Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Summer Structure + Camp Success with @dayswithgrey
1.1k Plays4 months ago
2 Beths! Miss Beth and Beth Rosenbleeth of Days with Grey discuss everything from ensuring your child is allergy-safe at camp to the great debate about whether to maintain a summer structure and how to get your kids to learn life skills. Plus, Beth spills the tea on what she found in my pantry when she came to visit and one childhood memory that didn't cost a thing.
In this episode, we cover:
- Camp Prep for Kids with Allergies: Essential tips to ensure a safe and enjoyable camp experience.
- Summer Structure Debate: Should you maintain a structured schedule during summer, or is it time to let loose?
- Pantry Surprises: The fun (and funny) discoveries Beth made in my pantry.
- Mom Life Tips: How to be an effective mom even if you’re not a morning person.
- Self-Packing for Kids: Encouraging independence by letting kids pack for themselves.
- Teaching Life Skills: Practical advice on teaching kids essential life skills.
- Middle Kids & Birth Order: Insights on the dynamics of birth order and how it affects children, especially middle kids.
- Family Vacation Tips: Tips and tricks for a successful family vacation.
- Personal Experiences: Growing up in a big family and staying in hotels.
- Crowd Spotting Tips: How to dress your kids so you can easily spot them in a crowd this summer.
Don’t miss this engaging conversation packed with practical advice and a few laughs along the way. Tune in now!
Resources Mentioned:
- Beth Rosenbleeth's website: dayswithgrey.com
- Big City Readers
Subscribe & Follow:
- Follow us on Instagram
- Subscribe to our YouTube Channel
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review and share it with other parents and educators. Together, we can make summer safe, fun, and memorable for all children.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Guest Overview
00:00:14
Speaker
Hello and welcome back to the Play on Words podcast from Big City Readers. It's Miss Beth, and I'm so excited. Today I'm here with my favorite bath um Beth, Beth Rosenblith of Days with Gray, who needs no introduction, but um is everyone's um Hero on specifically morning invitations or breakfast invitations, I should say, and how to get your ah time back, like just have a hot cup of coffee or tea. Beth, you drink tea, not coffee, right?
00:00:47
Speaker
drink tea. okay coffee but I do drink tea.
Kids' Camp and Allergy Concerns
00:00:50
Speaker
Okay. Okay. And, um, and today we're talking, I know i I interrupted my introduction of you, but today we're talking about one of the things that she is a super expert in among many. And that is, well, we'll talk about a couple of things. Kids going to camp, prepping kids for for camp from like, um, early childhood development standpoint, and also specifically the fears of having a kid with allergies um going to camp. She is, if you have a kid with allergies, she's going to become your best friend. Or if you have a child in general, her activities will become your favorite thing. So Beth, hi, thanks for being here. That's like the intro. I feel
00:01:32
Speaker
Like I'm an expert of all things. I appreciate all that. but but You know, I really should write down my intros before I do them because then I just kind of ramble and I'm like, Oh, and she's, um, actually I'm kind of like a foot taller than her. And actually we're, we're friends in real life. We've hung out multiple times. She's been to my house, you guys. Yes. Okay. You do know all my secrets. Remember when you opened my pantry and it was all books? That's one of my favorite things about you. Thank you. um Okay. So you just dropped your boys. Well, I guess, is there anything that you want to add about yourself before
Camp Experience and Challenges
00:02:12
Speaker
we jump in? I was going to say you just dropped your boys off at camp and you're in a unique situation. Do you want to talk about that? Or is there anything you want to add before we start talking about camp?
00:02:23
Speaker
Yeah, I'll say that I am not an expert in packing for camp. um my it's but Actually, this is their first camp camp experience. um Up until this point, we've done a day camp in our neighborhood ah that you can sign up for any week and it's like a drop in and we've done a half day camp um in the area but and There's two reasons to that. One, when you have three kids to put three kids into camp, it is wildly expensive. Um, and then two to put, um, To attend camp with a food allergy is a whole nother level. So we are, we are here at a town right now because I had found my child, a, um, a food allergy camp where all the campers, there's just about 40 of them, but they all have food allergies and siblings are invited because.
00:03:16
Speaker
The family who started it had a child with food allergies. And they know that like, if one child has a food allergy, it really, uh, the whole family is affected by the lifestyle. So it's been wonderful. Oh, good. Okay. So there's so many things I already want to jump into. um The reason i I remember that I wanted to have this conversation is because you were posting about packing for camp and it started giving me all these memories of like packing for family vacations and in general. um From my childhood, and I was one impressed with like how you let your kids kind of have that independence but not surprised because you do share a lot about how to teach your kids life skills and I think you have a great resource on that right so we can get into that.
00:04:05
Speaker
um But to the summer camp thing, I think it's like a kind of a debate for people um figuring out what their kids can do. So will you um and and I love also that these these food allergy camps exist, like the people that run these. So is it niche or niche organizations? Which which way do you say it? I mean, it's tomato, tomato. OK, but does anyone say tomato? That's a good question. Probably not. Because I always say niche, but I just saw this phrase that says your riches are in your niches. Yeah. I i do think, I think there's a correct way. I just don't think that's what I'm an expert on.
