Wildcard Wednesday: Glick and Michael left unsupervised

Transcript

Speaker: Mmm.

Speaker: I'll be feeling like I'll be tired of life trying to find the right words to say. Like if I get on the mic and word the pain, maybe it'll help to take some hurt away. And I could blossom through this dirt or lay. I could turn the page, use the person's age.

Speaker: Maybe learn to pray so I could earn my way into heaven to protest at the pearly gates. Cause I don't feel I'm worthy. Wait, I hear footsteps start to turn my way. I don't got beef, just a 38. I let something fly out this birdie's cage till it's empty.

Speaker: Don't tempt me. But these footsteps stepping gently. They don't want me dead. Evidently ask who sent you. They ask who sent me. Now, uh. Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door They're telling me don't be your prey Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door Everything's gonna be okay hear we going back and forth Someone started banging on the bathroom door Asking why they hearing someone's laughing for Then a man in the mirror passed the torch Thinking that's so weird Ain't no one here Never seen someone disappear without death Ain't no plug for this outlet Voices tell me I ain't about shit

Speaker: And I'm getting mine for you slit chores I'm big time but they ignore My lil' shine scaring big boys My foolish pride full of liquor Shit, here's a 50, go ahead and get more Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door They're telling me don't be afraid Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door Everything's gonna be okay.

Speaker: Watch the devil crash through the youth. Only blunt I pass you is truth. Don't get the rap shit misconstrued. I never dump ashes on you. It's all love when you roll with me. I'm just trying to roll in peace.

Speaker: Doesn't mean I won't shoot. It be trying to put a hole in me. It just means that I'm kind, not weak. More knocking to the blinds, I creep. Peek through the side, trying to be discreet. Soon as I look, eyes on me.

Speaker: Nah, I'm just tripping. Maybe Everything's gonna be over.

Speaker: Knock, knock, knock and knock

Speaker: knocking the heaven's door did i spend my core such of a metaphors trying to

Speaker: on heaven's door. They're telling me don't be afraid.

Speaker: What's going on everybody let me do this little but There we go little little drop down was a little too high for the camera and not high like some of our other people that enjoy or that partake in co-hosting and hosting of shows But nonetheless welcome to another wild card Wednesday.

Speaker: You guys know me. You should know me by now. I'm here all the fucking time I'm glick We got our boy Michael hanging out with us. Huge shout out to Michael and every Marco and Tyler last night. Thank you again for that, dude.

Speaker: Had an absolute blast. but love lot They loved it, too. They got back to them straight away. Lots of good comments from people that were watching, and and and they loved it. They thought it was a fun little thing that we did, and they thought that we all – well, they said that I was by far the best, which you guys were pretty good.

Speaker: but i don't I don't make this stuff up. I wish I could. I mean, I just tell true stories here. They are the voices in your head. No, those are them. think but But if you're not already good, and check us out everywhere.

Speaker: Facebook, Instagram, TikTok. We're on X. Unless you're into politics or porn, but there's no reason to go to X at the end of the day.

Speaker: But we're there. And we don't do either. so but But ah shows are live all the time on YouTube, Twitch, and Facebook. And you can listen anytime, anyplace, wherever you listen to podcasts at.

Speaker: All at the Nonsensical Network or simply go to bio.link slash Nonsensical Network. Actually, speaking of the shows going up, I've gotten a little bit behind, but I'm slowly catching up. And I actually just pushed the button to podcasts.

Speaker: Two Wednesdays ago, onto to the podcasting platforms. So, yes, you guys you guys know the drill already. Where's it at? If I can get buttons watch. The hashtag Jedi in the house. I'll tell you, man, he was fucking killing it last night.

Speaker: Yes. Oh, Jedi's always killing it. You guys know the drill. Subscribe, follow, like, share. And don't forget, nine out of ten grannies are approved.

Speaker: She's really going for it man. She's taking a big old hit. know what mean? You know what? i mean I ain't never smoked a bong before in my life. I don't smoke weed or anything like that.

Speaker: And I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that's not how you hit a bong. I could be wrong.

Speaker: But, no, nonetheless. Michael, how are you doing tonight, man? What's going on with you, brother? that was any If I was any better, I'd be Lazy Jedi.

Speaker: he He lives a rough life over there. Yeah, I can tell. But you know what you know what? He gets a lot of love over here on the Nonsensical Network, so fuck Shaman and all his Canadian assholes that pick on my boy Jedi.

Speaker: Don't ever listen anything Canadians say. Their opinions don't count. Much like hookers and homeless people, they're not real.

Speaker: They're not even real. Oh my God, dude. So... ah was your day, Ben. I got it. I got to get this. was Day was okay outside of the fact that I spent an hour wandering around a junkyard looking like a giant lost Sasquatch, but at work today.

Speaker: I'm going to let you handle the chatterbox. I'm not going to push any buttons. um But I came home from work, man. And we've been having this little bit of an issue with my AC.

Speaker: Yeah. And it's leaking while the drain's plugged. And I knew the drain was plugged. I knew that last summer. And it was supposed to have been fixed.

Speaker: So I've called maintenance three times in the last week about it because it's dripping down into my laundry room and just soaking everything. So today I come home and I'm like, I'm just, I'm hot.

Speaker: I'm aggravated. I just want to take a shower. Fucking walk in there to get clothes out the Fucking water everywhere. So I call the office, get the emergency number. Poor maintenance guy answers the phone. I I'm going apologize in advance, but I need you here in five fucking minutes because it's third goddamn time I've called in a week.

Speaker: I've got water coming down from my fucking ceiling, from my goddamn AC unit. And if somebody don't get here and fix it now, there's going to lot of problems. And he was like, I'll be there in five minutes. Don't worry, bro.

Speaker: I got you. Both of our maintenance guys live on site. So he gets here and he's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We didn't get the messages. We got this old. Don't be sorry. Just get the job done. i was like, look, dude, I don't care.

Speaker: Just fix it. I already know what the problem is. I'll tell you what the problem is. Get your snake, get your coat hanger, whatever you need to do, because I would have already fixed it. But I was told I'm not allowed to fix anything around here, even though I'm more qualified than either one of you. He just kind of laughed.

Speaker: And and he he was like, all right, going to go grab this and then I'll be right back. So he goes up and he fixes it and I was like, look, man, I'm not trying to be a dick. I promise you. I was like, but ah you see, I got water everywhere. And he's like, no, we should have been here. That's on us. Sorry, the phone's fucked up.

Speaker: You know, we don't get voicemail. He's like, if you ever call and get the voicemail again, just text it. I was like, oh, I didn't realize it was a cell phone. He's like, just text it. and uh but he was really cool but i was just aggravated because all i wanted to do was come i've been out in the heat all day had to wander around a junkyard looking like a jackass looking for a car that didn't fucking exist because they said there's 10 of them in the junkyard and we found one so um and i was just like all i want to do is take a cool shower that's all i want to do i want to get the sweat off my balls and out of my ass crack

Speaker: That's all i want. It's the heat me humidity, man. The humidity here is just out through the roof. It's obnoxious. I walk out the door. It hits me. And I go, fuck!

Speaker: I hate it. Instant piss off. It's like when the dog grips the silent one and then hits you. What the fuck is on with you? I wish I still had a dog to blame when I did that. so

Speaker: Yes, it's not. ah It's not. like It's just a swamp. It's just it's just not comfortable. All right. So all I wanted to do is just I'm yelling at my daughter. I'm like, sorry, I'm not even mad at you, but and i'm frustrated with the whole situation that's going on right now.

Speaker: I'm not mad at you. You're ruining my life. yeah Got to like that self-esteem for him early. Yeah. Hey, it's Thunderdome around here.

Speaker: There ain't no soft parenting. I talk to my kids like I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin. That's how I talk to my kids. A beating and then another beating, then another beating, then another beating.

Speaker: Misdirected reggae. You're a reggae singer? but to right elard said I know what it means. Well, I have a reason to be frustrated with both of my daughters.

Speaker: And it was that was just compiled on to why I was already frustrated. So it was just like, a g click smash.

Speaker: Yeah. I'm the same way, man. The heat just makes me hateful. I know, Blaze. I know, Blaze. I'm bitching about the heat. but assisted identityity man You can't escape it. The only way to get away from humidity aogness That's what I like you about dry climates.

Speaker: It could 110 degrees. so You find shade, it drops 20, 30 degrees. Without the sun beating on you, it's not bad. Dry heat is real. I've lived it. I wanted to live in it.

Speaker: Shit happened and things changed for me and I'm just not able to do it right now. that was That was the great thing about living down in Charleston, living on the coast, man, because yeah, it gets hot down there.

Speaker: I mean, it gets hot as fuck in the summertime. And it can be a little muggy. but I'm on the coast. I got that breeze coming off the ocean. Right, right, right. And it feels amazing.

Speaker: Plus you're mid-country that way. You're like right that central belt where it's not really, really bad. for Yeah, I mean, I was i was like 10 minutes from the coastline. Now, I went down to Florida in May and fuck y'all in Florida. I don't know how y'all lived down there.

Speaker: Florida is the second time stayed in the States. It sucks. it was it was i think yeah was it may i went on it It was May. and It was May. It was 100 degrees at night. um yeah That's all that humidity.

Speaker: It's the humidity, man. It ups that heat index. It makes you miserable. makes everybody hateful. That's what it is, man. All that heat and humidity in Florida makes Florida people fucking nuts.

Speaker: Tranchula do be drinking a lot. She she put them away. but each their own. i'm not judging i was there too i had to i had to shit it's it's funny get done with all my dude i should now like i don't really want to drink i i have two um on my record after my second one i decided i'm i'm done i quit drinking for like four years completely quit drinking oh not gonna quit drinking i i just oh i did now completely yeah

Speaker: ah i'll never I'll never do that. I'll just do my drinking on the weekends. i Plus, I can't stay up all night anymore because I got ah i gotta to be an adult. and That's some fucking bullshit. ah doing as So you guys like, share, and subscribe and get us all of our followers and everything we need so we can monetize on YouTube so I can quit my job.

Speaker: And I want to throw out some props to ah Jedi, Blaze, and Tarantula from last night's comment section. and you guys were killing it. Very interactive. Made a lot of fun for me and my friends to be here. Thank you for that. Making everybody feel welcome.

Speaker: You're an awesome audience, and we love you. Yeah, what he said.

Speaker: Actually, don't fuck yourselves. No, I'm just kidding. Goddamn right you were chatting. moderation. Moderation is for amateur.

Speaker: Some people need moderation. We've talked about some of the people that stroll into your place of business there, Blaze. Some of them need some moderation. I see some people walking around downtown on the east side of town that could use a little bit of moderation in their lives.

Speaker: I drink once in a while because I don't drink socially. If I'm going to drink, it's to get fucking fucked up. Oh, yeah. What's the point in just getting little bit? Go ahead.

Speaker: Yeah, I mean, generally when I drink, I do get pretty pretty pretty wrecked. I mean, to be 100% honest with you. But there's also, like last Friday night, it was nice.

Speaker: um And I was like, I'm going to sit on the patio and have a couple beers. listen to some and some tunes nobody was home so i cranked up the sound bar and sat on the patio and uh few beers rubbed one out i' maybe two maybe two or three out i don't know don't judge me it's my life gotta clean the pipes otherwise you go ahead right this isn't maybe that's why um maybe that's why i got all this anger and frustration

Speaker: And I didn't say anything about you, Britt, because I was talking about ones that were killing it in the comments.

Speaker: You're adversarial with me. I'll be adversarial back to you. She's not even here. and She still gets abused. yes yes lover boom bam no I mean, she's not on the she's not on the panel. No, I see there. What's up, Britt?

Speaker: You don't have to on the panel to catch some shit from Uncle Daddy.

Speaker: Put her down, down, down, down. Roll Tide. Look, no. It's Uncle go Daddy because I'll hold you close and I'll make you feel safe. And you might have to explain to your kids why i'm wearing your robe in the morning.

Speaker: Yeah, that's weird. That sounds like a fantastic evening. I'm just saying. I'm a fun motherfucker, whether you want to admit it or not.

Speaker: Ain't no party like an Uncle Daddy party. That's what I've been told.

Speaker: True dude came through the other night and I was... Yeah, right. Oh, my God. Some of the stories... And I believe it, man. I believe it 100% working in ah in ah and ah in a liquor store or something like that, man. you

Speaker: i I remember those days. I used to be like that, man. I really did. and And I don't want to be like that anymore. Just twitching and being in for that next sip, man.

Speaker: well That next sip, man. What? no Next stiff man. We all have our addictions. Jones in for it. Fiend him. Fiend him. Fiend him for the dick.

Speaker: We all have our addictions, okay? Don't judge me. yeah Never. The no judgment zone centers on me and goes out 10 meters in every direction. We listen and we don't judge.

Speaker: That's right. they I destroy me my way. You destroy you your way. As long as hurting other people, do what you want. That's what life should be. one Unless it's poops and pees in the bedroom.

Speaker: You're a monster. but fifty but ah First time I come to your house, I'm just going to walk in the bedroom, take a big old shit on the floor, take a piss in the corner and walk out.

Speaker: That's kind of funny you said that. I had a bit post-COVID about how was to try to make some extra money in the during the COVID times when decided not to because was afraid it happens I'm to shit on the floor.

Speaker: If he poops on the floor, whatever, that's what it is. I'm just talking about people like smearing it on each other. Germans are weird, man. So are Japanese folks. Click and sick without...

Speaker: Jenna, you've got to write these down, bro. You've got to write these down so that we have them for forwin whenever I get back around to making clips. yeah One of these days, we're going steal one of his ah hashtags and make a shirt out of it.

Speaker: think I won't. think I won't. Well, it's on and also on the interwebs. It's not intellectual property. And I'll take full credit for it. I'll take full credit for it I came up with this hashtag. Jenna, I've never heard it. do not doubt.

Speaker: Never heard of them. Don't know who they are. Lazy who? I don't even like i don't leaving the light Star Trek. and don't like like yeah I don't like lazy people or Star Trek.

Speaker: now I hate to hear that cause I'm as lazy as they come, brother. I don't like to work. On a great day, i have 600 steps or less. Fucking for real. there go My favorite thing is sitting on ass.

Speaker: my favorite thing sitting on ass

Speaker: I'd like to have it. Never mind.

Speaker: So what the fuck are we going to do on this Wild Card Wednesday? you got anything in mind? i don't know, man. You threw out an idea that I'm kind of digging. It's something I've wanted to scat for an hour on Wild Card Wednesday.

Speaker: Now that you mentioned it, I do have some clips for you, Michael. Oh, yuck. I think the one thing called a Cleveland steamer, my beloved Ohio, is getting... Connected with that crap.

