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Inside the Subconscious: Hypnotherapy & Self-Belief With Elles Ottens
7 Plays23 minutes ago
In this episode of Connected with Iva, I talk to Elles Ottens, international model and hypnotherapist, about what hypnotherapy actually is and how it helps rewire the subconscious mind.
We get into anxiety, nervous system regulation, inner child wounds, imposter syndrome and those 'I’m not good enough' beliefs so many of us carry from childhood. Elles breaks down hypnotherapy in a really simple, grounded way and shares practical tools like visualisation and EFT tapping that you can start using straight away.
If you’ve been curious about hypnotherapy, struggling with self-doubt, or trying to grow in a way that feels safer and more aligned, this episode will help you understand what’s going on beneath the surface — and how to start changing it.
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Transcript
Introduction to Elles Ottens
00:00:00
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to Connected with Iva and this is actually my first ever video episode and I have a very special guest, Elles Ottens, who is an international model, hypnotherapist and a TEDx speaker.
00:00:15
Speaker
Hello, thank you so much for speaking to me and thank you so much for This lovely present. Of course, of course. This is my first ever video recording. And you're a lovely guest to have. But yesterday, i was quite anxious because I'd never done this before. I was never taught to go out there and do things, to be brave, too yeah to to experience new things.
00:00:43
Speaker
So my nervous system was full of discomfort because this is a new room. It's literally a new room. Yeah, that as well. But it's something that's a very stressful experience. So last night I had dreams of us having this conversation. too Oh, did they go?
00:01:02
Speaker
oh Well, I walk and I'm like, oh my gosh, I need to stop. I need to sleep tonight. I need a good night rest. But it's yeah I was overtaken again at the same time I'm here today.
00:01:14
Speaker
yeah I'm doing that. And you're still showing up. Exactly. But I wanted to ask you because it's something that I heard you talk about.
Handling Anxiety in New Situations
00:01:24
Speaker
How to make our nervous system comfortable with discomfort coming out of our comfort zone. yeah If it's something that we haven't had experience with in the past. Yeah.
00:01:38
Speaker
I think first of all, it's okay to feel anxious, you know, like i think me as well, like I love to like feel fully comfortable and fully confident in any kind of situation. But I think also life is just not that way sometimes and that's okay too. At the same time, there's also certain practices that can help you to like grow more and to like really feel as if whatever you're doing that is new and unfamiliar to make it still feel as if it's familiar.
00:02:05
Speaker
For example, by visualizing by really imagining like you're already doing something, but with full confidence, because in a way, like when you were dreaming and like when you were like maybe waking up in the middle of the night and like thinking about it, for example, you're also kind of visualizing, you know, but then like you use it for the other way around.
00:02:25
Speaker
Right. So we're always kind of like visualizing. But if you can use that very intentionally the other way around, then you can also make it feel more safe for your body.
00:02:36
Speaker
It's funny you're saying that because I actually tried that last night because I was getting really stressed. You start creating these narratives in your head and can become like really strong. So I started visualizing myself after a short meditation, sitting here, yeah imagining myself sitting down, being comfortable in the chair and then, you know, asking questions, being comfortable. And I noticed that shift.
00:03:04
Speaker
even Even immediately. Exactly. yeah We control um how we react in situations and how we show up in situations. Definitely. But a lot of the time we do that without any awareness.
00:03:19
Speaker
Yeah, like it just happens, right? But yeah I think also it's so easy to kind of think that you can choose your thoughts, but often they just come up. Right. But you can choose like if you want to focus on it or not.
00:03:33
Speaker
Right. And I think the focus is really important. it's okay to have anxious
Techniques to Calm the Nervous System
00:03:38
Speaker
thoughts. And it's something that, for example, myself, I'm not always comfortable with. So when I have a thought that's negative, I might start beating myself up because I didn't like the past version of myself that existed only with negative thinking, with negative thoughts. And that was my surrounding pull that was my existence yeah like your default exactly yeah so now it's almost like it stings me when i have that thought right yeah and i notice myself like this i react i don't want to yeah yeah but actually like you say there's a better way to react to that i think it's also just unrealistic right because nobody is only positive it would also be like kind of dangerous you know
00:04:24
Speaker
Like it also has a function, right? And it's just there to protect you. But sometimes it's too active. So in those situations, like what I like to do is also EFT tapping, you know. It's becoming increasingly popular. So what's the effect of it?
00:04:39
Speaker
You tap on like certain points, acupuncture points. And when you tap on those points, you really calm down your nervous system and then you basically state how you feel. So, for example, you can say, I feel so nervous right now to record this podcast. Right.
00:04:55
Speaker
But even though I feel so nervous, I know that I'll be fine or I'll be OK whatever it is that you want to say to yourself. And then it's really important that you don't make it too positive. Like, for example, don't say like, even though i'm nervous, I know this podcast will be the best one ever. ah You know, like make it like kind of like feel realistic for you.
