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Everything Action Commentary: Panda Plan (2024)
21 Plays13 days ago
To celebrate the Lunar New Year this month, Zach and Chris watched the 2024 Chinese action comedy Panda Plan for the latest Everything Action Commentary.
Jackie Chan stars as a fictionalized version of himself, who is invited to an island zoo to adopt a new baby panda with extremely rare eye color. The celebration is interrupted by armed mercenaries, who have been hired by a wealthy client to kidnap the panda. Jackie, along with his bumbling manager, David (Wei Xiang), and panda nanny, Su Xiaozhu (Shi Ce), has to protect the baby panda, Hu Hu, and stay one step ahead of the mercenaries.
While watching the movie, Zach and Chris discuss the massive amount of Dairy Queen product placement, the "high-speed" forklift chase, milking a rhinoceros, the shockingly violent film Jackie is filming before heading to the zoo, the massive emotional twist at the end, and more.
You can watch Panda Plan on Tubi and sync up the commentary track to watch along.
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Transcript
Intro
Lunar New Year Tradition: Jackie Chan Films
00:00:34
Zach Sheets
Hello and welcome to another Every Nation commentary, it's a commentary for February, 2026. I'm host, Zach.
00:00:40
Chris Prime
And I'm your co-host, Chris.
00:00:42
Zach Sheets
And this month we are celebrating the Lunar New Year, ah the way we usually do, which is to watch a Jackie Chan movie, who is of course China's greatest export. And this this month we were we're watching the 2024 movie Panda Plan, which ah is getting, I guess it's getting a sequel this year. so it's like, you know good timing to watch the original one, I guess, to get ready for the new one.
00:01:05
Chris Prime
Yeah, it must have been a smash hit enough that like China loved it.
00:01:14
Chris Prime
It's funny to think that like this is there hasn't been a lot of Jake and Chan in in animal movies, so obviously putting a panda it just means instant money.
00:01:27
Zach Sheets
But he's been doing it a lot recently because I was like, what is that, Ride On? which we i think were we were debating doing that one too because it's like, it is the year the horse, but that it's that that one's taking on a horse, but I think that one is much more um it's not as ridiculous or I guess we kind of like assumed it was not as as ridiculous as Panda Plan.
00:01:44
Chris Prime
Well, that one is more about like filmmaking and animal like care.
00:01:48
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
00:01:49
Chris Prime
It's not like he's stopping a bank robbery on a horse. Or that could just be a secretly like the third act of that movie. I don't know yet.
Panda Plan (2024): Film Success and Plot
00:01:56
Zach Sheets
But PandaPlan is Jackie Chan playing like an extremely exaggerated version of himself and then like having this foil uphand up from being kidnapped from a zoo.
00:02:07
Chris Prime
Wait, so... I mean, Jackie Chan usually plays himself in a lot of things.
00:02:10
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
00:02:11
Chris Prime
But is he an actor?
00:02:13
Zach Sheets
i think I think he is specifically playing Jackie Chan. Like he is Jackie Chan International Superstar. Mm-hmm.
00:02:19
Chris Prime
Whoa, it's a self-insert movie. Usually some older Jackie Chan movies where they didn't know what to call him or translate his name, he would just be Jackie again.
00:02:28
Zach Sheets
Yeah, but not literally like larryary like i'm an I'm an international actor superstar.
00:02:32
Chris Prime
Right, right. So that's that's different.
00:02:33
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm.
00:02:35
Chris Prime
Sometimes he's Jackie Chan the like archaeologist or he's Jackie the like the explorer.
00:02:38
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm.
00:02:42
Chris Prime
But having him be an actor is very meta. So I'm wondering if the movie was one of those like last action hero type things where, you know, it kind of goes through his history where at some parts of the movie he's like shooting, you know, like a rush hour scene.
00:03:01
Chris Prime
And then it's like it transitioned to like a Shanghai noon like thing. Yeah.
00:03:08
Zach Sheets
Yeah, I guess we'll well guess we'll find out um as we watch it.
00:03:12
Chris Prime
So it was like, because usually some Jackie Chan movies that do really well, usually it's him plus someone else.
00:03:20
Chris Prime
Are they trying to see if they got that funny cop comedy again? But now it's interesting that he's got a funny panda comedy.
00:03:25
Zach Sheets
bunny panda, yeah. I think it's mostly CG panda, too, so we'll we'll see how that works.
00:03:30
Chris Prime
Oh no, they were not going give Jackie Chan like a live panda.
00:03:33
Zach Sheets
they're like what Yeah, most beloved animal.
00:03:38
Chris Prime
That only recently got out of the Extinction List. Or i not X-Nic, like, rare.
00:03:42
Zach Sheets
Endangered.
00:03:43
Chris Prime
In Danger, that's it.
00:03:46
Zach Sheets
So we are watching this on Tubi because you know ah to everything Tubi has everything but pretty much. um So if you find that copy or find find it somewhere else, I'm not sure where it might be streaming, but Tubi is probably the easiest way to find it.
00:04:00
Zach Sheets
And we are paused at zero. So I'll give a count when we get started here.
00:04:05
Zach Sheets
So five, four, three, two, one, play.
Humor in Production and Plot
00:04:19
Zach Sheets
Now I get to play. How many production logos are going to be for this movie?
00:04:23
Chris Prime
So far one.
00:04:23
Zach Sheets
Because Chinese movies always have like a million production logos.
00:04:27
Chris Prime
Yep, here's the second one. I wonder in the future what happens to these icons. Oh, that is very Chinese.
00:04:34
Zach Sheets
It's like they're like China. like The country of China produced this.
00:04:42
Chris Prime
AMC made this part? what's What's going on with this one?
00:04:46
Zach Sheets
Theater. So the theater, music.
00:04:49
Chris Prime
Cat.
00:04:50
Zach Sheets
Okay.
00:04:55
Chris Prime
Long Dong Dong Films.
00:04:57
Zach Sheets
films.
00:05:00
Chris Prime
Is this also a production company?
00:05:00
Zach Sheets
Wow, there's only four.
00:05:03
Chris Prime
No, no. This is another one.
00:05:03
Zach Sheets
that That it was... Okay!
00:05:06
Zach Sheets
so wasn't That was a major fake-out. That was such a fake-out.
00:05:06
Chris Prime
hey yeah You got fake out.
00:05:09
Chris Prime
Say
00:05:12
Chris Prime
Six.
00:05:13
Zach Sheets
Seven.
00:05:18
Zach Sheets
Okay, okay. I think that we started out.
00:05:19
Chris Prime
right.
00:05:25
Chris Prime
the The first panda, you thought it went right into the panda. I was nope, nope. It's it too obvious.
00:05:31
Zach Sheets
That was like the to like was that Chinese tourism board or something.
00:05:35
Chris Prime
Why would that be like part in the middle? which would maybe be The last one was like, by the way, go see the real panda.
00:06:01
Chris Prime
Wait, so this one panda has like a genetic mutation and that's
00:06:04
Zach Sheets
He's two black eyes that are different sizes and that's like he's that's why he's so like rare.
00:06:09
Chris Prime
rare. And so they want to like the Saudi Arabian group wants to acquire it.
00:06:14
Zach Sheets
We need him in our like our whatever like weird zoo we have.
00:06:17
Chris Prime
Zoo.
00:06:29
Chris Prime
This guy really wants the panda.
00:06:30
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
00:06:35
Chris Prime
That's a lot of dialogue. Those are all the production companies.
00:06:41
Chris Prime
When did this movie become Tron?
00:06:47
Zach Sheets
it's It's like motion comic now.
00:06:50
Chris Prime
not bad, but it definitely is disjointed from what we expect.
