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Ep 22 Jessica Sutta's Journey from Pussycat Doll to Vaccine Injury Advocate
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I sit down with my soul sister and an empowering woman, Jessica Sutta. We take a deep dive into her extraordinary journey from being a cherished member of the international pop sensation Pussycat Dolls to becoming a dedicated vaccine injury advocate.
In this heartfelt conversation, Jessica shares her raw experiences of suffering a severe injury from the Moderna mRNA shot in August 2021, her advocacy work as the creative director of React 19, and how she found her true purpose in life.
We reminisce about our bizarre encounter on a Swedish soap opera in Miami and how that paved the way for future successes and hardships. This episode is a love letter to authenticity, resilience, and finding your true calling despite the odds.
If you're seeking inspiration, yearning to understand the realities of fame, or wanting to connect deeply with stories of resilience, tune in for an episode that's as healing as it is enlightening. You'll walk away with valuable insights into the true essence of self-worth, purpose, and the fight against societal denial.
Don't miss out—press play now to be a part of this transformative journey.
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Misunderstood' Podcast
00:00:02
Speaker
Hello, beautiful souls. I'm so grateful that you're tuning in. Welcome to my podcast, Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through an emotional dark age.
Sensitivity as a Superpower
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm your host, Candice Van Dal, and I'm honored to embark on this transformative journey with you.
00:00:17
Speaker
Have you ever felt like you didn't quite fit into the world around you or even your own family? Like your sensitivity was a burden rather than a gift. If so, you're not alone. And here's the truth. Your sensitivity is not a flaw. It's a superpower. It's what allows you to feel deeply, to connect with others on a profound level, and to access a higher realm of consciousness.
Purpose of the Podcast
00:00:38
Speaker
And on this podcast, we're going to explore how to harness that power and use it to create a life of purpose, passion, and true confidence. Here in this sacred space, we honor your sensitivity as the gift it truly is. Get ready to embark on the journey of unapologetic emotional honesty and next level healing. Let's dive in together.
00:00:59
Speaker
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Misunderstood, guiding highly sensitive people through an emotional dark age.
Introducing Jessica Suddha
00:01:04
Speaker
I am your host, Candice Vandell, and today I have the pleasure of interviewing an old friend of mine, a soul sister, and someone very near and dear to my heart, Jessica Suddha. She is a mother, a singer, a writer, a vaccine injury advocate.
00:01:19
Speaker
and a former member of the international, platinum-award-winning pop group, the Pussycat Dolls. After suffering a severe injury from the Moderna mRNA shot in August 2021, she dedicated herself to helping fellow victims and raising awareness for those who feel ignored and marginalized by society.
00:01:38
Speaker
As the creative director of React 19, a nonprofit organization that aids victims in vaccine injuries and their families in mourning, she remains steadfast in her advocacy
Candice and Jessica's Friendship
00:01:49
Speaker
work. I am so excited. Please help me welcome my guest, Jessica Setta.
00:01:55
Speaker
Jessica Sada, welcome to misunderstood. Thank you, beautiful. Thanks for having me. God, I'm so excited. I know it finally worked out. We both live in the middle of nowhere. And it took like weeks for our internet to cooperate. This is real life. This is real life. So I'm so happy you're here. I kind of wanted to tell people when I interview friends from the past, it's my favorite thing because it brings up, you know, situations and accomplishments and things that you forget about. And it's so important for our upbringing, like what happened and how we know each other. So I kind of want to say because it's hilarious. But Jessica and I met.
Reminiscing Swedish Soap Opera Days
00:02:33
Speaker
We met a lifetime ago in 2002. We shot this Swedish soap opera in Miami on Miami beach from 2002 to 2003. And I have a photo. I'm going to show the photo. Okay. I got to show this photo because I was like really in shock that it was still online. By the way, I was like, is this really online? Hold on. I'm going to show you baby Jessica.
00:02:59
Speaker
Oh my God. There's baby Candace. But wait, baby Megan Fox was in our show too. Wild, wild. It's so crazy. That's how you met. A whole different lifetime ago. But I have to tell you, that was one of the funnest projects I was ever on. One of my favorite jobs ever. I loved it. I loved it. I loved the friendships we made. I played a a gothic pill pop and teenager. like And I just love it. I'm not the greatest actress, but I loved it.
00:03:34
Speaker
it Well, and you're from Miami, so it was like and really good for you. I remember going to your house one day. I don't know why we were there. We're there by your pool. Was it your birthday? It was something and we're all at your house. Yeah, I just, celebrate on yeah. And we just, yeah, that was the best part. I was home saving money.
Jessica's Career Journey
00:03:52
Speaker
I was my hometown. You know, I really, I just loved it. I loved going to set every day. Love the directors. It was cool. The storyline was back as hell.
00:04:02
Speaker
It was so, do you know how many actors came from that show though? Like it's weird, like people we know, you know, like famous people. Well, I would say you're famous too, but so many famous people came from that show. Yes, you are. We're talking about that. um But I think it's amazing. I actually had a totally different experience than you because I had just started dating someone in Los Angeles and like three months into our relationship,
00:04:27
Speaker
I was like, bye, I'm going to Miami. It's my first gig. And he's like, what do you mean you're leaving our relationship? And so I was doing a long distance relationship for those what, 10 months that we shot and we shot like 130 episodes. It was crazy. Like a day, 13 hour day every day. Yeah. It was insane. It was insane. But I will say I did love the people and I did love the work. So for me, I was kind of like, Oh, I wish you would stop annoying me. I just want to dive in here. and This is so fun. And It was just like, it was like the perfect college experience. It really was a high school experience because you were like, you were like 18 or something, weren't you? 18. That's right. I was like 22. Wow. Well, first of all, you don't age at all. You are stunningly gorgeous. still Oh, thank you.
