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How Friendships Grow Apart
174 Plays1 year ago
Friendships can grow apart for various reasons and sometimes we don't even see it at the time, but only towards the end of it. We all go through changes in life hence we're bound to lose some friends along the way and as well as make some new ones.
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Transcript
Introduction & Podcast Setup
00:00:15
Speaker
hey guys so welcome to wild and basic i changed the setup a little bit i am laying on the ground well on my carpet and behind this i feel like it would be perfect if there was a sign right here i'm thinking about that i don't know there's still some time left in my lease but i'm like i don't know if i should get a new furniture or more new things because i'm like i need to figure it out anyways not the point uh before we get started
Living in Florida: An Urban Perspective
00:00:45
Speaker
Let me just say Today no, I think a couple days ago. I finally realized that I'm like, oh I live in Florida I think it didn't hit me for many many months because I live in like very urban area of Florida, so I don't necessarily have to think about So many things that's essentially related this Florida or kind of like comes across as like the whole part of living in Florida but
A Wild Encounter: Lizard on the Balcony
00:01:15
Speaker
Like today, again, I was just working in the other room and I heard this scratching sound. And if you have seen my stories that you know what I'm talking about, there was this big lizard on my balcony. And the thing is I am actually, I say big lizard because I don't know if it is a lizard or iguana. Cause it's kind of in between. Like because for a lizard, it's kind of big, but for iguana, it's kind of like not that
00:01:45
Speaker
older looking you know like you want to look kind of weird in a crazy way they kind of look like a Sultan like Turkish Sultan or Turkey Sultan like something like that you know that they kind of look weird so
00:01:57
Speaker
It's kind of in between. It's definitely camouflage because it blends in so well with this palm tree across from my balcony. It would be so kind of crazy if we walked down there. I'll be so fucking scared. Yeah, it is super scary. Very, very scary because I have this glass. Thank God I didn't open my balcony door because if I got first thing, I opened it.
00:02:23
Speaker
and it was the time that he was coming in he would have totally came into my apartment because that's the only thing that separates my apartment is this glass door to the balcony pretty scary i mean this is such a normal thing i guess in florida but it's just like it's a pretty big one
Humor in Florida Wildlife
00:02:40
Speaker
it was truly an experience and i pepper sprayed it the first time this is like the second time it's coming while i was i have been here so i am quite frankly scared i'm just so tempted to just like get a stick and try to trick him to like push him over the ledge and die i just i think because scared i was just like i'm like i hope it doesn't end up on a
00:03:06
Speaker
car because that's like a highway imagine it's like all of a sudden there's like a lizard iguana just drops on your windshield you're like oops sorry about that like i don't know this is so off topic but i was just trying to tell you guys like if you are ever moving to miami and in florida overall this is normal
00:03:29
Speaker
like prepare yourself for this like i have always been prepared because i feel like even when i was walking i've seen a couple lizards i've seen like a couple iguanas but like you know out in the wild while you're walking or like chickens you know it's very normal like you would see sometimes chickens in the like downtown area which is kind of weird i'm just not used to that but the fact that you're seeing this on my building like in my balcony something just does not register in my brain
Sponsored Segment: LiquidIV
00:03:59
Speaker
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Do Friendships Naturally Grow Apart?
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Speaker
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00:04:52
Speaker
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00:05:20
Speaker
that is 20% off anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code WB at liquidiv.com so today we are talking about friendships and i have definitely talked about this before sometime i don't remember when but today specifically i want to talk about how friendships grow apart i think this is a topic that
00:05:48
Speaker
I think it's definitely like a serious, serious topic, especially for people in their 20s or like even their 30s. It's just something we all go through various stages of our lives. I just think it's sometimes much bigger deal because sometimes some friendships grow apart intentionally. Like you both kind of like not putting the effort, but sometimes it just becomes like it grows apart unintentionally.
