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Here's Why You Need To Stop Romanticizing Things [ARCHIVE]
182 Plays1 year ago
Yes, I said it I know. There are so many reasons why we romanticize certain things it could be a place, people list goes on. There was this trend on TikTok about how "You need to stop_____" fill in the blanks with some of the things you do that you know its not good for you and for your mental health. So I mentioned New York City and people came for me I mean they really came for me seriously.
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Transcript
Introduction & Offers
00:00:00
Speaker
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00:00:27
Speaker
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00:00:57
Speaker
you
Host's Personal Insights
00:01:12
Speaker
Hi guys, so welcome to Wild and Basic. I'm so so excited for today's episode, because we have no guests today. Not like I don't like my guests, but it has been quite a while since I did a solo episode, and there's this something that I have been really really wanting to get this off my chest, so hence we are doing that solo episode. Before that, I mean, I'm all ready for today's episode. I have water, well,
00:01:42
Speaker
Well, there was water. I have chopstick, little ASMR. Okay, that was gross. I don't know why I did that. Anyways, that was my ASMR and I have
00:02:04
Speaker
OK, I don't know if you guys can hear that. Anyways, that was my ASMR intro. So, yes. So let's get into today's episode. So I was really, really wanting to just, you know, talk about this thing, but I don't want to just make it about that one thing that I want to talk about. So it's going to be very, very educational and very informative video. Oh, my God, what am I doing? This is not YouTube, Murs. I need to chill, guys.
00:02:30
Speaker
Maybe I had just too much coffee. Anyways, I'm just rambling guys. Maybe I should just cut this all out.
The NYC Romanticization Debate
00:02:40
Speaker
So today we will talk about how we tend to romanticize things and why sometimes we just need to, you know, be like, this is not reality. We really need to talk about where we got this idea and what we need to do about it.
00:02:57
Speaker
The reason I want to talk about this is because it has been quite a while. I posted this video on TikTok. It was about New York City and how you need to stop romanticizing about living in New York City. And I was kind of like, you know, so aggressive. It was like, oh my God, New York City is just like it's just a city. It's not heaven. It's just purely made out of pee and garbage.
00:03:22
Speaker
People got like really, really defensive. They're like, they want to send me to jail, TikTok jail. So, I mean, it's just kind of like, I don't know, like, I will go through the comments, like, because I'm not taking anything personal. I really don't care. It's just more like, you know, my thoughts about New York City. Hence, I want to talk about romanticizing things. And this one of them has just happened to be New York City.
00:03:48
Speaker
I don't want to make this episode about New York City because I have already made an episode about New York City. And if you want to hear about it, there's an episode called, is New York City the place to be? I think it's number four. So you can go back and listen to it if you want to, you know, hear about it. But this episode is going to be more about why we romanticize things, not just New York City, maybe people, places, I guess, situations. There's more, you know, we romanticize about a lot of things.
00:04:19
Speaker
So yeah, let's get to that. And not to say also like me reading these all this stuff and like calling it semi viral video. I'm not TikTok star guys. I mean, I wish I was that would have been really cool.
00:04:33
Speaker
Imagine, like, if it finally happened, I'm just like, I'm TikTok famous, I'm a TikTok star? Like, who's Charlie D'Amelio? Like, Charlie moved the fuck away. Mercy's here. Or Addison Rae. Who else is there, right? Charlie, Addison, okay, I don't know. Okay, that's just it. So, that's what I'm saying. I mean, my video's doing pretty well, little self promo. It's like 119,000 views, so.
00:05:00
Speaker
Still going up, so thanks TikTok for that. But let's read the comments and see what people say about me or just my thoughts.
00:05:13
Speaker
Step, okay. This one is from Bergen Beach 11 to 34. Stop bashing New York City. It's the best place to live. New York City made up the United States. It's the financial district of the world. New Yorkers care. I love New York City. Miss underscore Chris 47. Are you kidding me? Mahan is amazing.
00:05:42
Speaker
User 58482929493939. Guys, you can still romanticize, but he's just saying that photos you see on the internet are actually how the life it is there. This one is a good one.
00:06:00
Speaker
I love New York. I would move right away from Europe if I could. I blame Gossip Girl for it. Yes, girl, yes. We live in very different New York cities, okay? Every city who is famous because of a movie or a TV show scene looks incredible, desirable. This happens because of the way it's shown in the screen.
