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WTF NEWS Jeffs birthday Special
16 Plays3 days ago
on this episode we find some funny florida man and and Of course the ever loved penis report
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Transcript
Midweek Humor and Fake Sponsorships
00:03:01
Speaker
Hello everybody. It is Wednesday. That means it's home. a a Yay, which means the weeks, you know, the, the, looking on the bright side weeks, half silver. Um, I guess, I mean, is half favorite. I mean, if you want to, you want to look on the bright side, if you want to,
00:03:31
Speaker
Buy some kind of happiness. I mean, the fact that that it still remains, I have to get up and go to work tomorrow. So that's still, I know it doesn't. lose shit Yeah, we should all be billionaires by now. I'm just saying now, at least yeah mean somebody eat on Musk on the phone. Let me borrow a couple of billion.
00:03:53
Speaker
But yeah, it is what the fuck news tonight. um We got some stories. We've got, of course, the mandatory penis stories tonight. And I have a present for you. We just have to wait a few more minutes and I'll show you. Actually, you know what? We can actually show this. um I got something for my birthday today, buddy. What up, Benji? I got us a sponsor.
00:04:22
Speaker
sort of Check it out. Check it out. This is our new sponsor.
00:04:29
Speaker
Mom, can I have a popsicle? No, honey, you'll spoil your- Hey, parents, tired of those out of control kids? Throwing embarrassing tantrums wherever they go. At the grocery store, on the playground, even at the dinner table. You've had it with parenting. But wait, there is a solution. Introducing Nap Time, the latest most effective tool for child tantrum prevention. It's simple. Just douse a rag with our patented sleepy time formula, place it over your child's cry hole, press and hold gently for eight to 12 seconds, and presto, no more tantrum.
00:05:04
Speaker
I was beginning to think adoption was the only way out. Then a friend of mine introduced me to Naptime. It's never been so quiet around here. The secret lies in Naptime's revolutionary fast asleep formula. Developed by military trained scientist doctors from NASA, Naptime's powerful molecules rush to the child's brain on contact, gently inducing instant tranquility.
00:05:30
Speaker
This is chloroform. already put those wallet- draining crap factories out on the street that's okay naptime works in any situation on the golf course an awkward blind date i had a really good time tonight tonight um it even works on pets After we had our first child here, we regretted it almost immediately. We didn't know that she'd cry so much. Talk about defective. But thanks to nap time, our little Samantha here hasn't made a noise in weeks. I keep her in a shoebox.
00:06:03
Speaker
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00:06:34
Speaker
Then don't wait! Order today and join the millions of Americans who just can't stop saying... Thanks, Nap Time. Thanks, Nap Time. Thanks, Nap Time. Nap Time! When they just won't shut up. Nap Time is not legal in the following states.
00:06:54
Speaker
They call me Casobano!
00:07:03
Speaker
exactly Noise I saw that the other day I reached out got us a sponsorship buddy. They're paying us all of zero But yeah, I thought that was funny. So I made that real quick ah i all Zero I've been sponsored by those guys for years. I know but you know, what um there's times where I want that bottle um that Anywho
00:07:34
Speaker
Uh, I do have some news stories for you. That's been my famous, famous pickup line. All these years, used it for many, many years. Yup. Well, you know, Hey girl, how you doing? He said it's even good for her those awkward dates. that she's like puts over but ah But I do have some news stories here for you. Um, I have a news story too. Sure.
00:08:05
Speaker
First and foremost, happy fucking birthday. Happy ever fifth birthday. Welcome to the senior citizens club. yeah We got about another, uh, maybe six months in here before we take you out to the pasture and put a, but you know,
00:08:21
Speaker
yeah be because apparently we'll get in trouble. Oh, give me some nap time. I'll be good. Yeah. From our new sponsor. It's going to be a, it's going to be a dirt one.
Platform Challenges and Content Adaptation
00:08:36
Speaker
It rhymes with smell mage. Well, you know, yeah it's kind of like being an old horse, you know, he's put them out the pasture. Yeah, put them out the pasture man. Got to put them out. yeah um I know you didn't really do a promo, but I do want to cut you off for or um for the show. But I do want to cut you off real quick. Just so everybody knows. ah Well, I kind of made it. Because naked behind his camera, because that's why it's off. Yeah. Don't mind me. I'm just tapping my earbuds again and getting music in my fucking ear. Yeah, I get that too. And I can't get it to stop.
00:09:18
Speaker
It's only slightly annoying. Uh, so we're back on Facebook and Twitch. That was kind of like an unannounced decision that I made and just started doing it, but we're also, um, on suspension from YouTube. Uh, apparently YouTube is on their bullshit. And, uh, they went back to a video that was over three years old.
00:09:49
Speaker
Oh, you muted. Mention yeah with a bunch of people that aren't worth the mention um that had a problem with me in particular and like to run their mouths. I was going to say, that's all you. that's I'm not one to take too lightly to somebody hiding behind a keyboard, especially when they're invited up. So I went off. I'm sure that's what it was. But we got in trouble on YouTube for a video that's three years old.
00:10:17
Speaker
Uh, I wonder if somebody was watching an an old episode and was like, I'm going to report that, you know, hell who knows, uh, for, uh, harassment and bullying. So ah for the next week or so, we're not going to be on YouTube, but don't worry. We're saving all these episodes. Once we are able to upload and go live again, we will get all the episodes uploaded onto YouTube. So you guys will be able to watch them there still. But don't forget, you can listen and join us live on Facebook and Twitch.
00:10:49
Speaker
um And shows are always on the podcasting platforms. So you can definitely listen to the replays there. We're usually pretty, pretty good about being up to date on the shows, especially now that I've got the guys actually yeah doing work. doing something So the shows have definitely been been a lot.
00:11:11
Speaker
going up a lot faster and a lot more timely manner. The order is a different story. we We haven't figured that timing out yet, but at least we're getting them up there. That's all that matters. Yeah, they're, they're, they're, they're all over the place, but they're up there nonetheless. So yeah. But if you're wondering where you can find us, bio dot.link slash nonsensical network, find everything we do and say and promote and all that fun stuff. Um,
00:11:41
Speaker
Of course, Blaze mentioned Friday. We are watching two films. I think they're shorter films. They are fan-made. And I think he's posting the mini review we did. Dude, you got to watch that video. It's a mini film. It's it's only like 19 minutes long.
00:12:06
Speaker
the best in one The Batman Beyond, year one. I actually enjoyed the show. I want to say I think I might have watched it at one point in time. I'm sorry. um I watch a lot of fan-made films. I enjoy fan-made films, especially on on YouTube. I watch a lot of them. We both had roughly the same issues with it. you know we We watched it separately.
00:12:36
Speaker
um The the Batman suit the dude was wearing the ears were way too long. They were like nine inches. You have to watch Batman beyond the car. the here And and Blaze gave me that too. He's like, yeah, you got to watch the animated series. I'm like, yeah, you lost me an animated. But don't give don't give away too much for Friday. Save it for Friday. Oh, no, we're not doing that one Friday. We just did a mini review. Oh, OK.
00:13:03
Speaker
Yeah, Blaze does, that Blaze does he finds these short films and does mini reviews on on our you our TikTok channel. And that was one of them. I gotta get those videos so I can put them up on on YouTube, or not YouTube, well, yeah, YouTube and Instagram and Facebook.
Programming Plans and Holiday Scheduling
00:13:23
Speaker
But yeah, i got I got a couple reviews. I gotta send him actually for TV shows. i just Finished one and started another one. And there was something out. There was another one I was going to do as well. but one thing I liked about that. That Batman Beyond year one. The choreography and the fight choreography was spot on. but Nice. It was it was decent. But yeah, don't forget Mondays. Speedway stories, cold blooded conversations with Wally. Connor and Lieutenant Dan, if you were.
00:13:59
Speaker
Men Carried for Men, Tuesdays, Glick here with Glick's House of Music, Wednesdays is this show, what the fuck news? Thursdays, as soon as I get some more lockdown, is Jeff's Garage is coming back. I'm working on locking down some interviews. i what I did have one for last week, but the guy had to postpone because they they do automotive detailing using dry ice.
00:14:26
Speaker
And they had like 60 cars come in that they had to get done by Monday. So they're like, it's already Friday. that It doesn't help that they're in Australia. Yeah. You want to talk about dealing with time change. ah But yeah, of course, nonsense and chill on Fridays. Saturdays cash is cashless corner in the morning. Nonsense, golden night nonsense yeah open door challenge at night. And then Sundays is unnecessary rough.
00:14:54
Speaker
Um, but to get into the news, just a little, uh, programming, uh, clicks house of music. Whoa. Hey, wrong button. yeah we go Whoa. Somebody made the electric bill. God damn it. Um,
00:15:14
Speaker
First forward shout out to the handlers last night. Those guys were awesome. Uh, got to hang out with them. You guys go check them out at home of the handlers, uh, dot com or, uh, on all the socials at home of the handlers.
00:15:27
Speaker
Uh, go show them some love. Those guys are awesome. We had a lot of fun hanging out. Uh, however, uh, Christmas Eve, which is Tuesday, new year's Eve, which is Tuesday. Uh, no show, no Glick's house of music. Uh, we'll get with blaze, uh, and see about doing, um, a rewind show or something like that. Uh, so that we have something playing, but, um, we'll see. Um,
00:15:53
Speaker
as far as New Year's Day and Christmas Day goes. As of right now, it's kind of up in the air as to right what Jeff if Jeff and I are going to do what the fuck news. So, yeah, it's I know I have the kids in the morning and then they go back to their moms and then I don't know if Nicki and I are doing anything Christmas evening that night. It'll all depend on ah my work schedule and schedule.
00:16:22
Speaker
Yeah. since when does that matter so guy who was talking to evers like and I know it's strange. It's only Saturday nights that I drink eggnog anymore as I drink my water over here tonight.
00:16:38
Speaker
but
00:16:40
Speaker
but yeah those uh so that's coming up it's right around the corner how the holidays are here i did not want to try to book people on christmas eve and new year's no it's it's too much of a pain in the ass you know with holidays especially christmas and new year's is the one day a year where it's like you know if you you know i'm sure you have it at your work there's a christmas party and god knows when it is and then there's you know then you know nikki will have at her work a christmas party and then you get roped into another cause you the next thing you know you're like i'm booked until fucking january 4th because there's still christmas parties going on you know right and then of course new year's party and all that fun stuff so uh and that's basically what we're dealing with at the moment with when it comes to uh
00:17:30
Speaker
oh Yeah, once again that that comes to another thing. It's like I don't know what I'm doing Christmas and New Year's because I Might just sleep and ventilate. Oh, yeah ah and then ah possibly more than likely I won't be here this Saturday night Right. Yeah p uh for the uh browns game uh game in pittsburgh on sunday so we'll be in pa saturday i saw that um i saw i i was i was on youtube right before we started and they're promoting it where it's like coming soon and i was like oh cool yeah i i was going to ask you if you guys were going to go but uh i'm assuming yes
00:18:26
Speaker
Oh, you're cutting in and out. green And what's going on Saturday night?
