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Telling My Family I Create Erotic Content
216 Plays12 days ago
In this episode I'm pulling back the curtain on what it was actually like to come out to my family and the people in my life about being an erotic audio content creator. I'm talking about the shame, the hiding, the slow process of working through sex work stigma, and what it looked like to finally start telling the truth, one person at a time.
I share what happened when I told my mom, my sister, and my brother, why each conversation was its own experience, the moment things almost slipped out before I was ready, and where things stand with my family now.
This episode is honest, a little funny in places, and very real. If you've ever had to navigate telling people something about yourself that felt vulnerable, I think you'll find something in this one.
Go here to dig deeper!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'The Slut Next Door'
00:00:07
Speaker
Welcome to the Slut Next Door podcast, where we dive deep into desire, unravel kinks and fetishes, and explore the deliciously naughty side of self-discovery.
00:00:25
Speaker
I'm Beatrix Vale, an erotic audio creator, and your guide to all things kinky and curious. So let's begin.
Living a Double Life
00:00:41
Speaker
Today I'm going to talk about something pretty personal, but I'm very much looking forward to talking to you guys about this. So there's a version of me that existed for a while, like showing up to family dinners, talking to my mom on the phone, running into people I knew in my everyday life and carrying this whole other life completely underneath the surface.
00:01:18
Speaker
And i was doing that not because i was doing something wrong, but because I hadn't figured out yet how to hold what I do with any kind of steadiness.
00:01:33
Speaker
um I was ashamed and shame has this way of making you pretty quiet. So if you know me, you know, i create erotic audio content.
00:01:48
Speaker
They do hypnosis, femdom, deeply psychological and intentional work that I'm genuinely proud of. But for a long time, the people closest to me had no idea.
Hiding Work from Loved Ones
00:02:06
Speaker
I let them believe i was still working my old job. And that was a very easy cover when you work from home like I did before. and I told myself it was fine.
00:02:18
Speaker
Like they didn't need to know. But I now I believe like that wasn't fine for me to do. I don't want to lie to the people I love like that.
00:02:30
Speaker
And it was kind of lonely. and I mean, it was being dishonest with people i love. and that really like wore on me more than I admitted at the time.
Coming Out About Work
00:02:45
Speaker
So this episode is about what it looks like to slowly come out of that. And you're going to see that um it came it came out in ways that were awkward and funny and Sometimes like surprisingly beautiful.
00:03:06
Speaker
And this episode also is going to be about sex work stigma and what it does to you when you absorb it without realizing it.
00:03:18
Speaker
And i believe that this episode is going to kind of be like what it feels like to move slowly toward actually being proud of what you've built.
00:03:31
Speaker
So before we really hop into that topic, I'm going to start with my little segment, What's Currently Making Me Feel Like a Goddess?
00:03:42
Speaker
I created this little segment because I genuinely believe that goddess energy isn't something that just happens to you. i believe that you have to tend it. You have to notice it and feed it.
00:03:57
Speaker
So every episode, i take a second to share what's been doing that for me. and this week, it's something that someone said just in passing, actually, and my Discord server.
00:04:11
Speaker
ah someone So there's a channel that's called Safe Space Venting. I created the channel so the people inside my server could, you know, if they needed to get something off their chest or complain about something...
00:04:29
Speaker
They had somewhere to do that and they didn't have to worry about interrupting, you know, more lighthearted conversation and the general chat area. So a particular very good boy, um sadly, was not feeling well at work and i believe he was at work.
00:04:49
Speaker
and mentioned what he did to kind of make himself feel better, you know, put on a, he was like shivering, had some chills, a little sick. And so he explained how he got a hoodie or a sweater and went into his car and put one of my files into his ears and he started feeling better, you know, well enough to go back to work. So, you know, that like really, really struck me. And here's why.