00:06:18
Speaker
like you don't even realize it but all of a sudden like one day you look back or like you think of that person and you're like i don't know what happened or like what's going on and i think that's what makes it sad sometimes because i think there are times that like you have shared so much with that person or that person have
00:06:41
Speaker
I don't know, there were so many memories with that person. That person was in your life quite a bit. Then all of a sudden just disappeared. I know this is such a cliche thing to say, but that's why I think that one song from Selena Gomez, this was a while ago, I think, from her album. I don't think it was in
00:07:07
Speaker
Revolve era I think it's called people you know like you know how you like and she says like people go from people you know to people you don't and that's literally kind of like what I experienced was like not just with friends but like this bunch of other things too romantically as well but I think with friendships it's kind of like different experience and I want to share why this happens sometimes I think the biggest thing is
00:07:36
Speaker
the first one I would mention is definitely a distance as much as we say it and I just want to put this out there this doesn't necessarily apply to everyone but it's just something that it's given it's not just even with friendship it's romantic relationships too whenever there's a long distance where distance is involved like you guys are in two different places even like two different cities
00:08:04
Speaker
like even couple hours away honestly. Sometimes this puts a toll on your friendship and what happens is like I think it becomes like almost like a job that you both have to contribute to like make an effort to hang out all the time or hang out like once in a while because what happens is like if you don't hang out that distance
00:08:30
Speaker
physical distance also affects your like this. It becomes also a distance in your relationship because physical distance is one thing, but like that, once you have that kind of distance between a person, like that distance set grows you apart every single day. It's like every single day that relationship starts fading more and more away. And one day you're just like,
00:08:57
Speaker
you don't even feel like that is even that friendship or that is that kind of relationship you had.
Does Social Media Help Maintain Friendships?
00:09:03
Speaker
And I think this is definitely causes a lot. I think I would say this from my own experience that like, not just was like friendships I have made here, but I think overall there are with some people, I am the kind of person who's like, you know, when they say like out of sight, out of mind,
00:09:22
Speaker
I am usually great with my family and that's still hard to keep up because I have always been away from my family like yeah there have been like times that I have lived together with them but most of the time it's been like
00:09:39
Speaker
not together with them so i'm so used to keeping in touch with my family but i think when it comes to friendships it's a lot harder for me i think it's also because on top of it that because i have social media i already share so much sometimes i forget to keep in touch with my friends or just talk to my friends and be like what's going on because i think i automatically assume
00:10:02
Speaker
not just assume but like i think same as french friends too is that like they watch my stories or they do they like what i'm posting and i like what they're posting i feel like that's kind of my way of saying that i appreciate you but that's kind of it because i don't know i just feel like i am so bad at keeping that keeping in touch
Impact of Life Changes on Friendships
00:10:23
Speaker
and I think that's why I say the only people that I keep in touch even through the distance are my family or like super and I mean super close people and that's like only two other person outside of my family the rest of them I just don't know if I would be able to keep that kind of keep that keep in touch honestly for an extended period of time that's one thing other thing I would say because the first one was I was in the distance other thing is like
00:10:53
Speaker
life changes this is again very difficult but i think it's something we should expect too and i don't necessarily get upset over it but i think it's almost kind of like mourning a loss i know sometimes as much as we say it doesn't change things whenever if our friends get married or is suddenly in a relationship
00:11:23
Speaker
or I don't know make new friends or new group new friend group I don't know or like changes the job like there are other things that that could happen or like they have something going on with their family and they have to like take care of their family or something you know there could be many other things but from my experience that most of the time you have to give
00:11:48
Speaker
is it like give kind of some space to that friend because they're clearly going through something but from also what i have experienced that like not everything that i am saying from this example but something like in a relationship if some some a friend is just started being in a relationship or even just got married i know things change because the thing is
00:12:13
Speaker
from most people I know that it's not going to be the same it's not going to be the same like we would go out together or we would do things together like I know it's just not going to be the same dynamic is going to be different but I still expect to have that bond with that person but I realize over time that sometimes that might also means that it's it's either end of the friendship or
Can Relationships Change Friend Dynamics?
