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Why Moms Need to Escape: How 48 Hours Away Can Save Your Sanity (and Your Family)
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In this eye-opening conversation, Pam sits down with Jillian McCloskey, founder of momcations.co, who transformed her life by booking a spontaneous trip to Iceland when her daughters were 4 and 5. After years of saying 'yes' to everyone but herself, Jillian hit burnout and discovered the life-changing power of intentional time away from family responsibilities. Learn why family vacations aren't actually breaks for moms, how to overcome the guilt of leaving, and why stepping away teaches your children crucial life skills (while saving your own sanity). Whether you're considering a solo getaway, a trip with friends, or simply need permission to prioritize yourself, this episode offers practical wisdom for planning your escape, preparing your family, and returning refreshed. Discover why creating space for yourself isn't selfish—it's modeling the self-worth you want your children to embrace in their own lives.
And as always, remember:
YOU ARE STRONG.
YOU ARE CAPABLE.
YOU ARE WORTHY.
I love you and I’m ENDLESSLY rooting for you!
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Transcript
Intro
Introduction of Podcast and Guest
00:00:57
Pamela Rivet
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Finding My Best Self podcast. I am your host today, Pam Revet. with me, am interviewing Jillian McCloskey. probably said it wrong again, Jillian.
00:01:11
JillianMcCloskey
It's okay.
00:01:11
Pamela Rivet
am...
00:01:14
Pamela Rivet
Beyond excited have Jillian on the podcast. Jillian is mom and a wife. She has two daughters she has been in the construction industry in the sale and sales construction for over 25 years.
00:01:29
Pamela Rivet
And there was a time in her life when she decided that she just needed to take care of her. And because of that, she has completely transformed and started business to help women to do exactly what we do within MBS and on our podcast, Finding My Best Self. And it is encouraging and empowering women to practice self-care, but she does it in a completely different aspect than we do.
Journey to Creating Momcations
00:01:58
Pamela Rivet
Jillian is the owner of momcations.co and she helps moms to prepare vacations for themselves and maybe their friends to step back and away from their cape, right? That we talk about is taking off that cape and really catering to and loving yourself and practicing those self cares, but from an, but from vacation aspect.
00:02:23
Pamela Rivet
So welcome, Jillian. Thank you so much for joining me today. cannot wait to dig into your life and everything that you've been through and what exactly you're doing with Momcations because it aligns with our mission so much.
00:02:37
JillianMcCloskey
Oh, thank you so much, Pam, for having me on.
00:02:41
Pamela Rivet
So Jillian, so start, tell me a little bit more. Let's just start with you and your family and your background. And then we can kind go from there. What exactly led you to creating momcations.co?
00:02:54
JillianMcCloskey
I'd love to. So like I said, my name is Jillian. I am a wife and a mother. My girls currently are 12 13. So I'm in the thick of that tweenage hormone wonderfulness.
00:03:08
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:03:12
JillianMcCloskey
I've been with my husband for a very, very long time, but we've been married for 14 years. Like you said, have been in construction sales for the better part of my adult life.
00:03:27
JillianMcCloskey
And I am one of those... Not overachievers, but the one that has a hard time saying no when asked to do things.
00:03:40
JillianMcCloskey
So it's, do you want to be the room parent? Sure. Would you like to head this organization? Why not? How about get on the PTA?
00:03:51
JillianMcCloskey
And I kept adding and adding and adding and raising my kids and all the added things stressors that was thrown on me for parenting you need to be this kind of mom and you need to do these kinds of techniques and you need the Pinterest perfect birthday parties and the bento box lunches, but here's the list of foods you can't send in.
00:04:14
JillianMcCloskey
And here's the list of foods my kids will eat this week and all of the different things.
00:04:14
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:04:19
JillianMcCloskey
And I just kept going and going and going and adding more and more and more. And I got to the point where I had no idea who I was, what was
Hitting the Breaking Point
00:04:29
JillianMcCloskey
going on. was past burnt out. I was constantly exhausted.
00:04:34
JillianMcCloskey
And I was just at the point that I was like, I need to do something now before there is no coming back.
The First Momcation Adventure
00:04:42
JillianMcCloskey
So I was sitting one day and the time my girls were four and five. And remember being busy.
00:04:52
JillianMcCloskey
done that all I could do in the end of the evening was just scroll through Facebook because I mentally and physically couldn't handle one more thing. So I was scrolling through Facebook and I saw an ad for flight to Iceland for $389. And I was like, man, that's always been on my bucket list.
00:05:10
JillianMcCloskey
Like I really love to go and everything. And I took a screenshot at the time and I texted it to my best friend who was in the same game as I was with parenthood and kids and everything else.
00:05:23
JillianMcCloskey
And I sent her a text and I was like, ha ha ha, you want to go? she's like, sign me up. I was kind of joking, but all right.
00:05:31
Pamela Rivet
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:05:34
JillianMcCloskey
And she's like, I need to get away too. So at the time was sitting on my sofa and I looked at my husband, I was like, I need to get away.
The Need for Genuine Breaks
00:05:44
JillianMcCloskey
Because even when you take a vacation as a mom, you're not off. You're still planning the whole thing. And you're packing everyone and making sure everything at the house is taken care of.
00:05:56
JillianMcCloskey
And when you get on the vacation, you're worried if the kids have this and if we make sure we get enough sleep and we're not overstimulated. And is there food there that my kid will actually eat? And did I remember to reapply sunscreen? And all of the things that you don't actually ever get a chance to shut down brain and remember who you were before you were a mom.
00:06:17
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:06:19
JillianMcCloskey
So I said to my husband, I was like, I really, really want to do this. And he's like, go for it. And that night I planned out the four days for me and my friend sent her a little typed up note itinerary of the whole thing. And she's like, let's go. And that was the first momcation.