00:05:18
Speaker
And then you basically create space for yourself to feel what you need to feel. Instead of like pushing it down, trying to change it, you just
Therapeutic Approaches: Focus on Positive Outcomes
00:05:27
Speaker
kind of accept it for what it is. And then slowly the the feeling also changes when you do it.
00:05:33
Speaker
Do you need a lot of practice when you start or is it something that has that almost immediate effect? for me like and also what i see with my clients it really is very quickly because like even when you do it for like 15 minutes like it really helps to like ground and to like really be more present in your body and therefore to like not deny yourself listened to you say something very interesting how you kind of like to focus on results more than that trauma or that past negative experience when you work with clients and it's something that I've been thinking a lot about especially when and it comes to therapy and how sometimes there's a lot of
00:06:20
Speaker
stewing in the trauma trying to yeah really understand it and like let's really get into that yeah and then i kind of have have this intuitive thinking that it has a negative effect i think so too like i think honestly if we would have like somebody to talk to every week about what is going well in our life for one hour It would have a very good effect, you know, instead of like, well, it's not going well.
00:06:46
Speaker
You know what I mean? What often happens in therapy? Of course, so much more happens. But I think, yes, it's super, can be super helpful to understand. But it doesn't always need to be that case.
00:06:58
Speaker
Like, for example, I had one client and he was like stuttering a lot. And in hypnosis, we found out that actually on a subconscious level, it was trying to make him feel safe. Because if he would be stuttering, then he wouldn't be seen as arrogant, okay? On a subconscious level, because when he was a kid, he was often bullied for being arrogant, okay? So in that way, it made him feel like Like he would fit in by stuttering because people wouldn't think he's arrogant.
00:07:27
Speaker
So this insight for him was very important, right? But then I think it's good to understand where things are coming from, but then to move forward to where you want to be now.
00:07:37
Speaker
Sometimes you become that trauma if you spend too much time with it. yeah So, you know, so your childhood was, you know, terrible. And let's talk about that. And, you know, your parents weren't there for you and this happened and that happened. And that's really sad.
00:07:54
Speaker
You might almost use it as a shield. Yeah. Like you kind of identify with it and then like use it as an excuse. me Yeah. Yeah. I really liked when I heard you say Thank you.
00:08:06
Speaker
Because it's... It's actually one of the reasons I know that's like maybe a little controversial that I haven't really started therapy myself. And then when I heard that, and actually I heard it from someone else as well, that you can spend time with a therapist sharing good things and just what's on your mind. And it's not always, it doesn't always have to be that negative.
00:08:30
Speaker
Definitely. Same. But it's, I think, kind of like what you expect to do as well, right? Like nobody goes to a therapist because it's going so well, you know? And I just need somebody to share it. Hello again. Right?
00:08:44
Speaker
But actually, that would be great, right? I know. To just share all of your wins and like to share what went well in the day and the week and like just those little daily wins. Someone told me something very interesting, actually, how it's important to have therapists because it's almost like a parent a parental figure in a way. I was like, OK, I'm going to book a therapy session now because...
00:09:08
Speaker
I've really liked that side of it. Because I have this thing myself where because of some, you know, of childhood, I've been trying to, you know, almost redesign myself. Okay. Yeah. And then in a way you become maybe a little too independent.
00:09:28
Speaker
I think it's great to have your things together, right? But then to also learn how to receive love and to like learn how to lean on people as well. In terms of hypnotherapy, what do you see is the biggest change, a shift that happens with people? And also because some people might hear hypnotherapy and think, oh, is this the the thing where they, you know, they control my body?
00:09:55
Speaker
Because it is that's the thing, right? Everyone you tell that to who's seen movies, they might have that idea of it. So they're like, oh, is that maybe doing a past life regression? Because that's how our body is. actually can happen.
00:10:10
Speaker
No way. Yeah,
Understanding Hypnotherapy and Its Insights
00:10:11
Speaker
yeah, yeah. Oh, tell me about that. Yeah, it's very interesting because like with hypnotherapy, you first focus on like one topic, right? You you start to, you try to see like where certain patterns are coming from.
00:10:22
Speaker
You know, for example, in relationships or in work life or in any kind of like insecurity that you have. And then a part of the hypnotherapy session is to see where it's coming from.
00:10:34
Speaker
So it's partially a regression. But sometimes with the regression, somebody can go back to a past life. It usually doesn't happen. i think I only had it, let's say, like once or twice over the past five years, I believe. Yeah, something like that.
00:10:49
Speaker
But it it can happen. But it's not like I encourage it, you know. That's fascinating to me. Yeah. And is it is hypnotherapy something that everyone will be susceptible to?
