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Ep.4: Ageing and $350 face creams
104 Plays1 year ago
In episode 4, Amber and Jade share their experience of ageing as Amber sits across from Jade studying how much ‘work’ there is to be done- beginning with her thin patchy eyebrows and chipped nails.
They share both their ageing vulnerabilities and they way in which they feel more empowered in their 40’s.
They push back on the antiquated notion of ‘dress your age’ and Amber muses that clothes should be simply categorised “good taste and bad taste”, leaving age out of the equation.
Take a listen if you want to her Amber in full judgey sister mode and be inspired by her slightly terrifying, yet thrilling, waterslide metaphor.
To follow and subscribe to your mildly unhinged SEMI-PRECIOUS hosts, you can connect via Instagram and Linktree
Connect with Jade:
If you are wanting to understand more about Jade and her counselling practice or ADHD Coaching you can visit Awaken ADHD or on socials Instagram and Facebook
Connect with Amber:
If you’ are curious about Amber and her brand agency you can visit The Edison Agency or follow her on socials LinkedIn or Instagram
CREDITS
Producer: Amber Bonney and Jade Bonney
Hosts: Amber Bonney and Jade Bonney
Sound Editing: Jade Bonney
Social Content Creator: Amber Bonney
Creative Director: Amber Bonney
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Transcript
Acknowledgment of Country
00:00:00
Speaker
This podcast is recorded on the lands of the Boon Wurrung country and we wish to acknowledge them as traditional owners. We recognise First Peoples of Australia as the original storytellers of this country and pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging.
Podcast Introduction
00:00:23
Speaker
You are listening to a semi-precious podcast hosted by uncut and unpolished sisters Amber and Jade.
00:00:31
Speaker
Hello and welcome to episode four.
Aging and Its Impact
00:00:35
Speaker
Today in semi-precious, we're going to be talking about the aging process, Amber. The aging process. Yeah, this is topical and something that occupies my mind often. Too often?
00:00:53
Speaker
Yeah, and my expense account, but we'll get to that. So one of the questions I was considering was, what does it feel like for me?
00:01:04
Speaker
And it's quite a big question. It's quite an emotional question, I think, because, you know, if you ask me, I just go, oh, yeah, no, it's fine. I'm cool. It's no problem. I think quite honestly, I'm probably in denial. Sometimes I'm ready. Sometimes I just want to buy a property in the country. You're not going to die. What's the question we're asking? What's it feel like to be aging? To be aging, yeah. I guess to be to be aging over 40 because everyone's aging.
00:01:32
Speaker
So like the way someone ages over 30 versus over 40 and then over 50, I suppose once you hit midlife, which in this generation is sort of 40 ish.
Midlife Crises: Humor and Reality
00:01:44
Speaker
Yeah, so that sounds scary. That sounds like I do need the rocking chair in the country. The midlife. The midlife crisis. Little mini existential dilemma.
00:01:58
Speaker
Yeah. So I think I'm sometimes gracefully aging and sometimes kicking and screaming just silently into my pillow and saying that I'm fine to everybody else. Okay. There's a lot to unpack. I'm not the therapist, but I could sort of rebrand this for me. Come on. Work it. Do it. I suppose there's two parts to answering that
Emotional and Physical Changes After 40
00:02:23
Speaker
question. There's the emotional
00:02:26
Speaker
part of and the recognition that as you age and especially once you hit 40 and approach 50, which is I'm much closer to the new. There's that question, the fact that you're actually running out of time. Then there's the physical, how do I feel about looking different to the first half of my life? Yes, there are definitely those two elements colliding.
00:02:54
Speaker
I think they're both equally terrifying. Well, if you think about how much you actually changed, like I tend to think every two years, we sort of change quite a lot. So if I think about my hair or my wardrobe or I tend to go through sort of cycles and if you think about from zero to 20,
00:03:20
Speaker
you would change dramatically every 12 months. Then when you hit maybe 30, it might go to two years or three years. I wonder like once you hit 50, do you just change every decade? No, I think you change every minute. It depends on how you define change. I think between 43 or 42 and 44,
00:03:46
Speaker
I noticed that I physically looked dramatically older.
