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Problem #24: Sustainable Design
142 Plays9 days ago
This week, Kristian and Tracy explore some of the roadblocks that can get in the way of our creative selves. These may include the world around us, external pressures, or our own inner demons. We have an honest discussion about what we do to keep going, how our creations themselves can be our voices for change and a advocating for a better world, and the little tricks and tips we've learned to keep our minds healthy and our work productive without killing ourselves.
The Han Cluster on BackerKit! - https://www.backerkit.com/c/projects/ede-sol-games/han-cluster-optimistic-sci-fi-rpg?ref=podcast-link
Join our discord!: https://discord.gg/Bc9dvuzZYJ
The Han Cluster® Role Playing Game Website: https://hancluster.com
Immaterial Plane: https://immaterialplane.com/
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Designing Problems' Podcast
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to the Designing Problems our RPG Podcast, where we explore RPG development and all the intentional and unintentional problems we create along the way. I'm Christian Serrano. And I'm Tracy Sizemore. We're your hosts for this timely public service
Sustainable Design & Self-Care in RPGs
00:00:18
Speaker
announcement. And this week, we're going to talk about problem number 24, sustainable design.
00:00:44
Speaker
So fundamentally, this is about taking care of yourself, right? So that you can continue to be creative and enjoy being creative and so on.
00:00:57
Speaker
And also not beating yourself up, not feeling sad or depressed when you go through a period of not being creative and just kind of getting back into it and trying to get back into it and so on.
Christian's Overworking & Health Issues
00:01:12
Speaker
So the reason why this came up or why we decided to do this topic, I guess this week was that in my own life, I have been head down, not creating anything for a little while.
00:01:27
Speaker
um First, I was trying to do some foundry updates and getting ready for version 13. which has been tedious and annoying and fun and whatever at the same time.
00:01:38
Speaker
um But then with that, I've also been deep into a ah web design project, web redesign project for work. And we were and in the past couple weeks, we're getting to the end of it.
00:01:49
Speaker
we We launched last week, um but it was a lot of work that we had to get done you know, like late, long, late hours, literally like three o'clock in the morning kind of thing, making sure we hit our deadline and time for the launch date.
00:02:05
Speaker
The unfortunate thing was that doing that also resulted in me getting sick because I wasn't taking care and taking care of myself. I was staying up late, not getting enough sleep, you know working nonstop throughout the day, into the night, and so on.
00:02:21
Speaker
And now some of that, you know you can help, you can't help, you know work is what it is. But that's not the point of all this.
Balancing Work & Creative Endeavors
00:02:29
Speaker
the The point of it is that whether you're doing actual, like, you know, your day job work or creative work or whatever, sometimes you got to listen to your body, right? You got to take care of yourself.
00:02:43
Speaker
You got to take care of your loved ones. You got to take care of your health. You got to take care of your sanity, um all of that so that you can sustain that creative work.
00:02:54
Speaker
Now, Part of this too was that I had to take a break from doing the creative work because I had to do all these other things. And so there's an element of feeling frustration and whatnot and in having avoided, ah not avoided, having having to step away from from working on say, Explora because I had to deal with these real life obligations.
00:03:18
Speaker
And at first I was like really frustrated with that, and but I'm like, you know what? That's okay. Cause that's life. You have to take care of real world stuff. You know, sometimes in, sometimes that real world stuff is your own health as well.
00:03:32
Speaker
And so, you know, had to find forgiveness, I guess, in myself to be like, it's it's okay that you weren't working on Explorer for three weeks, you know, four weeks, however long it was. So that's what inspired, you know, wanting to talk about this this week.
00:03:46
Speaker
Um, So I guess really this is kind of going to be stream of consciousness of like ways to take care of yourself, your mental sanity, your physical health, your your relationships, your loved ones while you're, you know, on this journey, on this creative
Crowdfunding Stresses & External Pressures
00:04:05
Speaker
endeavor. Yeah.
00:04:09
Speaker
i don't want I don't want to take up all the time, Tracy, so I want to give you space to step in. I'm listening. So yeah I'm waiting for the nuggets of gold to come at me, Christian. All right. So i mean, I can just go if you want. um No, I mean, all I'll say is I've been in the in a similar situation. i think that's obvious. ah um I've got crowdfunding happening, which is no small stressor.
00:04:37
Speaker
Um, even if it's going well, especially if it's going well, that makes it even a different kind of stressor. Yeah. And then I've got, I've got like you, I've had some major work to do.
00:04:49
Speaker
And so I have to do it all. There's, there's, there's no choice for me right now. Cause I, this is the crowdfunding. I have to do it. So, um, I, yeah, I'm, I'm waiting for your nuggets of gold. I'm, I'm ready.
Time Management & Health Consequences
00:05:01
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. right, so i will say one of the critical things that you should keep in mind um is is health.
00:05:12
Speaker
Because if you're not healthy, if you're not taking care of yourself, you're not going to be able to do anything, whether it's also taking care of loved ones and and spending time with them, also taking care of your know daily obligations, also doing your creative work. if you're not If you're out of commission, you're out of commission, and none of that's going to happen.
