Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
How to Love Your Authentic Self: Breaking Free from People-Pleasing and Finding Your True Identity
39 Plays1 month ago
In this heartfelt reunion episode, Pam and Mandi dive deep into the journey of authentic self-love. From shifting between friend groups to feel accepted, to finally embracing their unique identities, they share personal stories of transformation and growth. Discover how letting go of people-pleasing behaviors leads to finding your tribe and building genuine connections. Whether you've struggled with being different versions of yourself around different people or felt drained after social interactions, this episode offers wisdom on embracing your God-given uniqueness. Learn practical insights on recognizing when you're not being true to yourself and how to love every part of your journey—both past and present.
And as always, remember:
YOU ARE STRONG.
YOU ARE CAPABLE.
YOU ARE WORTHY.
I love you and I’m ENDLESSLY rooting for you!
Finding My Best Self podcast suggestions?
Email me: info@mbsfit.co
Shop MBS | The Woman Beyond The Cape athleisure
Finding My Best Self- Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/findingmybestselfpodcastcommunity/?ref=share_group_link
Finding My Best Self- Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/findingmybestselfpodcast/
MBS | The Woman Beyond The Cape Socials
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61552052241285
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mbs_my_best_self/
Recommended
Transcript
Intro
Podcast Format Changes
00:00:57
Speaker
Hello, welcome back to another episode of Finding My Best Self podcast. You have both me and Mandy. Finally, um all we were able to get together. know.
00:01:08
Speaker
Y'all, so if you were listening to our podcast last year, we used to do it to where it was both Mandy and I every other week. And then every other week was an interview episode that we both did together. yeah like so we literally podcasted together on everything.
Introduction to Self-Care and Self-Love
00:01:28
Speaker
yeah And so now that we've shifted and made it where you know I'll do solos, she does solos and We only do in joint episodes like maybe once a month. And so I feel like we don't ever. I know. We don't get to do it anymore, which is kind of sad. But then at the same time, more manageable life-wise. But I do miss it.
00:01:46
Speaker
I know. So it's always fun whenever we finally get to get together and do podcasting together. And we have something that we want to talk about today that we actually heard on another podcast that sparked a whole conversation between Manny and I because it's something that we've talked about before.
00:02:04
Speaker
But the way that they related it, I was like, man, I never really thought of it that way. But that is so true. So we talk about self-care and
Personal Journey of Self-Love
00:02:14
Speaker
self-love. And that is everything that this podcast is about with finding my best self and as well as MBS, the woman beyond the Cape. It's all about self-care.
00:02:24
Speaker
practicing self-love and self-care and, you know, just doing all of the little things like, you know, facials and manicures and pedicures and hair and, you know, certain pieces of clothing like the athleisure that you wear, all of the little things to just make you feel good about yourself.
00:02:41
Speaker
But specifically want to talk about self-care and the aspect of loving yourself. as who you are without anything else and just truly digging into that because I, i personally, um and may I'll let Mandy speak to for herself, but that was something that I struggled with for many, many, many years was just loving me for who I am.
00:03:10
Speaker
I mean, I feel like we've had this conversation, like both of us went through similar, or I guess still do go through similar situations where it's just so hard to, well, honestly, we don't look at it as self-care.
00:03:22
Speaker
Like we're just, we're like, ah like we say, we're on the back burner to everything, you know? So you you don't necessarily, when you think of self-care, you're thinking about all those things or journaling or reading and taking time for yourself, but you don't necessarily think about how you treat yourself.
00:03:38
Speaker
And then that's how this kind of sparked that conversation of just past experiences. Yeah. And so, i mean, we talk about the affirmations and about how we speak to ourselves and just speaking positively to ourself.
00:03:51
Speaker
But I think it's even before that even comes, it's in order to even be able to speak positively to yourself. It's like you have to truly just love you, right?
00:04:02
Speaker
And so I was telling Mandy before we joined, and this is a conversation that we've had before, but just reiterating many years ago in all of my years and like through all through, I'd even go all the way back to elementary school is when I really think, obviously I didn't know it then because I was young, but me looking back now, how much I struggled with friend groups all through elementary school, ah in elementary school and junior high school.
Impact of Social Fitting and Adolescent Choices
00:04:30
Speaker
and high school. I was very much that person that was, how do I say this? I wanted to be part of the cool kids club really bad.
00:04:43
Speaker
And so I did everything that I could. So for example, in elementary school, I have always been, I was always very good in school. um I was very, you know, I i made straight A's and and things like that. And there was a specific teacher in fourth grade, Ms. Contreras. I remember her. Well, she and she passed away. So, no um but she, i loved her and apparently she really liked me or whatever, but there was this group of girls at the time that I really wanted to be friends with and hang out.