00:07:00
Zach Sheets
The Panda Plan!
00:07:16
Chris Prime
And I expect this to kind of kick off so soon.
00:07:26
Zach Sheets
Wow, everything. It's ninjas and like mercenary guys.
00:07:30
Chris Prime
And a Catholic church?
00:08:04
Zach Sheets
Also, it's kind of unusual for, like, to see, like, Jackie's, like, murdering people, too, right?
00:08:07
Chris Prime
Yeah, it's very, it I'm like, this is not what I thought it would start, like, showing. Like, he's got the skill to do this, I guess. But it's just, i don't think I want to Janko-chan do that. Because this is like a Fast and Furious, like, shootout.
00:08:25
Chris Prime
shooted out
00:08:40
Zach Sheets
the hell just happened?
00:08:42
Chris Prime
This part of the Karate Kid universe. This is like Mr. Han.
00:08:56
Chris Prime
Well, they didn't give him like a crash bag. They just let him hit the ground.
00:09:01
Zach Sheets
He's fine, it's Jackie Chan.
00:09:04
Zach Sheets
What was... filming a movie where gets brutally murdered.
00:09:10
Chris Prime
Yeah.
00:09:12
Zach Sheets
hopeful that was the end of the movie.
00:09:36
Chris Prime
That's right, as the director, doesn't really do romantic movies.
00:09:54
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
00:10:11
Chris Prime
Panda plant.
00:10:34
Zach Sheets
This is the best one, Love and Whatever.
00:10:43
Chris Prime
So this is the whatever.
00:11:00
Zach Sheets
so this is like Jackie's assistant.
00:11:05
Chris Prime
guess.
00:11:17
Chris Prime
Does Jackie Chan really invited to international ceremonies like often?
00:11:22
Zach Sheets
Probably.
00:11:23
Chris Prime
feel like i I need to do something in life to get them to come to like my mall opening or something. It's like special guest Jackie Chan. like, what? This is a cafe. I'm like, yeah.
00:11:38
Chris Prime
I spent $2 billion dollars on marketing.
00:11:49
Chris Prime
I'm surprised this wasn't like a grumpy cat movie. You know, like the biggest animal star at the time.
00:11:52
Zach Sheets
ah
00:11:57
Zach Sheets
Yeah, like, it's like an actual, like, famous panda.
00:12:08
Chris Prime
But I feel like this panda was so famous. Like nowadays when an animal gets famous, like all these content creators and companies want to flock to it.
00:12:17
Zach Sheets
So, Jackie's, like, he's, like, symbolically adopting it, right? They're not just go give Jackie a panda, right? It's...
00:12:22
Chris Prime
i thought he just going to hang out with the panda, right? Like, i Is he really just going to, like, own it?
00:12:30
Zach Sheets
Yeah, I feel like it's like it's got to be like a symbolic, like, you you you it's like you adopted this panda, Jackie Chan. Like, he's like you sponsored it, basically.
00:12:38
Chris Prime
Yeah, like the way you adopt a highway.
00:12:40
Zach Sheets
Yeah. Crazy, you're just like, here you go, Jackie Chan. Here's a panda.
00:12:43
Chris Prime
and Here's, like, you know, 90 pounds of food you need to feed it.
00:12:46
Zach Sheets
Yep.
00:12:51
Zach Sheets
This has to be a real zoo, right?
00:12:54
Chris Prime
think, but like...
00:12:55
Zach Sheets
Noah's Zoo. Or if it maybe not the mean that like called Noah's Zoo.
00:13:00
Chris Prime
It's not Noah, but like it's probably something else that...
00:13:00
Zach Sheets
It's probably like...
00:13:02
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
00:13:02
Chris Prime
don't know what country this is.
00:13:05
Chris Prime
Wait, wait.
00:13:05
Zach Sheets
I it's got China, right?
00:13:06
Chris Prime
No, no, it's South Africa.
00:13:08
Zach Sheets
It's South Africa? Okay.
00:13:11
Chris Prime
I think this is a South African or an... Wait, now I'm good confused because this might be like India. Okay, that's not real zebra.
00:13:24
Chris Prime
No, this part's not the real zoo, but some parts are.
00:13:31
Chris Prime
Product placement by Dairy Queen.
00:13:38
Zach Sheets
yeah was it was was Chengdu China and Chongqing China so it was supposed to be some sort of Chinese zoo
00:13:46
Chris Prime
Okay.
00:13:48
Chris Prime
But they were like, please don't use our brand.
00:13:55
Chris Prime
Some people in line getting hot. to Jackie Chan.
00:14:04
Chris Prime
I like this Michael Bolton song that is
00:14:06
Zach Sheets
yeah
00:14:09
Chris Prime
Chinese Michael Bolton.
00:14:18
Zach Sheets
Oh, it was. It's Noah's Zoo Amusement Park is where they filmed it.
00:14:22
Chris Prime
It's a real place.
00:14:22
Zach Sheets
It's real place, yeah.
00:14:24
Chris Prime
it in China?
00:14:25
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
00:14:37
Chris Prime
I think I discovered my favorite character, the cleaning robot.
00:14:40
Zach Sheets
don't Tony the Robot.
00:14:44
Chris Prime
The one that's like solely replacing all these workers.
00:14:50
Zach Sheets
he Tony doesn't say he needs a break.
00:14:52
Chris Prime
Tony doesn't need a bathroom.
00:14:54
Zach Sheets
He doesn't need to eat.
00:14:57
Chris Prime
He doesn't want time off. He doesn't need see his family.
00:15:06
Chris Prime
ah Straight up, that's the panda plan. It's to replace people.
00:15:24
Chris Prime
Why is the robot speaking English?
00:15:28
Zach Sheets
That is weird.
00:15:31
Zach Sheets
With like a sort of like a British accent a little bit or like some sort of accent.
00:15:35
Chris Prime
Some sort accent. sort of fake robotic accent that you know they didn't do, right? Like, why not just have like a Chinese robot? Like, you could program it to just speak Chinese. You speak Mandarin.
00:15:54
Zach Sheets
There he is! the star of the movie.
00:15:57
Chris Prime
The ultra real panda. And just definitely definitely not like a child in a CGI panda costume.
00:16:22
Chris Prime
Make Tony of the robot do it. They didn't color code that right. like There's like something not right about the lighting.
00:16:40
Zach Sheets
How much does Derek Weed pay for this movie?
00:16:45
Chris Prime
Right? Like... I think maybe Dairy Queen in China during this time probably had like a panda thing, but it just didn't translate abroad. I would have gone to Dairy Queen if it was a panda option.
00:16:54
Zach Sheets
Or is it... I mean, is Derek Weed that big in China?
00:16:59
Chris Prime
Uh... Kinda? Cause like... I think like Dairy Queen probably just had like a deal with like franchise because it looks very like American.
00:17:10
Chris Prime
But like there are Chinese brand ice creams. just Dairy Queen I guess was foreign, so...
Product Placement and Genetic Mutation Plot
00:17:34
Chris Prime
So this is like the Dairy Queen manager's subplot here, describing selling ice cream to celebrities in Hollywood.
00:17:49
Zach Sheets
I'm going to predict he's going have to help with it with whatever's going on. It's going to be Jackie and the panda trainer and then that nice guy have to fight terrorists or whatever.
00:18:17
Zach Sheets
but It's like a highly accurate... like
00:18:19
Chris Prime
What happens to Jackie Chan?
00:18:20
Zach Sheets
celebrity meeting. Jackie
00:18:22
Chris Prime
Is it like this is the sad reality of what it's like being Jackie Chan?
00:18:30
Chris Prime
Like he just wants to enjoy his like this Dairy Queen sponsored product placement.