00:05:31
Speaker
What I wish I had done was listen to my body during that period where I was like staying up late and working long hours. There were times where I could have just taken a break, but I was just like, no, no, no, no. i got ah I got to get this done.
00:05:43
Speaker
I was adding a lot of pressure to myself um to to make sure we hit the deadline. And and ironically, we didn't. We actually had to delay a day, not even because of anything I didn't do, but because there were just issues elsewhere technologically.
00:05:57
Speaker
that prevented us from being able to launch that um on that day. We ended up fixing them that night, but we just decided to wait until the next day to to roll out the site as a result. So um i think that's crucial. I think it's it's so easy for us to try to steal back time at the end of the day and you know late at night in those late hours and give ourselves four hours of sleep, you know Like to, to work on our favorite setting or whatever it is we're doing, and then get up early and go to work and and do all that.
00:06:29
Speaker
Um, or get up and spend time with, you know take care of our families and our house and whatever it else it is. Um, I think that was like sort of the biggest lesson for me.
00:06:41
Speaker
You know, it was like, i I pushed myself and for what, and I just lost more time because I was playing in bed sick as a result. Um, i don't Do you have any any thoughts on that?
Self-Imposed Pressures & Guilt in Creativity
00:06:53
Speaker
um it's It's really hard to to step away. Yeah. Especially when... You know, this is, at least from a crowdfunding perspective, this is all self-inflicted, right?
00:07:08
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I did this to myself. I said, okay, I'm going to be super ambitious. I'm going to do, you know, all this stuff. And I'm going to, as high stakes, pay for lots of art, do the whole thing to the point where I've got to have some sort of...
00:07:25
Speaker
Minimally successful crowdfunding in order to make this happen. And then what I have to do? I put a lot of pressure on myself to do marketing and to to get the word out as best I can. And I've got people around me saying, you're doing fine. Don't worry about it. And i still wouldn't believe them.
00:07:41
Speaker
right um still don't believe them. This is part of my hang up is... I'm notoriously hard on myself. And that's not that's that's not uncommon. a lot of people do that to themselves, especially these days, because of external and internal pressures, or the external pressures fuel our internal pressures or inadequacies or all those things that pile on to say, if I don't do this, I will be in trouble.
00:08:14
Speaker
Or people will hate me. Or yeah so the yeah I'll never get this opportunity again. or I'll never work again. or whatever. It's so easy to convince yourself of that. it's so easy for me to do that.
00:08:28
Speaker
So, i don't know. i mean, i have people around me that right are willing to talk me down. but yeah When I'm like this, they know that I'm like this. Daryl has to deal with this all the time.
00:08:40
Speaker
Poor Daryl. I know. Right. I mean, he listens to me all the time. Yeah, but he does it because he loves you. So I know he does. And I'm so grateful for it because he is there to prop me up when I need it most.
Support Systems & Managing Stress
00:08:53
Speaker
And he knows that I'm going to need it.
00:08:55
Speaker
Yeah. more than, more than once. i mean, he, he knows he's going to have to repeat himself. Right. And I'm so grateful for that. And so Booth is too. She knows she's going to have to, you know, and it's part of the package, part of the package and part, and, and, and, and and that really truly is part of the package because if I didn't have that, at least to some degree, i would not have accomplished what I accomplished in my life.
00:09:25
Speaker
I would not have done it because that self-motivation, that self-drive to not only accomplish, but to make sure I don't let other people down helps me to actually get things done and do things that a lot of other people have not done.
00:09:44
Speaker
Yeah. So it's a double-edged sword there where it's like, yeah, it it gives me something. but also take something away. Yeah. Yeah.
00:09:55
Speaker
There's a, there's another game designer that some of you might've heard his name, Aloy La Santa, the third the games, wonderful human being.
Discipline in Creative Work & Self-Guilt
00:10:03
Speaker
i love I love this guy. And the guy is super talented.
00:10:06
Speaker
This is the guy who's like, i want to learn how to play bass, picks up a bass guitar, learns how to play bass, starts a band, comes out with an album. Like it's, it's, he's insane. He's an animal. he still Does he still run the Prince channel? The YouTube channel? You know, I don't know if he still does, but yeah, that was another big thing. That was a thing for a while. Right. And i mean, this guy does, he'll, I want to do this thing and he does it. Right. it's He's phenomenal. And I love, I love talking to him. I love every now and then i would see him at Dragon Con and stuff and, you know.
00:10:33
Speaker
get We were able to do a call with him, Jen and I, one time just to get some advice, you know publishing advice, whatever. ah and And so in that conversation, that specific conversation, he ah you know he he was talking about how um for him, he he treats you know game design and stuff like a job. but Right. and it's like, so like Saturdays, he's like, I got work to do and I'm going to sit down I'm gonna do my job, blah, blah, blah.
00:10:57
Speaker
And, and I took that, right. i was like, oh, that's a, that's a great way to think about it. This is a job, you know? And he, and he was saying like, you know, there's times where friends would be like, oh, you know, we're going to get together. He's like, no, it can't, I got to work, you know?