00:05:23
Speaker
it's It made me very proud of him because he was able to utilize my files in not just a sexy way. utilized my files to make his day better, almost like medication in a way, um you know, bring his spirits up and You know, when I think about that from my perspective, and if you think about that from my perspective, just think about how powerful that would make you feel. Like you are not only making people feel really good between their legs, of course, but... um
00:06:06
Speaker
you're able to help someone feel better, help them feel safe. um Because he if he's anything like me, I kind of like start stressing out if I don't feel good, especially if I am in public. Ugh.
00:06:21
Speaker
um So yeah, that totally made me feel like freaking goddess that i was able to be almost like medication for him in a way. um So yeah, that that is what is currently making me feel like a goddess.
00:06:42
Speaker
Now, back into the topic of like coming out, if you will.
Moving to Full-Time Sex Work
00:06:47
Speaker
um So for a very long time, The cover story for what I did for work was very, very simple. So before before I started doing online sex work, I was working full time from home, right? And so my friends and family, that was very easy to just keep up the story that I was working my former job. And i remember when I made the change, like when I decided to go full time with online sex work, that was very scary. it was a huge deal. I mean, I was really rolling the dice there.
00:07:32
Speaker
And because i hadn't or I had chosen not to let my loved ones know about what I was doing for work I was in that by myself. I didn't have anyone to bounce that idea with, no one to, you know, go through the pros and cons. I was just like on my own little island doing scary things by myself, you know, like quitting my job and starting... this more like high risk job. So that, that was a big deal. But, you know, so I, I just let them, my loved ones feel in the fill in the blanks, just let them believe that I still worked my regular job. And I told myself it was practical.
00:08:21
Speaker
Because it did feel that way at the time. i thought I was protecting myself and maybe at the time I was. i mean, I'll say that. But, you know, i really, looking back, I was protecting a version of of shame i hadn't really named yet.
00:08:41
Speaker
You know, because at the time i thought, how do I tell my family that you know I do sexy work because i and I guess I should probably say and this early in the episode that I'm very close with my family. I have a very healthy relationship with them.
00:09:03
Speaker
I actually consider my mom my best friend. I freaking love her She's amazing. But, you know, typically in families, there is a boundary. Like, even though me and my mom are very, very close, we we don't talk about everything. There's just some things you don't talk about with your family. And one of those things is sex.
00:09:26
Speaker
So... You know, that that was my reasoning. I didn't want them to look at me and a different light and have them look at me as dirty. And there's the shame.
00:09:39
Speaker
And I'm definitely going to get in that topic of shame because I know in my heart of hearts what I do is not dirty. That is some kind of, you know, societal bullshit that's built up inside of me because I'm very proud of what I do.
00:09:57
Speaker
But it's been a journey to get here. So because I decided to hide my job, you know, I'm lying to my loved ones, which is gross. I don't like doing that. But again, it felt safer to do that in the moment.
00:10:12
Speaker
By the way, if you hear little paws walking around, I'm sorry. i have both Juno and Lucy in my office today. i usually don't keep Juno upstairs, but you might hear their little clicks of their little paws on the floor.
00:10:30
Speaker
But yeah, so, you know, I was lying to my loved ones. I remember like there were a couple times where because when you when you own your own business and, you know, an online sex work business,
00:10:45
Speaker
you're going to be working all the time, right? And so when it would come to holidays like Christmas, I remember my mom asked me, so when when do you have off of work? And I'd have to lie and say, oh, yeah, it's Friday, but really I'm going to be working up until Christmas Eve, you know, um in reality. So, you know, it's just little things like that got got really shitty, you know, just not fun. Again, it's just not fun for me, for most of us to lie to our loved ones.
00:11:21
Speaker
And then I think something was happening in the background that I probably didn't realize how exhausting it was to hide this part of myself that You know, I'm very proud of my work. I love my work and i wasn't able to share it with any of them. And I think something happened to where just quietly that shame started fastering a bit.
00:11:48
Speaker
And the way it happened when I decided to come out to my loved ones is, um, I just, i I remember like this thought kept coming up into my head almost every day, like,
00:12:04
Speaker
It was like I was fantasizing about what it would be like if I told my mom, like in a good way. Like, oh, wouldn't it feel so good, Beatrix, if you just told your mom?