Sibling Rivalry and Youthful Looks
00:03:51
Speaker
How old are you now? Almost 45. Okay. But it felt like it just happened in a year that I went from being, oh yeah, look, could be somewhere in your thirties to now like, oh no, you were definitely mid forties sneaking onto late forties. I'm quite enjoying that because now people think that you're the older sister.
00:04:14
Speaker
Yeah, I don't enjoy that. It makes me very sad. I completely okay with this. Although, dear listeners, Jay decided she'd just drop 10 kilos, which is very inconvenient for me. So now, even though my face looks younger, she now has a much hotter body, which even my husband's like, wow, she really looks great. You should find out what she does. What's she been doing?
00:04:39
Speaker
I just want to punch him in the face. Yeah, just stop snacking. I keep saying that. And then every time you turn up, oh, Jade, you just look so great. So great.
00:04:49
Speaker
Yeah, well, if I could just have all of my photos with just from my shoulders down, that would be great. I got those terrible hereditary bags under the eyes from Dad. Thanks, Dad, if you're listening. And you didn't get that. And that makes a dramatic difference to how tired and all-time.
00:05:12
Speaker
Yeah, I think kicking and screaming, sometimes I'm okay with it and sometimes I'm not. I think I used to, I guess, I mean, I've always been a bit vain and always liked, you know, thought I was quite photogenic, whereas now I tend to shy away from photos or I take them and then delete them all.
Embracing Aging in Mid-40s
00:05:32
Speaker
So I think there's this struggle I'm having with accepting the physicality of aging whilst also
00:05:42
Speaker
really loving elements of being in my mid-40s. Not giving a fuck. Yes, giving less of a fuck. Definitely. I did make a note here that I bought a multivitamin the other day. It was on special right at the end of the aisle. You just sounded like dad then. I did. It's a puffy idea.
00:06:02
Speaker
It's on special. It was on special. It was the end of the aisle and I bought it but it's for over 50s and I think I might be prematurely aging myself by buying that and it smells awful and I have bright yellow peel day and if I take it and I haven't eaten, I want to throw up. So I'm really, I'm not sure that it's really
00:06:24
Speaker
for me. And another thing is, I guess this is in that denial stage, I recently googled images of women 45 years old. Don't do that. I know. It was an awful thing to do because all you got was beautiful actresses with Botox. It was terrible. Anyway, so what about you? What about me?
00:06:54
Speaker
I think this sounds cliche, but I definitely don't feel the age that I am. And so I'm constantly trying to look the way I feel, which I know is obviously what lots of people do, but I don't want to stay going to Tenam. So it's become sort of much more of a job.
00:07:18
Speaker
like the maintenance. We were recently resetting our family budget, which is an exceptionally dull thing to do, but mandatory because things were getting a little out of control on the spending front, mostly for me. I was going to say, I wonder how that came out of control. Mostly for me. That goes through the process of looking at what's coming in and what's coming out. It's a reasonably complex
00:07:44
Speaker
system in our family. We have three children and some investments and two incomes.
Personal Spending and Beauty Choices
00:07:52
Speaker
Anyway, don't bore you with the details, but when it came to personal spending, we basically, we have our own accounts and then we have some joint accounts and all of our joint expenses and mortgages, et cetera, and debts and health insurance. That does sound like you're boring us with the details, just saying. Yeah, yeah, he's boring us with the details. Anyway, my point is, when I got to spending, I'm like, there is absolutely no way that
00:08:16
Speaker
the budget allocation that we were discussing was going to cut my hair costs $400, $600 actually because I got hair extensions. That's another episode. My nails costs $80. I get them done every three weeks. My moisturizers are quite expensive, although I did recently buy Nivea because I couldn't bring myself to spend $380 on my normal moisturizer.
00:08:43
Speaker
Oh my God. And this is why you look younger than me. Nivea. Yeah, but I do. I do. I think my point is I am in a privileged enough position that I have available cash to spend it on these sorts of things. Can you buy me some face cream? It is expensive.
00:09:00
Speaker
You know, the nails for me are mandatory. I love the way they look. I bite my nails, so I now get SNS, so I can't bite them. And they look beautiful. They do look beautiful. My ready nails are a bit of a disgrace. Yeah, I judge you because of that. Do you? Yeah, they do look ready. Okay. Should I dye me nails? And they definitely look ready. Yeah, so between my hair and my face, yeah, it's a lot. And there's a lot of people that don't have that many.
