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Brandi Bee!
145 Plays4 years ago
This week on Friendless, James interviews comedy puppet master and JFL North producer superstar, Brandi Bee!
They discuss comedy culture, doing mushrooms with Duncan Trussel, practicing your Oscar speech, the Tibetan book of the dead, and so much more!
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Transcript
Introduction to Friendless Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Friendless is a proud member of the Saskatchewan Podcast Network, which is sponsored in part by Connexus Credit Union and Direct West.
00:00:15
Speaker
Hey there, sweeties! Welcome back to a brand new episode of Friendless, the only show that teaches you how to be a better friend by losing every friend you have. I'm as always your host James Evermanco, back once again to ask what the hell a friend even is, and whether or not I've been one.
Unfriending Brandy B
00:00:31
Speaker
This week I unfriend comedy puppet master and producer superstar, Brandy B. Brandy and I discuss comedy culture, doing mushrooms with Duncan Trussell, practicing your Oscar speech, the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and so much more. I could rave all day about how awesome Brandy is, but don't take my word for it. Let's just dive right in, so enjoy my interview with Brandy B here on Friendless.
00:00:54
Speaker
So, um, you know, this, this is a really exciting interview for me, um, because, you know, my guests this week, uh, tell the listeners are, is, um, uh, someone from my distant past who we only truly had like a couple of really.
Jesper Laughs North Festival During COVID
00:01:10
Speaker
like really in-person conversations, you know, interactions, and then like kind of never saw each other again, but have managed to sort of stay weirdly connected through it all, right? At least that's been my take on it, you know? And so my guest this week is Brandi B, the, what is it, producer, head president? Producer of- Head president. Head president. Head president. You know, I just feel like you just run the show of Jesper Laughs North, right?
00:01:38
Speaker
Yeah, it's me and the director at JF on her bus, and we're just like a two-man operation throughout the year, but yeah, so we just kind of both figure it all out, but yeah. Right, and just wing it. And what's that been like? I mean, I don't want to get derailed on this too soon, but I'm so fascinated by it. What has it been like running that festival through the last year and a half? Like, has anything happened, or has it been sort of on hiatus? We were lucky.
00:02:05
Speaker
Heather who owns it, she's just the most kindhearted, chill, fabulous woman. You do not encounter people like her in entertainment every day by any means. So her approach to chaos, she also has three boys and has been through everything. And she was the woman that was made to get through this. So she kind of, she was so good at it. But yeah, so we took the year where we
00:02:32
Speaker
It was so weird because up until like last fall, we were like, well, are we still doing this? Where's this virus going? What's happening? Um, but then it came, we had partners like created BC and sponsors that were still invested in helping us either like learn about new platforms or use this as a year to adapt.
00:02:51
Speaker
Otherwise we wouldn't if we would have just kept staying in the same cycle where you just start booking in the summer and you get your venues and your partners and your thing and this gave us the benefit of stepping out of that just out of doing the same formulaic thing so
00:03:07
Speaker
We also, like you and I have been talking about a bit, um, we started recording a podcast, we looked into some video content stuff. Um, and it's good cause yeah, it helps us get our heads around like live streaming and upping the ante for, we will get to do the festival again in February. So. Right.
00:03:24
Speaker
Hopefully, who knows variants? I don't know. But yeah, God, isn't it weird position right now where it's like, yeah, right. It's like it's the summer now, but we're kind of in the same position we were last year in the summer anyway. Yes. Like who the fuck knows what's going to happen.
James's ADHD Diagnosis Journey
00:03:38
Speaker
And I really want to be hopeful. I am.
00:03:42
Speaker
Did you, when everything shut down, I had way too much time. So I was like, well, now's for sure. I should just YouTube everything about pandemics and like the Spanish flu. Don't do it because the Spanish flu will be like you 100% are going to enjoy like another wave that's going to be a variant. So
00:04:02
Speaker
Oh my God. The horror show of the graph, right? My God. Like the horrific graphs where of like the like five year cycle of the Spanish flu and how it just got worse and worse and worse every year. Cause everybody would be like, Oh yeah, big time. I became like, I became like a little micro expert on pandemic cycles and no one wanted to talk to me.
00:04:28
Speaker
Is that how you handle, because right now you're also like long haired man in a fun time shop, but is that how you handle anxiety? Like, are you like, Oh, let me just learn everything about this big time. I think so. I think so. Um, it's, it's funny cause like I, you know, um, uh, I was just last year I was, I was diagnosed or was it last year, end of last year, start of this year in that window. I was diagnosed
Anxiety and Social Issues
00:04:52
Speaker
with ADHD and that really, yeah. And it really like.
00:04:57
Speaker
it really showed a lot of like a lot of my traits, which I thought were just like my weird quirks were like, oh, no, that's just your ADHD brain that becoming like hyper fixated on things. And, you know, and I can like I can extrapolate information really easily and sort of like laser brain it, you know what I mean? But right. And it's and it's like it's exciting and it's cool. It's also very depressing when I'm like, mom, why couldn't you have just gotten me medication when I was 13? Yeah.
00:05:26
Speaker
Right? Diagnose like labels in that way are so fucked up because they're liberating where you're like, okay, cool. I have something to work with now. And then you're also like, oh no, now this is in my roster of identity. And it's not pretty. Wow. What made you go in?
00:05:44
Speaker
uh it was a couple things it was that um i was seeing a lot more posts about ADHD and being like huh that's me you know like like i recognize that in me i recognize that and then um a very good friend of mine who every Wednesday night we watch uh
00:06:03
Speaker
all elite wrestling on TV together and then we watch a like an old school pay-per-view like we stream it and we and we would zoom and chat while we watched it together and uh he is not only does he have ADHD but he also is a teacher who is like training and studying to become like essentially not just a
00:06:25
Speaker
not just a teacher, but also like an aide in like for ADHD and neurodiverse students. And so he gave me a bunch of resources and sort
Comedy Industry Post-Pandemic
00:06:36
Speaker
of recommended a bunch of stuff. And then I finally got to a doctor and kind of went through an assessment with her and she was like, yeah, absolutely. So it's been fun. It's been great, you know. But yeah, I
00:06:52
Speaker
To double it back, that thing with pandemic and when I'm dealing with anxiety, I'm fully on board with you about the way I'm going to try and make myself less anxious is I'm going to teach myself as much as humanly possible about it. The problem is the more you learn, the more you realize how out of control we are and how chaotic and violent existence is and how like, yeah.
00:07:13
Speaker
You know, like all these like social problems, they're very important. I'm not trying to diminish any of them. It's very important to care about all these things. At the same time too, it's very hard to care about them on a dead planet.
Social Media's Impact on Mental Health
00:07:24
Speaker
And so like, I'm very conflicted about like, yes, I support these social issues, but also like the oceans on fire right now. So, um, it's very hard to juggle these things.
00:07:36
Speaker
Always, that's that tension of like accountability and the humility and like I'm a human person in the tiniest bubble. Like what do I and staying informed because also all the privilege and just not being for it's so it's the worst. And then you're like, oh, there's no way I'm not a bad person. Like I can't
00:07:54
Speaker
Yeah, it's the worst. So you asked like, how am I? It's like, I feel like the last year or two is same thing. Like you got a diagnosis for 80. Like there's all that room to like do all this work to like, figure out how we got here, like, literally and psychologically and all of it.
00:08:14
Speaker
And then all this room to sit in it. Yes, a lot. Yeah. Well, and that, you know, and I think that actually is a big part of what I'm so frustrated with about like sort of like current like right now conversations and culture and stuff is that like everybody's making this big push for like back to normal. Like we're reopening and we're back to normal. And I'm like, then what the fuck did we go through this year for?
00:08:40
Speaker
like I don't I don't want normal normal was bullshit normal was wrong you know and so like I don't want that and I feel
00:08:49
Speaker
I feel crazy to be like, actually, no, I'd really rather we keep a mask mandate. Actually, no, I'd really, I really do support like a vaccine passport because you know what? You fucking little Betty Lou mouth breather who have been like calling masks like communist propaganda or whatever for a year and a half now that you don't have to wear a mask and you don't have to be vaccinated. Now you're going to fucking die and you're going to somehow blame the socialist communist left, you know?
00:09:17
Speaker
So it's like it's fucked up, right? Like, yeah. What about like your day to day for new normal? Because I had same thing, especially in the comedy industry. It's it's like, wait, do I want to go to those types of shows still or do I want to be in those types of spaces just because of what? And it's like, I don't think I do. So, yeah, just navigate. And I'm not somebody who's great at boundaries. So to really navigate, I'm not. It's a thing to to be like, yeah, what can I say no to? And like you're saying without having shame around
00:09:47
Speaker
you
00:09:47
Speaker
Oh, I'm the weirdo that doesn't want to go back to normal. Right. But yeah, so like for your day to day, what do you feel like it's the stuff where you're like, fuck that? Nope, nope. Keeping it, keeping this going. Where I'm at right now, everything. Like I'm not like so. So in Saskatoon, the like when we record this, the the mask mandate is going to be removed on Sunday. Yeah. And and it's like it's literally like
00:10:18
Speaker
businesses are open, baby, you know, like they are back to normal. And and it's got me real fucked up, you know, because this is a province that like doesn't have a lot of people to begin with. And yet somehow, you know, half a million people are just like.
00:10:38
Speaker
It's amazing how few people can fuck up your day, you know, right? And how adamant they are about what they know and how uncurious they are about what they don't know.
Handling Anxiety with Information
00:10:48
Speaker
And that's the thing that fucks me up is. How is that getting in your day, though? Well, OK, so this is where you're receiving that. OK, yeah. So so this is my problem is that I am.
