Transcript
Speaker: Hello and welcome back to Connected with Iva <unk> Today I'm speaking to Laura, otherwise known as SeekHappyDays on Instagram. She's all about creativity, growing into who you're meant to be, and following what truly lights you up.
Speaker: Let's dive straight in. I remember looking at your style. It was so cool. Like, the aesthetic was just so unusual as well. Even from our first day shoot.
Speaker: How did you create it or how are you... Because obviously, I guess you're always evolving it. How did it come about, come to be? So when I started, i have no idea what I was doing or where I was heading.
Speaker: But I had a lot of inspiration. like I was on Pinterest all day and I was following like so many photographers. And it kind of just...
Speaker: came to be by me sort of mimicking photographers I liked and then in doing that I kind of figured out I don't vibe with that style i don't vibe with doing that I really like doing this and I really like doing that and then it kind of like quickly became clear that I love editing i love it at the end of a shoot I get so excited to go back and edit which is like no one does that and Every other photographer I speak to is like, I've got to go edit. Whereas I'm like, get me to Lightroom right now. Like, i love it.
Speaker: So then it it was kind of just like, became like a weird, like instinctual thing. that I was like, okay, i I like lower textures and glowy stuff and fun colors and kind of pretending it's film when it's not.
Speaker: And then, yeah, it's kind of just built off that, like, every shoot I do and then figuring out more stuff that I like within my photos. And I feel like I'm getting to a point where I kind of have, like, my style and it's recognizable, which is really cool.
Speaker: It was recognizable from the beginning, which is very, in a way, unusual because even with photographers, you go back to the very beginning and it's so different, right? And then we just was, like, from the very first test shoot with it,
Speaker: which is so fascinating. I think a part of that is just, I just wanted to be really good from the start. So I just put everything in. I was like, I'm not going to have some, you know, photos. I want people to be like, oh, she knows what she's doing already, even though I had no idea what was doing. But you know, the fascinating thing is some people will want to be great from the beginning.
Speaker: And normally relate greatness to perfectionism. So when you say great, you might not start because you're kind of scared that it's not great, right?
Speaker: What is your thought process like? Even from the very beginning, because your journey is just so fascinating to me. Because when I started photography, I was like fresh out of uni doing English language and linguistics, like completely different thing.
Speaker: And then i was kind of having like a bit of an identity crisis of, oh my God, I don't want to do linguistics. I had been like painting in my room at uni, like raving art in every way. just started out on a whim. I thought like, Why not? I'm just going to try. And I think part of the scary thing about something like photography is nowadays half of the job is social media and networking.
Speaker: And I knew that if I shared with everyone, these are my first photo shoots. I've like changed my whole life and my whole career plan on a whim. like I want it to be really good, even though I knew that it would be a while until I felt like a proper photographer or I had like real jobs going on. But I just knew like I'm taking such a big risk that I'm going to put everything I have into my first test.
Speaker: You know, even when I had like a camera that wasn't very good, I was just like in my friend's living room, like I just wanted to give it all I could. Again, I remember starting modeling years ago.
Speaker: And first of all, I didn't really know so much what I was doing. So when you're applying to agencies and normally they say, you know, send Polaroids, but realistically speaking, it's better if you have portfolio, right?
Speaker: When you're starting, you don't have these things. It's kind of restrictive. So I get that a lot. And like, I was also doing all sorts myself when I was starting modeling. I was doing all sorts of test shoots that I shouldn't have been doing because they were not good at all.
Speaker: ah But I didn't know. So reliable. It's sort of because now I tell people sometimes, if you want to do commercial or even fashion, really, don't do these avant-garde test shoots.
Speaker: They're not going to be useful for your portfolio. It's not going to relate to anything. Yeah. But no one tells you that. People will get excited and be like, I need test shoots. You know, I need all these things because agencies tell me.
Speaker: But if you don't have the eye to see what pictures are required, you might be wasting your time doing all these things, right? Yeah. And then you spent eight hours wandering the streets of London and none of the pictures are usable. This happened to me. Actually, I signed with a new agent who was a fashion agent and he sent me to a photographer who was quite good.
Speaker: However, it was something like the makeup took about three hours and it was very windy because it was outside and she didn't want to release any of the pictures.
Speaker: That's so interesting because from my perspective, like I've definitely done shoots where like there's some I don't love, but they really want them. And ah it's never crossed my mind to be like, never put them out.
Speaker: It's part of the process, isn't it? It's funny because sometimes I'll go speak to people and there will be different opinions on the matter. I will say it's kind of better to do it with photographers who sometimes specialize in testing because they know exactly what agencies are looking for.