00:18:36
Speaker
But if I do get on, it'll probably be on my phone. So there's also. Right. You guys, it also. Hey, man, I mean, ah you know, not all of us hate our hate our pagans. You know, your Lord, not almost work 28 hours a day. And 29 of the 30 days on the road away from away from home and And then when you are home spend your time at home at some f1 track wow must be i like yeah that i look at my family i'm just i have to say there's yeah because they They listen to the show
00:19:21
Speaker
i love my rare yeah so Well, we deserve to take holidays off. You know, we work hard around. Well, I work hard around here. The guys have just started to get a little taste of what I've been doing the last several years. Yeah, it's not that hard. So. Let's see you host seven shows a week and do all the back all the behind the scenes.
Bizarre Crime Stories
00:19:48
Speaker
i I'm not sure how to announce this story, except for just to go into it. A legend naked man has six toys pot at an elementary school in Fort St. Lucia in Florida. A man identified as a teacher, I don't know if he's identifying as a teacher or he's actually. Is he an actual teacher?
00:20:14
Speaker
for the official saying a man identified as a teacher or is it the first thing that was the first thing when I read it earlier today, I was like, is he actually a teacher? Does he just identify? I don't know. I but would assume that he's being identified as a teacher by the authorities since it's a news report, but no mean I mean, it's 2040 can't tell. Yeah. I don't want to jump to conclusions.
00:20:41
Speaker
Yeah. So a man identifying as a teacher was arrested after being accused of inappropriate, improperly entertaining, windmill point elementary school and running around the school without close up. According to recent released affidavit, Joe Franklin, uh, 34.
00:21:03
Speaker
of ah Jensen Beach was jailed on charges related to lewd, licidious behavior, battery on an officer, slash firefighter, and burglary, and possession of not more than 20 grams of marijuana. This happened on Thanksgiving, by the way. youre saved So saying he was crying on the weed.
00:21:30
Speaker
he was You know, I'm blazed territory, I guess. um Blaze, care to comment? Where were you on this? How many times have you found yourself high as hell in a school with more than 20 dildos? Identifying as a teacher. So, so. um What did you say when the cops get there? It's OK. I'm a teacher.
00:21:57
Speaker
Right. It's like it's all for a lesson. It's my lesson. But the police. Went to the elementary ah and Darwin Boulevard at nine thirty p.m. at their shared steps. He who lives at the school. Reported he lives at the school. That's what That's what it says. Quote lives at the school.
00:22:26
Speaker
reported a man naked in one of the platforms craft classrooms. ah the matter later but I'm so confused by this story. You have a deputy that lives at the school. and Literally says it says, and I quote, ah the police deputy called the cops at 9.30 p.m.
00:22:52
Speaker
after the sheriff's deputy who lives at the school. I don't know why that had to be in quotes, but he reported. okay i've I've cracked the case. The deputy and the teacher were getting on, but they were getting high and they were going to get it on. And and the deputy got mad at the teacher.
00:23:14
Speaker
because i the wrong v but um dealdos and then he was like started chasing around the school there's going to be a domestic education yes there was gonna there was gonna be domestic position and said teacher was faster than him so he said screw this twooooo hello 911 yes this is deputy stan and there's a take um creature wait more there's more the man later identified as urus got dressed, went outside when he saw the deputy. Yuris was accused of hitting the deputy in the face before being apprehended.
00:23:56
Speaker
ah Yuris told him the investigator he's homeless and it entered the school through the unlocked window. The investigator reported he had sex toys, a laptop, food, clothes, and marijuana.
00:24:11
Speaker
it's about the make it in a running around this is white aren I know if he's a teacher or he must have just identified as a teacher. Yeah. I was going to say, I thought he was a teacher. Now he's homeless. Did his wife yeah come out? like What's going on? And he's living at the school. Like, well, there's, there's a lot to uncover here. There's a lot going on. it and And you know, I don't know many, look, first and foremost, laptop aside, dildos and vibrators and sex toys. They're not cheap, bro.
00:24:40
Speaker
No. I mean, you're spending the money on your wrong stuff. I'm just saying. The affidavit states, and I quote, considering the male was naked and run around the school without clothes, on an addition to the location.
00:25:03
Speaker
Oh, in addition. I read that wrong. In addition to the location of the sex toys, Well, they don't say where. Where the hell? Where the hell were their sex toys? Anyways, he's in jail now. You know where they were. he is on His bail was set at $31,000.
00:25:28
Speaker
Yeah, it's time to time to get out of the old eBay and Craigslist and start selling them Diltos. What's going on, Arliss? What up with your brother? That is just the weirdest story. That's not even the weirdest one I have. There are a lot to unfold in that. Yeah. Once again, it doesn't clarify if he was a teacher or if he was just identified as a teacher.
00:25:58
Speaker
Because if he's homeless, how is he a teacher? However, what they pay teachers, I don't doubt that he was homeless, you know. m And it's Florida, they'll hire anybody.
00:26:11
Speaker
ah
00:26:14
Speaker
g Like you and I've never stolen a car, but we've thought about it. wait well Everybody's thought about stealing the car. You know you see something really nice, you're like, ah I just wiped that kind of thing. I can honestly say the thought has never crossed my mind to steal a car.
00:26:28
Speaker
No, like, you know, z how i see I've seen nice cars and be like, Oh, I'd like to have one of those, but never once have I ever go, but you never go. I'm not, I'm going to steal it. and Nobody'll know. Well, a central Florida man in a stolen car claimed he bought it, but had no paperwork. So he got, he's, he stole the car and he's driving around. Uh, and he was pulled over for speeding.
00:26:57
Speaker
He was doing 50 in a 30. And when the officer said, you know, license registration, he's like, oh, I just bought this car. And he quote unquote paid $3,000 cash. The car was the car was a 2022 Camaro.
00:27:17
Speaker
I don't care who you are. You don't pay $3,000 to get a 2022 Camaro unless you bought it all or it's already. I was going to say, well, I know a guy who got a brand new Mustang for 50 bucks. but Yeah. But that's, but he had paperwork to prove it. kind well yeah i I also know a guy that got a brand new, uh, Harley Davidson. And I'm not, uh, I don't know the Harlow lingo because you never catch me on one. Uh, but, uh,
00:27:46
Speaker
It was nice and it was brand new and it was expensive because we all know Harleys are the most expensive garage ornament you'll have. He got it for three bucks. Both cases, two totally different situations. We were on moves way back in the day when I worked for two minutes in a truck and husband had boatload of money and liked to buy toys, but he also played with toys that didn't belong to him and the wife found out. And she looked in the middle of the day when he was at work. Well, it both said situations.
00:28:15
Speaker
for tax purposes, the car and the bike were in the wife's names. So the wives are like, Hey, one of you guys want to buy this? And I would have had the Mustang had I been faster than the other guy getting to the ATM. Right. So when this guy got pulled over and they, you know, are instances not in this case. Yeah, but he, so he he got pulled over for speeding, which,
00:28:41
Speaker
List what plugs are all fun and games until you fart and kill again exactly Sound like you speak from the experience, sir Well, we did say Saturday you can't press the part I'm just saying Pulled over and he said he says and I quote to the cop I bought it three or four days ago No, I don't have the paperwork with me e how do you i what but He claims he paid $3,000 for it, but could not provide a location to where he bought it or who sold it to him. e Now, I understand the whole, I don't know the guy that I bought it off of because, you know, there is Facebook marketplace, but 3 grand for 2022 SS Camaro? Yeah, I don't think so, Slick.
00:29:39
Speaker
and then Even on the rarest circumstances. Yeah. I'm just saying he's not too bright. Well, Florida, I'm assuming, correct? Well, yeah, these are all Florida. Yeah. One thing we know about criminals in Florida. They're not too bright. Well, people in general are not too bright, but nonetheless. Yeah, but dude, once again,
00:30:07
Speaker
If I tell you I bought a new car, even though it's a used new to me car, and it's a 2022 Camaro SS, I'm talking to the VA, a you know, all the bells and whistles. I'm not gonna be like, yeah, I only paid three grand for it. Because that makes me a goddamn liar.
00:30:30
Speaker
unless there's some crazy story like my neighbor was diddling the other neighbor and his wife found out she sold me the car for cheap. That's the exception to the rule. So I'm just saying, if you're going to steal a car, A, make sure it's not mine, because I will kill you, and B, get your story straight. Speaking of stealing things,
00:31:01
Speaker
Also, also, if you are going to steal a car, try not to steal something as flashy as a Camaro. I don't know how to get a Corolla or something like that. You know, you know, the most stolen car in the U.S. right now are Honda Civics. Yes. And I will believe you've got a Honda Civic for three grand Civics and Kia's. Kia's are apparently super easy to steal as well. Yeah. That's the thing in Ohio.
00:31:30
Speaker
That's been a thing in Ohio for a couple years. There's actually a rain a ring of car thief bandits called the Kia boys And i'm sorry and cle Cleveland all the way down to Cincinnati, but they're they're quick. They're quick and easy to go take much still them They're common so, you know, it's easy to get away pretty relatively quickish and then they're cheap so you can get rid of them real fast and Yeah. um make a But if I'm stealing a car, dude, I'm not stealing a Kia because I will get made fun of if I end up going to jail. Like, if you get busted stealing a Camaro you you or or a Hellcat or something like that, you get clout when you go to jail. You're like, hey, you can steal. But if you get busted stealing Toyota Corolla, you're going to get your ass kicked because, dude, steal a better car. Yeah, they're also not stealing
00:32:25
Speaker
They're also not stealing them to to do anything other than to turn a profit. Right. No. So theyre theyre they're a quick grab, quick disposal. Yeah. um so I got one more and then we're going to go to break. um Chris, you and I are are still wanted by Walmart for something we stole.
00:32:51
Speaker
When we stole his batteries back in high school. Anyways. I don't know. Allegedly, allegedly, plausible deniability. I have no idea what you're talking about. Well, we were at least smart enough to when we did it. We laughed and didn't go back to that Walmart for a long time. Well, a man, this is once again, Florida allegedly stole $200 worth of groceries, which means he got a carton of milk. Let's be honest. um And then did it again 15 minutes later. Same store. Same store.
