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WTF News: #1 source in WTF News
20 Plays2 months ago
This week in news we got the great chicken wing heist,seafood attack, stupid is as stupid does, take my candy back or else, your wedding ain't a Beyonce concert, mandatory penis stories and so much more to make you say WTF?!?!
FOLLOW US EVERYWHERE Bio.link/nosensicalnetwork
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Transcript
Introduction and Show Overview
00:02:50
Speaker
What's going on everybody? Happy Wednesday. Welcome to what the fuck news? We got a packed house tonight for what the fuck news? We got three we gotta recap we got the new QB number two of the team places in the building. Jeff is QB three and Conner's barely even on the team and at this point and killer cam is just trying to make it on the team And of course you guys know our QB one. I'm the yeah, I'm cute. I'm QB one. I'm the goat I'm the franchise quarterback of this of this fine establishment this nonsensical network Just like I don't understand anything he just said but I know he's bragging about himself so fuck him but
00:03:41
Speaker
It's sports related. I
Platforms and Merchandise
00:03:44
Speaker
got it. I got the joke. anyho What's going on everybody? Welcome to what the **** news. Like I can said, blazes in the building, you know, in the building, cabs in the building and newly returning Lieutenant Dan, you got magic legs but honors but they turned him made invisible. They turned him invisible already. We missed it.
00:04:11
Speaker
we missed What's that, Chris? Connor has this cloak of invisibility on that, or he's back in the bathroom, tickling him his gun, whatever the case may be. What up, Chris Technician. Speaking of the network, if you're not already, go ahead and check us out everywhere. We are on the Facebook, Instagram, Hex, and TikTok.
00:04:31
Speaker
Don't forget. You can watch this live Monday through Sunday, basically on YouTube, Twitch, and Facebook. And you can listen to us anytime, any place, wherever you listen to podcasts that updated daily. So you get the shows the very next day on the Spotify after they're live. Um, all at the nonsensical network, or you can simply go to bio dot link slash nonsensical network.
00:04:57
Speaker
And don't forget, ladies and gentlemen, we do have merch now. There's a link to our little merchant merch right there. And if you go to our bio link right up at the top, that link to the merch is there as well. It'll take you right to the store and you can peruse. We got some, some limited selections for right now, but we got some network shirts and we got some nonsensical nonsense gear and hoodies. I think there's some coffee cups up in there and some water bottles and whatnot.
00:05:29
Speaker
connor's legs soon as i go to indiana limited edit and and get a mold of Connor's legs. But the merch store is not so small. DashNonsense.myspreadshop.com. yeah and We'll leave that up there for just a few minutes.
00:05:50
Speaker
um
00:05:53
Speaker
That doesn't work. it is It is Wednesday. It is what the fuck
Shoutouts and Upcoming Events
00:06:01
Speaker
news. We are your number one source and news that makes you go what the fuck real quick. I want to get a couple of shout outs out the way. Fireman rich. Thanks for still watching. We appreciate your buddy.
00:06:10
Speaker
didn then
00:06:13
Speaker
Also. um We don't spend two hours just talking about our network or our, our social media. So pay a little bit more attention. I know you're not right upstairs. You got a little current case of the Joe Biden. So but let people know that we actually have content and it's fun.
00:06:29
Speaker
You know? Also, an even bigger shout out to the Southern Outlaws Band and Josh and Willie Nelson. If you guys caught last night's episode of Licks House of Music, I had him on. We were talking about the big show coming up Labor Day weekend, Saturday, August 31st. Stop up at 5 fours Distillery up in Newton Falls, Ohio. We're going to have music from. Josh Lee Nelson.
00:07:00
Speaker
Uh, and the Southern Outlaws band, I'll be MC in the event. There's going to be great food up there. Um, and, and good drinks as well. It's going to be a really good time. Throw that up there on the screen real quick. Let me get rid of this. so you guys God damn. Who's that ugly ass here at the bottom, right? Hey, hey, hey, that's our list. And Dave, you'd be nice. I said bottom right. Oh, that's, that's Josh. Did you go to elementary school?
00:07:29
Speaker
yeah glad Right from left. I'm just not gonna give you the pleasure.
00:07:38
Speaker
um Yeah, a little little little little somethings something going on. It'll be a good time. And it's and it's where a it's for
Charity Event for Veterans
00:07:45
Speaker
an awesome cause. It is for our disability veterans. All the money raised will be going to the it's ah Chapter 11 up there in their neck of the woods.
00:07:55
Speaker
You know, if you're in the area, if you want to make a road trip, a weekend trip, come on up. They will be playing Saturday night. And then they'll also be playing at the, Oh, what is it? The wild horse, iron horse saloon evening as well, which is just right up the road. So two nights of kick-ass music and good. You're having some sound issues, buddy.
00:08:21
Speaker
Yeah. Your, your mic just was real. Your microphone decided that you should be on old timey radio. It did sound like that. It's like it's unplugged or something. It's unscripted. Yeah. I'm having a technical difficulty.
00:08:46
Speaker
thank
00:08:48
Speaker
Switch, switch over to mic. Yeah. There we go. Now, that's better. Now, we're back in business.
Technical Issues and Banter
00:09:00
Speaker
I don't know if I should leave her. She have not said anything. It would have been funny.
00:09:07
Speaker
yeah its a It'll be a good weekend of it'll be a fun weekend of kick ass music with kick ass people. ah So if you guys are up in the Newton Falls area or you want to make a trip up to North, ah Northeast Ohio, come on up. Come see everybody say hi. Uh, I'll be there, you know, doing the, doing the rounds, you know, taking the pictures, signing the autographs, shaking babies, kissing people. yeah know if i heard If you like gay sex, I heard that Glick is DJing.
00:09:42
Speaker
and
00:09:44
Speaker
Actually, I was actually I was in talks with blazing and he was gonna do a special charity thing behind the rest stop for us there you go Yeah, I'm on my way but can flight now that's all things to the beds letting the Concrete hurt oh wait, that's me ah listen contest Get too old for this shit But anyways, yeah, it it was a good show last night. We had
Guest Appearance and Social Media Help
00:10:18
Speaker
fun. And down the road, Josh will be back on Glick's House of Music. We're going to do a one-on-one with him, really cool guy. And I might be doing some more work with him down the road to help him get get him yeah help get him acquainted with social media and using it on a regular basis because, as he said last night, that basically technology is his kryptonite.
00:10:45
Speaker
So, oh you know, we'll see what we can do to help him get up there and get moving around. Cause, uh, he's, uh, well, it's very simple. You do 400 tests on 15 different locations. Well, yeah, obviously that's where we started. And then two years later, we'll actually phone cases but do something on it. All right.
00:11:16
Speaker
Oh, you take it from the master.
00:11:20
Speaker
Yeah. But, uh, any who it's Wednesday, it's time for what the fuck news. Welcome back. How's the, how's the news? New legs. Well, it's the same ones I had last time. It was just my back to better now. They work now. You can dance to jig, do the one. Yeah. I got it.
00:11:43
Speaker
I got a ah better router for them. I got a better router. They connect faster. Nice. I got a nice little. yeah that five for um I got bunny ears. i was gonna They pop out of my, but out of the lower back. Kind of looks like i got bunny ears popping out of my eyes. Oh, okay. well i but those one i run fast from ah that and That answers that question. i ask if you have now grade yeah We all witnessed it. We all witnessed before we went live that Connor can walk up and down the stairs. It's really impressive.
00:12:23
Speaker
I don't know about it. No, no, no, no, it's wireless. I don't know about impressive, but it happens. I hack into the city's mainframe.
00:12:39
Speaker
ah
00:12:43
Speaker
are you on fives the only way I can power these damn things. Did did you did you have to do that upgrade or does that come standard?
00:12:54
Speaker
What the fuck, Connor? We're talking to you. My wife just walked in, would you say? We we are so many real bosses. Or did you have to get the upgraded package? Did I have to get the upgraded package for what?
00:13:08
Speaker
for your Bluetooth, your fiber optic on your legs. I told you they're not fiber optic. I'm wireless, completely wireless. No cables, no nothing. it's The only problem is when you need to recharge them. He's got a Tesla coil in his back pocket. There's a charger in your ass. Well, that's where you that's where you plug it in at. i've I've got one of those Tesla home ports in the garage. I just have to go sit out there for a while.
00:13:32
Speaker
i Shove
Humorous Stories and Exchanges
00:14:02
Speaker
In the house looks at your ugly mom that's doing funny butts up with the extension for it again
00:14:12
Speaker
Just leave him be. Just leave him be. Mommy, can can can Uncle Frank be our new daddy? Our old daddy is shoving things in his ass in the garage. Listen, I'm telling you, it makes me look high tech though. I have like little light bars that light up on my love handles.
00:14:29
Speaker
so yeah um
00:14:33
Speaker
We can find you in the dark. he delights shit Well, no, I light up in the dark because I had a chem light. That's that's long. That's an old one. There's somebody at the door. There's somebody at the door. Can you answer it? Yeah, it's probably Amazon. No, shoot him. They're here. Oh, no, turn the camera on back on and take it. We wanted to see the beating. I want to see as we speak. He's got he got.
00:15:04
Speaker
what
00:15:06
Speaker
right All of a sudden you're here, get down on the floor! I want to see someone get SHOT on live on the podcast. That would be great WTF news. Oh shit, go down and in there for me. This just in Glick is beast, live on the show. They just don't know why Tim, look at them.
00:15:30
Speaker
And for the next month, all you will see on our Facebook page is replays of him taking it to the face. He does that anyway. The back of his head just exploding out of his skull. On repeat. That's where he got his championship belt is for taking the most facials in the new Cockney Championship, man. There's a reason why he's here. You know I happen to hear about it and I can hear you guys.
00:15:57
Speaker
Oh, we know. We know. We're with you. Who's at the door? Why? Fired. Fired. Blaze, I guess you could stay. This is your first offense, sir. i mean I'm just not even here anyway. Oh, it's dropping because I ain't fucking stopping.
00:16:26
Speaker
I told you, I told you last week, I'll pull up. but iin't Hey, welcome back. yeah sounds like conugh's charger you what I don't know some dude. He's like, is my niece here? I'm like, who the fuck is your niece? what i have a girl that runs around with The other little girl. And I'm like,
00:16:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Super descriptive guy. If you don't get off my porch, you're going to find my niece's name. You narrowed it down to a female. My niece's name is. Yeah. Of any age. My nephew's name is Jackson. I was like, yeah, no. The only kid that comes to my house is a little boy down at the end. And he was like, oh, okay. You and your, you and your, shut up, Connor. It's Ash's friend.
00:17:15
Speaker
they're kids you weirdo Oh, Jesus. All the, all the, all the more the bad thing that it was that you just said that. Yeah. The only little thing that comes in our house. This shit's going to get close.
00:17:31
Speaker
like Jesus, man. They're little, they're little kids, bro. Calm down. I'm going to end up on a list like Jeff. but but atic storage Is that what you want? Jeff is on a no problem. Is that what you want?
00:17:46
Speaker
and Jeff was deported from the United States of America. Do you want to end up like him? It was exiled. As long as they deport me to Canada, good I can, I can perform. a i over there Jeff was basically exiled to the void at the end of the day. Let's be honest. I am the Cassandra Novak of Cancud. Yes.
00:18:12
Speaker
Yeah, no, two are you are definitely not. You're the guy at the TVA who got literally skull fucked by a hand. Wait, what? Where did that happen? What is going on? Oh, you have much Deadpool?
00:18:25
Speaker
there's no i haven much the dead pool That's why I intentionally didn't. Okay, well, we won't we will we won't talk you anymore. ah Although it's hard not to see a lot of the spoilers on like TikTok and Facebook and literally it's everything. It's irritating. We have a link that you could have watched you could have watched it already. We have a link. I sent you guys a link, yeah. i've I don't pay attention to the group chat half the time because they had 9,000 voice messages. Listen, I'm home all day. I've got time to listen to them, but when I get 35 in a row, I just...
