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Heal your mind and body with your home design
26 Plays8 months ago
Does your house feel like a hug when you walk in?
Do you get energy and happiness from your space?
Does it reflect who you are in an authentic way?
Do you know what your personal style is and how to reflect that in your home?
Aubrey Sanchez, award winning Interior Designer and mom of 5 talks with me about how our space affects our whole being and how we can find out what our design style is so we can live in a space that feels like a hug when we walk through the door, creates spiritual & emotional abundance, and how using your own personal design can help heal from trauma.
Course and decluttering guide - Aubrey-sanchez.com
FB group - Surround Yourself with Beauty - Empower your Healing & Thriving! https://m.facebook.com/groups/291048256713843/?ref=share&mibextid=NSMWBT
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Transcript
Introduction to Aubrey Sanchez
00:00:14
Speaker
Hello, and welcome back to Mom Tabulous. I am your host, Sharla Mandair. With me today is Aubrey Sanchez. She's a mother of five energetic kids ages seven to 15, founder and CEO of Autumn Rose Interiors, an award-winning interior design firm based out of Northwest Arkansas.
00:00:35
Speaker
international retreat host and soon to be published
Entrepreneurship and Motherhood
00:00:39
Speaker
author. As a survivor of childhood psychological abuse, Aubrey uses her expertise in interior design and her deep familiarity with mental illness and emotional healing to teach how our physical environments can empower healing, growth and thriving. I'm so glad you're here. Aubrey, welcome. Thank you. I'm glad to be here.
00:01:00
Speaker
So tell, like, tell us a little bit, like, I can't believe seven, seven to 15, five, five, five. Yeah. And it's been nuts. And I literally started my business when my youngest was almost one year old. So, I mean, that's like, it's been just intense the whole time, you know, just being a stay at home mom with them was intense.
00:01:24
Speaker
It wasn't healthy for me to just be home all the time and to be trying to put my dreams on the shelf and, you know, wait and wait and wait. So I knew I needed to just jump in and with both feet and do it and that my kids were still a huge priority to me and that I wanted to also be open to homeschooling them and to doing things with them. And so it's been a
Parenting Styles and Expectations
00:01:44
Speaker
crazy ride. Yeah.
00:01:46
Speaker
But that's, that's awesome. And I speak so much to, you know, moms, like I, I remember saying to when my kids were little, like, I love being a mom. And if anyone is a stay at home mom, and that is what you want to do, like power to you, but I always felt like I want to have my own thing too. I want to have something for me, that's outside of quote unquote, just being a mom. And that, that
00:02:13
Speaker
what's the word I'm looking for that thing where nobody expects dads to stay at home and quote unquote just dad right that like mom
00:02:22
Speaker
Moms are supposed to be home in the kitchen or whatever like that. It's not me. And in my house, my husband, restaurant manager is the cook. He loves to cook. My 14 year old loves to cook, made dinner last night.
Challenging Gender Roles in Cooking
00:02:36
Speaker
I was like, okay, great. I hate cooking. And it's funny because I have two holistic health certifications, but I like get so stressed out in the kitchen. So
00:02:46
Speaker
It's not something that is super fun to me. It's actually pretty stressful to me. So it's funny that like now I have a kid who's old enough to cook and I can be like, but then I feel the guilt around, well, you're 14, you shouldn't be cooking the family dinner.
00:03:00
Speaker
But she likes it. She wants to. So every once in a while. Every once in a while. Totally. And it's like, there's so many different ways to be a good mom and like we get it in our heads that like, but I'm not that kind of mom, you know? And it's like, yeah, but she's looking over going, Oh, I'm supposed to be more like something she
Journey Through Depression and Healing
00:03:16
Speaker
does. You know, like I always hated about myself that I didn't think I was structured enough or I had enough routines and everything. But then I found out that I had friends that were like, Oh, I wish I could just go with the flow as well as Aubrey does.