Speaker: And I feel like that's a bit controversial because there's, you know, money involved. But again, you can't do this with everyone. You need to know that comes with research and asking the right people. It's not just about, you know, paying No, I do think that's true.
Speaker: Because if you pay for one test shoot with like a well-established photographer, you'll probably get a lot for your portfolio from 40 minutes ats rather than yeah like one that's okay but not that relevant.
Speaker: But then also, i don't know, like when you're starting out and you don't know how to pose in front of the camera yet, like go ahead and test with photographers that it's their first shoot. You know, you're both helping each other.
Speaker: You can both be a bit lost. And I think that's what's great about like being somewhere like London. Like everyone's up to just like collaborate and have a go. And it might be bad, but it might be really good as well.
Speaker: Tell me, are you still doing modelling? Because I remember you were doing modelling when were mid. I'm not anymore. Those days are behind me. I realized like the most insecure I've ever been was when I was modeling, which seems like a big contradiction, right? Because people go to me and they're like, oh my God, you're model? like You must feel so good about yourself. I'm like, no, no.
Speaker: I think it was just like the constant comparison, constantly. Every time I go for a job, it's like, the back of my moment would be like well you weren't as good as that person which obviously isn't true but yeah I think it just took a toll especially because alongside starting photography you get so many rejections like it's taken until like recently for me to not feel like every email I sent was a rejection and it's just part of the process you know there's like thousands of people trying to do the same job and it takes a while to get good
Speaker: say it's gonna happen but I think yeah just that combination of like both sides of my careers was just a lot of rejection I just had to like put my mental health first and be like you know what I don't have to be getting all these emails that are making me like stressed to open my phone you know like I can separate from that it was definitely a good decision for me sometimes I feel like I'm the biggest person even though i' a size eight because there's so much of I'm so sorry, ah but actually the client doesn't want to go with you after all because your hip is 37.
Speaker: It's crazy. That's part of it for sure because i would get cast as their plus size person. And I'm like, at the time, i was probably like a 12 to 16, which is, you know, at most average. And like, it it took a lot of personal. I was a really skinny teenager.
Speaker: And it took a lot for me to be like, yeah, like I'm a woman now and I've gained weight and that's really normal. And then you go to these shoots and they're like, okay, yeah, you're our big model.
Speaker: We've got you all these clothes and we've taken your measurements and it should be perfect. And you go and nothing fits. I'd be there trying clothes on, nothing would fit. And like all love to the stylist, like they've they've put together like a whole rack of clothes for me and I'm like, I can only wear one of those things.
Speaker: Oh, it's just soul crushing. But obviously I had so much fun. Like I did so many shoots that was like amazing and like I felt so cool and like there's life moments that, like I was on bus stops in Oxford Street, like that's crazy.
Speaker: but then, yeah, the other side of it, the real side of it was just like, stabs to the mental health and the confidence you know but I do look back with fondness like when I'm behind the camera the whole shoot my brain is constantly going I've got like a thousand things to think about it's all technical then when I'm in front of the camera I'm just having fun yeah I get to play dress up I get to have fun it's one of the reasons I started the podcast really because i was like you need to do something that you're in control of yourself
Speaker: How do you create your vision? Well, I am like the biggest mood boarder ever. i have folder on my laptop of random ideas that have just come to me.
Speaker: And I've like made the mood board just in case one day someone contacts me and they're like we want this vibe. And i'm like, I've got 10 ideas ready to do. I'll be like watching a movie maybe or I'll just like go off on a tangent in my brain and like a concept will come to me. Or I'll be having a conversation with a friend about their position in society and I'll be like, I have to make a shoot out of that.
Speaker: That's my favourite thing to do with my own projects is like an editorial that is like politically charged. I love that because i think at the end of the day, art is like so political and especially at the moment, like If I can make something beautiful and also tell a story and show off a group that aren't like as represented, oh my God, dream. That's the dream.
Speaker: So yeah, I think a lot of my ideas come from that. And then they kind of spin off into like a more fantastical storybook vibe. I love all things like fairy tale stories.
Speaker: I'm definitely like an artsy girl who's had to learn to be technical for the job. Whereas some photographers I know are like super techie, know all the gear, love stuff like that, and then learn to be artsy for the job.
Speaker: It's a long process, like you say. And when you're genuinely passionate about something, you know, because... then you'll spend the time to learn. And at the beginning, you might not be, you know, getting paid for things.
Speaker: If you're doing something without feedback or without income, that's that's when you know you're on the right track. Oh, yeah. Right? At the beginning. Because it's very easy to to do something and then get feedback, whether that's monetary feedback or any kind of feedback. But if If you're not, that's when it's really telling if it's your thing or not.