00:10:59
Speaker
online like I am online I'm on Twitter too much I'm on Instagram too much I'm on tick-tock too much like I'm just like I'm rotating fucking love tick-tock I love it to go fucking rules it's incredible I love it but it's like these these apps are built to like
00:11:22
Speaker
Like they're not, I don't think they're really built right now to like amplify things. They're built to make you terrified. You know, like their, their, their algorithm over the last year has been refined to put you in contact with the people who scare you most. Right. And, and, and so I'll go on Twitter and I'll just see.
00:11:40
Speaker
you know i'll see like the premier who like already like eat shit scott mo you know um but what's so funny is like he's already like a fucking wild right-wing shithead and then he'll get all these replies from his base who like elected him who are also like you're wrong scott because you're tweeting about vaccines and you know vaccines are killing more people than the virus and da da da da right so it's like
00:12:06
Speaker
He has helped breed this culture of ultra white right wing bizarreness. And and now that's eating him too. And that's kind of terrifying. Following him.
00:12:17
Speaker
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. So it's just getting in there. Yeah. It just gets in there. That's the fucked up thing about social media. You don't even have to follow these things anymore. And they're all over you. Right. I had to unfollow somebody who was quite dear to me on Twitter because they liked a tweet that I was wildly offended by about like some sexual assault stuff in comedy.
00:12:39
Speaker
And this, the person that tweeted it was somebody I would never follow. Um, but, and it triggered me all day. Like I was like, and same thing. Like I curate so much and still, I was like, how the fuck did this get in here? I'm just in my home and now I feel like shit about this.
00:12:56
Speaker
that's just it too and it's shocking how like you say how much it stays with you right and how much like just the tiniest little thing can like I've seen I've seen you know won't say any names but like I've seen people who are like mutual friends of ours who I've seen them I've seen them make posts I've seen them make tweets and and I've just been like shocked by it and and it's like and it's such a little dumb thing it's like like
00:13:23
Speaker
And it is something I personally am working on much more to like let that shit go because it's not really helpful. Right. And it's not really like it's not worth engaging with it because then like Twitter wins and and it doesn't fix anything. And it's also not worth holding on to because it's like, well, that's just somebody's dumb opinion. Like, yeah, totally. Everybody's opinion is dumb. I have a ton of shitty opinions that probably piss a number of people off. You know, so like.
00:13:48
Speaker
We got to just kind of work on kind of breathing that one out. But it's it's tough. And it's like it's shocking how easily the dumbest little thing will just stay with you for the rest of the day. Sometimes sometimes a fucking week will go by and I'll still be like, oh, you know. And you don't even know. You'll just feel like I feel icky and I don't. And then it's like, oh, yeah, it's because of that fucking thing. It's still ruminating. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:14:10
Speaker
It's it's brutal and it's gross and it's like and it's like, you know I don't know if you've seen Bo Burnham's new special inside I started and then I was like Like I was just like I'll just have like a cutie and sit down and I started in like five minutes It was like no, this is I need space to do. Yeah, it's heavy It's very good. It's super worth watching but you do have to be in the right place to watch it but at one point he does make he makes this off in a comment about how like
00:14:39
Speaker
All of our social interactions have been dictated by these bug-eyed salamanders in Silicon Valley. And it's so funny how true that is, where it's like our whole culture, our whole society is being run by algorithms designed by the least social people the world has ever produced. Oh my God, I just got goosebumps, like gross goosebumps. Do you know, I used to work for a dating website.
00:15:04
Speaker
And no, I can't. Yeah. Oh, my God.
Creative Journeys and Personal Growth
00:15:07
Speaker
Can't talk about which one. But you would figure it out. It's not hard. But yeah. And it fucked me up. So like same thing. You see the way people engage with ads. You see women saying they don't want to date smokers and then they're engaging with smokers. Like you see people acting not in their best interests. And how easy it is to exploit that, to make money, to sell things, to get more clicks, to get more pages. And it's just like
00:15:34
Speaker
Oh, yeah, that shit'll fuck you up. It's so sad. It's weird. And like you're saying about the social skills of the, the leadership, like what's trickling down. No, like person I worked for like loved, but it was exactly that like very much not emotional, which made him great CEO, but like,
00:15:56
Speaker
Oh, yeah. No, no. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's it's it's really fucked up the way the way and especially the way like it feeds you a message of you're in control. This is your feed. You're you're in power. Brandy, you choose everything and it's all you and this is yours and you have choice over everything. And so you get this internal feeling of like, yeah, I am in control. This is my choice. And then they're like, and by the way, because you're in control,
00:16:26
Speaker
Why don't you choose this? Why don't you choose this? It'll be easier for you. It'll be better for you. Right. And you're like, yeah, I should choose that. Right. I did like the first Peloton a friend of mine last night was like, get the Peloton app. It's fucking dope. Like it'll crank up your bike time like crazy. So this morning I was like, it's happening. I'm doing it. And all day, like I went on Facebook twice and now I have every bike.
00:16:50
Speaker
that does every and now and literally i went looked and i was like do i buy a two thousand dollar bin that was a big time in the morning just because it's gonna follow me everywhere until i do and i probably will i mean look at the end of the day you know something my therapist says it doesn't matter like it's all okay he always just says any thought you have whether it's a good thought whether it's a bad thought any thought you have you should always close it out with
00:17:15
Speaker
That's OK. You know, and that's OK. Right. You know, because it's like it's just yeah, because it just is what it is. It's OK. You know.
00:17:24
Speaker
Oh, you have a therapist. Oh my God. He's my favorite. He's the best. He's a sweetheart. My last session, he knows I've run out of, of coverage. My last session, he literally took payment. I paid him with a poem. I gave him one of my poems for a session. I was like, this is you are you. I could kiss you if I wasn't afraid. Like, did you write it about the, like the relationship? Okay. What's the poem?
00:17:49
Speaker
I thought about that, actually. I thought about it. What an old timey, amazing, right? Poems is currency. So we do live in like a beautiful world. That's just it. Because there's like, and that's just a two, right? I mean, like reality is complex and bizarre and all good things happen as many times as bad things, right? But it's like, I was going to write a poem and then I got writing it and I was like,
00:18:13
Speaker
No, he's going to read too much into this. He's going to be like, oh, well, there's mom. You're right. Exactly. Right. He's going to be like, well, that means this and this is a phallic object. What is this about? And what? Yeah. Oh my God. And what I did was, and it was so lucky was this perfect happenstance was that, um, I'd actually just a few weeks ago applied to a, like a lit Meg, um, called sledgehammer and.
00:18:37
Speaker
they actually picked up a um they actually picked up one of my poems and one of my short stories and they're gonna be publishing it in september and so i was like so proud that i just i sent those to him being like well these are ones that a stranger liked so maybe you'll like them too oh yeah absolutely absolutely wait where do i get sledgehammer
00:18:58
Speaker
Uh, it's a digital, it's an online one, but I'll send you, I'll send you all the links and I'll, and for listeners, I'll put the links in the show notes as well. You're so good at your job. But Brady, I want to double back because we're already 18 minutes in and I haven't even asked the first question. No, it's great. This is lovely. This.
00:19:17
Speaker
This is the thing, I knew this would happen because this is what happened anytime we would hang out. It would just be gone. But to prime that, the way I always like to try and open interviews is to ask the guest, what is your most vivid memory of our friendship?
00:19:41
Speaker
I got goosebumps again. Okay. There's our friendship, but like I knew that you existed a year before our friendship, which is like a different memory, which is also amazing because can I just go into that? Please tell the story. So I'm at a Halloween play in a heritage house in like the west end of Vancouver with my good friend at the time. And I think I like got the ticket like that date. Like it was a very last minute, whatever.
00:20:11
Speaker
And wait, was Brian Knopfling also in this? He was. Yeah, he was. I don't even know where he is now. And you were this character that was like this super cool bad boy, like a leather jacket. And you had like this sexy, like,
00:20:28
Speaker
Like a band boy hair and right? I was like this guy is a fucking dreamboat because and it's the character the characters a fucking asshole and yeah I do I became I actually became I became possessed by the spirit of the daughter of the house and then became a Demon bride and I had a great sexy Right my last scene was in a wedding dress. It was beautiful. I got to Norma Desmond down the stairs
00:20:56
Speaker
And do you know what? Also I just realized like I dated a wrestler for a while and it was, I saw him at a show and there's something about, it's like all those pickup artists will say like take a girl skydiving or whatever, because the cortisol are things that scare you or like literally like that, they're intoxicating. So you're just, it's weird transference. So they're creating some of that going on too. But also you were just like a dreamy bad boy and this whatever. And it was like, well that guy's dreamboat, amazing.
00:21:23
Speaker
And like like she really made an impression for a few days. I was like that guy was a babe for a few days and then a year goes by and
00:21:35
Speaker
I'm working at the comedy mix and there's Duncan Trussell show. And all of this is foggy. Like that night is, I remember like, I don't, I think it was, we were at the show, somehow I was talking to you and your little group of people. We go out after the show with Duncan and a random group of miss Duncan misfits. And I remember talking with the Morrissey and I think it was there that I figured out.
00:22:01
Speaker
You were the guy from the play. Actually, I think you actually figured it out the next day because we had actually because we'd actually because like so so my friend Scott had convinced us to stay. He was like, we're going to wait it out. And because we had like like like Duncan kept on bombing cigarettes off of me.
00:22:20
Speaker
So that was my, that was my, that was like my end. So I was like, okay, like the coolest guy at the table, like wants my cigarettes. So like, I, you know, right? You know, so, so Scott was like, we're going to wait it out. And, and we just kept drinking every once in a while. He'd be like, Hey, Hey, you got a cigarette? You know? And then, um, and then, uh, the table slowly, like whittled down and whittled down and ended up just being, it was me and Scott and you and your friend and Duncan and Paul, Paul, um,
00:22:49
Speaker
Oh, Paul Anthony. Yeah, Paul Anthony. And and we ended up like kind of like going to. We went to like three more bars that night. We went. Yeah, I thought I remember going to nightclub that I never would have gone to. Yeah. Scott got us into this weird. He got us into a venue. Yeah. Dancing. And then we went to another pub and then. Yeah. And then he and then Duncan invited us all back.