00:18:56
Speaker
You know, just just be better. Just do like me. Turn off your notifications like me and care less. Just wait till you go to the shooter and do it then. Yeah, yeah. Instead of that's almost four hours instead of playing with your gun. Exactly. That's right. yeah That's the other thing is like I'll be sitting there in the living room and I'll go to listen to a voice message and then all of a sudden Jeff
Old Devices and Pranks
00:19:18
Speaker
starts talking and I'm like, oh, this is rated X. All right. Dude, there's times I'm like inside the grocery store and I'll get a voice a voice chat from one of your motherfuckers. Instead of hitting play, I'll hit transcribe so I can read it. Yeah. Transcribe. You know what? You know what? with with With our group, it's better safe than sorry at the end of the day. It's like, Connor, you might, you might be a little bit too young for this, but, uh, you guys remember the old next cell phones?
00:19:51
Speaker
Oh, the truth yeah tur to talk the chirp, the text. that Every time I hear a sound thatok that remotely sounds like the old neck style, my stomach drops yeah because my buddies, we all had them and we would wait and know somebody was in the mall or in a grocery store at a restaurant or something and chirp them. And you're usually you chirp them and you wait for a response. So we key it up and be like,
00:20:16
Speaker
Motherfucker, no, no, no, I suck dick. Who wants to come in? Somebody clipped that. Oh, I heard that. It's time to me and didn't think about that. And so I just said the most racist, vulgar, dumb shit that you can say. And just people on the train, you you're on speaker.
00:20:39
Speaker
It's not my fault. Hey, you put me on speech. You're an idiot. That's at your own risk. I'm sorry. You're an idiot. I know you have beat headphones. We've met. You should not put me on speaker. Oh, hi. My Snapchat is not safe for work. Our group chat is not safe for work. That's why this earbud never leaves my ear.
00:21:06
Speaker
one dies and the new one goes in. That's why yeah i just just I just don't even open half of them. If it's important, you'll you'll put it as like a message so that it can be saved. well See, i have an extra I have an extra filter that I run all the Jeff's messages through just in case. in chat I believe it, Chris. Listen to this.
00:21:33
Speaker
the ah You get in a lot of times, like a lot of times when I think of something, yeah, a lot of times when I think of something show related, I'm working or whatever. It's just easy just to be like, all right, I can keep doing what I'm doing and just be like, Hey, by the way, uh, you know, can we do this on the show or whatever? You know? And so you got to listen to sometimes most of the times the conversation starts. So listen to the beginning because it is generally podcast. I don't, I don't gotta do shit.
00:22:06
Speaker
and I can do whatever yeah I want i do that firinging you like wait because I'm about to I'm about to repo that. I'm going to repo your legs. So you guys want to watch the shrimp on my legs and it just makes it so that I don't get nails in it. It's not that big. So anyways, well, you know, there's some news going on but part part part of the course part of the course. I mean, you might get picked up by another podcast the way they're going. So, you know, you can have your own.
Viral Videos and Bizarre News
00:22:40
Speaker
ah But anyways, yes, let's, let's, let's get into the news. Obviously, Blaze is excited about one of his stories. I am. um So I, okay. So since there's like five of us tonight, I had like four stories, but I think by the time hold on two two hours, I'm only going to do two. So, but both of my come, come with the video. but The first one is a restaurant in China.
00:23:03
Speaker
So I guess this is like viral on TikTok at the moment, nearly like 5 million views. the yeah The lady went to go eat her shrimp, but the shrimp wasn't exactly dead and it fight back like ah if fought back. fought back pretty hard. Oh, I think I've seen this video. Yeah. Oh, man. How hard is it to fight a shrimp?
00:23:26
Speaker
Oh my god. Dude, this shrimp. This shrimp has a Napoleon fucking shrimp complex. Like this. said This brought this lady to fucking tea. Let's go. Oh my god. Oh my god.
00:23:58
Speaker
Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
00:24:32
Speaker
attend
00:24:37
Speaker
Look, I got no problems eating raw, like I, so I like to consider myself a food adventure. engineer And I, I'll eat raw food. I'll try different things. I love raw fish, but like, make sure the shit's dead first. Like don't eat anything long. Like like I've seen, but it looks like this restaurant like, put it into the box once you cook it yourself. yeah Oh, okay.
00:25:05
Speaker
Yeah. So there are, there are some hiding these restaurants where they bring you the food and you actually put it in the pot. and cook So where's the videos of the people trying to cook their own lobsters in a restaurant? That's what I wanted.
00:25:17
Speaker
Am I the only one here who who wanted to just punch her in the fucking throat? Right now. Tell her. So yeah that that's all I heard. I couldn't even see it because I was doing something else. I'm like, what the fuck are y'all doing? That sure that that.
00:25:37
Speaker
shrimp that she was trying to cook and eat is called a manish shrimp and they have these like claws that go up under like that that thing that was stuck in there and it tucks up underneath of of them and when they see their prey it shoots out while it has it has the impact of like a 22 caliber bullet.
00:25:56
Speaker
So when it hits, I mean, even just taking one to the hand, it'll, there's a video of a guy who has those and he sticks his hand down in the tank and blast his hands. Well, the one time it broke like two bones in his hand when it hit him, but they've also got hooks that sometimes they'll hook in, which you see there. but yeah why would you shrimpard nasty Why would you give a freaking customer here? Look this at your table. It's a dangerous shrimp. It can fuck you up and have fun.
00:26:24
Speaker
Why do people eat fucking? Well, most people don't drop them. They they usually drop boiling water. That's what you get for using sticks. I'm sorry. Over scared. Like you all my top i have to sign a waiver, but it's in China. So I mean, they don't really care anyway. Like, OK, I'm not trying to say I'm not trying to be an asshole when I say this, but chopsticks to me just don't make any sense. agreed Like I know how to use a pair, but I'd rather use if they don't. And I'm sorry, that shrimp would have got stabbed before. Yeah, I would use it. and like I'm less than medium. I don't boil this. up upstairs Yeah, why didn't they? Yeah, why didn't somebody just come over and like with a pair of scissors and and cut its little leg off? Like, there we go. Problem solved. travel that like stations they They lock.
00:27:15
Speaker
It's like a bar. It's like a barb. Yeah, I was gonna say so like you go yeah have and i thought if you rip the claw off a crab when a crab, if a crab nips you or something, like it will stay on there until you fucking pry it off. You have to get something in between its claw to pry it off. i can well yes i'm saying you know it's It's definitely got to be a lot easier to try to pull that thing out when it's not attached to a pissed off manuscript. Once again,
00:27:43
Speaker
bring it to be cooked. Problem solved. Or dead. I'm with Jeff. have to be cooked You can even, you can even bring it in a bucket. If I, I'm not going to go pay to go cook. Yes. If I'm going to go to a restaurant, I can fucking cook at home for the same price. ah differ for for I have a little less. Bring it to be fucking cooked. Problem solved.
00:28:02
Speaker
That's like a lot of these expensive ass Japanese and Chinese. I don't know if there's Chinese thing or a Japanese thing where you go and it's got like the boiling hot water. And you just stick the beef in and I'm like, first of all, it's boiled beef. The Korean barbecues do that too. They bring it. korean maybe literally The Korean barbecues, they literally have like a barbecue pit surrounding your table and you cook your own meat. I'm like, this is retarded.
00:28:27
Speaker
I just go to Walmart and pick up a bunch of meat and cook the shit. Yes. Why am I paying to fucking cook my own shit? Because you're paying not to have to clean up, that's why. Yeah, there's a yeah cook I want to eat and get the fuck out. Yeah, there's a pancake place down in Florida. I think it's in the Orlando area where you go in. It's like an all you need pancake buffet.
00:28:52
Speaker
but you sit down at the table and there's like griddles and whatever. They bring you all the ingredients to make the pancakes. You have to mix it and pour it on the but on the griddle and cook everything. It's just like I could have just done this at home in my underwear. Agreed. This is my home class. Like we're making a shit like once a once a welcome to the slaughterhouse. Here's a knife. Pick a cow. Yeah. Now that's I think I think Cam is I think Cam is lost. So that's like you want to move on someone else.
00:29:22
Speaker
who's going next cam i got what cam you got a story yeah um he looked lost i'm down i'm down you're like a no i heard you're talking about the shrimp you're getting a fucking haircut the other day i'm getting one i haven't had tomorrow's my first day off in a week he looks like a 70s porn star hey doesn' All I can think about that Movie get hard with Will Ferrell and fucking Kevin Hart where he walks into the way He's like, what do you want you air?
00:29:57
Speaker
ah nice um Go get cornrows, it'll be hilarious. I was gonna say yeah and bitcheing oh goes on tra not please don cam not us There was a lady in Chicago that Stole 1.5 million dollars in chicken wings to fund her gambling addiction Jeff must have seen it but
00:30:30
Speaker
She worked for the school district in Chicago and she was stealing them for over like two years during the pandemic during the pandemic yeah Yeah, and she just pled guilty this week um But she got nine years in prison and she had to pay a one million dollar fine How many pounds of chicken wings is 1.5 million dollars worth of chicken? She ran a foul of the law um did no one notice her being wall sitting out of the back so they got it they said like She had a van that she took to work every day. She's like, no shit. She would order. So according to the school, but the school was closed. So she's there. And then, you know, they said like five boxes a ton. And she put all five boxes in fucking cups.
00:31:27
Speaker
I didn't hear what you say something about winging it. Oh, that's a good one. too i No, I said she ran afoul of the law. well i know that was a lame story about I thought it was interesting. i went No, it's fine. I was looking at that. oneelebrity all i had that Some celebrity offered to pay her like yeah, Chris Jones football player. Yeah, forget the million dollar fine dude. If I'm one of the kids at that school and we run out of chicken wings and you tell me I can't freaking have any and I find out you're the mother of them and steal them. You fuck what kind of chicken wings. It's in Chicago. You know, it is. What do you mean we're out? Let me see your baby. I heard that cab. I'm not commenting.
00:32:18
Speaker
serious. I was going to type my comment in the private chat, but I'll leave it alone now. Yeah. No, that's the line. There is no line. That's the line. I didn't hear that story. Say it again, Cam. I said there is. She was literally ordering for the school, and then she would sell them. Oh, I have another one that's actually kind of close to home.
00:32:59
Speaker
Y'all hear what happened in Myrtle Beach a couple of days ago? Someone running around shaving people's heads. It could be anything. So somebody had a altercation at a candy store and he actually pulled a gun on the employees and threatened to shoot them. He tried to return his candy and they told him no.
00:33:21
Speaker
I told you sugar free motherfuckers. He did end up indeed returning the candy. Yeah, he yeah, he he he wanted to return the candy to the candy store. And they basically was like, i'm sorry, got bites taken out of it.
00:33:40
Speaker
Yeah, they're like, sure, you have to get our refund policy or our return policy. And then I guess the dude, the dude, I don't know if he pulled a gun or threatened to come back with a gun, but he threatened to, he threatened to shoot them at the store if they didn't take the candy bag. Oh, damn. Oh, wow. Oh, piss that guy off on Halloween, man. For once you molested the children, we can't, we can't take it. Give me a whole candy bowl. yeah they should didnna the children I said only one piece.
00:34:08
Speaker
At least he wasn't lying about having candy in his van. Oh, shit. like If I hopped in it, listen, if though if that's where every coach is like, hey, sorry, you got I touched you, but here's a piece of candy. that's it sounds like a Good day. I didn't know where this is going, but.
