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Life Lessons I Learned From Mom
29 Plays5 months ago
A few weeks ago, we started talking about some way to do a Moms appreciation episode here on the show, and we actually voice messaged back and forth a TON just talking about our Moms, and how much we appreciate them, even if we didn't realize that growing up. It just so happens that we just celebrated Mother's Day this week, so in honor of that, but also just to say it, today's episode is, well, exactly what you read in the title!
We share our favorite lessons or stories we learned from our moms, either by direct teaching or by example. We had LOTS to cover in this one, and we could probably even make a part 2, but for today, sit back with us as we take some times to appreciate our moms today. When you're done with the episode, if you havn't yet for Mother's day, make sure you give your mom a call, give her a hug, and let her know you appreciate her.
See you there!
Xo -Beth and Ayla
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Transcript
Impactful Life Lessons from Mom
00:00:00
Speaker
I think a lot about all the things I learned from my mom growing up, the big and the little things that really impacted me, my favorite things she taught me, the biggest lessons I learned from her. I think everyone is surprised as they get older to see how much they actually appreciate and use what their parents taught them. After years of my mom saying, just wait until you're my age, or when you're an adult, you'll understand, well, mom,
00:00:20
Speaker
You'll be happy to hear your life lessons rubbed off on us because we can't seem to go a day without realizing that one of our habits or strengths or little bits of knowledge actually came from you. We are so excited for today's episode because we're basically just going to be sitting around, hanging out, talking about our moms and appreciating them.
00:00:40
Speaker
And actually believe it or not, we planned to talk about this episode before we even realized Mother's Day was coming up. Beth shot me the idea that she wanted to do like a mom's appreciation post and actually like over voice message. We just started like gawking about our moms and we just couldn't stop talking about it. And we were like, this has to be an episode. And then surprise Mother's Day is here.
00:01:00
Speaker
So we just waited a couple of weeks and then thought this would be a good time to release it. So for all you moms out there, take this as an appreciation episode for all that you do and the wonderful, incredible impact you have on your children.
Introducing 'Art of Intention' Podcast
00:01:13
Speaker
We know it takes a lot of hard work to raise kids, and so if you're curious to hear what kind of things our moms taught us, what we think went well, this episode is for you. Welcome to the Art of Intention podcast with Beth and Ayla. Two best friends turn creative entrepreneurs.
00:01:27
Speaker
This is a place for us to discuss everything business, friendships, and faith, and occasionally more. We're so excited for today's episode. We think you're gonna love it. Stay tuned.
00:01:42
Speaker
Before we truly begin, we just like to say to our moms, if you're listening, we love you and we are sorry if we butcher any of these life lessons. Honestly, this is just how we recall them. I just know that at least I'm probably going to forget something. If you're thinking, wow, I really thought I taught her that or something, just know you probably did, but I just forgot to mention it.
00:02:05
Speaker
And we also, I think, want to just say it was so hard narrowing down exactly how to do this episode because I've also learned so many lessons from my grandmothers, from my mother-in-law, my grandmothers-in-law even. They're all very wise and have poured so much into my life. And Ayla, I know you feel the same about those people in your family and your life as
Core Categories of Lessons
00:02:25
Speaker
well. So we would like to honor them as well and just say we have been so impacted by all these women in our lives and have learned lessons from them too.
00:02:33
Speaker
But today, in honor of Mother's Day, we're just going to try and focus on what our individual moms taught us as we were growing up. And like Ayla said, if any young moms out there are listening, we hope you can get some inspiration from our wise moms.
00:02:46
Speaker
that you can use to support and raise your children, or as you support and raise them. Okay, so Ayla, if you wanna go first, and I think real fast, if we were to categorize the things we're gonna go through, we basically have like three categories today. So number one is gonna be life lessons, just like it sounds, maybe these are the harder lessons that we had to learn, things were really impactful, but yeah, just life lessons. Category two is good habits. So again, just like it sounds, good habits we learned from our moms.
00:03:15
Speaker
And three is character traits. So ones we either feel we inherited from our moms or ones that our moms helped intentionally build up in us. Yeah. So I'll kick it off. And Beth, I don't know about you, but some of my life lessons might overlap with good habits. Some of them might be habits, but I tried to keep them as categorized as possible, but there might be some overlap. And also, yeah, thanks for mentioning that we definitely appreciate our grandmother's, mother-in-laws, all of those great things.
00:03:41
Speaker
like we just can't say enough good things about them but the podcast would be hours long if we just talked about every single woman we love so yeah this is for our moms today okay oh my gosh well to start I would say pray for others and especially pray for your enemies man I could not stand to hear this one when I was like eight
00:04:01
Speaker
the amount of times I'd complain about a friend. And then when I was older, boss, classmate, and my dear sweet mom would just say, well, we got to pray for them. I would talk about some teacher that was so mean and gave me bad grades and was driving me nuts. And she'd be like, well, I think we just need to pray for her. Almost always was her first response. And I wish I was better at remembering that now, but actually writing this out was a little reminder for the good and the harder people that come around in life to just be praying for them always. So that's my first one.
00:04:29
Speaker
I love that. And you know what? Okay, so then for my first one, I'll say something that is almost similar, not really though. So for me, one of the things my mom tried to teach us was to do everything as if God is watching. So do everything for God's glory, essentially.
Influence of Faith and Creativity
00:04:45
Speaker
This was just especially pertaining to like small tasks, like maybe things we didn't want to do, or didn't think mattered. But she's like, well, God is watching you and you know, anything you do, you should do it.
00:04:55
Speaker
to the glory of God, not necessarily because someone wants you to do it, or because you have to do it, but because you want to honor God with your actions. Oh, I love that. This one was, oh, I forgot to also mention, we're kind of like, we have some lessons that were directly taught to us, and then some were like, learned by example, or Beth, you might have said that. But yeah, anyway, this is kind of a learned by example one, but the importance of music and art.
00:05:17
Speaker
My mom just filled our house with music, stories, movies, art. We drew, we sang, we played instruments, we painted, we quoted movies, we still quote movies. Like there was just so much room for art and creativity in our home. Both of my parents are very creative in different ways. My dad's an artist and a painter and he and I bond over music a lot too. So I share a lot of that with him.
00:05:42
Speaker
but my mom played instruments. She plays the piano like a beast and she taught herself how to play the bass guitar. Like she's just insane. So we had lots of just music and art in our house and we had a place to express ourselves so much. Like me and all my siblings are also just so creative and I think that's because of our household in such different ways and I'll just never take that for granted. Like we just had such a lively
00:06:07
Speaker
creative household and Beth I know you'd remember that too. Oh yeah for sure I definitely I totally I think would have said the same thing for you if someone asked me about you that is that's awesome I remember that for sure okay so let's see I don't have one I think super similar to that so I'll just go into my next one right might be a bit of bouncing around but yeah exactly yeah they know the drill by now exactly
00:06:32
Speaker
So I think my next one would be something that my mom really tried to teach us was you do as you practice. So basically just practice the right way whether it's in sports or in like martial arts or in homework or even in like artwork or a project. Just practice it the way you want to do it in real life because practice ends up translating to how you're going to do it in the real world.
00:06:55
Speaker
Mmm. Oh, I love that uh next one just because you struggle with things like math or science doesn't mean you're not smart I struggled with like smarts so much I thought I just wanted to be smart so bad and was worried that maybe I wasn't because Certain subjects like math and science were so hard for me and my mom was always right there to say that God has given every single person amazing gifts and everyone is unique and this one
00:07:22
Speaker
really hit home and I kind of forgot about it until today, but she would say all the time, like this girl understands math, like she's passing the class, why can't I?
00:07:33
Speaker
And she'd say, you may be jealous that some girl is better at math than you, but she might be jealous that you can write a better English paper. Yeah. Cause that's the stuff I was good at. She was like, you never know who, which is they had your A's in English. Um, just as you wish, you know, everything that you wish about somebody else, they might be wishing about you. And just because you struggle with some things that come easy, doesn't mean you're not smart. Um, cause you never know what those people are struggling with too. That's something else she said when I was just crying over math sometimes, like I,
00:08:03
Speaker
And again, shout out to my high school teachers who told me I would never make it without math. First off, suck it, second off. I told her some of these things that I was so worried about. I was like, mom, how am I going to be able to have jobs or buy a house or do anything if I can't do this stuff? Like I can't do it. And she was like, Ayla, you'll hire someone to do your math for you. She was like, you're going to be so successful at whatever you do.
00:08:28
Speaker
She was like, you are going to make it so hard and you're going to be so successful. You will hire someone to do those numbers for you. And not that I've hired because it's my mother-in-law, but I do have somebody who does my numbers for me now. But if I still needed that assistant, I mean none of that stuff even ever mattered.
00:08:45
Speaker
the stuff that i thought i wouldn't amount to but even if it did like just that thought of like you're gonna be so successful that somebody else is gonna do the stuff that you need help with and i had to remember that so much when i was just like sobbing over my homework and stuff was like in whatever i do i'm gonna make it
00:09:01
Speaker
And I'm going to get the help I need and know I think about that one all the time. That's such a good one. What a great thing to tell somebody who is wanting to do really good and is working as hard as they can, but just knowing that this is maybe not going to be their strength. And that's a great way to say, it's not something you need to be an expert on because people have different strengths for a reason.
Communication and Mindset
00:09:21
Speaker
I like that. And I'm actually bouncing off that point something, because I also struggled I think a lot of times with math. Math was difficult for me as well.
00:09:30
Speaker
something that my mom would always remind me that in the moment I hated hearing but I've learned is so true and real and that's that our words have power and what we tell ourselves can actually be kind of true and not in a weird like manifesting way necessarily but um science does actually show that like if we say I suck at this I suck at this I suck at this you will actually
00:09:51
Speaker
And my mom would tell me that so much, even before science was super like kind of out there on social media showing this. No, moms were telling us that long before. Absolutely. Yes. My mom would not let me say I suck in math. She would not let me say I can't do this. We were not allowed to say we can't do.
00:10:08
Speaker
XYZ that was so not allowed so that kind of when you said your thing it reminded me of that that was something I think a life lesson that she taught me that just kind of keeps compounding year after year of like man our mindset does matter and what we tell specifically ourselves matter which is so crazy yeah 100% I can
00:10:24
Speaker
I can relate to that one. And I'll just say another one real fast. This is what I was originally going to say, but that reminded me of that. So my mom definitely instilled one of the biggest lessons of work hard in everything you do. This I guess is almost similar to what I said before about doing everything to the glory of God, but they were different lessons and I see them differently.
00:10:43
Speaker
but work hard and yeah and everything you do so do it to the best of your ability no matter what it is whether it's homework yard work cleaning dishes helping someone with a task like no laziness in what you're doing at all and i will say this was one of the things that my mom led by example so much on i've never seen my mom do something sorry for that language like half
00:11:05
Speaker
Half ass. Half butted. Half butted. I was like, I'm not gonna say that's dumb. Half baked. Half baked. She doesn't do that. Like, and it's just so she was just holding us up to the same standards of like, you know, do everything to the best of your ability, just do it well, do it right. And so yeah. Oh, man, I love that. And I'll probably expand on this more in my like, characteristics about my mom because she's the exact same way, like just nothing.
00:11:31
Speaker
Oh man, she either did it 110% or it wasn't done at all. I just love that. And to expand off that, yeah, it was work hard in everything you do. Do it to the best of your ability. Work ethic was huge in my family. And I could go off about my dad specifically too, who taught me a lot about that. But both my parents, I tell Chris almost every single freaking week about how thankful I am for the work ethic I got for my family.
00:11:59
Speaker
It's insane and Beth and I are planning probably an episode in the upcoming months here about work ethic and just it getting passed down to generations. It's such a big deal and it's pretty much exactly what you said. Laziness does not fly. The good Lord forbid we ever said we were bored in our household if we ever had three time and we were like, I'm bored.
00:12:21
Speaker
you learned to not say I'm bored or else a broom was getting put in your hand or the sink full of dishes was getting pointed out to you and we were like no mom not that kind of bored
00:12:31
Speaker
Yeah, like laziness does not fly. Always ask if there's more to be done. If we had a house cleaning day, it wasn't, mom, I'm done. She was, it was, oh, ask me if there's anything else. Always. And then that, um, she very much told me to do that, like going into jobs. So that was already a part of our household when it came to chores and like cleaning up after dinner. It wasn't, don't tell me you're done. Ask me if there's anything else.
00:12:53
Speaker
And then, you know, I as the parent will say, like, thank you, you know, all done with my, with my mom. There was, there was always something else to be done. But, uh, and then, you know, when I first, when I got my first job, I remember, um, this was my dad driving me to work, but you know, both my parents like shared this thing of saying like, don't, you know, when you finish a job, go right back to your boss and ask like, what's next? And then start to like memorize what he says and start to do it yourself.
00:13:19
Speaker
If there's just standing around time, there's probably a broom somewhere, like pick it up and start sweeping. And I remember I did that at my first job once and I worked with a bunch of older people. It was this tiny little market. And they kind of laughed. They were like, you know, we do that at clothes, right? And I was like, you don't understand. My mom told me.