Speaker: Cleveland Steamer. ah Dirty Sanchez. Hot Carl. Carl. What a nice guy. Carl with a K. He's a dirty German.

Speaker: I'm way down to it. This is something that I wanted to wanted to kind of dabble around with. This is going open the door for you. we don't dabble.

Speaker: you peoples you peoples in the day we chatted air You people in the chatter's box you chatters with a hard R

Speaker: but boom Scandalous I'm honestly a little worried about what may happen without somebody to temper the two of us it could you get nuts We foster each other's worst ah you know i know aspects. we that We encourage a lot of shenanigans with each other.

Speaker: Sitting on ass, the next stiff man, where is this episode going? ah Just buckle up. Just enjoy the ride. Because I have a feeling that this is... So, Michael kind of ran this by me. This is something that I've wanted to do for a while.

Speaker: And for those of you in the chat and anybody watching, if you feel like you want to chat, Feel free to ask us anything you want to ask us. If you need advice for something, if you want to take advice from us, that's on you. at you to the day But if you want to ask us anything, feel free to ask us and we'll choose if we want to answer it or not. A little Q&A with Michael and myself.

Speaker: I'll treat this like any other interview I've done. No questions off the table. I'll answer anything. I'm open book. I have nothing to hide. I feel like I've shared my entire life on this network. but i Like there's...

Speaker: If anybody's watched for a while, they know everything about me. i'm just like once they find out Once they find out enough, they probably leave. Run away! i don't know. Maybe they stick around. What is that? Sadomasochism? People who like to... Please help me out here. You're good with the big words. Sadists enjoy dealing out pain.

Speaker: Masochists enjoy getting pain. Sadomasochism, yeah. Maybe they are. ah so maybe they aren' maybe they Maybe they get pain from listening and watching me. I don't know.

Speaker: so You and I are coming online for the first time together alone, and they're dropping charges against Diddy. It's a distraction. It's a distraction. Are they really dropping charges against Diddy? Unless I'm caseful as shit.

Speaker: And I learned from Blaze today, fuck Cuomo. Whatever that means. But fuck Cuomo.

Speaker: Oh, I see the drop charges. I thought they meant like dumping charges on him. No, they're letting him go. in No way. Somebody got paid a lot of money. He's a billionaire. he Dude, it's like Bigger and McCracken said, finally, i got enough money. I can find my way out of anything. I'm above the law.

Speaker: Man, need that kind of money. You know the shit I would That's fuck you money. I'll do whatever I want. yeah I'm so lame. I would just do dumb shit. I can't even think of anything that I would do, but I'm sure he's going to get off. Okay. Good call.

Speaker: No, do you have anything you want to know while we're waiting for some um juice from the chatterbox? Not really, man. i don't know. I don't really think about any, uh, any,

Speaker: question is to ask you. oh ah let me ask you this pertaining to last night. Would you really have bought those two old people that were that were being obnoxious? Because that would have been great to see a video of.

Speaker: Would I have thrown the first punch? Absolutely not. But as soon as one of them would have cripple hopped their ass up to that stage, the mic stand is heavy as shit. I will bash your old ass head in. Fuck you.

Speaker: I just, ah I have there's a special place in hell alongside Michael Jackson, probably that has hecklers in it. Hecklers are the worst human beings ever.

Speaker: She's not only ruining but like what's happening on stage, but you're ruining the experience for everybody in the room. Mm hmm. But the difference on that one was it was an unpaid show. Like ah nobody had to pay to get in. It was ah it was a benefit.

Speaker: don't have pay anything. It's like ah like a a psychological thing in your mind that you don't they're not worth watching, not worth listening to.

Speaker: Otherwise, i'd say they'd have to pay to see them. What they don't realize is I do a ton of charity work, not pat myself on the back. I never accept money for it, period. for And if they insist I take money, I take their money, walk right to the donation box and chuck it in there.

Speaker: I donate my time because want to donate my time. that that look whatever whatever that thing is they deserve that money i make my money elsewhere i i like to do charity work simply because i don't work i fuck around i have an excellent time and i get paid for it i don't work money means nothing to me because i don't earn it it just comes to me by having a good time i mean that's a blessing in and of itself i'm just trying to pay it forward i've been to a lot of comedy shows

Speaker: You're probably not wrong with that. a big dumb animal, ladies and gentlemen, and this just is just what I do.

Speaker: ah yeah I've been to a lot of comedy shows and whatnot, and there is a time and place. Sometimes sometimes a comedian does. ask for and or want audience participation but yeah outside of that shut the fuck up but the you're not your stupid ass joke that you've been waiting since you bought tickets to say out loud to the to the funny man on stage is not that funny nobody looks some people want that like they want to try to engage to try to get ripped on some people enjoy that kind of thing well a good host makes it clear up front

Speaker: Unless otherwise stated by whoever's on stage, your job is do one thing and one thing only. Laugh, clap, or boo. And that's it. No one paid money to come here and see any of you or hear any of you.

Speaker: And if you make an ass of yourself, you will be asked to leave. i mean I boo the entire time. Well, honestly, I'd rather, if somebody doesn't like something i'm saying, and it it happens once on a blue moon, once a miss.

Speaker: And when it happens, silence is the absolute worst for me. Dude, I think it's the worst for anybody that tries to do anything that's that's that's funny, you know whether it's stand-up comedy or doing like this stuff. if you If you drop something and it doesn't hit and everybody goes silence, it's just like, I'll i'll see myself out.

Speaker: No, no, it's not like that. I've learned... You don't... We're not doing a comedy talk tonight. We'll talk about this shit on another show. we do ah When we do the next Glick's House of Comedy.

Speaker: I don't want to waste saw all my stories on your ass. don't

Speaker: and don't know if you know this or not, but I'm the host of Glick's House as well. Glick's House is what it's going to be called from here on out. Welcome to Glick's House. yeah We'll just throw whatever we need to throw in there. You know? I could talk comedy all day, and if I get on a roll, that'll be you know just a comedy talk.

Speaker: That's what I love. Well, don't be shy, Shattersbox. If there's anything you ever wanted to know about myself and or Michael, feel free to ask. Or anyone else on network, work and I'll make up lies.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can 100% ask us questions about Blaze, Britt, Wally, Rick. Yeah. I'm a great storyteller. so You want to take this one first?

Speaker: What is one conspiracy theory you both believe is true? Like we both have to agree on it or just one in general that I may believe That's it sounds like. Both of you believe it's true is what it reads like. But I highly doubt there's anything that both of us believe in.

Speaker: And even there was, we wouldn't admit to it. I mean, aliens are real. i guess that's Is that still a conspiracy theory? i don't know i don't I don't follow a lot of conspiracies. um' always I've always kind of bought into the alien stuff.

Speaker: I think it's kind of cool. um It seems unlikely there's no aliens. and and and and And at the end of the day, i don't blame them for just doing quick stops and quick flybys on Earth because, I mean, I don't even want to be here at the end of the day.

Speaker: I wanted to get off this ride for a long time. My theory on alien visitation, I got theory on a alien visitation. I think it's like alien fraternity boys coming here.

Speaker: It's like a hazing situation. You got to go Earth. You got to probe a hillbilly and then come back with his underwear or something like that. ah You know what, MK, as an NFL fan, I will say that I do believe that conspiracy theory that it's rigged. And it's and it looks more and more that way every year.

Speaker: Got a question. Why isn't anyone else on the panel?

Speaker: Other people have real lives. Glick and I don't do shit. I go to work and come home. but but

Speaker: Maybe I do. Maybe I do. None of your business. Is that a question? Or you stating an allegation? Glick's amusement park, right?

Speaker: Separate. We don't have to believe it. felt Yeah, I think as far as go, I'm 100% behind that NFL thing. And every year gets more and more apparent that I really do believe that the NFL is actually scripted and 100% rigged. And I could be 100% wrong on that.

Speaker: But come on. Come on, people. Any given Sunday. they stage as they say any given sunday Yeah. And i don't I don't follow a lot of like conspiracies. I don't even know what conspiracies are out there.

Speaker: I prefer NCAA versus an f NFL. i oh College football, NFL football, take it all. So I'll watch it, but I prefer NCAA just because.

Speaker: Those kids are still like not necessarily in love with the game maybe, but once they get to that pro level and get that money, they don't play like they used to. And, man, I'll tell you what really, really, really pisses me off about NFL football.

Speaker: No form tackling anymore. They're just throwing a shoulder in them and knocking them down. I hate that shit. It's so easy to break those, so we bounce off those. And how they slowed the game down a little bit. it's like, dude, the hit of the week 10 years ago.

Speaker: Yeah. You're out of the league forever hit today. 100%. I had a Galactic 7. I wanted to look up that, and Blaze, I apologize if I say it, bro, that Fermi Paradox.

Speaker: had to look that up real quick because I don't know what the fuck that is. Oh, could have told you. paradise That's why it's a paradox. It just doesn't mathematically make sense.

Speaker: Jedi, if you don't stop putting that that conspiracy out there about my dyed beard.

Speaker: Inquiring minds want to know. It is 100% natural. It's called lighting, y'all. It's called lighting. je light in mr on the hawk shop we know the truth yeah It's lighting and angles, my friends. I'm an expert.

Speaker: I can't show you guys all my flaws. I mean, you can see my ridiculous tan line from where I wear hat all the time. But outside of that, you don't get to see all my flaws and imperfections.

Speaker: They're all sports.

Speaker: out Tennis, swimming, and volleyball, yeah. I don't really. I mean, i don't know. I'm not going to shit on golfers because I can't do what they do. But I also know a lot of guys that golf that like me going fishing. If I say I'm going fishing, that just means I'm going to go sit on the water and get hammered.

Speaker: And I don know a lot of guys when they say they're going golf and they're just going to go waxing balls and drink. We used to play beer hole.

Speaker: Beer a hole.

Speaker: 18 holes on the golf course, beer a hole.

Speaker: Why would you only drink one beer a hole? Well, because I'm playing golf. i've only been i've only been I've only gone golfing one time, and I made it to like the fourth hole, and I was like, fuck this, I'm drinking, and then I proceeded to play the next, what, 14 holes with a five iron.

Speaker: I'm going justco here i'm gonna disagree with Tarantula. She says they are not sports. Not now. They are not sports because they're hobbies. Here's where I disagree with that.

Speaker: Hobbies don't have leagues.

Speaker: Yeah, but I wouldn't call bowling or pool a sport. what Which one? Bowling and or pool.

Speaker: Or darts. I mean, I can do all three of those. Darts really well. Bowling decently. Pool ass. but What's the difference between a sport and a game?

Speaker: I don't know. That's a good question. I'm asking you. you what in your In your definition. I don't know. I don't have a definition. A game is just ah something I do for fun. Something I do to relax and unwind and and maybe hang out with a couple buddies.

Speaker: A sport is something that I'm dedicating my life. You know what? I just just contradicted my entire self with the pool and darts bowling thing. Either way, it's fucking lame ah you know that you're a professional dart player.

Speaker: I can play darts, and I'm really good at darts. but It's like this. If you can do something you enjoy that is a game and get paid for it, that's not lame at all.

Speaker: You. Lame to you, but it's not lame. I played in the um national amateur team championships twice in Billiards. I can't do that. Man, I don't know what it is about pool, but I can not.

Speaker: I mean, I love to play. Don't get me wrong. But I don't want to play with somebody who's super serious about it. Let's just just play game ah a game of slops, whatever. I don't care. But I can't.

Speaker: I went to a pool tournament. Well, the night I got my DUI, I went to a pool tournament. I'm like, y'all really getting excited for this. Like, I don't know what's going on. I can't keep track of who is where and who's what.

Speaker: Hobbies to stay busy so I make dumb decisions. I don't have to be busy to make dumb decisions or to not. ah Almost everything I do that leads to a dumb choice.

Speaker: Basically. Describe good. What's good? Are you in league? Do you have a handicap? How often do you run a rack? you count slop? Do you actually call your shot?

Speaker: What's good to you?

Speaker: i don't know anything. ah' pool I've been in odd leagues for like 23 years now.

Speaker: Dang on. Well, not consecutively, though. I had to step out about four, four and a half years. I walked away from it. It wasn't fun anymore. I was doing it way too much. It felt like a job almost.

Speaker: Yeah. but when ninety Winning doesn't make you good. Who are your competition? You haven't played me. What if I smoke your ass?

Speaker: if she smokes your ass? Okay. i know i know I know a guy. um I'm not saying they're... I'm not saying they're same thing. Apples and oranges maybe, but I know a comedian who's been doing mics for 12, 14 years and he can't make anybody laugh in a five-minute set.

Speaker: Just because you've been doing something a long time doesn't make you good at it.

Speaker: I've been talking my whole life. I still can't bat that that get the words out.

Speaker: Words are hard. So it can be. I'm not the best worder. I'm trying to get better at my wording though. I can't read, I can't write, I can't math was good either. I went to Kent State. I've been asked why I don't speak any other language. I said, I've been destroying the English language for the last 43 years. I don't need to destroy another language. I don't speak that spaghetti talk.

Speaker: I love Wordle. I crush that shit every day. i've got I think two failures in 900 and some attempts. i don't i don't i don't I don't get that game. I don't understand that game.

Speaker: They just give you a blank slate and then you have to like you guess what the words are. get six guesses to figure out the five-letter word.

Speaker: Do they give you hints or anything like that? Hell no. that Well, the hints are in the letters. Like, okay, if they're all gray, that means none of the letters you chose are in the word. Pick five new letters.

Speaker: If they're yellow, they're in the word, but in the wrong spot. If they're green, you got it locked in. It's in the right place.

Speaker: Brittany bringing us to Yoda. Harder words.

Speaker: Just Brittany just making up her own rules. Weirdest advice I've ever gotten while doing comedy. Well, what's weird is people that have never been on stage will come and tell me how how i can do better and what I should do.

Speaker: And I always say the same thing. Thanks for the tip, kids show business. Why don't you take those tips and get on stage yourself and show me how it's done. Oh, I couldn't do that. That's kind of my point. You can't do what I do. Don't tell me how to do what I do.

Speaker: Shtip the fuck out.

Speaker: I knew who you're asking. I'll tell you the best advice in life I ever got. The wise sage, Pete Salito. Pete Salito. Rest in peace, buddy.

Speaker: Very wise sage. I was leaving one day and he said, hey Mike, don't quit sinning.

Speaker: I've been following that advice ever since.

Speaker: Never heard of that game. hell the game? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The New York Times app. You can play once a day, every day for free.

Speaker: The topic ask us anything. We will answer your questions. You want some ah or keep sending. I guess that would be a more succinct way to put it. But yeah, been doing ever since.

