Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Ep 17 How I Changed My Family Role
266 Plays2 days ago
In this deeply personal episode, I explore how I transformed my role within my family dynamics.
We'll dive into family healing, breaking free from toxic environments, and embracing your authentic self. I share my own journey of shedding coping mechanisms, standing up to being scapegoated, and ultimately finding inner peace.
Discover the empowering steps I took to heal and how you can, too. Don't miss our live sessions at The Truth Room and join our thriving community of sensitive souls!
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Misunderstood Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello, beautiful souls. I'm so grateful that you're tuning in. Welcome to my podcast, Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through an emotional dark age. I'm your host, Candice Van Dal, and I'm honored to embark on this transformative journey with you.
Sensitivity as a Superpower
00:00:17
Speaker
Have you ever felt like you didn't quite fit into the world around you or even your own family? Like your sensitivity was a burden rather than a gift. If so, you're not alone. And here's the truth. Your sensitivity is not a flaw. It's a superpower. It's what allows you to feel deeply, to connect with others on a profound level, and to access a higher realm of consciousness.
Purposeful Living Through Sensitivity
00:00:38
Speaker
And on this podcast, we're going to explore how to harness that power and use it to create a life of purpose, passion, and true confidence. Here in this sacred space, we honor your sensitivity as the gift it truly is. Get ready to embark on the journey of unapologetic emotional honesty and next level healing. Let's dive in together.
00:00:59
Speaker
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through this emotional dark age. I am your host, Candice Vendell. I want to dive into something very personal today. I want to share with you guys how I changed my role in my own family dynamics.
00:01:17
Speaker
So this is
2024 Prediction: Authenticity and Healing
00:01:19
Speaker
so amazing. I just did a YouTube video. If you haven't seen it, please check it out called 2025 healing predictions. My prediction for 2024 was it was the year of authenticity of healing and shifting and changing cycles of completion.
00:01:34
Speaker
family dynamics and really shedding the coping mechanisms that we have implemented that keep us away from our true guidance. And what I know about 2025 is once we shed those coping mechanisms, we are in a vulnerable state because the reason we have been protecting our heart instead of expressing our heart is because we were taught that if we do that,
00:02:01
Speaker
We will be rejected.
Valuing the Inner Child
00:02:03
Speaker
We will get in trouble. We will not be acknowledged or accepted by those in power, authority figures, and therefore can't survive. So your survival mechanism is attached to your coping mechanisms. You had to adopt these. You did not have a choice to hold on to your authentic self. You didn't.
00:02:23
Speaker
You did the right thing. Many people come to me and they say, I hate my inner child. She didn't know how to be strong and and believe in herself. And I say, what are you talking about? Your inner child needs to be praised. She or he knew exactly what to do to get you to survive your shitty surroundings, your toxic dynamic. Your inner child had to learn to depend on undependable people. But what she or he forgot is you are actually the dependable one.
00:02:48
Speaker
You may not have been able to survive a toxic environment, but once you line up with your inner child and come back to the truth of who you are, you will thrive. you may Along the way, you may lose some people who don't like the fact that you are seeing through their denial of illness, right? You have been, probably, maybe you've been the diagnosed one, so you could be the scapegoat of the entire family that's in denial of their issues.
Dealing with Family Dynamics
00:03:15
Speaker
You become the issue.
00:03:18
Speaker
So let's talk about my life. That was me. I was the one that was blamed for damn everything. Why? Because I'm the sensitive one that had the ability to feel and see the things that were being denied around me. And it felt so gaslighting every single day to express something that was painful and scary and to have them deny it. And then me have to deny my own perception and my own emotion to get along, abandoning the self.
00:03:45
Speaker
I either abandon myself or I'm abandoned by my whole tribe. Think about it. By the way, if you're not aware of my tribe, the truth room, and you need a family and you need a community to heal from being the damn scapegoat and the sensitive one who understood everything that had to deny the self, please join us. We are now meeting every Monday evening at 8 p.m. Eastern time. That is our new time. It is four live sessions a month.
00:04:11
Speaker
You want to check it out. So I built that truth room so you could feel safe developing and rebuilding and healing back to your truth.
Challenging Misperceptions and Thriving
00:04:19
Speaker
I have to say this created so much shame in me. There's something wrong with me. and And also we become the diagnosed patient. You have ADD, you can't focus. Well, the reason I have ADD and can't focus is because I am in a chaotic environment. What's funny about that for me is I flushed my Ritalin down the toilet at age 17 and never turned back and never took it again. At age 17, I also moved to Tokyo, Japan to start my modeling career. And I never had any issues. I actually got straight A's in college with no Ritalin because I was in a different environment.
00:04:49
Speaker
When you learn to do things your own way, instead of thinking everything's wrong with you and you realize what was wrong was we your environment that created wrong things, you start to shine, but you need to have the courage. So this past year, which was super interesting, I healed my role.
00:05:08
Speaker
I healed my family dynamics. It started eight years ago when I stood up to someone in my family who was scapegoating me and said, I ain't your scapegoat anymore. I've designed this life in my in my world. ah Nobody sees me the way you're seeing me because it's you that needs to see this in yourself. And that shifted a lot. That shifted a lot of dynamics in our family.
00:05:27
Speaker
But it wasn't shared. Nobody knew what was going on. Nobody knew what's different. Why is Candace the one that got away and gets to be her true self? No one realized. I never fully believed it. I always had doubt about myself because it was, I'm the scapegoat. But I still always realized that all my dreams are coming true. The only problem was I had an element of self-sabotage.
