirror on the wall, you can actually see the place that you just came from. It appears that the mirror has attached itself back to the wall in the cabin. That's that's fucked.
00:39:12
Speaker
ah Now I think this is where the Airbnb photo came from this we are in the right place as you look down the hallway You can see a set of double doors stone double doors I Just draw up these I just look back into the sky and I scream and I scream. Cam, if if this is somehow you doing all this shit to me, I just want to know. I just want you to know. Fuck you. And I hate you. ah You feel a mental projection of a middle finger up appear in your mind. um All right. That's it. You also ever have you this as you look up, you actually don't see the sky. You see a popcorn ceiling. Oh, fuck off.
00:40:00
Speaker
Um, and yes, again, so the, the floorboards here are all cracked and broken and falling away. And you can actually see through some of the holes, just darkness. Take you so far. And I should note one go the boy and go your.
00:40:22
Speaker
Your lantern is not at all overpowering these torches. It appears that there is a dark space that your lantern is illuminating, but it's not overpowering the torches at all. I guess I'll move towards that dark space then. Okay. Wait, wait. The enemies of justice will trap places. Search for traps.
00:40:48
Speaker
I suppose I would like to search for traps. Okay. Um, you don't see any traps. I don't feel any traps. step forward again and you step into the darkness as you do.
00:41:12
Speaker
Okay, I guess, okay. One of the floorboards breaks underneath your foot, opening a person-sized hole. I need you to make a reflex save to grab an edge. Boingo. Oh, goodness. As Jacob Perez is left behind by the mirror. I am just, im I am on the verge of hyperventilating. 30-20. 30-20. Boingo the Boingo, you grab the edge and manage to pull yourself up. I told you.
00:41:41
Speaker
Here's a, here's a question for Jacob Perez. Um, yes. Would you have tried to go back through the mirror at any point? You know what? Fuck it. Yeah. You touch the mirror and it is smooth, cold glass.
00:41:57
Speaker
The mirror open. That sounds like something I do. Sorry. You do what? Try prying the mirror open again. Yeah, no, it's just it's it is just a mirror. Smooth, cold glass. You don't see your reflection. I just I just let out an audible. um to power I don't think that you can get back to the mirror. Yes, that's right. Go back.
00:42:30
Speaker
i think we need to use this time to reflect on our decisions i my god i didn' deserve mr oringo Actually, sorry. I didn't know his name. that's sir Yes, you do. that that All of their names have been spoken into your mind, ah except for Pastor. I already knew who Pastor was. Something I should note about Oingo. As you fell, ah you needed both hands to grab. So your lantern, gone into the darkness. You watch as the light just falls, falls, falls. You can all see through the hole as the light just keeps falling through the darkness. I'm just gonna sadly wave goodbye.
00:43:09
Speaker
Okay, I'm gonna grab one of the cards from my cantrip deck. I'm gonna cast Light. Love that. Okay, what are you casting it on? i'm You can just create an orb of Light, right?
00:43:27
Speaker
ah
00:43:29
Speaker
So you could do that, you could also attach it to a willing creature. I'm going to attach it to me. Can I attach it to me? Yes, you can. That makes my life so much easier. Thank you. There we go. Pasto begins glowing.
00:43:45
Speaker
As he holds up a card, the card dissolves in his hand and he just begins glowing. When the lantern goes out, I just tense up and through my so and through my teeth, I go, God damn it, Cameron, that's it. I'm going on strike for Jacob's fucking throw.
00:44:02
Speaker
Oh, you mean the thing that you haven't filmed an episode of since I was there? Listen here. Are we going to get around the hole in the floor?
00:44:14
Speaker
It's a small hole. It's only taking up that one space. How cola how how far is the darkness? Pesto, as you step in, the floor gives out underneath you. I need you to make a reflex save. Oh, no. I need a little pesto dyes.
00:44:36
Speaker
This is a 23. Pesto, you'll pull yourself up. I don't like this place. So it's it's these two dark spaces in front of us. there are So the spaces that you're currently on, the two of you are currently hanging off a ledge. um And then the two dark spaces in front of you, you would imagine are also unstable floorboards.
00:44:59
Speaker
so so gm ah What's the distance between my position of the next part, the next point? Between the you're thinking... So that's 15 feet. So what are you trying to do?
00:45:19
Speaker
ah I'm gonna try and leap over it. Okay, so regular or regular long sorry Okay, cuz a regular horizontal leap will not get you over ah so long and long I should know feet right ah horizontal leap. What's your speed? My speed is 20 feet 20 feet. So 10 feet basically meaning you can clear a 5-foot gap ah okay um So I should know they are long yeah long jumps and high jumps are completely different or long jumps are completely different than they used to be, which is good because long jumps are now possible. ah So in order to jump, in order to clear this gap, you're going to need to roll an athletics check and you're going to need to get at minimum
00:46:09
Speaker
A so a five foot jump or a 10 foot jump would get you. There a 15 foot jump would get you there. So at the very least you need to get a 15. Okay. I have, I have the feet powerful leap. Can that reduce it down to, or, you know, so I can increase the horizontal distance when you leap by five feet. Okay. Yeah, you can do that.
00:46:37
Speaker
you'll uh well you'll still need to you'll still i need an athletic check still but yeah you do still need an athletic check all right uh i will give myself a ah but can can it is this k no it's hard it's hey Do I know if it's hard or or difficult or what's the what's the difficulty here? we're We're looking at. Um, I don't know, like medium. yeah Okay.
00:47:16
Speaker
Don't worry. Any of you guys got rope? Do I have rope? You have room. Would pesto like to pull themselves out of the pit? I am. In fact, I'm going to pull myself out.
00:47:32
Speaker
um Give me the rope. How much rope do you need? and Enough to cross the gap. All right, rope coming up. And then I'm going to ah unhinge my jaw.
00:47:44
Speaker
ah And reach my arm inside of my mouth. ah And it gets about, I want to say elbow deep. Okay.
00:47:57
Speaker
Uh, and then I start slowly pulling out ah a very, very, uh, long multicolored strip of rope. And, uh, as it coils to the ground beneath me, I would like to point out that it is perfectly dry. Oh,
00:48:20
Speaker
dude, man. takes the rope and slides one of it into his chest. OK, so he grabs that rope now. ah And he's going to attempt. Sorry, it's going to attempt a long jump across that space. Go ahead and make an athletics check. Athletics check. Go rolling athletics.
00:48:46
Speaker
OK, twenty four, twenty four. OK. You are able to not only clear the gap, but go beyond it. You now have the rope in your chest and you are across the gap. Actually, your job there.
