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Overcoming Fears to Pursue A Life You Love
21 Plays2 months ago
We all know that our bodies are designed to protect us, and emotions like fear and nervousness can help keep us safe. What we wanted to talk about today is that, while those are very real feelings, the fact that there are many areas in life where we may need to push past our physical reaction of fear, in order to enrich our lives, and progress them in a way we never thought possible. From hanging out in crowded places, to solo travel, to skiing or cliff jumping, we talk about times in our own lives where we pushed past fear, and came out the other side with a new sense of growth and accomplishment. Do you feel like fear, feeling uncomfortable, or anxiety is stopping you from something you really want to do? Well, we hope this episode is the right place for you.
See you next week!
xo - Beth and Ayla
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Transcript
Introduction to Fear and Growth
00:00:00
Speaker
Have you ever heard the phrase, listen to your body? It's something that both Beth and I agree with on many levels, but today we want to talk about exactly when you should listen to your body and when you should hear what your body is saying and actually push past it. Instead of just saying we listen to our bodies, I like to add And we think with our heads. The truth is that fear and pain are very real and important, but they can also play tricks on us. And in order to accomplish any hard tasks in life, we're going to have to learn how to navigate different levels of both fear and pain. One thing that also came up as we were unpacking this topic is how sometimes the friends in your life are called to be the people who push you out of your cupboard zone and pass some of these fears.
00:00:40
Speaker
Solid, positive friendships are exciting and can sometimes call you to try things you may have never dreamed of before. So if you want to learn how to push past your fears in order to pursue your dreams, then this episode is for you. Welcome to the Art of Intention podcast with Beth and Ayla. Two best friends turn creative entrepreneurs. This is a place for us to discuss everything business, friendships, and faith, and occasionally more. We're so excited for today's episode. We think you're going to love it. Stay tuned.
Friends and Comfort Zones
00:01:10
Speaker
So in general, listening to our bodies is important because it can tell us when we are sick, when we're about to break something or even when there may be danger nearby. We have a natural built-in instinct that we should listen to. So in no way are we telling you to forgo those instincts today, but rather really just to learn to identify when something is giving you fear because it's dangerous and should be avoided or when it's causing fear just because it's new and different and maybe a little bit challenging.
00:01:37
Speaker
Ooh, that's a great distinction. And we have to be able to take a step back and tell the difference between the rational and irrational fear. If we only listen to our bodies and its reaction to fear specifically, then our life is going to be run by fear and we'll never do anything that challenges us or changes us and we might not reach our full potential in life.
00:01:59
Speaker
Absolutely. You may think you're protecting yourself if you always avoid things that give you fear, but the truth is you're just boxing yourself in and you're harming yourself more in the long run, I promise you. The most successful, adventurous, and happiest people in life have had to face off and find some kind of balance with their fears. And again, like we're saying, just to kind of clarify it one more time, we are saying like our bodies are amazing things. We have fear reactions for a reason.
00:02:24
Speaker
It is there to protect us and sometimes to listen to, but we are saying if you want to take certain aspects of your life to the next level and push through some of that to enrich and like fulfill other parts of your life, that's a step that has to be taken. like A lot of life calls to pushing past some of that fear. so When facing challenges, learn to ask yourself, is this fear because I'm in danger or is it nervousness because of something new, fear of the unknown or something that has some risk but will be worth it. Beth and I are also kind of some former adrenaline junkies, so we're happy talking about just pushing past that fear. But it doesn't always have to be something that big or extreme like skydiving or something crazy. it It can be down to the little things too that give you nervousness or fear. Yeah, absolutely. And you know what? Sometimes you're going to get yourself into something and it ends up being bigger than you thought. It ends up being more than you anticipated. And our body's natural instinct is to try and get out of the situation as fast as possible. But
00:03:20
Speaker
If you want to have control over your fear and not the other way around, then you need to get really comfortable asking yourself, how do I get through this? Not how do I get out of this? Okay. See, there's the difference. Ask yourself, what can I do to make myself get through this? Maybe a little bit easier. Um, when you ask yourself a problem solving question that doesn't allow you to just run away from the problem, this is how you come up with solutions that will have you growing by the end of it and you will be a better person for it.