00:13:34
Speaker
to pick up a broom if I see it. And I told her that like, they told me I don't have to sweep in the middle of the day. And she was like, do it anyway. Like, that's work ethic right there. Yeah, like do it anyway, even if other people tell you like, No, you don't have to do that. And I'm still like that all the time. Like I've had jobs where people are like, you can chill for a minute. And I'm like, you don't understand unless it's my designated break time. No, I cannot. But yeah, like this is carried into everything I am as an employee and business owner was
00:14:03
Speaker
was work ethic, like it was just insane. Yeah, exactly. And I will say some of the things you said, my mom also said to us, I love that we got some of the exact same things, especially that if some, if you finished a task, I gave you a chore, come back and say, what else is there? Is there anything else you'd like me to do, mom? I remember that for your mom. I asked your mom, is there anything else I can do? So happy and your mom was probably so proud. She probably told your mom that you did that. And you're almost proud of you.
00:14:31
Speaker
Oh, man. Yeah, I do remember that. Yes. That's so cool. So very similar with that. That's awesome. Okay, let's see. Another one for me is the phrase think before you speak, obviously a general very big life lesson, very important. And my mom specifically, and I think other people's moms did this too, or parents did this too, but think was actually an acronym for us. It was think before you speak, is it true? Is it honest? Is it intelligent? Is it necessary? And is it kind?
00:14:58
Speaker
And so think that's T-H-I, you know, N-K. So those are the acronyms. Why did I spell it? Thank you all know how to spell think. No, I was like letting that soak for a minute because I've never heard that.
00:15:10
Speaker
Yeah. She actually wrote it. My mom actually wrote it on this, um, like poster and, you know, really fancy and pretty that just said think before you speak. And it had it all right now like that. So it was really cool. And it was just a good reminder. One of those things that, again, I think as your kid, when you're told that sometimes in a moment of like anger or upsetness, it annoys you, but it's a very, very good thing, especially growing up and heading into conflicts, maybe being around people you don't necessarily get along with or, um, just, yeah, it's how to,
00:15:37
Speaker
be a decent person in relationships or just acquaintances to or around workspaces. But yeah, so that's another one. Yeah, I kind of will bounce off that a bit. But I was a little chatterbox as a child. I'm surprised I now have a podcast. And it's, it's funny, because I'm an introvert. But I, I do love to talk. That's always kind of been one of my things that I had to learn as a child. And my mom really taught me the importance of letting others speak.
00:16:03
Speaker
And sometimes she did have to put her hand on me and just be like, shush, you're not talking right now. And letting others speak, not interrupting. And especially how to be okay if I never got to tell my point or tell my story. I'd get so frustrated if I went to tell a story or I had it in my head, but the conversation at dinner or with friends changed.
Emotional Well-Being and Relationships
00:16:27
Speaker
And sometimes I try to like bring it back, you know, 20 minutes later, but the topics moved on and I get all frustrated. And she just taught me like, it's okay if you never, it's not the end of the world. If you never get to like make this point and just the importance of listening, like letting others speak, because I would also very much like plan what I was going to say, because I just wanted to talk. She was like, and you're not listening. You don't even know what to say. It's not a very good conversation. But sometimes it wasn't dinner, like me trying to interrupt and she would just grab my hand and be like, let dad talk.
00:16:57
Speaker
And I do that to my little nieces and nephews now. I see them doing the same thing and I just let them know I've heard them, but I'm like, all right, you're not talking right now. And I'm like, oh man, like how the turntables, how the turntables have tied in. Oh, that is so awesome. That's a good one. That's so sweet. That's so funny. I love that you were a little chatterbox. It just is so cute. Like I adore that.
00:17:20
Speaker
My dad always said I should like have a radio show or something. He was like, you should just have a job where you talk. Love it. It's happening. It's happening, dad. We've got it. We've got you. Woo. I got one good. Fork check. Oh my gosh, dad. Okay. Let's see. Switching gears, I guess a tiny, tiny bit. So another one, forgiveness is for you as much as the other person or the person you're forgiving.
00:17:46
Speaker
You know being upset with someone and not forgiving them holding a grudge eats away at you in the long run I think is more poisonous and toxic for your own heart Yeah, and so my mom probably taught us this one mostly by telling I'm sure she lived it by example too But obviously we don't really know who our parents need to forgive in their own hearts So, um, I the fact that she I don't know anybody she ever held a grudge against I guess is her living it by example But this was one that she always made sure to tell us, you know that like forgiveness
00:18:11
Speaker
Um, is for you, especially when we had, when we had sibling arguments and like, sometimes I want to, I'm sure my siblings too, but like, I didn't like saying I forgive you. I know that was the worst. That was even worse than saying, I'm sorry. It was like, I forgive you. Yeah. It's like, no, I don't accept it. I'm mad at you. So my mom would say, or if they said like, please forgive me. And you were like, no, like you just to make a point, just to keep the fight going. Right. Oh, I'm not the only one.
00:18:36
Speaker
Yeah, I've heard it said that not forgiving like and like refusing to forgive is like drinking poison hoping the other person dies. Oh, like your old like they don't care anymore. Like about what they've kind of done to you. But if you still do so yo, that's a good one. Oof. That wasn't my mom but still telling your kids though about that. Yeah, not me. Yeah, but love that. This one's really great. It's this
00:19:07
Speaker
It sounded like almost cliche as I wrote it out, but this was mom for sure. Like I learned it from her before anyone else, but to be kind to people who are different than you, like ask the kid who sits alone if he wants to eat with you. Obviously don't point and laugh at a disability, but you know, it's not always that obvious to little kids and learn who someone is before judging how they look or dress. Like, Oh my gosh. Especially as I became like a little tween, maybe, you know, nine, 10, 11, 12 ish.
00:19:36
Speaker
uh just saying like it was funny because i was a weird kid too so i don't know what audacity i had but just saying like i don't know this girl's hair doesn't look very clean or this you know guy dresses like this or he's kind of annoying my mom would just be like well like you don't really know them very well like you don't know what's going on here what their day has been like and then you know just kind of
00:19:57
Speaker
making some unlikely friendships that wouldn't have happened if I just judged them. And she was especially big on like, if I was in a group of friends and she was like, if you notice someone in the group getting left out, don't wait for anybody else to invite them into the group. You have to be the one to do that. Yeah. And so she was like, she was like, pay attention to your groups and see if anyone's getting interrupted or getting left behind. You be the one to like bring them along. So.
00:20:22
Speaker
Oh my word. I literally love that. That is one I totally forgot. I'm so, so, so glad you said that. It was also a lesson that I think my mom super instilled in me too. And that's one of the things I think you and I really had in common as a kid and why our friendship I think was able to just so seamlessly happen. Yeah. Because we did that for each other. Yeah. Well, that we either we had any big flaws, we had to overlook for each other, but just the fact that like,
00:20:46
Speaker
we maybe weren't exactly the same in our interests or in like our you know whatever but we just it didn't matter kindness first all that and my mom so from I think the earliest time I remember her telling me very explicitly like you do not be mean to other people just because they're different and if someone's being left out the part when you said that I was like oh I almost got chills remembering how many times elementary school my mom was like if someone is alone if someone's being left out
00:21:12
Speaker
You befriend them, you talk to them, even if you have to leave your group of friends, you go and they're friends. That is something that both you and I, I love that both of them taught us that. She would remind me, I don't know if your mom ever did this, but my mom would remind me on field trips, if I was with a group, she'd come up to me and be like, hey, you guys are leaving her out.
00:21:32
Speaker
Make sure I did that, you know, and not to like be mean to me just to like in case I didn't notice. Yeah. Yeah. Shout out for our moms for actually caring about that kind of thing and noticing for other people's kids too. You know, I love out for that. And I don't even know how much that happens these days. Like I
00:21:48
Speaker
I'm sure like I hope that lesson is still getting passed down because it's yeah, it's I think it's important. Yeah, I think it's still happening. So good. Yeah. And it teaches you how to care about others more than yourself. Like, yeah. And I'm telling you, if you're listening to this, and you're kind of wondering like how important that is to talk to teach to your kid, because maybe you never experienced being left out or anything. But like, Ayla and I both have had experiences being left out.
00:22:09
Speaker
So that's I think why it really resonated with us too. But also one of the biggest compliments I've gotten from friends and peers who were my age in like high school and like a junior high was that they said that I was such a good friend to them because I like accepted them and kind of went out of my way to make sure they felt involved. Like I have multiple times in my life being been thanked for involving somebody that you know it was just so natural for me to do that. And I'm very good at that.
00:22:35
Speaker
I think you're better than me. Oh, really? I don't think so. No, I think I do not. I would have said the opposite, actually, to be honest. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah. But again, I think we both just have it so ingrained in us. Thanks to our moms. Um, but yeah, I just think we've, and I both been on both sides and it makes a difference so much, you know, so just, it's important. And I do think there's so big problems with people being left out and that kind of subtle bullying, I guess, um, in all ages right now. Right.
00:23:03
Speaker
oh man love that this one's quick um just to be humble you know just um my mom did this in both practice and by telling us just the importance of being humble and i think she'd often have to remind me not to brag about things and just what humility is that was a big life lesson just the importance of being humble oh yeah i feel that all the time if you got like a new outfit it was okay to like talk about your new outfit but you couldn't be like ha ha
00:23:26
Speaker
I got an outfit and you did it. Yeah. And there just isn't this big conversation about like, oh, I have this much money or I do that. Like just that kind of constant, like even if you think it's not a big deal, but it's kind of that like humility first. Like do I really mean even back to thinking, like the think thing, like do you need to say, is it necessary? Like can you just maybe appreciate what you have and without going detailing to everybody,
00:23:48
Speaker
how great something you have or do or are is. Yes, yes. That was a big lesson too. It's in the Bible too, but about like not bragging about how much you give, like giving in, giving in secret was a big one. Gosh, I feel like my mom taught me that at like seven years old, you know, like about, you know, the giving in secret, like, you know, you putting a little dollar in the donation thing at church. That's a big deal for you. If you're six or seven and she would be like, you can't like tell anybody that you did that. You can't go brag and be like, look at me. I gave.
00:24:17
Speaker
Yeah, because the Bible tells us to give the secret so kind of kind of similar.
Health and Lifestyle Guidance
00:24:22
Speaker
Yeah, I agree
00:24:23
Speaker
Um, yeah, mine, I wrote this to kind of bounce off yours, but how to say thank you. I often forgot my thank yous, you know, I'd get something and it'd be, or, you know, I'd say it'd be like, thanks and like run off or something like that. Um, yeah. So you might please and thank yous. I think I remember being held up at the dinner table once because I asked for something to be passed to me and I was like, you know, pass me the salt. My mom was like, say please. And I just like didn't want to do it that day. And we all just sat there for until I said, please.
00:24:52
Speaker
It's so simple, but my pleas and my thank yous and like how, how far a thank you can go.
00:24:57
Speaker
Yeah I like that she really like waited for you to say it too because I think so many times people will say like whether they're teaching a sibling or maybe a niece or nephew or a child and they'll just say it like oh you need to make sure you say this but it's like for some people especially strong willed people like us like you gotta wait until we do it or we're gonna know we can get away with it. Oh all of dinner was seized until I said please. I love that so many parents wouldn't do that nowadays it's like right it's you know you gotta be strict.
00:25:26
Speaker
yeah like breeze past it for the easy solution no no not oh my gosh okay actually kind of similar to that manners matter was another big lifeless and my mom always instilled in us and just i think whether she said it directly or not but also just how much the older generation appreciates manners and like that manners will get you kind of far you know it's important to respect your elders and know what manners are like you know just actually know what manners are it's kind of an old art nowadays but
00:25:53
Speaker
They're there and you should know when to use them and you know, yeah 100% I feel like such an old lady sometimes if I walk away saying like that was rude or like bad manners or something. Yeah Would you talk to a teacher? Oh, okay. Yeah, this was just a direct quote from my mom but Because we were home schools, you know, my mom was our teacher and it's kind of easy to have blurred lines between mom and teacher and if we ever sassed her because we also had other
00:26:23
Speaker
teachers with homeschool if that makes sense. I've explained it on the show before but like there were still little classes you took a couple times a week that were run through these homeschool like curriculums and programs so like we still had like other kind of teachers but they wouldn't have the same credentials as like a public school teacher whatever. So we were still taught by multiple people but you know my mom was our main teacher
00:26:42
Speaker
And if we ever sassed her or talked to her like a mom and sassed her and we were like, no, or whatever. She'd say, do you talk to this teacher this way? Do you talk to Mr. So-and-so this way? No, then you can't talk to me that way. I think she would really make us picture it if I ever like really sassed her, my brother ever sassed her. She'd be like, would you go say that to them? Like imagine it. That would be embarrassing for you and for them. And it would be embarrassing for me. So you can't like speak to me that way either.
00:27:08
Speaker
And it went beyond just other teachers. It went to bosses and stuff. And it was a way to respect your parents too. Obviously you respect your teachers somehow and you respect your bosses somehow. So why would you not use the same level of respect to a parent? Just because she's your mom doesn't mean you can't listen to her when she's trying to teach and stuff.
00:27:28
Speaker
I haven't found a way to necessarily like continue to apply that because I'm grown and I can talk to my mom like a grown person now. But you know, like that was just something she said that I'd probably utilize with my kids down the road was like, you don't talk to your friends that way or anybody else that way. So why do you think you can talk to me that way? That's a good one. Yeah. I think my mom had to employ that a couple of times with me too.
00:27:48
Speaker
Another big one is just the life lesson. I'm sure Ayla, your mom was the same way, but just generally taking care of your body and the importance of it. And by a lot of example, I think she taught this one almost mainly by example, I'd say, well, I mean, she was always, she taught us how to be healthy. She taught us what healthy was. That's obviously direct teaching.
00:28:09
Speaker
But my mom was very healthy, she exercised, she worked out a lot, and she was always outside in the sun, and she ate very, very healthy, and she was very good about, very disciplined in her diet, I would say, just specifically how she ate, so very, very healthy.