00:49:11
Speaker
The rope attached between.
00:49:16
Speaker
and Go and you man. I imagine you didn't keep half of it in your hands. Yeah, I'm holding half of it in my sticky hands. I use the rope to climb across the chasm. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, I hold the top. All right. Make an athletics check.
00:49:44
Speaker
ye old pesto, the penguin. 22. 22, all right. You successfully are able to climb the rope across. You have successfully crossed the gap. Yay. Yay. Jacob Perez. All right. Your turn, Jacob Perez.
00:50:14
Speaker
I actually
Revival and Team Strategy
00:50:15
Speaker
mumble that to myself. oh like i
00:50:19
Speaker
You're throwing the device, whatever this fucking thing is, because I can't lift that shit. The device? My athletics might be fucking might be expert with a plus 12 modifier for some fucking reason, but I can't lift it.
00:50:35
Speaker
I don't know why you gave that to me. I don't know why you gave, why you made me trained in thievery. What now? I've never- Because you got like, cause you got like seven fucking proficiencies to start with as an inventor.
00:50:52
Speaker
I just needed to fill proficiencies. You were only half Jewish. You could have done religion. Instead you made religion a minus. Cause you're not religious.
00:51:03
Speaker
recite the Torah right now. I should also, I'd also like to note, I want you to look at your deity right now. I forgot to mention that before. I saw the deity. Yeah. Karl Marx.
00:51:19
Speaker
Anyways. Um, So, yeah, Jacob Perez, as you as you start telling Oingo that he needs to throw the device, the device ah like builds little tiny legs for itself out of its wheels. It grabs on to the and it uses like its catapult spoon to zip line across the rope. She a play. Come on, Jacob. You can do it. I am just do it. Think all right now.
00:51:49
Speaker
Alrighty then, I guess I'm because i'm jumping. Okay. You're jumping? You're not taking the rope? You're jumping? Oh, there's a rope. i didn't see and Oh my god. Okay, so Jacob's jumping. Go ahead and roll an athletics check. No, I go for the rope. Nope, you're jumping. You said you were jumping. Make an athletics check. Nope. Make an athletics check. You're gonna have to make one no matter what. ah Damn it.
00:52:18
Speaker
but What is that? 29? 19 and 19. And 19, you successfully cleared the gap by jumping. Whoa. Whoa. All right. Yeah, he's the rope. All right. Uh, I'm going to use my skill feet, uh, quick jump to make a long jump, uh, in conjunction with my powerful leap. Okay. So go ahead and, uh,
00:52:48
Speaker
Go ahead and make make your athletics check. All right. Actually, I just realized those they they don't interact like that, but still. Is it athletics or acrobatics? Athletics. Jumping is always athletics. 22. 22. All right. On go. You successfully clear the gap. You and Duman are now connected by rope. Okay, rope.
00:53:16
Speaker
Actually, no, I'm not going to command it. I detach the rope from him and I shove it back in my mouth. OK. You do that. Which rope? The rope for me. Yeah, it's it's all wet and sticky and lemon lime flavored now. Delicious. Pasto begins moving towards the doors. It's due trade. Hmm.
00:53:45
Speaker
I was always more of a sparkling water guy myself. No, that's not good for you. So, only two heroes do the right thing and board the due trade of justice. You have moved to the doors. Once we had Dorkin. I feel like Doom Man is like just a cross between between Pepsi Man but for Mountain Dew and Batman.
00:54:13
Speaker
Congratulations, you've figured out the bit. um i yeah I'm so happy someone has seed left and right. You open you open the doors, and on the other side, you see darkness. You see a massive chasm across which you see another set of doors with a ledge in front of them, around a five foot ledge. What the fuck is that arc? You also see massive stone hands reaching out of the darkness Two coming from below and two attached to the walls, which Pasto and Duman, you think you see those ones that are attached to the wall moving. I don't like this at all. So you have before you a 30 foot gap. Oh, we're going to cross this.
00:55:18
Speaker
It's like he do man reaches out a tentacle towards the ground. Is there like an invisible ground or is it just deep depth? Your tentacle just keeps going and going and going. ah I retract it back.
00:55:37
Speaker
I think we put away the rope too early. the I think you're right. I reached my hand back into my mouth.
00:55:50
Speaker
And i I pull out the long multicolored rope once again. All right. You pull out the rope. Now, is there anything that I can tie this rope to like immediately here? You don't currently see anything. The best you could maybe do is the handle of the door. Does it look sturdy? It's a stone door, so sturdy enough, but it is going to swing around.
00:56:19
Speaker
uh okay let's see uh does anybody have any pythons any what pythons you know that i can but i can hammer the zoo like a hammer you said i have a hammer why well i just we need to secure this rope here
00:56:43
Speaker
How deep is it? Uh, uh, dude, man's going to take a can of, uh, of due train out of his pocket. He's and toss into depths it's all keep going until you hear behind you. Huh? Spray. You turn around and see that the can has appeared behind you and has broken open. Oh.
00:57:15
Speaker
I don't know. Hmm. I wonder if, uh... Hmm. Oh, we gotta think with portals. Yeah. This one can hate you. This reminded me of where I grew up. They had me do puzzles for cans of doo-doo train. Certain laboratories? I don't know what the fuck you're talking... I mean, sorry. I'm allowed to swear.
00:57:43
Speaker
hey They, they trained me to fake like this. So anyways, another can down there. he talk to our cow there Okay. this Does it, does it look like there's okay, but this look like this is the velocity to be like enough to, to, to send him through the hallway and through that door. And what's that door made of? Um, so the can comes straight down into the hallway.
00:58:08
Speaker
Oh, it doesn't fire back out. It just comes straight. and There's no velocity. So there's no no consecration of velocity. OK, what happens if you drop a can in the hole back here? Oh, that's a good idea. Oh, do man takes a can and throws it back there. You throw it back there and you see the can fall. And then a few moments later, it smashes onto the floor in front of the mirror.
00:58:41
Speaker
Interesting. Hmm. That doesn't help. So both connected the mirror then? No, one connects to them all the pit back there connects to the mirror. The other cans that you've been throwing into the pit in front of you land behind you, like directly behind you. Like Jacob's shoes are now covered in do train. Oh, okay. but Shoes are covered in what now? Do train.
00:59:09
Speaker
I look at my shoes and I'm like, what the fuck is this? It's soda. It's not good. Is the lemon lime soda a choice or a new generation? I, hey I am just, I am gripping the hammer so hard right now. I am as if I have so much intent and, and, and desire to do and to do something, but I'm using all my will to not do it.