00:03:27
Speaker
you know, like, like you just take all your kids to the grocery store and you just like roll with it. And I'm like, Oh, well, I mean, that just comes easily to me. I didn't think that was a big deal. You know, I'm looking over going man, she's got it so put together because she's like really rhythm like she has a really solid routine for her kids and I don't you know, so yeah, it's so easy to like
00:03:46
Speaker
find the ways that we're lacking and that it's not enough and you know feeling bad that we're not a stay-at-home mom and then a stay-at-home mom feeling bad that she's not working or having a side gig and it's like you know what like it's all beautiful and good as long as we know that we have options and choices and that we can be ourselves right like when it goes really badly is when we think we have to fit into some sort of really awful box that's not good for us to be
00:04:14
Speaker
a good mom yeah yeah yeah it's funny right the comparison game that we play i have a good friend who i went to high school with and she's also an interior designer out here and our kids went to same school for a while and she's always just so put together and she's three three kids and
00:04:32
Speaker
I work out for a living a lot, right? Like I run fitness programs and I exercise every day for me and I, you know, and I'm always in workout clothes and I don't care. Like to me, that's my uniform. That's if I'm wearing jeans or heels or I'm like, hi, I got myself together today. Right. But she said, men made a comment once about like,
00:04:53
Speaker
She was wearing like workout clothes and she was like, we were at pickup and she was like, I'm so sorry. I'm not more. And I was like, girl, do you notice I am in workout clothes at pickup every single day? And she was like, no, that's just, you know, thinking about you. She was just judging herself. Yeah. And I was like, and I'm over here. Like, I didn't even notice that you were in workout clothes. She was like, it's just so late today. I, you know, I got it in, but it was, you know, I was like,
00:05:20
Speaker
Who cares? Like school pickup, people roll up with no makeup. It's no big deal. But she was, she was like, I don't feel right unless I'm her. That wasn't makeup girl. You know, it was, it was so, you know, and I was like, girl, I don't have time for that. I don't get to shower until like eight PM and I have one less kid than you do.
Balancing Motherhood and Personal Ambitions
00:05:38
Speaker
So anyway, so tell me a little bit, like, tell us a little bit your story of how you said you started your business when your youngest was around one. So tell me, tell us about, about that.
00:05:49
Speaker
Yeah, well, and like, I knew when I had studied interior design in college, I knew that I wanted to be my own boss, I wanted to balance my life, however that felt good to me. You know, that was a vision for a while for me. But it got so set on the shelf. It turned into like, I'm trying to be a good mom, I need to just wait till they're older, they're all in school. Then I realized I felt really good about homeschooling them and I was like, when is this ever gonna happen? I don't think it can.
00:06:16
Speaker
You know, so I had to have a process where I got to the point of saying, I actually am very depressed, very, I'm raging at my children. I actually think they'd be better off without me. That was my low. That was the point I got to when actually my fourth was a baby. So that was even before that last pregnancy and everything. And I got to such a low place and I had to really
00:06:42
Speaker
get real about stuff and I was on our way back we were at an internship that was my husband's for his MBA internship we had like no money one car that he often had you know it was no furniture in that apartment just me and a bunch of kids and sometimes not even a car no money to go do stuff
00:07:00
Speaker
And I was so angry and I didn't know why. I didn't know that that was a form depression could take. I didn't know that I just was trying to do things that weren't okay for me and that I wasn't getting my needs met. I just thought I was fundamentally broken and could never be a good mom. I just thought I failed at this.
00:07:19
Speaker
And so we were on our way back. Yeah, it breaks my heart that I felt that way and that others feel that way. It's so, so harrowing to believe that about yourself, to think that you just can't be what your kids need, right? So yeah, so it was on our way back to where we lived from that internship.
00:07:44
Speaker
when I you know we visited this town on the way and it was a it was a historic reenactment town and like so this was life from like the late 1800s and so I was in this totally different cultural context um and realizing like wait a minute you know it was kind of before the 1950s and like the ideals of what you know
00:08:09
Speaker
what i thought i was supposed to do to be a good mom and like i was able to all of a sudden like just shake out of it and i got this major download like that felt really divine to me that was basically the women in that culture and at that time they loved their children they loved god
00:08:26
Speaker
And they didn't see it as an either-or. They didn't see it as be a mom or contribute to the society and the economy.
