Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Finding Self Confidence is a Journey - Our Stories of Overcoming Insecurities and Choosing to Walk in Confidence Episode 44
63 Plays1 year ago
Alright everyone, we're taking you to a blast from the past, and getting a little vulnerable on today's episode. We really wanted to talk about gaining confidence in yourself, and share our stories of what that looked like. Both of us struggled with our confidence in middle school, high school, and even going into adulthood, and found ourselves to be deeply insecure about our looks, our personality, etc. We KNOW we're not the only ones who felt this way growing up, so today we wanted to share our stories, and also share the practical, tangible steps we took to say goodbye to insecurity, and hello to confidence. We're still growing and learning, and we want to invite you on in the journey of finding your confidence.
We also want to be your hype women, and really encourage you in the fact that you are worthy, seen, loved, and we want to see you walk out how God made you to be! We hope you leave today feeling encouraged, empowered, and reminded that you're never alone.
XO, Beth and Ayla
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to self-confidence struggles
00:00:00
Speaker
It's safe to say that everyone has probably struggled with their confidence at least once in their lives and will struggle with it again. Gaining confidence as you get older can be such a tricky scary thing and both Ayla and I have have experience in this area as we along with probably every other teenage girl in the world struggled with their confidence in high school
00:00:18
Speaker
and even for a couple years after. Growing up and gaining your confidence is quite the journey and it's really not always easy. Today we sat down and took some time to remember what that journey of gaining self-confidence looked like. We discussed what life was like in high school and what we each started doing to build our confidence.
00:00:36
Speaker
Like Beth said, we both struggled with insecurities in our lives, but because we are Beth and Ayla, our struggles looked pretty different on both of us. So we really wanted to chat about that today and give you practical tips and tricks that we utilize to help grow our confidence.
00:00:49
Speaker
We're still not perfect in our confidence by any means. And believe me, some days it can feel like you're right back in high school again with your same
Sharing personal journeys to inspire
00:00:57
Speaker
insecurities. But trust me, you are amazing, capable, and you have every right to pursue confidence. So we're so excited to chat about this with you today. And we hope you leave this episode feeling refreshed and encouraged. So let's go. Welcome to the Art of Intention podcast with Beth and Ayla. Two best friends turn creative entrepreneurs.
00:01:15
Speaker
This is a place for us to discuss everything business, friendships, and faith, and occasionally more. We're so excited for today's episode. We think you're gonna love it. Stay tuned.
00:01:29
Speaker
Okay, so we're going to start with backstories. I think, Ayla, if you think that sounds like a good idea. I love backstories. Perfect. So I guess I'm just going to dive right into mine.
Beth's early experiences with shyness and bullying
00:01:38
Speaker
I'm going to focus mostly on elementary school and high school. Basically. No, I'm just kidding.
00:01:45
Speaker
So for me, probably middle of elementary school, I started, I was always kind of shy, but I think my shyness really blossomed in the bad way. My shyness blossomed. Whatever you want to say. No, I love it. It's strengthened. It really had a choke hold on me. And then of course just kind of felt insecure and was just kind of,
00:02:09
Speaker
aware of, I don't know, I guess my shortcomings, what I believe to be my shortcomings. And then it didn't help that around fifth, sixth, seventh grade, I had some girls in my classes and also like a couple classes above me that would make comments and would do things that I would say were slight bullying for the way I would dress or how I looked. And of course I was the only person like in all my class who had glasses. And so there was
00:02:34
Speaker
That going on and they were just comments that were made over the years as kids do sometimes they don't have filters always when they should That really kind of cemented me having a bad self-image
00:02:45
Speaker
I didn't like how I looked, didn't like how I dressed, and I just felt like I was just the ugly duckling. Isn't it so funny that glasses have been in for years now too? Like everyone wants to wear glasses so bad. And you're just like, thanks. Seriously. Like why wasn't it like that when I was a kid? I think even around like eighth grade, people started to say that like glasses were kind of cool. I'm like, okay, just shut up because since first grade, I've been bullied for it. So you can definitely go somewhere else.
00:03:10
Speaker
But anyways, so around and then of course the first year of high school was brutal because even if it was all in my head, there was still so much anxiety going to school feeling like I was just so ugly.
00:03:24
Speaker
I felt like people also would hate me because of that and it just kind of affects everything. I could just bad self image like I said. So first year of high school was like that. Second year was like that. Having friends helped because you know, you can just kind of be like, well, they like me. You know, when you talk to a good friend, you can kind of forget your problems. So having people to talk with was helpful and great.
00:03:44
Speaker
But it was hard because I was too shy to even speak in class. I wouldn't ask questions. If I got picked on or to talk, I just felt like I was going to die. I didn't want anyone looking at me because I thought I was so ugly. And so it was just like that. A lot of people think that shyness is just because you're just shy. It's just a thing. And that's true, but my shyness also came from not wanting people to look at me because I felt like if they did, they wouldn't want to talk to me or they'd hate me or make fun of me.
00:04:12
Speaker
So I just did not physically want eyes on me, but I wanted friends because you know, it's that whole thing Okay, so there's so much we could say about this and I really hope I can kind of explain this in a good way I'll kind of walk through when my confidence started to change and what I did to change it and things that helped if that's okay Yeah, so basically I kind of debated whether or not to say this the truth is
00:04:35
Speaker
I kind of changed overnight and this is not going to be the case for everybody.
Transformative moments in Beth's life
00:04:40
Speaker
And there's lots of things that I did to help maintain it, but I quite literally woke up one day and said, I am so sick of being shy. I'm sick of hating myself. I quite literally decided that I was going to change.
00:04:54
Speaker
And then I was gonna feel different and while that wasn't like perfectly did it did the trick it enabled me to Make the necessary changes I need to make and get past that first biggest mental block So I don't and I get I don't know how to perfectly describe it, but I'll do my best So first thing I did was I did get contacts in high school when I was allowed to I wasn't allowed to get them 1216 so I got contacts and I just felt like I
00:05:19
Speaker
One, I do think I look I look better without glasses. I think other people have told me that as well. Whatever, though. I disagree. I've always known thank you. I mean, it's just because I've known you for so long. I remember when you got context and I was like, Whoa, like, yeah, I just knew you so long with your glasses. So I think at first, it's not like I didn't like it. It's jarring.
