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Top 3 Pants-Sh**ting Stories image

Top 3 Pants-Sh**ting Stories

E38 · My Top Everything
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22 Plays1 month ago

Hey, I think we're going to have to pull off at the next exit. No, it's number twooOOOOo OMG PULL OVER NOW I'M GONNA - 💩

Sorry listeners that are on a road trip, the last thing we want is for you, like us, to lose your fading grip on your bowels and sully your pantaloons! This week, our courageous hosts bare it ALL with stories about sh**ting their pants. No subtext, no metaphors, if you proceed with listening to this episode, do so with the full understanding of what you're heading into.

Follow us @MyTopEverything on Insta for updates! Email us at mytopeverythingpodcast@gmail.com with topic suggestions, comments, or questions. We're on Bluesky now! Join the conversation at @mytopeverything.com on Bluesky and at /r/MyTopEverything on Reddit.

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Transcript

Introduction: My Top Everything Podcast

00:00:00
Speaker
Okay. Nice. Which one are we doing first? The first one listed is pants. Top three pants shitting. So probably that one.
00:00:13
Speaker
All right. fucking go.
00:00:22
Speaker
A little silent intro moment. We have to mix it up. The music. This is longer than normal? I don't know. think he stops it.
00:00:32
Speaker
I do stop it. You're waiting for us. Okay, I'm done with the music. All righty. Welcome to My Top Everything. I'm Marian. I'm Garrett.
00:00:44
Speaker
And I'm Mara. And we're three best friends who argue about anything and everything.

Kara's Guide to Avoiding Embarrassing Moments

00:00:50
Speaker
And we're here today not to argue, but to unveil personal, embarrassing intimate details about our lives uh for your entertainment so get ready for that today's topic is top three pants shitting stories unless we have any updates but i don't think anyone looked at the updates chart so that would be a negatory all right then we'll get started shit talk about poop um who wants to go first
00:01:26
Speaker
I'll go. um Okay, I would like to introduce this topic by saying that despite the fact that I have Crohn's, I actually have never pooped my pants because I would rather just whip the pants off and poop anywhere.
00:01:40
Speaker
I'd rather poop anywhere than in my pants. So you've never been in public yeah when this has happened to Then you've never been in like a store. or I've never pooped in my pants. I have pooped in embarrassing places because I choose not to poop my pants. Have you been in a store and just taken a dookie on aisle two? Yeah.
00:01:59
Speaker
Because that's where I pooped my pants. No. So. Nope. Haven't had that happen. We are not the same. but And you've never really lost control of your butthole is what I'm hearing. Yeah. I guess that's some tight butthole energy I have, apparently, despite the Crohn's. It's pretty impressive, really. Yeah. um So the first one was the year that I got diagnosed with Crohn's. I was 19. I was at Oregon State, and I was walking God knows where somewhere in the middle of town. And you would think, like, right, college campus, there's plenty of bathroom. Fucking no.
00:02:31
Speaker
I'm in the middle of, like, the frat alley area for some reason. It's daytime. Nothing weird was going on. I was just walking. Yeah. And ah I was suddenly overcome with the immense need to go to the bathroom right then and there. And I was like, OK, it's like early morning. It's fine. No one's around.
00:02:48
Speaker
I go behind this like frat boy dumpster and I whip my pants off. I poop back there and I'm like coming out. And then like two guys like walked down the alley. I was like, oh, my God. i Like, did they hear like what was going on? I just ran away basically. I have no idea what happened with it.
00:03:04
Speaker
They definitely found some random shit behind their dumpster at one point. But i was like, I'd rather do this than poop my pants. wow First off, I feel like the fraternity row is always, or like Greek housing, I feel like you always have to walk through it. Yeah.
00:03:20
Speaker
And it's just too much... It's in the way. Yeah. It's the barrier to the university. Can you keep it down? It was allergies, though. Also, do you know if it was on like a weekend? Do you remember that? think it was a weekday. Like a weekday morning. I must have been like, oh, I'm going to exercise. And i probably went for a run and then decided to just walk. That's probably what happened. Yeah, you and your four grapes.
00:03:45
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's also coming up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a good one but You'll see.
00:03:55
Speaker
but i feel like if it had happened on a weekend and then somebody came across it they would just be like oh god frat boys yeah they're uncontrollable literally disgusting men are this is definitely the work of a 20 year old dude just a drunk boy got a sober girl at 7 a.m m or whatever it was yeah what kind pile did it make on the ground I honestly don't remember because I heard the guys coming. Okay. And so I was like, got to pull pants. I've got to get out of here.
00:04:22
Speaker
So what I'm learning here is that Kara's not going to be in the top three for this at all. Because she's doing top times I pooped outside. Yeah. Which for me, completely different. Top three, I chose to poop outside because I didn't want to poop my pants. Almost situations. No. I would just rather.
00:04:37
Speaker
Pants shitting. I would just rather whip him off because then you have to deal with the aftermath and there's like squish and all sorts of other things. I imagine. Okay. So Kara's whole list is just like not, ah not even honorable mentions. No. She didn't even, she didn't even chart a little bit. She didn't do the thing where you, know where you're kind of in a risky position and you decide to laugh anyway a little bit or you, you think it's a fart and then you've never farted and put i will never I have apparently i have it under control because I have never had a shark. So none of these are going in the top three. Correct. Yeah. because But they're still embarrassing.
00:05:12
Speaker
Little side quest stories. Side quest. but Almost. Yeah. You go first. Yeah. I'll just do all my three.
00:05:22
Speaker
God. Unveil yourself. Yeah. Revealing butthole to us. Dude, I had to be careful with what stories I decided to share. Wow, how are there?
00:05:37
Speaker
I have enough. Okay. Yeah, I just week tommy yeah i have have plenty as well to the point where so many of them blend together that it's hard to say is this just a collective memory of mine or was this a specific instance? Yeah. Yeah. Because I yeah i've have pooped my pants quite a few times thanks to the ips.
00:05:59
Speaker
The IBS. IBS. Yeah. so What is it? IBSmals? Which I have actually never been diagnosed Because did you know the way they decide if you have IBS or not is they test you for all the other things. And it's just an elimination thing.
00:06:14
Speaker
So if you still have stomach problems after, they go, we don't know what it is. We're just going to call it IBS. I did not know that. Yeah. And so I remember i was in the middle of doing it all. And my doctor was like, you probably have IBS. But we had to go through all these other things. And i was like, I'm not going to.
00:06:28
Speaker
do six more months of testing. But they would have been doing treatment. There's no like no treatment for IBS other than a but avoiding things. Oh really? Yeah. It's not like. IBS is literally just saying hey your bowels are irritated and we don't know why.
00:06:43
Speaker
Your microflora is fucked. It's like. Does it have to do with the bacteria? Probably a little. It's like dark matter where in space where they're like oh and then the dark matter is what keeps everything in its place.
00:06:58
Speaker
What is that? What's the dark matter? It's the stuff they don't know about, literally. It's just the they don't know about. It's bullshit. i Dark matter and IBS, the scientific mysteries that we've named. That and what shape the earth If you haven't watched the Netflix documentary about flat earthers, go do it. It's amazing. Yeah. The edge is worth it.
00:07:18
Speaker
It's worth the journey. Okay. So what's your number three ah pants shitting story you were willing to put in in the public