00:23:12
Speaker
for the next show where we did mushrooms. No, what? Do you remember this? This was a two-night thing. I remember that we ended up at Duncan's Hotel. That was the second night. And then we all sat, oh shit, I did not know this was two nights. I had to smash all together. It was a two-nighter. I know, that's the thing. In my brain, I mash them, but it was a two-nighter. But it was between the two that you figured out because I was actually in the remount of it at that time.
00:23:38
Speaker
And so, yeah, so I'd like come out for the show and then we'd all become Facebook friends. And then, and then you were, you know, we were messaging whatever and you were like, what are you up to? And I said, I'm in this play. And that was when you had like a. Oh my God.
00:23:56
Speaker
oh cool yeah i mean that was a beautiful week that that that remains right like that that remains just this such a such a jewel in my memory of like yeah of like meeting all you and just being like holy fuck there's just this like world of incredible people who are like willing to talk to me
00:24:20
Speaker
Because right away, it's like, Oh, a poet. Oh, what? And you were also like, I am not good at small talk. And right away, it was like, Oh, you will just get into it. This guy's the best. This guy's just getting into it. Perfect. Friends forever. Like get into the bubble. And you're going through like real life stuff at the time. Right. Big time.
00:24:39
Speaker
Yeah, I was living with my ex girlfriend. Yeah. I was trying to untangle that too. I was like, did I meet him when they were still together? But then, yeah, you were like cohabitating, but broken up, right? Yeah. Yeah. It was weird.
00:24:54
Speaker
weird and awful and and I just like and it was so lucky that I met you when I did because it was like it was this chance to like talk to somebody who had no like pre like prejudgments or anything so I could be honest about what I was feeling and just and not be like oh well this will get back to her if I say it like this and like and not because I was like not because I wanted to like shit talker but because I just wanted to be honest about how fucked up it was
00:25:22
Speaker
Yeah. And you were never a shit- you didn't shit talk her at all either. You didn't shit talk her at all either. It was like, no, no. It sounded like you were in a real transition. Yeah. And that you had to be honest about it and blow some parts of your life up. Yeah. And not in a comfortable way at all. And that's actually so much- I'm glad that I got to be that
00:25:46
Speaker
Cause you do, we have those transitions in our life and then you get to meet these people that are like unbiased where you can be like, I can try to be a little bit new here and I don't have to, you're not, there's no assumptions. There's no whatever. I can just show up exactly where I'm at. Yeah.
Career Transitions and Friendships
00:26:02
Speaker
Yeah. You know, the, the, the trouble for me was that I got like.
00:26:07
Speaker
I was fucked up like I was fucked up, you know, and like that whole that whole I mean, that whole period really you actually kind of we met right at the start of it for me because I then spent like kind of the whole next year like pretty fucked up. You know, I remember that's where I was like, I know it got messy for you. Yeah.
00:26:24
Speaker
But you knew that it was going to. Like, I remember when we first met, you were like, it's about to get fucking messy. And I was like, OK, well, OK. Let's just see where this guy goes. Like, you knew that's what you needed. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And so that's the thing is that is like there was this part of me that's like I was like sort of excited, right? Because I was like, I'm going to I'm going to fuck my life up and I'm going to kind of like, you know, not like not like be a piece of shit, but like I wasn't going to like
00:26:53
Speaker
limit myself to anyone or for anyone right you know what I mean and and that totally made me a dick to a lot of people but also it was like yeah but I needed it you know so well I actually thought I was a bit of a dick to you I honestly thought I I always I really thought I ended up being a dick to you afterwards because it was like you know because like we had that we had that week where we
00:27:13
Speaker
you know we got to know each other and we got you know and i got to know you like through duncan and i thought you were like so cool and you were like the booker at the big comedy show you know what i mean and it was like it was so cool and and then i got really
00:27:29
Speaker
Um, I like, I got really weird and I got really selfish, right? Because I became, I started to see you more as like somebody who I could kind of dump on, you know what I mean? And not really be like a friend and more just be like, Oh, well, Brandy will just listen to me down. And then I didn't really like.
00:27:46
Speaker
You know, I, yeah, I just, I knew I wasn't being like, remember when I was like, I'm shit at boundaries. Like that's not you. That's like, and at the beginning of this, like before we started recording, I was like, I'm going to ask you a lot of questions. That's, I think two people colliding in a way where they're just both comfortable showing up. Like I prefer to.
00:28:06
Speaker
hold a lot of space and especially at the time it's like oh you're a sad poet boy that was an acute like play that is you're helping me fulfill a thing where I am just used to it like that's what it is so that's also this year when I'm like oh yeah this year is a time it's me unraveling a lot of those codependent dynamics like that is my that is what I used to do so you were in it all shit like when I think of you
00:28:31
Speaker
Um, I would never have thought you were being shitted me. I was, you were so authentic about, you were never like trying to deceive me or soft boy or any shit. You were just like, this is me, this is me being messy and it was interesting and it was, um,
00:28:47
Speaker
Like it was very much where I was like, well it's not super aligned with where I'm at, but it's really interesting to hear about. And also being around people when they're exploding in that way is very, there's a lot of energy. Like it's nice in a lot of ways too. It's still, there's a charge there. It's better than just talking to somebody who's just like content in their nine to five and like going home to watch whatever. So if he's entertaining, I guess, or nourishing in like a fucked up way, but yeah.
00:29:17
Speaker
how do you remember that year for you like uh in like in like in like flashes right because i was like i was like i mean i was alcoholic right like and i was like and i was like abusing drugs like i was using a lot of coke and i was like i was not yeah like i wasn't doing good i wasn't healthy you know and and um
00:29:39
Speaker
And so it's like, you know, that, that year was really, uh, important in the sense that like, I feel like I got a lot out of what I needed to get out. And I'm really grateful. I'm also really grateful that I had, um, uh, escape routes, if, if you will, like I, you like in terms of like, you know, I, um.
00:30:01
Speaker
I lucked out and I met who, you know, Jenica and my now wife. And what was crazy, though, it was just this ridiculous timing, this total kismetic thing where, you know, I had started doing this poem a day thing. And and so I was posting a poem every day and inside that year,
00:30:23
Speaker
You know, right near the start, I, you know, I broke up with my girlfriend at the time and I went through this year of just like super fucked up shit happening. Reckless, just reckless living. And on day 365 was my first date with Janica.
00:30:39
Speaker
Yeah. And I had, um, I had just a couple of days before that I had quit smoking. I had, um, I had like made the kind of packed with myself. I was like, I'm going to, I'm going to do it. And, uh, and actually it's funny, uh, Brian, Brian was just on the show. He's actually, he's, he's the episode just before yours. And, um,
00:30:58
Speaker
How's Brian? Okay, we'll go back to that. He's great. He's open and he's lovely. And yeah, and he's so good. And the way I quit smoking was literally, I like quit. I just quit cold turkey. And on my third day, I...
Meeting Janica and Life Changes
00:31:12
Speaker
wept in Brian Knothling's arms like just wept and and uh and I and I've never smoked a cigarette since but I like I like I needed that like just like bottoming up you know yeah yeah just cried and cried and cried and cried and he just held me and it was he has the perfect body for a big
00:31:29
Speaker
life cry. Yeah, it was it was it was magical, you know, and and then and then like a couple days later, I met Jenica. And so it was like she met me as a nonsmoker. And so I just never smoked again, you know, but and then on top of that, then that then tailed into like just cleaning up my life and cleaning up my act kind of thing. You know what I mean? And realizing like
00:31:50
Speaker
Now I have something to sort of live for and I have something to sort of live towards is this woman who I love and you know And so I was really lucky right and and what did she represent? Like you obviously already were like I need to make more space to take better care of myself. I'm quitting
00:32:05
Speaker
Yeah. But yeah, when she came in, like, were you like, did she create kind of a window where you're like, oh, I can see what does a partner to this woman look like? Yeah. Oh, 100 percent. Yeah. 100 percent. And you know, she like. It's like it's it's really in a way it's sort of cheesy, but in the way it's like why I sort of believe in magic and shit is that like like literally the the day like.
00:32:34
Speaker
like our first date I was like I was sitting at the bar I had already had it one drink to myself because I was nervous and then I bought and then I bought around for myself and around for her and so it was waiting at the table and when she came in and you know and she came into the bar and she came over and she just like smiled at me and we just like
00:32:54
Speaker
Well, it was just this like, you know, like it was just like this light bulb went off. And and it was so magic that night. We just like we talked and we just had so much fun. And and and we were both, you know, I feel like the year I had had really sharpened me into. It really formed me into being be being able to be honest about who I was and what I thought and not like not mask things and just be like, this is who I am. And
00:33:24
Speaker
But then I also learned how to like refine that into like not being like because there's a way to be honest and not blunt. You know what I mean? Like there's a difference and there is a what do you call it? There is a refinement to it. Right. And there's a nuance, you know. And and what was so funny was that like she was in that same space where she was like she was just fully like I'm not able to put up bullshit anymore. And so it was just this incredible timing, you know, and and
00:33:52
Speaker
And yeah and it definitely was like you know I knew I was ready to clean up and then I was sort of just by timing was given this chance to sort of like you know it's not like it's not to put things on her right because it wasn't like you know I did it for myself and I'm and I'm and I think that's a much healthier thing to do it for right but like but but she just she brought this energy to my life that made me think that those
00:34:21
Speaker
acts and that behavior was worth doing, right? Because it's one thing to be like, well, I'm going to clean up my act because I know smoking is bad for me. It's a whole other thing to be like, I don't want to smoke. And also I get the reward of being in love with a woman who doesn't like smoking. Totally. Did you have a lot of
00:34:41
Speaker
I've had relationships where you also come to find like, okay, wait, I'm not loving this person to the best of my ability. So you start learning about how do I, how do I get better at that? And then in turn, it just results in you loving yourself better too. Cause you're like, why am I so fucked up at these things or what's.