00:09:30
Speaker
And then they just look old like me. Yeah. Okay. Good. It's a comforting conversation. I definitely know that I'm going to look like the asshole when I listen to this.
00:09:43
Speaker
You said that last time, didn't you? I really think I answered your question, actually. I just went into a big rant. No, you just went into a budgeting rant. I wanted to know how you actually feel about it. And it sounds like you feel pretty okay. I feel pretty okay. I do. I wear makeup most days.
00:10:00
Speaker
But I also feel okay when I don't, like I don't feel embarrassed going into a shop. I wear makeup because I like the way it looks and I like when I'm wearing nice clothes. I like that the makeup is complimentary, but I'm just as happy really going anywhere. Like I would see any of my friends, I would, you know, ducking to see a client with no makeup. Um, and I don't have a problem with doing that. So it's more of a choice.
00:10:29
Speaker
Yeah. And that's a great position to be in. I'm not in that space. And when I say makeup, really it's just a concealer underneath the eyes because they are puffy and dark. So I think that's a main issue. The rest of it, I'm not too phased about, but there's a lot to do.
00:10:52
Speaker
Like I'm looking at your face going, there is a lot to do. What does she mean there's a lot to do? Well, now I'm sort of looking at your face, but thinking about my face because there's no mirror. No, no, no. What are you saying? There's a lot to do. She's looking at my face and going, holy shit, there's some work to do. I'm panicking here.
00:11:11
Speaker
thin. There's giant gaps. There's holes in them. We saw our niece yesterday. The three of us went out for a gin IT. Very fun. Highly recommend it. The night before an aging podcast though. Not great. It's not good for the ego. She's just so damn beautiful. Doesn't know what angle. She just looked good from every angle. And I was looking at her eyebrows and they are immaculate.
00:11:34
Speaker
And there's so much of it. And I said, what did you do to your eyebrows? Did you get them tattooed? Because I'm contemplating doing that. She said, yes, I had them tattooed five years ago, but now I just got them. What did she say? Laminated. Laminated. Now I do know what laminated is because I went to a massage center that does beauty and said, can you laminate my eyebrows? Over the phone, they thought that was a great idea. No problem. Book me in. When I get there,
00:12:02
Speaker
the look of doubt on the woman's face when she realized I had such straggly, non-existent, gappy eyebrows. She's like, are you from the over-plucking era? She's like, oh, um, let me explain how laminating works. And basically the crux of that story was you have not enough eyebrows. You have insufficient eyebrows for laminating. So all she could do was sort of dye them to be slightly darker and give them a little brush.
00:12:29
Speaker
hmm so i'm back on the tattoo train back on the tattoo train yeah i need to get mine tattooed just one more thing to think about do frame your eyes
00:12:42
Speaker
Hmm. All righty. I will say though, just I'm not finished on the old age of being and I've got a whole podcast. Well, you were still looking at my face and saying there's a lot of work to do. Um, I will say that sometimes you just, sometimes I go through ruts though, where in my head, I'm sure I looked the same the previous week, but in my head, just terrible. Everything I put on looks terrible. Makeup can't get it to work. I'm just not vibing it.
00:13:11
Speaker
Yeah, I think we all have those days, weeks, maybe. Depends on how dry our skin is, oily our skin is, how allergies, how much puffy my face is.
00:13:24
Speaker
I feel like when I'm in that spiral, emotionally where that ends is always back to the body. And then I'm like, oh, I've eaten too much or I've drunk too much. I haven't looked after my skin. Now I need to get it back to Pilates. I haven't done enough steps. And then it usually comes back to the size of my ass.
00:13:43
Speaker
Oh, for a minute I thought it was a good tangent as in it comes back to the things I need to do to care for my body, but you were just judging. No, just physically. Just physically feeling rubbish. When you see photos of yourself and you're like, your chin is just out of your face. Well, you don't have one anymore because you have no chins left. No, I just look at my puffy eyes and I can't get past it. I think you should just focus on the chin because you've now got such defined facial features.
00:14:11
Speaker
Right. Okay. So I think we're, I know we do need to move away from my eyes. It's horrifying. Alrighty. So challenging expectations.
