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Don’t Lose Yourself In A Relationship
147 Plays2 years ago
In the beginning stages of a new relationship, we tend to get super excited and it becomes overwhelming and consuming. We start to spend all of our time and attention on that relationship and tend to neglect the other relationships we have built including our family. I think everyone at one point is guilty of this so don't feel like you're the only one, but it is important to not let this excitement and novelty take over you so you lose your own identity and let your relationship identify instead.
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Transcript
Introduction to Losing Oneself in Relationships
00:00:14
Speaker
Hey guys, so welcome back to the pod. So today we have another fun episode that I really want to talk about today. It's about how not to lose yourself in a relationship. And I'm going to get more detail into it once we get to the actual episode.
Impact of Relationships on Identity and Community
00:00:33
Speaker
But the reason I even say this is I just think sometimes we let our relationship define ourselves, then we lose the crowd that we have built, we lose the community, we lose the connection with our family, friends, then it's almost like we have no support but our relationship. And that kind of like, you know, isolate us from who we were before.
00:00:59
Speaker
And, you know, sometimes you feel like the people who are just now married or in a relationship, they become like different people. I mean, I feel like we evolve. That's the thing. But I think we don't need to lose ourselves. We don't need to lose who we were before joining this relationship or this partnership, essentially.
00:01:23
Speaker
Yes, it is a heavy topic, I guess. I didn't realize it was going to be this heavy. But I just thought I have been wanting to make an episode about this. So we'll talk about it today.
Excitement and Reflections on Jurassic Park
00:01:35
Speaker
But before that, so let me give you guys a couple updates. I have a couple. So first thing, I went to see Jurassic Park last week. It was so fun.
00:01:46
Speaker
I honestly can't believe it is the last one. This was supposed to actually come out in 2020, but then the pandemic and everything, they hold it back, then how it just came out, it was really fun. I really liked it. And I honestly can't believe that we won't see Chris Pratt, we won't see all the other actors together for Jurassic Park.
00:02:12
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's like total of this is the sixth film and this is the third big installment of this whole franchise that it is coming to an end. I don't know. I'm getting so emotional about this, but I just really, really liked it. This brings, I mean, I have to be honest, I'm so connected with animals and everything. Sometimes I even tell myself to like, I feel like I'm a dog. Like, I feel like if I were in a human, I would be a dog.
00:02:42
Speaker
Anyways, yeah, I really like how they ended with 100% recommended. I'm not gonna spoil it for you guys, but we recommend watching it.
Return and Adaptation of Events Post-Pandemic
00:02:51
Speaker
Honestly, I kind of want to go watch from the start and like see whole thing again. It's me that I haven't seen Stranger Things, so I have to get back to that one. Just like I feel like I forgot what happened. I have to watch it all over again to see what just happened.
00:03:07
Speaker
Anyways, that is that and other thing that happened is this past two weeks while the sirens are going on right now is I went to some events So I'm very very excited that events are coming back As you guys remember I was mentioning a few times like in the past year that like how I missed events how I miss going to them so I'm excited that they're back and
00:03:34
Speaker
And I think so far what's happening is that I think I really appreciate the effort that brands and that people are putting together for the events. But especially in New York, I think it's still like a work in progress. It's like not there yet. I think it's because I had such a different experience before the pandemic and now it's just like
00:03:57
Speaker
I think people are still recovering and I think not just that. I think that this whole financial crisis and like, you know, things are not looking so great. So I understand budget cuts and everything because I see every single day is like layoff and everything. So I just feel like things are not looking so great. So I understand some restrictions, but I really hope things get better and so I can keep you guys more updated. And now I definitely want to do like
00:04:26
Speaker
Vlogs or just like telling you guys more about the experiences because I think that's one of the advantages that I live in New York City that like I can experience these things because I feel like you know, otherwise it's like it doesn't make sense that like I am even living in this place because I feel like if I don't experience it then what's the point, right?
00:04:45
Speaker
Because I feel like I could be anywhere else doing my content creation job, but I feel like events and like this community, the connections, networking is what makes the place that I am living at more special. If that makes
Navigating New Relationships and Identity
00:04:59
Speaker
sense. Anyways, so that's a little bit of update. So a bit short update this time.
00:05:05
Speaker
So I think I have been this person in maybe not every relationship I was at, but I think usually when you're in the beginning of the relationship, like beginning stages of a new relationship, new romantic relationship,
00:05:22
Speaker
I think it's the novelty and the excitement is always so overwhelming, so consuming. It's just like you really want to spend all your time and all your attention on that relationship. Hence this kind of like let other relationship fall to the side and almost become like not priority or it just goes down in the list and everything just becomes a priority in this new relationship.