00:05:39
Speaker
Yeah, it was different. And then whenever you put them back on for the first little bit, I was like, Oh, they're like, that's Beth. Okay. You know, but like, it's not like I was like, no, you're terrible. Like it wasn't that I just, I've always known you with glasses. So when you're wearing them, it's just like normal for me. Yeah, that's true. Family, friends, best friends, people like that work. They had, they had said like, Oh, it's weird seeing without glasses. Um, I did get one comment once where like, one time I was swimming with my glass on, I took him off. And one guy was like, don't ever do that again. And I
00:06:06
Speaker
I was like, Oh my gosh. Yikes. But I had to just get past that. I was like, I'm getting context anyways. So I got of the same year that I got glass, I could get glasses. I was also allowed to wear makeup. So to be fair, that overnight decision I had made, all these were happening as well. I was kind of like, okay, that's it. I'm not going to be so I'm just going to just, I'm going to change everything. I'm going to change how I dress. I'm going to change.
00:06:27
Speaker
Like I'm gonna get glasses makeup or contacts makeup all that stuff and the first day I wore contacts I had Probably I kid you not ten people comment on how pretty my eyes were like that's also I'm not trying to brag Everyone's eyes are gorgeous. It's a confidence booster for a reason. You're like, thank you. Yes
00:06:44
Speaker
Exactly. One girl, and I'll never forget this, it was the biggest compliment. She thought I was wearing colored contacts and she did not believe me that it wasn't. I was like, no, these are just my eyes. And she's like, girl, I never noticed how blue your eyes were before. That's true. They do pop when they're in your eyes. They pop in your eyes. I love it.
00:07:01
Speaker
the glasses that you got as kids were like the thick, chunky, they covered you up. And our contacts were like, yeah, totally. Exactly. And of course, makeup with glasses isn't always the easiest thing. So I also started wearing makeup. And so yeah, it was a decision, but I also had the freedom to then start doing other things. And I don't want to discount those other things because wearing contacts made a big difference. Getting just those few compliments
00:07:28
Speaker
all felt so good and um no because i was fishing for compliments but it was like oh wow someone said something nice to me and complimentary of my looks which up until that time did not ever happen i didn't have people saying nice things about my looks and then when i started wearing makeup honestly i did terrible because i never had any years of practice so when everyone else was juniors in high school looking like friggin they were models with their makeup um i was just learning how which was a little bit frustrating yeah
00:07:56
Speaker
Yeah, I think we've talked about that a little bit before. If I were to ever have children, I think I would probably let the girls at least do some more experimenting earlier with makeup just because I love how my mom raised me, but I just think that it was a little bit rough. But either way, it was whatever. It's also kind of like a canon event.
Beth's approach to boosting confidence through changes
00:08:14
Speaker
Everyone goes through their first little weird years, but I guess ours were later.
00:08:22
Speaker
Anyways, so I'm going to touch on that now. So I think that doing things like doing your hair in a way that might be like trendy, nothing too drastic, but you know, trendy doing your makeup
00:08:34
Speaker
Getting contacts if you have glasses, braces to fix your teeth, maybe while you have braces, it's not that good, but at least you know you're fixing them. Those can actually help build your confidence while it's so fragile. And I know that people are quick to disagree on that and they want to say stuff like, you know, hair and makeup is vain. You should find a way to love yourself as you are. You don't want to become dependent on that. And I'm going to talk about that because I think that's true.
00:08:59
Speaker
But just to get past, if you are so deathly shy and have such self-confidence issues, you need some help to get past the overthinking in your head. Just the constant worry and self-doubt and self-hate that you have. You need something that stops that. It's like a band-aid or like a painkiller. It's just something to help you get better or get to the stage of where you can get better, if that makes sense.
00:09:23
Speaker
and block out the things that are making it worse. That's really what it is. It was blocking out the stuff that made it worse so I could then focus on how to how to get better. So all right. But it is a valid concern. You don't want to become the one of those people who can't leave the house without makeup. And I started to get around the end of junior year. I started to start panicking like I couldn't leave the house without makeup or maybe it was end of sophomore year. It doesn't matter. Yeah, I remember it was kind of for a while like
00:09:52
Speaker
Because again, you and I growing up together, when you're in the eighth grade, we didn't care as much. And then I do remember, I mean, I was in a very similar boat. I think we were both fueling it a little bit. We're going to the mall, okay, we have to do this, this, and this to look nice, because suddenly we had gained this knowledge. And it was kind of like, okay, we have to do this and this. So I think it was like...
00:10:10
Speaker
I remember that in you, but it was definitely in me as well, I think, like we had learned this power and that we were like, we have to have it. No, I, yeah, I remember. We can't leave our, exactly. If we were going to, even if we were going to go to the store, there was price and manager, I want to put on makeup. Yeah. Yeah. It took us so long to go anywhere. At least
Embracing natural appearance and health
00:10:29
Speaker
we both understood.
00:10:30
Speaker
But anyways, so that being said, if you have that concern, that's true. You want to make sure you get out of that. So what I did was I was like, well, I'm not going to go to school tomorrow without makeup. So I finished out the rest of the year wearing makeup and I told myself and I think I shared with you, Ayla, a couple of people, I was like, I'm just for accountability. I said, I'm going to go all summer without any makeup.
00:10:52
Speaker
And maybe that doesn't sound like a big deal, but again, I was to the point where I couldn't leave the house without makeup. And at this point, it had been the thing that gave me confidence. So it was like a safety net. It was my savior. This was a big deal. And I wrote out a whole mission for it. I wrote on a piece of paper what the challenge was going to be, no makeup except for maybe a special occasion. I think
00:11:15
Speaker
summer my brother got married I think yeah so I wore makeup for that and that was it and I said why I wanted to do it and then I said the other things I was gonna try to do to gain confidence and I'll kind of get to like what happened in a second but yeah I wore makeup twice that summer once was I believe it went on a date and
00:11:31
Speaker
And I wore it, I think it was maybe my first date with Chad during the summer. And then I also wore it for Jed's wedding. So I wore it twice the rest of the summer. I didn't touch it. And I spent more time outside. That was one of my challenges. I think that was Ayla, you and I probably had a big summer at the lake that year. And I was outside all the time. I got really fit. Oh my gosh. I think that's when I started going to the gym. So I started working out. Yeah. Oh, and we kayaked a ton. Like I was, yes.
00:11:58
Speaker
yoked at the end of that summer. I remember that. So true. So true. So yeah, I basically focused on fun, friendship, time in the sun, and just like my, like I ate so healthy. I was eating smoothies for breakfast. I was like just doing all these other things that weren't makeup and stuff like that. So by the end of the summer, I was very fit, had a ton of fun, definitely grew my friendships. And I was also very tan and this is where
00:12:26
Speaker
I so when I was a really little kid I spent a lot of time in the sun and we were pretty tan little kids like tan blonde like that was just how we were but you know around elementary school like and then later like earlier high school and stuff I didn't spend a lot of time outside at all even in the summers kind of would but I
00:12:41
Speaker
But when I spent a long time in the sun, I could get pretty tan. So I was pretty tan. And I just found out that whenever I was tan, I felt like I didn't need a ton of makeup. I felt healthier. My skin was healthier. My acne is gone whenever I'm in the sun because my skin really likes to be in the sun. So by the end of the summer, long story short, no, long story long actually, by the end of the summer, I liked how I looked better without makeup than I did with it.