00:59:38
Speaker
I wish I was a flying bird. ever ah If you want to do it, just do it. That's the bottom of a new generation. I want to flap my wings. Pesto flaps his wings. That's right. yes You can fly.
01:00:03
Speaker
That's right. so ah you can Follow me. I'm going to I'm going to step over pesto. And I would like to make a long jump. OK, at what? At this hand right here. OK, at that hand over there. All right. Go ahead and make your athletics check. And it's moving. Is that the one that's moving? Yes, the ones on the walls are moving. Oh, oh, never. I thought. Oh, shit. We're on a time crunch here.
01:00:37
Speaker
Yeah, you're right, you're right. That's a 24. 24. And then I get to add five feet to that. Okay, you You... You manage to land firmly on this hand, and you can feel... It's definitely stone underneath your feet, but it is also very definitely moving.
01:01:00
Speaker
ah da um Would you have taken the rope with you? No, no, I was going to leave a coil there or part of it there. So would you have taken part of the rope with you? Yes, yes, I took half the rope with me. OK, like you split it or you took one end? No, no, I took one end of the rope with me. Excellent. Love that clarification because it is necessary with that item. All right. What now?
01:01:36
Speaker
Oingo has just leapt across the chasm. So, is the rope that we have tied to something? No. It's tied to me! Okay, apparently Doo Man puts it back inside himself. I'm gonna try and climb the rope. Okay, make an athletics check.
01:02:00
Speaker
I was gonna jump again. I'm making acrobatics because I'm balancing. Well, if you're whining, you're not balancing. Play. So you can try to tightrope it. Oh, that feels like it would go worse. so Um, I was addressed as the little bird thing. Yes. Wait. I'll go. The the boy goes to try. so I keep my voice this sort of break. I'm sorry. I got a brago. Vago is going to dump again.
01:02:36
Speaker
I'm just asking gonna leap over. How did fucking how did fucking ah Christian Bale do this? I can't believe it. So, Oengo, you do actually have to make a long jump check real quick. ah Do I? You do. I i can leap 15 feet. Right, that means you can clear a 10-foot gap.
01:02:58
Speaker
But then I get to add another 10 feet to my leap. Right, but that means you need to take a long jump to do that. You get to add, you get to add that to a long jump. No, I get to add 10 feet to a leap. I believe I look at a dancing leap and powerful leap. I'm noticing that it's doing the thing with diagonal. So that is a 10 foot gap anyways. You're good. Oh, okay. Perfect. Yeah. With dancing leaf, I get to add a five to a leap and then powerful leap. I get to add another five.
01:03:34
Speaker
Oh, I apologize, powerful leap is a vertical leap. Nevermind. Say it would just be five added. So powerful powerful leap is vert is high jump and long jump. Right. Yeah. Okay, so either way, you're there. Yes, I'm there. You are now- And I'm holding the other end of rope. On the ledge next to these massive stone doors, you can see etched into them are just designs of Wolf skulls. The moon.
01:04:11
Speaker
Lots of death iconography. Hmm. This seems like the right place. Is there anything I can tie the rope to? Nope. Ah, shit.
01:04:32
Speaker
across door like line These doors do not have any handles. Okay, I guess I'm just gonna firmly plant myself against the ground and hold the rope. Anything I can brace up against? The door?
01:04:49
Speaker
Okay, yeah, I guess I brace up against the door and prepare for somebody to Make their way a across. I will attempt to cross. OK. Are you climbing or are you balancing? I'm going to try to balance. OK, make an acrobatics check.
01:05:14
Speaker
Yeah, that's a 28. 28. All right. Pasto manages to balance over to the other side. Take up. Take up. What?
01:05:28
Speaker
leading the Look, it's a sticky situation, but I know you're always doing what's right. Oh, yeah, sticky because you're still the guy. Fucking me. Eh. Eh.
01:05:52
Speaker
Okay, I guess I can't jump whichever whichever one okay, you attempt to jump go ahead and make an athletics check I Love that he's just done it again. Yeah, I Where he completely ignores the fact that there's a problem that he could be climbing. ah So God oh god Remember, this is you. For once, you can't say, oh, i'm ah I'm not actually an explorer, because this is actually you. I'm not an explorer. I know, and neither is Jacob Perez in the game. So 22. All right. Jacob Perez, you attempt a long jump. 5, 10, 15.
01:06:49
Speaker
Okay. Jacob Perez, you managed to clear the gap and land on one of the moving hands. Oh yeah. The device looks at you sadly before ziplining over the rope. And at this point you realize that there's not enough room on the ledge for all of you. So the device is currently just hanging in the air.
01:07:11
Speaker
Oh, oh no. We're gonna have to open the door.
01:07:19
Speaker
Well, what could go wrong? I opened the door. There we go. Go ahead and open the door. You open the door, and on the other side, you can see a massive room with pillars, stone pillars, stone floors. You see what appears to be a massive stone sarcophagus illuminated by a pillar of moonlight.
01:07:40
Speaker
and you see a figure, Nelt, looking at what appears to be a large, dark statue.
01:07:52
Speaker
Dude, man, would like to leap over to the head. Okay. Or long jump. Which hand? The long jump. I don't know which action. Uh, the one where, uh, where Jacob, Perez, life and dice gel is on. Yeah. Okay, go ahead and make an athletics check. Athletics check. All right, here we go.
01:08:10
Speaker
proficiencies, athletics.
01:08:16
Speaker
Not bad. 25. 25. You're over there now. You bring the rope with you and you close line, Jacob. um All The slack of the rope is now causing the device to dangle and fall into the pit.
01:08:37
Speaker
oh No, I just reel it in with my internal organs. You reel in the rope. Oingo, are you going to continue trying to hang on to the rope? ah Yes. Okay, make an athletics check as Duman attempts to take the rope from you. I'm not going to take it from you. I want to release you on a slack.
01:09:01
Speaker
yeah Oh, I and read it between the lights. I understand now. I understand now still so okay. Oh, so the 9-11 machine is it going to be taking athletics check just you know, just so you know 31 31. Okay, you hang on. Oh my god rock solid All right, take a step inside
01:09:23
Speaker
Has to do, you step inside as you do. So he's wanting to listen to directions. You notice next to you and also across the room what appear to be some sort of wheels with chains attached to them illuminated by a faint red glow.