00:04:50
Speaker
yeah but I think it's what people expect me to be an expert on. it Unfortunately, I don't know. um But my little sister has epilepsy and she went to an epilepsy camp as well. And it's just like, it's so amazing. I think that people don't think about, unless I guess this is like life, right? Unless you have someone you love that has experienced that kind of hardship, you don't think of that thing that's needed. But so the people that make an allergy friendly food camp or a food allergy friendly camp or a epilepsy friendly camp, like that see, you know, for my little sister, it's like, okay, regular things that you might have at camp, like
00:05:32
Speaker
big lights, loud music, like all these things are counselors that aren't medically trained. You know, all those things, you don't get to have that regular experience. So you, I know first, first hand, have to deal with that fear every day of of what your child goes through.
Traditional Camp Activities and Managing Fears
00:05:51
Speaker
So I'm so happy that he gets to do that and that his brothers get to go with him. How, how old are each of your boys that are, they're all there. It's all sleep away for a week and they're all there. Okay. So this is being, it's a day camp. It's a day camp. but What makes this a little bit more camp traditional is that it's hosted.
00:06:09
Speaker
in a camp facility. So they have like the archery, the zip lining there. They went on a banana boat. They did this giant water slide into the lake. So when I say this is their first traditional camp experience, I'm, I'm talking in those terms, but I dropped them off and I picked them up and, uh, it's not sleep away camp. And in a way. When you have a food allergy or something that you have in your life that, that consumes your thinking, um, any decision you make. Is around. What you need to think about. So for example, like he has this food allergy. So he says no to a lot of opportunity.
00:06:47
Speaker
it it Mind it's like, well, well, they know I have a food allergy. Do they know how to handle it? What if I get served the wrong thing, you know, and even he is incredible with his food allergy. He manages the extremely well, but the fear never really leaves you. And so. uh, in a way I wanted him, but he's, he's, he's one of those kids who really benefits from heavy work, the lifting, the jumping, the bouncing, the, the moving those big gross motor muscles. And so I knew as his parent that he would truly love camp. And I felt in a way that, that starting with this camp would also help lead him to like other camp opportunities down the road, because he will understand how
00:07:33
Speaker
great of an experience camp is for him and how it really does fit his needs. I picked him up and he was like, I love camp. And it's really hard for him to let the guard out and express how excited he is and it was really, really nice to see.
Family Vacation and Packing Strategies
00:07:50
Speaker
Oh, good. So, okay. So you're two older boys or are all three of them there? Yeah. Oh, okay. And yes, there is they were after 10, nine and seven. Okay. Oh, that's amazing. That all, them oh my gosh. How fun that they get to go together. And so you found this camp, you drove there and you're like, kind of like made it a vacation. You're staying in a hotel and then they, wow, that's, that's fun. So they go to go to the stay camp and then they get to stay in the hotel with you every night.
00:08:19
Speaker
That's right. Yes. and And so that's where you and I come into this conversation because we have five in one hotel room. And as you can imagine, um I think you said you have similar experiences when you were a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. i Okay. So the reason I was like, i I had all these thoughts when I saw you posting about letting your kids pack because I am from a big family. So I did go to camp a few times and when I was in high school and went for a longer time, like um like the whole summer, but um but family vacations so you're kind of having been like this is I feel like people are bowing down to you because one it's one thing to like get your kids to camp but another thing to get yourself on a family vacation and you did both in the same time which cannot be an easy thing to do
00:09:04
Speaker
Um, but so I, I was looking at you posting about what your kids were packing. And I had this like memory of my childhood of family vacations. We always, I have a huge family. There's like 10 kids and we would drive to the same place every year that was 18 hours away. But like packing was not like, okay. Like it was like, Here's what you pack one swimsuit, one pair of shorts, one pair of sandals, like, and you wear the same sandals the whole time. You know, it's not stopping for food. It's like pulling through McDonald's and everybody. I remember my mom saying like 10 sausage biscuits and I hated sausage biscuits. And so I. Because I would just eat the bread. But I mean, like, you have to like run it like a like a ah like an army. And I imagine I mean, like now as an adult, I'm like, yeah, you had to be that like strict, but you let your kids pack their things. And I was like, wow, that how do you stay calm in that and not be like, no, that's too much stuff. So can you can you give us some advice or tell us about your process?
00:10:12
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. So how my brain works, how I need to live life is like, I have to also scale it down. So when, uh, when it comes to packing or little tips and tricks that I create along the way, it really, it really comes to down to like, my mind can only focus on one thing at a time, even though it wants to focus on 20,000. So, um, when my, so my son comes down and my youngest is just full of life. He like loves life. He loves. things, he loves experiences and he is going through a huge phase. He's seven. So I know this phase is going to end shortly, but he's in this phase of taking care of his bear and he brings his bear places and he packs his bear like lunch and he'll take it very seriously. Like, did you feed, did you feed him when I was gone? You know what I mean? It is like, he's the best parent and
00:11:08
Speaker
And I'm, I'm nurturing this because two reasons, one, it's so, he's so invested in it. And two, because I also know he'll blink and and all of a sudden he'll be onto something else. And I want him to like fully feel whatever he wants to feel in this. So he comes down and he has, he has a backpack that weighs probably 40 pounds on his back. He has a suitcase. stuffed with books and stuff and he And then he has, um, an additional backpack that's on wheels with more stuff. And his thinking was that he like planned, um, for his own activities, obviously, right? He's kid logger child. So he's like packing his supplies. And then on top of it, he's packing for his bear, right? So there's these like little magnetic tile dinosaurs in there. there is
00:12:04
Speaker
probably seven cat comic kid books. Like you could imagine how heavy that is. So. Oh my gosh. I know. And knowing his personality, you know, i if, if I were to just say no, absolutely not really taking what we can, that's also not going to work. So I looked at him and I saw this like clear plastic bin over to the side and I said, how about this? What if. you everything that is you know that you must take and you really feel as necessary it if it fits in this bin you can take it and the bin was plastic and it had a plastic lid and it was just this perfect size to have enough stuff But not too much. And that idea clicked with him. So I sat down on the carpet with them. And that's the other thing, you know, when we think about big tasks, they are really big. Think about when, you know, there's too many dishes in the sink or like you have so many mounds of laundry. I mean, no matter what age you are, a lot of one thing is.