Garrett's Memorable Ride from Grandma's

00:07:25
Speaker
ether? Yes. Thank you. We were in the car on the way home from grandma's. So it was my mom, my brother, myself. How old were you? Yeah, that's exactly what I was to Middle school.
00:07:35
Speaker
Okay. I think I was 13. Okay. Or 14. Okay. for
00:07:41
Speaker
yeah i've been i've been older last week it's fine i hey haven't pooped my pants in like months no matter what my god i forgot about a story that i um probably year almost exactly a year i think it's been a full calendar year which is huge for me huh this is great Even when you were having all of that GI distress like a couple months ago, like February and March. did not poop I did not poop my pants. Hell yeah.
00:08:14
Speaker
But honestly, if it's a little bit... It doesn't even register. Yeah. Oh, it counts. But it doesn't register. It's got to be like i lose control. Yeah. All that comes. I feel like I peed out of my butthole. It's like I can't stop it. type No. It can't be like, oh, I thought I was safe and i will whoops see, you know, oopsie poopsie. Yeah. I'm clenching and things are coming out Question. do You both have been vegetarian.
00:08:41
Speaker
ah Liquid. Did this happen more when you were eating meat than when you were vegetarian? that's in my notes. it's ah It's a consistent. Yeah, it's a sensitive little system. It doesn't matter what you put in it I didn't even know that there was something wrong with my bowel movements until COVID-19.
00:08:57
Speaker
When I was able to, um you know, observe my body every day, i started doing those 10-minute meditations. And I realized, oh, my God, i have diarrhea like 70% of the week.
00:09:11
Speaker
And then I was like, I don't think that's and then I started asking people. it turns out that it wasn't normal. And I was like, oh, I'm like I'm having lot of loose stool and diarrhea like all the time. This is the benefit of Crohn's is every time you see a doctor, they're like, how many stools are you having? Are they loose? Are they solid? You got to keep track of those. What color are they?
00:09:30
Speaker
My smell. My body is a lot happier when I eat vegetarian and vegan. OK, OK, OK. For points for veggies. Yeah. guess I guess I'll have to pay attention to see. when it happens it happens a lot when i'm stressed and anxious so it doesn't have a lot to do i mean it does have to do with a certain lactose enzyme yes and the and i like to ignore that so but other than that it's almost always like depends on how stressed i am yeah what the because when i was depressed i didn't well i said it in the podcast i didn't have a solid bowel movement for like
00:10:05
Speaker
four or five weeks so yeah that was i texted you guys the day i had the solid poop was so excited it's like whoa guys had a good big day it's classic i ate food at grandma's that oh right right so it like grandma grandma's house i'm usually eating more things that i don't I don't normally eat And so my stomach's usually upset when I leave her house.
00:10:37
Speaker
And I just couldn't make it to the rest stop. And so in my pants it went. But my mom was pretty happy about that one because she hated the pants I was wearing. So she was really excited that we got to throw them away. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah. Good way to get rid of it.
00:10:53
Speaker
That's it. That's a good one. Was Devin sitting next to you in the backseat? He had to have been. Yeah, I love it. Did you just fart? No. Oh. Oh, I also thought that I was like, I'm going to let it slide. would own it. I like that you were able to recreate it right away. That's the only reason you sold that note.
00:11:15
Speaker
You just farted and you didn't want to admit it. But you're right. You would own it. Anyway, I'm just staving off the inevitable. So I tried to really think of specific instances. This third one Don't think I fully shit my pants during it, but I think it's one of the funnier stories because I have plenty where I was like on there's I get hit a lot when I'm on the highway. And of course, there's like not a rest area or a stop for a while.
00:11:45
Speaker
I go to the first one I can find and then it's like. The closer I get to the bathroom, the more exponential the urge my body has to unleash before i make it with my pants off.
00:11:59
Speaker
Like a lot the times I poop my pants, I'm really close to ah ah secret outdoor spot, a bathroom. It's like I'm barely, I'm almost there and my body just like cannot, it gets so excited. It's like, oh, we're safe. And then, but we're not safe.
00:12:16
Speaker
And one time I was on the highway and I like... got I managed to park. And sometimes I have to park. And I have to try and get up the... you know like Because the muscles are contracting. I'm fighting with my life. yes yeah Trying to keep this together.
00:12:31
Speaker
And I have to kind of like rally troops... It's like we're doing one final pushman. We got to get into the gas station. We got to weave around the aisles. Oh, God.
00:12:41
Speaker
Got to open the door. Got to hope there isn't a line. Oh, my God. Hope there's not a fucking and like, yeah. Old woman who walks. The worst is single stall that's locked. And I'm like, I guess I'll just stand here and shit my pants casually while I wait for this person to do whatever they're doing in there. Yeah.
00:12:59
Speaker
And yeah, this one time i like was waddling. was literally, if you imagine those old timey like ah Westerns where the sheriffs are like literally going side to side with their spurs as they walk. You know talking sure people are able to picture that.
00:13:16
Speaker
I'm not gonna see me doing this doing the thing they walk that I was like like walking through the aisles Yeah, yeah, I always when I do it my legs have to be straight and so I'm kind of like Yeah, it's the point where like I can't even bend my legs because yeah, and everything's coming loose And so I'm like walking straight like I'm like limping I'm like just trying to get there and the guy was like you gotta pay Like, for customers only. And I was like, I'll get a pack of gum.
00:13:45
Speaker
Like, I'll be right back. But at that point, it was too late. I was already... Oh, no. But anyway, that's not the story I wanted tell for my... What? That one's not funny. No, the one that... ah Where i I can't remember if I actually pooped my pants or not.
00:13:57
Speaker
Was I... um was at the I was out of college that I attended that anyone could find on my LinkedIn if they looked and ah basically the guy and I we had like kind of been talking I thought maybe we're gonna hook up whatever um i get a movie I go back to his place it was back during DVDs we put the DVD in yeah We end up talking and then like kind of watching it. And then i something happened. We just decided like not to hook up. And it was just kind of and then I felt like it was good. We weren't hooking up because I had to go to the bathroom and I spent like 10 minutes in there. And I was like, I think i'm going to go home. and he was like, cool. Yeah.
00:14:46
Speaker
Yeah. My stomach's not doing well. It's 2 a.m. in the