00:34:58
Speaker
Yeah, all of that all that I mean and and you know, I keep on coming back to it I mean I you said something about You know being around somebody who's going through these kinds of processes sort of explosive like there's a big boom of energy and and I mean truthfully that year
00:35:16
Speaker
created so I created enough momentum in my life to carry me like to like where I am even now you know oh yeah like I still draw massive amounts of like inspiration and energy and reflection and like and like just like
00:35:33
Speaker
you know, that year very much made me who I am today in terms of like, um, yeah, so many elements, so many aspects of, of sort of shaping myself. Right. And it really, I mean, a massive part of it really started. Like it really started with that week of meeting you and meeting Duncan and, and just like, and like really like being like, again, like coming back to this thing of like these incredible, vibrant, energetic people, you know, Paul, Paul, all the shit that Paul says, you know, like, and
00:36:02
Speaker
like it's unbelievable you know one day he's on on you know some DC to show the next he's doing you know it's like he's doing all those things with his daughter it's fucking incredible you know but like that that explosion of excitement really started through that week and and has brought me all the way to here you know and and I really do I genuinely hold you in a place of real like like like the word that comes mine is like honor in my in my memory you know in my memory and in my sort of like development you know because like
00:36:31
Speaker
Yeah. Like we didn't have tons of like one-on-one long-term interactions, but the ones, what we did have were really important to me. And then, and then we would still have this ridiculous, like ongoing conversation. Totally. I think there's like, I felt seen by you right away. Like, and I felt like you were showing me who you were right away. And that's like,
00:36:57
Speaker
And okay, wait. So when you're talking about all the energy that you do, you taught, like, have you read about shadow work or gotten into any of that? Oh, psychology. I know, like, I know, like catch words, but I don't. Yeah. Yeah. So like your shadow is, um, it's all the parts of you that you repress either because you're like, well, that's not socially acceptable or because for whatever reason your parents were like, we don't talk about money or whatever.
00:37:26
Speaker
And for you to fully integrate as a human person who knows themselves, and like you said, a thought is neither good or bad. It's just your thoughts. And to find that sense of self-awareness, it's just like, these are just my thoughts. You got to go into your shadow. You have to start unpacking your shit and just looking at it. And I feel like that whole year,
00:37:44
Speaker
Cause even your dialogues around that year, you were never, there was no shame. There was like a determination to go through this fucking year. That's going to be messy. And that was where otherwise like, yeah, I'm in comedy. I meet messy self-destructive people 24 seven all the time. And they, they don't get anywhere into my day, but you were so, um, and like you said, how it was with purpose. And like, even though I think you talk about now you're, you still leverage that it's still fuel. It's still in there.
00:38:14
Speaker
with purpose and that came across energy was huge so that's so interesting i feel like we had the same i would be so sad if i would like chatted with you and you're just like it did not align but i feel like we really are like oh yeah we're on the same page about all the energy there
00:38:31
Speaker
I mean, that's a big relief. I'm not going to lie. Like it's always, you know, it's always nice to know, like, like, and it's something that I've actually really worked through a lot with this show a lot of times. Cause you know, I don't know if you have this experience, but like, I know for me, I'll often be like, you know, I'll think of somebody like we'll use you an
Friendship Reflections
00:38:47
Speaker
example, right? I'll think of you and I'll be like, Oh, Brandy, Brandy, fucking rules.
00:38:50
Speaker
Brandy's the best. And I'll think of like, oh, I remember that time Brandy and I, we went clubbing, and like, God, that was so fun. And then I'll close my thought with, she must fucking hate me now. And it won't be for any reason. It won't be for any reason at all. I'll just have it in my head like, yeah, but we haven't talked in eight years, so she must fucking hate me. And I must be so unworthy of ever speaking to her again, right? Oh my God, I hate that that's in there. Is that like?
00:39:18
Speaker
fuck that voice no i know a big time fuck that voice i know absolutely right no but uh but do you have that experience do you feel that sometimes with other friends and stuff or do you like or do you not have that at all i love that that's amazing i ruminate on so many things like i'm not yeah no no like i've got neurotic tendencies for sure but um
00:39:41
Speaker
Not that far, but like, no, if I were to think, like, I would think of like, same thing I told you, um, I have Tom Robbins, I have two books on my shelf where I was like, Oh, I got two of them after you mentioned Tom Robbins. Those things like, and I'll just be like doing yoga on the living room floor. And if I glance up and that's the book I look at, I'm like, Oh, James, like on James or randomly on Twitter or whatever. It's like, what's his poetry and what's whatever. But I would never be like,
00:40:06
Speaker
Oh, man, does he think and I was like same thing like I was in my 20s then. So it's like that's not the best version of myself. No, but I never was like, oh, no, James saw the worst version of me or whatever. Yeah. And no, no, no. It's just like, I mean, that's beautiful. I'm really glad like that's that's such a commendable trait that I wish I had. It's not. It's just my garbage does something like I'll devalue myself in like
00:40:34
Speaker
not by proxy, but like that it'll be in other garbage ways. It's also why I'm not on socials as much as possible because that's where my brain I'll be like, oh, you're you're shit.
00:40:51
Speaker
So that's actually something I really want to ask you about because, you know, in sort of preparing for the episode, I was trying really hard to sort of catch up on some stuff that you've done. And it's really hard. It's really hard to know what you're up to. And, you know, we've had the occasional like, and I love every single time we've ever interact because it's always like way out of nowhere. And then it's like suddenly we're like,
00:41:16
Speaker
like maybe we'll maybe we'll message it'll be like five ten messages maybe it'll just be a comment whatever it is but like it's always just out of left field and it's always great but um but i'm really curious like you know so we left vancouver in uh 2014 and you were uh you were just sort of starting out i believe with yeah i would have just been going over the festival
00:41:36
Speaker
Right. And and so has that been like sort of the main brunt of what you've been up to or like what else? What else? You know, this feels like such a bizarrely open ended question and so unspecific and kind of bullshit to be like, what have you been up to? You know, but it's like, yeah, like what what what takes up your day these days?
00:41:57
Speaker
What does take up my date? The festival. It's also, I used to be somebody who, like I told you, I worked at a dating website and I've worked for like, I've blown up my life in my twenties. I would blow up my life like every two years and just abruptly quit a job and start a whole new beginning and whatever. And then probably right around the time you guys left.
00:42:15
Speaker
um and that I went into the festival I finally found a space it's kind of like what you I don't know you just know the space that you have to create to do the work that you have to do yeah and I was talking about the woman that I work with and and her just angel energy and it was the first time that I was like oh I can like
00:42:37
Speaker
Unpack stuff here. So it's been a lot of prior to that. I was very much always like chasing dangling carrots always trying to do more creative projects always trying to like build new relationships and it was so much external noise and the last
00:42:51
Speaker
Yeah, well, probably the last five years, six years, I was like, I need to just stay still and stop overcommitting or stop making myself promises that I can't keep for the wrong reasons.
Slowing Down and Self-Care
00:43:02
Speaker
So I've still like I have a fun creative partner and him and I have gotten into like making sketches and doing some writing.
00:43:12
Speaker
Yeah, but it's been a lot of like meditation, getting into Buddhism, yoga, slowing way the fuck down. I had two shit relationships that amazing people, but like not same thing like colliding for the wrong reasons and working your shit out and bringing it up. So a lot of processing that and getting through those cycles, but which is way more energy than you think it is.
00:43:41
Speaker
God, though, right? I'm so unproductive while I'm in the middle of this shit show, but... Yep. Yeah, so...
00:43:49
Speaker
Just that, just, yeah. Do you believe in, do you believe in, like, do you believe in productivity? Do you value productivity? I don't. I think it's, I don't at all. It's like, I, and I, it's hard to know, like I want to care about how I'm thinking and how I'm being and what I'm doing. And people don't, the majority of people don't subscribe to that. So it's alienating sometimes, but yeah.
00:44:18
Speaker
So my my therapist in my last session, like blew my mind with this because he actually he actually has ADHD as well. So it's really it's really it's a really nice way to sort of connect and he gives me a lot of tips. He was diagnosed years ago, so he gives me a lot of really good tips of like how to cope and how to deal with it. And and and we talked a lot about productivity just in the last session and sort of feeling shame for
00:44:45
Speaker
wanting, like telling yourself, I should be doing this, I have to do this, right? And I have, you know, and I see it in you too, is that it's like we're ambitious people, you know, we have dreams, we have ambitions, we want to do these things. And I know for me, what I'll do is I'll be like, okay, you know, I want to write a book. And so I'll sit down and I'll tell myself, you have to
00:45:12
Speaker
this and this and this and this. You have to make that list, you have to make that outline, you have to do this, you have to do this. And when I start telling myself I have to do something, my brain shuts down, right? It's gone, right? Especially writing, we have to talk about your relationship with writing because same thing, that's been a thing.
00:45:29
Speaker
I've always gone into it and out of it because, well, one, I wasn't, I hadn't done the work where I could authentically show up or have my voice. And I'm still really scared of that, like being real vulnerable and messy and putting it out there. All the perfectionist stuff. Cause like, you find out like, Oh wait, I'm going to have to just love myself as like a messy, aging 36 year old woman. Like there's no being perfect. I'm never going to be a perfect writer. I'm never going to be whatever. And that rule, that's like really exciting.
00:45:59
Speaker
Damn it. It's not the dream. That doesn't exist. It's not real. That's just it. It doesn't exist. Oh my god. But there's grieving that illusion. So I still feel right in the middle of this void where I'm grieving this illusion of being this perfect manic pixie writing whatever who's just never going to age and die. And then also really excited by the idea of what if I'm just like an old hippie lady that loves herself and is writing and having the time of her life.
