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00:00:01
Teaching Your Child to Write
1.6k Plays2 years ago
In this episode we are answering the question: what should I say when my child asks me how to spell a word?
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, my friends. Welcome back.
Introduction and Parental Concerns
00:00:05
Speaker
I am so excited. I think we'll be talking about this topic a lot, but it's one of my favorite stages and topics. We're going to talk about writing. So the question that I'm answering today is, should I correct my child's spelling mistakes? They're four years old.
00:00:30
Speaker
They really want to know how words are spelled. I think I'm supposed to let them figure it out on their own. Should I let them freely express themselves? Should I correct them? Am I making a bad habit if I don't?
Life's Unpredictability: A Personal Anecdote
00:00:46
Speaker
Oh my gosh, this is such a good preschool question and so important. Um,
00:00:54
Speaker
I obviously think about spelling and sounds in words all the time because that's my job, but, um, I have to tell you a funny story. So a couple of weeks ago, I fell very embarrassingly just walking my dog. There was just like a break in the sidewalk and you know, like we're in Chicago. It's whatever. I wasn't really paying attention. I was with a friend and anyway, I fell just the right way to break my ankle.
00:01:22
Speaker
And so I had to go to the emergency room. It was like, you know, 10 PM on a Friday night was Cinco de Mayo too. It was like the most chaotic time in the emergency room. And luckily the friend I was with is a nurse practitioner. So she like knew and she's like, it looks worse than just waiting until an urgent care is open. So I'm like, whatever. Anyway, it's four in the morning finally, and I'm admitted and they do their second round of x-rays and all the things. The insurance person comes in.
00:01:52
Speaker
I promise this story sort of has a point, but you know, it might not. The insurance person comes in to ask questions about, um, you know, might get my insurance information, get my provider's name, my primary care provider's name, which by the way, I just realized the insurance thing might be specific to the United States or wherever you are, if you're listening. Um, yeah, so I'm in the emergency room for a couple of hours. They come to make sure that I.
00:02:22
Speaker
pay for all of that. So I am giving my doctor's name, and her name is Sherry. Her first name is Sherry, but the woman collecting my information asked me to spell it, and I said,
00:02:42
Speaker
And I literally just was like, Oh my gosh. And I was cracking up at myself because I'm so used to listening to sounds and words that I say the sounds instead of the letters sometimes. Um, another funny story though about this broken ankle is that, you know, a couple of weeks later when I went to the orthopedic surgeon to like kind of have everything checked, um, they were like, okay, you're ready to start. You need to start like moving this ankle. And they're like, you need to do,
00:03:10
Speaker
write the ABCs with your foot. And I was like, uppercase or lowercase? And they were like, it doesn't matter. And I was like, oh my gosh, yes, it does. It matters so much because like, do you want me to be doing like circles or more lines, like moving it up and down? And then it occurred to me that not everyone thinks about the way letters are formed and if it matters as much as
Encouraging Creativity in Children's Writing
00:03:34
Speaker
I do. So let's dig in, shall we?
00:03:38
Speaker
So this parent asked about their preschooler and this is a really kind of fragile stage because, well, let's start with two-year-olds. The very first time that your two-year-old picks up a crayon, maybe they did when they were one or sooner and starts scribbling is so exciting. That is their very first piece of writing.
00:04:03
Speaker
I know you're what you're thinking, oh my gosh, it's just a scribble, but everything is just a scribble when we don't know it. If you're telling your child, jumping ahead of it here, if your child asks you every time they're writing something how to spell a word and you write it down and let them copy it or you tell them, it's the same thing as them just tracing a picture and
00:04:33
Speaker
you saying, Oh my gosh, you're so creative. You did it. You worked so hard. They didn't really use the muscles needed to actually grow. It's a good confidence booster. Sure. But that's not really what we want. So when kids are
00:04:51
Speaker
learning to write. We want to feel as excited for their work as if it's your two-year-old giving you the scribble for the first time. It's so exciting. Oh my gosh, you know how to do it. You put the crayon to the paper. Oh my gosh, you're a genius.