00:11:04
Speaker
I think it's important that you trust the person in front of you because if you don't feel safe and if you don't actually want to see certain things, then it's harder, of course. So far, like I've never had that somebody didn't go back to like scenes or memories and it always has been, you know, like eye opening. So I think it's just important to first like create that connection.
00:11:26
Speaker
So somebody feels safe. Because I think if you don't feel safe, then also you cannot really receive as many insights. I was doing some meditations, but it was hypnotherapy meditation.
00:11:40
Speaker
And when I started, because it was a new thing, the first few times I remember going so deep. It was like a deep meditation. Yeah.
00:11:50
Speaker
Hypnosis with affirmations. Okay. It was about money, relationships. And for the first week I found it extremely useful, but because it was a an app.
00:12:04
Speaker
Okay. i Afterwards, after the novelty wore off, I was like, yeah, I started getting distracted because it was an an in-person session. yeah But at the same time, it was quite powerful.
00:12:17
Speaker
Yeah, maybe like what could have happened, you know, if you did it for a couple of weeks. Maybe you should try it again. So that's yeah a curious thing, the... subconscious mind, because that's where everything lives, right? Yeah, exactly. Like they say that 95% of everything that you think, do and feel is actually stemming from your subconscious mind. So actually, when you feel like super anxious for something to really think of the feeling that you feel in that moment,
00:12:46
Speaker
to think about what are you believing in this moment. So for example, if you think about before the podcast, like what were you believing? You can think of that. And then you can ask yourself, where in the past did I feel similarly?
00:12:59
Speaker
And then you can like speak to your younger self because in those past experiences, you've also created beliefs for yourself. And those are like saved in the subconscious mind.
00:13:10
Speaker
And those beliefs are triggering you as well in this moment. Does that make sense? Absolutely. Because I know it's, oh, I can't do that. It's just like like Exactly. Yeah. When I was little and.
00:13:25
Speaker
I was told that, oh, no, no, that's too big. that's why Why do you want this? You can't do that. You know, that kind of stuff. yeah And then that becomes your understanding of the world and of your capabilities. Your kind of program, right? Yeah. I used to sing in high school and I was quite good. I would, you know, go to concerts, but I told my family that I i was singing and I was going to have a concert. yeah They were invited and they were like,
00:13:56
Speaker
Oh, you can sing? but now Or was it either that? Or but do you not need to be able sing? Yeah, that's not really nice. They're not to blame because of how they were brought up themselves. But in my upbringing, it was I need to see the proof. And even if I see the proof, then actually it's a difficult thing to do. Even if you can sing, there are so many obstacles, right? Yeah.
00:14:22
Speaker
yeah So that's how I grew up with. So then everything that is new, that's yeah expansive becomes this scary thing because can you do that? Exactly. It's not possible.
00:14:36
Speaker
Yeah. It's not possible. So then you have to change that with the subconscious. And yeah the funny thing with affirmations and why hypnotherapy is so good, you can't just say, I can do this on the conscious or the surface level because you don't really believe it deep down.
00:14:56
Speaker
You know, like a part of you might believe it, but there's like another part that has so much, let's say, evidence of that that's not true. So that's why it's so powerful to work through the fake evidence of why you cannot do it, you know, to really change the belief.
00:15:11
Speaker
When you work with people on beliefs, what's the first thing or how does it work? I'm quite curious. for example one lady she wanted to become pregnant but she did like so many IVFs right and she still couldn't get pregnant we worked on like seeing if there's like any kind of block underneath to see if that is like blocking her from feeling fully open for becoming pregnant this sounds like very woo-woo Like, where we just wanted to see like, is there anything that might be blocking you, right?
00:15:43
Speaker
So for her, for example, like, she was actually really afraid to be a bad mom because her parents didn't treat her in the right way. And then like after six months, she actually got pregnant.
00:15:55
Speaker
And it can be a coincidence, you know, but it's at least like interesting because she had been trying for years before. Also, the mind-body connection is very strong. But so, yeah, we start with like a pattern to see like what is something that is really like blocking you, making you feel insecure.
00:16:11
Speaker
And then usually goes into like regression or like seeing what this part, this kind of obstacle is doing for you. Because like even the patterns that we have that we find annoying, they serve us on a deeper level. For example, one girl that I helped, she was always procrastinating. Actually, on a deeper level, it helped her.
00:16:33
Speaker
You know, because the belief in her need was that if she would give it her all and still not succeed, she would feel not good enough. But if she would procrastinate, she could blame it on the procrastination.
00:16:47
Speaker
And this is something that she didn't think of consciously, of course, but on a subconscious level. So was trying to make her feel safe from not being good enough.
00:16:58
Speaker
To be honest, I feel like a lot of people have that. Yeah. don't feel good enough. Yeah, that's often like the the main issue if you go back, like not feeling good enough, not feeling like you fit in, not feeling like um like you belong, those kind of topics. Imposter syndrome. Yeah.