00:33:26
Speaker
So a man allegedly walked into a grocery store with over $200, walked out of a grocery store, sorry, with over $200 of unpaid goods, then turned around, walked back in when it came to get a second cart full. The car and the police were already waiting for him.
00:33:49
Speaker
You're dumb. The grocery store. There's like 50 of them in a row. if You know, go to Aldi, go over, you know, start a Kroger, go to Aldi, work your way down the road. Don't turn around, go back out to the house, go to the car, drop everything off, take the cart back and go in for more. You're fucking dumb.
00:34:12
Speaker
And not ah to make matters worse, he was shoplifting from a Publix.
00:34:22
Speaker
Again, I say you're fucking dumb. Why would you steal? First and foremost, Publix is awesome. They're hella cheap for being a major player in the grocery business. um They take care of their employees. They have, what is that called?
00:34:48
Speaker
It's like employee owned or some shit like that. Oh, it's like, it's like you you own part of the stock. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, people that work there love working there. They, most people have been there for fucking a million years. Don't go, go rip off Walmart, profit share. That's what it's called profit share. so Yeah, something like that. They're employee owned. I don't know what.
00:35:10
Speaker
I could be completely 100% wrong, but I know there's something like that. But nonetheless, go rip off fucking Walmart. Walmart's been ripping people off for years. Exactly. And they pay their employees and treat their employees like shit. But yeah, this dude is 42, Andrew Sylvester. When deputies arrived, they located Andrews outside the store with a shopping cart full of groceries that he had not paid for.
00:35:40
Speaker
This is in Polk County, by the way, uh, that's Grady judge territory. You're lucky. You didn't shoot your ass. That's right. Grady don't fuck around. I'm sure. Uh, I'm trying to see some Grady.
00:35:57
Speaker
The employees estimated that Sylvester's first cart was filled with $206 and 10 cents worth of groceries. And the second was $243 and 92 cents. Hmm.
00:36:09
Speaker
So he did not try to steal, and this is a quote from Judge Grady, Sylvester tried to steal not one, but two, in capital letters, wait carts of full groceries from Publix, where shopper shopping is a pleasure, said Polk County Judge Grady, making light of the situation.
00:36:32
Speaker
ah
00:36:34
Speaker
He laughed at him.
00:36:40
Speaker
That stunt landed him in county jail. We're arresting criminals in our pleasure. one Sheriff Brady Judd is awesome. that He is the man. Look, this guy's got so many quotable quotes that he and he does the sex trafficking stings and the prostitution stings. And one time they were involved in a police shooting where they they shot a suspect 37 times.
00:37:06
Speaker
and And the reporters asked, they said, why did you guys feel the or why did you guys shoot the suspect 37 times? And he said, well, it's because we ran out of bullets. We only had 37 bullets. Yeah. He said, we ran out of bullets and then he followed it up with, let it be known. If you come to Polk County and you shoot at one of my deputies, we will shoot and kill you.
00:37:28
Speaker
I was like, yeah yeah, that's one of his many, uh, many, many, uh, Grady Judd isms that are out there. I love, I love Sheriff. graed He's the king of fuck around and find out. Yeah. Uh, do you love me? so as it were Do you love me some Sheriff gray he's on i knew you get a check out too i sawyriup Grady? Sheriff Grady's jurisdiction. While we're talking about Florida Sheriff, shout out to shut Sheriff Chad Chronister. Not only are you a sexy man down there in Florida,
00:37:57
Speaker
But, uh, he was, he was just asked by Trump to be, to lead the DEA. Uh, he did, hi um he did turn it down. Uh, it's just too much work. And, uh, you know, he enjoys being, uh, where is great. Uh, where's Chad Chronister? He is in, uh, I can't remember what County he's done in that Tampa area, but I get it. Not wanting to take on more responsibility. Like, Hey, I just want to be a nice little local sheriff. I mean,
00:38:25
Speaker
Yeah, but a hell of an offer. Trump appointed him to the DEA. So that's that's something. But, you know, you can you can put that feather in your cap right there and be happy. Mm hmm. Taking the job, or not giving the offers like I don't get offers like that. Not that I would. Nor will you ever, sir. What am I going to do? Mock them to death? Yeah. Yeah. You're an idiot. You stole groceries, you dumb shit. Get a job.
00:38:53
Speaker
yeah I think part of his punishment should be bagging groceries at Publix for like six months unpaid. Like that would be a cherry on the top. yeah Kind of a community service kind of thing.
00:39:12
Speaker
um
00:39:15
Speaker
Well, let's see here. I think this, is this, You need to seriously relabel this, but we're gonna take a real quick break. I believe this is, Derek Wayne Devlin, this is Chevy Silverado, because I love this song. I was gonna say, I put up three new songs tonight at the bottom. Oh, we can do those, okay. Oh, it's like, we're on some road. Who says it's on the road? That is, roll into it.
00:39:48
Speaker
who was on the show a couple of weeks ago. Shout out to our hooking us up. Rola was awesome. He did. die he He was the singer, songwriter, writer, actor, producer, a model. He got it at all. But he's he's. Did a couple of movies. I told Blaze to check out. I think Blaze checked them out. He really liked them. But Lonesome Road is one of his songs. Well, let's go ahead and play that. We'll be right back.
00:44:23
Speaker
I like it. I like it. I like it a lot. I was on some road. I was real, a little, a little bluesy. Yeah. a close pipe but but i like that Well, you know me. I love me some blues music. So I'm not, I'm not always the biggest blues fan anyways. Uh, welcome back everybody to what the fuck news bio dot.link slash nonsensical, nonsensical network. Yeah.
00:44:54
Speaker
I haven't done that in a long time. Is everything where you can find us, all our links, and don't forget our merch store, nonsensical-nonsense.myspreadshop.com, and spread us on to you.
00:45:07
Speaker
um
00:45:10
Speaker
So click, you've seen Shawshank Redemption.
00:45:22
Speaker
Uh, yeah. Forever in a day ago. Well, I don't know. That's another movie. I don't uh, great movie no and I don't get me wrong. Great movie. Guess who's a guilty culprit again. Steven motherfucking king. Great movie. But it's not like the end all be all greatest movie of all time. You know, like people like to say, you know how, you know how Andy Dufresne in the movie escapes yeah he he digs the tunnel and falls into the sewer and it goes through the drain pipe well apparently a florida man tried to escape through a drainage pipe amidst a helicopter pursuit so a convicted fellow reportedly tried to escape from deputies through a drainage pipe friday after he was caught
00:46:17
Speaker
loading stolen chainsaw and other lawn supplies into his truck. Apparently this dude saw that movie one too many times and thought, this is a good fucking idea. Unfortunately, because there was a helicopter there, they kind of saw him the whole time. Yeah. Well, I mean, at least he tried. Apparently he was doing it at night. um There there is video footage and it's not very clear of where he was.
00:46:47
Speaker
And it's all night vision kind of thing. And it's like, it's dead fucking obvious, dude. I'm talking, it's, it's almost like one of those drainage pipes that goes underneath the, uh, a bridge that's only about three car lakes long. Yeah. So it's not like he was full on Andy, your preeminent, but, uh, Charlotte County sheriff's officers said deputy receives a call from the home owner.
00:47:16
Speaker
ah and told them that he had just chased the thief out of his spot. Before he was spotted, the suspect later identified his 52-year-old Thomas McDonald and reported to the manager to take the victim's chainsaw, weed eater, and leaf blower and loaded them him into a gray Toyota Tundra. Dude was trying to start a lawn mowing business, I guess.
00:47:44
Speaker
yeah like Well that are, I imagine it's gonna make a nice, tea to and you go, you go to the pawn shop, you get like a thousand bucks for all that. Maybe even a little bit more depending on the brand of the team. So, uh, it's going to be a nice little, uh, they still turn around at the, uh, I feel a punch up. So deputies in the area, spot of the vehicle, uh, and driver matching the description on mid midway Boulevard.
00:48:16
Speaker
uh, authorities say McDonald immediately got out of the truck and started running after the deputies activated their emergency lights. Deputies swarmed the area and the helicopter crew, uh, you know, was dispatched and within 20 minutes they, they found him. I actually have a picture of the drainage ditch he went through. I didn't realize it was here. It, I mean,
00:48:47
Speaker
I said Shawshank Redemption, this is more like a seriously small underpass. Um, because it looks like maybe like a 10 year old could walk through this thing as opposed to crawl. Yeah. But yeah, 20 minutes they had it cornered in there. There it is. Like I said, nothing special. Damn.
00:49:16
Speaker
Uh, if I was a cop, I wouldn't put it in my cop car. I'm like, Hey, somebody bring a pickup. But, um, depending upon, I mean, you have to remember, you know, a lot of the cop cars have like, um,
00:49:33
Speaker
all Hard plastic see that's screw i didn't like i don't run i can hose it out right Yeah, it's not it's not like back in the day where they were like cloth or anything like that so, right So both Donna was arrested and charged with the following burglary of an occupied dwelling, which is a felony Grand theft auto grand theft more than $300 but less than $5,000 Which is another felony?
00:50:01
Speaker
fleeing with the attempt to elude another felony resisting officers without violence, no extra, no misdemeanor, uh, not only driving a while license was revoked and violation of probation. I'm pretty sure he's going to jail for a while. Sounds, this guy sounds like that. This wasn't his first time apparently.
00:50:27
Speaker
Definitely a type of guy you want to take home and introduce to mom, old mom and dad. Well, you got to hand it to DeSoto County Sheriff's department because he's being held in Charlotte County jail without bond. So he's staying there as opposed to New York where they're like, Oh, you just killed somebody here. We'll slap you on the wrist. Come back later. Um, sorry, we'll dig it.
00:50:56
Speaker
New York, but click, you're divorced. Not to put your business out there, but it's youre you're not, you haven't been shy about it. ah Wait, is it a secret that I didn't know about that? Well, somebody forgot to tell me. If this would have said Ohio man, I would have asked if it was you, but Florida man stabs ex-wife's new husband.
00:51:28
Speaker
So a 70 year old Pensacola man was arrested Thursday morning. This is last Thursday for stabbing his ex-wife's new husband, ah Alameda Escamena. County Sheriff said Gregory Grant was charged with attempted homicide. The identified as Allen Bingham.