00:13:05
Speaker
Overwhelming. So I sat down on the carpet and I said, okay, well, let's go to through this back first. And we literally made piles. Like, and I would hold something up and be like, what do you think about this? Do we need it? No. Okay. Do we need it? And he, and he made all the decisions, but he, sometimes you just need that guy to, to walk you through. And then in the end we ended up with a suitcase. And a, and a bin of toys and it, and, and, you know, he has like this journal he wants to write in and colored pen. So it's not just toys, but it's all things that he, he finds entertaining in his downtime and helping him manage that on his own is a life skill that hopefully will, if we keep practicing that he can, he can do it more independently as time goes on.
00:13:47
Speaker
Yeah, I think that people forget because you know parents have to remember a million things, but um I think people forget that that they these moments, it's not like, ah let's just pack and get going. like Their life there is being formed in these tiny moments and like how they see themselves and how they do everything for the rest of their life. like You're helping them figure that out right now. Um, which is terrifying and also exciting. It is, it's exciting and it's exhausting because I was telling you on the phone, uh, when I was finally done with everything, cause that's just one part of it. When I was finally done with everything, uh, my throat felt really tight. Like it felt hard to take a deep breath. And so there is something to be safe said for the, the load that comes with that. It's, it's, it's not.
00:14:37
Speaker
it's not easy. And so I think as a parent too, it's to make the decision of which ones are worth the battle, which ones are worth the help, which ones which ones have more of a long term.
Parenting Insights and Strategies
00:14:49
Speaker
and And I think that's where it comes down to saying yes over no, or trying to say yes more often is because like, when you you know if you just kind of picture that same situation five years from now, How will saying yes help or hurt? And it may do both. You know, you have to just think about it. People listening must think that you are like the most patient woman in the world. Oh, yeah. I'm just, you know, Mary Poppins. No, not at all. I think. ah No, um it's taking the men taking the load of parenting is, is a lot. And you know, right now it's just funny you say that because if we really want to break it down, uh,
00:15:30
Speaker
I'm sitting in a conference room right now. My children are at camp. I just finished working out because I'm by myself. So yeah, right now I'm the most patient person, ah but, and, and, you know, I think that that's, that's an important part, but the next week, you know, we're back for the rest of the summer with all of us meeting the primary caregiver. So yeah, it's not always. Super calming and relaxing, but focusing on, you know, that one for summer, for example, I like to say, you know, pick one word. How do you want summer to feel? And then guide all your decisions based off of that one word that you chose. And I think that's similar to anything in life.
00:16:13
Speaker
Yeah. Wow. um Okay. So that's just a reminder of my sister. My sister obviously would not, I say to her that she's like the most patient parent ever. And she's like, I don't feel like it. I feel like I lose my cool every minute and like, I'm like ruining everything. But she said, I think every parent feels like that. That's why I shared it. It's not like it's a secret that she You know, I think everyone always feels like that. But she said, I was over there the other day holding her baby. She has four kids. And she said that she started when her kids say like, come see this. She just immediately, no matter what she's doing, goes and looks at it. And she's like, it's easier because
00:16:54
Speaker
otherwise they're going to keep asking. And I'm going to say in one minute when I finish this, and so she's like, it's just easier for me. Like, even if she's like in the middle of cooking in the middle, she just gets up. If she's feeding the baby, she just gets up and goes to see what it is. And she said that that has made her life easier because like they're going to keep asking. And so she just does it. She just goes to see what it is that they want to show her. And it's, I think it's that, that idea of like, what are your no's and what are your yes's? Like, are your no's actually making your own life harder? And like, kind of like navigating, navigating that. So like, why do you think that you like felt stressed? Cause you were like, let's just finish this up. Or because you were like, this is an important moment. Or like, you just had a lot to do. Or do you, can you like, after, after the fact of, of packing, can you figure out like why that was a lot? Yeah. Well.