00:06:22
Speaker
Somebody's having a bad day. Leave then. Why do you care? Stop showing a single city block to represent my beautiful state. You forgot rats. Well, let's blame Carrie Bradshaw. Because bucket list for someone to experience life in the Big Apple. Dude, it's my hometown. What the actual fuck? Guess you couldn't hack it.
00:06:47
Speaker
I don't know why people hate you, real New Yorkers know it ain't all that, media portrays. Thank you, Kita735. Not to be rude, but why don't you just leave? Isn't everywhere made out of garbage and human waste?
00:07:04
Speaker
Okay, this is just it. Like, I don't want to just read all of it. This is just like 200 comments. It keeps going up and up. Essentially, people are saying that, like, you're just taking things out of context. And I'm like, okay, it's not dead. So, yeah, everyone is just kind of like, I think we should move merge with the rest of New York City. We can stop bullying them. Oh my gosh, so move. Gotta love America. Always want upping people when it's negative. All this kind of stuff, guys.
00:07:35
Speaker
It's better than living in a suburb with a bunch of Republicans. Okay, no need to go like politics, but okay. That trash juice smell like that. It only exists here. Then move out. Nothing is stopping. New York City is great. I love New York City. Guybridge smell and all.
00:07:56
Speaker
we have to talk about this like we got all of these and i haven't taken any of these personal it's just kind of like you know i get it whatever
00:08:07
Speaker
main idea in here is that like I am calling this is because this is just I'm not saying that like New York City is just garbage and pee but what I'm trying to say is like it's not all that you know and nowhere is all that whoever tells you that one place is perfect they're lying to you
00:08:30
Speaker
New York City, Los Angeles, Paris, Sydney, I don't know, all these big places, Toronto, I don't know. You know, I feel like people are always just like, oh my god, yeah, I want to move there, or I want to move here, I want to do that, I want to do that. It's because, what? Like, we don't know. Like, we're just like, oh my god, like, I love this place, I'm going to like glamorize about these things. We just tend to like glamorize, romanticize about these things.
00:08:55
Speaker
And that's what I'm trying to figure out is why this is happening. What is this? So I was doing some research, so this is what I have found.
Commercial Break: StateBags Offer
00:09:17
Speaker
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00:09:41
Speaker
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Reality vs. Imagination in Media
00:10:07
Speaker
Sometimes, like romanticizing, there's some good part of it which we're gonna get to it, but romanticizing or glamorizing things is essentially twisted version of reality. It's not the reality itself.
00:10:24
Speaker
because we tend to romanticize about people, their behaviors, we often want our lives or the place we are at to look or feel in a certain way because that's what we are just like oh my god this kind of feels nice, this kind of would be nice and this kind of like alternate reality we are trying to create.
00:10:46
Speaker
not to say like this is just bad or like we shouldn't do it because you know we are all there like it's just sometimes I feel like we do want to create certain things and that's why they exist and that's why sometimes we watch movies and everything to watch that glamorous life or watch that
00:11:07
Speaker
you know like a life that you always wanted to have but you never had it's just because it's not real you know during this time we tend to see these like rose-colored glasses or like sugar-coated things because nothing is made out on a fact it's all based on like
00:11:26
Speaker
ideas or like based on imagination of things and that's why it's just kind of like you're like oh my god you get this like rush in your system and you're kind of like feel in certain way and you're like oh my god I feel so wonderful I feel so alive I feel so sexual about this not like sexual sexual it's more like you know that hype that you're getting
00:11:48
Speaker
and this just happens you know and this is just about not one thing so in this case it is about new york city and maybe in this way i kind of like crushed some people's dreams i guess because it's new york city but i just wanted to be a prank with them because
00:12:07
Speaker
I want to know, I want to actually get to the bottom of this to see why we are romanticizing about these things. And the reason is actually that we romanticize about things is because we don't know much about them. It's kind of a mystery to us.
00:12:23
Speaker
And that's why we're kind of like, oh my God, we like I would love to live in New York City. I love to do this. I would love to be an actor or I love to do that. I would love to be a TikTok star. I would love to be rich. I would love to have a house or whatever, anything like that. It's kind of like, I mean, yes, you can achieve any of those goals if it sets your mind to. But we don't really know what it feels like or what is the reality. It's best because we don't know anything about them. Like, think about it.