00:12:39
Speaker
it's just end of that era and i learned that like with a bunch of other people like one of my friends we don't necessarily like close friends but we would be people that like hang out occasionally we would do work together she's also content creator we would do things but i think what happens like after she got married
00:13:02
Speaker
things changed for her and I knew that was going to change overall because obviously she now has a husband like she has things to think about but there are many times that we had we had like plans and like she either never followed up or she said yes but like last minute things change and
00:13:22
Speaker
this just kept happening once or twice and I never did it again because I just knew where this was going and I didn't want to I didn't want the friendship to go into the place that we have to like cut ties completely I was just like I just don't think this is working so I kind of let it go or in other aspect which is something I have done in the past and I'm guilty of that but I learned from this I would say it when I first started being in a relationship like the serious one with my ex
00:13:54
Speaker
I definitely neglected my friends, even some part of my family honestly. I didn't realize it at the time because I think at the time relationship was so important to me and I was like oh I wanna give it my all, I wanna try my best and I feel like this is gonna be really good and I just saw potential with it and I just also because I think
00:14:15
Speaker
I never had this long distant long term relationship. I think almost all other relationship I had was like longest ones was maybe like six months. So that's why I was like, oh, there's like big potential in this one. But what I realized at the time that I was like, oh, I'm neglecting my friends and everything. And some of this similar thing is happening to me. You might say it's a karma. I say like it's life, I guess. Some of my friends are doing that to me.
00:14:45
Speaker
and I don't see this as a bad day, bad way for me because I'm like I understand it but I just know what happens at the end because once you start being in a relationship what happens is like unless that's such a healthy relationship
00:15:00
Speaker
If it's a healthy relationship, most of the time your partner will allow you to hang out with your friend and do things with your friend. But sometimes if it is a controlling partner or whatever, you end up not being able to do that. Or if you want to hang out with your friend, you have to hang out with your partner or with your partner's friends as well. So it's like...
00:15:22
Speaker
big group of friends to hang out, so it's not the same dynamic. Another example I would mention, and this hasn't happened actually with a friend, but this happened with my older sister. Ever since she moved away to the south, and also she has another child now, I think our communication has gone a lot less, and I just see that there's this big space in between
Commitment to Diverse Lifestyles in Friendships
00:15:51
Speaker
us,
00:15:51
Speaker
and I just knew that this was gonna happen honestly I'm not necessarily surprised at the end of the day obviously she's still my sister but I just know that happened and I can already predict what the future is going to be but I can already see that how something like this could happen with one of my friends as well that's something I think friendships is a lot of work it really is just like any relationship you definitely have to show up and commit to it
00:16:19
Speaker
But yeah, that's the second part I'm saying like life changes could take a toll and change your friendship overall Number three is I think your interest I think what happens is this like
00:16:34
Speaker
some friendships are made within the interest of something like at the time maybe you had a hobby or you were doing something and like that's what put you guys together and like you guys got connected but what happens like sometimes either that interest is no longer your friend's interest or your interest
00:16:57
Speaker
People change, right? People, they're like, I don't want to do this anymore, or that interest ends. There are many occasions, I remember, there are some friends that I became friends with, because I was taking, I don't know, dance classes, or I was in college, we were taking the same classes, that's why we were friends. But after that class ended, things became like,
00:17:19
Speaker
You know, we started not doing things together and all of a sudden that friendship kind of dissolved itself. This reminds me almost like making an LLC. If you know anything about creating a business, when you set up your LLC,
00:17:32
Speaker
After a while, I guess like if you're tired of the business or you just don't think it's working out, you can easily dissolve it. It's kind of like what it feels like. Just friendship itself just dissolves very naturally. There's nothing else left at the end of the day.
00:17:50
Speaker
It's just truly sad, it really is. But I think because it has happened so many stages of my life and also because I have moved so much like in my life. Yes, at the end of the day, my base has been always New York, but I have moved around a bunch of times for school, for other projects. So I have kind of gotten used to the fact that like after I move, things are going to change and
00:18:17
Speaker
friendships might end or It might still stay we might be still social like friends on social media.
Do Interests Cause Friends to Drift?
00:18:24
Speaker
Like I knew that So I'm saying that definitely interest Makes a big deal like big impact on like making friends and men changes that works out or someone doesn't work out and another one is like if their lifestyle changes and This is like I think the biggest part of
00:18:45
Speaker
Because what happens, I think, when we first make a friend, we don't necessarily know all about them. As much as we say we know the person a lot, but it's so hard to know the person until that person shows all of their layers.
