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Ep 20 The Biggest Lie In the Spiritual Community
399 Plays1 month ago
I dive into one of the biggest misconceptions in the spiritual community. Join me as I break down the myth that aligning with your true, authentic self means life will be smooth sailing.
I'll share insights from my recent Truth Room group session and my personal journey, shedding light on the incubation phase and how to navigate it. We'll explore why facing the depths of our struggles is crucial for true healing and the importance of self-worth.
Don't miss this raw and real discussion that challenges common spiritual beliefs and offers a path to genuine transformation.
Tune in and let's uncover the truth together!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Misunderstood' Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello, beautiful souls. I'm so grateful that you're tuning in. Welcome to my podcast, Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through an emotional dark age. I'm your host, Candice Van Dal, and I'm honored to embark on this transformative journey with you.
00:00:17
Speaker
Have you ever felt like you didn't quite fit into the world around you or even your own family? Like your sensitivity was a burden rather than a gift.
Sensitivity as a Superpower
00:00:24
Speaker
If so, you're not alone. And here's the truth. Your sensitivity is not a flaw. It's a superpower. It's what allows you to feel deeply, to connect with others on a profound level, and to access a higher realm of consciousness.
00:00:38
Speaker
And on this podcast, we're going to explore how to harness that power and use it to create a life of purpose, passion, and true confidence. Here in this sacred space, we honor your sensitivity as the gift it truly is. Get ready to embark on the journey of unapologetic emotional honesty and next-level healing.
Misconceptions About Healing and Awakening
00:00:57
Speaker
Let's dive in together. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through the emotional dark age. I am your host, Candice Vandell.
00:01:08
Speaker
I was going to do a part two on your Q and A. I will be doing that sometime in the future, but this is really important right now. This is on my heart. I just got out of my truth room group, my membership group, and we had a deep dive about awakening. And what I realize, this is something I've seen for many, many years, is there is a massive misinterpretation about the process of healing back to your true authentic self, or what some people call awakening.
00:01:39
Speaker
This also has a lot to do with my last YouTube video about being too conscious for this world. is the biggest One of the biggest lies is that once you become totally true to yourself and you reclaim your authentic self, everything's going to be great. too life is going to flow. It's going to be easy. Everything's going to be alignment, synchronicity, rainbows, and freaking butterflies. And that is not true. I want to tell you what the reality is here. First thing is first, many of you have grown up with a belief system about, because of conditioning, about how
00:02:24
Speaker
I treat you this way because of you. Therefore, when things go wrong in life, it's because of you, which means there's something wrong with you. When I abandon what you feel, it means there's something wrong with what you feel, so you can't trust yourself or your perception of reality. And so, if we have this idea that good things happen to good people,
00:02:44
Speaker
Bad things happen to bad people. I'm the reason for someone treating me this way. I'm the reason that this life event happened. My sort of circumstance is a reflection of my
Rejection and Self-Blame
00:02:53
Speaker
truth. You are gonna be screwed. I was one of those people that grew up getting blamed for everything, right? Scapegoated. So I always thought, you know, my parents are rejecting me because of me, because of the way I'm acting. But really the way I was acting was in expressing something that they were in denial of, right? So I grew up thinking,
00:03:14
Speaker
If I'm perfect, then nothing will go wrong and no one will reject me. And when rejection happened, even when I didn't do anything to create it, it was a huge paradigm shift for me in my spiritual awakening. I was 16 years old and I discovered all this. Too conscious for the times, right? Some of us are ahead of our times and that can be a double-edged sword.
00:03:35
Speaker
But then we start to feel this safety in being good or perfect. And we start judging others when they're not. And we think that's our safety because that's going to keep us loved and not alone and not abandoned and not in survival mode. But it actually is exactly what puts you in survival mode because no one feels good all the time. You're betraying your truth and you're abandoning yourself.
Incubation Phase and Self-Discovery
00:03:57
Speaker
So the lie is once I do all this inner work and I heal back to my authentic self, my life is gonna flow perfectly and I'm gonna be abundant and everything's gonna be great and my relationships are gonna be great and that is absolutely a lie and this is why.
00:04:10
Speaker
You have to go through the and incubation phase. The incubation phase is the time between your old programming into your new reality. One of the programming most of you got, self included, was my authentic self um is not okay. um That power of being connected to who you truly are is dangerous. There's so many examples I could give you of this.
00:04:38
Speaker
I had so many examples just in in this one truth room class today. And what happens is you start to align with that story, the narrative that is you. It must be you. So anyone who acts like you or loves you for who you truly are is off limits because that's scary. Because no, that means I'll be me and then it's scary. It's like why people sabotage when we're close to what they want. Oh my God, that's scary. Something bad is going to happen.
