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6: Lets Talk About Meds, Baby
190 Plays3 years ago
Should I take medicine for my anxiety? How do I find a doctor that's right for me? What if I want to stop taking my anti-anxiety medicine? These are just some of the questions Laura answers in this episode of the Seeking The Still podcast.
While every person is different, Laura shares her own journey with anxiety medication. What worked. What didn't. And she tells you everything she wished she would have known about this important topic.
Seeking The Still Website: Seekingthestill.com
Seeking The Still Instagram: Instagram.com/seekingthestill
Seeking The Still Facebook: Facebook.com/seekthestill
Series sponsor Altered Ministries: https://alteredministries.com/
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Transcript
Introduction and Sponsorship
00:00:01
Speaker
Seeking the Still is produced by Jill Devine Media. Season one is brought to you by Altered Ministries. Jane Patton and her team are transforming the lives of women and children all over the world, including orphanages, recovery homes, and more. Learn how you can support them and be part of these life changing ministries at AlteredMinistries.com.
Purpose of the Podcast
00:00:24
Speaker
Welcome to the Seeking the Still podcast with me, your host, Laura Fleetwood.
00:00:34
Speaker
In this safe space, we come together to seek the still amid chaotic lives, to get honest about what overwhelms us, to become connected to one another and to the divine, to step into who we were created to be. Always real, never perfect, and forever on your side.
00:00:57
Speaker
Let's talk about meds, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. To medicate or not to medicate? That is the question.
Laura's Medication Disclaimer
00:01:13
Speaker
Before I get started with this episode, I have a big important disclaimer for you.
00:01:20
Speaker
I am not a doctor. I am not giving medical advice. Never take medication unless prescribed by a doctor that you trust. Never Google a medication, read reviews, or go to online boards regarding medication. It will make you crazier than you are already. Pinky swear, so help me God. Amen.
Navigating Medication Challenges
00:01:43
Speaker
You guys, I have a love-hate relationship with medication for my anxiety. It has definitely played a role in my story, sometimes as the angel and sometimes as the devil. And the brutal truth is that it can take a long time to find a medication or a combo of meds that work for you. It took me about a year. And in the meantime,
00:02:12
Speaker
I completely felt like a living science experiment. So I'm not going to mince words here that was added hell to what I was already going through because when you have the wrong medication, it makes your anxiety worse because it's doing all kinds of things to the parts of your brain that also impact your mood.
00:02:37
Speaker
Um, and in the beginning, I had two primary care physicians who were writing me scripts. I told you the story. I didn't choose either one of those. Those were both, um, recommended to me, um, one by a friend, one by a counselor and they were primary care physicians, but they weren't my primary care physician.
00:03:00
Speaker
That's my bad. I did not have a primary care physician at the time. So I didn't have anybody who knew my story and who knew my health history and that I could work with. So I was just, it was like hit or miss shots in the dark going to these doctors.
00:03:18
Speaker
And as a result of what I think were some misprescribed medications for me, I will no longer be treated for my mental health issues by a primary care physician or allow anyone in my family to.
00:03:36
Speaker
Everyone is different. You may have a PCP prescribing you meds for your anxiety or depression that you love. That's awesome. I'm so happy for you, but I did not, I did not have a good experience with that. So I only see a psychiatrist now to prescribe me my medication. And just so you know, the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist
00:04:04
Speaker
is that the psychiatrist can prescribe you medication. The psychologist works with you on therapy kinds of things. I have both. We'll get into that a little bit more. But I just wanted to give you that framework so you know exactly where I'm coming from as I tell this story about my journey with anti-anxiety medication.
00:04:31
Speaker
Now, another caveat that I want to put in here and frustration is that the harsh reality is it can take months for a new patient to get in to see a psychiatrist.
Access to Psychiatry Care
00:04:45
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So when I say, you know, don't go to a primary care physician if you're having mental health issues, if that's your only option, then do it.
00:04:56
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But also get on the list for a psychiatrist. And I'm going to give you some tips about how to do that because it is an atrocity that in this country it takes that long to get in as a new patient to see somebody who can help you. And it will be the fight of my life to try to change that. And I have ideas and I need your help. So we'll get to that at a later time.