00:18:38
Zach Sheets
Chan, can I tell you to eat some of this delicious Dairy Queen?
00:18:42
Chris Prime
the The ice cream that saves China?
00:18:55
Chris Prime
I'm here to, like, buy the panda and take it back to my mansion.
00:19:10
Chris Prime
Like, this movie be could have gone in, like, three different ways, right? It could have been Jackie Chan just being Jackie Chan. Like, how hard it is to be Jackie Chan.
00:19:21
Chris Prime
And, like, talking, getting hit on by, like, The Dairy Queen worker. Oh, the Dairy Queen worker.
00:19:26
Zach Sheets
The Panda Dandy.
00:19:26
Chris Prime
The panda nurse. Right. Then you got the panda movie where it's like it's being threatened by some sort of corporation that wants to like steal panda DNA or something. Like something weird about it. Wow, look at that Jackie Chan cake.
00:19:44
Chris Prime
And then it could have been this. It could have been like the manager is like a fanatic and like plans to basically like wear Jackie Chan.
00:19:55
Chris Prime
He's the Dairy Queen, like, killer.
00:20:16
Chris Prime
Wait, is this panda, like, sick? What's...
00:20:19
Zach Sheets
You know, go through like a like a de decontamination chamber.
00:20:21
Chris Prime
Detox? Like a... Yeah. It's just like a bunch of Lysol like cans they just sprain on him. Because
00:20:29
Zach Sheets
All right, and then put on your ah your biohazard suit, and then we can go and see the panda.
00:20:33
Chris Prime
it didn't seem like she did that, right? She was just there.
00:20:35
Zach Sheets
No, she was in there, yeah.
00:20:44
Chris Prime
but he doesn't even know what it's called?
00:20:50
Chris Prime
Oh, okay.
00:20:54
Chris Prime
She calls it whatever she wants.
00:21:03
Chris Prime
So, is this movie gonna be like Brother Bear where he like becomes a better person from adopting?
00:21:11
Zach Sheets
check Jackie turns into a panda.
00:21:14
Chris Prime
Yeah.
00:21:17
Zach Sheets
Daddy?
00:21:18
Chris Prime
But it's like Sun Bear.
00:21:33
Chris Prime
Like,
00:21:34
Zach Sheets
don't know if that's... Yeah, like...
00:21:41
Zach Sheets
like I feel like he'd be heavier than that too. He'd just like lift him up like a baby.
00:22:07
Chris Prime
Oh, like the one on his right is slightly bigger.
00:22:10
Zach Sheets
Like, the coloring is different.
00:22:11
Zach Sheets
like It's like, he looks like a normal panda, except for like, that the only thing is different.
00:22:11
Chris Prime
Yeah.
00:22:18
Zach Sheets
Meanwhile, the US Navy, whatever's going
00:22:21
Chris Prime
No, there's like ah an evasion bridge. Like, it's a, yeah, it's a mercenary barge.
00:22:25
Zach Sheets
Yeah. All right, man, our target is the panda.
00:22:29
Chris Prime
Yeah, like, what? Yeah.
00:22:37
Zach Sheets
We assembled the greatest fighters in the world to go get this panda.
00:22:40
Chris Prime
See like this is like it's a fake movie that Jackie Chan's filming on the side.
00:22:44
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm.
00:23:04
Chris Prime
didn't have a cool like nickname. It's just James.
00:23:35
Chris Prime
I like the Lara Croft cosplayers with him.
00:23:43
Zach Sheets
Yeah, I love giraffes!
00:24:08
Chris Prime
How advanced is the security for this panda?
00:24:15
Zach Sheets
it's It's worth that much, like, slightly slightly more black fur on your eyes worth $100 million. dollars
00:24:23
Chris Prime
I feel like at that point would just be easier for them to just clone the panda than to steal the panda. you know like
00:24:32
Zach Sheets
I could see if it was, like you like, albino or something, like, some sort of, like, weird, super, like, rare, weird, like, panda or something.
00:24:38
Chris Prime
Pattern. Yeah. Like the panda's got tiger stripes.
00:24:42
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
00:24:45
Chris Prime
But this looks like a real, like, I'm pretty sure maybe some pandas don't always have perfectly symmetrical patterns.
00:24:59
Chris Prime
Wait, I like that this Chinese zoo has, like, American guards.
00:25:17
Chris Prime
So who are these guys?
00:25:19
Zach Sheets
the Like, the advanced team, I guess? They said, like, they're worse guys to be the advanced team.
00:25:27
Chris Prime
movie tone This movie has like crazy tones, right? Like this is like a kid's movie thing. But then it's not because the opening...
00:25:33
Zach Sheets
Hmm? Yeah, these are, like, home alone, like, three ninja villains.
00:25:37
Chris Prime
Right, right. But like in the opening, they had a ah ah fake like shootout with ninjas and blood and guns, right?
00:25:42
Zach Sheets
Yep.
00:25:43
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm.
00:25:43
Chris Prime
So then why...
00:25:45
Chris Prime
not just like continue that motif it's like they are actually pretty violent then so we can't tell the difference between the fake reality and it's like the the re the fake version was way more violent than the real version
00:26:02
Zach Sheets
I guess we'll see when it kicks off if like these mercenaries are getting like brutally murdered.
00:26:07
Chris Prime
true but you just said
00:26:08
Zach Sheets
Or if they're brutally murdered people.
00:26:13
Chris Prime
Yeah, or they're just like conveniently tying up everyone with like rope.
00:26:20
Chris Prime
They're that mercenary group that like is peaceful.
00:26:55
Chris Prime
Ronald lost out to that one.
00:27:02
Chris Prime
think Ronald is probably some like dignitary from like Africa, but like Jackie Chan, just a celebrity from China.
00:27:10
Zach Sheets
hey
00:27:30
Chris Prime
What movie?
00:27:37
Zach Sheets
Just force the drill to be there.
00:27:49
Zach Sheets
It's also weird, like, there's there's, like, a movie soundtrack, but it's, like it's like um like, actually playing in the scene. Like, it's like they're playing it in the building.
00:27:58
Chris Prime
Oh, yeah. it's It's part of the ambient
00:28:00
Zach Sheets
It's not like, yeah it's like, ah was it diegetic?
00:28:08
Chris Prime
Yeah, they didn't know how to like sound mix this right.
00:28:21
Chris Prime
does does Do they just drive on the open roads and inside the zoo?
00:28:28
Zach Sheets
ah big like This dude looks like massive. like You need golf carts to drive around it.
00:28:52
Chris Prime
Oh, this armed group just walked through the main doors.
00:29:25
Chris Prime
You know, I feel like this is based on a commercial plot where, like, uh, like, Jack and Chan's trying to get online and then, like, the SWAT team breaks into his house and then he, like, fights them.
00:29:37
Chris Prime
Do you remember that commercial?
00:29:38
Zach Sheets
hey
00:29:38
Chris Prime
Because
00:29:39
Zach Sheets
I think so, yeah.
00:29:42
Chris Prime
they're like oh god, it's Jack Chan. Like, they realize, like, it's his house and then, like, he fights them. because he's And then it's, like, all... and then I mean, it ends with, like, him just connecting back to the internet. But... It's essentially that. They're like, oh my god, it's world famous Jackie Chan. He's actually like a real fighter.
00:30:01
Chris Prime
That's the first casualty in this movie.
00:30:20
Chris Prime
You killed Tanya, the robot.
00:30:39
Chris Prime
Meanwhile, the like security team that did like failed, how they not they've got a whole surveillance on the whole island.
00:30:43
Zach Sheets
They
00:30:46
Chris Prime
They watch like this convoy.
