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I dive into the deep, often uncharted waters of fear. Sit with me as I unpack how fear keeps us stuck, stifles our true potential, and prevents us from living our most abundant lives.
I share personal insights and actionable steps to confront and overcome fear with courage, helping you align more closely with your true self. Get ready to challenge your belief systems, explore your inner world, and take courageous steps towards owning your life.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Misunderstood' Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello, beautiful souls. I'm so grateful that you're tuning in. Welcome to my podcast, Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through an emotional dark age. I'm your host, Candice Van Dal, and I'm honored to embark on this transformative journey with you.
Sensitivity as a Superpower
00:00:17
Speaker
Have you ever felt like you didn't quite fit into the world around you or even your own family? Like your sensitivity was a burden rather than a gift. If so, you're not alone. And here's the truth. Your sensitivity is not a flaw. It's a superpower. It's what allows you to feel deeply, to connect with others on a profound level, and to access a higher realm of consciousness.
00:00:38
Speaker
And on this podcast, we're going to explore how to harness that power and use it to create a life of purpose, passion, and true confidence. Here in this sacred space, we honor your sensitivity as the gift it truly is. Get ready to embark on the journey of unapologetic emotional honesty and next level healing. Let's dive in together.
00:00:59
Speaker
Hi, guys. Welcome back to Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through an emotional dark age. I'm your host, Candice Van Dal. Let's dive right
Overcoming Fear and Embracing Courage
00:01:08
Speaker
in. Let's talk about fear. You you guys know I sit at my desk all day every day during the week, watching people and groups and classes and the underlying word, I would say, people experience that is the reason for your, let's say, stuckness, the reason for not having what you want in life, the reason for not knowing who you truly are, the reason for not having, let's say, abundance is because you're afraid. The biggest thing you're afraid of is who you might actually be.
00:01:53
Speaker
You're afraid to take action on the things that you feel. You're afraid to ask questions, to not ruffle feathers or make other people upset. You're not living true to yourself.
00:02:07
Speaker
My tagline has always been you have to get real about how you feel so that you can heal. And the word I chose second year grad school was courage. I want to have courage to be me. I want to courage i have courage to look at the things that scare me. I want to have courage to say the things that i I'm afraid to say. I want to have courage to come face to face with very confronting experiences because I wanted to live free.
00:02:35
Speaker
And to live free means just to be me, just to be who I am. Because if you don't know who the hell you are, you have to be real about how you feel. A lot of people don't know what that means. I don't know what I feel. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Right now, you feel like you don't know who you feel, what you feel. That's being real about how you feel. Being real about how you feel might mean, I don't know how the hell I feel. Great. Let's follow that confusion. Let's follow that uncertainty. You feel uncertain.
00:03:03
Speaker
Why do you feel uncertain? What's scary about being certain? Who will it go against? Where will you not fit in?
Belief, Worthiness, and Rejection
00:03:11
Speaker
You have to be willing to be extremely courageous to find your full truth, to live abundantly, to live out loud, to shine, to accomplish the things that you don't think you deserve but you desire them.
00:03:25
Speaker
I have many topics about this in my courses about deserving vs desire if you desire it you're meant to have it by the way so what's in the way of that deserving. That's the first place to look what ever made me feel in my life that i might not deserve my delusional to think i can have everything i want my you know.
00:03:43
Speaker
Should I feel guilty about the things that I do have and I do create? I live in a very abundant mindset and I believe that everybody is here to deserve what they desire. So if I go ahead and do it, yay, let me be an example for those that don't think that they deserve it yet. Let me show them that they do by really owning the fact that I know that I do deserve what I desire. Think about your belief system.
00:04:13
Speaker
People are so afraid that if they really explore the things that scare them, they'll be proven right. Yeah, you don't deserve. Yeah, you're not enough. And this is what I like to say. People are always looking for evidence outside of them to validate that fear. Example, if I have self-doubt and I'm in a situation where someone's telling me I'm not enough, right? I don't belong. I'll be like, see, it's true.
00:04:35
Speaker
I don't belong. I don't deserve. But if I have a lot of confidence and I'm in a situation where someone also says, I don't deserve this or I don't like you, I'll say, wrong people. You see the difference? When we live internally, we self-guide and we know that the universe is abundant and we're born perfect for our purpose and universe God loves us. And so these are not my people if I'm being rejected, not I don't deserve.
00:05:05
Speaker
So it's a hologram. The world is always reflecting to your belief. If I believe, oh my gosh, I might not be worthy, and people are like, I don't like her, she's not worthy. I'm like, see, it's true, I'm not worthy. It's validating that belief, evidence. But if I know that I'm super worthy and people are saying you're not worthy, I'm like, it's not telling me that, oh, the universe is ah reflecting me. it's The universe is reflecting what you believe about you. So if I don't believe that that's true, and I actually believe that I am worthy, then I will disagree with the evidence, take that in.