00:05:22
Speaker
But I think one of the very reasons that I ended up having to walk into a mental health facility was because it was the only way I could get in immediately to see somebody who could help me balance my brain chemistry. I was trying to see psychiatrists and I couldn't wait seven months. When you're in that state, you just can't wait seven months.
Holistic Approach to Anxiety
00:05:52
Speaker
It was a process to find the medication that worked for me. I firmly believe that we are physical, emotional, and spiritual beings.
00:06:05
Speaker
And the treatment of our anxiety must address the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual side of us. Because you can't separate any of those three things from the other. What you think affects how your body responds. What you believe and who you place your trust in impacts your thoughts, which impacts your body. How your body responds
00:06:34
Speaker
And the sensations that you feel with your anxiety impacts your thoughts and impacts your soul. So they're all three connected. That is why my logo for seeking the still contains a Celtic knot, three circles intertwined in the center that represents your body, your mind, and your soul. So addressing the physical chemical balance in your brain,
00:07:00
Speaker
is absolutely part of walking through an anxiety diagnosis. Now, I know people who have been able to heal from their anxiety without medication, and that's amazing. That's what I tried to do. And for me, there was obviously a physical component there as well, because the coping mechanisms that I was learning, I was unable. It didn't work because my brain was so out of balance.
00:07:29
Speaker
So what happened is after I went to CenterPoint, part of the beauty of outpatient therapy is that there is a staff psychiatrist. So when you go in for your group therapy sessions, you can see a doctor. If you needed to, you could see he or she three days a week that you're there for therapy. And they can adjust your medication on the spot.
00:07:55
Speaker
So that is a huge benefit of seeking outpatient therapy help is that you have that psychiatrist. So as I mentioned, that's one of the reasons that I wanted to do this is because I, I needed to talk to a psychiatrist who knew more about psychiatric medications, but I still didn't get to choose my psychiatrist. Right. So I worked with the staff doctor at center points and.
00:08:22
Speaker
He made some adjustments to my sleeping pills because remember I was sleeping was the largest, not sleeping, insomnia was the largest trigger for me and still is. Although thank the Lord that I don't deal with it much anymore at all because I did finally find the right combination of medication.
00:08:44
Speaker
He was able to work with my sleeping medication and also he greatly increased the amount of the antipsychotic that I had been prescribed by the other primary care physicians. So I was not on an antidepressant.
00:09:04
Speaker
I truly felt like the antipsychotic was not the right medication for me because I don't have schizophrenia. I have anxiety. And for almost a year, I knew that the medication wasn't truly addressing the physical anxiety that was in my body. I knew that I had way too much cortisol. I did the blood tests for that. And I knew that something just wasn't right.
00:09:32
Speaker
After a season of much prayer and of much seeking direction for medication, an amazing thing happened. I'm always looking for creative ways that I can support organizations that are doing good around the world and fun ways that are also creative and inspirational. Our season sponsor, Altered Ministry, has two of these that I want to share with you today.
00:10:00
Speaker
They are now offering monthly gift boxes that are filled with the most beautiful, delightful, quaint, and lovely items that are perfect for the season. You can order them at alteredministries.com slash gift boxes, and they also have a t-shirt of the month.
00:10:17
Speaker
All of the proceeds from the gift boxes and the t-shirts go to benefit the work that Altered Ministry does in orphanages, recovery homes, and even in prisons. It is a beautiful ministry to support, so I invite you to check those out. My aunt who lives out of state
00:10:36
Speaker
emailed me and she had been dealing with anxiety issues with my cousin and the counselor that he was seeing asked about family history and so she had brought up my struggles and the counselor told her, wait a minute, she lives in the St. Louis area? Does she go to the St. Louis Institute of Behavioral Health? Now, I didn't.
00:11:02
Speaker
and I had never even heard of that, but apparently she told my aunt that it was one of the best places to get treatment for anxiety in the country.
00:11:13
Speaker
So of course my interest was peaked because to this point I had just gone with the doctor that was put in front of me. I hadn't actively sought out who I thought would be the best psychiatrist for me. So I started looking into it and immediately found a doctor on their website that I thought would be an amazing fit for me. Also up to this point I had not seen a medical doctor or a psychiatrist that was female.