00:30:46
Zach Sheets
they like they have like jurassic yeah they have like a level like command
00:30:54
Chris Prime
It seems like this whole island is isolated. It's like an island of a zoo.
00:31:09
Chris Prime
Is he going to shoot him?
00:31:17
Chris Prime
I feel like it would be a darker tone if they actually did more violent things.
00:31:22
Zach Sheets
Like I killed someone, yeah.
00:31:49
Zach Sheets
what do you think what we think they had Jackie holding? It's like a green blob or something?
00:31:53
Chris Prime
Yeah, like a sandbag.
00:32:00
Chris Prime
So, like, Jackie Chan was also an executive producer of this, so you can definitely feel it where they definitely like want to hype him up.
00:32:18
Chris Prime
It's also, like, not Not to insult Jackie Chan, he's not like prime age Jackie Chan. You know, he's a slightly older.
00:32:23
Zach Sheets
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:32:40
Chris Prime
I'm surprised Steven Seagal hasn't made a movie like this.
00:32:43
Zach Sheets
for russia
00:32:46
Chris Prime
something like another kind of like movie where he's also like the most badass movie stars like Johnny Cage level
00:32:53
Zach Sheets
hey
00:32:55
Chris Prime
because this is like this is one of those things where like Jackie Chan also has the skills
00:33:07
Zach Sheets
Yeah, like Van Damme made like JCVD.
00:33:12
Chris Prime
But in that movie, it subverts your thing where he's going to be JCVD. ah The TV show was different, but like in that other movie, like it was very humbling.
00:33:19
Zach Sheets
Like, yeah. Yeah.
00:33:32
Chris Prime
don't think Jackie Chan's going to do a JCVD where it's like he's secretly like out of control.
00:33:36
Zach Sheets
ah great i I regret everything. Yeah. Like I regret my decisions.
00:34:08
Zach Sheets
I feel like it probably was pretty hard for Jackie to like, ah pretend to be bad at fighting.
00:34:19
Chris Prime
Well, it's like, and I don't want to fight you. He's like done a lot of movies where don't want any trouble.
00:34:24
Zach Sheets
and i I don't want any trouble.
00:34:27
Chris Prime
So it's the same thing until the last moment where he's like, all right, I want to fight you.
00:34:31
Zach Sheets
but But he's like, i don't want to trouble with that. His characters are all like super good at fighting, but he's trying to he's trying to pretend to be himself who's like a movie fighter, not like an actual martial artist.
00:34:44
Chris Prime
But Jackie Chan is like these days more of a movie fighter. You know, he's not like, okay, on the weekends I go enter kickboxing tournaments.
00:34:48
Zach Sheets
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:34:54
Chris Prime
I mean, realistically, a terrorist took over an event with Jackie Chan, I think he'd just like, listen, I'm like 60-something. Like, I'm not going to do this.
00:35:02
Zach Sheets
How much money do you want? I own like like ah hundreds of buildings in China.
00:35:10
Chris Prime
I was in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
00:35:27
Chris Prime
Isn't it just weird to fight like a celebrity?
00:35:30
Zach Sheets
Yes.
00:35:41
Chris Prime
now this is just a playground fight.
00:35:59
Chris Prime
See, they should have the thing where, like, you can't use the general Jackie Chan staples these days with his wire work and the, like, quick cuts. It should be, ah like, grounded.
00:36:08
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm.
00:36:12
Chris Prime
Where it just seems like two guys, like, boxing each other. And you think it's gonna be, like, a comedy, but it's actually just, like, kind of not.
00:36:28
Chris Prime
Alright, different tone for a movie. I get it.
00:36:41
Chris Prime
How strong are those two bamboo sticks?
00:36:49
Chris Prime
Again, imagine you're part of this elite mercenary group and you watch your leader just getting whipped.
00:36:54
Zach Sheets
He gets butt whipped by Jackie Chan.
00:37:07
Zach Sheets
Yeah, your boss is like crying on the ground. Yeah.
00:37:15
Chris Prime
So is that like real fighting using just bamboo to slap around a person that count as fighting in this world?
00:38:16
Chris Prime
They're
Comedic Action Sequences
00:38:16
Chris Prime
still fighting.
00:38:34
Chris Prime
I can't imagine later like recanting this to like reporters like, all right, so Jackie Chan was like in the enclosure. he beat the Mohawk dude.
00:38:40
Zach Sheets
Yep. So, but yeah, but a bunch a bunch of mercenaries showed up with guns and they wanted the panda and the Jackie Chan fought them.
00:39:32
Zach Sheets
yeah wasn't This is like the most chill baby panda that's ever existed.
00:39:35
Chris Prime
Yep. I mean, that's why it makes it so kidnappable.
00:39:51
Chris Prime
I'm wondering if this whole wing is dedicated to the panda. It's like the panda wing, or... Oh,
00:39:55
Zach Sheets
I think well i think they said like it's the panda hut.
00:39:57
Chris Prime
okay.
00:40:01
Chris Prime
I wonder how they're going to get back to the Dairy Queen. The Dairy Queen is going to come back in a big way, I bet you.
00:40:05
Zach Sheets
Yep. they're go Yeah, they're to cover them in ice cream something. The bad guys got ice cream.
00:40:44
Chris Prime
This also was Jackie Chan.
00:40:45
Zach Sheets
Yes! yes
00:40:55
Chris Prime
In other movies he's done in the past, he's actually done like, okay, I'll be the henchperson or something so I can do the stunt.
00:41:14
Zach Sheets
Is the entire movie just this fight with Jackie and this, is like, Hedgeman guy?
00:41:18
Chris Prime
Occasionally these like, you know, three ninjas, henchmen.
00:41:40
Chris Prime
See? Inside every panda, there's a secret alien man.
00:41:43
Zach Sheets
Yeah,
00:41:58
Chris Prime
Is this also being televised like anywhere or live stream?
00:42:01
Zach Sheets
yeah are people are watching this be like Jackie Chan's fighting a guy?
00:42:09
Chris Prime
You know, never have really like in real life where celebrities get into like fights. ah Like they win. you know like A lot of celebrities get into fights and they're just like their bodyguard steps in or somebody something happens.
00:42:17
Zach Sheets
yeah Yeah, this is real life.
00:42:22
Chris Prime
But never like, oh no, they definitely look they have a fighting chance.
00:42:27
Zach Sheets
Like Jackie, I would have like, like so many, like so many like bodyguards and like, yeah.
00:42:32
Chris Prime
Yeah, like he has bodyguards.
00:42:34
Zach Sheets
And managers and
00:42:37
Zach Sheets
just like one wacky dude.
00:42:57
Chris Prime
Again, imagine being the captive audience. Like, oh, Jackie Chan's going to save us. And he just runs out the room.
00:43:01
Zach Sheets
yeah yeah yeah
00:43:05
Zach Sheets
he's just running away yelling I don't want any trouble
00:43:10
Chris Prime
And then would turn to like one of the hostages to be like, oh, he wants trouble.
00:43:20
Chris Prime
Why did they program the robot to like Jackie Chad?
00:43:21
Zach Sheets
no
00:43:24
Zach Sheets
thank god it's Tony
00:43:41
Chris Prime
Tony's for the kids who watch this movie.
00:43:43
Zach Sheets
hey
00:43:50
Zach Sheets
There's no way that all all three of them are inside Tony either.
00:44:05
Chris Prime
Nope. Okay.
00:44:13
Chris Prime
Yeah, I think they just gave Tony the panda.
00:44:17
Zach Sheets
Well, just a robot with with a panda.
00:44:20
Chris Prime
Can you? are you supposed to put, like, living things inside the robot? Like, does it have enough air?