00:12:16
Speaker
Like it just kind of running the story through my head. And i took that as a sign. I took that as my intuition being like, you know, let's come clean.
00:12:29
Speaker
let Let's tell them you can do it, you know. But before I get into the fun part, because I am going to go into detail about how I came out to my family, and I'm sorry, I'm going to probably want to chuckle every time I say came out, um but it really did feel like that. And I'm definitely not diminishing, you know, that journey for those that are LGBTQ.
00:12:57
Speaker
i can't imagine how how complex that situation is, but I bet there is some similarities with what I did. So, but anyways, before I get into that, that fun story, because that's what I'm really excited to share with you guys about, but I'm going to talk about stigma for a second though.
Internalized Stigma
00:13:23
Speaker
Because I really don't think this is the part that gets enough really airtime. Or maybe it's something that you you might not have thought about for men and women like me that do sex work as a job.
00:13:42
Speaker
So I think when people talk about sex work stigma, they usually frame it as something that comes at you from the outside.
00:13:54
Speaker
Like, for example, you know, your family doesn't approve or society judges you, whatever. um And yes, I mean, that's that those things are definitely real.
00:14:07
Speaker
But what took me longer to recognize was how much of it I had already taken in before anyone even said a word to me, as in like my loved ones. I had absorbed the stigma. You know, it was already living inside of me, shaping how I thought about what I was doing before i had even fully started doing it.
00:14:40
Speaker
And, you know, that's the really interesting thing about stigma is... I think it's easy to think about stigma as in someone like wagging their finger at you like how naughty, you know, whatever. But I think sometimes it shows up as as you wagging the finger at yourself.
00:15:02
Speaker
So like you start doing the work of the stigma on behalf of everyone else and you hide before anyone asks you to hide. Because that's exactly what I did to myself.
00:15:17
Speaker
You know, what I did is i decided that the people in my life won't understand before i even gave them a chance to understand.
00:15:29
Speaker
And you're probably like me. i mean, I think most of us are where we grow up in a world where just even the topic of sex is both everywhere, but then also somehow shameful.
00:15:47
Speaker
And that's really a weird combo. really is a weird combo. And when your work lives in that space, it it It gets really strange. Like I knew what I was doing was was legitimate.
00:16:06
Speaker
I've always been internally proud, but was I really? i mean, no, but you know, I knew i was good at what I was doing. I knew i was making a difference in people's lives um I knew my listeners valued what I did and that it was something real for them. and still, I walked around for a while feeling like I had something to hide.
00:16:37
Speaker
and I hate that. I really don't like that at all. But working through that definitely wasn't this like single moment where the light bulb went off.
00:16:51
Speaker
it kind of just happened and without me even trying. um It wasn't like I had this one big realization and then everything was fine. Everybody's happy. It was very it was very slow.
00:17:04
Speaker
Years. And it was a lot of small things, I think, over time. And I think I had some growth to do internally as a woman, um also as a business owner, as a sex worker.
00:17:25
Speaker
you know it was It was really looking at my work honestly and asking myself, okay, what's what do I actually think about this?
00:17:36
Speaker
You know, not what have I been taught to think? What what do I actually believe? And I think when I did that, when I became very confident in that, I couldn't find anything to be ashamed of because what I make is very thoughtful, it's intentional, and it's something that people seek out and come back to.
00:18:03
Speaker
And at that very basic level, that's not something to hide. But I want to be honest that even knowing all that, you know, the pride piece has been a process.
00:18:19
Speaker
I mean, it still is. um Knowing something and actually feeling it can be two different things, you know. I'm still working on it.
00:18:31
Speaker
and And I think a lot of people and in this space of online sex work and, you know, in-person sex work still are. And I definitely think that's okay to say out loud. And I definitely am always looking to have this conversation because I do think that's important.
00:18:55
Speaker
Now, let's go back to my story. So telling the family.