00:05:52
Speaker
I think to a certain extent I want to clarify that like this kind of makes sense because I think sometimes what happens like because we never had from my experience because I never had like super serious relationship and that's why especially this current one I am that I spend most of my time to cherish it and spend more time with it because I saw the potential and I was so excited about it also because I think it was my first
00:06:18
Speaker
serious one that i thought it had it was going somewhere that's why i prioritized more and i thought like it's gonna be better and that's why i did it i feel like over time obviously you cannot do that but i think in the beginning that's what i did i think what happens like eventually
00:06:35
Speaker
that relationships become less novel and exciting. This is not to say it's not good. It's just like, we're not gonna be in the honeymoon stage all the time. We have to accept that everything has honeymoon stage. So then people, like everyone in the relationship, stabilize and they return to their personal life and essentially,
00:06:58
Speaker
they split off someone into their identities rather than just like identifying themselves or that's what I was used to doing is like myself in a in being being in a couple or or like just being in a relationship so I think
00:07:20
Speaker
in the beginning that's what happens in the beginning is like you spend most of your time to it because you really want to build a strong foundation so that like you can have you can have your own identity later
00:07:36
Speaker
That's why I think in the beginning, it might look like you are not giving so much time to your family, friends or your other significant people in your life. But I think it's just in the beginning, sometimes it might be necessary to make that connection with the person that you are trying to.
00:07:54
Speaker
It's just because you have to remember that they don't like like from the friends perspective, you have to remember like this is someone new that you're trying to make a connection with. That's why you have to spend more time with it because they don't know them and you have to talk to them more. You have to hang out with them more so they can understand you and see if there is a potential.
00:08:15
Speaker
but I think during this process you also need to a bit keep yourself updated and like with friends and like talk to them it cannot be the same obviously because I think sometimes the things that you used to do with your friends
00:08:30
Speaker
Obviously, it's not going to be the same when you're in a relationship. This is not to say that things will get worse or not good. I just think that things just change. And I think this is something that we always have to accept it because even if we were in a relationship or if we were just single, I think
00:08:49
Speaker
Overall, we just evolve as a human being and things always change. And I think that is the thing sometimes we don't want to accept it. But you know, it's part of life. And I think that's the biggest thing to learn is to like, move on and start another chapter.
00:09:13
Speaker
Because we don't live forever, you know, like, and I think that's what I'm trying to come out is that like, I think there is a chapter, there are things for everything, like, it's just like, there are times that like, you have to spend with your family, with your friends, and there are times you have to spend with your relationship. But over time, it's just like, things change. And I think that's what we are trying to understand it.
00:09:38
Speaker
So but what I try to what I'm trying to come at in this is that like I think in the beginning that could be okay but that's not to say it is an okay thing to to do it for
Maintaining Individuality in Relationships
00:09:52
Speaker
the longest time. Let's just say you are in a relationship for I don't know five years or whatever in that five years like
00:10:00
Speaker
disregard your family and your friends and whatever that's unhealthy maybe in the first year that's a different story because you're just new and everything but still you need to keep some in touch so you have to know exactly who you are because you can't let your relationship identify you because
00:10:21
Speaker
It's almost like saying this, like, you know, like in Hollywood, like, sometimes, like, you know, when you see someone, you're like, oh, that's one of Sahajan's boyfriend, or that's this guy's wife, or whatever. You never want to be associated like that.
00:10:37
Speaker
I mean, yeah, it's not like terrible thing, but you want to have your own identity. So they could be like, Oh, that's this or that's worse. Not like that's disguise. That's this person's son, or that's this person's boyfriend. Like, because you're almost being identified as
00:10:57
Speaker
someone else's something because you don't have your own identity. And that's like, you know, you never want to be like that. I feel like you want to have your own identity. And I think that's why it's important to have some sort of a strong foundation in a relationship, but also with yourself, even when you're single, so that like once you are in a relationship, you are comfortable.
00:11:22
Speaker
Another thing is like having, you're having strong boundaries. I think boundaries that like, I think just because you're in a relationship, especially romantic one doesn't mean that like you have to, I don't know, like you have to share everything. I think there's always things that like it needs to be for you or your family or something. I think you have to just set those healthy boundaries.
00:11:46
Speaker
in a way. And it's, again, easier to say, but I think this all comes in time. Everything comes with time. I know I say this a lot, but I feel like this is what happens once you learn more things or once you start to get a little bit older. I'm saying this like it makes me sound like I'm 40.
00:12:05
Speaker
But I just feel like when I was 19, I was not thinking like this. Thank God like now I am like past 25. Like I think so differently. So I think it's just like it comes with time and age. So yeah, you're going to learn that.
00:12:24
Speaker
Another thing is definitely, definitely have your own crowd, your own friends. You might be friendly with some of your boyfriends or girlfriends friends, but again, that's through them. So I think it's important to make your own crowd and have your own friends and talk to them and keep those connections. You know, I think it's just
00:12:47
Speaker
important to put yourself out there and it's important to have your own support system because you can't think you can't think your life that like oh only person your support system is the person you're in a relationship with because that's not healthy and which connects me to the other point is like having your own life because
00:13:12
Speaker
As much as we want to think that like, oh my God, we do everything together. But at the same time, we have to think like we have our own life too. Not just because like, oh, we share things. Like we have our own things to do too.