00:06:40
Pamela Rivet
That is, first of all, kudos to your friend for being like, let's go and just at the drop of a hat, right? Because that's the kind of friends that we need that are like, let's do it.
00:06:47
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm. Oh, they're great friends.
00:06:52
Pamela Rivet
That's the kind of friends that all women need.
00:06:54
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm.
00:06:55
Pamela Rivet
But think Jillian, there are so many women who hit that point.
00:07:02
JillianMcCloskey
Yes.
00:07:02
Pamela Rivet
You know, you hit that wall when it's like, I can't go anymore, especially
00:07:04
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm.
00:07:08
Pamela Rivet
it's, you know, someone like yourself or myself, where were those yes people? And it's always yes. If you, someone needs help, yes. You need help planning a birthday party. Yes. You need help, you know, organizing or picking up kids or whatever. It's always yes.
00:07:23
Pamela Rivet
And we fill our plate and fill our plate and where I'm like, you know, where else can I put, it's kind of like what I like to compare it to my plate is like, you know, whenever you hand wash dishes,
00:07:24
JillianMcCloskey
Yeah.
00:07:36
JillianMcCloskey
Yeah.
00:07:37
Pamela Rivet
And we are so good at stacking those dishes so high.
00:07:42
Pamela Rivet
Like my husband comes in the kitchen and he's like, I'm like, don't breathe. They're going to fall. I do that with my plate. My personal plate is that I will stack and I'm like, oh, I can put one more thing.
00:07:54
Pamela Rivet
If I just position it just right, can fill it up a little bit more. And then all of a sudden it's like everything just comes tumbling down and we just,
00:08:05
JillianMcCloskey
Well, that's.
00:08:07
Pamela Rivet
that's the burnout. That's the feeling of, and then you have all of those feelings of I'm not good enough. I feel guilty. I'm not being a good enough mom. I'm not a good enough wife.
00:08:17
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:08:18
Pamela Rivet
I'm failing in my, you know, I'm not doing as much in my job and you just feel failure and you feel overwhelmed and you feel burnout. And then, like you said, we go into this, we just start scrolling. Cause I know I do it too. When I hit burnout,
00:08:35
Pamela Rivet
I
Self-Care and Decision Fatigue
00:08:35
Pamela Rivet
am looking for ways or I'm doing things, not consciously, not intentionally doing it, but I start to lean towards I'm watching too much TV or I'm scrolling my phone because it is something to take my mind off of.
00:08:48
JillianMcCloskey
Yes.
00:08:48
Pamela Rivet
Everything that I don't want to think about or just sitting in or sitting with that I feel like junk about myself.
00:08:55
JillianMcCloskey
Well, that's the thing. You lean towards those things of ways to escape, okay, scrolling TV, whatever some people pick.
00:09:02
Pamela Rivet
Yes, yes.
00:09:06
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:09:08
JillianMcCloskey
alcohol. Some people pick food.
00:09:09
Pamela Rivet
Right.
00:09:10
JillianMcCloskey
There's all the different options. Some people are healthy selectors and pick things like running or exercise, but those are, in my eyes, few and far between.
00:09:12
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:09:20
JillianMcCloskey
But the thing is, you've gotten to the point where you are past decision fatigue and you couldn't even make a choice of what to do.
00:09:26
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:09:30
JillianMcCloskey
And that's the thing where a lot of, when the whole thing was going on about have self-care time for you and set an hour aside and this, that, and the other. And you get to that hour you put in your calendar and you can't even decide what to do.
00:09:47
JillianMcCloskey
You can't even make that decision. And that's why like some of the women that reach out to me, they're like, I love the idea of a moncation, but I don't even know where to start on where to go or what to do.
00:09:59
Pamela Rivet
Right. My brain is on overload.
00:10:01
JillianMcCloskey
And I'm like, I'm like, And that's it. They can't make, as moms, we have to make 4 million decisions in a day. We can't handle one more decision, let alone one decision for ourselves, because we're so busy worrying about everyone else in the family, we put ourselves on that way far back burner, that burner on the stove that you don't ever use, but it's there.
00:10:17
Pamela Rivet
Yeah.
00:10:20
Pamela Rivet
Yep.
00:10:23
JillianMcCloskey
And that's where we put ourselves that one day, if all the other burners are full, we'll use that burner because we have to.
00:10:30
Pamela Rivet
Yep.
00:10:31
JillianMcCloskey
And it's the same way for us where when I took my first momcation, knew I needed to get away from my house, my family, my job.
00:10:45
JillianMcCloskey
I will also add in there, I work with my husband. So needed a break away from everyone.
00:10:52
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:10:53
JillianMcCloskey
And those four days away where I only had to worry about what I wanted to eat.
00:10:53
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:10:59
JillianMcCloskey
or when I wanted to go to sleep. Like if I was tired, I went to sleep and I woke up and I didn't have to worry about anyone else. And then when we got to breakfast, I wasn't there sitting saying, oh, my kid won't eat that cereal or they don't like the yogurt with the chunks.
00:11:12
JillianMcCloskey
I got whatever I wanted for breakfast at the hotel. And then even when we were taking the tour bus drives to the different things and we, the tour bus guy was saying that, oh, we've got a three hour If I would have had my kids with me at any age, let alone four five, but even now, I would have been like, that's three hours that I know I have to worry about them complaining. Are we bored? Are we there yet?
00:11:35
JillianMcCloskey
I have to pee. What's this? I'm hungry. All the things where me and my friend sat on the bus. She sat on one seat. I sat on the other. We had our books.