00:12:53
Speaker
I mean, I still do, so don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't be funny. So I romanticize about Los Angeles all the time. Like nowadays, like I have learned more about it, but like I used to romanticize a lot. And I mean a lot. I'm thinking, oh my God, Los Angeles, City of Angels, like, oh my God, I'm gonna be so famous when I go there, like when I move there, I guess, or I'm gonna have like millions
00:13:23
Speaker
followers I'm gonna get like you know like meet all these people I'm gonna have like youtuber friends like all this stuff like I'm gonna just like leave that like luxury life and like rich famous life and everything and I don't know just so many other things about it anyways but reality is is like that just doesn't happen I mean I guess you could work for it but that just doesn't happen it's not like that
00:13:51
Speaker
Los Angeles is not more about that. I mean there's so much homelessness there. There's pee and garbage there too so it's not like the old printing and everything and traffic sucks. There's so much you need to pay for. Like you have to get a car. It's not like New York City. So there's so many things that like you have to think about. This is just one single example that I'm trying to put up here.
00:14:15
Speaker
It's just to say it's because I didn't know about it. I was thinking about all of this stuff before I was going to visit L.A. I was like, oh, my God. Also, like I was planning to meet with a bunch of friends and everything. And I was like, oh, my God, this is so cool. Like I'm going to have photo shoots here and there. I'm going to have so much content to post and everything.
00:14:38
Speaker
Reality is most of it didn't happen. Maybe it happened one or two things, but most of them is like some were like they were out of town or they were too far away. They didn't want to drive and everything. It didn't happen. It was actually quite lonely. It did not really look or feel what it was like before or what it was in my head.
00:14:57
Speaker
And the reality is that is all okay because what I was picturing in my head or what I was thinking that that would actually happen is just an illusion that I have created. It is not a reality.
00:15:13
Speaker
And that is something also applies to many other things that I want us to talk about. In this case, I'm just using Los Angeles. And in this video that I have created also, it is New York City because I know so much about New York City because now I have been living in this place for so many years.
00:15:31
Speaker
that, like, yes, it has good points, it has good parts, like you can make connections in here, there's Broadway, you know, there's so many possible job opportunities, you know, also if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere, it's a very tough city, prices are very expensive, so there's so many opportunities, but there's also, like, it's too expensive, way too expensive, like, you have to live in a closet, like,
00:15:54
Speaker
to pay like, I don't know, 3000, 2000? Crazy expensive, comparing to what you would pay in LA or somewhere else. Or like, I don't know, so many, like, there's no nightlife right now, just because of pandemic and everything. But before that, there were some other things.
00:16:10
Speaker
There's just so much to sacrifice being in New York City That's what I was trying to say that like people tend to especially people from Europe. This is what I know so much They tend to just be like, oh my god, New York City New York fucking City like I want to go to Times Square There are some comments actually in there. They were like Times Square is the best place It's kind of like what what like seriously what?
00:16:37
Speaker
Because no one, I mean, no one who lives here would go to Times Square voluntarily. Unless you have to go there for some reason. It just doesn't happen. It doesn't work like that. So I just have to put this out there not to hurt anyone's feeling, but just like that is just generally how it is. It's not the most exciting place. It is very crowded and everything. Maybe it's not crowded right now because of pandemic.
00:17:05
Speaker
But that's just it. It's not like the most glamorous place to be. And the reality is you're glamorizing about it. And I remember when I was a kid, I was also thinking about it too. I was like, oh my God, Times Square is so cool, exciting. But it's because I didn't know about it. I was just reading it, seeing it from the movies and everything. And that's what happened.
00:17:27
Speaker
There are other things that also we tend to romanticize. And this is mainly because of what we have seen. Let's just think about it. I mean, at least this is what I'm thinking about. We don't just romanticize out of the blue. We romanticize is because we see something from somewhere, and we're like, oh my god, this sounds so cool. This is better.
00:17:55
Speaker
Main reasons this happens is mostly because of the movies and TV shows that we watch. I'm being 100% honest. Like the reason I was so, so fascinated about New York City and like, you know, all the things and like I remember when I was in college or maybe high school, actually, I kept thinking about like, oh, my God, yeah, I'm going to find this corporate job, live in New York City and go to this place and let everything go to coffee shop every day.
00:18:24
Speaker
I don't know, it was like this fun stuff and like wear cute clothes and everything. The thing is, I got this idea from this like old movie. I mean, I don't know how old it's been, but I was 16, 15.
00:18:37
Speaker
It's called Confessions of a Shopaholic. So it was this girl who was, you know, like, she's a journalist and she's from, I don't know, somewhere like in the middle of America. And she came to New York City to pursue her journalism career. Then, you know, she gets into credit card debt.