00:05:05
Speaker
So we want to feel so excited when they say, I wrote you a sentence that says, I love you mom. And they're three and it's like two lines and a circle. That's exciting. They did write that because that is their creative process. They are going, they're thinking about it. They're making sure that the words they say are represented by a shape on the page. They are getting it. This is an important step in learning to write.
Celebrating Writing to Build Confidence
00:05:32
Speaker
And then when they are starting to write things independently, maybe they're four or five and they're going to a birthday party and they want to write happy birthday to their friend or to their cousin or whatever they're writing. This is a very crucial moment because this moment, we have the opportunity to either continue to celebrate how hard they're working
00:06:03
Speaker
or teach them to look externally and to not trust that they know how to do this and to just continue looking to a grownup to be told how to do it. I gave a workshop on
00:06:22
Speaker
you know, the kindergarten readiness, which don't worry, we'll talk about like kindergarten readiness. And I had six principals, school administration, kindergarten teachers, preschool teachers, whatever, all of my favorite people that I love to work with on this panel. And we were talking about kindergarten readiness and
00:06:41
Speaker
We forget, like, I'll give you a spoiler alert. One of the best tips is to have them practice opening their lunch on their own because from the very beginning stage of, you know, life, you have your baby, you have your newborn, they cry, you give them what they need. And then, you know, they're hurt, you give them what they need. It's great. We want to give them what they need. But here's the thing. What they need is when they're getting older and they're learning how to read and write, they need you to show them how to trust themselves. They need you.
00:07:12
Speaker
They still do need your help, but the help that you need to give them is modeling how you problem solve when you don't know how to spell
Parental Influence on Growth Mindset
00:07:23
Speaker
a word. And I'm going to teach you how to do that today, but you'll hear me say this a lot because it's something that I remind myself daily. How we talk to kids becomes their inner voice.
00:07:37
Speaker
how we talk to kids becomes their inner voice. So that means they don't just have their inner voice. You know, that inner voice that you have as an adult, mine sometimes says, well, why do you think? Why do you think you deserve to have a podcast? No one cares what you have to say. Just don't do it. Why do you think, you know, whatever, whatever your inner voice is, it comes from repetitive messaging, but we can give a positive inner voice. We can give repetitive messaging
00:08:06
Speaker
to show kids how to have a growth mindset, how to trust themselves, how to feel confident, how to ask for help, how to problem solve. And this really just comes not from telling them, not from telling them how you want them to behave or think about things and not from telling them how to or not how to spell the word or, you know, we need opportunities for their brain to decide whether that's in behavioral moments like,
00:08:37
Speaker
letting them choose the right decision, even if they don't choose the right decision, that, that process of thinking through things really helps build those muscles in the brain. But in this case, talking about writing, those moments, there's two things that need to happen here.
Teaching Children to Spell Independently
00:08:57
Speaker
When they ask you how to spell the word, you can say,
00:09:02
Speaker
Ooh, let's stretch it out together. So let's say the word is mom. Let's pick a short word just to, well actually no, let's pick the word happy. Okay, so we're gonna say it really slow. It's gonna be so silly. Happy.
00:09:28
Speaker
Let's try it again. Do you think you can go even slower? Let's listen for some sounds in that word. Do you hear any sounds in that word? Oh, you hear, I hear that too at the very beginning. Yeah, what other sounds do you hear? E, I hear that too. They might hear these three sounds.