Campus Crisis: Garrett's Unexpected Emergency

00:14:50
Speaker
morning. had to walk back. He's on the other side of campus. I mean, it's small campus. I still have to walk. And really the fastest way is to go on, um like, the edge of campus on a main street. So, like, technically you're on private campus property, but also not really, like, the sidewalk. And so, like, there are random people. Yeah.
00:15:13
Speaker
And I need to go to the bathroom again as I'm walking. And I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I can barely walk. I'm doing my weird Western sheriff walk. And i um i see a man coming down the street with his headphones on.
00:15:32
Speaker
I'm like, oh, my God. I'm going to get robbed. And, like, I'm going poop my pants while I get robbed. What good defense, though. um And at one point I had to, like hunched down on the I had to leave the sidewalk and go to the grass and like like a hunch like one hand braced on my hip one hand braced on the ground but still standing so yeah the but the person is still walking towards me and I'm like oh my god like I'm trying so hard to keep it together my stomach's in so much pain like I shit my pants heifers have nothing on us right get mugged and I
00:16:07
Speaker
This guy and I'm like so scared of this guy and like he must be like am I in the exorcist like what's this person? This person saw me and immediately like got into the weirdest twisty position.
00:16:18
Speaker
It's like staring at me. Is it drugs or alcohol? yeah And ah he pulled back his beats by Dr. Dre and he said you okay? Do you need help?
00:16:31
Speaker
And I said, no, leave. I'm good. But he was so nice. And I was like, oh, my God. And I was, why was I scared of him? Like, he was fine. And then he just kept on his way, 2 in the morning. like And I basically limped back home. I'm like,
00:16:49
Speaker
crawling like golem a little bit like i think i made it i don't know but i just remember like the whole thing being the funniest part to me was how scared i was of this guy and then i think he was freaked out by me i would have crossed the street if i had seen you yeah um this is not a pants shitting story i know i know it's uh well i mean it is a pants shitting story in the sense of like yours where exactly so it's not we decided well that well that's why i explained i have so many of them but they're like the gas station one's not as good as i didn't get to hook up with a guy and then i had explosive diarrhea for the rest of the fucking night like wow i almost got mugged while shitting my pants all of mine are when i actively shit my pants well the next
00:17:36
Speaker
For the record, the next two of mine are some grade A beautiful pants shitting. All right. We started with the number three. That's why it's three. For the record, going back to the highway thing, I would rather pull over on the side of the highway, flip like put my body, you know like open the two doors so that you're in between the two doors. I'd rather shit on the side of the highway than deal with pants shitting. That's the level of avoidance that I'm talking about. then what about like don't wiping your ass? Don't care.
00:18:03
Speaker
You just use your underwear. yeah sacrifice and then goodbye bye yeah leaves I've used leaves I think I don't yeah I'm just saying this is why I don't have pants stringing stories because I'd literally rather do anything else there's always a car napkin yeah there is always a car I think I'm just like kind of delusional that I can make it make it yeah yeah yeah yeah okay what's your next fall story my number two stringing story did you have a question oh
00:18:34
Speaker
Yeah. What is it about like, as you're approaching the bathroom, your body just suddenly starts like it gets worse, you know, like you, like you met, you see salvation and it just becomes unmanageable. I literally had this happen to me yesterday at the golf rounding hole five. Almost. It was like a, there's like a Biffy up there.
00:18:58
Speaker
the The fuck is a Biffy plastic ah outhouse thing. Um, Okay. What do we you call them? Kaibo. Porta potty. Porta potty. Kaibo is an Iowan thing apparently. I've never heard Porta potty is universal and then Biffy is a company from Minnesota. I have not heard of Kaibo or a Biffy until this moment. How do you even spell Kaibo? You know Kaibo.
00:19:18
Speaker
It sounds familiar. It's like K-A-I-B-O maybe. I just tried that. I always called it that when I was a kid and then when I left I had to learn how to say porta potty. Yeah.
00:19:31
Speaker
But yeah, it's like every step, it just got worse. Kaibo is an Australian slang. It's from Australia. Yeah. It's K-Y-B-O and it's Australian slang for temporary lavatory, especially in the context of camping. Look up Iowa after that, though.
00:19:48
Speaker
Kaibo can... Also, sometimes we use in North America, particularly in scouting. So maybe it was a thing you got from Hannah Shaw. No, no. My mom says it. Bleep. No, it is. No, we've talked about Hannah Shaw. There was a whole thing where we had them donate to. We had a link for donating to Camp Hannah Shaw.
00:20:07
Speaker
I happen to know it is Iowan. um One of my friends' is mom's name is Kyle. She's from Iowa. And growing up, everyone would call her Kaibo, which is not a kind nickname.
00:20:22
Speaker
WHO radio has a whole story on do only Iowans call a porta potty a kaibo? It's breaking news. Yeah. Okay, so my number two story of not shitting my pants, nearly shitting my pants.
00:20:36
Speaker
um so Savina actually reminded of me of it this morning because she asked what the topics were and I told her and she was like, oh, are you going to tell the one