00:51:55
Speaker
told the station that Grant is homeless and has been living at the home he shares. So they let him, he was staying at the house with his ex-wife and her new husband. And apparently somebody was like, dude, you ever gonna get a job and get the fuck out? And he wrote was clammed up in his room and Bing said,
00:52:25
Speaker
after he released, he was released from Laszlo. I told him to come out. He got angry at me and told me to flake off. Flake off was in quotes. I'm sure he didn't say flake. Uh, and he got the mother flaker. Right. And he didn't want to hang or associate with me. And I said, I'm just trying to help you. He had a knife in his hand, which I did not see at the time.
00:52:53
Speaker
And then I felt it in my side. Then he tried to stab me again, but he cut my thumb, right I cut my thumb trying to defend myself.
00:53:07
Speaker
I took, so I took my right foot and tripped him. This sounds like a real weak ass fight, dude. I was gonna say, yeah I mean, you du the dude's 72. It's not like he was, you know, scrapping, but apparently dude was like, Hey, you want to hang out? And he's like, fuck you. Right. What up, Rich? and No, YouTube. We got in trouble. Apparently he was like, Hey man, you want to hang out? And he's like, no, I don't want to fucking hang out. Get out of here. He stabbed him. Hey, I mean,
00:53:44
Speaker
Nobody wants to hang out with their ex-wife's new husband. I'm just saying. I mean, seriously, your ex-wife would be like, Hey, you want to hang out with my ex-husband? I don't know if I'd stab the guy, but I'd be like, no, I'm good. Yeah. No, I'm, uh, yeah. I mean, I don't, I'm cordial and I have no reason to. Yeah. You're just like, Hey, how are you doing? But I'm not going to. Yeah. Like I don't have any reason that I want to cause bodily harm. Hey.
00:54:10
Speaker
She's your problem now, bro. hey ever I need a solid. Let's be honest. be honest. Uh, you, you, you did me a solid because, uh, you saved me hours. yeah I probably would have, uh, still been in that, uh, train wreck if I hadn't have, uh, if, if, if I didn't need a bullet first, cause I was definitely down that road. Well, I got one more and then I'm going to turn it over to you. Um,
00:54:43
Speaker
So <unk>m I'm assuming that, what's USAA? I'm assuming that's the US District, US Assistance Attorney's Office. USAA, that's the military credit union thing. Is it? Okay. commercial I don't know. I mean, it could be two different things. The only USAA is the one that Gronk does commercials with because he's trying to join and you can't he can't because he's not a military member or the child of him. Okay. Now, Sam Elliott commercials with him and the commercials are great. can say Well, I think it's such a douche. I think uh might have gotten in trouble because Florida man denied entry to the USSA building put on a helmet and drove his car into the facility.
00:55:33
Speaker
safety first ladies and gentlemen he put on want a he it man hey right yeahre right rich the usa right that's ah yeah that's ah that's how they get grok what are you doing bro right but let i bring back up here so um
00:55:58
Speaker
So Tampa police say Robert beauty who's 70, went to the guard gate and the USSA office located in Boulevard Park, Park Boulevard, shortly after 215 on Tuesday and demanded they let him inside. After the guards refused to let him inside, obviously if you put on a helmet, drove recklessly through the USAA parking garage and damaged several fences on the property. I got a picture of,
00:56:33
Speaker
he he's driving a silver so Chevy Silverado and uh I got a picture here of the vehicle after uh it was crashing the building and and I'm gonna I'm gonna call it right now before you see it it'll buff out dude definitely holy f***ing buff out it's a cat eye Chevy it'll buff out uh there it is There's the truck after he went, that'll buff out, man. New grill, buff that shit out. Two people in the marked security SUV tried to block beauty, but police say he intentionally reversed the truck and struck their vehicle to create space. He wanted he was all about that drama, dude.
00:57:29
Speaker
When officers arrived, they found beauty on the third floor of the parking garage where he was taken into custody. Um, one felony count of criminal mission of a thousand dollars or more. I'm pretty sure it's more than a thousand dollars. Uh, bond is set at $15,000. I think we started to go fund me. And I think he's better off where he's at. He's 70.
00:58:00
Speaker
look that again wow I just, I just imagined the conversation was you have no idea who I am. You're going to let me in that. pride Oh, you're not all that. um We talked about Saturday. He's a man of his word. He said, I'm getting in that building one way or another. And I said, no, you're not. He said, watch this. But I do agree. Safety first, put on a helmet, man.
00:58:26
Speaker
I'd love him. He had plans that day.
00:58:35
Speaker
I'm getting in that building one way or another. You some bitches. Dude, if if you see a 70 year old man get to his truck, put on a helmet, it's time to, I'm going on break. I'll be back boys. You know, yeah it's, I'm not going to fuck him around.
00:58:56
Speaker
Cause they found out, but yeah, that's, uh, that's the stories I have for the day. Yeah. Do not, uh, do not fuck around and or find out. But I thought that was funny. I was like, you know, dude, put on a helmet. He was, he was, I'm not sure. I don't, do you, do you really need a helmet?
00:59:25
Speaker
That truck doesn't look like it was fucked up hard enough where that helmet would have made a difference.
00:59:34
Speaker
Look. Safety is safe. we go to say Safety first, my friends, and I'm not mad at the guy. He didn't want to get, and he didn't get O'Shaw on his ass for not wearing a helmet. I don't need to know some violation too.
00:59:57
Speaker
no yeah exactly but i thought that was nice you want to uh take another break before we uh yeah we'll take a real quick break then we'll go into your stories um this next song is um the handlers who you had on last night ah This is living what is this living the what?
Band Interview and Podcast Growth
01:00:32
Speaker
Living living the King's state session Yeah, most of the name of the song is just living okay So we'll be right back after that in about three minutes 24 seconds
01:03:06
Speaker
Tell me what to take.
01:04:06
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's it right there.
01:04:12
Speaker
Yeah. I'm Those guys were awesome. Rowdy and JJ, we had fun last night, chit-chatting. Definitely look forward to hanging out with those guys who are getting down the road and getting to know them a little bit better. They were fun. they were They were super cool guys. Lots of things coming up down the pipe or coming down the pipe, I guess you could say. Lots of new music and whatnot but from them.
01:04:35
Speaker
um They were, but yeah. So shout out to the handlers. I like that. I like that.
01:04:48
Speaker
So what would you do now? It's on you now. Oh, we're not doing it. Oh, you want to do a re-intro? Yeah. It's like, it's like, it's like working with cash.
01:05:02
Speaker
Right. we got welcome Don't forget, everybody, though they're watching um Mondays, Speedway stories, cold blooded conversations with Wally. And and then and not for long after Wally, we have Men Caring for Men with Connor. Tuesdays is Glick's House of Music. Of course, not next Tuesday or not New Year's and Christmas Eve, but new shows coming up on that.
01:05:27
Speaker
I got two weeks before the holidays. Yeah. Yeah. With guests, with guests lined up. I tried to correct myself. Yeah. I got two more weeks with guests lined up. got rickless high and held miserably but yeah i failed mi was like try Got reckless high and holy oath coming up. Nice. And then of course, Wednesdays is this show WTF news where we'd say all the news that is news that makes us say what the fuck. Um,
01:05:54
Speaker
Coming back soon. Jeff's garage on Thursdays. Fridays is nonsense and chill. Blaze and I, where we yeah watch movies, discuss them, and give us our new ranking system. We do gold pot leaves now. Yeah, I heard. ah Saturdays, of course, Saturday mornings. and Cash is corner. We're glicking, little mini-glit. Talk rash one. You do your picks and so on and so forth. Yeah, a little rash one.
01:06:24
Speaker
Later in the evening is nonsensical nonsense. The open door challenge where we open the doors and we had so much fun last Saturday. We laughed so hard. One little bitty conversation starter that I found on TikTok to untouchable untrackable. Fucking took that and took the four laps around the dance floor. Let me tell you. And then, of course, Sundays is unnecessary. Rup is where the boys sit around and talk. Who do you football?
01:06:55
Speaker
booty foot bow shout out to fireman rich for coming in Saturday, not a wrestling fan, but he was in there hanging out, taking part in a conversation. We got to educate him a little bit. Uh, I did. So Wally hung out with us a little, he came in, he came up on the show. Wally came up on the show and hung out. Uh, before I get into a couple of news stories, uh, it is the end of the year. So, you know, uh, a lot of things doing their end of the year wrapped ups and everything like that. Well, Spotify put out there, 2024 wrapped.
01:07:24
Speaker
It's basically twenty twenty four in a nutshell. I do it for, you know, if you listen to Spotify, it's like most listen to artists, most listen to song, blah, blah, blah, blah. I know we were the most listened to podcast. I get it. Well, well, you know, Spotify for creators, which ah Rich is familiar with, uh, did theirs for the creators. So I guess this is more just, uh,
01:07:54
Speaker
yeah Not really a what the fuck news as much as a, hey, keep up because you interesting like let's let's keep up the good ah keep up the good work here and on on the nonsensical network. Our rapid, so we took it to a whole new ah ah whole new level this year. We gained streamlessness. We went up 25% from last year.
01:08:22
Speaker
Nice. Uh, we went up, uh, 28% on followers from last year. Um, on this network. I'm just saying. Yeah. 82% of our listeners from this year were new listeners. So huge, all that a win yeah that a one body huge increase there. Um, the most listened to episode of the year.
01:08:50
Speaker
uh we're fourteen happening yeah yeah no this year of this year uh that we put out this year big things happening i think is what we were uh announcing the new lineup and the new shows and the network becoming a thing and whatnot it was streamed 272 percent more than uh more than your average episode so i'm gonna do the math on that feel free too all of them all of those uh we We were, uh, no, it don't really matter by the age of listeners. Those numbers are there. That's pretty cool. However, we did gain a new group of listeners. We're pretty popular with like the 34 to 45, 45 to 55 age range. Uh, but, uh, yeah, our listeners grew by 300% and the 24 or 25 to 29 year old range.
01:09:46
Speaker
So we're getting a little bit younger crowd coming in and hanging out. um I'm calling it right now. It's the penis stories. Probably. All ages and in sexes love the penis stories. We were listened to in five different countries, predominantly. Uh, obviously the United States being our top country, our youngest listeners shout out to Canada came from Canada. So that explains a lot.
01:10:18
Speaker
That explains so much. Uh, and our oldest, uh, we're in the United States. Uh, let's see here. What else? Um, you're, what our fans are listening to. but Apparently fans of us like Joe Rogan. That was the number one podcast. Um, also a podcast that I really love was in there was crime junkie. If you're a true crime fanatic, I'll shout these guys out crime junkie. They're awesome. Um,
01:10:46
Speaker
Did a death, some music, some books. Did a death, some more of that, a lot of it. Wait. Do our listeners read the book, Ulysses? I'm just saying. Because you still don't know what that book is. You don't even know what it is. You don't even know what it is. I'm putting it out there. So I'm saying all our listeners went out and got the book and read it, or at least got the audio book. Yeah. You couldn't even tell me what the book was about.