00:11:46
JillianMcCloskey
We had a couple of things downloaded on our phone. We both took naps. It was like an extra little mini vacation in there because we didn't have to worry about anyone else.
00:11:52
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:11:55
JillianMcCloskey
And we came home, even though we were little more physically exhausted and jet lagged, we were so much more refreshed from that four day break than we could have got even from 24 at home.
00:11:56
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:12:14
Pamela Rivet
Yeah. So I think where the struggle is with this, right? And I know that it's with all of the things. So we start with just daily self-care, right?
00:12:27
Pamela Rivet
And I know that's what we preach over at MBS is just doing the little self-care practices every day that are for you and only you.
00:12:27
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:12:35
Pamela Rivet
It's not for anyone else. So whether that you know, giving yourself a little mini facial every morning. Some people like to do cold plunges, whether it's journaling, meditating, getting a workout all of those little self-care practices. Those are things that we can do daily.
00:12:51
Pamela Rivet
Right.
00:12:53
Pamela Rivet
And then when it comes to having a getaway, think as moms, we tend to feel that if we do that, we are, it's just an escape or we're just trying to like we talked about with scrolling and things like that, it's escaping reality.
00:13:12
Pamela Rivet
Or then there comes in the mom guilt of what is my family going to do if I'm not there? What are they going to do and how are they going to survive without me?
00:13:23
Pamela Rivet
Hear me when I tell you that, listeners, that you have permission and that it is okay and the world will still continue to turn If you are not there, your family can and will survive for a few days without you being there, because at the end of the day, you deserve it, right?
00:13:46
JillianMcCloskey
Oh, yes.
00:13:47
Pamela Rivet
We deserve that just as much as everyone else does. You know, a conversation that my husband and I had when we first started, when we were in our dating phase was something that I learned that wasn't being done in my previous marriage, that I had to do a lot of internal work on, right? That I knew that whenever I went into my next relationship was that we need all
Preventing Burnout and Maintaining Mental Health
00:14:13
Pamela Rivet
different time aspects.
00:14:15
Pamela Rivet
We need time with just our spouse alone.
00:14:19
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:14:19
Pamela Rivet
We need time together as a family with our children. He needs time to go and do his guy things, be with his friends or whatever his hobby is for my husband is fishing to go fishing by himself.
00:14:33
Pamela Rivet
And we, as women and moms, also need and deserve to have that time away from the husband, the kids, the house, responsibilities, all the different roles that we play go and do something that we want to do, whether that be for a day or whether that be for four days.
00:14:53
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm.
00:14:53
Pamela Rivet
We're not saying that this is something that you have to do every month or even every six months.
00:14:57
JillianMcCloskey
Yeah.
00:14:59
Pamela Rivet
Even if you're doing it once a year, it is something to refuel yourself to fill back up your cup because you know, we always say the saying is that you cannot continue to pour from an empty cup.
00:15:04
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm.
00:15:12
Pamela Rivet
So if you were pouring and pouring and pouring into your children and your job and your husband and your household and all of those things, your cup will become empty.
00:15:13
JillianMcCloskey
Oh, no.
00:15:20
Pamela Rivet
You're going to hit burnout. You're going to hit that wall. You're going to be in pieces in a puddle on the floor because you feel that life has just overtaken you because it has.
00:15:33
Pamela Rivet
And it is, that is when you know, and really and truthfully before that, right, is we shouldn't let ourselves get to that point before we're like, I just need, I just need a vacation. just to step away. It should be more so of it's a planned thing.
00:15:47
Pamela Rivet
So that way you have something to look, to look forward to. So, you know, it's coming and, And even just knowing that it's there, that is almost filling your cup without even filling your cup because you haven't actually done it yet.
00:15:50
JillianMcCloskey
Oh, yes.
00:16:00
Pamela Rivet
It's just the knowing that it's coming and the anticipation and the excitement that I'm going to be able to keep pushing forward because I know break is coming.
00:16:02
JillianMcCloskey
The anticipation of it.
00:16:11
Pamela Rivet
I know my little getaway is coming.
00:16:11
JillianMcCloskey
Well, well, that's what like, When I did the first one with my friend and we went back and forth were like, we need to do this every year. Maybe not as big as Iceland every year, but do something every year.
00:16:23
Pamela Rivet
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
00:16:24
JillianMcCloskey
And some years it's been like a weekend in New York or something like that that's close by.
00:16:31
JillianMcCloskey
And some years we've done bigger epic vacations. And for years, the moms and women that I know my everyday life, they'd be like,
00:16:41
JillianMcCloskey
oh my gosh, I need to do that. Oh, I need to. And I'm like, you should. And they're like, I could never. And I'm like, no, no, no. You need to have something for because like the same thing, my husband's thing is golf.
00:16:53
JillianMcCloskey
when he golfs, he golfs and he does his thing. And even if I get do my journaling or do whatever here, I still will get interrupted by the kids or by him or anything else.
00:17:05
JillianMcCloskey
But to actually take time a hundred percent for me, I have to leave the house. I have to go somewhere, whether it's close by or far away, there are a bunch of different options.
00:17:17
JillianMcCloskey
And the same thing, like if I know, especially when I'm in the thick of things, like I know you've got this kid's activity, this kid's sports, the play, cheer competitions, guitar practice, the art show, all of the things, and you're sitting there saying, how can I handle one more thing?
00:17:37
JillianMcCloskey
And then you look at your calendar and you're like, In six weeks, I got 48 hours to myself. I can do this. I can make it till then because you know you'll have that break.
00:17:46
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:17:49
JillianMcCloskey
And like you said, it doesn't have to be every month. If you can do it every quarter, every six months, that's awesome. But at least once year, Take a couple of days for yourself, because like I know if my husband comes to me and he's like, I want to go on this golfing trip with X, Y and Z.