00:11:09
Speaker
And that was just his way of having discipline for himself and to get through the stuff he wants to get through.
00:11:19
Speaker
The fault that I had was i when I took that, kind ah i kind of turned that into self-guilt instead, where it was like, oh, I should be working.
00:11:32
Speaker
like or i should be doing this and so i should be working on explorer instead of yeah playing you know horizon forbidden west or whatever right and um and so i think there's there's a component there too like ah it sounded to me like what you were expressing was a sort of self-guilt in some ways in terms of like i i Like, you know, you want to work more and more and more because you feel like you need to, you should, you're supposed to. yeah, I've got a deadline. You got a deadline. meet Right, exactly. Now, and in a lot of cases for the for the backer, kit yes, very much concrete deadline. That's not moving, right?
00:12:10
Speaker
You absolutely have that. But I think for but in most cases though, when we're just working on the thing over time, you know, we, we, it's easy to fall into that trap, you know, of like where you're, you're, i don't know, you're punishing yourself in some ways, yeah maybe psychologically, you know, you're not letting yourself rest and recover because you're, you're thinking, I got to get this done. I got to get this done. Or, or I'm, I'm,
00:12:38
Speaker
You know, I'm fake if I'm not doing, working around the clock to get this done, right? Yeah, there's that. The imposter syndrome. There's also for me, it's just motivation to do it. I'm like, yeah, want to do this. I need to do it and I'll spend 16 hours doing it. Healthy reasons, right? To do that. Yes, absolutely.
00:12:55
Speaker
um But I think, yeah, i think it's it's, you got to be careful with that guilt, that little voice that's like guilting you about it, um where to the point where you're not giving yourself rest, you're not letting yourself recover, you're not...
00:13:07
Speaker
You're neglecting other aspects of your life, you know, and those kinds of things. um You know, even just things like taking a walk to get some exercise. Like there's times where I've sat here all day and I'm like, I should have gone for a walk.
00:13:21
Speaker
I should have gotten up. I should have done a workout or something, you know. um Taking a walk. i Ever since I started working at home, I i go out for lunch.
00:13:32
Speaker
Yeah. Jen, every day, at the end of the day, every day, she goes for a walk and she's you want to walk? And I don't always say yes. I should. I should. Yeah. okay Feel guilty about that now. Right. Yeah. next i'll I'll be sitting on that the next two hours. And oh so I think, I think that's, that's a lesson I'm trying to teach myself is, you know, again, you know, it comes back to forgiveness. I think, you know, when you, when you let yourself step away and and just not, um,
00:14:00
Speaker
Be stressed by the the creative work so that you can just relax, take care yourself and do whatever else. And sometimes it's okay to quote, let people down, even though usually you're actually not.
00:14:14
Speaker
Right. um mean, in any kind of meaningful way anyway. You know, I've had times where i've I've canceled games, you know, like game sessions, because I'm just like, guys i've I've had a long week. I'm tired.
00:14:24
Speaker
And if I do this, I'm not going to be on my A game. You know, um i need I need the night off. You know, and that's usually met with, yeah, understandable. Okay. So.
The Role of Socializing & Gaming in Creativity
00:14:37
Speaker
Man, I try not to do that. I try not to. i try not to. Because the benefit of going and being with my friends and all of a sudden laughing and then forgetting all these stresses, sometimes it's the motivation to get out of the house and do that is hard.
00:14:54
Speaker
But once I'm there... So there have been times where we don't necessarily play, but we'll still meet just to have that, to hang out, talk, catch up, you know, and so on.
00:15:07
Speaker
Uh, and, and, you and sometimes that's just as good as the game, you know, because it's just a, you know, it's like, we might as well just have a beer and sit on a porch somewhere and just hang out, which is nice.
00:15:19
Speaker
Uh, and that's really why we get together with, with our friends for gaming. Right. So spend time with them. Um, so yeah. So I think, I think, I think that's, that's a significant chunk of it. So other nuggets, do you want more nuggets?
00:15:33
Speaker
Sure. um but yeah. Spend time with your friends. Yeah. You know, don't forget to socialize. Don't forget that, you know, one of the reasons that we're into gaming is because we socialize with people.
00:15:49
Speaker
you know, and we want to spend time with people. And I think it's easy to get caught up in, in being head down and secluding in someone. yeah It's easy to be like, Oh, I'm so tired. i don't want to go out. I don't want to go out. i't want I try to, I try to buck up on that one because I've learned my lesson that,
00:16:08
Speaker
Right. Sometimes, sometimes I need a night at home and sometimes I'm grateful for it. Yeah. But if I've got something, you know, we're to go play Ghost Mountain on Tuesdays or whatever. I'm going to get my ass out of the house and go play Ghost Mountain yeah on Tuesdays. Yeah. I'm trying. Fun.
00:16:24
Speaker
Right. Yeah. I'm trying to be more mindful with coworkers at work because sometimes I'll sit through my lunch hour to to tinker with something in Foundry or, you know, work on writing or whatever it is. And I'm like, I should go, i should go get lunch with my coworkers and get some fresh air and, you know, move, you know, that kind of thing.
