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Ep 23 The Journey from Self-Doubt to Self-Validation
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In this episode, I take you on a transformative journey into understanding the power of our sensitivity and how it's truly a superpower. I share my personal story of overcoming feelings of not belonging and the deep healing that has led me to embrace my true purpose.
I'm also thrilled to introduce you to the NEW Truth Room Membership – a sacred space I've created for heartfelt exploration and healing, offered at a special Founders Rate of 50% off for a lifetime. It's a beautiful, judgment-free zone where you can reconnect with your authentic self and find a community that truly gets you. Don't miss out on this opportunity to embrace your sensitivity as the gift it is. Listen now and step into your power!
Join the Truth Room Membership today at the Founders Rate of 50% off for a lifetime and find a place where you can truly be you. Head to this link to become part of this incredible community!
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Misunderstood' Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello, beautiful souls. I'm so grateful that you're tuning in. Welcome to my podcast, Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through an emotional dark age. I'm your host, Candice Vandal, and I'm honored to embark on this transformative journey with you.
Sensitivity as a Gift
00:00:17
Speaker
Have you ever felt like you didn't quite fit into the world around you or even your own family? Like your sensitivity was a burden rather than a gift? If so, you're not alone. And here's the truth.
00:00:27
Speaker
Your sensitivity is not a flaw. It's a superpower. It's what allows you to feel deeply, to connect with others on a profound level and to access a higher realm of consciousness.
Purpose and Confidence for Sensitive Individuals
00:00:38
Speaker
And on this podcast, we're going to explore how to harness that power and use it to create a life of purpose, passion, and true confidence.
00:00:45
Speaker
Here in this sacred space, we honor your sensitivity as the gift it truly is. Get ready to embark on the journey of unapologetic emotional honesty and next level healing.
00:00:57
Speaker
Let's dive in together.
Truth Room Membership Promotion
00:01:00
Speaker
Hey guys, I want to remind you that my Truth Room membership is open for enrollment at 50% off for a lifetime right now. It is a limited time.
00:01:09
Speaker
The Truth Room is a place I created to help people get real about how they feel so you can heal. It's a no judgment zone. And I coach you back to your authentic self, really facing the feelings, facing the fears and clearing them, healing the inner child.
00:01:23
Speaker
and really being mirrored by people in a way you've never been mirrored before. It's a consistent, healthy space to just be in the truth of where you're at. If you feel like you're wounded, great, that's where you are right now.
00:01:38
Speaker
That is your truth right now. So often people are like, is this my truth or is this my trauma? Where are you right now? That's where you are. And we start from there. So I encourage you to own what you feel, know that you're worthy,
00:01:50
Speaker
And join our truth room at 50% off for a limited time. You can check all the links. They will be below. And I can't wait to see you there. Hey guys, welcome back to Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through an emotional
Personal Journey and Book Writing
00:02:05
Speaker
dark age. i am your host, Candice Vandel.
00:02:09
Speaker
There is nothing wrong with you. People have been asking me often, like when I do an interview or a podcast or um new clients will often ask me, why?
00:02:21
Speaker
Why do you do what you do? And I thought I would take this opportunity to do a deeper dive. I started writing a book in 2012. Yeah, yeah it was my second year project um in spiritual psychology school was to write a book. That's what I wanted to do.
00:02:37
Speaker
And I never published that book. And one of the reasons I didn't publish it is i wanted to do more healing to get more deep and more clear. But also, i found that it was really important for me to have case studies of a decade of clients that have really proved my theories and proved my methods to be super helpful and healing.
00:03:02
Speaker
So I could not only use some of those stories in the book, with permission, of course, but also just a massive amount of validation for my own inner work.
Childhood ADHD Labeling and Emotional Numbing
00:03:12
Speaker
And i think to be an expert on something, you have to test it time and time again and have the same result or something similar. And so I'm ready to publish that book, and I've been playing with that with you guys for a while.
00:03:25
Speaker
But this morning, i was writing in my diary. Check out this diary, by the way. It's fuzzy. I was writing in this diary, just some clear thoughts on the story of why i do what I do, how it is so healing and how interesting it is that when we heal our deepest inner child wounds, we do become what we were born to be in this world.
00:03:50
Speaker
We do become that first desire. a lot of people will come to me and say, how do I know who I am? Or how do I know what I'm here to do? And I say, what were you as a child before you got conditioned?