01:09:43
Speaker
The chains appear to run across the ceiling And you can now see ah the pillar of moonlight is coming through a massive skylight. Oh. So. You can jump over. You guys may want to hoey up. I move away. You move away. The device moves over. All right. And
01:10:18
Speaker
ae You're going to need to make a long jump here. 35. You move over. ah Thank you. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. That's too far. There we go. I'm sorry. Jacob, make an athletics check.
01:10:40
Speaker
23. You're now over. Look at that.
01:10:46
Speaker
Because that noise, I don't make that noise. Yeah, you do. You do now. That's your iconic ye. That's your iconic Jacob Perez ye. No, the one that you say every day when you wake before you go to bed. All right. So you're all now here. You're all now here. You're all now here. You're all now here on the other side. In this array, I eat the rope ripped. OK, you eat the rope. Lovely.
01:11:18
Speaker
Should we go in that room?
01:11:22
Speaker
Uh oh. I say we go in the room. Yeah. Say we don't. and We all go in together in one unit. Can't. Let's go waddle forward. Let's go waddles forward. Do man waddles forward. Only go waddles forward. I still say we don't say we did. Jacob Perez says, Jacob Perez stays at the door. Oh my god. Jacob Perez moves in. The door slams shut behind you. And as you approach.
01:11:49
Speaker
the you can now see this man who is knelt over skin appears incredibly pale he appears quite gaunt you can see all of his bones through his skin and you can see his hands glowing with blue flame as he turns to you his milky gray eyes he just
01:12:18
Speaker
You can see werewolf fangs poking from his from his gums as yeah out of his mouth flies. A massive humanoid wolf spirit creature. I'll have what he's having. Good day. So. It is time for initiative.
01:12:47
Speaker
Yeah. arms All right. And so Jacob, the way that your ah your device works in initiative is that it acts on your turn. ah It gets one action ah unless you command it as an action. So and in which case it gets two actions.
01:13:12
Speaker
Make sense?
01:13:15
Speaker
You might have to remind me when it's my turn, but sure. All right, here we go. Top of round one, one go. All right. I'm going to start off with a crane stance. OK, excellent. Enter your crane stance. I enter my crane stance. And then after that, ah let's see. how Oh, I don't like this music. Well, I don't like that.
01:13:45
Speaker
Oh, no, I don't like them. After that, I'm going to ah kick off my shoes and pull my pants up. You know, like, you know, like when Cuphead like gets ready for a battle, he pulls his pants up. Sure. I'm going to do the same and I'm going to cast. Where is my spell? You have spells?
01:14:13
Speaker
uh fleet step uh that's a focus spell yeah uh i think so all right give me a sec um it's from my uh fey influence
01:14:41
Speaker
All right. And you notice that ah he ah he has hooved feet and like Seder legs. What? and Underneath the clown costume.
01:15:05
Speaker
What just rolled? Oh, yes. you see the spirit which appears to grow in strength as it absorbs the moonlight, growing in size as well. It is then going to howl into the air and is going to, you watch as from its form emerges a spiritual wolf creature.
01:15:40
Speaker
So, the what you'd imagine is the Varkalok is going to now fly across into Pesto and Doom and Duman. And it is going to go for a claws attack.
01:16:04
Speaker
on um excuse me it's gonna go for a jaws attack on pasto and a claws attack on doom man so against pasto first that is a 30 against pasto at crits oh boy all right so that is going
01:16:47
Speaker
wait, sorry, it only gets one attack. So it does not attack do man. It only attacks pesto. My bad. Oh, okay. Cause it needs an action to summon the wolf. ah Speaking of. just qui Can an event be that this thing comes in and automatically attacks the baby
01:17:19
Speaker
It is going to use it is going to howl into the air At, and i need I need Jacob to make a will save please.
01:17:40
Speaker
Dirty 20. Dirty 20, okay. You succeed so you are only frightened one by this fear that grasps you.
01:17:54
Speaker
No, it's pretty good considering in real life there will be fighting for. That brings us now to Jacob Perez. Oh boy, it's time for Jacob Perez. So remember, your device gets one action unless you order it to do something, in which case it gets two actions. So I look over at this giant wolf, look back at my device,
01:18:23
Speaker
I look back at the wolf back at my device and I look at it one more time huh and I just and I and and the most mischievous grin you have ever seen rises on my face and I and I ordered the device to throw I guess a aircraft type projectile at And the enemy. Okay, go ahead. giant at wo Go ahead and make a projectile launcher attack. That's on the device's character sheet. The device has a character sheet? Why does the device have a character sheet? Because it does. Go ahead and open the device's character sheet and make a projectile launcher attack. No goddamn way. Okay, projectile launch attack.
01:19:20
Speaker
fuck What'd you get? Fifteen. Fifteen, unfortunately, is not a hit. Oh, there it is. I mean, you said it gets two actions. I guess I'll do it again. Yeah. All right. Go for it. That was not intentional. Fantastic. Jesus Christ. Why is it doing? There we go.
01:19:47
Speaker
What'd you get?
01:19:52
Speaker
that looks like a 13 to me that unfortunately is not a hit 13 so you hear me I can I can now but I couldn't before okay so uh Jacob Perez you have two actions remaining all righty I guess
01:20:24
Speaker
Okay, go ahead and roll the hit with your hammer. No. You and your device do not share multiple attack penalty. rep seventeen That unfortunately is not a hit. okay then i'll try again Nope. Nope. You used all of your actions.
01:20:45
Speaker
i like One order, one, one to order the device and you use one to step forward.
01:20:54
Speaker
Right. I did. yes Okay. so your Frightened condition ends and that brings us to pesto. A quick question. What kind of damage was dealt to me by that bite attack? Piercing. Excellent news. Okay. Um, I would like to cast blood vendetta. see Oh God.
01:21:17
Speaker
Astok has a blood vendetta? um okay in this innocent make e Okay, so what does this mean? So what this means is that it takes- Sorry, no, you can't do that because that's a reaction.
01:21:37
Speaker
Oh, sorry. It's a reaction. So, uh, I'll give you that spell slot back. Bloodbend it as a reaction. You have to use that after you've been attacked, like as you're being attacked. I will remember that for when it tries to bite me again. In that case, what we're going to do is we're going to go ahead and try and void warp. Okay. Thingamabob.
01:22:06
Speaker
Okay, go ahead and, or I guess that's a saving throw, isn't it? So fortitude save? Yes. That is going to be a 22. So that succeeds, but not critically. Okay, so it takes half damage.
01:22:28
Speaker
Going to take four points of damage. It takes no damage. That's really unfortunate information. Is it an exhaust? It appears that it resists the damage.