00:18:55
Speaker
But the way they made this, you know, New York City in that movie, it was so glamorous. It was so exciting. And I remember it just really made me fall in love with New York City. It was just kind of like, oh my god, this is so cool. This is what my dream is. This is what I want to do.
00:19:13
Speaker
But what happened was I did come to New York City after, I don't know, like when I was in college, first year or second year. Then I saw that like that. That's not what the entire thing was about. It wasn't all that. I mean, yes, now I'm looking back. I'm just kind of like, what was I thinking? But back then I was like 18, 19. So I was like, oh my God, New York City is so exciting. It's so cool. I'm going to build my life here because there's so much opportunity.
00:19:41
Speaker
And the truth is there is so much opportunity, but it is just so, so hard to, you know, get that and get the best opportunities because there is just so much, so much competition. Like in the movie, they were showing that like how she just, you know, created this. Well, first she lost her job in the beginning, first place.
00:20:00
Speaker
Then, all of a sudden, when she was looking for a job, she created this... well, she wrote this really, really cool letter to this magazine. Like, very creative. She used the metaphor and shit. And she got an interview, and she got the job afterwards.
00:20:19
Speaker
I mean, yes, I guess this could potentially happen and everything, but that was so many years ago, things have changed. Nothing is the same anymore. Even nowadays, I know for sure you have to have certain keywords in your resume in order to be picked up. You could be the best in the best. You have to have certain stuff there to be picked up. It's not like in the movies that you're gonna be so creative, you're gonna show up and impress your boss. Mm.
00:20:49
Speaker
hate to break it to you, it doesn't work like that. I mean, I'm really, really not trying to be pessimistic here. I'm just trying to be as, I don't know, real as possible. It just doesn't happen.
The Realities of City Living
00:21:01
Speaker
And that's what happened to me. When I got to New York City first time, I was just like, yeah, I'm going to find like a cool job and everything. Well, I did find this like really cool internship.
00:21:12
Speaker
He was at Fashion, I was on the Fashion District, well, Fashion Avenue, so it was like 23rd Street near FIT, and it was like a cool office, I had the cubicle and everything, but it was unpaid internships, so it wasn't like that because no one was gonna give me any money, well, any job that was paid with no experience. And that's just kind of it, so it wasn't gonna happen, so I didn't know.
00:21:35
Speaker
And I was like, okay, that's cool, but I had to pay rent and everything. So I remember I found like a part-time job at the coffee shop and that's how I was paying my bills. Now that I'm saying it, it doesn't sound luxurious or glamorous at all. It sounds so, I don't know, like it doesn't sound fun at all. I did it back then because I was like, oh my God, like I want to try this. I want to hustle. Like maybe this is what New York City is all about. You know, you have to hustle to make it through.
00:22:03
Speaker
And that's what I did. Then I realized that, like, in New York City, this is, again, my point of view, you really, really have to try hard, like, to make it. It just takes so many years to do it. And I had different experience, obviously, so it wasn't working out for me, although I make it decent money right now.
00:22:24
Speaker
It still takes so much from it to make it in New York City. It's like you could be making decent money, but there's so many bills and everything that comes down to it. Then you're just kind of like, is this all worth it to live in this place? Man, I don't even get all the vibe, all the opportunities that I want to get because, you know, you don't have like a yard or anything like that. You don't have amenities.
00:22:46
Speaker
You know, you just have this small apartment, possibly not even like a greatest light and everything, a natural light. There's so many things that makes you put into perspective. And trust me, when you first move to New York City, this is again, not about New York City, but just to say it in here, first two years or first year and a half or anything like that, you have this like honeymoon stage. And it's not even just about New York City, it's about any place.
00:23:13
Speaker
You just don't know about it. Like, you really don't know and you're learning. And that's why you're kind of like, oh my God, this is fun. This is nice. Like, I'm learning all about it. Then afterwards, you're realizing that like, oh my God, this is not what I was expecting. This is not it. And then you realize, is this the place I want to be? Is this where I want to stay? Or maybe I should move on and go somewhere else.
00:23:38
Speaker
Since I mentioned the New York City thing, I also wanted to mention a little bit about Los Angeles. I mean, I haven't lived there long. I mostly visited, but every single time I was there, I was there for about a month or so. So I did learn a few things and picked up a few things.
00:23:58
Speaker
A few things I want to mention, so to anyone who would want to move there or who's thinking about it, because I know a lot of people, I mean a lot of people, which you all go for it. I'm just stuck here for now, but they are all moving to New York City, especially the ones from near here. Like all the people I know around here, they're just moving all to Los Angeles or just going to California area.