Family Reactions to Coming Out
00:19:03
Speaker
oh goodness. it I'm telling you, coming out to my family wasn't one conversation. i definitely did it like one person at a time. i i don't know what it would have been like to do them all at once. Oh my gosh.
00:19:17
Speaker
um Yeah. and so each each person that I came out to had its own like flavor, if you will, of nerve wracking. I found though, was that the reactions that I got from them were almost never what I expected.
00:19:39
Speaker
and like actually the opposite. um And so let's let's get into it, okay? so first up was was my mom. And like I said, i consider her my best friend. She really is.
00:19:57
Speaker
i have the best mom in the world. She's amazing. But um yeah, so she was the first one. And i i remember driving over to her place, having...
00:20:09
Speaker
having practice conversations with myself in the car. Like, okay, how am I going to bring this up? ah Like, how do you even, ah and you know, first it's telling her about the work and then it's also admitting that I've been lying to her and that, that really freaking sucks. But,
00:20:32
Speaker
I knew that she would understand why i did that and would most likely appreciate that I, you know, what was being honest with her.
00:20:43
Speaker
So it was very, i was so awkward. I remember like being like, okay, so I have something really huge to tell you. and i kept like giggling and laughing because I was feeling awkward And she's all probably worried, like, what the hell is she gonna tell me?
00:21:01
Speaker
And I remember one of the first things she said was, wow, that's awesome. You know, something like really positive and which was shocking.
00:21:17
Speaker
um You know, and like I said, like, when it comes to your parents, like, I, ah you know, like who, who wants to have that awkward conversation about, you know, the conversations that reveal you as a sexual person to your parents, that's just not a natural progression at all. So, you know, that was the awkward piece for me. And
00:21:51
Speaker
With none of my family members, I have told them specifics. Like they know that I do audio. i even have told them I do like a form of hypnosis, but they don't know like the topics or the themes or the kinks because ah they don't need to know that. And then that requires me going into detail about things I don't want to go into detail about. Um, but you know, it was, it felt really good to share, you know, look, mom, I, I created a business by myself. Look at what I did. You know, that was the special part for me um,
00:22:36
Speaker
just telling showing her what I've done, you know? And of course, there was lots of apology, like, I'm so sorry. And she totally understood. She did. She was like, you know, I get it.
00:22:49
Speaker
I really do. should have told me, but i I understand why you kept it from me. um And so it was just, a it was an amazing conversation, actually. It really blew me away. um i could tell she felt a little weird but um you know and what's really really cute I mean just the other day she called me and she said hey you need to look up so and so because I was just watching something on social media and apparently she's made millions of dollars on on OnlyFans and
00:23:27
Speaker
She was just, she was like, you probably need to study what she's doing. um and I thought that was so adorable, truly. And you know what she probably saw. Like that's, I'm going to tell you guys something. When you see those articles like, oh, former teacher.
00:23:45
Speaker
gets caught or no, gets fired over her OnlyFans page getting discovered. Nine times out of 10, that's a fake story. And they're actually doing some pretty brilliant marketing.
00:23:59
Speaker
um But I'm sure you've seen these articles, you know, just wild things that happen over OnlyFans or whatever. But yeah, so she, I just thought that was so freaking adorable. um so yeah, that it was awkward, but it was very productive and and great to be able to share that with her. And i do i do recognize that sometimes there's still a little awkwardness, like if she'll, because let me say this, this happened
00:24:35
Speaker
Let me think. um Probably, ah I'm terrible with time. i don't know if it's been a year or not, but it's been either a round of year around a year or less than a year.
00:24:51
Speaker
I really can't remember. Definitely less than a year, actually. So, you know, it's this is something new for me. um So anyway, i I have recognized that sometimes when when she calls and she's like, what are you doing? I'm like,
00:25:05
Speaker
and Just getting ready to start work. And she just kind of chuckles and probably doesn't know what to say. Like, oh, and that's good. or or if she'll call in the middle of the day like, what are you doing? Oh, I'm just working.