00:17:17
Speaker
i feel like everyone might have it. If you go into a room, let's say you're at a networking event with entrepreneurs and everyone is an expert yeah and you go to speak to people, essentially,
00:17:30
Speaker
Everyone might feel anxious at some point. Yeah. Before a talk, before speaking to someone they admire, before doing something. Yeah.
00:17:41
Speaker
Because we're human after all. Yeah. That's a normal thing to have. Yeah. But again, like I said, with my anxiety, we're not comfortable around that. Yeah. Why do you think that is?
Overcoming Past Anxieties
00:17:53
Speaker
Again, it feels like bee sting because it reminds me of the past me that lived in that full time.
00:18:05
Speaker
There's a fear of going back, right? Exactly. And it's a fear of not expanding if I allow that anxiety in my experience. Okay.
00:18:16
Speaker
But what if maybe and you can fall back for a moment and be for a moment that old version of yourself and then you get so fed up with it. So then you expand even more, you know, like sometimes you never know like how it goes eventually or like what purpose it can have.
00:18:34
Speaker
I heard a lot about the power of inner child work and I've done a little bit of that and I know it's such a big difference. Is there something that's an exercise that you can give to people?
00:18:48
Speaker
Because for me, it was a safety thing. I would envision my inner child and hold her hand. Listen, if you're safe, I'm here for you. Because she was alone when she was little, essentially. So that really kind of, over a period of time, made me feel safe. Yeah.
00:19:11
Speaker
And I find it so powerful as an exercise. What would you suggest? If people are quite, oh, I don't understand. What do you mean? Like envision myself.
00:19:23
Speaker
I think sometimes in the beginning, like if you find it really hard to envision yourself or to visualize, like it's it's good to do it with somebody else who can like guide you through it. And then afterwards you can do it by yourself. So it's easier.
00:19:35
Speaker
But I think one thing that also really helps with the inner child, like upgrading the inner child, let's say, is to really... show your younger self, like to visualize that you're seeing a younger self and to show what your life is right now.
00:19:48
Speaker
To really show like everything that you've achieved, like the obstacles that you've overcome, like everything that is going better than you thought it would be. to really show like, oh, actually, like life is going pretty well, you know, don't worry, you'll be okay.
00:20:02
Speaker
also feel that in your body because i think oftentimes like maybe life is totally different but we still feel the same way as that we felt back then because the change is happening so gradually and you don't really notice it and then before you know it you're like a lot better let's say than before but you don't feel that way right like can be so that's why it's so good to like show to yourself to your younger self like what you're actually doing and what you're capable of to really make sure that he or she also feels that way and to understand the future well that's the funny thing about progress right yeah if it's not this dynamic change or dramatic drastic we're like oh
00:20:50
Speaker
I don't think I've done enough. I don't think I've changed enough. But it's always gradual. Because it's gradual and we slowly get used to it. So then we need it to be bigger. Yeah.
00:21:02
Speaker
Better. Yeah. Bigger. Better. But why? Why? Why? Right. laugh that I was thinking about this today. Like I was thinking about like, why do we want to achieve certain things? Right. It's just because you hope to feel a certain way when you do it.
00:21:18
Speaker
Right. yeah But actually it doesn't really matter. Like you can allow yourself to already feel that way right now. I was also thinking like, I hope this podcast goes well. And then I was thinking why?
00:21:29
Speaker
Because then I feel good about myself, right? But can I allow myself to feel good about myself if I totally, you know, like mess it up? we're recording this in january 2026 and january is a big month because it's the beginning of the new year so it comes with all these expectations yeah i think so yeah i had these plans for myself for certain things and i was very stuck in my mind that i'd do them and then i was like i don't think this particular one is right actually
00:22:03
Speaker
And because I thought that and it's almost like I went back on myself. and Went back on yourself? Yeah. And it's like January. What what do you mean you're not going to follow through? Because but you've been wanting to do this thing for so long and now you're not going to do it.
00:22:19
Speaker
or this is not happening this is not how january is supposed to start so i had all these thoughts and then it took me a moment but then i was like no it's okay you have to be comfortable with the adjustment yeah because you can't control the process definitely you can plan for it like it's also good to like you know, really actively pursue it, but at the same time be open for change and adjustment as well.
00:22:46
Speaker
Yeah. How flexible or inflexible you are reflects on how yeah much you've dealt with things. i think that makes sense because if you want to have a lot of control, you basically don't really feel safe, right?
00:22:59
Speaker
So then you need to control the outer world because you cannot like control your thoughts, let's say. I wanted to ask you, what has your relationship with modeling been like over the years? Over the years, yeah.
00:23:12
Speaker
I think in the beginning, like totally in the beginning, it was more like something fun that I wanted to try out. And I didn't really see it as something that I would do for like a really long time, you know. So then it was more like kind of light.
