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Busy A$$ mom life - 7 tips to keep your sanity!
24 Plays7 months ago
An episode literally recorded "on the go" as I sat parked outside of one of my kids' many things!
Let's face it - Mom life is living in leggings, eating scraps, running on caffeine, being everyone's chauffeur, managing 3 calendars, and showering at 10pm.
Here are 7 tips I use daily to keep my sanity through the chaos of motherhood - in less than 20 minutes because we're all busy!
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Transcript
00:00:13
Speaker
Hello
Recording on the Go: The Life of a Busy Mom
00:00:13
Speaker
and welcome back to another episode of Mom Tabulous. I am your host, Charla Mander. If you are listening to this, I will explain if you're not seeing this on the YouTube podcast, I am in my car. Today's episode, this week's episode is coming to talk about how moms are busy as bleep.
00:00:40
Speaker
Sometimes you got to do what you got to do, right? So
Survival Tips for Motherhood
00:00:43
Speaker
I am in my car and I'm recording this when my daughter is at an appointment and she has some weekly Tutoring stuff and so this is this is when I have time to film this this week. I don't have a guest It's just me. So I'm sitting in my car baking
00:01:02
Speaker
Recording this for you. So I have seven tips of how to survive and get through with like the sanity of busy gas mom life and So I'm gonna I'm gonna give you seven tips. These are what helped me. Okay, I'm holding yeah if the laptop falls I'm holding it on on my like stick shift thing in the car. So
00:01:28
Speaker
I'm having to hold it. I'm sorry if it's moving, if you're watching this. All right, so here's seven ways that I get through and what helps me to get through the craziness and the chaos of motherhood, because let's be honest.
00:01:44
Speaker
It's chaos. And I thought, I thought as my kids got older, that somehow it would get easier. That somehow it'd be like, oh, they're gonna be more independent. And obviously they are. They don't need me to like, wipe their butt anymore. They don't sleep in my bed with me anymore. But
00:02:05
Speaker
The schedules are crazy between sports and games. And, you know, I want to try this activity and can I go to my friend's house? And I have a 14 year old who's a freshman in high school who has all the social life. And I have an 11 year old who were homeschooling and were taken to activities. So she's not just stuck in her house or in her room in our house all day long by herself. Right. Aside
Managing Stress with Deep Breathing
00:02:33
Speaker
from schooling.
00:02:34
Speaker
which is in the kitchen. So here's what I did. Number one, and some of these are going to be common sense, but maybe you just need a reminder and some might surprise you. So first and foremost, deep breaths, always with the deep breaths, right? And that's not just to be like stereotypical with say deep breaths, mama, but it's breathing and breathing intentionally lowers your heart rate, lowers your cortisol levels.
00:03:04
Speaker
It calms your nervous system. And in calming your nervous system, calms the negative thoughts that we tell ourselves about ourselves in those chaotic moments, right? So we're like, I'm the worst mom ever, or this is crazy and I can't do this anymore, or just something's, you know, and maybe something does need to change, right? We'll get to that. But like something, I gotta, you know, I'm awful and I'm the worst and you're lashing out. The deep breaths help calm that nervous system.
00:03:32
Speaker
reduce our cortisol levels, lower the cortisol levels, and help us to get through those racing thoughts, which helps us to get through those moments of overwhelm and anxiety. When the heart rate lowers, the cortisol levels lower, the brain is able to slow down. And when the brain is able to slow down, we're able to go, OK, what needs to happen now? I know for me,
00:04:01
Speaker
I found myself lately being able to ask for time, which is new. Sometimes my husband has asked a question like, where is this? Or what time is that at? Or, oh, this teacher emailed, and they need to rearrange a meeting or whatever. When's the best time to do it? And I feel like I've got to respond right then and there. But lately, and even this morning, we had that conversation. And I said, hold on.