00:44:33
Chris Prime
Like, I know, like, some food delivery robots, you can put, like, food, you know, in it and just seals, but it doesn't need oxygen.
00:44:36
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
00:44:50
Chris Prime
You know, the Noah Zoo should have put a stipulation in their positions where it's you might get a terrorist. So you might need to be like skilled in climbing everything here.
00:45:03
Zach Sheets
The Noah Zoo reminds you, please don't try to stop when you visit us.
00:45:21
Zach Sheets
Oh, crap, that was concrete.
00:45:33
Chris Prime
and This whole complex is a maze. Jackie has no idea where to go.
00:45:37
Zach Sheets
Thank you.
00:45:38
Chris Prime
but her drive.
00:46:00
Chris Prime
Wait, why is the storage area not being monitored?
00:46:29
Zach Sheets
mean on the stolen like u.s navy ship
00:46:46
Zach Sheets
i like how everyone is saying jackie and not jackie chan like it's just like it's it's like that's his one name it's hes one name like it's it's like madonna or share it's just jackie
00:46:52
Chris Prime
Yep.
00:47:07
Chris Prime
A good thing the panda can use the escape hatch, like, from inside.
00:47:45
Chris Prime
See, this movie has silly fun, and silly moments, but the tone shifts.
00:47:49
Zach Sheets
Yes. yes
00:48:13
Chris Prime
Just spraying bullets everywhere.
00:48:19
Zach Sheets
everyone everyone Everyone's dead.
00:48:20
Chris Prime
Yep.
00:48:27
Chris Prime
There are like 30 of you.
00:48:30
Zach Sheets
Help. Yeah. Everyone help.
00:48:36
Chris Prime
Rhonda was a Ronald.
00:48:41
Zach Sheets
Ronald. Yeah.
00:48:42
Chris Prime
Yeah.
00:48:50
Zach Sheets
Swanton Bomb.
00:49:16
Chris Prime
for zookeeper guy, like, he seems oddly prepared for this.
00:49:20
Zach Sheets
he's like a He's like a fake... you but you Like, um... Like, Annie Serkis from, like, the Black Panther movie. Like, he's dressed like him, and he's got...
00:49:29
Chris Prime
He's claw.
00:49:30
Zach Sheets
like Yeah, he's like a good claw.
00:49:32
Chris Prime
Yeah, I can see that.
00:49:36
Zach Sheets
I used to be in the SAS before I became him a zookeeper..........
00:49:40
Chris Prime
I was in the war, but my true passion was animal keeping.
00:49:49
Chris Prime
So this area doesn't have surveillance. Like, this this industry, let's like, so many chemicals and food, and like, what?
00:49:52
Zach Sheets
No. but with
00:49:58
Zach Sheets
Yeah, wouldn't your warehouse be like the like you want surveillance because people are going to steal stuff from your warehouse? Yeah.
00:50:03
Chris Prime
Or something can go wrong here? You want that caught in film?
00:50:32
Chris Prime
So here's some panda facts. Like, people think ba like they only eat bamboo or like they love bamboo. It's like they just don't know that they can eat other things. And yeah, they can snack on sugar cane and bamboo because they're just eating it for the calories inside. But bamboo doesn't have a lot of like nutrition.
00:50:56
Chris Prime
And like, For whatever reason, they have not formulated like popular panda food. Where it's like, oh, just eat this like cube. like ah It's like nutrition from it or something.
00:51:05
Zach Sheets
Or pellets or something.
00:51:06
Chris Prime
Yeah, yeah. A panda feed.
00:51:35
Chris Prime
Why are they using knives only?
00:51:39
Chris Prime
ah don't want to shoot the panda by accident. So it's like.
00:51:41
Zach Sheets
Yeah. Just stab.
00:51:44
Chris Prime
You even how stab. Just punch him.
00:52:02
Chris Prime
Like, it's way more menacing and Jackie Chan doesn't eliminate them. Like, no one is actually, like... The numbers aren't being reduced.
00:52:15
Chris Prime
But I get... I don't want to show Jackie Chan kill in a movie.
00:52:21
Zach Sheets
really kill people a movie set it's fine
00:52:26
Chris Prime
Opening scene was him shooting ninjas and, like, you know, mercenaries with guns, so... I thought I was like i was surprised that the movie was not going to be that, too.
00:52:52
Chris Prime
Well, it's just like his stunt. He did it. Rumbled the Brock's.
00:52:54
Zach Sheets
but Yeah, this is true it's is just like a a regular Jackie Chan action scene now. how did How did those two guys get on like the like mercenary team?
00:53:22
Chris Prime
They probably like someone's relative.
00:53:25
Zach Sheets
Their boss is like, yeah, it's... It's my cousin. Whatever.
00:53:31
Chris Prime
Yeah, pretty much. i See, they just said that, that it's like understandable.
00:53:38
Chris Prime
But this like elite mercenary group is like just like teamed up with like random guys.
00:54:16
Chris Prime
Look, it's his famous stunt from Armor of God.
00:54:18
Zach Sheets
ah
00:54:21
Chris Prime
See you what I mean? Like, if it was more meta, I think this movie would have been a little bit more for fans like me.
00:54:29
Zach Sheets
If he specifically said, like, oh, this what what if I did this from like that movie I did? like
00:54:34
Chris Prime
Yeah, yeah.
00:54:35
Zach Sheets
but If he called it out?
00:54:37
Chris Prime
yeah Or it's sort of like unbelievable weight of massive talent.
00:54:41
Zach Sheets
Yes. Mm-hmm.
00:54:46
Chris Prime
Or maybe it's like Jackie's on a career alone and he needs like inspiration for his next film and so like this is sort of like what he does. he goes to see a panda.
00:54:58
Chris Prime
Well that could have ended terrible like he could have broken his neck.
00:55:01
Zach Sheets
It's...
00:55:51
Chris Prime
Uh-oh.
00:56:41
Chris Prime
It's weird. This panda's weight keeps changing. It goes from light and then it's like like she's holding like three jugs of water.
00:56:44
Zach Sheets
yeah
00:56:54
Zach Sheets
yeah also luckily that that machine was just like to like box things not like chop them or do anything else
00:57:08
Zach Sheets
My boy's a box.
00:57:41
Zach Sheets
Everyone listen to the giant milk carton.
00:58:04
Zach Sheets
Tony just gets like a bunch of arms popping out of his like box. Just like, I got all the guns now. just Shooting everything.
00:58:16
Chris Prime
Tony's on defend mode. Like kill mode.
00:58:22
Zach Sheets
kill mode activated.
00:58:36
Chris Prime
um Man, the boss is cool.
00:59:07
Zach Sheets
It was pointed at my head!
00:59:10
Chris Prime
ah Jackie Dick.
00:59:11
Zach Sheets
think it was.
00:59:28
Zach Sheets
think it was
00:59:53
Chris Prime
I actually do like his characters like change, you know?
00:59:56
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm. a
01:00:15
Chris Prime
Is that the theme?
01:00:39
Zach Sheets
Let me just take this eight-hour forklift operator course, and I'll be right with you.
01:00:57
Chris Prime
I get it. She's fighting like a panda.
01:01:25
Chris Prime
How fast can this forklift really go?
01:01:28
Zach Sheets
I mean, yeah, not that fast. You can white walk and catch up to it.
01:01:46
Chris Prime
cool that this forklift's got ramming speed or reverse.
01:02:03
Zach Sheets
This is like all the zoos, that storage facility, that giant warehouse district.
01:02:54
Zach Sheets
Yeah, I don't know if a forklift can outrun, like, quads.