00:13:10
Speaker
And that for me was like my turning point. I never wore a full face of makeup really after that. I think for my wedding day I did, but like I just would wear mascara to school and I felt like it, that was it. I'd curl my eyelashes and wear mascara. That was it. I didn't do any foundation, no spot correcting, nothing. Maybe a couple of times if I had like bad acne, but
00:13:26
Speaker
From there on, I just kept going with exercising, being healthy in other ways. I would take care of my skin rather than doing makeup. I wanted my skin to be healthier with diet and washing and stuff, having a good skincare routine. That was a huge turning point for me. Now I'm finally getting to the point where I have real confidence. I'm happy with myself. I know how to take care of myself. Sorry, that was so much talking.
00:13:55
Speaker
No, that's perfect. I love every minute of it. Okay, good. And I'll get into the rest of the stuff too, but the rest of the stuff is a little bit shorter. One of the things I also was doing that summer was I just prayed a lot asking God to show me myself through his eyes and through the eyes of other people. Because again, with a lack of self-confidence often and the self-loathing comes you just thinking that everyone hates you.
00:14:19
Speaker
And that was something I struggled with a lot too, just in that like, again, I thought people just thought I was ugly and weird, like that kind of thing. So I just wanted, I was like, I had heard something in church where it was like, ask God for like his eyes or something. And I did that. And I was like, I want you to try to show me you through your eyes. So that helped a lot, I believe, just through all of this and just reminding myself that, you know, he made me like this and that he thinks I'm great. And then, um,
00:14:46
Speaker
Also the little mindset shift of like, if I was really a terrible person, I wouldn't have friends. Like these people would not be my friends. No one, and we're like, when I'm with Ayla, she doesn't make me feel like this. So I just need to spend more time around the people who don't make me feel this way. So I definitely dropped a few toxic friendships. Like there were a couple of friends in particular. Oh, I remember that. It was smart, smart moves on your part. Exactly. So again, all of that, all of this is happening in one summer. Like I'm spending more time with people who made me feel good and yeah.
00:15:15
Speaker
I remember it like almost beginning to end like because yeah similar upbringings and I remember you said you were like I'm done like I'm done doing this and I think you challenged me to not wear makeup that summer and I was like no I wasn't quite ready yet like when it might not have needed to either yeah like whenever we were at the lake and stuff I didn't um yeah so like it it was half and half I was like for sure but I don't think I was maybe depending on it as much I don't know yeah you were not as much as me I don't think
00:15:42
Speaker
Yeah. But anyway, no, I remember that. And then I, I think I remember you like finally opening up about those insecurities. Cause again, we didn't talk about it too much. Like when we hung out, it was just like fun stuff. But I remember you saying like what they, you know, what those girls were saying about my clothes and about this. And you were saying that about yourself. You'd be like, ah, like
00:15:59
Speaker
I hate this part about me or I look this way. And I remember being like, girl, what? What do you mean? I had just never, right? Your closest friends will never look at you and be like, she's ugly. So I had never thought that about you. And I was like, what do you mean? And I was like, you have this long luscious golden hair and blue eyes. And I think I remember getting interested in boys. And I was like, you are everything that they're looking for. I was like, I'm short. I have this thing. But I just always remember I would like,
00:16:29
Speaker
hype you up. You were like, I'm like this thing. And I was like, what are you talking about? And those are the people to keep, not to say, I'm such a great friend, but you would do the same for me. We're teenage girls. And I was like, oh, I don't like this, this, and this about myself. You'd be like, are you kidding? Boys love that. And this is so cool. There was no room to tear each other down whatsoever. Exactly.
00:16:52
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. Well, exactly. And you were one of the biggest things in all of this was, like I said, friends made a big difference, you being the main one, like dropping the toxic friendships that would say stuff that were cutting or passive aggressive or like, well, backhanded, not passive aggressive, like backhanded. That doesn't, that, you can't have room for that. You can't have room for that. And it just takes one really good friend who goes, what are you talking, that's, no,
00:17:18
Speaker
No, like here's the truth. Here's what I see. Here's how here, you know, you're seeing this through warp dies. So yeah, that was amazing. And I think it speaks volumes that like you ate better, you got in the sun, you cultivated these good friendships. Funny note about the sun.
00:17:33
Speaker
oh my gosh okay when we were growing up right i was always the tan one like i just tan quicker like i naturally do tan like quickly all that stuff and then that summer i remember you got like well we used to sunburn you and then send you home so that was the year we were like oh we had a concoction we were like
00:17:53
Speaker
Do you remember? We were like, dude, this is the year Beth's going to get tan. It was like a team effort. Because in between when we were at the lake, I was at home laying in the sun. I would go to the roof and lay on the roof. And we concocted it. We were like, it has to be a mix of sunscreen and tanning oil. We have to rotate. We have to spend time in the water. Then we have to reapply. It was like down to science, but it happened.
00:18:15
Speaker
But that was always the thing, I was the more tan friend. Just the last time you and I were together, because you've been living in the land of sun and I've been living in the land of literally no sun, our podcast photos hurt me a little bit because there's so much tanner than me.
00:18:31
Speaker
It is weird. We got together and I was like, since when? I was like, that one was rough too. Like that was winter and I'd spent that winter and a lot of the previous summer actually inside. Like I didn't get a lot of sunlight. And I was like, I'm literally see-through. I'm like translucent. Like when? Yeah. Cause we were both wearing black in one of them and you just looked tanned and I was like, I was like, I can't stand next to you. But I get that like last summer, Chris and I went home to California
00:19:01
Speaker
soaked up the sun and I see what you mean. I looked in the mirror and I was like, I don't need makeup. I'm glowing. I'm the epitome of health and, you know, like death. So true. Well, that's like a real thing already for your confidence is just being healthy on the inside. Exactly. But well, and that it's just one of those things where, like I said, when I was a kid, I would play outside all the time. Like we're all in all summer. When you get more like, I don't know, as you get older, you don't really, unless you choose to.