00:24:23
Speaker
So for people moving from East Coast, California just sounds amazing, you know, because it is it's like nice weather all year round. And that is something is actually a good reason to move. So that is like a good point of to say it. But other thing is like, yeah, I mean, nice weather. The beach is close by, you know, just kind of like why wouldn't you write?
00:24:49
Speaker
But the thing is, yeah, these are some of the things that we always think about, and that is essentially what we are romanticizing about. But the thing is, then after a while, what happens is that, like, these things that we like about, about this place, or we were essentially romanticizing about, I am pretty sure everyone was thinking about it, like, they're like, oh my god, like, I am spending Christmas in my bikini, or in my speedo.
00:25:19
Speaker
Who wouldn't want that, right? Like, who wouldn't want that? I remember, I literally, I am so guilty of saying this, but I romanticized about this, like, saying that, like, oh my God, like, imagine how cool it'd be, like, we have Christmas tree and everything, but I'm wearing, like, Speedo. Like, fun, so much fun, like, right? But the reality is, all these things is, it just fades away.
00:25:46
Speaker
After a while, you're just kind of like, is this what I wanted to do? Is this fulfilling what I want? And most of the time, it doesn't. So let me say one thing.
00:26:03
Speaker
Nice weather? Yes. It is very good reason to move somewhere because you just don't like cold weather. I get it. But other thing you have to also think about is like nice weather is one thing, but it's also like that's not your life. You can't make work out of nice weather.
00:26:20
Speaker
unless you're a weatherman, I don't know. Anyways, yeah, that's not the point. So what I'm trying to say is like, you also have to have like a job in there that ties you there. So for most people who are living to Los Angeles, or I mean, who are moving to Los Angeles, they are mainly moving is because they have modeling gigs there, or they have entertainment. They are looking for entertainment industry jobs. In that case, that is what you need.
00:26:47
Speaker
But if you're looking for something else, that might not be the place for it. But also other things to think about is even if you're looking for entertainment in there. Los Angeles is very different. It's not like New York City. One thing I have to say is it's so easy to make connections there. Los Angeles?
00:27:07
Speaker
Not the same. Really not the same. Like in Los Angeles, people would be like, yes, you're so cool. Oh, my God, you're so cute. Like, you're the best.
00:27:18
Speaker
Yes, we will set up an appointment. How about next week? Text me. You would text them, no response. We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's follow up, no response. Or last minute, they would cancel. It happens a lot. Like, people don't keep their promises, or they would just lie to your face. Straight up to your face. Like, they are never honest with you, 90% of the time.
00:27:42
Speaker
In your city, it's not the same, it's very different. But what I'm trying to say is like everyone who's thinking that like, oh, I'm gonna just go to Los Angeles, you know, Hollywood, I'm gonna make it there. Yes, I mean, you can make it there, but it is very, very hard. It's not what like La La Land or what the TV shows or movies are showing us that like, oh, someone's gonna just cast you and you're just gonna be like a big star.
00:28:09
Speaker
It really doesn't work like that. I really, really, I mean, I don't know everything about it, but that's what I'm trying to say is like it doesn't work like that. You really, really have to work hard for it to get there. You have to have connection. You have to know people. It is very hard. You can't really trust people. I remember when I was there for a month.
00:28:28
Speaker
It was so hard to just get in touch with people and everything. And I remember even the times that like I had appointment booked, like I did not get an email back and I have to reconfirm, then they had to move it to another day. But I really, really have to try to get that appointment and talk to that brand. But I remember it was even confirmed way before I was even coming to LA.
00:28:49
Speaker
Again, it's not about that, but what I'm trying to say is like, oh, because this New York City, people are like, oh, New York City is amazing and everything. And LA is like, they're like, oh, I'm just going to be famous. Well, news flash, you probably are not going to. I mean, you can try, just do your best. But what I'm trying to say is like, don't expect that, like, you're just going to become James Charles. Because reality is, let's think about it, like all these people like James Charles, Emma Chamberlain,
00:29:17
Speaker
I mean, I don't know, like all the other, I guess, famous YouTubers, they were relatively actually famous before they were even coming to LA. Then when they come to LA, obviously because they already had established audience, they grew because they collaborated with each other.
00:29:36
Speaker
But it wasn't like, oh my god, they just started from zero when they come to LA. Boom. They're famous. Yeah, it doesn't work like that. It really doesn't. And also other thing to think about is like in LA, like in New York City and other places, it's very different because people don't really care about your social media. People really don't give a shit what you do. People don't give a shit how many followers you have. In LA, it's a very different story. Everything is about your social status and everything. And people would make fun of you. Like if you have like maybe less than 100k or an unverified account. So they're like, oh.