01:22:42
Speaker
Okay, I'm gonna try to do a
01:22:53
Speaker
So it says, with a passing thought, you direct violent psychic energies at nearby creature, target one creature within 30 feet, takes 3d4 bludgeoning damage with a 21 basic reflex save. Okay, so reflex save. That is a 27. So it succeeds, but not critically.
01:23:17
Speaker
It takes four points of damage. It takes no damage.
01:23:22
Speaker
course does I wouldn't okay well that's all the penguin can do okay that brings us now to the Varkalok host over here um who is going to been together fell is going to spin together a a
01:23:47
Speaker
two action magic missile, first and foremost, with one going into Jacob Perez and one going into Perez is going to take ah four points of force damage and Doo Man takes five.
01:24:15
Speaker
I take five points of damage. And then the Varkalak host is going else and you watch as this energy sort of envelops the Varkalak spirit's hands and you see its claws start to sort of be almost magnetized towards its targets.
01:24:42
Speaker
as a true strike takes effect. Oh, God. Oh, no. So that brings
01:24:56
Speaker
I like where this is going. But you know what? It's always time to serve some refreshing justice. He's going to double stride. Uh, to get over to, uh-oh. As you move, the Varkala spirit gets an attack of opportunity. Yes. Okay. It's a reactive strike. So with advantage because of true strike, because true strike is fucking good in this game. So that against the do night is going to be, uh-oh.
01:25:58
Speaker
it's a lot of damage. 15 points of damage. 15 points. Slashing damage. 15 points of slashing. Okay.
01:26:14
Speaker
will attack you. I'll, I'll literally just go. Justice. I do. And I'm
01:26:30
Speaker
Uh, that's going to be 27 to hit 27 to hit. That is a critical hit. All right.
01:26:39
Speaker
Critical hit. but get Is there specialization for fists? I don't know. Yes, there's specialization for every weapon group. It's the brawling weapon group. So let me pull up archives of methods real fast because I for some reason didn't have that open already. What's wrong with you?
01:27:02
Speaker
Critical specialization effect, PF2E. Critical specialization, this is the brawling group. Target must succeed at a fortitude save against your class DC or become slowed one until the end of your next turn. So it needs to make a fortitude save against your class DC. What is your class DC? ah ah How do I determine that again? I'm so sorry. You find it at the bottom of your proficiencies.
01:27:34
Speaker
Okay, and that fortitude save is going to be a 26, so it succeeds. Alright, succeeds. I got snake eyes for my critical hit, so I steal 12 points of damage. 12 points of damage, okay.
01:27:51
Speaker
You hu just clobber this thing and you can feel these brittle bones crunching underneath brings us to the top of round two with Oingo the Boingo. Okay, now um if before I do anything, just double checking. ah With my leap, if I'm doing my math right and I'm looking at my feats right, I should be able to leap 30 feet, correct?
01:28:19
Speaker
is let's sleep I can leap 15 feet if my speed is at least 30 and then ah crane stance adds an additional five feet to my leap ah dancing leaf does the same and then powerful leap you may increase the horizontal distance when you leap by five feet sure okay great I'm gonna make a flying kick against ah this guy right here great okay um And since it is the top of a new round, the Varkalok spirit gets another attack of opportunity. As its reach is now
01:29:12
Speaker
ah Yeah. Let me let me try that. where do Where do I do that? Left side is on the token. control Oh, I see. Yeah. Little purple one. um So it's fine. You're already there. You're already there. So what is great? I mean, ah so I leap over there and then I get to make a strike. OK, and I'm guessing. Well, yeah, you only have one option and that's the crane wing.
01:29:36
Speaker
Oh, that's a 16 to 16 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. Oh, oh, sweet.
01:29:46
Speaker
Five points of bludgeoning. Five points of bludgeoning damage. Your fist definitely connects, but it partially goes th through the creature. um Not dealing nearly as much damage as you'd like it to, but definitely dealing a little. That's fine. ah With my final action, I'm going to do a combat grab. Yeah, okay. Go for it. So I get to make another strike.
01:30:18
Speaker
And that's a 17 to hit. 17 does in fact hit.
01:30:26
Speaker
That's 10 points of bludgeoning. 10 points of bludgeoning, okay. And it is now grabbed. And it is now grabbed. All right, this thing is now mortal. And I would like to say ah the image of this thing being grabbed, I have wrapped my, my arms have,
01:30:43
Speaker
gone like Beetlejuice long, you know what I mean? It has wrapped against this thing ah being held in place with the sticky end in my hands. We love that. All right, that brings us now to the Varkalok spirit, which, if it had taken damage, you can see it continues getting more power from the moon coming from the skylight. And it is going to, at this point,
01:31:20
Speaker
then going to use another action to attempt to bite pesto. um
01:31:30
Speaker
And so it gets pesto, oh that's a nat one! Oh! So crit Fumble. Uh, that is going to be card number 40. Uh, that was unarmed until healed. You are deaf and so it is now deaf. Um, that's something. And, uh, so pesto, you dodge out of the way of that strike. Um, the Varkalok spirit is then going to go ahead and make a claw at Jacob Perez. Uh, that is going to be a dirty 20 against Jacob Perez.
01:32:30
Speaker
boy. After you make sure to deal that damage to yourself.
01:32:47
Speaker
it's gleamlike projectile towards the
01:32:58
Speaker
Well that's a 25 to hit. 25 does in fact hit go ahead and roll damage. Okay.
01:33:11
Speaker
Eight points of damage. Eight points of damage. Uh, it deals some damage, but, uh, actually no, nevermind. It deals no damage. What the fuck? The plane just flies straight through. Oh, just like the real ones. Uh, oh.
01:33:39
Speaker
I eyeball the fellow over
01:33:49
Speaker
mr President, there's a second plane. Is it it within range? So what are you doing? What are you doing?
01:34:02
Speaker
Another projectile launch. Okay, at at the host over there. Okay, so that will take a
01:34:22
Speaker
Is that a net 20? Yeah, all right the fuck critical hit ah That is number 36. That was a piercing attack Javelin catcher triple damage if the attack was ranged or thrown double damage for all other so Yeah, roll triple damage Jesus so just roll fucking Christ. Just roll regular damage once and then ah triple that. I don't understand the look Jacob Perez has is like a person. All right, this has 15 points of damage. 15 points of damage to the host. The host is now bloodied.
01:35:06
Speaker
All right, Jacob Perez has two actions remaining.