00:19:25
Speaker
and like so you like you said you were always tanner than me because your family had the cabinets you guys were up there like the whole summer or like for longer periods time and i feel like you guys just did like things and my family wouldn't i feel like didn't do as much um we did a we did do a lot of inside stuff
00:19:41
Speaker
So when I finally started choosing to be outside, yeah. And I do remember that summer, that summer, we were like, you're going to get so tan. And I was like, we did. And we're like, oh crap. We're like, oh crap. It does work. Like you can get tan. I think everyone was shocked. But that was fun. I miss that. No, want to go lay out on the sun with you now.
00:19:56
Speaker
Okay. Um, sorry, moving on side note for all of you folks. So one more thing, I think this is like the last, there's like two more things that made a big difference as well. Um, one of the, the next thing was I educated myself a little bit on fashion because like I mentioned before, one of the biggest things I was like bullied for was my clothing. I just, I just didn't dress fashionable. Okay. I was too busy having fun as a kid. And of course some bully had to come and
00:20:23
Speaker
pointed out to me in like sixth grade. And ever since then I was always worried about how I looked. So I was like, okay, between Pinterest and looking at how my friends dress, I was like, I'm just going to learn how to dress really cute. And so I started, you know, gathering pieces of clothing that were really cute. And that, the thing about that is I, it's not because I wanted to like keep up with the Joneses. It was just about creating one less thing to worry about.
00:20:47
Speaker
And learning what you feel good in. Exactly, yeah. I just wanted to take that option of being bullied about that off the table so I wouldn't worry about it. So much of confidence for me was eliminating potential factors of bullying, taking away people's talking points basically.
00:21:02
Speaker
And then from there, I could slowly regain genuine confidence in who I am. And now, of course, I'll literally go to the grocery store in pajamas with no makeup. I don't care if I need to. But anyways, okay, so last thing. This is something that I did more so in the beginning of college, and it made a big difference. And that is having your photos taken by a professional who's really good.
00:21:25
Speaker
So one thing I always hated growing up was pictures of myself, school pictures I dreaded. I looked like crap. I had very specific things I hated about how my face looked. I just hated it. And I even thought I looked worse in pictures than I did in real life. And it was discouraging. It's discouraging. So I don't remember when it was exactly, but I had someone take photos of me, I think first year of college and I, they were a pretty good photographer. They were kind of new, but they were good at angles. And I thought that they were really,
00:21:51
Speaker
really good so I showed them some inspo photos that I wanted they took them and when I tell you that healed something in me that had been broken my whole life like I it is the epitome of being able to see yourself through someone else's eyes all of a sudden everything my parents my siblings my best friends everybody had been telling me for years I was like oh
00:22:14
Speaker
That's how you see me. I okay. I get okay. Okay. I guess maybe you do see me like that. Maybe you aren't lying to me. And I, I am telling you over the years as being a photographer, I've seen that happen to other people. I like my own, my own sister, not to like out one of them, but I took their photos and they literally came back to me with tears in their eyes going, wait, that's how, like, what did you do? Did you like change this photo? I was like, all I did was color correct. That's how you look sis. And she's like, no way. And I'm like, that's how we see you.
00:22:44
Speaker
that's what you look like and she's taken of me like you know like yeah good i love that and obviously like every photo shoots hit or miss like you're not gonna love every single photo but if you're really struggling with self-confidence one of the biggest piece of advice i can give you is look into all the things i was saying is there maybe do you want to maybe like do some style changes
00:23:03
Speaker
Do you want to try with some makeup? Maybe you just need to go get tan. Maybe you just want to do some diet changes or some skincare routines, whatever it may be. Try to work on that. It's a real thing. Our faces are our first impression. When people meet you, you know they're looking at you. You have to like how you look.
00:23:21
Speaker
But after that, find a really good photographer and book a session, not a short one, one that gives you time to get comfortable with them. Bring inspo photos and let them work their magic and you're going to see yourself in a new way. So that's all I have to say on that to be honest. Wow. Oh, I loved that. I love that so much. I'm so excited to like
00:23:43
Speaker
yeah get into my story and like bounce off because some of some areas we were so similar and then some oh so cool and yeah oh i have so much to say about what you just said so i'll get into it i'll reverse uh again like back to like backstory i this is gonna sound confusing because i'll get into it i wasn't that insecure about how i dress but then sometimes i was so i don't know it's confusing it's like a little bit of both but
00:24:07
Speaker
I was really insecure in middle school and high school severely. I was very conscious about what other people thought of me, but not so much about my appearance. I dressed really weird. I was as close to an emo kid without being full emo that you could be. I had the rainbow of skinny jeans.
00:24:28
Speaker
I wore suspenders. I wore Converse that went up to my knees. I wore like a fake necktie. I wanted to be Avril Lavigne for a little bit there. My mom eventually let me put like red streaks in my hair, but like I couldn't die. I wasn't allowed to do the emo like hairstyle with like the bangs, but she let me get red streaks. The red streaks, can I just say, were a vibe. That was a chapter of life. They were iconic. I miss those sometimes. I'm sorry.
00:24:58
Speaker
I, you had that like, I don't know. I think it was even like your natural hair. You had like your natural hair color with them or something. It was like, like there was some sun bleach going on almost from like sitting on the sun. I was like, it was back when iconic. It was back when growing up, my hair was blonde. It was actually almost like your color. And then it was like a dirty blonde, which is what color it would have been with the streaks. And then yeah, like summer, they would have lightened. Now this is my natural hair color right now. Like it's black basically. It was just very dark brown now. But also you've been in the sun less. So that's true.
00:25:28
Speaker
But yeah, so my mom let me put some red streaks in my hair. I got hair feathers. And I think I actually thought I ate with my outfits. When I got Pinterest inspiration, when I got a little older, I would see the crazy Pinterest outfits and the hair feathers. And I was like, this is great. And I probably was not pulling it off the way Pinterest dresses models and it flatters the model's bodies. And then I would do it. And I'd be like, this is great on my little 12-year-old.
00:25:54
Speaker
To be fair, I thought you rocked it. Like I actually loved how you looked. And I think that you were actually dressing in the way that was trendy at the time. Like, you know, it's like in that picture. So I think you rocked it. Not going to lie. Obviously we always look back at our own stuff and we cringe, but at the time you had it going on. Oh, thank you. I think it was pretty iconic. Yeah. Like when I was in college, I thought like, who let me do this? This is cringe. I've come back around and like,
00:26:20
Speaker
i just i love expressing myself through clothes and i love that my parents let me like they let me go crazy with the colors and i still dress a certain way like i uh yeah i've always gone like anti trendy so like some stuff i don't know i still like to experiment with clothes that like wouldn't really go together and um anyway so it wasn't so much appearance and i wasn't that worried about makeup i was similar to you i wasn't allowed to wear it young and i think i wanted to start getting into it and so i may or may not have
00:26:49
Speaker
bought it when I went to the mall, like any mall trips or shopping trips that were done without parents around. I was buying makeup, I was hiding it, and I would like take it to school, put it on in the morning, and then wash it off and get picked up. Oh my gosh, same. Not every day, because that was a lot of work, but some days. Yes, it was stressful too.