01:02:56
Chris Prime
Dune buggies?
01:02:57
Zach Sheets
quads yeah
01:03:01
Chris Prime
Oh, yeah, you're right. They are quads. But it's like weird, like caged quads.
01:03:20
Chris Prime
Oh, God.
01:03:38
Chris Prime
Is this like a 10 mile an hour chase?
01:03:48
Zach Sheets
Yeah, it's a very slow speed.
01:04:24
Chris Prime
There's no seatbelts in the Jackie Chan like forklift. They would have flew out.
01:04:28
Zach Sheets
yeah
01:04:36
Chris Prime
Wait, did Jackie Chan read the manual too?
01:04:40
Zach Sheets
He just knows how to drive a forklift.
01:05:11
Zach Sheets
They're heading into a T-Rex panic.
01:05:13
Chris Prime
Is this also secretly a Jurassic Park movie?
01:05:24
Chris Prime
So we're about the halfway point of the movie. Are they gonna reveal like any more details about what the terrorists want?
01:05:31
Zach Sheets
It's just...
01:05:35
Chris Prime
Like a little bit more than halfway, so I'm like, what where's the like plot?
01:05:37
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
01:05:39
Chris Prime
It's just been like skits.
01:05:40
Zach Sheets
You think it's a mole? You think the director is a mole or something?............
01:05:45
Chris Prime
Could be.
01:05:48
Chris Prime
like you gotta play along so they can really score big. But I don't know. The director it'd be a really weird plot but like it wouldn't make sense. he would just feel like He wouldn't hire like this. This just seems like a really roundabout way of doing it.
01:06:09
Zach Sheets
They're in the beast zone, though. so Is Jackie going fight it like a tiger or something?
01:06:17
Chris Prime
He's got to fight the Verizon Presents. The Panda Beast.
01:06:19
Zach Sheets
Yeah, the Indominus Rex.
01:06:21
Chris Prime
Yeah.
01:06:36
Zach Sheets
Beast area. Beast
01:07:25
Chris Prime
Okay, this is an interesting, like, Southwest theme they got going on.
01:07:25
Zach Sheets
Oh no. What? Yep...............................
01:07:55
Zach Sheets
Does he actually have milk on a rhino nipple, or just going to put the panda up against the nipple?
01:08:09
Chris Prime
I mean, I guess he's gonna have to like just throw the panda, let the panda milk?
01:08:16
Chris Prime
Oh no, no, he's going straight up. Star Wars, the Force on whatever that...
01:08:21
Zach Sheets
Yep. The Last Jedi?
01:08:23
Chris Prime
Last Jedi.
01:08:23
Zach Sheets
The Last Jedi?
01:08:29
Chris Prime
They don't want show- they are showing it. Oh, it's so weird.
01:08:32
Zach Sheets
a
01:08:33
Chris Prime
Now we can say we watched Jackie Chan milk a rhino.
01:09:03
Zach Sheets
Daddy's here.
01:09:27
Chris Prime
What a fun day. had like a TV cut. Like the transition.
01:09:48
Zach Sheets
Got sent the reinforcements. Check. Yes, too much.
01:10:23
Zach Sheets
I got this.
01:10:25
Chris Prime
Oh, see? here Here's the reveal.
01:10:32
Chris Prime
Oh.
01:10:35
Chris Prime
So, I guess it was a joke.
01:10:35
Zach Sheets
that joke?
01:10:59
Zach Sheets
Man, I'm even flinching.
01:11:02
Chris Prime
It's not clear. What?
01:12:00
Zach Sheets
Damn, that guy's surprisingly strong.
01:12:06
Chris Prime
Is the director dead?
01:12:08
Zach Sheets
Do you like Darth Vader him? but
01:12:35
Chris Prime
Thank you.
01:13:12
Chris Prime
It's nice to know that basically every like zoo or some sort of animal sanctuary has like an abandoned wing somewhere that's just like horribly maintained.
01:13:19
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
01:13:26
Chris Prime
Right? cause Doesn't this look like a Jurassic Park thing?
01:13:30
Zach Sheets
It's like the old yeah the old park that we had to have abandoned.
01:13:35
Chris Prime
That's where the super dangerous animals are kept.
01:14:13
Chris Prime
This mighty Chinese zoo is so powerful.
01:14:15
Zach Sheets
Yes! Yes!
01:14:19
Chris Prime
Wait, Seal Team 6 is here?
01:14:21
Zach Sheets
yeah
01:14:59
Zach Sheets
Again, I think it's like i think it's like symbolic, Jackie. you You actually adopt him. like he's not He's not your pet now.
01:15:05
Chris Prime
Yeah, it's not like this is your son. Your actual, like... ah Like, oh, you get to bring it home. Like, pandas are, like, incredibly fickle. So you can't just be like, well, you just take it now.
01:15:19
Chris Prime
Whenever.
01:15:39
Zach Sheets
Oh boy.
01:15:45
Chris Prime
What?
01:15:45
Zach Sheets
its said it said resignation letter. she had to write it specifically as we know what it was.
01:16:15
Chris Prime
He's been making movies for decades. He's not like an actual warrior or anything.
01:16:18
Zach Sheets
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
01:16:29
Chris Prime
See, this is the like JCBD like moment where you trying to like kind of reflect that.
01:16:51
Zach Sheets
And yeah, I've broken every bone in my body, but it's it's it's fine. i have a literal hole in my head.
01:17:03
Chris Prime
You
01:17:24
Chris Prime
you know Jackie Chan's got like five kids, right? like
01:17:37
Chris Prime
He doesn't need a six to be a panda. He's
01:17:42
Chris Prime
gonna name it Jackie.
01:17:43
Zach Sheets
yeah
01:17:59
Chris Prime
name it DQ.
01:18:01
Zach Sheets
Yes. I'm going
01:18:05
Zach Sheets
to name him Blizzard.
01:18:10
Zach Sheets
Hoo-hoo.
01:18:12
Chris Prime
Oh yeah, it does become Hoo Hoo.
01:18:16
Chris Prime
That got spoiled in the trailer of the second movie.
01:18:19
Zach Sheets
Hoo-hoo.
01:18:36
Chris Prime
Did you ever play that Tom Clancy, like, ghost recon movie? game where it's like, is it Badlands or something like that?
01:18:45
Zach Sheets
Um, which one where like, I played a little bit of that one.
01:18:48
Chris Prime
The one when Jonathan Berthal was the bad guy.
01:18:51
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
01:18:51
Chris Prime
It's got the same vibe. Like the island, the the team, the tech.
01:18:56
Zach Sheets
and
01:19:03
Chris Prime
And whatever like Nations response seemed to help is just incredibly slow. Like this island's been under like
01:19:12
Chris Prime
you know,
01:19:12
Zach Sheets
there's yeah there's like There's like a full warship.
01:19:16
Chris Prime
floating around this island.
01:19:21
Chris Prime
And they just left? Oh.
01:19:24
Zach Sheets
Yeah, they captured them.
01:19:25
Chris Prime
How? When? Like off screen?
01:19:51
Chris Prime
He's got a box. He's got a box the zookeeper.
01:19:54
Zach Sheets
yeah
01:20:01
Zach Sheets
It's like, Jackie Chan, if you beat me, y'all can go in a real fight.
01:20:19
Zach Sheets
I tried hold a fortune for Jackie to get back.
01:20:54
Chris Prime
So the movie just moved, like, moved on to the Birgit now. Like, it
01:20:57
Zach Sheets
Yep. Mm-hmm.
01:20:58
Chris Prime
No longer about this the amazing zoo. i don't think we're ever going to that DQ-like product placement again.