00:05:15
Speaker
Who are you? You look exactly the same. Thank you for saying that. I don't feel it at all, but I definitely, I probably, it's happiness is, I think, what keeps me feel feeling younger and maybe looking younger. Of course, I'm a scare and some concealer. too But you literally look amazing. You're beautiful. You too. And you are so extraordinary on that show. You played, you played the bit, but you're not.
00:05:45
Speaker
I was acting, I promise. Total acting.
00:05:50
Speaker
No, yeah i was I was always enamored by your beauty and I knew it was hard for you because your boyfriend was in L.A. But it was just it was fun to have that experience with you. Great memories. It was so great memories. And I was thinking, oh, by the way, it's funny that I played the bitch. Lindy Maddox was my name. Because I always played that role. I always played that role or like the college cool chick. I'm like, none of this feels like me, but okay. Sure. Got it. Can I please leave this career and just be what I am? Just go deep into people's psyches all day long.
00:06:22
Speaker
but speaking of psyches. So you and I reconnected over, I think Instagram four or five years ago, because I was posting about, and you were posting the
Life with the Pussycat Dolls
00:06:33
Speaker
same time. I was posting about my long COVID and how it was gnarly. And you had posted about your vaccine injury.
00:06:39
Speaker
And I was like, whoa, these symptoms are so similar, not vaccinated, but long COVID and vaccinated. And I kind of want to just dive right in. Before I say that, if you guys don't already know or didn't listen to my intro, Jessica was a member of the pussycat dolls. This is what happened to her after our crazy little Swedish soap opera. She became a world famous pussycat doll. I remember, hold on, gotta back it up. I remember seeing you on TV and I'm like,
00:07:06
Speaker
I know her what's like i can't believe it's you this is crazy and you were freaking amazing and perfect for that by the way i was like of course though and i want to kind of talk about that before we dive into the next thing because.
00:07:22
Speaker
That's amazing. To have that as part of your identity and part of your book of work is incredible. Were you in in shock by what happened to your life, where you just didn't feel natural? Bring me through how you get that, how it goes while you're doing that, and then what happens after? Walk us through this. How do you become a pussycat, y'all?
00:07:45
Speaker
the gate to make some trouble here. So yeah, ah right after Miami, um I moved to Los Angeles and I was trying to act and I was not a great actress. I was not looking for jobs. And I was like, well what's going on? So I ended up having to dance again. So I got a dance agent. And my first job was with Smokey the Bear, a public service announcement. And we were putting out Forest Fire in their top hats, as you do, and leotard tuxedos in the middle of the forest.
00:08:14
Speaker
And um yeah, they eventually cut out that part. But anyway, the best part of it was that I met Robin Anson, the creator of the Pussycat Dolls. And we totally hit it off on set. And she goes, I want you to cut your bangs. And I want you to be a part of this group. I create is called Pussycat Dolls. So the following week was the audition. And um yeah, it was out well there.
00:08:34
Speaker
It was crazy. And just like that, um I was a part of this beautiful burlesque underground show. And at the time we didn't have the record deal. um So it was about it was easy to get the job, but to really maintain the job and get into the pop group was about a year long audition process. And it was wow easy it was crazy. Talk about anxiety. I would be so anxious every day of the year.
00:09:01
Speaker
100%. Yeah, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. And the cast before, are not not ah not everyone was very nice. It was a very competitive nature. Dancers just kind of have this way about them and they want the job. And I came in very sensitive.
00:09:16
Speaker
you know, it took everything personal. So it was it was a rough go for me. um And I was actually shocked that I even made the group, to be honest with you. So it went down from a cast of 20 to 10 to six. And that's what the pussycat dolls became and like a pop group. So, um.
00:09:35
Speaker
I love that. Well, this is what I was going to say is I feel like in my own life, I noticed how what's meant to be, you're kind of ushered in. Like it's not even like you even know what's coming, but that kind of, that's kind of what happened to me when I started modeling and acting. I was like, I don't know if I want to do this. And they're like, here's your agent in LA. And I'm like, what? When like a lot of other people would try their whole life for this thing. I didn't even know I was being thrown into it. And that's what it sounds like with pussycat dolls. It's like you were your.
00:10:03
Speaker
obviously very talented. So you were your talented self. You were a singer, a dancer, um all the things. But you're like, what? This is going to be now a singing group. Like now I'm going to be on stages all over the world. Was that exciting? Insane? Did you like that? Did you like being on stage and doing that? I loved it. I lived for it. It was it.
00:10:26
Speaker
Being on stage with a live audience is a high that you just can't attain ever. it's just like There's nothing better than that, other than having a baby, of course, but it's definitely one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. and um Ironically enough, my mom called me Pussycat my whole life. like What a weird name.
00:10:46
Speaker
So, yeah, it was it it felt like it was divine for sure. And I definitely felt like I loved what it stood for. every Inside every woman is a pussycat doll. And it was about, you know, ah celebrating the feminine. And and it was just fun. And it was it was sassy, and but also classy. And it was just a great, great fit for me, I felt like. And I definitely identify myself.
00:11:09
Speaker
bear it for a very long time as a pussycat doll. Well, we'll talk about that later, how I broke from that, which was the most freeing. yeah you know so I was just going to say, Ooh, I got chills and you said that because It seemed very divine for you. The fact that that's your nickname, it's like, wow, that's just super perfect. It seems so divine for you. And what I was kind of thinking about this morning before we got on the call is like, sometimes the hardest things that happen in life are exactly what need to happen to break us back into the truth of who we are. And sometimes the most exciting things are
00:11:45
Speaker
sort of the lead way into that.