01:11:17
Speaker
It's a great work of literature. Really? classic thats Yeah. That's all that matters. We were a, and we were a top 10 show for our fans. So we're in the top 10 podcasts that they listened to ah for a certain number. We were also a top five for some other percentage of our fans and we are the number one show for another percentage. So we're like the top.
01:11:47
Speaker
Podcasts that they listen to so clearly they don't know how to use Spotify other than to listen to our podcast Shout out to you people don't say the bio like Don't ever change guys you're awesome i would like his work They got this this cool little thing ah like what kind of creator are you that they kind of break down the analytics and and everything like that and They we are Your creative our creative personality is the storyteller That makes sense that's yeah, I mean that's that's pretty cool ah And shout out to our fans and our followers that they're following us four and a half stars on Spotify Hey I Will say I'm gonna say it right now. I've never ranked us. So that's not us doing that. Yeah, I don't even know how to do that
01:12:46
Speaker
Uh, yeah, no, uh, my daughter said she gave us one star.
01:12:52
Speaker
tell her she's adopted ah Yeah. Uh, and that's, uh, that's basically what I told her. It's not too late for you to be aborted. That's right. I got to go anger in a fucking closet. Um,
01:13:07
Speaker
So, anywho, uh, also in news today, uh, not really much what the fuck news. Just this is kind of crazy. Um, uh, all I gotta say is I'm sorry, mama. I never meant to hurt you.
01:13:28
Speaker
I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleaning up my closet. R.I.P. to Slim Shady, Marshall Mathers, mom. Yeah, I heard that. Had a lot of terrible things to say about it, a lot of his songs, because they didn't have the greatest relationship. But she did pass away this after today. Was it today? I think it was. Yeah, I think she lost her battle to cancer.
01:13:56
Speaker
Um, so, you know, I know that they, they had their, uh, their differences. Um, but, uh, I think they did, uh, wind up making up in some point. Uh, but, uh, you know, so either way it's, uh, always terrible. Uh, yes, I am a big fan of anchor and big fan of Spotify for creators. Um, but, uh,
01:14:22
Speaker
You know, they uh, sucks losing somebody to to cancer. Uh, we all know cancer is a son of a bitch. Uh, real quick, just a little fly by, uh, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence, their children respectively, son, daughter yeah arent they gotten engaged. They got engaged. Oh wow. Yeah. I want to meet their kid. Um, that's going up funny fucker. Uh, really dumb.
01:14:52
Speaker
It's Eddie. Eddie Murphy's son. Ask ah Martin Lawrence, his daughter, who is very pretty, but might I? She is sweet ah to to be his wife. So Martin and Eddie are going to be family. I see a movie coming up, right? Yeah. I saw this movie once. ah Another real quick little little breeze by before I get into a couple of stories I have here.
Church Wrestling and Viral Trends
01:15:22
Speaker
Um, you know, we all know black Friday was just last week. Right. A couple, a couple of ladies were black Friday shopping in Walmart and decided to record their adventures. Well, they started removing black Friday, uh, deals, black Friday price tags from merchandise, you know, like, you know, when you have to do right. Yeah.
01:15:50
Speaker
And one of the things that they said they pulled off was 60 inch flat screen, like 300 and special black Friday price, $389. They pulled the tag off behind it, the original tag, $389.
01:16:07
Speaker
So, uh, needless to say that is going viral and blowing up everywhere. And it's not just Walmart. It's not just Walmart. Apparently Amazon was doing it too.
01:16:18
Speaker
Yeah. Walmart is catching all kinds of hell and greed for that. Good. They deserve it. I mean, like, like if you're going to have a sale, actually i' like, even if it's like $10 off, that's a sale. Yeah. The same price is not a sale. That's called shit marketing. Yes, please exactly. Yeah. Uh, well, uh, Jeff,
01:16:49
Speaker
Yeah. Uh, two things, uh, two things are going to happen. Uh, I'm getting on a plane and I'm going to church. Uh-oh. Uh, there's a church. Well, there's a, there's a church in England that is struggling with a dwindling congregation, you know, trying to They're trying to get people to come back to the church. If the ass is in the seats, I get it. Yeah. So, you know, they're like, we got to come up with a, with a gimmick. We got to come up with something. What do you think their gimmick was? They hired you a Bigfoot. No.
01:17:31
Speaker
um the i gone the ball Yeah. On a gray out of evening, dozens of people have gathered at a church on the outskirts of Bradford to pray worship.
01:17:42
Speaker
and a temporary ring has been erected between tall stone columns and before a large stained glass window bare chested David Starr killer birch towers over gareth angel thompson this church in England has a wrestling ring in the middle of it and they're putting on wrestling matches to get people to come to church Hey, I'm not mad, dude. I might actually go to that. yes
01:18:19
Speaker
David Starkiller, he shouts triumphantly. Is this your savior? Is this your hero? Is this your savior? You have no God. Are you not been blessed? It's now your God this is what he's s screaming in the middle of a chair.
01:18:39
Speaker
also But then Angel stands up and furiously throws punches at his opponent, slamming him into the ropes onto to the floor, eventually pinning him down to the count of three. The audience erupts in cheers. The good has prevailed. Once a month, St. Peter's Church in Shippley hosts Kingdom ah Wrestling, a Christian professional wrestling based charity, which puts a show on inner speed with pair prayer, worship, and testimony.
01:19:08
Speaker
So it's obviously rigged because the bad guy died, but I think you and I should go and wrestle as like demons. I think I was thinking take my belt and challenge God. But I would like to say. I challenge your God, but then next thing you know the church burns down and the holy water boils and i'm not a good look I would like to say that it would be original. However, in WWE, w once upon a time, Vince McMahon and his idiot son Shane O'Mac were feuding with HBK, Shawn Michaels, the heartbreak kid. And they had a match, I think at WrestleMania where Vince McMahon declared that Shawn Michaels tag team partner would be God because they were playing off of and and and making fun of the fact that Shawn Michaels
01:20:01
Speaker
was a wild animal in the 90s, man. Drugs, alcohol, women, but he found God and he's a super Christian now. And they like, you know, the infamous DX crotch chop with the X across, you they actually changed to this because of Sean's beliefs. So Vince McMahon said, you'll take on me and in a tag team match and your partner will be, you know,
01:20:31
Speaker
I don't know.
01:20:35
Speaker
the hope But they're showing pictures. One of the shirts that the guys wear to the wrestling matches says, it says, pray, eat, wrestle, repeat. um I'd actually wear that. I'd actually wear that. Yeah, they they they said that the the church did the first chair and it's all charity. So, they do it all for charity. You know what I mean?
01:20:57
Speaker
hi ah that's ah uh, they, they did the first wrestling match, uh, wrestling church three years ago at a fountain's church in Bradford where Thompson also built a training school for children and adults since then kingdom wrestling has organized dozens of performances, baptized more than 30 people and grown a dedicated fan base. Not all churches have been receptive, uh, to the idea. But when Thompson looked to relocate closer to Shipley where he lives with his pregnant wife and two daughters,
01:21:28
Speaker
The Reverend Natasha Thompson, Thomas and inter interim priest at St. Peter's was immediately enthusiastic. She was like, hell yeah. Yeah. yeah She said, uh, what we really want to do is demonstrate that the church is a living building. People may have a certain perception, uh, of what church can be, but actually church can be anything but worshiping God and that it can be having fun and wrestling is part of that. For me, it's just a wonderful opportunity to open the space up. I think it's a great concept. I think it's awesome. i Yeah, it it would definitely get some butts in the seats. Now I'm not going to the days that they're not having a wrestling match, but you know,
01:22:09
Speaker
But if they're open to doing kind of like Catholics, I'd only go on Easter Sunday, you know, whatever whatever. Yeah. I mean, they're open to do that. Then who's to say they're not open to be like hosting a podcast? Hint, hint, hint. I don't like that's going to ever happen. just I'm like, wait, you guys know. Yeah. She was going to happen.
01:22:34
Speaker
ah No. I mean, they might be open to other things, you know, like I said, concerts, they bring in Christian country artists, rock groups, whatever, and say they don't do other things, you know. it's When you really think about it, a church would be a great venue for stuff like that.
01:23:00
Speaker
Oh, yeah yeah. Especially, you know, it's one of these big old churches in England. So, you know, it's like this beautiful fucking building. And and then now you're just throwing a wrestling ring in there. And it's like, you got the bad guy. You have no God like. Yeah. You know, I say I do a lot of questionable things, but in a church, I'm not saying that.
01:23:26
Speaker
Well, Anyways. Have you not been blessed? Oh, no, sorry. One movie. Are you not blessed yet?
01:23:43
Speaker
Is that Russell Crowe? My name is Joseph the carpenter, father to Jesus, husband to Mary, friend to the wise man.
01:24:03
Speaker
but you got baptized
01:24:09
Speaker
just say It would be, it would be definitely interesting to see the, the difference between a, you know, WWF or E or whatever it is. And, and in a church wrestling match, you know, like there's obviously similarities, but there's obviously great differences too. Yeah.
01:24:27
Speaker
Oh, yeah. yeah well and ah Like you said, they they have all the in-betweens and the storytelling, so they're still doing church. And, you know, I'm sure the good guy cutting promos, quoting scriptures when he's cutting a promo, the bad guy, you know, doing what, you know, bad guy. So definitely could be seriously entertaining. But I'll tell you what, it'll make church more interesting because let's be honest, when you go to church, the hardest thing to do is to stay awake. Yeah. Boring shit.
01:24:56
Speaker
You better stay awake. You might get drop kicked out the pew. No, no, no, I'm awake. for Trust me. I'm good. come odo hello although He got me speaking in tongues over here. a did Do they have like wind rolls? But they're nuns. No. Since they're married, he's not even showing ankle, man. Calm down.
01:25:26
Speaker
No, I'm in. I'm mean here i mean for um in for the church wrestling. I know. I'm not mad at it. It's one of those things that nowadays, not every, like, I read, I saw a statistic somewhere that like church gatherings are less and less nowadays. yeah You want to talk about putting some butts in the seats. We're going to have a fight.