Marathon Mishaps: Garrett and Sabina's Story

00:20:44
Speaker
about us? And i was like, what? Yeah. but She reminded me. So when Sabina and I were training for the marathon and I thought that I could eat four grapes to sustain, i think we went on a 19 mile run that time. Yeah, it was insane.
00:20:57
Speaker
um It was while we were on a reunion ah for our group at one point and I had brought four grapes. Everyone made fun of me. but bla We left in the morning before anybody else had woken up. It was like 5 a.m.
00:21:07
Speaker
I downed a cup of coffee before we left. That would help. Terrible decision. i don't know why i did that. Oh no. um We get maybe like halfway out. It's like a big route and we get like halfway and both of us are just all of a sudden cramping, need to poop right now.
00:21:25
Speaker
We're in the middle of fucking nowhere farm field area and so we find ah driveway with a bunch of trees. A driveway? Where else are supposed to go?
00:21:35
Speaker
Go knock on that door. Oh no, no, no. It's like six in the morning. We're covered in like sweaty. I'm sure it was more like 7, 7.30. It might have been at that point. Yeah. But it was still early. And also like, what if we didn't make And so it was like, okay, we're just to use. So you decided to just shit in this person's driveway? On the edge.
00:21:55
Speaker
Right. So our feet on the- I rather poop my pants. Yeah. yeah It sounds like you're okay with making your mess to other people's problems. No, no. This is the woods. You know, it's like our feet are on the edge of the driveway and there's trees behind us. That's the woods though. somebody's property that's like a tree line that's a standard wind barrier let me do it behind a dumpster at a frat place let me do it on this person's private property is what I would rather do this every time but we didn't have any toilet paper or anything so we had to use leaves to and then we had to run another like eight miles
00:22:28
Speaker
I had to. No. We had to get back. Had to. At that point, had to get back. You could have called. Somebody would have come and picked you up. Yeah. were you know It was probably 9 a.m. by then. We would have been up. yeah It's probably 1 in the afternoon. yeah Yeah. Oh, my God. That's just under things that you don't have to persevere under.
00:22:47
Speaker
Like, you just... I just had shit in somebody's driveway. It's time for me home. So poop her pants? We both... No, no. Both of us barely made it. But we had to... And also, you were hearing the other person poop while you're pooping.
00:22:59
Speaker
You know, because
00:23:03
Speaker
you're like, come on! Oh, my God. Very uncomfortable situation. Did not enjoy. Do not recommend. Hilarious. Yeah. Disgusting.
00:23:14
Speaker
um My next one is just... ah
00:23:19
Speaker
When I got back from Japan, I had the flu. And so i was sleeping. And you were 12 or 13 again? I was 12. had the flu. I'm about to give both of you negative points for these being um children's stories.
00:23:34
Speaker
Okay. These are all adult for me. You didn't shit your pants. I didn't shit your pants. I caveated. Anyway, I woke up after a sickly nap to having shit my own pants on my bed. Just like a wet mud sloshy Like hug my butt cheeks. My God. Yeah, it was nasty. That's like what babies feel like probably time. you have a bed cover or it was it just back in the day when it was sheet and then mattress? I don't fucking know. I do know we're staunchly two comforter house, like two fitted fitted sheets. Oh.
00:24:18
Speaker
So like the white one, there's two of those. And then sometimes there were two additional fitted sheets. What? And then a sheet and then a comforter. what? Hold up, hold up. Were you just sweating all the time?
00:24:31
Speaker
know I'm on top of the first four. That seems hot. I cannot find a fitted sheet. We have one on our bed. I can't find a second one right now. You have four fitted sheets? Why you got four sheets on your bed? Do you still do this?
00:24:47
Speaker
No. No?
00:24:51
Speaker
I haven't seen that in your room. You're out here opening how many sheets I have on my mattress when you come over. I'm about to. Yeah, that's going to be my next activity. The first two are inside the mattress cover.
00:25:03
Speaker
Oh, OK. So you have mattress, sheet, sheet, mattress cover, sheet, sheet. I don't. This is when I was 12. Okay. So you don't do it anymore. I don't sleep with a sheet.
00:25:15
Speaker
The rest of it, the same. Two fitted sheets? Yeah, two fitted sheets. Okay, listen. Bare mattress. Yeah. Two of those white comforter things. hu What do we mean by comforter things? like What's another word for Like the mattress protector?
00:25:32
Speaker
Kind of, but it's not waterproof. Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about. So is that like raspy, kind of felty material? It's like a a real mattress topper? Yeah, we can call it that. Okay. And then, so two of those.
00:25:45
Speaker
Protective cover. And then two fitted sheets. And then a comforter. Okay. And no top sheet. No. I gave her it up. Two fitted sheets on top of the two.
00:25:58
Speaker
yeah mattress protectors. Yeah.
00:26:02
Speaker
and Anyway, this yeah, and then I information also have like a little feather down comforter topper. Hmm. Damn. On my bed. yeah, you do.
00:26:13
Speaker
Huh. This is this is fascinating. It is fascinating. I didn't know that would be fast. I will. I have a match. You're one of the only people we know who does that. Yeah, I know. I could name at least four. who Oh,
00:26:29
Speaker
I don't think it's a bad idea, but okay. Here's the question though. If it's not waterproof and you wake up in your diarrhea, you now have to wash four. I only have to wash two. Okay. So one of them is, no, no, when you were a kid, if one of them wasn't waterproof, I didn't do laundry. Okay.
00:26:45
Speaker
Your poor mother. This is why being a parent sounds horrible. I was sick. No, no, no. I'm just saying. So you see the caveat to the story. She was sick.
00:26:55
Speaker
She wasn't in control of her butthole. It counts. It counts. And all of these, I'm some sort of sick. Oh. Like that's when I have GI distress. I'm about to absolutely run this because I am not sick any of them. I like that this become a positive for you shitting your pants. This is the one positive thing.
00:27:15
Speaker
I'm queen of shitting my pants unprompted. sickness needed. No weakness whatsoever. just Just a bad control over my butthole.
00:27:27
Speaker
Okay. So what's your number two? Yeah. What happened when you woke Did you tell your mom? I don't fucking know. I'm sure she did. I'm sure she went, Mom! So long ago. I remember just, I do remember waking up and just laying there and being like, did this really just happen?
00:27:42
Speaker
I don't want to deal with this. Yeah. Yeah. I was so achy. Yeah. Picture this.