Speaker: I do get that. like I'll be at a point where I'm so busy and like this week I've had back-to-back shoots and I'm editing like in bed at 7am and I've felt so overwhelmed. And then I've been like, wait...
Speaker: This is so fun. This is what I've dreamed of doing a couple years ago. Like I would never think that I would be able to be at this point where I'm getting like emails and bookings like this. i It is the absolute dream. So when I get stressed about it, it kind of makes me laugh because I'm like, I basically created this job for myself. Like I made up this job and I worked so hard for it. And it's kind of like a privilege to be stressed about like It's a privilege to get to be like overwhelmed because I have so much to edit. you know Because I was doing this for free yeah for so long.
Speaker: I was on the train, last not last night, a few nights ago, and I was getting like stressy about something. it was Whether it was podcast stuff or emails. for work and then I stopped myself and I was like oh my god a previous version of me what wouldn't she do to have this life right and we have the audacity to sit there and complain about it like we've wanted this so bad it's so funny It's funny because we don't dream of just having a lot of free time, right? When you're thinking about what we dream about in the future, it's not like we dream about having a lot of free time to lie in bed and do nothing, right?
Speaker: It's such like a human thing to be like, I want this so bad and then we get it and we complain about it The words we tell ourselves are obviously really important because if I use the word overwhelmed,
Speaker: That has a really negative connotation, right? But I might say something instead of it. So I might say, oh, I'm a little bit, I don't know, preoccupied. That kind of sounds better or a different word that feels better.
Speaker: When you hear it, right? When you say that, You're not suddenly telling yourself, this is not a good thing, right? Because if you're telling yourself you're overwhelmed, you're ah also telling your nervous system, this thing is not good for me because it's so overwhelming me.
Speaker: And actually, it's what you've been dreaming about, right? I feel like when you start progressing and expanding, it's also important to adapt the language you use.
Speaker: I think also it's so easy to downplay things. like With me, i'm I'm so bad at downplaying things. I had to take a moment a couple of months ago where I was like, no, I actually am doing well.
Speaker: I think I've spent so long being like, you know as soon as I reach a goal, I'm like, okay, what's next? And then I pretend that the goal wasn't huge for me at one point.
Speaker: I'm just like, yeah, I did that now, whatever. no I i like forget to be excited about it. I'm excited about it for about two minutes and then I'm thinking, okay well how can we be photographer number one in the whole world you know it's like I had to take a minute to be like wait I have actually worked hard and I've done well which was really hard and like I get shy about it when you when I'm like talking to my friends I'll be ah oh I'm just so busy and it's so awful and stressful instead of saying like
Speaker: Oh, I'm actually like work's going well because I'm being booked and the busyness is actually like a sign of progress, you know? It's funny how we want things, but sometimes we're not ready for them, right? Because we want something that means we're busy. And then when we get busy, we get...
Speaker: paralyzed. So then we retreat back to a previous version of ourselves. If we want something, we also have to be comfortable with the reality of it. What is the next stage for you? Let's manifest something.
Speaker: I am at a point now where there's like, I've gotten really close to shooting some of my dream people. I'd love to photograph someone that I really loved as like a teenager.
Speaker: i was such like, i was the definition of a fangirl as a teenager. like I had my little Twitter fan account. Like I was obsessed. I was going to gigs every weekend. Like that would like heal my my inner teenager. If I could like go that full circle moment and photograph someone that I was listening to their music in my bedroom, being a little angsty teenager, that would be like so incredible. I feel like that would cure me. All my problems would go if I did something like that.
Speaker: This is a good version of therapy, you know. Doing it for 14-year-old me, to be honest, yeah. I think that's also a good thing to remember, like you said earlier, with you know when you get overwhelmed and you realize, well, this is what you asked for.
Speaker: I think a good thing I do is like remembering like what teenage me would think about me now She would be like so proud. Yeah, like you said, that's like the best therapy you could ask for because it's so easy to be hard on yourself. But even like living in London, like I wouldn't believe that. I'd be like, that's crazy. That was like such a dream of mine.
Speaker: And now I'm here and like you forget on the day to day that that was something you wanted so bad. I never could do any kind of editing ever. And then I started doing editing for the podcast, which I love. And then I recently started doing video editing, which I also love.
Speaker: But sometimes I'm not even going to stop, you know, to say, well done. Also, it took you like no time to learn. But then some days I might concentrate on the fact that my Wi-Fi is not very fast, so I'm not uploading a clip instead of praising myself for this incredible progress.
Speaker: You've learned an entirely new skill from scratch, and that's huge. Yet it's so easy to be like, ugh, I can't edit a whole movie yet. Like, oh, I'm terrible. It's so easy to do that. But how silly is that?