Therapeutic Aspects of Interior Design
00:08:34
Speaker
You know, to them, it was all just part of life. So they were just doing life. And so there were women, most of whom had children,
00:08:42
Speaker
who were the one there was one and it was a couple and the husband was the doctor and the wife was the herbologist so like the wife grew the herb garden made the tinctures like the medicines and so then you know she would provide those when someone needed them and her husband would go visit when they were sick and like
00:08:58
Speaker
it was beautiful right and then there would be like someone who was very talented with quilting and so like someone else who hated that and wasn't good at it would buy a quilt from this woman who was great at quilting and this other woman would teach the school and the kids would come over right and I just realized like what am I doing you know I do not need to wait until some like magical future date to go do what I love in the world and to start making a difference with it so that was kind of some of that story and then I started doing it and then of course all my
00:09:28
Speaker
self-doubt and psychological trauma and depression and all that. I still had to wage battle with that, but I actually was instead of setting it on the shelf and thinking, I just need to get through this. I just need to hold my breath as if it was this quick moment, but it wasn't. It was going to be years and years and years of raising these kids. And I was trying to just hold my breath through it.
00:09:46
Speaker
And so I started to have to really confront that stuff. I started going to therapy. I started learning, you know, what I really needed to do to even thrive in my business or to really show up for my kids. But in the meantime, I needed to start accepting that just showing up for them was enough, even if I didn't have much in me that day. So nothing will make you work through your demons more than motherhood and starting a business, right? You for one just go for it.
00:10:16
Speaker
When you got balls at the same time, it's like, whoa. Exactly. I'm like, here they are. Let's face it. Bring it on. Bring it on. I've said that so much. I'm like, bring it on. Oh my God, I can't anymore. So how does, I love that you share because you're an interior designer that you were in this apartment with no furniture and these kids. And so, and now, you know,
00:10:42
Speaker
I assume, as with interior design, you put furniture in people's sum, right? Yes, I do this for people. And so it took on this special meaning for me and actually the first iteration of my business when I was just freelancing, which was actually before he was a baby, it was at that point between that summer
00:11:03
Speaker
And then starting the design firm, um, I freelance for a few years and then started the business. And so during that time, my business was actually, um, the second half of the business name was, was design therapy. And like, I literally, like, it was always like so important to me that this wasn't like, people would say like, Oh, what are some tips you have for? And I was like,
00:11:30
Speaker
You know, like, not that, I mean, I enjoy trends. I think they're fun. I love to, I get magazines. I watch HGTV. Like, I enjoy to see like, what are people doing? What's new? What's fresh?
00:11:41
Speaker
That's part of what I love, but I just think we minimize and we kind of get stuck in this like, it's a nice to have, it's a frivolous. It's almost part of like kind of the general systemic minimization of women. Am I gonna be the apple? Like just the anything that we tend to lead out on, we are maybe more inclined to sort of value it and lean into it first and be the leaders on.
00:12:05
Speaker
Those things get minimized in our society and so women are the are more often the one to lead out in this in their in their Marriages or in the relationships that they're in they're more likely to say hey I want to make this prettier. I want to decorate it. I want it to feel a certain way. I want to make it homey and
00:12:26
Speaker
And that's been minimized for us. So we minimize it for ourselves. We go, Oh, well, you know, someday or when the kids are grown up or I shouldn't be so worried about that. I should be grateful, right? We like play it down. Like I should just be grateful. Like at least, you know, at least my husband's getting an MBA and we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. So why should I care?
00:12:49
Speaker
That you know that there's mattresses on the floor and that there's nothing feeding my soul and so Anyway, I'm getting obviously I get excited I started talking fast and there's a lot that I want to say on this topic But like yeah that really really quick summary is just that it was important to me from the get-go that This was much much deeper than just oh, it's this nice to have thing when you have extra money You know it was like no
00:13:19
Speaker
This is actually a deeply rooted part of being human. Even in tribes and areas where survival is very, very at the forefront and every day, where is the food coming from? They take the time to create jewelry. They adorn their mud huts. It is an essential part of being human to create beauty, to surround ourselves with it,
00:13:47
Speaker
it teaches us to remember that there's more meaning and that we can create meaning and that we're not sort of just stuck where we are. So it's actually so important to mental health and that's become like a big part of my mission. And so that's why I'm writing a book and, you know, doing retreats and things is because I'm like, hey, there's more to this. And so especially with moms, I want them to realize that they don't have to have
00:14:11
Speaker
everything that they someday are dreaming of having when they build their dream house or whatever, to still have this drive, be important now. Like, and yes, you know, my kids are feral. Like, they destroy things. They're hard to keep up with. So, you know, so it may not be the right time to buy all the nice things that you're excited to have someday, but we don't have to just put ourselves on hold. You know, just like I was putting my business dreams on hold, we don't have to put our need for beauty and to feel amazing in our home.