00:04:27
Speaker
Like, before I answer, let me process it. And he goes, well, should I email her back and just say, give us a minute? And I said, why do you need to email back? Give us a minute. Just don't respond. And take that time. We'll get back to it. It's important. I will get back to that email. I almost dropped the computer. We're good. I will get back to that email. But it's OK to take some time and think about that kind of stuff because you've got to,
00:04:55
Speaker
I had to get through the, oh my God, this has got to rearrange, which means A, B, C, D, E, F, and G also need to be rearranged. And my brain started processing. The next thing that I went and did, I said, give me time to process this. I went and I worked out. That's another step. We're going to get there in a minute.
Reframing and Positive Mindsets
00:05:15
Speaker
My second step is to
00:05:18
Speaker
And slowing down the brain and slowing down that overwhelm and anxiety and racing thoughts change them to
00:05:32
Speaker
I've always wanted to and we went through this as an episode, I have a jolly downs and she went through this and hers and I've been implementing it. Right. We were at Disneyland stuck in the rain. We're in Southern California. We go to Disneyland all the time. We don't need to go in the rain. We're not flying in from Kentucky. Right. We don't need to go in the rain. We were there. It was raining.
00:05:54
Speaker
It was the one year anniversary of my mom's passing. I wanted to spend it in Disneyland to distract me from, otherwise I was going to sit home and just be upset, right? So it was important. We did need to be there that day.
00:06:05
Speaker
And I was, we were in line for the Peter Pan ride and I was like, just being stuck in Disney in the rain. We didn't have ponchos. I didn't want to bring the umbrella because it really didn't say it was going to rain much. It was like drizzle, light drizzle. No, it poured. The weather was wrong and the weather app was wrong, right? And I started in my head being like, I've always wanted to do Disney in the rain. I've always wanted to stand in the rain in the happiest place on earth and just do it.
00:06:34
Speaker
Never done it before. Never had to. I've always wanted to. And it did make it suck a little less. Didn't make it totally unsuck, but it made it suck a little bit less. Right. Or the other thing, and this is comes from my coach, Sarah Connell, who I've worked with who, who found it from someone and I forget who I'll find out, but changing the thought to, and that's just the way I want it. That's something I've been working on. I'm like, right. We're in Disneyland in the rain and that's just the way I want it.
00:07:05
Speaker
And maybe it's not true. It doesn't have to be true. It doesn't have to feel true, but just reframing it and saying, that's just the way I want it.
00:07:15
Speaker
I'm driving all over San Diego today. I've got about a 70 mile round trip drive from appointment to practice to getting food for the kids and snacks real fast in a pinch to rushing home to going back to here and there. And that's just the way I want it, right? You can sit in victimhood or you can change your thoughts around these situations that aren't going to change. Is my kid's sports schedule going to change? No.
00:07:45
Speaker
Is the location of their school going to change? No. Is the location of these appointments going to change? No. Is the time of what the teacher is requiring for that assignment or this is going to change? No. Your attitude around it can change. And that's not new. People talk about that all the time. But being able to say, and that's just the way I want it, or I've always wanted to drive around all of San Diego in one day.
00:08:14
Speaker
It just makes it suck a little less. And what we're doing is we're rewiring the brain in those moments. We're teaching our brain of how we want to respond to things, how we get to respond to things, and how we can respond to things. So changing it from a half to
00:08:36
Speaker
to a get to. I have to drive all around San Diego today for six different appointments and sports and dance and all of that. Or I get to drive my kids around. I get to spend that time in the car with them. I get to watch them do what they love. I get to take them to the support that they need in order to succeed in school and in their sports. So I get to.
00:09:03
Speaker
And that's just the way I want it, right? The next tip I have, I think goes hand in hand with that. And
Avoiding Comparisons and Focusing on Personal Strengths
00:09:12
Speaker
it's to stop the comparison game. We moms are experts at comparing ourselves to other moms. We are experts at, oh, that mom has it all together. That mom looks so put together. And I haven't showered today. And I'm in my leggings and my workout clothes.