00:14:24
Speaker
You know, the comparison, I think, is a real
Societal Beauty Standards for Aging Women
00:14:26
Speaker
killer. And what is terrible is having our sister three years older than you, that skin is holding up and doesn't have puffy bags under her eyes. There's a comparison I have to look at all the time. Well, now I have to look at the skin, right? So that's equal. OK, so we're canceling each other out. Yeah, it's a neutral. Are we both just hot? We're neutral. Yeah. I mean, that is a question. Do you still find yourself
00:14:52
Speaker
Beautiful, you know, to you, whatever beauty is to you. Do you still feel good about yourself? I do in general, but sometimes I really wish I...
00:15:08
Speaker
was more comfortable with my body. I think I've always struggled with body issues, not being comfortable. And I'm not huge, but I'm not tiny. I'm like a size 14. I'd like to be a size 12. I sometimes sit into a 12, but sometimes I have to get to a 16 because a 14 doesn't fit. But I remember even when I was
00:15:33
Speaker
17 and I was pretty obsessed with my body and I would get up and do like 300 sit-ups in the morning and like I was just you know crazily counting calories which is what he did back then in the late 80s early 90s on counter calories and ate diet food.
00:15:53
Speaker
Even then, and I was tiny, I would have been a size 10 max. And I felt the same then, I think, as I do now, even though looking in the mirror. I wish I was as fat. Yeah, even though looking in the mirror, I was great. But I think because I've always had a bigger frame.
00:16:12
Speaker
so compared to some of my friends that were like tiny little size six to eight with little feet and little shoulders even though I was really athletic I always felt quite big so I've always felt big and I'd like to be more comfortable with not feeling big because then I look at other people in the media and I think it's so great now that we have
00:16:34
Speaker
we do have better representation. I'd still say it's like a million miles to go, but like plus size in this country, honestly, like it starts at size 12. I'm like, plus size. Plus size starting at 12? Yeah, that's- Come on, people. That is just- And in some instances it's 12 to size 20 or something. It's like, well, there's still a large population that sit outside that size. For sure. All right, we'll do a whole podcast on body image. Yeah, I feel like we're getting distracted.
00:17:03
Speaker
I read a meme the other day and I think it's floating around. He would have all read it at some point. I hate this whole women can be sexy at 50 sort of phrase. At what age will society stop demanding that I try and be hot and just let me turn into a swamp witch as nature intended. A swamp witch. We have been talking about the swamp witch. I'm like, I already have the right to be a swamp witch.
00:17:27
Speaker
Yeah. And you said that you can, you can be sexy and hot and a swamp witch all the same week. Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay with that. Like I, it absolutely infuriates me as a feminist that there's so much expectation. It's got to be a singular point of view. You can either be someone who is always trying really hard and always looking hot or you have to be the El Naturale who
00:17:56
Speaker
doesn't do anything to their body. You can't actually just be whatever you want five days a week, like super hot one day and then just all natural the next day. Yeah, I really like that. Just, yeah, you don't have to be in one particular box. No, it can be anything. I really love
00:18:17
Speaker
If any of you listen to Clementine Ford, I
Clementine Ford's Self-Presentation Philosophy
00:18:21
Speaker
follow her. I think she's amazing. And she looks pretty hot most of the time. She looks amazing. But then there's other days where she still looks hot. She's just natural hot. So someday she's curled her hair and she's got amazing fiery hot pink lipstick on and sassy outfit. And then the next day she doesn't.
00:18:40
Speaker
And I think that's the way it should be for women, that you can choose to be glammed up for you. And she talks a lot about going on dates with yourself, just going out to a show or going out to dinner and getting dressed up and feeling amazing and taking a book or taking a notepad so you can do whatever. But the idea that you can just look sexy and hot for yourself. For yourself. I think I will say that that is one thing
00:19:09
Speaker
that I have noticed about aging or that's changed the way I perceive that I, you know, when you're younger, 20s, you know, maybe even 30s, there's a sense of getting dressed up for other, for other women, for other men who is seeing me, who is not seeing me. And I don't have
00:19:33
Speaker
that in the same way. Not saying that I don't sometimes, you know, like my conversation last night, how I looked all summery and you all looked all wintery. And I'm like, you know, there were those comparison struggles sometimes, but mostly
00:19:49
Speaker
I get dressed up to feel good for myself. Yeah. I was saying to my husband, I love to travel on my own. I really enjoy traveling on my own. And there's something about, you know, dressing up and taking yourself out to dinner or... I enjoy dinner on my own. And I'm not wondering what other people are thinking or whether they're looking at me or whether... Do you remember Mum's obsession with cosmetics?