00:14:41
Speaker
We don't have to put that on hold until our kids are grown up or until we have all this extra money. Like it's okay that that's actually important to you right now. And there are totally things you can start doing no matter where like your budget's
Discovering Personal Style
00:14:55
Speaker
at. And it will actually start to nurture you as a mom. You'll show up more sourced, like more full and able to give and love. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes even like DIYing, even just like,
00:15:09
Speaker
a shelf or something, right? You just feel so much more of like a badass. So your physical environment affects, it does, it affects the mental health and the energy that you even have to give, right? As a mom, as a wife, as a partner, as a daughter, as a sister, as everything, right? That we don't have, if your space is just, you know, not representative of who you are, right? Like there's, we're house hunting and I'll look at homes and be like,
00:15:39
Speaker
nice looking house, not at all our style. I won't even look at it. It's too much to change, right? And someone goes, Oh my God, that house is great. Why wouldn't you? And I go, it's great, but it's too much. It's too modern looking that staircase or whatever. Like it, it's not us and it doesn't feel like you'd be fighting with the energy of that house. Everything you went to go and do, you'd be trying to decide how much of myself am I going to compromise and how I do this. So how much money is it to change? Yeah.
00:16:08
Speaker
Yeah, it's so personal like what you love shouldn't be so much about keeping up with those trends or being on trend
00:16:15
Speaker
The trends are there to serve you, not the other way around, right? We're not slaves to the trends. The trends are there to bring in fresh new water. Like they're just there to bring in like, oh, here's something that maybe hasn't been done before. Maybe you love it. Maybe you totally don't. All right. That's fine. You know, it's just a source of inspiration. That's all it is. You know what else is a source of inspiration?
00:16:39
Speaker
nature, you know, your grandma's house, what did you love about your grandma's house? And what did you feel like was frumpy and you hated it? Great. Awesome. You know, like, just like starting to actually tune into ourselves, which I think actually helps a lot of things in life to go better. My business goes better when I'm leading from who am I not? How is everyone else doing this? Um, you know, my parenting is better when I'm like, Hey, this is just who I am. This is what feels good to me right now. Like, yeah, I think like our
00:17:08
Speaker
are creating our home can be that same way. What do I actually love and who cares if it's out of style or nobody else gets it? What if you don't know what your style is? How do you find it? Yeah, there's a lot of things out there that will purport to tell you your style.
00:17:29
Speaker
Don't put yourself in a box like that. You can totally take those quizzes and read those articles. Go for it, you know, but just gather them like just information, data, someone's opinion, not your opinion. It doesn't matter that much, but like, oh, interesting.
00:17:46
Speaker
How do I feel about this? This thing says I'm very boho. Do I like boho? If so, cool. I just learned a new source of some stuff that I might like. But it's not actually you. That's just a tiny little aspect of you. And so...
00:18:02
Speaker
Here's where this also gets tricky is like, depending on what kind of mental health space you're in already, it can be really hard to tune into yourself or to even know what you love. This is a very typical issue for moms is because we're so self sacrificing, that it's like, well, what do you like? What do you want? And moms go, we short circuit, we're like, uh,
00:18:25
Speaker
I'm sorry, could you ask me a different question? You know, like, it's scary to even... You want these toys put away. Right, right. Exactly. And even if I'm saying all this, it could be scary. Like, some people might be like, you know what, actually, like, I'm gonna listen to the next episode, you know, because it's like, I don't want to, I don't want to feel like a failure because I look around and go, none of this is me right now. But I don't even know what my style is. Like, I don't even know who I am.