00:04:01
Speaker
If you don't remember, there's probably some trauma in there. So we have to melt those memories and release the cortisol in your brain to have the reminder. That's somatic healing. But for me, I just thought I'd tell a little
Spiritual Awakening Journey
00:04:14
Speaker
bit of the story. Why I do what I do is because My childhood was filled with the message of there's something wrong with you.
00:04:23
Speaker
And i kind of want to go into the details of the path because when I wrote out the details this morning, it was just really healing and confirming that not only was this maybe my story, but so many people I've worked with on in some way.
00:04:39
Speaker
And so when I was a kid, obviously, very highly sensitive, obviously neurodivergent. um Obviously, i would say in tune with my not only feelings, but intuition.
00:04:52
Speaker
And part of my work After i have done so much validation work of the highly sensitive person and the neurodivergent person, there's also so much work to be understood about the narcissistic family dynamic and also just emotionally immature parents and also just an emotional dark age. So I'm going to add all that in here.
00:05:12
Speaker
But when I was a kid and I was having emotional reactions to the toxicity of my home, I thought I was doing that to get relief. to get someone to notice that what you're doing in this environment is very unkind to me. It's not feeling good.
00:05:29
Speaker
There's something wrong. Fix the wrong. But instead, like many neurodivergent kids or highly sensitive kids who have this type of expression, i was brought to a psychiatrist at age seven and given the label of ADHD.
00:05:43
Speaker
And what I see that as now is a numbing of my emotions so the people in my family could cope more easily. So they didn't have to look at their truth, but really was a permission slip for them to continue the denial of their own emotional wounds and their own toxic patterns.
00:06:01
Speaker
So a lot of times the scapegoat child is the one who's seeing what it is and spelling it out and being told they're wrong or something wrong with them for for doing that and to keep the peace and be a people pleaser and just do what we say and um be seen and not heard and all those messages from living in an emotional dark age.
00:06:20
Speaker
So I remember the day I got that diagnosis, I felt like my heart dropped into my stomach, that shame spiral of weight. I thought this lady was going to finally tell them there's nothing wrong with me and they need to fix their problems. But instead, she validated what they had as a narrative that you're the problem child.
00:06:39
Speaker
This did not sit well with me. it felt so powerless. It felt like I'm in a world that is a prison. it felt like I'll never feel free. I'll never be able to just be me and stay connected to what I'm feeling and express that authentically. i have to somehow change what I'm feeling or change how I respond to what I'm feeling and just deal with it, even though I'm kid and I don't know how to deal with this stuff, right?
00:07:04
Speaker
So when I was writing today, I was writing about that, but here's another part of it. So now I'm having my emotions numbed out with this pill. And that wasn't fun because what it does is it creates a disconnect from you and you.
00:07:20
Speaker
ah creates a disconnect. It creates an internal message that your internal guidance is wrong. Your feelings are wrong. You must be wrong. And when you already have a family telling you you're the problem and you're wrong, then you start to anchor that message.
00:07:34
Speaker
And as most of you know, if you've watched my Instagram Reels or my YouTube or listened to this podcast for any length of time, you probably also know that I had a spiritual awakening on my 16th birthday.
00:07:45
Speaker
It was at a youth group camp. I lifted out of my body. I was told my purpose was to teach this stuff, teach what I was feeling into, which was oneness, unity. There is no separation.
00:07:57
Speaker
There's no separation from each other, from self, from God. We are all totally equal. We are all born divine. We are all born perfect for our purpose. And at that time in my life, I had a dream to be a model.
00:08:10
Speaker
What teenager doesn't think about that at some point? But it was my dream. And one of the things I was approved of for in my childhood was the way that I looked. Oh, she's so tiny. Oh, she's so cute. right That was the only positive I got.
00:08:23
Speaker
That was the only thing that wasn't wrong. Right. So i was like, well, I'll highlight that in society so society. That's how I'll gain societal approval so I can own myself. That's how I'll please. That's how I'll ensure that I won't be rejected.
00:08:40
Speaker
But of course, life happens. And when you are now going back to high school and you're like, I have a modeling contract, because it did happen right away. I went back home and synchronicity and alignment were on a high high vibration at the time. And I...
00:08:55
Speaker
stumbled into a model search. I got an agent. I was flying to New York. I got my first um contract in Tokyo the week after high school. All of this was happening. And of course, there's going to be some jealousy. But when you come from a home where something's wrong with you and you get rejected because of you, that's the message.