Post-Band Identity and Motherhood
00:11:47
Speaker
But I noticed like you're a pussycat doll. You had this amazing life. You had a baby. You got married. Like you literally were living everything. Probably the dream for yourself, I would say. I mean, it looked like a dream to me. Maybe not. We'll find out. But then this thing happens that changes your life. So kind of walk us through the timeline of those things. Or did something happen before that? Like, how did this sort of go for you?
00:12:14
Speaker
The Pussycat Dolls actually broke up in 2009 and nine and um I went off and did um dance music and had achieved some level of success, not mainstream, but it was never the the level of success of Pussycat Dolls. And what I've noticed is when you identify yourself as like where you were and like the the stardom of a group or the popularity of a group, it also starts to affect you personally and then it really kind of degrades like who you are as a person and you get very very lost. So there was a very long time where like I like went to alcohol or went to things to kind of fulfill this void of like really not who I was other than a pussycat doll. And um I guess in 2018, we decided to get back together.
00:13:03
Speaker
And it was like very exciting and exhilarating. And I was really looking forward to it. And I get on, we get to rehearsal. We have the most amazing first show. And then it starts falling back into how it was decades ago where or a decade ago, where it was just.
00:13:18
Speaker
the synchronicity and things were just not vibing anymore. It just wasn't as magical as it was 10 years ago. And it just fell back into like bad, not bad behavior, but past behavior, you know, where the reason why we broke up was because we were kind of having dysfunction within the group and we weren't growing as artists at all. Um, and it was just kind of like, so when we went back, I realized after one show, I was like, God,
00:13:46
Speaker
This just doesn't feel right to me anymore. I love that I experienced it. It's beautiful. However, I just feel like this isn't me anymore. So February 2020 comes around and they start closing the borders because of COVID.
00:14:05
Speaker
And I got home and I knew then and there, I'm like, i this is not for me anymore. you know As horrible as COVID was, it really helped me kind of see and seek out who I was inside. you know and And it wasn't what I wanted in my life. you know We weren't evolving as artists. We weren't singing live. you know I go to introduce myself on stage and my microphone's not on. you know And I'm just like,
00:14:30
Speaker
I've had 10 years of my own success with a live microphone. Maybe I'm not the greatest singer, but I could not, for me as an artist, that's not fulfilling and I'm not a puppet, you know? So that was the main thing. So then we ended up getting my son, our son MJ.
00:14:45
Speaker
And I had him and I held him and I looked him and I said, oh, yeah, there's no way in hell. I'm going back to the pussycats. I was like, this is done. This is this is what I've searched for my whole life. This is what I've chased better than any any place on stage is is holding this little being in my arms. And I finally found my purpose. And that was being a mother. And that was it for me.
00:15:08
Speaker
Yeah. Oh my God. Love healed you 100%. 100%. And I look fondly, and you know, to the past, I wish we hadn't gotten back together because it definitely like revoked more like things from the past. And then I'm like, you know, you hold on to resentment and things like that. But the past four years have allowed me to really let go of that and really find myself, you know? Um, but yeah, so that's kind of how it ended.
00:15:35
Speaker
with me and the pussycat dolls. So that, I mean, that feel that tracks for me. It feels like that would make so much sense. All, all the things that you said and what I have a question about, which is interesting is I absolutely understand identifying with something bigger than ourselves, right? That isn't even our true self. But what I think is interesting is before the pussycat dolls, do you feel like you knew who you were? Do you feel like,
00:16:02
Speaker
you knew your purpose before then or did something shift because it was like at another level now or was it all that external validation that was such a drug that was such a confirmation of I'm good and then that's gone a confirmation of I have a purpose a place in the world and now it's gone. How do you think that you started to lose yourself and or your true identity in that group?
00:16:26
Speaker
Oh, almost immediately. it First of all, I felt like I wasn't good enough to be in it. I always felt just never, you know, so that's kind of just the curse of being a dancer and a perfectionist. And, um you know, we were ah pop a pop group where we were told what to say and to dress and to your character in this. So each year that went by, I went further and further away of who I thought I was, which I had no idea who I was coming into LA. I was just this young eve girl that just, you know,
00:16:58
Speaker
no clue was and then the further and further away i got from myself the further away i but i like didn't want to be close to myself anymore i was actually afraid to be on my own so go to relationships or we go to alcohol to get further and further away of who i truly was because for some reason i didn't think that girl was good enough. And i just i never embraced her even though i had the idea and i thought oh yes i'm humble and this note wasn't bad at all i was completely lost.
00:17:26
Speaker
you know And I think Hollywood can do that too. you It can inflate your sense of ego and just you just get lost along the way. you know This is such a perfect example of literally everything I teach in my courses because It is the journey and yours is not yours is not different than anyone else's journey. It's just different stuff, right? Different characters. But the journey of finding the true self and losing the self and then having external sources to fill the void of self, which is really just knowing who you are but because you love yourself. So many of us, especially in this narcissistic society are not taught
00:18:01
Speaker
that who you naturally are is worthy doesn't matter what you call this matter who likes you doesn't matter what your body weight is right that's a huge thing in hollywood. It doesn't matter what matters is what your value is to yourself to everyone that you know to the people in your life what your point is though in the world what your purpose is in the world and most people don't know that and they're not gonna know that because they don't know who they are.