00:18:00
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:18:07
JillianMcCloskey
And we're going to be going to Myrtle Beach for five days and everything else. One, it has never crossed his mind once about being guilt or stepping away for anything.
00:18:18
JillianMcCloskey
And two, he knows I'm not going to say no, because that's his thing.
Teaching Self-Sufficiency and Independence
00:18:21
JillianMcCloskey
But now on that same aspect, if I say to him, hey, I want to go here for four days, either by myself or with a friend.
00:18:32
JillianMcCloskey
Now, the first time he was OK. The second time he's like, oh, well, what about this, this, this and this? Now we've got it as a well-oiled machine that he doesn't even question it.
00:18:44
Pamela Rivet
Yeah. Yeah. And this, man, I guess we, I could go on and on and on on this topic all day long, because it is so true that we just need that time away.
00:18:56
Pamela Rivet
And for me, I guess it's always been understanding and getting past the point of the mom guilt and just feeling, you know, just the, that feeling that it's okay. And, or just needing the permission anything like that. So if you're that mom, if you're listening and you're that mom where you feel, you know, like Jillian's friend said, like, oh, I could never do that. Or there's no way. Yes, there is a way.
00:19:22
JillianMcCloskey
There's always a way.
00:19:23
Pamela Rivet
And you can clear your schedule. That's why we plan ahead. And we make sure that everything is taken care of and lined up because I promise you everyone will survive. Is it things or things going to get done the way that you do them?
00:19:37
JillianMcCloskey
No.
00:19:37
Pamela Rivet
Absolutely not. No.
00:19:38
JillianMcCloskey
Well, that's the thing. Like my first momcation that I took before I left, now at the time my girls were four and five, so like they still needed a lot of help with certain things.
00:19:48
JillianMcCloskey
I set out their clothes for every day that I was gone.
00:19:48
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:19:50
Pamela Rivet
Mm.
00:19:52
JillianMcCloskey
including what barrettes or hair bows to go with it. I had pre-made dinners in the refrigerator with a post-it saying on Friday, make this turn on oven to 350 and bake for one hour and 20 minutes.
00:19:54
Pamela Rivet
Oh, yeah.
00:20:06
JillianMcCloskey
Like I had everything laid out. They were also younger. So they weren't in the activities that they're in now and they had daycare. So it wasn't even like he had to worry about school pickups and drop-offs and that kind of stuff.
00:20:26
JillianMcCloskey
numbers if anything happened. The whole nine yards. Did my husband follow one of those things? No, he didn't. He let them girls pick out whatever they wanted to wear to school every day.
00:20:37
Pamela Rivet
No. No. No.
00:20:40
JillianMcCloskey
He ended up doing takeout almost every single night. The girls thought it was the best time ever. And was so worried about the house running. Now, when I got home, was the house in the condition I would prefer it to be No.
00:20:58
JillianMcCloskey
Was everything done on the to-do list? No. But everyone was still alive. It continued moving on.
00:21:04
Pamela Rivet
There go.
00:21:07
JillianMcCloskey
And then I actually had four dinners in the fridge to handle the four days when I got back and I was dealing with jet lag already pre-made. So there's a little silver lining in it, but it is that first time you're so worried about going away because you're the one that's controlling the whole shit.
00:21:25
JillianMcCloskey
You're the one making sure everything runs smoothly. And if you're gone, how is it going to run? But I have learned... I've learned through therapy as well, but also taking these momcations is this also shows my family that they are quite capable to do things without me.
00:21:46
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:21:49
JillianMcCloskey
And before where lot of times they'd come to me and ask for something and I'm like, you literally walked past the spot of the thing you were looking for, or you
00:22:05
JillianMcCloskey
Like you can, you can do these things without me.
00:22:10
JillianMcCloskey
And really hit home to me that it's one teaching my, my husband and my kids that they can survive without me, that they are quite capable of doing these things so that they stepped up on a regular basis now that I've gotten home.
00:22:22
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:22:31
JillianMcCloskey
But it also proved to me, and I heard this years ago a talk, and I wish I could remember the woman who gave the talk, but she's like, motherhood is the only job that if you have done it right, you are not needed.
00:22:48
JillianMcCloskey
at the end. Like you have raised self-sufficient humans.
00:22:51
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:22:55
JillianMcCloskey
And
00:23:06
JillianMcCloskey
And it really hit home to me because the time was doing it as well. And I was seeing friends of mine doing it where you're trying to do everything for your kids.
00:23:18
JillianMcCloskey
it's not teaching them to be self-sufficient.
00:23:21
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:23:22
JillianMcCloskey
And I'm holding them back by doing it that way. But I'm also holding myself back as well, where it took a little while for us to find our groove and figure out how it worked for each of us. But now Like eight years later, took my momcation last year. And other than putting it in the Google calendar and planning my actual vacation, I've more or less tell my people, hey, I'm going from this day to this Look at the Google calendar. All the information's in there.
00:23:56
JillianMcCloskey
Figure out your food and I'll see you when I get home.
00:23:59
Pamela Rivet
Peace out. Yeah.
00:24:01
JillianMcCloskey
And that's it. Like if you end up eating cereal the entire time I'm gone, that's on you guys. But it also took me years to get to this level of also letting go, letting go of that control is also part of it.
00:24:10
Pamela Rivet
Yeah.
00:24:18
Pamela Rivet
Yeah.
00:24:21
JillianMcCloskey
And the mom guilt the first time and the mom guilt the second time, it was there. And every so often I feel slightly guilty, like just a little bit.
00:24:34
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:24:35
JillianMcCloskey
But then I sit there and say, One, I deserve this because do all of the things all of the time.