00:13:28
Speaker
we have our own job, we have our own interest, we have our own hobbies. Yeah, there might be some hobbies that it overlaps with your boyfriend or girlfriend, so you can do it together. But it's not like you have to sometimes picture this like, what if they weren't there? Would you have done that? Yes, sometimes I feel like we make compromises, but you also have to remember that you make your own decisions in life because you never want to have
00:13:57
Speaker
regrets, but you also never want to have like, thinking that like, Oh my God, like, I I never I wish I didn't do this. Because you don't want to have those feelings. It's just not healthy for yourself. But it's also not healthy for your relationship on also the person that you're in a relationship with.
00:14:24
Speaker
Another thing is staying true to yourself. This, I think again comes with time and also comes with experience. I think, you know, sometimes people say that, like, you know, this jobs, right? Like you have one job, another job, then you learn from these experiences because this one job, the one thing you did that you weren't so proud of, or you knew you saw that it wasn't working.
00:14:50
Speaker
you clearly are not going to do it again the next job that you are at. And same things I think with relationship. I think you realize one after another what is for you and what is something that you can change. I think sometimes what happens is that like
00:15:09
Speaker
Some people compromise, some don't. And I think you also need to compromise to an extent. You cannot compromise at everything. And that's where the things come to say like, you have to just stay true to yourself. I think this is what I was doing before, is that like I was almost like, I don't know, like this rubber that people can just
00:15:34
Speaker
twist me, move me around, and I would go into that every direction. Like, it wouldn't matter. Like, I was just, like, doing everything they said. They would be like, oh, I like this. I would be like, yeah, I like this too. I was like, like, oh, I want to try this. I was like, yeah, this is great. Like, I would always be like that person. Then I realized, like, no, I have to make decisions that, like, I also like to do. Like, yeah, there are sometimes compromises that you do. Again, some compromises.
00:16:04
Speaker
But you can't do that all the time because over time you're like, who am I? Like, what is my identity after all? Because you start to feel bad about yourself because you're trying to be like, I am not finding myself.
00:16:20
Speaker
I don't know who am I and that's why sometimes people have these identity crisis after a breakup or relationship because they kind of lost themselves within a relationship and they just don't know what to do with themselves and they also don't know who they are without that person and that's just very unhealthy and I know we don't do this on purpose but I think sometimes we have to
00:16:48
Speaker
self-evaluate ourselves mentally and just be like, oh, let me get back down to earth and like, just think about it. Like, is this something what MERS do or John would do or something like whoever you are? Think that, like, again, sometimes, sometimes there are compromises that you would do is because you know this would mean a lot to your partner or this would mean a lot to them for that aspect. But you cannot do that all the time because
00:17:18
Speaker
It's almost like this. There's like passes that your partners will get and maybe it's like three pass or five pass. You cannot just keep doing that all the time because then you are just like
00:17:32
Speaker
You're not fulfilling yourself and you have to fulfill yourself too. And that's what I'm saying. I feel like life is about selfish choices. I used to think that like that was like a bad thing to say, but it's not because at the end of the day, it's our life and we can make our own decision even when we are in a relationship.
00:17:49
Speaker
And lastly, I think this is kind of connected to what I was just saying a little bit, like saying true to yourself is like, stop stopping the overgiving and also just being so reasonable. I think sometimes we give too much, like too much in the relationship.
00:18:09
Speaker
Again, I think it's because we care so much. I never want to say that this is a bad thing because I think there are so many people in the world that are so caring and they give more than they could, but sometimes it's almost like you are dimming your own light so someone else can shine brighter.
00:18:33
Speaker
and that just you know that you are doing this to yourself and this comes from obviously probably past traumas or like low self-esteem I can go all day on this my therapist would be like what is going on but I just think that like I think you have to
00:18:52
Speaker
whenever you feel like this or whenever you feel like you are kind of losing your identity or you don't you don't find yourself you don't feel healthy in it I think it's important to talk about it but it's also important to evaluate it I think every once in a while we need to evaluate where we are in a relationship but where we are as a person ourselves as an identity
00:19:16
Speaker
in a relationship because you can you never want to be like I am this person that is just you know this person's friend this person's boyfriend or girlfriend I'm just doing that like you're thinking like what is what am I doing with my career what am I doing with my friends what am I doing in life like you have to think bigger than
00:19:38
Speaker
that in that circle of relationship that you are at because life is more than just a relationship, it's about your career, it's about your friends, it's about your family, it's all about the experiences that you go through, you have to cherish those moments because
00:19:56
Speaker
You know, at the end of the day, we only get one life.
Conclusion and Reflections on Life Decisions
00:20:00
Speaker
I wish that we lived like a thousand years in twilight, the vampires do. Who wouldn't want that, right? But unfortunately we can't. So we gotta make tough decisions sometimes and that's just part of life.
00:20:18
Speaker
Anyways guys, so that was the short episode for today. I hope you guys like this episode. If you do, please don't forget to rate us on Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. And I'll see you guys next week for another episode. Bye guys.