00:30:05
Speaker
Cute. Just some things to say about... Not to say like, oh my god, LA is just like the worst, but it does have a very toxic part of it that you really need to think about.
Commercial Break: Wild CBD Offer
00:30:29
Speaker
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Speaker
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00:31:13
Speaker
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Romanticizing Relationships
00:31:20
Speaker
I know I talked so much about places like New York City, LA, but I also do want to talk about people.
00:31:29
Speaker
We don't realize, but this is something we also tend to do a lot. And I have to assure you, we really don't realize it at all. And we tend to do this a lot with like, not so much with our, maybe sometimes with our family too, but we do this a lot with friends or significant other that we see.
00:31:50
Speaker
I mean, let's just think about it. How many times in your head you thought about, oh, I wish my friend was just like that. Or I wish my friend was like Kylie Jenner. I don't know. Like some other people you always thought about. You're just like, I wish it was like that. Or like you just in your head, you dream of like some cool scenario, like some stuff that you were thinking about.
00:32:14
Speaker
But the reality is, is like you can't even get hurt or you can't even like take it personal or you can't even like put this on them. It's because like what you're doing is like you're romanticizing, you're glamorizing this thing and it's not even about them. It's what you're doing. It's what your imagination is doing.
00:32:38
Speaker
Like, and same thing goes to like with, uh, guys. I remember when I first sometimes like meet guys and I'd be like, Oh my God, this is going so well. And everything after first date, I would be like, Oh my God, this goes so well. We will be dating for a while. Like I would make this cute scenarios in my head. Like that's so cool and everything.
00:32:56
Speaker
But the reality is like, I barely know them. Like, I don't know them at all. Like, this one date, I mean, yes, you can know some little things about people, but in the first date, you're not gonna know everything. Most likely also what they're telling you might not even be true, because they're not gonna show all of them to you. And same with you. No one does that. I mean, if you do, please don't, actually. First date, don't show everything.
00:33:23
Speaker
And that's the scenario. So, like, if you see the first date, obviously, first thing is always gonna be, like, cool because it's the surface. And from the surface, you can't just make up this whole personality or whole person because it's just the surface. It's kind of like, there's a puzzle, right? And I give you, like, five pieces, but there is, like, millions of pieces to fill and you're like, oh, it's five pieces. I can totally fill this.
00:33:50
Speaker
Guess what? You're not going to. You can't do that. And that's the same thing. It's like you don't know the person and you're just like, oh, my God, like this is my man or this is my girl. So, you know, it's not going to work like that. And
00:34:06
Speaker
And what will happen is that it will disappoint you. And the thing is, in that case, he didn't disappoint you, or she didn't disappoint you. Your expectations disappointed you.
Setting Realistic Expectations
00:34:20
Speaker
This is very hard pill to swallow, so I totally get it. I really, really do. But this is why I am talking about this, and I want us to talk about this, is that
00:34:31
Speaker
We have to also see the real picture. We need the reality to check. Again, this is not to say don't romanticize, don't glamorize things. Sometimes just the right amount of thinking about things is good, like glamorizing, making romanticizing things about it. It's good, but not a lot, not all the time.
00:34:58
Speaker
What happens is like, this is something I have learned, is like, if you are romanticizing about one thing a lot, like, and I mean a lot, just distract yourself. Don't think about the same thing. And if like, let's just say, you know, because sometimes what happens is like, when we romanticize about things, it just kind of, what happens is like, it gives us this like, rush in our body and you're just kind of like, it's like caffeine, but like different kind of thing.
00:35:26
Speaker
It's sort of like a drug, and it's just kind of like, yes, yes, yes, and you just want more and more and more.
00:35:35
Speaker
And guess what? You're just feeding it. And if you keep feeding it, you're just gonna have this unrealistic expectations because it's not reality. I'm gonna give you a perfect example and I'm not ashamed to say it. Let's just say, yes, I mean, I have subscribed to this channel on YouTube. You guys can check them out. I think he's like a real estate agent. His name is Enes, Enes Il Mazar, something like that. I think he's Turkish.
00:36:03
Speaker
So yes, he has this channel and they have, they post like mansions. Like, I mean, cheapest one is I think like 2 million or 1 million something, 1.57. Then it goes up to like, I don't know, 16, 18, 20 million. So very cool houses.