00:28:24
Speaker
my mom's family's Italian so we loved our food for sure but like not in a bad way at all we just like yeah loved food and stuff but yeah she we were um i think this is the point i have a bit later but we were active for sure yeah very you guys are very a very very active sporty family if i recall yeah and then going along with that though a very very
00:28:45
Speaker
This is actually probably one of the biggest life lessons from my mom. And I actually asked my sisters what the biggest life lesson was they learned from, or like what, what immediately comes to mind, like the first thing. And I'll share another thing. I'll share another thing that they said too. But first thing that my, all my older sister said was to drink water.
00:29:00
Speaker
Oh my gosh, so literally like cure anything. We tease long about this sometimes, but like it's also very true. Like if you have a headache, you're probably dehydrated. If you're tired, you're probably dehydrated. I think we've joked about that too before on the podcast, in a good lighthearted way. Right. Because it's very true. But one of the biggest things my mom told us, always drink water, always, always, always. So it sets the running joke, but also so true. You're like, you're like having a breakdown. It's like, well, drink some water.
00:29:29
Speaker
Exactly. Any of my siblings and my family like, quick, what's a life lesson for mom? If they don't say drink water, they're not in our family. That's so funny. And then if the water doesn't solve it, it's like, all right, now what's your problem? Like, exactly. Now we've got something going on. Yes, now I believe you. No, no, I'm just kidding. She was very, she was very good about our sicknesses and stuff. Okay, anyway, so that's a random one, but also goes to taking care of your health and all that. Yeah.
00:29:51
Speaker
Yeah, switching gears a little bit. This was definitely by example, my mom's never like worded this to me, but oh my gosh, this is probably my siblings will know everyone who's been in the direct vicinity of my mom, who will know anyone who kind of knows her a little bit will get this but the importance of family.
00:30:08
Speaker
Like my mom values family to such an insane level. Like I don't know why she loves us so much. Oh my gosh. Like I do, but she just, oh, she loves family so much and she loves when everyone's together.
Family Values and Independence
00:30:23
Speaker
Her dream would just be a little commune with just us and all of our houses are like, you know, a little circle, not far away, like bright,
00:30:29
Speaker
right there in a circle together. Weekly family dinners were very, very normal. Like, yeah, I mean, we ate dinner as a family every single night around the table, like no technology, nothing. I mean, we didn't have phones when I was growing up, but you know,
00:30:45
Speaker
once we even started to get them, by no means did they come to the dinner table. We sat and ate dinner as a family every single night. And my mom set the table. There was candles. She set the table properly every night. And then as we all got older and each started dating or whatever, we had Sunday night dinner for a year straight, at least, where whoever was dating, everyone came and had dinner every Sunday night.
00:31:09
Speaker
And then now that we're all adults and like kind of scattered, I think all the siblings who live in my hometown right now go over there multiple times a week for dinner. And it's just like, that's when she's at her happiest is with all the kids and now like grandkids. And she didn't have to tell me that family was important to her. I knew it, even though sometimes I didn't want the weekly dinners because we had to like clean the house or whatever. And I was like, can we just not? But it was just so important for her to have everyone there. And I remember sometimes it like bugged me. I was like, we see each other all the time. Like, why do we have to keep doing this?
00:31:39
Speaker
I'd go spend the night or spend the weekend at friends houses and their families didn't do that. I had a few friends, not to out them, like obviously not, but you know, I had a few friends whose parents either weren't together or one of them worked and they got takeout a lot and ate in the living room, like around the TV, like they didn't sit at the table and talk with their family. And I had some friends who would come to my house and, you know, sit around the table, a set dinner table, and we all talked to each other and they were like, I don't
00:32:08
Speaker
talk to my parents as much. And I never, ever took that for granted again. We weren't millionaires or anything like that, but there's not a day of my life where I wish that we had more money to sacrifice that because I knew kids with a lot of money and they were like, yeah, but I never see dad. And I was just like, yeah. And I just never had to look back on that again. We ate dinner every night and it's because family was important to my mom.
00:32:36
Speaker
It's like down the list a little bit, but that's probably like when I think of my mom, like that's, that's what I think of. And, uh, and it's hilarious because when our whole family's together, like we're a wild bunch. Beth knows we're a goofy family. And, uh, there's lots of kids around and it's just chaos. And sometimes like the chaos is a lot for some of us, but for her, like never, like she'll take that every single day.
00:32:57
Speaker
It's such a love filled chaos and it's the kind of chaos that can only come from families who are close. And I think that's why you can sense that like any time I was at a Sunday, you know, dinner or something like that. Oh, yeah, you probably had to come to many. I think I came to a handful. It was just that, you know, it was great. It was great seeing that, you know, it was just such a great dynamic. And I think my mom also, you know, she prioritized families well and taught us indirectly, like you said, I think it was like by having dinner together every night.
00:33:27
Speaker
And making sure it was, um, having conversations and, you know, whether it's a family shows that family is important. And it's one of those things that you just kind of grow up. If you, as you get older, if you grew up in that environment, you just kind of know, okay, you got to prioritize family in certain ways and whatever ways work for you best, you know? But yeah, I.
00:33:44
Speaker
I love that. And that's another thing I think I would have said if someone asked me to give this list for you and for your mom, I would have said that too. Because I remember all of that. And I do remember even as you guys got older, I guess you guys still do them, right? Yeah. At least once a week. Yeah. If we're all there. Yeah. Exactly. And then if Chris and I visit, she's just so stoked. It's just every night. Everyone's over at the box house every night. Yeah. Exactly. So fun. So fun.
00:34:09
Speaker
um this is so random actually but a big life lesson try to figure out a problem on your own before going to have someone else like solve it for you so this can apply to so many things and that's why it's like a big life lesson in my opinion it can apply to your health it can apply to math
00:34:26
Speaker
It can apply to like EIYs. Your homework? Oh my gosh. Yes! Oh my gosh. There were like, definitely I was not allowed to, I mean, if I had- No, I couldn't, I could just ask for help all the time. Yeah. No. Yeah. You have to figure it out. And they'd ask like, well, did you try to figure it out first? And you know, like, they're not going to give, they certainly never, there was no giving of the answers away. That's for sure. Which bothered me in the moment, but I'm glad, you know, in the long run. Right. I know you're like, please. I was like, oh, in tears. There would be times when I was in tears. I was like, just,
00:34:53
Speaker
Tell me. I don't know. And it was just man, I can't imagine how hard it was for them to have to sit through that and just add the numbers. You're just like, Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. So funny. So anyways, that's a big one. And I think it's just crazy as I get older, how much I apply that to my health or to DIYs that I do instead of going, you know, we're gonna have to pay someone, you know, $500 to do this for us. Or can we maybe
00:35:20
Speaker
find a way to do it ourselves. So that was a very, um, a super strong lesson. I don't know if she directly meant it to be, but yeah, there it is. Oh man. There was, so yeah, I, she did the same thing for me, my mom about like, figure it out yourself, especially with homework. And it was so funny, like, again, being homeschooled, sometimes she'd be on the phone, either with a friend or making an appointment or something. And I'd go like, mom, I need help. And she, you know, take your mouth away from the phone and be like,
00:35:46
Speaker
or whatever and one time I was so desperate. I was so stumped that I like wrote on a paper. I was like, I need help. I already tried to figure it out. I was like, I already tried. And I hold it up to her and be like, what? She was on the phone. Don't tell me to try this because I already did. Exactly. That's how a parent knows they've told their child something a lot of times when the child knows what you're going to say. Yeah. Oh man.
00:36:15
Speaker
uh this next one it kind of goes in line with my last one about family but specifically with like children like my mom is the absolute believer that children are a gift from god yes and specifically how we talk about children is so important and i've kind of learned that about her in the more recent years but like obviously she loves her kids but like children you know um worldwide like all the children she's like they are only ever a gift from god and
00:36:42
Speaker
I think I remember telling her a joke when like the pandemic was in full swing and there were so many like jokes and memes online about like, you're working from home. Your kids are being schooled from home. And it's just like, it was crazy for a lot of people. And I think I read her this joke. That was something like, Oh, how do I word this in a way that makes sense? The joke was like, Oh, people with kids think we don't know how good we have it right now. Like not having kids, but we do. Like we do know how good we have it. Like someone being childless being like, thank goodness. I don't have kids right now because like I had an epic hard. And my mom laughed and then she was like,
00:37:12
Speaker
I, it hit me in the gut. Then she was like, I hope the person who shared that, I hope their kids never see that they said that about them or whatever. Like parents during the pandemic who were kind of like,
00:37:22
Speaker
Yeah. And I'm not saying it wasn't hard being a family during the pandemic, not saying that at all, but the mindset of, Oh, I'm around my kids all the time now. Like I've no free time to myself. They're just around now. I just have to entertain them. My mom straight up was like, I hope their kids never grow up to see that was said about them. She was like, I couldn't imagine a kid overhearing to me that I don't want to spend the day with them. And I was like, Holy moly, like there is so much language in our world today. And I'm guilty of it too, about
00:37:51
Speaker
Intolerance people have towards children and towards their own children and like what people are willing to say about them She was like my heart would be broken if you could ever overheard that I don't want to spend time with you And I was like what the heck like oh my gosh. Yeah, that's so powerful to point out especially I think from somebody who isn't necessarily on social media all the time like that our moms can pinpoint and see like that that's gonna be damaging and
00:38:16
Speaker
Like if my baby's heard that, heard me saying that, whether it was to someone's face or online, either way it's still damaging.
00:38:23
Speaker
And like we didn't grow up with our moms having said stuff on social media. So it's definitely going to be really, I know. Think about the times that are, which would be very, very rare. And I actually can't think of an example off the top of my head, but the times our parents may have said something that hurt our feelings. And it's like, that's something that, you know, probably maybe even was said like in a, in a moment of an accident, you know, maybe like, like absolutely in anger or something. And they obviously apologize for it.
00:38:49
Speaker
But imagine if it was put on the internet, they had to think about it. And it was permanent on there. Yes. The thing, the mental gymnastics, the kids are going to have to go through reconciling with just those things. It's going to be a little bit damaging. So I think it's good that your mom pointed that out. That's a really good thing. I don't think it even just like, I agree with you that it speaks to children are a gift from God for sure, but also just to be careful about what you put out there. I don't think she meant it to be that lesson, but to be careful about what you put out there.
00:39:19
Speaker
on the internet. Like, oh my goodness. No, I think I remember like wanting to make a problem out of something my mom said once. She was not hurting my feelings at all. It was just like, I was a very moody tween at the time. I think I like got a part in a play or something. And I was, it was the classic. I was like snooping up on the stairs, like waiting for them to say something about me. And my mom was just like, oh yeah, like we just have to work things out so we can drive her to rehearsal. And my dad was like, okay, that might be a bit hard, but that's all right. And I was like, ah, am I a burden? Like, ah!
00:39:49
Speaker
Kids like kids are just so sensitive and dumb sometimes but that wasn't even anything that was me being like obviously They don't even want me here and like but then when you actually hear parent maybe on Instagram directly say like oh my kids take up all my time like
00:40:07
Speaker
Well, because of me too, it's like the fact that they had to think about that, have those feelings and then go type it all out or say it. And then again, make this third choice of posting it. That's what kids are going to have to wrestle with so much is like, not just, Oh, my parents wasn't even, yeah, it wasn't flipping. It was like, this was intentional. Like they had three or four different stages where they could have thought and go, I don't know, or could have gone back and clarified and be like, look, I was just the thing I said in anger. I don't really mean that you guys like, so yeah, that's a good one.
00:40:36
Speaker
okay let's see uh you know kind of similar to that i guess almost in a way of like children appreciation um my mom just kind of instilling the life lesson of you know that you're unique and beautiful and you should be proud of of who you are and not be ashamed of you and a work to see your beauty and like what makes you especially unique and just kind of seeing yourself through god's eyes like whenever i was going through periods of self-consciousness and low self-worth my mom
00:41:06
Speaker
making sure that I understood how to see myself through God's eyes and not pick out my flaws, but rather pick out my strengths. And it's something that of course is real. There's going to be so many things that are going to change about your physical appearance or your abilities even that you need to have the skill set to be able to work through those and just always
Self-Worth and Social Dynamics
00:41:26
Speaker
focus on the positive and always be asking God to show you how he sees you. So that was a big life lesson that I think was very direct that she taught me.
00:41:26
Speaker
really was intentional about
00:41:35
Speaker
Oh man, I love that. I love saying don't focus on the negative about yourself, but what are your strengths? I love that. Yeah, exactly. This one is about boys. I'm surprised I don't have more regarding dating and stuff, but I don't know. I didn't think about it until this one, and then I already had too many things, but this is my general boys category. I'm sure there's more, but I'll sum it up with this one because it's probably the most important one regarding that.
00:41:57
Speaker
Don't just swoon for the very first boy, man, boy slash man, who shows you affection. Like you don't have to date the very first person who notices you, I guess. Yeah, you don't have to, if you don't want to.
00:42:12
Speaker
And don't be swayed by flattery. Oh, there's like, Oh, I'm forgetting what it is. There's like that one story. It's like a fable or something like that. It's like a bird in a mouse or something. And one flatters the other. I don't know someone out there. Okay. My kid, what I'm talking about anyway, but the danger is a flattery like just because
00:42:32
Speaker
a handsome person walks in and says nice things about how you look and what you're wearing doesn't mean they're a good person. Yeah. And not to be fooled or swayed by flattery like from you know like a boy especially. And then yeah like you don't have to just fall head over heels for the first one who looks your direction. Have very high standards when it comes to love.