01:35:15
Speaker
ah How far is this? what is that as How far is what? Oh, that guy? Yeah. Yeah. That's my speed. Your speed is 25. Okay, so I can over here bunch of fun sorts of figures. Okay. well One fun joke. Sure. Back in the tunnel.
01:35:42
Speaker
You abandon pesto and hop on top of the sarcophagus next to the do-man. I scream, I'm sorry, pesto, as I run up on you. Oh no. I'm so sorry, pesto. Okay, so now I'm gonna tackle with my life hamper. Okay. Again, and no mental, and no attack penalty, right? Correct, no multiple attack penalty. Fantastic, so I'll really let it out. I'm probably doing this wrong, but I don't really give a shit.
01:36:08
Speaker
Yeah, whatever. 24. 24 to hit. That is, in fact, a hit. Go ahead and roll damage. That's a tick.
01:36:19
Speaker
Four. Four points of damage. You send whoop your hammer straight through this guy's skull. yeah Falls down to the floor dead.
01:36:33
Speaker
That brings us now to... I looked up at him and I do a one-liner. What is your one-liner? Oh, well, I guess your one-liner is that you just... yeah one said yeah Jacob Perez just says out loud, I look down on him and I do a one-liner. Wow. He's narrating himself. That's so fucking cool. Who's really cool? It's one-liner here. No, I should note, at this point, you see there is still a thread of moonlight between the Varkalok and the host.
01:37:03
Speaker
uh that's being strengthened by the moonlight coming through the skylight as we get to pesto's turn is there a way to close the skylight you did see a bunch of reels with chains on them around the room that i in front of me count as a living creature no that is So unfortunate for several reasons. OK. We're going to do is we're going to go ahead and we're going to take a.
01:37:48
Speaker
To breathe fire. is a twenty nine.
01:38:04
Speaker
that succeeds but not critically okay so half damage three points of damage three points of damage which is then reduced so no damage okay and then i'm gonna try my light is creating a field around it awesome i'm gonna try a cyberst again okay that's another saving throw Reflex save, yes.
01:38:48
Speaker
That's seven points, so it probably doesn't matter, but still. Seven points of damage. Hey, it takes two points of damage. Look at that. You finally get through the moonlight field.
01:39:05
Speaker
Baby Penguin is so weary. um All right, that brings us now to the Varkalok host, because, oh, he's not dead. Uh-oh. As you watch his skull reinflate itself. Excuse me? Takes an action to stand up from prone.
01:39:24
Speaker
Perhaps, does the moon perhaps reinvigorate him as he stands up? Yes, it does. it appears that oh It actually appears that the thread of moonlight connecting him to the Varkalok, which of course is still being strengthened by the moon coming through the skylight,
01:39:42
Speaker
Yes appears to I just wanted to great I wanted yes. Yes, just I wanted to uh to specify that the fact is moonlight from the skylight and it's really big reading him of course also proctoring a Connection to him in the rock lock. Yeah through the skylight.
01:39:57
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. I want to reiterate as well that the skylight has control mechanisms highlighted in red amongst the battle arena. Right. Okay. It does. It does. I want to just make that clear. Okay.
Electric Challenges
01:40:10
Speaker
Good. The Varkalok Yeah host is going to send an arc of electricity between Jacob Perez and Doom. Both of you make reflex saves, please. Do I get ball work? It is a damaging effect. So sure. I get ball work.
01:40:27
Speaker
I got I got 19. 17 and 19. Both of you fail. So both of you take from that five points of electric damage. And that is the end of the host turn. That brings us to the doo man. Five points. Yes. Five points.
01:40:48
Speaker
By the name of the Lord Duitress, we must close the light. I'm just gonna make a strike action towards the the first mechanism. You strike it over to the mechanism. Can I attempt to close it? um Sure, yeah. You grasp the handles. and i My chest literally explodes open and tentacles fly everywhere and grasp as many places as it can. I'm gonna try and close it. All right, so it'll take two actions to close.
01:41:17
Speaker
I will bird the rest of my two actions to close it. Okay. one of the four quarters of the skylight closes.
01:41:35
Speaker
Quick! Shut the light off! So that brings us around to the top of round three with Oingo Boingo. It's actually Oingo the Boingo. I would like to... I'm saving time. Fair enough, fair enough. Okay. ah Then I'm going to... do i have If I want to release this guy, ah is that an action to do so? Free action. Okay, free action. I'm going to release him. Okay.
01:42:07
Speaker
And then I'm going to a flying and kick this gentleman right here. ah Okay. go ahead and uh oh oh my god i swear and you roll the hit that is a hit go ahead and roll damage points of bludgeoning five points of bludgeoning you kick this you kick a hole through this guy's chest and he goes down again
01:42:40
Speaker
Wow. You have one action remaining. Okay. Here's a question. Does combat grab have to be against the same guy? What are you trying to do? I don't think this does combat grab the closing mechanism by any chance? The closing mechanism. No, but I probably should.
01:43:07
Speaker
ah of I'm gonna I'm gonna go
Disrupting the Moonlight
01:43:10
Speaker
ahead and do that actually that's this thing right over here correct yeah the end of my turn brings us to the Varkalok spirit which automatically heals the damage that a pesto did to it
01:43:49
Speaker
seems to invigorate all of the wolves around Pesto. um So ah the Varkalok spirit, so the flanking does not affect this attack, this Jaws attack that's coming in at pesto. So ah yeah, you your your AC is still 19. This Jaws attack is going to be an 18 to hit. That will not hit. Okay, it is then in that case going to use its final action to make a claw strike at pesto.
01:44:33
Speaker
is the end of the Varkalok Spirits turn that brings us to Jacob way, I want to make it clear because Jacob, what's the big ah light source that is illuminating the room right now?
01:44:56
Speaker
moonlight okay good shit he actually knew but make sure you're paying attention to that okay probably should have brought something with us huh yeah by the way uh what's also to the uh the one that's uh healing these creatures is want to make sure you got that too what okay yeah no we're two we're two wait wait we're about to go free for free here guys free for free all right um so what do the red mechanisms do
01:45:27
Speaker
like they They're the chains they do something with combined like with the moonlight and the and the like link Between the moonlight and the creatures if I am correct. I don't know The chance the way before you answer the question of Ted can my client use phone a friend No i mean why know le byla read a lawyer ah
01:46:07
Speaker
Okay, yeah, I'm going to I'm gonna order the device to fire at this chain here, way out of its range. That is way out of its range. So you're telling it to fire at the chain? It might point out there's a chain south of it. This is true. There are two chains south of it that are firmly within range. Oh, I'll fire it at those then. Okay. ah Go ahead and roll the hit.