00:23:24
Speaker
So I thought I'm just going to take like one gap year from my studies and then I will just go back again. But then like I just kept going and I just kept modeling. And then at some point it created a lot of anxiety because like if you, you know, if you start with modeling and like just for the first few months, you're not like earning money with it, it's okay, you know. But then if you do it for a couple of years and income is still like unstable, like it really starts to like influence how you feel about yourself, at least for me at the time.
00:23:54
Speaker
At some point, I also started to do other things on the side and that made me feel a lot lighter because then you can still like fulfill your creativity and like do what your soul wants to do let's say.
00:24:05
Speaker
And at the same time, you're not like dependent on modeling. Because to be dependent on something that is so unstable is, is quite nerve wracking. I think that was one of the reasons that my relationship with it has been up and down because first of all, I couldn't start modeling when I wanted to because many reasons, but I wanted to start when I was 20, maybe.
00:24:30
Speaker
Okay. and And that was in fashion. And all these accidents will happen. So some were not accidents, some were just, you know, things I was told by agencies. But I remember once, this is a funny story, can share some funny stories. with putling I was on a train eating a McDonald's.
00:24:50
Speaker
Okay. I was eating my McDonald's and someone very quizzically looked at me. not not in ah Not a very positive look.
00:25:01
Speaker
And they're like, um do you want to be a model? I was like, you don't really seem like you want me to be a model. You're like, are you sure you're asking me?
00:25:12
Speaker
And they sent me a card and they were from a big agency. But because of the circumstances around this meeting, I never actually went. ah I remember also a friend applied to that same agency and they called her to fly to New York for a casting.
00:25:30
Speaker
For a casting? Yeah, yeah. And her battery died. She wasn't signed with them. She just applied and I guess she fit a profile of a casting they had. 15 minutes later, she charges her phone. She calls them and they were like, sorry, like we're not interested anymore. 15 minutes later. And that's how fickle, especially the fashion industry is. So I remember I never really got in fashion. There were so many different instances. Once I applied for an agency and they told me I'm already too old. I think I was 22, 23 and too big because my hips were like...
00:26:06
Speaker
Sorry that I'm laughing but it's just like something so depressing right you're 22 but that's the thing I would remember being 21 going to all the fashion agencies they're like yeah it's and you a new bit too old for them I heard the same in a way you know like not like directly but like you know like the Polaroid video when I was in Paris I was 22 they also told me to not like say my age anymore you should retire yeah Don't say your age anymore, darling, in the video. And I was like, wait a minute. where I don't know what I should do now. Yeah.
00:26:39
Speaker
But that's the thing. There's so many interesting stories. And that's the one of the reasons that my relationship with modeling has been. But at the same time, I really love that I started modeling so late. Yeah. First of all, because it feels everyone was telling me ah I was older six years before that. Yeah. So funny. I'm starting now. Yeah.
00:27:01
Speaker
But things have changed. like the I know, right? Yeah. And then still keep going. And if anything, I'm working more. So on that end, I'm really fascinated by it.
00:27:16
Speaker
And I think it's half... my own attitude because before I was always comparing myself to other models because obviously models are gorgeous and you go into a room especially if you do fashion you go to these castings that I don't go to anymore but they're like a hundred people and they're all beautiful and you're like but it must mean you're beautiful too and you're like you should go home now or you can think that you're beautiful too otherwise you wouldn't be in that room I was too um traumatized at that time to think such
00:27:48
Speaker
such dramatic thoughts. I know, nowadays I'm like, you know what, I don't compare myself. yeah obviously I do sometimes. but Yeah, it's, you know, like 90% of the time you don't do it, let's say.
00:28:03
Speaker
I think one of the reasons that I had this craving for purpose was because I lived in Lisbon and i moved back two and a half years ago. And initially I was just working because I needed like i needed to work. I needed to be busy.
00:28:18
Speaker
But after that, when there was some empty space, I was like, I kind of need to find my purpose. And I'd never have that space before. Yeah.
00:28:29
Speaker
I was lonely as well. Even though you're always surrounded by people. But it doesn't mean that you feel connected, right? Exactly. Yeah. There's big interconnection between can connection and purpose. Yeah.
00:28:44
Speaker
Like your purpose makes you feel connected. Because if you don't really know who you are, how can you authentically connect with other human beings? Yeah. Yeah. But in a way, like, who you are is also always changing.
00:28:57
Speaker
You're still modeling? Yeah. I'm still modeling, but it's more like on the background. So it's more like when it's kind of convenient, you know. But that's the best. Yeah. I was thinking about it today. Like, I've been modeling since, like, 2013, you know.
00:29:11
Speaker
Which is crazy. Such a long time.