00:18:23
Speaker
And then when they find it outside of them and that thing is gone, I always say like corporate codependency is huge. People feel safe in a corporation because they know how to show up. They know who to please. And I'm like, when that company's gone, so are you. When that narcissistic partner is gone, so are you. You might as well define yourself based on yourself, which is obviously where we're going for you. So first of all, I have to say I'm proud of you because that's a massive thing to go through. Like massive, especially publicly. You know what I mean?
Vaccine Injury and Personal Growth
00:18:52
Speaker
for sure. yeah Especially in the social media world too, I think it it definitely adds another layer of stress and racism. And yeah, you have to build very in which shape you know, still don't have, you know, so. I just love how humble and like honest you you have not changed at all.
00:19:11
Speaker
And like given all the things you've been through, you could have changed. And maybe there were times where you were like more this, more that, but like, this is how I remember you specifically. Like your inner world is the same. It's beautiful. yeah i The last, but after my injury, which I'm sure we'll get into, it humbled me to a place where I could actually cry about it. um yeah yeah yeah know I met myself.
00:19:37
Speaker
And I know that ego doesn't mean shit, you know? And I definitely did change in the group 100%. I did. I regret a lot of my my behavior, you know? But I've given it all to God and now each day i live I live in the best way that I can and amends and all of that, you know? And far away from Hollywood. Yeah, we both moved far away from Hollywood. We are in this now.
00:20:02
Speaker
yeah Isn't that funny? You know what's funny? I just want to say this quickly is when I um when i moved away from LA, it was because of the Woolsey fire. My house was in the Malibu fire, but I noticed I kept migrating more west, west, west at that point, like further and further away from Hollywood. And when I left LA, it was almost like the vibration was so different from my own. It just didn't feel right anymore after being there 20 years.
00:20:31
Speaker
And I was being pushed into like my next dimension. That's when my business started going like kind of crazy too. And I was like, oh, my next purpose of just living totally authentically can't happen in this environment, which is what I kind of see for you too. Like you have to go somewhere that resonates with the healing work that is required. And yeah, I mean, I could literally talk about this for hours with you, but I do want to move into a really important topic of meeting yourself.
00:20:59
Speaker
Yeah. And it's funny that sometimes are like I said, our biggest traumas make us meet ourselves. I often say that I've always known that I wanted to do this yeah ever since I was a kid. I wanted to be a spiritual psychologist. I wanted to do this since I was a kid, but it didn't exist. So I'm like, I guess I'll have to go the other route entertainment. But what's funny is I think I saw a quote today. So I kind of want, I thought it was interesting that I saw it today. And there's this quote about,
00:21:26
Speaker
People who are obsessed with astrology, psychology, or personalities were children who never were understood in the home. And my podcast is called Misunderstood. And what I do is deep dives into this all day. And I thought, I think that's why I knew, well, I know that's why I knew my purpose early on because it was, my soul was always craving the love I wasn't getting. It was always craving the understanding I wasn't getting. And I decided I'm going to make myself understand myself and everyone so I can have that connection.
00:21:53
Speaker
And so some people, yeah some people get that hit of like their purpose later in life, like we'll talk about with you. I feel like mine was early and there's a double-edged sword because when you're young and you're so traumatized, it kind of makes you go into almost certain paths of other people who just don't know who they are or just didn't have all the self-love or just, right? It's kind of, we're all the same.
00:22:19
Speaker
But for you, this came at how, I don't know, five years ago, four years ago, about four years. Well, yeah, about four years ago, a little less. so Yeah. And it would tell us what that looks like.
00:22:31
Speaker
so You know, having MJ transcended me and I'm like, okay, I'm done with Hollywood. I'm done. I'm retiring. This is great. I love being a mom, right? Um, and then it got deeper after I had an adverse reaction to the Madrona shot. And it's the most taboo thing you could ever talk about. And I totally get it. And I lost any, anything I felt in my career because of me speaking out, but I had to because it made me so sick.
00:22:55
Speaker
And it made me fall to my knees and surrender um to a point, into a place where everything around me, when I call it The Matrix now, Hollywood, all of it, it was all fake. And then no one was believing me how sick I was.
00:23:11
Speaker
So I'm more isolated, more isolated, being made fun of all of these things. And my pain is real. It's so painful. I'm in the hospital. They're gaslighting me. They're not doing the proper testing to see what's really going on with me. So for me, I was felt like I was at the brink of death because what happened was it started as a muscle spasm.
00:23:30
Speaker
But then it ended up being burning through my rib cage, like ripping through my rib cage and up and down my spine. Every part of my skin hurts my fingers, my toes, my eyelids, everything. I mean, it's just like it completely hijacked my whole body. And I had to surrender and i I just had a conversation with God.
00:23:48
Speaker
And I realized then and there what was most important in life, and it was nothing that that I ever thought it was. What I thought my purpose was was not my purpose. I love to entertain. Don't get me wrong. I miss it. I'm still going to do it eventually somehow, some way, but that's not what's important in life. Health, close to God, family, happiness. I mean, it it just hit me like a freight train, Candice, and it humbled me beyond anything I could have ever experienced in my whole life. And that was what 39 at that time. So yeah, it took me a long time to get there but out there. Honestly, I keep getting chills when you talk because I can, the words that you say and the way you describe experiences is exactly what I experienced, but in a different way. Right. And it's like, when you come back to what matters, I had a similar experience to you of being gaslit. This is why I always say that.