01:21:03
Zach Sheets
Yeah, well, that that was like a whole setup, but now it's just like... i wanted like an ice cream, like wacky ice cream fight or something.
01:21:41
Zach Sheets
Do they just trying to have 911? Is it like, would it be a different number?
01:21:46
Chris Prime
Yeah, it would be another number. Unless they're on the coast of, like, America.
01:21:48
Zach Sheets
She's calling, she's calling American 911.
01:21:50
Chris Prime
Yeah.
01:22:38
Chris Prime
Oh, See, that's from Who Am I?
01:23:01
Chris Prime
they See, like, these are, like, very key moments of Jackie Chan.
01:23:02
Zach Sheets
Yep.
01:23:04
Chris Prime
I would wish it was more... like things like this, but not quite like this.
01:23:09
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
01:23:40
Chris Prime
It's a good thing that the mercenaries left and untied everybody. Or left so many witnesses behind.
01:23:43
Zach Sheets
Yeah, I know. Yep.
01:24:03
Zach Sheets
Yeah, so it's like you find like so some wealthy businessman that has a panda now. It's like, oh, wonder how I got the panda. Yeah.
01:24:12
Chris Prime
Yeah.
01:24:13
Zach Sheets
The UN is like, but how'd you get that panda?
01:24:15
Chris Prime
How'd you get the rare one, like, eye bigger than the other panda? Yeah.
01:24:20
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm.
01:25:26
Chris Prime
So is this the Panda plan?
01:25:31
Zach Sheets
and The panda man was just steal the panda.
01:26:18
Chris Prime
So I'm not sure about you, but I'm watching this movie with subtitles on.
01:26:20
Zach Sheets
Well, you you have to.
01:26:22
Chris Prime
Yeah, but like even this part, you don't they can't like aren't making words. It's all gestures.
01:26:29
Zach Sheets
i think they're like very quietly about like saying it. Or mouthing it.
01:26:33
Chris Prime
and i I can understand some Mandarin, but like not when it's like such fragments.
01:27:07
Chris Prime
You know, if this was like a real China thing where like they robbed China's zoo, a satellite would track this boat, so like, easily.
01:27:14
Zach Sheets
Yep.
01:27:24
Zach Sheets
So are they in like Saudi Arabia now? Is that like...
01:27:28
Chris Prime
Where they got, yeah, they went across the, like, whatever sea that was.
01:27:34
Zach Sheets
it's hard to tell if that was like actual... like If the Saudi businessman was like the actual guy or that was probably like that like fake movie. Yeah.
01:27:43
Chris Prime
Mm-hmm.
01:27:45
Zach Sheets
i mean i i guess I guess that was who bought the panda, but they cut right cut immediately to like that fake movie. fake movie
01:28:14
Zach Sheets
The American police answered the 911 call.
01:28:19
Chris Prime
They like San Diego? like
01:28:31
Chris Prime
Watch this movie end with that bike scene at the church.
01:28:35
Zach Sheets
Or just like like in the actual version of it.
01:28:38
Chris Prime
This is actually a fake version of that. like They walk out of the movie with like the panda and they're like, oh man, our our is our fictional version was so cool, right?
01:28:49
Zach Sheets
yeah it's like it cuts it doesn't thing where it cuts like them in the theater watching it and like the pandas like sitting in a chair next to Jackie just you just want to show off I guess
01:29:04
Chris Prime
So what was the ring part and and the boss in the like Thai boxing, kickboxing gear that that had nothing to do with anything now?
01:29:37
Chris Prime
Oh, we get the Jackie Chan and a panda? Like, this Saudi Arabia guy is so corrupt that they just, like... but is Oh, we just own Jackie Chan now. We'll put him in our human zoo.
01:29:47
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
01:30:12
Chris Prime
See now it's like Jackie Chan's fighting like a Jackie Chan movie.
01:30:15
Zach Sheets
yeah but he' supposed to be like not not that great up against like two like actual fighters.
01:30:28
Chris Prime
Well, I guess you can. so I mean like, if you do a lot of like stage stunts, you eventually can be good enough to fight like mercenaries.
01:30:35
Zach Sheets
hmm.
01:30:46
Chris Prime
I really like Jackie Chan's stunts because sometimes they sell the like impact of like, that looks painful.
01:30:51
Zach Sheets
Yes.
01:30:59
Chris Prime
like Did you see that documentary of like Pain is Wick? Or Wick is Pain?
01:31:03
Zach Sheets
haven't seen that yet,
01:31:04
Chris Prime
they They go into a little bit about like how the stunt work basically is that. like set like Looking what reality is and then saying, okay, how can we do it? But then like lessen the the pain but it doesn't mean it's not painless.
01:31:30
Zach Sheets
what what What police though are coming? like The Saudi Arabian police?
01:31:36
Chris Prime
and They're never going to address it you know just like this country that they're in we don't know what this is.
01:31:47
Zach Sheets
because Because if it was Saudi Arabian police, they'd probably be like, oh, this crown prince or whoever wants a panda? like Sure. There's no crime here.
01:31:57
Chris Prime
This guy's breaking Jackie Chan's neck.
01:32:15
Zach Sheets
Oh no, she's going action. of the
01:32:19
Chris Prime
is power upward.
01:32:20
Zach Sheets
Yep.
01:32:29
Chris Prime
He needed inspiration.
01:32:32
Zach Sheets
Jackie Chan mode activated.
01:33:01
Chris Prime
Yeah, that's right. Panda shit.
01:33:03
Zach Sheets
ah
01:33:05
Chris Prime
Take that, DQ. Like, yeah this could have been a DQ fight, but no.
01:33:10
Zach Sheets
Yep.
01:33:13
Zach Sheets
That guy could have been like stuck under like an ice cream machine, like getting like ice cream poured out his throat.
01:33:20
Zach Sheets
Using sprinkles.
01:33:21
Chris Prime
He fought him with a DQ blizzard.
01:33:26
Chris Prime
Oh, it's a joint operation between the Saudi Arabian police and like Chinese SWAT.
01:34:18
Chris Prime
What?
01:34:25
Chris Prime
Why does this have a touching moment now?
01:34:29
Zach Sheets
Don't try to humanize like the Saudi Raven crown prince who's like it's insanely wealthy.
01:34:34
Chris Prime
Oh no, come on!
01:35:01
Zach Sheets
So are they, I mean, either the zoo is like very close to, we have to assume Saudi Arabia or some other like Middle Eastern country or they're flying there like every every every week.
Film's Themes and Conclusion
01:35:15
Chris Prime
Probably flying there every week.
01:35:16
Zach Sheets
Yeah, I mean, um they can afford it.
01:35:27
Chris Prime
Well, I mean, now everyone's going to jail.
01:35:31
Zach Sheets
Yeah, this is like this like an insanely crazy international incident.
01:35:37
Chris Prime
What they did was declare a war crime. They sent, like, an invading force.
01:35:41
Zach Sheets
yeah um Yeah, yeah.
01:35:44
Chris Prime
It wasn't just like a team of bandits.
01:35:51
Zach Sheets
And they stole like they still like China's like national treasure, like a panda. Yeah.
01:35:56
Chris Prime
Mm-hmm.
01:35:58
Chris Prime
Well, Dragon's Hand's stealing this car.
01:36:01
Chris Prime
Oh, he must smell terrible. too He's probably full of panda poop.
01:36:11
Chris Prime
So... This is such a last minute edition. This what I fear was happening. where i was like, oh, why they not making this? I saw this coming.
01:36:27
Zach Sheets
Yes, that's just because they have... billions of dollars that they just like spend like however they want like making like you know like the world's biggest roller coaster
01:36:40
Chris Prime
Why couldn't he just pay for the panda? Like, if he gave $100 million, he would have just gotten the panda.