00:16:43
Speaker
So it helps. Yeah. And I, and I think along with friends is like, if you have family, if you have loved ones, um, you know i Another aspect of guilt I have is when I am i am working on, you know say, Explore whatever, instead of spending time with kids or you know watching a movie or doing whatever, or forcing the kids out of their rooms because they're teenagers and they don't want to hang out.
00:17:07
Speaker
Forcing them out of their rooms to spend time with me, know, because that's just, that's the healthy thing to do, right? You know, let's, guys, let's,
Balancing Personal Life & Creative Work
00:17:15
Speaker
let's spend time together. Let's not just seclude and in our own spaces. It's easy to do, especially when they're already in their rooms. yeah I'm down here, you know, in my studio and just getting stuff done. And i'm like, no, I should, I should make time, you know, to, to do something together and, and you know, on the weekend or whatever.
00:17:32
Speaker
um I have seen...
00:17:36
Speaker
You know, situations of people who are so caught up in trying to be busy. I don't want to, I'm not going to name names. There's somebody I know in another social space. Okay. You can name me.
00:17:48
Speaker
Well, I honestly, I'm like, how do you even do all these things? You know, when like, this was at a time when I knew them, when they had a newborn. and And I was like, how are you doing all this? You have a newborn baby.
00:18:05
Speaker
how are you doing this, this, this, and this? and this Like, it was just like, i didn't ask, you know, it wasn't my business, but I was just like, ah just couldn't imagine. you know I remember what it was like when my kids were newborns and and how much time that took and how much might you know my wife and I just needed to help each other. you know and um so you know i i try to be very conscientious of that, of of like, okay, am I spending too much time here in front of the computer doing this stuff and not enough you know with, say, you know the kids or whatever? or
00:18:40
Speaker
I say kids or teenagers, but still, you know, that time is important. Um, so yeah, so not just with, with friends, but you know, family too, you know? Yeah. Um, I remember there was a time when Booth was working for a blind and deaf school and she was still going to school for interpreting at that point, but she was partially doing it. She was provisional licensed and stuff. And,
00:19:06
Speaker
The school was going through a whole lot of awful stuff. Like there was some corruption stuff going on. There were lawsuits happening. Booth was getting embroiled and all that was super stressful for me. Yeah. Because she wanted to be activist about it and and really help the kids. And I so so super respected that. But at the same time, I'm like...
Personal Sanctuaries & Mental Reset Rituals
00:19:30
Speaker
let's not bring trouble to us. You know, I, at that point I was very, Oh, you know, I was just so stressed about it, but always i had a sanctuary and that sanctuary was at my bedroom when I went to, went to bed at night.
00:19:45
Speaker
Yeah. That was, it still is that like once, once the day winds down once, once even no matter what kind of day it is, if I go in there and I get on my bed,
00:19:58
Speaker
And I do my ritual and whatever, for me, it's usually watching something on the iPad or, you know, I'm, I'm doing a, I have a ah ritual that I do and I sit up for a little while.
00:20:09
Speaker
That is where I forget everything. Yeah. I forget all the troubles of the world. i forget my troubles for that and we're going to go to bed now. Right. We're doing our ritual.
00:20:20
Speaker
It's turning off. It's so important. Right. Yeah. That i have to do it and interrupt my ritual, you know, and that's, that's a, that's sanctuary to me. And it worked then. It still works now. And it's worth having that kind of ritual or a place to go where you can really not even, not disconnect, but, but forget the obligations you have for just a while. Yeah.
00:20:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:49
Speaker
Yeah. I think, I think that's, that's a really good point is that that that sanctuary is, in that ritual, um, there's an element of mindfulness to that. Right. and And there's an element of, of sort of just that mental reset, you know, that, um, that I think sometimes we need that. and And I've had times where, when I want to go sit down to go, you know, do the writing or whatever,
00:21:13
Speaker
where it's hard for me to transition from all the worries and all the stressors and whatever throughout the day or all the obligations, whatever else. And it's like, I can't even focus, you know, I can't clear my mind. And so I think to your point is like, yeah, you give yourself that space.
00:21:32
Speaker
whether it's at the end of the day, whether it's, you know, transitioning between your work day and your creative time at night or whatever it might be. Um, ah yeah, I think that's an important part is, is give yourself that transition space and that transition time.
00:21:48
Speaker
Yeah. It's weird. Cause I'm like, I, in sanctuary, i usually won't do anything gaming related when I do, when I try It usually isn't very productive.
00:22:00
Speaker
So yeah I'll get on the iPad and I'll write something. I'm like, no, no, no, no. I don't want to do this right now. yeah Or I've got a book or something to read, um you know, like a new role-playing book that I'm looking at or whatever. can't concentrate on while I'm in sanctuary.
00:22:16
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Especially I'm bed. I'm just going to fall asleep. Yeah, about me too. yeah But I'd rather be enter to entertain me on the iPad and then I will fall asleep.