00:42:53
Speaker
and marriage like just because somebody takes interest in you doesn't mean they're up to your standards so like set them and know what they are and the number one standard was of course a god-fearing Christian man and then there were many that came from that but anything less than that was like not good enough and I mean I think my dad told me at one point he's like I don't think you know anyone will ever be good enough for you but like do your best and then then of course like Chris walked into my life and they just loved him which helped but um yeah it was just to have high standards and to not be like fooled by flattery
00:43:22
Speaker
Flattery is different than genuine care and affection. That's a good one. I like that. She probably told me that at 12. I was like, all right, mom, good to know. Funny little things that stick with you. It's funny how some things they have to really drill into our heads and some things they can say once. I imagine there are some things on this list that our moms probably wouldn't even remember saying to us or expressing to us. I'm so curious if she listens to this to have her be like, what?
00:43:47
Speaker
Like, when did I even say? I'm a little scared for my mom to be like, I don't think I remember teaching you that. Or for my mom to be like, what about this one that she probably told me every day? I forgot. Exactly. Okay, let's see. Another one for me is just the importance of having fun, you know, at any age stage of life that we should always find ways to make sure we are enjoying life and appreciating life and having fun with those around us and having fun with ourselves. So
00:44:15
Speaker
I'm sure, Ayla, I'm sure your mom did the same thing too, I feel like. Oh, 100%. Yeah. This one stuck with me. Again, this was a conversation she and I had one time.
00:44:24
Speaker
at some point, I think I was a later teenager or something, but she said adults don't always know what they're doing either. Like you put so much faith and trust and just like sureness that adults just know everything. And they always know what's coming. And she was like, nope. And she was like, especially with kids, like we think we have you guys down and then you throw a curveball at us and you do something completely different the next day. As classic from like a toddler liking spaghetti one day and then hating it the next day.
00:44:48
Speaker
all the way up to teenagers and what upsets them one day might not another day. And she was like, kids are one giant curve ball all the time. I never know what I'm doing with you. But then also with life, adults look like they have it so together and stuff. But they don't always know what's going on either. They're not some sentient being that controls everything and always knows what's going on. They're figuring this life out just as much as we are.
00:45:13
Speaker
Yeah, that's a good one that kind of reminds me too of something I think my mom would try to instill in us maybe in indirect ways But also just that like you're I think this in my head this kind of goes with what you're saying But maybe it doesn't to you, but like just that like you're on your own timeline Like in some ways does that I don't know that doesn't go with what yours yeah But just like like your how it works for someone else doesn't necessarily mean that's how it's gonna be for you And it's okay, it's not right or wrong
00:45:36
Speaker
But your timeline of life, you know, you don't have to have it all figured out like you were saying by certain times. But just like, yeah, just make sure you're doing what you think is right. And your timeline can look different than somebody else's and don't judge theirs and you know, don't judge your own too harshly either.
00:45:50
Speaker
Oh, I love that. Well, good. Okay, so let's see. Another one was, don't care too much about what people think of you. Be and live how you think is right. I guess I was almost kind of saying this before too, but live according to the Bible and don't let others judgment rule your life. But that's more about like your own morals and standards, not so much of don't be afraid of what people think of you as far as like looks, but this was like...
00:46:15
Speaker
we were both raised Christian and we were like this might be hard so yeah that's what it sounds like yeah I think so I think it was more well I think she also would have meant it about looks too but I think my mom always made sure to be like no you're beautiful so why would she say it about looks because I think it was about also um what we have you know like don't like keeping up with the Kardashians that kind of thing there was none she very much made sure to instill that in us too and just how it doesn't
00:46:40
Speaker
All that stuff doesn't matter. This is almost so many lessons mixed into one. I feel like I'm almost getting so off track here. But yeah, not caring what people think of you also includes don't care about what you don't have your money or the stuff you own or what they're doing. Don't do the keeping up with the Joneses. That's not something you need to worry about. Live your life the way you think is right and also the way you want to in certain ways and according to the Bible. And don't worry about judgment from other people because you don't have the coolest, latest and greatest whatever. To go with that, I kind of have a lot with this point, so I'll try to get through it quickly.
00:47:10
Speaker
like Beth and I have said many times.
00:47:12
Speaker
We shared this experience, but we were both like bullied in middle school and I like, I was bullied in middle school and a part of high school. I'm aware I was homeschooled. It still happens anyway. And my mom was just such a rock during those times. Oh my gosh. Like she, she did so much to get me through that. Like she, she wasn't like, no, like didn't think I was making it up. Like she saw it and tried to do things about it. She tried to talk to others, kids, parents, she busted the actual kids in the act. Like she was there for me. She had my back, but there was this one.
00:47:42
Speaker
specific time where I was just sick of it. I was a bit older, 13, 14, and the situation's been going on. And I probably came home crying again for another time. And I finally was just like, why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong to let this happen? I don't get it. What is going on? So I'm kind of cheating, because I have some mini tips with this point. But yeah, it was the same. Don't put so much weight on what others think of you. Obviously, they're not very kind people, so their opinion doesn't matter very much in your life.
00:48:12
Speaker
The big one that she always taught me was like if they're mean to you They might be jealous of you and they might be tearing you down to build themselves up was a big one Um, they don't feel very good about themselves. So they have to make you feel small to make yourself feel big and then We she opened up her bible one day like this day. I came home crying She was like, let's see what the bible has to say about this And I don't know if she already like knew this first or if she found it. I don't really remember this part but I
00:48:40
Speaker
I don't remember when this happened. It was like a couple, like I said, I was 13, 14. I think about this all of the time, not every day, but like dang close to it. And every time I hear this verse, the way she said it just, I think about this all the time. Um, so it's, it's Isaiah 55, 10. And the verse says, as the rain and snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater.
00:49:07
Speaker
So is my word that goes out from my mouth. It will not return to me empty, but it will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." And she was like, she was like, I don't know why this happens to you either. Like she finally had to give an, I don't know. She was like, I don't know why they're being so mean. Like I don't know why this is going on, but what I do know is God like doesn't make it rain for no reason. Like something always comes for the rain after.
00:49:34
Speaker
Actually, I would have to look into that verse if either before or after it says like we may never know the purpose of The rain coming like if there's rain in our life, we may live our entire lifetime never even knowing the purpose I may go my whole life never knowing why I was bullied in middle school But one day I'll be with God in heaven and I may I might understand then and that's a way to take a lot of things in life grief so many things was always just like we might not always know and
00:49:59
Speaker
But then also she was like, it doesn't come without a purpose. You're not feeling this way for no reason. And God's not letting this happen to make you feel bad or to do something to you. And you may never know.
00:50:09
Speaker
Like why, but you know, everything God does, like it doesn't return to him empty. And the one that always caught me was, but it will accomplish what I desire. And that's just with everything in life. Like God's not surprised by it. He's not doing anything terrible to you. And like, I can't believe she pulled that out of fricking nowhere. I don't even know how she, like I sure already knew that or found that, but I was like just crying about being bullied and she pulled this one out. And she was like, this isn't happening for no reason. And one day you may understand,
00:50:35
Speaker
Why? And God's not, he's not unaware that it's happening. Sorry, that took me a minute, but... No, I love that. I apologize. I love that. That's so powerful. I'm so glad. It might've even been one of those moments where God was speaking through her. I'm sure that as I know that this with my mom, and I know your mom was probably the same way, when your kids come home crying about being bullied or hurt, it affects them and they go back and pray and say, God, how do I deal with this? What do I say?
00:51:02
Speaker
So if it were one of those things, I'm sure that God like helped guide her towards giving that to you, knowing how it would affect you for the rest of your life. Yeah. Like I just, I talk to Chris about that quite a bit too. I'm just like, Oh, we had one time that she told me this. Like, I don't know. And it was again, it was like one conversation and I don't know. It's just, it's still there. Yeah. I love that. Yay.
00:51:21
Speaker
Um, that kind of got me thinking a little bit too about, um, when I asked my sisters again, what's another life lesson that you learned from mom? Like what first comes to mind? One of my sisters said, um, my younger sister, she was like, Oh my gosh, two wrongs don't make a right. That was something my mom said all the time. And it's funny cause all of us, I think grew up assuming everyone's mom said that to them or like everybody's heard that phrase. But my sister was saying that.
00:51:46
Speaker
so many people justify their actions with well so-and-so did something to me so i did this to them and she said she's realizing that not everyone's mom told them growing up and even though she figured that everyone had heard that before she finds herself running around kind of saying to people two wrongs don't make a right and they kind of are shocked by it and that they don't really have that policy in their hearts you know
00:52:06
Speaker
And more than she ever thought she'd have to say that. And now that she says it, I totally see that. I think especially on social media, like everyone thinks that they're okay to do something mean to someone if someone did anything to them first. Like retaliation is such a given now. And it's so justified in people's minds when it shouldn't be like my mom saying two wrongs don't make a right was so impactful. Like that's just how I like I tell myself that in my head all the time when trying to think about how to respond to something.
00:52:35
Speaker
And even though I'm not great, always at it, but just being like, if I want to retaliate, I'm still going to be doing something wrong. Like how I retaliate, if it's retaliation, it's still revenge, it's still revenge, you know? Like, I don't know, it's just so interesting. So that was a big one that my mom always said. I don't think I ever heard that, but I think my mom talked about like not seeking revenge and like turning the other cheek.
00:52:57
Speaker
was like yeah oh yeah for sure yeah i want to stay turning the other week a lot too yeah but those are two different lessons yeah yeah yeah well i mean yeah they kind of go together too i could see that too um yeah this one is gonna sound like cliche but like the dangers of drinking and drugs my parents did not shy away from from teaching us that like our house was dry growing up
00:53:18
Speaker
My mom was like, we just take this super seriously. I think I remember she taught me about alcohol, I don't know, at like 10 and just taught about the effects it can have on you. And this might sound weird. And I don't think my mom intended it to be this way. But this is just what I picked up on. But my family actually traveled to Vegas a couple times when I was a kid, my sister did dance and she sometimes had competitions in Vegas. And so
00:53:40
Speaker
We were like a little Christian family going to Vegas and I knew it was called Sin City. I knew that's what it was. Obviously there's lots of family friendly things to do in Vegas that we did, but still we'd be out at night and you see drunk people everywhere and you see homeless people and you see all this stuff. Instead of sheltering me from it and my mom being like, don't look, I don't want to
00:53:59
Speaker
She just explained, yes, we're in a place where people are drinking alcohol, because we knew what it was by then, and they're gambling. We had to learn how that, and we weren't sitting there judging them, but she was just like, this is a different lifestyle than what we live. We don't partake in this, and here's why. Not shielding us from stuff like that, but just explaining, this is here. It exists. We love these people, and we're praying for them, and this is why we don't do stuff like that.
00:54:27
Speaker
So it was really good. And she did that. This is like a different thing, but she did that with shows a lot too. If there was ever drinking, partying, like sex and stuff in shows, age appropriate. We weren't watching this at like eight, but you know, once we started watching stuff like that more, she just explained like, it's okay to watch this stuff, but understanding that we don't do it. And here's why. And then like, yeah, just the dangers that come with it too. It wasn't just, no, you can't drink because God says it's a sin. It's here's this and this and this of what happens to you.
00:54:53
Speaker
Eventually learning what drugs were. And again, like not saying like, no, it's bad because I say so. Like here's what it does to your body. Did you have those things? They were like pictures of like a woman or a man taken once a year of them like on heroin or something like that. And it had like a sober person. And then like 10 years later it had, you know, them just looking really sad. We had those up in our house. I think we got handed to us. And then we had like this big cork board with, you know,
00:55:21
Speaker
random stuff on it. I remember some like heroin lady on our wall. That is so funny. I know exactly what you're talking about. I never wanted to do heroin. I'm telling you right now. Oh my lord. We saw those in high school like in health class. That's so funny. Love it. Your mom was like, my kids may be many things but they will not be on heroin. I just appreciate that it wasn't like no because I say so. It was always a why and she didn't shy away from teaching us the why.
00:55:50
Speaker
It wasn't like, no, you can't look at the people partying. It was just like, here they are and here's why we don't do it. And I don't want it to sound like we put people down. It wasn't that. It was just like, there's this lifestyle and there's ours.
Natural Remedies and Preventive Care
00:56:01
Speaker
Yeah. And I think in that was a lesson that my mom also taught us a lot and drove home with us was basically the concept of love the sinner, hate the sin. Basically you can love people, but still condemn their actions that may be wrong.
00:56:15
Speaker
And I think that was something that my mom taught us also really well was just how to love someone and love people despite what they're doing, but also take actions that aren't condoning the wrong things they do, but still loving them. It's a hard balance, especially for teenagers. I think in young adults as they deal with really real life problems with people they're close to, but, um, or people they meet that they don't want to like offend. But yeah, my mom was very good about giving us that life lesson too of,
00:56:44
Speaker
not judging people, still caring about them and knowing their people, or knowing their value as humans and children of God, but that their actions aren't right. And I think my mom also did good about explaining the why behind why certain things are wrong too. Yeah. Here's something that I think Ayla and I, we both wanted to talk about or mention. So this isn't just my mom, this was I think probably ours equally, but to fix things naturally before going to Western medicine, just kind of doing this.
00:57:11
Speaker
And that came in the form of, you know, certain knowledge and tips and tricks. Uh, we're not saying our moms didn't help us if we broke an arm, not saying that, but yes, you know, they took care of us. But yeah, I liked this point a lot. Yeah. But yeah, the importance of how to take care of yourself so that you don't get sick as much. If you do get sick, more natural ways to take care of it.