00:09:12
Speaker
When these people started to feel jealous or I felt any sense of rejection, it was as if it was someone cutting my lifeline. What did I do to deserve this? Why is the universe doing this to me? I thought this was my purpose. I thought that I had a purpose. I thought that I was good. And now i'm being told the message that maybe I'm not.
Modeling Career and Societal Rejection
00:09:30
Speaker
I have a lot of clients that come to me and say they've had an awakening and they lose the authentic self and they blame themselves for not being able to keep it. I couldn't keep it. And I was blaming myself. And immediately the first thought that came to mind is ah have to be this specific measure societal measure, model measure, so that i can ensure I won't be rejected.
00:09:54
Speaker
And in those moments of ensuring you won't be rejected, you are already self-rejecting because you're just supposed to be your authentic self. And this is a message I got throughout my life is, don't mess it up, you're already good, which was the opposite message I got from my family and my home.
00:10:10
Speaker
And I remember on my first contract, i had gotten so skinny, probably because of all the anxiety of this rejection in the world when I felt such a spiritual approval and understanding. i couldn't understand the dichotomy between spiritual law and societal rules and how this worked. And I'm 16. How am I supposed to know? I'm looking for spiritual books and ah can't find the answers. I can't figure it out.
00:10:32
Speaker
Hey guys, I want to remind you that my truth room membership is open for enrollment at 50% off for a lifetime right now. It is a limited time. The truth room is a place I created to help people get real about how they feel so you can heal.
00:10:47
Speaker
It's a no judgment zone. And I coach you back to your authentic self, really facing the feelings, facing the fears and clearing them, healing the inner child. and really being mirrored by people in a way but you've never been mirrored before. It's a consistent, healthy space to just be in the truth of where you're at. If you feel like you're wounded, great, that's where you are right now.
00:11:11
Speaker
That is your truth right now. So often people are like, is this my truth or is this my trauma? Where are you right now? That's where you are. And we start from there. So I encourage you to own what you feel, know that you're worthy, and join our truth room at 50% off for a limited time.
00:11:27
Speaker
You can check all the links. They will be below. And I can't wait to see you there.
00:11:34
Speaker
And so during that time, i think it was like two months before my contract started in my senior year, and I lost so much weight because I was so stressed. I was trying to do it right, and my contract canceled me. They're like, we like the way you naturally were.
00:11:47
Speaker
And that was the first message to me of, why did you change yourself just because other people were jealous or rejecting? And that was also an indication to me of my bigger message, which is, The false idols are opinions and and society and people. The true idol is God and you're God's child.
00:12:04
Speaker
And you were born perfect for your purpose and society might not get that. Do you think that my career is societal based? No, it's become that way in the last 12 years I've been doing it. Now there's a lot more spiritual coaches, but there wasn't really any when I was starting.
00:12:17
Speaker
And so finding yourself and your worth and your value in a societal structure or a wounded family structure is a dead end. And so that's also why I do what I do, because what I realized through years of perfectionism, really searching for that external approval and forgetting that I'm abandoning the self, I really had to come back home after self-sabotage, after narcissistic
Self-Validation and Healing the Inner Child
00:12:43
Speaker
relation dynamics. What we have to understand is when we're searching externally for a validation, we're actually only going to get mirrored for our own level of healing.
00:12:52
Speaker
So if I'm insecure, I'm going to be, with or if I don't choose myself, if my inner child isn't healed, but I'm surviving on external validation, which to be honest, my validation came from God when I was 16. I had that awakening.
00:13:07
Speaker
But what I didn't realize at the time is that Society and people are not always functioning from their higher will. They're functioning from their free will, which is a lot of times ego and wounded humanness and really having that personal relationship with God, which means having a personal relationship with your deepest, intimate self, your inner child.
00:13:29
Speaker
is where the gifts wake up and the guidance starts to flow. And so what would I do? i would be attracted to a narcissistic partner who ultimately would love Bami to fill that void.
00:13:42
Speaker
And then at the end of the day, I'm not chosen because a narcissist will always be self-centered in their personality and it will always be them first. So again, it was reflecting you're not worthy, you're not enough, something's wrong with you, right? All of that. So our life patterns will only ever reflect that until we heal it from within.
00:14:00
Speaker
So when people say, you know, your outer reality is a reflection of your inner experience, what they don't realize is it's not your inner experience, meaning your worth. It's your inex inner experience of what you think your worth is.