00:22:26
Speaker
I have had times where you know this is separate, like when you're when you're trying to like separate from doing the creative work and to go settle down, I've i've had times where that's been hard because I'm like oh, I just want to get this last thing done or I want to work on you know figure out this last thing or whatever it is.
00:22:44
Speaker
um And it's like, no, go to bed. like Stop. Stop. You know, and, but then I'll have these ideas and I'm like, okay, like sometimes it's with founder. Like i'm I'm trying to work through some code and some logic of how do i how do I get this module to do what I want to do?
00:22:59
Speaker
And, um you know, what I'll do then is I'll just take the iPad or whatever with me to bed and I'll just start like writing out the thoughts that I'm having in my head. now Not actually trying to do any work, just let me just get it out of my system at least so that I can put it away and I don't lose my place you know the next day when i when I go try to
Creative Work as Expression & Escape
00:23:20
Speaker
tackle it again. yeah you know Or like I'll have ideas about, oh, you know I want to write this, this, and that for Explorer. you know i got to remember ah you know these ideas, and I'll just make it a point to just write them all down.
00:23:31
Speaker
you know with i have a stylus, and I'll just write it all, handwrite it in in Apple Notes, and it'll be there you know when I want to go back over it. Yeah. and so What I find, and this is related to, you know, let's say, you know, it's it's hard right now, especially for some of us, watching what is happening in the world.
00:23:52
Speaker
Oh, God, yeah. And just...
00:23:56
Speaker
Trying to think that, oh, well, what ah this creative work I'm doing doesn't matter, right? it's I've been having that. easy to get into that mindset. um Whether it's tariffs or whatever is happening that's, that you know, that is so easy to start getting catastrophize-y about.
00:24:14
Speaker
Yes. I find... That when I'm in the those modes of of existential dread slash in the middle of having to do something that I need to do that is not necessarily great fun, like marketing or whatever else that I have to do for for the game that I've created, you know, like this is this is part of the design work.
00:24:40
Speaker
When I'm able to sit back and go back into the design work, and this is, this is i think, my point, because sometimes it's hard to be motivated to do it, but if can into it,
00:24:51
Speaker
can get into it And immerse myself in the world I've created, especially because it's on cluster and it's a different and better world yeah in many ways than the world I live in.
00:25:04
Speaker
I can get immersed again and I can really enjoy what the what that world is and and escape. In many ways, celebrate that world.
00:25:16
Speaker
I can celebrate that i that I made it, that created it. I'm at that stage, right? yeah Most of it's done. But I'm in editing right now. I'm doing final editing. It's tedious. It's...
00:25:26
Speaker
it's but you know But at the same time, I'm going through some of these moments in the plot point campaign remembering what happened with play testers that played it and reading what i'm what I wrote and tearing up and feeling all these emotions and immersing myself in this It is a delight. Yeah.
00:25:47
Speaker
And that's that's part of the point. And I think my overall point is... Your creation is your voice, right? Like it's your way to express yourself. It's your way of dealing with what's happening in the world. It's your way of expressing what you want in the world.
00:26:07
Speaker
And Han Cluster is very much that where it's like, I think the world needs Han Cluster right now. Maybe that's an egotistical thought, but I'm not i'm not the only one who thinks that. and And I'm like...
00:26:21
Speaker
i'm um I'm immersed in this world. I've created it. i'm I've done the best I can to make it good and fun and playable and do all the mechanical marketing and all the all those production stuff I can to bring it to life.
00:26:37
Speaker
Yeah. Because of the world I created. And it's easy to forget that when you're in the middle of the hard stuff. yeah But I think it's also motivating to be able, if you can go in and do some creative work and immerse yourself into it, um that can help you get through these times like this.
00:26:58
Speaker
I'm glad you said that because i've I've been struggling with that very thing where I've had a lot of feelings lately of With everything that's going on in the world and how like serious things are getting and how disastrous they feel in a lot of ways,
00:27:16
Speaker
um you know it's been hard for me to put weight and importance on you know on something like Writing Explorer. Mm-hmm.
00:27:28
Speaker
It's been really hard. it's been it's It's like, why does this even matter right now? Is this even a priority right now? I'm worrying about you know food costs going up and feeding my family. you know um I'm worrying about you know i need to do some repairs, you know minor repairs on on the house, but I'm sure the cost of materials are going to go up soon. yeah How soon can I do this? You know, like, um, this one's stupid. Our TV, we have some of the diffusers on our LCD screen have been falling off. And so we got these white bright spots on our screen and we're like, do we buy a TV now before the price go prices go up because
World Events & Creative Motivation
00:28:06
Speaker
of tariffs. They're way cheap now though. They're way cheap. Right. its So I'm like, I just did my taxes, you know,
00:28:12
Speaker
<unk> Getting a refund. Well, and it's, you know, but it's just like thinking about, well, i want to write this setting and I want to publish and, you know, publish it eventually. and and And also Jen's just been super busy with PhD stuff. She's been yeah working on her comprehences and stuff like that and and completely swamped with all that. So it's been hard for, for both of us to have, you know, to, to be able to mark off time and and have motivation to, to prioritize Explorer. And, um, but you're right. You're absolutely right. There is an element of, you know, escaping, I guess, in a relatively healthy way, um into this world that, that is our,
00:28:56
Speaker
our voice and our vision you know maybe what the world you know we want to see is uh whether it's you know a a you know fantasized uh sci-fi setting that maybe it is ultra violent but it's just fun and escapist right or something that is optimistic and hopeful or something that is fantasy and powerful and magical or whatever or superheroes who can fix all the world's problems, you know? Yeah.