00:25:18
Speaker
And then I can tell there's a little awkwardness there. But... um So yeah, that was that. was that And that was so it was so freeing, to be honest. For one, a weight was lifted because I was not lying anymore.
00:25:34
Speaker
That was one of the most important things for me. um But again, i think there was the piece of being able to tell my mom, who I love dearly, that you know, look at what I've done, um be proud of me, you know, that sort of thing felt really good too. so my sister was the one up next. ah We are, we're close.
00:26:01
Speaker
ah I'm closer to my mom than my sister and not because of any specific reason. It's just, she's a very, very busy woman. I am too. I'm very, busy with my work, but she stays busy. So anyways, um yeah, i called her and I'm like, hey, I got something to tell you about. I just told, you know, our mom and my sister was pretty adorable too. It was just kind of like, oh my gosh, you know, like um lots of, also with the two of them, it was a lot of like
00:26:36
Speaker
educating and in the way that, because it is kind of weird. I understand, like I'm probably a very rare online sex worker. I don't show myself. It's just audio. um You know, there's not a lot of sexting and, you know, stuff like that.
00:26:56
Speaker
It's really just content creation. So, you know, I had to explain a lot, like, you know, I do things that help improve people's lives, you know, like, um,
00:27:10
Speaker
Yeah, so it just, I remember like doing a little bit little bit of education with her. um And yeah, it was really cute. She, again, i think she was the one I was least nervous about because, you know, it's my sister. Mom and sister, definitely different levels of respect there.
00:27:32
Speaker
um So, yeah, that one was that one was very easy to do. She asked my permission to tell my brother-in-law, and I'm like, sure, of course. You can tell him because what I'm close with him too. Yeah.
00:27:49
Speaker
i don't I don't think he quite understands what to say or how to react. um So here's the funny part. Okay.
00:28:00
Speaker
So I have a brother who is just a few years younger than me. And I remember telling my mom, like, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to tell my sister, you know, my sister, but I don't know about my brother. That just seems really weird. And here's why it did for me.
00:28:18
Speaker
Because he's a he's a male. So it felt even even stranger to me. I don't know why. Like, it's hard to explain. It's like,
00:28:32
Speaker
having your brother, forcing your brother to think about you as a sexual person, it it just felt really weird for me.
00:28:44
Speaker
and also my brother is a little judgy. Now, when I say that, like, as in like, he's super cool. Like I'm actually very close with my brother more than my sister, but don't tell her that.
00:28:57
Speaker
Um, It just, he, I don't know how to describe him. He's he's just different. I'm going to put it that way. He's just different. He's very ah honest.
00:29:12
Speaker
Judgy, I guess is a good word. um Yeah, it just, the whole idea of telling him just felt really terrible, okay? And so... So my mom,
00:29:27
Speaker
I'm not mad. I was not mad at her at all. it actually It actually made things better. So like one night I get, she calls me and she's like, I'm on i'm on three away with your brother, you know, and please don't be mad at me. But yeah.
00:29:44
Speaker
I told him. i just, I had to tell him what what you came out about. And I'm so sorry, but like, you know, it was really funny. She was probably worried. I was going to be mad. i got, like, it just threw me off. I definitely did not feel mad.
00:30:03
Speaker
I think there was relief because she did the hard part for me. Because I will say, like, coming out to your family, like the first bit of the conversation is so awkward. After that, it's fine because they're asking you questions and you're responding. But like, but she got the yucky part done and he was like, he was the one that was most like offended. But again, he's just super honest. Like, you know, well, screw you for lying to me for so long. and he he's very into like,
00:30:38
Speaker
like finances and um business strategies. he was very excited about that piece of it, like the CEO side that I love to talk about.
00:30:50
Speaker
And here's the funny part. So um i did tell all of them actually, because of course there's a curiosity, like how did you know to do this?