00:09:55
Speaker
E. They might only hear the beginning sound. Typical progression is we usually, um, kids can usually notice beginning sounds, then ending sounds and then middle sounds. So it would be really challenging for a child at the very beginning stages of learning to write, um, and to read, to hear all the vowels in the word. But this is the beautiful moment because here's where you get to empower them
00:10:24
Speaker
And this does not hold them back. And this is not create negative patterns. What it does do is it helps kids have actual skills to go inward and solve what word they need to write or read. So they don't have all the skills to read and write every word, but we want to keep pointing them back to do it on their own because as we keep introducing things, then they're going to,
00:10:54
Speaker
check with themselves first rather than look around and feel stuck and then feel frustrated and then not even know how to finish an assignment without asking someone else. And that will lead to so many more things that we just want them to be able to trust themselves. So it's also going to save you a lot of, um, Oh my gosh, I just spelled it. So what you're going to do is you're going to say, okay, let's stretch it out together. And then,
00:11:21
Speaker
You're going to stretch it a few times. Remember that this is going to be a slow build and a little bit every day is going to be amazing. But stretch that word out. And when they say they hear and you help them write down the letter H, by the way, if I'm practicing helping kids hear the sounds in words, this is not going to be the time that I'm focusing on proper pencil grip or letter formation. I kind of pick one thing to zero in on.
00:11:52
Speaker
So kids don't feel overwhelmed and shut down. That doesn't mean that we ignore the other things. It just means I like to do small chunks, like five minutes on this. Then maybe later in the afternoon, five minutes focusing on letter formation. But we'll talk about that in a minute. Um, so I'm going to help them stretch it out. The sounds they heard, the first sound they heard was and then you can help them. Yeah. What letter spells?
00:12:17
Speaker
the letter H. Okay, let's write the letter H. Okay, the next sound they hear, they might say, and I want you to let them take the lead. You don't need to say, oh, there's another sound first. Remember, this is the beginning. Oops, this is the beginning stage. So it looks a little bit differently if they've already learned the spelling pattern. So if you have like a fifth, a fifth grader that
00:12:42
Speaker
hat you know that they have learned. And I do mean that they've learned the spelling pattern. That means they've explicitly been taught the spelling pattern. So if you have a fifth grader that has been explicitly taught that spelling pattern and they're still getting it wrong, I would stop there and say like, Oh no, wait, you're missing some sounds. Let's try that again. But here at this very beginning stage. Oh my gosh. Hold on.
00:13:13
Speaker
Oh my gosh, you guys, I just realized I was using the wrong mic, but I'm already 13 minutes in. And this is just like, I'm using this first, um, this for, I'm giving myself 10 episodes to figure this out. So at 10 episodes, then I'll have a cute little jingle at the beginning for you. I'll have show notes and I will have edited out my, um, and
00:13:37
Speaker
misspoken words. But this is how we want to teach kids. We want to show example. We don't want them to feel like they have to do everything perfectly because then they're not going to do it. That was me with this podcast. I wasn't doing it because I was afraid I wasn't going to do it perfectly. Being a perfectionist and worried about doing things perfectly doesn't stop you from not doing things perfectly. It just stops you from doing things.
00:14:02
Speaker
And that is not how I want to live. And that's not how I want to teach kids that they have to feel. I want them to feel excited and curious to learn every day, not to just get it right. So, which ties right in to our writing. So when they say the sounds they hear and you help them write and they have HPE for happy and they look at you and say, is that right? Here's what you're going to say. You ready?
00:14:29
Speaker
I hear those sounds too. Here's the important part. Saying I hear those sounds too is not a lie because you do. If you don't hear those sounds, you're not going to get them on the paper. You're going to help them restretch out the word and listen to it, but they might not have all of those and we don't want to rush it.
When to Correct Inventive Spelling
00:14:59
Speaker
If there are certain things that they really want and they really like, you know, maybe it's a birthday card and they really want to know how to spell this word, you can say, oh, that's a special word. It's really tricky. I'm going to show you it. You can model how you stretch it out, or you could just write the word and show them. There are certain words that you can totally do that if it's like something special or meaningful that they really want to know.