Speaker: Well, that would be, in a way, me before would kind of just abandon things if there's something like that. I read something very interesting. Great indicator for a healthy healed or healing human being is when you're adaptable.
Speaker: to shifting circumstances. So right things don't necessarily go your way. And if that happens, you can adapt and you can react in a normal way. my early 20s, I spent a lot of my energy into kind of understanding my like emotional reactions to things because it was so easy for like something little to be a final straw and then full like panic, breakdown, I'll go, what am I going to do?
Speaker: But if I compare like how I would react a couple years ago to now, the understanding of my emotional state and i what things stress me out and what things don't, I feel like I can now you know sit and live in the stress for a few minutes and it's like, okay.
Speaker: but is it actually that bad? Or like how can we move past it? Or like accepting that I'm a person and I'm allowed to have done things not perfectly.
Speaker: and like that's fine. Especially with my work. like It's so easy to take it so personally when a client wants something changing because you know I've spent like hours on something and I really love it and I'm excited to show people. And then if they're like, can we actually change this? It's like, oh, okay, yeah, sure.
Speaker: Like it feels very like a personal thing, but it's absolutely nothing to do with you. Like they hired you for a reason. And it's very normal to have to like do another round of edits or something. It's very normal to have to change little things.
Speaker: And like, it doesn't take away from what you achieved, you know, it's just a little, a little something different. How did you become comfortable with that for yourself over time?
Speaker: That is probably like one of the most difficult things. And I still like, I'll still feel, you know, anxiety when you get I get an email and it's like okay can we like change this this this and this when I send off the edits I have to be like they might not be the the final ones and that is also okay it doesn't mean that they hate all the photos and and they're never gonna book me again it's just like a very normal part of the process but yeah I think with that it was just like a bit of exposure like I just had to experience that a lot to get to a point where I'm like okay you
Speaker: With a job like this with freelancing, there's no rule book or there's no like climbing up the ladder, like promotions or anything. You're just by yourself. You're just doing everything yourself.
Speaker: So you don't really know how it works, especially with me. like I just threw myself into it. like I didn't do any studio assistant anything like that. So it was genuinely like clean slate. I don't know.
Speaker: how this works so I think it's just like getting comfortable took being anxious about it quite a lot and like having bad experiences to then realize oh wait it's actually fine and there's always going to be another person that wants to book me and there's always going to be another person that likes what I do yeah so I think it's just a lot of getting used to it same but also for me specifically because it's a bit different for modeling I kind of became comfortable more so when I started the podcast and I had something else going on.
Speaker: You don't have control specifically in that. So then when you start doing something that you're in control of and you're actively moving forward with, it kind of changed my perspective on you know jobs rejections.
Speaker: our first reaction is always going to be, oh God, oh, negative. Because there's no world in which someone can tell you, we don't like the thing you've done or we don't want to choose you and and not feel bad. It's just getting to a point where you can accept that there's so many people doing the exact same thing as you and it could be the most random reason why you're not chosen. It's so random and absolutely nothing to do with you.
Speaker: You have to detach a bit, I feel like. But yeah, I get what you mean about the having your own projects kind of helping level things out. There's also, I think it's so easy that with me, like I get one slightly negative, like not even bad thing told to me. And I'm catastrophized. I'll be like, oh, I'm so terrible at this.
Speaker: But then I get like really kind, heart-felt compliments about my work and I'll like, oh, okay, thank you. And then I'll forget about it Like, it's so easy to hold so much weight on the slightly bad stuff.
Speaker: But then the nice stuff, it's just like, ah, whatever, forget about it within 10 minutes. We've got to turn that around. The brain scans for negativity in order to protect us from danger.
Speaker: In a way, it's a normal reaction. And I think that's also something we need to remind ourselves. That instinctive reaction is normal and as long as you move on from it. That's just you being a person with emotions and it doesn't actually hold any like truth in anything else.
Speaker: I want to ask, if people want to get in photography or anything creative even maybe, what would you advise them to do to start with? The most important thing you can do is just keep making stuff, even if it's bad or you don't have the money to book a studio. like I've booked a studio once myself in my whole career. you know We went out on the street.
Speaker: You can just go out on the street and do it with what you have. and like There's always ways to make cool things. You can paint on a bit of paper you found. And that could be just as good as if you buy a big canvas of expensive paints. You know, you just got to keep doing it.
Speaker: It's really important to stay true to yourself. Like you said about my style, I think I can get a lot of attention from clients because they know exactly what they're getting from me.
Speaker: They know that they're getting a certain, you know, editing style or portrait style. Like they know that because I've created something that's so true to what I like that other people see that.
Speaker: you know, they'll see that you love what you're doing and it's going to like make other people love it too.