00:03:48
Speaker
Oh my gosh. Yeah. I love that. I love, and I think you've said this to me before, but like, how do we get through this? Not how do I get out of this? Um,
Public Settings and Personal Growth
00:03:57
Speaker
yeah. Cause some of the best rewards and stuff in life come from challenge and something else we wanted to touch on here was how having the right friends in your circle can sometimes mean having people who kindly push you and push you out of your comfort zone. and Beth and I specifically, but hopefully a lot of our listeners here, love all things new and adventurous. and While that may not be every friendship dynamic, we do believe that positive friendships can and should include friends who push you to face your fears and try new things. this ki my can It can be new things like skydiving or it can be a job interview or um a big life change like like a new house or something like that. like Whatever might stop you from doing something great because of your fear.
00:04:40
Speaker
We believe having people in your circle who are like, no, you've got this, you don't have to be afraid are really important to have. It's kind of an iron sharpens iron situation. If you've been wanting to step out of your shell and have fear not control your life, sometimes that starts with having the right people by your side.
00:04:55
Speaker
um It can be your family or it can be your friends closest to you, your spouse, your partner, whoever. i mean Imagine traveling the world solo, which could be and is really amazing, but then imagine doing it with someone like-minded that you get along with who also challenges you and enriches the situation. There's a lot you might do on your own and then there's a lot more you might do with someone cheering you on in your circle and and like pushing you to try these new things.
00:05:21
Speaker
Wow. I genuinely could not agree with that more. Like that is one of my biggest things. Like I think a good friendship absolutely includes people who will push you. Um, I honestly don't want friends who will let me stay exactly the same because I'm not happy with how i I'm not like, I'm not done trying new things. I'm not done with my accomplishments in life. I want friends who are going to make me better.
00:05:43
Speaker
like Good friends, yeah. Like you said, we'll help you come out of your comfort zone and they're going to encourage you to do hard things. and Whatever that level is for you, maybe a hard thing is just trying a new hike. Maybe a hard thing, like you said, is trying something you're really afraid of like shark diving or skydiving. Maybe a hard thing is like, gosh, you should just get back into reading because it's really good for you and you haven't done it in 10 years. like There are so many different things. That got really surreal.
00:06:06
Speaker
You're like, oh, whoa, called out. We're like myself, both of us. And exactly. But the point is, yeah. But the point is, good friends, best friends, know what's best for you. Or sorry, they want what's best for you. And they can oftentimes see things that are good for you in a different light than you because they aren't clouded by the same fear as you. So you know you got to trust them with that. And some examples, so really quick amongst some ah other things we kind of mentioned. um like ala helping me come out of my shell in public when i was younger and being comfortable just being around other people and talking to other people i'm thinking like when we used to go to that lake every summer and i did not even want to walk past crowds to go stand in line to go get ice cream and fries
00:06:48
Speaker
but you're like, this is life, Beth. You're going to have to do this. If you want fries, I think I distinctly remember a couple of times where where I wanted to just sit at the kayak and you're like, no, you know you have to come stand in line with me. Like, no, I'm not going to go, but like, sorry, if you want the fries and ice cream, you got to come with me through the people, talk in front of other people and get in line and be around other humans. And it sounds so silly, but that pushed me so far out of my comfort zone.
00:07:14
Speaker
and thank God for it. Thank God for you because now I can talk to other people and interact with people. and it just Again, i I like having friends that make me do that. I'm making help also being around people who are comfortable in those situations because it teaches you and kind of reminds your brain. It's okay. This is normal. You're going to be fine. If they can do it, I can do it. that-dadada um Yeah, usually.