Speaker: Don't be shy. We're not scared. So anyway, what we're doing tonight is you guys can ask us anything. go ask us for advice, ask us any question, and Glick's going to pick and choose because he's a pussy. Because it's my world and you bitches are just living in it.

Speaker: but Whose world is it? It's my world. It's Glick's world. i thought it was Brittany's world. No, it's Britney's bitch, but it's Glicksworld. Don't do it. which is Well, what about the masochists, though, Tarantula? What about the masochists? They like the pain.

Speaker: Pain is for the weak. and How about this? okay ah When you lose at something, sometimes it hurts. Does that mean quit doing it?

Speaker: Sitting is easy.

Speaker: Sinning is easy. If you don't think of religion or anything like that, then are you sinning? Look, I think i don't want to go there. Never mind.

Speaker: I know the rules of the network, Glick. i'm not going there. yeah I always say the same thing, BT. Payne is an excellent teacher. ah

Speaker: You only say no so many times. You got a kid, you got to let them learn for themselves sometimes. My son, hard-headed as hell. Just like this dumb dad. i was ah I was a firm believer and when my kids were growing up.

Speaker: i you can You're going only do it once. You stick that fucking fork in that outlet, I promise you, you're only going to do it once. So feel free. When I was nine years old, in my kid brain, I had an active imagination because i didn't have many friends. I was an asshole.

Speaker: ah Go figure. And I was playing spy guy. not much sister Plus, my parents worked a ton. I was almost all by myself. Or unsupervised, I should say that.

Speaker: I stuck a knife into a light socket. I took the, not a light socket, I'm sorry. I took the ah cap off the ah sockets like where you plug shit into. And I ran the knife in there. so Pretend it was like a computer panel or some shit.

Speaker: Ran thing in there. It blew up. Melted the knife. Oh, shit. I don't remember a thing other than I did it. and i What the fuck just happened?

Speaker: Put it all away. I hid that knife deep in the garage, hoping my old man would never miss it. I found it like 35 years later. Oh, shit. and Yeah, I couldn't believe I found it.

Speaker: For some folks, yes. Not for me. Not for me. You want to jump off the back of the couch? Probably going to hurt. What? it's gonna be ah It's going to be a valuable life lesson.

Speaker: Well, if football sometimes hurts. you You hit hard or get hit hard, but you get up. That's the thing. It's not about what's this thing. It's not about how many times you get knocked down. It's how many times you get back up. as I was just thinking Rocky Balboa.

Speaker: Rocky, Rocky. See? Gotcha, please. Hook, line, and sinker. First off I have a hard and fast life rule about rules.

Speaker: They only they'd never apply to me. They're only guidelines and suggestions.

Speaker: Safe word. Pannibal, cannibals. they

Speaker: I'm a chronic misbehavior. I like to do bad things. It's fun. But the trick is I'm never nervous or worried about it because in my mind I've like double psyched myself to believe nothing ever do is wrong.

Speaker: Therefore, I'm not doing anything wrong. What do I have to be nervous about? That's why I got i won't drink and drive. I will tell you that much. I don't drink and drive and won't drink and drive. I'm going to be drinking. I've got a driver. I've got two.

Speaker: There will not be a third. The second that one really, really woke me up.

Speaker: I have never been one to drink and drive. That's why I was so upset and aggravated with the fact that i

Speaker: I'll still I'll die on that hill. I don't give a fuck. Not my fault. But I had to eat the consequences. Of somebody else's actions. Before we move on, I'm going to ask you one simple question. Did someone force you to drive?

Speaker: No, I was fucked either way. Then it was your fault. No, I was fucked either way. Because even if I'd have been sitting in my car, I still would have gotten it. I was fucked either way.

Speaker: And I was literally going two blocks. And I, like I said, I wasn't drinking that much that night. I was barely fucking over. ah Still over, nonetheless. I shouldn't have drove, but either way, I was fucked, and that's what the cop told me. He's like, even if you had stayed put, you were still getting popped.

Speaker: So, it was, like I said, out of my control. Not my fault. Not my problem. I mean, it was my problem. But... Fucked four waves on Wednesday.

Speaker: Yeah. 100%, man. yeah i was I was eating that one no matter what. Because other people don't know how to behave. I'll tell you this much. i It's not a regret. It is what it is. what it is I'm still here.

Speaker: I never hurt anybody during their driving. But I'm telling you, no exaggeration. Easily a thousand or more times. I only got twice. I mean, multiple, multiple times.

Speaker: Can't count them on hands and toes. I had no idea when I woke up how I got home. So I called one of the guys I was out with last night. to say Hey, man, whoever brought my car home for me, thanks. You took the car. It was you. You drove it home. on Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker: Not remembering getting home and you drove there, bad. One time, multiple times like me, I'm telling you right now, was a hardcore alcoholic. Was.

Speaker: um They say you're always an alcoholic or whatever, but that's not accurate. Mind over matter. If you're strong enough, you can do it. I'm sorry. i've i've I've talked about that before on Men Caring for Men. I was i was too.

Speaker: I was a raging alcoholic. and and and i put it and And I put it into kind of the simplest of terms, and that being i lost i lost control of my drinking.

Speaker: And i had to I let those quote-unquote demons or that monster take over, and I had to regain control. So I never quit drinking. I just got control back. Have fun, but not too much fun. That's the trick. Yeah.

Speaker: But I've never been one to drink and drive. When I was when i was ah going through my very rough time and I was a raging alcoholic, the small town that ah that my family is from and whatnot, I would call the police department because we either grew up with the guys that were cops or they grew up with my family. And they would come pick me up and take me to McDonald's so I could get something to eat because I wouldn't drink and drive. And they're like, would rather.

Speaker: How would you do that? I was in my early life. How old are you now? I'm 43. Okay. Finish your story. I got something to say about that. But yeah, and they would tell me, we would much rather you call us and us run you three minutes up the road to McDonald's so you get something eat than you get your stupid ass in that fucking car. And I'm like, I'm not getting in that fucking car. I can barely walk.

Speaker: You know? The fuck? That's why I'm calling you guys. I got a personal chauffeur. Yeah.

Speaker: Well, I'm in my 50s, I'll put it that way. When I was in high school, if you got caught drinking a driving, if you weren't too fucked up, they'd let you drive from home.

Speaker: I mean, DUIs weren't a big thing like they are now.

Speaker: i I mean, I can count the times because we were really good at not getting caught. But I mean, me and my buddies got pulled over and should have got DUIs many, many times in high school. But we were football players, baseball players. I mean, small town sports.

Speaker: Nobody wants to ruin the team.

Speaker: Would I create? It wouldn't be a secret. It would be a cult.

Speaker: A non-religious cult. I've already said I want to create a cult. I'm already working on creating a cult. What are you talking about?

Speaker: cult of kindness. Kindness and caring. um And much many many sex. That would be a fantastic cult leader. I just know it. I do think I would be a good cult leader, for real.

Speaker: i could see that I can honestly see you leading a cult. I'm tough but fair. i believe I believe in hard, fast rules when I'm in charge, but none of them apply to me.

Speaker: and Just like Jesus. I mean, oh shit. I mean, Francisco. Jesus? so My gardener? You know him? Yeah.

Speaker: ah

Speaker: I don't like this world personally. I like the people in it. I don't like the world.

Speaker: Wait, what? Who, me? You like the... I... i yeah and What did I say? yeah what did you You like the people but not the world?

Speaker: that one oh Yeah, I like people but I don't like the world. Okay. I hate everything. No, you don't. You're a liar. but no I'm glad she said that, Tarantula.

Speaker: One of my big philosophies of of life again. Life is nothing but choices. You make choices, you either live with the consequences or you cry about it. ah i I will never say I'm not responsible for anything bad that's happening.

Speaker: and Unless it was a total freak thing, like a plane falling out of the sky. You can't control that. But I mean, both my DUIs, i earned them. I blew over 0.2 both times.

Speaker: But my wake up was my second one. I blacked out and fell asleep in my car. For many, many years, I blamed it on the fact that I had a broken radio. I had radio playing, I wouldn't have fell asleep.

Speaker: But I'm telling you right now, I blew a.29. Yeah, another three or four hundredths of a percent or whatever it is. And I would have been close to brain dead walking. Yeah, man.

Speaker: It took me a period of years to remember the very little bit I remember about that accident. But I hit probably a half a dozen parked cars and then ended in a steel utility pole.

Speaker: um I'm lucky to be walking my fucking dashboard on my legs and shit. and I refused to let him take me to the hospital. And yeah, I got knee problems with this day. I can run, I can walk, but only short short ah short periods.

Speaker: Um... Since I was, I think, 32, I've been told I need knee replacements. Yeah, I've always I've always been big on not drinking and driving and and whatnot, even like in high school, like you said, and we were from a small town. If you played so if you played football, you we were going to the bars in our local town at 16, 17.

Speaker: We could do whatever we wanted. But like we would have bonfires out like at the house. And that was number one rule. If you're drinking, give me the keys. They're getting locked in the house. You can leave tomorrow. We got plenty of property out here. We grew up in the middle of nowhere.

Speaker: We got plenty of property. Pitch a tent, crawl in your car. You're not leaving until the next day if you're drinking. and That's smart and that's responsible. My dad's rule was nobody stays.

Speaker: I hate all you fuckers. Don't come here.

Speaker: parents might not have been home sometimes. Or if we were at a buddy's house, you know wherever we may have been, that was the number one rule. like not you know If you're drinking, you're not leaving. So get comfy, motherfuckers. And there's quite a few of us that are plenty big enough to stop any one of you assholes from getting your keys.

Speaker: and Because we all believed in that rule. we didn't you know We did lose a couple friends in high school because of drinking and driving. we didn't want to lose any more. yeah That makes sense, and that's a beautiful sentiment.

Speaker: See, me and my people are always...

Speaker: You tend to have friends that are kind of like you, generally. I'm too dumb to be afraid of anything. Especially in my youth. I was invincible. Nothing could happen to me. I've broken just a handful of bones under all knuckles.

Speaker: All knuckles and one toe. All knuckles, one toe. Never broke another bone in my life. I should have died several times just out of sheer stupidity. Too dumb to be afraid.

Speaker: i have two two quality traits, whatever, that don't go well together. Too stupid to be afraid and a high tolerance for pain.

Speaker: I wish I could say only broke a handful bones. I have a very high threshold for pain.

Speaker: Of course you do. Now I do, now you do. ah why Why are you so jealous of me, man? my my height My threshold for pain is higher than yours. Yeah, I can tell. like that's Why are you such a one-upper? You must have a tiny little dick.

Speaker: I do have a tiny little dick. Thanks for noticing. I don't know. You're the one that had my meat in your mouth, and you said it was amazing. Now these days, I'm talking about my youth. These days, Tarantula, everybody who's listening, I refuse to drink or drive. And if one of my people is about to, I'll do everything I can and get those keys and get them home.

Speaker: Like Sue and I do that. ah again Much to her chagrin. She doesn't like to do that shit. But I'll have her follow me. I'll drive the person's car whatever. its ah Again, if I'm out and I'm drinking, I won't drive.

Speaker: But I'll pick somebody up that will youll be able to drive in front those other people. Like ah people on another pool team a rival pool team were way, way, way drunk. Way, way, way drunk.

Speaker: And, yeah, I knew him from school, and I talked him out of going, like driving. We took him instead.

Speaker: I've done that. I'm sorry, go ahead. dip um I've taken complete, like, it just happened just a few months ago. Complete stranger. Took him home. They could barely walk.

Speaker: And I'm like, bro, you cannot drive. Like, he's like, oh, I'm just like two minutes down the road. I'm like, all right, well, I'm five minutes down the road. So, like, I'm not going to murder you, I promise you.

Speaker: Did the same thing at my home bar, the where my local ah show spots, the underground lounge, the beautiful underground lounge, and also beautiful downtown Warren, Ohio. Great spot, German Warren, Ohio, underground lounge, downtown square, underneath the hotel.

Speaker: Odds are you'll catch me there. I'm there were a lot. And it's under a hotel even better. Just get a room. Get shit house and stay there. Exactly. But the rooms are expensive. And it's, um, is it a nice hotel or, uh, it used to be the park in now it's the best Western and, uh, the people that own it are not the cleanest.

Speaker: I've stated it a few times, uh, two new year's Eve's in a row. It was my tradition. My new year's Eve tradition is a new year's Eve comedy show followed by So I've done at that hotel two years, but not consecutive.

Speaker: I did it this past year, two years before that. Last year I was at Cracker Jack's, another local spot. I do a lot of shows at that. um And yeah, we get all fucked up. But I stayed there those two times and that's it. Just because I didn't want to have to drive and it's a hotel.

Speaker: Ends up being an after party. It's a good time. And, you know, hot tub room and shit like that. And they're expensive for what you get is an expensive place. And the whole place has a funky smell except for the bar part, like the bar and lounge, because my boy Brandon kills it as a cook.

Speaker: but Kills it. In fact, I'm having my ah wedding rehearsal dinner there. I'm giving him food items and allowing him complete freedom in making the menu. Hell yeah.

Speaker: I've known the dude for a long time. We're long-time partners. fish So ah great peoples. Tarantula, what kind of shit? Are you a fucking MMA fighter? She's working several ribs, toes, tailbone, knuckles, ankle, nose, fingers, not counting fractured shin, shoulder, or collarbone.

Speaker: Nuts.

Speaker: She's either a motocross rider or something. Oh, man, that's a tough question. I would go so many places. So many places.

Speaker: I would want to see... Oh, boy.

Speaker: ah Oh, boy. Just accident-prone. Must be.

Speaker: Hmm.

Speaker: Blake, you take this one first. I got to think on that one. If time travel was real, where would you go and why? Ooh, I didn't mean to take that. I was trying to unmute my mic, and I'm just over here pushing all the fucking buttons except unmute. ah Sorry, Austin came back here. she or I don't even know what the situation is. Her new man, friend, boyfriend, whatever.

Speaker: John Whitetail texted He's a FFA camp. But anyways, if time travel was real, call him John Whitetail because he's an Indian, indigenous person.

Speaker: but If time travel was real, where when and where, would that's easy. That's easy. I'm going back to the the late 1800s. I'm going to the Wild West, man. I want to be a gunslinger.

Speaker: I want to be like Doc Holliday, bro. I want to be Wyatt Earp. I want to be a lol dog. Like, yeah, man, I'm going back to the Wild West. That's a big mistake. No, it's not.

Speaker: Tell me what you like about being a woman. Tell me what you like about being with a woman.

Speaker: What makes you think I like being with a woman? Are you just assuming? Look, I realized that everybody's gross back then because I'm going to be just as gross as they are because it's just the time.