00:05:03
Speaker
The purgatory, the incubation phase is when you're not quite sure they're wrong about you and you're not quite sure that you are as good as you hope. So you're discovering and what happens during that time of pretty much loneliness because you've had this old a momentum built around your old coping mechanisms of it must be me, I gotta to change me, I gotta please them. What you forget or don't know is that the people that you've put sort of as the dominant energy now have control over your sense of self. The people in the dominant energy, whether it be parent, boss, partner,
00:05:41
Speaker
is your false idol. You haven't gone to source. I had a client tell me in truth room today that she's been doing a meditation around really just getting support, really just being supported in her truth. Sorry, there's something wrong with my mascara. And she's like, it's so weird because my husband started treating me differently. I go, do you know why though? And she's like, well, yeah, because I'm supporting myself. I said, and she goes, and I'm connected with my inner child. I said, and she goes, I don't know what. And I said, because you've put source as number one. And when you put source as your dominant support, as your dominant energy, as the dominant one that you pray to,
00:06:18
Speaker
no more false idol, then the false idols have less power and they see that you have the energy of that power and they must fall in alignment or fall away.
Realigning Support and Self-Perception
00:06:26
Speaker
So be it's not that my circumstances change because of me. It's the way I relate to the circumstance is the issue. And when I start relating to it differently, I start to have a different experience with my circumstance. Take that in.
00:06:44
Speaker
So she's relating to it differently. She's relating to, instead of putting her husband as her false idol, she has now chosen God and her true self as her idol, as her number one. And when that energy is so powerful, you are now relating differently without even realizing it. So others will relate to you differently too. How you relate to the issue is the issue. How you relate to yourself in the issue is the bigger issue. So back to the original point,
00:07:15
Speaker
Is this lie of when I line everything in a line? No, you have to align all aspects. One of the things I will tell you, I was probably in that incubation phase for about two years. And in those two years, guys, I lost friends. I shifted career. I i got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. All the shit, all the negative stuff, all the things that I was dealing with and putting up with for all those years in the old paradigm had to be felt and brought up to the surface to be released.
00:07:49
Speaker
so that your energy can shift vibrations. You can't shift in your vibration just by thinking. It must be somatic. So that's what I do a lot in my classes, is I not only teach the education, but also the somatic release. If we don't have somatic release in our body, meaning things that have been suppressed will come to the surface, it might feel like hell for a while because you have to go through hell. This is part of the journey. You have to be okay with things not being okay. You have to keep trusting in in the source, in the universe, surrendering to that trust when things aren't looking so great.
00:08:24
Speaker
so that you know that I'm committed. Even
Understanding the Window of Tolerance
00:08:28
Speaker
if it's not pretty, I'm committed to discovering the truth in me. You might feel crazy at times. You might look crazy at times. You might be really, really scared to run back to the old way because you're like, oh my God, I am alone. I am feeling all this abandonment once. Feel it. The biggest, let's say, measure of how healed you are is your window of tolerance. And what I mean by this, I did a reel on this,
00:08:52
Speaker
um on Instagram recently. Your window of tolerance means when I'm validated, it doesn't make me feel valid. When somebody's validating me, it doesn't make me feel valid. And when somebody's triggering me, it doesn't make me feel triggered. This is your window of tolerance. I can handle dark and light the same. That's a grounded person who's gone through the incubation phase of facing so many things they're afraid of and having the courage to believe that my true authentic self is worthy of my life without being confirmed by others but being confirmed by your own self going through it with yourself staying with yourself unconditionally so what i mean is when you know because you've done so much self validation work and so much validation of yourself
00:09:36
Speaker
When other people validate me now, it's not like this, hi. It's like, yes, accurate. And when people trigger me, it doesn't feel like a trigger in my nervous system. It feels like a observer. I'm observing that someone has an issue and it doesn't sway me. So triggers don't trigger you and validation doesn't feel validating. It doesn't validate you.
Secure Attachment and Self-Worth
00:09:58
Speaker
You're already valid and you're already nervous system, you know,
00:10:02
Speaker
let's say balanced, so you're not going highs and lows, highs and lows, highs and lows because you have a secure sense of self. um I talk about this a lot in my I am worthy course. Really securely attaching to self is the end all be all of any worthiness issues because our worth our our self-worth issues come from our attachment style, our attachment trauma. If you are anxiously attached,
00:10:25
Speaker
when other people don't like you or you feel like you're not pleasing someone, that takes a hit to your self-esteem. When you're avoidant attached, when you take when you're around too much, you you need to take your own space and sometimes you can avoid too much. so You're an avoidance of self and other.