00:29:26
Speaker
yeah There's something, there's something to that. You're right. but there is I think for people who are not, and there's lots of, my therapist talks about this. There's lots of different kinds of people out there. Some people are really motivated to go out and protest yeah and go out on the streets and carry their signs and yell and scream and do all that stuff. Some people are not that.
00:29:47
Speaker
right And it's okay to not be that. Right. It's okay. And that's another point of guilt that a lot of us introverts feel about that kind of thing is if you're not out there yelling and screaming, you're not doing enough.
00:30:02
Speaker
Yeah. And for me, the art is what I'm trying to do. And I'm trans. I'm sitting out here. I'm being trans. I'm not hiding the fact that I'm trans. Right. am trans. i'm If I get swept up in the middle of the night, which of course is not going to happen, but if I did...
00:30:21
Speaker
That's the way it is because my, my way of expressing myself is not going to change. This is my way of being that rebel of doing my protesting.
00:30:33
Speaker
And Han clusters that too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a, there's a line. um it's not even a lyrical line. It's just from the artwork and stuff from the album Year Zero by Nine Inch Nails and it's art is resistance.
00:30:46
Speaker
And the album Year Zero is, it was written during ah George W. Bush's administration and, um and dealing with all the issues and stuff during that time and what the world looked like at that time.
00:30:57
Speaker
it's It's a concept album. it's so It's a fictional art. It was a whole ARG thing that was worldwide. It was crazy. It was absolutely brilliant. But Art is Resistance yeah was one of the lines on on some of the artwork for it. It is.
00:31:11
Speaker
Yeah, I think it is. And if you look at it that way, like if I look at Hon Cluster that way, I think it's more relevant now than ever. Yeah. And I'm going to put my all into it.
00:31:23
Speaker
not Not to overtly do anything. There's no there's no direct allegory in Han Kloster at all. That's not what it's about. But it is relevant. Yes. And it's metaphorical.
00:31:35
Speaker
And I tried to make it that way deliberately. Right. And I wanted to speak for itself because it doesn't it it speaks in um as art does. Right.
00:31:47
Speaker
And I think it's timeless and I think it's worth being out there. And if it's if it's not, if people tell me it's not or it doesn't ever go anywhere, well, whatever. It doesn't matter because it's just the act of creating it it was my way of expressing how I feel about the world.
Task Switching & Mental Resets
00:32:03
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So I will say, you know, there there's times when...
00:32:14
Speaker
I hate saying that I use it as a distraction, like the foundry stuff that I do, you know, cause I do have the commercial products for backstory cards that I have to maintain. And then there's the commercial, like have a, I have a Patreon module that I have to maintain, you know, add feature requests, things like that.
00:32:30
Speaker
And there's some modules that I have that are just free that are just fun to work on. um sometimes those are, those are, are, are distraction because it's like puzzle solving for me. It's, yeah you know,
00:32:42
Speaker
There's a lot of novelty. Like, ooh, new feature I just added. Cool. you know But I think also it's and it's a way for me to sometimes step away and kind of recharge a little bit.
00:32:55
Speaker
And maybe it's an ADHD thing because something because there's like that whole... like ah What is it? It's a novel, interesting, challenging, or urgent are the things that motivate us.
00:33:06
Speaker
Right. And I see you. And, uh, and so, um
00:33:15
Speaker
I think there's value to that. I think sometimes it's, it's, it's a way of kind of resetting, you know, thinking about something else.
00:33:26
Speaker
Um, And I don't know, it just it just feels like it's, um
00:33:35
Speaker
like when you work on one thing for too long, after a while it becomes rote, it becomes you know boring sometimes. And so doing switching gears yes can can help you know make you know refresh things a little bit.
00:33:48
Speaker
what are What are your thoughts on that? Yeah, I mean, I was doing it yesterday because all day, on Sunday and i was working on editing the adventure book so I can get it to Jody to edit it as fast as I can.
00:34:03
Speaker
And there's there's a lot of little fixes to do before I do that. And I was working all day on it, like hours and hours straight. And I finally, later at night, I'm like, I'm going to switch gears and do a, I'm still going to work on a Han cluster because I want to. Yeah. Right.
00:34:21
Speaker
um But I'm going to do something else. Not this, but I'm going to do a template for the bookcase, right? Oh, nice. You know, the yeah the cover of the book so that I have the the picture on the cover, the Hancluster logo, blah, blah, blah. And then I'm starting to work on the back where the ISBN but barcode will go and my logo will go and back of the book text and stuff like that.
