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Flipping "What If" on it's Head
22 Plays7 months ago
In this short but sweet episode, I walk through the number one thing that has helped me get out of my head as a mom and into more gratitude - but not in that "toxic positivity" way.
If you are wanting another way to play the "what if" game in your head, listen to this 7 minute episode for a tool you can implement today!
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Transcript
Introduction: Gratitude and 'What If' Scenarios
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Mom Tabulous. I'm your host, Sharla Mandare, and today is going to be a short, sweet, quick, and efficient episode.
Preparing for Change with Gratitude
00:00:14
Speaker
We are talking about what ifs and gratitude. What if I had more gratitude in my life?
00:00:20
Speaker
listen i sometimes i give three tips five tips seven tips today is one we're talking about one thing because we're busy and we ain't got time to implement a whole bunch of things so we're talking about one tip and there's one thing that i've been having conversations with
00:00:35
Speaker
clients with other friends and with myself about lately and that's about leaning into more gratitude as we get into spring and the sun is shining and things are starting to feel a little bit more happy for not in winter as much you know people start to focus a little more on gratitude and I love it I love it and so let's set the foundation for it now so that when winter hits again and that's a
00:01:01
Speaker
metaphorical winter as much as it is a literal winter, right? But so that when winter hits again, we have that foundation already set to be living in a happier state
Reflecting Positively on Life Choices
00:01:14
Speaker
of mind. And I think that comes from focusing on gratitude. So, you know, we've had some situations with our kids where we've pulled from entire school districts. We've switched things around. I played the what ifs a lot. What if we had never moved? Well,
00:01:29
Speaker
then we wouldn't have had many other situations that we did have that were positive and happy. We wouldn't have the friends we have. Our house is amazing. We wouldn't have all these other things that we did have had we stayed where we were. Also, where we had been living and renting was way more expensive than where we are now. So we probably would be in a ton of debt. And at the time when we moved, my dad was down the street.
00:01:57
Speaker
That was amazing. And until he passed away, he lived a half a block away from us for, it was 10 years. That was amazing. And I wouldn't have traded that for the world. So had we stayed where we were, we never, we never would have had that. And, you know, and, and there've been some what ifs with, with the school situation and,
00:02:20
Speaker
Would things be different? Maybe. But they also wouldn't have the friends they have. And again, they wouldn't have had a lot of the same experiences. And some of the teachers that we had were absolutely amazing.
00:02:29
Speaker
and we're still friends with and we love them and they're still parts of our lives and they come to my kids performances and games and birthday parties and it's just sweet and we wouldn't have that, right? So there's lots
Transforming Negative 'What Ifs' to Positive Lessons
00:02:42
Speaker
of things. So what I wanna talk about here with this what if game is instead of what if we wouldn't have done that, what if we would have done that instead, what if this, what if that, I wanna flip it on its head and you're gonna flip it on its head in a positive way
00:02:58
Speaker
and play the what if it did work out game. What if this is exactly where we're supposed to be right now? What if this is teaching a lesson that we'll figure out someday?
00:03:10
Speaker
There are some lessons. My oldest had a really rough first grade year, really rough third grade year. But by the time she got to middle school, we saw the reason why. We saw, oh, that was building a resiliency in you to set you up for much more success in middle school than your friends that didn't have to go through the things that you went through. Because now they're flipping out and melting down and they're older and they're hormonal. And she was like, eh, it's not as bad as that.
00:03:39
Speaker
And I went, oh, that's why we went through it early. Because then she was much more resilient by the time we got there. And that was when I saw it. But it took five years for me to see that. That was like, oh, that was, okay, five years in the making. Got it. Whew, it's a long time to wait. But if you keep telling yourself, what if it's gonna work out, right? And we lean into the gratitude.
Personal Story: Finding Gratitude in Frustration
00:04:02
Speaker
When, you know, last night,
00:04:05
Speaker
He's going to kill me. But last night my husband was snoring so loud and I was like, I'm going to go sleep on the couch. I was getting frustrated and I flipped it on its head and was like, you know what? I'm grateful he's here. I had to have friends who have lost husbands in the last few years or gotten divorced or, you know, so he's here and he's not out partying and he's not out doing other things. He's here.
00:04:34
Speaker
I just kind of nudged him, he rolled over, the snoring stopped and I was able to fall asleep. It didn't fall into the pattern of frustration that keeps you up half the night, right? Tossing and turning and huffing and puffing and what I've done before in the past, not gonna lie, we all have, right? There's snoring, it's really loud. So leaning into the gratitude with that, he's gonna kill me.
Turning Anxiety into Gratitude and Resilience
00:04:59
Speaker
But okay, so taking whatever it is that you're,
00:05:04
Speaker
frustrated with that you're feeling the whoa of, what if we wouldn't have done this? Or the anxiety of what if this happens? What if that happens? What if you start to spiral? I've certainly been there with my kids too.
00:05:26
Speaker
Oh my God. And then, you know, they're late to school and then they're going to get the detention and then they're going to miss out on this practice. They're going to be pulled out of the game and they're going to, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, spiraling, spiraling, spiraling, spiraling, spiraling. Stop. Okay. What if this worked out? What if, what if we made it on time? What if, what if they learned the lesson by being late? What if, what if this, this one minor inconvenience saves them from a much bigger inconvenience?
00:05:55
Speaker
somewhere else down the road, right? So flip the what ifs on its head and into something of gratitude. When I finish working out, I always end with a thank you for my body. Like, yeah, my mind has to push me through mentally, but my body held up, right? So I always end with thank you. Just in my head, thank you, body, thank you, mind,
00:06:26
Speaker
Thank you for carrying me through. Thanks for getting me through this, right?
Conclusion: Embracing Gratitude and Calmness
00:06:30
Speaker
Leaning into the gratitude and not playing the what if game. So that was what I wanted to talk about today. And I said this would be short, but sweet. Shortest episode we've had so far, I think moms are busy. One thing to work on. This week, your challenge is flip the what ifs on their head and lean it into gratitude. Find something, anything. We're breathing.
00:06:55
Speaker
Your kids are frustrating you and you're sleep deprived and you haven't eaten all day and you're just running on caffeine. We're breathing. That is enough. That makes me go. And I'm not talking about toxic positivity. Please understand I'm not a toxic positivity person. I'm not like a find the silver lining and everything, but at least at the very least we're breathing.
00:07:25
Speaker
And that's enough to calm my anxiety brain into, okay, we've got this, whatever it is, we've got this, and we're building a resiliency muscle. So flip the what ifs on their head into something you'd be grateful for, even if it's simply just your breathing. And have a great week. I'll see you next week.