00:27:07
Speaker
and people ask why like these days i wear winged eyeliner almost every single day and people are like how did you get good at it because i've been doing it since i was like 14 and let me tell you the first few years of it were no good no not
Ayla's experiences with bullying and personal growth
00:27:21
Speaker
the same but uh
00:27:24
Speaker
Yeah, like anyway, all that to say, I was actually really insecure about my personality and whether or not people liked me. And some of them didn't, honestly, which didn't help. I do tend to want to be liked by the people I'm around. I don't have to be liked by everybody, but I was just really, really worried on if I was liked or not, and if I had an annoying personality. And part of it also kind of stems from like being bullied in middle school. And I was honestly, I know, I'm very aware I was a weird kid.
00:27:54
Speaker
I still am a weird kid. I'm a proud, weird kid forever, but I also went homeschooled into public school. And granted, I'm probably not the weirdest of homeschooled kids, but I was adjusting to this whole new crowd, this whole new way of life. I didn't know some of the jokes they knew or whatever. Yeah.
00:28:13
Speaker
The thing is, I've talked with people about how I transitioned from homeschooling to public school and how I was a weird kid, but I think I was weird anyway. My sister also went from homeschool to high school. She's normal. She's always had her life super together, been a really good student. I think it just happened naturally for her. I was just a weirdo, always have been.
00:28:35
Speaker
But like I wasn't very liked in my original like homeschool group that you talked about this like a little bit of bullying. So then I go into public school and I actually really nicely was kind of like adopted into this friend group pretty quickly which was really good news like that was good. It turns out as the years went on.
00:28:52
Speaker
They didn't like me very much and that's fine like I actually no shade to them because I kind of get it like they were already a group and then I kind of joined into it and I was like different look I feel like eighth grade was pretty chill and innocent and then later as everyone went into high school I definitely walked up to them talking about me one day and
00:29:12
Speaker
That shifted it because I was already so worried about if I was liked. It was actually to the point I would research different bands, different band names, topics, whatever, enough to where I could come up to fake a conversation and like pass. So I would know all the band singers and names and albums and their most popular songs and their least popular songs to be able to say it. It was like alien behavior. I was like, I don't actually know any of this stuff, but I'll research it so that I can participate in a conversation and that people like like me.
00:29:42
Speaker
All through high school, that was all the way up to the end of high school. I liked rock music and stuff, but their music can be very gatekeeper between people. So even if it was a band I didn't know that well, like freaking Linkin Park or something. I actually love Linkin Park, but I would research all the band members' names and their albums so that if I said I liked them, I wouldn't be caught shy without the information. I was just like- Oh my gosh, that's so crazy. That's so much to have to deal with.
00:30:07
Speaker
Yeah, no wonder I was failing certain classes. I was like, doing this stuff. But yeah, any day, one day it was my freshman year of high school, I like walk up to where my friend group at the time is eating. And you know, when you walk up to a group and they've been talking about you, you just know. And I heard my name and I saw like their heads lower and their eyes are looking at me. And I was like, what do you and I said, I was like, what's going on? Like, what are you talking about? And they said, Oh, someone else named Ayla.
00:30:33
Speaker
My name's Ayla. There's no one else, you know, like there was no other. There's no one else that school named Ayla. Yeah. So, and I think I, I was wait. I don't know. I just pretended stuff like that wasn't true. So I still just ate lunch with them, which I should have just left because then it was so, but I didn't know. I was just like, Oh, okay. And it was just kind of clear.
00:30:55
Speaker
And it felt like the old bullying days all over again. They weren't bullying, but I was like, great, these people don't like me either. So it's unfortunate when you have these insecurities that aren't real, but then they are. Then it does happen. So I don't really remember much of what the rest of that year was like.
00:31:12
Speaker
But eventually, I think my sophomore and junior year of high school, I made other friends that really stuck. And they were good. One of my other best friends, Caitlin, that's when she and I got really close. And Caitlin was such a savior in that time. Because she was in my grade. Because that was the other thing. I was solo without you, my freshman year of high school. Because we were in different grades. Oh my gosh. That's why. That was rough. We would have been inseparable, I think, had we been in the same grade. But we were in different ones. And so Caitlin was in my schools then, yeah.
00:31:40
Speaker
Yeah, different schools for a minute. Caitlin was in my grade and the power of making a good friend was so good. It suddenly was different. We didn't have to worry about that. In fact, I think I heard people gossiping about her once and I was like, no, that's my friend. You don't participate in it just naturally because you're like, no, I like this person.
00:32:00
Speaker
and through her I made like a few other friends who yeah the whole didn't judge and just accepted me as I was and that was huge in gaining confidence I didn't have to pretend it sounds so cliche but for a while there it literally felt like I was waking up and putting on a fake skin
00:32:14
Speaker
wow and then taking it off when i got home i could i would i could not be myself and i and it's so weird because i dressed how i wanted and like did my hair how i wanted and all of that stuff and later when i wore makeup i did my makeup how i wanted even if it was crazy so weirdly i didn't connect those two it was all my personality but it still felt like i was waking up and being a fake person and then finally like second half of high school i could be myself again so that was like uh
00:32:43
Speaker
Yeah, that was like a big deal. Things got, and it was kind of like that until I started college. It got better, but I still had a couple years to go. Like I was still very aware of how people behaved when I entered the room. It actually wasn't until I've talked on the show a little bit about my time with YWAM or Youth with a Mission. It wasn't until then that I finally trusted being in groups of people again. Groups made me really nervous because I was like, I was just so observant on how they reacted when I spoke, when I entered.
00:33:11
Speaker
When I left, I observed everything to see if they liked me or not. Like over, like almost over observant. Yeah. Through all of high school and college. And I waited any minute for somebody to say something that like let it out that they didn't like me. Cause girls keep it very secret. They're like, yeah, you can have lunch with us. Yeah, you can do this. We hate you, but sure you can do all this. And so I was just like every group I was a part of, even through college and stuff, I was waiting for the day. They told me that like, they actually didn't like me until I,
00:33:41
Speaker
Yeah, flew overseas and lived in community. Cause I remember talking to God and being like, God, I think you and I have to do this solo because I can't do this again. Like I can't be in a group where like people are going to come out there. They don't like me. Then it was fine. I got there and realized adults don't behave that way. Or, you know, we were all 18, 19, 19, 20, but it was just a lot less gross. Like it was fine. College age. Yeah. Is a lot better.