00:09:33
Speaker
Man, she has fill in the blank that I want, okay? Stop comparing yourself to others.
00:09:42
Speaker
And it's not enough for me to tell you stop the comparison game because I can say it, but how do we do that, right? So we do that by focusing on gratitude for what we do have. Finding your strengths. Sure, that mom may seem to have all her ish together, but you know that that's just the outward appearance is probably not true. She's struggling with something and maybe that thing that she's struggling with is the thing that you're really good at.
00:10:04
Speaker
So finding the gratitude and finding your strengths and leaning into that, recognizing that you have strengths, you have things that you're good at, you have things that you do really, really well. And these are conversations that I have with my kids too in school, right? Of like, yeah, this math might feel hard for you and so-and-so seems to be getting it, but you know what? That social studies assignment came really easy to you and maybe they were struggling with that.
00:10:34
Speaker
right, or this math.
00:10:36
Speaker
My oldest just went from algebra into statistics. She struggled in algebra. Statistics feels easy. She has a friend who honors algebra, honors all the things so easy, comes so easy to her. Statistics, she was like, it's so hard. My daughter's like, stats is easy. Stats is easy. I like stats. Cool. Your brains just work differently. That's okay, right? The less we compare ourselves to other moms, the less our kids are going to compare themselves to other kids.
00:11:06
Speaker
So we get to teach them that too, right? How
Following Desires and Positive Self-Talk
00:11:10
Speaker
else do we stop comparing? Celebrate each other. Celebrate other people. They have accomplishments that your friends, the women you're comparing yourself to are accomplishing things. Great. Celebrate it. Be happy for them. Genuinely feel happy for them, right? And go where you're envious.
00:11:30
Speaker
because if what you're feeling in that comparison game is some jealousy or some, oh, that'll never happen for me. I wish that could happen for me. That'll never happen for me. The best advice I've ever been given is go where you're envious. That's a sign that you want that thing. So maybe if this is a friend of yours, you say, hey, I'm so happy for you. You did this thing and you're right. How did you do it? I'd love to do something like that too. Can you help me?
00:11:57
Speaker
right, and have conversations about it. And maybe they go, I can't help you, but I've got a coach that can, or this is who I've worked with, or, you know what, I looked this up, or kind of thing, right? Maybe they point you in a direction, or you just watch. Success leaves clues. Watch and do what they do, right? If there's an author you follow and you want to write a book, write the book, right? If you want to work in a certain field,
00:12:27
Speaker
Do you need to go back to school to do that? Or do you just do it? Is it something you can just go and apply and do and learn on the job? Is there something that their kids seem to be doing really, really well? And you go, man, how do you get your kids to do the chores? How do you get your kid right? Go back to my episode with unison Francis. And she talks about that. Find a friend. She's a friend of mine. Find a friend who's doing that thing really well and do what they do.
00:12:58
Speaker
Ask them about it. We are better together. Women, humans, all the things, we're better together. So go where you're envious and do what they do. Celebrate them and do what they do. Next, and this might sound simple, but you got to talk nice to yourself. Master yourself talk. Be nice. Stop bullying yourself.
00:13:25
Speaker
You gotta talk to yourself the way you would talk to other people. We don't talk to ourselves the way we would talk to anyone else, right? If you wouldn't say this out loud to someone else's face, don't say it to yourself, okay? Don't, I mean, you say that a different way. Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to someone else's face about them. You would never look at another mom and go, you're the worst mom in the world.
00:13:51
Speaker
You're not winning any mom of the year trophies. Wouldn't want to pass on your jeans, right? Like you would never say that to someone else. So don't say it to yourself. You have no business being their mom. You would never say that. They're better off without you. You would never say that. So don't, um, someone just walked by and waved at me. I'm talking to myself in the car. Uh, you know, don't say that to anyone else, right? And don't say it to yourself.