00:34:33
Speaker
oh like a consolacious bribe you know Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Is that wrong? Because Nikki rewards me with a piece of candy. Every time she touches me at that point, it's just prout right.
00:34:45
Speaker
you You eating her edible underwear off doesn't count. Oh my gosh. Who's a good boy? Who wants a treat? I do. Ooh, there's chocolate in this one. Who's going for go filmy hard dog tonight? Are those candy hearts with red? What the fuck, Connor?
00:35:08
Speaker
who Blue on the outside, red on the inside. It's like a gusher. Ask Nikki if she wants to hunt for the milk dud later.
00:35:21
Speaker
Well, I have a story for you, gentlemen. We'll do one more. We'll take a quick break. Go ahead. All right. Real quick, Chris, how long were you and Nikki on longterm long-term long-distance relationship before she moved in?
00:35:41
Speaker
Uh... I don't know. Four, five, six months of my head. Four, five months of my head. I don't know. There is a company that could have solved your guys' problems. It's the remote kissing device. Let's long distance lover share silicone smooches. I have a picture of the device. I don't think kisses were the problem with the long distance relationship. What the fuck? Give it a kiss, daddy.
00:36:04
Speaker
oh you Why does it look like it's on an as asthma inhaler?
00:36:11
Speaker
Apparently, the remote kissing bite created by some guy at the Institute ah in mechanical technology in China allows users to share kisses over long distances using a set of silicone lips and a smartphone app. Jeff, you're on the mail. um Yeah, I'm on the other side.
00:36:35
Speaker
Yeah, we're gonna. It's just a big deal though. Do you imagine if you went on to some like rate of Japan, you can collect enough parts to build the ultimate sex stall? Well, well you you talked about a couple weeks ago, you talked about that the silicone that became like, they made it sentient or whatever, where they put it on an AI.
00:36:57
Speaker
Oh yeah, they were. It wasn't sent to you, but yeah, yeah. Yeah, they were making DNA of your lover. Fake skin, yeah. Yeah, good fake skin. So it feels like a real thing. I'm good. <unk> This tastes like the real thing too. I'm actually thinking about moving to Japan, man. Tastes like beef. I was waiting on Jeff to say that. yeah I'm used to hearing that from you. Yeah, that's, it's, it's it doesn't say how much.
00:37:27
Speaker
Jeff usually calls me 48 hours before. Hey, don't shower. Yes, he is. I want the cheese. Do you want to go on break, sir?
00:37:40
Speaker
Stop trying to stick your dick in everything, Jeff. That's the moral of story. Well, if you're not if you don't if you're not going to stick your finger in it, don't stick your finger in it. I'm just saying.
00:37:54
Speaker
go go lips right there. I mean, you know, I think this is going to be a permanent picture. I'm going to go ahead and put that up to the top with the keepers because I feel like that's going to be a clip that could be played quite a bit on on not only this show, but multiple shows. You just sound jealous. No, as one of our favorite goes. Yes, the definition of of jealous is Tony put it. Yes, I am 100%. I'm going to send him one of those kissing machines and keep me at the other side. Come here, Tony. Give me a kiss. Wouldn't it be weird if it could talk? Tony, why is your time always so busy? So the voice comes out so you can literally shut up and kiss. That way you can give you a hummer, too. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm trying to find out the price. You're the Lord, Tony. You have a long, thick tongue.
00:38:57
Speaker
go put
Music Segment and Artist Promotion
00:39:01
Speaker
bit a quick
00:39:05
Speaker
anywho let's says deberry element that is little what's up let's take our first first break of the night here real quick can got brand I got I got I got brand new music from uh from mr hunter lot it's called uh summer nights and I have yet to listen to it all the way through. So I'll be listening to it for the first time as well. I wouldn't be mad at it yeah i wouldnt that it, but I don't think that's what it is you can't do more but now y'all check out Yeah. Go check out Hunter a Lot on all the social medias and everybody listen to music. Hunter Lot music. Go show him some love. He's busting his ass. He's been in the studio a lot lately. So here's his newest song with Summer Nights. Like, share, subscribe. I cash
Strange Stories and Humor
00:43:33
Speaker
I like that. Is it just near to the beginning of that song feel like he was whispering in your ear? I don't know. I had a good thing of squeege.
00:43:44
Speaker
The very beginning of that song, you just roofied my drink and he was trying to prep me for was what was to come. I got that ripple mix drink ready for you. ah no pun she see that already already well so like i don't want that that's ah yeah yeah looking the virus heart yeah the beginning the beginning the The beginning was I was a little throw it off, but it it when it really picked up, I liked it. I liked that stuff. It was good. I liked it. um
00:44:21
Speaker
Yeah, another good little jam from Hunter Lott. Check him out. Show him some more. You're going to check and get people out and show them some love. Welcome back to What the Fuck News, little nonsensical network production, whatever you want to call it. If you're not already, go ahead and check us out on all the socials, bio.lake slash nonsensical network.
00:44:42
Speaker
Uh, everything is there, including the link to our brand new merch store. We got shirts and hoodies and cups and, uh, and, and, uh, all kinds of, all kinds of stuff for you guys to choose from and more stuff to come. Uh, you know, if you guys are, if you guys are buying it and you're wanting it, we'll, we'll, we'll, uh, we'll make it happen. gonna as As I said, y'all, uh, Vicki wants a mini cow and goat farm. So.
00:45:13
Speaker
go buy her merch. but She also wants sweatpants. So I don't know what's, I don't know what's stopping her from making them and then order. i to say that's them that's not that hard But yeah, but you know, hey, that's, that's, that's her project. That's her baby. I, I just tell you guys about it at the end of the day.
00:45:35
Speaker
and I'm just here to tell you about it anyways. Uh, welcome back to what the fuck news. Got a blaze in the building, Jeff's in the building, Connor back in the building. You guys know me. I'm glad we got a little guest in the house killer camp. Well, he was here. Lord knows where he's at now. He's like, he's like the legit new version of Tony. Like he's like, he's the legit Tony D like the new hill. and I'm here, but I'm not here. And that's no shade towards Tony D because he's Tony B.
00:46:09
Speaker
but specific Tony Baloney. No, it's Blanco because you know, colors. Tony Tony Tony C for Tony Cracker.
00:46:22
Speaker
kind
00:46:27
Speaker
That's no shame towards Tony D. That's just. Tuna and Mayo Tacos. We used to, we used to make fun of Tony for just disappearing in the middle of a show. I will be there tonight. Are you?
00:46:42
Speaker
i take show maybe can a Made with cane sugar, yo. There you go. Brought to you by Mexico. Blah, blah, blah, blah, Cameron. Anyways, let's get back in the stories. Connor, what you got for us today? Enjoy that company sandwich.
00:47:07
Speaker
please good apparently ah the worry three oh no you know we're not doing a show or anything here we'll we'll wait for you i've got So i'm I'm sick right now I'm running a fever I'm 99% sure because I can't find the damn ah the thermometer so I'm getting a get off his dick Conner's got three kids all in diapers Yeah, not because I put your dick back in your. pan um not become like
00:47:40
Speaker
I'd be fruitful and multiple anyway. So this this actually happened. today. today is a Yeah, this happened today at 3 31 p.m. After ah it was I found this and it happened like 24 minutes after I had decided that I was going to come on the show tonight. College town police say that they do not need any help with the cleanup after the beer spill in Oxford, Mississippi. ah Where were you?
00:48:17
Speaker
yes So apparently, the the college campus at Oxford, or yeah Oxford, home of the University of Mississippi, Oxford Police Department had to put out a a statement to the college campus to stop coming out to the scene of the spill where a a cargo truck full of beer had essentially flipped and all the beer spilled out. And college kids were showing up to grab all the beer and run.
00:48:45
Speaker
like, oh, yeah, we're just here to we're just here to help out. we We're helping clean up. It's all.
00:48:56
Speaker
Fucking a hell yeah. It's all good. I noticed they would have to put on Glick's door if it happened three blocks from him. It's like stop coming. Stop. Stop. Just stay. Oh, I'm going to go. I'm going to camp. Did it say? Did it say what kind of beer it was?
00:49:15
Speaker
And the words of Deadpool, and the words of Deadpool. I'm touching myself tonight. ah I'm touching myself. But no, it didn't say. It didn't say. The gates of heaven have opened up and God has looked down upon me and smiled if a beer truck tips over in front of me. ah There's only one. m There's only one. ming income
00:49:45
Speaker
I'd get a kid. That's on how you say it. but i well ah I have a good with a white van already said it to me. So a woman in Oxfordshire, she's 40. She's getting divorced, gentlemen. She married a Victorian ghost And she is now divorcing him. She married him in 22. She worked at a like a museum and she took the ghouls bus into her bedroom during a storm, but shortly after fell in love with the ghost of this bus. and but But she is now divorcing him. Take a guess why. but i know I know this story.
00:50:43
Speaker
I find it ironic that she's ghosting him. Well, she's she's divorcing him because he's having an affair with Marilyn Monroe.
00:50:55
Speaker
rockets so good say I said you're stupid. place I know I am.
00:51:04
Speaker
you Yeah, she but she's uh, she's divorcing because he's she she's accusing him of having an affair with Marilyn Monroe I Want to see proof pictures heard I got a picture of her EMT reading or it didn't happen could Comes in with a Ouija board if You're right. You want an you want a emergency medical technician to do a reading or didn't happen? She looks like the type of person that would marry a ghost. Yeah. She looks like the type of person who should put fireworks in a dryer. yeah We're getting there. i but The way she divorced him is by exorcism. What? i'm saying this so had thanks up got mom
00:51:56
Speaker
Yeah, she's crazy. She exercised the demons. Cam, I don't know what you just put in your mouth, but I'm jealous. She got, she got tired of all the sexual healing with no feeling. Yeah. but but Yeah, that's, that's. Was it, was it one song the righteous brothers by chance?
00:52:18
Speaker
but I know before your time, Connor, don't worry. Just go watch the movie ghost.
00:52:26
Speaker
and I do have a question. Hey, watch your language. There's a kid on. Well, no, this is a very simple question. Blaze, where were you? Were you in Florida this past couple of months? What was that? Say that again. Were you in Florida the last couple of months? I was not in Florida the last couple of months, no. Because a Lake County man is accused of stealing $200,000. I'm Lake County. What?
00:52:52
Speaker
ah Have no idea what she said, but that was fucking adorable sorry i think she said i'm gonna say hi i think she said i ah She said I'm Lincoln's brother and then she got embarrassed and messed up Yeah now she said not up here in western north carolina they don't allow that shit
00:53:20
Speaker
So, but then again, you can marry your sister around here. So, I don't know. So, a lake county man in Florida is accused of stealing $200,000 worth of utilities from the power company. Prove it. And he used he used the power to power his greenhouse.
00:53:45
Speaker
fucker should have switched to leds he grew weed you know we house Come on, people. It's $1 million dollar bond. Holy shit.
00:53:59
Speaker
prove it It's 2024. Go to LEDs. Drop the HPS. It ain't the 60s anymore. Unless you find the wires to his house. Exactly. I can disconnect that shit quick.
00:54:15
Speaker
yeah ah yeah that's do i have Okay, thank you I'm pissed to do was dumb enough not to use LEDs. This is the weird duck. bit I agree LEDs are way better way to go All right, go ahead go away, bro
00:54:40
Speaker
ah You got you got it splays. I know you got a story. We're all anxious to get to because I know we okay so the next story uh four four of y'all or three of y'all have already seen and y'all's reactions are pretty funny but this is out of richmond indiana hey molly sorry yeah i want to see it its reaction to this So do not try and do not dry this at home. Don't try this at home.
00:55:09
Speaker
Nice. I hate you so much. He's like, if I didn't have my stitches out, they'd be popping right now.