00:24:43
Speaker
The system we live in is a narcissistic system. It is an emotionally unintelligent system. It is an emotional dark age. They like to deny things that they don't understand and make you wrong. And my situation was being at a kid at seven years old with ADHD and them telling me there's something wrong. And I know that there's not, I know that there's something wrong with the system who can't understand my way with you being told You're not feeling that you're not really sick. How infuriating to be like, I'm probably going to die here and no one is going to validate or mirror my experience. How amazing it must have been for you to find other vaccine injured people with a similar experience who are like, Oh hell yeah, girl, this is real. And I know that this topic is taboo and it's misunderstood. And there's a lot of judgment out there, which is why I say this. I'm known for saying the shit that a lot of people don't want to say because it's true.
00:25:32
Speaker
And I think the reality is it is a real thing. Does it happen to everyone? No, it doesn't mean it doesn't happen to a lot of people. And the level that you went through specifically, which is why I was so excited to talk about this with you, was next level to what a lot of people think it even is. Like you literally weren't even walking at one point. You didn't know if you were going to live at one point. So when it gets that serious and people keep denying that it's real, how do you deal with that? what What were you thinking at that time? It was it was incredibly isolating and that's when I found myself that I felt obviously my husband was amazing and he had my back and he's the first person that said I think you have a vaccine injury and he showed me a video of ah a friend of ours um in Boston this girl it was like at least a thousand women saying dearfizer dear fizer dear fizer and then like
00:26:23
Speaker
letting Letting them get all the the symptoms that they were going through and it was everything I was going through and I shut down the computer i said I don't want to see this because all my belief system is about to crumble, right? So I had some empathy and sympathy for people that could not accept it and still can't because their whole belief system will crumble and it is like it's a you're going to go through a stage of grief. And that's what I went through anger and sadness and all of that. And um I stopped talking to a lot of people. I stopped trying to convince everyone, you know, and then three o'clock in the morning couldn't sleep. I was on my phone looking for like UFO like conspiracy theories. And I ended up coming across the round table with Senator Ron Johnson, um talking about the vaccine injured.
00:27:09
Speaker
And this girl, Brianne Dressing, who is the co-founder of React 19, the nonprofit ah for the vaccine injured, ah did a testimony and everything she was saying was resonating. and I'm like, Oh my God, I'm not alone. I'm not alone. And if it wasn't for these testimonies and for these brave souls to go out into DC and to to to use their voices, I don't know where I'd be today. They saved my life.
00:27:34
Speaker
And, um, it was, it was eye-opening. And then I finally, I went even deeper. And that's when I, um, found Robert Kennedy Jr's book. Um, the real Anthony Fauci read that in two days, you know, it was, I was just seeking answers, seeking answers because it felt so lonely. And I was like, why, you know, and I truly did believe Candice. I was in the brink of death because I didn't know what was going on.
00:27:57
Speaker
They're still hard. Even four years later, row I have moments like the other day, I lay on the couch and I'm like, Oh my God, am I okay? You know, and every test says, I'm going to have lupus markers now. And I'm like, what is this going to manifest into? You know, so it's constant giving it to God, giving it to God. Um, so yeah, so that's kind of how I found like my sanity was through the internet. And then I reached out to react 19, um, and, um, Louie,
00:28:24
Speaker
who was heading the the instagram page he like totally helped me and was beautiful he's he's been actually injured too as myocarditis which is so so not rare which is so sad young young people right yeah and yeah and then i became friends with them they connected me to other vaccine injury and i just we built a community And they were asking, do you think you want to speak out publicly? I'm like, oh, I don't know. I was just in treatment today. And there's all these bigger stars there, way bigger than me, bigger platforms, bigger outreach, that were all sitting around getting treatments so sick. And they're like, are you going to speak out? No, I don't want to speak out. You're going to speak out? No, I don't want to speak. And it was just like, I'm like, oh my God.
Hollywood Realities and Authentic Living
00:29:05
Speaker
And that's when the matrix started to come believe in more. And I'm like, in Hollywood,
00:29:09
Speaker
We're told to praise these people, eat what they do, dress how they think they do, and all this. We base our lives on these people, but now they're holding this massive, deadly secret from the public and they're not going to say anything, you know?
00:29:25
Speaker
I have compassionate contracts. I get it. But at that time for me, I'm retired. I was ready to sail off to the sunset with my son. you know And I was like, I have to do something. um And then the morning that I decided that I was going to do it, this lady was on the news and she was laughing about the fact that they were stopping the mandates for the military. And she goes, can you believe they still don't think it's safe and effective? And I am so sick.
00:29:51
Speaker
I'm looking at the TV, and i that was the last time I i watched mainstream television. And I um i reached out to Yann from American Thought Leaders and and asked them if I could be on a show. So a very conservative network. I didn't expect for a Pussycat to all be like, hey, can I go on your show, you know?
00:30:09
Speaker
yeah and I was never a conservative before this. I've always been very open-minded, but that's changed considerably just because of the way the world has become, too. you know Absolutely agree. I am, we're under, but that's a whole other discussion.
00:30:29
Speaker
I spoke out and it was very scary, um but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. and i Even though I pissed off a lot of people, I think I woke a lot of people up and hopefully saved some lives because that's why I do it. Everyone follow that I get.
00:30:44
Speaker
Oh, every hate thing that I get, I'm like, it was worth it because I know that I'm helping someone. And especially when we spoke and you said that you are affected by the the the virus, which was a gain of function situation. So it was a bioweapon. I hate to say it, especially the first the first hit of it. So a lot of people have autoimmune conditions from it, heart conditions from it. It's very real.
00:31:11
Speaker
And I remember like, like what should I take? I'm like, take this and this. I honestly, we can go wherever we want with that because honestly, I feel like you speaking up and being in alignment with your truth, regardless of who you lose, I always say, lose the ones that aren't aligned.