00:34:05
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So that helped a lot. And now I really can't remember the last time I thought that way. Like I've got to just be so myself since then and really figure out who that self is. Because I don't have to like, yeah, like pretend who it is. And I think one of the ways it started, this is like a random story about like starting college. But it's one of the ways that what I loved about college was
00:34:30
Speaker
Yeah, people are different. It's not as clicky. It's not as gross as high school. If you're sitting alone, they're not like, who's the stupid loser sitting alone? It's college. So they're like, oh, they're just like by themselves. You know, like your eyes are immediately off you and everyone's kind of doing their own thing more and everyone's dressing their own way. Like it's a lot more chill. So I remember, I don't know if you remember this Beth and if this is a universal experience, but
00:34:52
Speaker
in the bathrooms at high school it was like a thing that like you were embarrassed to be like peeing even though it was a bathroom you were still embarrassed to pee so girls in the girls bathroom at least you would turn on the hand dryer and then go pee and it was super normal at our high school to like
00:35:10
Speaker
walk in, hit the hand dryer and then like go pee. And then if you were a new girl entering and it turned off, you hit it again so that it was always running. So we didn't have to hear each other pee, which was great. I was all good with that. I get to college my first day of college. I have to go to the bathroom. No one's doing that because it's college. And I sat there in the stall and I was like, you know, freaking what?
00:35:32
Speaker
I'm 18 years old. I need to just pee. Like I need to like, I'm in the world now. Why am I embarrassed about something that literally everybody does? Like here we go. And then I didn't care about like, and it was like that on a whole different scale, all these dumb little things that are embarrassing for no reason in high school.
00:35:50
Speaker
don't matter anymore. And college also helped my confidence in a weird way because you're in college now. You don't always have the time or energy to put yourself together to curate your outfit, to curate your makeup, and to perfectly curate how I was going to look or act that day. Sometimes you show up in your comfy clothes, your hair's in brush, no makeup on, and you have to get through the day. Because that was the other thing. Like I said, I wasn't too appearance worried, but also because I liked clothes and hair so much, I think I would freak out if I didn't get to dress that way.
00:36:19
Speaker
I remember flashback to high school, I straightened my hair every single day for years. I did the flippy hair flip and there was one day I think I had left my hair straightener at a friend's house and we had to go to church and I was panicking that I had to go to church without straightening my hair.
00:36:39
Speaker
I like, I actually tried to like tell my family I wasn't going and tried to get out of it and they were like, since when do you try to not go to church and I finally told my mom I was like, I can't straighten my hair like I can't go and she was like, um, so I had to do something out like I had to do something right.
00:36:55
Speaker
So then fast forward, college, sometimes you show up and your hair's not done, things aren't done. You have no choice but to just get through the day. And I think it is some of that harshness, that tough love of like, actually, nobody cares as much as you do. They really don't, especially when it's people who didn't bully you in high school, but it's strangers. They don't care what you look like at all. And that
00:37:15
Speaker
that helped a ton. I was able to chill out a lot on that. And also, this is kind of random, but Beth, what you said about learning about fashion and hair and makeup was huge. Something I'm actually dabbling in right now, fast forward to now a little bit, as far as confidence and appearance goes, is really starting to learn
00:37:34
Speaker
clothes that flatter you. And that's okay to hunt for clothes that flatter you. Like for me, I think I've told you before I get really uncomfortable in light colors. Yeah. And wearing like white. Like it was almost to the point where I was uncomfortable on my wedding day because of white just because I don't very much and I don't love how it makes me look. Nobody else wears, but I've just learned. I'll still wear it now and again. But now I know that I think for my skin tone and my features, dark colors, like suit me better. And oh, for the longest time.
00:38:03
Speaker
A couple of years ago, you know, my body's changed over the years and I would keep trying to buy these like shape, shapeless shift, like t-shirt dresses that were super trendy on like tall and like thinner models. They looked beautiful. And on me, they were never looking right. And it's because like my hips are bigger. My thighs are a little bit bigger. So the dress doesn't do this, like pretty shapeless thing. It actually just like makes me look more like a door, like actually was making me look
00:38:29
Speaker
It was just unflattering, right? And hugging the wrong areas, but like not being in the right ones. And you can get so down on yourself that it's you because you don't look like the model in the picture. But then actually, I got a dress that was like a little bit waist cinching and went this length and suddenly I was like,
00:38:45
Speaker
Like, wow. And it's so, it's not vain to figure out what looks best on you if that's going to have confidence. If you put something on and you're like, Oh gosh, my body's terrible. And then you put something else on and it looks great. It's just cause it flatters you more and those rules exist. Exactly.
00:39:02
Speaker
That's so interesting. That's such a good point. And I think that naturally as we get older, we start to notice that. And it's also good in the business world because a really good trick is if you're in the business world, you want clothes to look like they were tailored, AKA ones that are actually flattering to you. It just gives a more put together, kept up look.
00:39:20
Speaker
Yeah. And even for like job interviews and stuff. Yeah. If I, whenever I've dropped a resume off somewhere, I make sure I'm in an outfit that one looks, you know, good and professional, all that, but makes me feel good. Cause it's like what you said way back in the day, Beth, when you started making those changes, like glasses or contacts instead of glasses, suddenly I don't have to worry about that anymore. If you're going into a situation where you're nervous, like an interview or dropping off a resume, if you eliminate anything,
00:39:46
Speaker
that'll bother you like wear an outfit that makes you feel confident do your hair in a way that you know you like do your makeup in a way you know you like not to hide but then you just you don't have to worry like for me i actually so i'm preaching about this i'm actually very self-conscious about my eyebrows um
00:40:02
Speaker
leave me alone. I have dark hair and I have invisible eyebrows. So a big part of my makeup regime is to do my eyebrows. I don't overdo them like crazy. I just like fill them in a little bit. Okay, real quick. I think it's regimen. Did I say regime? Regime's like a Nazi regime.
00:40:29
Speaker
I said that and I was like, I don't know if that's right, but I'm going to keep going. I'm going to just let you keep going. Regiment. Yeah. Regime. You're like the Nazi regime. Sorry, moving on. I could have said nothing, but I just thought it was too funny. I appreciate the correction. Everyone else probably appreciates the correction. I love it. I make up regiment. I think I was going to make up regime from now on.