00:55:21
Speaker
that's a st the with So and this extreme idiot, Richmond idiot, that's what the article says. is This extreme idiot ah sustained a broken ankle and needed stitches in his lip and tongue after putting a lit firework inside a clothes dryer. Wild video shows a daredevil putting his feet on the appliance door and dryer, viewed smoke seconds before it went boom. And guess what, audience? We have the video. We have the video.
00:55:55
Speaker
and So for those of you listening on the podcasting platforms, go follow us on YouTube or our Facebook channel, the Nonsense Will Not Work Network, or go to our Biolink Nonsense Network and go to 56 minutes of this episode and you can see the video. Oh, yes. Also, while you're at YouTube, click like, subscribe and hit that bell. And here we go.
00:56:19
Speaker
yeah
00:56:25
Speaker
the roll
00:56:48
Speaker
You better put your feet up there bro! I just realized that he actually had shoes on. he did but Two times we watched it. I thought he was wearing socks. I'm sorry. Right now.
00:57:08
Speaker
three But t t I don't know, man. um be dude That's about as dumb as the guy who put the firework on his head. That's that. too gets Yeah. I was going to say that is the true definition of eating **** Yeah. Hey, the next day, here, hold my beer. I was working at the ER and I like I was a doctor or a nurse or whatever and he was like, hey, I think I need some stitches on my lip. I asked him what happened. He told me this or showed me the video. I'd be like, I ain't stitching you up. Stupid games win stupid prizes, you ding dong.
00:57:49
Speaker
Oh, man. I want to see part I want to see part two where his buddy says hold my beer and he sits on top of a washing machine that he just put fireworks in.
00:58:02
Speaker
Have you guys seen those videos where people will take the airbag out of a steering wheel? Yeah, yeah dude, don't do that to people that it fucks somebody up. I want to eat in the air, man. no what You don't a lot of the people that sit on them don't know it's coming.
00:58:19
Speaker
Which which can be a blessing and a curse. Yeah, apparently when you're in a car accident, if you go limp, you're not gonna get hurt as much but I landed on his arm and his arm was back here already and I think his arm i heard you don't hear yeah monday either It's a different kind of injury if it's going from up underneath it's a compression injury Yeah, and I can tell you from from experience, spinal injury is where everything goes and accordions inward is bad. He took a lot of ass poundings when he was in the military. That's what happened. Abercrombie ruined my back.
00:58:58
Speaker
A lot of gay sex. A lot of gay sex. Listen, we weren't called Team Ramrod for for no reason. Who's got a small dick now? Look at your broken back. I literally blew his back out. You still had a small dick because most of your thrust was like six feet of air in between us. It was just the only contact where I felt anything.
00:59:25
Speaker
It's all momentum, baby. It's all about the moment. I was watching a i was watching a ah video yesterday talking about airbags.
00:59:38
Speaker
And these guys were doing a restoration on a car. And the one buddy goes, Hey, did we, did you disable the airbags? And his buddy's like, yeah, I think so. And he's in the passenger side seat and he does something to the dash, but the airbag comes out and slams him, but he hits, it hits him at kind of an angle. So it knocks him into the driver's seat. And when he hit the driver's seat.
01:00:03
Speaker
The **** driver side airbag came out and just slam dude. He got **** wrecked. It was accidental because his buddy like went running over. They're like they're like they're they're filming for their YouTube channel. The restoration of this car and he like runs because he gets not completely out of the car. The doors are all off and **** I'm like yeah, I'm sorry. I'm your fan that so I'm laughing. Airbags can go off without electricity. Yeah.
01:00:32
Speaker
yeah I'm sorry. I'm the asshole friend who's going to lose my shit laughing before I check off i would too on you after I'm done laughing. Yes. Yeah. Everybody's scared. I'm a good friend. I'll check first. I'll laugh while I'm helping you, but like, I'll make sure that you're not laughing.
01:00:55
Speaker
We're to go viral. That's the way I'm going. Like I'll laugh. as I'm telling the EMTs like what happened. likell I'll be like, try not to giggle. Oh, that would be one awesome eulogy. He was one hell of a daredevil. smell He started with dryers and he graduated to airbags.
01:01:26
Speaker
Chris, you got another one? Oh, that wasn't even a story. That was just a video that I watched because we were talking about airbags. No, but kind of going around. Yeah, come on yeah I got I got I got I got I got stuff. I got stuff. I'll wrap the show up tonight with with some stories. After we take a break. Give me my give me my time to shine asshole. I'm the superstar here.
01:01:53
Speaker
is and Got a little got a little music. from
01:02:01
Speaker
What was that? What was that? Nothing.
01:02:09
Speaker
I was just scared. it looks like That's not suspicious. I like background music that Jeff was playing with earlier before the show started. I thought I heard somebody. I don't know what you're talking about. OK. OK.
01:02:28
Speaker
I got, new I got, I got not, new not new music, but I got music here from, uh, from James Luecker, a little rambling outlaw. Y'all go check out James Luecker on all the socials and everywhere, street music. He's everywhere. He's everywhere. He's doing his thing. Super active. And we'll be back here in just a few minutes. James Luecker with rambling outlaw.
01:04:24
Speaker
Tennessee, the middle of Georgia, all the way through
01:07:13
Speaker
x hey Welcome back to what I was thinking. I forgot what show we're on because I'm talking shit to our friends over at another shop podcast. They're live right now and on Wednesday nights on breaks, I go in and say hi and should chat with the guys for a little bit. Go. If you're following us, go show the guys some some love over at another shop podcast.
01:07:42
Speaker
Uh, they got their, uh, DJ bill is wearing his gay pride Jersey, uh, Pittsburgh Steelers Jersey. And, uh, Steve is currently wearing his, I like to touch little boys, Philadelphia Eagles Jersey. So what's, what's the name of their podcast again? It's another shot. Another shot. That's right. Ricky show. How does that work out for WCW? Um, but, uh,
01:08:12
Speaker
Yes, I like to go ahead and give them shit during breaks when they're live, when we're live. ah But yeah, check it out. there're they're they're in the they're in the They're in the new beginnings, the new stages. they know They're trying to figure... yeah There were you and I were three years ago, Jeff, trying to find out what they want to do, how they're going to do it. But nonetheless, still fun to listen to. They're pretty good. They're not terrible. Yeah. No, like I said, they're still trying to figure out their little niche.
01:08:41
Speaker
Show the guys some love greatly appreciated if I can find them I swear People on YouTube. This is like a trend for me. I'll send ya. Yeah, I was gonna say I can send you a link if need be There's a type on any who anyway Yeah, welcome back to what the fuck news Here on the nonsensical network. If you're not already go give us a follow, you know, don't just go follow them Give us a follow too. I mean geez uh we're everywhere on all the social medias and everywhere you listen to podcasts at all at the nonsensical network or simply go to bio dot.link slash nonsensical network and if you notice right there in our bio link at the very tippy topping
01:09:24
Speaker
Big block says merch. Check out our merch store. We got merch now. If you guys are interested, you know, we greatly appreciate the support and, uh, we'd love to see you guys rocking this shit. So if you do buy something, send a picture our way on social media and if it's all right with you, we'll, uh, we'll throw you up on social media rocking our gear. Uh, we'll shout you guys out. Uh, sure.
01:09:49
Speaker
people are going to buy the shirt and then put it around their dick and be like, I got a shirt. and Whatever you do with the shirt after you buy it, I don't care. And I guess it must be Thursday, dick pic Thursday, so. Oh, this is some really cool white splash paint on this black shirt. That's not hanging. It's custom made. It glows in the dark from Gunner's Kenlight.
01:10:15
Speaker
yeah but a And you and dumb glow but we're to dive right back into the stories here. You know, it seems to be a yeah ah running theme around here with penises, which is weird because a whole bunch of dudes didn't. We spent more time talking about penises than we should that aren't ours. ah But
01:10:50
Speaker
We're not going to be the story. We're going to do another story that seems to be running.
01:10:58
Speaker
OK. What happened? Right. ah I don't know a little. I mean, I'm going to have to I'm going to have to refresh my my Internet has been fucking wet. I was going to say, yeah, your Internet. I had to do this one over six.
01:11:15
Speaker
Yeah, I gotta I gotta to read. I gotta to restart my wow I meant to do it before the show started, but we got a word right now that you emergency. Your mom is alive.
01:11:31
Speaker
She's not. She's definitely not as quick as she used to be, but she's fashion. Your mom is gets me off pretty fast.
01:11:40
Speaker
what wow oh I hear some shit talkin' in the back. like yeah but I meant to say that while he was still on here, but he left before I could say it. He wouldn't have heard it. His lag wouldn't have caught it in time. I know he's got this big penis story he wants to tell us. It's all a big and veiny story. What? I said you had a big, veiny beard to tell us. Get down. Nope. It's just...
01:12:15
Speaker
ah It's just a normal penis. It's just a normal penis. Just a normal. No. Uh over uh over 600 pounds of meth was found inside of a celery shipment. A what ship? Shipman. Celery. A celery shipment. Uh okay. What did that have to do with penises?
01:12:40
Speaker
He's getting there. I said, this isn't, it I said, this isn't a penis story. I said, it's a drug story. We do a lot of drug stories and penis stories on here. I was looking forward to it. I'll get to the penis stories. We always say the best for last thing on. Are you new here? Have you ever done this? Listen, listen, i'm I'm lagging like you were a few minutes ago, but no one here is lagging as hard as your mom is right now.
01:13:10
Speaker
My mom's dead. That's why. and everybody knows it everyone but and big head you That's me! I'm the dickhead. We've shut off all utilities. She's gone. I'm like, your mom. Yes. Utilities.
01:13:36
Speaker
who are nobody had to be serious it the spirit to san
01:13:45
Speaker
and here whats drugs Speaking of your mom, we're trying to give you a little sister. But I see where you get your brain frequency from because I keep telling her that I can't get you pregnant that way. It has to go in the other hole. We're talking about babies now.
01:14:05
Speaker
This is kind of good for her. Honestly, get it dad.
01:14:15
Speaker
What are these days? What are these days? Connor's mom's going to be actually listening to this show and she's going to be in the chat. no You're just going to get. kid it you do You're going to call. I'm going to pick my phone up and go, oh, fuck. if and i'm just yeah con's mom guess got Okay. I'm going to get an email. She's going to be like, well, you know what so hasn't happened.
01:14:37
Speaker
Dot, dot, dot. Yeah. What are you doing on Friday night? like oh yeah father I'm really banging your mom now. I'm going to be your new stepdaddy, Connor. and no on drugs should put back to the drugs That's my line.
Legal Discussions and Wedding Costs
01:14:53
Speaker
I was going to say, like so excited like our drug.
01:15:00
Speaker
600 pounds of meth and a shipment of celery in California. The incident occurred on the evening of August 9th that when U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers at the Otay Mesa commercial facility in California encountered a 34 year old man driving a commercial tractor trailer who was seeking entry into the United States from Mexico. The driver who held a valid border crossing card yeah the The driver who held the valid border crossing card was transporting a shipment declared as celery, authorities said. Following the routine procedures, officers detected the driver, the tractor trailer, and its cargo to secondary inspection for a more thorough examination. Do you think they did the examination of the driver? one Calm down, Connor.
01:15:57
Speaker
I know you got another piece of celery in there. I don't know anything, but there might be something that's deeper. You know, Cameron said, hey, I want to come up on the show tonight, and there's some other fuckers playing NCAA. I just saw that.