00:07:35
Speaker
ah Okay. But also again, another example is I have a friend who encourages me to paddle out to the bigger waves and surfing, even though I am like so it was scared of big waves. like i Most people do not know this about me. I love diving. I love being in the water. I love the ocean. I love boats, love sharks. I don't care. I love all of it. Waves just themselves. No, that's a big thing for me. wow I trust this friend and I know that she won't technically ask me to do anything that would truly hurt me. if She's not going to put me in my life in danger. And even if it feels like it, even if it feels like that wave will kill me, nope, that's a no. That's absolutely not. um And i I have declined her offer many times.
00:08:16
Speaker
But I like that she is comfortable pushing me and that she I can tell that when doing that she wants what's best for me She knows that I will be a better surfer if I get out to these bigger waves And if I just have a couple of times where I just get pummeled and I realize oh, you're fine That's what that feels like. And so, you know, that's just something to think about. Oh, that's so good I love that I immediately thought of like some friends that I've gone like skiing or snowboarding with like i'm a yeah But I've gone with like my snowboarding friends who are maybe new to it. And even just teaching them that like you're gonna fall and it's okay. Or like this is actually just a slope, it's not too scary. And not to like belittle them, but to genuinely be like, you're okay, like this is a completely safe situation. I'm not gonna take you down like a black diamond on your first day and tell you to suck it up. like
00:09:01
Speaker
yeah Gently encouraged, but that's still completely new to you. And yeah something else that I wanted to touch on just in the fact of like fear holding you back. And fear we can maybe see
Challenging Comfort Zones
00:09:11
Speaker
as like a shaking, ooh, scary, but it does you don't you might not always feel scared. It could also be just like a deep, deep discomfort.
00:09:19
Speaker
Like a who I went through this, um, it was like for some of my missions training, it was this like cold weather team building, backpacking excursion. And we were given like very little resources, very little food, kind of like not survival situation. Like we had our basic needs, whatever.
00:09:36
Speaker
but It was just meant to team build and to challenge. it It was supposed to be uncomfortable. like Your resources were taken away. There was no phones. There was like so strict rules we had to follow. and um i wasn't necessarily fear like i I wasn't scared in the sense of like i I want to go hide in a closet because I'm scared. It was like I'm taken completely out of my comfort zone.
00:09:56
Speaker
I'm uncomfortable, I like control, a lot of I didn't have a lot of control. And getting through that and pushing it, and it was physically demanding too. like There was like hiking, there was um backpacking, there was these physically demanding things. There was crossing a river in the winter, like all these things.
00:10:12
Speaker
That is one of the single most fulfilling things I've ever done because it taught my body what I can do and what my body can handle. Oh my gosh, yes. And you wouldn't think that your body can handle a four mile hike without a lot of food and cold but it can and I know that mine can because it did it and I would never know that about myself.
00:10:32
Speaker
if I hadn't done something like that and it it was a safe situation like we could we could get out at any time like it was it sounds extreme but it was amazing like that's the kind of thing that I love and I love actually testing my limits for that reason and getting uncomfortable because it teaches me that my body can do so much more than I thought and I will say I was in a group too and the group helped so much because it's actually crazy what can happen with the right people in your circle who push you in this way that Beth and I are talking about because again it's not gonna suck it up come on princess kind of way yeah It's actually, you're pushing each other a lot. like There were some times where I was the encourager of the group and I was like, come on guys, like we got this. We just have a little bit more to go. um you know The place where we got to be is just right there ahead. We can all make it. And then there were times where people had to be like, come on Ayla, you got this. You're leaning on each other. It's not always that there's one just mass driver of your life. yeah You lean on each other, you push each other. And no, I just wanted to share that because it's like,
00:11:26
Speaker
you might not ever know what you're capable of if you don't try and have people who help push you to try and help teach you like what's the best way to go about this like how can I go and accomplish this new thing correctly, I guess. So wow, it's cool. It's so cool what you and your body and your mind can do when you get past that first bit of I'm out of control. I'm uncomfortable. I don't like this. And you just go and it's so scary. It's like one of like the hardest things that you can do. And some people have probably done experiences like this way harder than me. But it's like, oh, it's so fun to realize what you can what you can do after.