00:18:49
Speaker
And I would say well then perfect because you know what same like every every mom I think to different levels has to confront some like loss of self and so That's just part of it. And that's okay. Like that's so normal
00:19:05
Speaker
It's just that until we're willing to start looking for it, there's nothing we can do to fix it. We can chase trends, but they're actually just going to tell us how uncool we are. Like when I do something in my house that's trendy that I don't love, it actually just reminds me every day that I don't think I'm
Maintaining Life and Home Vision
00:19:21
Speaker
cool. Like that's a terrible energy, right? But if I love something and I bring it in, I can say, yep, I'm weird.
00:19:28
Speaker
Yeah, but I'm an awesome weird and I love it. I collect seashells. So hi, you know, like I grew up in Oregon. Like, is that cool? No, I don't think so. But like, it's me. So they make me smile. Do you know what I mean? So figuring out your style is a lot less about you know, what, what umbrella can you label yourself with? Go ahead and use those. That's fine. Especially combinations could be helpful. Like mid century with some boho. Okay, now that's starting to be a little more personal. That's more you right? That's fine. But like,
00:19:58
Speaker
Mostly, it's the tricky work of saying, I may already be like numbing out, you know, depressed, losing my sense of identity. And now Aubrey's saying, well, you're going to ask your inner self.
00:20:12
Speaker
what you need in your space around you and you're going like oh geez like I don't even know how to do that but that's kind of the work is to start like a swing like start swinging even if it's like this at first and then you get more into it because it's a spiral like when you do succeed at tuning in a little bit and then you do something outside of you that supports that
00:20:34
Speaker
now you're even more able to tune into yourself. Then you're able to do even more outside of you. Now you can tune in even better. Does that make sense? So it's just like, how can I just get it going? I like to just walk the people through meditating. I invite them to think about places that they feel amazing in or go to places you feel amazing. There is a coffee shop that you just always feel good in there. Just go in there. And then I tell them, you know, just put on like your
00:21:03
Speaker
I'll call them like your abstract glasses. Like just try to start thinking abstract. This might sound so weird, but it means instead of trying to, you know, write in full sentences in your brain or on your notepad and say, oh, I'm pretty sure they're using a blah, blah, blah aesthetic and the balances that like, you don't know all that stuff. That's fine. Abstract means go into just colors, textures, even emotions. What emotions do you feel in the coffee shop? Well, I guess,
00:21:33
Speaker
It feels, you know, energetic and peaceful, like, cause there's no pressure on me, but there's people talking and stuff. Okay. Energetic and peaceful. That's a clue to what you're needing and what you're loving and being drawn to. Um, there's lots of neutrals. Hmm. Okay. Interesting. Write that down. Neutral colors, right? Like whites and creams and pans, you know, like, okay, cool. There's, um, some really soft textures. Write that down. Like textures.
00:22:01
Speaker
So texture, color, smell, sounds, but not in the what someone's saying, more like people talking. I'm surrounded by people. That brings me energy. Or I can feel the air coming in every time someone opens the door, and it kind of makes me feel more alive or whatever. So maybe I need to open my windows more at home. We just start to pay attention to the themes. And if I start to notice that certain things stand out, whether it's my favorite coffee shop or my favorite park,
00:22:31
Speaker
Or, you know, and it's like a theme, like every single one of those places has this, this and this. And those are the things that I am feeling nurtured by in those spaces. That's what I need somewhere of. I love that. I love that. And I love that you were like, I collect seashells because if you're listening to the podcast behind her, there's a picture of the ocean.
00:22:56
Speaker
So you're on brand with your, you're losing your message. I mean, it's me, right? And so guess what? I don't have to like come up with all this energy to pretend to be someone.
Gentleness and Progress in Life
00:23:10
Speaker
Like if my brand and my home and my personal, like the way I dress, if it's all just me,
00:23:18
Speaker
then it feels good and I don't have to pretend to be anybody. I can just go be myself. I used to judge myself for how much I loved green and teal. And I would think, wardrobe wise, I would think I need so many, I need all these other colors. And do I have other colors? Yeah, I do. But at some point I went, but I freaking love so many shades of green and teal. And so I have multiple green work blouses.