00:15:23
Speaker
try four nine times out of 10 when you're developing writer is asking how to spell words, showing them how you stretch it out. So remember, they don't just have this inner voice. Like it's built by how we talk to them. So they don't just know how to stretch out a word like you do. They don't know how to sound out a word like you do. We're teaching them in these small moments. So take your small moments, like,
00:15:47
Speaker
I mean, I know nobody really writes a grocery list. Well, actually my sister does. While you're writing your grocery list, you know, take one word and say like, oh yeah, we need eggs, eggs as you're writing it down. So you're modeling how to do it. You're doing a think out loud. So just, you're thinking out loud, you're building that inner voice, that inner resilience, that inner confidence, that inner knowing how to
00:16:16
Speaker
write a word when you don't know because we don't really want kids to memorize words. We want them to use their skills. So we're just building on this skill here. And hopefully it won't stay that way for long, but the rule then I follow with
00:16:34
Speaker
inventive spelling. So this is inventive spelling if they spell it how it sounds. But the rule I follow, I keep saying I hear how it sounds until they have explicitly been taught that rule. So I know I said that earlier, but explicitly taught that rule would look like if your child is in first grade, you should typically see a spelling pattern come home each week. So
00:17:02
Speaker
really like green flag from me is when a class does a spelling pattern instead of memorizing spelling words or the teacher gives a spelling pattern. Um, and so like it could be any 10 of 20 words, but that really is teaching the child that spelling pattern. Um, but so say the pattern is IR and we've taught the rule of when to use IR. We've practiced it. It's been a little while now. If a child then was spelling birthday,
00:17:31
Speaker
and they didn't use the IR pattern, I would stop there and say, oh, remember this one? We've learned this before. I would call it back to their attention so that they could remember that. So I will correct this spelling when they have explicitly been taught the pattern or explicitly learned the high frequency or sight word using orthographic mapping. So that's when I'll correct it. No, this is not going to teach kids bad habits.
00:18:00
Speaker
In fact, it's the opposite. It's teaching kids bad habits to tell them how to spell the words. The bad habit we're teaching is that they don't know and that they have to ask someone else to do something. Okay, so now let's talk a little bit about some more ways to practice writing. So preschool,
00:18:28
Speaker
we want to do little tiny lessons about spelling. Keep everything short and sweet. You can always add more later, but you never want to burn out, especially these developing readers and writers, but we don't want to burn them out. So moving from one activity to the next, let them follow their lead. Let them do two minutes if they want. If they are not into stretching out a word, say, okay, we can try it again later. Or,
00:18:57
Speaker
you can just do it on your own because they are watching you more than you think. They are going to do what you do, not what you say. So if you say, hey, let's practice this, they're probably going to say no. But if you're just doing it, this is actually one of my biggest secret tips. You ready for it? Don't
00:19:17
Speaker
give an introduction. Don't say, Hey, let's go do this. Hey, let's work on this, this spelling work. Hey, let's work on your ABCs. Just set up two spots and just start doing it and narrate what you're doing to yourself. Your child is going to be watching just like you can watch or listen to a podcast and go on a run. Like even if they're playing with something else, they can, for the most part, they're, they're tuning into you.
00:19:44
Speaker
So, okay, writing skills.
Developing Fine Motor Skills for Writing
00:19:48
Speaker
So I typically don't expect a child to have perfect grip before kindergarten. I have a couple of tricks if you, and videos of how to teach pencil grip in my Master the ABCs course at bigcityreaders.com.
00:20:08
Speaker
a couple others, probably a dozen tricks in there for that. That's like a four and five year old course. So it's not just learning the ABCs. It's learning the proper formation of the letter. It's learning the, you know, the sound, the long sound and short sound of the vowel. Um, and then how to begin to blend words together and build words. So, um, and, and actually that, or no, no, the next level class goes into opening closed syllables, which is like so on my mind lately.
00:20:36
Speaker
So anyway, I don't usually correct before kindergarten. I mean, I'll like subtly correct, but usually the grip, unless it's a fist grip, I'll correct out of a fist grip, but usually the grip will be an indicator of, of fine motor skills. So they like four and three, four and five real hands are still developing so much daily that they might not be able to hold the pencil in the same way that we want them to yet.
00:21:05
Speaker
Yet is that magic word. If you want to have a growth mindset, add yet to the end of every sentence. So say, Oh man, this, I, I can't, I can't write this word yet. I haven't learned it yet. So adding that word really like actually changes the wiring in the brain. It teaches your brain to be growth focused, um, which is amazing. So just start adding it into your vocabulary at the end of every sentence. I can't do that yet.