00:11:59
Speaker
That gives me chills while you were talking. I Really don't think I could have said it better myself. I'm so inspired and that's like exactly one of the things that I really really really wanted to convey when we were talking about doing this episode is just that realization that that you don't know what you're capable of so often, and they in fear sometimes is such a liar, because fear ultimately tells us you can't do this, you can't do this, you can't do this, and you won't, like you said, know what you're capable unless you capable of unless you can step around that and work through that. you know That saying, you're scared, do it anyways, you know do it scared, that's such a big, I love that little quote.
00:12:37
Speaker
um and As someone, and you too Ayla, but both of us, as people who have gone through scary things on purpose and sometimes not on purpose and come out on the other side, I promise you, I promise you that you will never regret the outcome, the many outcomes that come from ah doing something hard choosing to stick in something that's hard or scary. and come out the other side. Oh, I love that. yeah And what you said when you're like, oh, fear you know can manifest itself in different ways. Whoa, light bulbs, so true. It
Fear in Everyday Life
00:13:08
Speaker
doesn't always look like the shaky inner boots fear. So real quick, I think I want to list some of the different ways fear can manifest itself. So what you just said, the discomfort, that's a good one. Boom. So number one there.
00:13:19
Speaker
Um, number two, a lack of motivation or a tiredness. So something I actually learned in high school that was really interesting. Um, apparently when some people are really nervous, like really nervous, they start to yawn and they get really tired. So I would start before big presentations. I would literally, it'd be like second period would be a presentation. And in first period I'd be like yawning and exhausted. And if anybody knows me, I am not a low energy person. Like right I am not a tired person, especially in the mornings, especially in high school.
00:13:46
Speaker
I'd be like literally falling asleep, right? No, imagine me in first period like fall literally falling asleep and I would be like so exhausted, like constantly yawning and I found out that like it was before all my big presentations and that that was actually a sign of fear. Who knew that fear can manifest itself as extreme like ah fatigue. Okay, so number three, self-doubt.
00:14:09
Speaker
just believing wholeheartedly believing this can't work. This won't happen. That's probably fear talking. And then the fourth one that I thought of just on the fly is also anger at the situation. You know, it's kind of like you see that sometimes in movies like men being really mad and they're like, Oh, that's really fear. They're afraid. And you're like, Oh my gosh. So yeah that's true though. Like sometimes I think I've seen that in real people in my life too with similar uncomfortable, like outdoor big experiences is like getting, yeah, getting like overly frustrated or or angry.
00:14:37
Speaker
Yeah, interesting. you And all I'll add one more. Would you say also like an indecisiveness, like a freeze? You know how like there's fight, fighter, freeze, then also and like an inability to make the tiniest situations. like Not saying you did this, but Beth, like we were talking about how like like lines and being around crowds was uncomfortable. And if I was like, hey, do you want chocolate or vanilla? You might be like, um um yeah i like that that free like some of that free. Because I think that's what I can experience, with big especially if it's a big decision that I'm jumping into. And it can also be like if you're jumping off like big rocks into the water.