Speaker: but i yeah i know I don't know. I want to go i want to go back to like the Wild West time. That or... We have a BO fetish. just go fish one Just go to fish shows. It smells like the Wild West.

Speaker: anywhere i didnt know I didn't say anything about going to the Wild West to bang women. I just said I wanted to go back to i wanted to go back to that time. I want to be a law dog, man. I want to be a tombstone. i want to be you know I want to ride with Wyatt Earp when he goes and kills all the cowboys stuff. got to be cool.

Speaker: and We'll get married to a cop. i think i would want to go I think I would want to go back to like

Speaker: like about 12,000 to 15,000 years. The dawn of civilization-ish. watch it all Watch it all happen. Watch it all happen.

Speaker: See the way it works. yeah Manipulate the situation. Become God. I would want to go back and see if Jeebus was real. There's my cult.

Speaker: i think there's I think there's a chance Jesus was real. What's not real are the stories about him. We don't do that. Perform your magic tricks for me. Savior.

Speaker: yeah now No, no, that or I'd want to, you know, that or for, and and and I know it's kind of the plot line between of Back to the Future, but for selfish reasons and greed, I would 100% go back about 40 years-ish or so, and then just start betting on sports and dropping like stock in Pepsi, Microsoft, Apple, like just, just so I can come back to my present and just be the richest man on the planet. and

Speaker: You heard about the Microsoft secretaries, right? What's that? So Microsoft was started in Bill Gates garage. According to legend, it was a few dudes and a couple of secretary ladies.

Speaker: They couldn't pay them enough. So they gave them stock options and shit. Yeah. that real when When the company went public, every one of the secretaries was a millionaire instantly.

Speaker: Wow. in the still that's That's cool. if that's ah if that's ah If that's a real thing that happened, and again, i this first time I'm hearing of it, that's a cool move.

Speaker: and Again, it it was betting on themselves, those ladies were. Betting that this little dorky guy is going to make this work. Because they're basically not working for free, mind you, but starting up a business and having like capital to pay employees and shit is not an easy task.

Speaker: It takes money to make money. And I tell man, what a gamble. It's like me going to that thing I wasm talking about in Savannah. I didn't have the money. i did ah legit did not have the money to my name to get there and back without doing some questionable shit.

Speaker: Shady shit. I bet on me. I bet on me and it was a good bet. no I don't. I hate you. Amen. I feel that. If you're doing something, do with your whole heart. If you don't believe in it or yourself, why are you doing it? Do something different. yeah feel that.

Speaker: I feel that. I feel like I'm doing that.

Speaker: See, they're doing it again. goddamn chat stops listening to us and starts talking to each other more. Motherfuckers, we're the girls. Hit us with the hard-hitting questions, you sons of bitches.

Speaker: Jedi is just such a champ. but I'd want to go back to like the dawn of civilization and like be Jesus, I guess, because I'll ah put down like the best way to live for everybody.

Speaker: No greed, that's not the other thing, but that's mankind. We are animals. we're We pretend we're civilized, but we're not. We're animals. The complete opposite. I'm going back to get myself filthy fucking rich and become the richest, most powerful man in the planet. like its just Just so I can sit in my tower and look down upon all you peasants. Mo' money, mo' problems, boy.

Speaker: Nah, man, because I'm just chilling. ah Got my little circle around me. I'm just chilling. You know what's going to happen to you if you go back to the Wild West? You're going to get the fucking pox and die.

Speaker: but i want want to say from isai old shit I'm not in the old times either. I'm to get fucking... I mean, well, we're going back in time. So we're we're going to have the immune system and everything that we have today. so you know, I'll be fine.

Speaker: Not only like that, but dude, you guys think I'm big now? That would be cool. I'm to be a monster. I'm going to be a monster in the wild west. Well, because depends on your depends on your speed and if you have eyes in the back of your head.

Speaker: I'm pretty quick, but I don't have eyes in the back of my head. Well, the thing is, all a lot of those shootouts and shit weren't the fancy ones you see on TV. You know why almost all bars have a giant mirror behind the bars? That's so you can see behind you.

Speaker: Yeah. Because of all that backbiting, back shooting. Yeah, Wild Bill. Wild Bill. The dead man's hand. He got shot in the back. You know, the guy shot him in the back of the head It wouldn't be a religion.

Speaker: It would just be the way. This is the way. Life's a garden. Dig it.

Speaker: Life's a butthole. Fuck it. Ooh, hey. heyo Hey, easy now. Buy me dinner first. Medieval times would be pretty cool.

Speaker: See, to me, don't know. Modern combat, as interesting as it is, it's mass destruction. It's mass death. A whole lot of like ah collateral damage and shit like that.

Speaker: Real war, real battle, that's man-to-man shit. that's People on a field using fucking hand-to-hand weapons, that's fight. That's war. You know badass it would be? You could like fuck history completely up.

Speaker: If you went back to like the medieval times or back when Genghis Khan was taking over the entire planet therere in the li world with all with our modern weapons, like you just show up there with a fucking M16 or something.

Speaker: Just annihilate. Bye-bye. I have actually fantasized about that quite often. or Or you go back and you say, hey, Leonidas, I've got some toys for you to help you with that dick bag.

Speaker: And watch out for that mongoloid up on the mountain because he's going to snitch on you. So you should go ahead and kick him in the pit. That trash, you son of a bitch. yeah

Speaker: I'm just going to go back. You know what? Don't give me a time machine because I'm just going to fuck with history.

Speaker: ah would it be Would it be fucking history up or would it be correcting it? don't know.

Speaker: I would say correct it. I'm just going to go fuck with things. Behaviors are learned, right? like Let's take racism, for example. You're not born racist.

Speaker: No, it's tough. So, it on a global scale, you teach nonviolence early on in man's history. when that's the status quo, when that's the norm, when that's the societal expectation, war's not a thing.

Speaker: I want war and chaos. I sure don't. that's why it all got ah That's why I don't like the world. The world's a violent, awful, terrible place. Going back in time like Ash with my boomstick.

Speaker: That's what I was gonna say too. If I end up going back to the middle ages, I wouldn't end up like Ash. Listen up, you primitive screw heads. Boo!

Speaker: yeah Some people like to watch the world burn, Michael. so I like to watch it burn. I used to. I've changed a lot from my youth. ah I was a man very terrible, yes, Army of Darkness, very good.

Speaker: Very terrible, very terrible person, but that's not me anymore. Because I found the Lord in Jesus Christ.

Speaker: I went to jail. like People say, i'm looking I'm trying to find God or whatever. Just go to jail. That's where everybody else finds them.

Speaker: Or you get a lot of grief. It's like, fuck, I hate that I'm not in there with this bullshit right now.

Speaker: finally Yeah, I'm a tinkerer. I'm a tinkerer. I think I would want to go tinker around with history. Fuck around with shit. I'm definitely signing the Declaration of Independence.

Speaker: I'm definitely signing that bitch. So that's another that's not a paradox point, right? According to time theory and shit. you like feel but Let's say you do something altruistic. You go back and you kill Hitler.

Speaker: And it changes history because it doesn't happen. So divergent timelines, right? Our timeline was this multiverse now, right? So go hitler right as brody said Hitler, but then you you don't get to live.

Speaker: Because more people survive. more people survive The route that led to your parents meeting is now fucked up. or Genghis Khan, right? Genghis Khan, the Mongol Great, the largest contiguous empire in history and all the mankind.

Speaker: He killed about 25% of the world's population at its time, roughly. He killed so many fucking people. This is true. You could look this up in the Glacial records or whatever, and levels of shit, right?

Speaker: It's science. Look it up. I'm not a science guy. I'm i'm not a sciencer. But geng Genghis Khan killed so many fucking people that their environmental impact actually lowered but output of ah like all the fires and shit from people.

Speaker: He killed so many people, there was less fires, less carbon in the atmosphere, and it led to a general cooling of two degrees from one motherfucker's decision to rape the world. Didn't didn't they say didn't he say that didn't isn't there some and again thats ah I've heard this somewhere, and i don't know where I heard it.

Speaker: Didn't they say that a large number of the world's population has DNA traits? Yeah, yeah. the mongol of gangs same Because of how many forested encounters they had.

Speaker: Something non-physical that you find attractive. It's the mind and personality.

Speaker: Physical attraction is nice, but I mean, you can't I can't be with somebody that's not a good person. Sue is the best. I'm going to have the best wife ever. She, however, not so much than having the best husband. Not so lucky.

Speaker: I'm content to the come. Fine, Blaze. Be content. Content's not good enough. Be fucking amazing. You deserve it. she ah Sue definitely punched down. There he goes. Oh, absolutely.

Speaker: They say in every relationship. They say in every relationship, somebody steps down, somebody steps up. Call me the Jeffersons, baby, because I'm moving on up. um What did Blaze ask about? Something non-physical. Yeah, man. I got i yeah personality all day, man. like A good personality is fucking sexy as hell.

Speaker: I just said that. he got have a cenor and you got to have And you got to have a sense of humor. Because Lord knows I'm a wild card. And I don't mean to say that because it's wild card Wednesday. Because I don't even know 90% of the time what's coming out of my mouth next.

Speaker: It just happens. so You're like a Marco. Your mouth is hardwired directly to the brain. Sometimes. For the most part, yeah. But I'm not um but um not autistic.

Speaker: life How do you know? My mom had me tested. Yeah. No, Marco is cool. He was a cool cat, but he yeah he truly does. There is no... There's nothing between here and there. It's just... There's nothing in there.

Speaker: There's nothing in there. It's all right here. Motherfucker's got hearts, and he's a great dude. Treat... Like anyone else, hopefully. Treat them right, they treat you right back. How should be.

Speaker: That motherfucker is a friend. but If I call you a friend, you're family to me. Not all family's blood. I mean, I instantly clicked with you guys. well We mesh so well. As far as I'm concerned, it hasn't been long. You're family, man.

Speaker: We're in the old garden. We're here. You're family.

Speaker: Oh, no. Family. Family. family family I am Groot. Okay, but what makes a good personality? That's a loaded question. It's not the same answer for any two people.

Speaker: But he wants to know about you. What is your definition of a good personality? Maybe he wanted to know about you. We'll both answer it. Please just give me the answer so I don't screw it up. Groot

Speaker: but you can't spell autistic so he denies it.

Speaker: No, man. i think I think, you know, as far as, you know, good personality, like I said, personality traits, a sense of humor, somebody that somebody that's genuine, somebody that's real. I mean, don't don't don't bullshit me, you know.

Speaker: ah You're going to get, and, in and you know, I think Blaze can attest to this. I think Michael can attest to this. I'm a real dude, and and what you see is what you get from me. ah So just be real. Be genuine. Just don't be afraid to to be raw. Just show your show your true self.

Speaker: as far as personality goes. Because I don't have no time for fakeness and all that dumb shit. you know So, yeah, I guess and in my in my opinion, that's what makes a good personality.

Speaker: And I could be wrong. maybe Maybe those aren't personality traits. If you're wrong, I don't want you to be right. Yeah. Really? I mean, that's nobody's perfect, right?

Speaker: But Fess up to your mistakes, fess up to doing something that.

Speaker: It's hard for me explain this. i I make it my point and a goal to never hurt anybody in any way. Not physically, spiritually, not mentally. I don't enjoy hurting people.

Speaker: It's not fun. It makes me hurt. And that's something I had to realize. Most all of my worst years were because I hurt so much and I wanted miss my misery to have company.

Speaker: That

Speaker: yeah would be weird. But I mean, pretty much the same. I mean, for me, it all starts with trust.

Speaker: No trust, no relationship. And that's physical, non-physical, sexual, non-sexual, friendship, love, it doesn't matter. If I know i can't trust you, I'm not going fuck with you, period.

Speaker: Yeah. That's, I'm 100% on board with you on that one. And that's the other thing. If you fuck up my trust, I'm cutting me off.

Speaker: Yeah, exactly. the the moment The moment you lose my trust, i don't i don't i don't care who you are. and I truly don't care who you are. The moment you lose my trust or you do something where I have to question it, I'm done. I'm done with you.

Speaker: I'm checking out. Another personality trait I know I can't live with is a ah busybody, like a fucking gossip. Drama. I can't stand people that want to talk about other people all the time.

Speaker: It bugs the hell out of me. I don't do that. But when my mom, my mom, for instance, Hey, have you heard about cousin so-and-so what happened? are they okay? Oh, they're fine. And then start giving me gossip, but stop right there. want to hear this.

Speaker: If that person wanted me to hear it, they tell me themselves. And I know certain people because they, I just avoid them like a plague. Yeah. There there's that, or or like I said, the drama, the people that like,

Speaker: And I say small town mentality because you you see this a lot in the small towns. People never leave and they keep that high school mentality and they have the same fucking drama with people for 30 goddamn years.

Speaker: Like that's that is an instant fucking turnoff. I don't want to deal with deal with drama. I don't like drama. And if you're if you're in a grown ass adult, like I'm in my 40s, if you're in your 40s like me and and you still got fucking drama with people in your small. like That's such a fucking turnoff.

Speaker: I'm sorry. i don't. I'm already starting the checking out process. That's the people that haven't grown as humans. They peaked in high school and they saved it.

Speaker: They never moved on because that's their best them and their opinion. and my In my opinion, if you stop learning, you stop living. so I evolved as a person daily, so sometimes in the minute because have so many personalities, but you can't be the same person now that you were in high school or you fucked your life up.

Speaker: I learn every day. Every day I talk to Blaze, I learn something new. and And I know, Blaze, I'm sorry if I drive you crazy. I'm sorry if i if I drive you crazy because I will. I'll be like, dude, I have no idea what you're talking about, but I definitely want to hear it.

Speaker: What's up, buddy? I've seen your message. Sorry, I got really busy. I don't know if I'll be able to be out there Saturday night. We got the show and stuff. and like and and And then I got the kids. and Something occurred to me today.

Speaker: If you're all coming to the wedding, what's going to happen with nonsensical nonsense? go nonsense

Speaker: It takes a fucking night off, bro. I'm the boss. I'll tell you guys. Actually, you know what? if you Actually, you know what? Fuck that. I'm the boss. we're're We're doing a show that night, so you better have your wedding done before 7 o'clock.

Speaker: And if it's not, then we're going to set up right there beside Arliss and start doing the show while you guys are doing it. I'm the flower girl. I get free reign. I do whatever I want. I was going to suggest that. If you want to do it, go live from the wedding ah or from the reception. I won't care.

Speaker: And then there's an after-reception party also at the underground. I wouldn't dream of of of throwing that out there. But if it's something that you were like, hey, if you guys want to do it, do it. um we could We could have fun with that that night. I think we could have fun with it that night. But I'm not going to be like, I'm bringing all my equipment. We're doing the fucking show. Because that's your guys' night, man. That's your guys' night. I don't want to throw any curveballs or steal any attention from it. And at the end of the day, don't think Blaze and I are going to be in any position to be doing a show. Well, the thing is, just keep it at a table. i Don't wander around the place.