00:11:41
Speaker
Now, my counselor, Dr. Wehrenberg, was female, but I hadn't seen someone who could prescribe me medication that was female, and that I sensed was a missing component for me. Somebody who would understand the hormonal shifts that happened through the month, and somebody that I could just relate to more, and maybe someone
00:12:03
Speaker
that I could better trust. So I called to make an appointment, and lo and behold, the same thing happened. She's not accepting patients. In fact, none of our psychiatrists are accepting patients. Their wait list is even full.
Building Trust with Psychiatrists
00:12:20
Speaker
So that was devastating because I had just thought that that might be such a hopeful direction to take to help me deal with the physical aspects of my anxiety.
00:12:32
Speaker
But the receptionist said, we do have an opening with one of our psychologists and you could start seeing her right away. At this point, I had stopped seeing Dr. Wehrenberg because we had kind of come to the end of of what
00:12:51
Speaker
I needed at that season and I wasn't really seeing anyone. This was about a year after the initial breakdown. So I said, sure, that sounds great. Sign me up. So I go in to see Dr. Busher, Kelly Busher, who is an amazing psychologist.
00:13:12
Speaker
And I told her, you know, how I was really wanting to see Dr. Melanie McKean. And she said, oh, well, since you're seeing me and I'm on staff here, I can put your name on the waiting list. Would you like me to do that? And I said, yes, absolutely. Within a few days, you guys, I got a phone call and they said, Dr. McKean has had a cancellation.
00:13:37
Speaker
Can you come in tomorrow to see her? And I was like, yes, yes, yes. So the amazing thing about the St. Louis Institute of Behavioral Health is that their psychologists, their counselors and their psychiatrists, their doctors share your chart. They share your information.
00:13:56
Speaker
And this had been a dream of mine way back six months ago. I remember saying to Dr. Wierenberg in one of our sessions, you know, that spinoff of Grey's Anatomy private practice where the doctors out in California, they're all different specialties. They work in the same practice and they share the patient's charts and they like take a holistic approach to healing people. I said, why isn't there something like that for
00:14:26
Speaker
mental health, like a place where you could go where the psychologist shares your chart with the psychiatrist who shares your chart with a spiritual advisor so that you can get your body, mind and spirit help all from the same place, all with doctors who can talk to each other about the different aspects of your wellbeing.
Vision for Collaborative Care
00:14:47
Speaker
And, you know, she just kind of looked at me and she said, I don't know. And since that moment in time, I knew
00:14:54
Speaker
that that was a dream of mine. I had come to the realization that I had to build my own team. I had to put together the spiritual advisor, the counselor, the psychiatrist that I trusted. But they were all working individually. They were separate from each other. They didn't know what the other ones were doing. And that was up to me to share that information. And when you're going through anxiety, gosh, you don't need one more thing to be on your plate.
00:15:23
Speaker
So it was kind of a dream of mine that there would be a place someday and maybe this dream will come true. If you can help me with this, reach out and let me know where that could take place. So I was thrilled.
00:15:35
Speaker
when I found out that at the St. Louis Behavioral Institute of Health that they shared your chart. So I got to see Dr. McKean. And you guys, when you finally find a doctor that you can trust, that you know will continue to work with you until you get things right, it is the most relieving feeling. And I remember her telling me,
00:16:02
Speaker
There are lots of treatment options for anxiety out of all of the diagnosis that you could have for mental health. Anxiety has the most options. We are not going to stop until we find the thing that makes you well. Tears of relief and
00:16:24
Speaker
Even when I did not want to hear what she told me, which was that I needed to start a different antidepressant, one that she felt confident would be the right one for me, even when I didn't want to do that.
Tapering Medication Advice
00:16:41
Speaker
I had to step out in faith and trust her because I knew that God had led me to her and I knew that she would work with me until we got things right. So what happened is I started a two and a half year process of tapering off the anti-psychotic. When I add a medication or taper a medication, I have to go so slow. And this is what I want you to hear loud and clear.
00:17:10
Speaker
You cannot just start and stop these medications. You will get most likely very serious physical reactions that feel an awful lot like anxiety. Some of them you can get withdrawal from.
00:17:28
Speaker
some of them you can just get what feels like withdrawal as the medication is leaving your body and my body does not like to have any changes so she worked with me to like I said a two and a half year process of cutting pills the slightest bit
00:17:47
Speaker
to get off and there were still very hard times. Like some of my most recent struggles have come from adjusting meds, but I did finally last year get off the antipsychotic and have been doing so well with the antidepressant that she prescribed, which is Paxil.