00:19:06
Speaker
people don't show their layers that quickly I mean, some people maybe do but I don't like I think for me to be completely open with someone it would probably take me like a year or two I feel like for a year that first year I don't think you know me at all like you know some some things about me but you just don't know me so I just feel like once you started to see them and start to see what they do maybe you start to be like
00:19:35
Speaker
actually like i don't know if this is the person that i want to hang out with or i just don't know if this is something i want to do because i think i realize this now and i don't say this in a bad way at all because things are different people are different everybody has their own things that they want to do when i first got here
00:19:56
Speaker
because i think i was new right i didn't know many people in miami i was kind of open to many things and that's why i kind of yes i actually not kind of i said yes to almost everything that people told me i asked me they were like do you want to do this i'll be like yes do you want to do this i'm like yes because i just wanted to explore i wanted to
00:20:15
Speaker
meet people I wanted to try things I wanted to get to know the place hence I said yes to many things not necessarily because I wanted to do those things but I just wanted to meet as many people as possible but also I wanted to explore as much as possible but I think after that honeymoon or that period passed away I just realized some things that I did at that time wasn't necessarily something that I wanted to do
00:20:45
Speaker
uh like this is gonna sound absolutely horrible but and i don't want to generalize it because people say this above miami all the time i'm just saying it's not exactly like miami that's all this is for but it's essentially kind of is in a way miami is a party town yes there are more things that you could do in miami
00:21:11
Speaker
Like there are so many other activities you can do, but for the most part, for my experience, again, like I'm from New York, so I am not a native person who lives in Miami. Like I am not native, so don't comfort me. But I'm just saying from my experience so far, being here so far, I just noticed that that's mostly the party town. I also realized though, maybe this is a gay crowd,
00:21:40
Speaker
I'm not the person that like That don't want to go out but I'm also not the person that that wants to go out every weekend That's just not me Because let me put this into perspective is that I am self-employed I Don't have an employer. So there are many times that I have to work I almost always have something to do almost anything
00:22:10
Speaker
working on a Sunday or I could be working on a Saturday so I'm just saying like there's always something for me to do so I cannot necessarily take Friday through Sunday like a marathon and go out every weekend there's nothing wrong with people who are doing that but just that's not something I could do
00:22:30
Speaker
I did that a few times when I first moved here or in the beginning of the stages, but I just realized that definitely took a toll on my body. I did not like it. I did not like myself doing it. I think the only thing I would want to do at one point would be just hang out once in a while. There's an occasion or if I want to do it, but nothing is happening on a regular basis.
Finding Solitude in Fewer Social Ties
00:22:54
Speaker
That's not for me.
00:22:56
Speaker
but I just realized there are a lot of people who are like that or maybe just because I'm gay and that's what the gay community is in Miami, I'm not 100% sure but it just seems like that is kind of the crowd and nothing wrong with that because everybody does their own thing, you do your own thing, that's just not me but I just realized that's kind of like a lot of people who are doing the same thing here
00:23:21
Speaker
And that's why kind of I feel like I am starting to distance myself from that crowd. It's just not necessarily like I think I would support them like do their own thing. But I just I don't want to have like a toxic I just don't want to have a bad relationship when it comes to alcohol. Because I have nothing like I never had a substance issue in my life. But I just like I want to I don't want to hate alcohol.
00:23:48
Speaker
like i want to drink once in a while like just have fun but i don't want to get i don't want to get to a point that whenever there there's a slight problem in my life i have to reach for alcohol because that's just not good and i just feel like because there's just so much temptation uh in miami for that and i feel like that could
00:24:13
Speaker
Not just me, but I feel like that could affect so many people. Like when it comes to drugs, alcohol, like many other things. I don't want to diverge too much into this topic because this episode is not about Miami, but I just want to say from that experience that like when I saw that part of it, I just realized like, oh, that's not what I want to be doing, but also those are not the people I want to hang out with.
00:24:39
Speaker
It's good to meet people, like, again, that's what I'm saying. When you're new in town, you meet everyone, you're open to everything, but over time, you know, things grow apart. And I realized, like, that's, again, not a bad thing. And one thing I have learned from all of this that I'm saying, and maybe this comes from, like, living by yourself or being with yourself or, like, maybe being self-employed,
00:25:07
Speaker
people come and go, right? And also what I realized is I'm just so happy with being by myself. Like it's just, I just, I don't know. I have my own piece. Like it's so peaceful. Like if one day like, like if I don't have friends to come out, I mean come here and like watch a movie with me, it's fine. I can watch a movie by myself.
00:25:34
Speaker
or if some days like something got canceled, like we're not hanging out, trust me, I will not be upset.