Overcoming Fear and Promoting Honesty
00:05:49
Speaker
because i was afraid of that uppers limits issue i was afraid to shine too bright it might be taken away i was a sh afraid to shine too bright people might get threatened i was afraid but i stopped being afraid and i started speaking up you guys know i have a ton of apparel that says tell the truth why because when you tell the truth the truth starts to happen You can't be scared or be scared and do it anyway. So this year was interesting because eight years ago I had basically faced the person that scapegoated me my whole life and that started to change because once you decide I ain't the scapegoat, they got to find someone else. They realize, oh my God, it wasn't you. One of the things my mom says to me all the time is we didn't realize you reacting to the family stuff that we were unaware of.
00:06:32
Speaker
I know. That's what I do for a living. I show you the stuff you're unaware of. It's in your subconscious, but I didn't get credit for it until many, many years later when I gave myself the credit and validated my own gift and started sharing it with the world because I validated it at first. I didn't go to the world for validation. I went to the world to share what I had validated. Get that right. Because a lot of scapegoats are looking outside themselves for worth. You can't. You'll only be met with your level of understanding your own worth.
00:07:00
Speaker
I'll have a whole other podcast on that. But when we're searching externally to know that we're good, to know that we're worthy, we're dependent on externals that change all the time. So again, it's insecure. It is not a secure attachment. To become securely attached and confident in the world, you have to validate your own shit, your own emotions, and find out who you truly are regardless of others and be that. So this year, I moved across country.
Family Reconnection and Realization
00:07:26
Speaker
to Atlanta, Georgia. I was living in Los Angeles, okay? Los Angeles and Vegas part-time. And I moved to Georgia because my boyfriend was here and I'm like, let's do this. He was in Vegas. He hated it. I was like, fine, let's go here. Little did I realize my sister who I had not seen in, let's see, 10 years and my brother-in-law, my niece and nephew who I had not seen in 12 years lived two hours away. And one day I get a phone call from my sister and she's like, I'm coming over. I've realized some things.
00:07:56
Speaker
Well, I was the only one who knew that I did not deserve to be the scapegoat, but I lived my life in a way that was not scapegoaty. And she finally, after a lot of things that happened, realized, oh, my God, it's not you. What is it? Because once I changed my role, the family dynamic had to shift. And now my sister's like, wait, I'm seeing things differently.
00:08:21
Speaker
And lo and behold, I've had a year of family hosting family holidays. It's been amazing. My niece and nephew are like my kids I never had, right? it We're so close. We understand each other deeply. They understand the dynamics. And it's like having a big light on the family. Everyone now, instead of saying Candace is a problem, they're like, our family is crazy. How did you know? How did you break free? And I say, I didn't have any of your support.
00:08:47
Speaker
I get it, but I had support from God and my own soul.
Self-Validation Over External Validation
00:08:50
Speaker
I had the support of having courage to face the shit. I realized I could either believe that I'm everyone's problem or I could see all the problems that I see. Own what I see.
00:09:03
Speaker
after being gaslit for ages about my perception being wrong, because I'm the problem. I was like, I don't really think so. My life's very successful. I have good relationships. I have amazing friendships that I've had for a lifetime. I don't actually think I'm the problem, but I see a lot of problems in your lives so because you're in denial of them.
00:09:20
Speaker
I faced them. I'm like, damn, what could be wrong with me? What could I be doing wrong? I went through that for decades and realized I could change all the things that I had adopted ways of being to survive a toxic system. Some of those things are going to be toxic. But I knew I deserved to not have a toxic life.
00:09:39
Speaker
So I stayed true to myself, even though no one could see it for decades. And then I started speaking very, very loudly about my truth so they could hear it, whether they liked it or not. What did I have to lose? They're already gone. They say I'm the one that left. Yeah, I did leave. I had to leave the dynamic because I was getting blamed for shit that was very clearly not me.
00:09:59
Speaker
So I changed my role by being who I truly am out loud without any support, really, other than the friends who would see me and me having to believe my friends over my family, me having to believe my success in life over my family, me having to believe my inner guidance over the toxic dynamic that was functioning on denial that I was speaking truth about. So we will change our roles. Is my family perfect? No. Do I have a great life? Yes.
00:10:28
Speaker
because I chose to be who I am outside of the family role and dynamic. I'm not that. You have to be willing to lose people who want you to lose yourself so that they can function in denial and sickness. And when you break out of that denial and sickness and you own your truth and you heal your inner wounds,
00:10:46
Speaker
If you want to start that, check out my emotional rehab program or join my inner work class. Starting January 6 will be another one in February. You have to heal. You have to say, I choose me over everyone that I think I'm
Choosing Authenticity Over Conformity
00:11:00
Speaker
supposed to fit in with. If you need to fit in by being a role you are in, abandonment of the authentic self.
00:11:06
Speaker
I knew early on in life, I had a higher calling. We all do, but I was drawn to it. I was pulled towards it. I was in a contrasting family that was making me the problem for seeing their truth. I decided to own my truth and see the problem. I'm going to leave this right here for you guys today. So how I healed my family role.
00:11:29
Speaker
was by healing myself and being myself and allowing myself to not fit into the family, if that's what it meant. Funny enough, here they all all are coming back to me for support in their healing. So to be the change and to be the light and to be the heart center leader, you have to heal the wounds that keep you in
00:11:52
Speaker
A denial of self by protecting the heart instead of expressing the truth.
Invitation to Connect and Coaching Services
00:11:56
Speaker
If you want more help on this, check out my website, CandiceVandal.com. I do do one-on-one coaching. I do thrive in the group coaching and we have many programs on demand that you can start right now. I love you guys so much. Please come say hi to me on Instagram. I'm there all day posting real posting realel and getting real. I love you guys and I will see you very soon.