00:14:12
Speaker
So after years of this, being in it the modeling industry, the acting industry, which is basically based on your image. And by the way, image is a really fun thing to hide behind when you think there's something wrong with you. Look, I look perfect. Everything's great. My life's always great. You can never be totally honest it because you're always having to uphold this image so that you can get that approval. So you can get, you know, that smile. So people think there's nothing wrong. You're always good. And it's such a lie because no one's always good.
00:14:41
Speaker
So when I went through my Saturn returns, which is what, 28 to 32, usually I was 30, I went back to school and I did the deep inner child work. And that is when I shifted from this ideal life into this real reality.
00:14:54
Speaker
I started sharing my honest, truthful experiences on YouTube. And in weeks, I became an international spiritual coach because the wisdom that was dropping into me because I was living in alignment with my integrity,
00:15:09
Speaker
That honest reality is what people can relate to because it is true, right? No one can relate to this perfectionistic ideal version. It's not real.
00:15:20
Speaker
That's why I always say, don't look at here your highlight reels, right? The highlight reels are never telling you the emotional story. So learning that there was nothing wrong with me was getting really real about how I felt.
00:15:33
Speaker
was looking at what I thought could be wrong and then looking for evidence that maybe it's not true instead of evidence that it is true. And then living in alignment with my action steps to really show up for myself every day, to really have a consistent,
00:15:46
Speaker
practice of tuning in and checking in a lot of people have problems with this because they think well is this my ideal desire or is this my real desire is this my trauma or is this my truth that takes a lot of digging and when we go back into that inner child experience of do i believe there's a higher power that created me perfect for my purpose and if so why did my parents treat me this way why is society this way Because parents have generational trauma that are still wounded. They're not functioning from their highest self much of the time. They don't even know.
00:16:18
Speaker
Not everyone gets to have an awakening, knows their spiritual truth, right? And maybe they did and they lost it and they thought, oh, I just don't deserve it. Who knows what happened? But what needs to be really highlighted is that, you know, we live behind these images and these ideals because we think the reality might actually be bad.
00:16:39
Speaker
We self-sabotage because anytime we're close to something we truly want, we're afraid that maybe they'll find out I'm not capable. Maybe they'll find out I am deficient. Maybe they'll find out maybe that is true.
00:16:50
Speaker
You get so afraid of that deep, vulnerable, transparent reality that really sets you free. And so I was tired of these cycles of self-doubt and sabotage and I said, you know, i just want to own what I am, whatever it is.
00:17:03
Speaker
If there's something wrong with me, cool, I'll own that there's something wrong. That's really what it comes down to is the messages you're afraid of, the shadow work is to face it head on and say, okay, maybe they're right, but I still love me.
00:17:15
Speaker
There's nothing I could do about it. This is the way I'm born. And what I found is Hey guys, I want to remind you that my Truth Room membership is open for enrollment at 50% off for a lifetime right now.
00:17:27
Speaker
It is a limited time. The Truth Room is a place I created to help people get real about how they feel so you can heal. It's a no judgment zone. And I coach you back to your authentic self, really facing the feelings, facing the fears and clearing them, healing the inner child.
00:17:43
Speaker
and really being mirrored by people in a way that you've never been mirrored before. It's a consistent, healthy space to just be in the truth of where you're at. If you feel like you're wounded, great, that's where you are right now.
00:17:57
Speaker
That is your truth right now. So often people are like, is this my truth or is this my trauma? Where are you right now? That's where you are. And we start from there. So I encourage you to own what you feel, know that you're worthy, and join our truth room at 50% off for a limited time.
00:18:14
Speaker
You can check all the links. They will be below. And I can't wait to see you there.
00:18:20
Speaker
The attention deficit they told me I had, which was the difference in how I was perceiving or processing, is actually the difference I get to make in my work. I see it different, I process it different, and people are like, whoa.
00:18:33
Speaker
It gives you another dimension of awakening. But I wouldn't have ever been able to do the work to serve others to heal back to their authentic self unless I did it. Unless I claimed the part of me that was supposed to be deficient and wrong,
00:18:46
Speaker
And I actually started to see that it was actually my biggest
Being Misunderstood in Society
00:18:50
Speaker
desire. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a healer. I looked everywhere to try to be a healer in a way where I could get a degree, where I could actually be valid in society. But what I realized later in life was it's about being self-validated and then society or people who need it We'll validate it because you already have. When we look outside of ourselves to be validated before we're actually self-validated, then you're just codependent again.