00:31:28
Speaker
gain more than are. And, you know, even with COVID, it's like connecting me with so many heart centered friends and people that I align with mentally, emotionally in the path. And I don't give a shit if other people don't agree because it's truth for you. And one of the things I wanted, there's so much I want to say, but one of the things I think is important is you and I both living in Hollywood, it's a bunch of false idols, people. The reason that I learned this is when I sat started sitting behind this deskck desk 12 years ago and I started, I started, not interviewing, sorry, I started coaching and doing therapy for very famous people. I realized, holy shit, nobody knows the reality. Holy shit, it set me free, Jess. It set me free because I was like, oh my God, it is all a delusion and an illusion. And what was so amazing to me is I realized everybody is the fucking same.
00:32:22
Speaker
We have the same insecurities and emotions and issues. I have so many insane stories. I can't tell cause of and NDAs, but one of the first times I realized it was very early on in my career as a coach. This less than 18, I think she was 16. So her mom had to like, you know, whatever. So she's a 16 year old, very, very famous actress. And I remember her.
00:32:46
Speaker
calling me, I was sleeping at like 2 a.m. from this extreme tragedy that was going on right after she got off the red carpet and ah literally wanted to tell me the story because she had nowhere to go. And I remember thinking, you're just on the red carpet. Like, just put this out there, Hollywood. You're on the red carpet. All the photos are being taken of you. You're going to look amazing tomorrow in every magazine. And you're calling me at 2 a.m. because you can't handle what's at home.
00:33:08
Speaker
And I was thinking to myself, this is why we need to stop putting Hollywood and anyone else that you think has a dominant energy or is better than you because of these manmade freaking measures and statuses and bullshit that God didn't create, but wounded humans created and really take yourself off that. Yeah. Because the reality is when you see what's real, you're like, Oh, it's like an immediate permission slip to own everything about yourself. And what you said that was so beautiful as you saw immediately what was of highest value, family, health, community, God, like if we could all live that way, I've been the happiest person alive since I've been doing that.
00:33:50
Speaker
And it's like re i it's a purpose driven life. It's not an ego driven life. And the reason we have this ego driven life is because we were born into this crazy society that said something about your authentic self is wrong or not enough because we had parents that actually followed that that didn't their own, didn't do their own work. And so sometimes it's something massive to wake us up, to bring us back to.
00:34:10
Speaker
our authentic value system and who we truly are. You can't not be who you are now because you need to stay healthy. You need to be a mom to your son. You need to actually live a certain way to survive. And so one of the questions I had to ask, I love my little rant, sorry about that, but it happens. i love it thought you know it like marie but Thank you. um I wanted to ask you, first of all, I love that you found your tribe really of just authentic individuals and things that resonate and
00:34:43
Speaker
How did you start to feel better? Because I remember when I went through long COVID, it was like four to six months. Half my body would go numb. I couldn't speak some days. I couldn't articulate words. I didn't remember my name. Like weird ass shit was happening to me. And I just had a very light COVID thing, right? So I always intuitively knew if I got the vaccine, I might not make it. That was my intuition. So when I saw you, I was like, I think I was right.
00:35:12
Speaker
How did you start to heal? it Because I still get some of them, too. Like if I have caffeine or if something if I'm too stressed, I'm like, oh, ah oh, like I get those weird hits where I have to bring myself back to present and center. How did this start to get better for you?
00:35:32
Speaker
Over time, it hasn't gotten completely better. I'm not fully healthy yet, which is so frustrating. Yesterday, I had one of the most beautiful days. I didn't have much pain, but um since I've taken the second shot, it my whole body has been hijacked, so it's just not me anymore. um What makes me feel better is having beautiful conversations like this.
00:35:53
Speaker
my son walking if I can that day. you know um yeah i just Yeah, it's tough. Life gets really tough. I can't wait for the day that God really lifts this from me because I'm always in meditation when I walk. and i see I feel like when we live in the matrix, I've turned into a crazy person. I don't care. But I feel like the illness is scary.
00:36:17
Speaker
evaporating off of me. So I'm in a meditation, so I feel like it's evaporating off of me. So like yeah dna so but it's constant visualization of that for me, handing it to God, handing over the resentment, because ah living in the resentment creates more disease. And I feel like I don't want to let them win, you know, because there's people behind this that didn't want us to stay healthy and I'm not going to let them win. You know, um, it even gets dark where in the vaccine injured community, especially in Canada, one of the things that's offered is assisted suicide. And I've known a lot of people that have actually taken this. Oh, yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
00:36:58
Speaker
because then I can't stop with the full body chills. Like we need to do a part two about conspiracy theories and truths next time, but like, yeah what the hell is going on? My whole body's like tingling. I'm like, that's true. That's truth. I can feel it. Unfortunately, you know, um, and that's a big thing in Canada. I don't know how it's going now, but we've known people that have decided to take that route. And for me, I know that there's people behind this and we my whole thing is, is that that is not an option.
00:37:24
Speaker
you need to keep on fighting. We need to be strong together because we are stronger. Our voices are louder together. And um that's the one thing that I just, is I try to drive into everyone that I meet that's vaccine injured, you know, because the censorship, you know, Zuckerberg comes out, well, you Biden, this, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh, really? You're sorry. I actually know about 12 people that couldn't get a hold of the community on the Facebook.
00:37:51
Speaker
group chats and actually took their life. My friend Bree had to deal with so many missed messages where it was the next day they were gone and she could do nothing about it. The trauma that has been instilled in this community has been unforgivable. It's good to change now. But I mean, that's how severe the these injuries are. And that's why it's so important to get louder and louder.