00:05:15
Speaker
But i got shunned or picked on by them because I was the teacher's pet. Right. And so there were, you know, I,
00:05:26
Speaker
changed my ways or acted differently or did whatever. And then about two years later was when I started hanging out with those girls. And so those are the kinds of things. And then obviously those were the things that also led me into doing a lot of things that I shouldn't have been doing. That was when, you know, there were drugs that came into play. There were,
00:05:48
Speaker
Just smoking and skipping school and all of that. And that led all the way through junior high. That was also whenever I ended up pregnant at 15 years old. And not that I would ever, ever take that back because when I got pregnant, that was actually in the end of my ninth grade year, which was my wake up call when I stopped hanging out with those girls, stopped doing all of those things. So that was God. you know And if I brought tell you that God was with me in so many ways, even though I hadn't dedicated my life to him,
00:06:16
Speaker
He protected me in so many ways. And not my little girl, and my older, I say little girl, she's still my baby. little um She knows that. And I've told her that so many times, like you, she literally saved my life.
00:06:27
Speaker
yeah um So anyway, but then as I went into high school, that was kind of when I started with the multiple friend groups where I had my friends that were also really good in school. We were in all honors together. You know, we weren't doing anything that we shouldn't have been doing.
00:06:46
Speaker
And then i had my other little crew that, you know, they were the popular kids, the more popular girls, all the, you know, cheerleaders, Nancy men, y'all, ah please don't take this as in I'm trying to, what's the word that I'm looking for? well I don't want to play stigma on certain things because that's not what I mean. But in, in that,
Authenticity and Identity in Adulthood
00:07:06
Speaker
in those days, in that time, you know, that's how I saw it during that time in my mind and my little high school brain yeah was that was who it was that I wanted to hang out with. And then,
00:07:20
Speaker
I still had that the other group of girls that I had really stopped hanging around with, but I would still talk to them every now and then. So they were very different, all of these groups. And each time that I would hang out with those different groups, I was a completely different person with every group because I just wanted to fit in.
00:07:38
Speaker
hmm. and so And then I even took that all the way into my adult years. And it wasn't until these last few years of me really diving into the personal development, things like that, that day that I woke up and was like, who who what are you doing? And what do you want? And who are you supposed to be hanging out with? And what kind of friends do you want to have? And who are you? And that's when I really just kind of struggled with finding me and loving me.
00:08:08
Speaker
for who I am and being okay with being me, no matter who I was with. Right. i I feel like our stories are very similar in that aspect because it was a hundred percent trying to be other people for other people, you know? And I think that's where the whole people, people pleaser side effects came from like way young.
00:08:30
Speaker
I mean, same situation. I mean, I always had, all different types of friends. And I kind of prided myself on that too, because it's like, Oh, I'm just friends with everybody. You know, like I don't need just one group of friends. I have these people in this club I was in or this sport that I did. And it was, but really deep down, i did that because I didn't know who I really was because I didn't technically fit in a box.
00:08:55
Speaker
I didn't fit with just the popular girls or ah you know, the sports or the clubs and just the different dynamics there. And so, like you said, it wasn't until probably the last 10 years for me that I really started to see, okay, I don't fit in a box.
00:09:12
Speaker
I don't fit into a mold of like, who people wanted me to be. And it started to kind of shift where I was okay with being different. And I kind of started to have a new narrative that was like, I'm unique. I'm different. I'm not like everyone else, but that's what makes me special in God's eyes. It's like, I don't need to be somebody else.
00:09:33
Speaker
And, um, but that's hard too, because then you feel like, well, not going to fit in I'm not going to be, you know, ah you know, I guess people have opinions about you starting to speak out and, yeah you know, say your own truth and things like that.
00:09:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's where, that's where you have to really, that's where the taking yourself out of and away from certain situations and certain people, but at the same time, holding, holding true to that and sticking to it because it's so easy to fall back into.
00:10:08
Speaker
But at the end of the day, it all boils down to self-love and self-worth. And that's where I think ah for me that that struggle really when I when I was really at that point that I was trying to find, you know, find me a who I even was and what I wanted in life.
The Importance of Self-Worth and Authentic Friendships
00:10:26
Speaker
what type of friends that i even wanted to be around, I really, really struggled with self-worth. And the more i tried to to realize, like you said, that that feeling of being different and unique, like that hits for me really hard because that's how I always felt. always felt that I hung out with all these people and I changed who I was.
00:10:52
Speaker
but I didn't really fit in with any of them. And I was just like, I'm just different. But at the same time, I don't know who I am. And it was really hard to figure out who I was because of all the different people. Yeah, you were shifting so much. And I feel like then we start to become other people, but then it still doesn't feel right because it's not truly who we are.