00:23:48
Speaker
and multiple green sweaters. And like, I love it. It feels great. It's what makes you feel good. Yeah. I love it. So how do you hold this vision for your home and maybe a career, right? While also navigating motherhood. You've got these ideas of what you want. You've done the coffee shop work. You have this vision and it's just not possible yet, which is okay.
00:24:17
Speaker
how do you keep holding that vision and don't forget about it or start those baby steps towards little things that you can add to it?
00:24:27
Speaker
and feel like, you know, I keep saying to my kids, like, this is why we can't have nice things. Now it's my dog. My dog is my new toddler. So he knows what I want him to do. He's just not sure if he's going to do it or not. You know? Yeah, no, it's, it is like a practice of sort of holding those things in, in, you know, equilibrium, even though they seem so different, meaning
00:24:57
Speaker
that it's not all possible all at once right now, wave my magic wand, or is there nothing I can do until later? So I think that's part of it is just understanding that by hanging on to a vision and really believing in it, then all the little steps that you're taking anyway, because something is going to break and you are going to need to buy a new one, or you're going to have to
00:25:23
Speaker
Organize things and put them somewhere like you're doing stuff anyway And so if you tell yourself I don't even want a plan yet because then I'm gonna feel discouraged Then all the things you're doing now are gonna be going off in every direction and not getting you any closer to that dream So if you can hold that dream Without judging yourself for being where you are now
00:25:44
Speaker
then every little thing that you do can be progress towards it. Like it can all, all those little efforts that are happening anyway, you can sort of corral them all in the right direction towards that vision you have. And you're going to wake up and go one day and go,
00:26:00
Speaker
Dude, it's starting to feel really good. Like I'm further along than I thought and I didn't have to come in and swing hammers necessarily, right? Like I just was doing what I was doing anyway. The other part is just extreme gentleness with ourselves. And that means there is no good reason to judge yourself for how you're handling being a mom ever.
00:26:22
Speaker
I don't care if you're like, well, I only have one kid and they have five. Guess what? One of the most stressful times in my whole life was when I had one child. It was insane. It was so hard. It's not helpful when we are judging ourselves because we can't
00:26:43
Speaker
accept ourselves when we're judging ourselves and so then nothing we do will be good enough. We'll think that that's true like because I've been there so I can speak for myself like when I have been so set on on believing my brokenness right when I believed it so deeply and that and my unworthiness as a human as a mom not everything that happened around me and everything that I did felt like evidence that that was true.
Creating an Authentic Home Environment
00:27:12
Speaker
Right.
00:27:13
Speaker
And when I have learned to be gentle, like when I have learned to see progress, not whether I'm perfect yet, because that's not going to happen. Spoiler alert. I can actually see that there's progress and then it's not so scary to want something that I don't have yet. Because I know that I can make progress towards it.
00:27:36
Speaker
Yeah, we are so conditioned to look for the evidence that something is not working. We have to train our brain. This is this whole separate, probably, episode. We have to train our brain to look for the evidence that things are. And I think what you're speaking to makes so much sense of giving yourself the grace
00:27:54
Speaker
And an allowance to just forgive that this is where it is right right now and and you know that base broke okay now i can you know buy a twelve dollar base at the store that is more in the style that i want and then you know and then it blossoms and i think also. Holding the boundary for it to write remember when the pandemic hit and everybody started doing home projects.
00:28:16
Speaker
Everybody started painting the walls. It didn't get painted. And they started, you know, it didn't have to be big renovations. For me, I just saw everybody painting. I painted a bathroom. It was like, and they already worked from home. Actually, my life got busier because now my kids were home, schooling, right? But I had, I've worked from home for years. So it was like, what changed with me? I didn't have to drive the kids to and from school. They're actually home all day. My life got busier. And then I was painting a bathroom.
00:28:45
Speaker
That's what that's just what we did. And I think maybe we were slightly more tuned in.