00:17:45
Speaker
you know The part of it that does come with, so for us for this camp, we have to pack a lunch. So you're thinking, okay, you're staying in a hotel. Uh, but I also have to bring food. And then because it's a food allergy camp, a lot of the main allergens are not allowed. So obviously nuts and peanuts were not allowed. Uh, but sesame wasn't allowed. And then no dairy. So like a cheese sandwiches out, no mayonnaise. So it was a lot of thinking, okay, well. What does that mean? And and it it made me really empathize too with other families who have a child who like will only eat peanut butter,
Food Allergies and Travel Challenges
00:18:23
Speaker
jelly sandwich. And then I know you go to a school and they're like, no peanut butter. ah And you you immediately as a parent, you're like, but my kid will not eat if they don't eat this. Cause this is all they eat. So I, I def I acknowledge that that is something
00:18:39
Speaker
that can feel really, really stressful. And at the same time I had to think about, okay, well, we have to pack lunches. So I ended up going with pasta and tomato sauce. So every day in the hotel, I'm, you know, boiling up some water and just, you'll actually crack up at this. So I have two thermoses with like the lids, the ones, you know, the heavy duty ones. And so I give one to one child or one to the other, but I only had two and I didn't get to buy a third. So my middle child. has been I've been going down and getting two coffee cups from the lobby and putting his pasta in there with two coffee cup lids and ah he was like can I um can I not have the coffee cups oh like and my gosh the middle one said that I know i
00:19:30
Speaker
Yeah, you know, the middle child, I was like, I'm, so I know I'll, I'm going to go look into getting you on, but you know, I think it's just with that as parents, we are always just trying to figure out solutions. Right. And that was like the solution that quickly came to my mind because I didn't have any other way to prepare his food, but to go back your initial question, it was, it was, it's, it's the food packing to you. A lot comes with having a food allergy because yeah any trip you go on, you're thinking, okay, I need to know where the the hospitals are. And I need to know, um, restaurants in advance where, you know, we took one Sydney trip and I have to call around and see if there's peanuts in the kitchen and I called one restaurant and and they were hungry. You know, you can't get to this.
00:20:17
Speaker
point where you need a restaurant. I call and they, I overheard the hostess say, I'm so tired of this question. ah And she handed the knock to someone else. I know. And you're just, you know, so, so it takes a lot of work to go into a new city. Now I will say, because I knew I was going to this camp, And staying in this hotel with other families that have food allergy, it took a ah little bit of the stress away from me just knowing I was like amongst other people that feel the same way. Rather than when we go on a family vacation, it's kind of like you're on your own island.
00:20:52
Speaker
Yeah, but it's, it was the, it was the packing. It's the food prep. And then on top of it, it's the camp, you know, they want you to label everything. And if you don't think of that in an advance, you don't have fabric labels. You know, you just kind of have to wing that too with the good old Sharpie and painters tape. This is, this is so much for, a this is wow. For one week of their life, but you're making memories. Exactly. Okay. it see da yeah We live in such a modern world where we have Amazon and we can solve all of our problems. And sometimes it's, it's fun just to remember the basics, right? So they each have a duffel bag. So I didn't have any labels made, but it's, it's the old tire ribbon on the end trick, right? yeah You know, and each.
00:21:36
Speaker
each kid has a favorite color so it's pretty easy and it's funny how you have kids and things kind of match their personality so or like we didn't just to pack we're rolling up clothes and just sticking a little rubber band around it and labeling the monday tuesday wednesday and i just think sometimes we live in a world where we're just ordering things to solve problems but in the end if we think about our childhood or like how our families prepared for a trap those those habits can still exist those patterns can still exist for the good, you know, I mean.
00:22:10
Speaker
the ribbon on the trick the ribbon on the bag trick has been working. I love it. my That reminded me of my mom always um put us in neon scrunchies. There was mostly girls in our family so that she would see us um when we went to um like anywhere, she could like spot us, or she always put us in matching clothes. And she said, because if I lost one of you, I could say she's wearing this outfit. Always. in the Oh yeah. That's so funny. If she didn't know who she, which one, which child she was losing, but it totally in the early years when we would take day trips, I always put them in the same shirt. It's it just, you know, it's the teacher head count, right? As you were, we're always like one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three. exactly Yeah, that's brilliant. I love the scrunchie too.
00:22:55
Speaker
the scrunchie because you can spot them and like, cause you know, like how, you know, police will say like, don't so start, start shouting a child's name, shout, shout what they're wearing. hey And, um, and like, you can literally, or like, I remember seeing like some like investigator tip be like, Take a picture of your child if you're going to like an amusement park so you have exactly what they're wearing. And that and and that's like so smart of my mom in the 90s to be like, no, they're all wearing the same outfit. So if one's gone, it's like, this is exactly the outfit they're wearing.
00:23:27
Speaker
Yes, yes. um So, yeah, so many things. And you know what is funny though? You also posted ah a tip, a trick that I think a lot of people will relate to. um And that is you you have a wagon in your car to get all your stuff into the hotel. Yeah. And that was funny because as I was bringing, I said to my husband, we're going to bring the wagon and he's like, they
00:23:52
Speaker
And I said, yeah, we're just going to bring the wagon. And I'm so glad we did because not only did it help bring everything into the room, but now it acts, you know, the rooms, our room is not tiny. It's, it's one of those hotel suite rooms that have a little kitchenette area, but at the same time, there's nowhere to put your stuff. So now the wagon is the wall. And that's where in our case, that's where the food. can be stored and and also bathing suits and towels. So it kind of just acts as like another set of drawers or a counter space.