Speaker: keep Keep it at table, that's all. Some people might want not want to be on the internet. But it's going to be a hoedown. a Great time. Yes, Jedi, I'm getting married September 20th. Yeah, we're going to take that time off. oh Speaking of time off, just a little reminder.

Speaker: The weekend of the 4th. No show on Friday and no show on Saturday.

Speaker: We're taking that weekend off. I'm going to be on a beach somewhere that weekend. Can you set up like a replay? A best of? but Oh, God, you know how much work it would take for me to do a best of on a Saturday night?

Speaker: Because I would have to. Well, but let me rephrase it. Yeah, I was going to say, that would be a lot of work for all of us. so But we can figure something out. Or, you know what, guys? Just go watch the replays on Saturday night. Watch let's watch any of the replays from any of the shows because they're all in the playlist on our YouTube channel.

Speaker: They're there for your viewing pleasure anytime you want. And when you're watching them, like them and comment on them. That helps us in the out-hole. Tramps is all about live at the wedding. Not the wedding.

Speaker: And the great art partner will be there.

Speaker: Nice. I love Oregon. Beautiful, beautiful state.

Speaker: Thank you, lazy. And that's exactly correct. Sue comes in once in while and makes comments, but she's resting.

Speaker: Kong rats. She is not allowed to be on her feet. Crack that whip.

Speaker: I told her the other day, she better start recovering quick. I need her to get back to waiting on me hand and foot. This is bullshit. First to the ninth. Nice. Then you won't be in Oregon when getting married. to September 20th.

Speaker: September 20th. And there is an after party, like i said, at the Underground Lounge. So anybody out there that wants to come and hang out with us, we'll all be in one place at the same time.

Speaker: At the Underground Lounge, September 20th at about 1030

Speaker: Don't approach me unless you pay the $25 charge and bring me a beer. Because I'm a fucking celebrity and I'm a fucking VIP. So do not approach me and talk what was going to ask you when you were going through your thing with the maintenance dude, right?

Speaker: Yeah. Don't you know who I am? Actually, I met him at the door with my with my belt. And I did. Don't you know who i am That's one of the kind dumbest fucking things people can do. I hear hate that shit.

Speaker: and And no, I won't be taking pictures either. Please, no pictures. And if I catch you sneaking a picture, oh why would they want a picture with you? oh to make themselves look better, that's why.

Speaker: Because I'm a fucking rock star. You are a rock star. I like the friends you have. You're a lot of fun to banter with. here I'm going to be the biggest celebrity at your wedding. You mean me?

Speaker: No, no, no, no. Arliss. Arliss. without ah without Without a doubt. Arliss will be the biggest celebrity in the wedding.

Speaker: Now we're creating the music right now, getting everything ready for reception. It's going to whole bunch of fucking... I'm a comedian, but thank you. I'm a podcast host.

Speaker: Greatest podcast host to ever do the podcasting thing. Better than Joe Rogan. Suck a dick, Joe. Keep repeating it until it becomes true.

Speaker: Eventually, eventually I'm going to come across this radar. All he's got to do is mention the network and mention my name and boom, we are rocketed because everybody's going to come and be like, what the fuck is Joe talking about? They're going to follow us. They're to subscribe. Who's this asshole talking shit about Joe Rogan?

Speaker: Yeah. They're going to be in here and they're going to like, oh, he actually is really good. He is way better than Joe. He's right. Hashtag Glick inspires confidence in pictures.

Speaker: You know what? People get to take a picture taken with me. yeah They want someone to make them look good. I'm the dumbest. That's what I do, man. I give back. I give back to the community.

Speaker: Florence, ah Italy.

Speaker: Hmm.

Speaker: I know Jedi or I know Blaze. You don't have to correct me.

Speaker: Well, you fuckers quit asking us questions. You're killing us. I got one for you, Blake. What? Give me one of your favorite jokes you've heard. One of your favorites.

Speaker: Like street joke or whatever. Man, I don't do jokes. I noticed.

Speaker: just naturally funny. I don't have to try. There's going to be bourbon at the reception, my friend. There is going to be bourbon. And I've got some sober drivers already lined up for us. Network guest preference and the whole wedding party also.

Speaker: There should be two, maybe three cars for us. No one will have to drive because we we're going have to go to multiple locations. Cool.

Speaker: When you're here, you're family. but um oh blas I said you didn't have to correct me.

Speaker: How? He's the butt of the Joker. Damn it. good Okay. Okay. Remember that. Remember that. remember that

Speaker: You'll be on my network and on my show Saturday Favorite? I know man i don't <unk> really... like i mean there's There's bits that comedians do that I really enjoy.

Speaker: I love Christopher Titus. I know he's an acquired taste. ah He turned his trauma into a career. Yeah. I've been a man huge fan him for many years. And i got to meet him. He was super cool.

Speaker: Yeah. well Lucky you. Lucky you. Not if not everybody. They say don't meet your idols for a good reason. Yeah. No. Well, so to go back on what you were talking about,

Speaker: earlier about you know people talking during comedy shows and and and stuff like that um hashtag glick is a power bottom i don't know about a time machine but i need a portal to minnesota so i can beat jedi's ass no um no actually to go back on what you said about doing shows and people talking and wanting to be a part of the show.

Speaker: when we when When I went and seen it, he had it was him and it was his now girlfriend. i don't know if they're married yet, but she she was actually hilarious. Oh, my God. And she opened up for him. And she was making fun of Ohio and people from Ohio.

Speaker: And I didn't think I said it very loud because i we were right front row and I didn't want to be that guy. I was just laughing at her joke and I was like, hell yeah. So that became a thing that night.

Speaker: that that became, and I was picked, singled out by him that hell yeah that I did. But after the show, I got to meet Chris and dirt. He was talking about going through a divorce and fighting for custody and everything like that.

Speaker: And, you know I'm just sitting there laughing and kind of, you know, agree and he's like, you know what i'm talking about? I'm like, I've been there, bro. um I'm living it right now. And he's like, hell yeah. So we were talking after the show, super nice guy, man.

Speaker: Took pictures together. i didn't realize he was so tall, ah yeah but, um, right um But ah when i when like I was going to go through the line and pay so I could, like everybody else, and he's like, hey, man, hang back until I get done with everybody.

Speaker: Took pictures with me. we he signed my poster, like chit-chatted with me. He was really cool dude. We talked about, you know, divorce they going through divorce and custody and stuff like that. Really cool guy. Did not expect it.

Speaker: And like I said, I didn't want to be, we were front row, and I didn't want to be that asshole who was like, yeah, I'm part of the show! But I kind of became of it. Hell yeah, you were agreeing with something that she said. and yeah A simple exclamation like that, it's fine.

Speaker: yeah It's when you actually try to engage to be a part of the show. That's heckling. That's heckling. That was, as far as I'm concerned, part of the plot. But I do, that's one of the that's one of the things about him, why he's one of my favorite comedians, is because he did turn that drama and and and make a career out of it.

Speaker: But yeah, like i said, i don't I don't really have favorite jokes, man. I don't do the dad jokes. They annoy me. I don't care for... and don't know. There's bits like Bart Kreischer, man. I think he's hilarious.

Speaker: Everything he does.

Speaker: Outside of taking his shirt off, that's just gotten weird. Did you see what Natasha Leggero did? Huh. Bert was up before her at at a show, and she came out no top on.

Speaker: Who says Burt's the woman can do that shit? but i Made a part of her. ah Oh, nice. Yeah, true story. If reincarnation were real, what musical instrument would you prefer to come back as?

Speaker: Back ass. Back ass. I'm going to go with drums because I want to be beat. Beat me. That's a fat lie. Handies are the worst.

Speaker: um Something in the horn section so I can be blown. but ah Piano, I think. I find the piano to be a very powerful instrument.

Speaker: I love classical music. My musical taste is all over the place. I was jamming out some Vivaldi today, actually. Piano for transfer, too. This is creepy.

Speaker: I'll be honest with you, man. I'm going to i gonna go very... I like your guitar, man, because I love a good guitar riff. I love when somebody shreds. like Man, guitars are badass. Yeah.

Speaker: the I can't remember who it was, but this is good life advice. If it feels like more than two fingers, it's probably a dick.

Speaker: But um no, I'm not in being digited. Exit only. Yeah, I think I would want to be a guitar because guitars are fucking... man just Especially being a music fan, a guitar riff a good guitar riff or a good solo can really make a bad song good.

Speaker: um Who do you think is one of the... One of. I don't want to... yeah Let's play Mount Rushmore real quick. Guitarists.

Speaker: I've got to put Eddie up there. Absolutely. And Innovator. The tap technique and all the stuff that he did, dude. Eddie Van Halen was a god. Absolutely. Innovator. I've got to put yeah got put Eddie up there.

Speaker: going to go with Slash. a You know Slash isn't real, right?

Speaker: You knowt want South Park. Yeah. No, I don't. shows like later a minute Hold on a second. I've been a GNR fan my whole life. and sure really im stupid the Hashtag Glick shreds his undies after Taco Bell.

Speaker: You're goddamn right I do. I just said Taco Bell last night. It was amazing. ah Yeah, Eddie slash I'm going to put Hendrix up there. Really?

Speaker: I love Hendrix. I love Jim. Another innovator, but yeah gone too soon. like Left-handed. everybody does. Played his guitar upside down because he was left-handed. Shout out to us.

Speaker: Shout out to our lefties. Woo, yeah. We're the silent minority. It is what it is. My son's left-handed. Nice. Hell yeah. ah And then...

Speaker: I was trying to think of an odd ball, but

Speaker: I probably, yeah man. okay you type man Crowd boy lefty.

Speaker: ah Now I'm torn here on the fourth one because I was thinking Stevie Ray. I'm thinking. ah Speaking of Stevie Ray. Everyone that knows music, see, I'm not a music expert. I know what I like.

Speaker: Okay. You, you, you have probably an encyclopedic knowledge of music. I don't know. I'm just a huge fan. People that know music say that little wing, a Hendrix original best version ever.

Speaker: Stevie Ray Vaughan. I agree. i agree a hundred percent with that. No disrespect on Jimmy. But I absolutely agree. stevie Stevie had a way of making a guitar sound. um Kind of like, clap and man, see, now I'm thinking a guitar players. Clapton can make a guitar talk to you, bro.

Speaker: You think Frampton, man? He can do it, too. Yeah, Frampton. With the WOMO, whatever the fuck it my motivator in that way you made it electric yeah yeah man.

Speaker: So can I just play by Brittany's rules and just do 10?

Speaker: No, I'm gonna i' definitely going to go Eddie, Jimmy, Slash. And, man, i' go you know, for me, I'm going to throw Stevie up there. I'm going to put Stevie Ray up there. Stevie Ray's a bad motherfucker.

Speaker: That's the tough one. He had a unique way. Yeah, he had a unique way of making the guitar sound. But honorable mentions, Frampton, got to put him up there. Clapton. Even, why is his name? Brad Paisley.

Speaker: Brad Paisley and that Australian country guy, Keith Urban. are amazing guitar players amazing guitar players um so now i'm thinking out now i'm just like yeah that's yeah that's my that's my four that's my assault final answer do you have an um right honorable honorable mention yeah man i put frampton in there clapton in there and uh keith urban and uh and brad paisan I get four honorable mentions.

Speaker: it's ah It's an honorary Mount Rushmore. um Again, I know what I like. not As much as I hate him as a person and a terrible human being, David Gilmour.

Speaker: Pretty fucking incredible guitarist. A huge Pink Floyd fan. Huge Pink Floyd fan. I saw Floyd, not real Floyd, without Roger Waters. He was the bassist.

Speaker: here's He's one of mine, just because I i love... just this Comfortably numb, man. You know the song, of course. Just those two long guitar breaks are insane.

Speaker: History behind that song, too. Waters and Gilmore were arguing over which direction to take the song. There was two different versions of that solo. They used them both to settle the argument.

Speaker: It's a hell a compromise. but Yeah, yeah. Well, by one and only time they ever compromised.

Speaker: That was a. I think that does some of the most poignant lyrics ever. ah When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look, but it was gone.

Speaker: The child was grown. The dream is gone. i mean, that's fucking life. That is life. It's brilliant lyrics. They were an outstanding fucking creative force.

Speaker: I mean, Pink Floyd, ugh. Yeah, their their their music is something else. To sit down and actually, and I don't think a lot of people do this with a lot of music across the board, but you can be a music fan all day long.

Speaker: But do yourself a favor, and this goes out to anybody and everybody. Take one of your favorite bands, whoever they are, and I'm going to say this about Pink Floyd. actually sit down and listen to the lyrics.

Speaker: Like you said, Michael, those lyrics are the life.

Speaker: like This is so poignant. wing it It's beautiful. It's amazing. Except for the doors. Don't waste your time doing out with the doors. The American Poe was just a raving, drunk, shouting shit. Those were not brilliant lyrics.

Speaker: yeah i mean Even Queen. I'm not a huge fan of Queen, but The lyrics were amazing to a lot of them songs. i you know Nothing against Freddie Mercury. Freddie Mercury was amazing. Shout out to him.

Speaker: I'm just not a big fan. ah Largely considered, again, by people who know music, the greatest live performance of all time, Queen at Live Aid.

Speaker: I've seen videos. Obviously, I wasn't there. Seen videos and stuff like that. I could i could i could agree with that. and know and And I hear that just in general, a Queen show in general was amazing.

Speaker: hey Freddie was such a performer, man. and And he put on a spectacle when when when they did live shows and stuff like that. And, you know, shout out to Mally Ramek, whatever rabbit whatever is. Oh, Mally Ramek, yeah. Fantastic job. In my opinion...

Speaker: You know, I think he did a fantastic job portraying Freddy in that movie. Me too. He's got eyes like me, though. Butthole eyes. This is you have.

Speaker: You got to check out Pete Davidson impersonating Mallory Ravings. It's fucking hilarious. but ah So, okay, there's one guitarist. Two, Trey Anastasio.

Speaker: Trey Anastasio from Fish. Oh, okay. got it not a girl Literal virtuoso. Okay, nice. um Jeff fucking Beck. Jeff Beck is amazing.

Speaker: And I'm closing... he was an onwood Oh, man. Hold on, hold on. I'm going to change my first answer. I'm taking David Gilmore out.