01:25:51
Speaker
The the JC WF the Jesus Christ wrestling foundation yeah i so the The next Jake Paul fight he's gonna fight a priest Yeah,
01:26:08
Speaker
yeah
01:26:10
Speaker
well uh Last last last month we talked about arts arts gone to hell and and the things that people do for art However, uh, last month, a couple of weeks back, uh,
01:26:30
Speaker
talking about the banana.
Art Debates and Outrageous Behaviors
01:26:31
Speaker
Yeah, there was a, there was a, we talked about it last week when you were here. Did you talk about, did you talk about who bought it? No, but they paid like $6 million dollars for fucking morons because I can go to the Aldi down the road and get a banana and some duct tape. Well, yeah, I know exactly. Well, uh,
01:26:50
Speaker
it was it was purchased uh for uh six point two million dollars um i'm trying to see currency maven justin's son who has since eaten it well that's the thing is like yeah part of the blaze was telling the story last week and basically It's, it comes with, you didn't pay for the banana. You're paying for the certificate off the authenticity. air And, and it comes with instructions on how to replace the banana and duct tape. Yeah. But he bought it specifically just to eat it. Yeah. He bought it specifically just to eat it. Just I got 6.2 mill laying around and he just
01:27:46
Speaker
i go Say if he's if he wants if he can he can I'll take him out to lunch he can pay just This just ah peanut butter jelly sandwich costs 14 million dollars dude pay up. I'm just yeah, just yeah, he he bought it just to Just a fucking eat it man like what the hell bro, where the hell did that go? Yeah, we were talking about that last week ah Blaze brought it up and and Obviously, Blaze went into, you know, Blaze being a smarter guy than I am. He was talking about it's the the banana symbolizes, you know, merchandising or whatever it is. look good But I was like, dude, I'm sorry. I get it. It comes with a like you. Who's to say that I can't go buy a banana and and some duct tape tape it on my wall and say I bought it. Yeah.
01:28:42
Speaker
I mean, you wanna talk about the easiest art to rip off? I got four of those motherfuckers. Well, speak of silly ass art. There's a new auction in Germany. Oh, okay. It's an art piece from 1970 by minilist minimalist American painter Robert Raymond, titled General, 52 by 52.
01:29:10
Speaker
It is a blank white canvas. It is expected to go from $1.5 million. dollars I don't know how, I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to become one of these artists. kelly However, there is, there's a little caveat on this. It's not just went out and bought a canvas and put a little frame around it.
01:29:36
Speaker
The white canvas is slightly darker white than the frame, actually. Then the frame, it was actually painted using white enamel and enamelic paints typically used to paint metal. So it's not about basically what the use the use of these types of paint atop a cotton canvas resulted in a piece so delicate that it cannot travel to be on view ahead of the sale.
01:30:05
Speaker
So I mean, it's like one of those things where if you go, it's just gonna come on. So you took a white canvas and you put paint. That's not supposed to go on cotton on it. And you painted it white and, and metal paint that's used for metal. That's automotive paint. Don't tell nobody I can get it. The fucking hardware store. I'm just saying, uh, I'm just saying I could, I'm about to make me a shit ton of money. I'm about to become an artist.
01:30:36
Speaker
because I got it there. I got a airbrush. I got a fucking paint gun. I got I could make about 50 of those fuckers a day. Any color you want. Yeah, well. I saw I I I brought those up because I wanted to let your guard down. Get your guards down. Give me pissed off in the art world. No.
01:31:02
Speaker
ah Jeff, I feel like you're guilty of this. If not currently at some point in your life, you're guilty of this. I'm sure. Apparently there's a, well, it's not a new trend. It's something that's been happening for a very long time, but it's just now coming to light. And, uh, let's just say women are not happy. And and you know what? I I'm on the side of the women with this one because this is fucking gross. And then what's that evil on me, Ricky Bobby?
01:31:34
Speaker
and women And men who do this, you probably deserve getting smacked upside the head with a ball back. Women are venting that men store water bottles at their bedside so they can urinate in them instead of getting up to use the bathroom. This is disgusting.
01:31:52
Speaker
this I'm surprised. Not guilty. Not guilty, your honor. No, no, no, no. no way That's disgusting as fuck. Yeah, it's gross.
01:32:04
Speaker
B, I would not have a wife. I would have been shot years ago. Yeah. Uh, no, I'm not saying I've never pissed in a bottle because I know I've done that you but on the road, you know, you know, something like that, you know, and as we've stated, not the biggest guy in the world. And it's not like I can just go piss in a, i like all willy nilly in a water bottle. I got to have a Gatorade bottles or something. So I can at least get the tip into it. So i otherwise I'm just going to piss all over the place. But, uh,
01:32:36
Speaker
The disgusting hack has become a viral conversation online where woman where women are coming together and sharing stories about their partners who use this concept as a lazy excuse to stay whored. So they're not even, they're not even getting up out of bed and pissing on a bottle. They're literally laying in bed and they grab a bottle and just piss into it, put the cat back on it and toss it back beside the bed on the floor. I will admit I am the laziest person you're going to meet.
01:33:04
Speaker
Like, we've we've all discussed how many times I leave my house. But I have no problem getting up to go to the bathroom. I will wait till the last second to do it. Yeah. But I get up and go to the bathroom. I will not miss, mom. No. Because no i um I know I'm going to miss, you know? I don't want to lay in my own pits.
01:33:25
Speaker
Yeah, no problem getting up out of bed. Uh, Hannah fear 25 confessed that she thought it was customary for men to urinate in water bottles. I thought it was acceptable for him to piss in bottles. Cause he didn't want to get out of bed and they used to sit there for days. Oh, you nasty. You need to divorce that dude quick. Unless she emptied them. She revealed in a tick tock clip clip. She's a keeper.
01:33:52
Speaker
However, and like I said, I'm on the side of women here. um hundred percent on ah like I'm in like, I a guy that did this. I went over his house. He had like nine two liter bottles filled with piss. I'm like, Hey, uh, aviator calm down. Yeah. Uh, many women fired back, uh, that the mom's unfortunate experience resonated with them. One woman said, why did I get a flashback to my ex?
01:34:18
Speaker
Another one said there are more men out there than it is. My ex partner did this. Grown another. Notice the key word in these first two comments. X X. ah You know, however, some men admitted to liking the plastic yet accessible urinals. Other men. Any other men keep an empty bottle next to the bed to save them from going to the bathroom in the middle of the night? Question the tick tocker. No.
01:34:46
Speaker
Uh a few bedside urinators admitted Admitted to the tactic and commented underneath the video with their takes a piss bottle I thought everyone did this i've been doing it for 10 plus years commenting one man I feel sorry for women. They can't do what we can do joked another no that No, you're a fucking heaving All right I get it if it's like, you know 40 fucking below But I've never been so lazy that I'm like, Oh, it's too cold or I'm too tired. Fuck that shit. Get your ass up. Go to the fucking bathroom. Yeah. Uh, meanwhile, Ryan, you can play on it. Uh, yeah. Meanwhile, Ryan Odom, who goes by a chicken man, 1992 on tiktok discovered his grandfather's urine stash and posted a clip online revealing where his old man hides the bottles in plain sites. These are his bottles.
01:35:45
Speaker
here that he pees in when he's too lazy to go to the bathroom. He just fills up Gator. But mind you, in this TikTok video, in this clip, you guys could go look up Chicken Man 1992 on TikTok. This is in the fucking living room beside his recliner. He's got like eight bottles, Gator bottles full of piss. Tell me you're married to your sister without telling me you're married to your sister. Yeah.
01:36:13
Speaker
However, some men blame whole tide like insomnia, blah, blah, blah. There is no excuse. There is no good enough. Excuse. The only person that has a good excuse for this is Connor. Cause he has no legs. Yeah. Well, this went, this went from tick tock to Reddit and the conversation has continued on to Reddit. Uh, if you can't get up,
01:36:42
Speaker
and go to the bathroom without going into extra uh into crisis paralysis uh he needs to see a doctor uh redditor said healthy people don't piss in bottles at home period he has some issues and you're not one to fix him another editor said get up and piss in the toilet like a civilized person demand another editor my ex did this too but also next to his recliner where he played call of duty all night one person wrote it's disgusting and i'll never deal with pee bottles again You shouldn't have to.
01:37:15
Speaker
but is right Dude, don't get me wrong. Like I'm the first to like, you know, I have my, my Coke bottle. I can get a glass. There's a glass literally a foot from me, but I'm the only one home right now. So nobody can say shit, but I'm not going to piss in the bottle. Like piston and I'm I'm pissed in one or two places.
01:37:43
Speaker
I can be anywhere in my house and not be more than 20 feet from a bathroom. I pissed it in one of two places in my house, bathroom or outside. Yeah. Outside is understandable, especially if you're having like a barbecue or something. Yeah.
01:37:59
Speaker
but
01:38:02
Speaker
rich is lucid is my oh there is no excuse with it sorry Yeah, no, I agree it's it's it's fucking disgusting and and they're fucking heathens bro, I mean they're degenerate heat this is I mean don't get a fucking diaper you fucking Hippie I mean at the end of the day I We're still going to judge you. Don't get me wrong. We're still going to judge the hell out of you. If you're a grown ass man wearing a diaper and you have, you know, again, the exception being Connor because he has no legs. Well, I get it. If you're an invalid or something. Understood. Got it. You do you boo boo. Yeah. yeah a few years A few years back, there was a story in the news about a lady. I think she was coming from
01:38:53
Speaker
Texas and she was going to Florida. She was going to kill her ex or her boyfriend or something. She was like this NASA chick. Yeah. Yeah. And she got depressed got in the car and didn't stop. Yeah. Cause she did want to have to stop together. So she just threw out the pants. But again,
01:39:11
Speaker
I would almost be I would almost be a little bit more understanding if guys were like, hey, we're fucking lazy. We don't want to get up in the middle of the night. So we're just going to put on the pens and piss. But again, you're pissing yourself and sleeping in it. Babies don't even like that. Right. I mean, like if a baby wants to know the night. Yeah. If a baby wants themselves in the middle of the night, what are they doing? Waking up screaming.
01:39:42
Speaker
Dude, I told you, I had a buddy of mine. He stayed with us at our old house and he he used to do this and I said, dude, this is not cool. And I said, I get it. You broke your leg. So it's harder, but dude, it's, it's 10 feet. yeah I mean, the only reason he was stable is because he had broke his leg and he couldn't work.
01:40:09
Speaker
And I was like, I get it. But dude, if you can't get your ass up and walk the 10 feet to the bathroom, it's not like the house is a mess. There's nothing in your way. Yeah. It's not. No, no. Ooh. Not guilty. Not guilty. I'll piss in the woods. Only place. Only place where she's taking a piss.