00:28:51
Speaker
Yeah, even if it was still subconscious, I think we became a little more aware that our physical space was affecting us, you know, because it was like, it's our habitat, like, you know, they, they have to in zoos, right, they have to create habitats for those animals that meet the needs of those animals, including the psychological needs of those animals, or else guess what, they will stop eating, they will get aggressive, they will
00:29:18
Speaker
self-sabotage and they will probably end up not living very long so like we we became aware because we were more kind of captive in our own homes which is not ideal but like but I do think it kind of woke us up a little bit to like dude this is affecting me and there's at least something I could do about it
00:29:39
Speaker
Like I can at least go buy a can of paint and do this, you know. Or like, this is something that I've wanted to do for such a long time. I'll put it in the back of my head. It's going to finally do it. And life is short and we don't know what's going to happen. Oh my God. So exactly. I have a moment here. I'm just going to go for it. Yeah. No. 100%. Plus even the pressure coming off of like, people are going to come see it and tell me what they think, right? Like literally, I think just taking the pressure of being good enough for someone else off.
00:30:07
Speaker
helps us to just express ourselves because it's like you painted that bathroom and you know that like, you know, your mother-in-law is not going to see it anytime soon, right? And so you're like, I'm just going to do what I want. Yeah. And like, I actually think we need to lean into that a little bit and just sort of be like, Hey, it's not their style. That's fine. That is just because what's going to happen is if it feels like you, then people who love you are going to come into your home.
00:30:35
Speaker
And they're gonna, this is how I describe it. They're gonna feel hugged by you in your home. It doesn't have to be their style for them to come into your home and feel nurtured by how intentional it is and how nurturing it is in your way. You know, so you create it so that it's this perfect fit for your own energetic and emotional needs and for your unique family.
00:31:03
Speaker
And then you're still gonna feel amazing bringing other people in, even if it's totally not their style, because if they love you, they're gonna feel hugged by your home, being more like you are. And then they're gonna go home and do something totally different, and that's great. And you're gonna go to their house and feel hugged by them when you walk into their house, because you're like, oh, it's so you and I love that.
00:31:24
Speaker
I love that. I want people to feel a hug for me when they walk in my house. I love this. And the most important person to feel hugged by it is you. Like, you know, so that's the really exciting part is it's like, we'll do so much for other people. And then I'm like, and guess who's there every freaking day, even when the kids are gone, even you know, it's you. And so
00:31:44
Speaker
create it so that it's like the perfect fit for charging your battery making you feel more like yourself giving you that confidence to go be yourself when you're around all the other moms or you know or around other business people who aren't moms and all of right it's so intense and when our home reminds us like hey I'm actually okay with who I am and I feel good and I like the things that I like
00:32:10
Speaker
You know, then, and I'm not keeping things
Decluttering and Home Improvement Tips
00:32:13
Speaker
out of guilt. I'm keeping things because they make me happy and they serve me. Right. And that's all changer. Yeah. So what are your best words of wisdom? Like last question, uh, to a mom who feels her physical environment is like out of her control, but wants to make some changes. Yeah.
00:32:31
Speaker
Well, I have so been there. And I still have these moments too, by the way, like this is a work that I'm still doing. But um, yeah, so the first step is again, getting centered first. So like, even if the first step is to literally leave your house and go somewhere you feel good and take some deep breaths, and then make a plan, you know, like, all right, and it is okay to need help.
00:32:55
Speaker
There are, there have been moments, you know, I was recovering from a multiple all at once surgeries situation and I had, you know, my really good friend, she came and she literally, I mean, she's like super woman, but she brought like her kids and her and her kids like helped clean my house for me. Do you know what I mean? Like when I couldn't even get out of bed and like, so it is, it is okay to like need support. It is, you know, or if you're socially motivated, calling someone while you work on the thing.
00:33:25
Speaker
I will tell people, just come sit at my counter so that I can get through my dishes because you don't have to do anything. Just hang out with me and I won't even notice that I'm working. Just small little steps, it's not black and white. Decluttering is huge. So often when I ask people to get intuitive about what they're needing in their space, so often the answer is letting go of stuff. That doesn't cost money, it just takes
00:33:54
Speaker
time and it takes emotional releasing sometimes because it's like we're clinging to why that gives us a sense of safety that we have backups of that thing or that you know so-and-so is not going to get mad at me because I get rid of the thing.