00:31:01
Speaker
And so I did tell them the story that I've said on this podcast before, like, I didn't know this world existed. you know, guys, do you remember when I was door dashing? Like around that time, I was sick of door dashing. I looked online on side hustles and found that women were selling their panties online. And I thought, hey, I'll try it. That's weird. I'll try it. And like, so they knew like that, that side of it and
00:31:32
Speaker
My brother, and this is how just, he's very funny. He has a good sense of humor. He's like, he's like, shit, ah ask your guys, do they, do they want some sweaty boxers from your brother? Like I'll sell, I'll sell it to them. Like, and he's like being dead serious. And no, do not ask me, do not message me about his podcast.
00:31:58
Speaker
That's just weird. You're forcing me into even more awkward conversations. But he was just like, he was super supportive. But of course, I think I really did hurt his feelings.
00:32:08
Speaker
he He spent a long time being like, God, I can't believe he didn't you didn't feel you know open enough to say something to us. you know um So yeah, and of course that that like breaks my heart. But besides that, he was just like super excited about it.
00:32:28
Speaker
Just like, wow, this is really cool, you know. And they're all fascinated because like i don't think any of us knew. i know I didn't. and I didn't know about the world of online sex work. had no clue that this world existed, you know.
00:32:46
Speaker
they i would say that all of them do, like ever since I've told them, they'll they'll ask sometimes like, oh, how how's business going? you know And I'm just like, oh, it's going great. you know i just I don't know what to tell them because again, I'm not going to talk about the specifics because that's just too weird for me.
00:33:06
Speaker
um I do still need boundaries when it comes to... um the things that I produce and and the things that I'm personally into, you know, blah, blah, blah. But I will tell you this really, really funny story too.
00:33:22
Speaker
So this was way before I came out to my family, okay? Way before then. And that we had a group ah chat, ah like a group text where like my brother is very much into the cooking channel um or the Food Network, sorry. He's always been into cooking. And we just do this silly thing where sometimes if we're we're ah super proud of what we're cooking, we'll like turn on our camera and make a video and we call it food network talk.
00:34:03
Speaker
And I know you know what I'm talking about. They talk about food in a way that's just not how normal people talk about food. Just like very descriptive. Like, oh, and here I have a...
00:34:17
Speaker
Oh my God, going to fail. I'm doing it on the on the spot and I'm failing. It's kind of like, you know, oh, and I've been marinating this chicken and some ah farm fresh arugula. And like, i'm I'm totally failing, but I know you know what I'm talking about. Just like the commentary um what you're doing. So there was one night I was making something and I was particularly proud of it. So I turned on my camera and I'm just like,
00:34:48
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm like showing them how I marinated the meat and blah, blah, blah, blah. blah And I send it. And right away, my brother texts back like, let's just say my real name is Beatrix. Beatrix?
00:35:06
Speaker
that's That sounded a bit too sexual. Yeah. I'm like, oh my God, i i panicked a little bit because i I'm thinking, oh my God, i did I turn on my sexy voice on accident to my family? Oh my freaking God. like it just I was so mortified because there is a voice that I take on when I'm doing audios. um And I must have done that when I was talking about marinating the meat.
00:35:35
Speaker
I'm like, And so none of them remembered that, but I did tell them about that story and how funny and panic inducing it was for me that I accidentally turned on my sexy voice when I was doing, when I was doing my fake Food Network video.
00:35:55
Speaker
Oh my God. um Another thing That me and my mom chuckle about too is so, would say a couple years ago, i actually had a little ah little
Humorous Family Moments
00:36:09
Speaker
side business too where I was selling like crafts online. Like I was making things with beads and I would go on to TikTok and and would sell them.
00:36:21
Speaker
And ah let me be clear, this is totally outside of sex work, right? This was just something I did on the side. Like I had an Etsy shop, all that fun stuff. It was very fun actually. And so my mom helped me moderate my TikTok ah live. So she was at everyone being supportive and everything. And she loved watching me make stuff with beads and And
00:36:51
Speaker
So when I'm like doing these lives, it's just a bunch of women, you know, they're supporting me. And i would hear almost every time they would be like, oh my gosh, I can listen to you talk all day long. You have so the prettiest voice. Like I do hear that a lot especially when especially when I'm talking and you can't see me because I think your our brains really focus on voice when when we have no visual, right? So these women are just like watching me, my hands move and they're hearing me talk and they're like, um my gosh, your voice is so relaxing. This is so great, you know.