00:34:45
Speaker
I had a lot to learn in doing that because I had a template from the printer and I had to set it up really precisely. You know, this is 16 millimeters wide and this is the margin is 16 millimeters. This is 11 millimeters. We have a three millimeter bleed, blah, blah, blah. yeah This is completely different than what I was doing before.
00:35:04
Speaker
yeah And in a way, it's a way to rest. Yes. Right? Like I'm still doing something productive. You're engaging a different part your brain. I'm engaging in something different. I can do it while I'm watching something on Netflix or something where I can't do that while I'm editing.
00:35:21
Speaker
It's a way to relax in a different way.
Balancing Productivity & Rest
00:35:23
Speaker
yeah And so you're still productive, but resting. So shifting gears, I think is super useful in that way. And having those gears to shift to is important.
00:35:34
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. What are what are some things that other things that you've used, you know, whether it's, um, that kind of a reset or.
00:35:46
Speaker
mean for like, as far as work goes or, or just other things that have helped me, i don't know, recenter. Yeah, i get either one, ah whether it's whether it's work related to the product or something outside of it altogether, you know, so that you can come back to it feeling refreshed.
00:36:08
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, sometimes I'll go play a board game. I mean, I love Lord of the Rings, so I'll stop and the Lord of the Rings card game. I love it. Yeah. And so I'll stop and I'll go and do that for a few days.
00:36:22
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And let myself be immersed in that for a while. That's also a form of research is to to see how these games are done. That particular game is very brilliant.
00:36:33
Speaker
And I've learned a lot from it just by playing it, you know. and But i i have a hard time not I have a hard time just sitting and not doing anything. Like, this is just not who I am. so it It has to be something. Yeah, usually. Usually I need something. Occasionally I can convince myself to sit on the couch with Booth and just watch a show, period.
00:36:55
Speaker
Yes. But boy, is that hard to be a Jen and I do that. That's our that's our late night you know downtime. This is the last thing we're doing to transition. yeah that's what I do on my iPad at night.
00:37:07
Speaker
Yeah. um I have been feeling guilty about playing a lot of Horizon Forbidden West lately. Oh, that's too bad because that's an awesome game. It's such a great game. But the cool thing about it is that we that is actually one of our sources of inspiration. Yeah.
00:37:26
Speaker
ah in terms of the style yeah of of story and and game and and play experience you know exploration and and whatnot it can recenter you by just playing and it does it helps me like i there's things i think oh that's really cool yeah oh you know oh oh that thing we wrote it's like this or you know don't even know ah Right. And um so that it does feel good and in that regard. But then i I still feel guilty because I'm like, that's three hours that I could have just been writing or editing or whatever. And I don't know what to do with that sometimes. i'm like, do i I try not to?
00:38:02
Speaker
I know it's so hard. Yeah. or It's part of the creative process. It is. It really is. It really is. And that's how i that's how I try to you know look at it in the end.
00:38:13
Speaker
um Yeah. By the way, i found out that Jen has Burning Sands 2, so now I've got to switch over to the PS5 so I can play that. Yeah, it's the expansion for those who don't know.
00:38:26
Speaker
So, yeah. Yeah. Fun times. Well, what else, Christian? Anything else? Well...
00:38:36
Speaker
one of the things I appreciate about Jen is that she will, she'll, she'll just tell me straight up, you need to work out. You need to go for a walk.
00:38:47
Speaker
And I'm like, I know you're not wrong. so Yeah. And, um, you know, and, and I beat myself up when she does that. Cause like, there was a time where like working out for me was like, first thing I did in the morning is I got out of bed, worked out and,
00:39:04
Speaker
I did that five days a week every week. Right. Um, and it's been a long time since I've done that and I'm, I've been having a hard time getting back into that. Yeah. Um, and, um, but I do appreciate having somebody in my life that kind of holds me accountable to it.
00:39:22
Speaker
Um, and then the trick is to not put it on them as their responsibility. You have to take ownership of it. Yeah.
Accountability in Relationships & Self-Care
00:39:30
Speaker
Yeah. You know, um You know, and then also, you know, spending time. Like there's times where, yeah, I will be caught up working on stupid foundry crap, you know, late at night. And Jen's like, do you want to watch something now?
00:39:45
Speaker
And I'm like, okay, yeah. Yeah. Let me stop and go spend time with my wife, you know? um So I think i think those are those are important things to be mindful of. And and how like I said, having somebody who...
00:40:00
Speaker
Welcome them holding you accountable. Don't be mad at them. Don't resent them. Don't regret that they're doing that. Be like, no, you're right. And I appreciate you calling it out. you know or I appreciate you you know asking for that time.
00:40:14
Speaker
you know um And then again, hold yourself. you know oh Own it. Yes, I am going to do that. you know Yeah. I don't know. I'm assuming you might have had situations like that with Boof oh yeah as well. Oh, yeah. It's constant, especially right now.
00:40:32
Speaker
Especially right now. Yeah. She's always wanting me to... and And she understands that this is a hard time for me to take downtime. Yeah. This particular moment.
00:40:43
Speaker
But um at the same time, I feel the pressure to make sure that I do spend that downtime. Yeah. Like, okay, she's going to get home here in two hours and...