00:20:15
Speaker
It definitely framed an approach for me about when you leave the house. So mum and our grandmother both had this sentiment that you just can't leave the house without a full face of makeup. I mean, the strongest memory I have of grandma is actually the smell of the face powder. Who had the smell of that face powder? That's what I kind of remember about her. You leave, made up, done.
00:20:44
Speaker
Yeah, and I think the difference varies. It was probably that they felt, she felt like she had to because she didn't have the self-worth without. For mum? Both. Like I wonder if Grandma June, I wonder for her if she felt like she was not, if she wasn't beautiful, what was she?
00:21:05
Speaker
Because she was beautiful. She was definitely beautiful. Or whether that was not even something she questioned or was just the way it was. The way it was. I wish I could ask her. Yeah, I wish I could ask her. Oh, I miss her. She was a wonderful woman. She was. I just love the fact that even right before she died, she was still getting her makeup done.
00:21:27
Speaker
So what is it about that? Still getting her makeup and hair done and yet we're challenging this narrative around the necessity and the self-worth and what is the beauty you're the that you see in that? The beauty that I see in that is if that's what she loves.
00:21:45
Speaker
It's not giving up. Right. It's still staying connected to herself and her life.
Fashion and Self-Expression at Any Age
00:21:51
Speaker
I've always had a rejection to the idea that as you age, whatever decade that is, that you need to dress your age. Like that makes me want to vomit. Doesn't that make you want to punch someone? It does. It's like dress your age. What is that age? If you are 60 and you want to wear a bodycon,
00:22:10
Speaker
There was a time in my life where I would have said, lady, like that's, you're a bit mutton dressed up as lamb, inappropriate. Now I'm like, no, that's actually a really chauvinistic idea. And if you are 60 and you want to wear a body con, no matter what shape your body is, and that makes you feel good, then you don't for it. Then you do it. Yeah. Yeah. I refuse to age and then be just, I don't know, wearing tracksuit pants or elastic pants with like an embroidered sheep jumper.
00:22:40
Speaker
came up. I refuse to be Millers. You go to Europe and the women, there's actually, it's quite age agnostic, the fashion. So women in their 20s are wearing the same thing as women in their 60s or 70s. Well, I went into a shop where I got this the other day that I was talking about and they have a section called Young Fashion
00:23:08
Speaker
What? What is young fashion? Young fashion? I don't know. It wasn't kids. It was just young fashion. They were just t-shirts and there's some really cool stuff in there. I don't understand why we have to be so separated. I have noticed that... I mean, maybe there should be just stores, good taste and bad taste.
00:23:29
Speaker
I could be up for that because there's definitely some poor decision making happening. It doesn't have to be about age. Not about age. I'm OK for discrimination just based on taste and style. Don't get it wrong. She's very judgy. But it's not based on age.
00:23:47
Speaker
Yeah. She's discerningly judgy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Now that we've cleared that up. Yeah. Lovely. You were going to mention the challenging the language with our children. I think you kind of started on that when we were talking about Grandma June and
Raising Daughters with Inner Worth
00:24:01
Speaker
mom. Thank you for reminding me what my point was. Yeah. So I have a
00:24:06
Speaker
a daughter and it's probably unfair to say I focus more on the language with her but mostly because I feel like she would listen more than the two boys but also that it's going to impact her more but the language around her beauty and her worth coming from the way that she looks
00:24:26
Speaker
Well, there's just a base expectation that people talk about girls, especially around how gorgeous they are and how pretty you look. And I have lots of conversations with my husband around, let's not do that. Let's talk about her achievements or let's even be bored about, oh, you really love what you're wearing. I love how you've done your hair, but let's not
00:24:49
Speaker
set expectations that she needs to look pretty all the time and that's kind of where she's going to get her value from. Because they say me putting on makeup, I've got an 8 year old and almost 12 year old and
00:25:06
Speaker
and doing my hair and getting dressed up and I'm very clear even when they get dressed up and they want to put kind of sparkles on it is for fun it is to be creative like fashion and makeup and jewelry
00:25:21
Speaker
is more about creativity and playfulness and and I'm engaging I think with my wardrobe in a bit more of a creative and fun way now than I think I maybe I did a little bit in my 20s but now even more so I'm like I'm gonna have fun with this I'm not going to step into
00:25:40
Speaker
you know age-defined clothes like you were saying Amber and with my girls I'm like this is about being fun this is about representing a part of your personality or being you know one day you might want to feel a bit more rebellious or a bit more playful or a bit more cheeky or a bit more colourful or and you can express yourself through your clothing and through your makeup and through your hair but it's not to do with your worth or your beauty.