00:40:54
Speaker
What am I thinking? Routine? I don't know what I- Routine and regimen probably together. Yes, that's- You're welcome. Yeah, that's what happens. I know you so well. Yeah, no, but we'll look up with that. Anyways- Wait, wait, wait. I looked up what regime means. Oh no. My regime is a government, especially an authoritarian one. My eyebrow authoritarian government. Wait, I want to look up regimen. Sorry. We're taking a side bar, you guys.
00:41:24
Speaker
I'm sorry. I loved what you were saying, but let me know. That's, I love it. Regiment is yeah. It's more like a system or a pattern, but it also is typically applies to an army. So you would have, okay. It's just routine. It's routine is the right way to say it.
00:41:48
Speaker
We're done. Okay, wait, keep going. I'm so sorry for interrupting. I literally have tears in my eyes right now. No, no, thank you. Oh my gosh. Anyway, doing my eyebrows is a big part of the routine. And I don't know what implemented that insecurity. I watched tons of beauty guru videos back when they were first getting popular. And it was always like they did their eyebrows. And then 2016 was the big eyebrow year, like you had to have them done.
00:42:18
Speaker
Yeah. And I just never quit that. Like I, I just, I still, if I could permanently have them on in a way that looks natural, like I'm not about like plastic surgery or anything like that, but some days I'm like, I wish they could just be there, be there because with just my darker hair, I feel like it looks better anyway. Uh, and that was, that was super, the first little bit that Chris and I were married, I'd get up and like go.
00:42:44
Speaker
do them. Not in a fully done way, like not fully done like going to work, but like I would take just like a little bit of leftover powder on the brush and at least get it in there so they didn't look invisible. We're married. I was a married woman or at night. I just like wouldn't wash them. Okay. I'm dead. That's okay. You know what? It was just, it was you.
00:43:06
Speaker
looking presentable for him. That's sweet. Thanks. But it's gotten to the point like that's still something I prefer to do. I'd still rather not go to work day without it. But like, if we go to the store, that's fine. Or if I if we see friends, like that's fine. If I'm not fully done, but it took a long time to get there. Like still, you know, I'm 26. And that's still something like it can be a long journey. But it's not nearly as debilitating as it would have been in high school if I didn't get to do my makeup the way I wanted or or whatever. But yeah, and I know. Yeah.
00:43:35
Speaker
Sorry, I was gonna say, I don't think finding confidence is necessarily about loving every single thing about yourself. You have no suddenly thinking of no flaws. It's more so just being confident. And if you have a little and just being able to, yeah, and being able to still function to the best of your ability. And if there's little things you want to do, like your eyebrows every day, and you're never going to change that, then there you go. That's fine. Yeah. And like something else that helped that again, when I had my time in YWAM,
00:44:00
Speaker
I went to like, you know, you have lectures, like you live in community landling and then we had lectures just like school every
Exercises and affirmations for confidence
00:44:06
Speaker
day. And I did my makeup as normal. And again, I don't wear very heavy makeup. Like I do my brows. I usually have sport, a winged eyeliner and like mascara. That's pretty much all I do. But I was still doing that pretty much every day showing up. And there was one day I just decided not to. And I decided to do none, even no eyebrows, which was like a huge deal. And I can't explain it. I just woke up one day and I was like,
00:44:29
Speaker
I think I'm just going to go like this, you know, and we happened to kind of do like a team building encouragement kind of exercise. It was actually, um, maybe that was part of the reason I didn't wear any, but the topic we were talking about that week was identity and what you put your identity in. Is it in Christ? Is it in how you look? Is it in who you date? Like who, what's your identity? And one of the exercises, this is so like such a,
00:44:55
Speaker
I don't know, Christian kid thing to do, but I actually encourage everybody to do it because it can speak volumes. And this was actually one of the last things that I had to say. It kind of goes with Beth, what you said, or like asking God who you are and how he sees you. Um, we showed up and she had been building up to this whole thing, like all week about your identity, what's your identity in and how people put too much identity in their bodies and their own selves. So we show up and she actually has a sit and like write a list of
00:45:21
Speaker
what we believe about ourselves and like negative things we believe about ourselves, like what are lies, interesting about yourself. And some of the stuff I wrote, personal land looks like whatever.
00:45:32
Speaker
you know, if you want to get super dramatic with it, it's like, I'm ugly, I'm this or whatever. And then the next part of the exercise was actually read out loud to a group of people. And then they went list by list and affirmed what was true about you. Oh, my God. It was super powerful, like a super powerful exercise, super vulnerable, because you have to talk to like other people about it. And mine, again, were more personal. Like, I was still worried that I was like, annoying and stuff. So those were like some of the things I wrote down and just whatever else I was going through that I wrote down.
00:45:59
Speaker
And the group I was in, I don't think I put ugly because it was never that dramatic, but like, you know, I put else whatever else down. And I remember one of them was annoying.
00:46:08
Speaker
And a couple of my friends in that group were like, what do you mean? Like, sis win, you know? And they got to a firm like, no, you're actually so much fun to be around. You make us laugh. You make us do all this stuff. And then the leader who was running our little group said, guys, I want you to acknowledge, like Ayla showed up completely without makeup today. Can we talk about that? And they were like, we all noticed. You look so good. And one girl who was like a mentor of mine took me aside personally. And she was like, I just want you to know
00:46:36
Speaker
You look amazing right now. Look, you look stunning. And she's like, I feel like you let some of your guard down today. Because like I said, I was nervous in group situations. I wanted to put on this super cool, unbothered persona. Like, I don't care what you think about me. Like, I don't whatever. I put up this huge structure that I didn't want to get too close to anybody. And she was like, you showing up today looking like this, not having any makeup on you look so like
00:47:01
Speaker
pure and like vulnerable and you just like you look stunning she was like you should show up like this every single day and that meant so much to me like to learn that about my personality and looks like
00:47:11
Speaker
It was just such a powerful exercise, and you don't need a group of people to do that. I've encouraged other people before to write stuff down about themselves that they think, and then ask God what the truth actually is. So write down, do you think you're fat? Do you think you're too short? Do you think whatever? Then sit down and ask God about every single one of those. Is that how he sees you? Probably not. He made you this way. But then also to ask what the truth is, if you think,
00:47:37
Speaker
My friends don't like me. Do they not like me? And he goes, I've created you with light. I've created you with joy. I've created you to make people laugh. And if the people around you don't get that, you're not around the right people. So that was like the last like, yeah. So, and then, sorry, the last way to kind of end it is to take that, like take all that and then carry yourself the way you want to be portrayed.