01:16:13
Speaker
He's been playing Xbox a whole time. He's like, I just got busted. He's like, I heard my name. lot I don't care. he's like yeah i'm a true one i'm here knowing You guys supporting my bro, you know i gonna be the first one to buy more other than you fuckers so i'm the only one that bought mes Last time I still got my nonsensical cup from like five years ago. So suck on these nuts I'm gonna have a shirt when I go see but I bought a shirt last time cash at it and You own the fucking thing
01:16:48
Speaker
I still had to pay for it, just like I got to pay for this. We're getting ready to put an order in this weekend. but and And actually, Nicki's dad might have beat you to the punch camera, by the way. Nicki's dad wants a hoodie. I was shocked. I was like, hell yeah, Pops. They'll be rocking the hoodie. But anyways, um yeah during the inspection, obviously, the K9 alerted to uh sorry i'm trying to unmute that i don't think i don't i don't think you can i was looking at that chris i don't think you can and why would you customize our merch to make it yours you actually can customize the merch what a douche i i actually when i was playing with it you there is a place to customize it so you could like put your name on it put your name on it but don't like put your fucking like i'm not talking to you chris i'm talking in general like please don't put your own logos and
01:17:39
Speaker
yeah stuff on but they Put your name on it. That would be really cool. You know, ah but don't don't put like um I'm gonna put a big okay Bob's podcast Yeah Frank and Bob's podcast on the back of non-sensible network because frank and Bob might be a part of a coalition. We don't want to be affiliated with Frank and Bob Dick and Bob cool Frank and Bob now but so to put it We gotta come on here and go. We do not agree with with with the actions.
01:18:16
Speaker
yeah Oh, I think that lag is back on my part. I'm trying to figure out whether I'm better at diarrhea. Too much celery with meth in it. Yeah. Celery and meth, yeah. yeah just so that's what we do it That'll do it all the time. We got meth watching washing up on the beaches of Florida. and no big No big surprise there. Meth showing up at Guitar Center in Amps and now they're putting it in celery. You know they're going to have to do a celery recall if this is really in celery. They're going to have to do a celery recall from that company because they're going to be contaminated celery in the grocery stores.
01:18:56
Speaker
Dude, I'm about to become a celery addict. That's fine. is yeah i score I smoke. I smoke my celery. Which beach in Florida are we talking? i can I've got some buddies down there. so up in the up in the old Up in the old armpit of Florida. big it was up I think it was up near Jacksonville. O'Brien, I need you to go to the beach, see if you can find me some celery. Yeah.
01:19:24
Speaker
So ah and and and in and ah in other news, um a a gentleman's wife passed away. oh this is this is got this has got the I got the initial story and the updated story as well. um They were at a Disney Springs resort restaurant. I saw this. I've seen this. Oh, yes.
01:19:53
Speaker
Apparently, she she died there in the restaurant and you know wrongful death. he once and It was Disney's fault. He wants to sue. Well, apparently, Disney being the evil monster that Disney is. Ladies and gentlemen, Disney isn't all happy, go lucky. And if you don't believe me, just go way back in the archives. and And I did a deep dive on Disney. i did like I think we did, what, three or four shows where I Talked about the dark side of Disney and the whole time I did it fucking a certain co-host was paranoid that Disney was gonna come and Cancel us and burn us down and we would never be able to podcast again because we spoke ill of Disney
01:20:33
Speaker
People do it all the time. I'm like, yeah, because I'm the first person in history to say this stuff. I literally got it from YouTube, TikTok and the Internet. I didn't just go in and research all this shit on my own. But i'll Evil Disney being the the conglomerate that it is, they snuck in their fucking Disney plus oh little claws, their little fine print.
01:20:56
Speaker
that if you trial, have the Disney Plus membership, whatever it is, you cannot sue them for anything. So if you go to the parks and get hurt or die or whatever, yeah, that that you basically sign a ah waiver saying that they're not held accountable. And this this gentleman found out about it when his wife died in one of their resorts, which is just like- Okay, so so the full story is- Really, Disney,
01:21:25
Speaker
she has she had a out She had food allergies. And they read online that the restaurant that is not actually a part of Disney, they the restaurant rents the location in Disney Park. And they advertise that they cater specifically to food allergies. They went there, turns out.
01:21:49
Speaker
She died because of food allergies. This restaurant didn't... Peanuts and dairy. Yeah, she had peanut and dairy allergy and she died. She died a few hours later after being taken to the hospital. Once again, Disney's like, get the fuck out. We don't hunt people die on Disney property. But when he went to sue him, he's not suing for a lot. He's suing for 50K. 50K.
01:22:17
Speaker
Why is he suing Disney? and which he said charge the property It was on Disney, which speaks volumes on how much he cared about his wife. early over three great But there it sounds like it sounds like this restaurant did him a favor if he only wants figure K. There is an update to this story.
01:22:39
Speaker
Disney has now agreed to the trial because this story has been out on the TikTok for a while. Everybody and their brothers like fucking canceled Disney class, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. So they are agreeing to go with. ah He just totally jacked his fucking thunder, dude. Yeah. Well, what are you going to do?
01:23:06
Speaker
likes like um out He respected that, that Jeff knew more. Yeah. And so he fired himself. He's like, listen, I'm a terrible, I'm a terrible host. um I'm a terrible to Biden.
01:23:21
Speaker
Well done. Well done. They are actually going to trial. Yes. Take about Glick. As, as, as official as of, I think yesterday, they decided they're going to let him go to trial.
01:23:33
Speaker
I think that the champ just admitted that he's not the champ today. I think he did. ones come after is going on and like that yeah Well, I think he's resetting his internet too. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, I did. I've been watching this story. It's been, uh, all over fucking tick tock and apparently Disney got scored because everybody's like, well, I'm canceling Disney plus. I didn't, I didn't know that X hamster had news stories.
01:24:03
Speaker
How did you find out about this, Jeff? Reddit. My penis. i just I just want to come back. Hey, Jeff, my my penis stories are on BuzzFeed. And I think we're on penis story number eight. I'll see you guys Saturday. Clearly you don't need me tonight.
01:24:21
Speaker
i told you i know the up like just don I have the update. I literally said at the beginning of the story. There's two parts because I have the update. I had both stories set in front of my god damn face. I'm literally reading I've been watching this story. ah The update just came out on Tuesday and I've been watching it too because I had the story last week. We just didn't get to it. Right. Yeah.
01:24:47
Speaker
fuck you jeff yeah i still I had the original story last week. We just didn't get to it on last week's show. So I save story because Brian also sent it to me as well. Or no, DJ Bill sent it to me and I said, yeah god i say was Brian's next door Damon?
01:25:05
Speaker
bit but No, not that Brian, Mexican, Brian, Mexican, Brian sent me the Mexican. Brian sent me the celery story and he sent me another story too. Oh yeah. He sent me the chicken wing story as well.
01:25:20
Speaker
Dude, why do you keep selling that celery?
01:25:25
Speaker
Well, you know, I'm just adding celery to my list of groceries. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. and i don't i don't I want to go back to the merch thing real quick. I don't mean to sound like a dick. Like, I want to go back to the merch thing real quick. I don't mean to just sound like a dick. And if I do sound like a dick, but like,
01:25:49
Speaker
I'm not going out to buy somebody else's shit to support them and then throw a nonsensical network all over it. You know, like if it allows me to put my name on it or like or like a number or something like that. Like if I wanted to make it look like a shirt, like a shirt seat or something like that. That's cool. That's really that's that's cool. I think that's right. I agree. They offer that. But like, why don't you put your own shit on it? I noticed it when we were talking about it. I noticed that you could. Yeah.
01:26:15
Speaker
I'm not trying to be a dick and I'm not, I'm not singling you out. I'm not singling you out, Chris. I just, I don't know. It's a little, uh, what's the Uncoof. Uncoof. Uncoof.
01:26:36
Speaker
were yeah we the day toilet paper you ri it and then you wipe it and Un yep Just word you saw speaking of, uh, speaking of, speaking of, um, being a, uh, complete douche nozzle. Uh, again, this came out, uh, last week, but a, um, a couple has decided that they're going to charge their gift tacos, $330 or $433.
01:27:15
Speaker
hu They have to buy tickets to their wedding. have you i that They they have a wedding that's over 200 grand and they expect their guests to buy basically a $450 ticket to come to their wedding to help them at the cost. and achieveev They should have just eloped because fuck that Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not coming to your fucking wedding and if by some ah chance that I do come to your wedding a I'm not bringing a gift. I'm not even bringing so much as a fucking card. I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt.
01:27:55
Speaker
And you better hope there's a goddamn open bar. And I just, I just spent $450 to come to your gay ass wedding. There better be an open bar and I'm getting drunk and I'm causing a scene. you think they take loopons The only reason like this this answer reminds me. Well, my brother is is finally getting married. He's been dating his girlfriend for or his fiance now for the last nine years. And, uh, he, they're finally getting married, but he lives out in Switzerland.
01:28:24
Speaker
And they didn't want to try to plan a wedding in the United States from Switzerland. So what they did instead is they're having their wedding in Italy. They're paying to essentially house everybody for like a week, like the people that are in the wedding party and everything. He's like, but you guys have to bring your, you guys have to pay for your plane plane tickets. We can't, we can't fly everybody here. I'm like, that makes sense. like um mean that's kind I wouldn't that i wouldn't think pay a thousand dollars to get into your wedding, but I'll pay whatever it costs to get me and my wife to the wedding.
01:28:58
Speaker
I mean, it's a wedding. It's not a house party where you're charging. i did I saw a TikTok. It was that these guys were reading off this lady put out a ah wedding invitations and she wasn't charging, but she was she had a list of things that you could not like. She's like, we're not going to have don't bring kids. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you have to like she had a a clothing list that you could only adhere to.
01:29:26
Speaker
Uh, and at the very bottom she put, we're not going to have alcohol. I'm not going, yeah a if my brothers the and let me drink my daughter maybe a bunch of reading but like, like she was, she, one of the things she put on there, she's like, was it BYOB? I'm tailgating.
01:29:51
Speaker
I'm tailgating. I'll be my brother's best man with a lumpy ass tuxedo because I got shooters all over. hidden in my you guys You got that you got that that that bear belt that that holds that holds like 12 beers on it. I'm tailgating. I'm pre-gaming before the wedding out in the parking lot. He was banning photography. Like, please don't take pictures. OK. I have heard of that. i have I've heard of that before that he's in the context of. If you want to take pictures.
01:30:21
Speaker
use this QR code, use this app, and they all go to her cloud or whatever. And, but she's like, please don't ask our photographer to take pictures of you. We paid him to take pictures of us. Please do not request songs from the DJ. I was like, okay, I'm not going. Yeah. I'm sorry, but if I was that dude's soon to be groomed, I'd be like, you know what? These are all red flags. I'm out. Right?
01:30:50
Speaker
Well, so it's charging to go to the wedding. Oh, fair. Oh, he's probably in for that one. I'll give her a gift, a bill. Wait, I have a question. Give her a new voice. Is domestic violence okay in same-sex marriage? No. No way. Who's having a sex? No, that's called mutual combat. like Where did that from? Blaze said if I was his husband and I was like, wait, wait, wait, hang on. I don't know why I thought about that because I was like, I was thinking to myself, if my significant other was a man and he was putting out all these requests, I would want to hit him. I would really want to hit him. I can't because I have a female. Well, you can put in your wedding contract at any given time that you both agree to mutual combat and then it's not domestic violence. There you go.
01:31:40
Speaker
see like cream mutual calm Not that it's so not that domestic violence is okay because it's it's not. I'll say that. You don't scream. You don't scream mutual combat. You go dad, dad, dad, dad. Combat. The like's a big thing is always been well, you could never hit a woman. I'm like, well, what if it's a dude? What if it's not hit anyone? How about that? It's just assault. You're that you're that you're the you know, you're married to a dude and it's in your wedding agreement that at any given time, you can both, either one of you could knock the other one out. But you but but you but you have not shot a we you have to scream, you have to scream Mortal Kombat before you do it. but and you Like, could you imagine being like right in the middle of a fight over
01:32:29
Speaker
ah but in curtain colors and all a sudden your husband's like mortal combat in the middle of lung it's in the middle of lows yeah mortal combat at roundhouse kicks you and then sort do you need us to call the cops no it's legal gay men don't get to lose come on but yeah you go to home depot talking about I'm sorry.