Balancing Careers and Finding Focus
00:29:14
Speaker
And I still love to do it, but more when it's something that I do as, like, a side thing, you know. So it's really fun. And, like,
00:29:24
Speaker
I think it's also very connecting for me to do on the side because, know, like the sessions that I guide with hypnotherapy, EMDR, NLP, like these kind of modalities, like it can be sometimes a bit heavier as well, you know, if you do it this all day long. So it's also nice to have something on the side that is very light, very social and kind of o doesn't bring any responsibility with it. Well, that is actually true. Yeah. Worst case, a picture doesn't look good, you know. I remember for years, I thought you only should want to do one thing.
00:30:01
Speaker
Because I could be a little bit like that sometimes, like rigid with thoughts. So I was like, you should only really do one thing. Mm-hmm. And then actually realizing when you do multiple things, you're not relying on either. And then you can be the most authentic to yourself because you you just don't have the space or the time to say yes to everything yeah in either field.
00:30:27
Speaker
So you'll only say yes or the things. What you really want to do. Exactly. Yeah. And it also fulfills like different parts of you. But at the same time, I think it's also good to focus, you know.
00:30:38
Speaker
So yes, do whatever you want to do. But also you have like also like a little bit of a North Star, you know, like there are limits too. Yeah. There's this thing that I really believe in. If you keep saying yes to things... from a people pleasing right? Or even to, oh no, it's work, right? and Yeah.
00:30:57
Speaker
But then your nervous system is not going to get comfortable with the version of you that you want to be. Like it doesn't trust you in a way then, right? It requires expansion. So it requires a lot of Self-belief. Yeah, yeah.
00:31:15
Speaker
If you keep saying yes to everything, then there's literally no space for expansion. Yeah. So then maybe the nervous system feels blocked or... Yeah. yeah If you start saying no, at the beginning it's very scary. You're like, why am I saying no? I mean, and it's there's empty space, there's maybe lack of money, there is a lot of uncertainty, especially yeah all these creative industries. Yeah.
00:31:40
Speaker
But after a while, when you really start becoming comfortable, yeah things come your way. your way, right? Yeah. Because you're narrowing the gap between the present version of you and the future version Yeah. you yeah And like, how can you get to that future version of you if you keep doing the same things, right? Yeah.
00:32:02
Speaker
Yeah. And then you also kind of like show the world who you are. If you say no to certain things and yes to other things, people know you for something then. And then it automatically just comes into that flow, right?
00:32:16
Speaker
But the flow only starts with you. Yeah. You step into it. and That could be with rates as well. I've spoken to a lot of freelancers who say they wanted to increase their rates and then there was a lot of discomfort and maybe some people would not be their clients anymore. and yeah But there's that belief in your self-worth as well. yeah What am I actually worth? and yeah you know The person who charges this is not me anymore. or yeah So you have to allow that expansion to happen.
00:32:50
Speaker
Definitely, and also feel secure in it, right? And then you have to just train your nervous system. At the same time, like you can train your nervous system to feel more safe and it's important. But I think also like we're still human, you know, so I think we all need a bit of like the feeling of safety.
00:33:08
Speaker
So if that looks like a middle step for you, for example, to first like increase your rates by 10%, let's say, you know, like it doesn't need to be that black and white. I think I feel like, you know, like sometimes you also hear people say like, just quit your job immediately and start your business and Just, you know, then you will fully go for it and it will work out. It can, you know, and that might be the way for some people, but I think for a lot of people, it's also not.
00:33:33
Speaker
So I think it's also good to so always see what works for you, you know, what do you need to feel safe in order to expand? Is there an exercise you can do to kind of give yourself a daily dose of safety?
00:33:50
Speaker
There is this technique, I think it's called the freeze. I don't know the exact name right now, but it's from a hypnotherapist. And basically what you do is that you you put your hands on your heart, you breathe in deeply into your heart space, like...
00:34:06
Speaker
three deep deep breaths and then you think of a happy memory and then you really like feel it and then you totally forget about the memory and then you imagine that your heart is telling you what you need right now i know it sounds again like a bit like spiritual but like it's really interesting to see then what answer comes up because that really shows you what you need in the moment Like even when I do this exercise with like very rational people as well, like they they feel like answers coming up, you know, and I think it's very beautiful because then you know what you need in that moment to like ground yourself to that way feel more safe. Right.
00:34:44
Speaker
Because I think to ground this to feel safe from that space, it's easier to grow if you can do that every day, for example, just to check in with yourself what you need. And just every day to like be real with yourself and be kind with yourself and therefore to feel that you can trust yourself in a way as well because you're giving yourself what you need.
00:35:05
Speaker
But that's trust, right? If we don't trust ourselves, how can we trust anyone else? Definitely, yeah. And the grounding thing is quite important. I remember when I was little in Bulgaria, which is where I'm from, I would run outside with my bare feet and, you know, then you're like in contact with the ground, yeah with earth. It's something that we don't really do as much. No, definitely. That's also very grounding, right? Just to be in nature.