Speaker: And I'm replacing him with Peter Frampin. and Another innovator. Someone really did something new and different. And I'm going to finish up with

Speaker: robert johnson

Speaker: the mother transformed mississippi delta blues transformed it oh dude love me some robert johnson bro robert johnson dude that song down the crossroads holy shit a few others too i mean these but the it's a really really neat like war and with all that mean i don't believe it of course but I want to believe that there's something supernatural out there, which is, it makes it fun.

Speaker: But I mean, man, it's a fun story. It adds to the legend and the, and there's a lot of truth in the story too. Like, you know why Robert Johnson disappeared for three years? Why?

Speaker: He couldn't pick his nose. Other, other guys that shoot joints would stop playing for little bit, take a break. He'd sneak up on stage and start playing. And they'd yell at him Robert Johnson, get that goddamn stage before we run everybody out here.

Speaker: Hmm. He couldn't pick his fucking nose. He comes back after just a couple of years and he's a fucking Titan.

Speaker: That is weird. I worked with a guy in that state up North. I had to live up there for a while behind enemy lines. And I worked at a place with this cat named Dale. He's a guitarist, outstanding guitarist.

Speaker: And he's got a theory that the Beatles were the very first Milli Vanilli lip syncing bullshitters. I said, why would you say that?

Speaker: And he said, because I saw those worthless motherfuckers on Ed Sullivan and they couldn't pick their noses either. And then suddenly suddenly a year later, that these fucking titans of music, bullshit.

Speaker: And I thought, there's an answer for that, buddy. Assets. but Yeah, I mean,

Speaker: you man the summer of love and all that shit and the the 70s would have been neat i was born in the 70s but uh i don't really i mean i remember some of them as i was a kid but i didn't start having fun of the 80s i mean adult fun

Speaker: i was just uh i was just a wee a wee lad in the eighty s who was your very first live concert

Speaker: Mine, the Grateful Thug and Dead. Like, big name? Your first live concert of a band, people would know. Well, unless you're from Ohio, you probably wouldn't know these these guys, but Phil Dirt and the Dozers.

Speaker: I grew up going to their shows. Are they national act? I mean, I don't know how big they are. I think they're all dead at this point. They were all all old when I was a kid. What I'm asking was... what i'm asking is are do they tour Did they tour nationally or just in Ohio? A regional band or a national act?

Speaker: ah No, they definitely went outside of Ohio. Let me see if I can... There's no fucking way these guys are still... Honorable mention. ah

Speaker: Boy, so many great fucking guitarists. Joe Satriani.

Speaker: That was good. so so you You can probably tell something here. I like busy music. The more notes, the faster they come, the better. I've got busy i like busy music. Slow songs drive me crazy.

Speaker: Unpopular opinion. I hate the fucking Eagles. Call me the dude. Fuck the Eagles, they suck. Ballad after ballad. Harmonization. Ballad. You know what I mean?

Speaker: yeah you know what you know but Take them apart in individually. I love the Beatles. Don Henley, man. Smugglers Blues. Fucking killer tune. Oh, I'm sorry. That's Glenn Frey.

Speaker: Smugglers Blues. um Dirty Laundry.

Speaker: talking That's Henley. ah ah Joe Walsh. Ordinary Average Guy. fucking jams and their actual fun songs to listen to ballad after ballad after ballad i'm not saying they don't have talent and yeah the harmonization was wonderful and beautiful however harmonization the the skill level on the instruments agree liberty laundry killer tune you know the song i mean and i'm a big eagles fan i love the eagles i'm not gonna crap on your opinion uh

Speaker: I forgot. forgot and i know that And I fell into this wormhole today. I was listening to Ario Speedwagon. Oh, God. One of their songs came on the radio that I was like, now want to just listen to Ario.

Speaker: I forgot that they made some pretty hard fucking songs. ah don't I'm not a fan of Stevie Nicks personally, but Ario Speedwagon does have some killer jams.

Speaker: Edge of 17. Tusk. ah tusk you ever hear the toss they did with the USC Trojan Marching Man? You're thinking of Fleetwood Mac, not R.O. Speedwagon. fuck.

Speaker: yeah They're all the same. R.O. Speedwagon. You can go your own way, right? That's R.O. Speedwagon? yeah Yeah. No, that's Fleetwood Mac. All Give me an R.O. Speedwagon. R.O. Speedwagon was like, take it on the run.

Speaker: I heard it from a friend. I like him. Yeah, like him. Watch your about Ness. No. Watch your mouth about Stevie Ness. no

Speaker: Tarantula, do you know that Beethoven was the very first artist, musical artist to be banned in public play?

Speaker: The monarchs of Europe at the time felt that Beethoven's music was so emotive. It filled people with such emotion and roused them to such passion. They were terrified that it would rouse up the people to revolt against them.

Speaker: Fun fact, the first band musical artist, fucking Beethoven. when

Speaker: Ray Charles. I think he's laughing at me for being an idiot. but Good job, Drangle. Oh, dude, Ray Charles is awesome. Stevie Wonder. Stevie Wonder, my favorite of the two, by far. I throw Beethoven in there just because.

Speaker: Stevie Wonder is a musical motherfucking genius. Mm-hmm. I love all sorts of cloud genres. I'm all over the place with my music. I'm eclectic as fuck.

Speaker: As far as country music, though, goes, I don't care for most modern country. It's more pop music now. I like classical country more, like the old George Strait, Tim McGraw. like He'd be the most modern guy, probably.

Speaker: Not a huge fan of Brooks. I like Aaron Lewis Stain better. ah um I do like the new like the new kind of resurgence, I guess you could say. Or or maybe it's just ah an entire new thing because I don't really remember it a lot growing up or even back in the day.

Speaker: I'm loving this combination. and a lot of And a lot of artists that I've had on Tuesday nights, they do this combination of rock and country. And it's and it's it's great. I love it.

Speaker: ah ah Speaking of pianist, first and foremost, I just want to say fuck you, Billy Joel. Thank you. Fuck Billy billy Joel.

Speaker: Fuck Andrew. What a scumbag. ah if He writes a song sucking his own dick. Fuck that cunt.

Speaker: Actually, that sounds like something I would probably do. Yours would be better because it would be not true and funny. Cody James is not sure, buddy. I don't know that is.

Speaker: I do like Cody Jinks. Cody Jinks has got a great voice on him. He does some pretty good music. He was a songwriter. Cody Jinks was a songwriter. He wrote a lot of big hits for a lot of people. Like a lot of songwriters, you guys don't realize a lot of these artists that are huge were songwriters and wrote some massive hits.

Speaker: and Then one day they're like, why am I letting somebody else do my shit? I can do it. And sometimes that's how they get to do their own shit.

Speaker: They get ins like that, helping people out. okay Yeah, he did Liberty. ah he Yeah, I learned that about him as I've become a a fan of him and whatnot. But yeah, I like that that infusion of country rock.

Speaker: It's fun. It's it's it's kind of two of my favorite genres of music combined together so i'm like hell yeah let's go country's another one for me it's tough for me to like a lot of country because most of the popular country songs are too slow for me so i like it busy i like it busy um takeover i need to reset i forgot my question

Speaker: warning warning kids marijuana can affect the memory Yes, it does. I learned all about marijuana just a couple couple few shorts weeks ago. A modern musical super duper star wrote many songs for other artists.

Speaker: He was already famous, already very popular, and he did did it many times uncredited. As an example, do you know who wrote the song for Sinead O'Connor, Nothing Compares to You?

Speaker: you know who wrote that? Uncredited. Yes. Yes, and it slips my tongue right now. God damn

Speaker: it. Come out in the comments section. and Don't Google it. only you know Liberty, my man. maybe yeah yeah is Yeah, Prince. Yeah. um Not a big fan of Prince.

Speaker: Oh, wow. Prince was a hell of a showman. ah Some excellent fucking songs. My personal favorite was Darling Nikki. one of the one of the deep cuts off of ah Purple Rain. Super talented guy. Super talented guy. that did Absolutely had some fucking hits.

Speaker: ah Just never got on the train where it was like, i mean he's I'm not going to shit on the guy. does Great performer, great musician, great songwriter. It's not your cup of tea. and you think yeah okay yeah ah i'm with i'm with I'm with Liberty. I respect Prince, but not a fan.

Speaker: Gotcha, gotcha. I'm not going to poo-poo on the guy, and if a Prince song comes on, I'm probably going to sing along to it. I'm probably going to dance a little extra feminine just because. but my My fucking Prince GM, definitely Darnley Nikki, and i honorable mention second place, Kiss.

Speaker: Kiss. yeah I will say, and I know maybe it's a little cliche, maybe it is, maybe it's me. I love When Doves Cry, man. Oh, man. And it and there's been some there's been some artists that have covered it. and and and And again, no disrespect on Prince, but I've heard some covers of that song that's better than him.

Speaker: Well, again, it's all about preference. Oh, good good ah point. My favorite version of the Johnny Cash song, Folsom Prison Blues. Arliss Walker and Southern Outlaws band, man. man They totally rearranged it, made it their own up the tempo. I love what they did with it.

Speaker: I liked it before a lot, not a huge cash fan, but like a lot of cash songs, just not a huge fan. Uh, But dude, that fucking song is so good the way they do it.

Speaker: And Dave shines so hard in that beginning. Just shredding it up and then we're rolling into it. It's a fucking killer tune. Every time I'm there, play he he waits as long as he can to play that one for me.

Speaker: J-Dub. What's the J-Dub? J-Dub.

Speaker: J-Dub. Oh, Jehovah's Witness. Jehovah's Witness. Oh. I forgot about that. It took me a second. I got it just as you popped it in there. Jehovah's Witness. Oh, wait. That was never mind.

Speaker: They asked me to be a Jehovah's Witness, but I didn't see the accident.

Speaker: I shouldn't laugh at that. That was terrible. That was terrible. It just caught me off guard. Yeah.

Speaker: No. Music to sothe to soothe the savage beast. Nothing much more beastly than a fucking one-year-old.

Speaker: Try a 20-year-old daughter. I did. That, for some reason, is sitting in the dark in the living room talking very loudly. I told you before, I had two kids.

Speaker: What happened to them? They're adults. Do you have any advice on how I can get rid of mine? I like Mike Morneau. I will never again. i had two kids figured out what was causing it got that shit fixed.

Speaker: I can paint the fucking town now. took me three tries, and I still haven't fixed the problem. fifty percent I know how it happens now, but I haven't solved the stopping it yet.

Speaker: Well, it's just simple so it's a simple surgery. Two or three days on the couch with some frozen peas on your sack you're fine. Yeah, that's that's that's what I said. I think it's i think it's about high tide. High tide.

Speaker: High time. yeah i but Yeah, words are hard. high sense Yeah. ah That I go ahead and get the get the old snipper ruski.

Speaker: You should. It's easy. yeah i don't want to be having no babies at my age. Only babies I don't want now are grandbabies. And I don't even want... and And as far as my kids go, that better be a hot minute before I have grandbabies.

Speaker: Let's see. I was 44 when I broke up with the last chick I dated that had a kid of her own. um And at that point, I decided no more children ever again.

Speaker: Because they leave... and I miss the kids so much. you know It's painful. like I don't care what you i don't care but about you. You're leaving for reason. You fall in love with kid too. It's part of your family.

Speaker: shouldn't take that pain anymore. now no if i and if i If I inherit grandbabies, if they come with a package, then I'm i'm all happy about that. but My kids better not be having any grandbabies. I better not be having any grandbabies for my kids anytime soon.

Speaker: Me too. I'm already feeling old enough.

Speaker: I'm good on one. It's not even about feeling old. It's just, you know, well, but first and foremost, I have 12-year-old and a 16-year-old. So there's obvious reasons why it shouldn't happen there.

Speaker: Being raised by a 14-year-old. she's hot She's not ready to have no damn kids right now. but I wasn't ready, and I was 27. was 20, almost 24. but twenty almost twenty four I was Oh, yeah, I was almost 24 when she was born, and I was like, what do I do with this thing?

Speaker: It screams, it pukes, it shits all over the fucking place. and i And I've like been around babies. like My ex-wife, her little sister, I was there from the time she came home, and I was great with her.

Speaker: you know ill ah you know Shit, I still love her today. She makes me feel old as fuck, though. But like i was there. I did the bottle feeding and and and the rocking and now and all that stuff, but Yeah, man, when you have one of your own that you can't get back when you've tried everything that you did and you don't know what else to do and it's just like, what I do with this fucking thing?

Speaker: like don know i was spoiled yeah i was spoiled my daughter came first uh her name's sierra she's 25 years old now uh she was people will say oh i had the perfect baby i did have a perfect baby no worries i did have the perfect baby she didn't cry hardly at all 10 maybe times it was only when she was sick followed rules you've ever said her rules she's gonna follow him she's just like that loves to learn uh Truly a perfect kid.

Speaker: Now, after we got divorced, she started get a little fucked up. But my son, oh, shit, man. He was born with colic. And for the first about nine to ten months he was alive.

Speaker: If he wasn't sleeping or eating, he screamed nonstop. Nothing you could do. I mean, nothing you could do. That's trying. I mean, that's unconditional love. So I'm telling you, I wanted to shake him like a British au pair.

Speaker: But you can't. You can't. You can't do that. No, I tell you what. ahtin Austin's biggest thing was she just never slept. well She was born two and a half months early.

Speaker: So she was tiny, tiny, but she just never slept. And I was always that dad that was very aware and involved. I'm working and I would get and let my ex-wife sleep. And I was like, kid.

Speaker: and had to get up and and i and i would get up and let my ex eyes sleep and i was just like kid um I need you. I mean, she was outside of that. She was great. I mean, she was great baby. Our other two, man, they were perfect.

Speaker: My middle daughter, man, you feed her, change her diaper, put her down. And she was lights out. fuck She came out with the fuck the world. And I don't give a fuck attitude. Like y'all are just living here and I'm, and I'm allowing it type mentality.

Speaker: And then cash was cool too. Cash has always been cool. Yeah. Cash is cool. so He's just a dope little kid, man. He's just living life and fuck it, man. He's on his own planet.

Speaker: Just happy. that's what that's That's my little dude, man. that's my little i know he's I know he's anxious to come home and do his show Saturday. We haven't done it for a couple weeks, but I know he's excited to do it after going to Raw Monday night. so right You're definitely doing it this Saturday? I'll never talk about it.

Speaker: Yeah, but Cassius. Yeah, Cassius Corner, Saturday afternoon. Yeah, I got a kick out of him. Good kid. yeah man But in all honesty, man, I got pretty good kids for the most part. I think the behavior of the kids is often dependent on like the the leadership leadership of the parent.

Speaker: Again, but things are learned. And i an Iron Fist, this guy. I am the stall of the feminine. Iron Fist.

Speaker: This is Thunderdome.