00:57:29
Speaker
When do you need the hospital? Because it's more like emergencies versus how can you maybe maintain health without a bunch of medications? Don't over medicate. Oh my gosh, here's a big one. My mom used to say the phrase, did your mom used to say this? Medicine you don't need is poison. Did your mom say that to you?
00:57:44
Speaker
No, no. Oh my gosh. That was said again, monthly, I think at least in our house. Medicine you don't need is poison, whether it was because we were asking for the cough syrup because it tasted like cotton candy, or if we were trying to like have headache medicine and just like when we didn't really need it, if there's maybe other things like drinking water that we could do to get over it. Like my mom loved that phrase. I don't know if your mom said, it sounded like your mom didn't say that, but medicine you don't need is poison was a big problem.
00:58:10
Speaker
I don't think so. If she did, she's gonna be like, hey, no, I think she would just say like, you don't need that.
00:58:16
Speaker
Like you already took some, you don't need that. The direction my mind went for this was a little bit more sad, but like I had some people in my life who started getting medicated for like mental health stuff, ADHD or like anger at 14, like 14 year olds aren't angry all the time. And I had some people close to me, like start to be put on meds. And my mom just was like, they don't need that. Like, yeah, that was like this too with my mom. That's what that was.
00:58:44
Speaker
you'll never need anything like that so young, like when your body's figuring itself out. And I think I remember, and I had a lot of contention with this point at one point for like years going into college and stuff, but now I understand it. It was this reason. I was really stressed out about school. I think I was 14. I was just at the end of eighth grade.
00:59:02
Speaker
high standards like little academy I started going to when I first started going to public school and I was so stressed out at one point like just wanting to puke and like I was having such a hard time and I knew that I had some friends getting medicated for some stuff and I think I told my mom like I was so stressed I was surrounded by homework on the floor and I'd been feeling this for weeks I'd been so stressed out and I finally told her I was like there's no way I'm supposed to be this stressed I'm like young there's no way this is right
00:59:28
Speaker
and instead of like you know figuring it out like how am I gonna get through my homework all this stuff I told her and again I didn't know this like this was a super naive point of mine but I was like mom like I'm so stressed out I can't take this like I think I need pills like I need a pill yeah to make this go away and my mom was like no like you will not be taking yeah like you are not doing that like you were like probably more serious than I meant it I was just kind of like what if there was a pill that took this away and she was like nope like that is not gonna be what we do you are not
00:59:56
Speaker
Yeah. Getting medicine for this. Yeah. Like we're going to deal with this head on. We're going to deal with this head on. We're going to get your homework done. We're going to figure it out. And I remember I had some contention with that at one point, like when I got into college and studied psych and like, you know, went this whole the way I, I took that conversation. I victimized that conversation. It was like, she didn't care about my mental health. It wasn't that. She
01:00:18
Speaker
didn't want to over medicate me. And now I have such a strong stance on the way we're over medicating kids in America. And that's a whole other thing. So anyway, sorry. I didn't want to tell that whole story. But that was one like the kids around me already started being over medicated. And she was like, that will not be you and mom. Thank you for not
01:00:37
Speaker
putting me on freaking Adderall or anything like that. Thank you, thank you. I don't know how I would be if that happened to me. Well, exactly. That's the difference between young adolescent minds and even young minds in college versus adults who are raising children who really can see things differently than us. As kids, we think, oh, they don't know because they're not living through it, but in reality, it's no, they actually know better
01:01:02
Speaker
because they did live through it once, and they have had way more life experience to see the consequences, and they can literally see the potential consequences better than our childish minds can. And then I actually kind of go in with that, if I can jump into a different one, I guess. Don't fix what's not broken. That actually, oddly enough, I think sometimes that applied to what we were talking about just now, but also just with I guess anything in life. I don't know why this was such a huge lesson, but
01:01:28
Speaker
And it's really stuck with me for a long time. For some reason, I'm kind of blanking on exact scenarios where that would apply. But just if something is going well in your life or some kind of habit or routine is working, don't feel like you need to change it or fix it if it's not broken. I don't know, Ayla, did you have this too? Yeah. I think I always knew that as a saying. I'm trying to think of an example of just like...
01:01:51
Speaker
I mean especially I'm thinking more modern times but with social media you see so many like the perfect morning routine and the perfect night routine and the perfect I don't know routine for this and how to do this and it's just like if you already have something that's working well you might overwhelm yourself trying to adapt or like um skincare that's one I yeah oh my gosh wait yeah that might have been it um
01:02:13
Speaker
the whole internet is full of like 12 steps skincare routines. And again, if that works for that girl, that's fine. But you, you know, it, it might be easy to look at yourself and be like, Oh man, well, should I start doing this? And your skin might be flawless. And then you start these same routines and now you start breaking out or something like that. Like you were actually fine.
01:02:30
Speaker
and then you did what somebody else thinks you should be doing and then it messed it up. I'm sure it could apply to so many things, but yeah, if it's not fixed or if it's not fixed, if it's not broke, don't fix it. You know what? That kind of goes with the grass is greener on the other side, especially with social media, like you were saying. If you're always seeing someone do something else and just because it's working for them, even if you might be in just as good of a position with your skincare or whatever, you think you need to do what they're doing just from the pressure. And my mom also definitely instilled in us the grass is greener where you water it.
01:02:59
Speaker
Yeah, I love that. My next one is you worry about you slash keep your hands to yourself, but mostly like you worry about you and like an example was like if a sibling wasn't following a rule.
01:03:15
Speaker
or a classmate wasn't doing something right. My mom just told me to worry that I'm doing
Technology, Responsibility, and Community Service
01:03:19
Speaker
it right. Just worry about myself and not waste time correcting them or to not be a tattle or even like, you know, if we were all doing crafts or something like that, you know, we're cutting circles out of paper or something. And then I noticed that Sam's not cutting the circle, right? I'd be like, Sam's not doing it. My mom would be like, you're doing your circle, right? Like just finish yours. You don't have to worry about what everyone else is doing around you. Like just worry that you're doing it correctly.
01:03:41
Speaker
Hmm. Okay, another one for me is follow a project through don't leave it unfinished This was definitely something my mom liked to remind us of a lot I'm just said if you start something make sure you finish it whether it's a little DIY project or a big thing And I think as I get older I find more and more weight in that just because you know We take on bigger projects as we get older and it's important not to get yourself into a bunch of half done projects and it's also just good because it has motivated me and kind of built up this habit I would say
01:04:08
Speaker
Yeah, just that I really, I really don't like to leave things unfinished. And I think overall, that's a good, a good habit to have. Yeah. The next one, this is like a learn by example thing, but like not being dependent on technology could also be a time period thing because Beth and I are also like we were born in the late 90s, we raised in the early 2000s, technology was not nearly the same as it is today.
01:04:31
Speaker
We still had technology, we had computer games, we had game boys, eventually we had phones, but no phones in our rooms. Once we were all late high school, then we could have phones in our rooms, but no phones in our rooms, absolutely no phones at the table. I still follow that. I tell my mom to put her phone away at the table now, because I'm like, no, for five years straight when I started having a phone, I couldn't have mine at the table.
01:04:54
Speaker
Uh, we watched movies as a family and then like being content when the power went out where Beth and I grew up, it was super normal because of snow and stuff to have the power go out for like a week, sometimes two weeks at a time. And you know, our parents, I mean, we didn't have iPads, but you know, our parents were like, Oh no, we need to get the iPad and like figure out some technology. It was just like, Oh, we don't have TV for two weeks.
01:05:14
Speaker
time to play cards, like time to play board games. I really like that. It could be a generational thing, but Beth and I are kind of like the last generation before technology was just so in our hands all the time. But like, that's something I want to instill in my kids when the time comes is if the power goes out, it's not like, Oh, well, we're gonna scramble to get you cocoa melon. It's just like, Oh, the power's out now.
01:05:35
Speaker
Yeah, too bad. Too bad so sad. We're gonna find out something else to do. And I remember freaking negotiating as much as I could about getting the TV on and my mom was like, it's just not gonna work. We have to find something else to do. Yep. Oh, that's so good. Okay, let's see. Look for ways to help kind of like don't stand around and wait to be asked. These are almost two different things. The first one that I love that my mom taught
01:05:58
Speaker
was basically like if you're over at someone's house or if you're, I don't know, cleaning up after an event or a school play or whatever, stand there for a second, see what you could do to help and just do it. I have never been at an event or cleaning up after any kind of function and not known how to help. I may have to ask, what do you want me to prioritize? But like if I wasn't able to ask, I can find something to do and some way to help.
01:06:22
Speaker
And I love that, that my mom kind of taught us that ability. Cause I love helping. Helping is actually one of my favorite things to do. I literally think I could... Oh, thank you. Thank you. That's so nice. It's one of the biggest compliments I could get too. But like, I literally think I could have a full-time job where I just help people clean up like after events and stuff. And I just like it, so. You know, that's true. I think I'll weasel away from those sometimes. And you're like, here we go. Like, let's go. Or yeah. Yeah, you're good.
01:06:52
Speaker
Yeah, sorry. Oh, yeah. No, you're just good at that stuff. Oh, I can't finish it. Same art. I'm just kidding. I'm absolutely not just kidding. But I was gonna say I think I actually stayed and I loved that you let me stay and help clean up. I think I put away like two bottles after Cheyenne's wedding. That was so fun for me.
01:07:12
Speaker
That was the one thing I loved doing. Like that was literally when everyone's like, the event is over and everyone's cleaning up together and chatting and like, you know, things are getting all put away. Like I literally adore that feeling. Oh no, I want to go home. That's so funny. No, I remember cleaning up after my sister's wedding and I was like, when I get married, I am not touching a damn thing afterwards. I was like, I'm not helping anybody. I was like, because that's my day that I don't have to do that. And I remember,
01:07:41
Speaker
Like my own wedding day, it was actually weird for me. Once I got there, like I remember people started to clean up. Yeah. And I actually went and talked to you and Chad and I was like, this is like kind of weird. People are cleaning up and you were Chad. We're like, no, get out of here. And then eventually I left with Chris and I was like, you know what? I don't have to do a thing. And this is the one day in my life where I don't have to stay and clean up after and I savored it.
01:08:03
Speaker
Good it is so funny. That's so funny that that's your favorite part. I don't know. Oh No, that's one that's the things people are different and it's such a weird thing to enjoy but the fact that I enjoy it I've always taken as a sign that there's gonna be ways that I'm put on this planet to help people cuz like Specifically with maybe that kind of thing. So we'll see where that leads in my life But okay, so such random side note and I think you have some to say about this too. I
01:08:27
Speaker
One more thing that's so random and funny, when I was a kid we would sometimes have like plays at elementary school and like you'd have to like clean up after or like set up before and literally some of my favorite feelings and memories as a kid was helping set up the gym for like the play and like helping clean up and put away all the chairs. Dude I'm sorry I adore it like I love that. Okay to be fair I feel like so many because we went to church and like you know stuff I feel like
01:08:52
Speaker
We were a part of so many like clean up and take down events. And if you did it with friends, you are right. That was a vibe and a half. Or like with friends. Have you ever did like fundraisers where you had to serve? Those were so fun in high school when you had to like serve hot dogs or whatever with your friends. Yeah. Once you got older, it was your choice to do it, I guess, than when you were like forced into it.
01:09:12
Speaker
that unlocked something that had been put away but you and I like did events together where we had to dress nice and like go serve and we were like oh we're like we were 15 and we were like oh we're like little waitresses oh my gosh those were so fun yeah right you got to do friends i think that was a big part of it you know what i'm thinking you know what's missing in society now that we talk about this more adults need to get together and do like community services together
01:09:38
Speaker
Like why is it not a really big thing? Like it's so random but like I feel like more adults like friends like friend groups need to go and do that's actually kind of a thing here in Hawaii with like beach cleanups like every once in a while like we get small groups together and do that but like there's so many things you can do as adults like if you have two hours on a Saturday like I feel like that'd be fun I don't know maybe that's just me but that's more of your like helper thing but no I definitely see that I'm wondering if there's as many events that like kids have to single-handedly run like there was when we were kids you know because
01:10:08
Speaker
talk about building character it's like you uh you have a job you're not paid for but we wanted to be there that's so funny um okay one for me i'll breeze through this one quick but it was tell the truth and like the hurt that lies can cause i was like a teeny tiny bit of a liar i know it's so funny because i'm awful at lying now i am awful at it
01:10:31
Speaker
but like as a little kid i was a little bit of a liar like no i didn't do that i i told you i think i've told the story on the podcast before about the hair and like no i didn't do that but even like little things like to other friends like saying i had things that i didn't actually have and just learning about how like if you tell a lie
01:10:47
Speaker
then you have to cover that with more lies and then suddenly the lie is gonna come out anyway because you already forgot how you lied about it and like you're gonna get caught and then it's just embarrassing for you and it's hurtful to lie and like I think if I ever lied to her I think what got me was like not only being told not to lie because it's wrong but I like if she ever said like that hurt that you lied to me I was like well I'm just the worst kid to ever exist like now that I've done that but the lesson in that was just it's not only wrong but it hurt it's hurtful
01:11:16
Speaker
Did your mom ever say the phrase to you, the truth will find you out? That was something my mom would say to us about lying. I think it was more like what I said about if you lie, you're going to have to cover it with more lies and then you're going to get caught.