00:10:39
Speaker
So when you heal this secure this attachment to self and you come into a secure attachment with self, by really being able to hold that window of tolerance, you come into a sense of deep worth and purpose, clarity. When you see yourself super clear, you can see everyone else and everything more clearly. But wisdom doesn't come from an easy journey. It comes from going to the depths of hell to reach the heights of the light. And what I'll say about this is,
00:11:06
Speaker
If it was easy, I'd have millions of subscribers, but people get scared and then they make up stories and they self-sabotage. It is not easy. And so I see you chosen ones out there who continue on the path, especially when it gets hard and especially when it tests you and especially when it's like, oh my God, maybe they were right about me. Maybe I am bad. That's just showing you where your doubt is. I'll give you an example. If I don't know that I'm worthy and someone starts rejecting me,
00:11:33
Speaker
I'm gonna be like, oh my God, is it true? Do I deserve to be rejected? Oh my God, maybe I was wrong about me being good. Oh my God, how do I know? Search external, search external, search external, right? Week three in inner work class. Search external search. If I know I'm worthy and I'm anchored in that and someone's rejecting me, I will say not in alignment. Oh, that's unfortunate. I wish they weren't rejecting me. I really liked that person, but I guess they have an issue.
00:11:58
Speaker
that has nothing to do with me, self worth.
Law of Attraction and Self-Worth Misunderstandings
00:12:01
Speaker
You don't get rocked off your core. So this lie also has to do with law of attraction. Law of attraction also says you attract what you are. No, you attract what you think you are. If I think I'm unworthy, I'm gonna attract situations that bring up that wound for me to double check it, not to believe it, but to double check where I stand in that issue.
00:12:27
Speaker
We think God doesn't punish, universe doesn't punish, people do. Our wounded ego does. So if you have, sorry about my dog. If you have a lot of self-doubt and you think the universe should support you now that you're clearing your doubt, but you see something come forward to you, stop saying it, that makes you doubt, it's not about you're supposed to doubt because I'm creating that for you. It's what do I feel? How do I relate to this issue? That is the issue. How to relate to myself in the issue?
Reclaiming the True Self
00:12:57
Speaker
That's the issue. So something is creating doubt in me, in my environment. Instead of reading it as, oh, am I supposed to doubt? I read it as, oh, I still have some doubt to work on.
00:13:07
Speaker
So next level, guys, is really taking off those rose-colored glasses and seeing that your journey of healing is not going to be rainbows and butterflies, but at the end, not the end, but at the other side, when you do the timeline shift, the paradigm shift back to reclamation of the true self.
00:13:25
Speaker
when you are so anchored in that, that you now allow yourself to receive the mirror of that power that you're so afraid to own. See, when people really got too close to you and actually started to truly love you and you weren't sure about you and you weren't owning your power, that would scare you because that would be that would mean that your whole narrative as a child was wrong, that you were wrong. If someone someone that you love truly starts to love you as you are,
00:13:50
Speaker
What does that mean about my whole life? It's too much pain, right? But when you realize that I realize that there was nothing wrong with me, but what was done to me was wrong, it's safe to receive love and mirrors of your truth.
00:14:06
Speaker
right So that's when you start to shift timelines back to the authentic purpose that you were born for, the perfection of you. You were born perfect for your purpose. When you come back into that, you start to see those synchronicities of your career, of your calling, of what's interesting to you and passionate to you. And and the insight starts to manifest as opportunity. This is when you know you've crossed the bridge.
00:14:35
Speaker
This is when I realized that my life was literally perfect for me. I was born perfect for my purpose. I didn't find my purpose in society. I created it. And hey, great. Stop trying to fit in. Start trying to fit into you and watch life present opportunities to anchor that even more deeply, even more freely, expressively, even more love. And then you'll also start to drop things in your life and habits in your life that protect your heart because you realize I can't be hurt if I own me no matter what. We all protect our heart because our most innocent version of self, our most authentic version of self, our most pure version of self was not properly cared for or loved or understood. So we thought
00:15:25
Speaker
It was dangerous.
Encouragement and Resources for Healing
00:15:26
Speaker
I can't have people misunderstand me or reject me. So I'll protect my heart and have all these ideals and standards for people and things to keep them away from my truest part. Ultimately, when you start to heal, those coping mechanisms become a prison. And what you realize is being safe means being me and having the discernment to let people go that don't want me to be me.
00:15:52
Speaker
I have so much to say about this, but I just want to give you guys a little insight for today. I love you guys. Please check my Instagram for daily reels. Please check my website. We have so many amazing things coming up, you guys. Oh my God. If you want to deep dive into this, I would highly suggest either inner work healing, which is basically all of it together, which is live with me, Tiny Group, or My Truth from Membership, or I Am Worthy Course is a deep dive. When I anchored all of this in me, I put it in a course. So, if you have any questions, please leave me comments. Please email me at jimdellajima.com. Please check out my website or just DM me on Instagram. I'm here for you, I love you, and I'll see you guys so soon.