01:36:47
Zach Sheets
or just to be like hey can we can the panda come visit like i'll pay you like what i'll donate however much money money much to zoo to like let the panda just come visit
01:36:57
Chris Prime
That would have made way more sense than, like, hire a mercenary team. Like, commit and then commit a war, like ah a an invasion, and then start a war between two countries.
01:37:00
Zach Sheets
To steal it, yeah.
01:37:08
Chris Prime
Because you're a loving dad. but like an idiot businessman.
01:37:19
Chris Prime
Like in all honesty, this is very touching. It's just out of place, like super out of place of what's going on.
01:37:31
Chris Prime
Like remember Jackie Jane almost died on a staircase fight.
01:37:33
Zach Sheets
ye
01:37:37
Chris Prime
And then she says like action, it puts him back in like fight mode.
01:37:49
Zach Sheets
By the way, are you Jackie Chan?
01:37:51
Chris Prime
but She doesn't know who Jane Shirt is.
01:37:53
Zach Sheets
No, yeah.
01:38:03
Chris Prime
Gongengfachoi.
01:38:23
Chris Prime
there has to be a shout with this guy getting arrested at the end, right? Like, he's just gonna go away to jail. Like, there's...
01:38:29
Zach Sheets
The
01:38:33
Chris Prime
The villain got a happy ending?
01:38:38
Zach Sheets
the Chinese government is like, well, if he has a sick daughter, so...
01:38:47
Chris Prime
Is this a different panda sanctuary? Yeah, because it's like Chengdu in China.
01:38:53
Chris Prime
And Jackie Chan stopped being, like, an actor and now is a zookeeper. Because I guess, like, the zookeeper wanted to be close to the mom. Like, the parents.
01:39:03
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm.
01:39:27
Chris Prime
So six months later, the panda is now like a full-grown panda.
01:39:55
Zach Sheets
No, he's like a- he's like a... animal rescue specialist.
01:39:57
Chris Prime
animal rescuer?
01:40:07
Chris Prime
This is purely fiction?
01:40:10
Zach Sheets
All the main animal actors recu- oh no!
01:40:26
Chris Prime
Well, The subtitles gave out and tried to translate this song.
01:40:28
Zach Sheets
Oh, he wasn't even holding anything. It was just like, it's like Jackie, we pretend to hold a panda. There was not even like a little thing to hold. you see that?
01:40:35
Chris Prime
Wow, they didn't think it's... Yeah, yeah, they were just like rubbing nothing.
01:40:58
Chris Prime
I know this is like a propaganda panda movie, but...
01:41:03
Zach Sheets
it yeah I mean, it's basically like, yeah, come to the zoo and see our pandas. It's basically the star movie.
01:41:12
Zach Sheets
Oh, man, a rat panda breakdown?
01:41:23
Chris Prime
Wow, they even quote, like, the action thing in the song, like, where it's like, is action you jump into jump into it, which is interesting. Yep.
01:41:37
Zach Sheets
It just kind of ends.
01:41:39
Chris Prime
Yeah,
01:41:40
Zach Sheets
She was just enough of that. You get the gist of like that song.
01:41:50
Zach Sheets
Alright, so that that was Panda Plan.
01:41:55
Chris Prime
yeah it's not what I thought it would be.
01:42:00
Zach Sheets
I mean, it was it was definitely, like, goofy, like I thought it would be. But then, yeah, like I think we were talking about, it's... Tonally, there's, like, really weird, crazy shifts.
01:42:18
Zach Sheets
And then, I don't even know, like, what it what what what is even is is the sequel going to be now?
01:42:22
Chris Prime
I don't know. It's like a bigger panda. like It's Hulu again, but Hulu's big.
01:42:25
Zach Sheets
Yeah, because it's Jack... Yeah, he and... It's Hoo-Hoo and Jackie Chan reunite, and then... Well, I guess the plot summary is, Giant Panda Hoo-Hoo and Jackie Chan actually stumble onto a mysterious primitive tribe, beginning an unprecedented and hilarious adventure.
01:42:48
Chris Prime
and
01:42:50
Zach Sheets
I guess they... i can see they they like
01:42:51
Chris Prime
I'm excited because could not predict where the movie was going to go. you know It's like all crazy like turns and and choices.
01:42:59
Zach Sheets
Yeah.
01:43:09
Zach Sheets
ah yeah I guess Panic Planet 2 came out already. It came out like last week. We recorded this. It came on the in China.
01:43:20
Chris Prime
I don't know if it's like Blockbuster International there or it's just like, it did okay.
01:43:29
Zach Sheets
It's probably... um i know they I know that like they had... like It's usually like... the like moon of New Year's... but It's like a huge like box office time over there.
01:43:36
Chris Prime
Hmm.
01:43:37
Zach Sheets
that so that's so Like Nezhat 2 last year came out during like New Year and made like $2 billion. dollars
01:43:54
Chris Prime
ah This movie is... Of the Chinese like propaganda movies, it's not bad. like I understood the point. It was like the show of the pandas. It wasn't the legend where it was like, China defends the Silk Road. Like that one where we saw.
01:44:11
Zach Sheets
Yeah, uh-huh.
01:44:12
Chris Prime
So...
01:44:15
Zach Sheets
I feel like we gotta watch Wolf Voyeur one of these years for our Lunar New Year movie.
01:44:20
Chris Prime
Yeah, I want to see the weird end, the weirder side where it's like, oh, do you think that was propaganda?
01:44:25
Zach Sheets
Because Wolf Voyeur is straight propaganda. It's like, the the might of the Chinese army will prevail.
01:44:37
Chris Prime
But this was like, I feel like with a better writer and someone that understands like how to make a meta ah action movie, a meta like actor movie,
01:44:48
Zach Sheets
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
01:44:49
Chris Prime
it would ah It could have done a little bit more with like the like references and the stunt, but or it could have been a dramatic piece of Jacob Chan kind of baring his soul of like how hard it is to be an actor and then like aging and then seeing like where you want to go if you can't be an actor anymore, which is Panda Keeper slash like International Animal Rescuer.
01:45:07
Zach Sheets
there
01:45:12
Chris Prime
He becomes Ace Ventura, basically.
01:45:12
Zach Sheets
like I guess he's still an actor because they're like, oh your new movie's going to debut in like at 3pm or whatever. So he's still acting, but because he's also like now he's like part-time panda keeper.
01:45:28
Zach Sheets
I'll give Jackie this. like He's very dedicated to like his adopted dad as a panda dad role. He's taking it very seriously.
01:45:37
Chris Prime
Yeah, yeah. I thought it was going to be just like, okay, hey, we had a moment thing, and then I'm going back to my Hollywood life.
01:45:45
Chris Prime
Or, you know, Asia star, superstar.
01:45:49
Zach Sheets
He's just like, no, you are my panda son now.
01:46:00
Zach Sheets
But yeah, guess i guess I guess we'll have to watch Panda Plan 2 at some point. One of these years for Lunar New Year.
01:46:11
Zach Sheets
And maybe maybe maybe maybe that horse but maybe watch we that horse movie too right
01:46:15
Chris Prime
Yeah, i feel like that feel like that's more appropriate, but I don't know.
01:46:15
Zach Sheets
see what that is
01:46:19
Chris Prime
This was an insane a amount of like plots I didn't know was going to happen.
01:46:30
Zach Sheets
But yes, I think that'll do it for this month's commentary. Head over to the site, we got all of our usual stuff there. We got the regular podcast and news for use, shows all kinds of stuff on everything.com. And yes, for Chris, I'm Zach, and we will see you next time.