01:11:28
Speaker
was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My mom was the, I think my mom was the queen of, of phrases. Now that I talked to more people and even just, yeah, she had more sayings. My mom was like, let me explain this to you. Yeah. Yeah. You know, that sounds right. I feel like I remember the phrase being at your house. She had the quick, good little phrases. They stick in your head. Well, I think actually thinking back, I think my mom told me in recent years, I think her mom was good about that too. I think she got it from her mom. She has all these, like her mom always had a saying for everything.
01:11:57
Speaker
I think that she told me that recently, so it must be where she got it. But okay, let's see. Oh, a good one, a big one for my mom. Huge, huge, huge life lesson. Do it the right way once or the wrong way multiple times. Basically, if you just want to do it once and you don't want to do it again, do it the right way. Oh, yep. Yeah. No, okay. My next point's perfect for this. Was that all? Sorry. Yeah. No, that was all.
01:12:20
Speaker
All I have in my notes is the roommate talk. And I'll tell you exactly what that is. And it goes exactly with your point, Beth, do it the right way once or do it the wrong way twice. So my mom, we all cleaned the house together a lot. And my mom and I have very different definitions on when something's clean. I feel like I could just never clean stuff the way she wanted me to. She'd be like, wipe the counters. And I'd be like, perfect. Wipe them off. And she'd come back. She'd be like, no, that was wrong. Do it again. Or whatever. She was super thorough, wanted it to be done correctly. She didn't want to have to come correct my work.
01:12:50
Speaker
And one day I was fed up with it and I was like, you do it if you want it done this way. I already did it. I think it's fine. If you want it so clean, why don't you do it or something? And apparently my oldest brother has told her that. My other brothers told her that. Apparently at one point all of us have just been like, no, you do it if you want it done this way.
01:13:11
Speaker
And she told me she gave this talk to all of them too. But she was like, I'm not telling you to do this right so that it's clean enough for me. I'm not doing this because I want it clean. I'm doing this so that you're not the roommate who gets kicked out for being a slob. Or I'm doing this so that
01:13:26
Speaker
you're, you know, a good wife to whoever you get married to. And it's not a commentary on like the woman should clean the house, blah, blah, blah. It was an equal partnership. And so that you're not the messy one. Like I'm doing this so that you don't get fired from a job for not being able to pick up after yourself. I I'm not doing this. So it's clean for me. I'm doing this.
01:13:43
Speaker
so that you're the roommate people like and like you're not the roommate who's leaving a mess and doesn't know how to clean up for after themselves and I'm the cleanest person like at most jobs I've ever had working in food and stuff like that and it's for that exact reason I'm like I'm not gonna be the messy one I got very good at cleaning up after myself and being in the workforce really helped that a lot
01:14:03
Speaker
But it's gonna be hilarious if she hears that I actually listened to that now because man, when she told me at like 12, I was like, okay, that was the most useless conversation we've ever had. Thanks for that. But when she told me in the moment, I was like, I don't care about being the best roommate. I don't want to clean this bathroom again. But yeah, so mom, I I'm a roommate who knows how to clean a bathroom now. So thank you very much for making me do it.
01:14:27
Speaker
until it was right. But it's so hilarious how in the moment you're like, no, that was the most useless thing. And then gosh darn, if it doesn't end up being right later on. Dang, that's crazy. Okay, the last one in this section for me was to honor commitments. So basically, if you say you're going to do something, do it even if it no longer benefits you. Just don't shrink out of anything you say you'll do.
01:14:48
Speaker
Okay, so moving on to good habits section number two So starting off with clean as you go or keeping a tidy living space and just that it makes a big difference So yeah, that's just a big habit that my mom tried instill in all of us Yeah, and I put that I relate to this one too Like clean as you go was a big one Beth and I think you both get it Especially with like cleaning the kitchen like when you're not to just like dump all your cooking stuff everywhere But like when something's simmering, you know, you can load the dishwasher whatever. Yeah, yeah do
01:15:18
Speaker
Oh, this I guess could have been lessons, but just do your best every day. Even if you fail to others, did you put in your best effort for like, even if you didn't do so well on a test, did you do your very best, then that's better than being lazy. And there was no slack for her from her on that. She wasn't just like, Oh, if you did your best, I have vivid memories of playing sports like soccer. And you know, say I didn't get a goal, or you know, I did something wrong. And I feel like while I tried my best, she'd be like, well, I was watching and you actually stopped running.
01:15:47
Speaker
and looked at something in the grass. So, no, that wasn't your best. It wasn't just like, oh, anything you do was your best. You'd be like, oh, no, I could have seen more effort. I'm kidding. Put it in there, actually. That's good. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. Another habit to work fast and efficiently. So, I think she especially led this one by example, essentially teaching us little tricks and tips to work quickly and efficiently.
01:16:12
Speaker
But overall, I think it was a combination of a lot of life lessons over time that enabled me to be able to do this. But yeah, it was a big habit that she formed in me, just to make sure when you're working, it's productive and quick and efficient. Okay, this is random, but my next one is flu and sickness remedies. Beth and I could probably have whole episodes on remedies that arm roms did, but literally, when we were sitting down to think, what have we learned from our moms, my second thought was what to do when you have the flu.
01:16:40
Speaker
So it had to be in here because like right away so I flew and cold I'm gonna rapid-fire through this because it's kind of a bigger point, but I'm gonna get through it. So for the flu Not like there's a cure to the flu You kind of just have to sit there and have the flu my number one rule Everyone can apply this like right now if you have the flu my number one rule is Don't try to stop yourself from puking just do it like you'll feel better like as a kid I would panic if I knew that I was about to like throw up or like it that I was gonna have to eventually I'd be like I don't wanna
01:17:10
Speaker
throw up." And my mom was like, you just have to do it. You'll feel better. And now if I get sick, I'm like, well, here I go. I actually can't wait to go get this over with. So that's number one. Don't try to stop yourself. Just go throw up. But with that, here, okay, this is the single most important thing I know.
01:17:28
Speaker
is about when you start to eat again and like when to eat. I don't know why this is so valuable to me, but listen to me. When you have the flu, if you're actively puking, you cannot eat or drink anything. I don't know if everyone knows this, but like I've had friends my life who are just puking for way longer than they need to be because they're drinking water and stuff. You can't eat or drink anything, water included.
01:17:51
Speaker
So if you're puking for multiple days, you might need to like get checked out because you need water eventually. But while you're actively, sorry, I'm about to say the word puke a lot. So, you know, anyway, while you're actively puking, you cannot drink any water. Don't do it now.
01:18:05
Speaker
If you've started to make it a little while without puking, like say you wake up and make it most of the morning, you may get Canada dry ginger ale. That is the only kind. It has to be that one. I swear that's just what we did, but you can get ginger ale and pour yourself the teeniest, tiniest glass. I am talking like a little dribble, like a finger, like pinky size, little amount of ginger ale. You cannot drink the entire thing. You take a sip. You take the tiniest little like, and that's it.
01:18:34
Speaker
Like the tiniest little sip and you let that sit for an hour. If you throw up again, you're not ready to start eating. But if you can keep that down for an hour, guess what you get to do next? You can take another sip of ginger ale, like same size. Just tiny, tiny sip. Okay. If you can keep that down for an hour, now you can finish maybe the little glass that you poured yourself or like a couple more small drinks waiting in between. If you can keep that down for another hour too, if you can wait.
01:19:02
Speaker
You can pour yourself a bigger glass of ginger ale. We haven't moved on from ginger ale yet. It's still just that. You can pour like a half a glass sip on that throughout the day, very slowly. Do not take big drinks or you will compromise everything. I swear. No, you have to start all over. Little sips throughout the day.
01:19:22
Speaker
And that's all you do for day one. If you can keep that down, do not drink water. It will make you throw up again. I can't explain the science, but I always know sometimes I think I'd be ready for water. And there I go. I'm throwing up again. Something about the ginger ale, I have no science to back this up. This is 26 years of getting over the flu. The next day,
01:19:44
Speaker
If you still haven't thrown up, you can start to eat. You may eat two saltine crackers. Tiny little bites, tiny bites. You eat like half the saltine cracker. If you can keep that down again for an hour, then you can eat a little bit more. By the end of this day, you can eat toast. You can have saltine crackers and ginger ale. And you can eat that a little bit faster, kind of more normally, but don't hork it down. I know you'll be hungry, but you have to just wait. Just slow and steady. By the end of that day, you can drink some water.
01:20:14
Speaker
and if that all stays down, you're on the road to having the flu be over. That is the single most important thing. That is always how, that's how I knew the flu started to be over, was slowly but surely, little by little, and if I was actively throwing up, I could not have anything, or else you'd just throw it up right away. One time, the most recent time I had the flu, like three years ago, I didn't have ginger ale, but I had like bubbly water, not the same. Not the same thing. No, no.
01:20:43
Speaker
Not the same thing. I tried the tiniest little sip, the tiniest thing, and it was like bleh right away. So I'm just saying. Okay. And then I'll real quick go through the thing for the cold. Oh yeah. If you feel cold coming on, you could do this throughout the whole winter, but if you feel a cold coming on, like you swallow and your throat just feels a little too sore, here's what
Personal Remedies and Habits
01:21:01
Speaker
you're going to do. You're going to boil some water while your water's boiling. You are going to assemble in a mug. I don't have measurements. You're just going to do it. Add in the mug apple cider vinegar.
01:21:12
Speaker
Not very much, like a shot of apple cider vinegar. Get some fresh lemon if you can. Lemon juice is fine. So apple cider vinegar, lemon. Some shaved garlic and ginger. One or the other is fine. Both is ideal. On guard essential oils, specifically from doTERRA, they're on guard essential oil. It's an immune system blend. If you don't have that, that's fine. Pour it, make it into a tea.
01:21:35
Speaker
in a tiny cup because it's going to taste gross and just slam that thing down. You just have to get through it. You'll hate the taste, but it kicks. Every cold I've felt coming on goes away. If you can do it once in the morning and once at night every day until your cold goes away, sometimes to make it taste better, I steep in an herbal tea too, either a lemon or peppermint, something like that. Just all the remedies you can think of into a concoction and it has to be like warm water because that also helps.
01:22:05
Speaker
Do that when you start feeling sick and drink it. Even drink it if you do get sick until you're out of it. Drinking orange juice the entire time. I know fresh oranges are better because they're a whole food, but I'm telling you something about orange juice specifically kicks it cold every time. I love that. That's really great. I'm definitely going to try the apple cider vinegar tea thing that you suggested. That seems
01:22:30
Speaker
checks out. I think all those ingredients would be really, really great and are the kinds of things you should be eating when you're sick, but you don't always have a good way to actually get them all together. So that seems awesome. Wow. Well, those are all so good. I feel like I don't have anything related to that right now. So I'm just going to jump totally switch gears. Sorry for the mental whiplash, but we're switching to another habit. So this one is to basically look at people when you talk to them and like don't get distracted, basically show that you are focused on what they're saying no matter what.
01:22:56
Speaker
This kind of goes along with respect and manners and being a good friend. Also shout out to my dad because I'm pretty sure he also emphasized the benefits of this kind of communicating and just being locked in when you're talking to someone and not letting someone else distract you.
01:23:07
Speaker
in the middle of a conversation with somebody and just how it really shows you care. But for some reason, this was pretty hard for me as a kid. I'm a great listener, I promise. But I had a hard time sitting still and actually looking. I was always looking around because I was just like, I could be hearing 100% of what you were saying. But I always was looking everywhere. My mind just was working a little too fast. But it has become a habit now that I definitely think makes a difference in my perceived social skills and communication with people. I know especially the older generation has expressed they feel like I'm a pleasant to talk to.
01:23:37
Speaker
And people think that, and I do obviously care about what they're saying, but people can tell that I care and I'm engaged when I do this. And yeah, I think especially versus a lot of our younger generation that just looks at their phone when you're talking to them. Yeah, I agree. Switching gears again, take care of your teeth. If you let a lot of habits fall, you've got to brush and floss your teeth. I'm not saying I floss every day, but I'm just saying I remember very well my mom saying if you take care of anything, take care of your teeth. That's a good one. Yep, real good.
01:24:04
Speaker
Um, okay. Similar to that, actually the 2020 rule with vision. So for every 20 minutes that you're working, look out your window at least 20 feet away. But really my mom said as far as you can for at least 20 seconds. So 20 every 20 minutes, look 20 feet away for 20 seconds. That's also something that the eye doctors just say to do. It's it is called the 2020 rule or 2020 rule. Um, but it's supposed to, yeah, but my mom said that it was, you look as far away as you can see the furthest point you can see.
01:24:31
Speaker
So that's just a habit that we built up. Oh, your mom would be so disappointed in me. I know about all those things, but I definitely don't do them. Oh, no. Especially with our jobs, we got to. Yeah. Okay. Good reminder. I will start that right after we're done with this podcast episode.
01:24:46
Speaker
Um, don't procrastinate. I wanted to take lots of breaks during school and put off homework. Um, my mom taught me some good study methods about how often like when and when to not take breaks, especially being homeschooled. I asked her if I could take a break all the time. She was like, if you're taking breaks all the time, you're not getting anything done, then it's not a break. But then also like how, how breaks can be productive and stuff like that. But yeah, just like don't procrastinate
01:25:11
Speaker
you can't reward yourself with an hour long break if you only worked for five minutes and stuff like that. Which is so funny because now I think I actually have to learn how to take breaks like a lot more. I'll take a lunch break for 10 minutes at home. I'll like eat some food and then I'm like back to work and I know that's not a break but
01:25:28
Speaker
You know, that's healthy. Okay, so another habit is just eating healthy. This is odd because it's like a habit because it's always in my mind. Like I definitely like my natural habit is to remember what healthy food is into always eating healthy. So if I'm not, it's just always in the back of my head. So I call it a habit from her because I think that it is a natural habit that she's built up in us. This one cracks me up, but keep your hands out of your mouth in public places. What?