00:38:14
Speaker
And when um Bobby Kennedy asked me to be on his campaign as a surrogate, I was like, absolutely. Hell yeah. and about backse injury he goes yeah I like, cool.
00:38:26
Speaker
yeah so Amazing. So important because no one else will let you do that, but it takes the ones that understand the, the, how critical this is and how painful it's been for us and also decades of other vaccines and things like that. And all the truths are going to be coming out very soon. Um, it takes us a particular man. So we're very lucky to have him as a champion, you know? Absolutely. I think it's,
00:38:51
Speaker
Really interesting. I get so excited when people speak truth because my whole body shivers. It's like this weird thing. And so I'm like, yes, yes, yes. And like, I can't deny it. I'm like, that's my person right there. But what's so interesting is like, I feel your role now is your God given role. Would you agree?
00:39:09
Speaker
Absolutely. Absolutely. i I mean, even when you speak, I'm like accurate, accurate. Like I, not like I know, but like I can feel truth. And when someone is aligned so highly with something that I can feel into energetic alignment, I'm like, Oh yes, this is what upsets me so much when people down people for their beliefs or down there is a reason people believe the things that they do. I love that you're in the position that you're in.
00:39:34
Speaker
I feel like I can't wait for the deepest truth. ah you know My life is about finding the deepest truth. And so when people are in extreme resistance to you in that way, or extreme defensiveness, I say, what are you denying in yourself? What are you afraid to look at? Because if you don't have something to defend people who are in their authentic truth don't have to defend
Seeking Truth and Challenging Norms
00:39:55
Speaker
anything. It is what it is. It just is. And that's what I love about truth work is it just is you'll see. And it might take time. But what I think is interesting is the people that fight against it most I look at and I say, shit, how we do one thing, we do all things.
00:40:10
Speaker
You're living in a bubble of denial and you're about to wake up from the matrix, whatever that is for you, and it's not going to be cute. And you mentioned something just to go back a few minutes. You mentioned something about you're going to have to break down your whole belief system to really enter the authentic reality of who you are and what life is and what the world is, which I, we need to do a part two because I really want to die. Oh yeah. Um,
00:40:33
Speaker
But I feel like I felt for so long that I was living like you said alone in the realities that I was just intuitively seeing and feeling and it's so excited. It's so exciting when you can. So this is why I think things are getting so polarized now because I feel like there's people who are busy living in the matrix of denial and people who have woken the fuck up from it. And it's really hard, but it's really good.
00:40:57
Speaker
It's like meaningful and neither one I can say right or wrong. It doesn't matter. But what's, what matters is the fight between needing someone to be right and wrong because we have to deny reality in somebody else, which I think is the most frustrating fucking thing on the planet is having your reality denied and you're literally living it. And that's what I hear you've been doing for the last four almost almost five years is living in this reality that now you're fighting for and other people can literally in your face say, Oh, that's bullshit. That doesn't happen. And you're like,
00:41:27
Speaker
Come again? I can't walk today. When you just said that some days now you're like, can I even walk? It's like four and a half or four some years later and you're still wondering, am I going to be okay today? How do people deny that? Like it's, it pisses me off so much. Obviously you can tell. yeah They're in fear because, you know, to, to realize I was so angry when I realized I was lied to my whole life that everything we've been taught, I even questioned the moon landing, not to go into more conspiracy.
00:41:57
Speaker
i really do believe that they have control the manipulators in a way where it's like what is really true and i question everything and we're allowed to question everything. And um and i don't live for other people anymore i live for myself but you know i always get the comments will you don't look like a twenty seven like you werere in the past couple of my michael yeah because i'm a mom.
00:42:17
Speaker
yeah and You actually do look the same, you actually do. But it's wild that people just hold on to these ideas that make them comfortable and safe in their space, but they're not allowed to break out of that. So I hope that this this coming year when you know all these truths are coming out, which can be very painful for people,
00:42:38
Speaker
um Especially vaccine injury, I think when people realize that it's not rare. That's the one thing that I've been saying really to people like once you realize this is not rare, you're going to regret this, you're going to regret that you didn't do something sooner, because the people that got the vaccine are, you know, they care about the community, they want to make sure grandma's safe, but you know what I mean? So yeah big hearts.
00:43:00
Speaker
So for them to, told that they were lied to, possibly in danger because mRNA technology has been proven very dangerous since 1986. I spoke to Dr. Judy Mikovitz, who was one of the people that helped create it. She was at our house for dinner. Like I've been seeking out everyone to get my truths, right? um It's going to instill a lot of fear, but there's nothing to fear.
00:43:23
Speaker
but we need to come together and find resolutions and stop this from happening to anyone else. I don't want people to go through what I go through ever. No, no. And I had nothing compared to what you had and the little bit that I had by just getting COVID. I was, I remember, I'm going to be totally honest with you guys.
00:43:42
Speaker
I remember a day I was driving in the car where all of a sudden I couldn't remember my name or what I was or who I was. It was so fucking scary. This was a few years ago. And I remember thinking, maybe just take me because I don't know how to survive like this. And that was like, I had a brief moment where I thought that I'm like, Oh my God, that's because I always.
00:43:59
Speaker
in this spell of not knowing what reality is because of a neurological and they said it's very neurologically ah it affects you neurologically thank god mine was like brief moments and it was over but i just remember that little moment i'm like. Yeah i'm like think about someone who deals with that on the daily i can't even imagine it i literally can't imagine it and so.