00:24:25
Speaker
mar You're so smart. You know, worst case scenario, you, you realize you didn't need the wagon. You just fold it up and put it back in your trunk for the rest of the trip. So yeah. And yeah, that's, if it fits, that's great. I, I literally, but that's funny because I might, because there were so many of us, I hope my mom doesn't listen to my podcast because she's like, you outed me. Um, but I remember it would be like, so we would all stay in the car and. We would be like three to a duffel bag because they didn't want to draw attention that they're you know, we had two rooms like conjoining rooms and you know, somebody was on the floor like it's just you know, pile in and my mom would be very much like don't we don't want to draw attention to being the people with all the kids here like we were like very like
00:25:11
Speaker
stay in line single file stay in line single file so we would like not all go into the hotel she would go in do the check-in and then we would like go in and then bring our stuff in later like my dad would go get the rest of the stuff later because we didn't want to like make a big deal that there were too many kids in the rooms oh my that is wonderful well because you also like you can't put kids alone in other rooms so like what were they going to do they couldn't have more than two rooms Right. I don't know, but it's so different. Like I'm like, I now, I think I have like a little bit of PTSD about it as an adult because I get like so stressed before I go on a road trip. Like, Oh no, what if I have to go to the bathroom and whoever I'm with will always be like, well then we'll stop. And I'm like, Oh, okay.
00:25:54
Speaker
and Or like, I'm like, well, I don't even know how to pack because I'm like, I try to like keep everything. I never have checked a bag not once in my life. And I like, even if I go to another country
Minimalist Packing and Life Skills
00:26:06
Speaker
for multiple weeks, it's like whatever you can fit in your carry on or your backpack. Cause it's like, I'm a minimalist to my core now, but, but I'd never have anything to wear. yeah Well, yeah. And then you end up buying stuff there and then you can't bring it home. but Exactly. Oh my gosh. I'm the person on the plane. That's like wearing like four sweatshirts because I couldn't fit it in my bag. That's so funny. Well, and you just reminded me, that's one thing as a food allergy family that we've learned to do. Uh, it's so hard to find restaurants that are safe.
00:26:37
Speaker
And, you know, you just don't know where you are, but we always, we always look for, um, grocery stores and that has been really helpful because you can find a familiar brand or something. And then also to the, the boys like to walk around. So it gives both, right? Where if we went to a restaurant, we'd just sit again, but this allows them to walk and get some, some legwork in and then get back in the car. So. Oh, that's so smart. Stop at a grocery store and out of a restaurant. Yeah, right. They just have to remember that they're not grocery shopping that, that somehow, sometimes you get to the register and and you're like, okay, everyone just gets. and well That's the other thing. You get to pick one thing you, you know, and that's another life skill, right? Like you want one thing, go, go pick one thing or two things.
00:27:26
Speaker
That is so brilliant. Actually, that's a good life skill. I feel like that is the biggest hack right now. Like I'm like, and the podcast, I'm just kidding. We have a lot to talk about, bill but, um, like to stop, I feel like that's like groundbreaking. Stop at a grocery store instead of a restaurant. Let the kids like, maybe you give them a limit. Like here's $10 and. even there's so many more life skills, depends on like how much parenting you want to do. But like, if you want to talk about like, okay, what's going to fill you up? Like, and like, kind of like letting them learn those lessons, like, okay, something, what's something with protein in it? And like, they like go look through the store for something with protein. They learn to like, listen to their body into like,
00:28:03
Speaker
figure out what's going to feel good. Okay. I'm not going to be able to eat for a couple of hours that like those. are There's so many life skills. What do I have enough money to buy? Like what do I want something cold or hot? Like there's so many things that you could learn in that tiny moment in the same amount of time you could spend in the grocery store that you would spend sitting at the table waiting for your food. 100% and, and, you know, a lot of grocery stores now, they, they may have a cold bar, they may have a hot bar, they may have a sandwich bar. So where it would be a little harder for a food allergy kid just to have it all. Uh, it, it, you know, my middle like loves ah a sub, right? Or get to go to fresh market and they go to the hot bar. So you're right. There's many conversations about.
00:28:48
Speaker
what would make sense. And there's been many times where it was, well, you know, maybe i maybe next time I'll do that a little bit differently. Yeah, I would love it. um And like learning from mistakes and that it's amazing. um Okay, so I wanted to ask you about your child with food allergies. Do they feel anxiety about it going to new places? Are they just more aware of it? Do they like express like the panic that they feel or do they like know what to do in ah an emergency situation? How how does that work?
00:29:25
Speaker
Well, the anxiety really never leaves anybody who has anything that they always need to think about. And, um, he, he ah won't always, it's hard to explain, but like he won't ah appear maybe be anxious, but you can as a parent or someone who knows him closely. Yes, absolutely. Uh, and at the same time, he is. learned how to manage his allergy so well. So from very early on, we just have always said you don't, you just eat your own food because it was more of an easy
00:30:05
Speaker
Guarantee that there would be no human error. So he is at 10. He is so great about being in a situation. And we're talking a lot about now of him making the decision of whether or not, you know, if we're, if we're at a, at a party, like maybe there's a bag of popcorn or something, you know, it's, it's a lot of conversation now as he's getting older of him making the decision, if he thinks, if he feels good about it, but this is like an example. So we took two cars here and, um, When we, when my oldest was in my husband's car and they stopped at Kroger and he called me about a guacamole and they showed me a picture and I said, I don't, I don't really know right now I'm driving and I don't think we've had that brand.