00:36:23
Speaker
I watch these. I mean, I watch almost every single one of them. It's kind of weird. But sometimes I used to even like watch his and also someone else's videos and like just watch more and more and more and more until it's time to go to bed or it's just time for me to have an intervention and just see the reality, you know?
00:36:46
Speaker
The reality is I am not poor but I am also not rich to afford any of those houses and the thing is I will assure you probably 90% of people who are watching that
00:37:03
Speaker
Can't afford those. I'm being serious. They can't But why do we watch this is because like we are romanticizing Thinking about like oh my god one day I'm gonna afford this house I'm gonna get something like this and this is kind of like feeling that void in your I don't know somewhere in your brain that like oh my god, like this is so cool You're just getting that
00:37:27
Speaker
exciting feeling seeing all the modern things and everything you're just like this is what I want this is what's gonna happen the thing is this is good you can keep this as one of your goals you can manifest it I definitely definitely believe in manifesting that it's really really powerful and you should totally do it but don't overdo it you know
00:37:50
Speaker
You can manifest about getting that place. But sometimes what happens is like if you keep rewatching and doing other things while the same content, guess what? One time it's going to hit on you like, wow, look at me. You're going to look at your financials and everything. I'm being serious and you're going to be like, wow, I am pathetic. I'm never going to be able to afford this. What am I doing with my life? Then you're going to get depressed.
00:38:18
Speaker
It is quite sad, and I have to say it has happened to me. It has happened to me on actually other occasions, so... Again, another thing that I would say, and I'm not ashamed to it, so... I mean, it's not a happy thing to say, but I mean, I've learned my lesson, so it's totally fine.
00:38:34
Speaker
So this was a while ago. I think this was even before the pandemic, maybe two years ago or something. So you guys know, if you guys don't know, I don't know. I love, I mean, love Tesla and I love cars in general. I have always been a big fan of cars and that's why like getting my license was one of the, I don't know, like most exciting thing ever for me because I just always wanted to drive and that's something that
00:39:00
Speaker
you know, not a lot of people do in New York City and that's one of the reasons it also meant so much for me that I had the license so I can go anywhere and travel anywhere and I also knew that like if I ever want to move to LA I need to get a license so that was a big accomplishment for me
00:39:16
Speaker
So I wanted to get a Tesla at one point and I remember before even I was thinking about it I was just like oh my god like I kept watching so many YouTube videos about Tesla and the cool features and everything I was like oh my god it's environmental friendly it's gonna help me save money and everything but realistically I didn't really think this so much so I remember we went to the dealership and I even had like a
00:39:40
Speaker
Test drive. So afterwards we were like, yeah, I'm interested in everything. So I did online. So it was like 2,500 at that time to reserve the car. And I think nowadays it's actually only $100. So they made it definitely so much easier to like actually do it. So you don't actually have to have 40 grand to do it. But anyways, so long story short, what I'm trying to say is
00:40:08
Speaker
Yeah, so I reserved it and everything. And that time, I think I was 23. So I was like, yeah, this is so cool. Oh, my God. Like, I'm going to have a Tesla. I was dreaming. So I wasn't going to buy it. So I was going to lease it at 23. You can't actually do that, MERS. Yeah, that's what happened. And I also didn't have like enough credit. Well, credit wanting also driving because I think I had my license for only like a year, barely a year. So it was very new.
00:40:39
Speaker
So essentially my leasing application for the car, model three, gets declined. Shockingly, right? So shocking. So I'm obviously devastated and I'm just like, oh my God, I really need this. I have to change this. I really gotta do it. Like it has to happen. It was just set in my mind. So then I'm just like, okay, let's do a loan.
00:41:06
Speaker
Obviously, in order even for me to do a loan, I also had to put someone else on it, so my dad was like, okay, you can put me in it. So what happened was like, I guess it was gonna get approved with my dad, but I think because my dad didn't have a license, so that was obviously a big flag,
00:41:24
Speaker
for them, for the application, but also because I didn't have any credit history at all. I mean, or there was something, like it was very little, so I wasn't a lot. So they're like, okay, no, this is not happening either. So that got canceled, well declined. So I'm just like, okay, fuck, this sucks. So, and I was, imagine I'm like so desperate, I guess, so, so desperate. I was looking for like third option, which is like, you can find like a loan from somewhere else and just buy it in cash. That's what this does.
00:41:53
Speaker
So I was looking at the APR and the rates were like insane. I have to say it was just crazy. I would not recommend it. It was awful.