00:44:23
Speaker
I just have to tell you, you're bravery in doing this. And it's funny when people are like, oh, you're so brave. I'm like, it's not lit. I'm brave. It's that it's true. So it is true, though. It is brave for you to be so aligned with your truth that you don't have a choice. Right. That's how I feel, too, in some ways. And I want to ask you something um and you don't have to answer this, but that's why we have to do part two. But I want to ask you.
00:44:47
Speaker
Something you can talk about. What do you think one of the biggest truths that may or may not come out? um What do you think it is or how would it really affect the people that are in such denial of these said truths that are about to come out? What do you think one of those things would be? I know it's like hard to. Very controversial. I will say that autism is going to be one of the biggest subjects coming out of the next year of disclosure.
00:45:16
Speaker
Um, because there are no testing to really indicate what it's coming from, but the parents that have autistic children that took their child, their very healthy baby hitting milestones, taken to the wellness visit, and the very next day, they don't even make eye contact, they're gone. um Having said that, having been sick by a vaccine myself, I can see that being a possibility, because like you said, it hits you neurologically. It does, it it and attacks the central nervous system, it inflames the brain. It does things that unfortunately are, I can't imagine this happening to a little baby.
00:45:53
Speaker
That's another reason why I had to speak out. i can't so A baby that can't articulate that their whole body hurts, that they can't remember what a name is, or you know what I mean? like They can't articulate anything.
00:46:04
Speaker
And it's just not fair. so they're all things you know I hope I'm proven wrong. I really do. um But unfortunately I live in on a molecular level where it's like, I don't know. And you know I was told that there are no safety testings, not one for any of the the vaccines since 1986. So not one.
00:46:26
Speaker
You know, the hearing that happened the other day with Bobby and all these senators like, well, there's all this rigorous testing and all these blah, blah, blah. And he goes, okay, well, if you want to show me the test, then I'll apologize, but they can't. um yeah Because he won a lawsuit against Anthony Fauci because Anthony Fauci could not provide it. So this, all this gaslighting, it just can be killed with one sentence. There are no safety testing, no double blind placebo testings. You don't want to put that in your body or your child's body.
00:46:56
Speaker
It's not something because the authorities that be say, this is what you need to do. Like one thing I kind of want to just add in here. I also have always been like independent, you know, and I started going to more of a conservative side because during COVID, if I can't go to a restaurant, I can't fly and I can't work because I don't get vaccinated. That is taking away a lot of freedoms.
00:47:21
Speaker
That is saying you have to do this thing that could potentially really hurt you if you want to survive. Can we just say that for a minute? My own mother said, if you don't, I'm sorry, mom, if you don't get the vaccine, I can't see you because a lot of people, like you said, are really wanting to take care of community and older people. And I understood that. So I said, I guess I won't be seeing you for a few years and I actually haven't seen her since, which isn't because of that reason.
00:47:44
Speaker
But that was the beginning of I guess I can't see certain people and I guess that's fine because I don't want to die or potentially get injured or potentially go against my instinct that says so because no one understands what I'm feeling in my long covid. They think it's just a prolonged cold. No, it's not. I really don't know my name some days. So the fact that it's interesting, the fact that you can't do these things.
00:48:07
Speaker
or make money or live life or go see loved ones unless you do this thing was very interesting to me. So again, it's that gasoline. These are the false idols. These are authorities. And when you look under the mask of the authorities, which is also what I've been doing for 12 years is interviewing people or having clients who are in a very high authority.
00:48:26
Speaker
position who are really wounded emotionally and you're like they're making decisions based on their reality, not the be all and all. We have to become advocates for ourself. We have to live a healthy, aligned life for ourself. No matter if people say that's right, wrong, good, bad, we have to become intuitive with ourself and really own that. And so Jessica Sada, is there anything else you'd like to add today before we do part two coming soon? ok You let me know when you want to do part two. I love it. I just adore you. Gosh, it's been 20 years, almost 22 years. Can you believe it? They're 23, maybe. Oh my God. The first thing I said when you got on is, did we have coffee yesterday? It feels the same. This is so weird. It's so weird. It's like we were going to the set of Miami and I was a gothic pill poppin' teenager, like black nails.
00:49:21
Speaker
I want to find a photo and I'm post that, like, that's amazing. There's actually clips, but I won't say that out loud. Don't look. You look gorgeous. Well, what I think is funny, like you got to be goth girl and now you're like this burlesque chick. And then you're like, you get to be all these cool things. I'm always just, you know, the, what, what was I like sorority girl or bitch girl or what?
00:49:47
Speaker
but yeah So far from who you are, babes. You're so much more. And it's been such a pleasure to talk to you and to see your how extraordinary you are and who you've become is beautiful and how you're healing the world is is just such a beautiful thing to see. I'm proud of you, truly.
00:50:05
Speaker
I almost want to cry. I will say the exact same thing to you. I think, thank you. I think it's so, this is one of my favorite things is when I haven't seen someone for 20 years and our paths are now so aligned again. Like what I, what I thought was so cool the last few years is my closest girlfriends or people I always had a connection with that was special.
00:50:28
Speaker
We are in the same vortex still. Like we have different lives. You became a mom, you became a wife, you became a pussy gutter. All these crazy cool things happen. But here we are like having the same authentic conversations again. And I just value true friendship and true connection so deeply. And I just thank you so much for being in my life, for being in the lives of so many people that you are healing with your deep, amazing truth.
00:50:52
Speaker
I can't wait to continue our conversation, part two. I'm not lying about that, that it's happening in maybe part three and four. But there's so much to be said, and I just love you so much, and thank you so much, and you'll be seeing more of Jessica very soon. Hey! Thank you, guys.