00:15:11
Speaker
coming up to the edge and then freezing when actually you might be hurting yourself because it's better to just gain momentum and like go and jump off of it. But like that, it's that thing that keeps you just still there. Again, you might not like be scared, but you can't move forward. I would probably go one more way. No, that's so true. Again, very, very true. And hesitation. Yeah, that hesitation can, and again, one of the reasons we think you need to learn how to work through fear and push past it is because sometimes these things can put you in more danger. Hesitation, freezing,
00:15:39
Speaker
in real life situations sometimes those can cause you harm. So yeah love that. Amazing. anyway Yeah. So you can't let your life be run by fear. Again, we already established there's healthy amounts of fear, but with what we're talking about, if you allow your life to be run by fear, you're going to miss out on amazing things. You will inevitably in life face fears and challenges no matter what so learning to slow down analyzing your fear and learn to be comfortable doing things anyways even while you're afraid afraid doing it scared is going to be the determining factor as to whether or not you turn a scary problem into a big accomplishment
00:16:17
Speaker
truthfully the scarier and more difficult something is the bigger a success story it can be that is so real and i will say something else that's real is like acknowledging that fear you don't have to be like i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine through everything like i really actively in my life often have to take like fear or like anxiety and kind of talk to it and be like i hear you you're bugging me i hear you I'm not ignoring you, but like politely go sit in the corner and let me do this is like yeah like is what it can look like. But yeah, ah just that last point, the scarier and harder something is going into it, it probably means it's really worth doing and there's a big story that's going to come out of it.
00:16:55
Speaker
I love that. Yep. Yep. Yep. All right. So we're kind of wrapping up here. Honestly, this episode kind of feels more like a big sister pep talk, um, which I love. That's kind of what I think I wanted to be. Yeah, just some random thoughts. Um, we both grew up facing a lot of our own fears and learning how to do things while afraid. Um, I think it's just more the nature of where we grew up. We grew up very much outdoors with parents who had us doing a lot of adventurous things, lots of hiking, lots of like, it was a shoot, grew up a skier. Like there's just a lot of, you know, sports, things like that.
00:17:24
Speaker
um That naturally it's true taught us how to face fears and I'm very grateful for that I'm very grateful that we grew up with that and we aren't having to learn how to do that as adults because it's a lot harder to get past those fears as an adult but Even us obviously adult fears are are they feel they feel very different and as we get older and meet more people and we kind of see how sad and damaging it can be for people who've nearly never learned those skills, so It's really as simple as a mindset shift. like Honestly, you guys, so that's why we didn't need to make this episode super long or anything. um Observe people you admire. you you know See them do hard things and scary things. Observe people that you know who are a lot like you, but maybe do a couple things that you're too afraid to do. And realize that you know they're probably afraid too, but they do it anyways. They find ways to deepen that fear. And oftentimes it's just as simple as reminding themselves that ah what the root reason for the fear is and that it's ah it's okay to push past it.
00:18:17
Speaker
So as we do, we're going to just lay out some tips that we have for overcoming unnecessary fear in order to allow yourself to have some big accomplishments to just step in and to do it. So like we said above, ask yourself If this is a fear from real danger or a fear of the unknown or trying new things, I constantly have to tell myself that work emails are not going to kill me. They're just a
Travel and New Experiences
00:18:43
Speaker
work email. like It's going to be fine. But in the big things too, something ... I won't say like skydiving bungee jump because there are risks that come with that, but you know going on a trip.
00:18:52
Speaker
Like going to a country you've never been before and you you get fearful. Ask yourself, is this a fear from real danger or is this just a fear that's going to stop me from doing this next big step, this next big yeah important thing in my life? And this doesn't mean that we're saying like not to be smart. Like I think you can completely be smart about where you go, how you travel without being fearful. so There's that too. um Ask yourself how you can make it better while you're going through it and not how you can get out of it. How am I going to get through this? Not how am I going to get out of it? I guess that's like, Beth, I don't know if you came up with that yourself, but that's... I did. As far as I know, I did. I'm sure people have said that, but that's kind of my... I could what? You could sell that. ah less hilarious dad Oh, Next up, ah remind yourself how worth it it will be to accomplish this task. I am so serious.
00:19:41
Speaker
i've I've told myself in life so many times, like there's actually, there's gonna be a time where you forget how much this sucks, like via comfortability and all of that. There's gonna be a time where you where you are past it. There just is, and that's okay.