Complexities of Maintaining Friend Groups
00:25:45
Speaker
Nine out of 10, I am always counting the fact that like, I hope something gets canceled because I don't wanna come out. I'm just saying, nine out of 10, I don't care. And there's one more relationship that has happened along the way and she doesn't live here, she lives like, I think Palm Beach area or something.
00:26:02
Speaker
Distance like I just can't do it like I cannot I feel like I understand like there are a lot of people here who Drive to far places hang out. I just cannot see myself doing that all the time That's what I'm saying. I feel like friendships are such a commitment
00:26:21
Speaker
maybe I have commitment issues, I don't know but I just feel like it is a lot of work and I only put a lot of work into things that I feel like that is worth my time and that's worthwhile
00:26:34
Speaker
And I feel like some things, they're just not. So, most of the days, most of the time when something gets cancelled, I'm like, I'm totally fine with it. Like, I'm not gonna be that person that would be upset or, I don't know, like annoyed. I think the only time I get annoyed is like if there's a plan and something didn't follow through that plan.
00:26:57
Speaker
happens things change but that's what i'm saying there are a lot of disagreements that could end the friendship but from what i was trying to come up from the top that i think if people's lifestyle changes and if their lifestyle doesn't match with your lifestyle um things people grow apart and that is totally normal and i think i noticed that when i was in my in new york anyways like i knew that because i have a different lifestyle and that's one reason i think sometimes
00:27:28
Speaker
It's easier for me to hang out with people who have somewhat similar lifestyle as me. But sometimes it's just hard to find that, like, you know what I mean? It's just so difficult. That's why I feel like you have friends for different reasons. Not every friend is going to be your close friend or you're going to be best friends, you know? Like, every friend is... Like, you're gonna be in different categories. One thing I have heard
00:27:56
Speaker
not just like like recently but like all the time so like you have friends for various purposes you have friends that you want to talk to you have friends that you want to go out with and you have friends that like i don't know like you go to the gym you do like casual things with like you have friends for different purposes there's not like one friend that you can do it all there could be some exceptions but usually not like there are always people friends that like for
00:28:26
Speaker
different reasons and that's something I realized that. And one last thing I would add is friend groups. I think someone definitely talked about this in very recent episodes in one of the podcasts I saw. I think at this part I'm still learning and I'm still discovering it like I don't have much to say but I'm just gonna say from my first-hand experience. Friend groups are hard. Usually
00:28:56
Speaker
Last time I had a friend group, I think I was in college. That's the last time I had like a big friend group and we had multiple chats and like group chats. That was the last time. Because in New York, everyone is kind of like their individual self and you make friends with individual people. Ever since I got here, it just starts to seem like I am becoming, I am in the part of this group.
00:29:22
Speaker
I am still learning to understand the dynamic and to figure it out. But from what I can see also that like that could also sometimes grow apart because I think even I remember from college choose like most friend groups, there's just no way all that like let's just attempt people are in the same group. There's just no way that like all 10 of them, they like each other or that they're like best friends with each other. I assure you,
00:29:52
Speaker
If there's 10 people in that group or 10 people who are friends, there's a chance that like maybe two, three of them are like, they're very close. The rest of them, they kind of talk to each other. And there's probably one person that never talks or like never responds in the group chat. Like there's always things that like, I feel like there's like some sort of a dynamic. It's never like everybody likes each other. Everybody wants to hang out. Everybody wants to do things.
00:30:18
Speaker
that's why i feel like friend groups are so much work i feel like it's way more work than like having an individual friend that's why i'm like i don't know enough about it yet because it's kind of like i am retouching bases with what i have experienced in the past in college but i would just wanted to put that out there as
Wrap-Up: The Evolution of Friendships
00:30:38
Speaker
well that like
00:30:38
Speaker
Growing apart friendships growing apart can also happen in the friend group as well you could be growing apart in that group as well, and that's okay because We change I think that's one thing I am learning so much and nothing oh nothing always disappoints me anyways But I also I overthink all the time so nothing surprises me, but I just realized that like people change you change it's just impossible to
00:31:07
Speaker
be like oh like i'm gonna be your friend forever it's just so hard to make that promise you only learn as time goes by and like you discover if that person is meant to stay in your life you know like you just learn as you go but that's what i wanted to share today it was definitely a different topic than i expected but i just wanted to put it out there and i hope you guys like this episode if you do please don't forget to rate us on apple podcast and spotify and i can't wait to see you