00:05:35
Speaker
Are you agreeing with the evidence because internally that's how you feel or are you disagreeing with the evidence because internally that's not how you feel? Are you self-guided or are you externally guided?
Role of Coaches and Therapists
00:05:45
Speaker
This creates fear when you're externally guided because you're not in control of your reality, of creating your reality. So that makes more fear. Fear is real, I should be afraid, see? No, have courage and go further.
00:06:00
Speaker
If your relationship that you think you're super in love with doesn't work out, it doesn't mean you're unworthy of love. What it means is there's something better. I always say to clients, this is something better, not this or not anything. Think about it. So many people are stuck in toxic relationships and they say, well, I don't know if there'll be anything better. I go, there won't be unless you believe that there will be.
00:06:20
Speaker
And if you believe that there will be, you're going to have the courage to say, yeah, this isn't feeling good. I don't need to settle. I'm going to get something better because I'm better. I'm a good version of myself. I've learned from my mistakes. I've learned from things that I've done wrong. And so I want something better for me.
00:06:39
Speaker
You have to not be fearless, but have fear with courage. If you have fear with courage, guess what courage does? If you start lining up with courage and taking aligned action steps to meet that courageous action, courage leads you to your higher self.
00:06:59
Speaker
The ego does not have courage. The ego is full of fear. So it masks it by looking like, oh, I look like I feel better. No, you don't. You look like you're covering the fact that you don't feel good. I can see through that. I can see it through that because I've busted through that in my own life. This is why it's very important to have a coach or a therapist or someone who's done their inner work. So they're not projecting onto you. They're unhealed shit, like parents. Parents who don't do the work, they're projecting onto you all the tribal wounds, the generational trauma that they haven't healed.
00:07:29
Speaker
So you need to have someone that you work with that's done all that work so they can see you clearly and purely so that you can start to have that mirror to see yourself clearly and purely. So that's the thing.
00:07:42
Speaker
The antidote for fear is courage. I'm still scared shitless with new things that I do, but it feels more like excitement in my body, because I know I'm going to grow. And i know I know I'm going to figure out more things about myself, and I've already done so much inner work that I know the more I find out about myself, the more I love about myself, not the other way around. You're afraid to discover who you are in case you're not good, in case you're unworthy, in case you're super flawed. That's fear, false evidence appearing real. Courage is clarity.
00:08:15
Speaker
It takes courage to find your clarity. It takes courage to sort of prove the fears wrong. So that's my message today, it's very short. When you feel fear, think about my voice saying, courage, go check it out. People feel so stuck and so like,
00:08:37
Speaker
hindered because they don't have the courage to go check it out. I love it. I'm like, oh, did you do something wrong? I'd love to check it out so I can learn. Did I do something you didn't like, oh, I can learn more about what you like. A great topic with this is love languages. You can't love someone wrong, but you might not love them in the way that they need. So learn.
00:08:57
Speaker
Learn yourself. Stop being afraid of learning all the things about you, because let me tell you, the more you learn about you, the more abundant you realize you are, and then the more abundance you create by taking aligned action steps to all the things you find out about you.
Action, Self-Acceptance, and Authentic Living
00:09:13
Speaker
Ooh, action steps are scary. I had this client the other day who's like, I'm starting to do what you said. I'm starting to speak up more. I'm like, okay, you're speaking up more, so you're hearing your truth. Now, what are you doing to act on that? She's like, oh.
00:09:25
Speaker
I'm not to that level yet. I'm like, great, let's do it this week. Now, this week, your assignment is to take one to three things that you speak up about and take action. If you don't take action, it's just you understanding things. It's like people in like traditional therapy, they understand it all, but no one tells them how to apply it or do it, so your life doesn't change. I remember before I did my deep, deep, deep dive of inner work, like I don't know, 15 years ago before that. From the time I was 11, I was reading all these spiritual books, self-help books, empowerment books, but I wasn't applying it.
00:09:56
Speaker
That would require change. When I started applying it, I'm like, holy shit, this is how you change your life. This is how you become who you truly are because you start acting on the truth you feel inside, no matter who it's going to bother, no matter who won't like it. This is the other part with courage. You have to be You have to be willing to not be liked by everybody. You have to be willing to not be understood by everybody. And none of that matters when you like and understand yourself. I always say self-abandonment is the biggest bust in this business because we abandon ourselves and others abandon us. And a lot of that's been hidden in the shadow forever. If you guys are doing that work right now, check out my shadow work course on demand. It is the deep dive into claiming all parts of self.
00:10:40
Speaker
fearlessly with courage. So guys, thanks for listening today. We will be having more guests coming on very, very soon. I'm recording these right now because I have to travel for a while and I want to make sure you guys have content. So also always go to my Instagram and DM me any topics you want to hear spoken about on my podcast. Please share this with anyone you think that it could touch in a positive way. And as usual, I love you guys. I appreciate you guys. I'll see you next week.