00:30:52
Speaker
And in he immediately said, okay, well, I'll just read the ingredients and I'll, and I'll check the website. Wow. And you're like, exactly like, yeah. So now, now it's, it's not that he will be in a new situation and overly anxious. The anxiousness never leaves how you will feel always, but at the same time he has enough resources and he has enough habits that he can decide from himself how to make a good decision based off of.
Empathy and Independence in Children
00:31:21
Speaker
everything he's learned in in the past 10 years. So when he said, check the website, stuff like that makes has makes me feel really confident that he will be able to navigate this for the next, for his life. How and how old is he? He's 10. Okay. Wow. That's amazing. Good job. This is a serious plug for, uh, for teaching your kids life skills. I think a lot of
00:31:47
Speaker
Children who have accommodations or needs, they become the best self advocates. He knows how to go to a restaurant and ask questions. and And that's another habit that we've always tried to have him handle, too, is is when he orders his food, let them know about your allergy. because but you know yeah you wow Parents won't always be around, right? we We want our kids to have these skills so that they can speak up for themselves or they can take care of their needs when they're with friends or other family members.
00:32:20
Speaker
Yeah, that that reminds me. I always tell parents who get like any sort of diagnosis. Usually I work you know in academics, but um and like a ah physical diagnosis is the same, it sounds like, because if I work with someone you know and they're like, oh no, my child was diagnosed with ADHD or dyslexia or something, um some sort of learning disability. and um it's a panic at first. And I am often like, no, this is actually great because your child is going to know how to problem solve so much more than a child who it just comes naturally to because they from the very beginning are like looking for ways to make sure that
00:33:07
Speaker
you know, what they, they have what they need. And it feels like it's so hard. And of course it is so hard, but it's, it's often in that situation, it's like, it's just a different way of living. And these kids, I see them like just being such advocates and so empathetic and understanding of people with all kinds of differences. Like, so your child, you know, it has a food allergy, but I believe like wholeheartedly that it makes them see people differently. Like that is they they already know, OK, I'm different in this way and people don't see that when they look at me. So maybe someone else that is like acting this way toward me, maybe they have a sort of difference that I can't see or like they're just more curious about people being built differently. So I really think like it's those are like the most empathetic and um intelligent kids.
00:34:01
Speaker
the yeah Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, they definitely know what they need and how to navigate the world. Yeah. And that's like all you can ask for as a parent, right? Right. Um, okay. So you're also, um um, vacationing. So do you feel like you have to make it a summer trip also? Like after you pick them up from camp or are you like, no, this is like, you're at a day camp and the hotel is just our house.
Summer Camp and Family Time
00:34:28
Speaker
Like, how are you navigating that? Are you going to take a summer, a different summer trip? Like talk to us about summer with three boys and the endless debate of structured versus unstructured summer fun.
00:34:41
Speaker
Yeah, so and I'd say this is their trip, right? and And again, as a family of five, to go anywhere adds up very quickly. So this has been the highlight and the conversation of when we go to camp and you my youngest, I picked him up and he was already like, yeah, can you set up the set for the next week? Cause he's used to like hearing the camps, you know, or constantly rolling over to the next, ah So no, this is our family vacation for the summer and it goes by very quickly. So we really just have July because we're in the Southeast and school will start back up very quickly. But in the beginning of the summer, I like to take a minute to think about this is my system.
00:35:28
Speaker
In terms of like an unstructured summer, I feel like it's ah it's it's unstructured with a purpose. So the first thing I like to do is I like to think about where my problem areas are. So i and I've never been an early riser. I've always crashed around three. And so I have built the predictable routine around that. So When the kids were really young, that's why we started something called a breakfast imitation, which is just a simple play prompt for the kids to come down to in the morning so that I was able to wake up a little bit slower and drink my coffee or my tea and prep breakfast as they did something at the kitchen table that was playful.
00:36:07
Speaker
And meaningful and a lot of what you were talking about with your sister of how everybody needs her attention. I do find that when you dedicate about 10 to 15 minutes on the front end of the day or the front end of them getting back from school or the front end of something that's about to start. ah It kind of it fills their bucket. And it makes them feel seen and needed. So when they were doing their breakfast invitation, I was making small talk with them from across the room. You know, we were all in it together, which often led them just taking with whatever they were playing with and going and running off and playing. And so now that they're older at 10, nine and seven, they don't necessarily need me to set up a breakfast invitation, but we've developed the habits of, of.
00:36:54
Speaker
them doing something on their own in the morning rather than screen time. I'm not against screen time, but my next problem, right? Was that I crash at three. So from very early on, I took that mom needs a minute
Self-Care and Parenting Routines
00:37:08
Speaker
break time. And I said, okay, well that's where you can have your screen time. And, and so looking at my two problem areas and finding solutions for those two problem areas first. set everything up for success. And then the the other thing is I have to move my body. So especially when they were younger, by 10 o'clock, we were all out doing something active together so that I could get my like workout in. And because we built those habits very early, they did stick with us now in the older age. And what's really interesting is now that I have a 10 year old
00:37:43
Speaker
since he knows he can't wake up for Nintendo on the weekdays. I mean, he'll sleep in so late where I'm like, wow, we've reached you this next phase. This is so nice. Yeah. um I have a friend who's a um She's a child and family psychologist, and she always says that um so a dysregulated child and a dysregulated parent are dysregulated. A dysregulated adult and a regulated child equals a dysregulated child. But a regulated adult and a dysregulated child equals a regulated child. And what she means is that
00:38:26
Speaker
Everything that you want to fix about your child has to start with you. And it sounds like you like that's what you figured out. So she's like, essentially, she's like, I had to learn what my problem areas are. because that is like the thing setting the tone. It's not like, oh, my child gets cranky at this time. It's like, oh, if I'm not in the headspace to handle that, then it's a big deal. But if I'm in the headspace that I'm like, oh, I know she gets cranky at this time, this is the plan. So you saying like, I knew that I wasn't a morning person. I crash at three o'clock.