00:35:35
Speaker
living in a busy city or being in a busy city let's say you have to do something and you want to be energetically quite calm when you whether it's a casting job interview Yeah.
00:35:49
Speaker
Podcast recording. But you might be getting on the tube and there's so many people and everyone is stressed and there are delays and things are happening around you. And you might get completely overwhelmed by these experiences you're having because...
00:36:07
Speaker
the surrounding is not meant to make you calmer. Yeah. I think also in general, we're just so overstimulated, you know, with our phones and like, there's just so much happening all the time. Like when you're walking through the city, like there's so many noises, right? That you're not even aware of, but like your brain is still like registering it all, right? You have to, you know, find ways to find the calm.
00:36:35
Speaker
And it's it's obviously so addictive as well. but Definitely. When you're on your phone, you have this dopamine release yeah so much yeah yeah i think especially when you feel bad then you kind of like feel more the need to like be on your phone that's what i felt with myself you know like when i don't want to do something you know like maybe when you have like a big task but you don't know exactly how to do it then it's so easy to be on your phone and then you feel even worse afterwards and then it's like it's kind of loop
00:37:10
Speaker
What's your opinion on social media? Using social media. Because that's also quite. You know. People have like a lot of different.
00:37:21
Speaker
Like most things, social media isn't inherently like bad or good. It's just like how you use it. But I do think that we need to have a lot of willpower for it, which is so difficult, you know.
00:37:36
Speaker
so I think the way that it's designed, it's too addictive. And at the same time, social media can be used for so many good things. So I think it's also something that I'm personally very grateful for. Like it really helps me with my work.
00:37:50
Speaker
I mean, we met on social media. yeah I met so many people on social media. i get work from social media. And at the same time, there's that scrolling.
00:38:01
Speaker
Scrolling. Yeah. Which is where it's just, it's that brain rot scrolling. Sometimes you catch yourself and you're like, what am I doing? But can you like create like a tiny habit for yourself that really is like a little bit of improvement there?
00:38:16
Speaker
Just like build upon that, you know? Because it's so addictive and then just go on Instagram to reply to a message and 20 minutes later you're like, why did I come here again? Yeah.
00:38:27
Speaker
it Because I have to reply. Oh, i had to reply to him And I didn't reply yet. No? Yeah. No, it's like that. Yeah. Yeah. but That's why it's so good to be also super intentional with that, which is so hard.
00:38:40
Speaker
I have an app actually, it's called Present and it literally like blocks your apps. So it's very, it's very useful. Yeah.
Transformative Power of Hypnotherapy
00:38:47
Speaker
Is there anything about hypnotherapy that might surprise people?
00:38:53
Speaker
I think it has got such a funny rap from TV, but I think it might surprise people that it's such a it's more like a kind of deep guided visualization. So it's a lot simpler than it sounds like, but it really helps you to like understand yourself on a deeper level.
00:39:10
Speaker
So I think that's something that might surprise people. And also that it's actually really effective because, you know, like you don't talk every week or like every few weeks about your problems and like,
00:39:23
Speaker
It's more that you understand them in the first place and then you really focus on the future. So what I do is that I record an audio for people to listen to for a few weeks and to really like imagine their future self.
00:39:34
Speaker
So it's something that you can actually really easily do from home. It might surprise people that it's like so easy to kind of like shift into that new version if you like, if you're very consistent with it.
00:39:45
Speaker
It's something that doesn't take too much in a way, but help us reach that subconscious. And then you might see a change in yourself, in your behavior. Yeah.
00:39:59
Speaker
Sometimes you just see the change after a few weeks. I like maybe reply differently in a situation. And then people can also be surprised like, oh, actually shows up in life that way.
00:40:10
Speaker
The change, the inner shift. And also because it's subconscious, you might not be able to reach that with someone by talking. Sometimes it can, I think, if you really have like an aha moment, you know, then it can really fundamentally change your beliefs as well.
00:40:28
Speaker
But often we're not really aware of what we believe on a deeper level. So then you're not really like speaking in therapy with, let's say, the like you need to speak to the subconscious mind, right? And then if you're like talking like in a normal session, you're like more speaking to the conscious mind.
00:40:46
Speaker
So that way it's a bit less effective in my opinion. affirmations which ones are better to say than others because obviously there is such a thing you can say you know i'm successful or i'm so confident or i'm this and that and that might feel very very far from where you are right now yeah so what's an affirmation to say that would feel a little more accessible Yeah, like maybe something that like when you say it, you can really feel it in your body that it's real, you know, like it makes you feel like excited, you know.
00:41:24
Speaker
So indeed, like something that is not like a too big of a step. But maybe in some moments you do feel that you can make that big step, you know, so then it's okay to personally, like I love to visualize. Yeah.