01:25:56
Speaker
That's actually so true though. This is coming from six year old me, but I bite my nails. I've always been a nail biter. And I know my mom, one of my lessons on here that I actually took off was to not bite your nails, but like I always have been. So I just had my hands in my mouth a lot as a child. And I specifically remember being at Disneyland and like touching so many things and then going to bite my nails. And I'm almost like, are you kidding me? Stop that. So I don't know.
01:26:20
Speaker
Keep your hands out of your mouth in public places. Love it. Love it. Isn't it so funny how some of these were important when we were six? But when I think about lessons from my mom, I'm like, I remember that one. Yeah, exactly. It's so funny the things that stick with you. Okay, another habit is just to be outside as much as possible. Very much myself. And I think my little sister says is too. Something that became a really big habit by watching our mom do it, I think, in us is just kind of craving the sun.
01:26:47
Speaker
Like we have I know maybe a lot of people naturally have this too, but I'm like we literally like crave being in the sunshine sunshine sometimes just like if we're waiting for like our car.
01:26:59
Speaker
like tires to be changed or something random or our car to be vacuumed out at like the car wash. We will sit outside in the sun, like on the curb if we had to have to, because it feels so good to sit in the sun. And our mom was the exact same way. Like we would be in so many random public places. If we had to wait in line for five minutes, she would like literally step out of her way a little bit to stand in the sun. Yes. I remember that. My mom or yours? Yes. Your mom, your mom. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like, no, that's a very mature mom thing.
01:27:25
Speaker
I can't remember exact places, but I think I remember going into the shade and she would specifically step out to be there. And I never questioned it. I'm only noticing it now because I think about it, but I didn't seem out of place. Yes, I really remember that. Yeah.
01:27:41
Speaker
Is that funny? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Mine's really similar, but exercise, the importance of exercise. We were a super active family, especially in the summer. Summer was not for sitting around. We rode bikes, we went on hikes, we took the dogs on walks, we went swimming. I do not remember a lot of weekends where we were lazy. We maybe had nap time after church on Sunday, but Saturday was like
01:28:07
Speaker
not lazy and staying in. We rode bikes or we shoveled snow, or we went sledding, or we went skiing for the winter ones. And in the summer, we went to the pool, we went to the lake, we hiked. Until I was older, like late high school, we did not sit around all weekend. We were almost always doing stuff until we all got a bit older. But this is thinking when we were all 16 and lower,
01:28:27
Speaker
every weekend all the time. Maybe that's an exaggeration. Maybe my mom's like, no, we didn't. But I remember, and I remember having friends over and being like, oh yeah, we're just kind of like a lazy weekend. And my mom was like, that's hilarious. We're actually all gardening and your friends are coming down. Which was actually so fun, by the way, as the friend that had a couple of times done things like that. I was always so embarrassed. I was like, we're making my friend work, but you
01:28:51
Speaker
You were part of the family by then. I think my mom made you clean the house with us a couple of times. You painted with us, I'm pretty sure, a couple of times. So guess what? You know what? That is facts. That's facts. Yeah, exactly. It was just, that's, well, their moms were like that. It was like, what do you mean? This is an activity. We can do this. Your friends can help. But I will say too, like you guys were definitely, I think looking back, probably the most active family I think that I knew. Really? Yeah. Like just the fact, especially with the lake.
01:29:14
Speaker
Like you guys always going up there and then you weren't just like at the lake to sit around. You guys would literally hike around. You'd go in the boat. You'd go in the crash. Oh no, we were not a sitting and tanning family. No, exactly. Like that's why you and I worked so well too. We were like, we're here to do things. Yeah, exactly. That's so funny. Love it. So very, very fun, fun memories with that. Okay. Let's see. Another habit is to tell people what you like about them. Basically verbally appreciating and acknowledging people go out of your way to encourage people with your words.
01:29:43
Speaker
My mom led this by example big time, which then translated into more of a habit with me. Hopefully I think I want to get better at it too. But even in grocery stores and with us kids, like I think she's really good at paying genuine compliments, like noticing something about someone and then knowing the next step is just say something, tell them.
01:30:00
Speaker
whether it was like a co-worker or some random person like I said in the grocery store and just really good at lifting people up. My mom's really good about that. She is. Okay. So many of these you're hitting are very specific to your mom, actually. Oh, good. I think you know this, but when I started singing in church, like I was super insecure about my singing voice and your mom came up to me and she was like, when your mom leads worship, that's my favorite. And like, I love when you get to have a song.
01:30:24
Speaker
And again, not like it mattered. It was worship. I'm aware it wasn't the Ayla show, but something about her saying that meant so much to me because I was just so nervous to start doing that. And no, she came and told me in person multiple times, not just the first time, almost every time my mom led. I think you were gone in school when some of this was happening.
01:30:44
Speaker
But she like, no, she made a point to come up to me and be like, I just want you to know, like you have a beautiful voice. And I was like, that's beyond just like, hi, how's it going? Like, blah, blah, blah. You know, like, you know, she does not do shallow compliments like that. That was like impactful. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Because you can tell when, you know, when when someone means it and she means it. And I think that's why like she's not afraid to say it in my head a lot.
01:31:06
Speaker
Right and the funny thing is I know because she's shy and the crazy thing is she has had to force herself to not be afraid to say things so that I know there's stuff that she wants to say but she is maybe a little too shy to say them sometimes to some people so she's obviously gotten really good about that but yeah that's a something I want to get better at from you know seeing her do I want to be more of a habit for me but oh that's so nice to know that that other people notice it too
01:31:32
Speaker
Oh, and I was also going to say like, this was a big one. This was a big one with all the little kids in my family, all the nieces and nephews. And I use it, this is funny because I just said it's like used for little kids, but I use it with fellow employees and like people I'm training a lot. Building people up, like instead of pointing out what someone does wrong all the time, encourage them in what they do right. So like with the nieces and nephews, it gets exhausting to always be like, don't do this, don't do this, this is wrong. But like when they do pick up their toys, be like, oh, thank you for being such a good helper.
01:31:59
Speaker
Thank you for doing this." Or, wow, you're so kind. And then it works in adulthood too. Like I could just like rag on somebody who I'm working with or when they do something right, be like, oh, hey, thanks for doing that. Thanks for your help on this. Just that positive reinforcement, I guess, is what it would be diagnosed as. But like, you know, my mom just was instead of complimenting or like, yeah, instead of tearing down.
01:32:23
Speaker
compliment what they've done, right? And like a character trait, not just how somebody looks, but like, wow, you're so responsible. You're so this. Yeah. Oh, that makes a lot of sense. I definitely can see that. And that's so important. There is almost a nuance to that. Just, or I think that children especially need that clarification of not just pointing out, like you even said, just at the very end, like not just pointing out looks, but like
01:32:44
Speaker
deeper. Just some safety things that are really big habits that my mom taught us and are just second nature now. Just one, always being alert to your surroundings for safety reasons and always lock your car when you leave it, lock your car as soon as you get into it. So all those habits that were really built in by my mom to us, those are huge, I think habits that we have from her.
01:33:09
Speaker
One that my mom always said it was the same safety thing too and I'm so glad you mentioned this because this sparked in me too But my mom always said scream and make a ruckus if somebody attacks or approaches. Yeah, don't go quietly Even if you can't fight lives can be saved just by getting attention. Don't go quietly true and like we were big like true crime family I guess like we watched a lot of criminal minds and stuff and sometimes you would see women just willingly get into vans or like they'd be so scared or they'd freeze and
01:33:36
Speaker
and just like not know what to do and my mom would pause the show and be like don't do that like you scream and she would be like there's people in the background right there like if you scream you know not blaming the victim or anything but she just like scream was her big like self-defense thing and like don't go quietly like scream and and make a ruckus and call for help and and all that stuff because you never know like the little power of what fighting back can do rather than just like going quietly no that's so that's so huge okay another thing that's a really big habit
01:34:05
Speaker
for sure is to address things right away so more so in the topic of conflicts with people so basically don't ever let your problems you have with someone fester and grow address it at the earliest possible moment and even if you have to make that moment if you have to you know if you need to make it come up and address it right away don't come up with excuses on delaying addressing it just address it as soon as possible it leads to the
01:34:29
Speaker
there's a lot of things I could say about it but it's a habit that I have it's very much something that I try to practice that for sure that my mom I think instilled in us yeah for sure no I can I could piggyback off that definitely agree my mom was not for the silent gross arguments it was like let's get this all out my last one in this category was learn how to say sorry genuinely understand the hurt you caused from their perspective like no empty apologies
01:34:55
Speaker
Like my mom could tell if we were like sorry versus like an actual apology. And she'd very much make sure we understood the hurt we caused. Like if I did anything to a sibling, it wasn't just like, say you're sorry for a ritual. She'd sit down and be like, you did this to Cheyenne like that.
01:35:12
Speaker
her feelings like she's crying now because of you which might sound harsh but it was you're not gonna make that mistake again if you realize like the consequences and I make sure to do that now in life if I ever have to apologize I'm not just saying sorry so this problem ends it's like I want you to understand like I never want you to feel that way again like I am sorry you know genuine apologies I guess exactly that's a really good one okay last section exactly moving on to yeah section number three character traits
01:35:41
Speaker
So these are our character traits just to clarify that we think we either inherited directly from our moms or that we know that they intentionally saw in us and or built up in us on purpose.
01:35:50
Speaker
This is actually my favorite section because I just get to talk about my mom. I mean, I've been doing that, but you know, like just who she is and like character. Sometimes I think I lean a lot more towards my dad as far as character. And I do, I like to think of my dad's little mini, but gosh darn, Chris points out sometimes he's like, wow, that was Carrie Anna to me. So I know she's there. Yeah, that's awesome. Exactly. Yeah, you go for it, Beth.
01:36:16
Speaker
Okay, so first and biggest when I think of my mom, to be honest, and I've said this for years to everybody, is her really hard work ethic. My mom has not been lazy a day in her life, at least not that I know of. No, she's not. Yeah. And same with your mom too, by the way. I'm aware of that. But she's not a workaholic, which is something crazy that I'm like, I don't know how she's found that balance of she's really hard worker, but not a workaholic. She's like the hardest worker I've ever met, but somehow not a workaholic. Someone explained it to me. I don't know.
01:36:43
Speaker
I think she's just a really hard worker and does a really good job and works well at whatever she does do and she you know yeah so there we go there's that and I think that I developed at least a large part of my really intense work ethic from my mom I'm a very quick worker I work very hard when I work even if it's something like cleaning up after an event like we were talking about I work fast I work efficient I work hard and I've actually had people comment before on how I how almost intense I work
01:37:12
Speaker
And I get it from my mom. And it's- You do, yes. 100%. Yeah. So a lot of those things, it's a little intense, but it's just how we work. Well, it's the intensity, but she's efficient. She wouldn't linger over things and take forever to do it. Exactly. She was like, we're getting down and we're moving on. And that's like you for sure. And happy to do it. And enjoy it. That's a crazy thing too. She enjoys it while she does it. And so do I. Yeah. Oh, that's so sweet. I love your mom. I hope she knows that. Your mom too, by the way. Yeah. And we love our own moms too. Yes. Exactly. Of course.
01:37:41
Speaker
Yeah, no, I wanted to piggyback off this to work ethic. Like we said earlier, my mom, multiple people have told me that like my mom is just the definition of 110%. And you can, you really can only understand that by meeting her. I can say it all you want. But like, you gotta, you won't know until until you meet her like 110%. And I don't know how she does it. I tell Chris all the time. I'm like, if I can, if I can be half the parent my mom is, I'll consider myself.
01:38:08
Speaker
pretty successful. If I can get down half of what she does in a day. I wish she was mom. I wish she was better at work-life balance. Sometimes I think she'll go to so hard, but burnout to her is not the same thing as it is in our generation. I feel like I burn out so quickly and the woman just goes. She does keep going. She has energy like I've never seen, but just yeah. I've told her before.
01:38:32
Speaker
I've told her before about mommy need to start saying no to people. Like you need to start saying no and she's starting to and I'm so proud of her for that. I was gonna say I'm sure she does. It's just still like and we see different things too in people like in our parents that they don't see themselves sometimes or vice versa obviously but yeah your mom has one of the best work ethics as well. I've ever seen both of our moms which is so cool that they were I think the same way in that just such hard workers and again I think your mom too what was really inspiring watching
01:39:01
Speaker
Was where just she did everything kind of like I said before to the best of her ability. She did it so well like she was never
01:39:08
Speaker
She was never the kind of busy where she's just, oh, she works hard cause she's so busy. It's like, she's busy, but she's doing everything so well and with so much care and like intention. She'd wake up, like get us all breakfast and then, you know, get us all to school and then she'd go to work. And then after that, she would go run the kids program at church and stay at the church building props for their play that she's also directing. And then she'll come home and like cook us all dinner and then she'll,
01:39:35
Speaker
you know, make sure we're all in bed and then she'll hang out with my dad and spend quality time with him. And then that was before there was even grandkids in the picture. So like, she exhausts me sometimes in a good way. Like I just, I hope I have the drive to do
01:39:50
Speaker
to do stuff like that one day. Like I definitely know I got a lot of my work ethic and being able to want to do multiple things. And I just I think yeah, I hope I do it even have as well as she does. So honestly, same. This is kind of a random one. But my mom has a really good sense of humor. And but she's also shy, like I said, so it's kind of like when you get to know her, you really see her sense of humor and how funny it is.