00:39:05
Speaker
and that I have to move my body. Like those three things, taking care of yourself first in those things actually makes things run much more smoothly for your kids. And of course it's like, this is why, you know, I always say, well, I could tell you what I do, but you need to know like what works for you. Like you pinpointing those three things that are like, these are the things that I need. is probably the best thing that you could do for your kids. Like not like the breakfast invitation is the best thing or we don't do screen times before this time, but it's like that you figured out these are the three things that I need and then everything else is a wash that taking care of yourself and then like your kids though are just so successful because you are regulated by having those three things taken care of.
00:39:56
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. I agree. And you know, it's easier said than done. It's, it's absolutely a work in progress because you get one thing figured out and you, and then, you know, you're onto something else. Maybe there's a habit of something you say or something you do that you notice in your children. Like you're saying that, that you realize, you know, maybe I need to work on that. So there's always something to work on, but identifying what you need and and where you need some space, maybe yeah as a parent or. it Is is extremely beneficial to setting up your structured or unstructured summer. ah So now that they're older. I'm not necessarily setting up activities, especially for my 10 and nine year old, but they they have a rhythm and routine of of
00:40:39
Speaker
When they know what they, what they can do at different parts of the day. That is so great. And also it's, it's interesting. Cause you probably don't really think about those three things anymore. Cause it's now built in. I was just talking to somebody who one of my friends was like, um, I don't have the same kind of ADHD as you, which there's another episode about ADHD coming out with my friend who is a ah psychologist and we break this down. But I, of course, nobody has the same type of anything, but I was like, you know what? I spent so many years getting my routines into place that you just forget that their habits at this point, because, you know, I have a couple of friends that are like, no, I have ADHD. My morning is like not does not run smoothly. And I didn't even realize that I was like,
00:41:28
Speaker
Wow, I do have like a flawless morning, but it's because it's almost like like a machine like I know and the exact things that I do for the first hour that I'm awake and I remember one time actually you even said that to me you're like why do you get up so early? If I could sleep in, I would. And now I realize, I literally was just talking to someone about this this morning, that I was like, I need that in order to be effective at my job the rest of the day. I need this one hour of this perfectly machine order of drink my coffee, go outside, go for a walk, write down everything in my head, listen to a podcast, read a book. I need that whole hour before I can interact with the world.
00:42:14
Speaker
but it does you practice it for a long time and then all of a sudden you're like, wait, i it's just ah it's just automatic. I didn't even realize that I was doing that. so that that's That's a good reminder for people that are trying to get new habits in with their kids. that yeah and I admire that. i like it and When I asked you that, it really was an admiration in that it takes a lot of self-discipline to want to form a routine. And stick with it when you have more flexibility that you don't have to have somebody else waking you up. I know you have a dog, which would probably, ah he you know, does.
00:42:52
Speaker
wake up earlier, right? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, she would love to go for a walk at 5 15. Um, but we don't, I don't usually get out of the house before six 30 just because of like light. Um, but it, it's so funny. I think it, you don't even realize it, but I, I just like once read that, you know, somebody was like, this is what I do for my routine. I go, I'm going to try that. And It does make such a difference. I don't know why, like the earlier hours for me, but isn't that funny? Like everyone is so different. Like the earlier hours for you are not like that.
00:43:25
Speaker
they're Well, they're not, but, but when I'm forced to do it, they do make a great impact. So for example, the bus for us comes extremely early before seven o'clock. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So it forces me to be up early and they're out of the house and then I start my day. So and there are benefits to it, but when we were all home. but It's not, it wasn't my favorite, but I definitely, I do see the benefits of starting your day and getting some time in for yourself before it starts. Yeah, it's hard though. Um, okay. So structure versus unstructured, you're like a perfect balance in the middle. It seems.
00:44:04
Speaker
Is there anything that you are like, this is the must, like we must do this this summer. This is something that is on our bucket list. Or like, do you have like a goal that you set? Like every day I want my kids to do X when we're at home, and but everything else they can, you know, you said the thing about no, so um, no video games in the morning. um Are there like any other things that you're like, just this thing? Or do you even um do you push any academics over the summer? Give us a little give us little peek into the days with Grey House.
00:44:37
Speaker
but i you know the biggest For me, summer comes down to
Summer Life Skills and Family Memories
00:44:42
Speaker
those life skills. It also comes down to maybe resetting some things that weren't necessarily working with the school year. when when you know For us, they're they're learning a lot on the bus and they're learning a lot from their peers. and um The schedules you coming home from school everyone's a little bit more moody so for me in the summer I really try to appreciate the just scaling back a lot and not being scheduled and.