00:11:09
Speaker
We're just trying to mold ourself. to be, you know, to fit in and to feel accepted. Yeah. And you can't because I mean, as much as we want to be shaped and molded that way, that's not what we were created to do. And that's what feels wrong. It's just, you don't, you just don't feel authentically yourself because you're, you're trying to be someone you're not.
00:11:29
Speaker
Yeah. And so I think what happened for me when I guess I started to have this realization. And for you, if you're listening, like if you're in this place and if you're feeling like I have, you know, so many different friend groups and you know, what do I do or how do i just love me for who I am so I can always be authentically me and never feel like I'm being fake.
00:11:52
Speaker
Cause that's how I felt, right? Is that I felt like when I hung around with certain people, i would leave and I felt so drained because I was like, that's not me. It's performance. yeah You're putting on a performance because it's like to just feel accepted. You're like, okay, well, I have to act this way, talk this way, dress this way even. Because I mean, I even um yeah back in high school, you know you pull out all the, I mean, I go back to junior high and wore leopard pants. you know I didn't want to wear leopard pants. And I'm like, trying to fit in because that's our, that's our crew. We were the leopard pants crew. So, you know, as a it's so crazy to think back because like you said, it even transcends into adulthood where I found myself like surrounded by certain groups of people.
00:12:33
Speaker
And you're doing things that it may not feel right. And I feel like that's that first sign that you know that you're not being like truly yourself because you're doing and and participating in things or just having discussions that just feel wrong or off or just not right with who you really want to surround yourself with, I guess.
00:12:54
Speaker
hmm. Yeah, that's what that's what I was going to say. It's just that that is the first sign is that if it something feels off, if you feel drained, if you, the little things, like when you, like you said, when you go to get dressed and you second guess or question what you're about to wear based on who you're going to hang out with, um God, like that, that alone, you know, or- no all of those things are if, if when you're in with those people and you're having conversation and if you are second guessing what you're going to say based on how they're going to respond, or if you're saying things that you wouldn't normally say, because you're just trying all of those things, all those things are little signs. Like that's not you.
00:13:41
Speaker
So I'm not saying that you have to stop hanging out with those people. What I'm saying is just be you. and be authentically you. And that's where it really takes doing that inner work and that self work and just finding you and knowing that you are uniquely created just as you are. And, and that's okay.
00:14:03
Speaker
And to, to love you. And I know that as I've gotten older, as I've done the work, you know, Mandy and I were just talking that, Last year was the year when i and I talked to y'all about this too on one of the episodes that I just, I put so much time into my work and my career and other things that I was participating in last year that I really didn't spend as much time focused on
00:14:35
Speaker
the other things and the people and the friends that I love. Right. And so that has really, i realized it last year and I have been trying to do a better job.
00:14:46
Speaker
Um, but I just really got slapped in the face with it Um, over the last couple of weeks, just because I think I've personally just kind of isolated myself again. um which is what I do whenever I'm personally working on things, i tend to isolate.
00:15:00
Speaker
Um, but It just really hit me in the face um in a good way, though, just realizing how much my friend group has changed, how much smaller it's gotten.
00:15:14
Speaker
um I have very, very few close friends. But of those close friends and even a little bit outside of that, friend group, like Mandy was saying earlier, before we joined the people that we've associated with are so different.
00:15:35
Speaker
And so it's the kind of friends and the kind of people that I can wear whatever I want. I can say what's on my mind and how I feel. And I never feel like I'm being judged. I never feel like I'm not being true to myself.
00:15:52
Speaker
I never feel like You know, even going down the road of saying like this, the people that I hang out with that make me feel like I have superpowers and make me feel like the best version of myself when I'm with them. That's when you know, that's when you know that you have found you and that you love you and that you respect you is that the people that you are with, you feel very authentic with them too.
00:16:17
Speaker
Well, and I feel like they bring out the best part of you. Yeah. Like, because they're not expecting a certain response or a certain version of you, they truly know who you are. And it brings out that better version because you do feel like you can be yourself. And, and so it just flows well. And so it's definitely, you know,
00:16:37
Speaker
the the quality over the quantity in friendships. It's just being able to find your your inner circle that's going to connect with you. And, you know, even if it's you're different, because I feel like even now, like there's so many of us around that I have, like you said, ah acquaintances or friends, and we're all so different.
00:16:58
Speaker
But at the same time, we connect on such a level because, I don't know how to explain it, but it's almost like a higher level of thinking. Like you can just, it's a deep thinking and deep conversations and being able to connect on a different level that you don't, you don't feel like it's surface level and you're, you're able to kind of have those, those conversations that, yeah.