00:19:18
Speaker
Then you're just dependent on undependable situations because conditions and people's opinions change all the time. And to really be free to anchor in that true authentic self and in that true mission is to look at all aspects of yourself and approve of it.
00:19:35
Speaker
Or change it. And if it's something you change can't change, let go and say, I'll do the best that I can. And so what is the mission? The mission is to let everyone know that there's nothing wrong with you. What's wrong is that you think something's wrong.
00:19:47
Speaker
Behind anyone who thinks there's something wrong with them or not good enough or whatever it is, Behind everyone who feels that way is a fear that it might be true.
00:20:01
Speaker
And so I want to encourage you guys today to check out anything you are afraid of within yourself. Because when you can get really real about what your fear is, you can check it out.
00:20:13
Speaker
So that's what I did. I checked it out. I just started sharing my insights and my different way of perceiving and my different way of processing. And what I found is that was the gift that I came here to do.
00:20:25
Speaker
And if I wouldn't have had the courage to question the narrative that that's what's wrong with you, I would have never found out what was right. I would have never come into my purpose work and feel so fulfilled every day and so excited I get to sit behind this desk and have deep, authentic conversations with humans.
00:20:42
Speaker
It's incredible. And so as I get ready to publish this book this year, i think it's so important to notice and understand that you are born in an emotional dark age. Highly sensitive people specifically and so many other types of people get very misunderstood because there is inadequacy in emotional intelligence all around you.
00:21:04
Speaker
So you will be told to deny your emotional truth because they are unaware of how to process it, understand it, take it in, anything. So it's not you who's inadequate or wrong.
00:21:16
Speaker
You're just born into a world that's not emotionally intelligent and doesn't accept differences because a lot of it is they don't want you to be empowered to make a difference. It's 111 right now, wow. And so here I am telling my truth and my story out loud and feeling nothing but complete peace about it.
00:21:34
Speaker
For so long, I lived behind this mask of maybe there is something wrong. I didn't know how to know it was right. When there was inconsistent messages, you know, as a model, it's like, oh you got the job, you feel good, or you're not working, you have a doubt.
00:21:48
Speaker
I don't have to live on a roller coaster because I'm always self-approved. I know I'm not perfect, but I know what my imperfections are and I work on them. I know there's absolutely nothing wrong with me.
00:22:00
Speaker
I know there's absolutely... There's nothing to question about the insight that I feel so anchored in. And I think when we can get so aligned with our inner child and so aligned with our inner guidance, we don't need to look outside of ourselves for approval, for guidance, for signs, for all that stuff, because it's a feeling that you trust so deeply within. And when you trust yourself so deeply within, that's when abundance wakes up because you know you deserve it. You won't sabotage it.
00:22:31
Speaker
You won't worry that it'll go away or you'll be punished or that you won't you know measure up. You know that your birthright is abundance, is confidence, is knowing that you belong here.
00:22:45
Speaker
So many of us grew up in families where we just didn't feel like we belonged. We weren't allowed to be part of the tribe. And sometimes you didn't feel like you fit in with society. Yeah, I've been there.
00:22:59
Speaker
And what I'll tell you is society is not the ultimate authority. Go higher. And so if you take anything from this podcast, yes, you'll see my book soon. Yes. It is a journey and yes, it is worth it to come back to the truth of who you are to discover that you are wonderful and not scary or shameful.
00:23:20
Speaker
You guys, I want to remind you that my Truth Room membership, why did I why did i create the Truth Room six years ago? i I created it as a room to really connect with your truth. I do deep healings with you. There's a community of incredible people. We've just upgraded our community to three different levels.
00:23:35
Speaker
It is 50% off um until I believe March 7th. We've had to extend it because there's major technical issues going on in some of the systems that we use and it's a whole thing. So we've extended it.
00:23:50
Speaker
And I know a lot of people haven't been getting the email, so I'm just sharing it here. as well but the truth room is so sacred to me it is the space i created because i couldn't find that tribe in the world so i created it online and over the years i feel like i belong everywhere i go so i hope you will check it out and dare to be totally mirrored authentically and dare to really see yourself for who you truly are and coming into that deeper, higher purpose, and having the life that you're born to live.
00:24:21
Speaker
I love you guys. I'll see you soon.