00:46:28
Speaker
And now I'm just like in the middle. So it's like, how do I get over there? Right. So, so the, the, the, the tweak that my therapist gave me was, was this, and I think it'll really help you is every time you, you think of, I have to do this or I should do this, or you have these thoughts of like, essentially like, like he calls them shaming parent thoughts, right? You know, well, you want to do this, don't you? So you should be doing it. Why aren't you doing it? Don't you, don't you write, you know? Yeah. It's like, no, no, no. Tell your mom to shut up. You know?
00:46:57
Speaker
Yeah. And, and what you do is you reframe it instead of saying I should you frame it as I want to. Yeah. And, and, and, and the best part of that, he calls it accountable language, right? And the best part of it is.
00:47:10
Speaker
You can either tell yourself, I want to do that, or you can just as easily and just as healthily tell yourself, you don't want to do that. And it's fine. There's no problem in not wanting to do something, but it's better to recognize in yourself. I don't want to do that. You know, and, and it's not, and with no caveat, right? With no, and I'll do it later. It doesn't matter who cares. You don't want to do it right now. Don't fucking do it. Let it go. And that's, and that's all there is to it. You know? And, and, and I really, you know,
00:47:40
Speaker
I'm somebody who gets really lost in the train of I got I got too into Stoicism a couple years ago. I really don't buy into it anymore because I'm like no I think that was just like an Emperor trying to tell everybody not to feel because he was a fucking Emperor trying to justify
00:48:03
Speaker
being a fascist, you know, but, um, so I don't really buy into it anymore, but there's this thought process and stoicism about, um, you know, it's like, you might've seen it. It's like, uh, what's it called? Memento Mori, right? Remember you're going to die, right? You know, and, and, and.
00:48:18
Speaker
I think that that dovetails into the same thought of carpe diem. I think the most toxic thought you can have is carpe diem. I think the most healthiest thing you can do is let that go because yes, life is short. Life is very short in a ratio of, you know,
00:48:36
Speaker
compared to a tree, compared to a planet, compared to the star. Yeah, of course, life's short. But at the same time, by our perspective, life is fucking infinite.
Artistic Process and Community
00:48:44
Speaker
And you have time. And this correlates with social media too, is that it's like we tell ourselves there's no time because we have built ourselves in a structure of society that has no attention span and demands instant gratification and has no parameters to value
00:49:05
Speaker
taking your time. Like we're not, we have an entire generation from millennial younger who don't know
00:49:14
Speaker
how to value taking your time. We don't even know what we're looking at when we look at a minimalist poem. We don't know what we're looking at when we look at a piece of theater. We don't know what we're looking at. So how could we value that? And so I try to be really mindful of it takes the time it takes. Who gives a shit? I'm never going to be Bob Dylan.
00:49:37
Speaker
I'm not going to write Rolling Stone. That doesn't matter who gives a shit. It's already written, you know, like I'll maybe I'll write something that's that's that means something to someone else the same way, like Rolling Stone meant to me. Maybe I will. It doesn't matter. Like who gives a shit? You know, like.
00:49:54
Speaker
You know, you're still worthy of love. You're still worthy of breathing. You're still worthy of living. Did that shift for you? Like when you first started poetry, was it about a persona or was it about being a person that you thought? Yeah. And you kept you've written the whole way through, right? Like, yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. What was that middle? What was that transition where you're like going from writing to write to this is what a poet this is how a poet is starting to be like, OK, this is who James is.
00:50:24
Speaker
That's such a good question. I don't know. I don't know if it ever really, I don't know if you ever really lose that. You know what I mean? That scares me. I don't think I don't think I don't think I'll ever lose. Oh, is it like its own state of mind?
00:50:45
Speaker
I think so. I do. I think it is. I think it's about because for me, it's about accepting that. What I try to do is I accept that I will never personally. Well, it's not never. Who knows? I might. But so far, you know, so far, I haven't written something that I valued as much as I valued other people's art.
00:51:09
Speaker
Oh, God, it's that I feel you're right. Yeah. Right. But but it doesn't matter because what's more important is to give your art away. Right. Like, because then someone else can find value in it. You know, like, I don't know Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan doesn't know me, but
00:51:28
Speaker
his his words have meant a lot to me in times of my life and so if he had never given them away i wouldn't have what i have and and so it's much more important to not like it's almost like um
00:51:44
Speaker
It's almost like the transaction isn't finished until you give it to someone else. Like, it doesn't really matter. Like, you know, in a way it doesn't matter what the artist thinks of the art. What's more important is the artist makes the art. And then somebody else gets to say, I like this, I don't like this. And neither matters. It doesn't mean the artist is a failure. It just means that person liked this and didn't like this. And we're all good, right? What makes you...
00:52:08
Speaker
Also, I love that, because you're right. Once you surrender, and that's very Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird 2, when it's like, this is about letting it be at something and putting it out into the world. It's not about however it makes you feel about you. But your criteria for what you will put out, what is the thing where you're like, let goes in the garbage. And do you know because of a feeling? Or what is the criteria? How do you know when it's like, and publish.
00:52:37
Speaker
Ooh, that. Ooh. I don't know if I have like mindful criteria and actually maybe I should, maybe that maybe I should be a little better. Yeah. I think it's a feeling. It's just a feeling of cause like, you know, some friends with the daily poetry, um, the way I.
00:52:55
Speaker
the way I coped with maintaining it as long as I have, because I do continue to do it, but I don't publish it anymore. And that has made it a lot easier for me to to still give something creative away, you know, on a regular basis. It's not on a daily basis anymore, but it is still it's still a regular thing. And I try my best to do as much of that for free as possible, because I think it's a lot more like I think the encroaching of capitalism on art is like
00:53:24
Speaker
the fucking knife to the throat of the artist, you know. But so I do my best to give as much of it away or at a reduced cost as possible. But wait, is that so forth stuff, though? Well, is that where you're like, I'm in this position where that can be a form of action? Yeah, because I don't I don't believe in like.
00:53:45
Speaker
How do I put it? It's like, you know, obviously the dream would be to be able to live off of my art. Like, you know, I'm not going to pretend like obviously that's the dream, but I we live in Canada. What Canadian values poetry?
00:53:58
Speaker
This comes back to shadow stuff though. And like, is that a self worth thing where you're like, I could never possibly, I could never possibly make it as an artist. I just can't because I'm not Bob Dylan or whatever that thing is. Probably. You know what? Honestly, probably. But I guess I've tried to cope with that. And now that you're calling it out, it is probably more of a coping than a good thing. But I have tried to cope with it by saying like,
00:54:24
Speaker
I'm gonna do my art no matter what. I'm gonna do it for free. If you wanna pay me, fuck yeah. If you don't, fuck yeah, because I'm gonna make my art no matter what. And I'm gonna find a way to eat and have shelter and have clothes some
Critique of Art School
00:54:40
Speaker
other way. I love that. Yeah. But both aren't... Is it mutually exclusive? I never remember how mutually exclusive works. Yeah, no, I think you're right.
00:54:50
Speaker
Yeah, because it's liberating where you're like, never am I gonna have to compromise that or myself, I can just make art. And also I'll feed myself because again, you see that in comedy where comedians are taking gigs where it's like, this violates your values. This is how you say this fucking sucks.
00:55:06
Speaker
Yeah. And then neither of the things are working. Well, that's just it. Like, can you imagine getting a role on a sitcom? Like, can you imagine? Did you ever want that? Like, when you were acting, what was the end game? Just always, like, theater.
00:55:22
Speaker
You know, I when I was a kid when I was a kid and I found out what an actor was, I definitely had the fantasy of like an Academy Award. I definitely had. Yeah, I had the fantasy of like, you know, yeah, like I always had the fantasy of like being on stage at the Oscars and giving a thank you speech with the Oscars. Right. You know,
00:55:43
Speaker
So like you've done fake like in the shower Yeah, it's great. It's fun too. It's fun to think of who you would think you take a little shampoo bottle and you kind of look at it like wow, it's heavier than it looks
00:56:03
Speaker
but but but but as the years went on and I think you know and I think it was I think it was a again it's like I don't think there's a binary right like I don't think there's like a it's this because of this I think it's like because of a plethora of things and so I think I moved away from that dream for many reasons some good some bad and
00:56:20
Speaker
um you know like theater school really ruined my joy for theater it killed my joy for theater right like like i i would tell every young artist to not go to art school ever like it's the art school is the death of joy like it's it's the place where joy goes to be murdered you know um
00:56:44
Speaker
Cause I often find, I mean, my, my encounters with it has been that the, the teachers are, uh, way too pedagogical and way too entrenched in what they deem good and bad. And it's like, how do you grade, like, how do you grade art? How do you say that art is a B plus that art is a C minus like, how the fuck do you?
00:57:04
Speaker
You know, I can see the value of, like, a diploma in the sense that, you know, you learn theory, you learn some basics, you learn technique. Like, that's obviously, you know, but I think we could accomplish that in more of a, like, an artisanal, like,
00:57:22
Speaker
you know I always blank on the word as I'm talking about this but it's like you know how they have like like not unions but they have like apprenticeships you know like um like and we used to do that right we used to have apprenticeships like if you wanted to be a sculptor you would apprentice under a sculptor and and um and they would challenge you to make your own they would teach you their techniques but they would still give you room and challenge you to make your own stuff and we don't have that in the like university structure and those kinds of things you know and so
Creative Expression on TikTok
00:57:50
Speaker
Yeah, I just don't think, I don't think art school is good for artists. So why did theater school crush like, as far as like networking or personal development training, like why, why was it literally just that you were like, Oh, these, what was it? Why did it.