01:32:52
Speaker
you get that backwards I'm sorry to tell you. um' laying the kids down ah No, gay men go to Lowe's and straight men go to Home Depot. Hey, hey let me let me let me prove let me prove my point real quick. Hey, Connor, where do you go? I go to Home Depot.
01:33:10
Speaker
yeah yeah so Good Connor.
01:33:18
Speaker
I don't even think you're talking about it. Yeah, you really are a little bit more coherent now that you're not on payments all the time. Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it? yeah I don't know if I can take yeah the nonsensical Biden anymore. I don't think if I could do that. Yeah, the soon-to-be husband of the of the of the bride went on to TikTok and said, I don't know what everybody's problem is. I mean, you'll spend $1,000 to go see Beyonce.
01:33:43
Speaker
or Taylor Swift or whatever. it It's just like, yeah, you're not oh on you fucking concert and we're getting a God damn experience. Who's this guy? yeah They have talent. You're going to stand there and say I do. Shut up. me He's like, my shit smells like roses. Now give me money and celebrate my yeah wedding today. Yeah. I know. I know. You know, yes.
01:34:09
Speaker
I'm gonna have to go with a hard pass. I'm gonna go with a hard pass on the wedding invitation. you know If I get a wedding invitation, and it's like, oh, by the way, it's $450 per guest. So it'll be like $900 for Nikki and I to go to some jerk-offs fucking wedding. And then I'm gonna send it back with the non-RSVP and be like, oh, by the way, you are no longer a part of this family. we We've all taken a vote, and you're the weakest link. Goodbye.
01:34:37
Speaker
thinking You've been voted off the fucking island at the end of the day. and then I want to know what's people's stances on the kidless wedding. Because I'm like, I'm all for that. Kidless weddings? Kidless weddings, yeah. It's one of those things like, well, you're not kids. if If I call you or and say, I say, hey, well, I'm having, all right bring your kids, don't bring your kids. That's just art.
01:35:04
Speaker
Like I i love them. Yeah. I think, I think if it's like the ceremony, that's, you know, obviously don't be a douche. I mean, especially if you know, people have kids and you know, and they're like, you got like nieces and nephews, but you could say, Hey, you know, the reception is not kid friendly. We would like for it to be yeah because things happen adults only, or after a certain, like, you know, when I got married the first time, it was like, all right, you know, at like,
01:35:35
Speaker
Six o'clock or whatever, you know make arrangement, you know, we didn't say don't bring your fucking kids But like after six or seven or whatever it was just know it would probably be in your best interest you know have Babysitters lined up or whatever because it's gonna start to get a little crazy as the Sun goes down Look guys, we're all gonna be drinking. We're all gonna be for we're all gonna be drinking. We're all gonna be having fun and You know, we had my my daughter at the time. My mom left early. you Well, she didn't leave like she left the reception early. yeah She was still alive at the time. Well, she said she was my mom, but we all know the story. I have no pants and I grew up in an orphanage.
01:36:14
Speaker
But, uh, you know, she, she, she, she had a lot of medical problems. So she wasn't staying all night. So she took my daughter and went back to, went back to our house and just kept her overnight. You know, so, yeah but yeah, I mean, I don't have a problem with that, but to be like, no kids allowed, like a little bit of a douche move, but I say that me from going, however, if you're like $450 per head.
01:36:38
Speaker
Yeah, but let's see. Once again, I would pay the 450 ahead, show up and send them a $2,000 bill for gas for me to get there. Or I'd be like, hey, y'all want me to pay 450 as a new bride giving me a below job? Like after you guys say I do, you should go say I do and give everybody the old hawk too.
01:37:00
Speaker
there's a ready There's a wedding reception orgy. Just pull it out. Is there going to be like ah an after wedding gangbang where everybody, I mean, you're fucking us. Do we get to fuck you next? freeman i Yes. Yes. That's my clause. I'm sending back our RSVP. Yes. But I claim Freeman knocked up.
01:37:25
Speaker
Yeah, it just I'll just say it. hey yeah ah That's when everybody, every single guest out of spite stands up at the end when the priest is here. Is there anybody who object? Everybody stands up. Yes, we all object. Yes, this is a bitch. I would love to hang around for longer, but I have to go deal with some stuff. My wife is having some troubles and my kids are being buttholes. So I got to, I got to peace out. Sorry. I got to, I got to head out a little bit.
01:37:59
Speaker
All right, man. Later. Good night, sir. It gets picked a lot. Good night, Connor. but so big so that nice You know what you do? I changed it. I saw that. I saw that. I read it right before we started and I was like, nice. You know what you do?
01:38:22
Speaker
you go to the wedding and everybody, you have everybody stand up. And when the priest says, does anybody, Jack, everybody just stands up.
01:38:34
Speaker
that's away Yeah. go You, you, uh, you get up halfway through the wedding to go, this fucking blows. I want to refund. Yeah. Yes. What do I get? Yeah. Where do I get my money back at? Yeah. I'm going to go. un was four hundred fifty dollars I'm gonna go blow this $450 on meth hookers and fucking casino and gambling. Geez, that's insane. um Yeah, man. just ah
01:39:06
Speaker
Just... The... the The entitlement of people, man. Yeah, just the the entitlement, the audacity. Like, you really got to ask every one of your and you know, they invited probably like fifteen hundred fucking people. Oh, easily. Like, yeah people, people that they the people that they worked with when they were like 16 and ain't talked to since, you know, they invited them.
01:39:33
Speaker
I'm just saying. Sorry, guys, my children are extremely feral. Well, that's the crazy sick and tired of hearing in this goddamn excuse about children. First, yeah first, you know, kids allow you again but no kids a allowed on the podcast. How much, how much was the wedding cost? Their wedding was over 200,000. So if they're planning on making money at this, because 444 people at 450 days for the wedding. That's what they want to do. They want to try to recoup some of their money. They lost.
01:40:07
Speaker
Yeah. 444. If they're, well, you're saying that probably, or here's asking 1500. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you know, they're going to have, I don't know. i I don't know how many people they invited, but you know, they're going to invite someone Godly amount of people. And that was their reasoning behind it. They want to recoup them. They want to recoup some of the money they lost planning this wedding. So you're looking at it as a law, 50 bucks.
01:40:34
Speaker
Yeah. You're looking at it as a loss. Here's an idea. Be sensible. I don't know who you fucking people think you are, but you're not that goddamn important at the end of the day that, you know, ah yeah, weddings are expensive, but they're not that expensive. And if you can't afford it, then don't do it. You know, there's an old saying don't live outside of your means. I'd like to see a follow up in this story at the wedding. Nobody shows. Oh God. I would love to see like, just my ass off.
01:41:04
Speaker
Yeah, just they show, they they come on TikTok next year. They're like, our wedding was terrible. We had no guests. You know, it's going to be, and this is what it's going to be. It's going to be a feel sorry for your own wedding. Yeah, it's going to be a feel sorry for me. Woe is me. We have a GoFundMe. And then they're going to make a million dollars off their GoFundMe because people are fucking stupid. Yeah, because people won't forget that. People are fucking stupid. Well, have you heard about the latest wedding hack?
01:41:34
Speaker
get cool gifts. You send invites with the date and where to send gifts to CEOs all over the country. And most CEOs get these things, their secretaries get it and they're like, yeah, just send a fucking gift. I'm so trying that. People have never show, never met like Elon Musk, but his secretary is like, yeah, just send it.
01:41:58
Speaker
Oh, I'm so doing that. Right? I'm like, I need a correct. I need a Tesla. I'm getting married next year. Jeff, get those letters sent
Humorous Stories and Anecdotes
01:42:10
Speaker
to the CEOs. I can get you. Actually, Kim, that's your job. send send out wedding and Send out wedding invites to CEOs of all the big corporations for me and Nikki's wedding. but I was like, you know what?
01:42:24
Speaker
Season tickets of the Cleveland Browns for life. Thank you chair about One lady they it was a couple years ago several years ago. They sent an invite to the Queen and a bitch showed up When that's had the two NFL players on the show I did get that to happen Hell yeah, let's see what else I can do. Yeah yeah good good to get on them ceo invites How are you with a ping pong ball some lubricant and I don't. What? hyperber she won't like it like okay we can't Wait, what? I can I can vouch for him, please. Oh, sir. Primo, he'll be up here where I can tell me I can give him the address at the rest stop if you want me to have him stop by. i not bring Yes, you can give me a hug. You'll leave me alone.
01:43:23
Speaker
No, he can't. Cameron, I need you to bring KY ping pongs and stop at this specific rest stop. Why? Just don't forget the court. time The wine court. yeah listen Speaking of. of back pressure speaking Speaking of rest stops and penises. Sounds like a good time to give you guys a little a little more of the
01:43:52
Speaker
17 penis horror stories guaranteed to make you laugh. I like that sound. yeah are we like Where or where are we at? Here we go. We're on number nine. Here we go.
01:44:12
Speaker
via Penis story, mandatory penis story. Everybody gather around. Glick's going to tell you stories about penises. Gather around your cell phone, your computer, your TV, wherever you're wherever you're watching. What the fuck news? It's penis time. It's penis time. It's penis time with Uncle Glick. Wait, what? but That sounds weird. Let's see what old Richard said. My daughter is saying goodnight, guys.
01:44:44
Speaker
Good night. Good night. Tell your friends I say good night. Okay. Good night. Good night, Kennedy. Good night, Kennedy. Tell your daughter your friend said good night. Hello, the boogeyman is real. Nah, I'd rather not. older I don't want to have to sleep with her tonight. His his older daughter his oldest daughter le me is the guy with the scary voice for the longest time
01:45:14
Speaker
Um, anyways, man, we got penis stories. We got, we got, uh, we got this countdown of penises, uh, the impromptu health lessons. I was pretty shattered as a kid or sheltered as a kid. So despite being 17, when I saw my first, uh, dangling writes Ashley, I was extremely concerned about the large growth he had directly below his penis.
01:45:41
Speaker
yeah like we talk like at the below the base of it or at the below right at the base like he has she actually actually says he then gave me an anatomy lesson and taught me that those are called balls.
01:45:59
Speaker
And properly reminded her to make sure she cradled said balls. If for his next trick, he's going to show us where the cliff is.
01:46:11
Speaker
yeah
01:46:14
Speaker
actually come here i want to show you this is your clitoris somewhere in this region is a g spot i'll never find it but it's somewhere in here gps is always the wrong pin for that one yeah right you like it yeah there's a meme that i have that says this
01:46:41
Speaker
This picture screams. I just rubbed the left side. here I just dry rub the left side of your labia and ask you if you came. I would have posted up on social media here before long.
01:46:56
Speaker
All right. Next, we got another story here these are those guys knock out a couple of them here. These are pretty short. There's the G spot. Nice. Somewhere on the M1.
01:47:10
Speaker
I don don't, I don't mean to, I don't mean to brag, but, uh, you know, I do a lot of things wrong, but some, I have like a direct link to, to G spots. I figured out where they are as a man. That's quite an accomplishment. Like I can understand the the whole stereotypical joke, dude's not finding the, the, the clit, but I'm, I find it hard to believe that she didn't know what the balls were. Right. yeah She said that she,
01:47:39
Speaker
She said she, she, she was sheltered. So um maybe she was homeschooled, homeschooled kids, no brothers or whatever. Her brothers didn't share their bells with their sister. They took their balls home and went home. She didn't know. Yeah. Take my balls and go home. Beat your balls out of this.