00:24:39
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:24:43
Pamela Rivet
Yeah.
00:24:44
JillianMcCloskey
And two, this one really hits home to me more, I've got two daughters.
00:24:58
JillianMcCloskey
they are worthy of taking a break.
00:25:01
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:25:02
JillianMcCloskey
And they deserve to have this kind of lifestyle or this kind of ability.
00:25:02
Pamela Rivet
Amen.
00:25:08
JillianMcCloskey
And they should expect their partner to also see them that same way.
00:25:10
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:25:14
JillianMcCloskey
And I don't want them as women to become the burnt out neurotic mess I was years ago having to get to my breaking point before I did something about it.
00:25:27
JillianMcCloskey
I want them to go into their journey saying, You know what? am worth more. And maybe not when you have a newborn, because it's hard to leave a newborn or even a one-year-old.
00:25:40
JillianMcCloskey
But at some point when their children are little bit more sturdy, then they can say, you know what, honey, it's your turn.
00:25:48
JillianMcCloskey
You got the kid for 48 hours. I'm going to go to a spa.
00:25:53
Pamela Rivet
Yeah.
00:25:54
Pamela Rivet
You hit the nail on the head and in any and every aspect, because this was, know, going back to my previous marriage, the reason why I ultimately walked away from that marriage was because I said to myself,
00:26:11
Pamela Rivet
you are teaching your girls that this is what marriage should look like.
00:26:16
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:26:16
Pamela Rivet
And it is not. So in every aspect, it is the taking a step back and holding up the mirror and saying, am as mom to these children,
00:26:29
Pamela Rivet
being the best role model?
Breaking Generational Patterns
00:26:31
Pamela Rivet
Am I showing them what their life and what I want to see for them when they are in their 20s and 30s? Because at the end of the day, you are teaching them everything they are watching and learning, everything that you do,
00:26:49
Pamela Rivet
Everything that you say, the way that you dress, the way that you act, the way, everything that you do. You know how we, in today's world, there's so much that we hear about generational curses and, you know, breaking from the past or whatever.
00:27:03
Pamela Rivet
That's what we're talking about is that we learned from our parents or our families who did things a certain way that now in today and in this generation, we are having to break free from
00:27:04
JillianMcCloskey
Yeah.
00:27:16
JillianMcCloskey
Yes.
00:27:17
Pamela Rivet
of being taught all of these things. So if the way that you are living today, that you are stuck at home and you never take care of yourself and you never talk positively to yourself and you never give yourself space or time and you feel overwhelmed and stressed and all these things, is that what you want for your babies when they are in their twenties and thirties?
00:27:38
JillianMcCloskey
Yeah. Correct. Mm-hmm.
00:27:40
Pamela Rivet
Is that how you want them to live? And you know, earlier you were talking about, you know, that we as moms do everything for them. We are enabling them in the wrong aspect.
00:27:52
Pamela Rivet
We need to, you know, every time our children come to us, like you said, and they're like, Hey, where's my, you know, where's my school bag? I don't know, baby, where did you put it? Not okay. Mama's going to go get it for you. Oh, here it is.
00:28:06
Pamela Rivet
Mom, where's my shoes? Mom, where's this mom? What are it's putting it back on them and help getting them to have responsibility. And that's exactly what happens whenever we say we're going to take a step back and mom's going to go on a little mini vacation is everyone has to play their part.
00:28:23
Pamela Rivet
Everyone has to step up. But if you're always the one who's being like, mommy's going to do it. Mommy's going to do it. I got it. I got it. And not enabling them to be their own person, enabling them to be responsible, enabling them to see that they can it.
00:28:41
Pamela Rivet
then they never will feel like they can if you're always enabling them to see that mom's going to take care of it.
00:28:48
JillianMcCloskey
Yes. Oh yeah.
00:28:49
Pamela Rivet
You know, even as my daughter who just turned 17, we're getting into the point where she's dealing with college stuff.
00:28:49
JillianMcCloskey
And that's,
00:28:55
Pamela Rivet
And, you know, now she's wanting like certain doctor's appointments, teeth cleaning stuff. And I'm even getting to the point where she's like, you know, when's this? And I'm like, well, email, there was a lady that we met with at the college. I'm like, send her an email and ask her. And she's like, well, I thought you were going to do that. And was like, well, you have her email. You were copied. was copied on it too.
00:29:13
Pamela Rivet
Go ahead and respond to it. We have to let go.
00:29:17
JillianMcCloskey
Yes.
00:29:17
Pamela Rivet
We have to let go. And in that, we also have to do that for ourselves, for them for us. We have to let go.
00:29:28
JillianMcCloskey
And it's.
00:29:29
Pamela Rivet
Because we are worthy. They are worthy. There are children and we in both aspects are worthy of that time, the responsibilities, the learning.
00:29:37
JillianMcCloskey
Yeah.
00:29:40
Pamela Rivet
And at the end of the day, that is love.
00:29:45
JillianMcCloskey
It is. And it definitely is. And it's crazy because I'm not a stand back parent. Like I'm involved with my kids. We do a lot together.
00:29:53
Pamela Rivet
Yeah.
00:29:54
JillianMcCloskey
We're a very close knit family. And have a very good relationship with my daughters for how we do a lot of things and that.
00:30:04
JillianMcCloskey
And it's funny because on that same note, like when it comes to my kids' schoolwork, And that I had, met one of the new teachers this year at my kid's school at the parent teacher conference.
00:30:18
JillianMcCloskey
And it's like all the teachers are in the big room and you kind of go from teacher to teacher to teacher. And I met one of the new, she was the new science teacher. And she's like, well, I see it's nice to meet you, Mrs. McCluskey. And I have both of your daughters for science this year because both of my girls are in middle school this year.