01:40:32
Speaker
The only time I've ever pissed at the bottle is driving down the highway like 65 miles an hour and the closest restaurant rest stop is like 50 miles away. You know, I've done it. I've done it. I've done it in the car, you know, more on more than one occasion. But again, that's acceptable. It was it was an emergency situation. It was either exactly, you know,
01:40:59
Speaker
yeah Rich, I'll piss in the woods. That's the only other place I'll piss outside of it. And now he's on Amazon. For $24.99 on Amazon, you can buy a mail urine collector wearable urine collecting bag for men. Men's portable external catheter device with two 500 milliliter urine bag reusable. Oh my God. Did I just look that up? Wait, wait, wait. Reusable.
01:41:28
Speaker
Yes. So you can rinse it out. No, no, no. Just throw that fucker away. Buy a new one. Oh, this is going to get on Amazon tomorrow. I'll be like, I'm going to look for what the hell? Richard. But once again, Rich is an older guy. He's not a young cat. It would make sense. Yeah, but especially on a road trip. It would be like on a road trip. You know what I mean?
01:41:55
Speaker
Yeah, but yeah rich is an older guy that would that doesn't that doesn't like that doesn't help the debate none because That's just adding fuel to the fire saying you people are fucking degenerates your heathens. Like what are you doing? I mean, I mean, I'm sorry. I'm 44 years old as of today. I Was house broke a long time ago. Yeah These people are not house broke
01:42:24
Speaker
However, this what's the next step? You get a kitty litter box and just piss on it?
01:42:33
Speaker
abby I that might be not much better, but ah it's also not as bad. It's a smidgen better than the other world we live in now. or six head world man that i'm sorry if you do this you need to get out of your mom dad's basement get a light not just a job but get a light and and as you pointed out every chick that mentioned it said my ex there's a reason she didn't break up with him because he was cheating she didn't break up because he didn't have any money no because he was pissing in bottles yeah pissing in the bottles
01:43:22
Speaker
You know, I'll admit to, if I do something stupid like that, but I've never done that outside of we're, we're, we're driving, you know, 400 miles. I don't want to stop unless I need gas. I'm going to piss in this bottle. Y'all nasty. Yes.
01:43:49
Speaker
yes People are. Gosh, dang, degenerate heathens. And without being said. Speaking of the penis. Hey, yes. It's everybody's favorite time of Wednesday night. Time for the report.
01:44:18
Speaker
After the the scatology stories that lays told us last week. I am so ready for this. You can't scare me Well, I'm not I'm not looking to scare you tonight because I was I didn't really frightened and needed a shower after last time as as as the We got done and I wouldn't shower dude with the gobro pad i was like oh I'm gonna I'm gonna regret saying this but I It is what it is, the sacrifices I make. As Blaze is known as the local shatologist, our resident shit expert. yeah I bring you news of the penis as your resident penis expert.
BuzzFeed Insights and Male Concerns
01:45:07
Speaker
A urologist, you will. Professor Urologist Glick. Yeah, Professor Glick.
01:45:15
Speaker
your penisologist expert in all things penis. ah i had I had another list of, another BuzzFeed list of of extra large members and stories. However, in my extensive research, I came across this little list, and I think this will be fun. I think we can have fun with this one before we get back into traumatizing people with, uh, small penises, large penises, horrible sex stories. It went on and on. and And like to the point where Chaka, I think destroyed his laptop at one point. Nice. Well, this, this, uh, penis report tonight here on what the fuck news.
01:46:07
Speaker
is people with penises share the worst thing about having them. And I, not me, the lady who wrote this, Shelby Hendricks, quote, quote, Shelby, and I, a vagina owner, am certifiably like shook. What is the downside to having a penis? Well, Shelby goes on to say, since I, since I'm a vagina owner,
01:46:35
Speaker
I don't often think about what it's like to have other genitalia, vagina seem to have enough going on as it is in my opinion. She's not wrong. There's a lot going on down there. Yeah. And flow once a month, babies coming out, this happening, that happening. You know, there's a lot. Well, saying i get what i get I understand the chicks that want to be dudes. I really do.
01:47:05
Speaker
But however, Reddit user funny underscore meme thing went a totally new perspective. At least for me, when they ask men of Reddit, kind of love Reddit and you got to love when Reddit and Buzzfeed team up because yeah i was going to get nothing. If you want a fucked up story or even a mild story.
01:47:26
Speaker
Reddit is the place to go. every Well, uh, men of Reddit, what is the worst thing about having a penis? The thread quickly went viral with over 23,000 responses. And here are the, so here are most some of the most enlightening. Imagine just your job, go through Reddit, read all these stories. Oh, dude. I'm in. Yeah. I sign up something sinister writes in, uh, sometimes when having a,
01:47:56
Speaker
when having a poop, you automatically pee. ah yeah And it goes through the little gap between the toilet seat and the bowl, wetting your underwear and bringing. great I've done that. Then there's also the penis head touching the toilet bowl moment that she has been there on both occasions. Fortunately, fortunately, the, the, uh, in between uh uh old faithful if you will well of the old faithful spurts have only ever happened to me at home so it's not like i've had to yeah in public and do the walk of shame with pee soaked boxers or whatever you know oh no dude if that happened to me in public i would literally break the sink and just crouch myself and be like oh oh it wasn't it's not piss it's water or everything yeah you're sitting bro um guys know you're sick and busted
01:48:50
Speaker
but my magic Yeah. Magic gel pen says the possibility of testicular torsion has got to be up there. I had one and I got the surgery. Basically testicular torsion is, I believe where your balls get twisted. You know, you got a, you got a left nut and right, your left nut and right nut.
01:49:17
Speaker
Now, sometimes your left k nut becomes your right nut and your right nut becomes and they get all tangled up. Uh, he said, I had to replace your bag with the Crown Royal bag. don't you Yeah. Uh, Cappy Womack comments underneath this and said, I had one. I got the surgery to untwist it. I had both balls sewn to sack. Whoa.
01:49:39
Speaker
The intensive, tensely painful recovery week makes you really understand just how much they move around. Even on painkillers, I dreaded each slow walk to the bathroom, calculating the next best move that would result in the least amount of painful ball shuffling. Luckily i least he didn't piss in a bottle. Luckily he got to keep them. yeah what with, with testicular torsion, he still got up and went to the bathroom and didn't mess with the bottle. Uh, fluffy prophet says, and I can agree with this as well. I think we all can. They're the most temperamental things hard when you don't want them to be soft. When you want them to be hard, sometimes the light breeze makes them gum off go off. Sometimes it's like trying to start a fire with two wet sticks, but most of them are the most annoying thing.
01:50:32
Speaker
I just don't always cooperate.
01:50:39
Speaker
Come little buddy. Here's how old that guy is. ah There's no way that dude is in his 20s. I'm just saying. Well, yeah. In my day, we never had a problem. oh Yeah, I think you just. you say Yeah, I think you say more like along the lines, like we are randomly walking through CVS and all of a sudden. Oh, yeah.
01:51:02
Speaker
Hey yo, hey yo, uh, how do we, uh, how do we, uh, stretch your shirt out and like put your hands in your pockets and try to, you know, where is that quarter that I'm looking for? Yeah. We came down and tie my shoe for the next 10 minutes until the summer bitch decides to go back to sleep. Uh, when I was in driver's ed class back in high school, uh, we were, we were, I took it during the summer because I don't remember why. Anyways, but they they were like, we're going to finish up this little section and then we're going to take a break. And we got into the break and and my buddy's sitting across from us. We're sitting at these round tables. He's like, you guys go ahead. I'm going to just sit here. I'm like, dude, you don't want to stretch your legs? He's like, no, I can't. I'm wearing sweats. And I got a raging and fucking heart on right now. and I'm like, off that video? He's like, no, just the wind. I'm like, got I'm going to buy the cigarette.
01:52:02
Speaker
Yeah. ah I'm going to just sit here for a while. Yeah. I'll never forget it. Yeah, right. Hey, what do you think? There's nothing else you can do. You just gotta give it time. There's a reason why I wear jeans all the time. I don't wear sweatpants out in public, man. She's got to give it time.
01:52:24
Speaker
oh Oh, uh, often gets it wrong. Says, uh, when you finish peeing and the tip is still wet, so you give it a little gentle flick, but sometimes, but some drops still remain. So yeah, give it a little dab with a single, with like a single pull of toilet paper. Yeah. But instead of, uh, the paper soaking up the moisture scraps of the toilet paper gets stuck to your penis.
01:52:54
Speaker
like when you peel off a price tag, it doesn't come off clean.
01:53:02
Speaker
Oh, been there, done that. Good night, buddy. Love you. It's the end of the morning. um and bomb Dan Obama says, uh, morning wood when you have to pee. Ain't that the truth? I feel like trying to get that lean going here. where It looks like it's I'm just checking the back of the toilet. Why? Yeah, I kind of leave it out. And then you tried to guide it. You're like, yeah yeah, a little bit left and down in a quarter of an inch. Yeah. too far far too far And then of course, you have the dreaded dual stream. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.
01:53:50
Speaker
Uh.
01:53:53
Speaker
Uh, Cap El Dios Del Viento writes in having the sudden urge to adjust it every five minutes, especially with jeans. It gets so uncomfortable. You need bigger jeans, dude. Yeah. Uh, Xogazoo says bat a bad aim to the toilet seat every once in a while, so to speak.
01:54:17
Speaker
It happens sometimes. Yeah. It happens. Um, Jesus, uh, second terrible second terrible says, uh, sometimes right here, we're talking, we just talked about it. Sometimes semen dries the tip of your penis. So you go to the bathroom like normal only to have a blockage, uh, has the same effect as holding your thumb over the hose.
01:54:44
Speaker
so your stream is split into two and despite being properly aimed the largest stream is hitting the wall and the lesser stream it is hitting your foot and to adjust your aim to stop hitting the wall but that's the point where the blockage clears and you're pointed in the wrong direction and you also manage to spray the bottom of the lid before you realize your mistake If you get jumpy doing the incident, you bobble your junk around and you make it even bigger.
01:55:17
Speaker
We've all been there, guys. We've all been there. We all know the, you know, you just, yeah you just rubbed one out. You got to go to the bathroom half hour later. You just had sex, whatever the case may be. And yeah, go to the bathroom to take a piss and stuff together.