00:42:02
Speaker
So essentially it did not happen, and the worst part was, like, I even downloaded the app and I was locked in, and it was telling me that, like, my car, well, that supposedly the car that I wanted to buy is in Brooklyn, so I could've go pick it up. Yes, it was sad. It was very sad, and I remember I cried. Yes, I mean, it wasn't just, like, the fact of, like, I have to say getting a car, but it was more like something that I could own, because, you know, it's just
00:42:26
Speaker
So difficult to own anything in New York City. I'm not talking about like the little things, but like big things like house and everything like that because it's so pricey, you know? So it was gonna be so big step for me. It was gonna be big thing for me. So it didn't happen and that's why like I was so upset. But then I realized in reality is that like I was just glamorizing about this. Glamorizing about Tesla because I watched like so many videos and I kind of like caught up in the moment and I'm like
00:42:55
Speaker
Damn, I want it. I want this. I'm just, I'm like, but realistic is like, couldn't have afforded. No.
00:43:02
Speaker
Also, other things to think about is like, which I am like now so thankful is like, everyone knows this, if you live in New York City, you don't need to have a car. You also don't want to have a car in New York City. Parking is so crazy. Yes, I would have saved so much money with gas, but parking would have cost me a lot. And I mean a lot. Like, I think cheapest one is like $600 a month. So it is insane, not cheap at all. So what I'm trying to come at is from this is like my experience that like,
00:43:31
Speaker
In this case, I literally acted just on my head this romanticizing thing about like, I want this. I want this and I want to get it. I'm going to do it. But I should have thought very logically looking at my financial credit and everything that like, Merce, can you even get this? And the other part was like, it wouldn't even have made sense to me because how many times I was going to use the car and everything.
00:43:58
Speaker
It wasn't a good idea in the first place. But this is just what I'm trying to say is like sometimes we get caught up in the moment and we have to kind of like, if you get caught up in the moment, we have to bring ourselves back down to the reality. And this happens a lot. It's like sometimes when we get like that feeling and we just, it's like kind of like adrenaline, like a rush that like we get into our like body. We're just like, oh my God, yeah, I really want this. I want this so badly. Why it doesn't happen? Why can't this happen?
00:44:27
Speaker
I know, I totally get it and it's so disappointing that sometimes it doesn't happen, but just kind of like you can't act on, you can't make your decisions based on this like illusion that you created in your head or whatever you have seen on TV or wherever. Like what you see on Emily in Paris, like is Paris is like that? No, what you do see in other places, like it doesn't work like that. You don't just get things that easily in reality, it just doesn't work.
00:44:55
Speaker
But this is not to say like, you know, I'm not trying to discourage anyone really not but what I'm trying to say is Manifest you can totally
Conclusion & Listener Engagement
00:45:04
Speaker
do it. I totally believe in the manifestation If you want that car put in your dream board or whatever just make a goal that like you want that car that house that you want to get or like where you want to move like how much money you want to make over a year like some goals like I always have goals for like my podcast for my youtube channel for me Instagram and everything and
00:45:22
Speaker
Yes, maybe it's going slow. Yes, maybe I'm fucking it up. Yes, maybe I'm losing followers. Yes, maybe I'm losing subscribers. Yes, it does happen. It does happen. But just because something is not working right away, just don't get discouraged. It's going to happen. But that doesn't mean that you should just immediately start thinking about this creative illusion. It's like sometimes it's good to make it just so you can have this dream that you want to achieve.
00:45:47
Speaker
But don't get sucked into it so that it can hurt you because what will happen is that like then your this illusion that you created is going to hurt you and you'll get depressed and everything like that. Not like saying like it will exactly happen like that, but it could potentially happen because sometimes we think that like people, places or things disappoint us. But in reality is most of the time our expectations that disappoint us.
00:46:18
Speaker
Okay guys, so this was the episode for today. I just really wanted to talk about some of the ways to like just stop romanticizing every single thing and just just be super super transparent with you guys.
00:46:35
Speaker
it is very very hard to just you know especially nowadays because of pandemic and everything just to think so positive so I totally totally get that but also let's also just think in reality and how we can achieve things how we can just pretend like you know things doesn't happen or just
00:46:54
Speaker
live in an alternate reality because, you know, that's just not reality. So that's what I want to bring it today. I hope you guys like this episode. If you do, please, please make sure to leave a review on Apple podcast. I have been seeing a bunch of new subscribers, but I haven't seen a lot of reviews, so you can do me a favor. Please leave a review on Apple podcast. I would really appreciate it. And I'll see you guys next week. Bye.