00:14:20
Speaker
You would never say it to someone else, so don't say it to yourself. Be nice to yourself. Give yourself grace. It's not give yourself a pass and excuses, but give yourself grace, right? Talk nice to yourself. Be supportive of yourself. OK. And
Asking for Help and Healthy Living
00:14:36
Speaker
in that, my next tip, ask for help and delegate. I think I've said this a whole bunch. It's something I've had to learn how to do. Moms like to, well, not always like to, but sometimes we feel like we have to do everything ourselves.
00:14:50
Speaker
Delegate out to your spouse, to maybe if you have older kids that can help with the younger ones. Maybe they're better doing their homework with their older sibling. Maybe they're not. I don't know. Maybe it's better to do it with dad, with mom, with grandma, grandpa, right? Reach out to someone who is a trusted adult to help or a trusted friend of theirs, someone to help. So reach out.
00:15:18
Speaker
Ask for help and delegate. All right. Feel your body well. This is my next tip. Feel your body. You've got to eat. Moms are notorious for forgetting to eat. We feed our kids. We don't eat or we eat. They're like leftover goldfish, right? And then it's like 6 p.m. and you're like, so I've had three goldfish, two Cheez-Its, and a half-eaten apple all day.
00:15:42
Speaker
Okay, all right. Moms, that's not enough. We need to fuel our body, right? If you don't eat, you know, that's our energy. It's our calorie. That's a whole separate episode, nutrition, but fuel your body. Eat, please. Eat your protein. Eat your healthy fats. Eat healthy carbs. Get it in. Carbs are not bad. It's the kind of carbs. Eat. Feel your body. Eat breakfast, okay? Get yourself set up for the day for success, all right? Get yourself set up.
00:16:11
Speaker
When you feed your kids, you need to feed you. Please, right? The old advice with the newborn is like, sleep when they sleep. It's like eat when your kids eat. Or if they're at school and you're rushing around like crazy, you know, bring snacks in the car. Don't forget to eat. Don't forget to fuel yourself.
00:16:31
Speaker
Take a vitamin, choose as many healthy foods as possible. Try to get in the, in the sounds like a lot, but it's doable 30 different vegetables and fruits a day. Eat the rainbow, right? The healthier you eat, the better you feel, you know that, right? So don't grab, you know, candy bars, grab, grab, you know, if it's gotta be quick, healthy protein bars, right? They're great. Get in your protein, your healthy carb, your healthy fats, your fiber,
00:16:57
Speaker
Eat, feel your body, feel it right, take a vitamin, healthy body, healthy mind, that helps us stay calm. All right, and I touched on this earlier, said I'd come back to it. You know me, I'm an exercise and fitness person. You got to move your body and that doesn't mean you got to do boot camp class. Now listen, if you do a boot camp class and you're taking care of your kickboxing and punching things and taking out the aggression, go for it, right? If that helps.
00:17:22
Speaker
But also you could do a yoga class or a bar class or something a little slower that's going to lower those cortisol levels and help you stay calm, you could just go for a walk. That's free. It's available. Take your kids go for a walk. Everybody needs to get outside. Right.
00:17:39
Speaker
Move your body, lift some weights, go for a walk, punch things that are okay, that are punchable, right? But let's move our body because exercise, right? What's the L Woods quote? Exercise causes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy and happy people don't kill their husbands. That's the quote from Legally Blonde, right? So just, you know, happy moms,
00:18:05
Speaker
our have happier kids, right? And happier moms are happier family life and we're calmer and we're happy. We're much better. So those are my seven tips. Let me know what else do you do when you're super busy to survive, right? Cause mom life is not going to stop, but we can change our attitude around it. We can fuel ourselves. So we feel good. So we're not feeling like we're going down all day and we're taking care of ourselves, which also teaches our children to take care of themselves too.
00:18:35
Speaker
All right, Mama, we are all doing the very best we can. And be kind to you. And I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.