00:18:10
Speaker
to the point where once I started taking Paxil, it was hard to get on. I did have some side effects initially that I just had to float through and accept, but I have never had
00:18:23
Speaker
a problem sleeping since you guys not once. So right now my current combination of medication is Paxil 30 milligrams and I take a sleeping aid. I take Lunesta just one milligram of Lunesta and I am in such a good place right now. It's not that I don't get anxiety. I do, especially when I get sick. Um, that's my biggest trigger.
00:18:51
Speaker
and I will go through flares of it. But in general, I realize now how out of whack the chemicals in my brain had been for a really long time, years and years and years before the breakdown. I hadn't been myself, and that was largely due, I believe, to the chemical imbalance that I had that is now well under control with my medication.
Faith and Medication Compatibility
00:19:21
Speaker
Will I remain on those pills for the rest of my life? I don't know. Dr. McKeen seems to think that I can slowly try to taper down on the Paxil and I'll probably try that definitely during a season where I don't have a lot of stress, definitely in the summer. And again, I'll have to go so, so slow. Like when they say taper, I have to like taper 10 times slower than the average person.
00:19:49
Speaker
But the thing is I don't care if I stay on it for the rest of my life. Are there side effects? Yes. I've gained about 45 to 50 pounds. Now that's from, you know, the, the skinniest I was because of the anxiety. So I'm probably, I don't know, 30, 35 pounds over my normal weight. And I don't like that, but
00:20:16
Speaker
I'm happy. I am joyful. I am living life to the full. And so if that means that I have a few extra pounds, it's okay because the people that love me don't care. And I'm learning not to care as much as well. So here's what I want you to know, especially if you are a person of faith who thinks or has been told that
00:20:46
Speaker
Anxiety medication and anxiety medication means that you're not trusting God enough.
00:20:52
Speaker
You are a spiritual being who is having a physical experience in this world. You cannot separate the physical part of your body from the spiritual or the emotional part of your body. And sometimes that means, just like if you had diabetes and had to take insulin, sometimes it means that the balance of chemicals in your brain need a little bit of assistance.
00:21:17
Speaker
And I believe angels on this earth created medication for those of us who struggle with mental health. Can it be a challenge to find the right combination? Yes, but you just have to be patient with the process. Be gentle with yourself. Let other people on your team know what you're going through. Pray it through and do not, do not, do not, do not, do not.
00:21:40
Speaker
Go to Google to research medication. I have lost weeks of my life to pouring over and obsessing over discussion boards about people and their medications and their side effects. And the fact is every person is different.
00:21:59
Speaker
Every person responds differently. And so don't even put the notions in your head about the side effects. Listen to your doctor. Find a doctor you can trust and you will work through it. Reach out to me if you have more questions about the whole medication thing. I am so thankful that I have found a combination in a doctor that works well for me. And I know that can happen for you. Just don't give up.
00:22:32
Speaker
I don't know about you, but I always learn something and feel so much better and so much more relaxed after I listen to Laura.
Masterclass Promotion
00:22:41
Speaker
I'm Jill Devine, and as her producer, her co-worker, and most importantly, her friend, I can tell you
00:22:47
Speaker
that she has some amazing resources to help you seek this still in your life. In fact, Laura would love to send you a completely free video masterclass that helps you learn how to twirl your way through your next difficult day. It's five short videos from Laura herself that will land in your inbox. And in her calming voice, she'll explain what that acronym twirl means and how it will help you transform your hard days.
00:23:12
Speaker
All you have to do is text the word twirl to the number 55444. These videos are perfect for the girls in your life too so make sure you grab the free twirl masterclass while you can. Text twirl that's T-W-I-R-L
00:23:27
Speaker
T-W-I-R-L to 55444. That's 55444. Or sign up for it at SeekingTheStill.com. You will be so glad you did. And make sure you've subscribed to Seeking The Still because Laura will continue her story and her journey with you in a new episode that launches every Wednesday.
00:23:49
Speaker
So again, subscribe to Seeking the Still on the podcast platform of your choice. And then you will be notified when a new episode releases, but just know every Wednesday you will get a new episode and new inspiration from Laura. And she's going to leave you right now with an inspirational quote.
00:24:10
Speaker
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.