00:47:58
Speaker
uh because i was nervous in group situations if you walk into a group situation with your head low and your hood up and maybe you do dress dark and you do look like you don't want to be talked to and you put your head down and then you think oh nobody likes me duh you're being like
00:48:15
Speaker
you're putting yourself out there in a way that doesn't invite people in. You carry yourself the way you want to be portrayed. So if you carry yourself like nobody likes me, oh, they think I'm annoying, oh, this, that's probably how you're going to sound. But if you walk in being like, here's my friends, we're going to laugh, we're going to have a good time, I'm wearing an outfit I like, things are good, that's probably a lot more of what you're going to put out. So
00:48:39
Speaker
Yes. And yeah, it's all about like, decide how to carry yourself at the beginning of each and every day if you struggle with your confidence. I love that. Oh my gosh, everything you said is so beyond spot on and so inspiring. And it's the exact I feel like that's exactly what I wanted to have taken away from all of this.
00:48:58
Speaker
And just like you were saying, if you don't put yourself out there in a vulnerable way or carry yourself in a way that portrays some confidence in what you want, then you're not going to give the chance for people to compliment you without makeup and then start to get confidence there. Or if you don't have an open mind and be a little bit confident to say a joke, people are never going to laugh with you.
00:49:21
Speaker
So you're not gonna find that like because I also had a little bit of Wearing that people wouldn't like me. Um, so I never talked to people and then when I started to just be like I'm just gonna like part of my challenge when I woke up and I was just like I'm not gonna be shy anymore was like I'm going to talk back if someone says hi to me I'm going to try to actually have a conversation rather than just be like hi and turning around
00:49:41
Speaker
And I was like, wow, people are actually like, I'm having fun talking to people like guys, girls, like all age groups. It was amazing. So if you don't put yourself out there, like Ayla said, you're not going to ever have the chance to kind of heal and grow in that way. Yeah. Well, I talked about it a while ago. We talked about like overcoming shyness a while ago and something I talked about there that applies here is like inferior pride. And it is a version of pride to sit there and be like, nobody likes me. They're never going to want to talk to me.
00:50:10
Speaker
That's different than when your confidence is low and especially maybe if you've been hurt before like I'm not saying you're never allowed to feel that way but it is a version of pride I think eventually when you sit and you stew and you bubble in it and you think and you kind of think you're being better than other people if you're like oh like
00:50:27
Speaker
I don't want to bother them like I don't want to it's it's almost if you get too deep into it it can be that but but I also get it when you're 13 14 especially for girls but for young boys too no one's confident everyone's just stumbling through everyone's just trying to figure it out and yeah I do believe in the power of kind of like I don't know if this will work for everyone but I definitely believe in the power of like waking up look in the mirror do something get out of journal and start writing down who you who you are
00:50:56
Speaker
And even if you don't believe that you're that self, like say you're like, I want to look in the mirror and say I'm beautiful, but I don't quite feel like I can do that. Who do you want to be? Who do I want to be? I want to be beautiful. I want to be fun. And then mindset change is a huge thing.
00:51:12
Speaker
this goes into more mental health, but start talking about yourself in a different way. Say I had depression instead of I have depression. I used to feel like I was fat, not I feel like I'm fat. Even if you don't believe it, I had to start saying things about myself that I did not believe at all. Part of it was not being annoying around other people. That was my biggest security. I just had to start saying people like me
00:51:36
Speaker
even if I didn't believe it at all inside, it had to be like, people like to be around me, I have friends. Like what you said, Beth, I have friends. So obviously, I'm liked. Obviously, I have a reason to be confident. And it's so crazy what the power of what your words have to your own self. So I start writing it down, get into the mirror, start saying it in the car. Oh, and oh, sorry. Oh, man. Get away from self deprecating humor, too. Oh, yes. I mean, I still kind of like do it now. But I've kind of come around the self deprecating humor of
00:52:06
Speaker
Oh, it's just because I look this way or whatever. Like, oh, I'm so alone. Ha ha. Or, oh, it's because I feel so sad. Ha ha. Like, I actually spent a few years where I was not allowed to make those jokes about myself because yeah, and and I was surrounded by people who wouldn't let me make those jokes about myself. Uh, I'm trying to think of some examples that make sense. But just like, oh, man, like,
00:52:30
Speaker
I feel so gross I want to kill myself." People would be like, no, you don't. And it sounds dramatic, but when you're building your confidence, language like that is not allowed. Or like, oh, I ate a lot of food. Oh, I feel fat. No, you're not. You're not though. And I'm not saying you always have to nitpick yourself that way. I'm just saying if you're struggling with your confidence, start by how you speak to yourself and speak about yourself because it has a lot of power. Exactly. Spot on. 100%.
00:52:55
Speaker
Man, I really loved this conversation. And helping others with their self-confidence is so, so near and dear to my heart. It's really important to me. And I think sometimes I look back and wish I hadn't struggled with it at all because of, you know, some of the past hurt and opportunities missed.
00:53:11
Speaker
It's just not reality. I did.
The lifelong journey of building confidence
00:53:14
Speaker
And I think all those years of tackling my confidence working on it plays a huge role in who I am today. And I think I hope over the years helps me help others more than I would if I had never struggled with it at all. Yeah, 100%.
00:53:29
Speaker
If you're listening, if you're currently in that place, if you're nervous to go to school, oh gosh, I don't miss those days. But if you're nervous to go to school or to work, and if you've been wanting to grow and work on it, if you kind of have a moment like Beth said she had where you're like, you know what, I'm done feeling this way. We're here to tell you that gaining self confidence and your confidence is not only possible, but it's a pretty incredible journey and a lifelong one.
00:53:53
Speaker
Even though reading of insecurity and getting confidence takes time, it's really worth it to hop on that path as soon as possible. Honestly, start asking the Lord what he thinks of you, surrounds yourself with people who love you, who care about you, and start teaching your own self that you're loved, you're worthy, and it's time to start thinking these good thoughts about yourself. Yeah, at the end of the day, we are our own worst enemy, and the people around you probably aren't having the same thoughts about you that you are.
00:54:19
Speaker
Today we wanna challenge you to go to your mirror or sit with a journal or honestly maybe even find a group of friends if this is something you're comfortable doing the exercise Ayla talked about earlier with. And find as many kind things to say about yourself as possible. You can speak your insecurities to your friends and kind of go around in a circle and share what you love about each other and knock down the insecurities for each other. Just teach other people how you see them and in turn you'll get the same thing. And we promise it works wonders.
00:54:47
Speaker
If you're a fan of the show and what we do, we want to keep doing this. So it would mean the world to us if you left your five star rating and a review wherever you listen. We are on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Zencaster. We'd love to hear from you and what you think of the show so far. All right. Be sure you're following us on Instagram at Art of Intention Podcast and check every Tuesday for an episode. Bye. Bye.