01:48:05
Speaker
but That's what she thought. Well, onto the next sha Until I was five, I but thought we all had the same body parts. well Until I was like five years old, I just thought we all had the same body parts. i mean you know what and't yeah we can't really We can't really give you a shit for that. You were five. I was only five and thought we all had the same body parts. And that's another story. Yeah.
01:48:35
Speaker
one you need to report on. yeah my kids I don't think this is just my kids, but, you know, bedtime. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. Oh, yeah. Oh, she's thirsty. She just ate. She's going to recon she she go now she's when you give him a night quilt cupcake. baby and stone anything camera Did I not teach you anything ah after keeping you locked in a cage all those years? Chloroform is an amazing thing.
01:49:04
Speaker
You are. Oh, you're hungry and you're thirsty. We're here. Eat this melon, the smell of tone and gummy and chase it with this night quilt. I go to bed. Yeah. Cash does that. He'll come out. Tell me if your pillow smell good. I'm going to bed. Good night. Yeah. And then, and then seven times after he goes to bed. Oh, I need a drink of water. Oh, I need to blow my nose. Oh, I got a pee. Oh, like, dude, what are you doing, man? Like, plus my kids are older. I'm not like, go to bed.
01:49:33
Speaker
And just like, Hey, whenever you're tired, go to bed, just know you got to get up early in the morning. And I don't want to hear you crying that you're, that you're tired in the morning. You know what I mean? yeah It's on you. Anyways, let's talk about our kids and then go back into penis stories because that's awesome. Yeah. Let's not click that. You need the penis and then you need that. And then cheering right after penis. Yeah.
01:50:02
Speaker
have to splice those together. I can do that. Yeah, I got a guy i got got another little story. Shay, Shay writes in and says, this is the the nostril catastrophe. She says, she says I was giving my horrible ex ex a blowjob. And he ejaculated so forcefully that the cum came out of my nose. Yeah, nice. It burned like hell.
01:50:30
Speaker
I threw up a little on his bed and I spent the rest of the night hanging over the sink, coughing and unable to talk because it hurts so much. Sounds like a good night for the ex-boyfriend. lonely She got the angry. Sounds like a great night for the ex-boyfriend. Like I said, great night for the boyfriend. He got a blowjob and the bitch ain't talking the rest of the night. Hey, Win-Win, brother. I say cheers to you, my friend, on having one hell of a good night.
01:51:00
Speaker
oh man
01:51:07
Speaker
just tried the email like you had so to go up your nose That burns I can imagine yeah, that's the one thing I can really imagine that burns Jeff probably Jeff you were in the Navy. Can you relate?
01:51:24
Speaker
kept you out of hold his breath just fine it's okay like there's an army all they do is mop parking lots Jeff's like I'm gonna plug my nose boys all right who's next tell me before you come tap me on the head don't nut in my mouth it's gross oh man that reminds me of this uh I don't know. I don't I don't know if it's on the Internet anymore. I sois say or everything's there forever, but it's called the obscure and obscene dictionary of the dictionary of obscene and obscure sexual terms. It has everything from A to Z from Angry Dragon to Abe Lincoln Beard to tag and I did that. um I did a series of those on TikTok. OK, things not to look up while your parents are around.
01:52:18
Speaker
yeah That would be one of them. So I did it. This, this, this, this, this, this next little one is almost unbelievable. And if it did happen, it's really dramatic and unnecessary. Kula chick writes in the fresh never frozen penis.
01:52:42
Speaker
She says my first experience with the penis took place in a storage room of a Wendy's first and foremost. That's where you choose to have your first experience of the penis. Hey, chips in there. No, she was turned on by square burgers, never ever frozen. It's fresh when I worked at Wendy's. Yeah, maybe up turned her on.
01:53:12
Speaker
Yeah, by the storage room in Wendy's where where where her where her ex at the time worked. The chick continues. He whipped it out and I started screaming at the sight of my at the sight of the first dick I'd ever seen. So,
01:53:28
Speaker
Swinging my purse at him and yelling. Oh my god. It's disgusting. Get it away. Get it away. Don't. I swung my purse. Oh.
01:53:41
Speaker
ah by my under my hands I'm not resisting. Don't shoot. She says hulichick says I swung my purse a little too hard and ended up giving him a black eye. Yeah, we broke up after that. Yeah, I think he had a black guy and blue balls after that one.
01:53:58
Speaker
Yeah, I think it's pretty safe to say that you walked home from Wendy's that night, young lady. You don't hate us. Could you imagine getting that response? First time you're about to be with your girl, you take your pants off and she's like, oh my God, get it away. Get it away from me.
01:54:22
Speaker
I bet that's the response like 99% of women on the internet when they get freaking unsolicited dick pics. Oh my god. Oh, I believe it. I believe actually I know it to be I know it to be very true considering some of the conversations that I've had with with women um on that topic and and former guest of Glick's House of Music. The ladies went into what I had, Bree and Marlee and Jules on there. And and it was just like, I guess this is what we're talking about. Don't solicit a dick pic.
01:54:54
Speaker
but but Those three were great, man. Oh, it's not. Let's see. We got you. I got what we want to do. what We got one more here. It's another short one. The dying well, that is a hell of a social media. I mean, the color of punk.
01:55:17
Speaker
The day well writes in, it was my first experience with a penis and I was very scared. He was one of the more punk guys at school.
01:55:31
Speaker
and pulled out his penis in the dying rails. All of his hair was dyed, all of his pubic hair was dyed in a rainbow. I ran out of the room as quick as I could, she says. He's smuggling a unicorn under his pants. Bro. That's dedication. Got a unicorn dick.
01:55:59
Speaker
for a while. Like, like what, what sense does she know? She told all of her friends. Yeah. Oh, here comes old rainbow. Yeah.
01:56:14
Speaker
yeah but At least, at least have a pickup line. Like if you look hard enough, you'll find a pot of gold. Come on. ah Yeah. that are like hey you want to You want to change the rainbow, you know, it's the rainbow. there I mean, it's, it writes itself. Come on, dude. You're going to turn that around. yeah Yeah. Yeah. I mean, come on, buddy. You gotta, you gotta be quick on your feet, bro. You're, you're, you're, you're really, gotta you know, ah if you already don't mind up.
01:56:49
Speaker
If you already don't have maternal rind up, if you have your freaking pubes died like a rainbow, then you failed yourself. well Well, here's the thing. How often does he plan on showing people? That's called preparation. I mean, that's like, I'm going to dye my pubes because I'm going to show 30 chicks my cock this week. Like he was implied. I'm just curious. it I mean, he could have been getting ready for bride month. I'm just saying, I mean, I, yeah, I, I, yeah. Like I, I don't know where the rainbow comes in with the punk look, you know, usually punk. Yeah. like My punk. look Again, again, you know, you know, you know, she's telling all of her friends, you know, that guy for the rest, I don't know what grade they were in. It doesn't say that just as they were in high school.
01:57:43
Speaker
You know, for the rest of the time they were in high school, they like all the dudes in the school called him Rainbow Dick. Oh, shit I'm sure the teachers know about it, too. I mean, the way fucking rumors spread like that. Oh, yeah. And if I was a teacher, I would call him Rainbow Dick. I'd be like, hey, Rainbow Dick, what's the square root of five hundred and twenty three? Like, oh, look, it's a rainbow. Look at that little leprechaun right there. Look at that little guy.
01:58:07
Speaker
yeah
01:58:12
Speaker
um Well, at least his blue balls, at least his, uh, at least his, uh, blue balls went with, uh, his rainbow. pubic hair At least part of it. Fair enough. Yeah. Uh, I get the idea when you're in high school, you don't, I got nothing to do, but I can think about 400 other things to do that. He's sitting back in the classroom with fucking multicolored Sharpies. This fucking teacher is pouring this shit out of me.
01:58:40
Speaker
It's in a drone on your shoes.
01:58:47
Speaker
And you know what, I said that was going to be the last one, but I was kind of glancing over the next one. This is definitely going to be the last one and I'm not going to read it anymore. Yeah, I'm not going to read anymore. I'm not looking ahead, but so. Miranda G writes in and she says the SpongeBob recreation. She says I being a lesbian.
01:59:11
Speaker
had never seen a penis at that time at the time. I was tipsy and having a threesome with my girlfriend and a male friend of ours, not knowing what to do with his penis. I quoted a line from SpongeBob and said, firmly grasp it. And then I did exactly that. but whatri
01:59:33
Speaker
cut to four years later when i got married to the but I got married to the girl. And the guy was my best man. At the end of his speech in front of our friends, our family and friends, he asked everyone to firmly grasp their glasses and toast the newlyweds.
01:59:55
Speaker
I like that. A nice little throwback inside joke. That's the best thing to do in a wedding speech. yeah maybe That's not bad advice though. I mean, I mean she I mean bunchonge Bob saved her in the moment, right? went I don't know. I know. I firmly grasp it. Obviously a part of me with laughing. Yeah.
02:00:21
Speaker
ah Yeah. A part of me would, uh, would, uh, would laugh in that situation. Obviously, you know, if I'm going to three, so, but I hear it, at one of the girls was like, firmly graduateulated especially if she did it in a SpongeBob voice, I would laugh. And then after, you know, i after like, he san after, after like 30, you know, after like 30 seconds to a minute of her just firmly grasping and being like, we're not crossing the street. It's not a hand. You know, like, what are we doing here? like We just go, we just go stand here all night with my dick in your hand. Like, so, uh, like you got the first, you got the first part done. I mean, you've really grabbed me now. so and step Yeah, look, can we get a step to come on? god You know, so the weather, yeah like, you got to bend that. Yeah.
02:01:18
Speaker
yeah and worse she couldt first small alls
02:01:25
Speaker
well she show me what those were what well yeah it's good say at least cu firmly grasps his ball
02:01:38
Speaker
but Again again again still better than dropping trowel and having to explain to a girl what's dangling beneath the base of the the old pecker. Also a better also ah also also a better response of oh my god get it away from me get it away from me you know like out of those three options I'm taking the firm grasp like hey but script you got there you work out like so bench definite mean to be grass the rod
02:02:16
Speaker
And you're just like, yeah again, what do you do? You should just stand it there like, so how about the weather lately? Yeah. You doing anything fun this weekend? you Like, where do we go after the, what are we doing? He's like, okay. but Lesson number two. You know what a double Dutch rotor is? Well, you know what that formally grasp it's from. Isn't that when he's teaching him how to, he's trying to teach Patrick how to open up a jar.
02:02:46
Speaker
He said, you firmly grasp it. I'll have to look for that sound. but I'm curious. I was already looking for it. I got it. Oh, you found it. I was going to say, why don't we go ahead? Why don't we go ahead and add that and throw it to the repertoire. I feel like we can reach around to that. Do a chicken heist.
02:03:09
Speaker
Press it in your hand. We did it earlier in the show. it's Firmly in your
02:03:24
Speaker
but but Do it chicken. We did do the chicken. i I saw Sam that when she comes in here. Yeah. That lady stole that chicken from kids. like What a horrible come into the show early You know, our show starts at seven. Penis. Yeah, when you're ready to start on time. I it. I mean, that is the end of Uncle Glick's penis time. Penis stories. Appreciate you listening. Appreciate you tuning in. but You know, if my uncle told me pen penis stories, I would not tune in. I'm just saying.
02:04:05
Speaker
What the hell are you laughing about? Cameron. He's laughing at his uncle. told you Yeah. ah variable one it's hey Much like your dad, you're a your penis, your your uncle used to kick in the door and go. photograph It's my penis. It's got a rainbow move. proud the who Oh, whatever.