00:30:34
JillianMcCloskey
was like, okay. And she goes, but I see you haven't logged into the parent portal. was like, oh, I don't. And she's like, why not? And I'm like, because it's not my job.
00:30:46
JillianMcCloskey
And she's like, what do you mean? And I was like, had a discussion with my ladies, with my daughters, and I told them, you were in school. already went to school. I did my part.
00:30:56
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:30:58
JillianMcCloskey
This is your turn.
00:30:59
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:30:59
JillianMcCloskey
And don't need to go in and check your grades. You know whether or not you've done the work.
00:31:06
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:31:06
JillianMcCloskey
You know whether or not you're missing an assignment. You know what you need to do. I've got all my work stuff. If you want to follow my work calendar, we'll switch.
00:31:18
JillianMcCloskey
But this is your job right now. And the teacher looked at me and it was funny because the English teacher was next to her. And I've had the English teacher for the last four or five years. she goes, oh, yeah, she goes, she's a stand back parent. She goes, but you will see her girls are better prepared because they know they don't have mom coming in to swoop to send us an email saying, oh, she forgot to hand in this paper.
00:31:45
JillianMcCloskey
Can you give her extra time?
00:31:47
JillianMcCloskey
My lady, I'm teaching them now to take, to hold accountability for themselves
00:31:53
Pamela Rivet
Responsibility.
00:31:55
JillianMcCloskey
on this and and i want them to come this way and it's the same way so that when it comes time like they can't obviously make doctor's appointments for themselves they're still too young but even down to my one daughter did the school play and the the teacher that's in charge of the play was sending five bazillion emails and notifications and like no no I can't handle all of this.
00:32:18
JillianMcCloskey
I'm not in the play. I'm more or less just the Uber driver for her to get to and from play practice. Can you take me off the list and only send it to her school email?
00:32:29
JillianMcCloskey
And she's like, yeah, I can do that. I'm like, okay. Other than knowing when I have to drop her off and pick her up, that's all I need to know that this is her thing. And it's one of those, I'm trying to teach them a life skill But I'm also taking one more thing off my plate as being a mom.
00:32:48
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:32:51
JillianMcCloskey
It's a little easier when they're in the tween ages versus little littles.
00:32:51
Pamela Rivet
Exactly.
00:32:57
JillianMcCloskey
But it's things you can start doing when they're little help learn that they're strong enough person as well to handle this on their own, that they don't crumble as well.
00:32:57
Pamela Rivet
Yeah.
00:33:07
Pamela Rivet
Yep, exactly. Exactly. It's teaching them, like you said, responsibility and accountability.
Recharge and Reconnect with Momcations
00:33:14
Pamela Rivet
So that way, when you do decide that you are ready to take that momcation, that they are better prepared then, just as much as they will be better prepared later in life.
00:33:17
JillianMcCloskey
Oh
00:33:27
JillianMcCloskey
yeah.
00:33:29
Pamela Rivet
Okay, so let's talk about momcations.
00:33:32
JillianMcCloskey
Love it.
00:33:32
Pamela Rivet
Let's talk about exactly what that looks like. How does that work? If someone is like, this is me, I'm there, I'm ready to give back to myself as a mom because I deserve it and I am worthy and I am capable of taking a step back and treating myself to a little momcation, what do they need to do? Where do they start?
00:33:56
Pamela Rivet
What does that look like?
00:33:57
JillianMcCloskey
So there's a couple of different ways. One is deciding what you can handle, especially for your first time. So like for your first time, maybe four days in Iceland isn't the go-to, but I'm also one of those go big or go home kind of people personally.
00:34:12
Pamela Rivet
Right.
00:34:15
Pamela Rivet
The same.
00:34:16
JillianMcCloskey
So, but like for most of my women who are taking a momcation for the first time, one, are you going completely on your own? Are you taking a girlfriend with you who is another mom who also needs a break?
00:34:30
JillianMcCloskey
Or is there a group of you?
00:34:30
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:34:32
JillianMcCloskey
Because I've had a few groups of moms that are like, oh, we'd love to go away and we've talked about it, but no one wants to be the point person to plan it.
00:34:33
Pamela Rivet
God.
00:34:42
JillianMcCloskey
So you first have to decide, are you going 100% on your own, which I have done. And a lot of people are like vacationing on your own and it's quite refreshing. At first you feel a little awkward.
00:34:54
JillianMcCloskey
But going completely on your own is also quite nice.
00:34:57
Pamela Rivet
Oh, I would love that.
00:34:59
JillianMcCloskey
But a lot of times it's like two friends that go away. And then for your first momcation, normally suggest 48 hours away hotel,
00:35:08
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:35:09
JillianMcCloskey
depending on where you live close by, maybe driving distance, train ride, something like that.
00:35:16
Pamela Rivet
Yeah.
00:35:16
JillianMcCloskey
This way you could go on like Friday, all a Friday, all a Saturday, Sunday, can check out, maybe still stay close around and then head home.
00:35:27
Pamela Rivet
Yay.
00:35:28
JillianMcCloskey
Try to get somewhere where there's room service available. Somewhere that has a built-in spa, so you can have a spa day, whatever kind of works for you, normally the go-to first momcation.
00:35:43
JillianMcCloskey
I've had a couple others that their first momcation, they're like, I want to go somewhere tropical, especially if it's like January and they're in the Northeast and it's snowing and it's horrible.
00:35:49
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:35:52
Pamela Rivet
Oh, yeah.