01:40:13
Speaker
And I have the same, I think I have a very similar sense of humor to her and I get a lot of her jokes that I think some people might not get. There are a lot of like the subtle jokes or like the little comments that are said on the side that make each other laugh. And so I'm a very similar way where I think most people wouldn't think I'm so funny, but when you get to know me, I'm more comfortable cracking jokes and I'll make a lot of side comments like that. And so that's a character trait I love about her that I'm glad that I inherited that from her too. And I think my dad's funny too, but I'm just saying that there's a specific type of humor that she has that I find really enjoyable that
01:40:40
Speaker
that I think I have as well. And it's once you get to know the person. Yeah. And I think I didn't always understand it. Not like it just makes sense, but I think you just clicked with her in that a lot more. Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Again, music and creativity. My mom specifically, my mom is always singing. Sometimes it drove me nuts as a kid. I'd be trying to sleep in on a Saturday and she would just be walking around going like, la. And I was like, holy.
01:41:07
Speaker
Mom, please love like the woman's always singing and I also am always like pretty much always singing like in the car and stuff like all the time when I'm alone and she taught me how to harmonize and again sometimes like she'd be harmonizing with a song on the radio and I'd be like why don't you just sing the song how it is but now
01:41:23
Speaker
70% of the time like I sing in harmony along to the radio too and I don't know if she knows that but like she's always singing and I guess like so am I. Oh I love that yeah oh my gosh I love I remember probably once you felt really confident with harmonizing because I'm sure you weren't harmonizing with me until you were more comfortable doing it but I remember when we would play the piano together or you'd play or we'd play together or whatever and then we would sing and like I loved when you do the harmonies I loved that so so much it was such a magical moment do you remember that dude?
01:41:51
Speaker
I do now. Oh my gosh. Good memories. Why didn't we do that more? Oh my gosh. I don't know because we were doing so much other stuff because again we were so like our parents let us be so busy and have so much fun because we could be playing the piano or we could be playing outside or we could be going on the kayak or we could be doing anything we wanted so there's just too many things to do. Yeah that was so fun. It was so fun. We should do it again sometime. Yes.
01:42:16
Speaker
Oh, sorry, it's my turn now. That's okay, we were just like. Okay, yeah, exactly, good times. Okay, so another one I kind of mentioned before, my mom's very shy. I definitely get my shyness from my mom, for sure, very, very shy. But what has been nice is I've watched her do things despite being shy. And so she really taught me that your shyness, a character trait you may naturally have, doesn't mean you have to never be involved and how you can kind of do things like speak in front of a crowd or engage in groups.
01:42:44
Speaker
even though you're shy and also she pointed out that being shy means you're just a really good listener because you're usually not the one talking but you're listening in the group and you become very observant and you kind of get to know people pretty well just by being around them for a few minutes you know because you're watching instead of being the one talking.
01:43:00
Speaker
Oh, yes. Yeah, I love that. Oh, lots of my future parenting advice that I know I'll probably be utilizing at some point, just certain little principles and like how to talk to kids. My mom's really great with kids. She actually like took child development. Like she's very educated in that. And there's a lot of things that I just know I'll implement at some point.
01:43:22
Speaker
that I don't know if the average person knows before they're interested in having kids. I just have a lot of random bits up in my head that people would probably read about when they're pregnant or something that I just get to have already and I get to just trust her more than other experts or whatever. There's just stuff I know that's invaluable that she passed down.
01:43:42
Speaker
As far as parenting goes and like when you have to be patient and stuff. So I could go into examples, but I'll kind of just leave it at that. Like just a lot of my parenting, I hope to, I hope to mirror from, from her.
Proactivity and Commitment
01:43:54
Speaker
And I will say quickly, like with Chris, his mom too, obviously there's lots of things I've learned from her.
01:44:00
Speaker
Okay. Let's see. Moving on. Next character trait on my end. The go-getter attitude for my mom. Don't say it can't be done or, you know, can I do it, but rather how can I do it? And just a very, yeah, kind of goes with the work ethic one too, but it's just very much a, let's just do it. Let's go. Let's get it done. She's very much a go-getter and I'm glad I got that from her too. Yeah, definitely. My mom, this one might be, I don't even know how I remembered this one, but my mom had like no self-pity.
01:44:27
Speaker
never ever she never sat around talking about how others had wronged her even if maybe they had she never sat and was like oh why does this keep happening to me like oh I'm just so tired like oh like never ever did she talk about herself that way she just picked up and kept going and I know she probably went through stuff that I'll never know about because all adults are but you know like anything with with money like I never knew I
01:44:51
Speaker
our money situation because she didn't sit there going like, Oh, I just wish I had more money. I just wish that we just carried along throughout the day. And even if she did do that, maybe in private to my dad or, you know, whatever, it wasn't in front of us. Like when I think of pity, I'm like, I've never, ever, ever seen that emotion on her. And it's something I definitely hope I learned how to implement better. Like, especially in front of children, just like not sitting there, pitting yourself, but you just, and not even pretending that the problem isn't there, but you just pick up and you keep going, you know,
01:45:20
Speaker
Yeah okay so something that my mom is really good at is she's very drama avoidant and maybe that's kind of self-explanatory but she doesn't start rumors she doesn't talk behind people's back and she's really good at shutting it down when like people start doing that and I'm sure this was also a direct lesson she taught me but I'm seeing it under the character trait because I think it is just her natural character
01:45:42
Speaker
Um, and her natural, I don't know, I guess the way she is to just, she's just drama avoidance. She just doesn't participate. It doesn't bring her joy. I think so many women are naturally good at drama. Not that that's necessarily like, I'm not saying women are so bad for that, but I think it's just in our DNA a little bit. And a lot of people don't realize that they're doing it or just how much drama they might be causing in certain scenarios. But I see it as super strongly since I grew up, like really actively avoiding it.
01:46:07
Speaker
and shutting it down so I think I just don't naturally have as much of a natural tendency towards it but then also my mom taught it really drilled into us like how to shut it down absolutely doesn't happen under any circumstance how to see when it's happening and just basically to go straight to people's face if you have something to say and like it goes along with the addressing things right away too but yeah there have only been a couple times in my life I think where I haven't been able to
01:46:30
Speaker
bring myself to address a problem with someone that I had like at least right away but in general that's very much kind of how I operate with that and I know I got that from her yeah well and it goes back to like us just gravitating towards each other so much because gossip was some of the problems that we were dealing with which is actually one of my next points but us doing that to each other was never an option it was we're never engaged in talk like that about each other and I'm not saying I never engaged in gossip like that was a lesson I had to learn that's like my next one but
01:46:58
Speaker
yeah like that's kind of really where those actions stopped and we've talked about it before how both you and I like especially if it's somebody we care about if gossip or drama is coming up it's beyond just not participating it's actually like taking a stand and being like we're not doing this yeah and uh that keeps coming back in your life beyond high school and stuff and where you work with people and stuff like drama's just everywhere and it's one thing to avoid it and yeah like another thing to really confront it and be like i'm not participating in this so i love that
01:47:27
Speaker
Yeah. And going on with gossip again, like my mom just taught me a lot about the harm that gossip can do. I watched friendships really suffer due to gossip. And I sometimes propelled it. Like I sometimes, you know, it was such a weird dynamic in middle school where you told one friend, you were like, you're my best friend, but then you went to another friend and you were like, I told her she's my best friend, but she's actually not because I don't like the way she dresses and you're my best friend. And like, you just get so caught up in it. So my mom would really kindly stop me from, from gossiping or quote unquote venting.
01:47:56
Speaker
as I called it, if she could tell it wasn't being productive if I was just mad and saying stuff out of anger. And one time she told me, I don't remember how old I was, but old enough to get this concept that like how much it can hurt others. And you can't get caught in gossip and then just say, I didn't mean it. That was a lot of like middle school gossip was like, I didn't actually mean it. But my mom was like, you know what, you said it, you did mean it. You just didn't mean for her to hear it. Oh yeah. And like she got me with that one once like you,
01:48:24
Speaker
And like other people who are possibly gossiping about me, but you can't say I didn't mean it, you did mean it, you just didn't mean for somebody else to hear it. And I think about that, this is a whole other thing, but like gossip that adults do, gossip in the church, gossip at work, people be saying like some pretty bold things and then it gets back to the person they're saying it about and people go really quickly to cover it up and be like, well, no, I already meant it this way. No, you meant it exactly how you said it, you just didn't think I would hear it.
01:48:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And then this is my last one. Last one. Yeah. Yeah. Character trade. Okay. This goes back to like family that I went on to about, but I just want to like bring it home specifically. Like my mom just...
01:49:05
Speaker
Gosh, I knew this point would be hard for me to say. My mom cares so freaking deeply for her children. I can't even expand on this in an episode. And again, you just got to meet her to understand like it's it's like not an emotion that exists on this earth. She cares so deeply for her children. Like I said earlier about like children are a gift from God like it's a level I just have never I've never seen anywhere else like proudly.
01:49:30
Speaker
definition of dying daily to herself for our sake and like I don't even know the amount of sacrifices she probably made for us and I can't believe the amount of times in my life where I thought she was wrong only to realize like she only ever wanted and still does want the best for me like there were so many times I was like I swear you're making my life harder like I swear you don't care out of anger and then you look back and you're like gosh if
01:49:53
Speaker
15 year old, you could just like shut up and like listen to what she's trying to do for you. And also like caring for us so deeply. I don't know. I hope like this helps everyone understand like when when my mom used to work, she used to work on doing ski ski lift operations. And she'd often get home from work kind of late and miss like our bedtime and just be so down that she didn't get to see us all day. And again, with parents and their attitudes towards kids lately, sometimes I see parents
01:50:20
Speaker
not wanting that time and staying at work later so that they do miss that time and they just can't seem to be away from their kids more. My mom would come home and miss our bedtime and just be devastated that she didn't get to see us that day. That's why she started to homeschool us. She missed us. We actually went to public school for a little bit. I was public school and kindergarten and stuff, and she missed us and wanted to be a part of the most important part of our growing up, which was our education.
01:50:45
Speaker
our bedtime was like an hour and 20 minutes long because it started with brushing teeth and stuff and then she read us books and like she'd sit there she didn't just read for 10 minutes oh no she read until we all were asleep and sometimes that was one chapter sometimes it was so many and she just read as long as we like wanted to hear it and i don't know if people get like
01:51:04
Speaker
that's like a lot as a parent to work all day and then come and like want to read to your kids for 45 minutes like it's not like she was putting in that effort that's what she wanted to do and i don't know how she feels that way but like she just wanted to do it that way it wasn't like oh i gotta read to my kids for 45 minutes she was like oh
01:51:21
Speaker
I get to do this." Everything about her being a parent was like, I get to do this. Obviously, I can't relate to this yet because I don't have kids, but I hope something like that kicks in because my siblings and I reap the benefits of that every single day that she didn't have to be our parent. She got to be our parent. I'm sure you can relate Beth, the epitome of your mom too.
01:51:43
Speaker
not a day went by where she was like, oh, I've got to be with my kids. No, exactly. They loved being there. And that's so valuable. I know not every kid gets to have that, which is such a bummer. And I'll never take that for granted that I got to.
01:51:56
Speaker
That's so sweet. I love that. And yeah, it's so it's so impactful. And it's interesting to think back on the things that really showed us that like one of the things that always stuck with me pretty strongly and I was always grateful for was the fact that my mom drove us to school every single day without fail. Like I never took the bus bus to school once.
01:52:14
Speaker
Like that is something that is so and I remember one time she told us she's like I didn't have someone driving me to school every day I had to walk to school every day as a kid and you know, she has some knots the best stories about that and She said I want to drive you guys every day, you know, I didn't get this and this is something I choose to do and just that intention
01:52:35
Speaker
And she never complained about it. It was just what she did every day. All of us kids, even we were, you know, going to separate schools and all that. Like at one point we were in elementary school at one place. My brother wasn't, you know, my sister was homeschooled in another place. It was just like, just a given. And she, that was such a sacrifice when so many parents, you know, don't do that, which is fine. Everyone's different, but stuff like that stuck with me and really showed me how much my mom cared and wanted to be our mom, you know?
01:53:00
Speaker
Well, I can't see that. It's the little things. And again, it's one of those things I didn't understand until I grew up, like grew up. Yeah.
01:53:07
Speaker
like well past college and even into marriage and stuff. Like the more other kids I got to know and the more people you meet and just like understand how their households were. It's a revelation I'm having like over and over as I grow up that just, yeah, not everyone has the life you had, especially when it comes to the importance of just like family and love and stuff. And I really hope those people get to experience something like that someday because it's, it's unmatched. So.
01:53:30
Speaker
All right, everyone, thank you so much for sticking with us. We know this was, I suppose, our longest episode to date. Thank you if you're still here. Clearly moms are important and we value them so much. So from us here at the Art of Intention to you, we hope you have a very, very happy Mother's Day, Mother's Day week.
01:53:47
Speaker
Call your mom, get her flowers, go get lunch with her, do something. Grandmas, mother-in-laws, everyone, we really appreciate you and we don't know where we'd be without you. You can catch us next week for our regularly scheduled content. We are here every Tuesday and we are available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Zencaster. Make sure you are on our socials at Art of Intention Podcast on Instagram and you can reach out to us with any questions or requests at artofintentionpodcast at gmail.com. We'll see you again next week. Bye. Bye.
01:54:20
Speaker
you