00:58:06
Speaker
Well, for me, my experience was that it was it was much more steeped in politics than art. It was much more. It was much more of a popularity contest than it was about like development. Yeah. And and it was also a lot more about.
00:58:22
Speaker
Yeah, there was like a hierarchy. It was like sort of trying to reinforce the cast of like with an E, like C-A-S-D-E of like the art world, you know what I mean? And how important directors are and producers and artistic directors and how their word is God. And then the actors and expo is important. And then the tech and that, you know, and like, and that hierarchy of it. And I just, I found it to be gross. And they also, most of the props spent the time I was there, like,
00:58:50
Speaker
actively telling me I was a piece of shit and wasn't worth any, you know, education and like stymieing, like actively stymieing any development. And then when I finally graduated, all of them turning around and going, I always knew you had it in you. Wow. I saw it from day one. And you know what? You just proved me right. And it's like a ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. That happens even without art school, though. That's still like. Yeah, it's just just shitty people being shitty. Right. But is this why you like TikTok?
00:59:19
Speaker
because it's just performance with a, why do you like tick tock? We have to go. I just love, you know what? Wow. That's a great double double back. No, I love it. It's great. It's great. Um, probably, I bet you it's, I bet you it's related to it. I just like it because it's simple. It's like, it's very, it's so easy. You just like, you just open it and you flip through and it's right there in your face. So you can just decide right away. Do I like this? Yes. I'll watch it and I don't, I flip through it and there's always more. It's just so.
00:59:46
Speaker
basic and so much of it feels very joyful based. And, you know, like it feels like it feels like the most joy based app right now. Although we are also finding out a lot about the algorithm and how they're like red binding, you know, like black and indigenous creators. And it's like a total fucking scheme. And it's like very shady. But but I mean, as I can handle that, you know, it's not just sexy teens doing little dances.
01:00:13
Speaker
See, that's the best part. I don't see any of that because I don't interact with any of that. So I don't see any of it. You know, like, but, but, but the moment I like, like one of those, then it'll start showing. Yeah. But I just, like, I just, I just don't watch any of that. Cause why the fuck would I? When we're done, you have to show me your Tik TOK algorithm. Absolutely. Absolutely. Cause I'm not sold, but you're into it. I'm curious.
01:00:36
Speaker
It's a ton of fun. I love it. I mean, it's a really, it's a really easy place to, um, I've found it to be like the easiest place to put stuff up to, right?
Therapy Insights and Self-Talk
01:00:47
Speaker
Oh yeah. I just like, I make little videos every day and I just put up little, like, just little, like I've been doing a thing. I've been doing a series of what I've been calling like small wins where I just like, I tried my best to sort of like.
01:00:58
Speaker
And again, it's another part of my process of like because I have a like coping mechanism of immediately switching to the negative no matter what. If something good is happening, I will immediately go, yeah, but it's going to end and we're all going to die anyway and everything sucks and the world's on fire and fuck everything. You know, so so the vulnerability in being happy for a second. Exactly. Right. Exactly. Right. You know, and in the sort of fear of letting myself be. Yeah, that's exactly like the fear of being happy for a moment. Right.
01:01:28
Speaker
And so, uh, yeah. So I do this thing where I just try to, and it's not about like, it's not about like toxic positivity. It's not about like, and we're always happy all the time. Like, fuck that shit. Like, no, no, no. I'm fucking depressed all the time. But, but, um, but it's just, it's, it's, it's an opportunity to take one minute out of my day to think about something good that happened. Right. Exactly. Right. You know?
01:01:52
Speaker
And that's another big part of the therapy is like, he, my therapist has these, he, he gets me to set like desire goals, but they're really funny. Cause he's like set a goal.
01:02:03
Speaker
uh like uh so the new one that we're working on is like self-talk and and the way he's getting me to do it is like straight up in the mirror talk to myself and i have and i've told him like i keep on meaning to you and i keep on forgetting so he's like set a goal to talk to yourself for five minutes this year that's it five minutes this year right you know it's like and like
01:02:25
Speaker
That's easy. Of course I can accomplish that. And if you accomplish that, then what else could you accomplish? You know, it's this way of like, just completely eliminating all stakes, like just take all the stakes out of it, you know? And then it makes it fun, you know? So what's a fucking minute? Uh, a little bit. I've started, uh, every once in a while I'll remember to say like a quick little, like, you're doing good, Jimmy.
01:02:48
Speaker
I started positive affirmations a year ago and they're so like, cause you feel like that's so fucking cheesy and whatever, but no, they change your brain. They literally change your brain. Change your brain. You reframe. Oh God. There's that thing about, um, do you ever hear about the study about, uh, the, the, the, the scientists who talk to water?
01:03:09
Speaker
Do you know about this? Oh my God. Yes. I have mind to matter book. I could not be more. Yeah, no, absolutely. Tell everybody. Well, do you want to, do you want to tell it? Do you want to, I'm not articulate with that stuff and I will make it too weird and then it will put people off of the actual, like
01:03:26
Speaker
findings so basically so basically scientists like in essence like i'm sure it was a little more complex than this but in essence they took two cups of water and one cup of water they said nice things too and the other cup of water they said mean things too and then they looked at the water under a microscope and the the water fucking
01:03:46
Speaker
change and like the complimented water oh my god like literally like bubbly and fractal and beautiful and the negative water became like craggy and icy and chunky and sharp and and the idea is like we're 90% water dude like we are water I'm gonna blow your mind people can't see this but this is my drinking glass
01:04:14
Speaker
I wrote love on the masking tape and sometimes I'll do bubbly water because then I feel like there's more going on but it's again that intention of like
01:04:23
Speaker
Okay, you're ingesting these things. Your brain will literally placebo change about it. But also there's the water thing where they're like, they talk about this in Reiki and stuff too, where it's like, if you're emitting that positive energy to these other elements, there is, it does manipulate the structure of those elements. And then it's like, what the fuck does it hurt to put love on my drinking water?
01:04:46
Speaker
That's the other side of, that's it right there too, where it's like, well, what am I hurting? What's like, right? So I looked at myself. Yeah. Like I literally, that's just, that's just it. It's like, that's my small magic moment every day. Like, yeah, you know what? The world is weirder than we, you know, like, like if, if there are people who will willingly walk out on the street and be like, my magic sky daddy thinks that anybody who puts their dick in a butthole is going to burn in hell, like,
01:05:15
Speaker
Like if, if there are people who will confidently say that in front of thousands of people, I can happily say, yeah, yeah, I can look at myself in the mirror and say, you're doing fine. Right. What a cuter reality. Like to, to, you get to make the choice. So it's like, do you want to live in the reality where like, but sex is going to send you to a fire pit or do you want to live in the reality where, cause you're going to, that's going to change how you show up. It's going to change how you interact with people. It's going to change how you take risks. It's the best.
01:05:44
Speaker
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Embracing Mortality and Loss
01:06:04
Speaker
Head to directwest.com to learn more.
01:06:11
Speaker
speaking of like sort of magical thinking and processes and things like that. So something we talked about in the lead up to this interview, this is, I will admit, this is a little bit about, we're kind of like, we're kind of, we're kind of lane changing here, but it is something I've really wanted to talk to you about. Um, when we were talking, you know, in email correspondence and sort of preparation for this email or for this, for this episode, you were talking about reading a lot of like, like
01:06:37
Speaker
philosophy and Buddhist texts. And you mentioned the Tibetan book of the dead.
01:06:41
Speaker
And I went out and I, cause I, it was one of those texts that I knew about. I know I had read, you know, I know I had a copy somewhere in my past and, and, and was always a little frightened by it, you know? Um, and, and I got a new, it's so funny, so cheesy. I got, I got it in one of those like three for $6 at chapters books. I literally have like a chapters copy of the Tibetan book of the day. I'm so jealous.
01:07:11
Speaker
Okay, I got yeah, no I have the Tibetan book of living and dying There's different that's where it is well it is based off of the Tibetan book of the dead So I can get now if there's a disconnect with that one
01:07:27
Speaker
But what's going on over there? Well, OK, so when you're reading it, it's constantly referring to other texts. It's constantly being like, right? It's constantly being like, oh, and this means this, where when you read this, this is what you're doing when you read this. It's like it honestly feels like it feels like this is the instruction manual for the actual text that you use elsewhere. Yeah, that's inclusive. But what have you, like,
01:07:58
Speaker
What brought what brought you to that text and what and what sort of like what have you been taking from it? It's the themes of because like so I've had this little Pomeranian for 16 years and like, yeah, it's Popples and he 16 and those last since kind of the beginning of the year, his body was not keeping up with his magic and kind of came to figuring out that he probably had a brain tumor. So
01:08:26
Speaker
I didn't want it to go into a super traumatic space and I was like, okay, let's just like, let's get through this. So I took a week off work to just go all in on all things impermanence and celebrating the life of this little Pomeranian who got me through the last 16 years. I got him when I was 21 and 36. And was magic, a magic little dog. The best little guy.
01:08:47
Speaker
And he's like, that's the thing is he's in lots of like headshots with comedians. He's going to be everywhere still. It's like seeing your ex all the time, except if your ex was like the cutest and the best. But so and again, like I'm so lucky with my job and what's good. So I could take all this space and tell everybody, like, I'm going to be a mess and I'm going to get real weird and super woo woo and like, give me the space. And so for the last, like, yeah, there were like a two week chunk where I was just reading
01:09:17
Speaker
a lot of books about impermanence, a lot of books about grief, and the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying came up. And it was because you were talking about Memento Mori, and a Buddhist practice too is monks will either every day or at least every 21 days meditate on death.