00:26:08
Speaker
Yeah. Do you know what I do struggle with? When the choices are not good taste, it's sitting in my poor taste bucket. That's what I feel like I've become with my daughter. That's where I sort of feel like I've become the designer target mum. Yeah, you got it. Yeah, you got to stop. I know that rationally I should be empowering her to make those choices based on what she likes. But like her taste sometimes really questionable.
00:26:36
Speaker
Yeah, but you need to, you need to ditch that. Of course, she's still at an age, she's only eight, where I'm still actually purchasing her clothes for her. And when she chooses to wear the Kmart leggings that her dad bought her, and a matching Kmart t-shirt that has some terrible slogan on it, versus something adorable that I've bought her. It hurts your soul. Some form and it hurts my soul. But you're just going to have to suffer with your hurt soul. Yeah.
00:27:06
Speaker
You did say when I walked in wearing this jumper yesterday, what did you say to me? I said, why do you have such a cool jumper on? It wasn't offended at all. It is a cool jumper and it's unexpected to see you in a cool jumper that I would have purchased. It is. I know you're offended by that. We've always had a pact and I'm offended that you did not purchase one for me also. Well, I actually went out to buy clothes for my 11 year old.
00:27:35
Speaker
So I felt guilty buying something for myself anyway. She found nothing even in the young person's section. Alright, so we're changing the narrative. Got it. Alright, so what are you happier about and what are you less happy about in your 40s?
00:27:51
Speaker
Okay, less happy definitely size of body and ability to lose weight metabolism metabolism, you know perimenopausal stage Rationally, I know when you say I've just stopped snacking and I actually don't snack a lot, but I just eat at Random times and then might eat
00:28:12
Speaker
way too many corn chips with dip when I get home from work because I haven't actually eaten all day. Yours isn't just about snacking. Yours is about the structure of your day and the business of your life. Mine was about snacking. Just clearing that up. Snacking is not the solution for everybody. It was my solution. It was your solution.
00:28:30
Speaker
So I'm happy about how difficult it is to lose weight and to feel like I'm looking good in my clothes. I am happy that I just don't give as many flying fucks anymore about what other people think. That's been fucks of head south for the winter. Yeah. That has to be for anyone who's potentially listening under 40. That is something to look forward to. Just wait. It's going to happen.
00:28:57
Speaker
And I don't think like listening to our niece yesterday who's under 30.
00:29:01
Speaker
She's not there. She doesn't even know how beautiful she is. No. She's not appreciating it. Oh, how badass she is. How? No. Yeah, that's I think that is like the golden, the glory moment. Appreciate how affordable. Just amazing you are. Yeah. And also, I mean, this has got nothing to do with beauty, but I do think the older I've gotten and when I hit 40, the more I just respect and love and admire other women.
00:29:28
Speaker
uh yeah just so many amazing women yeah i sat and had lunch with a few women the other day and yeah between 45 and 50 and we were talking about that just who cares i'm just not i'm not threatened oh this job isn't for me okay i'll move on you actually
00:29:48
Speaker
Didn't fit me. I'm gonna interview you. Am I are you worthy of me? Yeah, I think the self-worth just shoots up so even though we're having a you know a conversation about some of the vulnerabilities of
00:29:59
Speaker
you know, these physicalities that do challenges. We're not saying we're perfect, but on a general scale, definitely more confident in who I am. No longer the people pleaser. No longer to say yes. No, you haven't. But as a people pleaser, it's hard to disrupt that narrative and it feels good to just not care. Maybe I've just sort of grown into my, I don't know, like my asshole reputation or
00:30:29
Speaker
Like the attitude, maybe now that I am over 40, it's like, oh, it's okay for her to be like a boss bitch because now she's actually reached that boss. She actually is a boss bitch. And maybe, you know, all of that kind of sassy front you had is now genuine. It's all the way through rather than just protection. Yeah. Just the outer exoskeleton. You stepped into it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So anything else that you are happier about or enjoy more?