00:35:53
JillianMcCloskey
They're like, we want to fly somewhere warm and have all inclusive with all of the drinks. Okay. Then that's what we do. And I've booked Some women to go away to like the Dominican Republic, they're going for three days and it's just long enough that they can fly out, have three days, fly home, not too long away, but enough that they have slept They've taken advantage of some of the activities and they get to just reset.
00:36:21
Pamela Rivet
Yeah.
00:36:22
JillianMcCloskey
I've done ones and I know other people that do ones where it's like the four day cruise because you get four days away.
00:36:29
JillianMcCloskey
Everything's on one ship. There are so many activities of things to do, but you still get that option to like completely shut down. And then there's some where they're like, oh, I want to go on an adventure one.
00:36:43
JillianMcCloskey
And they want to go hiking and the biking and the stream classes.
00:36:47
JillianMcCloskey
And I'm like, okay, we can look at them and They're more in like the Sedona area, that kind of thing. And there are quite a few options, but it's first seeing, are you going by yourself?
00:37:00
JillianMcCloskey
Are you taking a girlfriend? Normally when it starts with two girls, then it's like, oh, this friend wants to join. And then this friend wants to join. And then this friend wants to join.
00:37:08
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:37:09
JillianMcCloskey
So it does sometimes get a little bigger. And then looking at your calendar. I know all of us moms have, huge, hugely filled calendars.
00:37:20
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:37:20
JillianMcCloskey
And like mine's color coded so I can see what's going on for each person at different times and that.
00:37:27
Pamela Rivet
Same.
00:37:34
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:37:35
JillianMcCloskey
And it's working with what time works around your free time, your kids activities, because you're not going to plan it like when your kids school play is happening.
00:37:47
JillianMcCloskey
you're not going to plan it then. Or if your kids play sports and you know, okay, well, they do really good.
00:37:48
Pamela Rivet
Right.
00:37:52
JillianMcCloskey
They're in this kind of final tournament. Normally around this time, I'm not going to plan it then.
00:37:54
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:37:58
JillianMcCloskey
I personally pick my weeks a year in advance, but I've also now have a rhythm on how I like it to work.
00:38:04
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
Personalized Momcation Experiences
00:38:10
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:38:10
JillianMcCloskey
So I know normally around this week, nothing goes on. And normally around this week, nothing goes on. So if I want to do two days away here and two days away here at different times of the year, I've got it spaced out.
00:38:17
Pamela Rivet
Right.
00:38:24
JillianMcCloskey
I'm not going too long. And I know hopefully unless something major happens, it doesn't affect the family schedule as a whole.
00:38:33
Pamela Rivet
Yeah. Okay. So like, as you're talking about like the vacation and what that would look like in those 48 hours, I could like close my eyes. I was like, I could see myself like, like, you know, oh, like, it's like you telling me a dream, like I could put myself there.
00:38:49
Pamela Rivet
Okay, so guess I'm curious, what makes momcations different? Where do you stand out in doing this? Because you seem to be so into it.
00:38:58
JillianMcCloskey
So.
00:39:01
Pamela Rivet
And it's truly is a passion of yours.
00:39:03
JillianMcCloskey
Yeah.
00:39:05
Pamela Rivet
what's what's what's different about it?
00:39:07
JillianMcCloskey
My biggest thing is, is that. a regular travel agent is booking for the family or booking for a couple getting away.
00:39:14
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
00:39:16
JillianMcCloskey
And they're just thinking of that where I'm thinking of a mom as a whole person, where I know you have already have 4,000 decisions made in a day.
00:39:25
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:39:30
JillianMcCloskey
You're worrying about everyone else.
00:39:30
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:39:32
JillianMcCloskey
You're thinking about this. You're thinking about that. you can't handle thinking of one more thing or making one more decision or planning. So I try to give them a couple of different options also based on where they are geographically in the country or even in the world on what can work and also budget and go from there.
00:39:52
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:39:52
JillianMcCloskey
Because like you said, and I was talking to someone else about this, they were trying to plan their birthday weekend away on their own. And she's like,
00:40:02
JillianMcCloskey
I'd love to go away, but I don't even know where to start. And I'm like, okay, well, how about this? I'm like, how about you go up to New York for 48 hours? Because where we are close enough, where I am in New Jersey, she could either drive or she can even take the train up into New York.
00:40:18
JillianMcCloskey
Like you can go up for 48 hours. You can stay in this hotel, which has room service. You can spend a day at this Korean spa that has the bath houses and the hot plunge and the cold plunge and the salt room and the sauna and the this and the that.
00:40:34
JillianMcCloskey
I'm like, you can just stay in your hotel room.
00:40:35
Pamela Rivet
Mm-hmm.
00:40:37
JillianMcCloskey
You can relax. You can read. You can watch whatever movie you want to watch. You can sleep in till whenever you want to sleep in.
00:40:42
Pamela Rivet
Mm.
00:40:44
JillianMcCloskey
You can stay up as late as you want or go to bed at 8 p.m.
00:40:45
Pamela Rivet
it sounds good.
00:40:47
JillianMcCloskey
if you want You have all of these options.
00:40:49
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:40:50
JillianMcCloskey
And she's like, I never would have thought of doing that.
00:40:55
Pamela Rivet
Yeah. Yeah.
00:40:58
JillianMcCloskey
And that's the reason why I wanted to do this is I want moms to know it's okay to take a break.
00:40:58
Pamela Rivet
It's the little things.
00:41:07
JillianMcCloskey
It's okay to do things that you wanted to do or things you even don't want to do. If you want to go and spend 48 hours doing nothing but sleeping in that room and having room service,
00:41:19
Pamela Rivet
That's great.
00:41:19
JillianMcCloskey
That's perfectly okay too. And I also look at it when I started planning my momcations is me and my husband are two completely different people when it comes to vacationing and also food.