00:37:29
Speaker
And i would just chuckle all the time because I'd be like, my God, if they only knew. If they only knew. And so that's that was something like I was able to kind of laugh about with my mom because she remembers that too. And she's like, I don't i have no idea you have a great voice. i have no clue. you know I hear you talk all the time. And I'm like, well, apparently I do, mother. So thank you for the voice.
00:37:57
Speaker
She doesn't sound like me at all. So I don't, I really don't know where it came from, but, um, but yeah, so that's my story with like coming out to my family. Very, very awkward, but they all just shocked the hell out of me. They really did. and and it goes to show you that, that the stigma, the stigma was there because I put it there and that, I hate that, but you know, that was a journey I had to go through.
00:38:25
Speaker
Now, I'm also in this era of just owning the badass woman that I am all
Embracing Identity and Empowerment
00:38:34
Speaker
around. Like I'm to i'm telling you the past...
00:38:39
Speaker
I would say five years have been super transformative for me. I have really learned how to be in my skin, how to be the sexual woman i am, how to, you know, I've, my confidence has just, it's just been great.
00:38:59
Speaker
i have loved the last several years of my life because that I'm finally, i feel like I'm finally being me. So, So anyways, I, you know, the whole coming out to my family, it just, it felt fucking good. And I'm just like, well, I'm, I'm done hiding it. Like, and let me say, I'm not going to walk down the sidewalk and just tell any stranger, like, hey I make men come for a living. What do you do? Like, no. Um,
00:39:32
Speaker
I let it on when it feels right or intentional. i I just... I guess when it feels right is what I'm trying to say. So, you know, and that just became like part of my journey just...
00:39:49
Speaker
owning my shit even more and again just not like announcing it to the whole fucking world because i so I'm a pretty private person in general like if you all my loved ones know that i I'm just not a talker like I don't talk about myself very well and here I am doing a podcast saying I don't talk very well and But no, I just, I'm i'm like naturally like at a default, I'm pretty private. I'll let you in when I need to But um yeah, so definitely not announcing it to the world, um but not hiding it either. So like some examples and I'll get into these, like my hairdresser, the owner at my favorite crystal shop, a tarot reader I had.
Telling Non-Family Members
00:40:42
Speaker
You know, and these were lower stakes, of course, but still like a big deal for me because it was freeing. It was me owning who I am and shedding that silly stigma. And so...
00:41:00
Speaker
You know, I don't know, i i can't really pinpoint what prompted these things, but I remember the first person that I told like outside of my family was the tarot card reader.
00:41:15
Speaker
Yeah, so I was i was getting my cards pulled for me from a woman um and she had asked me, know, hey, what do you so what do you do for work?
00:41:28
Speaker
And in that moment, just right then and there, I thought, fuck it. I'm going to tell her. I'm going to freaking tell her. And she had the coolest reaction.
00:41:40
Speaker
She was just amazed. She thought it was so cool. And we had an amazing conversation. um i think it was something that she needed in that moment because she was feeling...
00:41:57
Speaker
You know, she was a middle-aged woman and she's like, you know, I'm this old and I don't even know how to be in my body, like with my husband. Like she was trying to tell me that she didn't know how to be sexual and how sad that was, you know. So we had a really, really great conversation about being a woman and and owning your sexuality. it was it was great.
00:42:25
Speaker
When i told my hairdresser, you know, again, for her, it was just kind of like, fuck it. Like, that I'll tell her. and she was shee was hilarious because she's like, I think I mentioned this actually a couple weeks ago and in this podcast. But she said, how did she say it? So...