00:45:12
Speaker
You know, allowing them time to sleep in or working on those life skills. You know, if I'm doing something showing them how to do it, right? So now here's how you turn on the washing machine. Here's how, you know, the biggest thing for me, I guess the must do is you must put your plate into the dishwasher after you're done eating it. Um, I'd say that's the thing we're working on the most, but, and and then I, I will also say. I've always focused on family time. slowing down, but at the same time, i if you have a child that has a specific need, one of my children is dyslexic. And I and i do think for children who need to continue academic
00:45:58
Speaker
help, I do think it is important to, to stick with a routine or ask somebody that you have been working with, you know, what is the best way that I can continue helping my child over the summer. And not necessarily because of a summer slide or they're going to forget it, but I think that it just will help continue boost their confidence in terms of like when the school year starts again, just to give them a little bit of a one-on and and it helps with a little one-on-one time together too. I love it. um You seem to be very like grounded. Do you have any tips on how a parent can be as calm and chill as you this summer?
00:46:34
Speaker
and
00:46:37
Speaker
I'm just laughing because again, can I remind you that I'm in a conference room right now with my children at summer camp and I just worked out. okay so um you know i I think the biggest thing to figure out is again, when you're making the predictable routine, where, where are your three problem areas? And like you said, telling everybody to do a breakfast invitation doesn't make sense because everybody's problem might not be in the morning. And so I, I, the, the bigger picture is what is not working. If it's working for your child to watch a show, please continue because there is something.
00:47:13
Speaker
else in your day that is not working. And we're going to need to rethink that one before we go into the other one. So I think that that plays a huge part in it thinking about what's not working. And then, and then, you know, some parents are like, you know, well after camp, it's just not working. Then they, some do a breakfast invitation then to kind of to unwind some do a breakfast invitation during dinner prep to kind of help their child have something to do. a dinner invitation. Exactly. it's all It's all about finding the problem and then and then tweaking it a little bit to have to have the solution. I love it. Beth, you are always a wealth of knowledge. Is there anything else that you think people need to know about summer, summer camp, ah hanging in there in general, parenting three boys, anything you want to share?
00:48:02
Speaker
I think parenting in general is one of the most important thing is to look at your own photo reel rather than everything you're seeing on social media. If you scroll through what you have done so far this summer, you will see happy children who have had great life experiences. And it's not about going to the best summer camp. It's not about going on the best vacation, um, different seasons call for different things. You know, you may have a different budget one year and and in the next you might not, but when it comes down to it, look at your own photos and you will see a lot of a lot more joy than you're giving yourself credit for.
00:48:41
Speaker
Yeah. And I think, oops, my sister is calling me. Um, uh, I think that a really good reminder, like that you just reminded me of something is like to take videos and pictures of ah like what you think is the mundane because it like, that is where childhood is happening. That is where their summer is happening. And like the most special things, like I'm, I'm super sappy, like, to a fault but I'm also like kind of like sometimes like guys it's not that sappy but um I am always like taking videos of things and I remember I took this one picture um during like 2020 of me and my sister and her oldest going to Trader Joe's together and I was just like this is such a fun day like just just your big kid and
00:49:32
Speaker
you know she has three little brothers and it was just like fun to be with her aunt and mom like on just going to the grocery store and she wrote about that a year later in school that like one of her because she was writing about special people and she wrote about her aunt she said and it was like what are some of the special things you do and she said go to the store together and like it's it so simple because I mean I go to her soccer games, I go to her ballet recitals, we've gone on vacation together but going to the store tailor is what she wrote about when she wrote about her special person and it's like I know it's just like we think gosh get in the car we got to the grocery store and then we can do this and it's it's really the small things and actually just now I remembered
00:50:16
Speaker
You know, since I had such a big family, we didn't do any anything extravagant ever. And like we like didn't even fly. I left the country for the first time when I was 30. And, you know, so it's just like a lot of a lot of different things, different, different ways to grow up. But I remember like some of my favorite childhood memories are like my mom would take us on a park crawl like that was like so fun and easy where like we would all pick a park we wanted to go to and we would do like 20 minutes at five different parks and we would like get in the car and drive to different parks. Oh that's so funny. What a good idea. That just makes it a little bit different.
00:50:57
Speaker
Yeah and I really I literally still when I drive home to my parents house I have that memory of when I got to pick that park that we had to drive to like I pass it and I'm like because we never could walk there but so like on the park crawl day like I picked that park and I look at it and I'm like that is like it's the same park it's just it's so small and there was just this one rock climbing wall that's like four feet tall but I like remember like feeling so special that I got to pick that one and I like I even like can like it's one of my clearest memories that I can look over at my mom like who was like in the car like probably like working or I don't know what she was doing and um she would was like I was like looking to make make sure it wasn't time to leave yet because I was so happy I don't even remember playing I just remember being so happy that I got to pick that one part Oh, I love that. That is a special memory. And you're just reminding me I did, I created a few ideas of summer traditions because little things like that really are just
00:51:58
Speaker
So incredible for kids. I love hearing your story. It makes, I'm like smiling over here just listening to you. Oh, maybe I'll share this on the internet then. Oh, definitely. it yeah Absolutely. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you for making the time on your family vacation. um I love having you. Yay. Thank you. I love being on. Thanks so much for having me too. Yay. yeah