00:40:55
Speaker
I'm, it's a weekday and I've been working hard all day on both Han cluster and my CAD work. I've got to stop. Yeah. Got to stop. I've got to spend time with boof now.
00:41:06
Speaker
Right. And my kitties. Right. You know, yeah, I've got to stop. so Our poor cats have been so neglected.
00:41:14
Speaker
That's what sanctuary is for.
Setting Personal Boundaries for Rest
00:41:16
Speaker
is Yeah. Cody comes up on the bed. That's part of the ritual. That's true. Our cats do that. Yeah. Yeah. Although our cat, Benny, he's very um playful and he needs that playtime.
00:41:29
Speaker
So um we we try to give him that at least once a day. um Do you find it generally easy to to set and hold yourself to those boundaries? Or do you still find find it a challenge regardless? I still find it a challenge.
00:41:44
Speaker
Especially when I'm all by myself. Yeah. um Oh, yeah. I just, I'll sit in the office all day, every day. Yeah. I'll do something. You know, I'm a doer. It's just what I am.
00:41:56
Speaker
And sometimes i'll I'll realize, you know, okay, you've been at this for too long. And then sometimes I don't know what to do with myself. Yeah. Because all I can think of is to do another project of some kind when all I really need to do is sit there.
00:42:13
Speaker
You know, it's weird too, for me at least, I noticed that just given the time that we're in there was a period of time where like on a weekend, like, hey guys, let's go to Target. Right? And we just all as a family go to Target, whatever. and buy a couple things, not go crazy or anything, but you know. Yeah.
00:42:30
Speaker
That's, I mean, that's nice. That's like, it's tempting because it's like, you know, Isle of Games is right down there. Right. i But I feel like I can't do that right now. I can't either. Like, it's
Shopping as Therapeutic Self-Care
00:42:40
Speaker
like, go out. I'm going to spend a hundred dollars is easy. I'm just walking out the door. I don't have the money to spend, you know, but I want to, I get, I get wistful about it I'm like, oh man, remember the time of the day back in the day when I could just go out and get something and not worry about it. Yeah. But sometimes it's okay to do it anyway.
00:43:01
Speaker
That's true. Yes. And i've i've I've taught myself that. Booth has taught me that. Sometimes it's okay to just throw the rules away and go get something. and Because shopping can be therapeutic in way.
00:43:14
Speaker
Yes. For everybody. Yeah. When you're really like, you just want to get something. if You feel like you you refresh something in your home or or whatever. and It's like, yeah oh, there's something. There's novelty. There's... There's change.
00:43:26
Speaker
you know Things don't feel stale. you know Yeah. get something new, shiny to mess with. yeah and and that's Sometimes I throw that the the rules away and get something anyway.
00:43:38
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. so i get The reason why I brought that up is because like that was just an easy thing for us to just go out and... you know, do something, but it's like, you know, i'm I'm more reluctant to nowadays because everything's so expensive, you know, it's gotten so expensive.
00:43:55
Speaker
And, um and that was just an easy way to get away from the desk, to get away from the office and and go do something. And, and that's part of what going to lunch for me is yeah every, every day.
00:44:06
Speaker
I could see that. Yeah. Yeah. on the weekends, it's like, I wake up and I'm like either in front of my computer or in front of the you know PlayStation, one of those two things. And it's like, what have I done all day? You know, i get out of the house once every day, every day.
00:44:20
Speaker
That's
Hancluster Crowdfunding Campaign
00:44:21
Speaker
good. That's good. Yeah. So that's part of taking care of yourself. That's right. Touch grass, get some fresh air. Yeah. All right. Well, there it is. Yeah.
00:44:32
Speaker
Yeah. There it is. Better or worse. I do have a crowdfunding. campaign that is still actually going on right now yes will end in two days. So if you are interested, now is the time.
00:44:48
Speaker
to go and check out Han cluster and ah please do because the more, you know, the more I can make the better, the better things will be for me, the less stressful I am. We are doing very, very well. So not, not to worry about that, but at the same time, I'm like, I'm excited to share this with as many people as possible. And I'm really excited to finally get the source book into the people, into the backers hands as soon as I get money from backer kit. So,
00:45:16
Speaker
It should be ready. i only have like two chapters left to do final editing on after I've gotten moots from Jodi. And the source book will be released as soon as I get money and final backer number. So I'm excited to share it with everybody.
00:45:32
Speaker
And if you want to take care of your mental health, buy this product, read it, enjoy it, play it, and you'll feel better about life and everything else. Well, I don't know about that, but it is meant to be both played and read.
00:45:47
Speaker
Yes. I mean, I wrote it that way. Yes. All right. Well, thank you for listening to the Designing Problems podcast. We want this to be more than a podcast. We want it to be a community.
00:45:58
Speaker
If you'd like to engage directly with us, share your creative triumphs, your roadblocks, or simply interact with a cool group of supportive people, we have our own Discord server. Please come by, join the discussion, and share some inspiration. Until next time, keep designing your problems because you're bound to solve a few along the way.