Thanksgiving Walk Gone Wrong

00:27:50
Speaker
San Pedro, 2020, fall, Thanksgiving, COVID, COVID.
00:27:57
Speaker
As you may recall, like basically all public places were closed. If you tried to stop by gas gas stations, you couldn't use their bathroom. was like a whole thing between San Francisco and LA.
00:28:08
Speaker
Like there weren't places to stop for bathrooms because nobody was letting you in because of COVID. And ah as was in Pedro with Matt, he and i were quarantining together I was like,
00:28:23
Speaker
We had a bunch of food. i had red velvet cake. That's a weakness of mine. And ah we decided to go for a lovely walk around San Pedro and the parks.
00:28:36
Speaker
We get like 40 minutes away from the house. ah And we're up this hill and the urge, because for me, why I poop my pants is because the urge comes on extremely suddenly, like so quick, I can't do anything about it. And it's I've got like T minus five minutes to figure something out before we're gonna have an issue.
00:29:05
Speaker
Usually, um especially if I'm caught off guard. So I'm caught off guard. I'm like, oh my God, i need to shit. He and I have only been dating for like seven months at this point. he hasn't really seen any bad poop things so far.
00:29:21
Speaker
ah He's heard a couple, but he's never witnessed them. And he goes, well, can we walk back? And I said, absolutely not. I need to find a bathroom like now, like our job. This is not a fun, peaceful, cute after Thanksgiving meal walk. This is now.
00:29:37
Speaker
a hostage situation and we like are gonna have to talk my intestines down before it blows like my poop brains out everywhere ah and so we're trying to find a bathroom go to one it's locked it's not happening we're and also thanksgiving so like they're stores they're not open no And so we have to go down the hill because we were at the Korean Bell, which is on the top of this hill in San Pedro overlooking the port of Los Angeles, the bay. You can see Catalina Island.
00:30:11
Speaker
And so I'm like now trying to do my sheriff waddle down the hill, which is definitely one of the worst times I've ever had to do a sheriff waddle without shitting because it was basically impossible.
00:30:23
Speaker
I make it down there. Amazing. 10 out of 10. Can't believe like the human feat that I'm accomplishing at this point in time, keeping it all in. And we finally see somebody coming out of a park bathroom, like yeah across the way.
00:30:40
Speaker
So I'm... doing what I call the sprint, you know i'm saying, where you shift your weight. yeah I'm going, I'm trying to get there, but everything's very stiff. Like you were saying, you're very stiff because you're clenching everything.
00:30:55
Speaker
um And I get into the bathroom and it's like six stalls. um And I just start shitting myself before I can even open Oh,
00:31:08
Speaker
You got in the bathroom door. I was also wearing a dress. So I'm wearing this dress. And then, ah or no, shorts. I'm wearing shorts. Yes. And so I ah have to get rid of my underwear, obviously. and But also the stall I pick doesn't have toilet paper. Jesus.
00:31:27
Speaker
So now have to wait. and i have to wait Until nobody's there. So that way I can waddle out like Winnie the Pooh. Like, you know, shirt on, but completely naked from the bottom down, covered in shit.
00:31:42
Speaker
Like having to go find one of the stalls that has toilet paper. Try to wipe myself off. I tried to use the one clean part of my underwear to wipe myself off. Like there's a stain on my pants. Oh, and it's all...
00:31:57
Speaker
is the poop is ah like red colored because of the red velvet cake. So it kind of looks like period eight.
00:32:09
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm like taking a picture like what's wrong with me? Like gonna show it to Matt like am I bleeding? Like I think at first I thought i'm just like bled so much and then he's like you just had red velvet cake. Like it's just the red velvet cake.
00:32:22
Speaker
Anyway, I get out there and I'm like I didn't make it like fallen in soldier. And Matt went, Marion, this is not normal. Normal people but do not do this.
00:32:34
Speaker
You have to go to the the doctor. Like, this is not a normal thing to do that you are. At this point in time, i was 28 years old and shitting my pants. Because he I think he was like, how often does this happen to you? And I'm like, oh, I mean, if I get a whole year without poofing my pants or vomiting, that's that would be a record. Like, yeah that's new. Take the vomiting out of it, though. Even that, yeah.
00:32:57
Speaker
um Anyway, that was my top two. My top two pants shitting story. i was not sick. was not sick. I was not sick.
00:33:08
Speaker
Oh my God. Should we go to our sponsors? Yeah.
00:33:16
Speaker
Our ah number three sponsor this week are those sugar-free gummy bears on Amazon, if you are listening to this podcast and you're thinking, God, I i am missing out on the experience of having hot lava flow from butt into my underwear.
00:33:39
Speaker
Why is that getting you talking about? I think the temperature is what got me. it is. It's warm. Yeah. You wouldn't know because you make it somebody else's problem when you poop.
00:33:50
Speaker
It still comes out of me, dude. I still experience the same thing. Anyway, eat those gummy bears if you want to experience what we're feeling. It's better than a juice cleanse. Yeah.
00:34:01
Speaker
I believe that. Number two is ah large amounts of fiber. i hear when people really up their fiber intake can cause them problems. Yep. Want to know. but do know.
00:34:14
Speaker
And then our number one sponsor has to be Adult diapers? ah I was going to say cheese. Yeah, dairy. Oh, yeah okay. I thought about that too, though. yeah yeah Yeah. It's the cause. day yeah She went with a theme. I do have an adult diaper story, but ah very oh a dream but it I didn't poop my pants, so it can't be on this episode.
00:34:34
Speaker
Thanks for the diaper.
00:34:42
Speaker
All right. um My number one pants-chitting story. Also, I have an honorable mention that I forgot about until we started talking. um But I'm going to keep my list the same as I had originally planned it. so Is this the honorable mention or the number one? This is the number one. Okay.