01:55:31
Speaker
Yeah. And it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's instant panic mode too. Like oh yeah all of a sudden there's no, there's no calm. I can fix this moment. It's all like fuck. Yeah. Years, years of training and pissing properly and holding your junk to but completely go out the window. It's game over. You're pissing on the ceiling. You're pissing in the shower. you you're You're pissing on yourself. It's everywhere. Cause you just panic mode and you're like,
01:56:00
Speaker
You're like a baby grabbing a fire hose and kicking it on full blast. Those are just everywhere. then you have to Then you have to explain to your wife, I'm going to clean the bathroom, so I'll be out in about an hour. Why now? Well, just because I'm bored. It's two o'clock in the morning. Why are you? Don't worry about it. At least I don't piss them off. We shut them in.
01:56:23
Speaker
ah I'm kidding. Yeah. yeah ah Uh, two blue says, uh, having that tiny drop of pee after you spend a minute trying to avoid it from happening, you know, flapping it around, shaking it off, you know, you know, put it away. at like Yeah. Uh, this wamps nine, nine, nine commented below it. No matter how much you wiggle and dance that last drop always goes down in your pants. that I don't care what you do. Uh,
01:57:02
Speaker
ah positivesly romantic This is a weird fear that I'm pretty sure every man has and I gotta agree with it because there's a lot of times where I've spent thinking about this and kind of worried about this. The fear that it may in some way get ripped off or cut off.
01:57:17
Speaker
Dick guillotine fear, right? Like I way more than I probably should have in my lifetime. There's like a rational feeling. I'm going to get up and go to the bathroom and go take a piss. And I'm just going to get right off or, you know, but I don't know. Well, you know, you, you quickly learn when you're playing with a knife to cut away.
01:57:43
Speaker
I don't know why you got your dick out when you're playing with a knife, but hey, whatever. No, you gotta raise your knife. They don't go through clothes. I'm just saying. I'm not, hey, I'm not judging, Jeff. Whatever you, whatever you do. What I do, the comfort of my own house is up to me. I'm just saying. He whittles his wooden. I have two different ways. Leave me alone. I'm whittling my wood. Are you actually whittling my wood or are you? Yeah. What are you doing in there?
01:58:09
Speaker
drugss you drugsgs and hookers Yeah, I think it's in 71 17 says sitting on a ball accidentally been there. ah More than one occasion and that is not a pleasant. How do you do if you know what I mean? That is that is not a friendly. Hello, we and it happens why didnt dad forget up so fast. Don't worry about it.
01:58:42
Speaker
Unfortunately, the the the older I'm getting the I sit down. i'll I sit down more gingerly these days depending upon what kind of pants I wear because it has happened a few times and it's not it'll ruin a day. what's time Yeah, it'll it'll it'll ruin a day. That is for sure.
01:59:04
Speaker
ah but Father Time says, the constant cultural and individual need to assure ourselves that they're good enough. Pro tip. If your partner's enjoying themselves, it's good enough. And if you can't do the deed for whatever reason, you're still valid and valued. The old, hey, it's just a little guy, you know. Happens to everybody. Yeah. I've just come to terms with it. Yeah. Yeah. Just accept it. Big, big, glick little dick.
01:59:35
Speaker
is what it is. Yeah, man. The uh the rain snake. Um circumstantially, whenever you feel any pain on it, I got my penis caught in a zipper exactly once and I can tell you that death was by far more preferable. Oh, 100%. Yes. I still see that scene and something about mary and crying yeah Anytime you feel pain down there and I'll tell you what, and I've said this for a million years and it's funny because women don't believe me. I will take a straight up boot to the balls or boot to the bowels as, as, as, as our friend, uh, like you used to say over just that little flick, yeah because that little flick hurts a million times worse than a steel toe boot. That's that's ah and a three day getting over it. Yeah.
02:00:33
Speaker
where I'm going to take a kick kick to the balls and 30 minutes later, I'm I'm I'm breathing again. But that little tap, that's three days where don't fucking talk to me. It's still catching my breath. Yeah, it's it's it's game over. Burrito. I love this name Burrito Slut.
02:00:56
Speaker
ah Says he says all the red. Slut. Yeah, right. Right. Uh, uh, burrito slut says all the random things that can go wrong with it or with things associated with it. Erectile dysfunction, testicular cancer, penile cancer, whatever that is.
02:01:25
Speaker
Masturbating too much, masturbating too little, death grip, the countless issues you can have with your prostate, hide yourself, pay Ronnie's disease, and the list goes on forever.
02:01:39
Speaker
I understand that goes for just about any part of the body, but the penis often seems extra susceptible sometimes. Yeah, the key to life is to not think about it until it happens. yeah ah If you start to worry about it, you'll never stop. Yeah. Oh, man. What if I get all cancer and penis cancer all to save time? I will take any other type of cancer any day of the week.
02:02:10
Speaker
Not that I'm rooting for cancer, but if I get ball cancer, penis, penis cancer, you know, I masturbate too much or too little. I don't know who's to tell. And then all of a sudden it falls off. but Yeah. Good. That's the thing that they don't tell you that in a book. What is too much? And what is too little masturbate? I think if it's really 14 times a day, it's not good for you. Yeah. Uh,
02:02:39
Speaker
Tildir Manny says, yeah, hey, leave me alone, mind your business. um
02:02:52
Speaker
Manny says, when you masturbate, you need to make sure all the semen is out. Otherwise, if you don't, it hardens up and clogs your dick. Yep. While you wait for piss after you're done.
02:03:09
Speaker
you know like ah Especially when you're a kid I remember I was in a health class where you know how they separate the boys and the girls and The girls come back a little presence were like what they fucking get, you know um Our teacher told us a story how and and it didn't and to this day I'm like he mentioned something falling off and I went wait what? Payed attention what happened?
02:03:34
Speaker
yeah And nobody can tell me what it was because nobody else was paying attention because it was health class and we were in sixth grade. And I was like, wait, what falls off? I don't want something to fall off. Oh, now I'm the right guy. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. No. Hey, but junk fall off. Maybe that's a sign of too much masturbation. Your your junk just falls off. Not enough because my junk is good. And I jerk off a lot. Yeah. All right. See?
02:04:02
Speaker
i
02:04:05
Speaker
Uh, and last but not least, uh, Jack Whitman writes in, and finally the whole toxic culture around bigger equals better. Men grew up learning through pop culture TVs, movies that having a large penis is powerful, which singles out smaller men in general and alienates them in a world of body positivity. Smaller men are judged for something about them that is beyond their control and something they can never change.
02:04:35
Speaker
it can end up being traumatic for some uh and then uh bta weeks yeah uh bta foh five comments with a weird flex here i think he just wanted to throw this out there mine is too big and sometimes it sometimes hurts for women while it sounds cool on paper to have a huge penis it being uncomfortable for women makes sex not as great as you can tell she's in pain or wants to stop because it's hurting more than it feeling good shout out as we discovered as we discovered when you did this the micro penis stories women like it yeah they were more satisfied than the dudes with too big a dicks i'm just saying and and and there you have it and there you have it ladies and gentlemen
02:05:25
Speaker
your penis report from a tag team, a two for one BuzzFeed and Reddit collaboration, a super collab, if you will. That that is the super collab we all wanted and didn't know we needed. Yes, people shared the worst thing about having them. You know, I retract my previous statement. What's the worst thing about having a penis? Now I know. Yeah. I i didn't realize there was so much to worry about.
02:05:55
Speaker
And now that I've got y'all warm and fuzzy, next week on Penis Report, it'll be a lot of, I need Jesus after this. I needed Jesus and and baptized after Blaze's story. like like it was he He told us, he said, before I did the show, I read the first paragraph and I thought, this will be fun.
02:06:20
Speaker
not realize he was six paragraphs long and went on for 45 minutes. Yeah. Well, that wraps up your, your weekly dose of penis and the penis report. ais
02:06:35
Speaker
It was a death grip. involved that's said that
02:06:49
Speaker
Easy, easy, easy, not easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, you're not fucking poll starting a lawmower lady yeah well as we all so always say and now you know ah more you know knowing is half the battle Yeah, as G.I. Joe used to say. Well, that comes to the end of our show of WTF news. All the news is news that makes you say what the fuck. um Thank you everybody for listening. Thank you everybody for following.
Closing Remarks and Promotions
02:07:20
Speaker
Don't forget bio dot.link slash nonsensical network. Everywhere and anywhere you can find our
02:07:27
Speaker
info. It's there. And don't forget, of course, in that bio link, you'll find nonsensical dash nonsense dot my spread shop.com. We find all our merch and you can spread us on you. Condoms coming, calling it now. You're in bottles coming as well. Right. There's a market, buddy. There's a market. I was just saying. Appreciate you being here, Rich. Have a great night, brother.
02:07:57
Speaker
But yeah, thanks for everybody watching. Thanks for listening. We are going to end the show and then I'm going to go get something to eat. But ya mean thank you Glick for coming up. um you could have stopped i As of right now, no show tomorrow.
02:08:18
Speaker
But Friday, Blaze and I are gonna be actually showing the films we're watching because they are fan-made shows and we're doing a two-part. I have not watched them yet. One of them is Jurassic Park, something, but something Jurassic Park. it's a direct It's like a Jurassic Park theme. And then there's a Judge Dredstein theme, one. Yes, Jurassic, Jurassic.
02:08:45
Speaker
Jurassic World Exodus and judge and judge minty minty. Yes. Uh, I'm curious. I, I, the only thing I've seen is the trailer seems made. So that will be Friday, uh, at eight o'clock Eastern. And again, Jeffrey, happy birthday. Thank you, sir. My Walker, I'm gonna get my Walker or my, my razor, my little, you know,
02:09:12
Speaker
scooter and i'm gonna go to the store and pick me up a bag of chips and watch your tv yay yep i'm gonna go out there and eat me some dental work because i'm starving and you're gonna eat like 45 potatoes don't lie no actually actually uh nikki may pull pork to go over either macaroni and cheese which is delicious dude i almost savored another recipe yesterday and or ah um mashed potatoes. So yes, I still may have potatoes, but I'm definitely eating. I think I have a secret goal of making you 400 pounds because every time I find a recipe, I'm like, I should send this to Nikki. Including Nikki. She sends me recipes all day, every day. And I'm like, it's like, I don't send her anything else. I'm just like, here's food and drinks. And then I go as bad as possible.
02:10:08
Speaker
And then I go, you know what would make that better? It's potatoes. A little salt, I know. But polite ah
02:10:21
Speaker
but yeah thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. We will see you Friday. Deuces! You're gonna be good at your horse. And if you can't be good at it, be great at it.
02:10:45
Speaker
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