Speaker: How did we get going there? Kids? I don't know, man. It's it's life, man. We're dads. It's life. I know how that got going. I'm just not a... I don't believe in gentle parenting.

Speaker: In what? Oh, yeah. gentlemen and mean I might be walking down the hallway and just get the urge roundhouse kick one of my kids. And it's a good possibility that they're going to block it and sweep my leg out from beneath me. Because that's how I raised him.

Speaker: Damn, Grant's had some fucking shit going on. ah according to my mom i almost killed her at birth god damn yeah that's rough my son uh came second and he was born blue as a blueberry and thought oh fuck stillborn so the doctor's like here you go you want to cut the umbilical cord i did the first time but everything was okay you know So apparently my poker face was a little off point. was like, no, no, no, take care of this.

Speaker: You take care of this. Do what you got to do. And she must have heard something in my voice or whatever. She's like, oh, my God, what's wrong? I said, oh, no. I immediately fixed it. No, no, nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. I thought,

Speaker: fuck That was the terrifying the most terrifying three, four minutes of my life. And I think that's probably got a lot to do with why he had colic.

Speaker: I think all that traumatic birth and shit, like yeah coming out unalived already. yeah But he had, my son was a strange kid. Like he would tell stories about people, names and everything, tell stories about people, pretty specific stories, like at a young, young age that were so weird and specific. I know he didn't see it on TV.

Speaker: The only shit he heard on YouTube was what he watched with me and his mom. like like he was remembering a past life or whatever but it was weird i'm saying it was proof but it was weird yeah he said shit that normal kids wouldn't know without seeing or being taught exactly he was i think four years old right champion cop comes up to the red light and my four-year-old son goes everybody be cool it's the cops Everybody just act act normal. It's the cops.

Speaker: What the fuck did he just say? i mean, dude, I can't wait for you to meet my son. He's me. He's me, but he doesn't give a fuck. Like in ah in a social situation, yeah ah for instance, he met my friend Sean the very first time.

Speaker: Sean's ah shirt is a Nike shirt. says do it. but the we should not't Do it. Somebody comes over to him. puts his nose on his elbow and just sniffs all the way up to his shoulder.

Speaker: he goes, hey, how you doing? He goes, what the fuck are you doing? He did not know. It was my son. I had to introduce him. He's like me. I mean, he would make an entrance. And goes, what the fuck are you doing? He goes, your shirt says just do it.

Speaker: So I did it. That's my son, man. He's bad motherfucker. the No, my ah all three of my kids were were born by c or C-section because with Austin, like I said, she was two and a half months early.

Speaker: And my ex had my ex-wife had toxemia. I think that's what it was. And they induced her. And she had a whole lot of other issues and problems. And we actually almost we did lose Austin and we almost lost her.

Speaker: And then they had an emergency C-section. And you know it i was that was just, everything that was going on was so crazy for me. Again, first time dad, not really understanding everything. All I know is- There's nothing more stressful than the situation you're describing.

Speaker: Yeah. And hearing the doctors and and and and the nurses go into panic mode, not really panic but mode, but you know mean? They kind of go into that, I don't know how to explain it, but like, and not fully understanding and only getting bits and parts, like,

Speaker: we lost her. We lost Austin. Mom's almost gone. And I'm like, fuck. and they're like, come on, Dad, scrub up, and we're going to go. you can come into the room. And then it's just like the c the C-section is so quick.

Speaker: But they're like, Dad, you go you do you want to watch? I'm like, yeah, I want to watch. I poked my head over the the little the little ah little screen thing I had set up. And all of her organs were laying on a tray. Dude, yeah. And they just reach in and grab and they grab her out and then they do what they need to do with Austin. And fortunately, thankfully, she didn't have anything wrong with her outside of being on a live for a minute or two.

Speaker: But the thing she couldn't do was regulate body temperature. So I got in a lot of trouble because every time we would go to the nursery, I would point out and go, hey, you see the one under the fry warmer? That's mine. And apparently that's not funny in the situation that we were in. but but Look, that would be my go-to. I would say something like that.

Speaker: But the the other two, of they stress because of everything that my ex-wife had going on with Austin, he told her, he said, you might not be able to have any more babies. You know, if you do get pregnant again, you're very high risk. So, like, the with both Buggy and Cash, it was multiple, multiple doctor's appointments a week.

Speaker: Everything was planned out to the day of when they were doing the C-section. um and it was like the same thing like walking there and at that point i'm like okay this is cool like we're not in freak out mode but it was still so alarming because they just and she's wide awake for the whole thing they just sliced her stomach open we're talking they didn't put the cover up over her eyes so she couldn't well there was there was like a there was like a like a like ah like a screen that went around like that, and it went around like just below chest. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah i you know, I could i could look, that like I could watch, and it was still all three times. not supposed to All three times it was so crazy because the doctor is just like literally just slices her open and just starts moving the organs around and just pulls the baby out, and and I'm like, how do you know those are in the right spot?

Speaker: Because that's my curious brain is you've got organs laying on a on her lap, bro. How do you know they're going back to the right spot? Eight years of medical school, dumbass. That's how. Yeah, it's insane, man. Seeing that show is nuts and crazy.

Speaker: And three times, and even the third time, I was still just as amazed. And the nurse was like, you okay, Dad? You gonna pass out? you're gonna I'm like, I'm cool. I mean, as long as i don't have to look like any slime or mucus or pus or anything like that, I'm cool with the blood and and all that.

Speaker: And then they're like, well, you feel like you're going to faint, let us know. Step back. We don't want you to fall and crack your head open. I'm like, that's pretty hard. You called me a poofy. Smacked the nurse in the mouth. ain't no bitch. Yeah, it's nuts.

Speaker: I'm glad it worked out for you, man. I don't know what wow what I would be where I would be right now if Michael had not come out of it.

Speaker: I tell you what that, and and and you probably felt the same way, man. That was probably this most scared I've ever been in my entire life. You can't explain it. All that excitement and joy and and everything, it just, dude, it literally just went went out the window and it was just straight fear and terror. Like, oh my God, what's going to happen in the next two minutes? Like, am I going to lose my my my daughter? Am I going to lose my My girlfriend at the time. Are you about to lose your entire world? Yeah, I'm about to lose everything. Dude, it was so scary.

Speaker: But then, and now it's like, looking back on it, you know, it's still scary to think about. It's still scary to talk about. But now it's like, everything worked out. And now she just annoys the hell out of me.

Speaker: But they do. ah Kids. The gift that keeps on taking. and And I gotta say, man, i know I know, like, shout out to you women, because

Speaker: You've got the shit you're probably love them. We do love them. This is true. But the shit you guys go through, man, whether it's it's carrying the baby vaginal birth, C-section, whatever it is, man alive.

Speaker: It's a wild story, man. I'm glad it worked out. Yeah, I don't know where I'd be if that hadn't worked out. Right. Yeah. Translate here. I'm going to make a suggestion.

Speaker: Write a fucking book.

Speaker: Write a book.

Speaker: Get off your phone.

Speaker: I'm looking something up. Uh-huh. You're using a microphone. I have to see your wee-wee.

Speaker: ah Okay. cool um I don't know, man. Nice. If you need a proofreader, let me know. Despite how I sound, I do know the word.

Speaker: You know, it's it's it's it's crazy. um Like you just said, you know if you need a proofreader, I know a lot of people like that. Dude, they cannot put a fucking, so and I'm not shitting on them because Lord knows I struggle to put a fucking sentence together 90% of the time.

Speaker: But you give them like something to proofread, fucking spot on.

Speaker: like you can't fucking write yourself how do you how do you go to correct somebody you writing and spelling are two different things but i'm talking about forming a whole ass sentence with spelling writing punctuations the whole nine yards but like proofreading mostly it's just a spot like uh spelling errors mostly uh simple syntax things like that grammar But if they can't do it, how are how are they able to see it someone else? It doesn't even make sense to me.

Speaker: That's like ah people who can't read like a book of music.

Speaker: And I'll your sister to get ahold of me if she has questions. I'm always happy mentor a new comedian. but Nobody helped me, so I'm all about helping i everybody else. I've done everything.

Speaker: I'm curious to see, speaking of that, I'm curious to see where where Blaze and Brittany may go if they decide to to venture up onto this thing.

Speaker: Brittany's done it. Yeah. Blaze is still virgin. But i know what he's I know the story he's working on. And it's a good one. It's got me. Timing's everything. Something better to share with me.

Speaker: He's going to nail the timing. He's going to nail the story. It's a good story. He's like, I wrote a joke, and I was like, you want to share with the class? He's like, nope. I'm like, okay. Why would he care what you think? You're not somebody who wouldn't, eh.

Speaker: I'm his peer. I'm his friend. And I'm always honest with him. Yeah, you have to be. Real friends tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. I've got a very, very, very small handful of people I trust to get honest opinions opinions about something.

Speaker: And they see things the way I don't. like Shout out to my boy, Jeef. um If it weren't for him like helping me trim some of my material down, the way he did it, I would have never thought to do that.

Speaker: And it's so about maximizing laughs and getting straight to funny stuff. If it doesn't contribute to the story in a pertinent way that that adds to the funny, it should not be there.

Speaker: He's like, oh stand up. Yeah. sometimes sometimes i forget i'm surrounded by stoners now and he checked out he just heard his name and i said what does the fuck are talking about sometimes i i forget i'm surrounded by stoners and and i'm like i gotta to slow it down sometimes like i said his story is a good story it's all in how he tells it and the way he was telling to me he's i laughed It's got a good punchline.

Speaker: And the whole, there's so much cultural shit he can use in that material. And the best part is, he's writing a joke, but it's a true story out of his life.

Speaker: And for me, that was a game changer.

Speaker: Yes, you did, dude. You had some good ones. ah Yeah, we did a, we oh, now that Michael's here, we should try that again. We roasted Marco for his birthday. Yeah. We've tried to do a roast of Glick on two occasions.

Speaker: And they've both been epic failures. Because and not not on Blaze's part. Blaze actually did a good job. got Shout out to Blaze for that.

Speaker: Blaze is clever. It's not a hard concept. why No. that's a couple like Even if even if you don't write a couple jokes, just have a couple ideas on unroasting someone.

Speaker: I mean, because I fired back. you know I fired back, and and all my shit was just off the top of my head. ah But yeah, Blaze. Blaze was like, you know how you it blaze you know you know you are. Blaze is like, I'm prepared. I'm ready. Let's do this. And then it was a complete clusterfuck, because it's like asking Brittany for her Mount Rushmore.

Speaker: They didn't understand that. like we We start the show, and we do this buildup, and then it's just,

Speaker: I was like, what the fuck? Come on, guys. like your nose You're no breath of Hitman Hart, no excellence of execution. yeah like This is your opportunity to get me. I'm always getting you guys. like This is your opportunity. and it just It's very telling that it failed because the roast. like true At a roast, the people invited are generally very close friends to the roast eat.

Speaker: It means your roasters don't really care for you much. That's a true statement. I know. parents jesus I love you. the ah like ah I don't want to run one of my bits, but it's true in real life. and It is a bit or a run because I talk about my life. but Best friends, right?

Speaker: Guy friends, they roast each other constantly and always. The deeper and more cutting the insult, the more brotherly love. Am I wrong? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. ah You and I back and forth all the time. like It's a rivalry. It's not.

Speaker: We're goofing. We're cracking. We're having a good time fucking with each other. yeah Manjo Man, Randy Cleavage.

Speaker: ah Yeah, no, yeah, exactly. you know and And that was just right off the rip between you and I. Because I can tell I'm like, okay, this guy's going to bust. I can bust his balls and he's not going to get all in his feels about it. I'm not a typical comedian, baby. i I love a good roast.

Speaker: Fuck with me. And I'll give it back to you Let's have fun doing it. There's no malice in it. I mean, because if you can tell somebody fuck you with a smile on your face and it's okay. You can tell where the malice is. You what mean? You can see what's in a man's heart.

Speaker: one hundred percent

Speaker: Let's do this. This is going to happen. it's not let's do that This will happen. New Year's Eve. We're going roast Glick live and do a whole show.

Speaker: That'll be the cap of the show. I'll bring some of my comedy friends out. We'll do a live, in-person live. Sell tickets. Come on in and see it.

Speaker: we'll do a We'll do a comedy show followed by the Roast of Glick. It'll be about two and a half hours long. And then we'll ah close out with ah dancing and shit with a DJ.

Speaker: That's on a... New Year's Eve's on a Wednesday. Doesn't matter. You won't have to work... Well, if you have to work Thursday, it's the thing. It is what it is. I don't think I have to work Thursday. But... I can take Wednesday off and I'll take Friday off.

Speaker: I'll make a fucking long weekend out it. You know who's going to... You know who's the great roaster? Arliss. That fucker is a comedian himself.

Speaker: And you see them live, Mr. I'll go to MC for him maybe me, maybe me, me, me. Arliss, if you put your ears on, will you let this guy MC a goddamn show?

Speaker: For the love of God, just just make a show that It's around his schedule so he can just show up whenever he pleases. to see is I have already emceed for him three times.

Speaker: I should have. yes Problem is, I cannot be anywhere on time. and You know who had no business emceeing a show for them? It was this guy right here. I said no.

Speaker: i'm like you Look, you interviewed them for five fucking hours. You have rapport. That's why he wanted you to do it. um and A, it's a respect move. B, yeah it's that he knows you can put the mic in your hands and count on you. I was truly honored. That was such i know our such an amazing...

Speaker: yeah that was such a and now i know why i know why people get up on stage man in front of a live crowd. Dude, it's it's a drug, man. I'm like, I want to do this again. And then the other side of my brain goes, no, you don't, because you don't like speaking in front of people, dumbass.

Speaker: And the other brain's like, this is fun. Let's do it all the time. You speak in front of people four days a week. Yeah, but I don't have to look at them. I just have to look at you people. but you know you people But you know they're out there. out there.

Speaker: i know they're out there No, trust me. I, I can get in front of a camera and, and I, and I've had this happen where I've had thousands of people watching me and I'm not phased a bit, but if I was sitting in a room with a thousand people watching me, and there would be some nerves. There'd be some serious until, until I got up there. And once the words just started coming out of my mouth.

Speaker: So, but even then I'd be like, still don't know what the fuck I'm doing. but The only, the only yeah performance games that I'm ever nervous for ever now, uh,

Speaker: Wedding DJ gigs.

Speaker: Because only because one dumb mistake fuck up somehow, I can ruin their day. And that worries me. Because I disappointed them and they hired me to be there.

Speaker: But on stage, I'm never, ever nervous at all. Ever. I was nervous my first two, maybe three times, but only lightweight nervous. Because I was brand new green. Yeah.