Oregon Trail: Garrett's Wilderness Solution

00:34:58
Speaker
um They're both hike. I guess I can kind of tell them at the same time. So they're both hike stories. um The one that I put as my number one was Bryson just looked at me because he knows one of them.
00:35:11
Speaker
um He said no. He doesn't seem to know. um So one of them was in Oregon. I was there for a wedding last year, almost a year ago today. I'm on my own. I got a latte frozen frappuccino thing thing because it's like 95 degrees and it's wildfire. It's hot as fuck. So Oregon has a ton of those little drive-through coffees things. They're like the size of a shed and then they just poke a hole in them and then they have coffee everywhere.
00:35:37
Speaker
So I asked for oat milk. I did the thing where I forgot to ask if it was oat milk. Like when they handed it to me, I always do that. But this time just was like, oh, maybe I trust them or I forgot or something. So I didn't confirm that it was oat milk.
00:35:50
Speaker
I get to the hike. It's I've had like, you know, 95 percent of it. I leave the rest. I'm like, I'm this you know, I don't need to finish it. It's fine. I pass a bathroom on the way in. It's a mile there to the end of the hike. I'm just going to a waterfall. I was planning on swimming because there's this like big beautiful pool at the bottom.
00:36:07
Speaker
It's all cliff to get there. So like you walk in, there's bathrooms with some little boulders around them. There's like a few shrubs. And then all of it is just you're in a like cavern, street-walled.
00:36:20
Speaker
hike on the on the verge of falling down a big gorge basically okay so there's nowhere to escape should you need to like pass somebody or whatever like it's a very tight little hike you get to the end i was like okay like i think i'm gonna swim like this is really nice it's beautiful on my vacation blah blah i start like kind of crouching to to get the stuff out of my bag to swim and i was like oh I will not be swimming. Holy fucking shit, I have to now. And I immediately get all my shit on. I i start like running towards the back. I'm like, it's a mile. I can fucking make it a mile. It's fine.
00:36:54
Speaker
um I get four steps, and i'm like, oh my god, it's happening right now. like What the fuck is going on? And so i start, and when I mean waddling, I mean the waddlest of waddle. like My legs are completely straight, because if I keep them straight, then the pressure from moving my leg forward keeps the butthole closed. And so I'm like literally... I think you're doing the sheriff walk.
00:37:15
Speaker
Probably. The way you're moving me think you're doing the sheriff walk. um We're going to have to do a video of us doing our different walks.
00:37:28
Speaker
have never sweat before having to poop before it. This was the worst I've ever experienced. I was crying. My face was so red. I checked my face like and I'm like just beet fucking red. I'm sweating balls.
00:37:42
Speaker
I passed multiple families. They all ask me, are you okay? And I kept saying, yes, I'm fine. I just need to go to the bathroom. And one woman grabbed her child and like moved her around me. ah It was so bad. And so finally, I'm just like, I'm going to have to shit off the side of the gorge.
00:37:59
Speaker
like yeah I don't know what else to do. That was your first option probably. Yeah. So I finally, i'm like, I can see the Kaibos. They're like, they're like maybe a quarter mile at this point. um And I'm like,
00:38:10
Speaker
you know, it's like weavy, whatever, there's lots of steps so that I have to do the thing where I'm like walking downhill, it feels like a fucking mountain to get down, it's like four steps. um I finally see a bush. God forbid you encounter stairs, you have to go down when you need to poop. and that was That was what was happening. yeah Because the hike was at the top, I had to walk all the way downhill to get back.
00:38:29
Speaker
I see that, and so now I'm at the point where there's like a stream and maybe like 10 feet and then the trail and then on the other side there's like a series of bushes. They're not big and they're not full.
00:38:41
Speaker
It's just just enough where like if you walked past, you maybe wouldn't see somebody. And I dive in. I take my shorts off um my now. I'm wearing shorts that have these little tiny pockets that you can put your phone in They're like spandex material. OK, so when I pull my pants down, i didn't know. But my phone had fallen out oh and got lost in the mess of like little plants and everything. I couldn't see it.
00:39:05
Speaker
I have so much poop coming out of me at this point. and i am And I tried to time it where no one else was coming. But it's a very popular hike because it's one mile. Yeah. And there's so many people. And so I hear somebody coming. And I'm like, all right, got to pinch it off. We got to be done with this. And so I like grab some random leaves, have no idea what they are, they're poisonous, whatever.
00:39:22
Speaker
But it's like everywhere. And so I'm like kind of wiping, whatever. I think I'm learning that I would rather poop my pants than the things that you're doing. I'm not saying that I have the right plan. I'm learning I think I would rather contain it all in there than have to do this. It gets worse.
00:39:38
Speaker
um Now, I'm bearing it all for the podcast now. um At one point, I go with my leaf to to do my final wipe, and the pile is so large that my hand swipes the top of the pile.
00:39:51
Speaker
and So now my hand covered in poop. Yeah. And and i have to I have one hand free and I pull up my my little spandex, which I'm covered in sweat because I just sweat my whole body. And so I'm struggling so hard to get these pants back on.
00:40:06
Speaker
And I'm like, I got to get onto the trail before these people see me come out. Of course, they fucking see me. And they're like, the fuck? fuck and so i go down to the stream I'm like rinsing off my hand I'm like this isn't sanitary I don't have the hand sanitizer I don't have soap I'm just rinsing my hand and I'm like I'm a disgusting person I'm just so gross and then ah I noticed I was going to text you too because i was like well who's gonna appreciate this if not married tomorrow um and I don't have my phone and I'm like fuck me did I fall on the shit did I shit phone that was my first thought I go, I dive back into the, and I don't know where I pooped. And so I'm being very careful where I stuff.
00:40:45
Speaker
And it was right next to it. Like it didn't quite touch it. Hell yeah. Is that the same phone? Yeah, the same phone. Same case, everything. Poop phone. I've dropped a phone in a toilet before. Me too. Dirty toilet?
00:40:57
Speaker
Yeah, peed. Poop? Peed. Okay, me too, but not poop. Yeah. Not poop toilet. Not poop toilet either. I didn't say that you Just the way that you clarified made it seem like you were different. No, I was just saying that that would be worse. Yes, very much.
00:41:15
Speaker
um So then I pop out, because at this point I'm like, oh well, I'm not shitting. No one's going to think it's weird that I come in and out of this bush. So many people are passing as I'm looking for my phone, and I hear them talking about me like, why do you think she's in the bush? Do you think she's okay? Like, is there anything?
00:41:29
Speaker
And I like, no, I'm not OK. My finger was covered in poop. My phone was almost covered in poop. And I had to pinch my poop. So, yeah. So that was my story. But it was like so bad. OK.
00:41:41
Speaker
And then the other my honorable mention is also on a hike. It was with Grayson. We went to eastern. Now he knows. We went to eastern Washington, which is like it's it's still mountainous, but there is no big vegetation. It's basically just this tiny little like six inch shrug scrub everywhere. OK. So there's no cover.
00:41:59
Speaker
It's also, there's no fucking boulders while we're on this hike. It's it's just mountainside and like that's it. You can see forever. um We're on, and I've realized that I think it's related to my period is what I think it is. And so I'm having like period poops, I'm thinking.
00:42:14
Speaker