00:30:58
Speaker
The other thing is just, you know, when you get over that hump of 40 and you're like, actually, this is not, I've now climbed the ladder to the top of the water slide. That's the first half of my life. Now the next half is going actually into the water.
00:31:14
Speaker
Is it like one of those tunnel ones? I hate the tunnel ones. No, it's an open modified one. It's got lots of spirals. I'm not going to like go up the side and over the edge though because that scares me too. No. I've seen a YouTube clip of someone doing that. It didn't look fun. No, it's a fun one. It's a fun one. So it's like good. I think what I am trying to say is
00:31:34
Speaker
that the first half of your life is going there's so much growth right and learning that I think the second half should just be about the fun bit. I have this discussion all the time with it sort of when we were doing our budgeting just to get back to that was like I just need more fun spending. It's like I didn't work this goddamn fucking hard to then be actually even sitting down with my time thinking about a budget like that just hurt my head and my heart. Like the next bit should be fun and
00:32:04
Speaker
I'm trying really hard to go, I'm not in building phase anymore. I'm out of the building phase. I'm now in the enjoyment phase. Speaking to some young couples, and I was talking about plan your midweek. Life is not just for the weekend.
00:32:23
Speaker
you know, a time through the 30s and early 40s where you just get caught in that grind of work and kids and you forget to actually live, do stuff midweek, even if we're just at home planning it, so you're actually engaging in the enjoyment of living.
00:32:42
Speaker
even if it's just for a few hours in the
Life Beyond Work: Planning and Enjoyment
00:32:44
Speaker
evening. You phrased a really good point. You have to actually plan fun when you get to over 40. It's not a natural thing. I know we're really digressing off our actual topic, which was all about beauty, but... Well, it's about aging, you know? Beauty, life, and quality, and... Yeah. You have to schedule the fun in, which is why I'm continually planning holidays. And you have to plan the collapses in as well, remember? I don't do that. Yeah, I told you you have to while they come.
00:33:09
Speaker
but they probably come more if you haven't planned the fun. Have fun. Plan the fun, plan the breaks, plan the spontaneous adventures. My husband is amazing at adventure planning and he will come up with such adventurous things like jumping off the cliffs the other day with the whole family at four in the afternoon on a
00:33:33
Speaker
relatively cold day. And climbing up the rocks with my boobs coming out of my bikini and my hands numb. Why are you even wearing a bikini? Because I didn't want to wear my rashy because I needed to put it on. Why don't you just put some good old-fashioned bathers on? I don't really have any except for that. Jumping off a rock in a bikini, that was never going to end well. No, they really were falling out. And you have a large rack. It's not like two perky little eggs.
00:34:02
Speaker
sitting in a painting. No, it wasn't. So I think you're actually just a small scramble these days. Yeah, that was an odd choice. Yeah, it was. And now that I am, you know, my vision's declining, thank you, old age. So you're blind with inappropriately sized
00:34:21
Speaker
bikinis, swimwear, trying to clamber up a rock as dusk is setting, with sharks circling below, and children on the rocks. It was fun, right? But that's an adventure. That's life. We got into the car and I do the cold water dips. I really advocate. Can I do an episode on it? No, we're not doing an episode on cold water. My whole body was just tingling with
00:34:46
Speaker
vibrancy and life. And then, like I said, the kids started fighting and sucked all the joy back out again. But that again is another episode. Amber, would you like to ask me what I like or dislike about my 40th? Sure. Oh, right. You're on this too. And okay. I know I have chatted. I care less about what other people think. I try and accept my flaws and forgive myself more easily. I think you've got more work to do there. Yeah, of course. I still think you're too critical. Wow. Some bloody puffy eyes. What can I do?
00:35:16
Speaker
I don't know. I'm sure there's lots of treatments for puffy eyes. We didn't even get to talk about Botox. How do we forget about that? Botox, right. Well, here we go. I think you should get Botox or some sort of phrasing. I didn't even know that phrasing thing was a thing. Yeah, apparently it's a thing.