01:09:35
Speaker
Because of Well one the integrity of how you want to show up in your day because you're like I could die later It's not gonna be hard to just be nice to the assholes today. I could die at 7 p.m. Who cares so a lot of that and
01:09:54
Speaker
And it was just such a, like in Western society, it's so sanitized and you don't see, like you don't see decay. We don't see sick people. We don't see, I haven't seen an old person and like, I think my family's not here. Like I don't see people dying in hospitals. And so to have like a really mindful time to be like, oh yeah, all of this. And so is that. It's like, it was a lot of like really not being afraid of impermanence and how can I get
01:10:24
Speaker
How can I just embrace it and feel gratitude for everything that's going on here? In Buddhism, they believe in reincarnation too. And that's again about energies and about...
01:10:36
Speaker
But even, so one of the big things that I loved about it, it's like, you talking about those moments when you're like, oh yeah, like net club and brandy and whatever. And like, James, you could drop dead tomorrow, but you would still live on in me as like those little things. And it's like, James is still here. Like that's still here. So all of those philosophies, again, it just makes me as a very anxious neurotic person, live in a more inviting world where it's like,
01:11:03
Speaker
choosing to think that way or lean into those philosophies. Yeah. It's just making me feel safer in a very scary, a very
Letting Go of Hustle Culture
01:11:11
Speaker
scary world. I love that so much. I love that thought too, you know, and I think that that's actually why I've pushed back on.
01:11:18
Speaker
those thoughts of Carpe Diem and things like that. Because because because to me, those have been appropriated by like hustle culture. Yeah. Or like I like by like grind it out. Rise and grind. You know, and it's like, no, like because it's like, no, no, no. What to me, what what that means is like, let that shit go. You know, like, because like, because as soon as you let go of like the ambition for a bigger paycheck or I'm going to be a boss or like I can't wait to be a manager. I hope everybody could see what you just.
01:11:48
Speaker
You can't have a kind of physicality on a exclusively auditory offering. Oh, everybody. I can't help myself. You just missed these little chicken wings. Oh, it's so good. I like, I, I, I, half of my, half of my descriptions are just me like putting my, my, how do I write? How do I do it? I'm exactly a parroting. I'm putting my face above my hips. Bam.
01:12:19
Speaker
But it is that thing of like, like, cause what they're intending when they say like, remember, you're going to die is like, let go of that shit. And just like, just enjoy the day. Be nice, be kind, be enthusiastic. Like, like follow, you know, I saw a thing funny enough. I saw a thing on TikTok where he was like, this guy was walking around being like.
01:12:37
Speaker
he was like the chances of you being alive today are you know one of whatever billion and and this planet is is falling through the existence at this rate and and the stars are this and and you are afraid of
01:12:56
Speaker
following the thing that you want to do because you're worried a couple people you don't know are going to judge you. Yeah. And like they don't know you and you don't know them. And that's what's stopping you from following this thing. Like, like, that's that's that's silly. That's a silly thing. You know, yes. Oh, man. But it's it's tough, though. Right. And and and and. It's so easy to get caught up in that, like,
01:13:27
Speaker
you know, that that thought of like, well, I'm going to die, so I should be productive. Oh, yeah. Right. You know, I think between like, oh, it's fine. I'm totally centered and I'm grounded and I don't give a shit. And then I'm either grandiose. So I'm either reckless because I feel dope as fuck and get out of my way or I shrink down and I'm small and I'm insecure and then I'm grasping for whatever is going better. And it's not all day. It's just that all day. I'm trying to transcend above it to be like, you're doing the thing.
01:13:56
Speaker
Is that not people that aren't like mentally ill? What is even happening? Like, what is what is their day? It is it is very odd to think that there are people who don't think I do. And I think I think those people are sociopaths, you know, like, like, I think those. Yeah. Well, no, you're right. I guess that's how where you are of that activity, because it's probably there. It's just like how much are people even listening to it?
01:14:25
Speaker
Exactly. Right. Well, and that's something, you know, that's something my therapist loves to remind me of. And he always says it very gently, but it does correlate into the thought of you don't need to worry about what other people think of you because other people don't think of you. And that's fine. But that's okay. Like that's a good thing. That means everybody should just go do their thing because it doesn't fucking matter.
01:14:51
Speaker
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01:15:15
Speaker
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Advice to Past Self
01:15:43
Speaker
If you could go back in time and talk to the James that I met, that was like eight years ago, messy year James, what would you tell him? Or what would you today tell someone that is like the James that was in that place? Well, first of all, I would say, uh, quit trying to impress Duncan Trussell. He's not going to write you back.
01:16:08
Speaker
he might but okay which is fine it's okay he's not we're not friends i get it it's fine it's fine duncan no no but um but uh you know i would i guess i would just say like like live it like rip it up enjoy it really but also give yourself permission
01:16:32
Speaker
yeah but like and like and like don't worry about it right like don't worry about it because um even though i was letting myself it felt more about it felt more about proving that i was
01:16:49
Speaker
being reckless, and I was cool artist guy. And so it's like, even that was still not fully, fully, I guess authentic, the right word, not really, like it's like, I still was so trapped in my thoughts of, what are people gonna think about this, that, the other thing? And so it's like, I still could have been even more like,
01:17:16
Speaker
It's sort of a vulnerable, but like I could have, I could have just worried less. I guess we could just, but, and I feel like that's the case for everything. I think we could just always worry less about things. And that's not to be passive. That's not to mean be immobile and don't do anything about anything. Like you still have to care about things. You have to care that the ocean is on fire and it doesn't matter if like, Oh, it's actually the gas that's in the water. That's just as bad. Uh,
01:17:45
Speaker
You have to care about these things that's okay but but but caring about something isn't the same as worrying about something and in the same way that like empathizing with something isn't the same as sympathizing with something you know and I think I think empathy and care is really important and really valuable but worry
01:18:11
Speaker
Yeah, you know, yeah, it's not useful, you know, so you're right. But even now, like you say, same thing, I would go back and be like, it works out fine. Like, just don't worry about it. But it won't listen to that. Like today, 10 years from now, Brandi could show up and be like.
01:18:27
Speaker
Hey, don't worry. Stop catastrophizing and be like, absolutely not. But that's our brain. Again, I keep on coming back to it. I was even saying to my therapist this last session, I was like, is it really that easy?
01:18:46
Speaker
You're like, is it really as easy? Like, is it really that easy to just say, I want to instead of I should. And he's like, well, if that's how you want to look at it, then yes, it's easy, but it's, it's technically the hardest thing you'll ever do. Yeah. Right. You know, like, cause it's like, like living is the hardest thing we'll ever do. Just living, just existing is impossible. And the fact that we continue to do it every day is nothing short of a miracle, you know? And, and so like, it's okay. Like.
01:19:16
Speaker
It's okay to want things and to not, quote unquote, accomplish them. Right. Like, like, yeah, like telling yourself not to worry is very different from not worrying, you know, in the same way, like, you know, like with with meditation. Right. You know, like, like you could say meditation is just sitting quietly. And yes, technically it is. But it's not easy. Yeah, it's not it's not easy to
01:19:45
Speaker
to work at being quiet within yourself. It's not fucking easy to let yourself off the hook. It's work, it's effort, and it does take mindfulness, but it's worth the payoff, right?
01:20:03
Speaker
I do. Yeah. Do you do like technical meditations or like just breathing like is it just to relax and like get your mind quiet or observe your thoughts or are you doing technical like inner happiness when it comes from within? Right. I do like I do what's essentially a watered down
01:20:22
Speaker
like mantra meditation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So like I do like unguided just I just I have I have a mantra that I then I just repeat to myself essentially whenever I need to just slow down. So like I do have I have like a set time in the morning where where I'll do my initial meditation every day. But then throughout the day, if I'm feeling myself spinning out, I will just take like a minute and just kind of like, yeah.
01:20:48
Speaker
yeah yeah it's nice it's really nice i love mantra meditation fucking rules too because it's like it's really easy it's like you literally just like you just think of a mantra and you're good you know you don't think of breathing do you tell people in your mantra or you keep it a secret i don't i do i keep it a secret yeah you are supposed to right you're supposed to it is it's funny because i like i didn't get it from a teacher or anything like that i i got it from a
01:21:14
Speaker
So she's going to flummen out. But, but it is still, I mean, it does still, it holds importance within me and that's what's important, right? But, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's, yeah, I, I believe wholeheartedly in that. And especially it's, again, it's one of those things, Jenica and I were just talking about it this morning where I will like.
01:21:35
Speaker
I will know the value of meditation and I will understand that I feel better after I meditate and I'll still be resistant to it almost every day. I'll still be like, oh, I don't want to. I'd rather just sit here. Yeah. Yeah. And my therapist would say like, good, cool, do that then. It doesn't matter. It's fine. If you want to, do it. And if you don't, don't. Both are fine.
01:22:07
Speaker
You know, I've said before on the show, friendless kind of started as a bit of a joke in a lot of ways. Like I just like, I just really wanted to start a podcast and it felt like the only way to do it would be to get my friends on and sort of trick them onto it, you know?
Evolution of Friendless Podcast
01:22:22
Speaker
And, um, and then I realized, especially after like lockdown started, um,
01:22:28
Speaker
I had a big serious reflection on what I was doing at the show and I realized this could be something really special and really important for me and for the guests and hopefully for whoever I've managed to trick into listening to this. But what it's really boiled down to is this question of
01:22:47
Speaker
And we've touched on it before is this question of, have I been a good friend? And how have I shown up for the people in my life who I cherish and hold such deep thoughts and deep love for? And if I'm going to answer that question, I have to first figure out, well, what the fuck does that mean? Like, what is it to be a good friend?