and now It's been years since this has been happening and so now I'm finally tracking the I think realizing that this is probably all these stories. um and we and I get these like intense cramps and I'm like, I literally don't know if I can walk because these are so intense. And I'm thinking they're just cramps.
00:42:29
Speaker
I didn't understand that they were poop cramps. Yeah. so we get to the point where did you bring toilet paper? I think you did. Yes. So Grayson had brought a roll of toilet paper just that was in the car randomly. Thank fucking God.
00:42:41
Speaker
There's a boulder maybe like four foot high, but the trail goes right next to the boulder and then it loops. And then the top the next part of the trail, if you were to loop, is at the top of this hill that is looking towards this boulder. So no matter what side of the boulder I choose move on, there's a person that could see me at any given point.
00:43:01
Speaker
ah So I get this rock. I dig a hole deep enough that I think the poop is going to fill the hole maybe a little bit less and then I'll cover it up and put the rock on and no one will ever know it'll be my sweet secret. No, the the rock the hole is like maybe half the size that I need.
00:43:15
Speaker
So yeah, it was so much and I was using this. glorious toilet paper. cover it up with a rock. I walk back towards Grayson. I had told him, like, you need to stand far enough away that you can't, you don't know me, like, but yeah close enough that if I need you, that you're, like, around.
00:43:31
Speaker
So he's, like, looking away, trying to pretend this isn't happening. um I get back to him. I say, nope. And I have to go do the same exact thing. dig a hole. I poop again. And I'm like, ah this is the most painful. And I'm like,
00:43:44
Speaker
You know, and you're like, you don't still feel clean after every time. And you're like at the farthest end of the hike every time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. happens a lot. i Always bring toilet paper hiking.
00:43:57
Speaker
Yes. I forgot ah another sponsor, but I just want a shout out to my drama teacher, the theater teacher from high school, Mrs. V. She always said, if you're always or if you're in a situation where the conversation isn't flowing, just bring up poop or vomit. Everybody's got a poop story. Everybody's got a vomit story. Brings us together.
00:44:23
Speaker
She's wise for that one. Yeah. Is she still alive? open Yeah. Okay, nice. Cool. She's not that old. It doesn't matter.
00:44:35
Speaker
ah What's your number one? Thank you. Well, this one, i was an adult. All right. Congratulations. It might make the list. Yeah. Were you sick? Here's my... Were you sick?
00:44:48
Speaker
She was, listen. You may say you're not sick, but between anxiety and GI distress because of lactase, that's sick. Yes, it is. Mental illness and lactose intolerance. Those are illnesses.
00:45:02
Speaker
We're all sick when we shit our pants.
00:45:06
Speaker
Yeah, according to Matt, normal people don't do that, I guess. I guess normal people don't have diarrhea like seven times a week either. I do commiserate with being outside on a hike and not i not having a place to shit. Yeah, of course.
00:45:20
Speaker
It wouldn't go in my top three pants shitting stories, but yeah, it happens. Yeah, I ran down a hole. was so close. But you didn't. Yeah. Right. I'm about to tell you a story, though. Blow your mind. The thing is, it's like, if you did, okay, say that I had decided to poop in my pants last time.
00:45:37
Speaker
Then I have spandex on, and it's just going to, like, coat the inside, and I'm just going to have poop everywhere. UTI for sure. Everywhere. It happens. and I would rather have my finger in poop than that.
00:45:51
Speaker
Yeah. Every time. Yep. Okay. I'm starting a new medication. And I was in what felt like eternal GI distress.
00:46:04
Speaker
It's within the last three years. Okay. And... and
00:46:13
Speaker
trusted a fart that I fucking shouldn't have. And I was sitting a place that pays for my life. Work?
00:46:25
Speaker
Some may call it that. And then I did the waddle. I was like, no more, come out, please.
00:46:37
Speaker
Um, yeah, anyway, got my pants a little wet. So not only did i throw away my underwear, i drove home in the middle of the day Right.
00:46:48
Speaker
they showered no oh yeah yeah i'm not just gonna put yeah yeah shower the shit off and then go back to work and i was like to my boss hey i gotta run home real quick i'll be back and he was like cool well i didn't even tell him i told my oh direct manager that you shit your pants?
00:47:11
Speaker
No. I have to run home. is I'll be back. I have the run. This is making me think I need a backup pair of pants and shirt at my office. I've wanted to disclose to the people I work for like, hey, FYI, I got IBS and like...
00:47:28
Speaker
that could like i want to tell people like sometimes i'm late because in the morning there's a couple waves there's multiple waves can't always leave the longer i and now i've been at my current job for almost a year everyone knows yeah it takes a while but eventually i just it's true it is what it is almost late today because a bad poo came upon me yeah it happens damn I have tie for myself for number one. I could not decide between the two. One i think is just impressive.
00:47:58
Speaker
And the second one is my OG pants shitting story that you've heard. And so the impressive one is it did happen in my 30s. It's probably the most recent true pants shitting that I've had.
00:48:11
Speaker
My parents came to visit L.A. And we, ah it was a nerve wracking time for me. They were meeting Matt's parents for the first time. We had lunch together.
00:48:22
Speaker
it went great. was so funny. I like, ah before we got to the restaurant, I told, i was prepping my parents. I said, oh, you know, Matt's parents really like Star Trek too. Like here's some topics of conversation. like presented topics of conversation.
00:48:36
Speaker
My mom put up her hand. She said, Marian, we're adults. We can figure out the conversation. She was right, but it was it was a good, successful lunch, but I was stressed, mad stressed.
00:48:49
Speaker
And i went back, drove my parents back to their hotel, and we went into their hotel room. There's only one bathroom. At this point, I'm fine. I'm chilling. My mom says, oh, I just need to go to the bathroom.
00:49:03
Speaker
She shuts the door to the bathroom. My body's like, oh, whoa, why someone else going in the bathroom? We need that now. And I mean, right now.
00:49:14
Speaker
And I'm like, well, you know, I've got T minus five minutes, like prepare the trip. here we go like time to get down to business yeah clenching no my mom was in that bathroom for maybe two minutes she literally peed washed her hands and came out i had shit my pants by the
00:49:35
Speaker
that time i was wearing a dress so i had to just i had to my underwear was ruined so i had to shove that because i was not about to admit no okay i was not about to admit that did you take the trash out when you left oh good question You just left shit underwear in the bathroom trash of a hotel room? Buried? I mean, they clean it every day.
00:49:54
Speaker
yeah but the smell. Yeah. I don't think it's... I don't know. I mean, you go most places outside of America and you have to throw toilet paper in a trash can. and Yeah. But her parents would have found out is my point. No, I buried Okay.
00:50:06
Speaker
I buried it. I got one of those. Next time we see them, i.e. in two weeks, we'll ask them if they know. got another, because you know how there are bags underneath the trash? Yeah. i got bag underneath the trash. Put it in the bag. This is important information. Tied up that bag. Okay. Put that underneath. You contain the smell. Balled up some toilet paper. I mean, they had stuff in there. Balled up more toilet paper, some tissues.
00:50:29
Speaker
put it on top there was no they would have had to investigate see yeah csi that motherfucker to find out that i had ruined my underwear and so then i was commando with my parents under my dress like i how because it was a sundress it was short oh and so i was just like i need to yeah I gotta to get out of here.
00:50:53
Speaker
So that is tied with my other story, which I was a child during it, admittedly, but this was no one's fault but my own.