00:35:32
Speaker
But I do feel pretty competent in my work and fulfilled by that. I feel like I am pretty happy with who I am as a person, even though I do struggle with things like everybody. You need to publish a book. I know. I need to finish writing one book. Which one?
00:35:52
Speaker
I'm not sure. I think the dating one, I still think, oh my God, there's definitely a member. We have to do an episode on dating because your dating stories are so good. And I've definitely got a few good dating stories. They're just going to age me so quickly. There's no Tinder.
00:36:09
Speaker
Or online was still... You were online dating me. Yeah, I was online. It wasn't Tinder, but the sentiment was still there. Yeah, write that book. Write that book. Yeah. I think I'm excited about life as a neurodivergent individual. Growth, life, challenges. Maybe we'll write one together called Send Me Precious. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. If you're giving me deadlines. Yeah, if I schedule it. She scheduled it. She'll finish it. Because I don't want to disappoint you. No, good.
00:36:37
Speaker
semi-precious moments. Your little square is empty, just saying. I know. What I'm hoping is that you'll speak first, and while you're speaking, something will come to you. You will think of one. Yeah, mine was a bit lame. It also was on point. So I was looking for a tinted moisturizer and still reeling at the fact that I'd bought the multivitamin for 50 plus. When I saw the 50 plus tinted moisturizer, I thought,
00:37:05
Speaker
No, you're not sucking me in again. I'm not prematurely aging myself by buying a moisturizer for 50 year olds. And then realized it was the UV protection 50 plus. And I bought it. Can I just say tinted moisturizer in general, if you are over even 40, it's just a waste of time. I'm wearing one right now. Okay. Definitely. What's great purchase.
00:37:35
Speaker
Well, it's just so that I don't have to put on foundation. But you still do. The coverage is not sufficient. But Amber, do I need the coverage? Are you saying that? Just either go hard or don't bother. No, because when you go hard, it catches in all your wrinkles. I prefer just to have a little tint of moisturizer on. I didn't think you had anything on. So that's either a good thing. So what is my complexion for you when you were nude?
00:38:03
Speaker
Okay. Well, I've got a tinted moisturizer. Okay. But I've got to have that UV protection as well. Yeah, no, UV.
Humor in Age-Specific Beauty Products
00:38:10
Speaker
I'm all up. 50 plus. Got to do the neck too. Do you do your neck? Yes, I do my neck. Okay. You know what the thing about actually losing weight when you're older? The neck. No, your skin doesn't bounce back. No, it's the collagen. It's gone. Yeah, the collagen's gone.
00:38:25
Speaker
And I keep buying all of the collagen and the fish oils and the magnesium and all of the tablets and then forgetting to take them. I just hate the fact that I know what a decolage is now and that there's dedicated cranes. I feel like that's an ultimate sign of courage. Don't you remember Mum was always banging on about that?
00:38:46
Speaker
Ah, the V is a problem. I think I went like my whole life with no V and then just woke up one day and it was there. Anybody listening under 30, you may not know what the V is. No, you will. Just Google decolage over 40 problem. All right, what's your plan? Didn't work. Can't think of anything. You've done nothing of any sort of clumsy or
00:39:09
Speaker
There's just too many. My life is just full of clumsy, ridiculous anecdotes. And then every week I have intent to capture them. Capture them in a notes. Do I just need to record our conversations in the evenings? I think you should. You just take notes. I'll just take notes a year. Yeah. Okay, good.
Preview of Next Episode
00:39:28
Speaker
Next episode, boss bitch, running a business. Some people find the term boss bitch offensive. It might work for your industry, not exactly sure that it works for a counseling or practitioner therapist. Yeah, come see me. I'm a boss bitch. So we want to talk about pros and cons of running your own business. My distaste for the word entrepreneur, maybe some things that are unexpected about running a business that you weren't anticipating.
00:39:56
Speaker
Well, if you want to listen to more of our ramblings, please follow and subscribe on your favourite pod-y platform. Woo hoo! Woo! Thanks for listening. Until next time, embrace your uncut and unpolished selves. Bye!
00:40:27
Speaker
This podcast represents the personal opinions of Amber and Jade. No content should be taken as advice or recommendations. Whilst Jade is a professional counselor, she will not breach client confidentiality and any therapy anecdotes are based on collective experiences throughout her career, not specific clients.