Speaker: I knew I wanted to do it. And I was always a class clown. I like to meet people. I like to talk to people. But I was in a weird space when I first started of comedy. And it's one of the reasons um I was able to kind of just get out of the funk I was in. right i was suicidal.

Speaker: Downright suicidal. One of the reasons I'm still here, for sure. I wouldn't have done it if my kids needed you know need for good parent. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: No, that's that's that's kind of how I was. and like I'd been doing this streaming thing for a few years, live streaming on another platform. And when I went down to Tampa and and all yeah know all all the friends that I have down there that do podcasting and and whatnot, and they're like, dude, you're coming down.

Speaker: We can have you on all of our shows. The first show I went on, I completely froze. I completely froze. They're like, dude, you do live streams every Saturday night, man. Why are you freezing up I'm like, I don't know. I'm nervous.

Speaker: Thankfully, it was and it was ah it was a nothing podcast that the host just thinks he's more important than what he actually is and rides the fame of other people to get views and likes and stuff. But then the next the next night, it was go time. Put that mic in front of me, man.

Speaker: And my buddy, shout out to Kevin Hawley. I know you listen from time to time, and I know you listen to the replays, buddy. Love you, man. Dude, he put that mic in front of me, he was like, just do it, man. Just be yourself. just just And, dude, we went full bore.

Speaker: and it was so much fun and then we did all the other shows the rest of the week man and i had so much fun doing them but it was just that initial and we were in a studio these thing yeah we were in a studio like and they went live on facebook but we were in a studio with microphones like a like an actual setup and i froze and we went on break and that's the guys were great man the guys were like click dude calm down you do this every week it's nothing different Came back in, made it through that show, but then the next night, man, it was like it was game on. and kevin And my buddy Kevin and Stan, who both hosted shows, they're like, there he is.

Speaker: like We're in the studio, we have some guests there, and they're like, there he is. There's the click we told you about. Get ready, because it's going to be a ride. so I'm sure the comments gang kit ah can back me up on this.

Speaker: You've got it, whatever it is. You've got it. you got that I don't know what it is. You're likable. You're easy to go along with. you You have a way about you. that people are attracted to it the right people hopefully and just you got a magnetic personality sue says the same shit about me she's like people want to you make people want to be around you because you're so fun you're so outgoing so easy going i have a problem compliments like after shows and stuff like even last night trance will say you guys are great That makes me feel icky because I'm not great. you

Speaker: I'm not great and it bothers me. and I appreciate it. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate it, but exactly right. Tarantula. I know I'm not great. I have flirted. I have flirted with greatness.

Speaker: um I've done things that for my time in comedy, for my time in comedy, I've done more than most anybody ever has. Most anybody in the state of Ohio, the two, maybe three Canadians.

Speaker: currently that have done more than me yet I'm still a level zero nobody I've been trying to get a representative for three years now no one will touch me as a representative I can't get a booking agent I do it all when I say by myself that's unfair like I said jeeve helped me trim my material up but um I don't let people write for me, period.

Speaker: But Jeef gives me some ideas simply good simply because he's known me pretty much my whole life. We're really, really close. We're family. And um he just reminds me of stories of shit I did, we did.

Speaker: That's what I do. Like I said last night, I don't tell jokes. I just tell stories from my life. Mm-hmm.

Speaker: so Yeah. the i don't want to become lebron james and this incites an argument i don't care lebron james believes in how great everybody says he is and because of that buying into his own height he doesn't produce what he could

Speaker: i get he's getting up in years but man michael jordan worked every minute on the court and he wanted to be on the court every minute he didn't take two weeks off leaving in the playoffs and shit like that that just grosses me out plus he got his ass kicked a lot more than these guys do today i mean that league is no comparison in old league and i know it's out again but still if i ever buy into the fact that i'm great it's gonna make make make me work less I never want to lose that drive.

Speaker: I love it so much. And it brings me so much fulfillment in my life. I was dead serious when i said it last night. I've had really good paying jobs. But I hated every second there.

Speaker: I wanted to blow my fucking brains out. It was killing me, literally killing me to be there.

Speaker: Brother, here's a true story. leading into kind told this one last night. I was throwing up blood. Gouts of blood from stress. and yeah i mean blue Gouts of blood.

Speaker: Three to four times every fucking week. Every week. Between two and three years.

Speaker: First time on stage. Never for once after that threw blood. Hmm. That's a true story, never once. And it's because that outlet was so good for me. And so, man, I found my purpose in life that day.

Speaker: And I'm not shitting, I'm not saying this to be cool or or make it seem more glamorous. I literally found my life's calling, my the meaning of me being here that day. And I'm never walking away from it.

Speaker: I'm so disappointed that I almost did last year. I almost sold all my shit and just walked away from all it. I had a rough year last year. I almost died shit. It was bad. Oh, Jesus. no I'm as positive as I can be.

Speaker: don't believe in going to doctors. tre I'm sorry. go ahead, Duke. I don't believe in going to doctors. I'm with you there. You say the same thing should I say. Hold on. You say the same thing should I say.

Speaker: If I go to a doctor, might find out just how broken the machine is. As long as I don't know, we're hitting on all cylinders, baby. and will say it. I'll just suggest you guys go back and listen to the replays because I've always said as long as I don't go to the doctor, there's nothing wrong.

Speaker: I've been saying that shit for years. As I'm saying, you and I are such birds of a feather in so many ways. At the same time, unique enough that we won't hate each other. Yeah, exactly. but What you were saying about finding that, you know I found that with streaming. I was in such a dark place and I was nervous to do it.

Speaker: but I needed an outlet. ah needed I needed something because I was in a such a bad way mentally and everything else that I just turned my phone on one night or turned my phone on one day and downloaded an app. It was brand new app, Periscope. And I was like, I'll give this a try. Maybe I'll get a couple of people that'll come in there.

Speaker: And you know that was well over a decade ago. And now I've got some friends that I've made from doing that that I'm still friends with to this day. But it's like, this is what I want to do, man. out this is this is my This is my happy spot.

Speaker: And then finally, finally getting some negative forces out of my life that when I would talk about wanting to do a podcast, because I always wanted to be in radio and I had the opportunity, but I was told I was stupid and that it was a dumb idea because I had a family to take care of and that I would never be successful. And I bought into all that.

Speaker: Yeah. so Don't you love that? Yeah. I got rid of those negative forces and I was already doing the streaming and I loved it. And I was like, fuck it. I'm going to do this podcast thing. I can't tell people don't talk about it, be about it when I'm sitting here talking about starting a podcast for fucking years.

Speaker: And I'm not doing it. Talk to talk, walk the walk. Talk to you. And now, like I said, with the streaming and this, dude, this is this is what I love to do. And i you know I would love to one day make money on it to where could walk away from working for the man.

Speaker: I have to read people. It's what I do. I have to read people to to succeed. And I'm telling you right now, From a performer's standpoint, I know you love doing it.

Speaker: It shows. It shows. It brings you joy. Even in your off time, you talk about doing it. That's a passion. but This goes to anybody who can hear my voice.

Speaker: Whatever your passion is, taste that shit. You know you love to do it. Figure out a way to get paid for it. Hell yeah. If you miss it, do it. i can't I don't know your situation. I've been done telling you that.

Speaker: I've been done telling you that. If you miss it, do it. If you're not doing it, you don't miss it enough.

Speaker: I want this. I want that. People to say, oh well i I've been wanting to go to that church for five years now. No, you haven't. If you wanted to, so you would have. It's that simple. Life is choices.

Speaker: You only get so many days. Use them. Say what you do and do what you say. absolutely right be impeccable with your word one of the four agreements another suggestion to anybody read the four or listen to it it's an amazing fucking book simple and it's uh i tell this to everybody i hate it when a motherfucker will say i read this book and it changed my life bullshit ah read that fucking book on a one-way flight from denver to ah chicago and it changed my life damn read the four agreements for real read it

Speaker: Can find it on audio? put back

Speaker: But I mean, all the things I say, I mean, I'm not saying this because I think it's i think it's what I should say. I know it's what I should say. I know it's what I did. Empirical evidence shows if you really want to do something, then you do something.

Speaker: Period. Just do it. Like the guy's shirt said, just do it. If you want to sniff a man's arm, sniff a man's arm. And my buddy Sean, every time I see him, he talks about that. He's like, man, how's your son doing? Yeah. My son hits it off with everybody. He is his father's kid.

Speaker: and Nice. um And both my children are clones of me. Not currently, but when I was young and handsome. Yeah, I'm lucky. I'm lucky. But I'll it right now. If I had the ability to have a child and actually made it happen, I would fucking kill myself.

Speaker: i There's no way I'm bringing another kid. Yeah. No fucking way. I'm done. am Dizunzo. But with that being said, this seems like a really good spot to wrap her up.

Speaker: Because your boy ain't eat all day, and I'm getting a little bit hungry.

Speaker: also i hope you guys got to know us a little better. feel like I definitely got to know Tarantula better. Tarantula. Tarantula's cool people. Way to persevere through all your shit, girl.

Speaker: Tarantula's cool people. And the worst part is I never even learned to read. I'll let you go. It was fun. I love you, man. Hey, man. Love you right back, brother. I had a great time finally getting to sit down and hang out with you. We definitely got to do this more often. Maybe prepare something in the... yeah if If you prepare too much, there's no magic. This was magic. You had magic tonight. Just a little. Yeah. No, I agree. This was this was cool.

Speaker: This was something I've been looking forward to since you since you kind of became a part of the family, a part of the network. and and I didn't kind of do it. I'm all in. Fuck you yeah you. You have to force me out. and And if it's not fun, you're not doing it right.

Speaker: Yeah. No, but this is something that I have been looking forward to. You and I getting an opportunity to just hang out. Just the two of us kind of hang out, shoot the shit. Because like you said, we are we we do have a lot of things in common. And we do think a lot alike. But we're also still you know ah unique enough to be not a i hate each other. You're dumb.

Speaker: I'm handsome. You're not. I have legal talent, not just an ego. No.

Speaker: We're gonna replay all the nice things you said about me and how great I was. We're just going to put it. We're going to make that a loop. Whenever I'm feeling down, I'm just going to go, yep, mean there it is. There's my ego boost. I needed i need it. I need this, man. Thanks thanks to everybody, the watchers, listeners, of the network.

Speaker: You guys make my day. I love having you on board here with this man. And like I said, this is definitely something that I've looked forward to doing and looking forward to doing more.

Speaker: See that, Brittany? That's how you do it. You make a heart, not crib hands. Gang, gang. But, guys, there's still lots of great programming coming up this week. Wow. Last time, real professional right now.

Speaker: Tune in for the rest of the week. No, we do have some other great shows coming up. um think tomorrow I think tomorrow is an off night. I think it's a quiet night tomorrow.

Speaker: ah But Friday night? this guy beside me and Blaze and this guy going to be doing some trivia. And I think we got Tony. He'll be Tony D will be swinging through. And I don't know who else will be on the on the trivia with us.

Speaker: But we're doing schools out for trivia but for trivia this month. So I'll be continuing my, as we talked about Genghis Khan earlier, my Genghis Khan-like tendencies and dominating the... I'll be nice.

Speaker: I'll be nice. i'll I'll give you guys a little... I'll throw you a bone. I'll give you a competition. You never beat me by more pan points than I beat you. Let's put it that way. That's not dominating. I mean, we could go back and check the scores and we could look at the year tally.

Speaker: Blaze is fudging the numbers for you. He's bullshitting me, man. and and and let's not And let's not forget about the greatest comeback of all time last month. I'm just saying. I was really down and out.

Speaker: ah But yeah, this Friday night, nonsense and chill. Trivia night. Blaze is going to be there. Mike's going to be there. And a bunch of guests, as always. Saturday. Tune in Saturday afternoon.

Speaker: ah Cash and i are going to be back with Cash's Corner. We got a little Money in the Bank recap. What's been going on since Money in the Bank? Obviously, we're going to talk about Monday night because we just went to Raw.

Speaker: And Saturday, we've got Night of Champions. So we'll be talking that as well. And then Saturday night. Read it out loud.

Speaker: Read it loud. i don't i don't I don't understand what he's writing there. those Those are all... don't understand his language. I don't speak... No habla ingne.

Speaker: Look, you can pretend like you're in charge. I'm the power behind the scenes. I'm the power behind the scenes. You know what? when all help when it When it all goes to hell in a handbasket, I'm going to point it.

Speaker: I'm going to go, that guy and that guy said they're in charge. I don't know what I'm doing here. So you can go and decide between them and...

Speaker: ah

Speaker: But yeah, Saturday night, the craziness, the shenanigans, and the fuckery is back. As you guys know, nonsensical nonsense, open door challenge. We dropped that link. If you're brave enough, you come and hang out with us. We're actually a pretty good group of people.

Speaker: And we're a lot of fun. Damn right. Just be careful. And then Sunday, it's the holy day. So I'm hungover and sleeping until noon. but Don't count on me for anything. stay ah Be careful out there.

Speaker: I always say this. Be careful or name it after me. Yeah, exactly. And then we start all over again on Monday. And I think Monday is a quiet night, too. I don't know what is going on on Tuesday night as of right now. I've put some feelers out there and sent some messages out. Hopefully I can hear back from somebody. Hopefully we can line up some guests.

Speaker: If not, I don't know. I'll figure something out. That guy I turned you on to. I can't get back with you. I don't know what's going on. I know. I'm going to reach out to some people that I've talked to in the past that we can never lock anything in and see if we can get something locked in as well as some other people. But Flick's House of Music, we'll figure something out. But no, thank you guys for hanging out. Thank you guys for watching.

Speaker: Michael, man, it's been fun hanging out with you one-on-one. No shit. Those people were with us, but you know. and More drinking.

Speaker: Another beer. Another beer. You're heading to Oregon on Monday. I wish I was going to Oregon on Monday. I have reasons to go to Oregon. Yeah, you love the Oregon, don't you?

Speaker: No. I do. Power bottom. Yeah, power bottom. Thank you guys watching. Thank guys for hanging out. Follow, like, share, subscribe. Tell your granny about us because 9 out of 10 grannies approve.

Speaker: And as always, be good. We'll be good at it.

Speaker: nonsensical network fit for flavor every day movie talks new flicks hidden new display microphone magic musicians fill the praiseze from reptops to motorports verin rubber craze football

Speaker: Catching on the tales, world and stories we embrace Tune in, tune in, every week diverse Groove to the beats, let the rhythm immerse Lyrics flowing, ciphers full of verse Nonsensical network, feel the universe Interviews buzzing, stars in the circuit Worlds of tapestry, pieces we interpret Hip-hop to rap, the flow never stagnant Rapsillion tales

Speaker: Network of nonsense, but the vibes just right tune in tune in wait for that

Speaker: on repeat