00:21:34
Speaker
Anyway, okay, so they can't hold pencils or their grip might not be strong enough yet. So a couple things you can focus on. One, you can break crayons. So the smaller they are, the easier it is to hold them. With a better grip, you can use Play-Doh. So one of my favorite tricks is to have kids, instead of just tracing letters, roll the letters out in Play-Doh. You can talk about the lines and the curves and the shapes of the letters.
00:22:05
Speaker
And you can write the letters in carpet, just make it a multi-sensory experience. They don't have to be writing the letters all the time to be building those fine motor skills that are needed to write the letters, which is kind of funny. So sometimes the best thing you can do is the monkey bars climbing up the slide. Just anything that uses, builds those fine motor muscles and uses grip strength. Another thing I like to do is put paper on the wall or on like
00:22:35
Speaker
a windowsill and let kids kind of draw that way. That's going to use a whole set of, a whole different set of muscles in the arm too. Um, so sometimes it's just fun to help them explore and see like what, what it feels like to use different tools, paint brushes or beakers, like squeezy things with water, hammers, all of these things are equally important in the writing process. So you don't have to,
00:23:04
Speaker
feel like they always have to have a crayon in their hand or a pencil in their hand. These are really important skills. And I even recommend kindergartners continuing practicing all of these things to still build those writing muscles in the hands. So I would also, okay, so letter formation.
Balancing Correction with Encouragement in Writing
00:23:25
Speaker
Letters start at the top.
00:23:29
Speaker
And this is important. I feel like I kind of want to get into this in a different episode because I don't, I feel like I've already overwhelmed with information. But letter formation is important. I don't, I start teaching it at age three, but I don't necessarily correct it because I just want kids to be able to feel confident and enjoy writing and drawing.
00:23:53
Speaker
So I start singing the song, where do we start our letters at the top? Where do we start our letters at the top? And I think that's from a handwriting without tears program, if your school uses that.
00:24:08
Speaker
I start introducing that and in my classes, if you've taken any of my preschool classes, virtually I teach like songs that kind of get kids in that zone of noticing we form letters from the top. So I'm practicing it in different ways. Like I'm having them write the letters from the top in the air. But then when they're practicing writing, I don't always correct it.
00:24:34
Speaker
because I know that I've practiced reminding them to start at the top before, and I know that they're using a lot of muscle and a lot of patience and concentration and focus when they're writing the letters, that I'm not going to sit and nitpick in that moment yet. I'll just kind of keep redirecting. So I really will say, oh, nope, start again.
00:24:57
Speaker
though it is important to give it right and to form letters the right way because it reduces frustration and writing struggles later as everything that we're doing in these preschool kindergarten years is for setting kids up for success forever, not just for kindergarten and preschool. But
00:25:14
Speaker
Again, I'm talking about four-year-olds. I do want them to have proper letter formation. Do not mishear that. I do want them to have letter formation. But sometimes, if I've already done a lesson on drawing letters in the air by starting at the top, and I notice that independently they're working on writing a word or writing a card or something, I'm not going to correct
00:25:40
Speaker
every moment because in that moment then I would be focusing on the excitement that they're practicing sounding out a word. Does that make sense? So I want to kind of focus on one thing because they're just learning so much and doing so much in every moment.
00:25:58
Speaker
and writing is such a complicated process. So that's why we want to instill proper writing habits. We want them to really have a solid understanding of each letter and sound the right way. And we want them to form every letter the right way because I know it feels tedious like everything does at these beginning stages. It's setting the foundation for success forever, not just for right now.
00:26:22
Speaker
which is kind of like the theme, it seems, talking about sight words like that and now talking about letter formation. It's all just the groundwork to have a successful life of learning, which is pretty cool.
00:26:38
Speaker
that you guys are all doing that. And you have some very lucky kids, and they are very lucky to have you as their grownups. So that is all from me today. We will be talking so much more about the ABCs, because I just wanted to say so many more things. But I think I'm going to end on this, because who has time for longer podcasts? So I will see you all soon. Thanks for coming.