02:04:39
Speaker
No, it's fucking DMT. I'm not even getting started. Cameron, I just shit in the bag. I'm trying to find a picture of my dad, but I can still blaze. I'm sure Jeff's probably seen my dad, but... did i if If Nickelback... What are you saying about Jeff? Well... six year so yeah You tell the story of... ah yeah what Was it your dad that thought he was practicing?
02:05:06
Speaker
or Yeah, if cameras dad's dad is actually pretty cool, but if I call him Nickelback if Nickelback and Creed were to like make a love child and Then maybe like a heavily influenced by head Ed Hardy and affliction it would be Cameron's dad I call him Nickelback Because he's like he's like five six he the first time I see him he was wearing like like like a bedazzled G and like a like an affliction style, like button up shirt. and I'm like, geez, 1997 called Cameron. He showed that Cameron, but he said that cameras. That is one of the nicest guy. He's super cool. It's great when he's whooping Cameron's ass when you're playing video games with him.
02:05:59
Speaker
but
02:06:05
Speaker
and So I mean, no disrespect when I call him Nickelback. It's just funny to do.
02:06:12
Speaker
think
02:06:16
Speaker
Look at this photograph. It's my penis. My penis. I'm trying. We talk about carnuses when we don't ask them here. like You guys talking penis in the background.
02:06:34
Speaker
out of ca so nice talking talking peniss little penis for you got a little penis for yeah and
02:06:46
Speaker
i mean fliing the story but I'm looking forward to a day off tomorrow. I am ready. I'm ready to more ah I'm ready to get off here and get some sleep because I start school tomorrow.
02:07:09
Speaker
Yeah, oh we need the mandatory first day of school pictures. Yeah. Well, by the back door it's yeah it's it's on, it's online. So I'm doing it from home. You don't want to see those pictures. so I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't care. I don't care. I want to selfie tomorrow. So I can put it on our social media and I can go mandatory first day of school of our little guy blaze. He grows up so fast. I want it. I'm going to make it happen. I'm putting it on social media. Oh, probably not. Find a picture. the the the
02:07:54
Speaker
get you get your little book bag in your lunchbox and sent me a picture please so i can put it on social media and everything i need for school is right in this middle and sorry light technical box i have in front of me that's okay that's that's why okay Okay, I'll go get a little bit of poster board. I don't have a backpack. I'm going to have to get over at the bus stop and take it. Push it over. I need to borrow this for 30 seconds, you little bastard.
02:08:26
Speaker
no
02:08:31
Speaker
We need to mandatory first day of school picture back. Yep, and I'm going to put that. so I'll put that saw with the picture.
02:08:42
Speaker
No, I'm ready to go to my state. Nikki got me. I'm ready to go. Yeah. yeah fine Well, guys, we're going to we're going to we're going to queue up the music. We got one last song for you. Well, that's it, man. That's that's always that's all we got. We're spent. We're out of gas. Guys, guys have been amazing. This is what I want.
02:09:03
Speaker
but
02:09:06
Speaker
Come on, please. You got to you got to give us one for the team, buddy. yeah Don't make me go look for a picture. I'll go find a picture somewhere on social media and I'll make with my own fucking face on anything. I can put your face anywhere. That's probably what I would end up doing is just fucking photoshopping myself. Hey, Leggy and Brian, they're both coming in at the end. I'm firmly grasp it in your hand. Yes, I'm going to grasp it in your hands, Leggy. Then roll over and go to sleep. I heard that.
02:09:42
Speaker
ah You know what? are you Yeah, the you do you boo. Say goodnight. Say goodnight. We do appreciate y'all. We got one last song for you guys. or for you guys yeah Um, it is from, uh, Tennessee. Holy water can check out the guys go show them some love. They are on all them social medias at Tennessee. Holy water. And this is, uh, her song rise above and we're right back to close this bitch out.
02:11:42
Speaker
We fight for the ones that we love
02:13:53
Speaker
yeah Yeah, that's a good way to end the show up. but yeah and it's locked out Get the flock out of here motherfuckers. Well, we appreciate y'all.
02:14:05
Speaker
ah
02:14:09
Speaker
We appreciate y'all listening. We appreciate y'all hanging out. Hopefully you enjoyed the show tonight. I hope you enjoyed the news stories. Make sure you check out the rest of the network. Rest of our socials. We are on Facebook, Instagram X and tick tock. Join the shows live Monday through Sunday on YouTube, Twitch and Facebook and get in the chatters box. Shoot the shit with us. Hang out. We like to engage with you guys as well.
02:14:39
Speaker
And if you can't watch this live, you can listen to us anytime, anyplace, wherever you listen to podcasts at all at the nonsensical network, or simply go to bio dot link slash nonsensical network. And don't forget we have personalities and gentlemen. Yes. Finally, by the way, we have merge. If you're interested in buying anything, uh, the merchant link is at the top of our bio link, or you can go to nonsensical dash nonsense that my spreadshhop dot shop.com and check out the merch store. Hopefully, um,
02:15:10
Speaker
Uh, we're waiting on some items to be reviewed. Hopefully that'll be up by the end of the week. And, um, I know that, uh, right now, the first two weeks when you open a new store, you get a 25% off everything in order.
02:15:23
Speaker
And, uh, I think once everything's reviewed and up, we'll probably extend that an extra week to give you guys an opportunity to, uh, get that discount, um, while we're waiting, you know, since you basically going to lose, uh, uh, damn near a week by the time everything's said and done. Uh, once everything's reviewed enough, so we might, we might extend it out an extra week for y'all. Uh, nothing going on tomorrow night.
02:15:50
Speaker
I don't know. Uh cash is with his mom. So, there'll be no cash in his corner. So, uh yeah, you guys will be alright without us for one night, right? Right. One night. One night. Just one night. Just just just one night and then Friday, please we'll be back.
02:16:09
Speaker
yeah
02:16:12
Speaker
and Friday night, please. We'll be back with a brand new episode of whose argument is it anyways i will speaking of police to show real quick rundown Monday's been caring for men's men's mental health show. ah We're hanging out talking topics that that pertain to men and our mental health trying to create our little spot in the world to erase that stigma ah that's on men's mental health. We started doing something new a couple of weeks ago. It's a little open forum, open panel, whatever you want to call it. And we do actually put the link in the chatters box and then it's invitation is for men, any man who wants to come up and hang out with us and ah share a story, get something off their chest, be a part of the conversation. Just hit that link and come on in and hang out.
02:17:05
Speaker
um
02:17:08
Speaker
Tuesday nights, I kind of lost my train of thought. Tuesday nights is Glick's House of Music. This coming Tuesday, I have, who do I have? Let me check my calendar real quick.
02:17:26
Speaker
Who do I have this Thursday, this Tuesday? I have Bobby Scott coming on the show with me. Bobby Scott will be coming in. He's a country artist. He'll be coming in and we'll be hanging out and shooting the shit and getting to know him a little bit better. Wednesday night, the show right here, what the fuck news? If it's in the news, go make us say what the fuck. Or if it makes us say what the fuck, it's probably going to make you say what the fuck as well.
02:17:52
Speaker
Next Thursday, Cash's Corner returns. We'll be talking wrestling and everything wrestling related. Cash and myself, Friday nights, whose argument is anyway, hosted by that guy right over there, Blaze. You know, they're talking topics and debates and just whatever he decides to come up with. Yeah. ah Yes. Yes. What a right side to come up with.
02:18:19
Speaker
what Whatever pops into his whatever pops into his little head. Oh My little head. It's the big head. I have to worry about yeah back so we all i let the I let the little head run things around here anyways Saturday nights is not sensible nonsense signature found shit foundation show the flagship show Unhinged shut apologetic the lunatics take over the asylum. We do a little thing. We call it the open door challenge. We dropped the link in the chatters box and we challenge you to hit that link and come on on board and come on screen and hang out with us. ah We just ask two simple rules. Please turn your camera on. And please put your penis away. Nobody wants to see it. Stop it. Fertily grip it and put it back in your pants.
02:19:06
Speaker
there
02:19:10
Speaker
Yes. And then on Sundays, we wrap the week up with Jeff's garage. If it's got an engine and it fits in the garage, Jeff and Benji are going to talk about it. I'd be on a hiatus, might not be on a hiatus. I have no fucking idea. Give us a follow on the social medias, turn on the notifications. And then if you see that they're live and you want to and tune in, tune in. I also want to take this, ah don't share your little head on a camera.
02:19:37
Speaker
I also want to take this opportunity to shout out some of our friends over here and I don't do it enough and I apologize to our friends. I'm sorry. I learned today that we spend two hours every show talking about our social media and only talking about our social media and that we have no actual content. So I apologize for not shouting out our friends. ah Check out a radio. like Wait, hold on. If we have stuff on social media, wouldn't that be by definition content?
02:20:10
Speaker
I'm just curious. I'm trying to figure out this guy's line. That's what we call only giving. That's the, that's, that's what we call only giving part of the story or creating a narrative that fits your delusional brain. Oh, okay. Well, I am delusional. So yeah gotcha. Okay. Delusional or hot.
02:20:35
Speaker
the Depends. Depends. Depending on what time it is. Depends on what time it is. But anyways, check out check out our good friend, the radio lady. You guys see her all the time in the chatters box. She pops up on Saturday nights and hangs out with us. Bio dot.link slash radio lady. She's doing the fringe right now. She's live every single day. If you're ever here in the States, depending upon where you are in our area,
02:21:03
Speaker
It's 3 30 p.m. I think it's 8 30 p.m. Her time If I have that right But she's doing the fringe um Live jukebox jury every day of the week and then if she's not doing that she's doing one of her other shows documentaries regular jukebox jury Losing her mind while she's trying to upload a radio show and needs us to entertain her in the chat
02:21:34
Speaker
And don't forget to check out our friends over at another shop podcast. They're actually live now. They'll be live for another hour or two. So when you get done watching us run over there and go say hi to the guys and tell them that we sent you, uh, Bill's a good friend of mine. And, uh, you know, they're just starting out there. They're finding their feet and, uh, you know, he's, uh, I've been able, I've been fortunate to to help him out a lot, um, to get them going.
02:22:01
Speaker
Whenever he has questions or advice or whatever he reaches out and I don't mind helping out but check them out and I say this and I say this for one person only but I'll let you make your own decision after you watch one episode But go show Brian some love over talking shit. Give the guy a little bit of love but As well Fuck the other guy I'm kidding so Plus their AI, they were actually, they died in a horrible accident. It was a gang bang or a gang grape. Dolphins and manatees were involved. There was molestation of the sea life. I don't know what happened, but it's an AI show and it's really cool. Well, that's not really cool. It's slightly below mediocre, but nonetheless, go check out Brian. He's the best. He's the best on that show.
02:23:00
Speaker
Am I missing anybody?
02:23:04
Speaker
and Go check out all the musicians that we play on the show. Go check everybody out. Go show those musicians some love. like Take the time out of their day to come hang out with with me and and and and allow us to play their music.
02:23:27
Speaker
So check them out. If I'll be giving you guys the names and telling you guys about them, go check them out. I think that's everything, guys. Is there anything else you guys want to add? Nope, I got nothing. Jumanji. I'm good.
02:23:44
Speaker
but what but but ah Let's just stare at Jeff awkwardly until he says something. Go ahead. I'm actually looking something up. Touching myself right now. Wait, what Jeff?
02:23:57
Speaker
I'm going to go firmly grasp it in a moment.
02:24:03
Speaker
but and i submit submit clip So I can send it to Nicky. Of me firmly grasping it? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, the sound clip.
02:24:18
Speaker
Please tell me to show you this video. I really don't know why, but yeah, here you go. Look, enjoy good night everybody in the chat. Thank you guys for being in the chat. Thank you guys for watching replay viewers. You guys are awesome as well. Uh, that's the fucking news, the way we see it at the end of the day. Welcome to our world fi every episode is