01:23:06
Speaker
Um, and, and I love asking people this question because it's so, it's at times so similar in that, and then at times like completely different for everyone. And it's that beautiful, weird quilt of this term friendship. So, so I ask you, you know, I ask you this question, uh, what does it mean to you to be a friend? And then as a little bit of a follow-up, just to let you kind of, to roll with this, um,
01:23:31
Speaker
with the world reopening with you know mandates kind of shutting down and all these kinds of things what do you think it's going to take to be a good friend now going forward this is impossible because i think exactly like you said there's like there's no black and white like the way that i'm a good friend to one person
01:23:50
Speaker
Uh, is entirely different than the way I can be a good friend and take care of another person because everybody's needs are different. Everybody's dynamics are different. Um, so I, it's so, it feels like esoteric and weird and I don't, I don't know how to answer it. Um,
01:24:08
Speaker
And also I only, when I think of friends, like obviously you're a friend. And then, but when it's like in my day, I'm like, I have like four friends, like there's four of them. And when it's them and I know that they
01:24:24
Speaker
like I'm safe with them and they know me and they like me and where there's that intimacy there then yeah then friendship is about loyalty it's about servicing that person it's a sacred relationship you were you're servicing these people like it's not always comfortable or convenient but you were working for your things you had to put work in
01:24:46
Speaker
But then there's like beyond that scope like when you get out of that radius of those people um I'm very much like I can be a real asshole like I don't respond to texts I'm like I'm taking very good care of what's going on in my right here and the rest of it is like super cash like I don't know you anything I'm doing I'm taking care of myself and my peeps and then you find a way to
01:25:12
Speaker
where you align, you find your common ground, which is like, we get a beer at a show or we go for a nature walk every three months. But yeah, I don't know. A new normal, same thing. Do you find you have those, do you find you have those like, sort of like tears of friends in that way? Is that sort of what you're describing? The idea of like, you've got a bit of an inner circle who you really take care of and then everybody else is sort of like a bit you versus them kind of almost.
01:25:35
Speaker
Oh, that's interesting that you said no, but as you say that, I'm like, maybe. Like, yeah, I'm not super available. And like, I don't like emails. I don't like texts. It sounds arrogant, but it's just like, I'm very much an introvert. I don't like small talk. And especially with the pandemic, Katie has talked about this on horny off Maine.
01:25:57
Speaker
Katie is the perfect example of, I consider her more in my inner bubble, but because she could be your periphery friend, because she 100% is never projecting anything. She's like, when you can show up, you sit on Katie's couch, you can fucking get into it, there's no small talk. She sees you, you see her, it is real. She's the best, I wish everybody was like, Katie yelling all day. She rules. She's so good.
01:26:24
Speaker
But without the KDLN types of exceptions, yeah, it feels like it's, I don't have the energy or the interest in any, like I don't. It doesn't energize me or nourish me in any way to have those interactions. And I'm very curious about people and their stories and their whatever. But so I like those moments too at comedy. And I do want to make more space for that. Like if you're in a room and you get to talk to
01:26:53
Speaker
like there's this comedian, Matty Boo, and Vancouver comedian,
01:26:59
Speaker
I've had one conversation with him that was an actual conversation and right away he's telling me about, he's this like very, the cutest, most adorable little Asian comedian and he loves NASCAR and he likes country music and there's all these contradictions and you get to really have a real conversation with that, I love that. So more of that when it's new normal, more of those like real pockets, but also then I'm gonna retreat back into
01:27:27
Speaker
My little bubble, my little introvert bubble. Yeah. Nothing on socials. I'm fucking, I can't with any of that. I feel like the way that, and like I haven't been on Instagram or Facebook for the last little bit and.
01:27:42
Speaker
Okay. You're different. But if I were to meet with someone where I had like been, we hadn't talked for a little while, but I've seen them on Instagram. I'm not going to receive them. If I were to sit down with them on a call like that, I'm going to have all these weird assumption. I'm not, I'm not going to be as open or worse. So I can't do that anymore.
01:28:03
Speaker
Yeah. Now, do you think that that came through because of lockdown or do you think that that's just like become clearer because of lockdown and you already
Enlightenment and Social Media Impact
01:28:12
Speaker
had it? Yeah, it became clear. Like I was already resistant because I think everything you post on socials is like now this is a dialogue. And again, I don't like small talk. I'm not inviting a dialogue. I don't want to talk to whoever from six years ago. I don't care.
01:28:26
Speaker
I don't care. What a fucking great observation. I love that. I don't need you to comment on this. No. You can fuck off, right? This is not a conversation. Yeah. Yeah. But as soon as you do, it's like, oh, you're here to be, you're contributing. So whatever.
01:28:43
Speaker
Yeah, so I was already like not game for all of those exchanges that you know, contributing in socials provokes. But then yeah, it was like I'm either comparing or I'm, I'm getting a version of someone, which is who they want me to believe they are, or it's filtered through my own bullshit. So I'm still seeing something else. And same with all the Buddhist stuff or Tibetan book of living and dying. And so much of that is about
01:29:08
Speaker
Like enlightenment, what do you think enlightenment is? When you hear the word, what do you think enlightenment is? Wow. Uh, I feel like, yeah, I guess my, my, my, my, my sort of gut, like from the hip answer is like, is like, like wise calm.
01:29:30
Speaker
Like do you know what I mean? Like like like like the the wisdom to be calm about everything like like and just like the understanding to just like I just feel like I feel like I feel like enlightenment is just like the chillest dude in the room Well it kind of is but I read a definition of it a little while ago and it's like enlightenment is actually just
01:29:58
Speaker
kind of your brain in a totally neutral state. Like it's again, what you're saying, like you're not seeing things as good or bad. You're just seeing everything for what it is just in its natural state. That is enlightenment. And I was like, okay, I can't look at people in an enlightened way when I'm like,
01:30:14
Speaker
putting them in a box because of social media. Sure. Yeah. Well, and social media makes you do that, right? You're not, you know, there's no, there's no, because you're not, and you said it like you're not meeting the person, you're meeting the material that they have decided to share with you. And so you're not, you know, you're not looking at me, you're looking at the photo of the angle with the filter, with the comment, with the hashtag, you know, so you're not, um, it's a, it's a bizarre disassociative. Like it's very dehumanizing, even though it's,
01:30:44
Speaker
build as the most, you know, I mean, fuck, you know, social network. Right. You know, like when there's nothing social involved, you know, totally. Brandy, we could fucking talk for hours. And I like I just like, you know.
01:31:05
Speaker
Sometimes I'm like, you know, I'll start these interviews and I'll be a little worried, you know, I'll be like a little nervous. I'll be like a little like, oh, how is this going to go? Like, you know, you and I haven't talked in person like this. I mean, this is still technically not in person, but, you know, uh, next best thing, right? Uh, like literally since 2013 and, and, um, which is nuts. Um, um, and, and so, you know, when I set this up, I was like, you know, I was nervous, but also like, you know,
01:31:32
Speaker
fear is completely obliterated like instantly. And this has just been so amazing. And I just, I just like, I adore you. I just think you were like, I just, I think the absolute world of you. And I think like, I'm just so grateful to know you and to have you somewhere in my life, you know? Even you know, like once Janica started coming up on your socials and I was like, I would be friends with
01:31:57
Speaker
Fabulous hair, all these vibes. She seems so warm and glowy. And that's fun too. Cause that's your energy, right? So right away I'm like, she's this and now, so I love both of you. Yeah. I really feel like the two of you would be really good friends actually.
01:32:13
Speaker
I mean, you really don't because this place. That's you guys come here. That's right. Exactly. Right. We'll just we'll see you in Vancouver down the road. But but but but before we do that, we do have to do one last thing. And I feel like this won't be as big a deal for you about you and I. But but it's still I'm still sad. I was going to say that it is still part of the show. So, you know, that's yeah.
01:32:35
Speaker
No, Brandi B. I mean, you haven't posted since twenty nineteen. I think we'll be OK. But we are shut up. You did it.
01:32:47
Speaker
no longer Facebook friends. There you go. So what do you do if I come knocking and I'm like, friend request? Because I deleted my account like three years ago. You did. And I even came back and found you. You did. I had like 1,200 friends. I know. It was very sweet. And I was like, well, somebody is going to get the fuck out of here. But then I was like, no, James, you stay. I did feel, I felt very honored, actually. Because I saw that happen. And I was like, oh, I'm definitely in the purge. No way.
01:33:16
Speaker
No way. But what would happen if you send a friend request? I would I would probably I don't know. I don't know. There's this part of me. There's this part of me that's like, I think out of guilt, I would accept it. But then I'd be like, I'd be like, Randy, we have three other social media. You're right.
01:33:48
Speaker
. .
01:34:10
Speaker
And that's it. Thank you once more to Brandi for coming on the show. She's just the friggin' best. And thank you for making it all the way to the end of the episode. You're the friggin' best, too! You want to keep the good times rolling? Why not sign up for the Friendless Newsletter? It's a once-a-month quickie packed with book reviews, reading recommendations, and exclusive writing from your favorite podcaster-slash-barely-mentally-coping poet. Me!
01:34:34
Speaker
Sign up through the link in the old show notes. Just pull out your phone, look at the episode description, and you'll see all the links there. Speaking of show notes, while you're clicking through, why not give a listen to my other podcast, Raised by the Movies? This week, my sweet wife, Jenica, and I are wrapping up our Will Smith July with the absolute utter turd that is Wild Wild West. It might be a garbage movie, but the episode's still a blast, so check it out.
01:34:57
Speaker
Last but not least, check out our fringe show, The Afraidians. You can get tickets through the links in the show notes. It's a ton of fun. It's all digital. You can watch it anywhere in the world. And it helps us out so much to be able to pay the actors who helped us make this really, really fun little show. It's about social media. It's about avoiding your parents. It's about travel blogs. And it is an absolute blast. The Afraidians, check it out. Thank you.
01:35:23
Speaker
But that is it from me, so I'll wrap it up with another thank you and a little wish to get you back here next week for another brand new episode of Friendless. But let's not worry about that for now, because that is then, and this is now. And for now, I'll just tell you I love you unconditionally, and I hope you have a wonderful week. Fun and safety, sweeties.
01:36:04
Speaker
you