00:34:06
Speaker
Like when we give ourselves permission to let go of stuff, then that stuff isn't sucking our energy from us all the time. So letting go of stuff, making changes that are longer term. I know this is a lot of tips, but I'm offering it as a buffet. I'm saying, take one of these and grab it.
00:34:26
Speaker
Get help, step out of the situation until you feel like you can tackle it. Get rid of stuff before you have any pressure to make it prettier, do anything specific, right?
00:34:37
Speaker
and do things that have a longer term impact. Being a mom has so much, just things that get undone constantly. And then we think, well, I never have time to do the longer term stuff because I'm so busy doing the things that are gonna be undone tomorrow. It's one of the reasons it's so depressing, okay? Or in an hour, you know? Or in five minutes, yeah, exactly. It's like you change a diaper, guess what? Another diaper needs changing pretty soon, right? You make food, guess what? They're hungry an hour later.
00:35:06
Speaker
Yeah it's so true and cleaning up and trying to create a nice home environment is the same way. You sweep up the crumbs and then they go to the pantry immediately like they've been summoned you know to the pantry because you just swept. So so here's my thing like I set a timer and I go
00:35:22
Speaker
All right, for 10 minutes, I'm going to tidy this room that I want to work on. But then for 20 minutes, I'm going to do stuff that won't be undone tomorrow. So I decided that magazines were a huge issue in my office. I collect them. I use them for my inspiration boards for clients. I use them a lot for inspiration and all that.
00:35:44
Speaker
But I realized like there were just piles of them. I didn't have enough room. I needed to go through them, but I never did. And so it was a huge problem. And so I did one of these sessions where I said, I can't even focus on that because like the dog got into the garbage and there's garbage everywhere. So like I set 10 minutes and cleaned up the garbage and took some dishes to the sink, you know, reset the space a little bit. And then I set the timer for 20 minutes and said, I'm getting rid of most of these magazines and deciding a new system here.
00:36:12
Speaker
And the next day, there didn't all of a sudden appear 200 magazines again in my office. Like three came in the mail. But I had a system that said I'm going to look through these and throw them away unless there's a specific need to keep one. And so like I had a new way of doing that. That's been paying off for months ever since I did that.
Encouragement and Resources for Personal Space
00:36:34
Speaker
20 minutes, but if I had spent 20 more minutes on the garbage and the dust and the problems and the dirty socks that were in my office I would still be staring at piles of magazines So like that's that boundary like hold space for like just a minute I'm gonna actually go paint a wall or I'm gonna actually get rid of some stuff Even though there's dirty dishes
00:36:56
Speaker
time blocking and prioritizing and just setting that boundary. I love it so much. Aubrey, this has been so insightful. I love it. There's so many golden nuggets for people in here and you've been so great. So we are going to link your social media and all the ways you have a little
00:37:16
Speaker
thingy on your website? There's the course is on there. So I have a course that people can take. And I do have a I do have a decluttering guide. So I can give you the link to that and people can go download that to help them to get you know, inspired like how decluttering doesn't have to be too overwhelming because it definitely can be so
00:37:39
Speaker
I can definitely link that. I have a free Facebook group that's for just having community and being inspired by other people and sharing pictures to celebrate something you did or even just something beautiful in your environment.
00:37:53
Speaker
I had a picture on the cover of it for a while and it was little wildflowers that my kiddo had given me as we were getting in the car and I stuck them in the cup holder in my car and it was this little moment of like beauty in my car. It was like this little floral arrangement, you know, just these little things like celebrating that and like breathing it in. So yeah, we can, I can get you all those links. That's awesome. Yes. And thank you so much for joining me today. This was really helpful. I know there's lots of, lots of tips and again,
00:38:22
Speaker
Like Aubrey was saying, as with everything, pick and choose. Don't feel overwhelmed. You have to do everything. Pick what works for you. Pick one thing. Pick two things. Do one a day. Do one a week. Whatever, mom. Make it work for you. Everything is baby steps towards making the space what works best for you. So thank you, Aubrey. And I'll see you guys. Talk to you soon in the next episode.