00:19:55
Speaker
yeah um Think about how many people have done this or gone through this before you. You're not alone. You're not the first and you won't be the last. Sometimes hearing that you're not the only one is actually a positive thing because there's that camaraderie and that safety that yeah, you're you're not alone probably in most things that are scaring you right now. um Remind yourself that your body is designed for things like this going back to capable. No idea how capable your actual physical human body can be.
00:20:25
Speaker
And then this point I wanted to throw in here, it's kind of a longer one, but I wanted to say like, I know things like anxiety, like social anxiety or just kind of general anxiety exist as a great challenge for a lot of people. And both and Beth and I both have our own experiences with unnecessary anxiety to the point where it's just annoying. um yeah I like to ground myself when that happens. It sounds very woo woo, but it's not like that. All grounding is, is just like looking at the things around you and telling your actual nervous system that you're fine, that you're safe.
00:20:53
Speaker
um when I had a lot more anxiety like back when I was in college I had to do this like kind of a bit and then just now the odd new situation I have it in my back pocket but say you're doing something that shouldn't cause you anxiety but maybe is like trying a new restaurant alone um this can also go to like traveling alone or going to just really any new place alone and the fear wells up that makes you want to freeze or run away um What I do is while like just pausing and breathing deep, allowing myself to slow down, I just tell myself these things. um like I started the basics, my name, my age, where I am, what's around me, and why I'm safe. and If it's bad, it can look like, okay.
00:21:32
Speaker
um' ala I'm I'm 26. I'm going to whatever place. I'm going to this restaurant. I'm standing right outside right now. The building's right over there. There's a red car out front.
Managing Anxiety and Accomplishments
00:21:42
Speaker
There's a but there's a bike out front. I'm standing here on the sidewalk. I'm in a safe place. I'm not in the road where it's dangerous. um you know I'm safe where I am, and like I'm a little nervous right now.
00:21:53
Speaker
but I'm not in danger. This upcoming thing isn't dangerous. No one here knows me. I can get through this, something like that. ah That doesn't happen all the time, but I'm just saying like sometimes in those moments where you shouldn't feel fear, but you are, we see that, we hear that. And that's just something that helped me a lot in those times was just like, here's where I am. Here's what's around me. Here's why I'm safe and I'm going to get through this." And um like allowing yourself to be slow, like quite literally physically slow because your nervous system, if it is acting up for no reason, speeding through and like physically freaking out isn't going to help it. So just like the stopping breathing and like putting off whatever interaction you need to do for a second to allow yourself to slow down yeah can be really helpful. And just to like kind of end some of these tips. like
00:22:38
Speaker
to help encourage you guys more. None of the greatest inventions or accomplishments in humanity were made from playing it safe. Everything we use in a daily basis, all the art we consume, the inventions we use, the houses we live in, all of that came out of someone stepping out probably in a little bit of fear and making it happen. So you're fully capable of doing the same.
00:22:58
Speaker
Exactly. Oh my gosh. Love it. All right.
Conclusion: Overcoming Fear with Support
00:23:02
Speaker
Yep. And at the end of the day, you are fully capable of doing so much more than you think. Um, keeping people in your circle who can remind you of this whenever you need to hear it will make a huge difference.
00:23:12
Speaker
If you don't have someone like that right now, take it from us. Fear can be deceiving, but it doesn't run your life, and it doesn't run you. Thank you guys so much for being here. Make sure you are following us on whatever platform you listen on. You already know it. We are on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Zencaster. If you haven't already, please show your girl some love and leave us your five-star rating and review wherever you listen. We really appreciate it.
00:23:36
Speaker
And hopefully we will see you on Instagram at Art of Intention podcast where you can see our new posts, our new resources, and keep involved in the conversation. We hope to see you next Tuesday with a new episode. Bye. Bye.