00:17:19
Speaker
motivate you, inspire you, change you know the direction because you actually feel like, one, I'm being myself. Two, this is a quality conversation, quality relationships that are moving me forward and just the connections that have come based on that.
00:17:35
Speaker
And it continues
Embracing Authentic Self Amidst Life Experiences
00:17:36
Speaker
to happen. And so that's whenever you know it's kind of in alignment because you're constantly being surrounded by just authentic people. and And that helps you be more of yourself too.
00:17:47
Speaker
Yeah. The doers, believers, dreamers. Yeah. And it's being able to have those people and those conversations, but all, but it all boils down to being able to love you.
00:18:01
Speaker
hmm. Like that's where I bought, like for me, that's, I wasn't able to find those people or have those friends and until i was authentically me and was okay with that. Okay. With who I was deep down inside and who God created me to be. i had to come to terms with who that person was and then to love her. Mm-hmm.
00:18:28
Speaker
Because that's where I really, really struggled was just loving me and not just loving me for now, but also loving me for every other version of myself, loving me for all of the accomplishments that I had.
00:18:45
Speaker
And loving me for all of the things that I'm not proud of. Right. Because it would have been a lot easier for me to find me and love me way back then before life happens. Right. Right.
00:18:58
Speaker
But it's when, you know, you wake up and you're in your 30s and you're like, who am I? And where am I going with my life? It's that battle of this is who I know I truly am and the things that I want to do But I have all of these past, you know, things that trying to let go of and forgive and move forward from.
00:19:22
Speaker
So that way you can connect with everything else that, you know, comes with that, with you being your true and authentic self. Right. And it's taken that and not looking at it as a negative because I feel like, I mean, everyone can look back and and look through all the different things that you have been through and to know that none of it was by accident.
00:19:46
Speaker
And, you know, it was all part of the plan because think about how much, That would have been if you didn't have those experiences, what how that would have affected you now.
00:19:57
Speaker
Like you wouldn't be who you are now. i mean, none of us would. Like we all have certain, you know, phases in our life that are there for a reason. And then it finally starts to come to light where you're like, oh yeah, i see that now. But at the same time, all of that has shaped us to be authentically ourself for what God has, you know, his will for our life. And nothing's nothing's by accident.
00:20:19
Speaker
It's all on purpose. Yeah, so I agree. one hundred percent So i know this is a little bit of a short episode, but I think really what we came here to talk about today is just being authentically you and to love you for who you are and don't ever feel that you have to be fake or change anything that you do behind closed doors. Whoever you are at home is who you should be able to be in front of.
00:20:48
Speaker
anyone and everyone. um And to just truly sit with and find that person, find who that person is on the inside and know your worth and to love yourself.
00:21:01
Speaker
And regardless of anything that was said or done in the past or who you may have used to be or the conversations that you used to have.
00:21:14
Speaker
And, you know, it's so funny because that still gets brought up today. It's not as much as it used to, but I know and me shifting into who I know that I am and who I want to be. There's been many times where I've been told,
00:21:28
Speaker
you're not the same person anymore. You're not the same person anymore. And I've had to repeatedly say, because that version of me truly wasn't me. Yeah.
00:21:41
Speaker
Right now and today, i am, i can truly say the best version of myself because I am being myself. Like my true authentic self and who I know that I was created to be from day one And all of that from many years before was someone who was just very lost and trying to find her way.
Closing Thoughts on Self-Love and Authenticity
00:22:04
Speaker
Well, I think too, you can look back and to me, for me, it's pictures. I can of look back and look at pictures and say, you can see it all over my face. Oh yeah. That I was putting on a show or doing something that I needed to do. And it's just, it's crazy to look back and just be able to pinpoint all the the little, i don't know, I guess situations or instances where i was in places I knew I shouldn't have been, or I was in places where I could have you know, affected change better if I would have just been the better version of
00:22:36
Speaker
All right. Well, that is all we have for you today. We love you as you are authentically and truly you. And we hope that you can love you too, because you should.
00:22:49
Speaker
And if you are listening to the podcast for the first time, welcome. We are so happy that you're here. If you are listening in again, thank you. Thank you for coming back. If you love today's episode, please leave us a review. um If this is something that You need someone else to hear that's close to you and they need to hear this. If you want to send this to one of your friends and say, this is this is us and our relationship and why I love you so much, send it to them so they can listen to it. um And other than that, um as always, remember, you are strong, you are capable, and you are worthy.
00:23:23
Speaker
We love you and we're endlessly rooting for you. We'll see you next time.