01:46:49
Speaker
Okay, that is going to be hit go ahead now was that don't mean to roll the second one now No, just roll damage for this one and It was going be 10 points of damage 10 points of damage you managed to deal significant damage to the wheel um And you can see it it appears to let go partially, but doesn't fully close.
01:47:23
Speaker
The device has one action remaining. Okay. Okay. anyone Okay, I also want to just note something real quick about causes your device to explode in this case it slams a plane into the nearest object and deals 5d6 acid damage to everything in five feet around it and
01:48:00
Speaker
So just, you know. Not fire damage, really? Nope. It normally would be fire, but it's changed to acid because, you know,
01:48:23
Speaker
So Jacob, what does the device do with its remaining action?
01:48:32
Speaker
The acid thing applied to the device? So you have to you have to take two actions for yourself, Jacob Perez, not the device. You take two actions to make the device explode in a five-foot radius. That's how it deals acid damage. It doesn't normally deal acid damage. It only deals acid damage when you make it explode. um from Okay, I'm just gonna have it do another projectile launch. Okay, the same one?
01:49:00
Speaker
and OK, go ahead and roll it. Well, why are you circling the device? She's circling five feet. Trying to figure out what it was within a five foot radius. Nothing current. That was what I was thinking. OK, well, that's that's twenty two. Twenty two. Go ahead and roll damage.
01:49:23
Speaker
This is four. Four points of damage. All right, you set another plane into this. A second plane hits the reel. And it hits the damage enough that the chain lets go and is able to close another quarter of the skylight. Holy cow, are you telling me that Jethiel must still be used? No, there was no Jethiel involved in this one because you didn't use the explode action. Anyways, Jacob prizes two actions remaining.
01:49:53
Speaker
It appears that half of the moonlight is gone. Fantastic. So now I'm going to... This guy's still knocked out, right? He's still dead, yes. I'm going to do a funny. I'm going to take my sickle, I'm going to chop his head off, and then I'm going to carry it around with me ah so that it can regenerate, it can chase me around. And then I'm going to... Okay, you take one action to chop his head off with your sickle. Cool. And then I'm going to run over here.
01:50:21
Speaker
Okay. You take your second and run over there. And that's it. We only have two things. Yeah. Cause it takes an action to order the device.
01:50:35
Speaker
All right. That brings us to pesto. I'm still happy with my turn. I regret nothing. Okay. That's what's going to take an attack of opportunity. Wait, they didn't try to do it. I'll go bonk. I'll go the bongo earlier. Nope.
01:50:50
Speaker
Different turn. That was round two. So it is going to be with a jaws attack that is going to be a 21 to yeah that hit. Okay,
01:51:21
Speaker
Uh, that is going to be 16 points of piercing damage from the Jaws attack. Stow is un-fucking conscious. Oh my gosh. Pesto is un-fucking conscious. Pesto, no! Stow is literally surrounded by fucking ghost, ghost wolves right now. Yup. That brings us to the Varkalok host, which is going to um
01:51:52
Speaker
regenerates five hit points move in the turn order um yeah i think yeah it yeah reactions are funky um so that's fine uh yeah so the vercolac host grows another head um
01:52:28
Speaker
is going to a appear.
01:52:33
Speaker
Yeah.
01:52:38
Speaker
Okay so it is going to appear on the under Jacob Perez. So Jacob Perez make a reflex save please.
01:52:56
Speaker
I think he's going to beat Jacob Perez by way. 19. 19 okay that is unfortunately a failure so you will take full damage from this flaming sphere.
01:53:11
Speaker
um
01:53:14
Speaker
All right, that is going to be nine points of fire damage. And that is the end of the host's turn. That brings us to
01:53:34
Speaker
Gosh, I was expecting I took the pesto did not fucking get axed or that part ah You expect mma's to not spend half of combat unconscious Yeah, I know I'm going to enter I'm essentially gonna like I my hand like I'm going to like lean back and like a spine breaking maneuver. um Like this Eldritch Horror style as you hear bones break and I'm going to have a dragon stance. Okay. And from like wrongs. Yeah.
01:54:23
Speaker
yeah by by Apparently I have bones. I'm going to shit. Where's this part? made a dragon stand thank you thank ah I'm to just a purple of propose. It's just essentially shoots out of my face plate or whatever the hell it is. Right towards the right towards the the host is horrifying.
01:54:52
Speaker
Yeah, that's gonna be uh, oh Okay, you're one of your three hero points. Yes. I said the hero to rule that I will reroll it. Oh Okay, that's great 24 to hit 24 that is a hit go ahead and roll damage oh Rolling damage.
01:55:43
Speaker
top of round three with oingo the boingo okay uh and just to to be absolutely clear this one has not been activated yet correct it has not been
01:56:02
Speaker
So now only one quarter of the skylight is open with my final action, I'm going to, uh,
01:56:20
Speaker
increment of 10 feet. I'm going to stride. Okay. And that is going to go... Actually, wait, no, I'm not going to stride. Yeah, I'd rather just stride.
01:56:34
Speaker
yield 55 foot movement speed. yeah oh Yeah. I will say as you pass by the Varkalok spirit, you do take an attack of opportunity because it has a 10 foot reach. And I would like to say I'm not like running. I'm walking just incredibly fast. Like it's just a walking animation.
01:57:12
Speaker
right then that is the end of your turn as you move all the way over there that brings us to pesto make a death roll please
01:57:32
Speaker
Well, I'm going to hero point that. Okay. Do you want to use all of your hero points to just not be dying anymore? Or do you want to just use the one? I'm just going to use the one. Okay. Go ahead and reroll then.
01:57:51
Speaker
Much better. You are now seen no longer actively bleeding out.
01:57:58
Speaker
um that brings us to the Varkalok spirit which is still getting healing from the moon of course uh it is then going to take one action to summon another wolf uh it is then going to uh make a jaw strike on pesto um pesto that is a 21 to hit well that hits okay so pesto you are now dying one again
01:58:28
Speaker
or I guess dying two, because wounded. And I'm also doomed, so. Yes, meaning that if you become dying three, you fucking die. So anyways, the Varkalok spirit is then going to, is going to then take an action to fly across
01:59:08
Speaker
that is the end of its turn, but now the wolves all get to take a turn because I remembered this time. So, uh, Wolf number one here is going to use its flying speed to fly over next to its friend there. Uh, it is then going to make a jaws attack.