Childhood Memories: Marian's Scooby-Doo Incident

00:51:02
Speaker
I was 11. My dad was driving me and two friends or three friends to see Scooby-Doo 2 in theaters. It was my first time not having parents around with my friends. We were going to the mall alone.
00:51:20
Speaker
It's super cool. yeah So I ordered my popcorn and drinks. We found our seats. We're in the middle of the middle. It's packed. This is back when people cared about seeing movies in the theaters. It's opening weekend. Everyone can't get enough of Freddie Prinze Jr. Yeah.
00:51:38
Speaker
This is prime Scooby-Doo. So we're watching. am fascinated by the cinematic masterpiece. That is Scooby-Doo 2 at 11 years old. I am this. Oh, my God. The mystery. Who did it?
00:51:54
Speaker
Is it that creepy janitor that keeps watching them? What's going to happen? And ah about probably three quarters of the way they through the movie, I'm not really sure. i get a rumbly in my tumbly and am certain that the the the quickening is happening. I'm about to have an issue.
00:52:18
Speaker
But the thing is is that feel like we're close to the climax of the movie and it's going to end soon. So I'm like, surely I can wait until the end of the movie. Like this isn't pressing um And so I'm trying to, you know, I want to know what happens.
00:52:35
Speaker
And ah then something does happen inside of me. And I'm realizing, oh, it's coming right now. Like, and so I get up, should have just... Should have just sat and let it happen.
00:52:48
Speaker
But at this point, I'm like, my 11-year-old brain's like, we can still salvage the situation. We can at least out aisle. know what's a good idea? It's having to scoot past all of your friends with your ass their face while you shit your pants and also tend to strangers as you try to scoot your way out.
00:53:06
Speaker
And you're actively shitting your brains out. Man. Oh.
00:53:13
Speaker
I've heard this story so many times that I get slaps every time. So I do my first ever sheriff waddle to the bathroom.
00:53:24
Speaker
I get to the stalls. Okay. Also, at this point in time, my I didn't dress myself. I didn't care about my clothes or have anything to say in my clothes. I mean, I was dressing myself at the time, but I wasn't responsible for the clothes I had, right? Like, my mom was still picking out my clothes.
00:53:40
Speaker
And I was wearing almost exclusively really oversized t-shirts, like adult teacher t-shirts. And these spandex, like brightly colored shorts yeah that stuck like to your skin. yeah um And that was my outfit all the time. So like usually it was bright pink or bright green shorts. Yeah.
00:54:04
Speaker
And then ah huge oversized shirt. And that's what I was rocking that day. I remember the shirt is like orange tie dye. I had my like bright orange shorts.
00:54:15
Speaker
um And obviously my underwear was thin, my shorts were thin. everything had, and you know, been affected. Oh that seat was wet when you left that theater, man. No, no, no, no. I didn't happen i didn't poop on the seat.
00:54:29
Speaker
No, but okay. I literally got up as I as i got up and started shuffling. That's when I pooped myself. So I didn't poop sitting on the seat. Oh, you mean after? Well, uh...
00:54:40
Speaker
and Wait. so
00:54:44
Speaker
So i ah you know, it was like my underwear was a diaper. So I just threw that away. There was no salvaging that. But I was like, my shirt isn't really long enough that I can fake that I have shorts on.
00:54:57
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? I'm going to have to do something about my shorts, which have a huge stain on the ass because they were like my underwear did nothing. And so I am in the sink like...
00:55:08
Speaker
Trying to serratitiously underwear with my with just my shirt on. Because remember, I've got my shorts in my hand. Oh my Winnie the pooing it and so hard. I'm 11 years old. I'm like trying to time it so that when I hear somebody coming, I run back into a stall like a little gremlin and then come back out with my poop shorts and wash them in the sink.
00:55:29
Speaker
Like trying to get the bits out. Finally. Speechless. i ring them out they're very wet slap them back on i i'm tugging down my shirt this whole time it smells you cannot the smell you cannot hide yeah and i waddle back to to the yeah movie don't say you went to your original seat I start to go to my seat.
00:55:59
Speaker
I sit down. movie ends. I miss the movie. My friends are like, where were you? You were gone for half an hour. like, oh, nothing. Just a little scared of Scooby-Doo, like lying. like Yeah. Yeah. And so we got up.
00:56:14
Speaker
Like, literally, I was on that seat for maybe... like one minute and we got up, we left. Now the thing is, is that I was a very, very small child, very small. Like nobody ever guessed my age right because i didn't grow properly. i think between like sixth grade and seventh grade, I grew like six inches. So I was a very tiny at this point. So I always had to sit in the middle of the back seat whenever we went anywhere. So our parents my parents pick us up And I had to sit in the middle seat between my two friends and my parents with the smell. Nobody says anything on the way home. I'm also like trying to hide my wet pants.
00:56:50
Speaker
No. Sat, sat like that. I sit like that the whole way home.
00:56:56
Speaker
So that's my story. Did ever tell you they knew? No. No. Just like they'll never tell you. you like weeks later? I moved, I think, like six months later. So that's what you got to do when something like that happens to you. but
00:57:14
Speaker
So what's our top three pants shitting ranking? That's number one for me. Yeah, sure. I can't. Oh, yeah. The act pooping while passing in front of strangers at a movie theater, it's just, I can't. And your friends. Don't forget the part where I had to go past my friends first and then the strangers. Yeah, I'm shell-shocked by that. it's ah It's a beautiful story.
00:57:38
Speaker
You can just have all three. Thanks, guys. Yeah. They were kind of four, though, so I wanted to choose because there was... Well, you could get the one that I didn't shit my pants in. Yeah. That one's out. Yeah. but Yeah.
00:57:50
Speaker
Oh, God. Gosh. Wow. I'm the queen of shitting pants. Yeah. Congrats. You can have it. I'm sure you're all really sad to not be on the final list for this. didn't even make the top six.
00:58:01
Speaker
Apparently, two of mine don't count because I was a child. A sick child. So...
00:58:08
Speaker
The work one could count. The work one definitely All three of them count.
00:58:13
Speaker
seared into my memory. I literally couldn't believe the one where my mom went into the bathroom and yeah like I could not hold it. Also like what's your face doing? Like you're in a hotel room with just your dad I'm guessing and so like you're having a conversation.
00:58:26
Speaker
It's the same that my face does when I'm in the middle of a panic attack. I just start to dissociate like you know my face just gets really serious and I'm like
00:58:38
Speaker
just everything is concentrating on not falling apart you know. Well, this has been my top everything. If you made it to the end of this, good on you. You like potty humor, guess.
00:58:52
Speaker
Give yourself a little treat. Yeah, but one that won't upset your stomach. Red velvet cake. Yeah, if you can if you can get through a piece after that. Have a lactate. It'll all be better. Take care of yourself. And if you're ever feeling bad about yourself, just remember, I probably haven't shit my pants as many times as Marian has shit her pants. Yeah, that's true. That should make you feel better.
00:59:13
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, I was to usually when I have an upset tummy, I don't shit my pants. I just throw it up instantly. That is true. throw up so much. You have a lot more of involuntary puking. We could do a puking one. No. Yeah.
00:59:25
Speaker
At some point. No. No, thank you. No. Okay, well, ah message us at mytopeverythingpodcast.gmail.com.
00:59:37
Speaker
Instagram us. Reddit us. ah Blue sky us. Slide into Kara's DMs. Hell yeah. I didn't even shit my pants. Yeah, Kara doesn't really understand it, so like maybe specifically DM her your pants-shitting stories. Oh, I would enjoy that.
00:59:55
Speaker
Oh, damn it. I like hearing other people's. Oh, the music went away. Oh, I guess we're done. Bye! Oh my god, it's back! Magic! the fuck?
01:00:07
Speaker
We said bye. we said bye. Why are you still here? Get out of here. Go. Find another podcast. Bitch.