00:41:35
Speaker
Because then you can really connect with the feeling of how you want to feel and that also really helps you to like program it into the body and to feel that way the next time too when you're in a similar situation is that you're visualizing so i think visualizing and hypnosis is like more powerful than affirmations however i think we're all different friend and every one resonates with something different you know what i mean like for one person that might help better for the other person something else might help better focus is on what feels you know like as expansion but also real because if you're let's say lying to yourself then i think it's not as effective because then it doesn't really feel real your body if i'm not feeling great myself and i say i am confident i almost feel
00:42:28
Speaker
this weird sensation because i don't believe it so then why why am i saying that no yeah yeah that's how the body is reacting yeah but you might say something like oh this is something actually i saw on the internet quite like you can say something like i have dealt with similar things in the past and I'm still here. Yeah. Or I managed the situation and I, you know, it had a good effect. Yeah, exactly. Or something like that. So you almost... That's real. Exactly. Yeah. That's not even affirmation. Yeah, yeah. You're just saying things that you've It's like reminder, yeah.
00:43:06
Speaker
So I saw this on threads, which I quite like, actually. I don't know. Because it's writing. So everyone is just writing. There are no pictures. Is it kind of like Twitter in a way or... Maybe my algorithm is different, but I just get like a lot of spiritual positive things. I saw that and I was like, this makes so much sense because you, this is not really an affirmation that you're just telling your body, you know, it's okay because we've done this before. yeah There will always be something similar. similar Yeah, definitely. Yeah.
00:43:38
Speaker
In that way, you're kind of more like being a good friend, right? Who is like reminding you of what you've already done instead of like saying something very positive and empowering, but that is actually not real. I'm so confident. Yeah. Then, well, I don't really feel like that, for example, at this moment, right? That's why I like the EFT tapping so much because it's so real.
00:44:00
Speaker
That's another thing that sometimes might be overwhelming for people who yeah have not really done much before. There's a lot Yeah, I also wanted to say like if there's any kind of video on EFT tapping that somebody wants, just let me know because then I can also just record it you know.
00:44:15
Speaker
There's a ton of everything. Yeah. So sometimes you might get overwhelmed in your attempt to better yourself. Right. Definitely. and I think it can be a bit of a trap, to be honest, as well.
00:44:27
Speaker
Yeah. it's always like better yourself. I think if we can learn to like really feel our feelings and to kind of just accept them. and not identify with it you know I think that's the simple truth that we also need but by working also through like you know older traumas and like limiting beliefs from the past it also helps to not overthink in the future so it's kind of like a double thing I have this problem like I said you know like was talking to you about I had this anxiety and then I was like why am I feeling nobody else feels anxiety yeah
00:45:02
Speaker
You're the only one in the whole world. yeah I'm the only human being who gets that. You're the chosen one. Well, that's the thing. We have this thing as human beings. get very self-absorbed. Yeah, yeah.
00:45:14
Speaker
And if if it's a trauma or a bad thing or a feeling or a sensation, we start thinking of it as the center of the universe. Yeah, because we're so hyper-focused, right? Yeah, yeah.
00:45:28
Speaker
Yeah, that's why I think it's so nice also to do acts of kindness, you know, to really focus on the people around you, because I think anxiety is also really created by kind of like it's almost like a bit selfish, you know what I mean? Like because we're so focused on ourselves, yeah because we're so focused on that we want to do this thing perfectly.
00:45:47
Speaker
But when we like focus on like other people's lives, and it's kind of like, i don't know, there's this word Sonder, which means like the awareness of that everybody's having their own life happening at the same time with your life, you know, like everybody's having their own family, their own friends, their own problems, you know, and I feel like often we're just so focused on our own and just being the main character. But there are so many main characters, you know, and like that realization really helps, I think, as well to lower the anxiety through the acts of kindness as well.
00:46:20
Speaker
we talked about this before we started recording yeah i mentioned that 15 years ago i before a shoot i went to have a coffee and the barista did their know coffee art and yeah i think they also gave me the coffee for free and they were so kind and their whole demeanor was so friendly and so lovely and it wasn't in a flirtatious way on it That's the best, right? Because then feels so genuine. And I still remember this 15 years on. yeah
00:46:55
Speaker
There are always bits of kindness. Could be something that you would not notice normally because you're too focused on your your path. which have like Let's say we're rushing in the morning.
00:47:10
Speaker
We're not noticing things. And I actually spoke to someone who does street photography and they they were saying how doing street photography really forces them to be in the moment because you have to notice. Yeah. That's the only thing you do.
00:47:25
Speaker
You notice what's happening. Yeah. Presence is so important. So where can people find you? They can find me on my Instagram, Hypnocraft Elles as well as on Spotify, Hypnocraft