01:59:29
Speaker
on Doo Man. That is going to be a 13 to hit. 13 does not hit. Okay, it is then going to make a Jaws attack against Jacob Perez. That is a 17 to hit. That does not hit. Okay, there's the end of that wolf's turn. That brings us now to the other wolves. um We'll start with the newest one here, which is going to go ahead and attack the device.
02:00:07
Speaker
have a higher AC than me? Because you're not wearing armor and the device is made is then going to go for another attack on the device. That is a 14 to hit.
02:00:24
Speaker
It does not hit. All right. It's going to go for one more attack on the device. That is a 10 to hit. So that is the end of that turn. All right. The one on to the left of pesto is going to make an attack against pesto. That is an 18 to hit. That hits. OK. I know you can. So I will roll again.
02:00:54
Speaker
That is going to instead be a 22 to hit That's worse I will hero point that okay but he here for More than once on this but you can hear as many times as you want who People use their hero to rack the role up together youla That doesn't hit okay, it's then going to make another attack That's a six to hit that doesn't hit it's gonna make another attack against pesto that's oh my god it does not hit all right that brings us to the other wolf boy uh which is going to make an to hit i
02:01:49
Speaker
Hey, Sarah, can I use my hero point to get up here or do I have to wait? don't think it matters, actually, because if I come up, then I'm at wounded, too, and then I get bit, then I'm at wound I'm at dying free.
02:02:19
Speaker
you you can use your hero point to you can it just means that you um you no longer are dying and you would not be wounded anymore let's do that okay so you use your hero point uh so you are no longer dying and you Do not increase your wounded condition.
02:02:54
Speaker
Okay, and I believe the wolf has one more attack, which is going to use now. That is going to be a negative one to hit. So that's not hit.
Breaking the Connection
02:03:04
Speaker
That brings us to Jacob Perez. Destroy the last one, please! Is it still next to me? Oh no, that one's destroyed now. Cool. All right, so I'm gonna contact the prize.
02:03:19
Speaker
fireer a clickdown launcher you read magicji Does it get cover? Against the... Yes, it does get cover. It's a transparent ghost wolf. Yes, but it does still it does still create cover. Go ahead and roll the hit. How? Because it does get hit by things. Wait, wait, Jacob. Jacob, this is the perfect time.
02:03:46
Speaker
I died alive in the pig! This is true! i You could explode! You could... You could die alive in this! Do you want to explode? and I can explode and burn this wolf here and the big wolf next to me. I mean, move it! I mean, move it! But, you know, move it and then explode the the mechanism is what I was saying. Nah. You're next to me in the tomb.
02:04:12
Speaker
you could do that You know, I'm doing that okay. Do you have fuels about to melt the steel beam? Now I will say you don't have to use an action to command it it can take one action to strive or strike without you commanding it All right, well, so that's what just happened. Okay, so it is moved and so you're going to use explode and Yes. Okay, then. Let me roll the reflex save for the Varkalok spirit. That is a 22 on its reflex save.
02:04:52
Speaker
What's my reflex DC again? It's it's reflex plus 10, right? No, it's not against your reflex DC. Is it against? If you open the explode action,
02:05:06
Speaker
and of find the explored action It's on your actions tab. It's the one labeled explode.
02:05:30
Speaker
So it will take half damage. So go ahead and roll that 5d6 acid damage.
02:05:39
Speaker
As the device slams an exploding plane into the ground. 19 points! 19 points of damage. The fucker is taking 9 points of damage still! Melt the chain and that is enough to eliminate the moonlight completely. Oh my fucking god. Which, let's see, so the Varkalak spirit does take 9 points of damage which is reduced due to its thingamabobber.
02:06:11
Speaker
So it takes well no it does take
02:06:41
Speaker
It's healing. So, Jacob Perez, you have one action remaining.
02:07:06
Speaker
Yes. So, as the moonlight disappears, but you see the, yeah right, but it grew another head. He grew another head and summoned a fucking fireball underneath your feet. Anyways. He did do that. You watch as the host, the the moonlight thread connecting the host and the Varkalok spirit dissipates.
02:07:34
Speaker
And the Varkalok, all of the spiritual wolves just begin to disappear before the Varkalok spirit itself just disappears.
02:08:04
Speaker
Don't worry yet. It's not.
Healing and Celebration
02:08:10
Speaker
It's not. We got a little bird on the ground. Oh, yeah, that's true. um Jacob Rose, you have one
02:08:28
Speaker
What does Doo Man want to do? We're out of initiative. Doo Man's gonna... He's gonna... He's gonna... He's gonna run over. Does he see the spell burn? He's gonna... You watch as... As like... What? Oh gosh. How do I... How does the spell work? I'm sorry. I'm not a spellcaster. I've never played spellcaster.
02:08:46
Speaker
like oh man Yes. What you see is his basically- What do you mean you've never played a spellcaster? Hold on. I've played a champion. A champion who has layout hands. All right. um Wait, I have played a character who has layout hands. You have Wyatt who is a spellcaster. Wait, no, I played a character who has layout hands too. Remember that Ork barbarian? Oh God.
02:09:09
Speaker
Anyways, anyway, uh He essentially do bad just goes over this thing and just you see him dissolve into flesh and he just essentially just like Like he there's teeth and there's broken bones and he like literally cuts himself open and it's in a blood like lemon lime neon green glowing goo falls out and I'm gonna cast layout hands on Good ol' pesto. Delicious. Delicious. It's actually- Tall points of healing. Tall points of healing the pesto.
02:09:47
Speaker
pesto you open your eyes and watch you don't have a smile i'm just flesh and becomes one with you you are now one with the do the doo man is gone and that's where we're gonna end this off Happy Halloween everyone. Wait, wait, wait, wait. There's one last thing that I'd like to do before we finish off. What do you want to do? I'd like to say, this calls for a celebration. And I reach into my hair, into my afro. And I pull a very tiny car i that is softly playing circus music. I put it on the ground. I open all the doors. And I would like to effectively turn out my bag of weasels.
02:10:42
Speaker
I need you to make 5,000 DC 11 flat checks now. I'm not joking. 5,000 DC 11 flat checks. I can't do that many. I'll turn out wait i'll be i'll do it at night. Hang on.
02:11:06
Speaker
Oh Lord. Jesus. Good Lord. Oh my my God.
02:11:36
Speaker
Fucking happy Halloween! I am dead in real life now. Fucking happy Halloween, everyone. We want to give a special shout out to our first member on Buy Me A Coffee, Jane Meyer. Thank you so much for your support, Jane. And to anyone else who would like to support us in exchange for some pretty cool rewards, you can check us out on buymeacoffee.com slash live from Dice jail.