00:42:46
Speaker
I don't think she really understood what erotic hypnosis is. And she was like, oh, so you, did she say, did you put spells on your listeners? I forgot what word she used, but she totally didn't get it. But she also was just like, yeah, that's badass. you know And I'm like, Fuck yeah is you know And then when I told my favorite crystal shop owner, hers was very positive too She wanted me, she said, you know what?
00:43:19
Speaker
You should message me. Tell me where where I need to look to get started because I would love to have a little side hustle. And so when I look at these people,
00:43:30
Speaker
that I came out to, they were all positive. They all made me feel like the badass woman that I know I am. And none of them judged.
00:43:45
Speaker
And I should never worry about that. Because fuck that. You know, I don't do this work for other people's approval.
00:43:56
Speaker
And if they do judge me, then I don't want to be around them, you know. So this new openness with what I do, owning it, being the sexual woman I am and not afraid to show that has been...
Overcoming Stigma and Self-Acceptance
00:44:13
Speaker
truly moving for me and in really big ways. And before i wrap us up on all this, because I have just blabbered away, i want to be clear that I'm not standing here at the end of this episode you know telling you I've got it all figured out because it truly is still a process. There's still moments of awkwardness and I'm and i'm still looking at those. um
00:44:46
Speaker
those moments and trying to figure them out and figure why they are there because that that's the smartest thing we can do. When we feel negative emotions, we should be looking at the cause of it and that can be really telling, you know, when we look at what's causing this negative emotion.
00:45:08
Speaker
um You know, there's still people in my life I haven't had the conversation with there's still situations where i do feel that old instinct to you know kick in before I catch it but I am more myself than I have ever been doing this episode is just part is even more of that you know I'm I'm
00:45:41
Speaker
I'm coming to a bunch of strangers telling you, this is what I do. And these are the people I told, you know, that that's huge for me. And, you know, right now, again, that's why I say, just be careful.
00:45:59
Speaker
Just be careful. When you come across a woman that is standing very firm and and tall in her shoes as a woman, you know, the power that I know that I have, just going to say, be careful.
00:46:20
Speaker
ah um Or come closer if that doesn't scare you. Because, I mean, i mean really, i think that that's why my files are successful for the ones that are my listeners. Because,
00:46:39
Speaker
I inhabit my power. This is embodied fucking power, you know, and this is part of that power.
00:46:49
Speaker
um
00:46:52
Speaker
getting, pushing that stigma away, being the goddess that I know that I fucking am and getting rid of just the old shit that I didn't put it there. I didn't put that shame there, you know?
00:47:10
Speaker
So there you go. There's my coming out story. i really hope you enjoyed it. It's very strange. um Yeah, I don't know how many people out there, like I've seen other sex workers talk about what it was like to tell their family that they did OnlyFans, for example, and things like that. um And it's always fascinating. It's truly fascinating. So...
00:47:39
Speaker
I hope that we can still have these conversations and let you guys in as, you know, the people that are consuming our content and and being able to see that while, of course, I am a goddess, that I'm also a regular woman, you know, and I have a a regular life most of the time. And this was something that um was really meaningful for me in my life. And I'm more than happy to share it with you guys. So I really hope that you enjoyed this episode.
Episode Conclusion
00:48:17
Speaker
um If you are curious about more of my work, find me. you can just Google Beatrix Vale.
00:48:25
Speaker
And my website pops up. If not, you can just go to directly to miss, M-I-S-S, Beatrix.com. I have lots of free files. I have even more files that you can unlock with subscription or purchasing through clip stores. But yeah, find me if you've never heard the voice of a woman who is in her fucking power era.
00:48:57
Speaker
ah um But thank you. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time. And that's a wrap for this episode of The Slut Next Door, where we dive deep into the raw, unapologetic truths of human desire.
00:49:16
Speaker
If you loved what you heard today, make sure to subscribe and turn on notifications so you never miss a juicy moment. Want to connect with me outside the podcast?
00:49:31
Speaker
Click the link in my bio where you can find lots of juicy content and options. Until next time, I'm Beatrix Vale, your Slut Next Door.
00:49:46
Speaker
And I'll see you in the next episode.