00:41:34
JillianMcCloskey
So he's a very, very picky eater and I love all of the foods and I love trying new foods and doing all the adventurous, crazy things. And he's like, no, I'm good. I'm all right.
00:41:46
JillianMcCloskey
So when I plan my mom-cations, I think specifically to I'm going somewhere that I know I could never get my husband to go.
00:41:50
Pamela Rivet
Yeah. yes.
00:41:55
JillianMcCloskey
Because then I can still experience what I want to do. And I don't have to listen to him complain if I drag him along.
00:42:03
Pamela Rivet
Preach. Yes. Oh, I love that. love that. Okay. So how do moms get in touch with you, Jillian? And what other resources do you have that we can maybe drop in the show
Beyond Motherhood - Maintaining Identity
00:42:16
Pamela Rivet
notes?
00:42:16
Pamela Rivet
We'll put all that in the show notes, your links, but what's the best way to get in touch with you if someone wants to book a
00:42:20
JillianMcCloskey
So getting in touch with me, I'm Instagram the most and my handle is momcations.co and you can follow me there or send me a direct message.
00:42:43
Pamela Rivet
Oh, awesome.
00:42:45
JillianMcCloskey
have a weekly newsletter that comes out with little tips and helpful tricks to moms about taking a break or even just things to help them in their daily life. And sometimes I highlight some quick 48 hour getaways that are optional and some longer ones as well that you might be interested in. And they're all there as options, but any way to reach out to me, either of those, send me a message and we can start chatting.
00:43:13
Pamela Rivet
Awesome. We're going to, going to put all of that information in the show notes as well with those clickable links. Jillian, it has been such a pleasure talking with you. I love, love, love everything about momcations.co. I'm sure I will personally be in touch as well as Mandy to be able to plan something like that.
00:43:31
Pamela Rivet
And just thank you for sharing all that you have learned just about motherhood the you know, being able to find your best self and to cater to that woman beyond the Cape and as well as for wanting to offer that up as a help and way to help other women to do the same.
00:43:52
Pamela Rivet
So before we go, want to ask you, is there any specific message or any piece of advice that you want to leave our listeners with before we end this podcast?
00:44:03
JillianMcCloskey
Yes. my biggest one is realizing that you are more than just a mom. that you are full independent person past being a mom.
00:44:15
JillianMcCloskey
And this stuck out to me more when I heard women who that were older than me, and they were going through the emptiness syndrome of their kids going off to college and going off
00:44:25
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:44:27
JillianMcCloskey
to get married or whatever. And they were sitting there saying they didn't know what to do with themselves anymore because they weren't needed anymore. They didn't have to worry about their kids or their activities or making dinners or anything else.
00:44:40
JillianMcCloskey
And a lot of these women in their second stage of life were going through these horrible depressions because they didn't know who they were outside of being a mom.
00:44:53
JillianMcCloskey
And I'm like, well, if we don't lose sight of that during the thick of motherhood, that when we get to the point that our kids are 18, 21, 25, whatever, we won't be spending the second half of our lives trying to find that woman again.
00:45:10
JillianMcCloskey
We'll already know who she is.
00:45:10
Pamela Rivet
And go.
00:45:13
Pamela Rivet
Yes, absolutely. 100%. Start now. Don't wait till later until it's too late.
00:45:19
JillianMcCloskey
Mm-hmm.
00:45:21
Pamela Rivet
And I don't want to say too late because I'm not saying that women can't find themselves at that age, but it will surely make that transition a whole lot easier when that time comes.
00:45:32
JillianMcCloskey
Yes.
00:45:32
Pamela Rivet
Okay. And my last question, because we ask all of our podcast guests, what does finding my best self the woman beyond the Cape mean to you?
00:45:44
JillianMcCloskey
Finding my best self has always been, I'm a big believer self-help and journaling. And even though lot the books and podcasts and Ted talks and conferences sometimes spout the same information over and over and over again, different stages your life that you're at or the day of the week or the season that you're one line or one message can hit you differently at different times.
00:46:05
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:46:11
Pamela Rivet
Mm.
00:46:17
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:46:18
JillianMcCloskey
So even though you can say, oh, I read this book and it's more or less the same idea as this secondary book that you're suggesting,
00:46:18
Pamela Rivet
Yes.
00:46:27
JillianMcCloskey
I'm a different person now than I was when I read the first book.
00:46:32
Pamela Rivet
Mm.
00:46:33
JillianMcCloskey
was sometimes even rereading book rewatching a Ted talk or going to conference that you went to five years ago, may be the same information, but it's hitting you different because you're a different person.
00:46:49
JillianMcCloskey
And as they all say, you need to keep growing. And you need to grow as a person. And because if you're not growing, you're dying. So each day, take a little bit more and a little nugget of this, a little drop of that.
00:47:05
JillianMcCloskey
And it'll help you grow, not just as a mother, but as a woman and as a person.
00:47:11
Pamela Rivet
Yes, absolutely. All the things continue to pour back into you in every way that you can. Your little daily self-care practices all the way down to taking a momcation and just completely stepping away.
00:47:27
Pamela Rivet
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Jillian, again for joining me today. I know that our listeners are going to resonate with this podcast so much. And by the way, if you are listening and you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review and maybe even share this episode with another mom who needs to hear this message or mom that you want to take that momcation with and say, let's book it.
00:47:50
JillianMcCloskey
Bye.
00:47:51
Pamela Rivet
So thanks again for joining me. will put everything in the show notes on how you can get in touch with Jillian to book your momcation.com. And Jillian, thanks again. And we will see you guys next time.
00:48:04
Pamela Rivet
Have a good one. Bye.